A Second Chance
by WDGHK
Summary: Inexplicably, Lynn and Lincoln wake up several months back into the past with memories of a less than desirable future, including the faithful event that broke their family apart. With the aid of a very snarky ally, the two siblings must seize this unlikely opportunity to fix what once went wrong. Hijinks, misadventures and the odd life and death situation ensue...
1. Strange Dreams?

**This fic will require a bit of context. After a while of finding it harder and harder to work on my original series of Loud House fics I eventually realized that I have run into a dead end, as those fics had been way too lengthy, hence harder and harder to focus on and find time to write for, and the set up within them was becoming restrictive.**

 **So I eventually made a decision: soft reboot. Go back to basics, do something shorter, simpler, more straightforward, and more upbeat and lighthearted. And try not to deviate too much from the show.**

 **You don't need to read any of my old fics to understand this story, most of it will be easy to follow, the plot is the above summary. The only bits of continuity you need to know is as followed: Lynn Sr. and Rita divorced, their marriage falling apart due to years of stress from dealing with their loud and chaotic kids, and custody battles split the siblings apart. Obviously, Lincoln and Lynn, knowing the bad future, will want to prevent that now, but the other sisters, having no clue what's at stake and oblivious to their parents suffering, will be a major hurdle in their plan.**

 **Besides that, there are two OCs from the original: the snide, sarcastic and jaded Ryan Taylor and his former lackey, the dim and aggressive Lyle Owen, bullies who picked on Lincoln and got into conflict with Lynn. Lyle remained a bad guy, but Ryan had a change of heart and became friends with Lynn (and hoping for more), but Lincoln isn't so easy to forgive, hence why the two aren't on friendly terms.**

 **Any other bits of continuity that might pop up will be explained in story.**

* * *

Another normal day had passed at the Louds residence. Or at least what passed for "normal" for this particular family which usually lived up to their last name. The only time that silence would finally befall this chaotic household was at night, when the entire family, numbering twelve strong, was sound asleep.

This included Lincoln, the family`s sole son, who was slumbering peacefully in his bedroom, or rather a modified closet that served as his bedroom. Softly snoring and with his chest slowly rising up and down, the 10-year old boy with strange white hair, large buckteeth, and youthful freckles was entirely oblivious to the tiny figure that appeared seemingly out of nowhere within the dark room, right in front of him.

She pulled out a small device, and it shot out a small suction cup which was linked to it by a wire, and it connected to the boy's forehead. The soft impact only made him stir a bit. Luckily he was a heavy sleeper.

" _Proceed memory download_." The process was over in a few seconds. She couldn't know for sure how Lincoln would react waking up with this new data flowing trough his mind, but she was confident that he now possessed vivid memories of what was to come. She didn't have much time to spare.

She had considered doing this to herself, but she knew that for all her intellect her brother was the superior one at communicating and reasoning with people, not to mention being the most rational member of their family. But he couldn't do this alone.

Unfortunately, a smaller, now beeping device in her pocket signaled to its creator that she was running out of time. She could only warn one more. She had to hurry.

The rest of her plan would lie in their hands. Mostly their hands.

* * *

Morning had arrived.

Lynn slowly opened her eyes, yawned and stretched in her bed. The 12-year old, freckled brunette, oddly, still felt tired, even though she had slept like a baby, and for a few moments she also felt a splitting headache, but it faded away almost immediately.

Her vision was blurry, she spotted a black figure flapping across the ceiling. "What's this damn bat doing here?" she thought groggily.

As she rose into a sitting position and surveyed her surroundings, she suddenly saw Lucy putting on her black dress.

That jolted her awake. "Whut the?" she blurted and shook her head. "Lucy?!"

The goth faced her. "Good morning to you too." she addressed her monotonously, with a hint of sarcasm.

"Lucy, what the hell are you doing here?!" Lynn snapped incredulously, glaring at her. "Were you trying to do another one of your stupid jumpscares?"

Lucy was quiet for a bit. "No...I sleep here, same as you." she replied just as dryly.

"No, you don't, you little pest, now beat it! I`m not in the mood for your creepy, little games!" a cranky Lynn yelled and swiped at her.

Confused, but also frightened, the young goth stepped back and ran out into the hall. Fang flew after her.

" _Lousy brat._ " Lynn muttered while rubbing her eyes. " _Doesn't she ever get tired of that stunt?_ "

Suddenly though, she realized how something seemed off about her gothic sister. Her bags were covering her eyes. But didn't she get a new haircut?

Slightly baffled, Lynn was about to jump out of her bunk, only for her feet to touch the ground while she was still sitting. Confused, Lynn took a closer look at her room and was in for a surprise.

This wasn't the cramped bedroom she was sharing with Lincoln and Luan. She found herself in her old room, which was also half-way Lucy`s. Everything, every single detail of it looked just like how she remembered it.

" _What in the world?_ " Lynn was beyond bewildered. How did she end up here? What was happening?

She stood up and looked around. Was she dreaming?

She heard noises coming from the hall. Lynn darted towards it, not even thinking about tying up her hair or changing out of her boxers and pale gray t-shirt.

Once there, she saw Leni brushing her hair and looking into the bathroom mirror, while Lori was just outside it, strolling around and chatting on her phone. Lynn couldn`t believe her eyes.

"Give it back! It's my turn!" a nasally voice shouted.

"Fat chance! I saw him first!" a more raspy voice retorted mockingly.

The twins, together again, rolled past her, wrestling over a teddy bear, screeching and tugging each others hair.

"Give me, Frog-Face!" Lola screamed viciously.

Lana blew a raspberry. "In your dreams, Wannabe Princess!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!"

The feuding pair rolled towards Lisa, who was wearing gloves and holding a laboratory jar filled with a bubbling, green chemical with large pliers. She nonchalantly stepped out of the way.

"Could you simpletons make an effort to be a bit more cautious. This compound is highly unstable." she lisped monotonously as she walked past the confused jock, paying her no mind.

" _This can't for real?! I`m must be dreaming again?_ " Lynn tried pinching herself. It hurt. A lot.

Not a dream? " _No, it has to be!_ " she reasoned to herself nervously. There had to be some logical explanation for this.

"Lori? Lori!" she rushed towards her eldest sister. She glanced down at her, clearly annoyed.

"Not now, Lynn!" she hissed quietly before resuming her conversation. "No, I miss you more Boo-Boo Bear!"

Lynn trembled with irritation. She remembered how little she missed Lori`s cell phone addiction, or her sickeningly affectionate interaction with Bobby.

"Lori, please! This is important!" she begged.

Tearing herself from her phone, Lori growled. "Is it life or death?" she asked curtly.

"What?" Lynn blurted. "No! It`s ju-"

"Then I don't care!" Lori brushed her off and walked away. "No, you hang up! No, you hang up!" she continued talking gushingly down the stairs.

Lynn looked on hopelessly. This was killing her. What was happening? Why was everyone acting like nothing happened?

"So, do you know what one light bulb says to the other? You're glowing!" she heard Luan laughing.

"You already told that one, bra." Luna replied while stringing her guitar. "About a dozen times."

"Oh, c`mon sis! Don't be so high strung! Hihihi...get it!" Luan joked, sitting on the same bed as Luna.

Uneasily, Lynn stepped into their room.

"Hey, Lynn. What`s up?" Luna greeted her. "You slept in today? That's not like you." she noted.

"Hey, Lynn!" Luan approached her. "Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar?"

"Not now, Luan." Lynn groaned and pulled her closer. "Can you please tell me what's going on? Why are we all back here?" she asked her tensely.

Luan blinked in confusion, as did Luna. "Eh...come again?" the comedian asked.

The jock grew annoyed. "At the apartment!"

"What apartment?" a puzzled Luna asked.

"And when did Luna, Lori, Leni, and Lola come back?!"

"They left?" Luan tried to joke, though she was starting to get weirded out.

Lynn stared at her oddly.

"Eh, are you sure you slept well, dude?" Luna asked, growing a bit concerned.

"Why are you looking at me like I'm nuts?" Lynn raised her voice and threw her arms up in frustration. "Mom and dad divorced over three months ago!"

"And me, you..." she pointed at Luan "...Lincoln, Lucy, Lana and Lisa were all stuck living with dad in a shitty, cramped, rundown apartment after our house collapsed!"

Her sisters turned dead silent, only looking at each other.

The awkward silence continued.

Lynn was breathing heavily. They looked at her like she was crazy. Was she crazy? Lynn was starting to worry about that for a moment. Everyone else was acting like it was business as usual.

"Are you guys playing the same game as Linky?" a cheery voice broke the silence. Lynn turned around to see Leni.

"What did you say?" the jock blurted.

Luan inched closer to Luna and whispered: " _And you guys call me coo coo_."

The blond teen smiled with blissful ignorance. "Well, Linky came to the bathroom earlier acting all confused and hectic and talked randomly about stuff like how our house shouldn't be here, how I shouldn't be here and like how he doesn't know why he`s here. I like really don't get this game?" Leni explained.

"And...where`s Linc now?" Lynn urged.

"I tried to talk to him, but he said he needed to be alone and returned to his room." Leni explained absentmindedly, only for Lynn to dart past her like the speed of light, leaving her sisters very confused.

* * *

Lincoln was slouching on his bed. Currently, a whirlwind of confusion was ravaging his mind.

One moment he was living in a dingy apartment, dirt poor, with only half of his family. And then, he wakes up in his real home, with everything back the way it was supposed to be. But how?

Lincoln had never felt such a bizarre mixture of fear and satisfaction. It's not like hadn't wished for this countless times before, but wishes like that didn't just get fulfilled overnight and rewrite reality like that, he wasn't this ignorant. This had to be a cruel dream, like he had several times before. A cruel, tempting dream showing him what he could no longer have. And yet this one felt so clear, so vivid, so...real.

He had lost track of time while contemplating before Lynn came in busting the door. "There you are!"

Lincoln was startled but then scowled. "Lynn, I`m not gonna be your sparring partner! I have enough on my plate as it-"

"Oh cut the crap, Lincoln!" Lynn interjected curtly. "I was looking for you cuz I heard that you were the only other person here who didn't get freaking amnesia!"

Lincoln blinked in surprise. "Wait? You mean you remember-"

Lynn shushed him and locked the door. "I do." she confirmed while lowering her voice. "Our house getting wrecked, the divorce, the crappy apartment, that horrible camping trip, everything. Do you?"

Lincoln just nodded. That confirmed it. At least Lynn remembered. This gave him a small surge of relief. He wasn't alone.

His sister sat next to him, smiling warmly. She too felt at ease knowing that her favorite sibling knew what she knew.

"I don't suppose that you know what happened?" he asked, almost sarcastically.

Lynn shook her head. "Nadda."

"Didn`t think so." Lincoln sighed. "This must be some crazy dream I`m having." he mused, almost letting out an involuntary snicker from the absurdity. Why get bent out of shape over a dream?

"If this is _your_ dream how come I`m also aware how nonsensical this all is?" Lynn questioned.

"How am I supposed to know?" her brother retorted. "For all I know you're just another figment of my imagination."

Lynn grew irked and pinched him on the arm. Lincoln yelped in pain and rubbed it.

"What was that for?!"

"If this is just a dream how come that pinch hurt you?" Lynn pointed out.

Lincoln frowned. "It doesn't have to mean anything. You can imagine pain in a dream."

Lynn remained skeptical. If anyone was dreaming it had to be her, that much she knew. Her gaze drifted towards a calendar hanging above her brother`s bed. Something crossed her mind.

"Say, did you look under your shirt? Do you still have those scars-"

"Yes I did, actually." Lincoln replied. "And they are all gone." he confirmed.

"Really? Then...can I take a look at your calendar?" Lynn suddenly requested.

Lincoln didn't understand why asked for that but took it down anyway. The siblings looked at it and were both surprised.

Lynn knew that her brother liked to keep himself up to date with the...well...date. But the calendar showed June and the days were crossed off until June 16st , the start of the sibling's collective summer vacation.

"I don't believe it." Lynn mused.

Lincoln caught on. "Wait? Are you suggesting that things got back to normal because we went back in time?" he asked incredulously.

Before she could respond, Lynn was alerted by a soft thump on the door. Acting quickly, she rushed towards the door and unlocked it, only to get fleeting glimpses of her sisters running into their respective rooms.

"Those lousy...spying...eavesdroppers!" a frustrated Lynn grumbled.

"Were they seriously listening in on us?" Lincoln asked in disbelief, having completely forgotten that until rather recently his sisters didn't understand the meaning of "privacy".

"Of course they did." Lynn replied in annoyance. No doubt the blabber-mouthed Luan, Luna and Leni had told everyone about her and Lincoln "acting crazy".

Lynn groaned exasperatedly. "C`mon, bro. This isn't a safe place to talk."

* * *

"I`m telling you, Lynn, it`s just plain ridiculous!" Lincoln protested as he and Lynn strolled down the neighborhood, away from their house.

"I`ve seen this stuff in comics: mad scientists making time go backward, people getting frozen in ice, traveling through time and space, and dimensions. But this is reality!"

Lynn didn't want to argue. It did sound utterly ludicrous. But she couldn't shake this feeling that this wasn't a dream.

"Look, I know it sounds dumb, I`m not fighting you on that, kay?" she admitted irritably. "It`s...just...I have this feeling that this isn't a dream."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. Why should he even try to convince her otherwise? It was a dream. It didn't matter. He would just win the argument by virtue of waking up.

Yet, despite all of that he still couldn't deny one thing.

"Believe me, Lynn. I kinda wish this was real." he admitted sullenly. "But it can't be."

"Hey Lynn!"

The siblings halted and saw someone running towards them.

"Margo?" Lynn uttered in surprise as her friend and teammate stopped in front of them, panting slightly.

"I`ve been looking for you at your house, why did you wander off?" the girl spoke before noticing her friend`s brother.

"Oh, hey Lincoln, how are you?" she greeted him.

"Hey Margo, I`m fine." he replied in a friendly manner.

"Marg, what have you come for?" Lynn asked, trying to smile.

Her friend looked at her strangely. "Don't you remember? We have a soccer game in less than an hour? Remember those jerks who made fun of us at school? They said girls were no good at soccer? And you were the one who challenged them for a match?"

Those memories suddenly flooded back to Lynn, how she and her female teammates wiped the floor with those pompous assholes, at the start of the summer.

"Oh? I did, didn't I?" she recollected.

"Well, I see you girls are busy for today, so I won't distract you. Good luck." Lincoln patted his sister on his back while sounding rather apathetic.

"Wait, Lincoln!" Lynn called after him as he was leaving, but Margo grabbed her by the arm.

"C`mon, Lynn! Whatever you guys were talking about, it can wait!" Margo exclaimed while leading her away, feeling stoked for the game. "This is about defending our dignity as women!"

Lynn sighed. Her mind was on a lot of things, but it wasn't on soccer right now. But she couldn't walk away on her team. It was an obligation, even if this was a dream.

* * *

He just wanted this to end. To wake up and just face the bitter reality, and try to enjoy and appreciate what he still had left. He just wanted to crawl back into his room and quietly wait this stupid dream out.

Lincoln arrived at the front door when he saw his mother's car parking. The boy felt stunned as his mother came out, carrying several bags of groceries and looking pretty tired and disheveled. He couldn't recall the last time she looked this terrible.

"Oh, hello sweetheart." Rita tried to look chipper and smiled, despite obviously being exhausted. "Where were you off to?"

Lincoln approached his mother, rather shyly. It's been months since he had last seen her in person.

" I`ve just been playing with Lynn, and I just escorted her to a soccer match."

"Ah, well I`m happy to see you two spending more time together." Yet, she acted like it was any other day, like they were never separated.

Lincoln didn't know what came over him, but without a second thought he came in and hugged his mother.

"Wow. Easy there. I didn't think I`d be missed that much going off to the supermarket?" a surprised Rita joked.

Lincoln let go of her and shifted sheepishly. "Sorry, mom...it`s just...I`ve realized that I haven't seen you that much as of late." That was an understatement.

"It`s okay, Lincoln. I don't mind being hugged." his mother replied sincerely.

She then sighed. "And I suppose you're right. I have been very busy these last few years taking care of all of you." she said regrettably, obviously getting the vibe that her only son felt ignored.

"Do you need help with those bags?" Lincoln asked intuitively.

Rita blinked. "No Lincoln, it's quite alright. I can carry them mysel-"

"No, no! It's no problem, mom! Let me do it!" Lincoln pretty much yanked all the heavy bags from his mother`s hands and with all his strength carried them indoors.

Rita was left stunned but slowly smiled with appreciation, almost shedding a tear.

Lincoln went on to help her store the food in the fridge. Dream or no dream, he wasn't about to squander the chance to help his mother, in any capacity.

Little did he know that he had been given the chance to help her, as well as his father to much greater extent.

* * *

 **If anybody reads this do know that I appreciate constructive criticism more than anything. I like to hear other peoples opinions about my work and how well this holds up.**

 **And just a heads up, this story will be centered on Lincoln and Lynn. The other sisters will appear to varying degrees. Note that this story is still an alternate universe, so not everything will line up with the show`s lore 100 %, like how there is no Lilly present (mainly because I find her to be a pointless character). But for the most part, things still are the same as in the show.**


	2. A Second Opportunity

**This was a quick update XD Good thing I have plenty of spare time at my disposal (for the moment). And there's only so long that the "it's just a dream" excuse can hold water before your common sense tells you that something freaky has truly happened, as Lincoln will realize.**

* * *

Two days had passed, and at the crack of dawn, a new face appeared in the Louds` neighborhood.

Getting up early, as dawn was one of the few times of day where he could get things done without worrying about getting distracted or interrupted by his obnoxious neighbors, was busy watering his flower garden.

"Excuse me, sir. But is the house next door where the Loud family lives?" he heard a young boy`s voice from over his fence. His tone was laced with casual smarminess, but the old man didn't care much about it.

"Yes it is... _unfortunately_." he replied in a cranky manner. "Why do you want to go there anyway-AHH!" the mustached senior jolted and dropped his hose after finally facing the speaker, who flashed him a crooked smile with matching teeth.

"Thank you, kind sir." he replied sarcastically and moved on.

A shocked Mr. Grouse tried polishing his glasses to make sure he was seeing right. That kid looked like a dying cancer patient.

Entering the premise, he was noticed by the family dog, Charles, a black and white bull terrier with a patch of black around one eye. He stood up from his resting position under a tree and growled uneasily, with his ears folded back.

The visitor was not fazed. It was easy to tell this was no vicious guard dog. He walked closer, making the canine more nervous.

He kneeled down and stretched out his hand. "Easy there, Fido." he spoke in a placatory tone.

Charles seemed nervous and withdrew, but then sniffed the boy's hand, who ceased the chance to pet the dog`s head. Though remaining wary, Charles relaxed.

"Good boy."

" _And I thought Mr.L didn't like pets._ " the boy mused, before taking a look at the big house.

* * *

Life had continued as normal for the Louds. All except for Lincoln and Lynn. With no school to attend, both siblings remained withdrawn and quiet, spending their time uneventfully. They hadn't interacted much with the rest of the siblings, but none of them paid much mind to it as the sister generally kept to themselves anyway.

A few of them, however, got a little shock when Lincoln bluntly refused to lend them assistance and walked off on them. Dream or not, Lincoln would never miss a chance to give his sisters the memo that he wasn't their doormat butler anymore. But regarding the dream thing, both siblings were seriously starting to have doubts about that theory given how over 48 hours had passed and neither "woke up".

They had briefly considered if the life they had lived for the past few months was the dream instead but dismissed it almost immediately. No way could they have had the same dream, the exact same memories, remember them very vividly and clearly, and no way could a dream, even the longest one on record, feel like three full months.

Lynn was the first one who had started viewing their situation as reality, but Lincoln remained stubborn.

As usual, Lynn got up early for her morning exercise. For once she could actually perform it in her own yard, inhaling the fresh morning air. But that was of little comfort.

She had nothing but questions on her mind, which only grew as the days went on. She returned to the kitchen, feeling tired and on edge, mainly due to her recent lack of peaceful sleep. She grabbed a package of milk and gulp down as much as she could, not caring if anyone else would find it gross that she had put her lips on it. It was refreshing and it helped calm her nerves.

For once not having sport on her mind every waking moment, she tried to analyze her current situation. Almost everything seemed exactly like how it used to be. But there was one person missing, one who hadn't been part of her past life. She thought about him regularly, having no idea where he was or how he was right now. But her answer was quick to come, being literally on her doorstep.

"Good morning."

The sudden voice gave her a fright. Lynn jumped, slamming the fridge`s door shut before facing the speaker.

There he stood in front of her, pale face, dark eye bags, messy, black hair, backward-facing red cap.

"Ryan?!" she blurted out involuntarily.

"The one and only." he smirked before looking around the place. "Sorry for busting in uninvited, but I was beginning to think that I was forgotten." he snarked.

"Forgotten?" Lynn blurted. Wait? He remembered her.

Lynn immediately felt a certain degree of comfort, relief, and joy seeing him. He remembered her and their past. But how? And he seemed oblivious to the change that had transpired.

But wait? He too was acting like everything was normal. But if this was the past, how did he remember her?

A million different thoughts, and emotions, rushed through her.

"You know, I would have expected you to tell me that you guys had found a fancy new place? Or that you found a pooch? Not too shabby." he kept on talking while taking a view of the kitchen.

Noticing her silence he faced her. "Lynn?"

Without warning, she moved closer and embraced him. The boy blushed and his heart started pounding rapidly.

"Eh...what's with the hugging?" he asked awkwardly, barely able to think coherently.

Lynn didn't answer, but he did hear her sniff softly. " _You`re here_."

"Ar...are you okay?" he asked again.

Lynn let go and looked at him sullenly.

"It`s...it`s been a rough few days..." she mumbled hesitantly, not knowing what to tell him. His presence only made a bizarre situation even more puzzling.

"You had a few rough days?" the boy huffed. "That's not how I would describe moving out of a cardboard apartment and into a giant house."

"And do you have any idea what I`ve been through? I was bedridden for a whole day due to a random splitting headache! The next day I tried to find you but your apartment was locked and nobody was there. Then I tried to find some of your friends but they were all even more scared of me than usual and acted like they`ve never seen me before. So I had to go around grabbing random kids until I finally found one who knew where you were and the dipshit acted like you guys have been living here forever."

"Ryan, we have been living here forever." Lynn replied, only to realize that she only added more confusion to the conversation.

"What now?"

With a somber face, Lynn gently touched his left cheek.

"What are you doing?" he asked, feeling a mix of anxiety and giddiness.

Lynn looked at his cheek. No scars. She then slowly took hold of his left hand.

"Ryan? Have you noticed anything weird going on?" she asked him in a hushed voice.

"You mean besides everyone forgetting who I am and you guys finding a new home overnight despite being broke?" he replied semi-sarcastically.

"I`m afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg." Lynn told him in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

"Oookay. I`m not following."

Instead of answering, Lynn just showed him his hand. He looked at it puzzled until it hit him. How did he not notice this before? His left hand was undamaged and had all five fingers intact.

All of a sudden his eyes widened and he felt a chill run through his body.

Lynn braced herself before finding her voice. "Ryan, I know this will sound crazy, but I think we...sort of...went back in time."

A subdued "Oh" was his only response.

* * *

This was another big twist, two in a row. And in just over two days.

Lynn had been gone for half the day, and when she returned no one seemed to have noticed her absence in the ever busy household. When she looked for Lincoln he was nowhere to be found.

She came to ask her mother, who was busy doing the entire family`s laundry and was told that her brother had taken a long stroll. Rita also offhandedly mentioned that the boy seemed unusually moody and quiet, like something was troubling him. But she was too caught up with her chores to talk to him.

Lynn didn't need more info. She spent a few hours preoccupying herself with practicing soccer. When she finally heard of her brother`s return she also learned that he had volunteered to help their father prepare dinner. Lynn had to wait even longer before she could talk to him, which greatly frustrated her. Patience was never her strong suit, and preparing dinner for everyone in this house would take a long time.

* * *

At dinner, Lynn made sure to sit right next to Lincoln. They were both sitting at the "adult table", a place Lincoln had only very recently earned his spot at. Granted, proving that he was mature enough for it was a lot easier for him than it was for his impulsive and more hyper sports junkie of a sister, but he still originally took great pride for this accomplishment.

Now he barely seemed to care about it, as he was hanging his head and poking his dinner. He didn't seem very hungry, but Lynn, on the other hand, had worked up an appetite and gladly ate her dinner.

Both had noticed that their mother was absent, and Lynn was the one to speak up. "Say, dad? Why hasn't mom joined us?"

Lynn Sr. grew a look of unease, and oddly so did Lori, though she seemed more annoyed than worried.

"Oh, nothing to worry about, Lynn. She was just tired and went to bed early." he explained, looking rather skittish.

Lynn noted how he, much like their mother, looked and often times acted like a barely concealed stressed-out wreck and there was a strong sense of false reassurance in his voice that both she and Lincoln picked up.

"She had a lot of work today, she was so tired that I had to help her get to bed." Lori added, also not being entirely truthful.

Lynn and Lincoln knew better, Lynn remembered seeing her passed out before and having to be guided to her room, and Lincoln remembered the exact same kind of behavior from their father while he and Lynn were in his custody.

Lincoln didn't want to hear about this, it was only another signal of what was to come. He wanted to leave.

"Lincoln, are you feeling okay, buddy? Your dinner is getting cold." their father asked.

The boy looked up miserably and let out a long exhale. "Dad, I don't think I`m hungry." he murmured.

"Are you sure? From what I`ve heard you barely ate anything all day?" his father asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lincoln looked away. "Yes. I`m not feeling well...kind of nauseous. I think...I think I should just go to bed."

Before anyone could reply, Lincoln got up and left the table at a quick pace. He passed by the kiddie table in the next room, where the younger sisters were noisily chatting, teasing each other and throwing food. Or rather, only the twins were doing it, Lucy and Lisa were trying to tune them out and eat.

Lucy, however, noticed her brother fleeing upstairs.

"Something`s not right." Lynn Sr. noted. "Maybe I should call a doctor."

"Hmmm...he _has_ been rather reclusive lately, now that I think about it." Luna likewise noted.

Lynn tensed. "He`s fine guys. I`ve talked to him. He`s...just been trying to find a secluded spot to...eh finish reading an ultra-rare Ace Savvy comic Clyde gave him. That's all." the jock lied, trying to get them of Lincoln`s case. Luckily, they bought it.

"Oh? But still, that's no excuse for him to skip meals." her father pointed out. Lynn suddenly realized that this was an opening to go talk to her brother, alone.

"You're right, dad, but let's not spoil his fun. Comics are his passion and he`s been trying to find that rare one for seven months. I finished mine, I`ll bring his plate to his room." she volunteered hastily in order to excuse herself.

She took a few steps before her father`s voice cut in. "Lynn wait!" The jock stopped, growing nervous.

"You can bring it to him, there's just a question I`ve been meaning to ask you." he said calmly.

Lynn sighed with relief. "Sure, what is it?"

"I was told that someone came here this morning to meet you? Who was it?"

Lynn`s eyes widened. No. Not now. "Eh...who told you that?" she tried to fake ignorance.

"Oh, it was Lucy." Leni said helpfully. "She always wakes up to talk to ghosts in the living room at dawn on Sundays. She said you talked to a boy."

"Boy?" the other three sisters said in unison.

" _Lucy_..." Lynn muttered bitterly and shot a glare at the kiddie table. The goth wasn`t there.

Lynn turned back to the others. There was no walking away from this. She knew and dreaded what was coming.

She tried to be casual. "Oh, that. That's just a new friend I made. He just moved into the neighborhood and turns out we`ll be attending the same junior high, so I showed him around town." she shrugged.

"And is that why you disappeared today until mid noon?" her father questioned.

Lynn just nodded, wanting to go. She wasn't lying, it's just that she didn't go with Ryan for the reason she claimed.

"Oh, now it makes sense." Lori said suggestively.

"What makes sense?" Lynn lowered her voice irritably. Here it was.

Luan giggled. "We`ve noticed how you've been all quiet and inactive lately." she said teasingly

"And that`s like totes unlike you." Leni pointed out, feeling smart for making that connection.

Lynn was blushing furiously and gritting her teeth. "It's not like that!"

Their father tried to cut the tension. "Girls, please, this isn't-"

"Wow. Take a chill pill, dude..." Luna spoke up defensively "...it's just you`ve been acting weird and-"

"And since when were you the helpful type?" Lori smirked. "Playing tour guide to strangers you just met? Unless..."

"YOU`RE IMPOSSIBLE!" Lynn snapped and furiously stormed off upstairs.

"Denial`s the clincher!" Luan shouted teasingly.

Lynn Sr. hung his head exasperatedly. "Really now girls, don't you see you were embarrassing her? And aren`t you jumping to conclusions?"

"With all due respect, dad." Lori replied smugly. "You were never a girl on the verge of making the transition from kid to adolescent. The four of us were. And we know the signs."

Fuming like an angry volcano, Lynn tried to ignore them as she reached the top floor and looked for Lincoln.

But, much to her annoyance, she saw Lucy standing in front of Lincoln`s bedroom, looking like she was hesitant to knock.

" _Lincoln?_ " the young girl asked softly. So softly that Lynn couldn't fathom how she even expected to get Lincoln`s attention. Rolling her eyes, the jock approached her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked the goth sternly. Lucy turned to see her least favorite family member standing behind her, holding a dinner plate.

"Sigh. Not now, Lynn, I wanna see Lincoln. I sense that he has been battling inner demons for the last few days." she explained emotionlessly.

" _I don't have time for this crap_." Lynn was losing her patience. "He`s not fighting stinking demons-"

"That was a metaphor." Lucy corrected her.

"I don't care what you meant. Lincoln`s not feeling well and he needs to talk to _me_. You'll just be in the way. So beat it."

"You?" Lucy`s monotonous tone carried a hint of amusement. "How do you intend to help him? By beating him up and telling him to just suck it up?"

Lynn gripped the plate. "You don't know what's bothering him. I do! You wouldn't understand!"

She grabbed Lucy`s arm and pulled the goth away from the door.

"Now get lost!" she told her sternly and opened the door. Lucy didn't want to leave but felt scared to speak up. Lynn quickly shut the door and Lucy heard it being locked.

* * *

Once inside, Lynn found her brother lying on his side in his bed, hugging himself. She couldn't make out much more in the dim light.

"Hey, Linc. Mind some company?" she asked softly, lowering her voice. Lincoln only budged slightly.

"I brought you your dinner in case you get hungry?" Trying to navigate through the room, with only the moonlight illuminating the place through the small circular window, she placed the plate on the dresser.

" _Thanks_..." she heard him rasp in a small voice.

"No problem, bro..." she replied, keeping her voice down. For all she knew they were being spied upon.

"Is it okay if I rest next to you?"

Lincoln didn't answer. Lynn took his silence as a "yes". She walked around the bed before lying down on her back opposite of her brother, who had his back turned.

After nothing but silence for several minutes, Lynn spoke. "So...this...eh...dream business has been going on for...like what...three days now?" she rambled, simply trying to goad her brother into talking.

After a moment of silence, she heard him talk faintly. " _I`m sorry_..."

"Sorry for what, Linc?" she replied, still keeping her voice down.

" _You know_..." he murmured, his back still turned.

"What? Not wanting to believe me-"

" _Yes_..." he grunted.

Lynn paused for a moment. "So? You're over the "it`s just a dream" faze?" she inquired.

Lincoln turned on his back, facing the ceiling just like Lynn. "Dreams aren't this vivid." he muttered in a bleak voice.

"I know, and usually they are more creative than just showing me our everyday brand of chaos." Lynn replied, unsure of where Lincoln was heading.

"And yet everything is so clear, every inch of the house is exactly how I remember it, everyone acts like how I remember them. And everything that has happened these past few days happened before." Lincoln continued in a blank tone, with an undertone of despair.

"You mean how yesterday we were supposed to go to that resort outside of town, we packed and prepared for everything only for Vanzilla to break down, _again_? And everyone was crying and moaning and mom and dad were arguing? Yeah, it was like someone replayed hidden camera footage to me."

"Exactly. And other things. Like your gender war soccer match? Or today, when Luan expressed her "creativity" by placing whoopie cushions in every corner of the house? And Cliff vomiting a batch of hairballs on Lola`s favorite pageant dress and her freaking out? It was all a repeat."

"Indeed, though that last one was funny." Lynn snickered.

"But that's the point, Lynn. It's all repeating. You were right. We are back in time." he admitted, some emotion finally creeping into his voice. Despair.

"Well...actually...not everything`s changed. I have learned something today." Lynn said uneasily. This news would not make Lincoln feel any better, but he deserved to know. He would learn it eventually anyway.

"What do you mean?" Lincoln turned towards her.

Lynn sighed. Better to be quick, blunt and to the point with it. She looked him in the eye. "Ryan came here this morning. He...eh remembers everything like us, and like us, he has no clue how we got here."

Even in the low light, she could see Lincoln`s face dropping.

"Yeah, whatever force made the two of us remember made him go along for the ride." Lynn said with a nervous snicker.

But as for a big overreaction, that didn't happen.

Lincoln looked back up at the ceiling. "Why am I not surprised." he droned dryly. "Out of anyone else that could have kept their memory intact, it had to be Taylor."

"You`re taking this better than I thought you would." Lynn said, trying to hide her surprise.

"Meh, right now I have just accepted that some greater force out there is trying to screw with me." Lincoln droned, sounding like he was completely drained of life. "And where's Taylor now?" he asked, mildly curious.

"Back home. He took it about as well as you would expect. Nearly fainted after not realizing for two days what had happened." Lynn replied.

Lincoln snickered involuntarily. So much for Taylor`s bragging about being tough and cunning. "And what did he last say to you?"

"He said he needed a looooong nap, in order to wrap his mind around it. Probably won't be easy for him. But he did say that he would keep quiet." Lynn explained.

Lincoln exhaled dejectedly. There was a moment of silence. Lynn figured that her brother was contemplating, but then she heard him sniff. Squinting her eyes she made out something that was dripping down his face, reflecting the moonlight. A tear.

"Bro, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly.

The boy sniveled. "It doesn't matter if he keeps quiet, we`re screwed anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Don`t you remember?" Lincoln croaked. After having tried to ignore it for days, he was finally accepting that this was reality, and with that came the dreaded thoughts he had tried so hard to suppress. "Mom and dad broke up near the end of June, that's when "the incident" happened."

Lynn cringed inwardly. She knew exactly what he was referring to. How could any of them forget it? They all remembered its date. And it dawned on her why her brother was crying. If Lincoln`s calendar was accurate?

"Then..." her voice trailed off "...that means they...it means our family will be torn apart in less than two weeks?" the realization hit her like a giant boulder.

"Yes..." her brother sniffed "...and we`ll have to relieve it again...all the pain...all the..." his voice became increasingly more garbled until he could do little more than sob. All the pent-up emotion he was trying to suppress for days broke out full force.

Unable to bear it any longer, Lynn pulled her weeping brother into a hug. The two siblings held on to each other as the younger one cried into his sister's chest.

They lost track of time as the white-haired boy trembled and sobbed in his sisters embrace.

"Lincoln...please...it`s not gonna be like that...I...eh...maybe things will turn out different... " she spoke feebly, desperately trying to comfort him.

Lincoln turned deathly silent as he was staring into darkness with half his face buried in her chest. She was lying to him. Telling him empty words of comfort. Things won't turn out different. How could they?

Then, everything stopped for him. He froze with realization. His anger, his despair, his dread, the presence of his room or his sister became nonexistent as his mind focused in on a single thought.

He had seen this on television, he self admittedly read it in comics. Everyone`s fate was a chain reaction, a line of dominos sent falling after the first one tipped. The only way to change fate is to sabotage that chain reaction, to manipulate it and send it on an alternate path.

But that would require going back in time and sending saboteurs to do the job. The first two steps, by all accounts impossible, had nonetheless been completed.

A lightbulb appeared over the boy`s head. This wasn't a cruel twist of fate. They had been given a second chance!

He looked at his sister. She looked back.

"Lincoln?" she was confused by his sudden change in demeanor.

"You`re right, Lynn."

"I am?"

Lincoln got a determined look. "Yes. Things will turn out differently this time. We`ll make sure of that!"

* * *

 **And so the plot has been set in motion. Lincoln and Lynn are on a time crunch and must fix a bad situation from reaching its disastrous climax, which is just on the horizon. The rest of the family, blissfully ignorant of what's coming, obviously won't be of much help and the clock is ticking. What can they do?**


	3. The Sibling Meeting

They couldn't remember when it happened, but at some point, both siblings dozed off, and Lynn spent the night with her brother.

During the early morning hours, while they were still sleeping peacefully, the door to Lincoln`s room was opened, and Charles walked in. He sniffed out a bowl of water on the floor and started drinking from it.

What eventually stirred Lynn awake was the loud music from Luna`s solo jamming session. Groggily, she opened her eyes only to notice another odd noise: the sound of lapping water.

She turned to her side and saw Charles, and quickly noticed that her hand was in the same bowl the dog was drinking from.

Confused, she jerked back and bumped into Lincoln who unbeknownst to her had a feather carefully placed over his face. Jolted awake, the boy immediately felt his nose tingling and he instinctively went to scratch it, only to slam a handful of whipped cream into his face.

Startled, he jumped up yelping. Lynn did the same. "What's going on?!" a disoriented Lincoln stammered. Lynn looked at him equally confused but then started snickering.

"What? What`s so funny?!"

"Look in the mirror, Linc." Lynn told him in between snickers.

Lincoln looked into the mirror hanging over his dresser and saw his face smeared in white cream. He took a whiff of his likewise smudged hand and his face contorted in annoyance.

" _Luan_..." he moaned irritably.

"She got you good alright..." Lynn kept snickering until she noticed that something felt off in her private region, causing her to freeze silent with dread.

Nervously, she felt her shorts and realized that they were soaked. " _Oh no_..." she groaned while blushing furiously.

"What now?" an annoyed Lincoln faced her. His sister looked like she was about to die from shame.

The now crimson-faced jock couldn't find her voice. "I...I eh...my hand...was in...a water...bowl and..." she stuttered in embarrassment.

Lincoln didn't understand her, but then her words and demeanor lined up in his mind. Hand? Water bowl? Lincoln grew a look of horror and jumped out of bed.

"Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!" he shouted while pulling on his clothes to check if any part of them was drenched.

" _I`m going to kill her!_ " Lynn growled viciously through gritted teeth while balling her fists. Lincoln managed to calm down after confirming to himself that he wasn't caught in Lynn`s little accident.

He spotted a note pinned to the frame of the bed. He grabbed it and it read: "Gotha! Try not to S **CREAM**! But you can say "Gee-whizz!" if you want!" with a smiley face at the end.

A very pissed Lincoln crumbled it into a ball before sighing tiredly.

"Forget it, Lynn. There's no time." he replied exasperatedly while grabbing a towel to clean his face. " Just go change. We have more important worries."

Lynn huffed angrily but then noticed Charles standing up against the bed frame and wagging his tail. The girl`s face softened.

"Hey, pal. How are you?" she asked brightly and pulled him closer to pet his head. Charles started licking her face.

"Stop it!" she giggled, remembering how much she had missed their dog. Having cleaned his face, Lincoln came around.

Smiling, he petted Charles on the back. Sniffing, the dog turned around and started licking off some remaining cream behind Lincoln`s ear.

Lincoln giggled. "I missed you too. Take it easy!"

"Yeah, sorry we ignored you for the last two days." Lynn said. "It`s just...we weren't sure you were real until now." she added sheepishly.

After their brief reunion, Lynn returned to her room to change shorts. Fortunately, Lucy was still sleeping in her coffin. Once she met up with Lincoln she asked him the big question.

"So what do we do now? You're usually the man with the plan?"

Letting Charles rest his head in his lap, Lincoln pondered. "I thought about it. We can't be hasty, we have to think things trough. We gotta be careful, even squashing a butterfly could change the flow of events entirely, and not necessarily for the better."

"You and your comic books." Lynn rolled her eyes.

"I mean it Lynn, we only have eleven days before "the incident" happens. After that, it's game over." Lincoln said seriously.

"Just eleven days?!" Lynn blurted and looked at him incredulously.

"Yes." Lincoln confirmed, staying calm. "We have to prevent "the incident" from happening at all costs, but it's not that simple. Mom and dad are already stressed out, overworked and broken beyond belief from years of trying to keep this madhouse in check, and it has left their marriage trashed. We have to make life easier for them while they are in this fragile state, we owe it to them."

"Yes, we do owe them that." Lynn replied grimly, feeling a massive wave of guilt.

"We do. They are close to their breaking points now. As hard as it might be, we have to convince them to enjoy the lives they still have, to remember why they loved and married one another again. That their lives haven't been reduced to being the unappreciated slaves to a horde of bratty kids."

Lynn looked skeptical. "Bro, that's a lot of stuff to do. How can we do it all in under two weeks?" she asked somberly.

Lincoln gave her a firm look. "We have to organize a siblings meeting first."

* * *

That was easier said than done. For one, they could only say so much to their sisters without looking like they went bonkers. Saying that you saw the future obviously didn't paint the picture of a sane person.

Secondly, they had to convince them to come to the meeting in the first place as everyone seemed to have been preoccupied with something or in a hurry to leave.

As usual for meetings relating to family crises, they all assembled in Lori`s and Leni`s room. Lincoln felt nervous and Lynn put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Lincoln hoped that his sisters had enough common sense that he could appeal to their better nature and make them come on board with him.

The two were sitting in front of Leni`s bed, the rest were sitting in a semicircle, except for Luna and Lori who were standing, the former having a guitar strapped over her shoulder and the latter was wearing a fancy light-blue dress and pearl necklace, and checking her hair and makeup in her makeup kit mirror.

"Alright, what's all this about!" Lori asked rudely. "Bobby`s like picking me up in ten minutes!"

"And I`m supposed to meet the guys at Sam`s garage to practice for the upcoming battle of the bands." Luna pointed out, though more politely.

"I`ll explain everything. This is very important." Lincoln raised his hands to gain attention.

"I can only hope that it's of the utmost importance." Lisa said monotonously. "I was preoccupied constructing my own personal android laboratory assistant."

"And I was in the middle of playing princess of the plush kingdom!" a bitter Lola whined with her arms folded.

"And I was her brave knight, defending the kingdom from an evil dragon." Lana, who was wearing a cardboard suit of armor, pouted.

"And Izzy was playing the dragon!" she pointed at her "helmet" where said lizard was crawling and trying to bite off the paper wings taped to her back.

Lucy stayed quiet and listened.

"And me and my friends are going shopping." Leni joined in with an emptyheaded smile.

Tired of the complaining, Lynn grabbed a coaching whistle she had on standby and blew it, causing everyone else to cover their ears.

"Alright! Enough yapping and listen up! We`ve called you here for a very important reason!" the jock shouted sternly and gestured towards her brother.

"Yes. I called you here-" he paused as he noticed something. "Wait? Where's Luan?"

"I think she went to perform at a birthday party." Luna shrugged.

" _Oh this of to a great start_." Lincoln grumbled while pinching the bridge of his nose before looking back up. "Nevermind. We`ll inform her later."

"Inform her about what? Can you get to the point, twerp?" Lori asked impatiently. "Me and Bobby were saving up for months to get a reservation at this fancy restaurant-"

"You mean _he_ was saving up the money from his multiple jobs and you were "supervising" his progress?" Luna smirked snidely, earning a death glare from Lori.

"Listen, girls." Lincoln raised his voice. "I called you here because of mom and dad."

The room turned silent."What's wrong with mom and dad?" Leni asked cluelessly.

Getting an encouraging nod from Lynn, Lincoln sighed. "I`ve noticed lately how both of them seem to be pretty stressed and overworked. I don't think either of them has had a moment to relax and enjoy themselves in a while."

The sisters started whispering among themselves. "Are you sure about that? They looked pretty okay to me yesterday." Luna spoke up. Most of the rest quickly voiced their agreement.

Both Lincoln and Lynn deflated with dread. Of course, their sisters were oblivious to it.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Lynn raised her voice. "They`re completely worn out, tired and exhausted and need a break!"

Lincoln facepalmed. Lynn was not handling this well.

"Dude, chill." Luna was surprised by the jock`s outburst. "I just said that they looked perfectly happy to me."

"Of course they did, they want us to think that. They don't want us to worry about them." Lincoln replied, after nudging Lynn to stay calm. "But it's an act, trust me, I can tell that they are under a lot of stress."

Lori tapped her foot irritably, checking her watch. "And you're sure of that based on what?" she asked in a deadpan manner.

Lincoln gulped, how could he convince them of this? Saying the real reason why he knew was out of the question.

"I`ve watched them, I helped them both with some chores for the last few days. They talked about how much work they had and they may not have said it explicitly, but it was very clear to me that they are both overworked."

"Lincoln, you're being overdramatic." Lori dismissed him. "All grown-ups are a little stressed out from time to time, and mom and dad are just like any other. If you were worried about mom drinking a little too much last night and going to bed early then don't be, all grown-ups do that from time to time."

"No, Lori, it's not as simple as that. We have to stop fooling around and stop causing chaos and destruction in this house on a daily basis. How do you think that affects our parents?" Lincoln countered seriously.

The sisters stared at him oddly. "What "chaos and destruction" are you talking about?" Lori asked curtly.

"You know what he's talking about, Lori." Lynn interjected sharply.

She glared at everyone. "You all know it's true. With all of you doing your thing every day this house is like a cage full of chimps let loose in a zoo."

Lola gasped. "That's ridiculous! I`m not destructive or noisy. I`m as well behaved as they come!" she huffed indignantly.

"I fail to fathom how indulging myself in the exploits of science could possibly have negative repercussions?" Lisa retorted monotonously.

"So?" Luna asked Lynn casually. "This place has always been a little crazy, mom and dad never seemed to have had a problem with it before?"

"Maybe." Lincoln cut in. "But in the past, they had fewer kids with them, but that number has only been growing with like every two years. And it has been having a negative impact on our family!"

Poor choice of words.

"Oh I see, is this another one of your " _I just wanna be an only child_ " rants?" Lori asked snidely while checking her phone. Hearing that, the other sisters started glaring at him.

Lincoln cursed inwardly. They were derailing the conversation."That`s not it, I was-"

"Because I think we already told you that whining about not having "enough privacy" will get you nowhere, twerp." Lord cut in mockingly.

Lynn balled her fists in annoyance. "That wasn't his point, guys! Haven't you guys been paying attention? Our folks are working themselves to the bone taking care of this place and all of us!"

"And? They`re our mom and dad, and we`re their kids. They`re supposed to take care of us." Lola said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, isn't that how it's supposed to work?" Lana asked innocently.

"Yes-I mean no...ugh...yes, but most parents don't have to take care of more than two or three kids. Our folks have to take care of ten kids! And it's taking its toll on them." Lincoln replied.

"Excuse me, but I don't need to be taken care off." Lori replied smugly. "I`m like practically an adult and I take care of myself." she proclaimed proudly.

"Oh really?" Lynn said snidely. "If by that you mean lazing around all day and talking on your phone while dad serves you dinner and mom cleans your room and does your laundry-"

" _Not now, Lynn_." Lincoln hushed her while Lori glared daggers at her.

"Look, my point is that mom and dad are suffering taking care of us!" Lincoln nearly yelled as he stood up.

"I`m just saying that we should do something to show our appreciation and make things easier for them."

"Fine, if they are a _little_ stressed how about we all just buy them some flowers and chocolate with a note saying "Best mom/dad ever!" and call it a day?" Lori suggested halfheartedly.

"That`s not gonna cut it." Lincoln replied sternly. "We have to do more!"

Lori sighed and rubbed her temples. "Okay, okay. If you were _hypothetically_ right, Lincoln. And they really are that stressed, then what do you want us to do about it?" she asked exasperatedly, just wanting this meeting to end.

This was their chance. With Lynn giving him an encouraging smile, Lincoln spoke.

"I think we could make life easier for them by relieving them a bit of their duties. Now that we don't have school we could take up more of their chores, like making dinner, doing the laundry, cleaning all the rooms, feeding our pets, mowing the lawn, buy groceries, wash Vanzilla and mom`s car, and other things like that."

A silence ensued and everyone had their eyes on him. Then, abruptly, everyone sans Leni and Lucy hollered with laughter. Lincoln`s face dropped.

"Why is everyone laughing? Did Linky say a joke that flew over my head?" Leni asked worriedly before looking for the "joke" on the ceiling.

After the laughter had died down, Lori glared at him incredulously. "You're asking us to waste our summer doing menial labor?!"

"Do I look like a lowly house maid!" Lola growled accusingly as she jumped to her feet.

"But...that doesn't sound fun. It's summer. We`re supposed to have none-stopped fun!" Lana complained.

"Frankly, dear brother, your request sounds like a tremendous waste of my intellectual capacities." Lisa crossed her arms haughtily.

Luna looked away uncomfortably while Lucy remained silent.

"I`m not asking you to sacrifice your summer. Only to take some time to relieve mom and dad of a few chores. For their sakes." Lincoln replied, almost pleadingly.

"We have to do it." Lynn stepped in. "Or else something bad might happen?" she let it slip.

Once again silence ensued. "And just what would that bad thing be?" an irritated Lori asked, raising her eyebrow.

Lincoln and Lynn turned silent, looking at each other nervously. How could they possibly answer that? But then Lynn got a determined look.

"They could get divorced! Have you thought about that?"

The occupants of the room were left in shock, their jaws dropping after hearing that. Lincoln knew they messed it up now.

"Have you lost your goddamn mind?!" an angry Lori stormed towards Lynn. "Where in the world did you get such a bogus idea? And how do you have the gall to even say such a horrible thing?"

The usually confident jock shrank back under her sister`s angry glare and thunderous voice. Lincoln came to her side to defend her.

He raised his arms. "Lori, girls, it`s not like that, she...just meant-"

"Oh, so you're thinking about that too?" Lori addressed him condescendingly.

"Is this why you two called for this meeting?! Just what the hell kind of parasites crawled into your puny, little minds and gave you such ludicrous ideas?"

The two siblings lost their voices, unable to explain themselves.

Lori suddenly heard someone`s car honking. "Bobby!" she smiled happily before looking back at the two. "I don't know what your deal is, you two, but get your freaking heads checked." she spatted bitterly and grabbed Leni`s arm.

"Come on Leni, we`ll give you a lift to the mall and out of Crazyville!" she informed her roommate and they rushed downstairs.

"Lift? You mean there's an elevator to the mall!" they heard the latter ask in amazement.

"Lori`s right! That was the dumbest thing I`ve ever heard! You two should be ashamed of yourselves!" Lola yelled at the duo angrily.

"I`m out of here, come follow me my loyal knight!" she called for Lana as she stormed out. Looking confusedly and somewhat angrily at her brother and sister Lana followed.

Luna stood there awkwardly, unsure if she should say something to the two, but then she received a text message. "Sorry, dudes, but Sam`s wondering why I'm keeping them waiting, gotta go." the rocker excused herself and exited the room.

"I`ve heard some fanciful and ridiculous hypothesis before, but this one takes the cake. I`ve wasted enough valuable time..." Lisa said coldly and turned to leave, while Lucy had silently slinked away before her, leaving Lincoln and Lynn alone.

* * *

"Well, that was a bust." Lynn lamented as she and Lincoln now sat in the shadow of the tree in their yard. Lincoln buried his face in his hands

"Why did I even try..." he grumbled bitterly.

"I`m sorry, Linc. I messed it all up." Lynn apologized shamefully. "I...I just thought that if I planted the idea in their-"

"It`s not your fault, Lynn." her brother replied with understanding. " It wouldn't have worked either way. I should have remembered that they would never have committed to so much work without personal gain."

Lincoln took a long exhale. "Now what?"

"Don`t be discouraged, Linc. This game is far from over." Lynn tried to lift his spirit.

Charles approached them and Lincoln let him lick his hand. "Don't worry. I`m not giving up, you can bet on it." he replied firmly.

"But this means that it will just be you and me in this, and we have our work cut out for us." he sighed dejectedly.

"Well, there`s someone else who might be willing to help us. He knows what we know." Lynn suggested.

"Who?" At this point, Lincoln was glad to get any help if possible.

"Remember what I told you last night?"

Lincoln thought about it and then promptly frowned.

"Oh no! Not him!" he moaned.

" _But desperate times call for desperate measures_." he told himself.

* * *

Lynn Sr., sweaty and his face and clothes smeared everywhere with oil, growled with endless frustration as he removed the positive and negative cable from Vanzilla`s battery. He once again checked out the van`s engine.

"What else is there left to do? I charged the damn thing? All the wires are hooked? All the fluids are full? No vacuum leaks?" he ranted to himself when a likewise oil-covered Lana appeared from the hood of the van holding a screwdriver.

"Everything`s fine, dad. But I think your fuel tank is leaking." she told him helpfully.

Her father blinked before looking to the side of the van and noticed a dark pool forming beneath a tire. How did he not notice it? He felt embarrassed on top of being exhausted and frustrated, knowing his first grader daughter found the problem with his vehicle before him.

He sighed pathetically. "Thanks, sweetie, could you-"

"No problem, pops! Gotta go! Teaching Hops how to fetch!" the tomboy exclaimed cheerfully as she bolted into the house.

Her father stomped the ground in frustration. Of course, he was once again left to fix this unsavable pile of junk by himself. For two days he`s been stuck working on this damn thing after returning from work following their abruptly canceled visit to the mountain resort.

Which meant he would be late for making dinner again, and Rita would no doubt never let him hear the end of it.

"Hey, dad?" he heard his son`s voice while inspecting the fuel tank. He turned to see him and Lynn.

He wiped his forehead, smearing it with more oil. "Yes, what is it, son?" he asked in a tired voice.

"We were wondering if it was okay if we stayed at a friend`s place for the night? You know, a sleepover?" Lynn asked him right off the bat.

"A sleepover?"

"Yeah, remember that new kid in town I befriended? The one I mentioned yesterday? Is it okay if we stay at his place?"

Lyn Sr. pondered for a second, but supposed that there was no reason not to give them permission. If anything, having two less mouths to feed for the night meant at least a little less work for him.

"Well, I see no reason why not." he tried to smile. "You kids have fun."

"Thanks, dad." Lincoln smiled begrudgingly as he and his sister left him to work on the van and packed a few essentials.

"So you think he`ll help us?" Lincoln asked skeptically.

"Of course he will, you doofus. He`s my friend, and he knows a thing or two about getting out of sticky situations." Lynn replied confidently.

"If you say so." Lincoln sighed, not having any options for an alternative solution.

Lincoln and Lynn headed towards Ryan`s house as sunset came closer. Unbeknownst to them, Charles was following them.

* * *

 **Took me a bit longer to upload this chapter do to having to rewrite the siblings meeting scene, and some connection hiccups.**

 **Unsurprisingly, it would take something as bad as losing their home and their parents divorcing in order for the sisters to realize that actions have consequences and not to take their good life and devoted parents for granted. Unfortunately, only Lynn remembers that harsh lesson now...**


	4. Planning Ahead

"Well, this is certainly a peculiar situation." Ryan chatted casually from his armchair.

"That`s an understatement." Lynn snarked from across the living room couch. Lincoln was slouching in his hands next to her with a bitter look on his face.

"So...lemme get this straight? Someone turned back the clock and the three of us are the only ones aware of it, is that right?"

"As far as me and Linc know, yes." Lynn confirmed. "The rest of our family doesn't, neither do any of my friends. Did you talk to Clyde or any of your buds, bro?" she turned to Lincoln.

He sighed and straightened himself. "No, I`ve talked with them over my walky-talky, they remember nothing."

"Interesting. Looks like we have a mystery on our hands?" Ryan mused with interest.

Lincoln scowled. "That's not why we came here, Taylor." he retorted sternly.

"Whoever... or...whatever did this obviously didn't care to tell us why we remember the future, and no one else does."

"Ah yes, another unexplained phenomenon." Ryan rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Like Bigfoot, or the Bermuda Triangle...or why you like reading comics in your birthday suit?" he smirked right at the younger boy.

Lincoln clenched his fists and turned red with anger. His glare turned towards Lynn, essentially saying "You just had to let that one slip."

The jock exhaled. "Cut the comedy, Ryan. We didn't come here to solve this mystery. We need your help for-"

"Ryan!" they suddenly heard someone shouting.

A 14-year old girl with shoulder-length ebony hair came into the living room, holding Charles by the scruff of his neck.

She glared at her brother. "Care to explain what this flea-bitten mutt was doing in the kitchen?" she asked sternly and dropped the bull terrier to the floor. Frightened, Charles promptly scampered towards his owners.

She took immediate notice of the two visitors. "And who are they?"

Ryan smirked at his sister. "Why Renee? I invited some guests and they brought Marceline a new playmate." he shrugged.

"Hey, I`m Lynn-" the jock extended her hand but Renee pushed it aside.

"I don't care who you are." she addressed her apathetically before facing Ryan.

"So what`s going on here?" she inquired while folding her arms.

"Why so jumpy?" Ryan snickered mockingly. "I just made some new friends and invited them over for a sleepover."

Renee sneered in disbelief. "You made friends?"

"I know, right? That's what happens to people who aren't stick-in-the-mud bores like you." he replied coolly.

" _I can see they're close_." a deadpan Lincoln whispered into Lynn`s ear.

"You know mom and dad are away on business, and I'm sure you didn't ask them for permission to do this." Renee deduced dryly.

"And your point is?" Ryan replied in a bored tone.

" _My point_ is that I'm in charge when they`re gone, and you didn't tell me about this!"

Ryan snickered sardonically. "So you're still telling yourself that to feel special, huh?" he countered. Renee narrowed her eyes.

"Look, Renee." Lynn interjected. "This wasn't his idea, me and my brother invited ourselves here."

The teen girl glowered at them. "Am I supposed to believe that?" she replied condescendingly.

Lynn grew annoyed by her demeanor but tried to stay civil.

"It`s true, I`m sorry if we busted in uninvited, but we just wanted to welcome Ryan into his new neighborhood and we already packed our stuff and got permission from our dad to stay."

Renee narrowed her eyes skeptically. "You already arranged to stay here?"

"Yes, and I promise we won't cause any trouble. We always behave respectfully in other peoples` homes."

"Fine. Whatever." Reen groaned in annoyance before glaring at Ryan. "I`ll be watching you, and them." she warned him. With that, she left upstairs without another word.

"She seems friendly." Lynn commented sarcastically.

"I know, and you met her in a _good mood_." Ryan quipped.

"Yeesh, are all older sisters permanently stuck in cranky mode?" Lynn asked him. Lincoln was about to speak up but got interrupted.

"But she has _a_ point, why`d you bring Rover there with you?" Ryan asked casually about the dog who was sitting next to Lynn`s leg.

"His name`s Charles, and we didn't, he followed us. He`s been doing it quite a bit for the last few days."

Lynn smiled and patted his head. "Maybe he remembers too and is happy to see us again?" she suggested half-seriously.

"Charles?" Ryan laughed. "What kind of a name is that for a dog? Charles? It sounds like the name of some old, stuffy British dude."

"You`re one to talk?" Lynn smirked. "You named your cat Marceline. Where did you even hear that name? It sounds like some emo vampire from that dumb soap opera Lucy watches."

"Touche." Ryan admitted.

"Hey! Can you talk about pet names some other time?" Lincoln asked impatiently only to feel something brushing against his leg. He saw a large, leopard-like house cat looking at him and meowing.

" _Well speak of the devil_." Lynn noticed the cat too and instinctively held her dog by the scruff of his neck.

Marceline purred until she spotted Charles and immediately jumped into her owner's lap.

"What`s the matter? Don't like the company?" Ryan asked her jokingly while stroking her back to calm her.

Lynn had seen Marceline before but she never noticed how big that cat was until she saw her next to Charles. She was as tall as him.

"Say, what kind of a cat is Marcy again? How'd she get so tall?" she asked out of curiosity while holding Charles down, who seemed eager to approach the cat.

"She`s a savannah cat." Ryan gladly explained. "They're a rare breed, half-house cat, and half-serval."

"What`s a ser..vell?" the jock looked confused.

"Oh, that`s a type of wildcat from Africa. Think mini-cheetah with bat ears. I saw plenty of those in my old backyard. " Ryan recollected.

"Charming story." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Is it even legal to own one of those here?"

"Dunno. I didn't care to check the state laws." Ryan replied with casual sarcasm while stroking his cat.

"Ugh...forget it." Lincoln muttered, realizing he was just wasting time.

"Let's get back on topic, guys." Ryan suggested. "This time businesses? I thought about it a lot." he confirmed before smiling.

"And you know, at first I was confused, naturally, but then I realized that this was just plain awesome!"

"Awesome?" Lynn raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Who cares how this happened?" Ryan stated happily.

"We just got double summer this year! In fact, you know what we should do, Lynn? We should go and rent some beach house at the Great Lakes or maybe visit the beaches of California to surf. Or-I know! Go to Miami! I always wanted to see a gator on a golf course!"

Lynn sighed."Ryan, that sounds cool and all, but you're forgetting one little detail..."

"Our parents will divorce!" Lincoln said bluntly.

Ryan froze and looked at them sheepishly. "Oh yeah...that happened...eh is gonna happen..."

"It`s not gonna happen." Lynn stated determinedly. "Me and Linc are going to make sure of that!"

"Ah, I see. The "knows the bad future and is now gonna stop it from happening" thing?" Ryan understood immediately. "You're doing that. Clever, clever."

Lynn`s face softened and she smiled. "Yes we are, but we need help. Will you please help us?"

Lincoln added, "We have to keep our parents from breaking up, and find a way to keep our sisters in line."

Ryan tapped his chin, seemingly in deep thought. He yawned and looked aside. "What do I look like? A family counselor?" he answered dismissively.

A look of shock and hurt crossed Lynn`s face while Lincoln felt boiling mad. He jumped to his feet. "Some friend you are! You-"

"Relax, pipsqueak!" Ryan laughed and held a hand up. "I was kidding, kay? Just kidding. Of course I'll help you! If Lynn needs my humble assistance then she`ll get it." he smiled at the girl.

Lynn shook her head, feeling a mixture of annoyance and relief. "Thanks, Ryan." she ultimately said.

Lincoln relaxed and sat back down. " _What a shmuck_." he huffed inwardly.

"Course, I wouldn't mind being filled in on what exactly is gonna happen leading up to the divorce?" Ryan added before Charles suddenly appeared at his side and started licking Marceline`s face.

"Charles!" Lynn exclaimed, realizing that she let go of him at some point.

Much to everyone`s surprise, the cat didn't attack him. She just jerked her head back trying to avoid his slobbery tongue, with a visibly annoyed expression.

Ryan chuckled. "Well, looks like these two are getting along."

* * *

As night fell, the three kids were in Ryan`s room, talking about their next step. Charles was there too, as was Marceline who was lying under the bed, trying to ignore the dog and his attempts to goad her into a play fight.

While the pets were distracted Ryan was filled in on the situations.

"It's due in ten days?" Ryan exclaimed while walking around. The siblings were sitting on his bed.

"Not counting today, yes." Lincoln responded affirmatively.

"That`s when "the incident" happened." Lynn added sullenly.

"Yeah, quick question!" Ryan raised one hand high up. "What exactly was that incident?"

The siblings turned eerily silent. Ryan got the feeling that poked on a sensitive topic. The siblings looked at each other as if having a telepathic conversion.

"Sorry, Taylor. But we swore never to talk about it again." Lincoln told him grimly.

Lynn sighed, feeling a wave of guilt and regret. "All you need to know is that it ended with our house collapsing, and me and the rest of the girls all played a part in it."

Just saying that much felt like it was tearing her soul apart. The tremendous guilt she felt about it still haunted her. She tried hard not to cry in front of the boys.

The simple idea that they somehow made that huge house collapse was on its own quite something. But seeing his friend`s pain-ridden expression, Ryan knew better than to press further.

"I see." he responded plainly.

"That's everything." Lincoln finished bitterly. "Three days have passed and we`ve accomplished nothing in trying to prevent it."

"We did try to get our sisters to help us relieve our parents from some of their housework, but they wouldn't listen." Lynn added dejectedly.

She felt some level of disdain towards her sisters for selfishly ignoring their warnings, no matter if it was out of willful ignorance or out of genuine ignorance. She was certain that at least some of them were the former.

"That's hardly a surprise, to be honest." Ryan admitted knowingly. "If things are as you claim they are, then your sisters must be real...what`s the word?"

"Oh yeah, spoiled brats." he said bluntly. Lincoln looked like he was ready to argue on that, but Lynn gave him a look that said not to.

They had talked about it before, their sisters were spoiled. They knew that Luan and Lucy had far more problems than they let on, but most of the others have been pampered rotten. Lynn used to be like that, perhaps the worst of the lot, and she had the guts to own up to her past behavior.

"Harsh but true." she admitted firmly. She had already talked with Ryan about her regrets. He knew the full meaning of her response.

"And your point?" Lincoln asked curtly but calmly.

"If you lead a nice, pretty life you lose perspective. Take everything for granted. You never even dream about losing any of it." Ryan explained, almost poignantly.

Lincoln knew that he couldn't deny that.

While the rest of his sisters, much like him or Lynn, definitely appreciated the concept of privacy and personal space much more than the average person, the concept of losing any of the things that made them happy in life was inconceivable to them.

His three oldest sisters were definitely popular at high school, Lori and Leni for being considered attractive and Luna for being a talented rock musician.

Lana and Lola were, if nothing else, respected among their peers. Lisa was a toddler genius who had graduated into college, a bizarre but nonetheless admirable accomplishment.

Only Luan and Lucy knew most of the harsh life problems a minor would face all too well, and they coped with it in wildly different ways. But, unfortunately, Luan`s way was only making tensions worse at home.

"So you're saying that it would take something as extreme as losing our home and our parents divorcing to knock some sense into them." the white-haired boy concluded begrudgingly.

"Bingo. Only life and hard experience can teach you something. Warnings and empty words of wisdom do jackshit." Ryan replied.

Lincoln had to admit it, that was surprisingly insightful. Not that he would vocally admit it to Ryan.

"So they won't be of any use if we ask them for help." Lynn voiced what she already knew.

Lincoln turned to her. "In that case, you and me will have to work extra hard to make things easier for our parents."

They heard Ryan chuckle. A soft, sarcastic, almost pitying kind of chuckle. "Oh you really are in the dark, pipsqueak." he addressed the younger boy.

"What`s that supposed to mean?" Lincoln asked with a challenging glare.

Ryan crossed his arms. "Think for a moment. You said it yourself. Their marriage was ruined over the years by your sisters' antics, they took hit after hit for over ten years. The little accident where you demolished your own house may have been what broke the camel`s back, but the way I see it Mr. and Ms.L were already on their way to file for a divorce sooner or later. "The incident" as you call it merely jump-started a decision they would have made anyways."

He shook his head. "Stopping that incident and a week of charity work prior won't heal those old wounds. Wounds only heal so much over time, and they leave behind some ugly scars."

The siblings became distraught as Ryan`s words sank in. Lynn stood up to look him in the eye.

"Wait, so you're saying even if we prevent "the incident" from happening mom and dad might still divorce?" she carried an almost pleading tone.

"I`d say it's a strong possibility, I mean if your folks remain stressed and your sisters continue acting as usual who's to say that another, even worse incident won't occur?" Ryan said honestly.

Bad choice of words, as he could see Lynn`s hopes getting crushed, as did Lincoln`s. He started glaring at Ryan, fighting tears.

Lynn didn't notice it, as she stood there, sniffing and trembling before collapsing into Ryan`s arms. He heard her sobbing softly in his embrace. Ryan instantly felt regret for hurting her like that.

"Wow there, cut the waterworks, guys. I didn't say it was hopeless!" he said loudly while hugging Lynn.

"You did." Lincoln hissed while hot tears dripped down his face.

"I didn't! Will you let me finish!" Ryan snapped at him impatiently before pulling Lynn away and looking her in the eye.

He placed his arms on her shoulders. "There's still something we can do about it, but it's not guaranteed to give results."

Feeling a glimmer of hope again, Lynn tried to stop crying. "Whatever it is, we`ll do it!" she scowled with determination again.

Ryan sighed and told her to sit back down.

"So what do you propose?" Lincoln asked with a downright hateful tone.

"Baby steps, guys. This isn't something we`ll fix overnight with a pixie wand. For the moment we can only stall." Ryan explained, getting unusually serious.

"Stall? You mean try to keep mom and dad together for as long as possible." Lynn asked.

"And try to help them rekindle as a couple? Set them up on dates? Convince them to go on a second honeymoon? Go on vacation alone?" Lincoln suggested rapidly.

"They`re your parents, that's for you two to plot. But that could certainly work, pipsqueak."

"And try to get our sisters to stop being nuisances. Even if we have to slowly get to them, one at a time." Lynn suggested determinedly.

"That could help, sure."

"I get it. It's like going for a championship in soccer. We have to fight one small battle after another, no matter how many, before we finally win!" Lynn elaborated.

Ryan smirked. "That`s one way to put it, Lynn." he complimented her. "And you know what our first big challenge is?"

"The incident"!" the siblings said simultaneously.

"If we stop that we`ll buy ourselves a lot of time." Lincoln stated.

"And how do you boys propose we do that?"

"Easy." Ryan smiled confidentially. "We just have to make sure that all your sisters are far away from home on that day."

"Ah, but how will we get them all to take a hike on the same day?" Lynn mused.

Suddenly, they heard Marceline hissing followed by Charles yelping in pain. He ran around the bed and between Lynn`s and Lincoln`s legs.

The kids kneeled down and quickly noticed the bleeding claw marks on his nose.

Ryan saw his savannah glowering at them from underneath the bed, with glowing, green eyes and raised hair.

Shaking his head, he looked at the bull terrier. "You mess with the tiger, Charlie, you get the claws."

* * *

Later that night, the kids changed into their pajamas and Lincoln was escorted to the guest room. With Charles resting close to him, Lynn tucked him in.

"Now try to get some rest, Linc. We had a busy day." Lynn said gently and kissed him on the forehead.

"I...will..." he muttered.

As she closed the door, Lincoln lied on his side, still awake and petting Charles for comfort.

Ryan`s words about how all their effort could be in vain were still boggling his mind. He had to make sure that they wouldn't be...

* * *

Lynn would be sharing her room with Ryan. She didn't mind it, but it still kind of bugged her how Lincoln claimed that her snoring was unbearable.

After brushing her teeth and untying her hair, she ran into Ryan, who came to brush his.

"So did you find a mattress for me?"

Ryan shrugged. "I did, though it's kinda lumpy."

"Huh, no problem. I like a lumpy mattress and a hard pillow."

"Good to know. Crazy day, huh?"

"You think?" Lynn shook her head. "I just hope I`ll survive this summer with my family intact."

"I wouldn't worry too much, how hard can it be to trick some girls to leave a house for 24 hours." he reassured her. She didn't answer.

"You really want this to succeed?" he asked.

"I do, it's not just about giving mom and dad the happy ending they deserve. I also want to make up for my mess up. Remember, I was partially involved in making "the incident" happen." she admitted sadly.

"Then I guess the universe decided to give you a round two." Ryan replied chipperly.

"I suppose." Lynn replied with a small smile. "And, Ryan. Thanks for everything."

"No need to. A friend`s gotta do what a friend`s gotta do."

"Still, I appreciate this a lot. You're a real friend." she said warmly.

Then, without thinking, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Ryan froze stiff like a statue and Lynn blushed, not knowing what just came over her.

She laughed nervously. "Well it's been a long day, goodnight." she excused herself and left.

Ryan didn't know when he came to or if he even remembered to brush his teeth. All he could really recall was the reflection of himself grinning like an idiot.

* * *

The next morning, Ryan and Lynn were playing a round of basketball in his yard.

As Ryan tried to grab the ball Lynn threw it, it flew between Ryan`s arms and it bounced off the hoop. At that moment, some kid holding a small bag walked through Ryan`s gate and the ball clonked him in the head, and he dropped to the ground.

The two preteens winced. "Uhhhh that's gonna leave a mark." Ryan quipped.

"I think we should check if he's okay." Lynn suggested as the two moved to check on the knocked down kid.

He was a scrawny African-American wearing a fake, curly mustache, a weird blue and white suit with red hearts and gloves, and an eye-patch over...his glasses?

" _Oh my head_..." he moaned while rubbing his forehead.

Lynn recognized him instantly. "Oh...hello Clyde." she rolled her eyes apathetically.

As the still dizzy Clyde came to and he jolted upon seeing Ryan`s scary face and crooked grin looming over him.

Ryan gave a hardy chuckle. "My apologies, shrimp, but I think you got lost on your way to play Dunces and Dorks!"

"Clyde!" they heard Lincoln shouting as he rushed to his friend's side. "What happened?"

"He took a basketball to the noggin. My bad." Lynn shrugged sheepishly.

" _You guys know that dweeb?_ " Ryan asked her.

Making sure Lincoln was focused on Clyde, she whispered to him. " _Yeah, that's Clyde McBride, Lincoln`s dorky friend._ "

" _McBride? I heard that name somewhere before. Isn't he that kid who has two faggot dads?_ " he asked snidely.

Lynn snickered. " _Yup. That's the one._ "

She stopped upon noticing Lincoln glowering at her. Evidently, she hadn't been quiet enough.

He turned back to help his friend sit up. "Are you okay, Clyde. What are you doing here?"

Clyde shook his head before looking at Lincoln incredulously. "Lincoln? What am I doing here? Have you forgotten?"

"Huh?" Lincoln didn't follow.

"Dude, today`s the big Ace Savvy comic book convention at the mall in less than an hour! We`ve been waiting for it for months!"

The memory suddenly came back to Lincoln. He remembered being super excited about it. But now that event seemed almost insignificant to him.

He rubbed his neck after helping Clyde stand up. "Oh, right? Sorry, that you had to look for me. Me and Lynn went to a sleepover here and it kind of slipped my mind."

Clyde was absolutely dumbfounded. How could something like this "slip" Lincoln`s mind? At that point, Lynn and Ryan approached them.

"I don't think I`ve introduced myself." Ryan said sarcastically and shook Clyde`s hand, making him cringe in pain after nearly crushing it.

"Ryan Taylor. New kid on the block. Host of this humble home." he said with a sleazy grin.

"Eh...nice to meet you." Clyde replied meekly while clutching his aching hand. The sight of Ryan still terrified him.

He grabbed his fallen bag. "I brought you your costume, Linc. If we hurry we can still make it in time."

Lincoln looked uncertain. "Oh...eh about that-MPHMHH!" he was cut off by Ryan clamping a hand over his mouth and pulling him closer.

"Could you please excuse us for a moment? Thanks!" Ryan told the confused Clyde and led Lincoln and Lynn behind a tree.

"What are you doing?!" Lincoln protested as he pulled himself free.

" _Keep your voice down, twinkle toes_." Ryan whispered. " _I think you shouldn't leave your pirate buddy hanging, let's not raise suspicion._ "

"I can't go! I have to help mom and-"

Lynn hushed him. " _We`ve talked about how doing some chores won't mean much. We have to focus on stopping you-know-what from happening_." she clarified.

 _"Exactly, so go enjoy yourself, pipsqueak. Take a load off and play with your geek friends_." Ryan added smarmily. Lincoln glared at him.

" _He`s got a point_." Lynn interjected. Lincoln looked at her. " _You should go and relax a bit, clear your head. We all should, so we can focus better when the time comes_."

Lincoln sighed. " _Alright, I`ll go_."

The three returned to Clyde. Lincoln smiled and took the bag.

"Is everything okay, Lincoln?"

"Sure it is. Me and Lynn just...eh talked about some chores we have to do later. I`ll go change. You go on, I`ll catch up with you in no time."

"Alright!" Clyde brightened up. "I`ll meet you at the mall."

* * *

"So, do you have any plans for today?" Ryan asked Lynn while leaning against the wall in the hall.

"Not really." she replied, before getting an idea. "You know I could introduce you to Margo and the others again. You could make a better first impression this time!"

"Eh, let's put a pin on that." Ryan dismissed the idea. "I got a better idea. How about you grab your swimwear and come with me to this cool place I found at the outskirts of town?"

"You mean that little gorge where the river flows, with the abandoned fishing cabin?"

"So you know? Well, what do you say?" Ryan asked her. "I know last time we went bathing things went a little of course, but this is different. I`ve seen kids and families go there all the time, it's safe."

Lynn smiled. "Well, I suppose that doesn't sound like a bad idea." They heard Charles barking towards them.

"Alright, Charlie. You can go too." Ryan told him casually. The dog wagged his tail.

At that moment, Lincoln came out of the guest room wearing his Ace Savvy costume and carrying a stack of cards.

Upon seeing him, Ryan snorted before bursting into uncontrollable laughter and clutching his sides.

"Who are you supposed to be, the Masked Dealer?" Ryan asked between laughs. Lincoln fumed silently.

"Knock it off, Ryan." Lynn rolled her eyes. Though she couldn't deny that her brother did look pretty goofy in that suit.

"Lemme guess? You defeat criminal scum by cheating them out of their ill-gotten loot at poker?"

Lynn couldn't help but snicker at that idea. Infuriated, Lincoln stormed towards Ryan and got right into his face.

"No, I`m Ace Savvy! The world's savviest crime fighter and sleuth. He`s a man of few words, and fewer emotions, that fights only for justice!"

Giggling, Ryan looked aside. "Must. Resist. Urge. To give. Wedgie."

Hearing his sister still snickering. Lincoln gritted his teeth. "Alright, Mr. and Mrs. Too Cool For Comics! My "geeky-ness" won't pester you any longer!"

With that, he stormed off angrily. Lynn felt bad for laughing. "Wait, Linc! I`m sorry! We were just joking!" she called after him.

Lincoln ignored her, only for Ryan to appear behind him, grab his briefs and pull them over his head. Lincoln squeaked with discomfort as he felt his superhero tights almost slicing through his nether regions.

Lynn gasped before glaring furiously at Ryan, who promptly looked at her and grinned guiltily.

"I couldn't resist! He was taunting me, Lynn!"

* * *

 **Damage done for over a decade can't be fixed in less than a fortnight. Right now they can only focus on the big picture for the month. If they prevent the one crucial event that sealed the deal then they might be able to direct their family towards taking the first big step on a new, brighter path.**

 **And because I know someone will probably take this the wrong way, no, Lynn`s and Ryan`s joke about Clyde`s "faggot dads" isn't me being homophobic, it's just kids being kids and using "edgy words" and not caring much about being politically correct. I`m trying to be realistic and realistically any kid protagonist would be far from a prime model of human virtue.**


	5. Unwanted Reunions I

**This chapter will take a small detour from the main plot, it will focus on Lynn and Ryan, where some old problems from their original timeline will return to them full force.**

"What a view!" Lynn marveled as she and Ryan parked their bikes near the edge of the gorge, with a panting Charles catching up with them. Below them flew a calm river, its banks covered in small patches of deciduous forest.

At the very end of the gorge, there was a bridge with plenty of cars speeding across it. On the other side, there were miles of flat prairie with only a sparse amount of buildings, namely a gas station and a few small houses lined near the road. Down at the river, there were a few groups of kids playing in the water.

"Definitely a sweet view." Ryan grinned sleazily as he lifted his shades.

Lynn turned and saw that he was eyeing a group of high school girls in bikinis coming up the trail and heading towards their car.

Feeling her blood boil, Lynn smacked him in the head.

He yelped and rubbed his head. "What? Can't I admire a pretty sight too?"

"Drop the act, Casanova." Lynn snarked irritably as she jumped off her bike. "And let's go. Come on Charles!" she called for her dog who was sniffing some shrubs.

Ryan wondered if he had struck a nerve with her. He hoped so. With them finally alone he was hoping to get his chance to talk about certain things. Deep down he felt immensely nervous.

Lynn took another view down the gorge.

"Oh look, isn't that the old cabin?" she pointed out. They saw the rundown cabin at the river's edge with a wooden pier next to it.

"Yes, it is. I heard it might be haunted?" Ryan joked.

Lynn rolled her eyes before noticing that Charles had wandered off further and was searching through the shrubs. Lynn called for him to come back, but he didn't.

"You think he saw something?" she asked her friend.

"Probably a squirrel or a chipmunk." Ryan shrugged. "What else could there be at a tourist trap like this?"

Suddenly, they heard a faint rustling and Charles yelped and came bolting towards them with something chasing him.

"Marceline!" they both blurted.

Charles hid behind Lynn`s leg and she picked up Marceline in her arms.

"Well, I`ll be!" Lynn laughed in disbelief. "I think someone got jealous that her master ran off with a dog."

After getting over the surprise, Ryan snorted exasperatedly. "You know, if you wanted to come you should have just asked." he addressed his pet who purred in response.

* * *

Once they settled on the bank, Lynn put Charles on a leash and tied it to a tree. She didn't want to risk him wandering off, even more so now that Marceline had joined the party.

The cat in question sat down only a foot away from the dog, calmly licking her paw as the bull terrier was whimpering, barking and jumping around excitedly, almost choking himself. She seemed aware that the canine had been restrained and seemed to be passively taunting him that he couldn't get her.

Casting her sneakers aside, Lynn untied her hair and undressed down to her red, one-piece swimsuit before joining Ryan at the end of the pier. Wearing his black shorts, Ryan had his feet dipped in the water and Lynn joined him.

For today at least, she was willing to cast away the worries that were weighing heavily on her and Lincoln and just enjoy herself. The view of the surrounding forest and the gentle, flowing river was a very beautiful and relaxing sight.

Ryan exhaled pleasurably. "This is the life. No school, no distractions. Just peace and quiet."

"Yeah..." Lynn agreed. After the last few days, she appreciated having some down time away from her family and her ever-active lifestyle as an athlete.

Ryan was one of the few people, besides Lincoln, with whom she could just chill out and felt comfortable talking openly. Though, it wasn't long before her competitive mind started brewing up some ideas.

For Ryan, Lynn was pretty much the only person with whom he liked to hang out with. He still couldn't believe that they were actually alone, away from anyone who might bother them, sitting at the pier surrounded by nature. He started feeling fuzzy on the inside.

Perhaps this was the right moment to ask her. He doubted there would be a better one.

"Hey, Lynn, you know...i was wondering..." he started nervously.

" _Get a grip, you idiot! Play it cool!_ " he scolded himself.

"Hold that thought, right now this water`s looking pretty inviting..." Lynn proclaimed as she stood up and jumped off the pier, spinning in the air before disappearing below the surface.

Her head soon popped back up, with her cheeks puffed. She quickly squirted Ryan in the face with water and started laughing.

"C`mon, slowpoke! The water`s great!"

"Okey-dokey, but you might wanna duck!" Ryan warned her before cannonballing into the water.

He didn't resurface and grabbed Lynn by the foot and pulled her under. She quickly resurfaced with an angry look and moved her hair out of her eyes.

"Now we`re even." Ryan quipped, floating next to her.

"Not for long." she smirked. "Race you to the other shore!"

"Okay." he accepted and swam off.

"Hey! I didn't say "go"!" Lynn growled and swam to catch up with him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Charles had worn himself out and was lying down and panting heavily with his tongue out, with Marceline napping on a towel near him. Something quickly caught the dog`s eye, a chipmunk nibbling an acorn. Charles immediately jumped to his feet, barking exuberantly and yanking his leash. The noise woke Marceline up.

Yawning, the sharp-eyed cat looked around and quickly spotted the stripe-backed rodents. Her pupils dilating, she rose up in a prowling position, flicking her tail, before bolting and clearing the gap between her and the chipmunk within seconds.

The chipmunk fleed into the first hiding place it could find, a small crevice within a boulder. Marceline stuck her face down the narrow crevice, before shoving her paw in to catch the trapped rodent.

Whimpering louder and jumping wildly, Charles finally started bitting down on his leash.

* * *

Lynn and Ryan gasped for air as they both simultaneously placed a hand on a rock at the bottom of a rocky slope.

"Huh, I win!"

"Hey, I touched it at the same time, how about a tie?" an out of breath Ryan suggested.

"No way! I only go for the win!" Lynn rebutted boastfully.

"Alright." Ryan smirked. "New challenge! Who can keep their breath up the longest-"

"You're on!" Lynn took a big gulp and dove down. Ryan quickly followed.

They swam towards the bottom, cheeks puffed and glaring at each other for nearly two minutes.

But Ryan noticed something else, an opening in the rock, and he could see light reflecting on the sandy floor at the end of the cavern. Lynn was slowly turning red and swam up.

She gasped for air and Ryan resurfaced next to her, smirking triumphantly.

"Weak lungs, huh?"

"That was just a warm-up." an embarrassed Lynn snarled. "Let's do it again!"

"Forget the petty contests. I have a more fun idea." Ryan suggested while spotting a crack in the cliff wall.

"I think I found an underwater entrance to a cave. Wanna see if we can get in?" he asked cheekily.

"And no racing." he quickly added. "Let's do it together."

Intrigued by the proposition, Lynn`s face softened. "Alright, no racing."

Ryan offered her his hand. She raised an eyebrow.

"Cave exploring requires the buddy system. Just in case." he explained.

Lynn smirked and took it. "Whatever you say, _buddy_."

* * *

Marceline was trying to snag the chipmunk when something slammed into her and knocked her off her feet. Charles started sniffing into the crevice and barking at the chipmunk, his barks bouncing back at him. He started digging his way in when Marceline pushed him away and tried to reach her prey. Charles pushed her away and the cat hissed and clawed at him.

As they started quarreling, the chipmunk seized its chance to escape right under their noses. The two, however, spotted it running away and promptly chased after it, Marceline quickly gaining a headstart over the short-legged Charles.

* * *

Holding hands, they swam back down. Giving each other affirmative looks, they swam into the cavern, barely avoiding smacking into the rock ceiling above and feeling the intense water pressure. Luckily they soon found the brightly lit sandy floor and looked up to see clear water revealing the cave ceiling above.

Swimming up, they soon gasped for air and found themselves facing the relatively confined, spherical interior of the cave with lots of stalagmites just above their heads and the one crack in the wall that lit the cavern up.

The two laughed.

"Pretty cool, huh?"

"That`s a lot of pointy rocks." Lynn observed.

"That`s nothing, I`ve seen far bigger, spikier and spookier cavern in my day." Ryan proclaimed proudly.

"Duly noted, gramps." Lynn joked.

But then she saw something brown, serpentine and extremely slimy brush past her chest. Lynn screeched and the creature swam down.

"Something touched me!" she grabbed Ryan and started kicking the water.

"Wow! Wow! You're drowning me!" Ryan shouted and pushed her away. As Lynn calmed down and stopped trashing, she swam towards Ryan and gently hugged him, while trembling.

They then saw the slimy, cat-sized salamander haul itself onto a rock and slip through a small crack.

"What was that?" Lynn asked in a shaky voice.

"Oh, that was hellbender, nothing dangerous." he replied in a chill tone.

"Oh."

"Don't worry, Lynn. You know I`ll protect you if we run into any danger." Ryan smirked at her.

Lynn deflated before scowling and splashing him in the face.

After leaving the cave, the two continued to fool around the river, splashing each other, finding high platforms to make daring dives, doing about a dozen more races from shore to shore, losing track of time until they were exhausted enough to return to the pier.

Once on it, they lied on their backs next to each other, both panting from exhaustion and laughing with exuberance.

"What...a..blast!" Lynn panted.

"We probably gave a cramp to every single muscle in our bodies..." Ryan snarked.

"Just how I...pew... like it." Lynn replied before sitting up. She looked over her shoulder only to see Charles` leash hanging off the tree.

"Where did Charles go? And Marceline?" Lynn grew worried.

As if on cue, the savannah and the bull terrier appeared, chasing something between the trees.

The chipmunk eventually found itself cornered by the cat. Marceline pounced on it but missed by an inch. The chipmunk ran beneath her legs but soon had its escape route blocked by Charles. It ran through a maze of trees with the canine`s snapping jaws and excited barking tailing it. Soon, it had to dodge the attacking cat as well.

The chipmunk ran through a hollow, narrow log. Charles and Marceline rushed in at the same time only to get stuck together at the opening.

As they squirmed, yapping and hissing at each other, the chipmunk managed to run out on the other side. Marceline managed to squeeze herself forward, while Charles jerked back and landed on his butt.

As he looked up, he saw Marceline pursuing the bushy-tailed rodent. Barking loudly he followed.

Ryan chuckled. "Well, looks like my cat is teaching ol`Charlie to embrace the call of the wild."

"Something tells me not to interrupt their little chase game." Lynn laughed.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to, I`m pooped." Ryan quipped as they turned around to admire the view from the pier.

Judging from the sky it was already late afternoon. They saw that all the other kids had left the river, they assumed they all just went home.

"Some day, huh?" the boy quipped idly.

"Yeah...it was fun." Lynn smiled before remembering something. "Say, didn`t you have to tell me something?"

Ryan gulped. This was it. It had kind of slipped his mind, but now he was back where he had started. He had planned to ask her something today.

He bit his lip as Lynn awaited his response.

" _C`mon, don't be a puss. Just ask her straightforward. Be a man, you can't weasel yourself out of this. You`ve waited too long_."

"Oh, yeah, I did..." he laughed uneasily, bracing himself.

He gulped again. "Lynn, I...I was wondering...AGHH!"

Lynn jolted as Ryan jerked forward in surprise and pain. She heard the sound of a small rock bouncing on the pier before plopping into the water. Somebody had thrown it at him.

Mocking, obnoxious laughter echoed behind them.

Ryan rubbed his back while an infuriated Lynn turned to see who did it.

And she saw him, a boy around the same age as them. He had a unibrow, acne all over his face and brown, messy hair trimmed on both sides of his head, giving him a sort of mohawk.

He sneered at them reveling teeth as crooked as Ryan`s. He was flanked by three other boys, all were wearing their swim trunks.

Ryan recognized them all. They used to be his lackey and volunteer group of freelance goons. But Lynn was fixed on the leader. It was Lyle.

She had only met him once, but she would never forget him. Not only for beating up Lincoln, but also for attacking Luan and Lana with a baseball bat out of petty vengeance against her after she had kicked his ass.

Anger and hatred seethed through her as she remembered her sisters beaten and bruised, especially Luan`s swollen face and Lana`s broken arm.

They both stood up as Lyle casually strolled closer. "Well, what do we have here, some fresh meat!" he sneered mockingly.

"Uhhhh...I hope I didn't interrupt you two sitting in a tree and K.I.S.S.I.N.G!" he laughed.

"Actually, they were sitting on a pier." one of the boys corrected him helpfully. Lyle glared at him viciously.

Ryan almost chuckled, remembering how abysmal his old lackey was at trash talking. Lynn, meanwhile, stood still with tranquil fury.

"Well, look at you. Lyle Owen, is it?" Ryan greeted him in a friendly manner, confusing the bully. Why wasn't he scared or angry?

"I heard about you. Word on the street is you`re tough." Ryan stated before checking him out. "I don't see it." he added dryly.

Still confused, Lyle forced a chortle and walked closer to the pair. "Oh? And I heard about you! New kid in town?"

He snorted gleefully. "When they said you had a face only your momma could love, they weren't kidding!" Lyle laughed.

Ryan felt amused. That was the exact same line Lyle had told him when they originally met before he whopped Lyle`s ass.

Ryan shrugged. "What can I say? I`m my own kind of beautiful." he said in a flattered tone.

Lyle`s face dropped, feeling befuddled.

"You have some nerve to show yourself!" Lynn spoke up through clenched teeth.

Lyle diverted his gaze at her. He snorted. "I can go wherever I want, freckle-face. Some sissy girl ain't ordering me around."

He and his gang laughed at her. Lynn tensed up with subdued fury.

"Now, guys, let's not get hostile." Ryan spoke up to Lyle.

"Me and Lynn were enjoying ourselves, why did you throw pebbles at us?" he asked in a faux-hurt tone.

His obvious sarcasm was lost on Lyle who laughed cruelly.

"Because throwing rocks is what we do to freakshows!" he stated before Lynn lunged at him.

Ryan pulled her back but not before she pushed Lyle away. Nearly falling over, he regained his footing.

He was surprised, before smirking. "Uhhh...you got yourself a feisty one." he snickered at Ryan.

"Let me go!" Lynn snapped and tore her arm free before glaring at Lyle.

"You!" she growled hatefully. "You hurt my brother and my sisters!"

Lyle blinked and looked at his posse before they all hollered with laughter. Lynn felt her blood boil.

"You`ll have to be a bit more specific, girly. I beat up a lot of brothers and sisters." he replied snidely.

In a millisecond Lynn`s fist connected with his face. Neither Ryan or the other boys saw it, they only saw Lyle flying back and the latter caught him in their arms.

Shaking himself out of a daze and with blood dripping down his nose, Lyle glowered at Lynn with unhinged furry and gritted his teeth.

" _She did it_." Ryan facepalmed.

"Oh, did the wittle boy get a boo-boo." Lynn mocked him while raising her fists to signal him to come and fight.

Growling like an animal, Lyle stood up, clenched his fists and swung one at Lynn.

But Ryan grabbed it and twisted his hand. Before he could react, Lyle was decked in the face again and this time he hit the wooden platform.

"Congratulations, Lynn. He`s pissed now." Ryan snarked to his friend.

Lyle sat up, almost foaming at the mouth. "Don't just stand there! GET THEM!"

Obediently, the three charged at Lynn and Ryan.

"You can play with those punks, but Lyle`s mine!" Lynn told Ryan only to be tackled by two of the boys.

"Lynn!" But he couldn't help her as he had to deal with his own opponent.

Dodging a punch, he punched the last bully in the gut. He flew back but Ryan grabbed his arm.

"Watch your valuables!" Ryan quipped as he kicked him in the groin. His face contorting in pain, the stunned boy cried as Ryan pushed him into the river.

Ryan turned to see Lynn being held down, but before he could help her, he heard Lyle roaring furiously as he tackled him. Fighting, the two started rolling down the pier.

Grunting as she wrestled with her opponent, Lynn sank her teeth into his arm, breaking his skin. He cried in pain and she decked him in the cheek.

The other one kicked her in the flank. As she fell, he tried doing it again but Lynn swiftly grabbed his foot and twisted it. Losing his balance he tumbled over her and into the water, falling on top of the one who was trying to climb up.

Lynn saw Ryan struggling with Lyle down the pier.

She ran towards them, only to be tackled from behind.

* * *

Running out of steam, the exhausted chipmunk stopped beneath a rock ledge shadowing a small underground cave in the cliff wall. There were a few small bones scattered around it. The chipmunk grew alert as it smelled the presence of something that scared it more than a pair of house pets.

Charles and Marceline came charging at it from different sides, but Charles tripped on a gnawed bone and collided with Marceline. The chipmunk escaped as the two tumbled down, kicking up a dust cloud before landing in the dark.

As they got up they felt the cooler air and saw the dimly lit cavern which was sloping downward. Charles shook the dirt off him, but as he took one step forward he stepped on a broken bone. Yelping, he stumbled back only to bump into something soft.

Both of them grew alert as they heard a soft groan and something stirring. Marceline froze with fear as a large yellow eye opened behind Charles.

What alerted him was a threatening growl.

The bull terrier jolted and ran to the cat`s side as now a pair of eyes, reflected by the light, were staring at them.

Marceline emitted a soft growl with her hair raised while Charles was slowly and fearfully backing away.

The creature rose up, its` features barely distinguishable in the dark. Suddenly, it uttered a blood-curdling snarl, revealing a mouthful of large, white fangs.

Yelping and screeching in fright, the two bolted out of the cave as the creature lunged at them.

Before they knew it, they were running through the forest, with loud crashing and growling right behind them.

As they navigated between the trees they split up, and Marceline saw their pursuer going after her.

She quickly scaled up a tree, only narrowly missing huge jaws clamping down on her. Climbing onto the safety of a high branch the terrified cat looked down to see an enormous, black canine glaring up at her.

Sniffing, he turned his head sharply and saw Charles hiding behind a bush, his white fur making him stand out like a sore thumb.

The bull terrier knew he had been spotted as the beast charged right at him. Whimpering fearfully, he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. Marceline watched him being chased around her tree before both he and the beast disappeared from her sight.

* * *

Rolling onto the beach, Ryan kicked Lyle off him. He saw Lynn struggling with two of his goons when Lyle came charging back and punched him in the face. Wiping the blood from his mouth, Ryan gladly returned the favor.

While they were exchanging blows, Lynn was being restrained from behind by one boy and another one punched her in the face.

Raising her legs up, she kicked him in the gut and then planted her feet, squatted down and threw the other one over her.

The first one returned holding a piece of driftwood like a club, he aimed at Lynn but she ducked and he hit his friend instead, breaking the wood in half and knocking him down.

He bit his fingers in shock. "Sorry, Jared, it was an accident!" he yelped fearfully before receiving a tap on the shoulder.

He turned to see Lynn smirking at him before knocking his lights out.

"These dunderheads are taking themselves out now!" she laughed only to be attacked by the third goon.

Ryan landed a hit in Lyle`s gut and then gave him an uppercut to the jaw. Lyle recovered quickly and punched him in the chest.

Clutching his chest, Ryan backed away and smirked. "Just give up, mohawked moron. You're out of your league!" he mocked him smarmily.

Lyle growled. "And you'll soon be out of your teeth!" he charged, but Ryan once again grabbed his fist and hit him in the gut. He slammed his elbow into Lyle`s back and let him drop.

Ryan gave him two kicks in the flank for good measure before running towards Lynn.

Lynn was facing three against one. The boys dogpiled on her, punching and kicking her when Ryan came and grabbed one and threw him over his shoulder and head first into the old cabin.

Only two left, Lynn elbowed one boy in the throat and decked the other in the jaw. Ryan grabbed her hand and helped her stand.

"I had everything under control." she panted.

"I could see that." a deadpan Ryan replied.

"Look out!" Lynn shouted and swiftly kicked Lyle away from blindsiding Ryan.

"Thanks, Lynn!" he exclaimed before decking one of Lyle`s toadies.

They were soon cornered back to back, three against two.

"This is a fine mess you got us into." Ryan snarked while holding his fists up.

"It`s not like they would have talked things out either way." Lynn smirked looking over her shoulder.

They readied themselves and started fighting off Lyle and his cronies.

"Ryan! Catch!" Lynn threw a battered boy towards Ryan who promptly let him collide into his fist and knocked him down.

Lynn saw Lyle running at her, and clenching her fists together, she delivered a powerful blow to his face sending him flying into the wall of the cabin.

He landed on one of his cronies, who was badly bruised.

"That's it, I`m out of here!" the boy whimpered, pulling himself up and ran.

"Come back you scaredy cat!" Lyle yelled pathetically.

"Oh no, he was a smarty cat!" Lynn cracked her knuckles as Lyle glared at her.

"You! Me! We have a score to settle!" she growled as she advanced towards the recovering Lyle.

He had no idea what she was talking about, but he was too mad to care. No way was he gonna lose a fight to a girl!

Grabbing and pulling a loose board from the cabin, he furiously swung it at Lynn but maneuvering the large, flat plank was harder than he thought and he missed her completely. Lynn grabbed the board and struck Lyle in his throat.

Gasping, he let it go and Lynn tossed it aside and decked Lyle in the jaw, feeling an enormous amount of satisfaction doing it.

He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her in for a punch to the face. He struck her in the gut next and she collapsed.

Lyle tackled her, but Lynn slammed both her fists against his head.

Yelping, Lyle fell back and clutched his aching head.

"Don`t worry, it won't hurt for long since there's nothing in there!" Lynn quipped as she stood up.

The still dizzy Lyle tried attacking her, but Lynn easily dodged him a landed a hit on his cheek, then his flank, then his jaw, then his gut, and then one right in his temple. Lynn then crouched down and delivered a powerful kick to his crotch.

The look on his face was priceless as he unceremoniously dropped to the ground. Lynn tackled him and mercilessly pounded his face.

As he dropped, groaning dizzyingly, Lynn rose up proudly and narrowed her eyes. "That was for Lana."

Ryan threw one of Lyle`s goons into a tree. The other one jumped on his back trying to chokehold him but Ryan threw him over his shoulder, held him down and pounded his face before throwing him into his friend.

"Is that the best you got! Give me a real fight!" Ryan exclaimed exuberantly, in spite of his own aching bruises. He forgot how thrilling a good ol`brawl was.

Groaning miserably, the two noticed Lynn coming behind them.

"I see you took out the trash." Lynn joked as the two crawled away from the tree.

"No biggie." Ryan shrugged.

The two boys got up and started backing away. "Alright, you win. We won't bother you again. Let's just forget and shake hands." one of them pleaded with raised hands.

Ryan chortled. "Typical. Once you get your asses handed _then_ you suddenly want to talk things out."

"Too late for that." Lynn growled dangerously.

But then they all heard a dog yelping in pain.

" _Charles?!_ " Lynn realized much to her horror.

While she was distracted, the battered Lyle got up and cracked a gleeful smile. He pulled a lighter and a small stack of firecrackers from his pocket and lit them up.

He aimed them at Lynn when a white blur ran between his legs, yelping and whimpering.

"Charles!" Lynn blurted as the dog ran up to her, looking petrified. Lynn noticed that his right leg was smeared in red.

Suddenly, Lyle uttered an agonizing scream as he was slammed into the ground, his firecrackers flying into the air.

For a second the others saw a large, black animal on top of him before his firecrackers exploded in midair, except for one which landed on the animal`s head as it combusted causing it to yelp in pain and jump off Lyle, who was crying and screaming while clutching his neck as warm blood dripped down it.

As the animal charged blindly Lynn pulled Charles out of the way. The animal halted in front of Ryan and the other boys, scratching its head frantically with one paw.

"WOLF!" one of the boys screamed as they ran for their lives. But Ryan stood still as the large wolf looked up at him, now with only one functioning eye, and looking extremely pissed.

"One Eye?!" he blurted while backing off.

"Oh, c`mon!" he added exasperatedly. This couldn't be for real. This fight just went from bad to much, much worse.

Having just re-earned his name, One Eye barred his teeth before turning to look at Lynn and Charles.

Lynn went agape. "You!"

It was the same wolf that had attacked her and her family during their camping trip. But he was dead? No wait, they were back in time. But how did he find them again?

She and Charles had their backs against the wall of the cabin, as the wolf advanced at them. Charles barked at the top of his lungs.

Without hesitation, One Eye lunged at her, but Charles attacked him and bit into his neck, snarling ferociously. The wolf bit him on his hind leg and effortlessly threw him off like a ragdoll.

He hit the ground hard but picked himself up in time to evade the wolf who started chasing him.

Lyle rose up, still holding the back of his neck and seeing the wolf just a few away from him he screamed and blindly ran down the pier and jumped into the river.

"Lynn! We have to run!" Ryan grabbed her arm and urged her to go, but she saw Charles yelping and gasping as One Eye had him pinned to the ground, bitting down on his throat.

"NO!" Lynn screamed and grabbed the plank of wood. She rushed at the wolf and had to strike him three times before he released Charles.

He turned towards her and Lynn swung the board as much as she could to keep the beast at bay. He bit into it and tore it away from her.

Then a rock struck One Eye in the head. He snarled in its direction when another one hit him.

"Come here you overgrown son of a bitch!" Ryan shouted at him to divert his attention. It worked.

Lynn watched in horror as the wolf pounced on him. Ryan only had time to grab a bigger rock. As he was pinned down he bashed the wolf in the head with it. But One Eye bit the rock and tore it out of his hand.

"Leave him alone!" Lynn jumped on the wolf`s back and wrapped her arms around his neck. He growled and snapped his jaws but couldn't reach her.

Ryan pulled himself away and saw One Eye running around the beach with Lynn on his back. As the wolf made a sharp U-turn towards him Ryan grabbed the plank.

"Jump off!" he yelled as he swung the board at the incoming wolf. Lynn did so and Ryan struck the wolf in the head, breaking the plank in the process.

Disoriented, One Eye tripped over his own feet and crashed to the ground. Ryan rushed towards Lynn and helped her up.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Fine. My arm`s just scrapped." she reassured him. They heard a growl.

One Eye was back on his feet and prowled towards them.

They were both exhausted and didn't think they could go on much further. Ryan pulled Lynn into a protective hug and told her to keep calm.

He surveyed his surroundings and saw that their clothes and towels were just a few feet away. He had an idea.

"Stay back!" he shouted at the wolf as he was guiding Lynn closer to the towels. One Eye didn't even flinch.

"I said, down boy!" he yelled nervously. The wolf growled.

"Why don't you offer him a doggy treat!" Lynn snarked uneasily.

"When I say "go", you grab a towel." he told her. Lynn only had seconds to process that before One Eye lunged.

"GO!" They dodged him and dove to grab a towel. As they wolf attacked them they threw it over his head. He shook it off easily and pounced on Lynn.

"Oh no you don't!" Ryan had grabbed his shirt and jumped on the wolf`s back.

"It`s my turn for a ride!" he exclaimed as he pulled the shirt over the wolf`s head and tied it up in a knot.

Shaking his head, the wolf started running blindly with Ryan on his back.

"What are you doing!?" Lynn yelled.

"Improvising!" Ryan shouted when the wolf jumped up and threw him off. Ryan felt a sharp pain as he landed in the middle of a forked tree and hit his head against the bark.

As One Eye was thrashing around trying to get the shirt off his head, Lynn rushed towards Ryan. He was groaning and had one part of his body sticking out on one side and the other on the other side of the tree.

" _Oh no_." she knew she had little time. She started slapping him on the face.

"Ryan! Ryan! Wake up!"

His only response was groggy mumbling. Lynn cursed and tried to pull him free, but he seemed to be stuck.

She looked and saw One Eye trying to tear off the shirt. With her heart pounding, Lynn rushed around the tree and climbed up, trying to free Ryan from the forked trunk. She grabbed hold of his legs and tried to pull them up. She was sweating heavily and the growls coming from behind her only made her panic more.

With all her strength she lifted Ryan by the legs, but then she heard the tearing of cloth.

She felt her blood freeze and turned to see the wolf looking up at her. He charged at them, coming closer and closer.

Lynn threw her friend over and he hit the ground. She looked ahead and saw One Eye`s gaping jaw coming at her. Instinctively, Lynn jumped through the forked tree and collided head first with Ryan.

For a few moments, things went black.

Then both of them came to. Lynn woke up lying on top of Ryan, her face pressed against his, just inches away from touching lips. Realizing that Lynn pushed herself up and they both blushed as Lynn rolled to the side.

"W...What happened?" a drowsy Ryan asked. He got his answer as they heard growling and saw One Eye looming over them. They jolted, staggered to their feet holding each other until they realized what happened, and they both cracked a goofy smile and laughed with relief.

One Eye had his head stuck in the trunk of the tree, growling and biting at the air furiously as he tried to free himself.

"We made it!" Lynn exclaimed.

"Not so tough now, are you?" Ryan laughed in the face of the wolf who was growling threateningly at them.

"How does it feel to get a rematch and still lose?" Lynn mocked him, coming a little too close and jolting back as he tried to take a bite out of her.

Ryan gulped. "Maybe we gloated enough, that tree won't hold him forever."

He and Lynn ran around him, but Lynn stopped and gave One Eye a good kick to the rear.

"That`s for Lincoln!"

They grabbed their stuff and Lynn rushed to find Charles. She found him lying on the beach, panting and whimpering weakly, his white fur was smeared with blood.

"It`s alright, buddy. You were a good dog and you'll be okay. I promise." Lynn reassured him softly as she picked him up in her arms. She and Ryan rushed up the trail.

* * *

As they reached the top of the trail and found their bikes, they collapsed to their knees and had to sit down. They were sweating, out of breath and were finally starting to feel their many bruises, especially on their knuckles.

"You said...it was...safe down there..." Lynn panted while giving Ryan a glare.

"Well...I..." he grinned nervously before looking down ashamedly "...I... may have made an error in judgment." Then something hit him.

"Wait! Where's Marceline!" he blurted worriedly and stood up.

Ryan called for his cat several times, looking more and more desperate and sick with worry until they heard a rustling in the shrubs and the savannah came trotting to her master.

Ryan sighed with relief and sat back down to hug her. "Thank heavens you're alright." he said in an uncharacteristically gentle voice.

Luckily the cat was unharmed, but the same couldn't be said for Charles. He had been bitten on the leg and on the neck. He was standing, but was keeping his head down and appeared lethargic.

"You think he`ll pull through?" Lynn asked worriedly while petting his back.

"I think so. It's just a few bites." Ryan replied with uncertainty. "Nothing the vet can't handle."

Lynn sighed. Just when things were going nicely her past problems came back with a vengeance. Bruised and tired, and with her dog hurt, today had officially become a disaster.

"Come on then. Let's get him to the vet."

* * *

 **Not to worry, the next chapter will return to the "stop the bad future" story, but I felt it was necessary to reintroduce and give some closure to certain plot threads from the original continuity, especially Lynn`s beef with a certain bully. What's the point of traveling in back time if you don't take the opportunity to settle an old debt? XD**

 **I thought about showing a bit of Lincoln and Clyde at the comic con, but this chapter already turned out ridiculously long. Two fight scenes and some animal hijinks take up time.**


	6. Unwanted Reunions II

At the veterinary clinic, Ryan was sitting in the waiting room holding and trying to keep an anxious Marceline calm.

He sighed in annoyance. " _For the last time, you're not gonna visit the vet, we`re just waiting_." he whispered to her, the cat was squirming in his lap with her ears folded and pupils dilated.

" _Just be happy that you can climb trees, otherwise you might have lost your tail, or a limb_." he continued while stroking her back.

Though he honestly couldn't fault her for being jumpy. He too hated being in a hospital, any kind of hospital. Just standing in one made his skin crawl.

" _What`s keeping Lynn so long? It's been almost an hour_." he thought while watching the door of the operating room.

He also hated being stared at, which is exactly what some other kids comforting their pets were doing.

He rolled his eyes, almost being amused wondering what drew _the most_ attention to him. His unique complexion? Or the fact that he was completely banged up and his shirt was torn? Or that he was holding what looked like a midget cheetah?

Either way, he didn't appreciate it and glowered at them, at least as much as his black eye, which was almost swollen shut, would allow. The other kids looked away fearfully.

Ryan smirked with satisfaction. He wasn't losing his aura of menace.

The door opened, and Lynn came out with Charles on the leash. His right leg was bandaged and he wore a cone around his neck.

"So, is he gonna be alright?" Ryan asked as Lynn kneeled down to pet her dog.

"He will." she sighed, her cheek aching as she spoke. "But mom and dad are gonna freak once they see the bill."

Marceline approached Charles and sniffed his cone. He was still quiet and inactive, though now he only seemed shaken rather than in pain.

As they exited the clinic Lynn sadly watched as Charles limped after them, trying not to yank his leash.

"I don't get why he has to wear this stupid funnel on his head." she lamented.

"That`s so he won't bite off his stitches." Ryan explained casually.

"And they can't do that without making him look foolish?"

Ryan shrugged. "Meh, all doctors are sadists."

Lynn exhaled dourly and looked at him. "Be honest, how bad does my face look?"

She too had a black eye and her left cheek was swollen.

Ryan winced. "Like you went boxing against a gorilla. And mine?"

"Like you took a rocket to the eye." Lynn snorted.

"I can see that. Or rather _I can't_." he replied jokingly before sighing.

"So what's the cover story gonna be for all the bruises?"

"Simple, I get hurt all the time on the field." Lynn responded nonchalantly. "You and me got into a football match, and it got a _little_ rough."

"Plausible deniability, good thinking." Ryan complimented her.

"I`m sure saying that we fought a horde of bullies and were chased by a wolf wouldn't do us any favors if we want to fix your folks` marriage." he added sarcastically.

"You`re so observant." Lynn rolled her eyes snidely.

"C`mon, Lynn. I said I was sorry. How could I have known that thug or that cur would magnetically be attracted to us no matter where we go?"

"I`m not blaming you for that." Lynn`s voice softened before sighing. "Bad luck is just bad luck I suppose."

"I wouldn't call it bad luck per say." Ryan tried to brighten her up.

"Last time we tangled with ol`One Eye we all got mutilated. This time he didn't lay one paw on either of us, and Charlie there just suffered a few bites which will heel. Plus we kicked some serious ass."

"I guess that`s true." Lynn smiled slightly.

"But speaking of that..." Ryan smiled awkwardly "...I didn't get to thank you. You really saved my keister back in the gorge when I was knocked out."

Lynn smiled back. "Well, you sorta saved mine too. And I don't think I couldn't have handled all those numbskulls on my own." she admitted humbly.

"Yeah, we kinda went back and forth saving each other's keisters about a dozen times today." Ryan joked.

"Yeah, we do make quite a team. Those punks won't be asking for a rematch any time soon." Lynn smiled proudly, in spite of the moderate pain both her and Ryan felt with every step.

"Nope. They won't." Ryan agreed. "So, where off to now? I think we could all use some rest, and some ice packs."

Lynn was about to answer when she spotted the mall in the distance. She remembered Lincoln and got an uneasy feeling in her gut.

"My place, we have to bring Charles back." she answered before looking back at the mall. "But first... I think we should check on Lincoln."

Ryan`s eyes widened. "Oh c`mon." he moaned. "Didn't we suffer enough pain today? You want us to visit that gathering of geek now?"

"I don't wanna go there too, Ryan." Lynn groaned. "But I have this gut feeling that we should find him."

"Those are probably just the bruises." Ryan snarked.

* * *

"Oh boy, I`m gonna frame every single one of them." Clyde spouted exuberantly while looking through a stack of photos of him and Lincoln from the convention as they left the mall.

"Clyde, that was just some random guy dressed as Ace Savvy, not the real deal." Lincoln replied drooningly.

"Don`t be such a buzzkill, dude. He`s a fictional character, this is as close to the real deal as we can get." His friend retorted chipperly.

"Fair point..." Lincoln muttered, his mind clearly elsewhere.

"Lincoln, why so glum? We had a great time today! Plus look at all the cool souvenirs we got to take. Ace Savvy t-shirts, Ace Savvy action figures, Ace Savvy posters, Ace Savvy cups, Ace Savvy snowglobes, Ace Savvy thermometers, Ace Savvy underwear..." he listed all the items while pulling them and showcasing them from the bag he was carrying.

"It`s just stuff..." Lincoln replied absentmindedly.

Clyde went silent before grabbing Lincoln`s shoulder, prompting him to stop.

"Alright, Linc. What the heck has been bothering you so much?" Clyde asked him, turning dead serious.

"Wut? Nothing`s been bothering me...it`s just..."

"Lincoln, I might wear glasses but I'm not that blind." Clyde retorted.

"You`ve been a total shut-in for days and now that we finally went to the greatest comic convention of all time and you acted like you were waiting to visit the dentist or something. Just what's up at your place that made you so miserable?"

Lincoln didn't know what to say. He had failed to keep a facade and Clyde figured that something was wrong. He couldn't fool him now.

"C`mon, Linc, you know you can tell me anything. What's wrong? Did one of your sisters do something stupid again and you're all getting punished for it by having to visit your aunt Ruth or something?"

"No, it's not that..." Lincoln rubbed his neck "...it's just..."

"What?" Clyde pressed on.

He sighed. "Look, Clyde. I had a lot of fun at the convention, really. But I have some chores to do at home now, I`ll see you some other time..." he tried to part ways, but Clyde knew something was up and followed.

"Lincoln! Wait!"

* * *

"Agh! Stop poking it! It hurts!" Lyle complained while sitting on a bench. The girl inspecting the back of his head wasn't fazed by his outburst.

"You asked me to check your injuries." she replied without much emotion.

"Don`t get mouthy with me, Margaret!" Lyle warned her. "Just tell me how bad it is!"

Maggie mused. "I`m no doctor, but I think you're going to need stitching."

"I don't need any freaking stitching!" Lyle jerked back and faced her.

"Lyle, those aren't little scratches, those gashes could get infected." Maggie told him monotonously.

"No, they won't!" he dismissed her. "The river cleaned them up and I'm gonna pour some alcohol on them. That`ll be enough, and I ain't visiting no stinking doctor!"

"I don't think that`ll be enough." Maggie disagreed.

"What do you know about treating wounds?" Lyle retorted curtly as he stood up. "Nothing! So shut your trap!"

Suddenly, he felt a throbbing pain in his side and had to sit down.

"I think you should rest somewhere." Maggie suggested, still astounded about the state her cousin was in.

His face was covered in bruises, both of his eyes were black and one was swollen shut. Usually he was the one dishing out such beatdowns, not the other way around.

" _I don't need rest_. I can suck up a little pain!" Lyle hissed defiantly.

"I wouldn't call that _a little_ pain when your face looks like you smacked headfirst into a wall." Maggie replied stoically.

"Yes it is! I can't be hurt by the pussy punches of some freckle-faced bitch and her loudmouthed, pasty-faced boyfriend!" Lyle growled completely missing how two of his insults described his cousin as well.

"If you say so." she replied monotonously.

"Speaking of those two, do you think they were killed?" she asked with a healthy and very literal dose of morbid curiosity.

The previously pissed off boy brightened up a bit.

"Of course they were. You didn't see that thing. He was as big as a horse and had teeth the size of railroad spikes! Of course, I wasn`t scared of him." Lyle pointed at himself smugly.

"I grabbed a board and beat the shit of that overgrown pooch! Then I grabbed my firecrackers and blew one of his eyes out. I distracted that beast so my boys could get away, and then I dove into the river and left that monster to devour the poor couple and their mangy, little dog too!" Lyle giggled gleefully.

Maggie knew he was embellishing his story, but she didn't want to browbeat him after his near-death experience.

"Talk about karma being a bitch." she mused.

Lyle started snickering uncontrollably. "That's a good one! And they say you have no sense of-Ow! Ow!" he stopped as he felt a pain in his side. After it stopped he breathed out in relaxation.

"You know what, Margaret. I feel much better now, I`m glad I talked to you." he commented in a brighter tone.

Maggie blinked. "Okay...now about your headwound-"

"Hold on!" Lyle shushed her. "I hear something!"

" _What do you mean I wouldn't understand?_ " they saw Clyde following Lincoln on the other side of the road.

" _Clyde, please I have stuff to do. We`ll talk some other time_." Lincoln rebutted, trying to leave.

"Look at that, cosplaying dweebs in the open." Lyle smirked with interest.

"Want to beat them up, huh?" Maggie figured monotonously.

"You bet your life." Lyle chuckled. "Such kids are just begging for a good pounding dressed like that."

* * *

"Alright, look, Clyde. For the last time, nothing is up. I just have some chores to do, and then me and Lynn have to do something." Lincoln tried to explain.

Clyde only looked even less convinced. "Lynn? Since when was she your confidant? You don't even like spending time with her?"

Lincoln facepalmed inwardly. It was impossible to constantly sort out the things from the past versus the things from the future.

"I know, but that's in the past. She has changed and...she`s trying to make up for pushing me around and be a better sister."

"She seemed no different to me today?" Clyde pointed out. "That guy she was hanging out with didn't seem any nicer either."

Lincoln sighed. "Clyde, I`m sorry but I have to go." he said apologetically. "I`ll talk to you later! I promise!"

Lincoln tried to walk away quickly only to be grabbed by his cape. He grew irritated.

"Clyde, this is getting ridiculous! I really have to go!" he looked over his shoulder only find Clyde on the ground.

"What`s your rush, super nerd?" Lincoln was pulled closer.

Lincoln`s eyes shot wide open and he felt his blood freeze upon seeing the face of the one who was holding his cape.

"Lyle?!" he blurted. Not him! Not now! How did he find them?

And what was wrong with his face? It looked like he took a serious beating. Lincoln gulped, fearing that this only put him in a fowl mood.

The bully smiled. "I`m more famous than even I thought!" he beamed gleefully. Maggie came to his side.

"Ace Savvy?" she observed indifferently. "I didn't think anyone but preschoolers would actually attend that dumb convention."

"Wow! Easy now!" Clyde whimpered on his back. "We don't have any lunch money. Someone else took mine this morning while I was looking for Lincoln."

"This is just pathetic." Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Meh, I don't care for lunch money." Lyle shrugged. "I just wanted to chat."

Lincoln was sweating and his heart was skipping beats.

He knew he was in trouble. He knew Lyle was much too strong for him to take on, but also that Lyle would do much worse to him and Clyde than a simple beating if he got really ticked off.

And there was no reasoning with this guy.

Feeling petrified, he knew all he could do was take the beating and hope Lyle wouldn't break any bones in their bodies. He knew not to act brave, that would only encourage the bully to hit harder.

"Please don't hurt us, we`ll do anything you say!" Lincoln tried begging like a coward. However, Lyle wasn't paying attention, he was focused on Lincoln`s head.

"What`s this? Are you wearing a wig?" he snickered and pulled out some of Lincoln`s hair. The latter screamed in pain.

"Holy shit? Is this for real?" Lyle laughed incredulously. "What`s with the grampa hair? Are you some kind of albino?"

Lincoln felt enraged but kept his composer.

"Hello!" Lyle grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. "You know how to speak, dorko? Answer!"

Scared, Lincoln didn't answer and looked terrified. Lyle glared at him and grew irritated.

He threw Lincoln against the wall of a building, Lincoln yelped and collapsed to the ground.

"Lincoln!" Clyde screamed.

Lyle turned towards him and stepped on his hand, causing him to scream, before grabbing by the collar and pulling him up.

"What`s with the mustache and the eye-patch? Are you trying to look like a French pirate, chimp-face?" Lyle laughed as he forcibly peeled the stache off, making Clyde squeak in pain.

"Let him go." Lincoln demanded in a strained voice as he struggled to stand up. Lyle turned to look at him and laughed.

"And what if I don't?" he asked mockingly.

Putting on a brave face, Lincoln stepped closer. "Why don't you take me on first? If you have the guts for it!" he challenged. He knew he would deeply regret this.

"You made a stupid mistake." Maggie commented apathetically while shaking her head.

Lyle released Clyde and faced Lincoln. "Oh, now you wanna play the superhero?" he laughed.

Lincoln bit his lip as he tried to stand his ground.

Lyle smiled maliciously. "As you wish!"

With zero hesitation he punched Lincoln in the eye. The white-haired boy dropped like a boulder.

Clyde gasped.

"Run Clyde! Now!" Lincoln yelled while pressing his hand against his eye. Lyle looked at the trembling Clyde.

"Don`t stare at him you zit-faced coward! You're not done with me!" Lincoln yelled at the bully.

Enraged by the comment, Lyle growled and kicked Lincoln in the gut with enough force to shove him several feet away.

Lincoln gasped and clutched his stomach.

"What`s wrong? A little stomach ache?" Lyle laughed and kicked him again.

Clyde watched, frozen with fear, as Lincoln lied on the concrete in pain.

Maggie watched indifferently with her arms crossed.

"Pathetic." she commented.

"Margaret, grab that dweeb and follow me." Lyle ordered her as he forcibly pulled Lincoln up.

"No, please..." Clyde cried as the emo grabbed his arm and dragged him along.

"Stop whining." she told him coldly. "The sooner you accept your pain the sooner it will be over."

* * *

His leash tied to a palm tree in front of the mall, Charles was lying down, still feeling weak and drowsy from the anesthetic.

A couple of stray dogs approached him when Marceline jumped between them and hissed like an angry cobra, scaring the strays away. She walked back to the bull terrier to watch over him.

The automatic door of the mall opened and Lynn and Ryan, who was sipping a coke, walked out.

"Ah, see. Told you Marceline was a natural bodyguard."

Lynn untied and took Charles' leash. "That's swell, but where's Lincoln? We searched everywhere at that damn convention." the jock asked worryingly.

They headed towards the Louds home.

"What did you expect? That place was packed with masked geeks in tights and capes, and with overbites." Ryan pointed out jokingly.

"And how many 10-year olds have white hair, smartass?" Lynn retorted sardonically.

Suddenly they heard the faint sound of a kid screaming. This got Charles riled up, he started barking and pulling his leash.

" _Lincoln!_ " Lynn realized in horror.

* * *

Dragged into an alley corner, Lincoln and Clyde were thrown into a bunch of trash cans, knocking them over.

Lyle loomed over them, sneering and cracking his knuckles. "Any last words?" he mocked them while raising his fist.

Lincoln was still stunned with sharp pain coursing through his torso when Clyde hugged him, trembling.

"Lincoln, I just want you to know that you were the best friend a guy could ever ask for!" he declared in a shaky voice with his eyes closed.

"Oh cut the sentimentality, you're making me hurl!" Lyle laughed, ready to deliver a beatdown.

Lincoln closed his eyes, awaiting the inevitable when Maggie`s voice interrupted.

"Look out-AGH!"

Before he could proceed that, Lyle was struck from behind and slammed into a dumpster. He grunted and contorted in pain from his many bruises.

Lincoln opened his eyes and saw his sister standing in the alley. A smile crept into his face.

"Lynn!" he blurted in surprise and relief.

Looking up from a sitting position, the battered Lyle was likewise surprised.

"You two!" his face dropped in horror.

Ryan joined Lynn`s side. "Oh phooey. I bet ten bugs to Lynn that you drowned or bled to death." he snarked.

Looking at her brother with concern, Lynn`s face twisted with rage as she grabbed Lyle by the shirt and hoisted him up to his knees.

"What did you do to him!" she growled viciously, staring him in the eye.

"Wow, chill! I didn't do nothing!" a scared Lyle responded while raising his hands.

Unconvinced, Lynn snarled and slammed her knee into his gut, and let him drop.

"Keep an eye on him!" she ordered Ryan before rushing to her brother`s side.

Moaning, Lyle rolled onto his back when Marceline jumped on his chest.

"What the?" Lyle blurted before screaming as the cat hissed and bore her fangs just inches away from his face.

"Relax, Lyle." Ryan spoke nonchalantly as he loomed over the terrified bully. "Marceline`s harmless...unless I ordered her not to be." he said jovially.

"Can`t speak for the pooch though." he added as Charles came to Lyle`s side growling.

"Lincoln? Are you alright?" Lynn asked worriedly as she helped him to his feet and hugged him.

Panting, Lincoln was still in shock before eventually forcing a smile. "I`m fine, I just took three hits before you came, luckily." he tried to sound like it was no big deal.

"Fine?!" Clyde blurted as he stood up. "That loon slammed you into the wall, punched you and kicked you around!"

"What?!" Lynn went wide-eyed and pulled Lincoln`s mask up to see that his left eye had already developed a red ring around it. Lincoln pulled it back down, feeling embarrassed.

Lynn narrowed her eyes and glared back at Lyle.

Lincoln quickly grabbed her shoulder. "Lynn I know you're mad, but stay calm!" he told her urgently. "Don't make this situation any worse than it is-wait?"

Lincoln noticed how his sister`s face was battered, as was Ryan`s. The latter`s shirt was also torn.

Seeing that Lincoln was up, Charles scurried towards him and the boy saw the state his dog was in. He was stunned into silence.

"What happened to him?" Clyde spoke up before looking at Lynn. "And what happened to you?"

"Lyle happened, that's what." the jock spat hatefully.

"Well to be fair, he didn't do anything to the dog, but...that`s another story." Ryan interjected.

"Please get this thing off me!" Lyle was almost crying as Marceline continued hissing at him.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Alright Marcy, you had your fun." he droned and pulled her off him.

Lynn told her brother to stay behind her, as Lyle clumsily scampered away and towards Maggie who had picked herself up and was rubbing her side.

Now finally taking a good look at her, both Ryan and Lynn recognized her as their classmate from middle school.

"Maggie Morgan?" Lynn raised an eyebrow before scowling. "What the hell are you doing with him?"

"Do I know you?" the emo replied, seeming rather calm and unfazed considering Lynn had knocked her into the wall just minutes ago.

Lynn then realized that the emo wasn't her classmate yet, and Ryan rolled his eyes. Lynn was really bad at keeping it a secret that she knew the future.

"No. But we`ve heard about you. The weird emo girl that stares creepily at everyone. Hi. Nice to meet you." he talked fast to cover for Lynn.

"But never mind that. What were you doing with zit face over there?" he looked at Lyle with intrigue who glared in response.

"Is picking on costumed geeks your idea of a romantic evening?" he asked the bully in a mocking tone.

Lyle looked appalled and enraged by the comment. "No! She`s my cousin!"

"Cousin?" Lynn and Ryan looked at each other.

"What are the odds?" Ryan laughed it off. "And you gave _me_ crap for being pale?" he pointed out, more amused than anything.

"Dense, whimpy _and_ hypocritical. You really are the whole package, aren't ya?" Lynn snorted with her arms crossed.

Lyle looked infuriated, but he was too weak and battered to fight back.

" _Please_ tell me you're not gonna try to fight us again?" Ryan gave him a pitying look. "I don't think you can take a third ass whooping today."

"And I don't think your fragile little ego could take it if word gets out that a girl beat you up." Lynn smirked.

"We should go Lyle, if you and your gang couldn't take on these two, I doubt you'll be able to do it alone." Maggie advised Lyle.

"Shut up!" he barked at her before looking at the two and chuckled nervously.

"Alright, maybe we got off on the wrong foot." Lyle swallowed his pride and tried to bargain. "I can see you're both tough. Why don't we bury the hatchet and you guys join my gang?"

"What?" Lynn asked with tranquil fury.

" _Oh, not this cliche_." Ryan droned inwardly.

"Yes, me and my boys are the toughest kids in town, if you joined us nobody could stop us! We`d be in charge of this neighborhood!" Lyle explained gleefully.

Ryan yawned. "Your offer is generous, but we ain't that desperate for friends."

Lyle`s face dropped.

"You lowlife piece of shit!" Lynn growled coldly. "You have the freaking nerve to ask that after you hurt my brother twice?!" she snapped while pointing at Lincoln hiding behind her.

"Wait, that's your brother?" the bully looked bewildered.

"Yes, you idiot! Why do you think I was protecting him!" Lynn was ready to tear him apart.

She lunged at him, but Ryan grabbed her by the arm. Lyle and Maggie backed away.

"Lynn, get a grip!" Ryan told her.

"Hold on a second!" Lyle raised his hands up. "You said I beat the shit out him twice, but I`ve never seen that dweeb before!" he pointed at Lincoln who shrank back behind his sister.

"And I wouldn't forget some gopher-faced weirdo with snowy hair!"

"Interesting." Maggie noted. "That would imply you were lying for no apparent reason. And yet your anger seems too genuine for that."

"Or it could mean that this cunt is just bonkers." Lyle laughed.

"I don't care if it makes no sense to you!" Lynn snapped, tugging her arm free. "If I see you near Lincoln or any of my sisters again, I`ll rip your arms off and stuff them down your goddamn gullet!"

Lyle and Maggie backed away further, feeling both scared and weirded out.

"Now get out of my sight!"

"You`re not right in the head!" Lyle responded with disgust. Without another word, he and Maggie fled.

Lynn stood there, panting heavily when Lincoln approached her and smiled. "Thanks for saving us, sis."

Lynn smiled weakly. "No problem, bro."

"Eh, you kind of spilled out some compromising info there." Ryan pointed out dryly as he joined them.

"Big deal, that idiot can think I`m crazy all he wants, it tears no skin off my nose." Lynn retorted lightheartedly and punched him in the arm.

"Hey! Excuse me! Can anyone please tell what's going on?" Clyde interrupted.

"Who were those people? Why are you two all bruised up? What was that Lyle guy talking about bullying Lincoln twice but not recognizing him now?"

"And what happened to him?" Clyde pointed at Charles who looked at Marceline and vice versa.

Lincoln and Lynn looked at each other.

"It`s none of your beeswax, Clyde!" Lynn responded curtly, being drained out of patience after everything she went through today. "If you'll excuse us now, we have to escort Lincoln back home."

"I have the right to know! He`s my best friend!" Clyde retorted boldly before facing his friend. "Lincoln? Is that guy the reason you've been so upset? Has he been bullying you?"

Lincoln bit his lip. "No he hasn't, it's just-"

"Guys, guys." Ryan interjected. "Don't treat poor Clint like a dumbass, he can see the obvious."

"My name`s Clyde!" Clyde corrected him.

"Yeah, yeah..." Ryan dismissed him. "But you figured it out."

" _What are you doing?_ " Lynn hissed at him.

"Let`s quit the charades, Lynn. You know how that Lyle guy and his cronies have been picking on Lincoln for weeks, so you asked me to help you teach those guys a lesson."

He turned and smirked towards Clyde. "And, a few bruises aside, it was a roaring success. His goons were scared off for good after we mopped the floor with them. But evidently, the ringleader didn't get the memo until Lynn came for round two."

He winked at Lynn.

"Eh...yeah right." Lynn played along. "But now he knows who he`s dealing with. That sniveling coward won't be bothering my little bro again." she put her hands on her hips and puffed her chest proudly.

"But why didn't you just tell your parents? They could have-"

"No!" Lynn and Lincoln shouted simultaneously.

After an awkward silence, Lincoln cleared his throat. "Eh...I told her we should tell our parents, but, heh, you know how stubborn Lynn can be."

His sister gave him a glare.

"And if our folks caught wind of the fight, Lynn and Ryan could get into a lot of trouble. And I don't want them to get into trouble after they risked their necks for me."

"But those bullies could go after you again?" Clyde pointed out.

"They won't." Lynn countered confidently.

"Bullies speak the language of the fisticuffs. And like Ryan said, we scared them off for good. You saw how Lyle was so scared of me that he made a last-ditch attempt to pretend he never met Lincoln before. Pathetic." she shook her head.

"Exactly. No need to cause unnecessary friction. You just have to keep your lips sealed." Ryan added.

Clyde seemed to ponder about it, but after silently looking at Lincoln he gave in.

"Alright, I won't tell a soul." he smiled.

There was a collective sigh of relief.

" _Good, that saves us the trouble of having to threaten him to stay silent_." Ryan whispered to Lynn.

"Thanks, buddy." Lincoln placed his hand on Clyde`s shoulder. "Let`s get you home."

* * *

As they arrived at the McBride`s home, Clyde met up with his dads, acting like nothing bad had happened. Lincoln waved goodbye to him and headed home with his sister and Ryan.

"So Lyle`s back." Lincoln somberly noted.

"Yep, and after this and the beating me and Lynn gave him at the river he`s gonna want payback on us more than ever." Ryan explained casually.

Lincoln sighed, slouched and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Great, this is just what we needed right now." he muttered sardonically.

"Don`t worry Linc, we can handle him." Lynn reassured him. "He`ll be licking his wounds for now anyway, after the beating he got."

"Yeah, but who would have guessed that the creepy emo chick and him are family?" Ryan spoke intuitively.

"I always thought there was something wrong with her...well _more_ wrong with her." Lynn snorted.

Lincoln watched Charles trotting in front of them with Marceline.

"So what happened to Charles? If Lyle didn't hurt him, who did?"

"One Eye." Ryan shrugged.

Lincoln shook his head. "The wolf?! The same one?" he blurted incredulously.

Ryan nodded nonchalantly. "Yup, ran into him at the gorge and tricked him into getting stuck in a tree. It was kinda funny."

"Yeah, and if mom or dad ask anything, just say Charles got into a fight with another dog. It's technically not lying." Lynn explained.

Lincoln looked away sullenly. Even with time reseat, their past, or rather their future, was starting to catch up with them rapidly. It was a very disheartening turn of events.

He could only hope that it wouldn't be thorough.

* * *

 **And this ties up some loose ends regarding Lyle for now. But no doubt he`s gonna want payback for his humiliation sooner or later. As they say, sometimes you just can't escape your past or your alternate future XD**

 **And for anyone thinking that Maggie is being "out of character", she`s not. As a minor, one-shot character she never had an established personality to begin with within the show`s canon beyond "apathetic, emo teen", so she's very much open for interpretation ;)**


	7. Meeting The Family I

"...I`m just saying that Lyle had a point, you were practically pleading for a beatdown walking in public dressed like that."

"Yeah sure, I`ll take advice from the guy who led my sister and dog to a place with a bloodthirsty wolf waiting." Lincoln snarked.

"Will you two stop bickering!" Lynn barked as they reached the the backdoor of the Louds` house.

It was evening by the time they got back, as Lynn and Ryan had to find and dress up in football jerseys with shoulder pads, and helmets with face paint.

"We have to act casual. Like nothing major happened."

"I know." Lincoln agreed begrudgingly. "But why was he insisting to stay with us for the night?" he pointed his thumb at Ryan.

Ryan smirked. "Because, my dear pipsqueak, Renee might be a bore but she ain't stupid. One look at me and she`ll rat me out to mom and dad that I got into a scuffle. And I won't be of much use to you grounded, will I?"

Lincoln scowled in defeat.

" _And_ you stayed at my place last night. Time to return the favor." Ryan shrugged.

"Just don't expect any peace and quiet at this place, bud." Lynn smirked as she opened the door only for a horde of chickens, and one fat turkey to come running out, clucking and running aimlessly through the yard.

The kids were dumbfounded, but Marceline waisted no time chasing after them. Charles, however, was too weak and tired to join her.

"What the?" a bewildered Lynn blurted.

"So your folks were chicken farmers before the divorce?" Ryan joked."Odd place to keep them."

Lincoln went silent. There was something oddly familiar about this. He then felt a wave of dread.

" _No, no_..." he thought desperately as he rushed into the kitchen. Looking at each other, Lynn and Ryan followed.

Once again, recent memories flooded back to Lincoln after seeing the sight in front of him.

The kitchen was covered in blotches of whipped cream and yolk, along with confetti, egg shells, spring snakes and a few banana peels everywhere on the floor. One of the cabinets was opened and covered in an exploded blotch of blue paint, a boxing glove on a spring was dangling limply from the wide open fridge and the table was tipped over.

Lynn quickly figured what went down as well, both dread and annoyance seeping through her.

Ryan whistled in amazement. "When you said things were crazy at your place you weren't kidding. Did a tornado pass through here or did your family throw one hell of a party?"

" _Worse_..." the jock moaned exasperatedly as they entered the living room. There they found the furniture nailed upside down to the ceiling.

Ryan`s face fell in disbelief and he pointed up. "Okay, who the hell did that? _How_ and _why_ the hell did they do that?"

Lynn blushed in embarrassment under her helmet. Before they even arrived, one of her sisters already went above and beyond to paint their home as a madhouse.

"This is bad, Lynn..." a nervous Lincoln came back "...I remember it. This year Luan had a fever during April Fools and..." he talked frantically.

"I remember." Lynn groaned and grabbed her helmet in annoyance. "So she had to reschedule her yearly little psycho episode, and wanted to keep it a surprise!"

Ryan blinked. "Kay, color me confused." he interjected. "Eh...so mind filling me in on what this deal with Funny Girl is? Why did she nail the couch to the ceiling?"

Before he could get an answer they all heard an evil cackle.

They turned and saw the comedian appear out of nowhere, sitting and dramatically turning around in a harlequin-themed spinning chair, with an evil smile and stroking a terrified Cliff.

Luan slowly shook her head.

"I`m impressed. You _almost_ escaped the Prankmageddon." she monologued while pressing her fingers together, allowing the trembling cat to escape.

"I commend you for somehow figuring out when I was gonna strike. I couldn't locate you, but you made the fatal mistake of coming back, and you dragged this poor civilian into the prank zone." she chuckled sinisterly while gesturing at Ryan.

Ryan snickered. "Okay? What's with the Bond villain act?" He hadn't seen this side of Luan before. He kind of liked it.

Lynn groaned in extreme exasperation. "Look, Luan! We had a long, LOOONG day. We`re tired and we REALLY aren't in the mood for you dumb games." she declared while stepping ahead to face her sister.

Luan chuckled evilly and leaned down. "Pity to see such a long face. But the Queen of Comedy knows exactly how to put a smile on that face."

Lynn sighed. "You know what! Screw it!"

She pulled Luan up by the shirt and bashed her head against her sister`s five times over, as hard as she could. Lincoln gasped, Ryan only raised his brow.

With her helmet on, Lynn didn't feel a thing. But Luan`s villainous smile was soon replaced by a goofy grin as her pupils spun around and she started seeing stars.

"Uhh...I can see the cosmos...so pretty..." she babbled dizzyingly before closing her eyes and plopping to the floor.

"Problemo solved." Lynn smiled with satisfaction while dusting her hands. "Why didn't I think of doing this years ago?"

"That looked like it hurt." Ryan commented calmly.

"Lynn! What did you do!" Lincoln rushed to Luan`s side and turned her on her back.

"Yeah, I was enjoying her Dr Evil impression." Ryan quipped.

"Relax, Linc." Lynn retorted in a chill tone. "She`ll only have a splitting headache at worst. Besides, I`m tired and you know that nothing short of K.O-ing her could have stopped her when she's like this."

"Plus, she had this coming for years." the jock smirked. " _And for making me wet the bed_."

Lincoln opened his mouth to argue but paused to contemplate.

Lynn was absolutely right. Nothing else would have stopped Luan when she was in this state, and he loathed her April Fools shenanigans as much as anyone else. And having as few distributions from completing their mission as possible was much appreciated.

"Actually, you're completely right, Lynn." he admitted, completely changing his tune and smiled. "Good job."

" _Lincoln? Lynn? Is that you?_ " they heard their mother calling and walking down the stairs.

"It`s mom! What do we do?!" Lynn panicked looking at her unconscious sister.

"Chill, guys." Ryan answered calmly. "We just need a shovel and a big trash bag..." he listed off his fingers but stopped when the siblings gave him mortified looks.

"Just kidding." he snickered. "Just place her next to the window. I`ll grab some banana peels."

Rita came down cautiously, shaking, with a pot on her head and carrying a toy shield and sword only to find the three, and Charles, standing casually in the living room with an unconscious Luan covered in a few banana peels.

"Hey, mom!" Lynn greeted her.

"Did we...eh...miss something?" Lincoln asked nervously.

Rita blinked incredulously.

Lynn looked up at the ceiling. "Eh...lemme guess: Luan decided to make up for being out of commission on April 1st today, right?"

"Wow.." Lincoln pretended to wipe sweat off his forehead. "Lucky us. We sure dodged a bullet, huh?

"But Luan seems to have slipped on her own banana peels, how ironic." Lynn smirked while glancing at the unconscious comedian.

Rita let out a long sigh of relief and dropped her "weapons". It was over. Thank god, the nightmare was finally over.

"You guessed, right..." she snickered uneasily, as if she was on the verge of a breakdown, as she removed the pot of her head.

"Ehh...did you two have a nice day?" she tried to be casual before noticing Ryan. "Oh...hello, and who might you be?"

"Ryan Taylor, the new kid on the block." he introduced himself.

"Oh, so you're the boy Lynn was talking about at dinner." Rita smiled. Lynn blushed and sent her mother a glare.

"That`s me, Lynn just showed me where the kids gather to play football."

"Yeah, that was one heck of a game. What a blast." the girl proclaimed and removed her helmet.

Her mother looked like she was about the have a heart attack after seeing her face.

"And me and Clyde went to an Ace Savvy convention, obviously." Lincoln interjected, pointing at his costume.

"The game got a _bit_ rough but me and Ryan didn't mind, no pain no gain. It`s football after all." Lynn continued, trying to make light of the situation.

"You can say that again." Ryan removed his helmet and the already stunned Rita gasped and jolted from what she saw.

" _Those...teeth_..." she recoiled in horror as she stared at his mangled teeth, not that the rest of his face was much better to look at.

Ryan rolled his eyes, not exactly being surprised by her reaction.

Rita shook her head and composed herself. "I mean, wow, what a handsome, strapping young man you are. A pleasure to meet you." she corrected herself hastily and laughed nervously.

" _Don`t hurt yourself with the compliments, Miss Thunder Thighs_." Ryan thought snidely.

"And he was wondering if he could stay for a sleepover?" Lynn asked upfront while wrapping her arm around his shoulder. "Me and Linc stayed at his place. Now it's our turn to play host."

"Sleepover..." Rita asked awkwardly, still worried that she offended the boy. "Eh...sure, I don't see why not." she gulped.

"Thank you, ma`am. Not to worry, I`m always a well-behaved house guest. Well, me and my cat."

"Cat?" Rita blinked.

As if on cue, Marceline came in dragging a dead turkey by the neck before dropping it at the woman`s feet, making her take a step back uneasily.

"What a gal, ain't she. She came to show you our gratitude by catching dinner." Ryan quipped.

"Eh...thank you...you...eh...really shouldn't have." Rita told the feline uncomfortably.

Charles came to sniff the dead turkey and Rita went wide-eyed. "Goodness gracious! What happened to him?!"

"We had to...take him to the vet." Lincoln answered skittishly tugging his collar.

"We don't know what happened, we just found him wandering around, smeared with blood and rushed to the vet." Lynn elaborated. "Doc says he must have gotten into a fight with a bigger dog."

Rita couldn't believe it. Since when did Charles go off looking for fights?

"And here's the bill." Lynn handed her the paper. Rita cursed inwardly. They were already low on cash.

"Eh...you kids did the right thing. We should take him to get some rest." she took Charles in her arms before looking at Luan.

"Oh, and you might want to take Luan to her bedroom and find her a head bandage."

After that was done, Lincoln and Lynn came to ask their mother where the rest of the family was.

"The girls are still hiding in Lisa`s secret bunker. I was sent to see if the coast was clear." she explained, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.

"Lisa made a secret bunker?!" Lynn blurted.

"You have a bunker?!" Ryan asked incredulously.

"And where's dad?" Lincoln asked.

"He...ughh went on a fishing trip with his friends this morning..." Rita replied, her tone growing more condescending "...eh...I`m so envying his luck right now." she tried to joke, but her frustration was hard to conceal.

Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other worriedly. They started remembering this day more and more. They remembered how when their father had returned he and their mother got into a heated argument, with Rita accusing him of fleeing to save his own hide.

Neither of them knew if Lynn Sr. was in on this, but it wouldn't have been the first time that their father was so scared of Luan`s Prankmageddon that he was willing to bargain.

Rita glared at the furniture stuck on the ceiling. "We`ll have to wait for him to come back and get those things... ugh down." she sighed and hung her head before surveying her home.

"You kids can go up and show Ryan around..." she sighed dejectedly "...I`ll just start cleaning the place up."

"We`ll help you mom!" Lincoln instantly volunteered.

"Yeah, just give us a mop, or a sponge, or a broom, anything really and we`ll get right on it!" Lynn joined in.

Ryan looked at them in disbelief. They couldn't be serious?

Rita blinked. "No, that won`t be necessary. I can do it alone, and I'm sure you must be tired-"

"Don`t be ridiculous, mom? I always have the energy to do a little physical work and this is too much work for a single person!" Lynn countered.

"Yeah, going to some dumb ol`convention is nothing compared to all the work you do around here for us. I might wear this flashy costume but you're the real here." Lincoln added.

" _If this sentimental crap keeps going I`m gonna blow chunks_." Ryan rolled his eyes.

Rita couldn`t believe her ears. It was as if someone else had possessed her children. Since when were they this helpful unless they were specifically ordered to do chores?

"Mom, don't be surprised." Lincoln smiled. "It`s not like we`re lazy layabouts or something like that. A little work never hurt anyone and it's no fair that you or dad should be stuck with all the work."

He meant everything he said, but he also hoped that his words at least planted the seeds of starting to change his mother`s mind regarding the state of her life and her marriage.

"Exactly, if you need some heavy lifting I`m the perfect assistant for you. And I can work for as long as you need me without breaking a sweat!" Lynn boasted proudly before pulling Ryan closer by his arm.

"And Ryan too loves helping people with their housework, he`s a real good samaritan! He lives to help!"

Ryan started sweating with unease. "Lynn, what are you talking about? I didn't come here to do menial-"

Lynn sent him a sharp glare that said "Shut your trap!"

"And he`s so modest about it! So much so that he`s sometimes too shy to ask people if they need his assistance. Like close friends... _who`ll never speak to him again if he doesn't cooperate!_ " she whispered the latter part to him.

He sighed in defeat. "Yeah. Sure. Give me a mop." he droned dejectedly.

* * *

"Lincoln, sweetie, you can change out of your costume if you want to? I don't want you to get it dirty or anything." a gelatin-smeared Rita told her son as she exited the bathroom holding a mop.

Lincoln was dragging a large sack filled with all the excessive junk he found left behind by Luan`s Prankmageddon.

"No, mom, no. I...like doing good deeds in this suit..." he replied as he laboriously dragged the sack down the stairs. "I`m following Ace Savvy`s example and the costume makes me feel like a real superhero." he elaborated breathlessly.

The real reason was that the mask helped conceal his black eye, he still hadn't thought of a proper cover story for it. Working for hours in this suit was anything but breezy.

Rita chuckled warmly. "Well alright then, sweetie. You`ll be my little superhero." with that she ventured back into the bathroom.

Ryan, who had heard the conversation from the kitchen where he was cleaning the furniture with a sponge, gagged with nausea. He glanced at Lynn who was picking up all the junk of the floor and throwing it into a trash bag.

"You owe me one for this, Lynn." he bemoaned as he scrubbed another blotch of whipped cream from the window.

"Quit yammering, a little hard work never killed anyone." the jock huffed.

"And you promised you would help us no matter what." she pointed out as she threw a bunch of banana peels into her bag.

"I meant preventing past mishaps from happening, not doing menial labor." the boy retorted.

"This is preventing a past mishap. Less work for mom cleaning up ground zero, meaning she`ll be happier today."

"And you couldn't have simply remembered Brace Face`s little escapade and knocked her out this morning?" Ryan pointed out the obvious.

Lynn glared and placed one hand on her hip. "Hey, me and Linc aren't supercomputers, we can't remember every little event of the past."

Ryan glanced back at the upside down furniture on the living room`s ceiling.

"I`d hardly call this a "little event"." the boy replied with a snide smile only to receive a handful of whipped cream flung into his face.

"Less chatting, more working!" Lynn ordered him and resumed her work.

Ryan sighed before tasting the cream on his face. "Hmmm...a bold taste of banana with a sprinkling of coconut, not bad."

Sweating profoundly, Lincoln finally reached the bottom of the stairs. There he spotted Charles laying on his little cushion bed. Lincoln took a momentary break and bent down to pet him.

"Hey, Charles. I heard you were very heroic today." he spoke softly. The bull terrier eyes drifted up to look at him while he whimpered meekly.

"You`re a good dog, and I promise you. None of you guys will be going to the animal shelter this time." Lincoln promised him before resuming dragging his sack out of the house and towards the dumpster.

Cliff, meanwhile, came through the doggy door after making sure that Luan was gone. He approached the resting dog and tilted his head in confusion. Why was Charles wearing a white funnel on the head?

Then his nose picked up another sent, an unfamiliar and alarming one. Another cat was in the house, in his territory! Feeling threatened, the black cat followed the scent upstairs.

Hearing the sound of ribbiting in the twins` room, Marceline was clawing at the door but it was closed. Then she heard the sound of a plastic ball rolling.

She turned and saw Geo rolling by in his hamster ball. Liking her chops, the savannah pinned the ball with one paw.

The rodent squeaked in panic as the cat tried to bite him only for the round surface to deflect her jaw. Marceline lied down, purring, and held the hamster ball in place with both paws and was studying it, trying to find a weak spot.

Cliff found her. With his ears folded and his hair raised he approached her in a crouched down position, growling threateningly.

But the female seemed oblivious to his presence even as he was right in front of her, she was more concerned gnawing at the hamster ball.

Cliff hissed and bared his fangs, no reaction. He meowed angrily, still nothing. He tried mock lunges, still nothing.

His pupils dilating and his tail puffing up, Cliff finally clawed her on the flank. This got her attention and she released Geo, who rolled away in fear.

Both Cliff`s ears and tail fell limp as Marceline stood up and was towering over him, growling. The tom backed away and realized that the defending your territory thing might be overrated.

He ran like the wind through the hall with Marceline in hot pursuit. Cliff ran into the only open room he could find.

Inside, a dizzy Luan had just staggered out of bed, clutching her bandaged head.

" _Ughhh...where am I?_ " she groaned.

No sooner did she say that two furry blurs zigzagged trough her dark room before running in a circle around her legs, tipping the confused comedian off balance.

"Whoa-Wow!" Luan shouted before hitting her head against the bed`s frame. Once again she was seeing stars.

"Goodnight, Royal Woods!" she rambled before blacking out again.

Cliff jumped out of the window and onto a tree branch, scaled down the tree and landed on the safe door of the bunker, followed by Marceline.

Inside the bunker, the girls winced in fear after hearing two loud thumps.

"I told you! That lunatic got mom! Now she`s taunting us!" Lola panicked while rocking back and forth curled up in a fetal position.

"She`s been gone for hours, man!" a worried Luna pointed out.

"And where are Lincoln, Lynn and dad? They were gone all day!" Lana was on the verge of crying.

Lori huffed and folded her arms angrily. "They ran off to save their own skins! Dad went fishing this morning and the two twerps ran off to a sleepover last night! What a coincidence? No doubt that brace-wearing psycho bribed them into helping her in exchange for their freedom!"

"Isn`t a bride a woman who's getting married?" Leni asked innocently prompting Lori to facepalm.

"Alright, girls! We`ve been hiding here all day long and I can't stand sitting here for another second! We need to send out another lookout!" Lori proclaimed, prompting the whole bunker to turn dead silent.

"Obviously not me!" the oldest sister insisted. "As the eldest, most responsible and most beautiful sister I`m too important to risk being sacrificed. Plus my beloved Bobby would like commit suicide if something happened to me." Lori said melodramatically.

"Most beautiful? Rubbish!" Lola huffed and struck a dramatic pose. "I`m the fairest one of them all and it would be very selfish of me to deprive the world of marveling at my fabulous face."

"I can't go, I have a buttload of scaly and slimy buddies to take care of!" Lana protested.

"Obviously I can't endanger myself. My genius level intellect is destined to change the world and thus I`m too valuable to be placed in harm`s way!" Lisa crossed her arms.

"And I`m a rising and talented rock and roll star! I can't deprive the world of my musical gift!" Luna quickly interjected.

"Then who's gonna be the lookout?" Leni asked cluelessly. And suddenly all eyes were on her.

Leni was tossed out of the bunker and landed on the lawn as the bunker was immediately closed. Dusting herself off Leni started freaking out and desperately tried to open the hatch.

"Why me?! Let me in! I could get-"

The hatch opened slightly and Lori`s eyes peeked through it. "Leni, Leni. Don't you worry! We would never make you do something we wouldn't do ourselves."

"Really?" Leni asked hopefully.

"Yeah, sure. You just have to check if the coast's clear and report back to us. Got that? Good! See ya!"

With that, the hatch was closed again and Leni was left alone, scratching her head before brightening up. "Okay, that doesn't sound too bad!" she smiled and walked away from the house.

* * *

"Furniture nailed to the wall, a secret bunker, a kid who reads comic in his undies and I just did three hours of housework." Ryan lamented as he and Lynn slowly climbed up the stairs still wearing their football jerseys and face paint, they were so tired now that they were ready to drop once they reached the top floor and not move until morning.

"I`m not sure if I have lost my mind, or you made me go soft. Or both."

"I say both." Lynn joked as they reached the top floor, tired and battered, and panting heavily.

"At least the worst`s behind us." Ryan lightened up. "Now where can I get some shuteye? Where am I bunking for the night?"

Lynn blinked. "I dunno. Haven't really thought about that." she admitted.

"Easy." Ryan shrugged. "I`ll bunk in your room. Get me a pillow and a blanket and I'm good."

Lynn went pale. "Eh...maybe that's not such a good idea."

"Why? Whatever annoying sister you're roomies with I can handle her." Ryan shrugged. "I`m way too tired to give a crap about how obnoxious she is, or stay awake long enough."

"Now where's your room?" he looked around. Lynn gulped and swiftly blocked the door to her room, revealing its location.

"Ryan I think you should bunk with Lincoln instead. Y`know, boys gotta stick together." she laughed nervously.

"And I thought Luan was the one making bad jokes." Ryan raised his brow incredulously before smirking. "Got a secret you don't want me to know about?"

"No, it's not that!" the jock denied it.

"Don`t want me to see your doll collection?" Ryan`s smirk grew. "Or does the toughest girl in town have a closet full of sundresses?"

"NO!" Lynn snapped.

Ryan studied her before looking over his shoulder. "Look! Mr.L`s back!" he rushed to look down the stairs.

"Dad? Where!" Lynn darted to his side before realizing she had been duped. " _Dammit!_ "

But it was too late. Ryan pushed the door open with an excited look, but his face dropped as he noticed nothing remarkable.

Until he pulled the light switch on and saw something unsettling. A coffin lying on one bed.

"Ryan! I can explain this!" a blushing Lynn approached the slack-jawed boy.

"That`s...a coffin?" he said simply as he pointed at and approached the thing, feeling more than a bit mortified.

"I can explain!" Lynn interjected. "You know Lucy, the creepy goth one. She`s into a lot of weird and stupid stuff, like vampires. And she likes to sleep like one. " she explained hastily, feeling a part of herself dying from embarrassment.

"Ghoul Girl sleeps in this thing?" the boy asked intuitively. The revelation actually gave him a huge relief, as his first impression upon seeing the coffin was of something much grimmer.

Suddenly the coffin was flung open, spooking the two preteens as its occupant rose up like the undead with her arms shaped like a cross. She hissed and shielded her face from the light.

Lynn scowled. "Lucy!" she snapped in annoyance and surprise. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hiding in plain sight is often the best cover. As you can see I survived the delayed prank apocalypse unscathed." the goth explained monotonously as she faced Lynn.

"Where`s Lincoln?" the goth asked quickly. She noticed the bruises on Lynn`s face, but she was 99% certain that those were the result of another one of her overly aggressive, overly brutal matches. The football getup was a more obvious clue.

Lynn sighed. "He`s fine, me and him were away all day, and when we returned, I just K.O-ed Luan. _You're all welcome by the way_." the jock flashed her a smug smirk.

"I find that hard to believe." the goth replied simply causing Lynn to scowl. "Luan`s yearly reign of tyranny isn't so easy to thwart."

"I can't say that I`m familiar with Funny Girl`s yearly hijinks, but if you need eyewitnesses testimony to verify Lynn`s claim, well you're looking at it."

Lucy turned towards the unfamiliar voice and she went agape. Ryan was bit befuddled. Her reaction wasn't the typical recoiling in horror that people usually did upon meeting him, rather she seemed to be looking at him in silent awe. Lucy moved her bags to reveal the same semi-bloodshot eyes and dark eye rings Ryan had.

It would have been a surprise if Ryan hadn't seen her without her bags before. Though it was still uncanny to be reminded how much this little girl resembled him.

" _Lucy...will you stop gawking at him_..." Lynn told her in a passive-aggressive tone. _"You're embarrassing me_..."

The goth took Ryan`s hand and examined it, much to his confusion. " _Wicked_." she said in a hushed voice.

"My name`s Lucy. How did your skin get like this? I was born prematurely and had a rare blood condition? Did the same happen to you? Or do you have cancer?" Lucy asked him in an uncharacteristically eager and rapid manner.

Ryan looked visibly uncomfortable with those questions.

Lynn buried her face in her hands, wishing for the earth to just gobble her up right here and there. Swiftly she grabbed Lucy`s arms and yanked her closer.

" _Will you quit blabbering. That`s my friend Ryan and could you at least try not to embarrass me by being a total creepazoid!_ " she whispered into her ear harshly.

Lucy paused to process the information. Then her lips curled into a small smirk, "Ryan? So you're the boy Lynn has a huge crush on? You're not what we had expected."

Lynn`s face flushed red like the speed of light.

"Oh, so you have been talking about me?" Ryan gave his friend a snide glance.

Lynn growled. "I don't have a crush on him!" she snapped at Lucy. "You say that one more time and your coffin will be very convenient for your freaking funeral!"

"Lynn, take a chill pill." Ryan raised his hands. "You're not seriously letting a little kid get under your skin?"

"That`s not a hard thing to do." Lucy spoke calmly. "Between her ill-tempered demeanor and her general immature behavior, if there's anyone in this house who's easy to trigger, it's Lynn."

Lynn was fuming after seeing that insufferable little smirk on Lucy`s face.

Ryan, on the other hand, was beyond amused. The little squirt was intentionally pushing Lynn`s buttons, it was almost a mirror image of himself teasing Renee.

He could easily tell that these two were an image of mutually loving siblings about as much as he and his sister were. It wasn't surprising though, from what little he knew of the goth it was readily apparent that she was Lynn`s polar opposite in every way. Whoever thought of pairing these two as roomies must have been high on something.

"Kid, you got some mad skills at annoying people. Impressive."

Lucy blushed slightly at the compliment. She rarely received one of those.

He snickered before his eyes drifted back to the coffin.

"So Lynn says you like sleeping ala Count Dracula?"

Lucy quickly deflated and started quivering. She expected him to laugh at that.

Lynn couldn't help but smirk as the goth looked down. Not so mouthy now that she was about to be roasted?

"I`ve seen a lot of bizarre stuff in this house today but this? This is something else..." Ryan shook his head. "And it's awesome!"

Both sisters went agape.

"You joking?" Lynn asked slack-jawed.

"Joking? Moi?" Ryan laughed. "Jokes are for third-rate comedians like Luan, you know I`m nothing if not brutally honest."

He turned towards the stunned Lucy. "I don't know how you got your folks to allow you this but kudos to you. I remember asking my folks for weird sleeping arrangements after watching some movies when I was little, and they always shot me down."

"Ehh...thanks?" Lucy answered meekly, unable to believe her own ears. "You...you like vampires?" she asked timidly.

"Vampires, werewolves, mummies, zombies, swamp monsters, the whole lot. Always had a thing for horror flicks. I always related in some way to those dark and gruesome creatures. _Don't know why_..." he asked while stroking his ghastly face.

Lucy`s smile grew, she started feeling more and more comfortable with this boy, something she rarely felt with anyone besides Lincoln.

Lynn stared blank-eyed when they heard chirping from the roof over Lucy`s bed. Ryan saw a pair of tiny eyes looking at them when a small bat swooped down and landed on Lucy`s shoulder.

She scooped him up in her hands and took a small gulp, not knowing how Ryan would react to this.

"Eh...this is Fang, he`s...he`s my pet." she said timidly.

Ryan`s eyes widened. "You have a pet bat?" he asked incredulously. "How the hell did you tame him?"

"It`s a long story...he`s actually part of a flock that often comes to visit me. But he`s my favorite."

"Wow?" Ryan was amazed. "And I thought I had the cool pet. Can I hold him?"

"What?!" Lynn blurted as Lucy hesitantly handed Fang to him and Ryan stroked the small mammal`s head with one finger.

"Ewww! How can you hold that thing?" Lynn uttered in disgust.

"Lynn, keep your voice down. Bats have sensetive hearing." Ryan warned her.

"That`s what I have been telling her." Lucy smiled at him.

"Ryan, that thing could suck your blood out!"

The boy snorted, biting back laughter. "Seriously, Lynn? Everyone knows that vampire bats only live in the Amazon, bats like these are harmless bug eaters."

"I`ve told her that a hundred times but she won`t listen." Lucy smiled in agreement.

Ryan let the bat go and he flew back to Lucy.

"Say, kid? I`ll be staying here for the night, so could you introduce me to the whole flock? Bats are such cool creatures but so hard to spot."

"Eh...sure I can." Lucy agreed, still unable to fathom that someone was asking her for this.

Lynn was looking at them with her jaw hanging wide open. This couldn't be for real. Ryan wasn't just bonding with her creepy little sister?

* * *

Lincoln looked out the window. It was already dark and his dad was nowhere to be seen. If memory served his dad was in for an earful.

He had finished picking up the last spring snake he could find in the living room. Getting the furniture down would be his father`s task.

Rita hadn't made any effort to call the rest of the girls and tell them that it was safe again on the surface, saying they`d be too scared to listen and come out. Lincoln knew that she actually just wanted to contrive a reason to get some more peace and quiet. Something Lincoln was perfectly willing to go along with.

He went to the kitchen where he found his mother plucking a turkey. The kitchen, like the living room, was clean.

"The living room`s all clean." he informed her.

"Thanks, sweetheart, you kids were a lot of help." Rita thanked him, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.

"No problem, mom. All in a days work." he puffed his chest, even though his costume was starting to reek.

"You know, you might really have a promising future as a superhero. You look pretty heroic in that suit and not even I could recognize your secret identity behind that mask." Rita said jovially.

" _And good thing you can't see the black eye behind it either._ " Lincoln then noticed something.

"Mom, is that the turkey Taylor`s cat caught?" he asked with a hint of disgust.

"Yes, it is. And I had to wrangle in those chicken in a makeshift barn." his mother confirmed.

"I know what you must be thinking, but in a family as big as ours money will always be in short supply. That`s why we value whatever money we can get and can't squander any other opportunities when they come. Besides, I hear freshly caught poultry is very healthy for a growing boy and girls."

"Oh, I understand." Lincoln nodded. Then he started thinking about what she had said. She was right, in their home, money was hard to come by, so any amount of money is seen as precious.

He remembered himself and his sisters fighting over quarters he would find between the sofa cushions. After Luan`s April Fools antics the family would always be short on cash due to costly repairs to the house.

Those specific things started ringing bells in Lincoln`s mind. He didn't know why, but another old memory started creeping in. Money? Prankmaggedon? Him and his sisters fighting over money? Why was he linking those two things?

Then it hit him like a freight train. He remembered.

He had to see Lynn and Ryan immediately!

* * *

 **As most can probably guess, what Lincoln remembers is this AUs version of a certain incident involving a guy named Sharon DeMonet, though in this context the Loud parents didn't just laugh the incident off, quite the opposite. Also, there's a bit of a twist. And it happened to him at the worst possible moment. So Lincoln and Lynn have to prevent it from happening after their dad`s already doomed to sleep on the couch if he even manages to dislodge it from the ceiling XD**

 **And like a lot of fans I`m not very fond of Luan`s psycho episode on April 1st, so here I gave a humorous and stupendously simple example of how the characters could have solved the problem XD**

 **And whatever Leni thought she was supposed to do, she evidently went in the opposite direction of home XD**


	8. Meeting The Family II

Lori was trotting back and forth inside the bunker, growing more and more claustrophobic.

Luna felt like she was running out of oxygen and started imagining the walls closing in on them.

The curled up Lola was shaking and twitching uneasily.

"Guys, I really need to go to the little handymen`s room!" Lana complained while sweating and pressing her hands and legs against her crotch.

"Shut up and hold it in!" a hysterical Lori snapped.

Lisa was the only one who remained composed.

"She`s been absent for a prolonged amount of time. Chances are high that she too fell prey to Luan." she said stoically when they heard a knock from above.

"FINALLY!" Lori rushed up and opened the hatch. To everyone`s relief, she met a smiling Leni.

"Hey everyone!" she waved into the bunker.

"So the coast`s clear?!" Lori asked her with a crazed smile.

"Actually...I dunno." her smile faltered.

"You see, I was gonna go to the beach to see if the coast`s clear like you`ve asked. But then it occurred to me that we don't live near the sea or even the Great Lakes. So I came back to ask what kind of "coast" you were talking about?"

Her report caused a shockwave of facepalms, except for Lori, who's unhinged grin froze in place with only her right eye twitching. It took every ounce of her willpower to stay where she was and not choke the life out of her sister.

" _Leni, I wasn't asking you to find an actual coast_...' she began in an eerily sweet voice _"...I wanted you to check the house and see if it was safe to enter? Can you do that?_ " she finished trough clenched teeth.

"Oh?" Leni realized and smiled dumbly. "Sure I can! Why didn't you just say so?" she replied merrily before leaving.

Then she stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Eh, why do you want me to do that again? You see, as I was taking a stroll I thought about that super cute sweater I saw at the mall, and I like thought: should I buy it? Or maybe I shouldn't..."

As she babbled on, Lori started twitching.

"Excuse me for a second." she said in an unnervingly calm manner.

Lori closed the hatch, but not even the bunker's thick walls could contain the furious scream that soon erupted within it.

Leni flinched. "Did I say something wrong?" she worried.

Five seconds later, all her sisters were thrown out on the lawn. The last to come out was a furious Lori.

"THAT`S IT! We`re all going in!"

* * *

"I definitely prefer it when vampires are modeled after Nosferatu than pretty boy Dracula." Ryan declared.

"Me too, the less human they look the more fascinating I find them." Lucy agreed.

"Exactamundo, kid. Same with werewolves. When I see a werewolf flick I expect to see a real, bloody wolfman, not some hobo with fake fangs and excessive body hair!"

They were both sitting on Lynn`s bed as Lucy showed Ryan her own homemade jack-o'-lantern.

The peeved jock was leaning against the door with her arms crossed. She hated being locked out of conversions, but when someone was openly talking with Lucy of all people about her weird hobbies and interests there was nothing she could add to the discussion.

She could only feel jealous and frustrated that her creepy, little sister had Ryan`s full attention.

Ryan, on the other hand, found himself quite liking Lucy`s company.

It was odd for sure, as he was never particularly fond of younger children, not to mention that Lucy used to hate him for what he and Lyle originally did to Lincoln and her sisters, but now that the reset button had been pressed, he was quickly learning that they were more alike than he had thought, not just in their ghoulish complexions and loner backgrounds.

"Nice work. You must really like Halloween?"

"Yes, it's my favorite day of the year. The only time that people embrace and celebrate the darker and scarier aspects of life." the goth smiled fondly.

"We never had Halloween back in Cape Town, but that didn't stop me from celebrating it anyway." Ryan recollected.

"What did you do?" Lucy asked with intrigue.

Ryan shrugged. "Usually I dressed up as a monster, stalked the night and scared the crap out of the local kids in town. I went out as the Grim Reaper, Jason, a zombie, a werewolf, last year I just covered myself in fake blood, wore some fake entrails and stabbed a fake ax in my cranium. That one was a killer."

"Wow. Wicked." Lucy was awestruck. Lynn just rolled her eyes.

"And do you do something special on Halloween?"

"Not really..." Lucy shifted shyly. "But I always wanted to host my own haunted house, or something similar, like maybe a haunted maze. But no wants to help me make it or to participate in it." she explained with a tinge of sadness in her subdued tone.

"Well _excuse us_ , Duchess of Darkness." Lynn responded snidely. "But we all have some semblance of dignity and a reputation to keep intact."

Behind her bags, Lucy glowered at her when Ryan placed his arm over her shoulders.

"But I don't have either of those things..." he freely admitted "...so I would be interested in taking that offer." he said nonchalantly, much to the goth`s pleasant surprise.

"You would?" she replied meekly.

"Sure, we could be construction partners. Do you know any other likeminded kids who would assist us?"

Lucy shrank and was hesitant to answer. Ryan already knew why. Admitting that you were a friendless loner wasn't exactly a bragging point, he knew it all too well.

"I...don`t have...many friends." she managed to say timidly.

Ryan smiled smoothly. "Well, Lucy...you got one now."

 _"You`ve gotta be kidding me!_ " Lynn was ready to facepalm when the door suddenly opened, causing her to hit the floor hard.

"Guys! We have a situation!" Lincoln came rushing in.

"Oh look, the Masked Dealer has returned to his lair!" Ryan snickered mockingly.

Lincoln scowled and fumed.

"The hero in spades! The jack of all traits! Did you deck some crooks tonight and flush the criminal scum-"

"Will you quirk it Taylor! This is serious!" the costumed boy snapped.

"Ughh...what happened now, bro?" Lynn joined him while rubbing her aching head.

"Lincoln!"

Before he could get a word in, Lucy jumped to his side and hugged him.

Lincoln winced before she let go and looked up at him.

"Oh, hello, Lucy. Didn't see you there." he chuckled awkwardly. He was happy to see that she was alright, but her presence compromised this urgent situation.

"Lincoln, I was worried about you." she told him straightforwardly. "You were hiding for days and disappeared last night...then Luan... I..." she started choking on her own words.

"Lucy, don't cry, I`m perfectly fine." he gently reassured her. He felt bad, realizing that his weird behavior must have made her concerned. If only he could comfort her at a better time.

"Yesterday, me and Lynn had a sleepover at Ryan`s place, then me and Clyde went to a comic book convention at the mall. Then we helped mom clean the house. That's all."

Lucy had a feeling that something was wrong. Something about her brother`s demeanor seemed off. "But before that Lynn told me you were sick, and you ran away from dinner."

"I just said he wasn't feeling well..." Lynn rolled her eyes "...he...eh ate something that didn't agree with him...eh and he hurled into the toilet at one a.m. After that he was fine." Lynn lied.

She knew Lincoln had something important to tell them, and they needed to ditch Lucy.

"And why did you stay with him that night?"

Lynn snorted. "What kind of a dumb question is that? Lincoln wasn`t well and I watched him over. He`s my brother."

"He`s my brother too, and you wouldn't let me see him." Lucy retorted. "You said I wouldn't understand. What's there to understand about indigestion?"

" _Damn it, how does she remember all of that?_ " an irritated Lynn thought.

"Because..." Lynn thought of a rebuttal "...I was sure that whatever you would have done to "help him" would have been something creepy or weird that would only have made him feel worse." she folded her arms haughtily.

"And what did you do? Punch him in the gut or hold him upside down so he would vomit quicker? My, what a loving sister you are." Lucy`s voice was laced with sarcasm, though she wasn't unconvinced that Lynn didn`t do such things to Lincoln.

Lynn glared daggers at her.

"Girls, please, let's not argue about petty reasons." Lincoln butted in. "Lucy, I`m sorry that I made you worry about me. But I`m totally fine, I swear it."

She wanted to believe him, but Lucy couldn't shake that feeling off. She also noted how Lincoln reeked off sweat, no doubt after doing housework for hours, while still wearing his Ace Savvy suit, something he would usually try to keep in tip-top condition.

"And why were you still wearing your costume while helping mom?"

Lincoln gulped. "Oh that...i eh was trying to be a hero and eh...so I..."

As he rattled on, Lucy noted how he was unwittingly rubbing his side, he had been doing it a lot since they started talking. And he recoiled in discomfort when she hugged him.

Making a rash decision, Lucy reached up and pulled his mask down. She promptly gasped.

"What happened to your eye?"

Panicking, Lincoln hastily pulled it back up. But his cover was blown.

Ryan shook his head. " _Time to cover his ass for him...again_."

"Dude, I told ya that mask wasn't gonna fool anyone. Just swallow your pride and admit about your little accident."

Lucy turned towards him. "Accident? Did someone hurt him?"

Lincoln and Lynn grew tense and swallowed huge lumps.

"No, no, no, no, no..." Ryan dismissed it. "You see, while at the mall your brother had to answer natures calling and while in the bathroom he sort of slipped on a bar of soap and smacked eye-first into the door handle."

"He slipped in the bathroom?" Lucy repeated.

Ryan shot the siblings a brief glance to play along. Lincoln scowled in annoyance. Ryan gave him plausible deniability, but only at the expense of making him look like an idiot.

Lynn sighed. "There, happy now, Nosy?" she asked bitterly. "You just made him feel even more humiliated."

Lucy turned silent as she let those words sink in and saw her brother`s dejected look.

"I...I`m sorry, Lincoln. I won't tell anyone." she promised.

He smiled."It`s okay, Luce. You were just concerned for me."

He approached her and placed both hands on his shoulders. "And I appreciate your concern. A family is supposed to look out for each other."

Lucy grew a warm smile.

"Yeah, yeah, whateves!" Lynn barged in. "Didn't you have something to tell us, Linc?

Lincoln smile dropped and his eyes drifted towards Lucy. "Yeah, I did..." he lowered his voice "...I gotta talk to you...and...ugh...Ryan. In my room. Alone."

And just like they feared, "What about me?"

Lincoln frowned sullenly. "Sorry Lucy, but this is just between the three of us-"

"Why?"

"Forget it. This is a private meeting. Big kids only!" Lynn interjected curtly.

Lucy frowned. "And why is that? Why do you have a meeting?"

Before Lincoln could respond Lynn cut him off.

"We don't have to tell you anything! You're too young to understand and like I`ve said, it's a private meeting!" she answered a little too harshly, making Lucy flinch back.

"Let`s go!"

She promptly grabbed Lincoln by the arm and reached out to grab Ryan`s shirt, and forcefully led them both out of the room.

Now alone, Lucy fumed and balled her fists in silent rage.

" _I understand, don't want a loser like me to bother the "cool crowd", Lynn_."

* * *

Rita grabbed a can of beer from the fridge and sat on the recently cleaned kitchen table. After opening it she took a deep breath and exhaled. Peace and quiet.

She could finally relax, she actually had a moment to herself. Even harder to believe was that two of her children had willingly volunteered to assist her in the laborious and thankless task of cleaning their home after Luan`s Prankmageddon.

She could only assume that her son going to the comic convention that he had been anticipating for months and her daughter spending an entire day with her possible first crush must have put them both in an unnaturally good mood. She knew that Ryan did not want to do this but was guilt-tripped by Lynn, but he still went along upon her insistence. And one disapproving glare.

Rita chuckled. " _He may not be much to look at...oh who am I kidding. I married a man with clown hair and a nose that could stop traffic_." she shook her head.

" _But at least, from I could glimmer, he`s a devoted friend to Lynn. More of a man than some other people I know_..." her thoughts drifted back to a coward of a husband.

Rita tried not to think about him, she wanted to relax. For all she knew, she might not get a chance to chew him out until tomorrow.

She took a sip of the beer before getting startled by the front door being slammed open and her daughters busting in yelling, "COME OUT LUAN!" "We ain't scared of you!" "You`ve terrorized us for the last time!"

Rita dropped the can and it spilled across the floor. She slouched down and moaned dejectedly. " _It was fun while it lasted_..."

"SHOW YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!" Lori shouted while yielding a rake. The rest were huddled around her each holding whatever weapon they could find in the garage and around the house.

There was no response and the sisters grew rapidly more afraid.

"I told you she was taunting us! She`s toying with us!" a trembling Lola cried while holding a toy ax up.

"Girls, please, keep your voices down. The crisis is long over." their mother groaned tiredly as she walked out of the kitchen while massaging her head.

The still terrified sisters looked at her bewildered.

"Huh?" Lori uttered.

"Luan slipped on the banana peel and is currently sleeping off her head injury." Rita explained.

A silence ensued before the sisters dropped their weapons and cheered loudly. Rita had to cover her ears.

"Alright!" Lana pumped her fist.

"Serves that cow right!" Lola declared gleefully.

"What a shame. _We_ wanted to do the hurting. But I`ll take what I can get." Lori remarked snidely.

"Now girls, let's not celebrate your sister hurting herself-" Rita started.

"Positive, mother. Given the scale and grandeur of her tyranny a mere concussion isn`t even a remotely adequate amount of karmic justice." Lisa "agreed".

"That`s not what I meant, sweetie..."

"Sorry, mom, I hate to be mean, but..." Luna shrugged "...karma is karma."

"Who`s Karma? Is she a pop star from India?" Leni asked cluelessly.

Rita facepalmed and slowly dragged her hand down her face. "Ughh...eh let's just be happy that everyone is fine."

"Yes, everyone survived." came a monotonous voice. Rita and the girls jolted as Lucy suddenly appeared amongst them.

"Clamp it, Lucy! We were just enjoying Luan`s glorious humiliation!" Lola snapped at the goth.

" _Thanks for noticing that I was missing_." Lucy thought with bitter sarcasm.

Lana suddenly got an idea and turned to her twin. "Hey, Lola! We should find some permanent markers and draw all over Luan`s face before she wakes up!"

Lola grinned evilly and rubbed her hands. "Good idea! And then we`ll rub jam all over her and unleash your red ant farm on her!"

"Girls, you're not gonna do that! Am I clear!" Rite said sternly.

" _But mom!_ " the twins whined.

"I had enough pranks for today and that's final!"

The twins pouted and looked down disappointedly.

" _Pfft...killjoy_..." Lori rolled her eyes before noticing something.

"Mom, how did you clean up the house so quickly?" she asked in amazement.

"Lincoln and Lynn helped me out-"

"Oh, so the backstabbing sellout duo has returned." Lori remarked condescendingly.

"Trying to weasel their way into your good grace. How pathetic!" Lola spat venomously.

"Girls, that's preposterous! I know my own son, he might not be perfect but he would never stoop to such a low." Rita disagreed.

Her husband, however, was a different story.

"Look, girls. Please don't bother them. We had enough turmoil for one day. Besides that, Lynn brought a friend over."

"Oh, so those two are hoping to abuse the "friend privileges" so we won't give them hell for what they did?" Lori replied bitterly.

Rita sighed. "No, he`s Ryan, the new friend Lynn met, and he`s been nothing but polite, so I would really appreciate it if you treated him nicely."

Upon that revelation, Lori, Leni and Luna all widened their eyes with interest and looked at each other knowingly.

"Her new friend? You don't say." Luna replied, sounding intrigued.

" _Great job, mom. Now they'll all come up to make fun of him_." Lucy thought somberly.

Suddenly, they heard Vanzilla parking in front of the house.

The whole group heard footsteps and happy whistling and promptly glared at the front door where Lynn Sr. cheerfully walked in in his fisherman outfit, holding a large fish container.

"Hey, familia! What a day. Sorry I`m late, traffic to Lake Michigan and back was crazy!" he said cluelessly as he placed the container down and opened it to show off its content. "But on the upside, I caught enough fish to feed the whole family for at least two days."

After not getting a response Lynn finally noticed that his daughters were all giving him death glares.

"Eh...did something happen?"

"Yes, you could say _something_ happened." his wife replied sarcastically.

Lynn didn't follow until he inevitably noticed that the furniture was on the ceiling. He quickly put two and two together.

His face dropped and he could only utter a feeble "Oh".

"And I assume you enjoyed your fishing trip." Rite crossed her arms. "You sure picked a great, sunny day for it."

It didn't take a genius to read between the lines. "Rita, wait! It's not what you think, I had no idea about this."

" _Oh please_ , spare us the excuses, dad." Lori snarked condescendingly.

"Not cool, pops." Luna shook her head.

"Spineless tattletale!" Lana spat.

"Everyone, please. I had no idea about this, I swear!" he pleaded when Rita walked up to him.

"You. Me. Our bedroom. Now!" she barked at him, Lynn gulped as she grabbed his hand.

She turned to her daughters. "Girls, to your rooms. Immediately!" she ordered them as she dragged her husband upstairs.

"But we didn't have dinner." Lana complained.

"Grab whatever you want from the fridge! Then it's off to bed!" their mother shouted impatiently.

"Looks like dad and Charles are gonna be roommates for a while." Luna quipped.

"So what do we do now?" Leni asked.

"I know, we can chew out Lynn and Lincoln." Lori suggested. "But first, we`re going to meet Lynn`s crush! With a name like Ryan he`s gotta be like super-handsome!"

The three teens squealed excitedly, making the younger sisters cringe and cover their ears before they rushed upstairs.

"You think we should see this?" Lana asked her twin.

Lola shrugged. "Why not? It will be fun to see Lynn get embarrassed!"

The twins followed, but Lisa and Lucy stayed behind.

The genius rolled her eyes. "Sounds like a fascinating venture, but I would rather preoccupy myself with something more productive. Like recuperating the diminishing calorie reserves in my metabolism." she said to no one in particular and went into the kitchen.

"Sigh. I can't bear to watch this." Lucy said to herself sullenly and followed Lisa.

As she entered the kitchen a roughed up Cliff peaked behind the wall, nervously surveying his surroundings.

Then, he got grabbed from behind. Cliff screeched and hooked his claws into the wall as he was being pulled back before he lost his grip and was dragged away.

* * *

"So Mr.L placed a letter in the attic that told you of a fake buried treasure. Full of play money?" Ryan snorted at the notion as he leaned against the door.

"What`s so funny?" Lynn scowled.

"I`m sorry..." Ryan bit back laughter "...what was he trying to teach you with that wild goose chase again?"

"To work together, not to be greedy and that there are no shortcuts in earning money, why do you ask?" said Lincoln who was sitting next to Lynn on his bed.

" _Riiiight_. And he did that despite knowing that you guys would level the house looking for it? I think I see a flaw in that plan."

"Ryan, would you mind criticizing our parents` parenting some other day and just help us find that freaking letter." Lynn replied in a deadpan manner.

"Easy peasy, just go to the attic and tear DeMontoya`s letter apart." Ryan responded nonchalantly.

"But we don't know where to find it. We weren't the ones who found it, and searching our attic is like looking for a needle in a haystack." Lincoln explained.

"Then who did?"

Lynn thought about it. "I think it was Luan? She was practicing with her new magic kit that day and Lana came in, trying to teach Charles to sniff for clues."

"They argued about who had dibs on the place, and they ended up knocking some stuff over, and Luan eventually found the letter. That's what she told us...ughh...if only I could remember it in more detail." Lincoln lamented.

"Well, getting rid of that mask that's probably cutting off the blood flow to your brain would probably help." Ryan quipped. Lincoln fumed.

"He`s got a point, Linc." Lynn added. "Your black eye won't go away overnight and you can't keep prancing around wearing red pajamas and a tablecloth forever."

Lincoln got defensive. "First off, this is a red spandex jumpsuit and a fine silk cape! Secondly, you two are still dressed like football players!"

Lynn tilted her head and smirked. "And football outfits are comparable to a scarlet ballerina uniform how?"

They were interrupted upon hearing noise from above in the air vent.

" _Get your elbow away from me!_ "

" _Hey, you move your fat keister out of my face!_ "

" _Oh no_..." the siblings groaned simultaneously before Lana and Lola dropped from above and landed on top of them. The twins coughed and dusted themselves clean. The older siblings groaned beneath them in pain.

"There you guys are!" Lana exclaimed cheerfully at her brother.

"If you don't mind, we were sent to find you two and unlock your door." Lola explained smugly lying on top of Lynn, who growled in annoyance.

"This is unreal." the twins heard an unfamiliar voice marvel in disbelief. They looked and came face to face with Ryan, who had his gaze fixated on Lola.

When Lana said that she had an identical twin she wasn't exaggerating. Seeing the little tomboy he knew wearing a pink dress and a tiara felt almost as unnatural as traveling back in time.

The twins stared at him in total silence before simultaneously shrieking "ZOMBIE!"

Ryan had to cover his ears and shut his eyes as the noise almost punctured his eardrums.

Lola ran and plucked the toy plane from its suspension strings.

"GET AWAY ZOMBIE!" she jumped and smashed it over Ryan`s head, breaking it.

"No!" Lincoln screamed in despair while Ryan clutched his head.

"Lemme handle this!" Lana shouted and grabbed the mecha action figure from the dresser.

"No! That's a collector`s item!" Lincoln cried as Lana jumped and broke it on Ryan`s head.

"DIE ZOMBIE!"

Lynn intervened and grabbed both twins by the arm. "Enough you two!"

"Are you crazy! He`ll eat our brains!" Lola cried while tugging her arm.

Lana did the same. "It`s an undead football player!"

Ryan rolled his eyes while rubbing his head. "Y`know, I`m used to people screaming at the sight of me, but getting assaulted? That's a new one." he noted sardonically.

Lola`s arm slipped out of her glove and out of Lynn`s grasp while Lana bit her sister`s hand.

Lynn screamed in pain as the twins made a mad dash towards the door, pushed the lock open and ran into the hall screaming.

"This can't be good..." Ryan droned while Lincoln cradled the broken remains of his toys.

"Dammit..." Lincoln darted to close the door. But just as he was about to lock it the door was pushed open and slammed him against the wall, with only his arm sticking out.

" _Lousy brat!_ " Lynn hissed as she clutched her hand but promptly gasped as Lori, Leni and Luna barged in.

"Ah, locking yourselves together in a room, you naughty little girl." Lori grinned at Lynn. "And you thought that you could evade us-" she abruptly stopped as she laid her eyes on Ryan.

Luna`s jaw dropped while Lori screamed her head off.

Leni, on the other hand, gushed and clutched her hands.

"You must be Ryan, you're so adorable!" she squealed excitedly and pulled the boy into a bear hug.

"It's so totes cool to meet you!"

After the initial shock, an annoyed Ryan glanced back at Lynn. "Lynn, who the hell is this and why is she hugging me?" he asked in tranquil annoyance.

"The rest of my sisters..." Lynn replied exasperatedly. Might as well get over with the introductions. "Lori, Luna...and you met Leni."

Ryan pushed himself free and started backing away from the ever cheerful teen. "Hey, no hugging, tutz. I ain't a hugger." he warned her sternly.

"Awwww, you don't have to be shy, any boyfriend of Lynn`s is a friend of ours." Leni replied pleasantly. The jock fumed at the remark.

After finally composing themselves Lori and Luna gawked at their sister in disbelief.

"Leni! Get away from that thing before you catch whatever it has!" a freaked out Lori pulled her sister back.

Narrowing her eyes, Lynn stepped forward. " _That thing_ is my friend Ryan, Lori!" she addressed her venomously.

Lori blinked. "That`s...Ryan?" she pointed at him. "You brought that ugo here?"

"Nice to make your acquaintance too, Blondy." Ryan deadpanned.

"Yes, I did." Lynn folded her arms. "And mom gave him permission to stay for the night. So if you have a problem with that you can go and piss off!" she spat at her.

Lori would have been more infuriated by her remark, but she was still too dumbstruck by the appearance of their guest. She remained silent, eyes twitching as she tried to let this revelation sink in.

Finally, she threw her arms up. "Okay, it`s official. Lynn has completely lost her marbles." she declared passively before glaring at said sister. Lynn glared back.

Lincoln, meanwhile, stumbled towards them dizzyingly, holding his throbbing head.

"I don't know what the hell kind of faze you're going through, but I want nothing to do with it." she spat, turned around and walked off without a second glance.

After an awkward silence, a nervous Luna spoke up. "Eh...hey there, dude." she waved at Ryan uneasily.

"Eh...don`t mind her, she...eh just has a unique way of greeting people."

"I can see that." Ryan snarked. " _I can tell I won't like her. Meh, but at least she was honest with me. Unlike whatever the deal with Blondy 2.0 is_." he shifted his gaze at Leni.

"Okay, tell me everything!" an overeager Leni suddenly approached him. "How did you two meet? What do you like about Lynn? Have you gone out on a proper date yet?"

Lynn shuddered in irritation, feeling too tired for another outburst. "What part of "my _friend_ Ryan" didn`t pass through your thick skull?" she asked dryly.

Ryan raised his eyebrow, feeling utterly befuddled. Why was she acting so nice and friendly towards him?

"Alright, I don't know what you're trying to accomplish, but will you please drop the act?" he asked sardonically. "The nice girl facade isn't fooling anyone."

"And OMG! You already got matching outfits!" Leni squealed.

Lynn sighed dejectedly. Once again Leni`s mind was on another plane of existence.

"Those are football jerseys, Leni." Luna pointed out, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly, and it`s the perfect look to complement and tie Lynn and her significant other together." Leni replied cheerfully before pushing Lynn and Ryan closer together.

"A perfect, and fashionable match!" she smiled brightly while the two preteens blushed furiously and stepped away from each other.

"Will you knock it off!" Lynn complained.

" _Rita, I swear I had no idea about this!_ "

The kids all turned around as they heard Lynn Sr. pleading to his wife. Lincoln was the first to see his mother pushing his father out of their room until they reached the stairs.

"Rita, I`m begging you! You have to believe me. If I had known I would have taken all of you with me!" the man was just seconds away from begging her on his knees.

Rita glared at him coldly. "If I were you I`d go and get our furniture off the ceiling pronto. Unless you prefer sleeping on the floor." she told him bitterly.

"Yes ma`am." her husband said in defeat and walked downstairs with his head held low.

"Mom, what`s going on?" Lincoln rushed to her side.

"Nothing you need to worry about." Rita explained dejectedly. "Your father and I just need...some space for the night."

Lincoln looked down. It was happening all over again. Rita looked over to her son`s room and sighed.

"Girls, it's getting late. You can get to know our guest more tomorrow. Bed. Now!" she ordered.

"As you wish, mom." Luna was happy to leave the awkward situation.

"Okay, the lovebirds need privacy." Leni smiled and winked at Lynn before leaving.

Lynn sighed with relief. "Thanks, mom. You're a life saver."

"Yeah, no offense Mrs.L but I think your daughters don't know the concept of "breathing room", Ryan added.

"No problem." Rita replied plainly. She should have guessed that her daughters wouldn't give their guest the warmest of greetings if the twins running around and screaming "zombie" was any indicator.

She tried to smile as she approached Ryan. "Eh...so you met the rest of the family. How...eh...how was it?" she asked nervously.

"It was...interesting." Ryan shrugged.

Rita chuckled awkwardly before clearing her throat. "Yeah...eh...glad you like it here. Anyways, why don't we show you your room for the night." she tried to change the subject.

"You`ll be staying with Lincoln."

"Say what?!" both boys blurted in disbelief.

"Mom, he`s my friend. Why can't he stay with me?" Lynn protested before glancing aside. " _Lucy and him are getting along as well."_ she added begrudgingly.

Her mother chuckled. "I`m afraid I can't allow that, young lady." she replied with a bit of levity. "He`s a boy, you two are girls. You can't share a room, it would be...awkward."

Lynn frowned and crossed her arms.

Lincoln stepped forward. "But mom! We...eh...but I sleep in a modified closet, there isn't enough room."

"I know, dear." Rita agreed. "But you can borrow Lisa`s room for the night. I`m sure she won't mind."

The toddler poked her head from her room and scowled as she walked up to her mother. "Hold on for a second!" she spoke up.

"What`s this I hear about my brother taking custody of my sleeping quarters? I did not agree to such terms!"

"It`s only for tonight, Lisa." Rita explained. "We have to make room for our guest." she pointed at Ryan.

"Great Galileo!" the usually stoic genius jolted upon getting a good look at him. Ryan rolled his eyes.

Lisa strapped a germ mask over her mouth and put on some sanitizer gloves. She rushed to her room and came back with a chair. She placed it in front of Ryan to elevate herself and plucked some of his hair, making him wince.

"Eh...on second thought, I think I shall retreat to the bunker and examine if our guest of honor is carrying any life-threatening illnesses and if anyone here is in need of being quarantined." she elaborated before going downstairs.

"Huh? I guess...eh...you`ll have your own room for the night." Rita told Ryan who was rubbing his head while staring oddly at the disappearing toddler.

* * *

Lincoln knew he would regret squandering his chance not to bunk with Ryan, but the thought of leaving him alone with all of Lisa`s inventions and god knows what else did not sit well with him.

Sacrifices would have to be made for a better future, he kept telling himself that.

He had to focus and think clearly if he wanted to prevent further accidents. Today he only had minor success at best, and he and Lynn made themselves look not just like crazy paranoiacs, but also like cowardly deserters.

"Interesting, the little Velma lookalike must have quite a thing for chemistry." Ryan deduced as he observed all the colorful tubes and glasses on her table.

"Don`t touch any of that!"

"Pfft...like a toddlers chemistry kit is gonna blow up the house-Uhhh...what`s that?" Ryan grabbed a remote-like device from the table.

"Don`t touch that!" Lincoln snatched it from his hands.

"What`s this one do?" Ryan took some kind of laser.

"Don`t touch that!" Lincoln snatched it from him.

"Uhhh...how did she make this pretty teal color?" Ryan quipped as he held up a tube.

"Don`t touch that!" Lincoln tried to take it but Ryan held him at arm's length.

"Didn`t your mommy ever teach you to share?" Ryan laughed while holding him back only for the tube to slip out of his hand and break on impact.

Ryan went wide-eyed as its content burned a hole through the floor.

"What the hell? You saw this too, right?"

"I told you not to touch anything!" Lincoln lamented. "If Lisa invents something there's a 90% chance it will blow up, or worse!"

"And your parents allow the 3-year old to own dangerous chemicals?"

"They don't! Lisa just has a talent for grabbing a bunch of regular household ingredients and concocting all sorts of dangerous chemicals out of them."

"The 3-year old girl concocts her own chemicals?" Ryan snorted. "I`m supposed to believe that?"

"Believe whatever you want, Taylor." Lincoln turned around and sat on his bed. "Those acids won't burn _my_ flesh off."

Looking back at the hole in the floor, Ryan chose to, for once, listen to him and backed away.

"Eh...I don't care much about chemistry anyway." he stated dismissively.

"Anyways, I`ve been thinking about tomorrow`s dilemma."

"Oh really? And what did you have in mind?"

"Simple, we`ll distract Luan and the squirt from entering the attic. Lynn can keep the squirt busy with some tomboy-tomboy bonding, while you`ll dig for the letter."

"And just what will you contribute to the mission?" Lincoln asked skeptically.

Ryan smirked. "Because I'm willing to do one for the team, I`ll be distracting Luan."

Lincoln didn't like the sound of it. "How?"

Ryan smiled sleazily and shrugged. "I`ll ask her out."

Lincoln`s jaw nearly hit the floor. "No! Absolutely not!" he jumped to his feet. "No way! Nada! That's the stupidest idea I have ever heard!"

Ryan smirked with delight. Seeing Lincoln triggered was always a treat. "Why?" he faked ignorance.

Lincoln couldn't believe the nerve of this guy. He turned livid. "Have you lost it! There's no way in hell I`ll let you creep on my sister! We have a serious problem on our hands, this isn't some freaking auction for you!"

"Well, I won't deny that I'm trying to twist the situation into my favor. Funny Girl is kinda pretty." Ryan admitted cheekily.

Lincoln scowled. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're a grade-A creeper!"

"Meh, you`ll be no different in two years tops." Ryan shrugged it off.

Lincoln wanted to argue on that but chose not to. "Forget it, you won't be doing this!"

"Oh, and I suppose you have a better plan?" Ryan asked snidely.

"I have!" Lincoln retorted before his voice trailed off. "I...just haven`t thought of it yet."

"Mmmhm...and need I remind you that we're on a time crunch." Ryan replied coolly. "I don't think we can afford not having a sure-fire plan to distract Luan. You know she can be very tricky when she wants to."

"And you think you yourself are the ideal distraction for her?" Lincoln smugly retorted, almost laughing at the notion.

Ryan grinned ear to ear. "Yes, I do. She might be your sister, but I, with my more... _mature_ perspective, understand certain things about her you can`t comprehend yet. She`s lonely, friendless, and desperate. Easy prey for anyone who can put on a little charm."

Lincoln vomited a little in his mouth before folding his arms. "That just cements the fact that I don't want you anywhere near her!"

Ryan yawned. "Have it your way." he shrugged his shoulders. "But just think about what's more important to you. Your sister being sizzling arm candy for yours truly, or your folks splitting up again."

Lincoln narrowed his eyes. All of sudden they heard a cat meowing. Both boys turned and Lincoln gasped. "Cliff?!"

Marceline walked into their room, carrying a shaking and roughed up Cliff by the scruff of the neck like a kitten.

"There you are, Marcy." Ryan quipped. "I see you've _fetched_ yourself a new friend."


	9. It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House I

"That`s your plan?! It's the dumbest plan I`ve ever heard of!"

Lynn had gotten up early to meet with the boys in Lisa`s room. Today was the day they had to keep the rest of the sisters away from the attic.

But the plan Ryan proposed in order to accomplish that didn't jive well with her.

Actually, that was an understatement. The moment Ryan explained what he had in mind the jock felt livid on the inside, as angry as she would be being denied to participate in a big sports event for any number of reasons.

"Dumb is such a crude word. I`d say a better description would be: simple, yet effective." Ryan replied with chill confidence. The three were sitting in a circle on the floor and Lynn shot her friend an ugly look.

"No, it's just plain dumb. Stupid. Maybe even a tad idiot." she snarked before looking at her brother. "This is seriously the best you guys could come up with? Were you two even planning last night or were you just watching bad romcoms?"

Sighing, Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose. "I`m not very partial with that plan myself..." he felt sick to his stomach for defending Ryan "...but we don't have an option. We have to deal with this problem immediately and I have to stay here and stay close to the rest of our sisters. Who knows if one of them decides to go to the attic and find the letter. If they do I`ll have to act fast and distract them."

"While Ryan goes on a bogus date with Luan?" Lynn glanced back at the latter."That`s just stupid beyond words!"

Ryan exhaled exasperatedly before giving her a small smirk. "Alright, then _you_ can keep her busy. Some sisterly bonding might not be a bad thing." he said with a look of mirth.

Horror immediately spread over Lynn`s features. "Are you nuts! I can barely stand ten minutes of her freaking puns!"

"True, and I'm sure she won't be too eager to see you after you two butted heads last night. And I doubt I`ll be of much use trying to manipulate the rest of your sisters since half of them can't even stand the sight of me." Ryan agreed.

Lincoln cleared his throat. "And you said you might be able to convince her to reconsider her April 1st tradition." he pointed out. It was that bit that actually convinced him to give this ludicrous plan a chance.

"I could." Ryan nodded.

"What? How?" a bewildered Lynn looked at Ryan who smiled with self-confidence.

"Well, let's just say that the words of a stranger sometimes hit harder than the words of friends or family. People who live in a bubble tend to take the harsh words of the latter lightly. Y`know _, they're my family they`re just overexaggerating_ , the usual denial. But when an unfamiliar face says it there`s little reason to think they don't mean it."

" _Besides_ , if that doesn't work I can always crank up the charm. Luan`s easy to play for a chump once you earn her trust." he finished slyly.

Lynn felt ill hearing that. Not so much about Luan being played for a fool, she wouldn't honestly mind that. But something about Ryan being the one doing it made her feel jumpy.

Suddenly they heard voices from the hall.

"Shhhhhh...be quiet." Lincoln told the others.

" _Hey Luna! I just got this new magic kit! Do you want to be my first audience_?"

" _Dude, you`re seriously not in a position to make idle chitchat right now_." the rocker retorted in an uncharacteristically cold and dismissive tone.

The disappointment in Luan`s voice was very evident as she called after her, " _Oh c`mon, sis! It was just some harmless pranks...Luna? C`mon! Don't be a dour fuddy-duddy!_ " her tone grew more desperate as she chased after Luna.

"It's starting, we have to act. So have we agreed on our strategy?" Lincoln spoke up urgently.

Lynn wanted to argue against it, but like Lincoln, she started cracking under pressure. Why was she getting so riled up about this? Ryan was taking care of Luan so they could search the attic in peace. A simple distraction. Why was this upsetting her?

She didn't have time to dwell on it. "Alright fine! I still stand that it's a dumb plan but...ugh...you two are the planners, not me." she crossed her arms, looking peeved.

"Alright guys, take one of these." Lincoln handed them both a walkie-talkie. "We have to stay in constant contact."

" _Lllllame_ , were Bluetooth earpieces too expensive for you, you tightwad? I can't work with shabby equipment." Ryan quipped while checking out his.

"This is serious, Taylor!" Lincoln raised his voice impatiently.

"Sheesh, lighten up a bit. We`re trying to change the future, we`re not going to war for Pete`s sake."

"As I was saying..." Lincoln continued "...here`s the plan. Lynn, you can start searching the attic. I`ll scout the area and get a fix on everyone and distract them if any try heading up. And Taylor..."

Lincoln felt beyond skeezy for letting this happen and tried not to throw up."...you keep Luan distracted. _But_ only until we find our objective."

"Giving us a curfew too? You're such a buzzkill." Ryan retorted snidely.

"Don`t get your hopes up, Romeo. I doubt you'll even get her to leave the house." Lynn snarked, trying to restrain her growing and inexplicable frustration.

Ryan smirked at her. "So many naysayers. You guys might eat your words soon enough. I might not be the most handsome fellow but I know how to talk up a girl, the trick is to make her feel good, flatter her and say everything she wants to hear. Luckily I won't have to do too much improvising, Luan`s already pretty cute and charming in my humble opinion." he shrugged.

Lynn grew tense and twitched. Luckily for her Ryan was preoccupied with enjoying Lincoln`s disapproving glare.

"A simple friendly trip through town will be enough. And don't get any funny ideas." Lincoln warned him.

"Sheesh, alright. But if the lady gets any ideas, who am I to deny her..." Ryan replied teasingly when both heard the sound of plastic getting crushed.

They saw a surly Lynn holding a crushed walkie-talkie in her hand. Realizing what she had done Lynn grew nervous and hid it behind her back.

"You okay, Lynn?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

" _Peachy_..." she grumbled before standing up.

"I`ll go search the attic." a dour Lynn excused herself and left.

" _If I find this dumb letter quickly we won't have to do this ridiculous plan, and Ryan won't have to suffer Punny McGee`s company for a whole day_." she told herself along the way, immediately rationalizing it as the cause of her frustration.

"Well, she sure wastes no time with her assignment..." Ryan noted before smiling smugly at Lincoln. "Speaking of which, you might wanna take notes when I introduce myself to Luan. You're sure to learn some useful tactics for picking up chicks."

"I can't wait..." Lincoln deadpanned.

* * *

Down in the living room, all the furniture had been returned where it belonged, covered in dust from the ceiling's paint job, a lot of which had been unintentionally scrapped off and cracked up in the processes of removing the furniture of it.

That alone took hours to accomplish but Lynn Sr. went the extra mile to repaint it afterward, his guilt for unintentionally abandoning his family at the worst of times (and a few cups of coffee) was enough fuel to keep him up working all night. Right now he was spread over the couch, covered in dust and white paint, snoring.

Slowly, one by one, the girls started coming down. Lori was one of the first, her eyes were bloodshot, she sported horrendous bed hair and just all around looked miserable, but following last nights events even she still felt too exhausted to give a crap about her appearance as she headed straight for the kitchen.

The twins soon followed. Like Lori, Lana felt starved after last night`s craziness and headed straight to the kitchen, but the ever-vain Lola couldn't resist fixing herself up and admiring her reflection in their bedroom mirror first.

As usual, Lana placed the food bowls for their pets. She called for them but Cliff mysteriously didn't show up, neither did Walt or Geo, but Charles did. The little tomboy was in for a surprise.

"Cheese and crackers! What happened to you?" she kneeled down to the bull terrier who was digging into his bowl.

Pouring cereal, Lori grumbled. "Mom said he visited the vet. Don't touch the cone or his bandages!" she shouted flippantly without even looking at Lana before sitting down to eat her cereal.

"The vet?" Lana uttered in shock before petting the canine`s back. "You poor thing, I hate visiting the doctor too."

"Eww...don`t touch him, he might still be ill." Lola said as she came down the stairs while adjusting her tiara.

Lana shot her a stink eye."Don`t be such a jerk! The poor guy had it rough."

"Oh boo-hoo, don't be such a baby." Lola shot back curtly. "A visit to the doctor never hurt anyone. And it's nothing compared to what we just went through."

Lana frowned at her when she heard a cat meowing and turned around, but she didn't find Cliff. Marceline sniffed the cat and dog food and quickly gagged at the smell, she was used to fresh meat.

"Hello." an intrigued Lana approached her. "Wow. You're a big kitty." she said in amazement as she petted the cat`s head. Marceline purred pleasantly and Lana giggled and pulled Marceline into a hug.

"She likes me!"

Lola stuck her tongue out. "Ewww...don`t touch it. That thing must belong to that creep Lynn dragged in."

"Really? Well if he likes pets he can't be _that_ bad." the tomboy concluded, much to her sister`s disgust.

As she released Marceline Charles came to lick the feline`s face, much to her annoyance.

Lana giggled. "Aww look, they're already friends. Say, did you meet Cliff?"

Lana looked around but saw none of their other pets. "Weird, where`s everyone?"

"Luan probably scared them all off for good." a surly Lola deduced. Neither noticed Marceline burping and coughing up a small yellow feather.

"Luna, c`mon, don't be sourpuss!"

Carrying her guitar Luna came down, followed by Luan.

" _Pretty please_!" the comedian begged. Luna stopped and pinched her forehead.

"What part of " _I don't want to see you right now_ " did you fail to understand?" she responded bluntly.

Luan bit her lip when the twins joined them. "Oh look, the sleeping beauty has awoken." Lola snarked before kicking the teen in the shin.

"Ow! What was that for!" Luan cried while grabbing her leg.

"Cuz we`re stinking tired of your dumb pranks!" Lana explained and kicked Luan`s shin as well.

"OW!" Luan cried and kneeled down.

"That`s smarts. Can't say you didn't earn it though." an aloof Luna commented.

"Hey? On who's side are you on?" Luan complained. Luna rolled her eyes.

"No one`s, but I'm as tired of your dumb April Fools shenanigans as much as everyone else."

"They're not dumb!" Luan stood up. "Do you know how much time, thought and effort I had to devote with every single one of them?!"

"I`m sure you did. But sometimes effort isn't enough. All the effort in the world can't make up for simply lacking talent."

"What`s that supposed to mean?"

"It means you aren't funny and you should quit trying to be!" Lana interjected.

Luan was taken aback. "Hey! Comedy`s subjective and you can't say such hurtful things like they`re fact."

" _Oh really_..." another voice joined the conversation.

"If eleven out of the twelve people in this house agree that you ain't a comedian and utterly loathe your pranks then I think that what Lana said _is fact_." Lori said coldly. "And quadrupling down on it on April Fools won't change it, all it does is highlight your nonexistent talent!"

"She`s right. If no one but you is laughing, then you screwed something up." Luna agreed.

"Indeed, so unless the point of your idiotic Prankmageddon is to watch people suffer and get some sadistic pleasure out of it, which I'm not convinced that you don't..."

"Sadistic pleasure? All I do is embrace the spirit of April Fools!" Luan snapped back. "It`s not my fault if people can't take a joke and lose-" she was cut short by a bowl of ice cream being flung in her face.

"Cool down, sis." Lola laughed cruelly.

Lori chortled. "Now that's funny!"

All the sisters laughed while Luan wiped her face clean and scowled at them.

"Sorry for the cold comfort, dude. But you brought this on yourself." Luna shrugged and promptly left. "Now if you'll excuse me, me and Sam gotta jam."

" _Haha_..." Luan retorted dryly at the remaining sisters. "Laugh at the girl with the head injury, why don't ya."

"You`re totally right. Such a shame that it didn't give you amnesia so we could model you into _not being_ a bane in our existence." Lori rolled her eyes, finally experiencing some levity in 24 hours. Luan glowered at her.

"But they do say that _sweet revenge_ is best served _cold_." Lola quipped mockingly. The others snickered.

" _Luna left, good. That's one less sister to worry about_." Lincoln crossed her off his list.

" _They're slaughtering her right now. This will be even easier than I expected_." Ryan shook his head while peaking from behind the wall.

" _Just go already, and if I call you, answer immediately!_ " Lincoln ordered him only for Ryan to painfully pinch his cheek.

" _Don`t you worry your little melon off_." Ryan reassured him in a sickeningly sweet voice. " _I`ll get Luan out of your fair white hair. You just make sure I don't get interrupted_."

Lincoln pushed his arm away and growled.

* * *

With everyone giving her the cold shoulder (she was already sick of ice puns), Luan made herself a sandwich and wanted to go back to the sanctuary of her own room, when she heard something purring and brushing against her legs.

She looked down to find an unfamiliar feline.

"Ah, so you`ve met my little friend." she heard an unfamiliar voice behind her. Luan faced the speaker and promptly jolted upon seeing his pale, sickly face and crooked toothy grin.

She nearly fell back, dropping her sandwich which Marceline happily caught in midair.

Ryan swiftly put his hand behind her back and caught her. "Oops! Did I spook you? So sorry." he smiled charmingly while looking down at her.

Luan was stunned into silence as Ryan helped her up.

"What`s wrong? Did my cat get your tongue?" Ryan joked before acting embarrassed. "Oh pardon my poor manners..." he "apologized"and took his cap off while bowing down. "...Ryan Taylor, friend of Lynn`s."

Luan couldn't help but smile at his over the top gesture, in spite of her confusion. "Lynn`s friend?" she finally spoke.

"In the flesh, I know she spoke a lot about me at the dinner table, even if we met only recently." Ryan confirmed.

"And you must be Luan! I was hoping to meet you. We technically met already, remember, the "civilian" in the football helmet? Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to properly introduce myself after you and Lynn _butted heads_."

Luan remembered Lynn knocking her out, though she couldn't recall how she got the second bump on the back of her head. Upon her recollection, she felt angry at the jock but she quickly got distracted by the strange boy that came out of nowhere.

Actually, no. She remembered him, even though she never saw his face last night, nor did she know why he was still in their house in the early morning. And, wait? Was he the same boy they teased Lynn about being in love with?

"Eh...did you stay with Lynn for a sleepover?" she asked timidly, not exactly being used striking conversations with strangers.

"You guessed it. Met everyone here, that Lucy kid seems nice, I found out that we both share a love for Halloween and we have similar...complexions." Ryan cheekily gestured at his pale face. "Cute kid, but a bit introverted."

Luan blinked, obviously the last thing she would have brought up was this guy`s odd appearance, she knew all too well how it felt being mocked for looking weird, yet this boy was casually, and almost proudly, drawing attention to it.

"Eh...yeah...she`s the strong silent type...I guess..." Luan replied awkwardly, not knowing how to do small talk.

"Yeah, but I hear you're the exact opposite of that. Lynn and Lincoln said a lot about you."

Luan grew nervous. "Whatever they said it's not true!" she said hastily before blushing.

"Really, huh?" Ryan tapped his lip. "Cuz from what I heard about you, you sound like a very..."

Luan felt a chill and gulped.

"...interesting girl. A prankster, a practical jokester and a bit of a showwoman? I saw your Bond villain act last night, it was really hilarious. And I mean that in a good way of course. You have some real acting chops."

Luan went slack-jawed, unable to believe her own ears. Did he just compliment her? Sincerely?

"You...liked it?" she stammered incredulously.

"Liked it? I loved it?" Ryan chortled.

"I`m a bit of a joker myself. I`m not the kind of guy who's overly serious. I like to joke around, fire zingers at every opportunity, look at the humorous side of life, and I too have a flair for the dramatic!"

"Oh...like with what?" Luan asked, growing more curious and more comfortable with his company.

"I`ll tell you, but maybe we should get acquainted better first..." he smiled "...somewhere more private. And maybe catch some fresh air?"

"Eh...sure...I mean if you want to...eh...I...I`d like that." Luan answered, feeling nervous and sweaty.

"What`s going on there..." Lori muttered to herself from the table. Was that ugly kid flirting with Luan?

"Ughh...why is that zombie-looking ugo still in our house? He creeps me out, and he`s probably carrying disease, like cooties! Blah!" Lola lamented from across the table.

"Beats me. Lynn dragged short, dark and gruesome in here, but she's nowhere to be seen, and I have no idea why he`s suddenly getting friendly with Luan of all people."

"I don't know why anyone would wanna come near that cow without a ten-foot pole." Lola replied mockingly.

" _Well, hormones could be a reason_..." Lori snickered to herself, though she had no idea why anyone would be attracted to ol` buck-toothed and fashionably challenged Luan, or even the butch, plain Jane Lynn.

But then again, she supposed that if you looked like Gollum mixed with Leatherface your dating options weren't exactly grand.

She then got an idea. "Maybe we could find out by spying on them?" she suggested deviously.

"Good idea, this oughta be fun." Lola grinned devilishly.

"We should dress up in camo first!" Lana suggested and her twin nodded.

"Alright, let's do it!" the two rushed upstairs.

Lori chuckled. She would rather just sit by the living room window and keep an ear out, maybe learn some juicy gossip, but on her way, Lincoln blocked her path.

"Hey Lori..." he greeted her nervously. His sister frowned at him sourly.

"What is it, twerp! I was in the middle of violating other people`s privacy if you don't mind!" she tapped her foot irritably.

"Sounds interesting..." Lincoln replied idly "...but I thought you should know something."

"What?" Lori groaned.

"Well, I just found out that Carol Pingrey posted several new selfies on her facebook profile last night and every one of them has already gathered over four hundred likes." Lincoln shrugged, faking ignorance.

"Say what now?!" Lori gasped, her eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets.

"You two are friends, aren't ya? So I thought you might wanna check them out. Bobby already left a comment on one of them saying she looked good."

Lincoln saw his sister almost have a short circuit. Bait taken!

"This will not stand!" Lori shouted pointing up. "Anything Miss. Prim and Perfect can do I can do better!"

Lincoln smiled with satisfaction as she stormed upstairs and crossed her off his list.

She would probably be preoccupied for at least a few hours trying to make the ideal selfies to upstage Carol, probably without ever checking out the latter`s profile in her hurry. He knew that much as being a certainty with Lori.

Ryan could handle the twins on his own.

" _Kids, please... keep it down...I`m trying... to sleep_." he heard his father mutter groggily while tossing and turning on the couch.

Lincoln sighed. He still had to check on the rest of the sisters and make sure they wouldn`t pose a problem.

" _For mom and dad. For mom and dad_." he told himself as he went upstairs.

* * *

"So last year you filled the basement with marmalade, filled the house with spring traps that would fling people into giant spider webs and trapped your parents into a quick-drying giant pie?" Ryan asked as he and Luan were sitting against the tree in the yard.

Luan was holding and petting Marceline, and simply nodded.

Ryan chuckled uncontrollably. "And..." he struggled to compose himself "...and you turned Lincoln into a sticky paper mummy while he was sleeping and he spent the entire day lumbering through the house going "mmphmphmm" and getting everything he touched stuck to him?"

"Yup." Luan nodded. "And the year before that I tricked him into thinking that he was cursed with bad luck and could only nullify the curse by putting on a squirrel costume, and I put a lock on the zip. He spent the whole day in it until the neighbor`s beagle ripped his tail off. Luckily the suit proved to be good as protection from dog bites as well."

Unable to keep it in any longer, Ryan collapsed to the ground, rolling and laughing uncontrollably. Luan remained silent, still not knowing how to react to someone actually laughing at her shenanigans.

Pulling himself up, an out of breath Ryan started whipping away tears. "Where have you been all my life? There's never a dull moment when you're around, is the there?"

Luan shrank and blushed sheepishly. "I...please don't overblow it...I...am not that good."

"Are you kidding me? You should have your own tv show! Any current two-bit prank series has nothing on you! You're a mad genius!"

Luan`s blush deepened, her heart pounding faster and faster.

"How the hell did you even do half of that stuff? Like nailing the furniture to the ceiling? And where did you get 20 gallons of marmalade?"

"A magician never reveals her secrets." Luan smiled mischievously.

"I can respect that." Ryan shrugged. The image of Lincoln being stuck in a furry costume for a whole day was hilarious enough.

"Y`know, your cat`s really adorable." Luan pointed out intuitively while snuggling Marceline. "Cliff was never this affectionate."

"Always had a soft spot for the little fuzzballs, never was much of a dog person." Ryan admitted resting against the tree.

" _Show your "soft side" by having a cat with you. Guaranteed to win girls over_."

They heard a squirrel chirping in the tree, and Marceline immediately leaped out of Luan`s lap and climbed up the trunk.

"She`s quite a huntress. Never had a single vermin in my old home since I got her." Ryan bosted before turning to Luan.

"But speaking of that, could I ask you a tiny winy little favor?"

Luan smiled chipperly. "Sure, Ryan. What do you need?"

"Well, nothing specific. It's just that I am still not very familiar with this town, and I was hoping that someone could give me a tour of the place."

Luan was surprised. "You want me to be your tour guide? But...what about Lynn?"

Ryan grew a small smirk. "I wouldn`t call it being a tour guide. You see, Lynn`s a great friend but all she ever shows me are places where the kids play sport. Football fields. Soccer fields. Ice hockey rings. Those seem to be the only places she seems to know about. I would like to learn a little more about this town. Things that don't involve sport."

"I was thinking more like you and me just strolling around town, maybe get a drink, possibly catch a movie, and maybe visit that theme park. And I was hoping we could do it today, and don't worry I saved up money."

Luan blinked, deathly silent, her eyes growing wide and her face growing pale from anxiety. "Me...me...you want to... hang out with me..." she stuttered.

Ryan shrugged. "Yeah, you seem like a fun person to spend the day with. What do you say?"

A silence ensued.

Luan placed her hand on her chest, feeling like she was about to lose conciseness. "Are...ar...eh...asking..." she struggled to complete the sentence.

Ryan raised an eyebrow, though he already knew the answer. "You okay?"

Luan tried hard to pull herself together and swallowed a huge lump. "Are you..." she asked timidly "...asking me out on a date?"

Ryan smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Well...I guess you could call it that. A boy and a girl strolling through town alone, people are bound to jump to certain conclusions. I wouldn't exactly be embarrassed if people mistook you for my girlfriend." Ryan smiled dashingly.

He could already see Luan melting on the inside as hearts were practically popping out of her head.

"So, could you find the time to show a newbie around town?"

"YES! I WOULD ! I-" Luan jumped excitedly before calming down and composing herself "...eh..I mean sure, I can, just need to check my schedule." she tried to sound more aloof about it.

Ryan smirked. "I`m in no hurry. Take all the time you need to prepare."

Luan started feeling light-headed. "Yeah...I eh...thanks...eh...excuse me for a sec!" she abruptly rushed into the house.

" _Hook, line and sinker_." Ryan folded his arms with satisfaction before hearing a distinct rustling in the bushes.

Raising an eyebrow, Ryan strutted over to the bush and scrutinized it. "Hmmm...unless my ears are deceiving me, I think I heard something." he commented idly.

" _Great job you klutz!_ "

" _You were the one making noise, princes!_ "

" _Shut up! He`ll hear us!_ "

Rolling his eyes, Ryan reached into the bush and pulled out the twins, both of whom were dressed in camo and wearing mud-brown face paint and soldier helmets.

"Well, well, what do we have here? A pair of nosy interlopers!" he said while suspending the squirming twins by their arms.

"I`m sorry, mister! Please don't hurt us!" Lana cried.

"Let go of me, you filthy ruffian!" Lola yelled demandingly.

"Poor choice of words, kid." Ryan replied dryly before letting them both plop on their butts.

"Ow." Lola whined while rubbing her behind before glaring up at Ryan. "Hey, what's the big idea!"

"You tell me, tiny." Ryan shrugged. "Didn't your parents ever tell you that spying on other people is a very mean thing to do."

If only he could tell which one was Lana and which one was...the other one.

The twins, given that they were busted, were hesitant to answer. But Lola eventually stood up and glared at him.

"We were playing soldiers, and you have no right to interrupt our game!"

"Oh, well, in that case, you should do some practicing, cuz you were about as stealthy as a hippo in a china shop."

Lola gritted her teeth and balled her fists. Ryan smirked with amusement and felt curious about testing the little girl`s temper.

"And speaking of hippos. You might wanna lay off the sweets, girly, cuz you look like you're gonna burst out of that jumpsuit."

Lana snickered while Lola froze. Ryan could almost see her yellow hair turning into fiery flames and her teeth morphing into fangs.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Lola jumped and grabbed his shirt. She planted her little legs into his chest and started tugging his shirt madly.

"I`M NOT FAT! I`M SLIM AND PRETTY! A PAGEANT QUEEN YOU BLIND, TASTELESS IDIOT! TAKE IT BACK!"

" _Yep, she`s definitely not Lana._ " an unfazed Ryan mused before grabbing her by the collar of her jumpsuit and yanked her off.

"LET ME GO SO I CAN KILL YOU!" a foaming Lola screamed and tried to grab him while being suspended in the air.

"If you say so?" Ryan let her go and she fell on her butt once again. Lana snickered again.

"You should be more precise with your wording, tiny. Next time tell me to _put you down_ , kay?" Ryan advised her.

Growling like a mad dog, Lola lunged at him only for Ryan to place his hand against her forehead and easily held her at arm's length.

"Temperamental little lad, aren't ya?" Ryan quipped. "I sure hope you never discover social media."

He then faced Lana. "I can see why people like you more, Lana."

"You know my name?" the tomboy asked.

"Sure I do. Lynn said that you`re a very nice girl..." he turned towards Lola "...and I`m starting to understand why she didn't say so much about your clone."

"MY NAME`S LOLA!" she screamed while punching the air.

"Lola? Isn't that the name of Bugs Bunny`s girlfriend?" Ryan asked with amusement.

Lola screeched at the top of her lungs when Ryan suddenly drew his arm back and Lola hit the ground facefirst.

"Damn, that voice could shatter porcelain. Hope your folks keep you far away from priceless antiques." Ryan joked.

Lola rolled over onto her back and started breathing heavily in tranquil fury while glowering at him.

"Wow, most people get scared of Lola when she throws a fit, but you didn't!" Lana approached Ryan in awe.

"Scared of her?" Ryan bit back laughter. "Why would I be scared of a two-foot tall, shrill-voiced gnome throwing a hissy fit? Well, unless you're concerned about your eardrums."

"Not me." Lana pumped her chest out proudly. "I know better than anyone that my sister`s just a noisy, spoiled windbag!"

"I AM NOT!" Lola was suddenly all up in her face.

"Yes, you are!" Lana shot back.

"No, I`m not!" Lola pushed her slightly.

"Yes, you are!" Lana pushed her back. "And you use too much perfume!"

"Huh! Better than smelling like a dumpster!"

Ryan lowered his arm between them. "Lana. Lulu. Let's not exchange such harsh words." the boy said sarcastically.

"My name`s Lola!"

Ryan rolled his eyes at her. "You think I care what your name is? "Lana`s Annoying Doppelganger" is good enough for me."

Lola clenched her teeth. "At least I`m beautiful while you look like your face threw up! Huh!" she crossed her arms haughtily.

Ryan smirked sinisterly before suddenly leaning in just inches from her face. " _Say that one more time and I will eat you!_ " he told her threateningly.

Lola`s pupils shrank and she screamed before running into the house. "MOM!"

Ryan cackled with satisfaction before noticing the terrified Lana.

He chuckled nervously and straightened himself up. "That was a joke, kiddo. Just messing with her."

"So...are you or aren`t you a zombie?"

Ryan wanted to facepalm. "Lana, think for a second. Is your sister Lucy a zombie just because she doesn't have a nice tan?"

Lana pondered. "No...of course not...i think?"

"Right." Ryan pulled his cap off to reveal two bumps on his head.

"And if I were a zombie you and your clone would have knocked my noggin clean off last night instead of giving me these." his tone grew a bit more bitter as he pointed at the bumps before putting his cap back on.

"Oh..." Lana realized and shuffled her foot sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

Under most other circumstances Ryan wouldn't have taken a simple apology from someone who assaulted him unprovoked, or at least would have used the chance to blackmail them for their little mistake as much as he could. But he just couldn't find it in his heart to stay angry at Lana, something about her always made him feel soft. He hated himself for that.

"Forget it...old hat." he sighed before noticing Marceline trying to flush out the squirrel from its den in the tree. While he was still here he might as well find a distraction for Lana. Less work for Lynn.

He kneeled down and placed a hand on Lana`s shoulder. "But may I ask for a little favor? You like animals, don't ya?"

Lana brightened up. "Sure I do! What do you want?"

Smiling, Ryan pointed up. "See that cat? That's Marceline-"

"Your cat? Oh, I met her and I like her already, she`s very pretty and very nice." Lana happily replied to him.

"Great. You see, me and Luan have some...stuff to do. And I need someone to take care of Marcy while I'm gone. She means the world to me."

"Sure I can! I love cats." Lana bounced excitedly. "Does she like to play?"

"Pffff, you better believe she does, except for one thing..." Ryan pointed his finger up. "She`s an outdoor cat. She likes playing outside and doesn`t like crammed spaces. _Like the attic_."

"Awesome! I like playing outside too!"

"Well then, you two gals are a match made in heaven." Ryan replied jovially.

Ryan watched in amazement as Lana climbed up the tree like a spider monkey to meet up with Marceline. The kid sure had some mad skill. Watching her in the tree kind of reminded him of himself when he was younger and less jaded.

" _By the way, I love your hat!_ " Lana shouted from above. " _I wear one like that too!_ "

Ryan shook his head, feeling a tad sentimental about the kid for a moment.

"Hey Ryan...I...I`m ready to go if you are..." he suddenly heard Luan`s timid voice. Ryan turned around and his eyes widened.

Luan was standing in front of him with her hair down, wearing a black denim jacket over a purple rock and roll t-shirt with a silvery skirt and knee-high, leather boots. She looked uncomfortable and withdrawn, avoiding eye contact and shuffling nervously.

" _Wow_." was all Ryan`s mind could muster.

"Had a change of wardrobe?" he asked rhetorically.

Luan smiled shyly. "Oh, those dorky clothes..." she tried to sound chill and confident ."...I only wear them around the house and when I practice my comedy, when I go in public I like to be more...fashionable."

At least she hoped she was being fashionable instead of looking like a total dweeb. She did, after all, loot her older sisters` closets for this.

Ryan knew that she was talking a load of baloney, but who was he to complain about it? He liked what he was seeing.

"Can`t argue on that..." he shrugged nonchalantly "...you look great."

Luan`s smile grew with giddiness at the compliment. "Thanks." she replied in a small voice.

Ryan shot her a charming smile. "So, wanna lead the way?"

* * *

"Mom! MOM!" Lola was knocking on her parents` bedroom door but her mother was sound asleep and the door was locked. Fuming, Lola was ready to bang on the door until her knuckles bled when someone grabbed her wrist and pulled her away.

"Lola! What are you doing!" came her brother`s angry voice.

"Let me go!" Lola protested.

"Keep your voice down, mom and dad are still sleeping." Lincoln shushed her. "Wait? Why are you wearing camo-never mind! I don't care, just let mom have her rest."

"I won't." Lola whined. "That Ryan creep and Lana were mean to me! He threatened to eat me!"

Lincoln facepalmed. " _Of course he did_." he muttered inwardly.

"Lola, chill out, he was joking with you. And no one likes a tattletale."

"I don't care, they were still mean to me, I`m telling mom!"

"No. You're not." her brother said firmly and started leading her away.

"Hey, you can't do this to me!" Lola cried as Lincoln dragged her to her room. He stopped and looked at her.

"Yes I can." he replied calmly but firmly. "Older siblings have authority over younger siblings. Mom and dad are tired and you won't bother them, am I clear!"

"Who do you think-" Lola was cut off as Lincoln came closer and starred her right in the eye.

"I said, am I clear!" he repeated, this time more harshly.

Feeling afraid, Lola shrank under his looming shadow and feebly nodded.

Lincoln sighed. " _Don't get angry, stay calm. Yelling won't accomplish anything. You have to find a way to keep her occupied_."

At that moment he heard Leni humming happily as she left the shower. Suddenly Lincoln got an idea. " _Bingo. Hit two birds with one stone_."

* * *

Lynn was rummaging through an old briefcase, spilling out and looking through its content. Nothing.

" _Dammit!_ " Lynn filled it back up and threw it on the right side of the attic.

Lincoln climbed in, pressing his walkie-talkie to his ear with his shoulder. "Alright, we`ll stay in touch." Lincoln groaned before almost dropping the walkie-talkie. He clumsily caught it and stepped into the attic.

"Any luck?"

"Zilch, I looked over all the stuff on the right side ." Lynn shook her head dejectedly.

"It`s here somewhere, we just have to keep looking."

"No duh!" Lynn snorted tiredly. "And how`s damage control going?"

"Surprisingly good, actually." Lincoln smiled. "I gave Leni the idea to design a summer line of clothes for first graders and goaded Lola into being her model. Luna left on her own to jam with her friends or something and I tricked Lori into distracting herself with another imaginary grudge match with that Carol girl."

"Taylor set up Lana to play with his cat outside, and he`s currently..." Lincoln still shuddered thinking about it "...y`know... _distracting_ Luan. Speaking of her, I saw her dressing up in some of Luna`s and Lori`s clothes before she left. Luna probably won't mind but we better make sure that Lori never learns about it." Lincoln added this to his list.

" _Pffff...how desperate can that giggling juggalo get? Teases me about hanging out with Ryan but she agrees to go on a date with him in a heartbeat despite thinking that I`m crushing on him. Which I'm not!_ " Lynn thought to herself, still feeling aggravated by Ryan`s current escapade.

"That just leaves Lucy and Lisa. I can't find either of them though. " Lincoln concluded, shaking Lynn out of her thoughts.

"I wouldn't worry about them." Lynn replied. "Lisa has probably isolated herself somewhere to analyze Ryan`s hair, if not that then she`s probably moved on to some other experiment. And Lucy..." Lynn chuckled "...that dweeb doesn't have the guts to enter any room beside our own bedroom unless it's completely empty. As long as we`re here she won't be an issue."

"I guess you're right, but there are nicer ways to describe Lucy`s shyness." her brother pointed out disapprovingly.

"Yeah, whatever, now help me look for the letter while we still have the chance." Lynn brushed him off and continued rummaging.

Sighing, Lincoln obliged and started looking. As he moved a guitar case he found Cliff covering behind it.

"There you are?" Lincoln leaned down and petted him. "Don't worry, Cliff. Marceline`s outside and she won't be getting in."

Cliff quickly scurried off and disappeared into the pile again.

Lincoln exhaled. " _If only he was trained to sniff out phony treasure maps._ "

* * *

 **Finally, my creative block is over, otherwise, I would have written and posted this chapter a week ago.**

 **Looks like Luan is seriously violating the sis code (hormonal imbalance mixed with desperation will do that), while poor Cliff is getting emasculated more and more by the minute XD**


	10. It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House II

"Lucky me, I`ve been enrolled in that same school. Guess we`ll be seeing each other a lot." Ryan replied to Luan as she showed him the painfully drab and unremarkable building. Granted, even if he hadn't known this place already, he would be hard pressed to say anything positive about a school.

"Yeah...eh good for you that you won't have to worry about starting out all alone, huh?" Luan said shyly. "I`ll show you everything."

"Eh, I`m not all that worried, new challenges never frightened me. Me and Lynn are gonna be classmates anyway."

Luan`s eyelids dropped and she frowned slightly. "Oh right... _her_." she grumbled.

She looked back at the building, in the back of her mind she dreaded the end of summer, once school started Ryan would inevitably learn a few more things about her she`d rather not have him know.

Of course, he already knew about her less than stellar peer image, and contrary to what she might think now, he didn't look down on her because of it. He knew what that was like.

"Something bothering you?" his voice jolted her.

"No. Just...eh...the janitor proposed to my math teacher on the last day of school..."Luan replied nervously "...he sure _swept_ her off her feet, get it?" she joked and pretended to laugh.

" _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_ " she lamented inwardly.

"Interesting..." Ryan said idly.

He knew there was no point in asking Luan about her school life or if she had any friends. Why ruin the date and put Luan down by inquiring about something he already knew.

At that moment he heard the static from his walkie-talkie under his shirt.

" _Shit!_ "

"But speaking of teachers?" Ryan asked quickly. "How are they? Any overly strict asshats I should look out for?"

Luan chortled. "Oh yes! Where do I even start?" she stared off into space pondering. "My first-year math teacher was unbearable. She`d give you detention for just cracking a smile..."

Ryan took the opportunity to grab and whisper into the walkie-talkie. " _What is it? Did you find it?_ "

He looked back to Luan prattling on before whispering back into the phone through clenched teeth, " _Then don't bother me and let me do my job, pipsqueak_." He immediately ended the call.

"Hey, Ryan?"

Ryan hid the phone. "Eh...you were saying?"

Luan looked at him oddly, noticing him holding something behind his back. "Were you even listening to me? What are you ho-"

Ryan sighed. "Sorry, I wasn't..." he replied sheepishly before slowly smirking "...I sorta got lost in your eyes."

Luan froze. "...huh?"

Ryan smiled. Distraction: Success!

"Oh, I`m sorry if I'm coming on too strong, but I just couldn't help but notice how beautiful they are. So mesmerizing and full of...tenderness, and yet they have this spark in them, the spark of a kind and gentle soul, who nonetheless is full of...spunk and passion." Ryan improvised with his faux-poetic flirting, feeling his stomach twisting in a knot from disgust upon having to say that crap.

Yet it worked like a spell on Luan, who stared at him sparkly-eyed and completely stunned, her heart thumping like a humming bird`s, while Ryan placed his walkie-talkie back in his belt and pulled his shirt over.

" _That...that was so...DEEP!_ " Luan squealed inwardly before feeling light-headed, her mind being reduced to mush.

"Ryan...I...I..." she stuttered like an idiot while blushing bashfully and rubbing her arms. "Aw...shucks...that...was...very kind of ya...to...say." she gazed down, feeling overwhelmingly flustered.

"Oh, Luan. Don't be so modest..." Ryan replied flirtatiously. "I`m sure I`m not the first guy who took notice of them, or your lovely, flowing hair and soft, creamy skin. You're a real vision."

Luan felt flattered, but her shy smile soon faltered. "Actually... " she admitted shamefully "...no boy has actually said that to me before." Luan immediately regretted saying that. Why did she say it? Why did she have to be so honest? She couldn't think straight!

Ryan knew she wasn't exactly popular, but this still came as a bit of surprise to him. He thought she was genuinely attractive, even with her buck teeth and braces. Did the boys in this town have such high standards for beauty?

"Really? Well, I`m glad to be the first one to notice, then." he told her sincerely and shrugged. "Their loss for being so oblivious."

Unable to believe her ears, Luan squeaked meekly. Wasn`t Ryan holding something? She had already forgotten entirely. "You mean that?"

"Sure I do, said casually. "I mean, yeah, you're funny, quirky and charming, but not to sound shallow or anything, but before I came to know you I couldn't help but notice how you were a sight for sore eyes."

Feeling completely inamoured, Luan suddenly fell back, prompting Ryan to catch her again.

"Wow! You alright?"

Feeling like she was sleeping on a cloud, Luan slowly opened her eyes and grew a blissful smile. " _Enchanted_..." she answered dreamily.

Ryan pulled her back up."Yeah...eh.." he cleared his throat. "So, how about we continue the tour, where to next?"

"Wherever you wish to go." a lovestruck Luan replied.

"I dunno...why don't we go to that amusement park, that place would be right up your fun-loving alley."

"Amusement park?"

"Yeah, isn't that the ideal place for a date? My treat of course."

"Awww...that`s very sweet of you. I...I`d like that." Luan gushed. Few people ever did something like that for her. And she felt like doing a cartwheel after hearing him use the word "date".

"Just being a gentleman." a chill Ryan shrugged and offered her his hand. "Would you care to show me the way?"

Luan felt overjoyed and took it.

* * *

Ryan wasn`t exactly familiar with using walkie-talkies and failed to properly turn it off. Lincoln and Lynn listened in on the conversion. They soon regretted their decision.

" _Just being a gentleman. Would you care to show me the way?_ " the audio was sort of fuzzy and muffled but unfortunately still audible enough. A nauseated Lincoln finally turned it off.

"I can't believe that guy. Just how mushy and melodramatic can you get!" Lynn lamented. " _You`re a tender soul full of spark and passion_ " she recited mockingly before gagging.

"Blah! Remind me to give him a good smack to the head later!"

"I won't be able to eat for a week..." Lincoln felt like he had just stepped out of a roller coaster.

"Yeah, thanks a lot for subjecting me to this filth!" Lynn told him curtly before turning back and resuming rummaging through the attic.

"Excuse me?" her brother retorted indignantly. "You were the one who insisted we listen in on him?" he pointed out before ducking from a book that Lynn threw over her shoulder and fell through the attic`s door.

"Whatever, we`re wasting time! Find the damn letter!" the jock retorted angrily. She pulled out a red fox toy wearing a pink jacket and holding a microphone. Its smile immediately creeped her out and she threw it away.

"Hey!" Lincoln yelped as he ducked again. "Lynn, you can't just throw things out of the attic! We`re trying to prevent messes, not make them!" he complained.

"Will you pipe down and keep searching!" Lynn shouted as she threw something else over her shoulder. That thing was Cliff, and Lincoln caught him from falling out.

Holding the shaking cat, Lincoln`s brow furrowed in concern. "Lynn, are you feeling okay? You seem a bit...jumpy?"

Lynn abruptly stood up and faced them, looking extremely irritated. Her glare gave them both shivers.

"Jumpy?! Who's jumpy?! I`m not jumpy! Who are you calling jumpy! I`m not jumpy! You're the one who's jumpy! How dare you call _me_ jumpy!" Lynn ranted until she was out of breath and massaged her temples.

"You know what, nevermind! You can keep searching! It's my turn for lookout duty! I need some air!" she said abruptly, pushed past him and climbed down.

Now alone, a confused Lincoln stared at the ladder for a while before turning to Cliff and asking the cat, "Eh...what just happened?"

* * *

"I`m getting the impression that this place wasn't built for the lactose intolerant in mind." Ryan quipped as he and Luan strolled through the crowded park.

Truth be told, he felt kind of uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people, he was more used to sneaking around and lurking in the shadows, and his presence usually scared away large crowds, at least if they were other kids.

Luan snickered. "That's funny, you're funny."

" _At least someone appreciates my zingers_." Ryan thought as they walked past a guy stumbling by in a bulky cow suit.

" _That poor guy looks like wants to kill himself_." Ryan whispered to Luan..

"It must be very _stuffy_ being _stuffed_ in such a suit." Luan quipped in response.

"It certainly looks like a nightmare _mooo_ ving in that thing." Ryan replied.

Luan giggled before seeing a stand. "Uhh...mind if I go for a sec to buy something?"

"Nope." Ryan shrugged before looking off in disbelief at what most of the park-goers were wearing. Suddenly, the mascot guy from before looked like the lucky one.

He snickered uncontrollably as Luan came back behind him. "Oh, god. This is so stupid."

"Eh...what is?" Luan asked innocently.

His gaze still on the park-goers, Ryan kept snickering. "What the hell are those people wearing? They do realize that they have bovine boobies on their heads, right?"

Gulping, Luan looked down at the two hats she was holding along with a brochure, and quickly threw the former two in a trash bin before Ryan could notice.

"Yeah, what losers..." she laughed nervously. "Utter hats? It's _utterly_ ridiculous!"

"Good one!" Ryan slapped her on the back while whipping away a tear. "Never has that phrase been more appropriate!"

"Um...thanks." a relieved Luan smiled and blushed.

"A park brochure? Cool, lemme see!" Ryan snatched it and looked it over.

"Anyplace you wanna visit first?" he asked her politely.

"Nah, nah, this is your first time here, you should decide." Luan insisted.

"If you say so?" Ryan shrugged and read about the various attractions.

" _Lame. Boring. Lame. Lame. Stupid. Done it a hundred times. Boring. That sounds like animal abuse. Lame. La-Hmmmm.._..." something eventually caught his eye.

"The Milk Shaker? You`re guaranteed to get hit in the face by your own vomit if you don't keep your mouth closed? Sounds interesting. I wanna see if that ballzy claim`s true?"

The color drained from Luan`s face. "The roller coaster?" she gulped. "Ehhh...could we start with something else maybe?"

Ryan groaned inwardly but smiled outwardly. "Sure, Luan. Any suggestions?"

"Eh..well eh..." Luan fiddled and looked around. "Eh...wanna test your aim?"

Ryan smirked. "Want me to win you a prize? No problemo." he took her hand and led her to the nearest shooting booth.

Luan soon watched in awe and clutched her hands dreamily as Ryan handled a rifle and shoot down some cardboard heifer with ease.

Ryan quickly handed her a stuffed panda. "A small gift for m`lady." he said charmingly.

Luan smiled brightly and hugged it. It wasn't like a 13-year-old like she cared or had much use for plush toys, but it was the thought that made it special. Nobody had ever risked their money on theme park games just to win _her_ prize.

"Thanks...eh..." the flustered girl stammered "...didn`t you...want a...prize?"

"Nah...I already have the best prize there is with me." he replied suggestively.

Luan turned crimson.

"So...want me to take a few more cheap shots?" Ryan suggested casually.

"Oh..." Luan scratched her neck "...you don't have to. You don't need-"

"Don`t be silly!" Ryan interjected jovially." No prize is too pricey for you."

Luan blushed some more. "Well..." she responded timidly "...if you insist."

 _Two hours later..._

Ryan had partially plundered almost every booth in the park. He had no idea that his aim was that good. Apparently, the desire to look cool at all times and impress his date gave him the focus needed to accomplish that.

Right now he was struggling to hold up half of the junk he had won for Luan, who was carrying the other half of the pile.

 _"_ Y`know, I may have gotten in over my head with this..." he told Luan. "What are we even supposed to do with all of these toys?"

"Oh, I have no use to them." she replied chipperly. "But I'm sure there`ll be plenty of kids who would love a free souvenir!"

 _"You gotta be shitting me."_ Ryan`s face dropped. All that money spent so they could play Santa Claus for a bunch of snot-nosed brats?

 _"_ That`s _..._ a wonderful idea." he forced a smile "...you`re so thoughtful." He made a note to himself to find more cost-efficient ways to woo her.

* * *

" _Lana Loud, adventurer and archeo..mo..nologist, I`ve been lost in the jungle for three months now! No signs of people, just lotsa trees, bushes and vines! I had to fight wild beasts and eat bugs and worms just to survive!_ "

Wearing a safari outfit and carrying a plastic sword, Lana sneaked through the bushes in her backyard, all while monologing to herself.

" _Mosquitoes are bitting me relentlessly, the quicksand is trying to swallow me, a man-eating crocodile could be lurking anywhere, yet I bravely keep on going! Nothing can stop me!_ "

Suddenly she heard meowing and quickly made out a yellowish form amongst the branches.

"A wild leopard`s attacking! Back, you savage beast! I`m not going down without a fight! En Garde!" Lana swung her sword.

Rearing up, Marceline purred and played with the sword.

Watching them through the window, Lynn smiled fondly before sighing.

She didn't know why she lashed out at her brother back in the attic, it was just a random episode she couldn't figure the cause of. Her best guess was that the stress of finding the letter was starting to get to her.

She saw her father still sleeping on the couch, judging from his appearance she figured that must have had a busy night repairing what was left of Luan`s damage.

Her mother`s car was nowhere to be seen and neither was she, presumably she went to buy groceries for dinner or run some errands.

Lynn didn't waste time guessing, she grabbed an energy drink from the fridge and drank it to stay focused before crushing the can against her forehead and throwing it into the trash bin. She walked upstairs to check on her sisters.

Peaking into the twins` room, she saw Leni tailoring a dress on Lola.

Next, she visited Luna`s and Luan`s room. Thankfully the rocker was still absent.

She went over to Lori`s and Leni`s room and saw a warning tapped on the door in big, red letters, reading: " **KEEP OUT IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES** ".

Lynn pressed her ear against the door and heard the repeated sound of snapshots. " _Yeah, Lori`s preoccupied_." the jock snidely concluded and strolled back towards the attic, recounting everything.

" _Okay, so mom, dad, Lana, Lola, Leni, Luna, Lori and...ugh...Luan are all taken care off. That just leaves_ -"

"Lynn, I was hoping to locate you." came Lisa`s distinct monotonous, lispy voice. Lynn walked into the toddler genius who was carrying a long roll of paper containing various data.

"Lisa, what is it?"

"Fortunately nothing of concern, in spite of my previous misassumptions." Lisa replied plainly while adjusting her glasses, her gaze glued to the paper.

"I have spent the entire night cycle meticulously examining and reexamining the genetic makeup of the selected few strands of hair which I had removed from your new associate, Ryan Taylor was it? And my diagnosis is that he does not host any known illnesses, merely some inconsequential pigmentation disorder, therefore leaving no need for any quarantining."

"You mind speaking in English, egghead?" Lynn rolled her eyes.

Lisa sighed indignantly. "He`s not sick. Just pale."

Lynn snorted. "Really? Well thanks for the update. I had no idea." she retorted sarcastically. "It never occurred to me to ask my friend for weeks if he was sick."

"Actually, I did find one anomaly in the sample." Lisa replied simply. "I found one foreign hair entangled within the human hair. That specific hair tested as _Canis lupus lycaon_."

Lynn exhaled exasperatedly. "Again, smarty pants. I don't speak Nerd-ese. Mind clarifying?"

"I discovered a wolf hair on your friend`s head."

Lynn`s face dropped at the revelation.

"Now this discovery did arouse my curiosity." Lisa admitted stoically. "How pray tell did your friend come into contact with a wolf in order for this to have happened?"

"Wolf hair..." Lynn`s voice trailed off, not knowing how to respond. "Pfff...wolf hair?" she changed her tune to one of faux-amusement. "What's that supposed to imply? That Ryan`s a werewolf? Get real?"

"I do not believe in such non-scientific nonsense as lycanthropy. The only logical conclusion based on the data is that your associate came into physical contact with a wolf."

"Yeah, sure." Lynn used snark to mask her unease. "He must have gone into the woods and played fetch with one. I think you made a mistake."

Lisa suddenly looked agitated. "I do not make mistakes! Especially not with something as basic as identifying a species based on fully intact DNA!"

"Wow, chill Einstein. Ryan has a dog, that's probably where the hair came from." Lynn dismissed her.

"Impossible! The hair very blatantly stemmed from _a Canis lupus lycaon_ , not a _Canis lupus familiaris_! Their genetic codes are very easy to differentiate!" Lisa argued adamantly.

Lynn cupped her face. "Uhhhh...you know a bunch of Greece words. Am I supposed to be in awe?" she teased her.

Lisa started twitching and narrowed her eyes. "First of, the adjective you're looking for is _Greek_ , not _Greece_. Secondly, those words are of _Latin_ origin, not _Greek_! And don't you dare mock me you intellectually-impaired halfwit-ah!"

Lynn ruffled up Lisa`s hair, cutting her off. "Yeah, yeah, you and your fancy words are very cute, but a big girl like me has more important things to do than talk about doggies." she explained smarmily. Lisa growled.

Lynn noticed the fox toy lying in the hall, grabbed it and shoved it into Lisa`s hands.

"Here, go play with this why don't ya! Just stop pestering me." Lynn smirked at her before scaling up the ladder. " _Dodged that bullet_."

Lisa glowered up before looking at the toy she had been given.

"Pffff...what am I supposed to do with this plastic distraction for infants?" she thought condescendingly before accidentally pulling on the switch.

" _Cheer up, baby, don't you cry. No more tears, it's cheer up time_." the fox started singing and dancing in her grasp. Suddenly, Lisa felt a little more interested and switched it off.

"Hmmmm...this cheap contraption appears to have inbuilt animatronic qualities _._ Perhaps this could be my answer for building my android assistant _?_ " Lisa mused and switched it on.

" _Laugh with me and we will be. Happy, happy, happy!_ " Lisa frowned and switched it off again.

"But first I need to replace its voice chip. Immediately."

Peaking from above, Lynn sighed with relief. Lisa might be a super genius but you could still toy with her attention span like with any other toddler.

"Lynn, is something wrong?" she heard Lincoln`s voice.

She sighed again. "Bro, I think we have a minor situation..."

* * *

"Wasn`t this fun?" Luan said to Ryan as they sat on a bench. They had spent an hour giving away free toys.

" _Exhilarating_..." the boy answered with an underlying tone of sarcasm.

"I know, right!" the oblivious Luan replied. "I always love giving smiles to others. Especially little kids, don`t you?"

" _I love giving them a good fright_."

"Eh...sure I do." Ryan answered unenthusiastically. "Glad I made you happy."

"You really did." Luan smiled as she scooted closer to him. "I was kinda feeling bummed out today. Everyone was angry at me and giving me the cold shoulder over yesterday but you really lifted my spirit."

Ryan shrugged. "Glad to be of service. It was pretty fun hanging out with you, and the day`s still young. Being with you, I never know what's gonna happen next."

"Yeah...life`s never fun when it's too predictable, keeps you guessing..." Luan`s voice trailed off.

"I know, it gets kinda boring. I didn't know what to expect crossing the ocean and having to move into a new home, but turns out it isn't so bad..." he stopped to look at Luan "...I`d even say I like it better here."

"Oh? Any particular reason?" Luan asked, this time with more confidence and even a hint of mischief.

Ryan smirked. "Lovelier company for one..."

Smiling and moving closer until they were rubbing shoulders, Luan leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Ryan froze stiff.

"Thanks." Luan said sweetly as she leaned back batting her eyelashes.

Feeling dumbstruck, Ryan shook himself out of his trance. "Eh...you`re... welcome.." he stammered dumbly.

Luan giggled. "You're cute when you can't think clearly."

Ryan tried to pull himself together. How could a small display of affection like a kiss from one of the Loud sisters pack such a punch? First Lynn, now her.

"Well, a dude can only think so much with such a mesmerizing sight right in front of him." he smirked at her.

"You're such a charmer..." the girl giggled.

"Nah, I`m just brutally honest with the ladies. Can't expect me to tell a fib when I'm week and helpless against your feminine wiles." he joked.

Wiles? Wasn't he supposed to trick her or talk her into doing something? Oh, right! He finally remembered. The April Fools thing?

Luan moved closer and placed both her hands on his shoulders, making him sweat nervously as her face was getting closer to his.

" _I can show you my feminine wiles_." she whispered seductively.

Fighting the overwhelming temptation to let Luan do whatever she planned to do, Ryan mustered the willpower to avert her gaze and jerked back.

"Oh look! A ferris wheel! " he pointed up anxiously to distract her, and himself. "I always wanted to ride one!"

Looking extremely disappointed, Luan pouted and looked in the direction he was pointing.

"Oh. Yeah. That." she replied drearily. "It`s very big...and...eh... wheely." she tried to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Yeah, just imagine that view from up there! We should grab the chance before a long line forms in front of it!" Ryan proclaimed rapidly and took her hand to drag her towards it.

* * *

"I`ll be. This view was worth the price of admission." Ryan marveled along with his date as their seat rotated all the way to the top when the ferris wheel stopped spinning, allowing them to take in the full view of Royal Woods from one side and the panorama of forests, hills and the placid river streaming through the gorge below the bridge on the other.

"Clean air too." he added.

Luan was in awe, the view was majestic, and even more so, the two of them were alone, no one there to distract them on their own private seat looking down at the big, wide world together under the clear blue sky.

Now she understood why Ryan had insisted on doing this. Why squander such a precious moment on a filthy, old bench when there were much better options.

" _And more romantic_..." she said suggestively as she leaned against Ryan. The boy started to sweat and grew goosebumps.

"I wouldn't know, I don't know much about romance..." he tried to joke but grew increasingly anxious as he ended up looking into her eyes.

" _Hold yourself together man! You`ve got a job to do! You`re better than letting some eyelash batting broad get the better of you! Remember Lynn. You're spoken for her!"_ his brain told him like an angry coach.

"All evidence to the contrary..." Luan replied seductively as her face came closer. Ryan felt his breathing rapidly getting shallower.

" _Lynn just thinks of you as a friend. This fine babe is throwing herself at you. You have no commitments to betray. Just let nature run its course_." something else told Ryan otherwise.

Luan closed her eyes and puckered her lips, and Ryan held his breath.

" _Do it. It's only natural. You`ve earned your reward. Grab her and smooch her like there's no tomorrow!_ " sweating bullets Ryan was on the verge of giving into the temptation when suddenly, he grabbed Luan by the waist and pushed her back.

"Luan, please! Not on the first date." he said with a nervous chuckle.

Looking down, Luan`s cheeks turned scarlet and she giggled. Ryan promptly got his hands off her, blushing as well.

"I didn't peg you for the shy type." the girl joked.

Composing himself, Ryan struggled to put on an air of nonchalance."Shy? Me! As if!"

"Then why did you get so grabby? Not that I minded it." Luan smirked.

"Eh...it's just..." Ryan was actually at a loss for words. "...I...eh...never kissed a girl before...eh..and..."

Luan giggled. "It`s okay. I never kissed a boy before." she admitted. "But there's a first for everything."

Ryan grinned uneasily and pointed a finger up. " _Right_. But... I`m not one for rushing things. I like to, y`know, slow down and smell the roses. Y`know, think things trough...and..."

"Oh, I see." Luan concluded cheekily. "You're nervous about taking that first step, I won't rush you."

She immediately scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him, gently caressing his shoulders.

"We can ease in into the moment..." she said gently as she rested her head on his shoulder, clinging on to him and humming softly.

Ryan twitched and grew tense. Why did it feel so wrong yet so tempting to just give in? He was on a real date, with a real, pretty girl, who went on the date willingly and actually liked him, and they had practically done every single thing a couple would do short of reaching first base. Maybe he should just go with the flow...

" _Focus, you numbskull! April Fools! Talk about that!_ "

"Maybe..." he sighed. "But I was meaning to ask you something?"

Luan`s eyes lit up. "What`s the most romantic dinner in town? If I have a date for homecoming!"

"Not exactly..." Ryan interjected "...actually, I was gonna ask you something about your April Fools tradition."

"What`s there to tell ya? I already told you everything." a carefree Luan asked.

"Well, I kind of noticed how your sisters gave you hell over it this morning."

Luan`s eyes shot open upon hearing that and she rose up, looking at Ryan with an uneasy expression. "You...saw that?"

Finally having the upper hand in the conversation again, Ryan sighed. "I did. Didn't want to barge into a family argument but I think your brand of comedy isn't to your family`s liking."

Luan`s timidness and unease from before returned full force, as she shrank back uncomfortably.

"Yeah, it was pretty harsh. They didn`t look very amused by your shenanigans." Ryan continued. "Do they react like that to your pranks a lot?"

Luan bit her lip, uncertain how to answer to that.

"Well...eh...they don't...well...actually...they sorta do." she stuttered ashamedly.

"Really?" Ryan faked surprise. "So they aren't fans of your comedy?"

Looking embarrassed, Luan turned silent while avoiding eye contact and rubbed her arms uncomfortably.

"Luan, you can tell me. I won't laugh, I promise. You can be honest with me." Ryan tried persuading her to talk.

Luan thought about it. Ryan had been nothing but kind to her all day, maybe she should tell him? This has been bothering her for years and she always wished to be able to talk to someone about it and vent out her feelings. Now she could.

Scrambling together the courage, Luan fiddled nervously before eventually releasing a long sigh.

"Well, they don't usually react with such hostility, but.." she scratched her neck "...I suppose my pranks aren't usually on the same scale as they are on April 1st. I go a little nuts making sure my pranks are up to par for the big day, I suppose?"

Ryan didn't need confirmation for that, he saw it with his own two eyes."Ah, and how do they usually react?"

"Not much at all, I guess. They just look at me, eyes half closed and groan, and usually ignore me." Luan admitted, growing bitter. "I can get a hint, contrary to what some of them might think."

"Unpleasable audience, huh? And does that bother you?" Ryan asked the obvious, more or less already knowing the answer already.

Luan was hesitant to answer when their cart shook slightly, jolting them both as they started going downwards.

"Oh, looks like our ride is almost over, hold that thought." Ryan told her, trying to savor some levity while he could, knowing that there won't anything funny with Luan once they start talking.

* * *

Lincoln splashed some water on his face from the bathroom sink to calm down. He looked into the mirror, his eyes slowly turning bloodshot from the stress. This was really starting to get to him. Nearly six hours of searching and no results.

Sighing, he clutched the sink tensely and stared into his own reflection with a determined look. " _Just keep a cool head, Linc, we will find that letter soon enough, we just have to! We`ve searched the entire attic. Everything`s under control. Lisa finding a wolf hair on Taylor`s head doesn't mean anything, he`ll lie our way out of it in a heartbeat once he returns. No way one little hair could possibly throw a wrench in our current plan, it's not possible. Don't overreact. You just checked on all your sisters, they're still distracted like they should be. Everything`s running smoothly_." he reassured himself just before hearing the static from his walkie-talkie, which he had left on the washing machine.

Lincoln picked it up. "Hello, Lynn? What is it?"

* * *

A tired and frustrated Lynn was standing in the attic which had every single one of its items pilled onto its right side, leaving the left side with nothing but lots of boards and occasional spiderwebs.

"This is hopeless, Lincoln!" the jock ranted flippantly while pulling her own hair. "I`ve searched every single goddamn inch of this place and found no letter!"

" _It can`t be! It has to be somewhere up there?_ " she could hear the panic seeping into his voice.

"It`s not!" Lynn snapped. "What if Luan lied about where she found it?!"

She got no response.

"Lincoln?!" she asked angrily.

" _Someone`s knocking_... _I`m coming back! We`ll search it over again! Lincoln out!_ " he spoke in a rushed tone and ended the call.

"Search it over again?!" Lynn blurted in disbelief. She couldn't stand looking at this infernal attic for another minute!

Boiling mad, Lynn growled through gritted teeth and in her rage delivered a brutal kick to the wall, breaking two boards in two.

As she slowly cooled down and the dust around the small crater settled down, Lynn saw something white bulging out of it.

Her eyes opened wide as she grabbed it, unrolled it and grew an ecstatic smile upon reading the words: Sharon DeMonet.

" _Jackpot!_ " she jumped up. " _Wait?_ " she realized something upon reexamining the letter. " _That name sounds like "sharing the money"?_ "

Lynn snorted with bitter sarcasm. " _Real creative, dad_."

* * *

Lincoln came out to find Lana, dressed in safari clothes, doing the pee-pee dance.

"Oh, hey Lana! Sorry to keep you waiting!" he greeted her nervously.

"Lincoln? Where have you been all day?" the little tomboy asked him, but he brushed past her and towards the ladder.

"Sorry, can't chat! Got...homework to do!"

"Homework? But it's summer?"

Ignoring her, Lincoln tried climbing up the ladder when someone grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. He was faced with an extremely pissed Lori.

Lincoln started sweating. "Lori? Eh...everything alright?"

"No." she answered bluntly. "I just found out that Carol Pingrey has left to be a summer camp counselor a week ago and hasn't posted anything since!"

The boy swallowed a lump. "Oh...oh...her name`s Carol Pingrey? Not Carol...Pinney? Upps, eh...my bad." he grinned fearfully. "I thought I got something wrong, Carol isn't a redhead, isn't she?"

Lori growled.

"I`m so sorry for wasting your time. But hey, you love taking selfies, and you'll upstage Carol for a while, so...eh..no harm no foul. By!" Lincoln tried to climb up but was yanked back down.

"Hold on a second!" Lori glared at him scrutinizingly. "I know you're not dense enough to make such a stupid mistake. And since when did you care about browsing social media? And what do you want in the attic anyway?"

"Eh...early spring cleaning." Lincoln grinned nervously.

"Hey, Lori? Do you mind letting me in our room? I left some sewing needles there." Leni suddenly approached them.

"Not now! I`m interrogating the twerp!" Lori lashed out at her. "I smell something fishy."

"Leni! Come back and finish my sundress!" Lola stormed in, clad in partially-sewed fabrics.

"Ohhhhh...I feel so much better now." a relieved-looking Lana joined them. "What's everybody doing?"

" _No,no,no,no_..." Lincoln started panicking and broke free of Lori`s grasp and stumbled back against the ladder.

Lori stepped ahead and loomed over him. "Alright, what are you up to?" she demanded.

"Lori, I swear! I`m not up to any-"

Suddenly, Lynn jumped down and accidentally crashed into Lincoln. The others took a step back as Lynn shook her head and looked at her brother, who was pinned and groaning beneath her.

"Ah, Linc!" she spoke excitedly. "I found the..." she stopped as she realized they weren't alone. Lori, Leni and the twins were looking at them.

" _Ah crap_..." Lynn muttered exasperatedly.

* * *

 **Don't you just hate it when you`ve searched for hours to find something to no avail when a random kick to the wall would have immediately and conveniently revealed the thing you were looking for? Fiction XD**

 **And is it just me or is someone starting to come off as a green-eyed monster? Look out, a sisterly catfight might be on its way XD**


	11. It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House III

**Hold onto your horses, cuz things will get pretty nuts in this chapter. Except for the scenes involving Luan, ironically enough.**

* * *

"Cotton candy?" Ryan offered one to Luan as they sat down on another bench in the bustling amusement park.

"Thanks." she accepted it dejectedly but didn't even take a nibble. Ryan pulled a piece from his and stuffed it into his mouth.

"So..." he began with a full mouth and swallowed "...why do you keep pulling pranks and cracking jokes if none of them like them? Not judging you or anything, it just seems kind of counterproductive to keep doing it to a bunch of people who don't like it. I`m sure it doesn't make the best PR for you as a family member."

Luan sighed. "I dunno...I just thought if I keep trying at least one of them would like it."

"There`s nothing wrong with trying, I suppose?" Ryan shrugged. "But if you keep getting one bad review after another from the same people then shouldn't you start considering that they might not be the right audience? Isn't feedback important for comedy?"

"I suppose..." Luan looked down.

"Aren't there others who enjoy your acts?" Ryan inquired. "I mean I think you're funny, but one dude isn't an audience."

Luan rose up. "Sure there are! I perform for my grandpa and his nursing home pals whenever they take a bus trip, and I have performed as a birthday clown several times already. They all loved it!"

"See, sounds like you have your audience." Ryan replied nonchalantly. "One of them is even family, so why waste so much time making eleven sticks in the mud hate you?"

Luan didn't know what to say. When put like that her attempts to make her siblings, and even her parents, laugh did seem incredibly inane and futile.

"They don't hate me over it..." Luan retorted, though her tone betrayed a major lack of confidence in her own words "...they...just get cranky cuz they don't get the joke."

Ryan gave her an unconvinced look. "What I saw today sure looked like hate. Specifically, of the "feed up with something" variety."

"I mean, I don't know the full context of it, but the words they said to you are the kind of words I would dish out at folks that I seriously don't like."

Luan shrank and looked away. His words cut like a knife, she found it harder and harder to deny that her family was truly pissed at her this time around.

After she made no reply Ryan sighed. "Look, I`m sorry if I upset you, it's just-"

"No, you're right they are angry at me." she finally admitted sorrowfully.

"So why do you keep doing that "Prankmageddon" of yours if-"

"I don't know!" she raised her voice. "I don't usually think about it! I just...i just do it! I feel compelled to and I just do it!" she admitted flippantly.

"Wow! Easy there." Ryan raised his hands. "I didn't mean to offend you."

Luan deflated. "I`m sorry I yelled at you." she fought back tears.

"I`m not angry." Ryan reassured her. "I just wanted to give you some advice."

Luan looked at him tearfully. Feeling guilty, Ryan extended his arm and pulled her closer, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder.

"Luan..." he tried to sound as soft as possible "...I think there's something seriously bothering you. And you don't want to tell anyone about it."

The girl sniffed. "Cuz I know I'm a screw-up. Even my family can't stand me..."

"Now wait a second. You're overexaggerating." Ryan joked. "There's a difference between being pissed at someone for the moment and actually hating someone."

"Then what kind of advice did you want to give me? And why?"

Ryan sighed. " _Time do it_."

"Because I like you, and I`d hate to see you put yourself in harm's way, even if you don't realize what you're doing."

"Doing what?" she sniffed.

"Luan, let's get real. Your siblings are getting tired of your yearly prank apocalypse. Lynn said some very unflattering things about you I`d rather not discuss in detail. I can see when people are being put to their limit. And I really don't think it would be good for you to keep pressing their buttons."

"So you're saying I should quit comedy?" she concluded sullenly.

"I never said that. But I think it would be better for you to quit your April Fools tradition, as far as I see it's causing you more pain than joy in the long run. And maybe consider practicing your pranks on someone else. Cuz beyond annoying your family, didn't you ever think that your pranks might have...bad consequences?"

Luan blinked through her tears. "Worse than my family despising me?"

Ryan sighed. "I`m afraid so. Didn't you hear about the bitter argument your folks had over you last night?"

Luan rose up with a startled expression. "What do you mean?"

"Your dad went fishing yesterday and when he came back everyone was livid and accused him of helping you out and then fleeing to save his own skin."

"What?" Luan looked scandalized. "I only ever got him to do that once. I`ve long since outgrown the need for an accomplice!"

"I believe ya, Luan." Ryan replied. "But for everyone else, it was hard to ignore the convenient timing, especially your mom who forced him to work all night peeling the furniture down and then sleeping on it. And I doubt she`ll speak to him for the foreseeable future."

A wave of guilt quickly hit Luan. How could this have happened? And it was all a result of her actions?

"I`m sure you didn't mean to, but intentional or not, you wound up screwing your old man over hard and made your mom be pissed for nothing."

"What have I done..." Luan uttered desperately and collapsed into Ryan`s embrace again, sobbing softly.

Well, his mission was going in the right direction, if only Ryan didn't feel like trash for the way he was handling it. But he had to give Luan a dose of reality one way or the other.

All he could do now is comfort her.

* * *

"What`s that you're holding?" Lori asked instantly while pointing at the paper in Lynn`s hand.

Her and Lincoln were busted and were being scrutinized by four pairs of eyes. Lynn quickly hid the paper behind her back.

"Holding what?" she faked ignorance. Lincoln facepalmed.

Rolling her eyes in annoyance, Lori glowered at them.

"Do you think we're blind!" Lola snapped. "What's that piece of paper!"

"It's just tissue!" Lincoln cut in. "Lynn has the flue. And uhhh..." Lincoln touched his forehead and pretended to shudder "...I think I caught it from her. You guys better get away from us. We don't want you to get sick too!"

"Ohhh...you poor things!" Leni gasped sadly. "You need bed rest and chicken soup, and a doctor-ow!" she was cut off by Lola stomping her foot.

"Get your head out of the clouds. That's the most obvious lie I ever heard!" the princess lashed out at her.

"I knew you were up to something..." Lori sneered at the pair. "If you're being so secretive about this piece of paper then it must of some value." Lori slowly grew a smirk. "Okay! What is it!" she asked eagerly.

"It's nothing! It's just a worthless piece of paper!" Lynn retorted.

"Your choice, dweebs." Lori shrugged. "Then we`ll have to prie it out of your grubby, little hands!"

"No, you're not!" Lincoln boldly stepped between them. "You're not taking a single look at it!"

Unfazed, Lori shoved him to the floor.

"Linc!" Lynn gasped when Lori grabbed her wrist and pried her hand open to take the paper.

The jock narrowed her eyes. "Oh, no you don't."

Lynn leaped at Lori, snatching the paper with one hand and planting the other one on Lori`s shoulder for support. Before the latter could register what had happened, Lynn did a flip jump over her and landed gracefully behind her and the rest.

She sent them a teasing smirk. "Looks like star quarterback Lynn Loud is going for the touchdown!" she boasted before sprinting away from them.

Lori growled and fumed. "Get her!" she exclaimed before she and the twins chased after her.

Getting up, a worried Lincoln followed suit. The commotion caught Lisa`s attention, who had been busy working on the fox toy, and she peeked through the door after her brother.

Lisa stroked her chin with intrigue.

A confused and worried Leni remained where she stood. "Guys! Lincoln and Lynn can`t play football when they're sick!" she cried in concern.

Lynn rushed down the stairs, followed by her sisters. Once she reached the bottom, she abruptly stopped and crouched down, causing Lori and the twins to trip over her and crash into a pile.

Lynn winced before growing a cocky smirk as she strolled towards them. "Looks like somebody has two left feet!" she mocked them.

"Lynn!" Lincoln called after her from atop the stairs. "Get that thing out of the house and destroy it!" he shouted urgently.

"On it, bro!" Lynn said affirmatively but just as she was about to run for the yard Lori grabbed her ankle.

"You`re not going anywhere!" Lori hissed.

Cursing, Lynn crumbled the paper into a ball and looked at her brother.

"Linc, catch!" she threw it to him. Lincoln, barely having the time to react, clumsily caught it.

He soon gulped as all eyes were on him now.

"He has it!" Lola shouted as the twins got up. Lori pushed Lynn off balance and got up as well.

Lincoln, sweating fearfully, backed up.

"Oh no, Linky! You're sweating from your fever!" he jolted as heard Leni from behind him.

"Get him!" Lori shouted from below.

Lincoln turned back to Leni. "Look out! A spider!" he shouted.

"WHAT?! WHERE!" Leni screamed and ran through the hall blindly until she slammed into a door and fell down.

Lincoln tried to run for cover when Lisa jumped into his path. Startled, Lincoln halted.

"Excuse me, brother, but I may I observe the item that caught everyone`s intrigue?" she asked. Lincoln growled.

"Lisa, get out of-ah!" the twins jumped and clung on to him.

"Give me that!" Lola yelled.

"Get off me!" Lincoln fumbled around, desperately trying to keep his footing and to keep the paper out of reach.

"Don`t be so selfish! Let us see!" Lana retorted while trying to grab it.

"Perhaps I should take custody of the mystery item!" Lisa was jumping up trying to reach the letter.

"You don't even know what it is!" Lincoln snapped.

"If you have it I want it!" Lola whined.

"That's precisely the thing that makes new discoveries fascinating!" Lisa retorted to her brother while trying to reach it, when suddenly, Lincoln toppled over and landed on top of her. The twins wrestled him for the letter when Lori grabbed them both and yanked them off.

She promptly grabbed Lincoln by the collar of his shirt and hoisted him up. "Now be a good boy and show your sister what you have...OR I`LL TWIST YOU INTO A PRECLE!"

"Never!" Lincoln stated defiantly and hid the paper behind his back. Lori fumed.

Suddenly, Lynn jumped on Lori`s back and grabbed her in a chokehold. "Let go of him, you bully!"

Gasping, Lori dropped him. "Run, Lincoln! I`ll keep her busy!" Lynn shouted.

Lincoln barely stood up when he was tackled down by his three little sisters. With surprising strength, he stood up and threw them all off before slouching as he panted with exhaustion.

Grabbing Lynn`s wrists, Lori pried the jock`s arms off her throat and let her fall back. She immediately set her sights on Lincoln. He ran.

"Enough games, twerp! GIVE ME THAT!" she quickly caught her fleeing brother by the arm. Lynn rose up just in time to see it.

"Lincoln! I`m free!" she waved her arms. Lincoln threw the paper ball to her and she caught it. Lynn immediately ran to her room.

Lori ran after her but Lincoln grabbed her leg, causing them both to hit the floor as Lynn shut the door. Lisa and the twins ran over them and tried opening the door only to find that it was locked.

"Allow me." Lana smirked and pulled out her locksmith tools and opened the door in no time.

The little sisters rushed in while Lori pushed herself up and angrily kicked Lincoln away into a coat hanger, which fell down and hit him on the head.

But as soon as she joined the others they found the room to be empty.

"Look!" Lana pointed to a rope made of tied together clothing which was tied to Lynn`s bed and hanging out the window.

The sisters peered over it and saw Lynn climbing down the wall.

"Sayonara, suckers!" Lynn mock saluted them as she was nearing the ground.

"She`s getting away!" Lola cried.

"From you three maybe." Lisa turned around while the others were still peering through the window.

She pulled out a small remote and pressed it, zapping her away from where she just stood a second ago.

* * *

Lynn reached the ground and bolted around the house and hid behind a tree. She made sure that the coast was clear when Lisa materialized behind her. Lynn turned to run only to jolt in fright upon meeting the genius.

"Lisa?!" she blurted. "What? How?"

"That`s not for you to ponder about." Lisa adjusted her glasses. "Now will you please let me examine that enigmatic document. Something that caused so much stir must yield very valuable information."

Lynn scowled. "Fat chance, now get lost!"

Lisa sighed.

"Alas, don't say I didn't use the diplomatic approach first. But now you`ve forced my hand." she pulled something out of her pocket.

Lynn sneered. "Oh yeah? And whatcha gonna do, tiny? Beat me up?"

"Entirely unnecessary." the toddler stated plainly and pointed her hypno ray at Lynn.

It shot a bright, enticing beam at the jock. Her pupils shrank before her eyes started swirling and she started moaning dumbly.

Lisa smiled deviously. "Now, will you politely hand over the paper to me?"

In a deep trance, Lynn nodded obediently. " _Yes, I will give you the paper_." she droned robotically and gave Lisa the crumbled up ball.

"Thank you." Lisa smiled. "Now...eh...go find a very big stick and give yourself a corporal spanking!" she ordered her.

Stretching her arms out like a zombie, Lynn walked away and droned, " _Yes, I will spank myself. Must spank myself_."

"Huh, I didn't honestly think it would work." Lisa looked at her little device proudly before opening up the letter. "Now let's see what secrets you're withholding-hey!"

Lola snatched the letter from her hand while Lana stuck a trash bin over the genius. Lisa`s muffled rants were ignored as the twins walked off.

"Finally, it's mine!" Lola smiled gleefully.

"Lemme see!" Lana leaned in only for Lola to jerk it back.

"Nah-ah! I grabbed it so it's mine!"

"Hey! No fair! I helped ya!"

Lola stuck her tongue out. "Who cares! I don't like sharing!"

"You selfish cow!" Lana angrily grabbed the paper and they started a tug of war.

"Stop it, you imbeciles! You'll tear it apart!"

The twins stopped and saw an angry, trash-covered Lisa pointing her ray at them.

"Beat it, egghead! We stole it fair and square!" Lana retorted.

"Return it to me, this instant! I stole it first!" Lisa growled.

"Or what?" Lola shot her a mocking sneer. "You`ll spray us with your weird-looking water pistol?"

"Actually, it's a hypnosis ray! It only works on undeveloped minds..." Lisa shot its beam at the twins. Their eyes turned swirly and their mouths hung open as they dropped the letter.

Smiling, Lisa picked it up. "Oh, and by the way, you two are chicken now!"

The twins crouched down, stuck their elbows out and started flapping, clucking and scrapping the ground with their feet.

Smirking with satisfaction, Lisa walked away only to bump into Lori.

"Ah, Lisa. You found the letter for me!" she smiled at her smarmily.

"Oh no!" Lisa objected. "If anyone deciphers the secrets from within this paper it will be me!"

"Don`t push your luck, brat!" Lori glowered.

"Don`t you push yours!" Lisa pointed her ray at her.

Lori gasped before narrowing her eyes."You wouldn't dare!"

The two circled around each other and Lisa slowly backed away towards the front door. "Try me!" Lisa warned her when suddenly, the door flung open and slammed Lisa against the wall and the paper flew up.

Still rubbing his sore head, Lincoln leaped out and locked eyes with Lori. "Where`s the paper! I`m warning you!" he stooped as the paper came floating down into his hand.

"Oh. That was easy." he noted in surprise.

Lori folded her arms. "Alright, twerp. You know there's no way you'll escape. So just spill the beans and we might not hurt you as badly as we planned."

Lincoln scowled and placed the paper in his pocket. "Sorry, but I can't. Someday you'll thank me for doing this."

"Whatever that paper holds must be really valuable if you're willing to risk your life like that." Lori noted with a hint of respect.

"I guess you could say it like that." Lincoln admitted grimly. "Too bad you'll never learn what it is."

Lori snarled and lunged at him. Acting quickly, Lincoln slipped through her legs and ran off. Looking over her shoulder, Lori saw him fleeing and turned around to chase after him.

But luck was on his side, as the hypnotized Lana came right into Lori`s path to dig and slurp up a worm. Lori tripped and crashed on top of her.

Groaning, Lana dragged herself from underneath Lori and shook her head. "Wut?... What happened? How`d I get here?" the bewildered tomboy looked around and saw Lola running by, acting like a chicken. Confused, Lana ran after her.

Getting up, Lori saw that Lincoln was gone and fumed silently. Right then Luna came back.

"Hey, dude. I`m back. Did I miss something?" she greeted her. Lori kept fuming.

"Ow. My head..." Leni groaned as she stumbled into the yard.

"Forget your head, Leni! We have to rally up and find Lincoln?"

"Huh? For what?" Luna asked cluelessly.

"Because he's been hiding a piece of paper from us! I don't know what it is, but given how insanely protective he`s of it it must be valuable!" Lori proclaimed as Lana dragged Lola back and slapped her a few times to wake her from her trance.

"Like a treasure map? Or a winning lottery ticket? Or some dead millionaires last will and inheritance!" Lori theorized. "Whatever it is we`re gonna track him down and find out! Let's go!" Lori ordered and stormed off, followed by Leni and the twins.

Luna was a bit hesitant to come along but then concluded, "You say it involves doe? I`m in!" she quickly followed.

Meanwhile, the front door moved back, revealing Lisa smashed into the wall, with her glasses broken and her hypno ray crushed. She let out a feeble groan before falling to the ground.

* * *

Having left the park, Ryan brought the now downbeat Luan to a cafe and bought her a smoothie.

"Want one? It's sure to _smooth_ things over, get it?" he joked but got no response.

Sighing, he sat next to her. "C`mon now, Luan. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's no big whoop."

Luan slouched and rested her head in her hand. "Can`t, not after what I`ve done.

"Luan, you just made some mistakes, everyone does. You can easily fix that."

"How?"

"Easy, just say you're sorry and think about the consequences your future pranks might have better. Trust me, you do that and they'll forget about it in no time." Ryan reassured her.

"But that won't stop them from seeing me as just a talentless annoyance." she muttered in response. "A lot of folks do."

"Well, you can't make people like you if they don't, that's how it is." Ryan said poignantly. "At least with your family you know that at the end of the day they care about you even if you do get on their nerves."

"You sound like your talking from experience." Luan read between the lines.

Ryan sighed, debating with himself whether he should reveal so much about himself. He and Luan did have quite a bit in common when it came to their social lives.

"So do you. And I`m not talking about family here, am I?"

Luan grew nervous, figuring that he was starting to realize about her outcast status.

"Don't have a lot of friends, huh?" Ryan finally asked her. Luan shrank ashamedly.

"Am I that obvious?" she replied fearfully, worrying that he would laugh at her.

Ryan gave her an understanding smile. "Well sorta, I can tell you're not a social butterfly. I should know, I` didn't have much more luck in the friendship department either."

"What?" Luan rose up and stared at him sadly.

Ryan made a sardonic chuckle. "Don't be so surprised. You think kids like to be seen with a guy that looks like me?"

"You`re saying you were all alone in your old town without any friends?" she gave him a sympathetic look.

"Yup, never had a real friend back home. And you?"

Luan grimaced. "No..." she admitted miserably. "All the kids in my class make fun of me or avoid me, it was basically the same in elementary school too." It really hurt admitting that to someone. It made her feel pathetic and worthless. But Ryan kept giving her an understanding look.

"I know what's that like, there's little room for sympathy for the weird-looking ones."

"Did they call you names too?"

"Did they? Too many to count, I eventually grew tired of it and started punching out their milk teeth."

"You did?" Luan asked in surprise.

Ryan nodded. "Yep, it made me feel better turning the tables on them, but it didn't help my reputation in hindsight. I just went from plain freak to freak _and bully_ and most started fearing me more than ever. In the end, I kind of led a hollow existence so I wasn't super-upset when we moved to Michigan."

"I always wanted to lash out at those who made of me, but I never had the strength _or the courage_ to do it." Luan admitted sullenly.

"You shouldn't waste your time, it's a hollow joy at best." Ryan advised her.

"Ryan, I`m sorry you went through that. I know how that feels like. It really blows." Luan told him sympathetically.

"Yeah, but I don't like hanging on to the past, not when things are finally turning around for me..." Ryan finally smiled.

"... I had no reason to think this place would be any better than the last dump I lived in but then I met Lynn. For whatever reason, she gave me a chance and treated me like an actual human being, some of your little sisters like Lucy and Lana also seem to like me, and of course, there's you. All you guys seem a little kooky, so maybe I just fit in with your family."

"I guess that`s true." Luan finally perked up.

"See, you finally turned that frown upside down, you're not a screw-up, your one of the first real friends I made, we weirdos gotta stick together." Ryan told her encouragingly.

"And you're not technically friendless either."

Smiling brightly, Luan pulled him into a tight embrace, making him blush. "Thanks, Ryan. You're the best!"

"Hey, no problem." he replied patting her back.

Luan moved back and planted another kiss on his cheek, making him feel giddy and light-headed again.

"And by the way, I think you're really cute, in your own quirky way." Luan said sweetly.

Ryan gave a cheeky smirk. "Well, I always liked to think that I`m my own kind of beautiful."

Right then, his walkie-talkie started buzzing. Ryan groaned inwardly.

"Scuse me for a second, I have to visit the little boys`room." he told Luan and rushed to the bathroom.

* * *

Lincoln was hiding behind a dumpster, his walkie-talkie shaking in his grasp.

Where was Lynn? Did they do something to her? He couldn't risk searching for her, not while he was carrying dangerous data and the rest of his sisters were hot on his trail. There was only one other person he could turn to now, as much as he hated it.

"Come on. Pick up!" he grumbled fearfully.

" _What is it now, snowflake?_ " Ryan`s deadpan voice finally came.

Lincoln swallowed his pride. "Taylor, I need your help, now!"

 _"Can`t do. Can't leave my lovely date with the check_." came Ryan`s snide response.

"Forget about her! We found the letter!"

" _Well congrats, pipsqueak. Only took ya, what? Over ten hours to do it_."

"This isn't a joke, you idiot! My sisters found out and now they're following me. I can't evade them for long. You have to meet me at the park."

There was a brief silence. " _And where's Lynn?_ "

Lincoln`s brow furrowed. "I don't know. She disappeared while trying to take the letter away from them. I found it and took it, but I don't know about her."

There was a longer silence. "... _I`ll be there_." with that, Ryan ended the call. Lincoln could only hope that he was being serious.

"You have his scent, don't ya?" he suddenly heard Lola`s voice in the distance and bolted away.

A minute later, Lana arrived on the scene on all fours sniffing the ground and pointed north like a hunting dog.

Lola quickly joined her and rubbed her hands sinisterly. "We got him now!"

* * *

Luan waited patiently for her date to return. He finally came back but looked rather skittish.

"Luan, I`m very sorry to cut this date short but I just received a call about a family emergency. I`m afraid I`ll have to go."

"Oh." Luan frowned with disappointment. "I...I understand. I know all about family emergencies."

"Thanks for understanding." Ryan started backing away. "I had a great time by the way."

"Me too. I`ll see you soon, right?" she replied hopefully.

"Sure you will. I can't wait to hang out again. See ya soon!" Ryan waved goodbye and darted out of the cafe.

Luan looked on dreamily. " _What a guy! I think I`m in love_."

* * *

Lincoln quickly arrived at the park. It was full of people strolling through it and enjoying the beautiful, sunny day.

Lincoln rushed to the cover of the trees. Much to his dread, he quickly spotted his sisters entering the park. He ran deeper into the small forest, trying to find the local lake.

But he had to do it while evading his sisters. He tried to move deeper into the forest.

Searching through the bushes, Lana eventually found some white hair snagged in a branch.

"Guys! Look what I`ve found!" she showed it to the others.

"He`s here." Lori proclaimed before clapping her hands. "Alright, everyone! Split up and flush him out! He`s a sitting duck now!" she ordered the others and the girls dispersed.

Hearing that, Lincoln`s heart started racing and he frantically looked for the lake until he spotted a path through the woods leading towards something blue.

There it was! Sucking up all his courage, Lincoln braced himself and made a beeline towards it. The blue lake came closer and closer.

But suddenly, Lori, Leni and Luna jumped in his way, making him halt in his tracks.

"Not so fast, buster!" the oldest sister exclaimed putting her hands on her hips.

Then, a spinning, wooden stick was flung at Leni and hit her in the leg, knocking her off balance and knocking Lori and Luna down like dominos as well.

Wearing a backpack and a rope over his shoulder, Ryan leaped out of the bushes.

"Sorry! Coming through! Excuse me!" he quipped while landing on and digging his heal into every individual sisters` back before grabbing Lincoln with one arm and diving back into the bushes.

Hidden in the undergrowth, Lincoln was soon thrown to the ground and Ryan appeared over him.

"Sorry for being tardy. I had to pick up a few necessities." Ryan said smarmily.

"Th...thanks...for saving me." Lincoln replied begrudgingly.

"Don`t get sentimental now, pipsqueak." Ryan smirked. "You just dunk the letter into the lake, I`ll take care of the bimbo squad." he proudly pointed at himself.

"Oh, and if you get into a pickle, take this!" he tossed Lincoln a little bag of tricks before proceeding to leave.

"Just don't hurt them, alright!" Lincoln called after him.

Ryan looked over his shoulder and smirked cheekily. "No promises."

* * *

"Can you believe the nerve of that selfish jerk! Keeping something to himself and not wanting to share it with his beloved sisters! Disgusting!" Lola lamented as she and Lana searched the forest.

"Sounds like something you would do." Lana commented offhandedly.

"Not it's not! I always share!" the princess snapped at her twin.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Lana argued back.

They immediately got into another one of their classic squabbles before suddenly noticing a dark shadow looming over them.

They looked up, only to see a potato sack being thrown over them before everything went black.

Ryan hoisted the squirming and screaming sack up and tied its opening into a knot.

"Ughh...that whiny little prima donna needed to be sacked." he quipped before his smirk faltered. "Eh...sorry about this, Lana."

* * *

Lincoln rushed towards the lake but had to hide behind a tree as Luna passed by.

Once she was out of sight, Lincoln peaked to survey his surroundings before moving on.

"There you are, Linky!" the boy jumped as the always perky Leni appeared out of nowhere. Sweating, Lincoln backed away.

"Say, could you please remind me why we chased you here?" she asked politely. "It sorta slipped my mind after noticing how crystal clear and beautiful the sky was today."

Lincoln sighed. "I`m sorry, Leni." he apologized in advance before digging into his bag and throwing a fake spider at her.

Leni screeched and ran away blindly.

Lincoln cringed as she ran into a tree and knocked herself out cold.

* * *

"Lincoln, will you show yourself, dude!" Luna shouted for her brother. "C`mon, don't be such a greedy buzzkill!"

"Oh dear, oh dear. What do I do? What do I do?" she heard a nasally voice and spotted Lincoln`s snowy head and bright orange t-shirt as he awkwardly waddled through a grove of trees.

Scowling, Luna ran after him and grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "Alright, enough games, bra."

The boy turned around to reveal himself as Ryan in a white wig. "SIKES!" he exclaimed with a crooked grin.

Luna screamed in terror as Ryan grabbed her and pulled her into a patch of bushes.

"What are you doing!? What's the big idea?!" Luna protested as she suddenly found herself lying on her belly tied up.

Ryan kneeled down and patted her head. "Nothing personal, sweetheart. I`m just doing my job." he answered coolly before swiftly leaving her behind.

"Hey! Come back! This is so not cool, dude!" the squirming rocker yelled after him, but to no avail.

* * *

Lincoln finally stepped out of the forest and onto the grassy field in front of the lake.

"I made it!" he exclaimed happily when someone grabbed his arm. He looked back before freezing with horror. "Lori!"

Steaming mad, Lori almost crushed his arm in her grasp. "I`m like so sick and tired of chasing after you!" she ranted madly.

"You`ll show me what's on that paper, or I'll-"

"You guys don't even know what it is, and yet you chased the poor sap all the way here?" a third voice joined the party as Ryan stepped into the open.

"Someone desperately needs a hobby." he smirked mockingly.

"You..." Lori addressed him venomously.

"Ah, so you remember me!" Ryan gushed with mock-flattery. "I`m touched."

"You miserable, little shit stain!" Lori gritted her teeth. "You attacked us and walked all over me!"

"Wowzie! Nothing gets by you, does it, Blondy?" Ryan quipped nonchalantly.

Growling, Lori let go of Lincoln and stormed towards Ryan.

Lincoln used the distraction to run to the lake`s shore and threw the crumpled up letter into the water. It opened up and started slowly falling apart as it sank below the surface.

Lori grabbed Ryan by his shirt and hoisted him up. "Wow, easy there, tutz. The shirt`s cotton." he quipped nonchalantly.

Lori growled. "You know what I'm gonna do to you now?!"

"Get spit all over my face?" Ryan answered with a look of mirth and wiped his face.

"You're dead meat! You hear me? _Dead!_ "

"Sounds like a hoot, Laura." Ryan yawned. "But first, lemme show you a trick."

Ryan wrapped his arm around her head and pulled Lori`s face into his armpit. Lori`s eyes teared up as the rancid smell burned through her nasal cavities.

Lori screamed and let him drop. "That smell?" she clutched her throat while gasping and gagging uncontrollably. "Oh god!" she uttered in a strained voice while her face turned green before collapsing.

"Weak." Ryan noted mockingly as he stood up and put his hands on his hips. "Renee would barely have been stunned by this."

Lincoln joined him, staring at Lori`s unconscious form in disbelief.

"Take note, pipsqueak." Ryan told him jubilantly. "Not caring about personal hygiene has lots of perks.

Then he looked at the audience. "And knowing is half the battle."

* * *

" _Ow...ow...ow...ow_..." Lynn uttered monotonously while hitting her behind with a stick repeatedly.

Once they found her, the boys exchanged weirded out glances.

"Lynn? Lynn! What on earth are you doing?" Lincoln asked her worriedly.

" _Ow...ow...ow...ow_..." Lynn didn't respond.

"Taylor, what`s wrong with her?" Lincoln started to panic.

"Hmmm..." Ryan rubbed his chin and waved his hand in front of her face "...swirly eyes, drolling at the mouth, robotic monotone, self-inflicted humiliation. Yep, definitely hypnotized." he deduced.

He turned to Lincoln. "Eh...how exactly did one of your sisters learn hypnosis?"

"I dunno, can we wake her up?"

"Oh, that's easy." Ryan replied coolly and snapped his fingers a few times in front of Lynn`s face. She blinked and her eyes returned to normal.

"So what will you do, Lisa, huh?" she said cockily before realizing she wasn`t facing the little genius anymore.

"Wut? Were am I...owwww!" her rear felt like it had been assaulted by an army of fire ants, forcing her to rub it and she noted the stick in her other hand.

"Lisa, _of course_..." Lincoln deadpanned and added her on his to-do list. " _Teach Lisa that using a hypno ray on other people is not a nice thing_."

"Lincoln? Ryan? What happened? Why`s butt hearting so much."

"It seems one of your sisters hypnotized you and made you spank yourself. Somehow?" Ryan shrugged.

"What..." Lynn was outraged before narrowing her eyes and blushing with embarrassment. "Lisa... _that conniving, little rat!_ "

Lincoln sighed. "I`m sorry about this, Lynn. But on the upside, we did get rid of the letter and miraculously there was no collateral damage, and I don't think mom and dad ever even noticed anything."

Lynn glanced at him and exhaled dejectedly. "So that crap is finally over?"

Lincoln nodded. Lynn pinched her nose. "Ughh... I guess a win for our team is a win regardless of how we achieved it." she concluded miserably.

"That`s the spirit, Lynn. And for an added bonus, I got Luan to seriously reconsider how to handle her little hobby. So I`d say this was a success."

Lynn looked at Ryan with annoyance. "Oh...and how was your...uggh..."date" with Luan. Pretty annoying, huh?"

"Actually no." Ryan replied pleasantly. "I actually had fun, and it felt kind of good comforting her about her problems. I actually think we kind of became a lot closer."

Lynn felt like a brewing volcano on the inside. " _Glad you had fun_." she replied through clenched teeth, barely concealing her rage.

"Yeah, looks like I really lucked out on this mission." he gave her a sympathetic glance. "Sorry, you guys didn't have such a good time, but hey, no pain no gain. That's what you always say, Lynn."

"Yeah, I do." Lynn deflated.

"Doesn't mean you practice what you preach though."

The kids jolted upon hearing the strange voice. They looked up to find Lucy hanging upside down from a tree branch with a flock of bats, her hair hanging down to reveal her bloodshot eyes.

"Lucy? What are you doing?" Lincoln spoke up.

"Just hanging out with friends." the goth replied stoically before climbing down the tree. "By the way, what were you talking about a mission?"

They all froze, but thinking quickly, Lincoln thought of a way to throw Lucy off tracks. And he could be mostly honest with her to boot.

"Well, I guess I can trust you. Remember that meeting we had yesterday?"

"What are you doing?" Lynn asked him.

"Yes?" Lucy sounded intrigued.

"Well, we found out that dad had left a fake treasure map in the attic as a practical joke, but I knew our sisters would tear the house apart looking for it. And given all the anarchy and madness yesterday, and the misunderstanding, I thought mom and dad deserved a day of rest after that. So the three of us distracted the others while looking for the letter."

"Misunderstanding? So you're saying dad didn't sell us out?" the goth inquired.

"Not at all. I got the confirmation from Luan herself. She was pretty adamant about "not needing no assistance"." Ryan confirmed. Both Lynn and Lucy felt relieved after hearing that.

"Yeah, and I`m sorry for not telling you, Luce. But we didn't want to burden you with such a task." Lincoln explained.

"Oh...eh thanks." Lucy replied with uncertainty. She still felt angry for being left out, but she supposed Lincoln had her best interest at heart.

"Say, how long have you been up in that tree?" Lynn asked her suspiciously.

"All day long, saw you being under a spell and smacking your own behind." Lucy confirmed.

"What?" Lynn looked outraged. "Why the hell didn't you wake me up?!"

The goth grew a small, sheepish smile. "I found it amusing." she admitted. Lynn growled.

"So, kiddo?" Ryan cut in. "How did you hang out with those bats all day long with all the blood rushing to your head? That's pretty impressive."

Lynn`s jaw dropped while Lucy smiled. "Thanks, I had years of practice. I usually watch my favorite show like that."

"You have an interesting way of doing everyday stuff. Cool." he replied.

"Thanks." the goth smiled.

Lynn rolled her eyes.

* * *

"You should have seen it, his head nearly exploded while thanking me."

"I still don't understand why you two can't get along." Lynn rolled her eyes.

Ryan smirked. "I dunno, why can't you and Lucy get along?"

"That`s different, Lucy`s an annoying weirdo." Lynn retorted.

"I don't see it, I like her, and you like me don't ya? Doesn't really make sense."

"So what, I get along with you and with Lincoln. But why can't you two get along?"

Ryan shrugged. "To each their own, one man`s nuisance is another man`s friend I suppose. What do you say, Mars?" he asked the cat. The cat meowed.

"Ah, I can translate that. She said that the pipsqueak should stop prancing around in a unitard and cape."

Lynn sneered. "I dunno, to me it sounded more like "my master should keep his yap shut more often"."

"Well, I suppose neither of us is fluent in feline." Ryan replied amusingly before noticing that they had arrived at his home.

"Ah, home sweet home." Ryan opened the gate and let Marceline in.

He turned to his friend. "So, wanna come in? We can still hang out."

"No thanks. I`m pooped and my behind is still sore." Lynn denied his request.

"Oh, don't be a sore winner, Lynn. We were successful today..." Ryan tried to lift her spirit only to receive a glare.

He chuckled nervously. "That was a joke. Just a joke." he apologized.

"I know." she sighed. "But I think I should take some rest. The last two days have been a wild ride and who knows what Linc will have us do tomorrow. Even I need downtime."

"I gotcha ya." Ryan shrugged understandably. "Guess I forgot that not all of us spent the day at an amusement park."

Upon mentioning that, Lynn was once again faced with a question that had been nagging her all day long.

"Speaking of that..." she started awkwardly "...how was Luan acting while you were there? Was she embarrassing you?"

"Not really. She was acting pretty normal if a bit shy. And she dolled herself up a lot, so if anything having me for her date was embarrassing _to her_."

Lynn crossed her arms and snorted. "Well, if you spent the whole "date" spewing cheesy lines to her as you did at school then I suppose you're right."

"Cheesy maybe. But effective nonetheless. We hit it off pretty quickly and I had no idea Luan could be such a flirt."

"Her? A flirt?" Lynn snickered.

"I ain't kidding ya. Didn't wanna say it in front of Linky so he wouldn't lose his head, but once Luan grew comfortable with me she stopped being shy very quickly."

Lynn didn't like the sound of that. "What do you mean?"

"She was clinging on to me all day long, she even tried to kiss me twice, very persistently at that." Ryan revealed to her.

Lynn felt like a boulder had crushed her. "W-What?"

"I was as surprised as you, but I wasn't so easily persuaded. So I only allowed her a peck or two on the cheek." Ryan boasted, of course not telling her how he barely avoided that temptation.

Hearing the rest made Lynn feel more at ease, but hearing that her sister got so touchy-feely with Ryan and was goading him to make out with her made her sick and enraged. She felt like twisting Luan`s scrawny neck and fix her overbite with a good ol`knuckle sandwich.

"You okay?"

"What?"

Ryan looked at her oddly. "You kind of fazed out for a second."

An embarrassed Lynn scowled and punched him in the shoulder hard. "I`m fine. Don't get so worked up, nana." she said curtly.

Rubbing his shoulder, Ryan smirked at her. "Yep, you're definitely alright." he concluded. Punching people was her way of showing she was happy.

Except she wasn't.

She felt confused, flustered and angry and she couldn't fully understand why.

All she knew was that the more she heard about Ryan`s interaction with her sister the worse those conflicting emotions got. The stronger they got the more unfocused and irrational she got.

She had been feeling like that all day, and couldn't ignore it anymore.

For once, she felt uncomfortable with Ryan and wanted to be far away from, and even that she couldn't fathom why when her friend had done nothing to anger her.

Lynn looked at him. "I`m sorry, but...I gotta go." Lynn punched his arm playfully and quickly left. "See ya around!"

"Sure, see ya!" Ryan waved goodbye.

Lynn left his neighborhood as far as possible, feeling embarrassed for acting stupid for no reason.

What was going on with her lately? Why was she feeling angry at Ryan of all people? And he had been fooling Luan, it wasn't his fault she turned out to be so clingy and creepy. Slowly a certain thought started resurfacing in her mind, one that until now she had adamantly refused to even consider.

" _That`s ridiculous!_ " she was quick to ignore it and tucked her hands into her pockets as she walked back home in a surly mood.

* * *

 **You gotta be pretty crazy to chase someone around for a piece of paper under the rash assumptions that it** _ **might**_ **yield some kind of valuable information, but that's the Loud sisters for you.**

 **The fake treasure of DeMonet fiasco has been dealt with, but there will be other hurdles to overcome. And of course, the looming threat of "the incident".**


	12. On The Roof

It was close to midnight.

Lynn, wearing her pajama which consisted of red shorts and a white and red t-shirt with the number five on it, was sitting on the roof, soaking in the cool night air and watching the stars. She still felt confused and upset but spending some time up here helped ease her up.

Unsurprisingly, most of their sisters that weren't Lucy, the lovey-dubby Luan and of course Leni (because being angry, or remembering something for more than an hour was too much for her apparently) were pretty pissed at her and Lincoln for stringing them into this wild goose chase.

Lynn honestly didn't give a damn. The thing would blow over in no time, and it wasn't like she had any reason to feel guilty about it. It was all their idiotic desition to chase after the letter, despite never even learning what it was about.

Lynn sometimes wondered why they were even doing this? Today`s events just reconfirmed to her how obnoxious her sisters could be. What did she really have to lose from the divorce?

Her little brother, the only sibling with whom she felt a genuine connection, would stay with her no matter the outcome. None of her sisters ever played much of a part in her life, when they did they mostly just clogged up space or got on her nerves.

But in the back of her mind, she always heard the answer to that question. For mom and dad. They would be unhappy being apart and their kids were the problem that was rapidly ruining what would otherwise be a loving marriage. She owed it to her parents.

And of course, for Lincoln. He had a bond with many of his sisters, not just her. While some of them aggravated him as much as her, most were dear to him.

Lynn sighed, imagining what it would be like if life had dealt her a different hand in terms of siblings. If it was just her and Lincoln.

The jock didn't deny that idea sounded great, no daily craziness and their parents would have it a lot easier.

She knew it was selfish, but she let herself enjoy her selfish fantasy for a bit. Just her and Lincoln, a normal, two-sibling family, like Ryan had.

Ryan? Thinking about him made Lynn feel embittered again. She had a flashback to just two hours ago.

* * *

Her sisters' angry complaints didn't faze her. She stood up for Lincoln and advised him to just brush them off and let them yammer until they had tired themselves out.

Lynn was currently in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Their mother was still giving their father the cold shoulder even after Luan told her he wasn't involved in her scheme. Neither she or Lincoln could know if that was due to not believing Luan`s word or due to harboring other, more pressing grievances with him. Lincoln certainly theorized so.

Their mom still made sure that they would uphold their curfew. Lynn played along, though she planned to meet with her brother after everyone was asleep. She spat into the sink and examined her teeth. Clear and pearly white.

Lynn`s brief smile faltered after suddenly seeing Luan`s reflection in the mirror which startled her.

"Hey, Lynn!" she greeted her.

Turning around, Lynn scowled at her, mentally retraining herself from maiming her. " _Luan_..." replied in a strained voice, trying to hide her disdain for her.

"What is it?"

Luan was in far too much of a bliss to pick up the obviously unfriendly vibes Lynn was sending her.

"I`m so glad to see you." she replied in a disturbingly happy tone.

Lynn raised an eyebrow. "Wait..." she asked suspiciously "...you`re not mad about yesterday-"

"Oh, that! No big whoop." Luan brushed her off. "A little head butting is no biggie amongst family. In hindsight, I do go too far with my April Fools pranks and should dial it back."

Lynn`s eyelids dropped exasperatedly. "Well, that`s one thing we can all agree on..." she replied dryly, with a strong "go screw yourself" undertone, which was entirely lost on the still giddy and lovestruck Luan.

"Yeah, oh! By the way, I met your new friend Ryan and he took me to Dairyland today, and it was awesome! He`s such a sweet guy, I can why you befriended him." Luan prattled on blissfully.

"Ryan? Sweet?" Lynn snorted. "You obviously didn't get to know him much?" she snidely remarked while folding her arms.

"Oh, but I did!" Luan beamed. "We had so much fun and talked about each other`s lives. I think him and me are kindred spirits! He`s my soul mate!"

Lynn couldn't believe the bullshit she was hearing. It made her want to punch Luan`s lights out just to shut her up, but she fought back the temptation and pushed past the comedian.

"Sounds mighty fascinating..." she said sarcastically while heading to her room "...but I gotta hit the hay."

"Wait, Lynn!" Luan caught up to her as Lynn opened the door. "I wanted to ask you something."

" _What?_ " Lynn grumbled tensely.

"Well..." Luan shuffled sheepishly "...since you've known him longer, I was wondering if you could tell me what kind of a gift he would love for our one month anniversary."

Lynn`s eyes widened and she turned to look at her. "One Month Anniversary?!" she squinted her eyes in disbelief. "What the hell are you blabbering about!"

"About him and me dating, of course, silly!" Luan said jubilantly.

"Sure, we haven't properly kissed yet or used the B-word and G-word yet, but there's no rush, it's already apparent to both of us that we were destined to be together." she sighed dreamily.

Lynn was seeing red, her insides felt like they were on the verge of erupting, steam was practically coming out of her head and she balled her fists.

She counted from ten to one to calm herself, before glaring daggers at Luan.

"Have you lost your freaking marbles!?" Lynn growled. "You've only known him for a day and you two just went to an amusement park. You guys are NOT an item!"

Luan was caught off guard but then shook her head cheekily. "Oh, sweet innocent Lynn. Have you been left in the dark. Never heard about love on first sight?" she gushed.

"Ryan has it bad for me. He couldn't stop complimenting me all day, he won me a ton of prizes at the shooting booth, said he was awestruck by my beauty the moment he laid eyes on me and we`ve talked about things, secret things that showed me just how much in common we have!"

Lynn`s eyes twitched. "That`s the biggest buttload of crap I`ve ever heard." she shot back with an air of smug confidence. "Don't make me laugh."

Luan started catching on to Lynn`s hostility and scowled. "The only thing he was laughing at were my jokes! And by that, I mean he actually thinks I`m very funny."

"Pfft...I`m sure he thinks you're funny." Lynn snarked. "Just not in a flattering way."

Luan was taken aback. "What's that supposed to mean?" she narrowed her eyes.

"It means I can't believe the load of shit coming out of your yap right now." Lynn answered bluntly, making Luan gasp.

"Newsflash, chuckles. He`s not pinning for you." Lynn coldly continued. "He just wanted someone to show him around town, you were the one who came onto him like a desperate bimbo! And trust me, you're not his type." Lynn laughed. "Too happy-go-lucky and annoyingly cheerful."

"Just what's your deal?!" a flustered Luan retorted. "Who the hell pied in your sports cup today?"

"My deal?" Lynn narrowed her eyes. "My deal`s that you're delusional, and I don't like you creeping on my friend."

Luan turned silent but then was struck with a realization. "Oh...oh...I see what's going on here..." she put her hands on her hips and smirked. "You`re jealous!"

That word made Lynn livid. "I AM NOT!"

"Can you guys keep it down? I`m trying to sleep!" Lucy complained as she suddenly rose up from her coffin.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" her sisters snapped at her, scaring the goth into going back into it just as quickly.

Lynn faced Luan again. "Jealous?" she huffed. "That`s ridiculous. I don't give a rat`s ass about dating! Sports are my one and only love."

"Oh really?" an unconvinced Luan sneered. "Then why'd you get so prissy the second I mentioned my date?"

"Because I don't want my friend being bothered by my creepy stalker of a sister who wants to suck face with him ." Lynn shot back.

Luan laughed.

"Newsflash to you." she said smugly. "Kissing is what couples do when they like each other, Lynn. Ryan has been complimenting me and flirting with me all day, so it was only natural that I would _reward_ him for his troubles."

Lynn was boiling with anger. "And I thought your moronic Prankmageddon was the pinnacle of your asinine jokes." she growled hatefully.

"Says the jealous third wheel." Luan retorted.

"Oh yeah, as said by the desperate, delusional cunt!" Lynn spat back.

"You know what? I feel sorry for you, Lynn. Consumed by the green-eyed monster and unable to be happy for your sister." Luan said pityingly while shaking her head, much to Lynn`s rage.

"Why do you have to be so immature? If you've been friends with Ryan for weeks but he asked me out the moment he met me then shouldn't that clue you in on whom he`s crushing on? Just save yourself the grief and just be a good sister and a good friend by accepting our love and learn to cherish your platonic relationship." Luan told her indignantly while crossing her arms and looking away.

"How about I show you my appreciation by fixing your overbite!" Lynn growled and raised her fist.

"This argument is pointless." Luan huffed and walked away. "I`ll gladly accept your apology once you see the error of your self-entitled ways."

Snarling, Lynn was ready to tear her apart when their mother came up the stairs urging the remaining sisters in the bathroom to go to sleep.

"Alright, girls! Everyone off to bed! You too, Lynn!"

Lynn fumed silently. "Yes...mom..."

* * *

She did not have a crush on Ryan. Lynn Loud Jr. having a crush? That was beyond absurd! The day that would happen was the day Lucy died her hair blond and started wearing pink or the day Luna ditched rock and roll for classical music, or the day Luan learned to keep her stupid yap shut for more than five minutes.

And yet the more she told herself that the more did the usually super-confident jock feel the icy chill of doubt gnawing at her. And it actually scared her.

"There you are..." Lincoln`s voice brought her back to the present.

Wearing his longsleeved orange pajama, Lincoln`s arm reached out and handed Lynn a cup of orange juice.

He pulled himself up, holding one of his own, and almost lost balance but luckily Lynn caught him and helped him seat himself.

"Watch your footing." Lynn joked.

Exhaling with relief, Lincoln glanced at her. "Was this really the best place to meet?"

Lynn smirked. "Yes it is, I love the fresh air and clear night sky. Besides..." she shrugged her shoulders "...knowing our sisters one is bound to be up to something at night and would spot us if we were inside."

"Good point." Lincoln realized. "So...how are you feeling?"

"My butt`s still sore, but otherwise I`m A-okay. And you?"

"My shirt got a little stretched, but otherwise just dandy."

"I see. So? A toast for a job well done?" Lynn smiled and raised her cup.

Lincoln smiled. "Cheers!" they bumped their cups and drank it.

Lincoln wiped his mouth. "Oh? And Lynn..."

"Yes?"

"Thanks for standing up for me." he smiled gratefully. "Couldn`t have kept that letter away without your help."

Lynn pulled her brother into a tight hug and gave him a nuggie. "Anything for my little bro."

Lincoln smirked while in a headlock. "Course, you kinda made the situation worse by leaping without looking and letting them see the letter."

"Meh, it was more exciting that way." Lynn shrugged and squeezed on his neck a bit, as a clear signal not to push it, before releasing him.

"Either way you were pretty brave." Lincoln continued while rubbing his neck.

"Attacking Lori?" Lynn gave a hearty laugh and pointed at herself. " _Please_. I faced down One Eye and lived, twice. Lori`s nothing on the terror-meter compared to that."

"I dunno..." Lincoln snickered. "She does turn into an animal when she's ticked."

"I`ll give her this much." Lynn shrugged. "One Eye`s a lot prettier and better groomed than her. Has more nicely trimmed nails too."

The siblings hollered with laughter, nearly splitting their sides.

"Lynn...that`s...me...mean." Lincoln scolded her between giggles.

"So is Lori." Lynn retorted deviously.

"I doubt her and the others would have been quite as angry if Taylor had dealt with them in a more gentle way." Lincoln argued half-seriously.

Lynn shook her head. "Linc, Linc. You know that when our sisters want something they're like a stampeding herd of water buffalo. It takes extreme measures to stop a force like that. Besides, I wouldn't have handled them any differently." she shrugged.

"I am the one who taught him to use one`s bodily odors as a weapon." Lynn boasted.

"I can believe that." Lincoln smirked knowingly.

"And unless I`m mistaken. You're the one who flattened Lisa with the door." Lynn poked him.

Lincoln blinked and swallowed regretfully. Lynn chuckled and pulled him into a more gentle, one-armed hug.

"And I appreciate that gesture, bro. A lot!" she reassured him.

Lincoln leaned back and sighed. "Glad someone's happy about it. I know Lisa isn't, or most of our sisters for that matter."

"Don`t worry about it, it will blow over in a day or two tops." Lynn dismissed his worries with strong confidence. "Speaking of that, what's our next move?"

Lincoln`s face eased up the question and he smiled. "Actually, tomorrow might be a free day for us...sort of."

"You have... _good news_? Get out of here!" Lynn joked incredulously.

"Surprisingly, I do." Lincoln replied with levity, some of the first he had experienced in nearly forty-eight hours.

"I heard that mom is planning to go visit Pop-Pop at Sunset Canyon tomorrow, might even spend the night there. And she's taking all of us there."

"Pop-Pop? That's great!" Lynn beamed. "We were usually on our best behavior whenever we visited that place." she concluded.

She didn't know if it was due to their sisters respecting the elderly or if their grandfather just brought out the best in them, but either way a streak of luck was long overdue.

"That will assure the safety of our house for a bit." Lincoln said with relief. "And you can greet Pop-Pop for me while you're there."

"You`re not coming?" Lynn was surprised.

Lincoln sighed. "`Fraid not. As you might have expected, dad`s staying home to watch over the house, I think mom partially made that decision just to get away from him for a bit. I might as well take the chance to talk with dad over things."

"About what?"

Lincoln gave her a serious look. "We can't keep putting out one small fire after another. If we wanna make a difference in the long run, we gotta make our parents take better control over this family, like dad did while he was divorced."

"Oh I see, we gotta get him to be stricter and more assertive like he was after the divorce." Lynn nodded. She didn't exactly like the idea of purposefully making their parents stricter and less lenient on the rules, but given their predicament, it was a necessary evil.

"Well, we`ve seen that dad can be a real hardass when he`s forced into it who could even keep our chaotic sisterhood in line. The only problem is, how exactly can we get him to be like that again? You can't make dad go from spineless to hardcore overnight and without reason?" Lynn pointed out.

"I know, Lynn. I`ll think of something. The good thing is that there's no need to rush that at least if we can prevent "the incident" from happening. I just hope that I can say something that will give dad the first push to gain more authority over our family." Lincoln explained with heavy uncertainty.

He grew silent, prompting Lynn to scoot closer and place her arm around him comfortingly.

"Hey. I believe you can, Linc. If anybody in this family knows how to talk people into things, it`s you, bro." she reassured him and gave him a soft punch to the shoulder.

Lincoln gave her a weak smile. "Thanks, Lynn."

The siblings then started star gazing.

"Say, Linc?" Lynn asked intuitively. "If we spot a shooting star does that mean we can make a wish?"

Lincoln chuckled lightly. "I think so, but I seriously doubt they will be fulfilled."

His sister smiled cheekily. "Hey, any help helps."

* * *

 **Hmmmm...Luan might have some unrealistic, fairytale-inspired ideas about landing a guy. But what would you expect from a 13-year old girl with a less than satisfying social life?**

 **This chapter was obviously shorter and serves the purpose of being a breather between the hijinks and set up the next mini-story.**

 **Note that Albert won't appear in it, though he might make an appearance down the line...**


	13. A Jock In Love: Free Day

"Grandfather `s nursing home harbors quite a few intriguing test subjects, especially one individual who`s at the astounding age of one hundred twenty! A rare and valuable case study for human longevity." Lisa, who was wearing a bandage over her head, said to no one in particular on the kiddie table while writing down a few a notes to herself regarding observations and sampling.

Lola was observing herself in a handheld mirror and looking for any blemishes while Lucy was finishing eating her lunch. Lana meanwhile was filling up the bowls of their pets.

"We`ll be surrounded by people in their twilight years." Lucy spoke up. "I always wondered if I`ll witness how one`s heart stops beating and watch their soul ascend to another plane of existence."

Upon hearing her, Lola and Lisa stared at her and quickly scooted their chairs as far away from her as possible.

"What?" Lucy asked simply.

Lola groaned and left the table. "That's it, I can't stand another second with you weirdos! I`m going back to my room!"

"No objections here." Lisa replied plainly, not taking her gaze off her notes.

"You, are dead to me!" Lola scolded the genius before sticking her nose up and continued leaving. Lisa couldn't care less.

Lana whistled for her pets before noticing Lola going upstairs.

"Hey, where are you off to? We`re leaving for Sunset Canyon in an hour!" she called after her twin. Lola stopped and sent her a haughty glare.

"Correction, _you guys_ are leaving. I`ll be far too busy figuring out which dress to wear when I _sign up_ for my next beauty pageant." she explained while stroking her flowing hair.

Lana looked at her incredulously. "What? You`d rather play dress up than visit ol`Pop-Pop? How dumb can you get?"

"I have more important things to do than gawk at a bunch of smelly old people." Lola countered arrogantly. "I have seen Pop-Pop hundreds of times before, he can wait. But my beauty pageant career can`t!"

With that, she turned her back and left. Lana narrowed her eyes.

"Ughhhh! Why does she have to be such a doofus!" the tomboy lamented to herself as Cliff and Geo arrived to eat their fill.

Charles was last to arrive, as he had difficulty navigating with the tunnel vision his head cone was giving him. Lana noticed someone missing.

"Hey, have you guys seen Walt lately?" she asked her sisters while scratching her head and looking around.

"I dunno. But some of Fang`s flock mates have recently gone missing too." Lucy pointed out.

"Oh, no." Lana was taken aback. "What could have happened to all of them?"

Lisa sighed exasperatedly. "What an inexplicable mystery." she lisped sarcastically. "It`s not like a foreign _Felis silvestris catus_ has recently trespassed on this vicinity."

"What`s that supposed to mean?" Lucy asked. Lisa rolled her eyes and walked away.

"Nevermind. If you two are too dense to connect the blatant dots why should I even bother?" she reasoned dryly and left upstairs.

"Hey! Who are you calling stupid!" Lana yelled at her but was ignored by the genius.

* * *

Lincoln arrived late at the table. But only Lynn, Lori and Luna were present.

"Hey, Linc. Where have you been?" Lynn was the only one who greeted him.

"I...had stuff to do." he replied. Lynn got from his tone not to ask any further questions while they were being watched.

"Oh, well, I saved you a seat." Lynn tried to act casual and pulled out the chair next to her, and Lincoln seated himself.

"Thanks." he said plainly.

A somewhat pointless gesture from her as Luan was absent, their mother was busy packing, their father would probably not want to bother his wife if she came to the table and they all knew that Leni would be sitting the day out in her the room holding an ice pack to her head.

Lincoln definitely felt a strong sense of guilt over the last one, and even Lynn felt sympathy for her. She also thought that out of all of their sisters who could have gotten a concussion, Leni was among the least deserving.

Lori sent them both a brief, disdainful glare before turning back to her text messages. She had already finished her plate and would have left already if she wasn't so caught up in her phone conversation.

"So...you gonna spend some quality time with dad instead of coming with us?" Lynn asked Lincoln, trying to converse about their plans as much as they could in the open.

Hearing this came as a surprise to the two older sisters.

"Yeah, thought it might do us both some good..." Lincoln told the jock "...dad`s been kind of glum lately and I thought he needed some company."

"Spineless sellouts gotta stick together I suppose." a snarky Lori suddenly remarked.

The two younger siblings glared at her.

"Will you knock it off, Lori?" Lynn retorted. "Luan told you all that none of us helped her out, what more evidence do you need?"

"No offense, dude..." Luna cut in, trying to stay neutral "...but I think we can all agree that Luan isn't the most trustworthy source."

"She said she was sorry and that she was gonna dial it back." Lincoln came to the comedian's defense. "Just what more do you want from her?"

Lori rolled her eyes. "Are you joking or are you really that gullible, twerp? Lots of people "apologize" and say they'll stop with something all the time. Doesn't mean they mean it though."

"Well...don`t you think we ought at least give her a chance?" Lincoln argued.

He couldn't exactly fault his sisters for being suspicious, even if some of them were just being jerks. There were reasons for being skeptical about Luan`s sincerity, he might have agreed with his sisters if he hadn't seen with his own two eyes that Luan could change and that there was more to her than the laughing, callous prankster her sisters took her for.

"I`m not necessarily siding with Lori, bro. But she has a point." Luna replied to him. "You gotta see something first to believe it, and this is _Luan_ we`re talking about..."

"Hey familia!"

" _Speak of the devil_..." Lynn muttered.

"What`s for lunch? Mmmmm...smells incrEDIBLE!" Luan waltzed in, in a very upbeat mood, unaware that everyone but Lincoln was less than pleased to see her.

After an awkward silence, Luan blinked in confusion. "What's wrong?" she snickered and grabbed an orange. " _Orange_ you glad to see me? Get it!"

Luan started laughing but soon went quiet as she heard no one else making a peep, except for Luna clearing her throat. Luan started to pout.

Feeling sorry for her, Lincoln decided to break the ice. "Hey, Luan, I...eh...heard you made friends with Ryan and went to Dairyland together?"

Luan smiled at him. "You _breader_ believe it, Linky!" she replied while holding a loaf of bread. Her sisters groaned in annoyance.

"It was some of the most fun I had in years! And Ryan`s such a sweet and fun guy!" she gushed. Lynn silently fumed.

Lincoln tried to smile, even though hearing about Ryan getting praised would typically spur the opposite reaction in him.

"That`s great, Luan. I`m happy to hear that you're making new friends."

Luan smiled with appreciation. "Aww thanks, Linc. It's nice to see someone being happy for me..." her warm smile slowly turned into a bitter frown as she looked over Lincoln`s shoulder "...unlike certain other people."

Her icy gaze was directed at Lynn who gladly shot one back to her. Lincoln blinked in confusion at Luan`s shift in mood and quickly noticed the silent, yet unsubtly hateful glares between the jock and the comedian.

Lincoln was confused by the sudden hostile vibe between his sisters.

"Eh, Luan? You're not still mad at Lynn for knocking you out?" Lincoln made his best guess and tried to ease the tension. "Cuz she`s very, very sorry about that accident."

"Linc, where did you get that crazy idea?" Lynn smirked at the comedian. "When did I ever say I was sorry?"

Luan`s glare intensified while Lincoln grew more perplexed. Lori suddenly snickered.

"You knocked her out?" she addressed Lynn. "Okay, you`ve officially earned a few brownie points with me." Lori shrugged with amusement.

Luan`s glare shifted to her. "Hey! I freaking apologized and said I was gonna dial it back! Why do you have to be such grudge-hogging sourcrouts!"

Lori ignored her and looked back at her phone, only angering her more.

"You're really milking this for all it's worth, aren't you?" Luan raised her voice. Lori finally looked up at her.

"You keep cracking those puns and I`m gonna punch you in the face." she warned her casually.

Luan backed away nervously.

"Lori, that was uncalled for!" Lincoln spoke up for Luan. "You can't talk to her like that!"

"I dunno..." Lynn shrugged indifferently "...Lori might be on to something."

Lincoln turned towards her. "Lynn?" he asked in disbelief.

Suddenly someone whistled, surprising the siblings.

They looked for the source of the sound and saw Ryan leaning against the door frame of the kitchen.

"Hello, ladies." he greeted them smarmily. "What's with the negativity at the table?"

Before anyone else could respond, Luan beamed with joy.

"RYAN!" she jumped happily and zapped in front of him like a roadrunner before embracing him. "Couldn`t stay away from me, could ya?" she asked teasingly.

Smirking with satisfaction, Ryan gently pushed her back and flashed her a dashing smile. "I said I would come back to see you again, and I'm a man of my word." he answered in a chill tone that made Luan feel light-headed and giggle.

Fuming, Lynn jumped from her chair and bodyslammed Luan out of the way much to Ryan`s surprise.

"Upps, sorry, Lu. I`m such a klutz." she mockingly apologized to her sister, who glowered at her from the floor, before turning to her friend.

"Ryan? What brings you here, buddy?" she fist-bumped him.

"Well, I just thought I`d pay my new friends a visit." he shrugged. "See if they needed _help with something?_ "

Lincoln pinched his forehead. It seems Lynn failed to tell Ryan he wasn't needed today.

Luan picked herself up and grabbed Ryan`s hand, yanking him away from Lynn.

"That`s so thoughtful of you!" she told him flirtatiously and dragged him towards the table. "Don't be a stranger! Take a seat!"

Lynn`s head was steaming as Luan seated him at the table and sat infuriatingly close to him, which Ryan didn't seem to mind.

Lynn ran back and sat to Ryan`s other side.

Ryan noticed the icy glares the sisters were shooting at each other, with him in the middle of it.

Feeling a tad uncomfortable, he soon also noticed the unpleasant glares Lori and Luna were sending him.

"Laurel! And...the other one!" he acknowledged them. "Sup?"

Lori and Luna were both taken aback by his casual attitude. Both thought that he wouldn't dare show his face here after what he did to them yesterday, but he just entered their home with complete nonchalance.

"Just who do you think you are?" Lori spoke up in an enraged tone, it's volume broke Lynn`s and Luan`s intense staring contest.

"Ryan Taylor, age 12, I hail from Cape Town. Need any more info?" the boy replied nonchalantly.

Lori squinted her eyes, entirely baffled by his demeanor. Was he messing with them or was he as dumb as Leni?

"Just what the hell kind of game are you playing?!" Lori asked him suspiciously.

"None that I know of." Ryan shrugged before elbowing Lynn. "But knowing her, I`ll probably we dragged off to another one in no time." he laughed.

"Ughhhhh...will you quit the act and stop dodging our questions." Luna cut in, finally growing out of patience with his tomfoolery. All eyes were now on her.

"You tied me up! You suffocated her with your armpit! You bagged the twins and you pranced on all of us like we were rugs! And you nearly dislocated my spine! What the hell, dude!" she threw her arms up.

"Huh?" Luan was surprised to hear this.

"Oh yeah, now I recall." Ryan stroked his chin thoughtfully. "That was pretty funny, wasn't it?" he said merrily.

"You thought that was funny!" Lori growled.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah...the way I hear it you Louds are all a little looney and like to do crazy, chaotic stuff while playing so I thought this was the perfect chance for me to let loose, go nuts myself and blend in with you guys."

"I am not crazy!" Lori snapped, causing everyone but Ryan at the table to flinch. "I`m perfectly well adjusted! You're the chalk-skinned crazy who tried to poison me and who assaulted us!"

" _Lori! Please don't scream at our house guests!_ " Rita`s voice came from upstairs.

"Oh, don't be so uptight, everyone`s got a little crazy in them." Ryan explained helpfully. "It helps clear the mind, right Luan?"

Luan giggled. "You said it! Embracing your insanity frees the soul! You can`t accept yourself if you can't accept your crazy side."

"Truer words were never spoken." Ryan nodded, making Luan blush and Lynn fume.

" _What`s he prattling on about?_ " a confused Lincoln mused.

Lori`s jaw dropped and her brow furrowed. What was he talking about? She wanted to threaten to mangle him but he starts rambling nonsense, insisting they're all crazy and acting chipper about it. Why wasn't he scared of her? Why was he acting like this?

"Forget it, I don't have to take this!" Lori flipped out and pointed at him. "You're insane!"

"And so are you, you and you!" she pointed at Luan, Lynn and Lincoln respectively. "Just stay away from me you bunch of nutjobs!"

"Thanks for the compliment, Laurel." Ryan smiled gratefully. "You're positively and exuberantly out of whack too!"

Lori growled and stormed away from the table. "I`m going to the mall!" she growled and slammed the front door.

Once she was gone, Ryan looked at all the confused siblings with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Thin-skinned, ain't she?" he laughed. "You spout a little nonsense and she just runs off? Weak!"

"Wait? You were messing with her?" Luna asked him incredulously.

"Course I did, tutz. You really need to be quicker on the update." Ryan joked at her expense. Luna scowled.

"Oh, I see!" Luan said nervously, pretending she was in on it. "You played mind games with her to drive her crazy!"

"Huh, why didn't I think of that years ago?" Lynn mused.

"You hit the nail, Luan. The very essence of comedy is watching others suffer. And if you want to watch people squirm first you gotta get into their head and play them like a fiddle."

"Wow, you're so...thought provoking and smart." Luan gushed. Lynn groaned and glowered at her.

"Isn`t making people suffer and manipulating them mean, hurtful, despicable and...y`know, unethical." Lincoln interjected exasperatedly while slouching in his hand.

"Not as long as you make sure that you're _never_ at the butt of the joke." Ryan replied coolly. Lincoln sighed and rolled his eyes.

Ryan smirked. "Oh, don't act so self-righteous, Linc-meister. Your hands are just as dirty as mine and Lynn`s. After all, it was your plan." he said nonchalantly.

"Okay, what gives!" Luna cut in." If you weren't playing, then why did you attack us in the park?"

Ryan sighed smarmily and looked back at Lincoln. "Should we tell her the truth about that "letter"?"

"Truth?" the rocker blurted.

Lincoln groaned inwardly, knowing what Ryan meant. The cover story the three of them had agreed on. Lincoln didn't like it, but it was about as good as any lie he could think off.

He nodded dejectedly. Ryan smiled gleefully.

"Well, ya see, I was told that most of you Louds are greedy and will go to insane measures to get something just because one sibling has it and you don`t."

"What? I`m not like that!" Luna retorted.

"And yet you chased after Linc as well." Lynn countered her claim.

"Well, I didn't believe that either..." Ryan told the rocker "...but since I always love a practical joke I agreed to test you guys out by dangling a blank piece of paper at ya and see if you would want it just because we wouldn't tell you what was written on it, which just happened to be zilch."

"What?" Luna looked dumbfounded before standing up and throwing her arms up. "You mean you made us run around like idiots for squat?"

Luan cracked up laughing and elbowed Ryan. "That's unbelievable! Grade A plotting!" she wiped away tears before turning to Lincoln.

"I never knew you could be so... devious, Linc. Cunning, sure. But not so devious and meticulous." she complimented him, but Lincoln shrank back with shame.

"Nobody forced you to chase him through town." Lynn retorted firmly. "You guys brought it all on yourself."

Ryan chortled. "I never thought you girls would go as far as you did. After it looked like you were seriously gonna hurt my little, helpless buddy..."

Lincoln scowled at the remark

"...well I had to step in and save his butt. But one thing`s for sure, he and Lynn proved me right. I guess I owe them both a soda."

Luna narrowed her eyes and looked at them all. "Not cool, dudes. Not cool at all!" she said indignantly and left the table. "I`m out of here, I`m gonna wait in the van."

"Touchy..." Ryan remarked before facing Luan. "These people really can't take a joke. I see what you have to deal with."

"Tell me about it." she agreed.

"Say..." Ryan wondered and looked at them all "...what did...Whats-Her-Name mean about staying in the van?"

Lincoln grew a small smile. Well, if nothing else he wouldn't have to put up with Ryan and his obnoxious quips for the ensuing twenty-four hours.

He straightened himself up. "What, no one told you? We`re visiting our grandfather at his nursing home today." he gladly explained.

"Well, my sisters will be going there and stay for the night, I`m planning to spend some time with dad."

Ryan looked disappointed.

"Sorry, Ryan." Lynn shrugged.

"Oh...okay..." he said casually. "Don`t want to interrupt family reunions."

Though truth be told he was rather bummed to hear this, he was so used to spending his free time with Lynn, and without her he had few other options beyond being by his lonesome or talking to his cat.

That actually sounded pretty pathetic when put like that.

"Aw don't be so glum, Ryan. You can come with us! We`ve got five empty seats as it is." Luan was quick to invite him. Lincoln frowned at the idea, while Lynn looked a bit excited.

Ryan blinked. "Ehhh..." he stressed with uncertainty as Luan looked at him with big, hopeful eyes.

"That's a kind offer, Lu. But I have to decline." he replied nervously. "I don`t want to ruin your guys` quality time with grandpa, that would be just rude."

Actually, it was more about the fact that going to an old folks home sounded about as thrilling to him as going on a school trip to the history museum.

Both Luan and Lynn looked saddened.

" _Girls, get ready! We`re leaving in less than an hour!_ " they heard Rita`s voice.

"Well, I better pack up." Luan stood up. "I have to make sure I`ve packed all the props I need to make those old timers laugh."

She turned to their guest. "By, Ryan. Oh! But one more thing!" she reached behind his ear and pulled out a pen.

"Tadda!"

"Wow, neat trick." the boy was impressed. Lynn fumed once again.

Luan grabbed his hand and wrote her phone number on his palm.

"I expect you to call that number soon." she flirted and then skipped away. "See ya!"

Smirking, Ryan showed his palm at Lincoln. "Told ya I had a way with the ladies."

Lincoln sighed. "You sure proved us wrong..." he replied sardonically and stood up himself.

"I better check on dad. See ya, Lynn, and you know where the door is, Taylor." he droned and left the kitchen.

Ryan shook his head. The little guy just couldn't take being owned and proven wrong. Though he would have appreciated a more petulant reaction.

"And you guys sure you don't need me today?" he asked Lynn.

"You aren't worried that your sisters will blow the old joint to smithereens? Or give some old lady a heart attack, or push some wheelchair-bound geezer down the stairs? Or maybe steal all the seniors` chattering teeth for a scavenger hunt?"

Lynn laughed dryly. "I`m sure they won't, they`re usually well-behaved there. And if they try something funny, I can handle it alone."

"I`m sure you can." Ryan replied with no hint of sarcasm.

Lynn smirked. "I`m more worried about you. You don't exactly have a busy schedule without yours truly providing you company."

Ryan shrugged. "When you're right you're right. But I`ll think of something."

"You don't have to be alone."

Spooked by the sudden voice, Ryan jumped and fell out of his chair, revealing Lucy standing behind him.

The likewise frightened Lynn grew a scowl directed at the goth.

"LUCY! Why are you here? Didn't you hear what mom said about leaving in less than an hour!"

"I didn't come to speak with you." Lucy told the jock simply.

Ryan stood up while straightening his back and looked at the pale girl.

Despite nearly having a heart attack himself, he wore a friendly expression. "Why hello there, how you`ve been, sucker?"

"Fine." she replied shyly.

"I see, and why aren't you preparing for your trip?"

"I...I wanted to ask you something." Lucy said timidly. Lynn eyed her suspiciously.

"And that would be?" Ryan asked.

"I...I heard you had nothing to do today so I thought...you might be interested to... spend the day with me?"

Both preteens were surprised.

"You want to hang out with me?" a befuddled Ryan gestured at himself.

Lucy shuffled. "Well...not literally, I assume you didn't have much practice hanging upside down. I just thought we could...spend time together."

"Hey, Dutches of Darkness..." Lynn called her out curtly "...need I remind you that you already have commitments?"

"I don't." the stoic goth countered. "Mom said none of us have to go if we don't want to. Pop-Pop will have all of you for company, he won`t notice my absence." she reasoned sullenly before turning towards Ryan.

"But I heard what you`ve said, and no one deserves to be alone."

That remark oddly struck a cord with Ryan. No one had ever said that to him or dropped everything they did just for him.

"You're asking to come with me?" he asked her again to make sure he hadn't misheard her.

"Yes, I want to learn more about you. I sense that we`re kindred spirits."

Lynn wanted to hurl, it was the second time she had heard someone say that dumb line in relation to Ryan.

Ryan pondered. "Well, if you insist..."

"Ryan? You do realize you're agreeing for a freaking babysitting gig! Without even getting payed!" an annoyed Lynn told him, unable to believe her own ears.

Her friend shrugged. "Fine by me. I`m all yours, kid."

Lucy smiled while Lynn`s jaw dropped.

* * *

Taking a heavy sigh, Lynn reluctantly entered her parents' room and found her mother filling up a small suitcase on the bed.

"Mom...can I have a sec with you?" she asked with uncharacteristic timidness.

"Lynn, I`m sorry I kept you girls waiting in the van." her mother immediately apologized. "Gosh, I always get so caught up packing and lose sense of-"

"No, no. It's not that, mom." Lynn reassured her while rubbing her arms and tentatively stepped in. "I`m not going..." she blurted in a shaky voice.

That came as a surprise to Rita and she faced her daughter. "You don't want to go too?"

Lynn avoided eye contact. "I wanted to, really. It's just..." she shifted uncomfortably.

"It's quite alright, dear. I`m not forcing any of you to come with me if you don't want to." Rita reassured her.

"It's not that I don't want to, it`s just..." Lynn took a deep breath "...Ryan dropped by, and Lucy wanted to spend time with him..."

" _Lucy_ wants to spend time with him?" Rita was surprised but slowly grew a smile.

"Good for her, I`m glad she's making friends." she knew the goth didn't leave the house and socialize much, so this was a pleasant turn of events and a bit of a relief to the mother.

Her daughter seemed to struggle to speak out her next sentence, but Rita didn't need anything more to figure out what Lynn was thinking.

"You want to go with them too?" she asked knowingly.

"I...I just want to make sure Ryan`s prepared for Lucy, you know how...spooky...and weird she can be..." Lynn replied tensely as if she was trying to convince herself of something.

"Oh, is that the only reason you want to see him?" Rita grew a hint of a smirk.

"Of course...well...he`s my friend and I just want to see him..." Lynn shrugged uneasily, not exactly believing herself at this point.

She once again felt as confused and troubled as before, and Rita easily picked up the internal turmoil her daughter was currently trying to mask.

Given the flow of the conversation and a certain boy`s name, she had a pretty good idea about what was troubling Lynn.

"Did you want to ask me about something else by any chance?"

Lynn swallowed a lump. Should she tell her? Who else to turn to about this other than her own mother? Maybe she should? Maybe these weird feelings were some puberty related mumbo-jumbo, and her mother could confirm it.

Lynn braced herself and looked at her mother pleadingly. "Mom, please promise me to keep this between us!"

"You have my word, dear." Rita reassured her warmly and gestured to the bed. "I think you should sit down."

Lynn did so and sat next to her, sighing dejectedly.

"So, let me take a guess..." Rita started immediately "...you and Ryan were having a great time as friends but now you suddenly feel weird when you`re around him?"

Lynn was astonished. Did Lisa somehow give their mother psychic abilities? "How`d you guess?"

"Lynn, I had this conversation four times already." Rita felt like she was going through a repeat, she wanted to jump to the answer already but knew not to rush such a delicate conversation. "So, when's the first time you felt that way?"

Lynn looked away. "I dunno, I think I sorta felt it a few times this week..." she said with uncertainty "...but it got really bad yesterday when..." Lynn paused and then sighed. Might as well spit it out.

"Ryan...wanted to learn more about the neighborhood and...see Dairyland, but I had to go training so he instead asked Luan to take him there, and from what I hear they...became fast friends."

That was as far as Lynn was willing to say, the rest of Luan`s actions were a whole other can of worms.

"I see...and did that bother you?"

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "Yes..." she said in a low voice. "I felt mad at him, but even more at Luan. I wanted to kick her butt, knock her stupid teeth out, chop her spine in half and..." Lynn`s tone grew more aggravated with every word "...and use her head for a bowling ball!"

A stunned Rita blinked. "Eh...Lynn? That might be a very...unorthodox way to deal with your emotions."

Lynn looked at her "Then why do I feel so angry in the first place!? Why now? Is this puberty?" she asked curtly. "Am I gonna have what women call "a period"? I heard somewhere that this thing makes you go cranky?"

Rita grew red and yanked the collar of her shirt nervously. "That, dear...I think is a discussion for another day. I think I know what your problem is, but it's not...that."

"Then what is it?" Lynn asked impatiently.

Rita sighed, somehow telling Lynn this felt more unnerving than with her older daughters.

Maybe because she was far more temperamental, or because she seriously hadn't expected Lynn out of all of her daughters to be hit by Cupid`s arrow before she was twenty or something, and even then. Unless you counted an infatuation with sports.

"Well, if you want a direct answer...I think you're...smitten with Ryan."

Lynn paused with disbelief before glaring at Rita. "Mom! You can't be serious! I came to you looking for help...but...you`re just teasing me like my stupid sisters!"

"Wow. Calm down. I`m not making fun of you." Rita tried to ease the situation.

Lynn glowered. "I don't have a crush on him, he`s my friend." she said bitterly.

"Lynn..." her mother replied softly. "I know this is confusing to you now, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just a natural aspect of growing up."

"How would you know?" a surly Lynn retorted while folding her arms. Rita chuckled lightly.

"Maybe because I was a girl once and had lots of crushes? And maybe because I already had this conversation four times before. Sure, only Lori has found her significant other so far, but you might change that."

Lynn blushed and pouted. "I won't!" she spat defiantly.

"Lynn, nobody says you have to. Far from it. I`m just saying you shouldn't look at this like a bad thing. How do you think Ryan feels about you?"

That question cut like a knife to the jock. The simple answer would be that he was a reliable if a huge smartass of a friend, but that hasn't always been the case.

The days of Ryan Taylor the unscrupulous bully and sleaze who shamelessly flirted with her were history, and now with time resetting itself it technically never even happened, even if she, him and Lincoln still remember it. He seemed complacent with simply being friends with her, but she didn't want to think about if those old attractions still lingered on.

"I dunno, I can't read minds." she said, half-way paying attention to her mother.

"He...he...did say that I was his best friend and that I could always count on him." she admitted.

At least she could admit that the "best pals" feelings between them were mutual. No friend or acquaintance of her`s ever went through the same kind of dire trials with her as she and Ryan had.

Him and her survived three separate, actual life and death situations, all courtesy of the same beast that terrorized them, and Ryan was perfectly willing to put his life on the line for her, and even her siblings.

And now he and her were thrown together in the insanely absurd situation of landing back in the past and trying to prevent her parents' divorce. No friend of hers had ever gone to such absurd and unlikely lengths to help her.

There was no denying that at this point she had become more intimate with him than with anyone else in her life, sans her own brother and the people who gave life to her.

"Really?" Rita said suggestively. "And he doesn`t, by any chance, blush and grow stiff if you hug him? Or eagerly agrees to help you at any chance?"

How did her mother guess that? Was she really psychic?

"Yes..." she answered skeptically. She would have added "hauling a wolf of me and vice versa" just to see if her mom would bring that up.

"Well, I can't read minds, but those hints certainly imply the feelings are mutual." Rita smiled. "Maybe you and him should just talk things over, and the rest will run it's...natural course."

Lynn glared at her oddly. "I`ve run plenty of course. But what does that have to do with anything?"

" _Mom! Will you come down already! Pop-Pop`s not getting any younger!_ " a voice from down the hall interjected.

"Coming Luna!" Rita shouted back and stood up before looking at Lynn one last time. "I`m sorry, Lynn. I gotta go."

"But don't you worry about anything. I think you're just seeing the beginning of something great for you." she told her encouragingly as she left.

Still frustrated, Lynn followed her but halted as they bumped into Ryan and Lucy.

"Ah, Mrs.L, how great to see you again." Ryan greeted her politely before turning to Lynn.

" So? Got the permission to skip the old folk`s home?"

"Oh, don't you all worry." Rita said mischievously. "I`m not one to ruin your kids`fun. Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge."

Lynn blushed and looked down from embarrassment.

* * *

Once everyone was gone, Lincoln found his father reading the newspaper on the couch and carrying a sulky expression.

Sighing, Lincoln moved in and sat next to him. "Hey, dad. What's up?" he forced a casual tone.

"Lincoln?" Lynn Sr. turned to him in surprise. "You didn't go to visit your grandfather?"

"Well, I wanted to, but...I was kinda worried about you, dad, and I wanted to see if you were okay."

"Oh, I appreciate that, son. But there was no reason for you to stay." Lynn tried to sound more upbeat than he really was. "Just look at me, I`m perfectly fine and dandy."

"Dad..." Lincoln gave him a serious look "...you don't look fine to me. I`ve noticed how mom`s kind of been giving you the cold shoulder after Luan`s late April Fools tribute."

The man`s forced smile fell and he exhaled. "Lincoln, you don't need to be worried. Yes, I`m currently _a little_ on your mother`s bad side, but that's all because of a tincy-wincy misunderstanding, it will blow over soon."

" _No, no it won't_." Lincoln thought grimly. " _Not unless we can change that_."

"Dad..." Lincoln sighed "...would you mind if we spent some time together given how you have some free time?"

"Why of course Lincoln, that sounds like a swell idea." his father lightened up.

"Great." Lincoln smiled. "And could we maybe talk about some stuff that`s been on my mind?" he suggested offhandedly.

"Sure, son. Anything that's got you thinking you can share with your ol`man. Though we can't stray away from the house, I made a promise to watch it."

"I understand, dad. Trust me, I`m kinda feeling homesick today anyway." Lincoln agreed.

"But maybe we could talk somewhere outside. Without her roommate and with Leni napping, and Lori of to the mall, I doubt Lola or Lori will do anything too crazy beyond having a tea party with her plushies or talking on the phone all day or."

Lynn pondered but then smiled. "I suppose you do have a point. But first, would you mind doing me a little favor?"

"Why sure, dad. Anything you need I`ll gladly help. What is it?"

"Help me clean the garage?"

Lincoln went pale, but very strenuously forced a smile. "Sure...sounds like fun..."

* * *

Lynn found herself carrying a duffle bag and walking through the neighborhood with Ryan...and Lucy of all people, who was sandwiched between the older kids and carrying a black backpack.

Not exactly a splendid situation from the jock`s perspective, as while getting another free day from their mission sounded cool on paper, having her weirdo little sister tag along seriously hampered it.

The talk she had with her mother also suddenly made being in the presence of her friend a lot more uncomfortable regardless. Following that talk, she had almost wanted to change plans again and go with her mother instead, but she had run herself into a corner.

Lucy wasn't very happy about Lynn`s presence either. Having Lynn come along meant that she would likely draft Ryan into another one of her 24-hour multi-sports marathons while Lucy would quickly be forgotten and left behind as an unwanted onlooker.

"So what do you guys want to do first?" Ryan broke the silence. "I know your respective hobbies and interests don't overlap, like...at all. So I assume we`re gonna have to invent shifts for any upcoming activities."

Lucy felt a bit relieved. Ryan _did_ think about what she wanted instead of just thinking about Lynn. She was still hesitant to speak, expecting her older sister to start chatting with Ryan nonstop and tune her out completely. But that didn't happen.

Lynn was strangely withdrawn and avoided eye contact with the boy. Lucy noticed that and felt perplexed. Was Lynn actually shy about something? She looked like she was having some serious inner turmoil, but that couldn't be true?

As far as Lucy knew her Lynn always leaped into action and never engaged in any thought processes more elaborate than: " _Sports! I love sports! Must turn everything into a contest! Touch down! Lynner, Lynner, Chicken Dinner! Whooho!_ " So what could possibly be troubling her?

"You wanna make a suggestion first, kid?" Ryan addressed the goth.

"Well...I have some ideas..." she stammered timidly "...but...they`re...a bit weird."

"Shoot right ahead." Ryan shrugged. "The weirder and more out there an idea is, the more fun it's guaranteed to be."

Lucy smiled, feeling a bit more encouraged to speak her mind.

Listening to that, Lynn had her own internal battle. " _Don't act like a dweeb, Lynn. Nothing has changed! It's the same Ryan as before! Don't think about him like that! What does mom know about what she`s talking about anyway!_ " she kept denying her feelings just so she could muster the courage to look Ryan in the eye again.

"I have an idea!" she cut in. "I`ll gather my friends together so I can introduce you to everyone, Ryan. Then we`ll organize a big game of your choice! Football? Soccer? Baseball? Basketball? It's your decision to make, buddy!" she spoke bombastically.

Ryan turned quiet, clearly not being thrilled by the idea.

"And what am I supposed to do there?" Lucy asked her.

Lynn smirked at her and pretended to think. "You're too young and out of shape to play in the big league, Luce. But don't worry, you can be our cheering fan on the sidelines. I`ll even give you your very own foam hand with my name on it!"

Lucy frowned. "So, in other words, you just want to exclude me from everything. And I don't do cheering."

"Well too bad, cuz that's your only option!" Lynn retorted.

"Lynn...eh...let`s put a pin on that." Ryan interjected. "Let the kid have her fun first."

Lynn sent him a glare that said "Traitor!"

"Looks like democracy wins this round." Lucy grew a small smirk, which greatly agitated Lynn.

"C`mon, Lynn. Don't knock it until you try it." Ryan reasoned with her.

Lynn frowned bitterly before exhaling. "Fine, whatever. But if it's too stupid I`ll just watch you two from a distance."

" _I`d love that_." Lucy thought snidely.

Unbeknownst to them, they were being watched. By none other than Lyle.

* * *

 **If you haven't guessed by now Ryan really loves being a troll.**

 **And looks like poor Albert will only get a visit from four grandchildren out of ten.**


	14. A Jock In Love: Spooky Evening

"So this is why you dragged us here? An old pile of rocks?" an unimpressed Lynn lamented with folded arms as she observed what was left of an old, crumbled building covered in moss and weeds.

It was located in the middle of an island of trees within a traffic circle near their neighborhood, and Lucy had led them there.

"That`s not what I wanted to show Ryan." the goth explained simply. "There's something hidden within it."

"I always was a sucker for surprises." Ryan shrugged.

"I think you'll like it, now I just need to find the entrance." Lucy pondered. "It's been a while since I've last been here." she explained before stretching her arm up.

Quickly, Fang flew in and perched on her hand. "But he`ll show me the way. You just wait here." she told the others as she entered the ruins.

Once she was gone Lynn sighed exasperatedly and glared at Ryan.

"Why did you agree to this again?" she asked him tiredly.

"Cuz...it sounded interesting." Ryan shrugged.

"You have no clue what it is?" Lynn pointed out.

"Eh, if it's located in the middle of a spooky forest it's gotta a be at least a little interesting." Ryan reasoned casually. "Besides, I...kinda wanted to make the little squirt happy."

Lynn sneered. "And since when did you care about cheering up little kids?"

Ryan shrugged again. "Never, of course. But Lucy seems like an interesting gal, a far cry from most snot-nosed brats her age. You don't see a lot of them with such...macabre interests."

Judging from the tone of his voice, he meant that odd remark as high praise for Lucy, which irked Lynn. First with Luan, now he was getting chummy with Lucy? Lynn really missed the days when Ryan was simply indifferent about them.

" _Sounds like someone`s jealous. First Luan steals him away and now he`s paying more attention to your ankle-bitting weirdo roommate than to you. He must be getting bored with old sports girl Lynn_..."

" _Shut up!_ " Lynn snapped at herself. She wasn't jealous and there was no way Ryan would rather be with those two whackjobs than with her.

"Sometimes, I really don't get you, Ryan." Lynn rolled her eyes.

"I`m a multi-layered guy." Ryan smirked and gestured at himself.

Lynn huffed. "If you're talking about being full of several layers of crap, then I suppose so." she replied passive-aggressively.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Lynn, I know you don't like this, but no one forced you to come along, y`know."

"What`s that supposed to mean?" she raised her voice and faced him. "That you don't want me around?"

"Easy there, tiger." Ryan replied coolly. "I never said that, but it's clear you ain't keen on doing whatever Lucy wants us to do, so why did you insist to come along when you had other options?"

Lynn turned silent, contemplating. Why did she lose her temper? Why did she insist to come along in the first place knowing Lucy would be there? She honestly didn't know, she just did it as a gut reaction.

" _Duh, you wanted to be close to him. Cute company_."

Lynn growled inwardly but had to respond quickly as Ryan stared at her oddly.

"I`m sorry..." she muttered begrudgingly "...I just...wanted to spend time with you."

Ryan`s face softened and his chill demeanor returned. "Well you got your wish, didn't ya?"

"I was hoping we could do something more fun..." Lynn grumbled in response.

"Who says this won't be? Exploring places is always fun-"

"I found it." Lucy suddenly appeared, startling them, before handing them both flashlights.

"You`ll need these, now follow me."

"And where exactly are we going?" Lynn asked curtly. "There isn`t a lot of light there, huh?"

"No." Lucy said with a small smile. "If you're afraid of the dark you can wait up here."

Lynn narrowed her eyes.

"Uhhhhh...a challenge of courage? Classic." Ryan quipped.

"I`m not scared of anything!" Lynn angrily exclaimed and stormed ahead. "Let's go!"

As they entered the ruins someone else peeked out from behind a row of trees, holding a baseball bat and grinning maliciously.

"The retards trapped themselves in the ruins for me, awesome!" Lyle grew excited and smiled wickedly.

"Alright boys, let's spring into action!" he addressed his goons. "It's time for payback! Those assholes are gonna rue humiliating me!"

Only two members of his gang had come along and they looked scared and shook nervously along with the bats they were holding.

"I don't know about this, Lyle..." one of them quivered. "This sounds like a bad idea. Those two are ruthless."

Lyle became agitated. "No, they`re not! They just got a few lucky shots!" he lashed out at them.

"Besides..." he smirked "...we`re armed this time, they aren't!" he elaborated while punching his palm with the bat."

"I`m not sure, those imbeciles might actually be on to something..." a monotonous female voice joined the party.

Maggie stepped out of the shadows. Her presence creeped the others out but Lyle scowled at her.

"Don't get sassy with me!" he scolded his cousin. "I`m the boss of this gang and we`re doing things my way!" he growled petulantly.

"You asked me to spy on them so you could know when those two would be alone again." Maggie replied indifferently. "I simply assumed that this gave me the right to express my opinion."

"And how`s this a bad plan?" Lyle responded curtly. "It`s three easy steps. First, we find them, then we corner them, then we bash their brains out! Revenge accomplished! Plain and simple!"

"If you say so." Maggie shrugged indifferently. "But I have a hunch that your revenge won't go according to plan."

"Oh, oh, ever the pessimist, aren't ya, Margaret?" Lyle snarked.

"It`s who I am." the emo replied plainly.

"Well, I`m going to prove you wrong right now!" Lyle pointed at the ruins before grinning. "You`ll see!"

* * *

Inside the ruins, Lucy led them to a crack in the wall, which as it turned out was the entrance to an underground cavern.

Already familiar with the place, Lucy flashed her light and easily navigated through the tight passage filled with bulging rocks everywhere which were hidden by the darkness.

Ryan and Lynn had a harder time moving through the dark, narrow and unfamiliar tunnel, not helped by their larger size.

"This is idiotic!" Lynn ranted behind Ryan, her voice bouncing off the rocky wall.

She struggled to squeeze herself between two rocks before following after him. "We`ll get lost and stuck in place!"

" _You won't as long as you follow me_." Lucy`s stoic voice echoed from far ahead, growing more distant.

Ryan placed his hand against a bulging boulder on the ceiling and moved below it. "She`s right, if you go exploring you need to have faith in your guide."

"Our "guide" just graduated first grade!" a surly Lynn retorted before bumping her head against the same boulder.

Ryan stopped and cringed before hurrying back to her. "You okay?"

"No!" she said curtly while rubbing her forehead.

Ryan directed his flashlight at her. "Ughhh...that`s gonna leave a mark."

"Not funny! And stop pointing that thing in my eyes!" Lynn pushed his flashlight away.

"Sorry, but when you explore dark caves you have to make sure what's in front of you." Ryan told her helpfully, bitting back a snicker.

"If you have trouble navigating, I can lead you just like in that underwater cavern." he offered her his hand.

Feeling mocked, Lynn pushed it away. "I`m doing fine on my own!" she huffed and pushed past him only to trip on a small rock.

She grabbed hold of Ryan`s shirt only to pull him with her. They fell and got stuck between various rocks, coughing as the dust cleared.

It was then that they realized that they were pressed uncomfortably close to each other, with Lynn holding on to Ryan. They both enjoyed the sensation for a moment before growing red and hastily trying to scoot away from each other, only to hit their heads and jab their backs against various boulders in the dark which pushed them back together, with their faces getting pressed against each other.

Lynn started sweating and panicking but Ryan composed himself enough and exclaimed, "Don't move!" and grabbed hold of one flashlight. Finally making out what was in front of him, Ryan slowly and carefully stood up and helped Lynn up.

Still blushing, Lynn fidgeted nervously. "Eh...maybe you should lead the way." she admitted shamefully and took his hand. The gesture made her feel nervous and uncomfortable.

If he hadn't been feeling flustered himself Ryan would have sent her a deadpan glare.

They soon spotted a glimpse of Lucy`s flashlight which led them to another crack in the rock.

They saw Lucy on the other side and squeezed their way in. The ground felt somewhat squishy and the place smelled weird, but on the plus side, it had a lot more space.

" _You fell behind_." the goth observed.

"Well excuse us for not being two and a half foot tall twerps who can slink through a narrow tunnel in pitch-black darkness!" Lynn snapped.

" _Keep your voice down_..." Lucy said in a hushed tone. Lynn started fuming while Ryan observed his surroundings and flashed his light at the ceiling.

" _Incredible_..." he mumbled in amazement as he realized where they were.

"I`m not gonna keep my voice down!" an irritated Lynn lashed out at Lucy. "I`ll be as loud as I please!" her voice echoed through the cavern.

It was immediately followed by a chorus of chirping, followed by hundreds of pairs of tiny, glowing eyes popping up above them.

Lynn`s jaw dropped in shock while Ryan looked at them in awe.

" _There are hundreds of bats up there_..." the boy spoke.

"Bats?" Lynn meeped.

" _That`s Fang`s entire flock_..." Lucy stated as her pet bat landed on her shoulder. " _I sometimes visit them when I need a place of solace. They can be very noisy but not as long as you remain quiet and respect their daily slumber. I thought you`d like to see them_." she whispered to Ryan.

Lynn was stunned with shock but Ryan was smiling and approached the goth.

" _Wow. I always wanted to see a bat cave_..." he whispered back, sounding uncharacteristically giddy.

" _So you like the surprise?_ " Lucy asked hopefully.

Ryan chortled. " _Like it? I_ -" he was cut off by a chorus of screeches as the bats suddenly swooped down upon them.

Lynn screamed in fright while Lucy and Ryan looked up in astonishment.

"Stretch your arms out!" Lucy told him hastily as she did it. Ryan did so as they were engulfed by the flock.

Lynn, however, fell to her knees and crouched to the ground while shielding her head as hundreds of tiny wings flapped above her.

* * *

"Lyle, you might want to check this out." Maggie had found the entrance to the cave while her cousin and his lackeys were aimlessly searching the ruins.

Hearing her, Lyle grunted in annoyance and joined her. "What is-" he stopped upon seeing what Maggie was pointing at.

"They must have gone down there." the indifferent emo concluded. Lyle squinted his eyes in confusion.

"Why the hell would they go down that hole?!"

"I honestly don't know." the aloof Maggie shrugged her shoulders.

"Eh, who cares! Revenge time!" Lyle took several steps down the cavern. "Show yourself, you cowards!" he shouted. No response.

Lyle growled. "Come up here or I`ll come down! Come and face me! Mano a mano!"

This time he got a response, in the form of screeching.

"What the?" a confused Lyle blurted before he and Maggie were suddenly assaulted by a flying black mass.

Lyle screamed and dropped his own bat as dozens of tiny feet latched on to his hair and shirt. His two lackeys reacted the same way as the huge flock descended upon them and they made like the wind.

"MAGGIE! DO SOMETHING! GET THEM OFF! DON`T LET THEM BITE MY NECK!" Lyle screamed like a little girl as he flailed his arms wildly and ran away from the ruins as fast as his legs could carry him.

An unfazed Maggie remained where she stood as the last of the bats cleared and sighed and shook her head.

"Told him it was a bad idea." she said droningly.

* * *

Lynn cowered and shielded herself as multiple bats still soared above her. A strong odor attacked her senses and she felt how squishy yet dry the ground beneath her knees and elbows was, like it was covered in a layer of cheese puffs.

Beyond the endless chirping, she heard another bizarre sound. Ryan giggling childishly like he was on the receiving end of a tickle attack.

She dared to look up and gasped. Ryan and Lucy stood next to her, their arms stretched out with numerous bats crawling all over them like bees on a honeycomb.

"It tickles, it tickles..." Ryan giggled in a high-pitched voice as bats hung from his sleeves, climbed up his arms and shirt and some were nuzzling his neck and nibbling his ears.

Lynn was modified but her friend was acting as if he was being licked and cuddled by a pack of cute puppies.

"Affectionate fellows, aren't they?" he said exuberantly. "How did you teach them to be comfortable with this?" he asked Lucy.

"Didn't really do anything..." she responded between giggles "...they just started doing this over the years."

Lynn panted heavily and kneeled up. "Ryan?! What are you doing?!" she blurted worriedly.

Remaining still in his scarecrow pose, the smiling Ryan rotated his head in her direction. "Lynn? You gotta try it! You have no idea how soft these little fuzzballs are!"

"Have you gone mad?!" she replied hysterically, ducking as some of Ryan`s bats swooped down and flew past her.

"Lynn, lower... your volume. You're... scaring them." Ryan told her between giggles.

"Scaring _them_?!" the unnerved Lynn blurted, shielding her head as more bats flew over her. She was sweating with anxiety and her heart was skipping beats.

"Lynn, you shouldn't stay so close to the ground..." Lucy told her with a hint of amusement in her voice "...it's covered in bat guano."

Lynn`s pupils shrank with horror and she jumped up whipping her clothes. "Ew! Gross! Ew! Gross!"

"Don`t worry, Lynn." Ryan shrugged. "Animal crap is relatively bacteria free. It's nature`s fertilizer and now you smell like mother nature!"

Lucy snickered while Lynn glared at them both, feeling demeaned and embarrassed.

"I want to get out of this shit-hole! NOW!" she lamented with a mixture of fear and anger. The former was noticed and came as a surprise to Ryan.

"Why? I`m making lots of new friends with these little, flying gremlins." he protested half-seriously.

"Lynn, if you're by any chance scared by this..." Lucy spoke up, sounding more and more taunting with every word "...well...you have your flashlight and you know the way out."

Lynn glared at her. The little brat was challenging her and enjoying her misery. Lynn couldn't deny it, Fang and his small flock that visited their home creeped her out enough, but a whole armada of these small winged creatures was a whole different story.

"I`m not scared!" she yelled, more with defiant despair than with rage. Her demeanor wasn't fooling either of her companions.

"You don't give off that vibe to me. I know fear when I see it." Lucy grew a small smirk.

Ryan noticed it. The timid little girl had at least a small sadistic streak, everyone had it as far as Ryan was concerned.

He felt a sense of pride and admiration seeing her unwind a bit. On the other hand, while he felt tempted to crack another joke or two at Lynn`s expense, seeing her quiver and squirm with fear was not a pleasant sight to him.

"Lynn, you're actually scared by these little critters?" he asked curiously.

"No, I`m not..." Lynn said definitely but ducked fearfully as more bats swooped over her head.

"Well, if you aren't scared you won't mind staying here longer." Lucy stated with a smile.

Lynn grew tenser, her pride wouldn't allow her to look like a scaredy cat in front of them, but the longer she stayed here the more she felt like she was going to experience an anxiety attack.

Ryan jumped up and the bats flew off him. Dusting himself off, he approached his friend, sporting a sympathetic look.

"Lynn, if this is making you feel uncomfortable we`ll leave now."

"I`m not scared!" she denied it while growing out of breath. "I`m...just..." her voice trailed off as she kept sweating bullets.

Ryan`s trademark smirk returned. "You're a terrible liar, y`know that?" he stated simply.

Lynn deflated and hugged him for comfort. Ryan returned the favor.

It felt embarrassing, but being in his embrace had a surprisingly soothing and calming effect on her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You`ll never let me hear the end of it, are ya?" she grumbled.

"I`m not that cruel. Besides, everyone has their weaksauce fears. Remember, I don't like doctors and clinics."

Lynn grew a cheeky smile. "Oh yeah, you do tend to be a big baby around hospitals."

Although she started to feel better it didn't occur to her to stop hugging Ryan, not that he minded the gesture.

Somewhat disappointed by the outcome, Lucy frowned at the sight in front of her with dread.

" _Sigh. I have the foreboding feeling that something super icky is going to happen_."

To her relief, Ryan and Lynn let go of each other, and they approached her.

"Okay, Spooky, we had our fun. It's time to scram." Ryan told her nicely, though he was just as disappointed by their early departure as her.

"Sigh, okay..." she replied dejectedly.

"Don`t be so glum, kid. Didn't you have some other activities planned?"

Lucy smiled. "Actually, I did."

Lynn exhaled exasperatedly. At least they were leaving this place.

* * *

Lincoln supposed that changing the future obviously wouldn't be easy, or particularly pleasant.

But at this point, as he was laboriously carrying what was probably the last of a dozen or so boxes up the stairs and into the attic, he was really wishing that he could finally do something that didn't involve cleaning the house for the third time in a row.

Tired and worn out, he barely managed to climb up the ladder and dropped the box in the attic before kneeling down and leaning against it, panting heavily.

It really was getting aggravatingly boring and tedious at this point and Lincoln wanted a task that was at least a little more exciting.

" _It`s the small deeds that matter, you are making a difference by relieving mom and dad of their stressful duties as much as possible. Every deed counts_." he told himself, trying not to lose sight of the big picture.

Wiping the sweat off his forehead, Lincoln went back down the stairs. " _But still, why does Taylor get to go to an amusement park while I`m stuck being the housemaid?_ " he thought enviously as he reached the lower floor.

He knew Ryan would just keep weaseling his way out of any of the more tedious tasks as much as possible, and he would milk the excuse of "oh, you need to stay close to your family cuz you understand them, while I work on the outside" to no ends.

Frustratingly, Lincoln knew that was true. Ryan`s actions in the park showcased perfectly how he would handle the girls, and Lynn wasn't far behind in that mentality.

Lincoln wasn't one to advocate handling problems with violence, intimidation and swagger, but to his dismay that appeared to be the only effective tactic against his crazy sisters.

Lincoln just hoped that this would only be a temporary solution. He didn't want to have more injured sisters on his conscience. At least with Lisa, it was an accident and arguably karma for using her hypno ray on her siblings. With Leni less so. She hadn't even attacked him.

As he stepped out of the house he came across Charles who was wagging his tail upon seeing him.

Smiling softly, Lincoln kneeled down to pet him. The bull terrier had been watching his only two male masters clean the garage all day, and Lincoln was happy to see his dog acting normal despite his recent near-death experience.

"Charles, are you enjoying the sunny day? I`m sure you're happy about not having to help us clean the garage, huh?" Lincoln asked him.

Charles looked at him while panting with his tongue sticking out, before suddenly trying to nibble his itching, bandaged leg, only to be hindered by his cone.

He whimpered with irritation and discomfort. Lincoln patted his back comfortingly. "Don't worry, buddy. You'll have that funnel of your head soon enough."

Noting that, Lincoln started reconsidering his earlier complaint.

Staying at home and doing menial labor trumped meeting One Eye once again by a mile. Both his sister and Ryan treated surviving another run-in with him like something worth bragging about, but to Lincoln the mere idea of seeing that wolf again was horrifying itself.

He was beyond thankful that this inexplicable jump back in time meant that his sisters carried no recollection, and no battle scars, from that horrible camping trip.

But he did carry the former, and it still haunted the back of his mind. That camping trip was the single most terrifying experience he and his family ever had. And now Charles had gone through the same burden.

"You were very brave, Charles." he spoke intuitively as he stood up.

"I know it must have been terrifying for you, but you showed lots of courage defending Lynn despite the odds being against you. We`re both proud of you."

Lincoln knew that the dog probably didn't understand a single word he was saying but he had to say it, Charles` brief but daring act of courage was nothing to sneeze at as far as Lincoln was concerned. A reminder of who man`s best friend was.

Suddenly, he heard a noise from the garage and rushed towards it, followed by Charles.

Once there, Lincoln saw his father arm sticking out of a pile of collapsed cardboard boxes and other junk.

" _Eh...a little help...please_..." Lynn spoke up in a muffled and clearly embarrassed tone. Lincoln moved trough the collapsed junk and helped pull his father up.

With a crazy and disorganized family of twelve, the garage and other storage places would quickly accumulate with tons of stuff and needed to be cleaned regularly. What you might find there each time could keep even the savviest person guessing.

Lynn clumsily staggered out of the pile, with an old guitar strapped around him, his left arm was stuck halfway into the tire of a unicycle and he had a cooler over his head.

" _I can't see?!_ " the man panicked in a muffled voice.

"Just stay still, dad." Lincoln told him calmingly while pulling the unicycle off his arm. Next, he urged his father to bend down.

"Lemme get that cooler off your head." Lincoln did so and Lynn stood up, only to reveal that he had something else on his head, an old Halloween mask.

Lincoln flinched a bit. It was a werewolf mask.

"Thanks, son..." Lynn could finally see the boy but quickly noticed that he was seeing him through eye holes "...wait? There`s something else on my head?"

He turned about, feeling the rubber and fake fur, and saw Charles. The dog yelped in fear and scampered away to hide in his dog house.

"What`s gotten into him?" Lynn stopped as he saw his reflection in an old wall mirror sticking out of the pile.

The man screeched and jolted back in terror, accidentally stepping on a skateboard and crashing back into the pile again.

Lincoln cringed before sighing and rolling his eyes. His father`s fear of anything Halloween-related was pretty sad. Lincoln didn't peg himself as being brave, but even he had learned not to be scared of cheap Halloween props three years ago.

"Are you okay, dad?" he asked with concern while pulling the mask of Lynn`s head.

Lynn shook his head before smiling sheepishly. "A-okay, son." he said hastily as he stood up straightening his back. "Just a little bruised."

"Yeah..." Lincoln replied exasperatedly while looking around the mess his father made"...and...eh...I guess we have some more cleaning up to do?"

An embarrassed Lynn swallowed and rubbed his neck. "It seems so...eh my bad."

Lincoln sighed. "Let's get it over."

At least this would give him some more time to start talking with his dad.

* * *

" _I`m never gonna live this down_..." Lynn muttered to herself, sitting under a tree and resting her head and arms on her knees.

Her stint in the bat-infested cavern had really stung her pride.

She had lost her cool and acted like a total girl, scared and hapless, and needed Ryan to comfort her and "protect" her from something neither he or her freaking 7-year old baby sister were even remotely fazed at!

It was beyond humiliating to her, showing such weakness would have hurt her pride under any circumstances but doing so in front of him felt exceptionally embarrassing.

Lynn currently wanted to be swallowed by the earth and just die, which was fitting since she was sitting at the outskirts of the local graveyard.

It was late afternoon and more and more fog started coming in around the place from...somewhere? Apparently, graveyards are just fog magnets?

Lynn looked up to see if she could spot her friend anywhere, but he and Lucy had disappeared like ghosts within the foggy cemetery.

Lynn still couldn't believe that Ryan agreed to do what Lucy had suggested, but considering he had just willingly let himself be swarmed by bats she supposed he was a junkie for the bizarre and macabre as much as she was one for sports.

It was a stupid idea as far as Lynn was concerned and she sighed and buried her head in her knees, still feeling like a sissy wimp for her reaction to the bat cave.

" _Oh stop being a drama queen for Pete`s sake!_ " she scolded herself. " _It`s not like he made fun of you for it! He understood_." she reassured herself. He was her friend and friends shouldn't feel embarrassed in front of each other over such things.

" _Besides, you enjoyed being comforted by him. It felt good..."_ some part of her mind told her, making her growl, stand up and kick the ground in frustration as her cheeks flushed red.

Suddenly, she spotted a small group of kids entering the graveyard from a distance. They looked about Lucy`s age and quickly disappeared within the fog.

Lynn rolled her eyes and sat back down. At least this idiotic escapade was about to be wrapped up.

* * *

"Guys, this place is creeping me out..." one of the kids quivered as they approached a tombstone.

"Stop being a baby!" another one told him curtly and handed him a camera. "We made a bet and we have to do it, otherwise well be a laughing stock at school!"

"Alright, be sure to capture my good side!" the young boy told his friends as he leaned against the tombstone.

The camera quivering in his hands, the terrified kid tried to take a snapshot when a tall figure suddenly appeared from the fog.

He dropped the camera and along with the others froze with fear, a few of them whimpering or chattering their teeth, with one pointing at the figure.

"What?" the confused boy asked the group when he heard creepy breathing coming from behind him.

He felt a chill run down his spine before a pale, bloody hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

The boy squeaked in terror as he saw a pair of glowing red eyes, belonging to the Grim Reaper.

" _Wretched mortals! You`ve defiled the sacred resting grounds of the departed! Now you`ll join them for all eternity!_ "

Screams of utter terror echoed through the cemetery as the horrified children fleed in all directions, except for the poor brat that was struggling in the Reaper`s grip.

He glared down at his petrified victim, tears of blood dripping from his glowing sockets.

" _And guess who`ll be the first one to be dragged down to the infernal pits of hades!_ " the collector of the deceased told the boy, which he followed up with a maniacal cackle.

Oddly, the Reaper sounded like he hadn't hit puberty yet.

Screaming for his mother, the boy finally squeezed his arm free thanks to the slippery fake blood. He fell on his back and the Grim Reaper awkwardly staggered closer until he was looming over him.

He uttered a flat "Boo" and the boy scrambled to his feet screaming and ran away, tripping and getting back up several time over.

Once he was gone, two different sets of laughter emitted from the costume.

"Well, well..." Ryan peeled back the black robe to properly see the fleeing dope "...I guess your schoolmates will think twice now about your warnings that the Grim Reaper will get them if they don't stop picking on you, huh?"

"That felt good, finally getting payback..." Lucy said behind the skull mask as she turned her red flashlight off.

"Of course it does, kiddo. There's nothing more fulfilling than revenge." Ryan agreed. "And mentally scaring bratty ankle-bitters for life, of course." he added cheekily.

He paused and looked at the audience. "Don't judge me!" he placed his hands on his hips before smiling smarmily. "The best way to assure that kids have learned a lesson is to scare it into them!"

"Thanks, Ryan. For helping me..." Lucy told him humbly.

"Any time, Spooky." Ryan chuckled. "I never could turn down a chance to be... theatrical!" he added dramatically.

* * *

"First some creepy old ruins, now the graveyard?! What the hell`s wrong with those freaks?" a scratched up Lyle grumbled while grasping his bat with both hands and surveying the foggy area from a row of trees.

"From what I could gather the little girl has a strong fascination with everything gothic and morbid, probably her idea." Maggie shrugged apathetically.

"In that case I`ll be doing her a favor if I knock some sense into that midget freakshow as well." Lyle proclaimed gleefully.

"Sounds like a bad idea, you saw first hand how protective that sports girl is of her siblings." Maggie advised him.

"I doubt that will be a problem if I break her legs first." Lyle clutched his weapon.

"And what makes you think you'll get a chance to do that?"

Lyle`s annoyed face snapped towards her.

"Oh, Margaret. Did you already forget that conversation we just had about you not asking stupid questions unless I ask for it!" he warned her passive-aggressively.

"Sorry." the emo replied indifferently.

Lyle smiled. "Good. Now stay quiet and don't spoil my ambush. I got the element of surprise!" he grinned deviously and swiftly snuck into the cemetery.

"Go get them." Maggie "cheered" him on without an ounce of enthusiasm.

" _Ughhh...this place gives me the creeps!_ " Lyle shuddered as he got himself lost and disoriented in the foggy maze of tombstones.

" _They have to be here somewhere!_ " he quickly grew frustrated as he looked around.

Suddenly he spotted a shadowy figure moving through the fog and out of the graveyard. Lyle`s eyes widened and he grinned ear to ear with glee.

" _Got them!_ " he ran around the figure to intercept it. He hid behind a rotting tree as the figure turned around and moved in his direction.

Without a second thought, he jumped in its way yielding his bat up.

"HA!" he roared triumphantly, only to freeze stiff and drop his weapon upon coming face to face with a towering, cloaked figure with a skull for a face, who's sockets started glowing with a hellish red light.

The stunned Lyle blinked before screeching with unimaginable terror while his brown hair turned white and he bolted away like the speed of light, leaving a dust trail in his wake.

"Lyle?" Ryan blurted as he peeked out from his costume.

"Who?" the head asked him in confusion, but Ryan didn't hear her as a rectus grin crept onto his face and he laughed involuntarily.

"Oh this is too good to be true!" he hollered while clutching his gut.

"Guys!" Lynn rushed to them. "Was that Lyle?" she asked worriedly.

"Yep. But he left just as quickly as he came!" Ryan quipped in response.

"Who was that guy with the unibrow?" Lucy asked them.

Ryan and Lynn looked at each other. The former nodded to the latter before picking Lucy off his shoulders and gently placed her down.

"Oh, nobody important." Ryan said nonchalantly as he took his robes off and rolled them up. "Just some jerk me and Lynn know."

"Yeah, he likes to...eh...skulk around and scare people, but I guess you turned the tables on him." Lynn added.

Lucy took her mask off and shrugged. "Hmmm...an unexpected bonus I guess..."

Lynn sighed inwardly before sending Ryan a subtle glare.

"Alright! You and Lucy had your spooky jollies! Now you owe me some quality time, Ryan!" she told him firmly.

"Clingy, aren't you..." Lucy commented snidely.

Lynn quickly regretted wording it like that. "I mean...I had it tagging along!" she hastily corrected herself.

"If I don't engage in some sort of competitive physical activity within the next five minutes someone`s gonna get it!"

"No need to fight over me, girls." Ryan smirked. "There's plenty of me for everyone!"

"I mean it!" Lynn got up in his face and Ryan took a step back.

"Fair enough." he shrugged. "I traumatized enough people for one week, what would you fancy doing?"

Lynn brightened up. "Oh, I have a few ideas..." she patted her duffel bag "...and I packed the essentials for it."

"Oh, I know that look." Ryan remarked. "You want me to try a new, _more brutal_ sport."

"You know me well." Lynn smirked. With Ryan being her sparring partner she could finally do some stuff she wasn't able to do in a while.

"And what am I supposed to do?" Lucy cut in.

"Cheer us on of course." Lynn sneered at her. Lucy frowned.

"Oh, don't worry, kid." Ryan reassured her. "I never throw a boring sleepover."

"Too bad that a sleepover is _way_ past your curfew though." Lynn added snidely, smirking at the goth.

"I am in no need of sleep if I don't want to." Lucy retorted. Ryan patted her back.

"Speaking of which, it's about time you saw my humble home, we shouldn't stay out here past dark anyway. Not with all these _weirdos_ lurking around." Ryan proclaimed while observing the trail Lyle had left.

* * *

Lincoln pushed the last box on the shelf. He exhaled and dusted himself off. "That's the last of them."

"Good job, son." his father congratulated him as he finished placing some brooms and rakes against another packed shelf.

"Sorry about causing that minor avalanche, but with your help we still cleaned this place up in half the time I would have on my own."

"It was nothing, dad. Glad to be of service." Lincoln replied simply.

A chipper Lynn dusted his hands before placing them on his hips. "Ah, it warms my heart to see things neat and orderly. I think you and me have earned a big glass of lemonade each, huh?"

"Sounds great, dad." Lincoln approached him while dusting his own hands. Lynn noticed the rather downbeat tone in his son`s voice.

"You okay, sport?" Lynn cocked an eyebrow.

Lincoln sighed. "I was thinking about mom. Remember what I`ve asked you earlier."

"Lincoln, I told you not to worry." his father lightened up. "Yes, your mother and I had a bit of an argument, but that's nothing new for an old married couple like us. After she sees how we`ve cleaned the garage she`ll be in a forgiving mood in no time, I guarantee you."

"And what if she won't be?"

Lynn paused and looked at his son oddly. "Why wouldn't she? Why'd you ask that?"

Lincoln took a deep breath, he had to choose his words carefully.

"Dad, I know you didn't sell us out to Luan when she did...you-know-what, but even after she herself told everyone the truth mom didn't seem to act any differently towards you than before. She still seemed mad."

His father`s expression grew more somber and he sighed. "I suppose that`s true." he scratched his neck.

"But I guess that was just one heck of a rotten coincidence on my part. I`m glad you have faith in me, but from their perspective, I did look pretty guilty in front of her and your sisters, regardless if I was or not."

Lincoln looked at him seriously. "But shouldn't a family have complete faith in each other? You know how me and Lynn went to a friend that day but when we came back we were also accused of selling ourselves out to Luan!"

"I know, Lincoln. I`m sorry about that, but..." Lynn gulped with uncertainty "...but you gotta see it from your sisters` perspective..."

"So the word of their own sibling and their own father is not good enough for them? Mom won't believe her own husband? Does that sound like a healthy family dynamic to you, dad?"

His father grew silent, not knowing how to respond. He thought about what his son had said.

The more he contemplated the more he couldn't think of an argument against it and grew worried. Did his own family really have so little trust in him?

"Dad..." Lincoln broke the silence and braced himself "...I`m worried. And it's not just about mom being mad at you over this one mishap."

Worried? That word caught Lynn off guard. More than that, his son`s demeanor conveyed that exact feeling.

The more Lynn thought about the way his son had been acting today-no, the way he had been acting for the last few days indicated that something was troubling him. Something more than not getting a comic book or failing to watch an episode of his favorite tv show.

"Lincoln..." he asked cautiously "...I told you if there's something on your mind you can tell me. Is something troubling you?"

Now was his chance. "Yes." he answered plainly. "But it's not bullies or anything you're probably thinking about. Actually, it's not about me as much as it's about our family."

Lynn was speechless. His son just read his mind and immediately denied his first assumptions. But if he wasn't dealing with some personal troubles then what?

Lincoln sighed before continuing. "I`ve noticed things. I`ve noticed how you and mom seem so stressed and overwhelmed lately..."

Lynn didn't understand where his son was heading. "Well...yes me and your mother do get stressed out sometimes, but that's completely normal for parents and grown-ups in general. It's not something you should get worried about, you're still a kid and you should enjoy yourself..." he tried to lighten the mood "...one day you'll have to face the same kind of responsibilities. And I`m not gonna lie to you, you're old enough to understand, they are sometimes overwhelming but we simply figure out a way to juggle them-"

"But you and mom don't have the same kind of responsibilities as other parents." Lincoln interjected.

"Excuse me?"

Lincoln carried a firm expression. "Most parents don't have to take care of ten kids at once who are loud, destructive and chaotic on a daily basis."

Lynn blinked.

"Don't lie to me, dad, I may be just ten but I`m not oblivious. I can see that you guys are overwhelmed because we are a massive burden to you."

"Lincoln?!" his father was taken aback. "Where on Earth did you get such a ludicrous idea?" he asked with a mixture of sternness and disbelief.

"You kids aren't a burden to us! What kind of a parent would think that way? We love every one of you equally and wouldn't trade you for anything."

Lincoln retained his steely expression. "You don't get it, dad. I know you and mom love us, I love you too and so do the girls, even if they don't show it. But it`s not love that's the problem. It's taking care of all ten of us that's the problem. It's that huge responsibility that's the burden which is driving you and mom of the edge."

Lynn turned silent once again, astounded by what he was hearing.

He almost couldn't recognize his own son. Standing in front of him wasn`t the same carefree child he knew but a boy who seemed a lot more world-weary, jaded and understanding of things most 10-year-olds would never think about, and he was completely convinced in every word he was saying.

But the most surprising and unsettling thing was just how dead on accurate Lincoln`s interpretation of his and his wife`s daily troubles was.

He understood that taking care of him and his sisters was a burdening task for Lynn and Rita, not because he thought his parents didn't love them but because he somehow understood how simply taking care of so many children and dealing with their daily and individual shenanigans was increasingly more and more overwhelming and stressful for them.

Where and how did he suddenly figure that out? Lynn always thought of his son as a bright boy, but he never took such an interest in his parents` personal problems any more than their daughters.

Seeing your child gain a perspective on your own adult life and its many difficulties out of nowhere was confusing and a lot to suddenly take in.

As his father didn't respond Lincoln worried that he said too much and/or came on too strong, but he had a backup plan in order to give some validity to his claim. He felt grateful at the moment that his mother was an aspiring writer.

"Lincoln...I..." his father looked stunned and didn't know what to say.

"Dad, I`m sorry if I was speaking out of line I just had to..."

"Son, where and how did you come to this conclusion?" his father asked with an air of bewilderment, not denying anything or scolding his son, just looking bewildered and curious.

Lincoln acted carefully, this was a crucial moment. A possible turning point. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small book.

His neck was sweating and his heart was pounding, knowing he would have to lie to his father and potentially get himself in trouble.

"Dad, you have to promise to keep this between us. It's something mom gave me and I`m not supposed to share this with anyone."

Lynn seemed to consider it, looking even more uncertain about his next action than his son.

"I eh...promise..." he finally answered "...what's that?"

"Mom has started writing another novel, this is it..." Lincoln said cautiously.

"...and...she asked you to give it a review?" Lynn concluded. That would be nothing new for his wife, though he and most of his kids would find her literally work a tedious chore to read trough. Not that anyone would actually tell her that.

"...yes." Lincoln reluctantly lied.

* * *

He had a flashback to just before lunch, where he snuck into his parents` room wearing a blue ski mask, trying to be sneaky and inconspicuous only to quickly trip over his own feet. He picked himself up and started searching through the drawer.

He suddenly heard his mother walking towards the room, started to panic and dove and squeezed himself under the bed but not quickly enough to avoid having his mother step on his hand. Lincoln teared up and clenched his teeth behind his mask trying his hardest not to make a sound and ignore the pain until Rita`s foot finally stepped off it.

Lincoln gripped his hand while his mother picked some stuff from the closet and left just as quickly. Lincoln pulled himself out, brushed the dust bunnies off him and resumed searching the drawer until he finally found what he was looking for. Then he heard footsteps again.

Lincoln ran towards the closet, tripped, stood up while clutching his aching knee and hid behind the coat hangers. He started sweating profusely as his mother looked into the closet mumbling to herself about being unable to find her favorite sweater.

Lincoln saw said sweater behind him, grabbed it and pushed it in front of him for his mother to grab. Luckily, once she pulled it out Rita smiled and walked away.

The clumsy burglar peeked to see her leaving and promptly rushed out towards his own room. He closed the door and pulled the sweat-soaked mask of his face before slowly sliding against the door to the floor.

" _How does Taylor do this kind of stuff with ease?_ " he muttered to himself.

* * *

"Yes, she asked me to give my thoughts on it." Lincoln lied again.

"And it`s the stuff that I read here that got me worried about mom."

"Worried about her?...Why?" the confused Lynn asked him. Was the novel that boring?

"Lucy once told me that when someone writes a piece of literature they usually put a lot of themselves in it. Including expressing their own personal problems and turmoil through the fiction, and judging from what`ve read I think mom has some personal grievances that got me worried."

"And what did you read that got you worried?" Lynn was now seriously getting concerned. What grievances could his wife possibly have that got his son so worried and moody and thinking about stuff he had never paid much attention to before?

"I think you'll understand it better if you just read it yourself." Lincoln handed the novel to his father.

"And believe me, dad, I doubt you'll find it anything but boring. I`ll leave you to it. I`ll be in my room if you need me." Lincoln told him seriously and left the garage, leaving his father worried and confused, and even more worried.

Lynn looked at the book he was holding, a ton of questions were racing through his mind right now. For once he felt compelled to read one of his wife`s amateur novels, but for all the wrong reasons.

* * *

 **Whatever is going to read there will probably be not very flattering and unsubtly directed at him.**

 **And this time around Lyle`s attempts to swing his bat at a Loud were foiled...by comedic interference. Looks like the timeline is slowly turning out to be a better one after all.**


	15. A Jock In Love: First Impressions

"So, what do you think?"

"It`s nice..." Lucy told Ryan shyly as they both lightly rocked up and down on the comfy living room sofa.

"It`s so big..." the goth noted with subtle awe before slowly smiling "...and quiet."

The former observation wasn't quite what Lucy believed it to be. It was no mansion as much as a standard middle-class home, but for someone with Lucy`s background, it was downright surreal to see a home completely empty and placid without a horde of kids running amock everywhere.

It made her imagination run wild, thinking about all the things she could do here from start to finish without disruption from her sisters.

"Are your parents ever at home?" Lynn asked dryly while doing stretching exercise in the living room.

"They are. Just not very often. Extra hours, business trips, etcetera, etcetera..." Ryan answered nonchalantly.

"Your parents are rarely here?" Lucy was surprised. It sounded like a horrible thing for a kid to be dealing with, but Ryan seemed very relaxed, if not happy about the situation.

"I know, it's a real privilege for me and my sister." the boy laughed. "Means lots of freedom, and it also helps to teach you how to be self-reliant."

"You have a sister?"

"Unfortunately..." Ryan sighed "...but don`t expect to be won over by her. Reene`s a real bore. A dour, cranky buzzkill and stikler for the rules. Imagine a 14-year-old trying way too hard to act like she`s 40 years old." he quipped.

"And she's not known for her hospitality either." Lynn snorted while doing a split and stretching her arm to touch the sole of her sneaker.

"I understand your predicament." Lucy turned to Ryan. "Big sisters are the absolute worst."

Lynn`s face scrunched up. " _Lousy, little cockroach_..." she muttered under her breath.

"You`re talking about Blondy?" Ryan replied with understanding. "Yeah, can't argue with you there. But Renee can actually be _scary_ when she snaps."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about a single sister." Lucy smiled.

Rolling her eyes, Lynn stood up and cleared her throat to gain Ryan`s attention. She gave him an impatient glare before spreading her fingers out.

"I`m going outside, and you have exactly _five minutes_ to find something for Miss. Gloomy Gloom to do." she told him sternly. "Otherwise I`m never talking to you again, got it!"

Lucy frowned but Ryan smiled snidely and saluted, "Jawohl, ma`am!"

Lynn nodded. " _Five minutes!_ " she warned him before spin jumping through the open window.

"Why do you let her boss you around?" Lucy asked Ryan straightforwardly.

Ryan chuckled. "Boss _moi_ around?" he placed his hand on his chest.

"Don't worry, Spooky. Nobody orders Ryan Taylor around, I just let her have her whim to make her happy. It's what best friends do."

"Aside from the times when I don't feel like doing it, of course." he shrugged.

"Does she get mad when you do that?" Lucy asked.

"Sure she does..." Ryan confirmed "...but it eventually taught her that things can't always go her way."

" _I find that hard to believe_." Lucy thought sarcastically.

"So, what would you like to do while I help your sis get her daily adrenaline overdose? And don't rush your decision. Lynn can handle me being _fashionably_ late."

Lucy thought for a second. "Do you have an attic?"

Ryan nodded in affirmation. Lucy smiled and pulled a purple fortuneteller-esque hat with a blue diamond on the front from her backpack and placed it on her head.

"That`s great." she stated calmly. "This will be my chance to hold a seance to finally get in touch with my friends from the other side. Back home I can very rarely find the necessary piece and quiet to meditate and channel my energy accordingly in order to view the other plain of existence."

"You wanna talk to ghosts?" Ryan tried to keep a straight face. Lucy nodded.

" _Eh, let the kid talk to her imaginary friends_." Ryan shrugged mentally. " _But then again_..." he considered "... _I did just travel back in time, and that baby in the turtleneck apparently owns a real laboratory, a bunker, and a hypno gun? Spirits wouldn't seem so far fetched now?_ "

"Yes, it's very hard to master the dark arts to communicate with the spirit world, it takes years of practice and studying from spell books. Even if Lynn wasn't hogging you, there's no way you could come in touch with the sole of a deceased person on your first try, or even your twelfth."

"Pitty." Ryan humored her. "But I`m sure you'll help me home in those..."mystical skills" someday. So, do you need direction to the attic?"

"No, I can manage on my own. I just have one question?"

"Shoot."

"Why do you spend time with Lynn?"

Ryan blinked. "Cuz we`re friends." he answered plainly.

Lucy frowned. "Why? You seem like a nice and sane person..."

Ryan repressed a snicker at the remark. It was still unbelievable how good of an impression he made on both Lucy and Luan to have them think stuff like that.

"...and she`s callous, rowdy, inconsiderate, brash, impulsive, abrasive, rude and obnoxious. I know that better than anyone."

Ryan snickered inwardly. He couldn't deny most of those accusations, but he himself was no angle. He chortled.

"Well, that`s...mostly true. But it's kinda what I like about her. She's fun and spunky, and exciting to hang out with."

Lucy paused. "So it's true that you like her?"

"Of course I like her, I wouldn't spend so much time with her otherwise. She's an exciting person to have for a friend." Ryan freely admitted.

"That`s not what I meant. Is it true what my older sisters have been gossiping? That you and she are...in love?"

Ryan felt the whole world come to a screeching halt. His eyes twitched and he involuntarily gripped the fabric of the sofa. Lucy patiently waited for an answer.

"That's...that`s a very wild suggestion." he replied while sweating nervously and getting goosebumps. "It's not smart to believe rumors."

"But is it true?" the little girl asked simply.

Ryan swallowed a huge lump, his heart skipping beats. "Well...it`s...it`s kinda." he stuttered while sweating bullets.

Suddenly he felt something rubbing against his leg. Feeling relieved, Ryan hastily snatched Marceline and placed her between him and Lucy.

"Oh look at this! Someone came to greet you!" he said rapidly. "This is my cat, Marceline!"

Lucy at first didn't know how to react. She slowly reached out to pet the large, spotted cat, and she purred affectionately. Lucy smiled.

"Marceline? That's a wicked name." she commented.

"Yeah, I didn't want to go with something blasé like Mittens or Whiskers." Ryan joked nervously. "Don't know where I picked it up, but she...eh looked like a Marceline to me."

"I think it's a cool name." the goth stated.

Ryan chuckled, happy that Lucy was getting distracted. "And you wouldn't mind if Marcy kept you company." he hastily suggested, aiming to throw her mind off topic.

"Can she?" Lucy asked curiously, carefully minding to ask for permission first.

"Sure...I mean, I know she has no "mystical training" either-"

"That`s not necessary for her." Lucy affirmed. "Cats have a sixth sense that allows them to see apparitions manifest themselves, it's common knowledge."

Ryan was relieved and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Well...eh...lucky her."

* * *

Returning to his yard, Ryan found Lynn doing pull-ups on a tree branch.

He was hesitant to approach her, still shaken by Lucy`s abrupt question. He sighed with resignation, he knew how he felt for Lynn, and it wasn't easy keeping his cool on the exterior while dealing with those feeling but he usually could handle it.

Except when people were breathing down his neck while having a not very subtle hunch about his crush, under those circumstances he would start crumbling like any other preteen boy who met the first girl to catch his fancy.

Ryan couldn't help but have a bitter laugh at the irony. He had few reservations about disgustingly flirting with pretty girls he didn't give a crap about, but when it came to his first real crush it was the exact opposite.

The reasons were obvious, with the former there was never any hope, or an emotional connection for that matter, ergo no fear of a crushing rejection. Ryan recalled and was still amazed that two days ago he had mustered the nerve to try and ask Lynn out for a sort-of-date which he would never have explicitly called a date, before Lyle and One Eye promptly crashed his proposal.

The following lunacy with Lynn`s family quickly sidelined that mission. Luan coming on to him and him weirdly enjoying it also really screwed up his thought processes.

Ryan wondered for a moment if now was the right time to pick up where he left. No one else was there, they`re alone in his backyard...

"You're...hugh...late!" the girl grunted disapprovingly while she continued her workout.

" _No! No, there's no rush. The summer`s young! You got an ample amount of time!_ " he hastily reasoned with himself to delay it further and walked up to Lynn.

"Working out again, eh?" he looked up.

"More like making up for wasting my time...hugh..." the sweaty Lynn replied as her head rose above the branch and back down.

"I`ve wasted hours sitting and standing around...hugh...and now I feel like my whole body...hugh...grew stiff and cramped up...hugh...damn this feels good!"

"Do you ever slow down and just enjoy the scenery?" Ryan asked rhetorically before putting his hands up. "Wait! Don't tell me-"

"No!" she replied flatly. "Any moment...hugh...where I don't work out...hugh...I might as well not be living...hugh!"

"That`s a pretty extreme philosophy." Ryan noted jokingly.

"Good...hugh...cuz I live life by the extreme!"

Ryan made a small chuckle. "And who taught you that? Daddy? Cuz whoever did obviously didn't get the memo that the nineties passed _a long time ago_."

Lynn stopped and looked down at him with a smirk. "Says the kid who still wears his cap backward."

Ryan touched his head. "Ouch. You`re ruthless." he commented sarcastically.

Then he smirked. "But at least I don't style my hair after a horse`s behind."

Lynn`s face dropped with a look of anger.

"Hey, don't glare at me." Ryan pointed his index finger up. "It`s called a _ponytail_ after all. And where's the anchor point of a pony`s tail again?"

Unsurprisingly, an enraged Lynn dropped down on him. Laughing merrily, Ryan let himself be tackled and pinned belly down to the ground as Lynn sat ontop of him.

"Lynn, you're so easy to trigger!" he giggled as she grabbed his right arm and started twisting it. "How do you deal with hecklers on the field anyway-AGH!" he stopped as the pain set in.

"I kick their ass! Red card or not!" Lynn stated, relishing the feeling of dominance. "Now apologize!"

Ryan sniggered. " _I meant it as a compliment!_ " he joked in a strained voice as Lynn kept putting on more pressure. " _It means you look good with your hair down_..."

Lynn promptly felt flustered and unknowingly let his arm go. Ryan hissed and rubbed it while Lynn shook her head before glowering down at him.

"You`re such a slimeball." she sneered.

"What can I say. Pissing people off is my one true gift." he replied smarmily.

Lynn huffed. "Well, I don't know about urine, but cutting the cheese is my one true gift." she stated ominously.

Ryan blinked with dread seconds before Lynn made good on her threat. The boy pinched his nose while groaning exasperatedly.

" _Very ladylike_..." he snarked in a nasally voice.

"Don`t be so ungrateful. The smell of flatulence is sure to improve your own bodily odor." Lynn replied snidely before snatching Ryan`s cap and placing it on her head.

"And by the way, this is how you're supposed to wear it in this day and age." Lynn clarified while maneuvering the bill above her eyes. Ryan leaned his head in his palm and tapped his fingers against the ground.

"So, how do I look?" Lynn asked. "Red is my trademark color after all." she added in a haughty tone.

"Hmm...I dunno. Do you want an honest answer or do you want a compliment?"

Lynn frowned and fumed. " _Ughhh! Why does he have to be so insufferable! Why can't I ever get the chance to own him and make him crack! Just once! He always riles me up!_ "

" _It sure is insufferable how he gets you all riled up in more ways than one_." Lynn cringed and grew frustrated as her mind once again wandered off into uncomfortable territory.

Ryan meanwhile planted his hands into the ground and threw her off him. He kneeled up as she landed on her back and rubbed her head.

Instead of getting up, Ryan simply stretched himself before snagging his hat and lying next to her.

"So you`ve decided to lie down and watch the clouds after all." he said casually while dusting his cap. He expected Lynn to go nuts and tackle him again, but that didn't happen.

Looking back at him, Lynn grew tense again and quickly sat up and looked up at the sky as Ryan turned to face her.

"No attacks?" he asked semi-bemused. "Don't tell me you actually took my little suggestion to heart?"

Knowing that a delayed response would tip him off, Lynn blurted, "No!...I..mean yes! I`m pooped."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. Lynn exhausted? Something seemed fishy.

He too sat up and leaned against the tree. "You tired? After this minor scuffle?" he asked in an obviously unconvinced tone.

Lynn swallowed and slowly composed herself. "I meant, I`m...eh tired of your dumb mind games." she said randomly.

Ryan obviously didn't buy it. "Since when did any game tire you out?" he asked nonchalantly.

Lynn didn't reply.

"Lynn, call me a worrywart if you will, but I`ve noticed how lately you`ve been having some...mood swings."

Lynn gulped. Crap, he noticed it! "What are you talking about?" she asked with faux nonchalance.

"Cut the crap, Lynn." Ryan tilted his head. "You think I didn't notice you daydreaming or randomly getting angry? I mean, I know there's the "knowing the bad future" thing, but that didn't seem to affect you in any way until yesterday."

"So what?" a surly Lynn retorted and folded her arms. On the inside, however, she was panicking and trying to scramble together an excuse.

Ryan paused, appearing tentative about his next response. "Well, if something`s bothering...you can tell me about it. I mean..." he rubbed his neck awkwardly. Lynn studied him.

"You know how Lincoln talked at nauseam about how we need to stay focused on the mission and all that jazz. So if something`s bugging you, you should tell me...I mean _us_ about it right away so we won't have to worry about distractions."

Lynn didn't say anything. Ryan had taken notice of her odd behavior and was concerned about her, she`d recognize that anywhere. She was after all one of the few people that could evoke an actual emotion from him, but Ryan being Ryan had to underplay having actual human feelings as much as possible, not that it would fool Lynn under any circumstances.

It was both sweet but also aggravating. Most of the time Ryan would do a hell of a job drawing out her aggressively competitive spirit because he was the kind of person that had some kind of dare or challenge hidden in every other sentence he said, but then he would show surprising loyalty to her as well as surprising compassion when the chips were down despite his usual aloof attitude.

It fueled her desire to beat him when they were sparring but he would bring out her caring side when things got serious.

And Lynn didn't like looking soft, but Ryan knew exactly when to dial back being a wiseass around her and remind her why they were best friends. Usually, she didn't mind opening up around him when they were alone but right now, with these new, weird feelings galvanizing her from the inside when she was around him, it was a lot more frustrating and unnerving.

"It`s nothing serious..." she answered in a calmer tone. "Alright, I know I have been kind of cranky lately..." she admitted while thinking of a cover story.

"But I guess this mission is just getting to me." she lied.

"You`re cracking under pressure?" Ryan didn't seem convinced.

"I got tangled into a lot of shit lately, okay!" Lynn countered. "First I wake up in the past knowing mom and dad will split up, then Lyle showed up, then One Eye, not to mention dealing with a horde of crazy sisters and fighting over a fake treasure map. And I wasted almost half a day digging through the entire attic until I found it. That's a lot to take in in a matter of days."

Though initially skeptical, Ryan was starting to believe her. "Huh, I didn't think of that." he admitted. "But I thought you enjoyed a good thrill."

"I do. But there are right kinds of thrills and wrong kinds of thrills. And I don't know about you, but the stuff I mentioned aren't the right thrills for me. Or they are just boring or obnoxious, like the stuff Lucy and you did. " Lynn countered.

She wasn't entirely lying, though she was impressed with herself that she was actually succeeding in fooling her shrewd friend.

Ryan relaxed again. "Well, I really enjoyed doing the stuff me and Lucy did." he shrugged.

"Well, I didn't." Lynn grew annoyed.

"I didn't fail to notice that." Ryan nodded jokingly.

"But no friendship is "take all, give nothing", even a lone wolf like me knows that. I took part in a ton of your matches because you insisted on it. It's about time you sacrificed a little of your spare time for me."

Lynn grunted. "You liked playing those games. I didn't like being dragged off to Lucy`s freakish "happy places"."

"I sorta did." Ryan shrugged. "But I would rather have played with you alone than hang out with a bunch of kids who wanted nothing to do with me. But with Lucy, I felt like I made another real friend. I know you're used to having me all to yourself but that's changing now..."

Lynn couldn't argue there. She shouldn't be angry at him for making more friends, he needed that. Lucy, Lana, even Luan (if the latter would just get the memo not to think of Ryan as anything more than that).

"Alright, I get it. Stop trying to make me feel like the bad guy." she replied exasperatedly and folded her arms again.

Ryan tilted his head. "Lynn, you're not jealous about it, are ya?" he inquired teasingly.

"Fat chance." she grunted. "I`m just...cranky about those other things."

Ryan leaned back in a relaxed manner. "Oh, yes. That." he laughed.

"Well, I know the perfect treatment for stress. It's called _relaxing_. We have the whole evening and tomorrow for it. Just laze around and relax, those things do miracles."

"You want me to lounge around?" Lynn snorted. "You know I can't do that, and it wouldn't help me relax anyway."

"You know what I told you: don't knock it until you try it." Ryan shrugged.

"Pfftt...I tried it plenty before, it always bored me to death or drove me crazy." Lynn replied with more levity. "You know what my idea of a good time is, and it ain't like you're stressed out or anything, so..."

Ryan got her gist. "Very well. If it helps you loosen up then it's all the same to me."

Sparring with Lynn was never unenjoyable to him either way, quite the opposite.

Lynn perked up. "Now you're talking!"

"And you wanted to try something new, something more _daring_ and experimental, right?" Ryan recalled.

"Not really." Lynn shrugged her shoulders. "More like some old favorites of mine I haven`t done in a while."

"Didn`t have a sparring partner who was up for the task." she added with a cheeky grin.

"I`m flattered." Ryan replied dryly. "So what did you have in mind?"

"Something that requires true grit, boundless agility and stamina, and raw physical prowess!" Lynn grinned. "Wrestling-"

"Wrestling?" Ryan snorted. "Eh, I think we`ve done plenty of that already."

"I ain't talking about our boring, American variety." Lynn clarified. "I mean lucha libre, Mexican wrestling! I already brought the costumes and I just need a few poles and a lot of rope to fix up an arena in no time!"

Ryan blinked before part of his lip curled up as he snickered. "You`re joking, right? You want to fight while dressed up as Hispanic harlequins?"

"Eh, Lynn. I thought we both agreed that cladding yourself in neon spandex is ridiculous after seeing how "Ace Savvy" nearly got pummeled by Lyle for his exuberant cosplaying." Ryan replied smarmily.

Lynn grew irritated. "Excuse me?" she asked indignantly.

"I`m not talking about clowns, and this is nothing like some nerdy comic con cosplaying! I`m talking about luchadores and there's nothing goofy about their costumes! They symbolize their status as larger than life heroes and warriors!" Lynn exclaimed bombastically.

" _Holy smokes, she`s being serious_." Ryan thought in disbelief and sniggered. "Sorry, Lynn, but that sounds just a _tad_ too...eh what's the word... _muy estúpido_ for my liking."

"Oh really." Lynn folded her arms snidely."And need I remind you that I`m not the one who has several ninja suits in their closet for _special excursions_."

"That`s a different story, that getup is classy." Ryan gestured at himself smugly. "I look sharp in black."

"Oh, I see." Lynn laughed mockingly. "You know you're gonna lose to a girl in a _real_ wrestling match. Your feeble masculine ego couldn't handle that, so you wanna weasel your way out of it."

Ryan smirked. "No, but I have a reputation as a soon-to-be junior high student to uphold. Plus, _I don't wish to hurt you_."

"Typical poser excuses." Lynn huffed before starting to cluck and mimic a chicken.

"You think that old trick is gonna work?" Ryan laughed. Lynn just kept doing it.

The boy slowly started to crack. "Not gonna work." he huffed. Lynn continued doing it.

Ryan at last clenched his teeth in annoyance. "Alright! I`ll do it..." he raised his finger "...tomorrow."

"Fine by me." Lynn laughed tauntingly. "You get your beauty rest before you get your ass whooped in the ring."

"I know _you_ will, and I promise I won't mock you for it. Wrestling is a man`s sport after all." Ryan taunted her.

Lynn fumed. "Oh it's on now!" she pointed at him.

Ryan yawned and stretched. "Glad I got you stoked. Now, how about you try that relaxing thing I mentioned, hmm?"

"No way! You ain't trash talking to me and getting away with it!" Lynn stood up. "Find a basketball now! Three out of five rounds wins!"

Ryan rolled his eyes. " _Here we go again_..."

* * *

Lincoln was lying on the couch trying to enjoy a comic.

Even now when there was no obvious crisis at hand he found it hard to relax, he had a lot on his mind. He wasn't sure where his dad was right now, but he had little doubt that he had sparked his old man`s curiosity to read that first draft of his mother`s novel. Lincoln was banking on that this would successfully scare him, and more importantly, give him some strong insight that his marriage was failing and that he would need to make some drastic actions to change the situation in their household.

Lincoln would be very glad to give him advice, given his very literal foresight on the would-be outcome. But first, he needed to let his dad read the thing first.

Waiting for it proved to be pretty hard, as Lincoln was anxious to move on to the next phase as fast as possible. None of his favorite pastimes could help him get his mind off it, not even Ace Savvy comics. Of course, Lola pestering him probably didn't help.

Lincoln sighed, still not taking his eyes off the comic. "For the last time, Lola, I ain't gonna play butler for you." he repeated in an exasperated, but still firm tone.

"And why not!" the princess whined angrily, having already thrown a tantrum that worked on her brother about as well as it did on Ryan.

"Because I don't feel like it." Lincoln said simply. "And I have more important things to do."

"You mean sitting on your lazy butt all day reading comics!" Lola huffed condescendingly, being confident she had Lincoln.

"I was helping dad clean the garage. Better than trying out dresses all day long." he replied flatly.

Lola boiled. "Hah! As if you would understand how important it is for a pageant queen to stay fabulous at all time!"

"Aha..." Lincoln muttered absentmindedly. Lola was instantly livid.

"Are you even listening to me!?"

"Not really, this story is getting good." Lincoln stated, paying more attention to the panels.

Lola was growling and balling her fists. Being ignored and brushed off like this drove her crazy, but she had already exhausted her one and only response to it without any success.

"What's wrong with you! You've been acting like a huge jerk lately!"

"Well...I am _your_ brother. Must be genetic." Lincoln couldn't help but say it. Lola growled.

"Lola, this act of yours will get you nowhere..." he sighed tiredly as he finally pulled the comic down and gave her a disapproving glare "...you can cry and moan and stretch my shirt out all you want, it won`t accomplish anything. At most, I`ll just lock myself in my room and grab some earmuffs and wait until you tire yourself out."

"You`re so mean!" Lola whined.

"Better get used to it, cuz Lincoln the Doormat isn't coming back." he replied simply, not taking much joy in it, just saying it as it was.

Growling and stomping her foot in frustration Lola swung her arm to hit him but Lincoln simply blocked it with his own arm. Lola`s slap didn't have much force behind it, mildly stinging his skin at best.

Lola lost what little confidence she had seeing her brother`s unfazed reaction.

"Are you done?" he asked in a bored manner.

"Ugh! Who needs you, you...you... stupid peasant!" Lola screeched and stormed away while shedding a small tear.

Lincoln watched her and sighed while rubbing his temples. Lola could be beyond insufferable, but he reminded himself that she was still just a little kid and didn't know any better. At least she wasn't the eldest of the siblings or a supergenius.

Quite a few of his sisters were no doubt very abrasive and difficult to get along on their own merits, even when disregarding their involvement in their family's general domestic lunacy.

It made it hard to remember sometimes that even the worst of the lot were good people unearth their obnoxious exterior.

Unfortunately, trying to reach out to that good inside wasn`t easy when dealing with people who needed an outright disaster that tore their (mostly) ideal lives apart to finally gain perspective.

"Hey, Linky!" Leni suddenly leaned over him, jolting him out of his thoughts. "Why didn't you go to visit Pop-Pop?" she asked cheerfully.

The surprised Lincoln saw that she wasn't wearing her sunglasses and her hair was a bit messy, which meant that she probably didn't look into a mirror after getting out of bed, otherwise she would have undoubtedly lost consciousness again.

Lincoln`s focus quickly drifted to the nasty bump on the teenager`s forehead. Being the cause of it still racked Lincoln with a guilty conscience.

The boy sat up and met her gaze uncomfortably. She didn't appear to be angry at him as near as he could tell. Despite the ugly bump on her head, she wore her usual sunny smile.

"Leni..." his voice wandered quickly and he shifted. Leni`s smile slowly dropped.

"You okay, Linky! You look sad?"

Even Leni noticed his downbeat demeanor? " _Crap. I need to put on a better act_."

"I`m fine, Leni." he responded quickly. "It`s just..." he contemplated and slapped his comic.

"This comic was really lousy, but..eh...who cares. The next issue will probably be great." he shrugged and tossed it aside.

"Oh, okay then!" Leni instantly bought it and smiled brightly.

If only the rest of his family were this easy to fool thought Lincoln. He still couldn't tear his gaze away from that bump.

"Leni, why aren't you in bed?" he began awkwardly. "You're...eh" he pointed at his own forehead.

Leni looked ashamed. "I`m sorry, Linky, I didn't mean to. But laying in bed all day was like totes boring. Lori`s not here and I had no one to talk to." she apologized innocently like a kid who had been caught misbehaving by their parents, despite her being a fifteen and talking to her kid brother.

Lincoln sighed. None of his other sisters were as full of this kind of innocent sincerity. Granted, he couldn't deny that Leni wasn't...quick on the update as they would say, but despite her ditzy nature she was undoubtedly the nicest, most upbeat and most honest of his sisters, without a malicious bone in her body, and unlike someone like Luan she had no hidden turmoil and problems that she was trying to hide with a jovial exterior.

"Leni, it's okay. I was just wondering...do you still feel dizzy?" Lincoln asked gently. Leni paused and thought about it for a moment.

"Could you walk down here without feeling like you were gonna lose balance or did you see the world spinning?" Lincoln elaborated.

"Oh? No, not that I remember." she answered.

Lincoln felt relieved, at least she recovered.

"So, why didn't you go with mom? I thought you loved seeing Pop-Pop?" Leni repeated her initial question as she sat next to him.

"I...I stayed behind to help dad clean the garage. I thought he needed the extra help."

"Aww that`s so thoughtful of you!" Leni beamed approvingly. "But why didn't you guys ask me for help? I love helping people."

"Leni, you had a concussion." came Lincoln`s flat response.

"Oh, right! I keep forgetting." Leni laughed.

She definitely wasn't bright, but she was compassionate. It reminded Lincoln how her absence had left a hole in his life, his father`s and the sisters` that stayed with them. In a family full of kids with extreme and often clashing personalities it was always appreciated to have someone to talk to who would never laugh and belittle you for your problems and offer a sense of security.

And it just ramped up his guilt. He had to get it off his chest.

He braced himself and rubbed his neck. "Leni? I`m sorry about your head injury..."

"Awwww don't be, Linky. Accidents just happen sometimes." Leni replied and pulled him into a hug. "But thanks anyway. You're such a good brother!"

Pressed against her chest, Lincoln looked down dejectedly. "But it was my fault that you hit your head."

"Don`t be silly, Lincoln. How is it your fault that those creepy crawly spiders jumped on me?" she replied warmly, as if under the impression that her little brother was blaming himself over something that wasn't his fault.

Lincoln blinked. "Don't you remember how you hit your head?"

Leni pondered for a bit. "Eh...not really. My memory is kinda fuzzy."

Lincoln didn't know if she honestly forgot or if the blow gave her amnesia?

Either way, she didn't seem to remember and held no ill-will towards him. She might never believe him no matter how much he insisted otherwise.

Lincoln sighed. Perhaps he should just forgive himself and forget. He already had several sisters mad at him as it was, why pile on the hostility? If getting Leni to act hostile was even possible?

"Nevermind..." he muttered and hug her back. It felt good feeling her loving embrace again in months, especially since he knew that there was no guarantee that him and her would stay together as a family much longer."I`m...just glad you`re better."

"I`m great..." Leni said absentmindedly before something suddenly hit her.

She let Lincoln go and gave him a concerned look. "But do you and Lynn still have the flue? If so I`ll gladly-"

"Leni! That was just a joke." Lincoln explained. "We were never sick."

"Oh? That's a relief." Leni exhaled and pressed her hand against her chest. "Uh! But since you're here would you like to try out some clothes I tailored?"

Lincoln paused with unease. As much as he wanted to spend time with his sister again, being her model for women`s clothing was not an acceptable circumstance for him any longer.

There was making sacrifices for those you loved, and then there was tossing your dignity away.

Surprisingly, Leni realized what he was thinking.

"I`m talking about boy clothes of course! I made them for you!"

Lincoln blinked. "For me?"

"Of course, you seemed kinda glum and upset after that sibling meeting, so I thought this might cheer you up and I bought the material for it at the mall."

Lincoln slowly smiled with appreciation. "Thanks, Leni...eh I`ll try it." he agreed humbly.

* * *

"One more shot and I`ll win by a landslide!" Lynn gloated while dribbling the basketball on the small court. Ryan stood between her and the hoop, blocking it with his arms.

"There`s no way you'll catch up now! Why don't you just take a dive!" she taunted him, but to her frustration, Ryan kept a look of nonchalance.

"Eh, I don't care if you win. Seeing you gloat is worth it." he countered mockingly. Lynn scowled, knowing what he would say.

"Shut up!"

Ryan smirked. "You _know_ your victory cry is hilariously stupid! There ain't no way to make "chicken dinner" sound cool. The twerking doesn't help."

Lynn trembled with irritation, trying hard not to lose focus. Ryan was obviously nowhere close to her in terms of skill and experience when it came to sports, but he quickly found a way to level the playing fields by doing what he knew best.

" _Stay focused! Don't give into his heckling!_ "

Luckily, she managed to keep a cool head long enough to see and dodge his attempt to steal the ball.

Lynn smiled with confidence. "Ha! You wanna trick me, you amateur! Two can play that game!" she boasted while dribbling the ball from one hand to the other and between her legs as she zigzagged across the court and ran circles around Ryan who couldn't keep the ball in sight.

"Can`t focus on the ball! Too fast for ya, huh! Can't trash talk me now, huh!"

Ryan knew he was beaten now as his gaze darted after Lynn. Eventually, he exhaled tiredly as he deflated and clutched his knees.

"Show off!" he snarked. Lynn ignored it and zapped past him, jumped high up, grabbed the hoop with her free hand and shot the ball through it.

"YEAH! LYNN LOUD FOR THE WIN!" she shouted triumphantly while still dangling from the hoop.

Ryan rolled his eyes as he caught the ball as it bounced towards him.

"Huh! In your sorry, loser face!" Lynn pointed down at him while still holding on to the hoop with her other arm.

"Lynn will you let go! You'll break the damn thing!" the boy warned her, but Lynn was too wrapped up in her victory to listen.

She held an ear out. "Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you under all that crying and-" a sudden cracking sound cut her off and she fell down, landing unceremoniously on her butt before the hoop and its net landed on her head.

Ryan winced but then snickered as he walked up to her.

"Ow!" she blurted while rubbing her rear.

"Talk about a sore loser." Ryan quipped. "And I thought you athletes stayed on a strict diet."

Lynn glared up at him through the net before staggering to her feet. "Zip it, or I`ll...ugh!" she ranted while pulling the net down, but the hoop was still stuck around her neck.

"Well, you know the rules, Lynn, you break it you pay for its repairs with your allowance." Ryan smirked.

The girl`s face dropped as she removed the hoop. "No way! It was an accident!" she argued.

"Accident or not, _you broke it_." Ryan pointed out smugly. "Don't force me to be a snitch about it." he waggled his finger in her face, making her fume.

Suddenly Ryan felt the ball being taken away from him. He turned and saw Renee standing in front of them with her usually steely gaze, holding the ball under her arm.

"Ryan." she addressed him simply before briefly shifting her gaze towards Lynn holding the busted hoop. "And you're back here..." she acknowledged her with apathy.

Not saying a word, Lynn studied the teenager suspiciously. Renee quickly turned her attention back to her brother.

Ryan sneered at her. "Why Renee?" he started in a mock-friendly tone. "I was wondering where you went to? It's not like you to leave the house for this long."

Reene ignored his remark. "Yes..." she replied in a dry manner "...I thought now was the time to immerse myself more in our new neighborhood."

"You wanna find friends, well good for you." Ryan pretended to be happy before his face and tone dropped in disinterest. "And why'd ya think I would care about that?"

"And would you mind giving us our ball back, we were in the middle of something." Lynn cut in, dropping any pretense of being civil. If Renee didn't care about it why should she? Renee was being less than subtle about hating every moment of being in their vicinity.

"I don't see any reason that you two would need it anymore, considering _you_ just broke the hoop." Renee replied to Lynn, who scowled in response.

"It was an accident, alright!"

"If by "accident" you mean that you honestly believed that thing could support your weight then sure..." Renee said sarcastically. Lynn clenched her fists.

Ryan rolled his eyes at his sister. "Alright, drop the small talk, what do you want?"

"I`m trying to make a good first impression on like-minded scholars from the high school I`ll be attending. And tonight I was appointed to host a social gathering here."

"You mean a nerd party?" Ryan chimed in.

Renee frowned further but kept her aloof demeanor. "It's not a party, it's a quiet, civil get-together. An opportunity for me to start building my social status. And since we both know that making a good first impression is nigh-impossible as long as you're here I would very much appreciate it if you were anywhere but here right now."

Lynn`s mouth hung open and she scowled, but Ryan hardly seemed surprised and smirked.

"As tempting as that offer is, I just happen to be hosting my own get together tonight." he replied sarcastically as he wrapped his arm around his friend and pulled her closer. "Lynn`s staying over again. And she brought her little sister over too."

Reene`s eyes widened slightly. This was worse than she thought. Ryan smiled at her subtle distress.

"I`m sorry, does that throw a wrench in your plans?" Ryan couped his face melodramatically.

"That`s not acceptable." Renee stated with tranquil irritation. "You can't be here, and I`m willing to bargain, but we'll have to talk about the deal later because my guests will be arriving in less than an hour-"

"Excuse me?" Lynn spoke up curtly. "You're asking him to get lost just because you want to host some stupid party?"

"Yes." Renee said flatly as she scowled. "And stay out of this, kid. This isn't your concern."

Lynn was absolutely dumbfounded. She couldn't believe the nerve this girl had.

Lori made it no secret that she didn't want any sibling younger than Luna around her friends when she was hosting a party and didn't hide the fact that she thought they would thoroughly embarrass her in front of her peers, but at least she had enough tact to demand, or threaten them to simply stay out of the party room.

Renee was casually asking her brother to disappear and immediately jumped into bargaining for it like it was some minor business deal.

"We`ll talk about the deal _after_ I have done my part?" an unconvinced Ryan snorted. "You usually give me a bit more credit than that, sis."

"I`m not a liar, I can assure you I will keep any promise I made if you just cooperate."

"And what about those other times where you did lie?" Ryan crossed his arms, slowly gaining a more critical and annoyed demeanor.

He could tell from her half-assed offer that in spite of her superficial stoicism his sister was reeking of desperation, not having counted on him having friends over for a second time.

Renee was hesitant to respond before Lynn spoke up.

"Hey, hey, I have a suggestion. How about you mind your own business!" the jock stepped up to her.

"We were playing in the yard until you barged in, I doubt you and you'll nerd squad planned to "socialize" out here so why don't you stop bugging us and go plan your dumb party!"

"She`s got a point." Ryan agreed. "Why would I care to crash some boring high school dork fest when I have my own friends to keep me company."

Renee was unfazed and simply narrowed her eyes at Lynn. She was hoping to avoid this, but alas they were forcing her hand.

"You don't get it, kid. It`s not just about Ryan, you and your sister being here is another problem."

"What?" Lynn blurted angrily. "What do I have to do with this?"

"I heard about your family. The Louds. Ten kids who live up to their family name and are a walking statistic anomaly of being made up of nine girls and just one boy..." Renee almost sounded amused by that fact "...and according to the neighbors and several of the teenagers I`ve spoken to your family is quite the local nuisance, some went even as far as to call you freaks and whackjobs who have a lot of weird customs, act like loose cannons and cause damage wherever they go."

"What?" Lynn looked insulted. In hindsight, she shouldn't have been that surprised to hear that. She knew was far from the only person to have a low opinion of them, but being called a freak and whackjob upfront naturally roused her anger.

Renee nodded simply. "I`ll admit that I usually don't care much about idle gossip but given your abrasive attitude, the fact that you fraternize with my brother, not to mention what you did to that basketball hoop I`m inclined to believe that there's some truth to those stories. So having someone with your reputation in my house would no doubt cast me in a bad light."

Seeing his friend tense up, Ryan grasped her right arm and gave her a look signaling her to stay calm.

"Just who the hell do you think you are, insulting me and my family!" Lynn anger grew as she was ready to snap at Renee.

"I`m simply basing my opinion on the most reliable sources. If so many people say the same thing then there must be some grain of truth to it." Renee stated indifferently.

"Ryan, can you lend me a shovel?" they heard Lucy`s voice and Reene jolted slightly.

She turned around and saw the goth standing behind her, wearing her fortuneteller hat and holding a shoebox in one arm, with Marceline by her side.

"You must be Ryan`s sister." Lucy greeted the teen with her usual stoic demeanor.

Reene cocked an eyebrow at her. It was a surprise to see another kid as pale as her own brother and she didn't know why this little girl had her hair covering her eyes completely, or why she talked in a monotonous, emotionally detached tone.

Not that she really cared to learn anything about this girl any more than she did about Lynn or her snowy-haired brother.

Lucy offered her hand to shake. "You may call me Madame Lucy, I`m a liaison between the realm of the living and the dead."

Renee had no intention to accept the gesture, even more after spotting a faint red smear on Lucy`s hand. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Why are you asking for a shovel?" was her blunt response to the goth.

Lynn looked at the box scrutinizingly. Lucy needed a shovel?

" _Oh no. Oh hell no!_ " the jock realized to her horror and frustration what was going on. But before she could say a word Ryan beat her to the punch.

"Lucy, we have a bit of a situation." he told her calmly. "I think you should sit this-"

"I won't bother you, I just need to perform a burial." Lucy explained as she opened the box. The older kids all jolted and Lynn was ready to hurl upon seeing the dead rat.

Lucy continued, entirely oblivious to their horror. "He appeared in the attic while we were holding our seance and Marceline killed him, now I want to pay my respect to him and assure his spirit ascends to the afterlife."

Renee stared at her, unable to process what she just heard and witnessed.

Ryan`s shock quickly wore off and he gawked at the goth with a stupefied expression. Seeing a dead animal didn't scare him, but he would never have gone as far as trying to bury it.

" _Lucy_..." Lynn growled through clenched teeth with barely contained rage. She was at a loss for words. Of all the moronically morbid things her sister could have done in front of a stranger, she chose to do a funeral for a rat!

"What?" the goth asked her obliviously.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Renee asked her with a mixture of disgust and confusion.

"Actually, he`ll most likely go to heaven. Animals are naturally pure of sin." Lucy explained.

Renee abruptly grabbed the bottom of the box and tore it away from Lucy. Lucy flinched while Renee held the box and used it to fling the rat over the fence, which was followed by the horrified scream of a random passing woman.

Renee sent the little girl a vicious and disgusted glare. Marceline ran away while Lucy shrank back, frightened and confused.

"I don't know what your problem is, but you need therapy, immediately." Renee hissed in a cold and hateful, yet surprisingly reserved tone. Before anyone else could get a word in, she turned sharply towards her brother.

"I don't know why you brought this little psychopath here, but I want her out of my house! Her sister too!"

"You can't make us do that!" Lynn snapped at her.

"They`re my guests, Renee. That's not your decision to make." Ryan told her curtly. Lucy ran past Renee and hugged Ryan. He patted her back.

Renee`s patience was wearing thin. "Yes, it is! I`m in charge of this house when mom and dad are away, and I`m not letting these nutcases take another step in."

Lynn glowered angrily at her while Lucy cowered. Ryan, however, let out a curt, yet amused laugh.

"Don't start that crap again." he said in a wry manner.

"You know as well as I do that without mom and dad this place is a jungle, you can't control me no matter what you do and I`ll gladly remind you of that again if I have to." he stated in a challenging tone while punching his palm.

Lynn looked at him in concern. Was he actually planning to outright fight his sister? His tone conveyed that this was business as usual for them.

Renee grimaced at him and balled her fists. She felt tempted to do it but her gaze moved to the clock. She was running out of time and the look in Ryan`s eyes told her that he knew what he was doing.

"Of course..." he continued with his ploy "...what will your guests think if you greet them all bruised and battered, or if they see that you`ve attacked your little brother, or that you yelled at a 7-year-old?"

"You revolting little shit stain..." Renee seemed ready to attack.

Growing worried, Lynn stepped in front of Ryan. "You won't hurt him! If you have a problem with him you got a problem with me!"

Ryan pulled her back and reassured her, "Easy, Lynn. My sister isn't stupid."

Calming herself and thinking things through, Renee breathed out in resignation. This was her final offer. "You'll stay upstairs! If I see one of you down in the living room I`ll personally evict your friends, and you'll be in for a world of hurt!"

"Fine by me!" Lynn said sharply, glaring at her. "I wouldn't want such ugly company anyway!"

"Alright, deal." Ryan replied and looked down at Lucy and tried to smile. "Sorry about the hostile reception, Spooky. You won't have to worry about Ms. Sourpuss anymore."

He then turned to Lynn with an apologetic look. "Let`s go." Lynn nodded and the kids promptly went upstairs.

Left alone, Renee groaned in frustration and ran her hand through her ebony hair.

Her brother has always been a major pain in the ass but now he was getting back up. She dreaded the thought of what that could entail, but right now she didn't have the time to worry about it. She had work to do.

* * *

"And you're surprised that people steer clear you, or that I feel embarrassed by you?" an annoyed Lynn lamented to her sister.

They were sitting on Ryan`s bed, impatiently awaiting his return, as neither enjoyed the others` company.

"I was just being myself." was Lucy`s passive response.

Lynn wanted to facepalm. "And that's the problem! Did it ever occur in that puny brain of yours that showing off a dead animal was a very stupid idea? And in front of a stranger at that!"

"Ryan said that I shouldn't be ashamed to be myself."

Lynn rolled her eyes. "He wasn't counting on you playing undertaker for a rat, as any sane person wouldn't have!"

"And congrats by the way!" she added sarcastically. "I didn't think it was possible, but you shocked Ryan by being even more screwed up than even he could have expected!"

Lucy paused. "I said I was sorry..." she muttered "...you don't have to rub it in."

"Oh, you're sorry?" Lynn snorted. "Well, maybe you should have thought about that _before_ you got us banished up here."

Lucy suddenly turned towards her. "Don't act like you're blameless." the goth countered and crossed her arms. "You broke that basketball hoop, and you were talking back to Renee and threatened to fight her in her own home."

"Don`t you even dare put this on me!" Lynn angrily pointed at her.

"The first one was an accident! And secondly, that stuck up cunt was insulting me and our family, and there was no way I was gonna take that! When you deal with lowlives like her you stand up for yourself! You don't cower like a spineless worm!"

"That`s very sound advice, Lynn." Lucy retorted with dry sarcasm. "It's not like insulting or hurting people in their own home would have any consequences."

Lynn glowered at her but was hesitant to respond. Before she could open her mouth Ryan came in, rolling in a tv set.

"Girls, it's not anyone`s fault. Renee`s just being Renee." he cut in while wiping his forehead. "It`s better to resolve things peacefully instead of triggering her wrath. Once her little "get together" is over she`ll be off our backs."

Lynn raised her eyebrow. "Ryan? Were you actually going to fight her back there?"

The boy shrugged. "Of course I was. What siblings don't fight?"

"I know that, but...something about her just creeped me out when she got angry."

"You got good instinct, Lynn." Ryan confirmed. "Don't let her dorky exterior fool you. Renee`s a lot tougher than she looks and when me and her have disagreements...well things can get pretty ugly."

"What do you mean by that?" Lucy asked with concern.

Ryan sighed and shrugged. "We trade blows. The end results ain't pretty."

Both sisters were shocked.

"What?" Lynn was at a loss for words. "H...how often does that happen?"

"Not often actually, usually we can both mind our own business, other times we try to make some kind of deal, but sometimes we can only talk trough an old fashion brawl."

Lynn`s face evened out. "Well, I`m sorry..." she said intuitively.

"Lynn, I told you it's-"

"Not that." she interjected. "I`m sorry I ever told ya that you should patch things up with your sister." Lynn spat bitterly. "I`d stay away from that cow as well."

"I don't like her either." Lucy chimed in. "She has ice coursing trough her veins."

"I know she sucks..." Ryan quipped as he took the remote "...but don`t let her sour your mood because I brought us some ol`fashion entertainment!" he gestured at the tv.

"Three hundred channels at our disposal, the hard part is just finding something both of you can enjoy. I`m trying to be a fair host after all."

"That`s easy! We`ll watch a game!" Lynn suggested.

"Sounds boring..." Lucy remarked snidely. Lynn glared at her.

"She`s right, Lynn. It's more fun to play sports than watch others do it." Ryan agreed.

"Oh, and I suppose you have a better suggestion?" Lynn folded her arms.

"I have a suggestion." Lucy spoke up. "Tonight's the season two premier special for my favorite show: The Vampires of Melancholia, in just one hour!"

Lynn glared at her incredulously. "In your dreams, Lucy! There ain't no way we`re gonna watch that schlock!"

"Now hold on there, Lynn. She`s got my curiosity peeked." Ryan disagreed and turned to Lucy. "What's it about?"

"I don't want to spoil anything, but it's a horror-fantasy epic starring...well a vampire, obviously."

Lucy dug into her backpack and pulled out her head sculpture of Edwin. "His name`s Edwin, and he`s my idol."

"Pffft...if by "epic" you mean a sappy melodrama." Lynn snorted. Lucy grew aggravated at the remark.

"Did you ever watch the show, Lynn?" Ryan asked her.

"No, but I have gleaned snippets of it here and there, which was more than I cared to know. It looks boring as hell. "

"Okay then, we`ll watch Lucy`s show." Ryan gave his final conclusion, much to Lucy`s delight and Lynn`s ire.

"You can't be serious!" the jock blurted.

"Lynn, Lynn, Lynn..." Ryan chuckled "...I told you before: don't knock it until you try it. A show about vampires surely can't be boring. Not to mention that I agreed to your wrestling match even after you broke my basketball hoop. You owe me."

Lynn pouted while Ryan scruffed up Lucy`s hair. "Let the kid have her fun, we can watch something more to your liking afterward. Sound fair?"

Lynn grumbled and crossed her arms while looking away.

An hour later, the kids were all seated on the bed awaiting the show, with Marceline resting in Lucy`s lap.

Lucy had brought along vampire fangs as part of her ritual when watching the show. Ryan gladly put on one these himself while the still surly Lynn slouched next to him with her arms folded while Lucy`s was holding on to Edwin in eager anticipation.

"You sure you don't want one of these?" Ryan offered Lynn a set of fangs.

"No thank you, Count Dorkula. I have dignity." she denied the offer in a grumpy tone.

"Don`t be a grouch, Lynn. You might like it." Ryan shrugged.

"I`ll like falling into a nice long slumber because of this." she snarked in response.

Lynn tried to remain awake for the ensuing hour, but it quickly proved to be a losing battle to keep her eyelids up.

And unfortunately for Ryan, it turned out that the show was much more in line with Lynn`s description than Lucy`s and he too was stuck in a limbo of mind-numbing boredom, but seeing Lucy so happy watching this made it impossible for him to put an end to it.

By the time the premier had ended Lucy finally noticed the light snoring and turned to see Ryan and Lynn sleeping, the latter resting her head on his shoulder.

Lucy frowned slightly. " _Sigh. I guess he didn't like the show after all_." she was somewhat disappointed but still very appreciative that he let her watch what she had wanted in spite of Lynn`s objection.

Then something else hit Lucy. She now had full control of the remote, free to watch whatever she pleased. A privilege she rarely got at home.

" _Well, Marceline. Looks like the tv is ours for the rest of the evening_." she whispered to the cat while petting her back, eager to explore this rare chance at complete television freedom.


	16. A Jock In Love: Mucha Lucha

**This turned out to be my longest chapter to date, perhaps unsurprisingly given that an important moment is going to go down right here. If you like Lunatic Lynn then you're in for a treat.**

* * *

She was sitting on the soft, lush grass. The sky was crystal clear and the warm summer breeze was gently blowing in her face.

The sound of joyous laughter rang in her ears as she gazed at the world in front of her which was bathed in a soothing golden hue. In front of her was a vast green meadow filled with blossoming flowers.

There she saw her brother laughing and playing ball with their little sisters, her older sisters were happily chatting on a picnic blanket while her parents were setting up the table and the food, looking very happy being in each other`s company.

Lynn felt serene and content, like she didn't have a care in the world, as she observed her family.

She noticed cherry blossoms floating down from the tree she was sitting under, which emitted a pleasant, calming aroma that only added to the blissful tranquility.

"Seeing you guys like that almost makes me buy that you're a normal, happy family." she heard Ryan`s voice next to her, his tone was very passive and easygoing.

The sun`s bright rays were shining down on him as he met her gaze with his usual chill, confident smile.

Lynn once again felt butterflies in her stomach, but this time she liked the sensation. Just seeing Ryan smiling and being at her side made her feel overjoyed.

She noticed that she was holding his hand, but felt no urge to let it go. It felt right and she tightened her grip.

"Yeah, it's a pretty sight, isn't it?" she replied to him.

"It is. Not as pretty as you though."

Lynn blushed slightly. "I know, you've said it lots of times before." she smirked.

Ryan shrugged. "I can't overstate it. You are and always will be very special to me. I never met a girl quite like you before, neither as lovely or as cool."

Lynn`s blush grew stronger. It meant the world to her hearing that from him.

"Especially one who would want to give a guy like me the time of day." Ryan added in resignation.

Lynn scooted closer until they were rubbing shoulders and reached out to touch his face.

"Don't look down on yourself like that. I think you're very cute, in your own weird way." she said with complete sincerity.

"Besides, I prefer strong character over good looks anyway."

Ryan smiled once again. "What would I do without you." he responded cheekily as they locked eyes.

Thoughts of taking a jab at him were strangely absent from her mind as Lynn kept gazing in his eyes, feeling mesmerized while the rest of the world around her seemingly faded away.

Without exchanging any further words the two leaned towards each other, as if pulled by a magnetic force. Lynn placed her hands on his shoulders, her heartbeat accelerated with every second.

Ryan wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into an embrace. She greatly enjoyed feeling the warmth of his body and the rhythm of his heart.

Closing her eyes, Lynn soon felt her lips touching his. It was an entirely new, but immensely electrifying sensation to her. It gave her a thrill like nothing before.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she melted into his embrace, wishing for this moment to never ever end.

But then she felt something nuzzling her neck and ear, followed by loud meowing noises.

That sound quickly caused the scene around her to break apart and fade to black as a confused and drowsy Lynn slowly opened her eyes.

The meowing continued just above her head, and it slowly dawned on the jock that Marceline was standing above her trying to gain her attention, probably wanting to be fed.

But she was still too sleepy to fully process that, and her attention quickly drifted to something else.

She heard Ryan softly snoring and his chest rising up and down under her head. Lynn smiled and hummed softly as she snuggled against it. It felt so good cuddling with him.

Wait! What?

Lynn suddenly felt her blood freeze as she snapped awake and realized where she was and what she was doing. She slowly craned her head up to see Ryan`s neck and chin just inches away from her face.

Abruptly, Lynn jumped up, scaring Marceline off the bed with her spastic reaction, and nearly fell off.

Holding her balance, the frightened girl planted her feet on the floor and stood up, panting and sweating like crazy.

Luckily for her, Ryan merely stirred a bit before rolling to his side, still asleep.

Trying to catch her breath while being practically frozen with fear, Lynn frantically looked around to make sure where she was.

Ryan was sleeping on his bed, there was a tv set in front of it and right under it there was Lucy, peacefully slumbering in her sleeping bag.

On the other side of the bed, there was Marceline looking up at her and she resumed her meowing.

Lynn`s memories from last night came back to her, she must have fallen asleep while being forced to watch that vampire soap opera.

But how did she get atop Ryan? Looking back at him and her sister, Lynn felt relieved and slowly grew a nervous smile, being beyond ecstatic that neither of them was awake to see her in that embarrassing position.

That was until the memories of her dream became more vivid and detailed, and the jock`s expression turned to one of pure horror.

She stumbled back a few feet and grabbed her chest, unable to believe what her own mind had conjured up while dreaming.

What the hell did she do!?

The scene that had unfolded there was quite unambiguous and her feelings in the spur of that moment were quite clear. The fact she enjoyed it disturbed her.

She resumed sweating bullets, her whole body grew goosebumps, her stomach felt like it was twisting itself into a double knot and her breathing became rapidly shallower as a hurricane of emotion ravaged her mind.

Sending Ryan one final glance, Lynn knew just one thing now. She had to get away from him and try to pull herself together. And so she did, grabbing her duffel bag and rushing out of the room.

* * *

Half an hour later Lynn found herself at the kitchen table, having just gulped down a whole box of orange juice and then unintentionally crushed it in her grip as she tried to collect herself.

Marceline was there, still pestering her with that nonstop meowing. It was annoying, but Lynn supposed that she couldn't blame the poor cat for being hungry.

Lynn wanted to do anything, just about anything to get her mind of that accursed dream so she opened the fridge again.

There was no bowl or any type of cat food around, which hardly surprised Lynn as she knew how Ryan had raised his cat to have a more "natural" lifestyle as he put it. So she simply cut off a chunk of baloney and handed it down to the cat.

Watching the cat eat she started to calm down but the effects of that dream still lingered in her mind.

She didn't know what to think of it anymore, all she knew was that she felt conflicted.

She still remembered yesterday`s talk with her mother and the accusations Luan threw at her the night before. She could no longer just brush any of it off, not after that dream.

What did it mean?

Oh, who was she kidding? She knew exactly what it meant, but she didn't know how to react to it.

Lynn hated feeling scared. All her life she has tried her hardest to filter that emotion out of her system when facing life`s challenges, from trying out new sports and facing tough competition to protecting her little brother from bullies with her bare knuckles, and it almost always worked, but not this time.

This was something entirely foreign to her, completely uncharted territory, territory she never wanted to enter, yet it happened anyway.

She never wanted this, she never cared about boys in that way, so why was she starting to feel this way about Ryan?

They were friends and she was perfectly happy with it, she never asked for anything else.

Sighing and looking down, she saw Marceline gazing at her with her bright green eyes, as if sensing that the girl was in distress. Lynn picked her up and placed her in her lap.

Stroking her soft fur helped ease her nerve a bit.

"Marceline, why is this happening to me..." she muttered dejectedly only to quickly scoff at herself.

She was starting to talk to a cat about her problems? That dream really messed up her mind.

"Conversing with a cat? I see Ryan`s rubbing off on you." came a deadpan voice.

Lynn got spooked but retained her composure. She turned and met Renee with an unfriendly look.

"What do you want?" she asked curtly.

"Nothing really, I live here in case you've forgotten." Renee approached her.

"Why are you up this early?" Lynn added suspiciously.

"I make it a priority to never sleep past 8 a.m. It's an unhealthy habit if you oversleep." the teenager answered directly.

Lynn felt Marceline tense up as Renee got nearer until she hissed at the teen.

"I don't think she likes you." Lynn noted with a hint of smarminess.

"And I`m not fond of her either." Renee shrugged.

Lynn snorted at her. "Oh, you don't like animals either?"

"To be frank, no." Renee freely admitted. "I don't see the point of getting attached to those disease-ridden pests."

"Wow. You really have no soul, do ya?" Lynn responded flatly. Ryan didn't exaggerate when he described his sister as the ultimate buzzkill.

"Now, Lynn. Let's not get hostile over minor disagreements."

Lynn blinked in annoyance. "Oh, really? Funny, you didn't have that same attitude yesterday!"

Renee remained unfazed. "I don't recall saying anything offensive to you..." she claimed offhandedly "...though in regards to your sister, you can hardly call my reaction unwarranted. You must know that what she did wasn't normal."

Renee considered saying something about how the little goth needed a good psychiatrist, but she didn't care enough to press the matter any matter.

"Hey! I know full well that Lucy has issues but I didn't teach her any of that! Don't you pin her faults on me! And you were the one who made fun of my family!" Lynn barked.

"Fair enough, but I wasn't insulting anyone. I merely restated what others had told me. Though I suppose it would be wrong of me not to admit that I was cracking under pressure a bit last evening. Understand that this was an important meeting for me."

Lynn was surprised to hear that little bit of humility from her.

"And I will admit that my worries were slightly unfounded. The get-together went over quite well and I have little doubt that I have made a good start integrating myself with like-minded peers. Plus I was pleasantly surprised by Ryan as well as by you Louds. You stayed out of my way and caused no trouble last night."

Lynn sneered. Did Renee actually offer her and Ryan something of a compliment?

"Really?" the jock snarked. "Why, it almost sounds like it was pretty dang dumb of you to judge people you didn't even know based on stupid rumors."

"Hardly..." Renee replied plainly "...like I`ve said, most rumors have some grain of truth to them. And I heard them from honest, decent neighbors, not some gossip clique."

Lynn frowned further. Ryan`s sister was beyond unbearable. If they weren't on the latter`s turf right now then she would have been very compelled to deck Renee in that unemotive face of hers.

"So did you just come here to talk down to me?" she asked with growing agitation.

"Emotional, aren't you?" the teen deadpanned. "As for your question, I tend to treat people with the respect that I believe they deserve. And you haven't exactly given me a reason to look at you as anything more than a petulant child. Your choice in friends doesn't help."

Lynn was boiling. She knew all too well about dealing with annoying sisters and it drove her up a tree seeing a friend of hers face the same thing.

"Just what's your deal with Ryan?"

"Are you joking?" Renee snorted, finally showing a hint of levity.

"No, I`m not! Why do you talk about him like he`s dirt?!"

Renee`s steely expression returned. "Because that's pretty much what he is." she answered matter-of-factly. "A loose cannon. Amoral, reckless, irresponsible, undisciplined, disrespectful, violent..."

"Sounds more like you than him from what I`m seeing." Lynn snorted. Renee didn't react much at her jab and simply shook her head.

"You obviously don't know him well then. Not surprising given that you've known him for, what? A week?"

"I know him a lot better than you think." Lynn retorted.

"I have to question that. I was raised alongside him. I know him better than anyone, for better or worse."

"You don't know anything about him." Lynn responded irritably. "If you did then you`d give him more respect."

"I give him the exact amount of respect he deserves. But you're awfully defensive of him, aren't you?" Renee noted with mild interest.

"Pffftt...that's what friends do, Einstein. And because I know that there's a lot more to him than his own freaking sister oughta know. But apparently taking an interest in her brother is too much for her highness." Lynn deadpanned.

She so wanted to go into greater detail but knew she couldn't reveal anything else without looking crazy or potentially getting herself and Ryan into trouble.

Renee grew a slight smirk. "With all due respect..." she said wryly "...a week isn`t enough to forge a friendship or to get to know a person better than their own family. I believe your misplaced feelings for my brother are seriously clouding your judgment."

Lynn went pale, feeling a chill rush down her spine. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"You think you can pull the wool over my eyes? I can read the signs." Renee stated dryly. "I also saw how you two were sleeping together."

"What?" Lynn blurted with terror before growing angry. "You were spying on us?!"

"It`s my home, kid. I have the right and the duty to check on Ryan, and frankly, I had expected you three to have run off into the night after you were so suspiciously quiet all evening. But after checking I found out that this wasn't the case, surprisingly enough."

Lynn was at a loss for words and panicking. Renee knew? She knew all of that?

"I don't have feelings for him!" she jumped out of the chair and faced Renee. Marceline was flung out of her lap and hid under the table.

"And I wasn't cuddling with him! We just fell asleep while watching Lucy`s stupid show and ended up like that by accident!"

"Please spare me the tantrum kid." Renee rolled her eyes. "It`s not like I care about your naive school girl crush."

"I don't have a crush on him!"

Renee let out a small, curt chuckle. "Don't waste your time. I`ve seen it all before, not that it's hard to decipher something as transparent as this."

"You`re out of your mind!"

"I`d sooner say that about you." Renee snorted. "You`d have to be to fall for Ryan. Was it his good looks or his charming personality?" she added, her tone laced with thick sarcasm.

Lynn growled. She wanted to stand up for Ryan but stopped herself. Doing that would only make her look more guilty of crushing on him.

"You know, your petty denial won't do you any good. It will just eat you up from the inside." Renee smirked.

"I don't have to take this! I`m gonna go work out!" Lynn blurted angrily and pushed past her.

Renee looked on as the preteen slammed the door, her smirk slowly fading.

" _How pathetic_..." she thought "... _how low of a self-esteem do you need to fall for Ryan?_ "

Renee wasn't one to be easily surprised by just about anything but even she could never have seen this coming. She didn't care much about romance to begin with but she thought that most girls had some sort of standard when going boy-crazy, even ones as young and naive as the Loud girl. It wasn't even like Ryan met the most shallow of criteria of being good-looking, quite the opposite.

It was a paradox to her how Ryan even formed a friendship in the first place but she supposed the mystery would eventually unravel itself. It somewhat intrigued her, if for no other reason than for how little sense it made, but she felt it was beneath her to snoop around about other people`s affairs.

* * *

Lynn had to get away. Away from Ryan. Away from his stupid sisters. Away from everything. A flurry of emotions was coursing through her head, driving her crazy.

She hid in the garage where she found just the thing she needed: a punching bag! When she was pumped up with stress the only thing Lynn could think to do in order to blow off steam was to work herself to death exercising.

Her mind was far too flustered and filled with anger to muster up the concentration to do anything more elaborate than mindlessly beat the tar out of a dangling cylindrical bag, which swung back and forth as Lynn struck it with a powerful blow, every one more intense and rage-filled than the last.

" _Stupid Renee! How did that cow figure it out! She has no right to know! It's none of her business!_ " Lynn lamented inwardly.

First her older sisters, then her mother and now even Ryan`s bitch of a sister knew it! Even freaking Leni had pegged her as crushing on Ryan before she herself had even seriously considered it.

She didn't like it, she hated it! She didn't want to crush on anyone, she never wanted that!

So why couldn't she just forget about it? Why was she feeling this way when she didn't want to feel this way? Why couldn't she just ignore it and let it fade away like a random bruise she sustained during training?

Lynn eventually exhausted herself and had to stop and slouch down while planting her hands on her knees, sweating like a pig and trying to catch her breath. Her brow furrowed as she desperately tried to think clearly. About what to do next. She didn't know, she just didn't know.

The one thing she did know was that at this rate it would be hard to keep a seal on this. Way too many people knew about it for her comfort.

Did Ryan know? That question scared her the most. He was already suspicious of her behavior and she knew all too well that he was far too shrewd to be fooled by cheap lies and excuses for long, if at all.

Lynn grew angry and balled her fists before resuming her merciless pounding on the bag.

" _Stupid Ryan! What did you do to me! Why did you force me to feel this way! I hate you!_ " she raged inwardly before stopping quickly as her knuckles were seriously starting to hurt.

Lynn sighed and rubbed them as she stared vacantly at the swinging bag.

" _What am I thinking? None of this is his fault. It's all on me for feeling this way!_ " she thought to herself pitifully before shutting her eyes tight and seething.

" _Alright stay calm! You're overblowing this!_ " she told herself. " _Keep a cool head and think rationally._ " she breathed in and out to calm herself.

She thought once again about her mother`s words and even took Renee`s snide "advice" into consideration. Denial only made things worse.

So what if she did have a crush on Ryan? Why should she let this scare her? If anybody found out and laughed at her about it she would just beat the crap out of them. She was Lynn Loud Jr. after all! She didn't know the meaning of fear!

She thought about Ryan. She thought back about how they first met, as unpleasant as it was.

Meeting him certainly threw a few curveballs into her life, not just in meeting someone who could challenge her in raw physical strength but also in experiencing something she had never experienced before: a boy being attracted to her, and letting her know about it in the most unsubtle and sleazy way possible.

He had dropped the Casanova act a long time ago, but as her mother made her realize his initial interest in her may not have ever gone away, he simply resigned himself with being friends with her.

Lynn had always sort of suspected that but never dwelled on it much until now. Now that the feelings might be mutual.

Lynn clenched her teeth. She grabbed the bag and leaned her forehead against it, straining the chain that was suspending it from the ceiling.

She soon became lost in her thoughts again. She remembered what her mother had told her: not to look at this as a bad thing? Maybe she was looking at it the wrong way?

What`s the actual downside of this? She didn't deny that she cared about Ryan, she just didn't want to care about him in that way. She liked spending time with him and he was likely still harboring feelings for her. It wasn't like she had a reason to fear a cold and condescending rejection.

Maybe she should think differently. What reason was there not to want to have that kind of a relationship with him?

He wasn't exactly a sight for sore eyes, but that would a shallow reason. Lynn had her faults and wasn't exactly a paragon of modesty but she had never viewed appearances as especially important.

Her own brother wasn't exactly normal-looking either, yet she loved him deeply and despite her rocky relationship with Lucy, the goth`s appearance was never something Lynn looked down upon as much as her numerous creepy and unsettling hobbies and living requirements.

In fact, Lynn could even say that she found Ryan`s odd appearance weirdly appealing.

Maybe it was simply due to her upbringing alongside her sole brother Lincoln that she had learned to be drawn to boys who looked weird, but she always found Ryan`s look sort of cute, maybe even unconventionally handsome?

" _What am I thinking?_ " Lynn couldn't believe it. Was she starting to fawn over him? Was she seriously starting to think about this romance stuff seriously? She didn't feel anger this time, just confusion.

"You really did a number on that punching bag, huh?" a sudden voice snapped her out of her trance. Lynn went pale with horror as she faced the speaker.

"Ryan?!" she blurted, sweat dripping down her neck and forehead.

"That`s me." the boy quipped. "I was wondering where you went off?" he added in a relaxed demeanor.

Lynn was anything but relaxed, just looking at his face made her blush and caused her heart to race. Lynn avoided eye contact, moving her gaze to the side.

"I don't sleep past noon as you do! I have a morning workout schedule!" she said curtly, trying to hide her discomfort.

"Oh trust me, I may be a lazy bum, but not that much of a lazy bum." Ryan joked as he examined the now badly misshapen punching bag.

"But given what you've done to this poor fellows...eh...I`m kinda glad I overslept this bit."

Lynn swallowed a huge lump, unable to directly face him. She couldn't allow him to detect her unease, he already knew too much.

"Agreed." she huffed and folded her arms. "You would have been creamed if you tried boxing with me!" she said smugly.

Ryan smirked. "Is that a challenge?" he asked smarmily. "Very well, Lynn. What's next on your schedule?" he asked as he stretched his arms and flexed his neck.

"Cuz I slept like a baby and I`m ready for anything."

Lynn gulped, starting to panic. The last thing she wanted right now was to be near him. "Forget it, it's time for my morning jog!"

"Jogging? Pffttt...easy peasy." Ryan laughed. "And here I thought you were gonna give me a challenge."

Lynn fumed. She couldn't stand this kind of challenging trash talk, but for once her fear was great enough to allow her to swallow her pride.

"I could outrun you any time and anywhere, but this is something I like to do solo! A morning jog isn't so enjoyable when it's accompanied by annoying blabber." she huffed again, still avoiding eye contact.

Ryan chuckled. "Ouch. Someone woke up on the wrong side of her sleeping bag this morning."

He didn't know about their involuntarily cuddling session? Good. Lynn felt partially relieved.

"Well it ain't my fault your floor is so hard, you never even bothered getting me a mattress." she lamented inanely.

"Sorry, I didn't count on Spooky`s show being so boring that it would put me to sleep." Ryan shrugged, though his apology was sincere.

"You should be." Lynn replied curtly.

"Though you never bothered to wake me up to get it, so the blames on you." Ryan added with a cheeky smirk.

Lynn seethed. She refrained from saying that the show had put her to sleep as well, as this might have tipped Ryan of that she never reached her sleeping bag.

"Oh, you just love twisting things, huh?" she snorted and finally glared at him, only to quickly look away.

"You`re one to talk..." Ryan quipped "...yesterday you couldn't wait to spend time with me and now you're leaving me hanging?"

Lynn started to panic. She couldn`t allow him to become even more suspicious about her mood swings. She sighed.

"Look, Ryan. I`m sorry. But this is a morning ritual for me and I ain't changing it, okay!" she blurted impatiently.

"Hey, I ain't pressuring you into anything..." the boy shrugged "...just remember that your family is coming back home by mid noon at the farthest, so I wouldn't want to squander what's left of our spare time."

"Oh..yeah..." Lynn realized. She was actually somewhat thankful for that. It would provide a great opportunity to get her mind off her current emotional turmoil.

Something occurred to her. Maybe if she and Ryan returned to doing stuff they did together before maybe that could help her forget about these new feelings?

After all, if you fell off a horse and broke something the best recovery from any lingering fear that experience left you with was to get right back in the saddle as soon as possible.

" _That`s it!_ " Lynn had a eureka moment. If she got back to sparring with Ryan like before she could rediscover and readjust to the way things were before?

She couldn't and she wouldn't run away from him. He was her friend and instead of being afraid about these new feelings she should remind herself why she became friends with him. It would help suppress this unrequired crush. Maybe even help her forget about it entirely.

She faced him, at which point fear started gnawing on her nerves again. But she kept a brave face.

"You`re right, Ryan." she admitted and slapped his back playfully. "Which reminds me, you did make a promise to me."

"Promise?"

"Yup, lucha libre, remember? You did promise that I would get to kick your behind today." Lynn reaffirmed with an air of smugness.

"Ohhh...I did." Ryan`s face dropped. "But you weren't serious about the costumes, right?" he asked hopefully.

"It wouldn't be lucha libre without it." Lynn smirked. "What's the matter? Still scared that you can't take me on?" she taunted him.

Ryan huffed. "As if? It's just-"

"Then it's settled!" Lynn cut him off and kneeled down in front of her duffel bag. "The match starts in an hour. I`ll fix up the arena in half the time!" she stated while pulling out a rolled up black costume and throwing it to Ryan.

"And I think that outfit suits you!" she told him as he caught it at the last second.

Ryan sighed dryly. "Well, at least you didn't give me a pink unitard." he snarked in resignation.

Lynn smirked smugly. Finally, she felt something else than worry. Excitement, for resuming an old favorite pastime of hers. And the prospect of kicking Ryan`s ass, which after all the turmoil he unintentionally gave her felt very cathartic.

* * *

While Lynn was preoccupied constructing the ring, Ryan was sitting on the sofa listening and begrudgingly assisting Lucy in writing her latest poem. And it was every bit as tedious as Ryan had expected.

He still couldn`t understand what possessed him to do this, he had no affinity for poetry, in fact, he found it as fun as doing math homework.

And yet he couldn't find it in himself to deny the little goth`s request, the thought of seeing her crushed was too much for him to bear. Ryan couldn't believe he was actually thinking that.

He had to face facts, he was getting soft. Why else would he have agreed to Lynn`s wrestling match?

Ryan looked down at the rolled up costume to his right and exhaled. " _I can't believe I`m actually going through with this_." he thought dejectedly.

But he supposed that sacrifices like that were inevitable if he wanted to have lasting friendships.

"Ryan, do you know what I could rhyme with "dark abyss"?" Lucy`s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Huh? What did I miss?" he blurted in a confused tone.

"Miss? Thanks, that's one possibility." Lucy wrote it down before his response fully sank in.

"Wait? Were you even listening to me?" she asked him upfront.

Ryan smiled nervously. "Of course I did." he answered quickly, though he could feel the girl`s skeptical glare under her bags.

"Is this boring to you?" she asked simply.

"No, no. It's just..." Ryan denied the accusation "...eh...it`s just hard to focus cuz I promised to do something with Lynn right now...she`s probably waiting..."

"Does it involve those robes you brought in?" Lucy pointed at the costume to his right.

She immediately got her answer as Lynn leaped into the room dressed in a red, sleeveless leotard with matching wrestling pants and boots and a red, blue and black luchador mask with painted on fangs.

"Ready to rumble, Ryan!" she asked him in a challenging tone. The boy tried to suppress a snicker.

"What are you wearing, Lynn?" Lucy asked with a hint of amusement. "I thought you said you were too old for trick-or-treating?"

"I don't know who you're speaking off." Lynn brushed her off before flexing her muscles. "The name`s Lunatic Lynn! Champion de mundo!"

Ryan kept snickering. "Real creative." he snarked. "Was Lame-o Lynn already taken?"

"Oh, and what's your wrestling name gonna be?" Lynn mocked him back.

"I don't think that's necessary! I`ll feel goofy enough in that suit you gave me." Ryan brushed her off.

Lynn narrowed her eyes at him. "Feeling funny, are we? Better soak it up while you can, cuz soon you'll be doing a lot of weeping!"

"Unlikely, my tear sacks dried up a long time ago." Ryan retorted casually.

"Lunatic Lynn will reawaken them." the masked girl shot back. "And since you're too lazy to think of an alias I`ll do it for you!"

She tapped her chin. "Lemme see...Rampage Ryan? Too clunky. Ravenous Ryan? Nah, too lengthy. Ah, I got it! You'll be Ravage Ryan! Cuz that's exactly what I`m gonna do to you!"

"Fine by me." Ryan shrugged indifferently.

Lynn turned her gaze at Lucy.

"And, Lucy? I have a special job for you!" she threw a vertically striped polo shirt into the goth`s face.

"What`s this for?" Lucy grunted irritably as she peeled it down.

"We need a referee, and since I want my victory to be fair and square I don't want a referee who`ll treat me with any favors." Lynn explained matter-of-factly.

Lucy pondered for a bit but eventually smiled. "Well, that much is true. I`ll be rooting for Ryan."

"Thanks, kid." Ryan smirked. "Haven`t even put on the duds and I already have fans."

"Enough chitty-chat!" Lynn barked. "Time for action!"

* * *

" _Well I have officially forsaken my privilege to make fun of Lincoln`s Super-Nerd costume_." a dour Ryan muttered to himself as he slipped his mask on in the corner of the makeshift ring, dressed in the same kind of wrestling outfit as his opponent, except his was black and his black and white mask sported a skull motif with a jagged line on the mouth representing the teeth.

Lynn was standing strong in the other corner, her eyes narrow, punching her palm.

She chuckled ominously. "Oh, this is going to be too much fun! You're dead meat, Ravage!"

"Cut the dramatics, Lynn. Do you honestly not see how ridiculous we both look?" Ryan rolled his eyes, half-amused.

"I agree. _You_ do look ridiculous! That's why you have that mask on!" Lynn retorted bombastically, fully in trash talk mode. "And you'll probably wanna keep it on for a while after I reshape your face!"

"Doubtful, this thing is suffocating me. And all this spandex isn't exactly breezy." Ryan shrugged and scratched his rump uncomfortably. "And it's giving me a wedgy."

Lynn fumed. She would show him for making light of luchadore traditions!

She shifted her glare to Lucy, who was standing in the middle of the ring in her referee shirt and holding a whistle. She seemed unsure of what to do.

"Quit standing around like a dope and just announce the freaking match, Lucy!" Lynn threw her arms up impatiently.

"Is that really necessary? Nobody`s watching this but me." the goth asked passively.

Lynn facepalmed. "Just do it! Will ya!"

"Alright..." Lucy sighed and cleared her throat as the two opponents walked to the center of the ring. "I want a clean match. No dirty tricks or you'll be disqualified."

Lynn rolled her eyes. The utterly dull and passionless way in which Lucy said it was downright embarrassing.

"And, Ryan..." Lucy turned to him and smiled "...make sure to put her in her place."

Ryan nodded and Lucy blew the whistle before quickly moving out of the ring and behind the rope, knowing better than to stay close to Lynn when she was in a fighting mood.

Lynn struck an attacking position and laughed as she locked eyes with her adversary, who looked much less enthusiastic about the match as they started circling one another.

"Already then! Time for me to make Ryan start cryin`!"

"Are the lame one-liners part of the game or are they just your personal shtick?" Ryan yawned with played up indifference.

His hypocrisy was unbelievable, but this wasn't the place to battle verbally as far as Lynn cared.

Roaring viciously, Lynn charged and lunged straight at him. Ryan simply dodged her attack and she fell on the mat. Instantly pushing herself up to her feet, Lynn growled and made another attack at him, but Ryan just kept moving out of the way.

"What are you doing! Fight me!" she yelled with frustration."This isn't dodgeball, you idiot!"

"I would! If you weren't so damn slow!" Ryan quipped tauntingly.

Lynn hissed, focusing closely on his every move.

She lunged again and he made another evading move, but Lynn caught his arm and pulled him towards her.

Wrapping her other arm under his torso she flipped him over her shoulder. Ryan`s back hit the mat and Lynn got ready to dive her elbow into his chest but Ryan rolled out of the way at the last second and Lynn`s elbow hit the mat.

Before she could react Ryan seized her leg and Lynn found herself being swung in circles.

Ryan let her go and she tumbled around for several feet. Dizzy and disoriented, Lynn groaned when Ryan picked her up and threw her over his shoulders.

"This will hurt you more than it will hurt me!" he quipped as he slammed her down on the mat. It definitely hurt, but Lynn sucked up the pain and glanced up at him.

Ryan was ready to do his own elbow drop but Lynn swiftly shot her legs up and wrapped them around his neck. Ryan gasped as he was pulled down.

"What's the matter? Getting a little choked up about your loss?" Lynn laughed as she tightened her squeezing grip on his neck. But much to her shock Ryan pried himself free with his bare hands.

Within seconds Ryan kneeled up and secured his grip on both her legs as he regained his footing.

Once again, Lynn was swung around like a ragdoll and thrown into the fence which bounced her right back towards Ryan. He caught Lynn and started crushing her in a bear hug.

Lynn squirmed and growled, unable to break free. Ryan laughed triumphantly.

"Don`t like my affectionate gesture-OW!" he got interrupted by Lynn headbutting him.

He stumbled back and Lynn regained her footing. " _Damn, wrestling`s a lot harder with a worthy opponent! I love it!_ "

While he was stunned, Lynn lunged at Ryan and caught him in a chokehold, using her own weight to pull him down.

But Ryan quickly pulled his arm under her armpit and secured her shoulder, throwing her over him.

Ryan jumped to his feet and tried tackling her but Lynn planted her feet into his gut and with remarkable strength pushed him up and threw him several feet away.

Ryan groaned as he lied on his back for a second before swiftly jumping up to his feet and meeting Lynn`s stare. In spite of some bruises, he chuckled cheekily.

"Well, I think I owe you an apology. This is stuff a lot more fun than I thought."

"Glad to see you admit you were wrong, as usual!" Lynn retorted smugly.

Ryan`s eyes narrowed. "Maybe? But I am a man of my word!" he added smarmily. "And I did promise you a beatdown!"

"Bring it!" Lynn exclaimed and they both charged at each other.

They grabbed hold of each other and struggled with their feet planted to the ground. They both started sweating profusely under their masks and growled more and more intensely as they tried to overpower the other.

"Take a dive now and I will show mercy!" Ryan told Lynn into her ear in a strained voice.

She huffed, her voice equally strained. "That makes one of us!"

She secured a hold around Ryan`s head and fell backward and pulled him with her before kicking him away with her knee. She tried to tackle him again.

Ryan recovered quickly and jumped up in time to grab her and perform a piledriver, trying to drive his opponent head-first into the mat.

But Lynn managed to wrap her leg on his head again and threw him over her while performing a cartwheel and gracefully landed back on her feet.

Ryan was already on his feet and as Lynn lunged at him he grabbed both of her hands and they were once again at a standstill, pushing each other with interlocked hands.

"You`re good, Lynn I`ll give you that!" Ryan complimented her as they raised their arms up and their faces gradually came closer.

"And you're not too shabby, for an amateur!" she retorted as they exchanged challenging glares. Both were now covered head to toe in rancid-smelling sweat.

"Thank you!" Ryan said cheekily. "It's an honor fighting the best!"

Lynn`s inextinguishable fighting spirit suddenly began slipping away and her flustered confusion started creeping in.

She gazed into Ryan`s eyes and her grip started loosening. Snippets of her recent dream started flashing before her.

Looking into her eyes had the same effect on Ryan, he started feeling light-headed, growing mesmerized by those fiery, yet beautiful orbs.

A sudden whistle jolted them out of their trances, but thanks to their sweat they lost their respective grips and Ryan fell on top of Lynn.

"End of round one! Time for a break!" Lucy announced from the sidelines.

The preteens wound up with their faces pressed against each other but thanks to their masks nothing uncomfortable happened and they helped hide their blush.

Ryan scurried to his feet and helped Lynn up. They both turned awkward and were reluctant to talk.

"Spooky`s right. Time for a refresher." Ryan blurted out.

"Yeah! Good idea! I`m parched!" Lynn quickly agreed and slapped his back.

"You're a tough one, but I will win!"

"Don`t count your chicks before they hatch." Ryan retorted jubilantly as they returned to their respective corners.

Lynn grabbed a water bottle and pulled part of her mask up to drink it. No. Why did this have to happen? Everything was going great until that last-minute moment of awkwardness!

That was only like the third time they ended up on top one another in the last few days! Lynn was starting to worry that it was some kind of jinx.

Ryan leaned his arms out in his corner and exhaled deeply. Lucy stood on a stool behind him and gave him a shoulder rub.

"You`re doing great! I know you`ll win! I believe in you!" she encouraged him.

"Don't put pressure on me, kid." Ryan snarked tentatively. His awkward moment with Lynn left him somewhat shell-shocked.

"I mean it. A crushing defeat will humble her inflated ego." Lucy replied encouragingly.

"Fair point." Ryan shrugged and chortled. "And I do like winning."

" _Pull yourself together, woman! You have a wrestling match to win!_ " Lynn ordered herself inwardly. " _Don`t think about anything else!_ "

She acted on impulse. Lynn nervously rushed back into the center. "Enough resting! I`m ready!"

"Go and stomp her." Lucy patted Ryan`s shoulder and the boy hesitantly walked up to Lynn.

"Nervous, Ryan?" Lynn teased him, trying to hide her unease. "You oughta be! Cuz you're going down!"

"We`ll see..." Ryan replied coolly while bracing himself "...too much self-confidence is usually one`s undoing, Looney Lynn."

On the inside, he too felt uneasy but he had some experience suppressing it. He couldn't look wimpy in front of Lynn, especially not now.

Lynn, however, wasn't so good at suppressing her feelings. As she met Ryan`s gaze her confidence started withering away.

" _No! Stay focused!_ " she panicked inwardly. " _You can't let some bozo feelings affect your performance! Stay focused!_ "

Lucy`s whistle jolted her out of her inner rant but she was too slow to react as Ryan grabbed her and threw her down. The shock jolted her head in the game.

She swiftly pushed herself up and viciously tackled the charging Ryan.

She caught him in a crushing embrace but Ryan kept his footing long enough before falling down and crushing Lynn under his weight. Ryan rolled aside and got to his feet.

"Your mojo seems to be a tad off, Looney!" he laughed mockingly as he grabbed her arm and swung her around until her back hit a pole.

Ryan pumped both of his fists up triumphantly. "Damas y caballeros, looks like Lunatic Lynn`s getting her culo handed to her!"

"Go Ryan!" Lucy cheered him on.

Lynn felt a burning fire inside of her and glared ferociously at her opponent with unrestrained anger. No way was he going to make fun of her like that!

Roaring furiously she charged at him. Ryan laughed.

"Back for more-oh! he stopped as Lynn tackled him with lightning speed.

Lucy watched and covered a bit behind the rope as the fight continued, the two parties performing various moves on each other with greater and greater ferocity. Ryan was doing it out of the thrill of the fight but Lynn was just releasing her pent-up anger.

Anger directed at him for making her feel about him and throwing her off her game!

"You're relentless!" Ryan complimented her exuberantly while dodging her increasingly more mindless attacks.

"But victory`s mine!" he exclaimed while ducking from another attack and bodyslamming Lynn in the flank.

She felt that blow hard as she hit the rope and was flung back at Ryan. Lynn braced herself, caught her footing and used the momentum to charge at him and tackle him by the waist.

Ryan hit the mat and Lynn dug her knee into his chest and pinned both of his arms down and leaned down to face him.

"You were saying!" she mocked him while struggling to keep him down.

Ryan looked up at her, their gazes locking. "You think this will hold me? In your dreams!" he laughed while pushing himself up.

Lynn growled as she tried to do the opposite. They stared into each other with fierce intensity, sweating and straining themselves to the maximum.

As she kept gazing into his eyes Lynn once again saw involuntary flashes of her dream, which distracted her just long enough for Ryan to grip her arms and push her off him.

Lynn hit the mat and pushed herself up only for Ryan to grab her from behind, keeping her in a kneeled position and restraining her in his crushing grip.

"Say adiós, senorita!" he whispered into her ear as he hoisted her up.

"We end this now!" Ryan exclaimed and slammed her into the mat belly down.

He pressed his knee into her back to pin the struggling girl down, grabbed her left arm and started twisting it behind her back. Lynn hissed in agony but her squirming did nothing to free herself.

"Referee Loud! Do your thing!" Ryan called for Lucy who rushed to the scene, smiling as she watched Lynn growling and squirming pathetically.

She kneeled down beside her and placed her hand against the mat and raised it up.

"Three!" she started counting and placed her hand down.

Lynn`s eyes shot wide open and she grew livid. No! She couldn't lose! Not like this! Not because of some goddamn crush that threw her off her game!

"Two!" Lucy repeated the gesture.

Lynn`s adrenaline, fueled by her anger, went into overdrive. Her mind became fuzzy, consumed by rage. She had to defeat Ryan! Losing at wrestling was not an option!

Furthermore, she wanted to hurt Ryan! For doing this to her! For bestowing her with these infernal feelings! He had to pay!

"On-"

"AH!"

Unexpectedly, Lynn pushed herself up and slammed her left elbow into Ryan`s throat. He instantly let go of her and Lynn rolled onto her back while a spooked Lucy scurried back and jumped out of the ring.

Setting her sights at her stunned opponent, Lynn gave him a good kick to the crotch. Ryan gulped and fell down to his knees.

Lucy gasped from the sidelines. Was this even a legal wrestling move?

Wasting no time, Lynn threw Ryan over her shoulders and roared at the top of her lungs as she threw him headfirst into a pole.

Stunned by the blow to his head, Ryan felt his arm being grabbed as Lynn hoisted him up to his feet and gave him a powerful punch to the gut and then decked him in the jaw.

Lucy blew her whistle. "Lynn, stop! You're breaking the rules!"

But her pleas fell death ears as Lynn struck Ryan in the chest and he stumbled back.

"Lynn! What are you doing!" he blurted out before receiving a kick to the throat which finally knocked him down.

"Lynn!" Lucy cried in shock.

Lynn jumped on top of him and punched him in the face repeatedly in an act of mindless, emotionally fueled retribution.

"Stop! You're hurting him!" Lucy grabbed her arm. Enraged, Lynn shot her a death glare and struck her in the face.

Lucy fell on her back and started sobbing as she clutched her stinging cheek.

Hearing her crying jolted Lynn out of her rage trance. Her breathing grew shallower as she calmed down and her sister`s sobbing fully registered with her.

Lynn immediately grew horrified at what she had done as she observed Lucy`s sobbing form.

Ryan`s moaning turned her attention back to him as she saw him lying under her with his face to his side.

Lynn grew more mortified as everything sank in and she observed her bruised knuckles.

Still dizzy from the blow to his head, Ryan`s eyes shot up and he looked at her with confusion and unease. Lynn got off him and stood up, panting and shaking feebly.

Fear and regret were plastered on her face. What had come over her? She couldn't bear to look at this and she bolted away.

"Lynn wait!" Ryan called out for her but by the time he picked himself up she was already gone.

Ryan groaned, still somewhat dizzy, and rubbed his face. He felt something clogging one of his nostrils and he sniffed it in. It tasted like blood.

" _Great_." he grumbled sarcastically.

His attention quickly drifted towards the sobbing Lucy.

He helped her up and saw her reddening cheek.

"Lynn hit me." she sniffed meekly.

"What?"

Still sobbing, Lucy hugged him for comfort. He hugged her back.

"Ryan? Are you alright?" came her muffled response.

"Eh, sure I am. Don't worry about me, I can take a few punches." Ryan was glad he still had his mask on so Lucy couldn't see the multiple bruises he probably had by now.

He wasn't worried about himself and didn't want to attract attention. He was more worried about Lynn.

Just what the hell possessed her? Why did she suddenly attack him so viciously? He had to find her.

* * *

It didn't take much time and effort to locate her, and Ryan found her sitting behind some nearby bushes in his yard, hugging her legs and hiding her face behind her knees.

Lynn heard the rustling he was making and sighed in resignation. She hadn't made much of an effort to hide as she knew that Ryan could easily find her if he wanted to.

She was happy to be able to hide behind a mask as she didn't want him to look at her and her miserable face.

"What?" she asked rudely, not knowing how he was going to react to her. She knew he had to be angry and she could hardly blame him for it.

She was blinded by her emotional turmoil and had hurt him, and had struck her little sister as well, relegating herself to being the same kind of callous bully she had so desperately tried never to become again.

She heard him sigh as he sat next to her. "I think you know why I`m here. Care to explain what happened there?" he responded in an even tone.

"How bad is it?" she muttered.

"Lucy`s upset, but she`s fine otherwise. It was just a slap."

"I figured." Lynn grimaced, filled with guilt and shame.

"And what about you?" she dared to look up at him only to see that he was still in full costume, which made his expression impossible to see. She was somewhat glad for it, as she was too embarrassed to properly face him.

"I dunno, I haven't taken a look yet. You said luchadores don't remove their masks till the match is over, gotta respect the rules." Ryan shrugged.

Lynn blinked before straightening herself up in bewilderment. "Are you shitting me? After what I`ve done to you?! Are you even mad at me!" she snapped at him, her voice filled with hurt and frustration, as well as shame.

Ryan remained calm. "Oh, I am mad at you, don't get me wrong..."

Lynn crumbled inwardly at the confirmation.

"But as a certain sports-loving friend of mine has repeatedly demonstrated to me, blowing your top when you feel angry doesn't solve anything. Why did you do it?" he finished with a straightforward question.

Lynn turned silent and looked away. "Ryan, I`m sorry..." she blurted uneasily. "I didn't mean to...i just...wasn`t thinking clearly."

"I figured." he replied simply. "And I forgive you."

Lynn felt she was undeserving of his forgiveness but she knew why he gave it to her anyway.

He knew Lynn was rowdy by nature and not the kind and considerate type, he, in fact, liked that about her, and Ryan knew that sparring with her could get painful sometimes and did it at his own volition, and Ryan was good at tolerating pain and enjoyed getting rowdy himself.

He obviously wasn't upset that she had hurt him as much as he was upset wondering why she had needlessly harmed him.

"But why did you suddenly go ballistic and beat the crap out of me? Did one of my taunts finally go too far?" he added some levity to his question, but his tone still conveyed that he demanded an honest answer.

"No..." Lynn answered dejectedly, feeling her anxiety growing. She knew there was no going back now, she had to tell him the truth.

She had just seen the results of keeping her secret bottled up and she didn't want to repeat it.

Not just that, but these feelings were still eating her up from the inside and there was no other way to free herself of that inner turmoil.

An impulsive hot-head like her simply couldn't afford to leave her emotions pent-up, she came to realize.

"So what was it? I`m pretty sure this has nothing to do with our mission as you claimed." Ryan deduced on the spot.

"No..." Lynn sighed "...but I have been feeling stressed out lately, but for an entirely different reason." she admitted nervously.

Ryan had a suspicion that something was wrong, seeing Lynn talk in such a vulnerable and tentative manner was a huge red flag.

"And what's that? You know you can tell me." he said softly, feeling more concerned than angry.

This was it. No going back. If she said it now things would never be the same again. She didn't want to but knew that delaying it would only cause her as well as others further grief.

Lynn sighed and braced herself. "It's about you..." she started, much to Ryan`s surprise.

"Me?" Ryan didn't understand. Did he do something to upset her?

Lynn once again looked away, preparing herself to spill it out.

It wasn't easy. Her vocal cords seemed to have gone mute and her throat turned dry. Her anxiety grew to levels she had never experienced before.

She took a long exhale and tried to find her voice.

"Ryan, I...I think I have a crush on you." was her weak and timid response.

Ryan`s eyes shot wide open and his heart seemingly stopped. It took him a minute to properly process what she had said.

"Say what?" he blurted, thinking he must have misheard her.

Lynn`s blushed hard under her mask yet felt chills and hugged herself. "I think I have a crush on you! Was that clear enough!" she repeated irritably.

Ryan blinked in disbelief. "Lynn...I..." he rambled incoherently, his voice quickly trailing off.

It was fortunate that he was already sitting, otherwise, he probably would have lost balance. Part of him was still crippled with disbelief, but the other part grew ecstatic.

He remained composed, but inside he felt like he was dancing at the greatest celebratory party ever!

Lynn faced him again timidly. He appeared stunned but also flustered. At least that's what she thought.

"Ryan?" she asked tentatively. The deafening silence was killing her. She wanted him to say something. Anything.

He gazed at her, finally getting back to Earth. "Lynn? Did you mean that?" he asked her, too flustered to think straight.

Lynn scowled. "Why would I lie to you?"

"No. Of course not, it's just..." Ryan rambled nervously "...how long have you felt that way?"

Lynn sighed. This conversation wasn't turning out as scary and awkward as she had thought, which filled her with relief.

"Not sure. For a while maybe. But it`s only after I talked with mom yesterday that fully realized it. And I wasn't sure how to handle it."

Ryan felt like someone had opened his eyes. Suddenly a lot about Lynn`s behavior from this week made sense. How did he not figure it out sooner?

Her mood swings? Ryan had to chuckle inwardly at the irony. Lynn had done a far worse job keeping her feelings hidden than him. Her sour attitude when Luan was brought up? Lynn was jealous. He had actually gotten a girl to be jealous at him!

And that hostility between the two sisters? Did he have two pretty girls fighting over him?

That was almost too much of a good thing to take in. He skipped towns and suddenly went from dud to chick magnet. It was hard to stay focused on the conversation at hand with that huge boost to his self-esteem.

"So all this time you've been acting so moody cuz...you like me? As in like-like me?" Ryan tried not to jump from joy.

Lynn nodded weekly. "And what do you think of me?"

Ryan froze. "Huh?"

Lynn swallowed a lump. "When we first met..." she started hesitantly. Neither of them wanted to reminisce about the bad past, but now it was inevitable.

"You said I was pretty and stuff like that. Please, be honest with me. Do you still think of me like that?"

That was one of the most anticipated questions Lynn had ever asked in her life. Awaiting his answer felt like a grueling eternity.

Ryan was beyond nervous now. "I...I..." he rambled while scratching his neck "...it was so long ago...I..."

Lynn felt crushed by his hesitance but kept a strong demeanor. "Ryan, if you don't feel that way anymore it's cool. I just had to get it off my chest."

"No, wait! That's not what I meant!" Ryan threw his hands up. "I like you too, Lynn. I mean I like-like you!" he finally said it to her.

"Really?" Lynn perked up.

Ryan was shaking anxiously. "Of course I do!" he exclaimed in a shaky but exuberant voice.

"I mean...I think you`re really pretty, and funny, and cool, and exciting, and pretty..." he came to a stop as he rapidly grew out of breath. But telling Lynn this at long last felt beyond fulfilling and so exhilarating.

Lynn blushed a deep crimson, but this time she honestly enjoyed the feeling. Few people said such sweet and flattering things to her.

"Ryan...I...I..." she too started to ramble, too flustered to speak clearly.

"Yeah...eh..." Ryan chuckled awkwardly and rubbed his neck as they both looked away.

Lynn couldn't believe how good she suddenly felt. It was like the burden she had been carrying moments ago had been utterly obliterated.

She felt like she had been lifting weights when someone put twice the weight plates on her barbell, trapping her underneath it for days until someone finally freed her and removed that asphyxiating load off her chest.

But that feeling of relief got hampered as a new pressing thought entered her mind.

"But now what?" Lynn asked her friend.

"What do you mean?" Ryan laughed. "You like me, I like you. Boy meets girl. Simple as that."

Lynn gulped. "But what do we do now that we know how we both really feel?" she admitted with uncertainty.

Kissing in the bushes was Ryan`s first thought, but he knew better than to pressure Lynn into it. She was clearly still uneasy about the whole thing and frankly, he wasn't sure if he himself felt ready to make such a giant leap with Lynn.

She wasn't just some girl he had a crush on, she was his best friend and closet confident. This would be an upgrade in their relationship that they couldn't just jump into.

"Dinner and a movie maybe?" he shrugged.

Lynn looked down. His response seemed natural, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for this.

"I dunno. This is all new to me, and I don't know exactly what to think of this." Lynn replied with unease.

"It`s okay, Lynn. This is new to me too." Ryan shrugged understandably.

Well not exactly, he has been a bit of a flirt in the past and recently went on what was by all accounts a serious and intimate date with Luan, but the idea of having a genuine relationship with a girl who liked him back was still new to the boy.

Lynn shrank back. "So what do we do?"

Ryan patted his friend on the back. "I`d say we just let things run their course, right now we have a wrestling match to finish."

Lynn looked at him incredulously. "What? We just talked about something big and you want to go on like nothing happened!"

"Of course not, Lynn." Ryan replied in a chill tone. "Thanks for being honest with me. But we`ve just established that we're best friends who like each other a bit more than average friends, I`m not sure what else is there to say right now?"

Lynn blinked, thinking about what Ryan said. "Yes? But...it's just..."

Ryan shrugged. " I know you're feeling awkward about this so take your sweet time to think about and get used to it. There's no rush. Summer`s just begun and we still have a certain mission to fulfill. We`ll have plenty of time to think about you being head-over-heels for me."

Lynn bumped his shoulder.

"I guess you do have a point." she chuckled. There was no reason to rush anything. The two of them told each other about their feelings, the scary part was over, and now they should let things progress naturally.

"Yeah, let's not overthink it." Ryan advised. "Of course if you're that eager for a first date we can always call the wrestling match our first, sort-of date." he added semi-jokingly.

Lynn`s cheeks heated up, she snickered and punched his arm playfully. Given Lynn`s usual ideas for a good time, that suggestion didn't sound so far-fetched.

* * *

"Lucy, I`m really sorry about hitting you. I`ll make it up to you." Lynn told her little sister back in the ring.

Lucy`s frown didn't falter. "Then why did you go berserk in the first place?" she firmly repeated her question.

Ryan sighed. "We`ve told you, Lucy. It's...complicated and I don't think you would understand. But rest assured, Lynn promised to keep her temper in check this time."

Lucy hated this. She hated being left in the dark with no other justification than the old "it`s big kids stuff, you're too little to get it" excuse, but it didn't seem like either of them wanted to talk about it and she couldn't do anything about it.

Whatever they were doing, Ryan sure took his time to get Lynn back, leaving Lucy to make a very icky and nauseating assumption.

"Yes, and I`m not asking you to forgive me right now. I just want you to know I`m sorry." Lynn told her humbly.

Lucy deflated. "Fine, whatever." she sighed, figuring she wouldn`t like the details either way.

"But Ryan? Are you sure you want to do this again?" she asked him with concern.

"Lucy, wrestling is built on pain. If you can't take the risk you might as well never even try it. I know what I`m doing. But don't you worry." he reassured her before turning to Lynn. "Lynn said she won`t get so _passionate_ about the fighting again."

Lynn blushed under her mask while Lucy exhaled.

"Sigh. Alright then. Get into your positions." Lucy told them unenthusiastically.

Ryan slapped Lynn`s back playfully and they positioned themselves in the center.

"Alright, no distractions, no foul tricks. I want a clean and fair fight." Lynn told her opponent. "You`re still gonna lose though!"

"Don`t get cocky." Ryan taunted her back. "Just because you're cute doesn't mean I`m gonna go easy on you."

Lucy blew her whistle.

Lynn narrowed her eyes and smirked confidently. "I wouldn't expect any less." she agreed and lunged at Ryan.

* * *

 **Something important did indeed happen. By which I mean Lynn and Ryan officially jumping over the friend zone tape even though the story is far from over. What? You thought I was gonna drag it out until the end for them to spill out the obvious?**

 **Though as a pair of 12-year olds with next to no experience with romance they haven't exactly jumped into the dating thing yet, especially Lynn. She still needs time for adjustment. Unfortunately for her, she still has some competition from a sister who is a lot less shy about getting serious with Ryan.**

 **And I`m pretty sure this chapter alone was probably Lunatic Lynn`s biggest role in any LH fic on this site that I know of. I always found Lynn`s fondness for Mexican wrestling interesting and think that it`s pretty disappointing how the show hasn't explored it as anything more than an occasional side gag, so I decided to weave it into the story after giving her a worthy opponent in the form of Ryan. Also, I thought it would be really funny if their inevitable confession of feelings scene happened while they were dressed as luchadores and immediately jumped back into their match afterwards. I mean what else would you expect from Lynn?**

 **And I know this mini-story dragged on for quite a bit, but I definitely haven't forgotten about the main story. Now that this major chapter in the main pairings relationship drama is over it's time to go back to more timeline altering high jinks.**

 **The hard part is deciding which of the show`s episodes to take inspiration from next. First April Fools Rules, then It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud, House, which one should I pay homage to next?**


	17. Taking Charge

Having just returned from an early morning visit to the shopping mall, Lincoln and Leni were sitting at the kitchen table, in the middle of wrapping up a few presents.

"This was fun, Linky." Leni chatted casually as she was wrapping up one of two mugs they had bought. "You should join me at the mall more often. I`ve been there with my friends and Lori countless times, but it was so cool having you there for a change."

"I`ll try to, Leni. It's just that...going shopping isn`t really...eh a boy thing." Lincoln said idly as he was wrapping up the other mug. He did enjoy spending time with her, he just wished that it could have been under better circumstances.

Leni chuckled. "But how else are you supposed to find gifts for mom and dad, silly?" she joked as she tied the bow around the present. "And by the by, this was so thoughtful of you. Gosh, why didn't I think about getting them something to show my appreciation. They`re such good parents after all."

"I`m just trying to be a good son." Lincoln replied simply.

Convincing Leni to do good deeds like this wasn't a hard thing to pull off, as she always liked doing something nice for others. The only problem was stimulating her to do it, as her attention tended to drift of randomly when she didn't have a clear goal, and since she usually hung out with Lori, who wasn't exactly the giving or considerate type, the kind-hearted but air-headed teen would more often be encouraged to indulge in more self-serving activities, though luckily it had never affected her good nature.

Lincoln didn't think that a few presents would make a huge difference, but he was positive that after helping his mother clean the house, along with Lynn, and following her visit to her father, these small tokens of their appreciation would help to put Rita in a more forgiving mood when she reunited with her husband.

"Me too!" Leni stopped and laughed to herself. "Well, good _daughter_ anyway. There`s nothing more awesome and satisfying than showing your friends and family how much you care for them."

She then held up a small handbag. "Mom`s gonna love this!"

Lincoln smiled and nodded.

They didn't have a whole lot of money at their disposal with their allowances, so besides the handbag, they brought the two mugs labeled "Best Mom/Dad Ever", along with a bouquet of roses and some cosmetic products for their mother and some shaving equipment and an array of ties, some rather colorful or bizarre like the rabbit-faced one, for their dad. They weren't impressive gifts, but Lincoln knew that it was the thought that counted more.

"True. Very true..." he replied with resignation before spotting his father`s form in the corner of his eye, trough the window. He saw him strolling through the yard with a worried look before looking over the fence.

Taking in a breath, Lincoln got up from his chair and looked at Leni. "Leni, eh...go ahead with wrapping those others presents. I have to go outside to...tie my shoes!" he said hastily as he left the kitchen. "I`ll be back soon!"

Oblivious as ever, Leni smiled and waved at him. "Sure thing, take your time!"

She went on to wrap the handbag and sighed fondly. " _He`s growing up so fast._ "

* * *

Mr. Grouse was sitting on a beach chair in his yard, basking in the warm rays of the midday sun and reading an old book he hadn't picked off his dusty shelf in over a decade.

The neighborhood seemed oddly quiet and serene today. The Louds`van being missing probably had something to do with it, and he was enjoying every moment of it.

But a voice quickly cut through the passive silence. "Hey, neighbor. Old Pal. How`s your day been?" came Lynn Sr.`s clumsy greeting.

Grouse muttered under his breath and sent an exasperated glare at the man that was peeking over the fence separating their properties, and sporting a nervous look.

"It _was_ nice so far." the old man replied dryly as his gaze drifted back to his book.

"Well, that's really swell. We all ought to enjoy a beautiful summer day like this." Lynn awkwardly tried to strike a conversation, doing a poor job hiding the fact that he was panicking on the inside. "But...eh I was...eh just strolling through my yard and noticed you sitting there and I thought-"

"What do you want, Loud? Whatever it is make it snappy." Grouse said impatiently, not looking away from his book.

Lynn gulped and fidgeted. "Well...eh...not much...I was just..."

Grouse rolled his eyes. "Spill it out, Loud. I`m not getting any younger, and I have a book to finish."

Lynn chuckled nervously. "I was just...eh...looking for a little friendly advise, y`know, between neighbors." he shrugged and tried to act casual, not that it was fooling the old man.

"Advice? What kind of advice do you need from an old codger like me?" the latter questioned.

He wasn't sure why Lynn was so tongue-tied talking to him all of a sudden, but it only helped to irritate him more, as it would only prolong the conversation that he desperately wanted to get out of.

"Precisely." his neighbor released another awkward laugh. "You`ve lived a long life, you`ve probably seen and experienced a lot of things..."

"I suppose..." Grouse replied indifferently.

Lynn leaned on the fence. "...yeah, and well I was meaning to ask you something. About marriage."

" _Oh, this oughta be rich_." Grouse thought snidely. "Shoot."

"Well, you see, I...have this friend and he..."

" _He ain't seriously using that old charade_?" the old man rolled his eyes again.

"And he feels like his marriage might kind of...sort of...possibly be in jeopardy. He feels tired and overworked, and his wife has been acting really cranky lately and avoiding him. He asked me if he should be worried that his wife is unhappy with the life they`ve built together and if she might...possibly...potentially...leave him."

Growing huge sweat stains under his armpits, Lynn anxiously awaited a response.

Grouse retained his indifferent demeanor. "And I should care about this, because...?"

Lynn swallowed a huge lump. "Oh no, no, you have no reason to care. It's just that I don't know anything about this kind of issue. Me and Rita always had such a happy marriage, so I was wondering if you've known anyone in your time who's marriage didn't work out..."

Grouse made a small huff. "Oh, I`ve known plenty of fellas who went through a divorce. It was never a pretty sight, I can tell you that much, Loud."

Lynn felt his blood freeze. "And do you know by chance...the...eh...signs that might indicate that my...eh _my friend`s_ wife is unhappy with her life?"

"More or less the same signs that say that your wife is itching to dump you." Grouse stated offhandedly.

Lynn`s pupils shrank. "Rita? Pfft...that`s a good one!" he forced a laugh. "And people say you have no sense of humor, you wacky old coot."

"I ain't pulling your leg, Loud. And you can drop the act." Grouse responded in a flat tone, making Lynn deflate.

" _Oh, who am I fooling?_ " Lynn thought in resignation. Might as well be upfront.

"Okay, okay!" he admitted in a shaky voice and pulled his hands up. "My relationship with Rita might have become a little rocky-"

"You ain't saying?" the old man made a curt laugh."Even an old man like me can see what's right in front of him."

"I don`t think Rita wants to leave me, okay!" Lynn exclaimed nervously. "I...I...just had this hunch lately that she`s been stressed and overworked."

"Which is exactly why she`s going to dump you soon." the mustached senior stated without an ounce of doubt in his voice.

"W...wha...how do you know?" Lynn blurted in a panic.

His neighbor, on the other hand, remained calm and indifferent, his focus was still on the book rather than facing the man he was talking to.

Grouse sighed exasperatedly and gave his blunt answer. "I`ve been here since the beginning, Loud. I was there when you and your wife first moved in, all young and sappy. I was there whenever you two returned from the hospital with one more "bundle of joy" in your arms. And trust me, as much as I tried not to pay attention to you and your family, even I noticed how over the years you and her were slowly reduced to being nothing more than a pair of feeble, overworked, lifeless wrecks whose entire life now revolved around catering to your kids like slaves and trying to keep them in check."

Lynn grew silent. Much like his own son, Grouse had read him like an open book. His hopes of doubt were only further crumbled to dust once someone else spelled out all his problems in one fell swoop.

"Well, yeah, we sorta haven't had much free time, what with taking care of ten kids and all..."

"You don't need to explain to me what I already know." Grouse cut him off again, quickly growing tired of how pathetic this conversation was getting. "Your life is a mess, you're wife`s growing tired of you and you're stuck with a horde of loud-mouthed, hyperactive brats who can't stand still for more than five minutes. I get the concept!"

"But...but...what do I do?" Lynn was practically pleading for an answer.

"Nothing as far as I can see." Grouse responded with indifference. "The way I see it, you and your wife shot yourself in the foot the moment you decided to keep pumping out more children after you had the third one. Taking care of a few kids is a grueling task that drains the life out of you, but ten?"

Grouse shook his head. "Unless you wanna consider signing them all up for adoption I got nothing for you." he told Lynn bluntly. He wasn't exactly joking with his suggestion but knew better than to get his hopes up.

Lynn stared at him with a blank expression. His whole world crumbled around him as his neighbor`s words sank in.

"Nothing?" he asked one more time in a meek tone.

"Nothing." Grouse reaffirmed. "That's life for you. My advice? You better get yourself a bottle of whiskey and accept the ugly reality like a man. Now, will you let me be and sulk somewhere else?"

Lynn didn't say another word. He stood there in silence as he slowly started accepting the truth.

"Thanks for the talk." Lynn said in a lifeless tone while hanging his head low before walking away.

Once he was gone, Grouse exhaled with relief and looked around.

"Alright, he`s gone! Where's my payment!" he shouted impatiently to no one particular.

Tentatively, Lincoln, wearing his blue ski mask again, emerged from the bushes, carrying a basket filled with muffins and handed them over to him.

"Thank you for your help, kind sir. Your cooperation was much appreciated." the boy told him in a whispery, ninja-like voice.

Grouse rolled his eyes. "A deal`s a deal, "oh mysterious stranger", now buzz off!" he told Lincoln curtly while placing the basket to his right.

Lincoln slowly backed away towards the fence. "I hope I can count on you again if the need arises."

"If it involves muffins or lasagna, and me not having to move, then sure thing, kid." the old man shrugged his shoulders before grabbing a muffin.

Lincoln nodded and tried to jump over the fence but could only clumsily and strenuously pull himself up.

Grouse watched with mild amusement as he threw one leg over the fence before losing balance and hitting the pavement on the other side, accompanied by a yelp and followed by some pain-stricken moaning.

" _Kids, they get dumber every decade_." Grouse lamented to himself and took a bite out of his muffin.

The Loud boy had arrived at his door last night, begging him to tell his father the things he had just told him. And he had been wearing that same moth-eaten thing on his head while doing so.

Did he think that would hide his identity or something? And why was he trying to mess with his father and get him scared?

He didn't really care about it and humored himself by playing along with the kid`s botched attempt to remain discreet and agreed to do his part. After all, he could never say no to a basket of muffins.

Plus, watching Lynn squirm and panic was pretty fun.

* * *

His body aching from his failed attempt to make an exit, Lincoln staggered back into his home. There he found his dad slouching on the couch and staring off into the distance with the blankets of eyes.

It was easy to tell that this was a man crippled with despair right now, afraid for his future and with no idea how to deal with it, given how this realization about the state his family was in was dropped on him like a giant boulder just yesterday. Though Lincoln had his suspicions that his father was in denial about it for far longer.

He didn't seem to notice his son opening the door and entering, which was a testimony to how much he was consumed by his fear and grief. Lincoln grimaced.

didn't hold back any punches and Lincoln didn't even know how much of his speech was scripted in accordance with his instructions and how much of it was just the cranky old neighbor simply stating what he had already observed and deduced.

Either way, it got to Lynn, and as bad as Lincoln felt for using fear tactics, they nonetheless seemingly worked in helping his dad sober up and see what was at stake. Now it was time for Lincoln to step in again.

"Hey, dad."

Lynn was so wrapped up in his thoughts that by the time he reacted to the voice with mild surprise his son was already sitting next to me, wearing a melancholy expression.

"Lincoln?" he responded in a weak voice.

"I take it you read that novel I gave you?"

Lynn blinked, not knowing how to respond. "I did...I..."

Lincoln sighed. "Then I guess you figured out why I`m worried." he said upfront.

"I didn't want to read too much into it, but the choice for the plot was rather...interesting. A longsuffering middle-aged wife, overwhelmed with housework, struggling to keep her children in line and growing more and more frustrated with her "inept" husband, struggling with depression over how bleak and miserable her life had become? Yeah, it kind of hit close to home after I stopped to think about it."

Lynn remained quiet, listening to his son carefully. Inside his mind, the puzzle pieces were quickly coming together. Lincoln looked so sad, like he was anticipating something awful to happen. Now it started to make sense.

His son continued. "I wanted to think that I was overreacting, but after keeping an eye on you and mom for a while everything started to add up, I started to understand how much it takes out of you guys taking care of this family. It opened my eyes and I got scared."

That was a huge lie. Lincoln had been oblivious to his parents` suffering as much as his sisters and he and Lynn only knew it now via the mystical cheat code of being flung back in time after the consequences of their callous behavior had fully caught up with them. In light of everything, he felt scummy about giving himself so much credit for his powers of foresight and observation, but he needed some kind of explanation for why he knew about it without looking like he became a psychic.

This broke Lynn`s heart. His son thought his parents were going to break up and his downbeat nature during the last few days made complete sense now. Not only was his wife angry at him and unhappy with her life, but his son knew about it and it was tearing him up. Lynn felt worse than ever before.

And he could do nothing to reassure his son that things would be alright, short of lying. All he could hope now was that things weren't as bad with Rita as everyone made it out to be, but at this point, he felt that doing so would just be nose-diving into denial.

He sighed, he had to be strong for his son. He was the man of the house and he couldn't let things spiral out of control, even if they were looking bleak.

"Son, I...I understand why you're worried..." he addressed him softly "...but we can't lose our heads over this. Your mother and I might be in a bad place but nothing serious has happened yet, she hasn't made any...big decision as far as we know." Lynn was uncertain if he was giving his son false reassurance, but right now, giving his wife the benefit of the doubt was the only thing he could do to give himself hope.

He could fix this. At least he hoped he could. But at this moment he had no idea how.

Lincoln`s response, however, was a huge surprise.

He looked at his father in the eye, yet his expression didn't show fear or worry. It showed something unexpected given the circumstances. Something Lynn didn't see in his son too often: boundless determination.

"I know, dad. Which is why we have to fix this situation before it gets any worse. To fix your marriage."

Lynn was dumbfounded. This was not the reaction he had anticipated from his 10-year old son. His tone and the expression on his face conveyed that Lincoln was already ahead of him when it came to thinking about a solution, long before Lynn himself even fully realized that there was a problem.

As Lynn opened his mouth to speak, Lincoln placed his hand up to silence him. "I know what you're thinking, dad, and you're right. I thought long and hard about this already, but first I had to make sure you believed me. Now that we`re on the same page let's not panic or cause a stir. We have to show mom that her life isn't a bleak, joyless mess. Well, more precisely, _you'll_ have to show her that and remind her why she married you in the first place. And I want to help in any way I can."

Lynn was one again dumbstruck, and eventually deflated and stopped trying to make sense of this. His son was already starting to lay out sensible suggestion to deal with this delicate situation, while he was still having trouble processing half of it. He had to give some major kudos to his son`s level-headedness.

"Lincoln...you`re handling this better than I expected." his father blurted dumbly.

Lincoln nodded. "Like you've just told me: we can`t lose our heads, right? That would the worst thing we could do now."

"Yes...I think it would." Lynn agreed in resignation.

Lincoln`s face slowly softened and Lynn finally saw hints of worry and grief on Lincoln`s features. "I don't want mom to go..." his voice slowly started to crack "...and I don't want our family to break apart."

Lynn put on a brave face and put a comforting hand on Lincoln`s shoulder.

"That won't happen, son. I promise you that." he stated with complete conviction. Deep down he was deeply insecure and worried that anything he could do now might too little, too late for his wife, but if his son wouldn't take this dilemma lying down, then neither would he!

Lincoln smiled in agreement. "No, it won't. We`ll make sure of that."

Lynn smiled back. His son`s evident determination in the face of uncertainty helped to greatly boost his own moral.

"There you are, dad." Leni suddenly appeared, making him jolt as she hugged him from behind.

"Me and Lincoln got you something." Leni quickly handed him a shopping bag and the bewildered Lynn looked inside it to find...

"Presents? For me?"

"Of course, dad!" Leni beamed. "Though it was Lincoln`s idea! But I got to pick most of it. Including your new ties!" she started jumping and clapping her hands in eager anticipation. "Go on! Open it!"

Lynn was dumbfounded. He turned to his son, who smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, we got you some stuff, mom too. We thought you deserved it for all the hard work you do taking care of us...it`s not much but..."

"Thanks, kids." his father interjected, looking like he was barely holding back tears. "This means a lot."

Father and son exchanged warm smiles, while Leni suddenly looked aside and started sniffing and wiping away tears of joy.

"This is so sweet! It's too much!" she exclaimed in a gargled, but still cheery voice.

Lynn had to agree. He couldn't recall the last time his children did something like this for him.

Leni immediately faced him again and resumed her clapping and jumping. "Now c`mon! Open it!"

Lynn turned to his son who nodded for him to do it. Lynn was about to unwrap it but thought at the last second that he had more pressing matters to talk about. So he placed the bag to his right and cleared his throat.

"I think it would be better to save it for later." he told Leni, making her smile falter.

"I appreciate this a lot, don't get me wrong." he elaborated and looked at Lincoln again. "But your brother and I were in the middle of a _private_ conversation. A...eh man-to-man kind of conversation. And we would rather finish it now."

He gave Lincoln a subtle nod, not that the boy needed the hint.

"Yeah..." Lincoln agreed "...it`s about guy stuff, and not to be rude, but we would rather be left alone for this."

It took a bit for Leni to process this until she gasped and covered her mouth. "Are you giving Linky "the talk"?"

"Huh?" a puzzled Lincoln squinted his eye.

"No, no! It's not about that." Lynn responded hastily, feeling stupid for making the insinuation. "It`s about other kinds of guy stuff!"

Leni giggled with her hand still on her lips. "Say no more, dad! I totally get the gist!" she winked at him before turning to her little brother.

"And, Linky? You have nothing to be ashamed of!" she told him helpfully.

"Wut?"

"Whoever the girl that made you feel funny when you're around her is, it's nothing to be scared of. It's just the start of something beautiful."

Lincoln`s jaw dropped. "Leni? I don`t have a crush-"

"Don't worry! I won't bother you anymore!" Leni proclaimed and leaned next to her father. "Just don't spoil the surprise for mom."

She kissed her father`s cheek before skipping up the stairs. "Love ya!"

Lynn looked back at his son, who facepalmed.

Lynn grew a look of regret and rubbed his the back of his neck. "I`m sorry, pal. I`m not good at lying on the spot."

"It okay, dad. It doesn't matter." Lincoln responded in resignation.

Lynn blinked. "You won't mind your sisters thinking..."

"It`s just words, I can tune them out whenever I want." Lincoln reassured him.

"Eh okay." Lynn concluded that his son was more worried about him and his mother than anything when something else came to his mind.

"But speaking of your sisters..." Lynn seemed hesitant to go on "...do you think any of them noticed..."

Lincoln sighed. Time to get his dad fully up to date. "No. They're pretty oblivious to it, I have no doubt about it."

Lynn didn't know if he should have been relieved or worried by those news. On one hand, it would mean that there would be no fiasco over this and he could keep it quiet. On the other one, however, it meant that the root cause of their problems was still very much there. But Lincoln wasn't finished.

"We had a sibling meeting trying to tell them about this, but it all fell on deaf ears. We...eh showed them the novel but they thought nothing of it."

"We?"

Lincoln nodded. "Lynn knows too. I had to talk to someone about it."

"Junior knows?" his father`s eyes widened. That raised so many questions. Why did Lincoln tell her of all his sisters? She wasn't exactly a considerate and comforting person. And why would she, out of all of his daughters, believe Lincoln instead of brushing him off like the rest?

Lincoln knew what his father was probably thinking. "I know, dad. I`m just as surprised as you are that Lynn actually believed me."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess she`s more sharp-eyed and observant than we give her credit for. But don't worry, she too has promised to keep quiet. "

Lynn Sr. rubbed his temples and exhaled. "Well, today`s certainly been full of surprises." he said exasperatedly before straightening himself up.

"Okay, so let me get this straight. Only you and LJ are aware of my... " he gulped having to acknowledge this "...marriage problems and want to fix them, is that right?"

No, they weren't. Lincoln was debating with himself about revealing Ryan`s involvement to his dad. But if he wanted his father to be fully involved in their mission, he couldn't keep any secrets from him.

Lincoln sighed. "Not quite. Lynn was a bit loose-lipped before I told her to keep this a secret. One of her friends knows."

His father immediately grew a look of unease but tried to remain composed. "Who? What did they think of this?"

Sighing again, Lincoln put on an encouraging expression. "Well, I have good news. He`s very much on board to help us. Mainly cuz he`s if nothing else, loyal to Lynn and knows that should the worst happen he and Lynn might be separated. He doesn't want to lose his new best friend, neither does Lynn."

Lynn didn't know how to feel about this revelation. Having a stranger know something this personal about him and his family didn't sit well with him. But the kid apparently agreed to help them, so he had to reserve judgment for when he met him.

And who was Lincoln exactly talking about? His namesake had her fair share of friends, many of whom were her teammates from the various sports team she was on, but Lynn Sr. had never met anyone in particular who he could call the "best friend" of Junior the way Clyde was to his son.

Lynn was always more concerned about being the best at whatever sport she was doing and wasn't fond of talking about her problems and feelings to someone the way Lincoln and Clyde did with each other, so why would she reveal something this personal and most likely frightening to her to someone who wasn't part of her family? But Lincoln said "he" and "new", and those two little words quickly narrowed down the list of suspects.

"Wait? Are you talking about that new boy in the neighborhood Lynn befriended? The one who slept over here a few nights ago?" Lynn deduced. And the one he somehow failed to meet even though he was allegedly there to witnesses him being kicked out of his room by Rita?

Apparently, his family was indeed so big that a guest could disappear within the crowd.

Lincoln nodded. "You guessed it. Ryan Taylor is his name. You'll meet him sooner or later."

"I won't have much of a choice, will I?" Lynn sighed in resignation. "What has he done for you so far?"

"He has mostly been helping us with damage control. Me, him and Lynn have tried to keep some kind of order with the girls and we did some more stuff like help mom clean the house following Luan`s prank apocalypse. But things won't change in this house unless you finally take charge."

"What do you mean "take charge"?"

"I thought about this, dad. And I think both you and I know that the only way to make our lives here better in the long run, is by changing the house rules. Most of all, you need to have more authority over us and be stricter."

"Stricter?" Lynn looked baffled. "What do you mean by that? It's not like I don't impose any rules or punishments for breaking them."

Lincoln gave him a steely glare that pretty much said to stop fooling around.

"No, but it's obviously not enough. You and mom are way too lax about upholding any rules, I`m sorry, but that's how it is. Let's face it, dad. Most of the stuff that drives us crazy is linked in one way or another to one of the girls. Lori throwing wild parties, Luna playing music without any volume restrictions, Luan going nuts with her crazy pranks, Lynn playing ball or just jumping around around a lot of breakable stuff, Lisa conducting dangerous and often explosive experiments, Lana dragging mud in wherever she goes, the twins fighting and demolishing everything in their wake, heck, any time any of the girls get into an argument it's guaranteed to result in damage. And what do you or mom do about it? Are you scared to discipline your own children even when they more than deserve it. And I count myself there too!"

Lynn became tongue-tied, his son`s glare piercing into him and filling him with gut-wrenching shame. Was he really that spineless?

"If you look at like that, is it really that surprising that mom would think of you as incompetent?" Lincoln phrased it like a question but it was more or less a straightforward accusation.

Lynn shrank further hearing it.

"Dad, remember the old saying: it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt?" Lincoln continued.

"Well, how long will it be until our daily, household craziness does result in someone getting seriously hurt? It could be from Luan`s pranks, or from Lynn`s roughhousing, or from one of Lisa`s experiments going haywire, or it could just be another fight that goes too far? And that's not all, what if someone`s callous behavior hurts us in another way, like getting our van to crash, or...I don't know... _our house to collapse_? With a family like ours I wouldn't call any of that a far-fetched possibility. After all, the last of which almost happened when Lana brought her termite farm back home."

Lynn stared sullenly at him before looking away, Lincoln`s words sinking in.

Lincoln patiently waited for a response. He was very blunt with his criticism, but he had to be.

The door suddenly opened and the two saw Lucy enter, wearing a backpack, followed by Lynn who was carrying a duffle bag. The jock seemed to be in a pretty good mood and greeted them with a smile.

"Dad? Lincoln? What's sup?"

The latter expected the rest of the family to come in, but the only other person to enter was Ryan.

"Mrs.L doesn't seem to be in any hurry to come back..." he told the girls offhandedly before stopping as he saw Lincoln and his father.

Lynn Sr. grew a shocked expression upon getting a good look at the newcomer.

Ryan groaned inwardly. He wasn't much of a fan of the man and his feeble attempts to go "overprotective father" on him in regards to Lynn, but now he could reintroduce himself to him without the baggage of a very bad first expression.

"Ah, you must be Lynn`s dad? A pleasure to meet you, sir."

Putting on a greasy grin, Ryan approached the surprised man and grabbed his hand in a tight grip as he shook it. "Ryan Taylor, I`m sure you`ve heard of me."

"You`re Ryan Taylor?" a dumbstruck Lynn Sr. blurted before noticing Lynn sending him a scrutinizing glare.

The man chuckled nervously in response, trying to regain his composure, and rubbed his hand. "I...mean...eh nice to meet you, Ryan. You...eh...sure have a strong grip?"

"Girls, where are the others?" Lincoln chimed in, confused by the absence of the rest of the family.

"We dunno?" Lynn shrugged her shoulders. "We were at Ryan`s place for the night." she pointed at her friend and they exchanged smiles.

Lincoln noted that they both seemed a bit overly cheerful towards each other, but at the moment that got overshadowed by what Lynn had just told him.

"What? You didn't go to visit Pop-Pop?" Lincoln was surprised, as was their father.

Lucy stepped up to him. "I thought everyone else was going and assumed he wouldn't notice my absence." she explained before growing a small smile.

"I heard that Ryan was all alone and I wanted to spend time with him..." her smile soon vanished as she gestured at her sister "...and Lynn invited herself to come along."

The older sister rolled her eyes, while Lynn Sr. remained confused but nonetheless smiled at Lucy, happy to see that she was finding companionship outside her family.

"I see, did you have fun, Lucy?"

The goth grew another small smile. "I had a lot of fun. I took them to a bat cave, and then to the cemetery. And Ryan let me hold a seance to talk to the dead in his house."

Her father`s face dropped.

"Don`t look at me, dad." Lynn spoke up and bumped her friend in the shoulder. "Ryan insisted that we make Lucy happy."

"It was no biggie, Mr.L. I had blast visiting those places." Ryan explained and patted Lucy`s back. "The kid`s got some insane ideas for a good time, and they were all awesome!"

Lynn Sr. was struck with disbelief. Not so much that Lucy would want to do such things but rather that Ryan would happily agree to join in on those activities. Based on the boy`s pale complexion and dark shirt he could only assume that Ryan was likewise immersed into goth culture.

"Eh...I`m glad you kids had fun." he said simply before noticing that both Lynn and Ryan had several bruises on their faces and his eyes widened. Lincoln noticed them too and he immediately thought of Lyle.

"Lynn? How did you get those bruises?" came Lynn Sr.`s worried response.

The jock chortled and shrugged. "Lucha libre, dad." she explained casually and elbowed Ryan playfully. "I had to goad Mr-Too-Cool-For-Wrestling into giving it a try. He then loved it and we sparred for hours!"

"I don't know many girls who are into wrestling but Lynn sure is fearsome in the ring. I see why no one here would want to challenge her." Ryan quipped.

"Well, you're no slouch in that department either." Lynn complimented him in return. Both grew a faint blush.

Lynn Sr. didn't need further explaining and relaxed a bit. It's been a while since Lynn had engaged in Mexican wrestling, mainly since no one at home could give her a reasonable challenge, and he was astounded that Ryan willingly endured her unique brand of roughhousing and apparently enjoyed the experience.

With all that in mind, it hardly seemed surprising to him that both Lynn and Lucy became fast friends with the boy.

Lincoln silently shook his head, any worries he just had were alleviated. He pitied anyone who agreed to wrestle with Lynn, but Ryan was the exception. Not so much out of animosity as much as due to the simple fact that Ryan was the one kid he knew who could take that kind of punishment and give Lynn a real challenge.

Although he wondered if doing lucha libre as Lynn claimed involved donning costumes, as she made him do when they were little? If that was the case, he was sure to give Ryan a good earful about the latter`s hypocrisy in regards to cosplaying. Lynn deserved it too, now that he thought about it.

"I was the referee." Lucy chimed in.

Lincoln found that hard to imagine. "You? The referee?"

Lynn snorted and folded her arms. "Trust me, bro. She was about as enthusiastic in the role as you think she was."

Lucy ignored her snide remark and approached her brother. She found it odd that Lincoln turned down the chance to visit their grandfather.

"Lincoln, why did you stay behind?"

He shrugged. "I stayed behind to help dad with some stuff. I also thought that this was a good chance for us to spend some father/son time."

"Yeah, eh we sure did..." Lynn Sr. agreed while rubbing his neck "...eh, Lucy, sweetie. Would you mind giving us a minute. I need to talk to Lynn and her friend. Alone."

Ryan and Lynn exchanged confused glances.

Lucy was surprised and felt suspicious, but she couldn't disobey her father.

"Sigh. Okay, dad." she reluctantly agreed before turning to Ryan.

"See you later, Ryan."

He nodded and patted her back as she left upstairs.

Lynn didn't know what her father wanted but quickly noticed how uncomfortable he looked facing her.

"Dad, is everything okay?"

Her father slouched down and shook his head dejectedly. "No, and I believe you and your friend know why." he said plainly, his tone filled with shame.

"We talked about...him and mom, and their issues." Lincoln clarified to them.

"Oh." Lynn connected the dots. Judging from his dejected demeanor, Lincoln had talked some sense into their father.

"Well, this is tremendously awkward." Ryan casually noted.

"Not helping." Lynn elbowed him before approaching her father.

She sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder while her father looked down.

"Dad? I know it's probably too little, too late, but I want to apologize for all the stuff I broke over the years playing ball in the house. And for helping cause so much ruckus. And for being kind of a selfish jerk and bully in general." she said awkwardly.

"I promise. From this day forth I`ll be different and I want to do everything I can to help ya."

Lynn Sr. buried his face in his hands and sighed pathetically. "It`s not your fault, LJ, I have only myself to blame, as both a father and a husband."

Lincoln scooted closer to him. "Don`t be like that, dad. You didn't mean for any of that and we can still fix things."

"Lincoln`s right! The game`s far from over! Just because you have a losing score at the moment doesn't mean you can't still change things around!"

Their father rose up and sighed. "How? I don't know what to do? I don`t even know for how long Rita`s been unhappy or where to start."

Ryan approached him with a confident smirk. "I think the answer is pretty obvious, Mr.L."

Ryan palmed his chin. "I`ll admit, I don't know much about marriage problems, but I do know one thing. If someone`s feeling blue the best medicine is a night out in the town!" he spread his arms up in an overexaggerated gesture.

The man looked at him. "Huh?"

"I think what Ryan`s trying to say is that you should take mom out for dinner." Lynn clarified to him.

Lynn Sr. looked unsure. "Dinner? I don't know, it's been so long since we went out together."

Ryan`s face dropped. "Really?" he asked wryly. "And you're surprised that she feels miserable? With all due respect, sir, you can't go through life with all work and no play."

"It`s not that simple, Ryan." the man buried his face in his hands again. "I`m concerned that if the two of us leave..."

"...we`ll destroy the house?" Lincoln finished for him. "I know, dad. But that's exactly where you need to lay down the law."

"Exactly." Lynn agreed. "Lori, Leni, Luna. They`re old enough to watch over us for a few hours. Plus, me and Linc will make sure that the others stay in line."

Their father considered that, but quickly became consumed with doubt. "I don't know, I don't want to burden you kids with that kind of responsibility."

"We can handle it!" Lincoln spoke up. "And Lori`s sixteen for crying out! She always brags about being the most mature and responsible one!"

"Yeah! How about she finally puts her money where her mouth is!" Lynn agreed.

"I know." their father sighed. "But I don`t know if she could do the job correctly. She can be a bit...lazy and indifferent when it comes to chores."

"What teenage girl isn't?" Ryan laughed. "I oughta know, I have one for a sister."

"But here`s the thing, sir." he leaned down to be on eye-level with the man. "Any kid can be made to take responsibility with a little motivation."

"Motivation?"

"Exactamundo." Ryan stood up and shrugged his shoulders. "Just say: "The house better be in tip-top shape when we return, young lady. Or else you'll be grounded until college!" That's what my folks told my sis and she's been the model of responsibility since."

"But...that sounds...cruel."

Ryan rolled his eyes.

"It`s called tough love, dad. Sometimes you gotta use it to teach people a lesson." Lynn agreed with Ryan.

"That`s discipline, dad." Lincoln chimed in. "It`s how you gain authority. If the girls keep viewing you as a pushover, that's never gonna happen. Same with mom."

"The team won't be on their A-game if the coach goes easy on them. I should know." Lynn added.

Lynn Sr. turned silent, evidently contemplating their advice.

"Dad! I need to ask you something!" Lori suddenly barged in while texting on her phone. The moment she tore her eyes off it, her eyes widened for a second before sending Ryan a death glare.

"Oh, it's _you_." she acknowledged him in a disgusted tone. "I thought I smelled something rotten."

"Blondy..." he greeted her with disinterest. He noticed Lynn growing tense next to him and glaring at her sister.

"Lori, that's not the way to treat a guest." her father told her gently while she quickly resumed answering another message.

"I don't have time for lectures, dad!" she brushed him off, not even looking at him. "I want to hold a party tonight and I`m inviting like all my classmates...well...the ones that matter anyway. You and mom won't have a problem with that and you won't pester us, right?"

"Party?" her father looked shocked.

"Yes." Lori answered irritably, still typing. "I`m sending out invitations right now, duh!"

"Uhhhhh...a party? Will there be cake?"

Upon hearing that, Lori stopped and sent the sneering Ryan a venomous glare. "No! And you're not coming anywhere near it! The same goes for you other twerps!" she addressed Lincoln and Lynn.

"This is not some stupid kid party! Fourteen and older only!"

"Bah! I wouldn't have wanted to come anyway!" Lynn retorted, balling her fists.

"Good. Then we`re on the same page." Lori relaxed and smirked before turning to her father. "So is everything cool?"

"Eh..." he raised a finger but his voice trailed off. "Eh, sweetie, I don't think that's such a good idea?"

Lori looked shocked. "Excuse me? Do you not want me to socialize with my peers?"

"No, no, it's just..."

"Then what!" the teen snapped.

Lynn looked nervous and appeared to be on the verge of giving in to her demands, but Lincoln bumped him in the flank and his eyes moved to meet his son`s gaze.

Lincoln started at him intensely, his look telling him to stand his ground. Lynn gulped and faced his daughter.

"I`m sorry, Lori, but I can't allow that."

Lori gasped.

"I`m sorry, but your parties tend to get wild and crazy, and noisy, and create a huge mess that has to be cleaned up afterward, and I think our family could use some piece after Luan`s Prankmageddon."

Lori looked indignant. "What? My parties are nothing like that! We are all sophisticated grownups, not out of control children like them!" she gestured at her siblings and Ryan. "You're being beyond unreasonable!"

Her father sighed and braced himself. "Lori, the answer`s still no. I`m sorry, but I`m not changing my mind and I`m quite certain that your mother will agree with me. You'll have to tell your friends that the party`s canceled."

Lori`s jaw dropped and her eye twitched. "You want me to cancel the party?! Do you know what that will do to my reputation? I`ll be a laughing stock!"

"Gee, I guess it wasn't very bright of you to announce a party _before_ you got the permission to do it." Lynn snarked.

"Shut the hell up!" Lori snapped at her.

"Now listen here, young lady!" her father stood up with a stern look. "You can't talk to your sister that way! And using such language is not helping your case!"

Lori turned silent and glowered at him with anger and disbelief. She clenched her teeth and pointed at him, making him step back.

"You have two hours to change your mind or I`ll never speak to you again!"

With that, she stormed away and stomped up the stairs. "I HATE YOU!" she yelled before slamming the door to her room shut.

"Never talk to him again? That hardly sounds like a bad thing." Lynn told Ryan and they both snickered.

Lincoln watched his father sit back down and pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Don`t worry about her, dad. She`ll cool off eventually." Lincoln reassured him.

"I suppose..." he exhaled.

"See, dad? It wasn't so hard to say no." Lynn congratulated him. "One little word and you saved us a world of trouble."

"Huh? I guess I did." he smiled. It actually felt good taking charge. If only Rita had seen him.

* * *

"I guess this was a definite win, wouldn't you say?" Ryan asked Lynn as she escorted him out of the house.

"We scored the goal today. Dad made a big leap the moment he stood up to Lori." the jock agreed.

Ryan nodded. "Well, I better be going."

"Don't forget this!" Lynn gave him the folded up black luchador costume. "I believe this is yours now, _Ravage Ryan_. Can't do lucha libre without the proper getup on standby."

Ryan smiled and took it. "Thanks. A gift from my new girlfriend, eh?"

Lynn scowled, half-serious, half-teasing, and folded her arms. "I`m _not_ your girlfriend." she denied the insinuation.

Ryan smirked. "Not _yet_."

Lynn punched his arm.

"Hey, I ain't rushing you." Ryan laughed. "Take your time."

"Don't get your hopes up, hotshot." Lynn taunted him. "I said I _might_ like-like you. I`m still not sure about it cuz this "liking a boy" crap is still new to me."

"Which is why you gave me a present tied directly to our first _date_?" Ryan pointed out, still smirking.

"It wasn't a date, it was wrestling." Lynn countered, though her tone and expression showed she wasn't being entirely serious.

"And wrestling involves telling your best gal pal and vice versa that your crushing on them?" Ryan stated smugly.

Lynn snorted, but before she could get a word in Ryan snickered as he looked down at his costume.

"Though I don't know of any other people who did that while dressed as Mexican wrestlers? This has gotta be among the top fifty weirdest confessions of one's feelings." he realized with amusement. "Though I still did it with style cuz, as I`ve said, I always look sharp in black."

Lynn couldn't help but laugh involuntarily. It really was an absurd choice of wear for telling your crush how you felt.

After regaining her composure, Lynn lightly pushed him back. "Alright, knock it off, you knucklehead! I don't want my family to hear about this." she warned him while catching her breath.

"Don't want anyone to know about it?" he raised an eyebrow. "Not even your little bro?"

Lynn turned quiet and took on a more serious expression. "No." she said simply.

"But I thought you two didn't keep secrets from each other?"

"We don't, but this is nothing important." Lynn reasoned. "Nobody needs to know about what I`ve told you."

She sighed and looked down. "I still don't feel comfortable with others knowing this." she admitted.

Ryan placed a hand on her shoulder. "I get that, Lynn. But isn't this kind of a moot point by now? Reene knows, your mom knows and most of your siblings are probably weary about it."

"I know. But I still feel better if they don't know for certain, at least for now." Lynn said in a low voice. "I don't know how I would handle all the pestering and meddling from my family."

"I see." Ryan shrugged his shoulders with an understanding look. "A secret it is then."

"Thanks." Lynn smiled at him.

"Well, it's not like I have anyone to tell it to, besides my cat anyway." Ryan joked. "And she already saw you cuddle with me."

"What can I say." Lynn deadpanned as she slowly pushed his arm away. "You make a nice pillow."

"Hey, if you're ever in need of a pillow, I`ll be more than happy to comply." Ryan flirted with her.

"I`ll consider it when I`m all out of options." Lynn smirked before looking at the street for any signs of Vanzilla.

She turned back to Ryan. "Mom`s probably gonna be back soon, and I better help Linc talk with dad in private while we still can."

"Oh, you wanna get him to take his old lady for a night out in the town cuz he`s too nervous to muster up the courage to do it himself?" Ryan inquired.

"Maybe. It depends." Lynn shrugged with uncertainty. "Now, you wanna stick around and deal with my sisters again or not?"

"No, thank you." Ryan replied jokingly. "I think I`m gonna take a nap."

"You will come back if we need you?"

"Of course, Lynn." Ryan reassured her before suddenly looking over her shoulder. "Wait? Is that your van?"

"Where?" Lynn turned around and saw nothing.

She froze on the spot as she felt Ryan kissing her cheeks. Her eyes shot open and her face heated up as she turned around sharply, only to see that Ryan had already reached the street and looked back at her with a sly grin.

Her heart racing from shock and surprise, Lynn pressed her hand against her reddening check before narrowing her eyes into a terrifying glare.

"Hey what's the big idea!" she yelled at him.

"What?" Ryan feigned an innocent reaction. "You gave me a peck a few days ago, thought I repay the favor."

"I didn't give you permission!" Lynn snapped, her face turning even redder.

"Neither did I, but that didn't stop _you_." Ryan replied slyly. "And don't act like you didn't like it." he added with smug confidence.

Lynn bit back her tongue, narrowing her eyes and trembling with annoyance. "Try that again and I`ll clobber you into next Tuesday! Now beat it!"

"I`ll take the chance." the boy quipped and saluted her. "See ya!"

Lynn watched him speed away, her hand still pressed on her cheek. The warm and fuzzy feeling in her chest and gut gradually turned into a more pleasant sensation.

Lynn`s lip slowly curled upwards. She did kind of like it.


	18. One Flue Over The Loud House: Party!

It was around 8 p.m, and Renee had just left the shower and was walking through the hall in her bathrobes when she heard a peculiar and unexpected sound. Her brother humming?

Raising an eyebrow, she walked up to his room, which had its door left wide open, and saw him lying belly down on his bed, swinging his feet back and forth in a cheerful rhythm and staring into some kind of book.

And he appeared to be completely oblivious to her presence, which was quite unlike him.

Out of morbid curiosity, Renee kept observing him.

The book Ryan was looking at was an old, largely empty scrapbook of his. He was feeling rather odd today but in a good way.

He was overwhelmed with a sense of bliss. While he had tried to stay cool around her and even risked Lynn`s wrath with a quick peck to the check, once he was alone Ryan let the reality of what had happened to him this morning fully sink in.

Lynn had revealed that she harbored a crush on him. She honestly liked him! He still couldn't believe that it was true. And yet it was.

It brought him a sense of joy he hadn't felt in God knows how long. There was no catch to this. No reason to be cynical or suspicious of her sincerity, it was real. This pretty and amazing girl with whom he had formed such an honest and strong camaraderie felt the same way about him as he did about her. The universe was finally smiling upon him!

Marceline jumped on his bed and lowered her head to sniff the book. Ryan smiled at her as he finished putting in some pictures of Lynn which she had given to him.

None of them included him, which was ironic since the book used to be filled with pictures of the two of them hanging out together, but now that time had been reversed he had to recreate them. Not that he minded it. If anything, this time would be ten times better.

After he closed the book, Ryan saw his cat looking up at him curiously.

Ryan pulled her into his lap and embraced her, feeling her soft fur and her head rubbing under his chin.

"Ah, Marcy. Today was one of the best days I ever had." he spoke blissfully. Marceline felt confused, her master was acting weirdly. Like he was high on catnip or something.

Renee noticed it too. Her brother looked oddly happy, and not in a smug or gleeful way.

Ryan stroked Marceline`s back. " Lynn really likes me! After all this time, she finally likes me!" Ryan beamed in an uncharacteristically enthusiastic manner and held Marceline up to look her in the eye while sporting a ridiculous grin.

Marceline tilted her head in confusion before he placed her back in his lap and let out a breathy chuckle.

" _Well, that explains it_." Renee rolled her eyes and stepped in.

"You don't say?" she snarked, though her entrance hardly startled Ryan.

Renee folded her arms. "I have to admit, I`m surprised she had the nerve to actually tell you that. And here I thought you two were in for three seasons worth of imbecilic sitcom drama."

She expected Ryan to either be annoyed or throw some "clever" comeback at her. Instead, he sent her a pleasant smile.

"Oh, not Lynn. She was never afraid to speak her mind." he replied in a very civil manner, one in which the two rarely communicated. It honestly surprised Renee.

She curled her lip and deadpanned, "Well congratulations. I apologize for not leaping with joy. I had a long, tiresome day."

"No, problem, sis." Ryan shrugged.

Despite remaining composed, Renee was dumbfounded. Had Ryan honestly been reduced to a lovesick, passive schmuck? That couldn't be for real.

She thought about speaking her mind and telling him how trivial and stupid romance was and how he and the Loud girl probably wouldn't last until the end of summer but decided against it. That would imply that she had some form of investment in this affair that was entirely irrelevant to her personal life.

She had nothing else to say, no reason to continue the conversation. She was ready to leave when Ryan`s phone rang. He picked it up and smirked.

"Not even four hours and they already need my help again." he laughed to himself. That remark piqued his sister`s curiosity.

It was a message from Lincoln. " _Big crisis at home! Sisters gonna ruin everything! Please come quickly!_ "

Ryan rolled his eyes. " _Dont get your superhero tights in a twist twinkle toes. Im on my way_ " Ryan sent his reply before placing Marceline on the bed and standing up and stretching his arms.

"The Louds?" Renee asked dryly.

"You guessed it. They need my help. _Again_." Ryan shrugged. "Babysitting troubles."

Renee snorted. "You and the Loud girl? Babysitting? Whom? Are you overseeing a group of kids that are being transferred to juvenile hall?"

" _Worse._ " Ryan smirked. "As y`know, Lynn and Lincoln have a big family. Meaning we`re gonna have to take care of _eight_ babies tonight!"

* * *

 _Half an hour ago..._

This could not be happening. Lincoln couldn't believe it. He had finally gotten through to his dad, perhaps even a lot better than he had anticipated. But then, just like his usual luck, the moment things started looking up they began spinning out of control.

He had rushed down into the basement, following his older sisters who had just brought down a long table and placed in the far corner, while a few other teenage girls were decorating the place.

He finally confronted the very catalyst of this incoming disaster while she was by herself mixing up the punch bowl.

"Lori, you can't go through with this! You're breaking your promise!" he outright yelled at her and threw his arms up.

" _Correction_ , twerp, I made no promise that I wouldn't hold my party." she scoffed at him. "Dad was being an unreasonable killjoy and I`m not making a fool out of myself because of him."

Lincoln seethed while Lori dipped her finger into the punch to taste test it.

"I`m not talking about the party, I`m-

"Hey, Becky! I need more watermelon!" Lori called one of her friends who nodded and headed for the kitchen.

Lincoln fumed. "Are you listening to me?!"

"We`ve been over this, twerp. A party like this one is an important social event for young women like myself." Lori retorted condescendingly. "I don't expect a kid like you to understand this."

"I understand perfectly what's going on! You're disrespecting our parents!"

"Bro, chill out. Why are you so jumpy about this?" Luna joined the conversation as she placed a boombox on the table. "We`ve done this before. A little party won't be the end of the world."

Lincoln turned to her. "Dad said _no party_ , but you`re going through with it anyway!"

"Exactly, and it will be over before he and mom return. What they don't know won't hurt them." Lori shrugged.

"So you want to lie to them?"

Luna scowled. "Dude, you have lied to them too when you did something you shouldn't have. I don't think you have the right to lecture us."

"That`s not the point." Lincoln countered. "This party could wreck the house and when our parents come back-"

Lori made an exaggerated groan. "For the millionth time, Lincoln. You think I haven`t thought about it? I`ve already laid down the party rules. The party will be kept to the basement, the guests will be told not to go into any other room or to touch anything there."

"And you expect them all to go along with it?" Lincoln questioned her irritably.

"You have a point, dude." Luna agreed but then pointed over her shoulder. "But that's why we called Chaz over."

Lincoln saw her pointing at a fat teenager in a striped t-shirt and blue cap who was wearing sunglasses and standing stoically under the stairs with his arms crossed.

"No party host worth their salt forgets the bouncer." Luna explained.

"Exactly, so why don't you quit being a nuisance and go read a comic or something?" Lori added curtly while shooing him.

Lincoln glowered at her. "Lori, mom and dad put you in charge-"

His sister rolled her eyes. "Duh. That's why I officially un-canceled the party. Your point is?"

"My point is that they left you to babysit our little sisters. How are you supposed to do that while hosting a party that they can't even attend?" a frustrated Lincoln pointed out before turning to Luna.

"I don't see you volunteering to take her place? Neither is Leni."

Looking slightly ashamed, Luna shrank back. But Lori just scoffed and folded her arms.

"Way ahead of you on that little issue." she stated smugly.

"How?" Lincoln asked suspiciously.

"Oh, sweet, innocent, Lincoln." Lori shook her head. "Here`s a life lesson for you. Why resign yourself to a grueling chore when you have some sap on standby who will more than gladly let you guilt-trip them into doing it for you?"

"What?"

Lincoln quickly got his answer when Luan joined them, dressed in a knee-high yellow dress and with her brown hair neatly brushed and hanging down. Lori and Luna sent her less-than-friendly looks.

"Girls, I need your opinion. And I want the absolute truth!" she exclaimed in an excited and breathy voice before possing. "How do I look?"

"Like a fool wrapped in a banana peel." Lori commented snidely. Luna suppressed a snicker.

Lincoln could see the immediate look of hurt on the comedian's face and it made him angry. The girls still weren't over giving Luan crap.

"And by that you mean that I look _appealing_ , right?" Luan asked weekly. Lori sent her an exasperated glare.

"Ignore her, Luan. I think you look good." Lincoln spoke up for her. Luan looked at him and grew a weak smile.

"You think so?" she asked hopefully.

"Sure I do, the color suits your _sunny_ and _corny_ personality. Eh...get it?"

"Oh, give me a break!" Lori groaned and snapped her head back before glaring at the comedian. "Listen, Brace Face..."

Luan noticeably cringed at the name and Lincoln glared at Lori.

"If you thought getting dressed up will get you into this party, then sorry to pop your bubble. This isn't a kids party."

Luan grew agitated and faced Lori.

"Then why am I not allowed? I`m not a kid! I`m thirteen, a teenager!"

Lori scoffed and folded her arms. "Teenager? Yes. But as far as me and my friends are concerned, you aren't a young adult like us until you get into high school. Fourteen and older only. Your childish behavior doesn`t help."

"Not to mention you`re still on thin ice with us, bra." Luna added casually.

Luan pouted. Lincoln placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It`s just a party, sis. It`s not worth-"

" _But_! If you wish to redeem yourself in our eyes..." Lori shrugged offhandedly.

Lincoln didn't like the sound of that. He could tell Lori was plotting something.

But Luan, eagerly wanting to finally earn her sisters` forgiveness for her Prankmageddon, took the bait.

"What? What do you need?" she asked desperately, already dreading her decision.

Lori smirked. "Well, you could relieve me of my chore and babysit the little ones?"

"Babysit?" Luan grew nervous. "I...I...eh..."

Lori feigned shock. "What? Is that too much for you?"

Luna saw what Lori was doing. "Yeah, you said you weren't a kid. How about you prove it? Babysitting is a natural responsibility for teenagers."

"And we would be more than grateful. What with our hands being full, hosting this party and all." Lori added.

Lincoln couldn't believe Lori`s nerve or that Luna was playing along. They were using Luan as a patsy, exploiting her guilt to shirk their responsibilities.

He wanted to warn her, but he was too late. The offer was too tempting for the gullible comedian.

"Alright! I`ll do it!" she hastily agreed. Lincoln facepalmed.

* * *

Lucy was alone in her room, writing another poem while sitting against her bed when she heard someone grumbling. She looked and saw Lincoln pass through the hall while using his phone.

Her curiosity was once again roused. Her brother always seemed to be bothered about something this week.

Lincoln sent his text message, at least wanting to spare himself the indignity of personally talking and begging Ryan for help.

He sighed when someone grabbed his arm. Lincoln jolted and looked around to find Lucy by his side.

"Something is troubling you?" she asked simply.

"Lucy?" he quickly recovered, having grown accustomed to her sneak attacks.

"I can sense that you're worried. Do...do you want to talk about it?" Lucy asked him upfront, inwardly she was quite happy that for once Lynn wasn't there to push her away from talking to her brother.

Lincoln exhaled and ran his hand through his hair. There wasn't much use trying to hide things from Lucy.

"It`s this party..." he admitted.

"Oh, are you upset that Lori deemed you too "un-cool" to be allowed in?" Lucy concluded. "Because you can spend time with me...if you want to."

"It`s not that. I`m just worried that this stupid party will mess up our house and mom and dad will be upset when they return. And they really deserve a break given how they haven't gone out in a while."

"I see, that does suck." Lucy agreed morosely. "But we can't do anything to change Lori`s mind about disobeying dad. If nothing else, she and the others will probably get in trouble for it." Lucy tried to lift his spirit a bit, but it didn't seem to be working.

" _If only it was that simple_." Lincoln thought and sighed before growing a more serious expression.

"I wouldn't give up just yet. I just called in the big guns."

"Who?" the goth questioned when Luan appeared, still wearing her dress.

"There you two are." she greeted them.

"Why are you dressed like that?" Lucy asked her.

Luan swallowed. "Eh...I was just trying out my new dress. Nothing important." she lied.

"Lori, Leni and Luna didn't let you into their party?"

" _As you know_ , Linky..." a nervous Luan nimbly turned to her brother "...I was tasked with looking after you guys for the night and I`ve planned lots of fun activities for all six of us!"

"Sigh. If it's all the same to you, I`d prefer to just return to my coffin early and sleep." Lucy said unenthusiastically.

Lincoln groaned exasperatedly. "Luan, I really don't have time to be babysat." he brushed her off, hardly acknowledging her with any authority.

The comedian`s smile fell, as she was immediately greeted with dismissive attitudes, and from the two siblings who weren't ostensibly angry at her.

"But...but...I`m supposed to keep an eye on you. It's my responsibility." she feebly argued.

Lincoln ignored her because his phone rang and he turned away to see Ryan`s reply.

He was coming. Lincoln was mildly relieved, though he didn't know how Ryan would react to the absence of the third member of their secret team.

"We`re not the ones who will need a chaperone. Those partygoers down below are a disaster waiting to happen." Lincoln said in a steely voice and grimaced.

Luan squinted one eye in confusion. "Huh? How is a party a disaster waiting to happen?"

"Nevermind." Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose. "I`m waiting for Ryan to come."

Luan`s jaw dropped and her pupils shrank.

"Ryan`s coming back?" Lucy asked. Lincoln nodded.

"He`ll be here any moment now. I...eh...need his help with something."

Lincoln didn't exactly know right now what that "something" was going to be. At this moment, he had no idea how to handle this situation between his little sisters needing someone to keep an eye on them while also doing something about the party below.

He looked back at the awestruck Luan, while Lucy grew a small smile.

"Ryan`s coming?" Luan jumped up excitedly before growing nervous. She hadn't seen him in nearly 48 hours and he hadn't answered any of her fifty or so messages while she was at Sunset Canyon.

Was he ignoring her? The thought scared her.

Looking down at her dress, Luan felt a boost in confidence. There was no way Ryan could resist her now. And best of all, that infernal jock that she, unfortunately, was related to was out of the picture.

"Yes, he is." Lincoln sighed dejectedly. "Now, if you need help babysit-"

"Later, guys!" Luan rushed past them and into the bathroom. Lincoln saw her run up to the mirror and start checking her face out for any blemishes and style her hair.

Lincoln groaned, wanting to bang his head against the wall. Luan coming on to Ryan was the last thing he needed tonight.

"Can I wait for Ryan too?" Lucy asked him shyly.

"Sure, why not." Lincoln sighed.

* * *

Lincoln was tapping his fingers against the couch, waiting. He used his other hand to pet a sleeping Cliff.

Lucy sat next to the cat, quiet as usual, but Lincoln noticed a sense of eagerness in her demeanor.

They could faintly hear music playing from the basement, and Chaz was standing next to the door leading down to it, with a velvet rope placed at the entrance.

"Lincoln?"

"Yes?"

"Will Ryan stay for the night, again?"

Lincoln tried not to grimace and exhaled. "All things considered, I wouldn't place it out of the realm of possibility."

"Cool." the goth smiled. "You think he`ll tuck me in and read Bram Stoker`s Dracula to me?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. Even if things go south like the first time at least Lucy will still have her new favorite person in the world.

He should probably have felt happy for her, his own opinion on Ryan aside.

"I suppose you'll have to ask him yourself..." the boy shrugged when the doorbell rang. Before either could get up to answer, Lori bolted to the door and opened it.

"Boo-Boo Bear!" she squealed and clutched her hands as she met her boyfriend.

Lincoln cringed. "Don't look, Lucy. This will be super-sappy."

" _Don`t need to tell me twice_." the goth replied while pressing her head into a pillow.

"Babe!" the Hispanic teenager threw his arms up in ecstasy. "I`m sorry I`m late, I had to drive my sister to the arcade." he said apologetically.

"Doesn`t matter, you're here now, my little Cutie Patootie." a sparkly-eyed Lori gushed.

Lincoln was ready to vomit as the couple leaned in to kiss when someone forcefully shoved Bobby out of the way.

Lori froze and gasped in horror as Ryan jumped into the scene.

"Someone called for Ryan Taylor!" he announced his arrival loudly.

"You!" Lori snarled. "How dare you-"

"Yeah, yeah..." Ryan casually strolled past and looked around "...now where's the little guy with the fair white hair?"

"Here." an exasperated Lincoln approached him. "So glad you could make it, Ta-eh Ryan." he droned.

He was immediately pulled into a one-armed hug, which nearly choked him out.

"You little rascal." Ryan laughed smarmily as he gave him a noogie. "Can't a guy even finish a scrapbook before you Louds come calling?"

"You called him here?!" Lori turned livid.

Lincoln pushed himself free and gasped for air while Ryan sneered at the teen.

"Lori, it's not wh-"

"Yup, the L-man called me over." Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Got a problem with that, tutzy?"

Lincoln ducked behind the older boy as Lori yelled at them at the top of her lungs.

"YES I HAVE! YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!"

Lincoln cringed at the volume of her voice, but Ryan was unfazed by the storm of spit that assaulted his face and grabbed his cap from being blown off.

He placed it back on and calmly wiped his face with his shirt as Lori loomed over him.

"You're mistaken, Blondy. I`m a _very_ close personal friend of at least four of you Louds. I`m more than welcome." Ryan quipped before looking over his shoulder at Lincoln.

"Lemme guess? The big, blond bully has been threatening you and you need my protection?"

"Who are you calling a bully!"

"Oh, don't flatter yourself. Every human being`s a bully at heart. You ain't nothing special." Ryan brushed her off.

"Look, Lori. He`s not here to bother you." Lincoln spoke up, trying to ease the situation. "Will you just calm down and let us go to my room?"

"What?! No, no, no, no, no!" Lori responded flippantly. "There's no way I`m letting _that thing_ roam our house! Not tonight!"

"Ughhhh..." Bobby groaned as he walked to her side. "What hit me?" he groaned dumbly before seeing Ryan and promptly yelping in horror and stumbling back.

Ryan`s eyes widened. " _Roberto Santiago? What a small world_." he recognized the teen and grew a sinister grin.

"Why, buenas dias, amigo. And who might you be?"

"You stay away from Bobby!" Lori stepped in between them.

"Bobby?" Ryan sniggered at the nickname.

"Eh, Lori..." an uneasy Bobby tapped his girlfriend`s shoulder "...wh..who's that kid?"

Lori turned nervous as she faced him and started sweating.

"Him?" she chuckled awkwardly. "Oh, don't mind him, sweetiekins! He`s just some hobo Lynn and Lincoln befriended!"

"Sweetie-what-now?" Ryan snickered and turned to Lincoln. "Are those two an item?"

"...eh yes?" Bobby answered cluelessly.

"That`s not your business!" Lori snapped.

Ryan let out a pitying chuckle and shook his head at Bobby.

"You`re dating _her_? Oh, I so feel for ya, bro. Some people dodge a bullet, but you? You poor sap, you took a straight up kill shot to the head."

"Wut?" Bobby scratched his head, while Lori fumed like an active volcano.

Lincoln grabbed Ryan`s arm. " _Will you stop provoking her? You're making things worse!_ " he whispered to him.

"Wut?" Ryan shrugged innocently. "I`m just sympathizing with another man`s plight."

Unbeknownst to them, Leni appeared behind them, carrying a snack bowl, and grew excited upon seeing Ryan.

Lori gritted her teeth. "Now listen here, you little stain!"

"Ryan! You're back!" Ryan turned paler than usual upon hearing that voice. He turned around and to his horror saw Leni running up to him, arms wide open.

Growing scared, Ryan grabbed Lincoln and pulled him up as a human shield.

"You! No! Stay away from me!" Ryan yelled while sweating bullets. A confused Leni stopped in her tracks.

"Will you let me go!" Lincoln complained and squirmed. Ryan put him down but didn't release him from his grip as he needed a barrier between him and Leni.

"What`s wrong, Ryan? You look like you`ve seen a monster" Leni asked innocently before gasping. "OMG! Do I have split ends?! I do look like a monster!"

Still holding Lincoln in front of him, a perplexed Ryan stared at her before narrowing his eyes. "Alright, what's your game, Smiley? And don't you dare hug me again!"

"Game? Well, we were just playing twister down below..."

Ryan grew even more confused. He didn't know much about this particular Loud sister, but from his brief, previous encounter with her, he could only assume that she was playing some sort of elaborate trick on him. Why was she acting so nice? What was she trying to gain from the stupid act?

"Leni, will you stay out of this! Let me handle the dweebs!" Lori snapped at her.

"Will you drop the stupid act." Ryan sneered at Leni. "I don't know what you're trying to accomplish, chicky, but your facade isn`t working!"

"What`s a facade?" Leni scratched her head.

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "You're good, I`ll give you that."

"What are you talking about?" Lincoln lamented. "Leni`s not trying to do anything to you."

"Enough!" Lori yelled, silencing everyone.

She grabbed Bobby`s arm and pulled him closer.

"Ow! Ow! That hurts, Lori!" he cried as she squeezed his arm in her tight grip.

"Bobby! Go mingle with the other guests and let me handle this!" Lori ordered him.

"Um, okay. Whatever you wish, babe." Bobby agreed obediently before Lori pushed him away from the group and he stumbled towards Chaz, who removed the rope and let him in.

"Guests?" Ryan quickly put two and two together as he saw the bouncer and finally noticed the music.

"So that's what's going on?" he let go of Lincoln and elbowed him.

He smirked and waggled his finger at Lori. "Naugty, naughty, Laurel. Somebody is breaking the rules."

Leni covered her mouth. "Oh no! Lori, you can't be naughty. You won't get presents for Christmas!"

Ryan glared at her in disbelief. " _What's this crazy chick trying to do?_ "

"Pipe down, Leni!" Lori told her impatiently before turning to Ryan.

"And as for you! I want you out of my house right now!"

Ryan tilted his head with a small smirk. "Blondy, you're seriously not in a position to make demands." he said coolly.

"Yes, I am! I`m in charge when mom and dad are away!"

Ryan chuckled sinisterly. "Indeed you are. But if memory serves, your old man didn't give you permission to party it up tonight. Am I right, Lincaronie?" he turned to the younger boy.

"No, he didn't." Lincoln mustered up the courage to confirm it.

"Yup, which is why we have leverage over you, Blondy." Ryan sent Lori an evil smile. "You make me leave and I`m snitching on you."

"What? You wouldn't dare!" Lori growled.

Ryan let out a long, dry chuckle. "You have no idea how daring I am, sweetcakes."

"Oh, Lori doesn't eat sweet cakes. They are full of cholesterol." Leni said helpfully.

Ryan ignored her and continued. "If you honestly think that I`m scared of you then you`ve stuck your head into one of those hair dryer machines one too many times."

Lori was at a loss for words before narrowing her eyes. "You're blackmailing me?" she growled.

Ryan shrugged. " _Blackmail_ is such an ugly word. Try thinking of it as a business proposition. You let me stay and I promise that I won't rat you out."

Lori glowered at him angrily when another of her friends came in. Before the girl could say a word Ryan greeted her with a twisted smile.

"Hey, hot stuff. You joining this quarantine party too?"

The girl froze and stared at the sickly-looking boy before screaming her head off and running away.

"Wait, Jackie! Come back!" Lori called after her before deflating.

She realized that she had to negotiate with this psychopath if she didn`t want to risk putting her party in jeopardy.

Ryan whispered to Lincoln, " _She`ll be ready to bargain in three...two...one_..."

Lori angrily turned to the boys. "Okay, Lincoln! What the hell do you and your creepy friend want from me to get you off my back!"

Ryan nudged him and Lincoln braced himself. "Just let Ryan stay and nothing more."

Lori gave him a scrutinizing glare. "That's all?" she asked skeptically.

"That is all?" Lincoln replied simply.

"Fine!" Lori clenched her fists and started leaving but quickly stopped and looked over her shoulder.

"But if I see either of you anywhere near my guests I _will_ kill you, _slowly and painfully_. Got it!" she said coldly.

"I`m wetting myself." Ryan quipped wryly.

Lori ignored him and continued walking. "C`mon, Leni!"

"Lori gets so high-spirited when it comes to parties." Leni marveled cluelessly before looking at the boys.

"And you don't need to be shy around me, Ryan. You know you're always welcome here." she told him sweetly.

"Drop the nice girl routine, will ya! It's so fake." Ryan scoffed at her and folded his arms. "You can't trick a master of trickery."

"What are you talking about?" Lincoln looked at him oddly.

Leni giggled. "I`m not good with tricks, actually. Doing magic shows is more Luan`s thing."

Ryan muttered under his breath. This chick really wasn't budging.

"You`re not gonna give up until I believe that you're some genuine Mary Sunshine, are ya?" Ryan snorted. "Well, good luck with that."

"You think Leni is pretending to be nice to pull your leg?" Lincoln finally realized what Ryan was thinking and was dumbstruck.

"I don't think, I know." Ryan told him confidently.

"You're freaking serious? That`s ridiculous! Leni doesn't have a malicious bone in her body!"

"And how would you know?" Ryan snorted.

"Maybe cuz I`m her brother!" Lincoln replied irritably. Was Ryan messing with him or was he really that paranoid that he would come to such an absurd conclusion?

"Did I say something wrong?" Leni grew worried, not understanding why Lincoln became angry.

"No, Leni, you didn't. It's...it`s just...ugh..." Lincoln tried to explain but quickly deflated.

"It`s just that I can see through your mask, Smiley." Ryan smirked at her.

"Mask? Oh, dear. Luna and Lori never told me this was a costume party?"

Ryan`s face fell. " _This broad is one persistent troll. She`s starting to get to me_."

"I don't have time for this." he rolled his eyes and turned to Lincoln. "Where's Lynn anyway?"

"You didn't know?" Leni smiled and shrugged. "She left with Margo a few hours ago. The Royal Woods Squirrels have a big softball game out of town tonight."

Ryan`s jaw dropped. "Crazy-hot-chick-say-what-now?"

"It`s true. Her bus probably won't return before tomorrow." Lincoln confirmed, savoring the moment of seeing Ryan slack-jawed.

"Aw, I know you must be disappointed, but you two lovebirds will reunite soon." Leni kneeled in front of him. "Besides, you now have the chance to spend some boy time with Linky."

Lincoln grew nauseous at the remark, as did Ryan.

"Whoopty-doo." Ryan deadpanned with a bitter frown.

His bitterness was entirely lost on Leni.

"I know how you feel about Lynn being away." she said compassionately and pointed at the bouncer.

" _You see Chaz over there_..." she whispered to the boys "... _he can't attend the party because of his duty, and I`m really bummed about it cuz I think he`s super-duper cute!_ "

"You find that fattso cute?" Ryan asked incredulously. Leni nodded.

Ryan sneered condescendingly. "Now I know you're yanking my chains."

Leni blinked. "Chains?"

" _LENI! WILL YOU GET THE HELL DOWN HERE!"_

She rose up quickly upon hearing Lori`s voice. "Uh, sorry, guys, but I`m needed. You kids have fun!" she hastily apologized and rushed downstairs.

"This is quite something." Ryan told Lincoln with a hint of disgust. "If there's one thing I hate, it's a _lousy_ liar."

"Are you kidding me?" Lincoln got defensive. "Leni was just being nice to you and acted like a jerk to her."

Ryan huffed smugly. "So you're in on her scheme too? Whatever it is."

Lincoln went agape."Are you really that paranoid, Taylor?"

"I`m a realist, pipsqueak." Ryan smirked. "There ain't no way that Leslie chick is so nice that she would welcome someone like me with open arms. I can only assume that she`s got you fooled too with her nice girl act."

Lincoln was about to counter that when Lucy finally approached them.

"Ryan." she greeted him timidly.

The boy looked at her and his mood immediately improved. At least there was one friendly face left in this house.

"Spooky..." he kneeled down to her level "...how`s my favorite little witch?"

She smiled."Good, will you stay for the night?"

Ryan pondered about it and shrugged. "I don't see why not. I loves me a slumber party."

Lincoln muttered under his breath while Lucy did something unexpected. She hugged Ryan.

It was a surprise to him, but he enjoyed the gesture and smiled.

Lincoln rolled his eyes, feeling slightly envious.

* * *

Luckily for the boys, Lucy had no problem with their intentions to sabotage the party. As far as she was concerned, Lori had it coming, and Lincoln was the only sibling Lucy thought she could rely on. If he thought something was the right thing to do she had nothing but faith in his judgment.

So there was no need for secrecy around her. And they could also use her and Lynn`s room as a base for the moment.

"Since when did Lynn have some softball game this week? She would have told me!" Ryan lamented as he paced through the room.

He stopped and made an exasperated groan. "Is this some contrived plot contrivance so I`ll be forced to bond with _you_?" he pointed at Lincoln, who was sitting on Lynn`s bed.

"It`s not..." Lincoln replied tiredly"...Lynn tends to forget to charge her phone or check her messages, plus she's been gone with you twice this week. And she's on so many teams she can never keep track of everything."

"And why would she ditch us at a time like this?" Ryan pointed out.

"Lynn never walks away on her team, plus I only learned about Lori`s intentions after Lynn left. She didn't know."

"Unbelievable..." Ryan rolled his eyes "...she`s off swinging her bat while I`m stuck with her dorky little brother to babysit her family."

Lincoln ignored the remark and remained focused. "I don't like it either, believe me. But I wouldn't worry about bonding tonight. I have a gut feeling that this will be the least of our worries tonight."

"Either way, this party came so suddenly. I have no idea what we can do about this-"

"Why my dear pipsqueak, you insult me." Ryan smirked and pointed at himself. "This will be a walk in the park for us. After all, repulsing people is this guy`s specialty."

"If you want to get rid of the party guests, I might have a solution."

Ryan jumped in fright as Lucy appeared behind him and clutched his chest. "How do you do that?"

Lucy showed them a book. "This is great grandma Harriet`s spell book, we can use one of its spells to drive away the adolescent invaders."

The boys exchanged confused glances.

"Lucy...I kinda doubt those spells will work." Lincoln tried to let her down gently. "I mean...eh did you ever try using one before?"

"I was saving them for emergencies, and it's pretty simple. You just need to recite one of the spells..." the goth cleared her throat and started reading.

" _Lizard's leg and howlet's wing, bring vengeance with an itchy sting!_ "

She stopped and closed the book. "I just cursed them all with the worst itching imaginable. They`ll be screaming and running away in droves."

The three stood there in silence for a minute, with only the sound of a chirping cricket being heard.

"Any minute now." Lucy assured them confidently.

"Eh, maybe we should look for an alternative solution." Ryan suggested to her when they heard someone else clearing her throat and tapping her foot.

They looked and saw an angry-looking Luan standing behind Lucy, with her hands on her hips, glaring at Ryan.

"Oh look who finally decided to show up." she addressed him with bitter sarcasm.

Ryan looked awestruck at the sight of her and wolf whistled.

"Glad I did, cuz someone looks stunning."

Luan`s face flushed red and she started giggling and fidgeting in a flustered manner.

"Aw shucks...you really think so-" she stopped and shook her head before returning to her angry demeanor.

"No! You're not sweet-talking yourself out of this!" she tried to stay focused and marched up to him.

Lucy stepped out of the way as Luan came face to face with Ryan.

"Do you know how much you've upset me!"

"Upset you?" Ryan stepped back.

"Luan, please. Not now." an exasperated Lincoln groaned.

"You didn't call me for almost forty-eight hours, nor did you answer any of my messages!"

"You sent me messages?" Ryan smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I haven`t had time to check my phone. Y`see, I`ve spent the last day and so with Lucy and Lynn..."

" _Lynn?!_ " Luan boiled inwardly. " _That shameless, boyfriend-stealing cow!_ "

"...and Lynn and I spent hours playing basketball and then wrestling and I lost track of time with all the fun we`ve been having."

Luan`s eyes started twitching and she trembled with barely concealed rage.

Lincoln stepped in and pulled Ryan back by the arm. "Luan, please. We`re talking about something important right now."

Luan completely ignored him and forced a smile. "Wrestling, huh? I`m glad you were having fun." she replied through clenched teeth before calming down.

" _If Lynn keeps being so painfully unromantic maybe I got nothing to worry about_." she concluded and wrapped her arms around Ryan and started playing with his hair.

The boy grew hot, started sweating and his heart started thumping rapidly as Luan`s face was just inches away from his.

"But enough about that, you did miss me, right? Right!" she asked sweetly.

Ryan gulped while blushing. "Missed you?" he blurted dumbly.

Luan started scowling and he gently pushed her away, but she wouldn't release her grip.

"Of course I missed you. Things are never as funny when you're not around." he said nervously.

Luan`s face lit up instantly and she embraced him. "Aw, you say the sweetest things. I can't stay mad at you, snookums!"

"Snookums?" Lincoln threw up a bit into his mouth while Lucy shuddered and covered her ears.

Ryan barely registered what she had said as he grew increasingly light-headed from her embrace.

Luan moved her head back and stared him in the eye dreamily. "Lucy? Lincoln? Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit?" she requested from her younger siblings.

"What? No!" Lincoln spoke up and moved in between the two to push them apart.

"I need him right now!" he told Luan sternly before grabbing Ryan by the shoulder and shaking him. "Get a grip on yourself!"

"Wut?" Ryan shook his head. "What happened?"

"Lincoln? What gives?" Luan scolded him. Lincoln didn't budge.

"We were in the middle of an important discussion."

"What discussion?" Luan questioned.

"To sabotage Lori`s party and get rid of her guests."

"What?" Luan turned to the goth.

"Lucy!" Lincoln blurted irritably.

"What? Wouldn't Luan want to join us?" Lucy shrugged. "They cast her out too, like a witch from the village. I don't understand why? She's a teenager too."

"I wasn't cast out!" the comedian got defensive. "They just needed someone to babysit you guys...and...and I`m good with children."

"Sounds more like a flimsy excuse than a real reason." Lucy replied dryly.

" _Might as well play along_." Lincoln deflated. "Lucy`s right, Luan. I was there and you know it yourself. They just guilt-tripped you so they could get rid of you _and_ shirk their duties at the same time."

"Yeesh." Ryan grimaced. "That's cold."

Luan turned quiet with embarrassment.

"The way I see it, you, me and Lincoln are all on the same page." Lucy pointed out to the comedian.

"Exactly, and it's not like they should be having this party in the first place. Dad said no." Lincoln added and elbowed Ryan.

"Yeah, they cast you out of a party? Luan Loud? Fun and joy personified? The very life of any party lucky enough to have her in its vicinity?" Ryan feigned disbelief.

"Now that's some petty, vindictive BS if I`ve ever seen any."

After a moment of silence, Luan clenched her fists. "Alright, I want in!"

"That`s the spirit, Lu!" Ryan cheered her.

Lincoln smiled and patted her shoulder. "You have any ideas to contribute?"

"Oh, I`ve been pondering about vengeance ever since we went to Pop-Pop! I thought up at least a dozen revenge pranks!" she stated spitefully.

The others took a step back, being reminded of how scary Luan could get when she was pissed off.

Ryan found that side of her strangely attractive.

"Eh, right?" Lincoln replied tentatively. "But let's not try anything too extreme. There are a lot of innocent civilians down there."

"And where's the fun in that?" Ryan countered snidely.

"We just have to get them to leave. The girls will be upset about it either way. We don't need to start a scene." Lincoln pointed out.

" _Ew! Lana! You're disgusting_!" Lola`s voice echoed from another room.

"Ah crap. What's going on now?" Lincoln bemoaned and walked up to the door frame to see where Lola was.

"Oh, no." Luan realized. "I can't leave the twins and Lisa unguarded."

Unable to spot her, Lincoln came back. "You`re right. Any of them could cause big trouble if left alone." he agreed worriedly.

"No, problem." Ryan shrugged. "We just need some rope and duck tape and find a nice comfy closet for them, then we can focus on being party poopers."

The siblings all stared at him oddly. A silence ensued until Luan started snickering.

"Good one, Ryan!" she slapped his arms playfully. "For a second there I thought you were being serious!"

Ryan looked confused by her reaction. "Who said I was kidding?"

Lincoln facepalmed. "We`re not tying them and locking them up, Ryan!"

Ryan snorted. "You have a better suggestion?"

"We just have to keep them all in one place where one of us can keep an eye on them."

Lola`s deafening screech for attention cut trough, making everyone cringe as she stormed in.

"Lori! Luna! Anyone!" the princess halted and glared at Lincoln.

"Agh! Not you, you big bully!" she spat at him angrily before turning her gaze at Luan.

"What`s going on?" Lincoln asked her but was ignored.

"Aghhh! Not you either!" she snapped at the comedian with even more disgust and kicked her in the shin. Luan yelped in pain.

"Stop it! What's going on!" Lincoln grabbed her by arm but Lola pulled it free.

"Let go of me! Where's everyone else!" Lola demanded and stomped her foot.

"Will you tell us what's going on, you little brat ?" Luan asked angrily while clutching her aching shin.

"You don't deserve to know anything!" Lola retorted to her before laying her eyes on Ryan and gasping in horror.

"Ryan! You disgusting zombie!" she scowled. "I should have known!"

"Eh..do I know you?" the boy shrugged with a teasing smirk.

Lola cried with rage and started hitting him with both fists. Ryan wasn't remotely fazed and slowly looked back up at the others.

"Mind filling me in on the reasons behind the royal pains current hissy fit?" he asked sarcastically.

"You got Lana sick, you filthy creep!" Lola kept pounding on him until her fists started hurting and she stepped back whimpering.

"What do you mean Lana`s sick?" Lincoln turned wide-eyed, as did the other sisters.

Lola growled and glared back at him. "Why don't you see it yourself! Where are the others!"

"Partying down below, no one under fourteen is invited." Lucy explained monotonously.

Lola looked scandalized. "What?! How dare those jerks not invite me!" she whined only for Lincoln to grab her shoulder.

"Forget that!" he told her sternly. "Wha's wrong with Lana!"

* * *

Once she cooled down, Lola belligerently led the four to Lisa`s room.

They found the genius sitting at her desk and looking into a microscope, next to her bed was a small curtain conceling something.

"What`s going on here, Lisa?" Lincoln asked.

Before he could get an answer, a red fox toy in a purple jacket waddled up to them. The kids, minus Lucy, all felt creeped out by the rectus grin permanently frozen on its plastic face.

"Lisa? Your creepy puppet is staring at me again!" Lola whined irritably.

Lucy on the other hand smiled. "I like him. He has the smile of a serial killer."

The five all jerked back as the fox`s eyes shot a red beam at them and scanned them from head to toe.

" _Identifying subjects. Luan Loud. Lincoln Loud. Lucy Loud. Lola Loud. Master`s intellectually inferior biological relatives. Subject number five unidentified_." the toy emitted a monotonous, but otherwise very pleasant tenor, in sharp contrast to his original childish-sounding voice.

"Did that thing just scan us?" Ryan asked the others.

"Did it call me stupid!" Lola fumed and balled her fists.

Lisa turned around, revealing that she was wearing long rubber gloves and a surgical mask. She jumped off her chair and approached them.

"Family. It's fortune that you have arrived because we might be facing an impending crisis."

"Crisis?" Luan blurted. "What crisis? Where's Lana?"

"Behind the curtains." Lisa simply gestured at it and they heard faint moaning.

"But I would advise you all to keep a distance from her, as I have reason to believe that our sister might have turned into a walking bio-hazard."

"Hey! Up here!" Ryan raised his hand up to gain her attention and promptly pointed at the fox. "What`s with the fun-sized Five Nights at Freddy's reject with eye beams?"

"Fenton? He`s of little relevance. " Lisa replied plainly. "He`s was a worthless toy which I have renovated into my personal lab flunky."

" _If I wasn't mechanical. My feelings would be hurt_." Fenton responded robotically. The kids all blinked at him.

"Fenton, would you kindly show our guests the patient." Lisa ordered him stoically.

" _Yes, master_." the fox waddled ahead and stretched one arm out to grab the curtains.

Ryan huffed and whispered to Luan. "We never had toys like that when I was a toddler. You Americans get all the good stuff."

"We don't. Lisa really did build that thing." she told him.

"Huh? That little stinker might be more interesting than I thought." Ryan mused, looking at Lisa.

Fenton pulled back the curtains, revealing Lana strapped to a small operating table. She was sickly-pale, her eyes were bloodshot, her upper lip was covered with dried up mucus trails and she was moaning with a thermometer sticking out of her armpit.

Lincoln, Luan and Lucy all went agape.

"She looks a little pale around the gills." Ryan grimaced.

Fenton used his extendable arm to retrieve the thermometer.

" _Master Lisa. Subject`s bodily temperature is off the scale_."

"Payp...ugh...duwn...stupid..." Lana moaned incoherently in a raspy voice, barely able to raise her head. She got cut off by her own coughing.

"As I predicted it would be." the genius noted stoically.

"Lisa, what happened to her?" Lincoln lamented as he watched the horrible state the tomboy was in.

"I theorize that she must have picked up some form of virus while we were visiting grandfather." Lisa continued as she walked towards her desk.

"A nursing home is a notorious cesspool of diseases, and Lana is well-known for her habit of coming in contact with and even consuming objects that most sensible people would avoid." she elaborated while picking up a small glass slide from her microscope.

"I dunn...nod...egghadd..." Lana moaned irritably but her head soon collapsed down again.

"And given the plethora of symptoms that she's exhibiting..." Lisa continued with a straight face as she placed the slide on a platform that came out of Fenton`s belly "... rhinorrhoea, fever, coughing, throat pain, I have strong reason to believe that she has contracted the influenza virus."

"The flue?!" Lincoln blurted fearfully. His sisters gasped and hid behind him.

"The poor thing." Luan said meekly.

"What about us?" Lola complained. "I don't want to get the flue in summer!"

"Flue?" Ryan stepped back and glared at Lincoln. "You said nothing about catching diseases!"

"Will you chill, she can't possibly have the flue!" Lincoln argued nervously.

"The blood sample I was studying should clear things up." Lisa explained calmly. "Fenton! Analyze!"

Fenton retracted the platform and his eyes soon started flashing red.

" _Data analyzed. Subject is carrying the influenza virus. Handle with extreme caution._ "

The siblings started to panic. Lola screamed and ran away.

"Luan. You and Lucy find her and calm her down. We`ll handle Lana." Lincoln told the comedian.

"Alright, just be careful." Luan nodded and took the goth to find Lola.

Lincoln looked back at Lana and his heart sank. This couldn't be for real. Not only was Lori holding an unauthorized party, but Lana was carrying a contagious disease.

He felt awful for his little sister watching her squirm and moan, but there was an even bigger issue now with her being a living bio-hazard to every person in this house. And there were lots of them tonight.

"So, what should we do with the squirt, smarty pants?" Ryan asked Lisa.

"What we need to do is quarantine patient zero immediately. The hazard must be contained at all costs." Lisa explained to them.

Ryan looked back at Lana and rolled his eyes. "Well, now I feel like that quarantine joke I made earlier is in bad taste."

* * *

Wearing long gloves and a surgical mask himself, Ryan kicked open the door to the twins room and walked in while carrying Lana, holding her at an arm's length away from him.

"Lincoln..." she moaned and coughed, causing Ryan to jerk his head back.

"...willl...ya...reed stowy..." she droned before snorting in a huge ball of mucus that was clogging up one of her nostrils.

"Yeah, you're definitely delirious." Ryan commented uneasily and placed her on her bed and pulled her blanket up before swiftly jerking back.

Lana continued moaning and closed her bloodshot eyes as she felt the soft pillow and mattress she was resting on.

Ryan started stepping back. It hurt him to see her in this state but he knew that trying to comfort her would do nothing but endanger himself.

She was too weak to get up, so they had no need to restrain her. Ryan discarded his germ-ridden gloves and threw them to the floor before stepping out to meet Lincoln and Lisa.

"How is she doing?" a worried Lincoln asked him.

"Horribly. How do you think she`s doing?" an irritated Ryan told him bluntly.

"Your willingness to personally transfer patient zero was greatly appreciated." Lisa told him.

"No kidding, short stuff." Ryan replied irritably. "I had to do the legwork cuz you Louds are all chicken."

"I would advise you to wash your arms with hot water just to be certain." Lisa warned him calmly.

Ryan grew a look of horror and rushed to the bathroom.

"If you would do the honor." Lisa handed Lincoln a sign saying "Warning: Quarantine".

He sighed and hung it on the door.

"Now what?"

"After eleven or so days it should be safe to release her again." Lisa told him stoically and walked away with her hands behind her back.

Lincoln hung his head sullenly. He wanted to keep disasters from happening, but now his little sister was quarantined with an infectious disease.

He slapped his forehead. " _I should have gone with them! I could have prevented this!_ "

He exhaled dejectedly and looked back at the door.

" _Hang in there, Lana_." he thought before walking away. This night had already turned into a disaster.

Unfortunately, he had no idea that the worst was yet to come.

* * *

 **This chapter turned out longer and required more set up than I thought it would need, but on the upside I think I milked more comedy mileage out of this one than any previous chapter, especially in regards to finally showing how Lisa rebuilt Fenton as a robot assistant (or mechanical slave depending on how she will proceed to treat him).**

 **And of course, Ryan believing that Leni is faking her stupidity to achieve some unknown goal. For all of his shrewdness and wariness when dealing with other people, he ironically (and unintentionally) got fooled by the one Loud sibling who is a completely open book and probably doesn't even understand the concept of lying. With his past of being bullied and being a bully, he, of course, expects to see the worst in people and the idea of someone who is unconditionally nice to everyone around them is an implausible fantasy in his mind.**

 **And this is the third time so far Ryan that has broken the fourth wall.**

 **No points for guessing where this story is going. Sufficient to say, it's gonna be a night of terror...**


	19. One Flue Over The Loud House: Prank

"No offense, dude, but this party is kind of a snoozer."

"I warned ya, Sammy. Lori`s never been the best party planner. Hey? Why don't we go try out my new guitars? They`re back in the garage!"

"Great idea!"

Hidding upstairs, Ryan felt nauseous as he saw Luna and some blond girl squeal and hug each other in excitement before rushing out.

Lincoln was standing behind him, contemplating.

No matter how their date went, Lincoln knew his parents wouldn't take the news of Lana`s condition well. It would likely stir more fighting between them.

Not to mention that the little tomboy now presented a lingering danger for the entire family which would last for a while, as one small slip up could result in the virus swiftly spreading through the whole family. Such a slip up was almost guaranteed with a family like his.

At least Lori`s party guests weren't causing any trouble, yet.

"What do you see?" Lincoln asked Ryan, who was looking through binoculars to observe the lower floor.

Ryan shushed him irritably. "I`m focusing!"

"Hmm...fat guy is still guarding the door-oh, look! Blondy and her Prince Charming are going into the kitchen."

"What are they doing? I can't hear them."

"Eh, looks like she`s whining about " _how hard it is being the center of attention_ " or some crap." Ryan sniggered. "And he`s showering her with compliments, and she's happily accepting them."

"Well, that's nothing new." Lincoln noted flatly.

"Ow, now they`re giving each other bedroom eyes and-yeah, they`re making out." Ryan quipped with a mixture of amusement and disgust.

"Okay, that's too much info." Lincoln gagged and sat down behind the wall.

Ryan lowered his binoculars down and shrugged. "Can't give you any more. They just dropped to the floor behind the fridge."

Lincoln shuddered.

"I still can't believe she`s dating that dullard." Ryan said offhandedly.

Lincoln was caught off guard by the comment and pulled Ryan down. "Wait a minute? You know Bobby?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" the other boy shrugged his shoulders.

"No, you did not." an irritated Lincoln retorted.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that he and Blondy McSnapchat were an item?" Ryan shrugged coolly.

"How do you know him, Taylor? Knowing you, I doubt you were pals with him."

"You do know me well." Ryan agreed smarmily. "As for your question, well, I had some _dealings_ with him a few times, though he obviously doesn't remember any of it now."

"You blackmailed him?" Lincoln went agape.

Enjoying Lincoln`s shocked expression, Ryan snickered. "Funny story actually. Remember that time you snitched on me for roughing you up a bit?"

Lincoln scowled. "I`d rather not think about it."

"Well, you remember how your dad called mine to complain about it, and mine just sent him a voice message telling him to piss off?"

Ryan grew a proud and wide smirk. "Wasn't him actually. I just made Santiago play out the part or else I would have revealed his _little secret_."

Lincoln was flabbergasted. "That's why dad thought your "dad" sounded familiar." he scowled.

"Ironic, ain't it?" Ryan laughed. "In hindsight now, I`m amazed I actually got away with it. Guess Mr.L isn't so good at recognizing voices."

"How the hell did you get Bobby to do it?" Lincoln blurted in bewilderment.

"Pure accident actually. I came across a garage sale and bought a box of old junk from his bratty little sister. Did you know he had one?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "We met at school. She's a nasty piece of work." he explained and shuddered at the thought of her. "But how did you blackmail Bobby?"

Ryan smiled deviously. "Simple, the box had an embarrassing old home video that show-"

"Stop! Just stop!" Lincoln raised his hands up. "I`m not prying into other peoples` privacy!"

"You sure? Cuz it's a juicy one." Ryan laughed again.

Lincoln scowl deepened. "You can't blackmail people! Have you no decency? That's just cruel and low-"

Ryan made an exaggerated sigh. "Oh, don't be so self-righteous, pipsqueak. Don't you see the benefits of controlling someone who has his driver`s license? Plus all the leverage that would give us over Blondy too? Like you wouldn't jump at the chance?"

"No, I wouldn`t. I would never stoop to such a low." Lincoln argued. "And Bobby`s a nice guy, he doesn't deserve to be used like a-"

" _I`M NOT PLAYING AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!_ " Lola`s shrill voice echoed through the hall again, cutting the conversation short.

Lincoln looked in its direction and sighed. One problem at a time.

"Taylor, can you please check on Luan? I`ll keep watch." he asked exasperatedly.

"Anything beats getting morality lectures from you, twinkle toes." Ryan ruffled up his hair before leaving.

Lincoln muttered and grabbed the binoculars to resume the watch, preferably away from the kitchen.

How does Ryan have the gall to do things like that? Lincoln still couldn't comprehend what Lynn saw in that guy.

* * *

"Can you just throw the dice, Lola?" Luan, who had changed back into her regular attire, tried to remain calm and gentle while dealing with the moody princess.

The two of them, along with Lucy and Lisa, were sitting on the floor around a small, plastic table in her and Luna`s room. Luan had set up a board game, but her little sisters were unenthusiastic about the so-called fun activity, to say the least.

In hindsight, Luan knew that she could have easily thought up a more exciting activity. But since this was her first babysitting gig, she wanted to play it safe.

And she needed to pacify Lola and Lisa and keep them out of trouble if she wanted to have her payback.

Slouching, Lola glared at her with her arms folded. "I don't want to! It's lame and stupid!"

"You haven't even tried it. You might like it if you do?" the comedian tried to retain a gentle demeanor, even though Lola bratty attitude was quickly getting to her.

"I don't like it!" Lola said curtly before flipping the table. Her sisters jerked back as the dice, game pieces and cards flew across the air.

"Even if we were having a beauty pageant I wouldn't like it cuz I don't want to spend time with _you_!" she spat venomously.

Her words cut like a knife, and Luan struggled to keep a brave face. But Lola wasn't finished.

"And I don't want to be around _that_ freak!" she angrily pointed at Lucy, who winced, and then at Lisa. "Or _that_ annoying gnome!"

"Lola, will you please calm down." Luan told her, steadily growing out of patience.

"She does bring up a valid point, her volatile means of expressing herself aside." Lisa spoke up. "Why can't we dismiss this pointless pretense? Clearly, none of us wants to be in each others` presence, so why are we here?"

"Because..." Luan took a deep breath "...spending time together as a family is good for you. It helps you get _familiar_ with each other."

As usual, no one even snickered at her pun.

And..." Luan added with tranquil irritation "...I`m your babysitter tonight."

Lola pouted. "I don't wanna get familiar with any of you!"

"I`m frankly not fascinated by the notion either." Lisa stated monotonously.

Luan`s eyes twitched and she gripped the carpet. She kept telling herself to stay calm. She could do this, she had to.

Strenuously, she forced an easy-going smile. "Now that`s your problem right there, girls. Negative thinking."

"Isn`t negative thinking the same as rational thinking?" Lucy asked monotonously.

"Eh...no, Lucy." Luan responded carefully. "It`s not healthy to carry a big ol`frown all day long. One needs to think positive, look on the bright side of life and learn how to have fun."

"And how are supposed to do any of that knowing Lana is laying in bed with the flue?" the goth asked simply.

Luan blinked with uncertainty. "Lana will get better. You don't need to worry-"

"Speaking of Lana?" Lola cut in impatiently. "Where am I gonna sleep now, now that Lana has probably infected our whole room!"

Luan shrugged. "I don't think that will be a problem, Lola. You can bunk with Lisa for a while."

"I don't wanna!" Lola jumped up and started stomping the floor. "Her room is full of awful lab stuff, and I can't sleep with that creepy fox staring and grinning at me!"

"Lola, I don't think you have another option." Luan tried to explain it to her.

"It`s not fair!" Lola cried. "Why couldn't we have dumped Lana at a hospital or something! Why do I have to lose my room! I want it back!"

Luan scowled at her and stood up. "Lola! Isn`t Lana`s wellbeing a little more important than you having to sleep somewhere else for a bit?" she asked sternly, with her hands on her hips.

Lola glared back at her, not budging. "It`s not fair! Why do I have to suffer just because she had to stick her stupid nose where it didn't belong and catch the stupid flue!"

"That`s mighty cold of ya, kiddo. Even for a guy like me."

"Ryan!" Luan blurted nervously as the boy entered the room.

"You might wanna change your wardrobe. Less Princess Peach. More Ice Queen perhaps?"

Lola seethed at the sight of him. "Go away, you creep! We don't want you here!"

"The little brat giving you trouble, Luan?" Ryan asked coolly.

Luan fidgeted, feeling embarrassed. "A little..." she answered meekly and looked away.

"I am not a brat!" Lola cried and started kicking and punching Ryan.

Taking a step back, Ryan rolled his eyes and picked her up.

"Hey! Let me go! You smell!" Lola screamed while kicking and struggling in his grasp.

"Well, that's hardly a surprise, Luan." he turned to the comedian, ignoring Lola`s squirming and protesting.

Ryan gestured at Lucy. "After all, few kids can be perfect little angels like her."

Lucy blushed slightly while Lola went agape. "How is she an angel?! That creepy witch is the exact opposite!"

Ryan smirked at her. "I dunno. You seem way more _wicked_ to me."

Growling, Lola freed one arm and slapped Ryan as hard as she could.

"Lola!" Luan gasped and took her away from Ryan.

"Let me go!" Lola protested as Luan placed her down and gave her a stern look.

"That`s enough out of you!" Luan warned her before rushing to Ryan.

"Ryan! I`m so, SO sorry!" she rapidly apologized, but Ryan looked back at her, barely seeming fazed and smiled.

"Eh, it was nothing." he shrugged. "That little firecracker has plenty of attitude but little punch."

Lola boiled behind her sister.

Luan felt relieved but still embarrassed. "She won't do it again, I promise you."

Ryan looked back at the princess and then sent Luan a smirk. "Y`know, Lu. When I was her age, my folks would give me a timeout when I acted out of line."

Luan got his gist but looked uncertain. "I dunno, that might a bit too harsh..."

"Luan, she insulted us, threw a massive tantrum and she "tried" to beat the tar out of me." Ryan pointed out and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"It's called tough love. Sometimes that's the only way to put a little brat in its place."

Luan thought about it. "You're right..." she realized and turned to face Lola.

"Alright, buster! You're getting a time out."

"What?" Lola looked scandalized. "You can't do this to me!"

"Oh yes, I can." Luan retorted firmly and pointed at herself. "As long as you're under my watch you follow my rules!"

Lola grew nervous.

 _One minute later..._

"You can't do this to me!" Lola whined while facing the wall and wearing a dunce hat.

Luan stood behind her with her arms folded.

"Sorry, Lola. But you really need to taste some humble pie, but simply pieing you in the face wouldn't teach you anything." Luan said seriously but then let out a small snicker.

Lola looked at her and growled.

"Nah-ah! The wall!" Luan ordered her and held up her tiara to get the point across.

"If you want this back you gotta do the time."

Trembling with barely contained fury, Lola turned around.

" _I`ll make you pay for this!_ " she hissed.

"Don't make me add another twenty minutes to your sentence!"

"Now that's the way to do it. Some good old-fashioned old frontier justice!" Ryan approved and wrapped his arm around Luan, making her blush.

"I think you have this babysitting thing down."

"Thanks. Couldn't have done it without your...advise." she replied, feeling flattered and flustered.

Lola groaned in disgust. "If I have to suffer can you at least flirt with your dumb boyfriend somewhere else!"

"Nope." Luan shook her head in amusement, but Ryan grew a little uneasy with realization.

" _Oh, I think I'll have to let Luan down easy, but Lynn told me to stay quiet about me and her?_ "

Ryan grew a tad nervous as he gave a brief glance to the girl he had his arm wrapped around and slowly withdrew it.

" _Ah, don't worry."_ he tried to dismiss it _. "It was one date. She can't be that into me?_ " Ryan reasoned and turned his attention back to Lola.

"Ah, don't be so glum, Lisa. With that hat, you're sure to catch the eye of a handsome dwarf prince."

"What?" Lola said in an eerily hushed tone before looking at Ryan with a crazy look in her eye and her teeth bared like a rabid animal.

Before Luan could respond, Lola lunged at Ryan and grabbed hold of his throat.

"I`M LOLA! LOOOLLA!" she screamed while Ryan pulled her away at arm's length.

"LOLA! HOW DARE YOU CONFUSE ME WITH THAT HOMELY, FOUR-EYED GEEK!" Lola clung on to the boy`s shirt as Luan grabbed her and held her back.

"That`s enough out of you!" Luan warned the kicking and screaming princess.

"LEMME AT HIM! I WANT HIS BLOODY HIDE!"

Ryan rolled his eyes while rubbing his neck. "Alright. Lisa`s the sciency one, I get the memo." he snarked sardonically before noticing something.

"Speaking of her? Where is she?"

Luan looked around and realized that it was just the three of them and Lucy, who had been quietly standing by Ryan`s side.

"About her..." the goth spoke up timidly"...she quietly left while Lola was attacking Ryan. I was worried you guys would get mad if I interrupted you disciplining Lola."

Ryan wanted to facepalm but instead just groaned.

He sighed and turned to Luan "Nevermind. I`ll track her down and wrangle her in a jiffy. You girls just find a tiny straightjacket for...eh...Luna there."

Lola`s golden locks turned into flames as she screamed like a madwoman.

* * *

"Lisa Loud`s log. After two weeks, three days and eight hours of trying to perfect my new formula I`m ready to conduct a new test trial." the little genius spoke into a tape recorder before grabbing a vaccine, which was filled with a yellowish liquid.

She took hold of a pincher with her other arm and used it to pick up an ant from a shallow glass container, and injected it with the liquid.

She placed it back in and took a magnifying glass to observe it for a while to make sure that this time there were no inconvenient side effects.

Much to her displeasure, the effects quickly became apparent. The ant turned belly up and started twitching. Before long, it became limp and its exoskeleton turned a sickly gray and all its legs fell off like things from a rotting tree.

Lisa frowned and grabbed her tape recorder. "I have reached a dead end. I have once again failed to neutralize the side effects of my formula. It's becoming apparent that I must return to the drawing board."

" _Trying and experiencing repeated failure is the only way to achieve success, Master Lisa_." came Fenton`s robotic voice.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Please spare me your empty moral platitudes and make yourself beneficial." she replied monotonously.

"Take my failed formula from my secret stash and destroy it. It's of no further use to me."

" _Your wish is my command, Master Lisa."_ Fenton obeyed and waddled out of the room.

Lisa went to take a small laser gun and used it to zap the dead ant and the vaccine into dust, before walking back to return it into her drawer.

But as she closed it, she noticed a looming figure casting his shadow down at her.

"Watcha got there?"

Retaining her stoic demeanor, Lisa adjusted her glasses as she faced her visitor.

"That`s classified, Taylor. As our guest, you lack the jurisdiction to examine my personal scientific endeavors."

Ryan smiled ominously. "It`s another one of your nifty toys, ain't it? Like that hypno-ray you used on Lynn? I saw lots them when me and Linky crashed here that one night, but the spoilsport wouldn't let me use any of them."

Lisa huffed. "All for the better. My inventions aren't "toys", as you so dimly put it, they are sophisticated works of science that only someone of my gifted intelligence could properly and safely operate. It would be most unwise of you to tamper with forces that are beyond your comprehension."

Ryan whistled in disbelief and crouched down to her level.

"Well, I`ll be a monkey's uncle..."

"Well, technically us _Homo sapiens_ are a form of simian. Your point?"

"You really are the genuine article." Ryan observed her. "A bonified genius in diapers. Like Dexter or Jimmy Neutron, only...girlier."

Lisa crossed her arm. "For your information, I knew how to use the bathroom since I was six months old. And I fail to see how I bare any similarities to obsolescent cartoon characters."

Ryan`s brow knitted, as he fully soaked in being in the presence of an anomaly of nature. "Because...you do realize that it ain't normal for a 3-year old to be building ray guns and robo-foxes, right?"

"Don`t patronize me." Lisa responded flatly. "I`m well aware that I`m an oddity in terms of a humanoid`s mental development."

"So how did you get that way, Lizzie?" Ryan inquired with intrigue.

"My name`s Lisa, if I beg your pardon."

"Meh, you look like a Lizzie to me." Ryan shrugged. "But I asked you a question. Surely you must have some epic backstory? Were you exposed to radiation as an infant? Or were you experimented on by aliens? "

" _No_. Both of your theories are filled with factual errors and logistical oversights, but if you must know, I was born under normal circumstances to a mother and father of average intelligence and, as you know, I have an excessive number of siblings, most of which are, _in my humble opinion_ , below average intelligence. It's a simple truth that some humans are born with higher cognitive abilities than others. The only feasible explanation is that I merely accelerated in that regard."

"Well that's boring." Ryan snarked and leaned back.

"Seemingly so." Lisa replied indifferently before raising an eyebrow. "Is there any other reason behind your unrequested visit, other than curiosity?"

Ryan smirked. "Don't act like you don't know, Ms. Disapearing Act."

Lisa frowned. "Then I shall request from you not to pretend like I`m in need of a caretaker. You're clearly aware of my mental prowess and you appear to be at least of average intelligence, so logically you should understand that I`m the last person in this household that requires supervision."

"See that's not what I was told." Ryan tilted his head smarmily. "You wonder why I was comparing you to those "obsolescent cartoon characters"? Well, from the looks of things, you're the exact same deal."

"You got plenty of book smarts up there." Ryan tapped her on the head, making her shield it. "But being an ankle-biter, you lack basic common sense, which is probably why most of your inventions tend to go kablooey!"

"That`s an absurd accusation!" Lisa raised her voice, clearly agitated. "Only 56% of my inventions spontaneously combust!"

Right then, there was a small explosion in the drawer, which forced it open and knocked Lisa down.

She pushed herself up and mumbled, "Alright. Make that 57%."

"It seems Lincoln wasn't _blowing_ things out of proportions, Lizzie." Ryan quipped.

The genius glared up at him. "Please refrain from addressing me with that inane moniker."

Ryan snickered and shook his head. "You can use all the fancy lingo you want, squirt. I`m still taking you back to Luan. And this time you ain't going anywhere.

Before she could object, Lisa was pulled up and carried off under his arm.

"Let go of me, you barbarian!" she protested while kicking and squirming.

"Sorry, but I have a job to do." Ryan replied nonchalantly and took her away.

Lisa gagged."Ugh! And have you ever heard of _personal hygiene_!"

Just as Ryan ran past the twins room, a small hatch opened next to it and Fenton came out, carrying a small plastic container with his extendable arms. Master`s orders were to destroy it.

He barely walked past the door before it suddenly shut open and slammed him into the wall, making him drop the container in the process.

Lana clung on to the handle, supporting herself against the door before dropping down.

"I..ahm...nod sig..." she moaned sickly as she pushed herself up with all her strength.

Her bloodshot eyes scanned her surroundings, but her throbbing head made it hard to focus. Then something rolled up to her.

Mumbling dizzyingly, Lana squinted and picked up the cylinder-shaped object when she heard someone flushing the toilet.

Lana looked in the direction of the bathroom and saw Leni walking out, humming.

"Oh, hey Lana-AHHHH!" Leni flinched back with a look of horror.

"OMG! Lana, you look awful!" the teen screeched before immediately feeling guilty and tried to correct herself.

"I don't mean by that that you aren't pretty! _You're very pretty_ , but you look sick!" she hastily explained.

Lana simply moaned incomprehensibly in response while constantly blinking with one of her half-closed eyes.

Leni placed her hand on her forehead and drew it back in shock.

"You`re burning up!" she gasped. "Aww, you poor thing. Why aren't you in bed?"

Lana mumbled and lifted the container up. Leni took it and looked at it with confusion.

"What`s that?" she opened the hatch and saw the yellow liquid, which made her smile with realization.

"Oh, it's a soup mug. Of course! That will instantly make you feel better!"

"Come, Lana! I`ll help you drink it!" Leni took her sister`s hand and led her back into her room.

She tucked her in before grabbing the "mug" and slowly leaned it down on Lana`s gaping mouth.

"Alright, don't worry. Just drink it slowly and steadily." Leni advised her as she raised it up and its content started spilling down Lana`s gullet.

She gulped it down instinctively but her eyes suddenly shot wide-open as she felt her throat burning, followed immediately by a sharp pain in hee gut like it was eating itself up.

Leni didn't notice her discomfort in the dim light until Lana started whimpering and tossing under the sheet.

"Oh, I`m sorry! Was it too hot?" Leni lifted the container up, at which point it was much lighter than before. Leni shook it and realized that it was empty.

She looked back at Lana, who had calmed down and was gasping while staring at the ceiling.

She felt weird, her mind was still cloudy and her body grew stiff. Her limbs became cramped and she couldn't move them, but she felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't form words or tell anyone that she didn't feel well. Soon, things went black.

"Don`t worry, Lana. You'll feel much better in the morning." Leni reassured her as she leaned down to caress her head.

Lana turned her head and stared at her with a blank look in her eyes.

Slowly she moved her arm up and grasped Leni`s hand, pulling it towards her.

Leni cooed, "Aw, do you want to tell me something-AHHH!"

Without warning, Lana sunk her teeth into her hand like a rabid dog, breaking the skin.

Leni jerked it back and clutched it.

"LANA! What are you-" Leni stopped as she saw Lana staring blankly at the ceiling again, while moaning as if she had just received a lobotomy.

Feeling scared and worried, Leni took a few steps back in fear until she stepped into the hall light and saw the tooth marks on her hand, which were starting to bleed.

A chill ran down Leni`s spine as she looked back at Lana. She was no medic, but even she realized that bitting people wasn't a normal symptom for fever or the cold, or any diseases she had experienced or seen in her siblings.

Scared and confused, she slowly walked back. "Okay...eh...Lana...I think something is wrong..." her voice was cracking with fear.

"Just stay put. I`ll tell Lori about this. I think we have to call a doctor."

Clutching her hand and hissing with pain, Leni rushed down the hall, but quickly slowed down and eventually halted as she became overwhelmed with a nauseous feeling.

"I don't feel so good..." she leaned against the wall with one arm and clutched her stomach. She then vomited on the floor.

She wiped her mouth but her mind started becoming hazy.

With her vision turning blurry, Leni staggered down the stairs to find Lori.

Unbeknownst to her, she quickly grew a sickly pale complexion.

Fenton, meanwhile, finally pushed the door away and screwed his head back in the right position. He looked around and couldn't find the container.

Using his X-ray vision he quickly located it in the twins`room, but it also showed him that it was empty. His master would be most displeased.

But he noticed something else, a very abnormal bioenergy.

He moved into the room and spotted the tussling, moaning figure in one of the bed.

His vision zoomed in on the figure just as she slowly rose up. Her skin was grey and resembled expired oatmeal.

She stared at him with blank, bulging eyes and let out an animalistic hiss, bearing her yellow teeth. Some kind of yellow foam was dripping from her mouth.

Fenton did a quick scan on her from a distance and quickly backed away as the creature stood up in a prowling position.

" _Alert: Threat on the perimeter. Must warn Master Lisa._ "

* * *

 _Meanwhile..._

Let me out! I`ll kill everything that's dear to you!"

Lucy watched in quiet awe as Luan finished strapping a straightjacket onto a still crazed Lola.

Luan stood up and crossed her arms. "This is for your own good, Lola. I`m not letting you out until cool down for real." she told her seriously.

The princess glared daggers at her with bloodshot eyes and growled through gritted teeth.

"I won't cool down until I maim that lowlife creep!"

"Lola." Luan groaned exasperatedly. "For the last time. You can't maim someone who's more than twice your age. I think you're biting off more than you can chew."

"If you don't let me go I`ll chew through this jacket!"

"Hmmm..." Lucy palmed her chin "...I always thought one of my sisters would wound up in a straightjacket. Lola wasn't neseccerily top of my list, but close enough."

"Shut up! I`ll kill you!" Lola snapped and literally tried to bite the goth.

"Lola, she's just heckling you, so was Ryan. You shouldn't lose your marbles over a little heckling, I oughta know."

"Luan, how are you holding up-" Lincoln came in and stopped cold in his tracks.

After blinking for a second, he deflated and slouched down at the sight in front of him.

"Okay, what's going on?" he asked in an exasperated tone. This was hardly the oddest thing he had seen in his home, but this would obviously provide another major hurdle tonight. As if they didn't have enough of them.

"Lola had a psychotic breakdown because Ryan mistook her for Lisa." Lucy explained simply.

"Shut up! I did not!"

"Of course she did." Lincoln said sardonically and clutched his head.

He should have known better than to let a chronic troll alone with the living embodiment of a temper tantrum, but even for Lola`s standards, this was a tad too petty.

"Where did you guys find that mini-straightjacket?" Lincoln asked Luan. To him, that was honestly stranger than Lola losing it over someone misnaming her.

"I got it to practice my escape act." Luan shrugged before placing her hands on her hips. "Until _someone_ slacked off on laundry duty and left in the wash for too long two weeks ago." she added in a more annoyed tone.

"Oh, I see." Lincoln sighed cluelessly.

Luan cocked an eyebrow. "That was you, Lincoln!" she pointed out.

"Oh? Right." Lincoln remembered and blushed. "Sorry about that." he said sheepishly.

"In hindsight, Lincoln probably did you a favor." Lucy pointed out. "If that escape act of yours is as good as your comedy, it's probably safer for you to reconsider it."

Luan gave the goth a stink eye.

"One runaway genius coming up." Ryan waltzed in past Lincoln and put Lisa down.

"Now be a good little mad scientist and stay put." Ryan told her in a cooing tone and patted her head, much to her ire.

Lisa looked at the snarling Lola in a straightjacket and quickly deduced that she would hate it here even more than she thought.

The genius made an exaggerated sigh and slouched. "Is it really necessary that I participate in whatever tomfoolery you're engaging in at the moment?"

Luan frowned. "Don't make a big deal about this, Lisa." she told her firmly. "Mom and dad went out, Lori`s having a party, so like it or not, we`ll be babysitting you tonight."

Lisa huffed. "And what gives you the authority to supervise someone who's intellectually superior to you? You barely hold any respect within this family to begin with."

"Don`t go there." Lincoln warned her. "It`s only for a few hours, so let's make this easy for everyone."

"How many times do I need to inform you that I don't require a babysitter?" Lisa was growing increasingly irritated.

"Maybe you would have had a point, Lizzie." Ryan shrugged. " _That is_ , if your favorite hobby didn't involve building stuff that went boom-boom."

Lisa fumed. "Bah! At least _I_ engage in intellectually stimulating activities instead of plotting revenge for petty reasons."

This came as a collective surprise to everyone.

"What revenge?" Luan blurted nervously.

Lisa rolled her eyes and snorted. "Oh please, you honestly expected me not to notice that you all have an ulterior motive beyond trying to support Luan`s foolhearted attempt to land in our elder sisters` good grace? You wish to sabotage their party."

Her sisters looked dumbfounded, while Lincoln grimaced.

"What?" Lola blurted.

Ryan let out a slow chuckle and shook his head. "Nothing gets by you, does it?"

"I reiterate, do not patronize me." Lisa told him as she walked into the center of the room with her arms behind her back.

"Now, if I may have your attention. While it demeans me to resort to such juvenile means, you`ve forced my hand. I shall request a favor, otherwise, I`ll be forced to snitch on you to Lori." Lisa explained to them calmly.

Luan looked scared while Lincoln narrowed his eyes at the genius before sighing in defeat.

"Alright, what are your terms?"

"Simple, I wish for my freedom."

"Fine." Lincoln replied. "But under one condition. You can't work on any inventions or any experiments while we're away."

"I`m afraid that's not acceptable." Lisa retorted. "I cannot refrain from satisfying my natural scientific intrusiveness. If I have a vision I can't suppress the urge to make it a reality."

Lincoln closed his eyes and sighed. "In that case, you're not going anywhere."

"I beg your pardon?" Lisa asked indignantly. "Need I remind you that I have leverage over you?"

Ryan let out a hardy laugh and walked over to her. "Aren't you adorable." he told her mockingly and gripped her shoulder.

"I`m being serious!" Lisa warned him.

Ryan smiled at her ominously. "And so are we. We`re going through with this and we`re prepared to deal with any inconveniences along the way."

Lisa`s eyes widened.

"Ryan...? Are you saying you want to hold her against her will?" Luan blinked in surprise.

"I`m afraid we don't have a choice." Lincoln sighed shamefully.

"What? Guys, isn't this going a bit too far?"

"Sigh, Lincoln`s right." Lucy told the comedian sullenly.

"Even if Lisa kept quiet, it doesn't change the fact that she revealed everything to _her_." she pointed down at Lola, who was grinning ear to ear with pure malice.

"Ohhh, you are all busted!" she laughed evilly. "So, so busted!"

Luan gulped and stepped back. "Wait! They banned you from the party, just like us! Don't you desire vengeance on them too?"

Lola scoffed viciously. "Don't care! You were all a bunch of meanies to me! You all must suffer!"

 _One minute later..._

"No! You can't do this to me!" Lola protested inside the dress closet, still in her straightjacket.

"Release me at once!" Lisa yelled as Lincoln pushed her in too.

She got up and glared at him. "This is barbaric! Inhumane! A co-"

Lincoln closed it and locked them in without a single word.

Ryan patted his back encouragingly. "See, sometimes the simple methods are the best ones."

Luan looked at them uncomfortably as Lincoln pushed Ryan`s arm away.

"Don't praise me." he replied miserably and walked away from the group, ignoring the pounding on the closet`s door.

He muttered, "Let`s go."

"Sheesh, you try to be nice..." Ryan shrugged and followed.

Luan and Lucy looked at each other uneasily (at least Luan did) and went after the boys.

Once in the hall, Lucy was the only one to notice that the music that had been echoing through the house for over an hour grew louder.

"Wait, guys!" Luan caught up to them in the hall. "Isn't this going overboard? We`ll get in trouble for this! With both mom and dad and the girls, I don't think getting payback is worth it!"

Lincoln remained silent and stopped at the stairs, unable to face her. Ryan was a different story.

"Luan, don't you worry your pretty, little head off." he reassured her."We know what we are doing."

"But Lori-"

"She`s not supposed to have this party in the first place. She won't be able to unleash her wrath on anyone without exposing herself and getting grounded."

Luan still looked uncertain.

"And if she tries anything..." Ryan boasted a look of pure confidence and punched his palm "...I can handle her. I`ve dealt with bilge rats scarier than her."

Luan blushed. He was willing to face that tyrant of a teenager for her.

" _What a man_." Luan felt light-headed.

"But what about Lola and Lisa?" Lucy cut in. "Lola`s a huge tattletale."

"I told ya not to worry, Spooky." Ryan reassured her. "It will be their word against ours, and we got them outnumbered."

"But Lola can be very persuasive with mom and dad."

Ryan chuckled. "But not as much as Lincoln over there." he pointed at the white-haired boy, who still had his back turned on them.

"He`s been a _very good_ boy lately. Helping your mom around the house, while he and his dad have recently found a new...understanding."

"You mean they grew closer?" Luan inquired.

Ryan snapped his fingers. "Exactamundo! So rest assured that your bro has major parental favoritism on his side."

Lincoln rubbed his arm when he heard someone knocking, or rather pounding the door. The others joined him.

"That doesn't sound like a tardy party guest." Luan remarked.

The four came down and Lincoln rushed to open the door.

He was met by a very angry old man, who had his hands pressed against his ears and was wearing his nightgown and a matching hat.

His reason for covering his ears became immediately apparent to the kids, as the moment they opened the door, the volume of the music got cranked up by a few notches.

"Mr. Grouse?" Lincoln asked in surprise.

"Louds!" the old man growled through clenched teeth.

" _No, no, what now?_ " Lincoln lamented. "Eh, why the evening visit?" he asked in a civil manner.

Grouse took a second to observe the group. The pale girl and the obnoxiously cheerful wannabe comedian were there. And so was that creepy, sick-looking boy?

Under different circumstances, Grouse would have been warier about keeping his distance from a potential disease-carrying person, but right now he was far too angry and tired to care about it.

"Where are they!"

"Come again?" Luan cupped her ear, unable to hear him over the loud rock and roll music.

An enraged Grouse growled and stepped forward, making the kids back away as he marched into the house and slammed the door shut.

"Where are your parents!"

"Um...they`re on a date." Lincoln answered fearfully.

"What? AGHHHH!" Grouse cursed to the heavens.

"Where is your sister! I`m trying to sleep!" the old man ranted furiously.

"Sleep?" Ryan snorted. "It`s like 9.20 p.m, dude?"

"Don`t get sassy with me, punk!" Grouse yelled at him before turning to the siblings.

"Where is she! The guitar-playing one! I`d recognize her goddamn heavy metal ruckus anywhere!"

"We don't know, sir!" Luan answered.

"Well, wherever she is, you better get her to quiet down or I`m calling the cops to make noise complaints!"

"The cops!" Lincoln panicked. "Wow, let's not get hasty, we`ll get her to stop her playing. I swear!"

"Yeah, and how about you come in." Luna offered him in order to ease the situation. "We got some leftover lasagna in the fridge and some muff-"

"You ain't bribing yourselves out of this one, Louds!" Grouse cut her off and made his demands clear.

"You`ve got _twenty minutes_ to stop this ruckus or else I`m calling the cops! That's as generous as I`ll ever be with you Louds!" the old man warned them and opened the door.

"Twenty minutes!" he restated before storming off.

"Well, he looks like a jolly old fellow." Ryan quipped.

"Ryan! This isn't a laughing matter." Luan told him in a panic.

Lincoln looked around and quickly realized that the music was coming from the garage.

"Come on!" Lincoln urged them and ran off.

The others followed him. Once they reached the garage, the music was downright deafening. So much so that they failed to notice Chaz running out of the house, screaming in fear.

Lincoln tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Aghhh!" growing frustrated Lincoln started hitting it.

"Luna! LUNA! LUNA! OPEN UP!"

"NO USE, PIPSQUEAK! YOU COULDN`T HEAR A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION OVER THIS!" Ryan lamented.

"No, no, no, no!" Lincoln clutched his head in a panic and walked away.

"Guys! Guys! What do we do!" a likewise panicking Luan rushed after him. "Mom and dad can't return home with the police waiting for them!"

"That`s certainly one way to ruin their evening." Lucy stated sullenly.

"No need to worry, fellas!" Ryan said coolly as he caught up with them. "I`ll get in and pull the plug on her."

The sisters looked at him hopefully, while Lincoln eyed him with a mix of fear and suspicion.

"How?" he asked urgently.

"Easy, I just need a change of wardrobe..."

* * *

 **Yikes! Lisa and Leni have really screwed the pooch this time around. Accidental explosions will be the least of the Louds` concerns tonight. A virus, especially an artificially enhanced one, has only one goal in its short life: to make its host spread it! Zombie Lana is wasting no time on that.**


	20. One Flue Over The Loud House: Pandemic

**Surprise. Against all odds, I've managed to finish this chapter relatively quick, despite the setbacks.**

 **As you know, I've previously finished about 3/4 of this chapter and then subsequently lost it, and I had to start from scratch again.**

 **But I pressed on. I didn't want to spend weeks rewriting scenes I already did, so I've been working feverishly for the last few days straight to finish this chapter, and now it's finally up and I can move on with this story!**

 **Warning: This chapters includes a few brief moments that get graphic. But what would you expect from a zombie story?**

* * *

" _Dropping records on a weekly basis_

 _Playing shows in exotic places_

 _Rocking out to a cheering crowd_

 _Hear them screaming "Luna Loud!"_

 _My favorite colors are platinum and gold_

 _Being a rock star never gets old_

 _My life is a dream_

 _A crazy rock 'n' roll dream!_ "

Luna was singing her heart out, with her friend providing back up and their music getting significantly increased in volume by Luna's brand new loudspeakers.

Both were blissfully unaware that they were quickly providing the former's parents with a stack of noise violation tickets.

* * *

Outside the garage, Luan and Lucy stood a good distance away from it in order to even hear their own thoughts.

Luan sometimes had to wonder if her roommate was tone deaf in order to take in this much noise without ending up with a throbbing headache, or in permanent need of a hearing aid.

Lincoln had to calm down several more angry neighbors who came to complain about the ruckus and managed to convince them to agree on the same terms as Grouse. Most of them weren't much more generous in terms of patience than Grouse, and Lincoln knew that he was walking on thin ice and needed to solve this issue fast.

"Luan? How can anyone stand such noise?" Lucy asked her sister.

Luan was biting her fingers. "I still don't know to this day." she answered simply.

"Must be some crazy rock star gene or something?" she laughed nervously.

Lincoln looked at Mr. Grouse's house and saw that the lights were still on in the living room, the old man's silhouette was visibly passing back and forth past the window.

Lincoln swallowed a huge lump. Time was quickly ticking away.

"Okay, I've managed to stall them." Lincoln rushed back to his sisters. "Where the heck is Ryan?"

"Ready to rock n roll!" came the latter's voice from the nearby bushes. He leaped out of the bushes and landed gracefully on his feet.

He stood up proudly to show off his costume. He was wearing a black ninja suit with red trimmings on his tunic.

"Wow, wicked costume." Lucy said in a small voice.

"Uhhh...you look so slick and mysterious." Luan approached him admiringly. " _And dangerous_..."

"Why thanks, girls." Ryan gladly ate up the compliments. "I like to go on missions with... _STYLE_!"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. The fact that Ryan had taken the liberty of donning a mask had erased any doubt from his mind that Ryan wouldn't simply try to talk it out with Luna.

"Was the costume really necessary?" he groaned. "We barely got any time as it is!"

"Relax..." Ryan reassured him coolly as he slipped on a pair of black sports gloves "...I'll pull the plug on her with _three_ minutes to spare. That's a promise."

Lincoln held back the urge to argue. They had no time to discuss how they were going to stop Luna's ruckus, and it's not like Ryan would have listened to him anyway.

"Sure, whatever, Ninja Boy. Just take this!" Lincoln handed him a walkie-talkie.

"Call us once you're done and we'll regroup in Lucy's room. Now go!" he ordered him urgently.

"As you command, General Jumpy." Ryan replied and jumped up.

He grabbed and scaled up a tall branch. Using it as a springboard, he leaped to grab hold of a higher branch and swung himself up. Landing on his feet in a crouched position, Ryan carefully stood up and then made a daring leap and landed on the roof of the garage before disappearing from sight.

"That. Was. So. Cool." Luan marveled at what she saw with sparkly eyes until Lincoln started snapping his fingers in front of her face to snap her out of her enamored trance.

"W-Wut? Where am I?" Luan blurted.

"Forget about him, we still have work to do!" Lincoln remained her irritably. "Revenge on the party girls? Remember?"

"Oh, right!" Luan remembered and felt a fire in her belly. "They're gonna get theirs!" she said with clenched fists.

"So what diabolical plot for vengeance have you concocted, Luan?" Lucy asked her.

Luan sent her and Lincoln a devious smile.

"Wow, wait!" Lincoln cut in. "Noting diabolical, okay? We just have to make the party guests _leave_. That will be enough, no need to harm innocent civilians."

Luan shrank a bit behind him, she knew he had a point. If she got "too creative" with her pranks they could have some nasty consequences.

"Linc, I told ya. I've learned my lesson." she reassured him before pulling out a small bottle of liquid from her pocket. "So behold!"

"What's that?" Lincoln asked wearily.

Luan started rubbing the bottle. "Oh, just a little something every jokester worth their clown shoes learns to whip up in a sec. A few drops of this baby is guaranteed to make your party a real GASSER!" she chuckled evilly.

Lincoln felt a little creeped out by her but Lucy sent her a smile.

"You know, I kinda like it when you laugh like that." the goth admitted. "It's very...wicked."

Luan blinked with mild surprise but then smiled back. "Why thanks, Lucy. I always carry out my pranks with a flair for the dramatic." she replied proudly.

It was nice to hear one of her sisters say _something_ positive about her.

"Yeah, but about this..." Lincoln snatched the bottle from her and studied it. Luan's little pun gave him a pretty good idea regarding what this liquid would do.

"So, you're saying this stuff gives people..." he asked awkwardly "...eh flatulence problems?"

Luna pressed her fingers on her mouth as she sniggered. "On both ends."

Even Lucy couldn't help but snicker at the confirmation.

Lincoln let out an involuntary snicker before calming himself. "Okay...but eh..." he continued tentatively "...are you sure this doesn't have any...side effects? What did you even put in this stuff?"

"A magician never reveals her tricks, or her potions." Luan refused to answer.

"But as for "side effects", we needn't worry about that." she quickly brightened up and folded her arms confidently. "I've used that sucker a dozen times before, it only makes you gassy for an hour or so, after that you're as good as new."

Lincoln felt relieved, at least he thought he did. This was certainly a gross and crude way to get those teens to leave, but he knew that this was a very simple yet very effective way to get someone to scram as fast as possible. Nobody wanted to stay around other people while experiencing uncontrollable belching and tooting problems.

"In that case, this will do it. Now it's just matter of getting it in the punch."

"Well, it's a good thing we have a ninja in our midst." Lucy pointed out.

"Yeah, lucky us..." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Alright let's get back inside."

The three rushed back into the house. Upon entering the living room they noticed that Chaz was missing, but they didn't think much of it.

Unbeknownst to them, as they reached the second floor someone was watching them from the shadows of her own room, slowly pushing the door open as she set her sights on Lucy, who was at the back of the group.

She ran after them but Lucy quickly rushed into the room, and the creature stopped as the door was almost slammed into her face.

She growled and stared at the obstruction in front of her, unable to figure out how to get past it.

" _You think anyone will notice?_ "

" _Relax, man. No one will notice a few cans of beer missing_."

She heard voices from below, and caught a glimpse of two teenage boys moving out of the kitchen and through the living room.

She thought about going after them, but then she heard another noise and her nose picked up the sent of other, closer targets.

* * *

Grunting in aggravation and sweating profusely, Lisa tried to open the lock of the closet with a hairpin. It was a delicate procedure, but the stuffy, asphyxiating air and Lola's nonstop whining made it impossible to keep her focus where it needed to be.

"Of all the excessive, over-expensive attire these adolescent imbeciles have stacked up in here, they couldn't have bought one pair of earmuffs!" Lisa muttered to herself.

"Stop talking to yourself and LET ME OUT OF THIS!"

Lisa cringed at the volume and the hairpin broke in the lock.

"No! Oh, for the love of..." Lisa stopped and did some breathing exercise to calm herself.

 _"Don't get emotional. Anger is not the solution to any inconvenience. Logical thinking is_." she kept telling herself.

"WILL YOU UNTIE ME!"

Growling, Lisa turned around sharply and sent her sister a vicious glare.

"Can you please calm yourself and stop shouting! Our combined body heat emissions are already turning the asphyxiating air within our prison more asphyx-"

"I won't!" Lola snapped back. "Not until you release me from this!"

Lisa seethed. "How many times do I need to recite the same basic response in order for its meaning to finally penetrate your dense cranium? The answer is _no_!"

Lola narrowed her eyes. "Why!"

Lisa huffed. "Well, for one thing, the first time you made that request you phrased it as, and I quote: "Untie me, you homely, turtle-necked worm, and I'll fix that rat's nest you call hair." Now, does that sound like a polite way to address someone of superior intellect?"

"Oh, you just can't stop bragging about your "brilliant brain", can you?" Lola spat. "And I'm right about your stupid hair! When was the last time you even grabbed a hairbrush!"

"Why do I even bother..." Lisa rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the lock.

"Wait!" Lola started to sound more desperate. "Don't you dare turn your back on me! You need me!"

"And for what pray tell?" Lisa asked sarcastically while rubbing her chin.

"Duh! We have a common-no! Four common enemies now! I can help you get revenge!"

"Hmmmmm...true, we have acquired a few mutual adversaries in this most recent family civil war, and I too crave vengeance, but I'm more than capable of carrying it out on my own."

Lola fumed and growled.

Lisa looked over her shoulder, sending Lola a smirk. " And besides... I just don't like you."

Suddenly, they heard the sound of someone tampering the lock from outside.

Lisa turned to see the door sliding upon and came face to face with Fenton. A screwdriver was protruding from his left arm and was quickly replaced by his hand.

"No! Not that ugly thing again!" Lola tried to look away from the fox's creepy, frozen grin and his huge, soul-eating eyes.

"There you are! Took you long enough to come to my aid!" Lisa threw her arms up flippantly. "How much time does it take to destroy a 2-liter container of chemicals!"

" _Master, I must regretfully inform you. That my mission was unsuccessful_." Fenton responded robotically.

"Oh, so you bungled that one up too?" Lisa said idly, hardly caring about that topic right now."

" _Positive. Chemicals were stolen from me. By forces beyond my control. And they wound up being consumed_."

Lisa's eyes shot wide open at that last sentence. "Consumed?" she blurted incredulously. "You're saying someone injested those experimental chemicals?" Surely she must have misheard him?

" _Positive. And chemicals' consumer is currently. Lumbering our way_."

Lisa's jaw dropped. A frosty chill coursed trough every fiber in her body.

"Is that thing saying that someone drank your stupid chemicals?" Lola asked angrily behind her back.

She got her answer in the form of an eerie moan.

Lisa gasped in horror as she saw the owner of the voice standing at the door frame.

Lola had to scoot over to her left to see past the genius and her lab flunkey, and promptly gasped as well. "Lana?!"

Staring at them with blank, lifeless eyes, Lana started staggering towards them. Her skin was grey and looked cracked and torn up, she was releasing a yellow foam from her mouth and mucus-like slime from her nostrils. She didn't blink once nor did she appear to have eyelids anymore.

Her mouth hanging wide open, Lisa started backing away in horror. A single thought flew through her mind, " _What have I done!?_ "

"What did you do to her?!" Lola cried, trying to break free from her jacket.

"I didn't mean to!" Lisa started to panic. "I...I..."

"You've poisoned Lana!"

"No! I didn't mean to!" Lisa cried as Lana advanced towards her and hissed while bearing her yellow, rotting teeth.

Fenton withdrew his right hand and replaced it with a taser. " _Subject Lana Loud. I must request that you step back. Or I will have to incapacitate you. To ensure master's safety._ " he warned her politely.

Lana's throat swelled up and she threw up a ball of yellow slime which melted the fox's arm instantly, only leaving a few flickering wires sticking from his shoulder.

Fenton's head rotated to inspect the damage. " _That was most impolite_."

Sweating and with her breath growing shallow, Lisa held one hand up. "Lana! Can you understand me!? Something bad's happened to you!"

Lana let out a twisted squeal, like a piglet getting slaughtered.

"Lana, please! You've gotta let me help you!"

Without hesitation, Lana lunged at her.

" _Begin self-preservation protocol_." Fenton grew a metal clasp from his remaining arm and clamped it around Lisa's elbow, while also growing roller skates under his feet.

In an instant, he and his creator speed out of the room. Lana tried to grab Lisa, but she slipped through her grasp, and Lana hissed viciously as she saw them disappear down the hallway.

"WAIT! WHAT ABOUT ME!"

Her twin's desperate cries diverted her attention back to the closet.

All the color drained from Lola's face as her sister's blank eyes zeroed in on her.

"No! Stay back! You're sick!" Lola screamed while scrambling against the wall of the closet.

Lana charged at her and pressed her against the wall. Helpless, Lola started crying with terror as Lana growled and foamed at her.

She could only scream as her twin dug her teeth into her soft neck.

* * *

" _Got the rock and roll bug and I just can't shake it_

 _Follow your heart and you're really gonna make it!_

 _Rocking out to a cheering crowd_

 _Hear them screaming "Luna Loud!"_

Getting in here was simply too easy, it almost sucked all the fun out of it.

Ryan landed within the garage and ducked behind a stacked shelf. The bright, neon lights were downright blinding and the volume was so loud that Ryan could feel the sound waves vibrating through his entire body.

He saw the short-haired girl and her friend singing and playing guitar some 10 feet away from him. The garage had been cleaned up so thoroughly that he basically had nowhere to hide.

Not that this was a problem to him as there was no way those bimbos could hear him over those loudspeakers to begin with.

The volume was unbearable, Ryan felt like his ears were on the receiving end of a power drill.

" _How the hell haven't those idiots gone deaf yet?_ " he wondered irritably as tried to block out his growing headache and get the job done.

"Come on, Sam! Let your voice shine!"

The blonde smiled back at Luna and they both leaned in towards the mike.

" _You can live your life full of doubt_

 _Or you can do what you love and it will all work out_

 _Our lives are a dream_

 _The greatest rock 'n' roll dream!_ "

Ryan rolled his eyes as he snuck up on them. Oh, how he loathed such empty and bullshit nudggets of wisdom.

But on the upside, he found one more reason to enjoy what he was about to do. Besides the massacre they were giving to his auditory senses.

"One more time!" Luna exclaimed.

The two got closer while smiling and stringing their guitars.

" _You can live your life full of doubt_

 _Or you can do what you love and it will all work out_

 _Our lives are a dream_

 _The greatest rock 'n' roll dre-_ "

Both girls abruptly stopped as they felt something grabbing the back of their heads.

Smirking under his mask, Ryan slammed their heads together with all his strength before letting them drop.

"Goodnight, Royal Woods!" Ryan finished for them while dusting his gloved hands.

Looking down at their unconscious forms, Ryan almost felt bad for what he did. Almost.

"Nah..." he brushed that smidge of guilt he felt off.

"If they can stand this music, they can stand clonking heads."

* * *

The rock and roll came to an abrupt end, after which the only music heard within the house came from the basement.

Lincoln let out a long sigh of relief as he looked out the window, the most pressing issue had been dealt with.

"See, I never had a shadow of a doubt that he could do it!" Luan joined him by the window, keeping an eye out for Ryan.

"And he did it with _four_ minutes to spare!" she added happily.

"Yeah, he...he's quite something." Lincoln grumbled. He didn't doubt Ryan _could_ do, he was more concerned _how_ Ryan did it.

He looked over at Grouse's house and saw the old man glaring at them from his bedroom window.

Luan waved at him but Grouse just shook his head and grumbled under his breath.

"You better watch yourselves, Louds!" he shouted at them in warning before closing his window shut and pulling down the curtains.

Lincoln sighed and turned around. "Well, that's one problem down."

"And we owe it all to Ryan!" Luan proclaimed, still eagerly awaiting his return at the window. Lincoln rolled his eyes.

Lucy, who was sitting on Lynn's bed, observed him. "You look sad?" she noticed. "Even though we're on the verge of getting vengeance?"

Lincoln sat next to her and exhaled tiredly. "Lucy, you know that this is not about vengeance for me. I just wanna make sure that mom and dad can return from their date without a giant mess awaiting them for once."

Lucy sent him a sympathetic look. "I understand, but it doesn't mean we can't have both."

Her small smile quickly faltered. "Besides, things will get a lot more complicated once Lola and Lisa snitch on us."

"Don't remind me..." Lincoln sighed.

"So I was thinking..." Lucy was quick to continue "...that we could stay at Ryan's house for a bit until the heat dies down."

"That's a great idea!" Luan swiftly spun around and clutched her hands with excitement. "We should totally do it!"

"Girls..." an exasperated Lincoln spoke up "...I think the guy's seen enough of us for one week. We should give him a break."

A gust of wind blew past the curtains. "Oh, I wouldn't mind the company."

Luan jolted and clutched her chest before turning around to find Ryan crouched down on the dresser.

"Ryan you scared me!" she exclaimed half-seriously.

"Sorry..." Ryan shrugged coolly "...as a ninja you sometimes forget to announce your arrival."

"So you were successful?" Lincoln asked suspiciously.

"Yep, I've _knocked_ some sense into them. And sorry for being tardy but I had to take care of their guitars and hide them somewhere."

Lincoln started to scowl. He had a strong hunch that Ryan meant it quite literally.

"That was incredible, Ryan!" Luan beamed. "Half the neighborhood was coming at us over the noise and you've managed to save the day!"

"It was nothing, Lu." Ryan shrugged with chill confidence. "I said I had your backs."

Smiling, Luan hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, catching him off guard, and much to her younger siblings' nausea.

"Thanks, you're a real hero!"

"Eh...no...problem..." a flustered Ryan responded dumbly.

"Luan, please..." Lincoln groaned sardonically "...he needs his brain to function at full capacity if we want this to work out."

"Need what to work out?" Ryan asked, still not quite there.

"Oh, of course!" Luan laughed and stepped back to show him the bottle.

"See this, you just need to spill a few drops of it in the punch and it will _toot-tor_ the girls a real lesson."

Ryan took it and examine it. "Give the punch a little extra punch? Neat. But what does it do?"

Luan got peeved that her pun flew over his head, but nonetheless leaned in to whisper the answer into his ear.

Hearing it, Ryan immediately cracked up with uncontrollable laughter.

"Oh, that's beautiful!" he spoke between rapid giggles, nearly falling off. "Priceless! Just priceless!"

"Yeah, yeah, it's a riot..." Lincoln deadpanned "...can you just go, so we can get this over with!"

He jolted as Ryan leaped off the dresser and landed in front of him and Lucy.

"Not quite!" Ryan pointed his finger up. "Such hilarity must be caught on tape, and who better to wield a hidden camera than a ninja!"

"Of course!" Luan eagerly agreed. "No master prank should just fade away into obscurity without any records!"

"Are you two nuts!" Lincoln jumped to his feet. "That's a bad, BAD idea!"

Ryan ignored him and looked over his shoulder. "And if memory serves, you've got a handheld camera, Lu?"

"Sure do!" Luan pulled it out of her pocket. "I always keep one on standby. Just in case."

"Guys! Have you lost your marbles?! We'll be in enough hot water with Lori as it is, without filming her embarrassing herself at her own party!"

"Oh, Lincoln, always so charmingly uncomplicated." Ryan placed his hand on the younger boy's shoulder. "You think I'm just doing this for the jollies?"

"What do you mean?"

Ryan chuckled deviously. "Don't you see? Our deal with Blondy fell through the moment those brats learned of our nefarious plans. So now we need _new_ leverage over her!"

"Oh, I get it!" Luan joined his side. "Noting would sting her ego more than the threat of footage showing her failed house party leaking online!" she concluded with a conniving edge to her voice.

"Precisely!" Ryan nodded. "That would pressure her into bargaining with us again, not to mention other benefits."

"You mean..." Lucy quickly realized what he was getting at. "She could force Lola and Lisa to keep quiet?"

"I see strange minds think alike, Spooky." Ryan nodded affirmatively.

The goth smiled. "Of course, it takes something truly horrifying to horrify the horror."

"So true." Luan agreed. "If there's anyone who can scare Lola into submission, it's _her_."

"Looks like the three of us are in agreement." Ryan summarized. "And what about you, Lincoln?"

All eyes were now on the white-haired boy, who looked very uneasy about the proposition.

He didn't like the idea of pressing Lori's buttons any more than they already had, but at the same time, he realized that they were too far gone now and couldn't squander a potential solution to tie up all the loose ends.

And as much as he hated to admit it, Ryan's proposal sounded like such a solution.

* * *

"What? Where am I?"

Lisa found herself sitting in pitch-black darkness. Everything had happened so fast. Seeing Lana's horrifying appearance, being dragged away from her, hearing Lola's blood-curdling scream, it all left her mind in a state of flux. She was stunned, bewildered and terrified so much that the ensuing few minutes were a total blur to her.

" _Do not be alarmed, Master Lisa. I led you to safety. As you have programmed me_." came Fenton's voice and he flicked on the light switch.

Lisa saw that she was inside the bunker she herself had construed, the same place she and her sisters had sought sanctuary from Luan just a few days prior.

" _I used the secret, toddler-sized secret tunnel you've installed. To reach safety bunker within minutes._ " Fenton explained sitting next to her.

Still looking perplexed, Lisa was finally able to properly process what she had just witnessed and she experienced an overwhelming sense of fear like she had never felt before.

She curled up and started rocking back and forth.

"Fenton..." she started with a shaky voice "...please tell me I've simply experienced a wild hallucination from the lack of oxygen within the closet, and I didn't see Lana as...as a...a..."

" _Negative. My optic bio-scanners confirm that subject went through. An abnormal metamorphosis. Courtesy of the serum which appears to have. Transmutated virus subject was carrying._ "

Lisa gulped. There was no way a robot built by her could have misinterpreted data. It was all real, her sister had mutated.

"What have I done?! What have I done?!" Lisa rambled in utter fear and confusion.

Her mind wandered back to the ant she had injected with that same serum and how it had died and started falling apart immediately.

Lisa started shuddering. For once in her life, her natural scientific curiosity was gone and she didn't dare to dwell on the most obvious question.

That formula wasn't safe to be used on an insect, let alone a higher mammal. If it caused the ant to start decaying instantly, how was Lana still alive?

Lisa gulped. Lana's corpse-like appearance certainly made sense with the serum's established properties.

"Fenton, what's your... diagnosis on Lana's... condition?"

" _Difficult to specify. Subject's condition unlike anything in medical history_."

"You don't say..." Lisa snarked uneasily.

" _Subject's tissue appears to be in advanced stages of decomposition. But motor functions are still running. But with minimal brain activity. A biological anomaly_."

"I've...I've created a zombie!" Lisa grabbed her head and jumped off the bench, pacing back and forth in a panic.

"What did I do?! What did I do?! What have I done?! "

She had used her siblings as test subjects on occasions before, like giving Luan candy that temporarily granted her bioluminescence, but only when she was confident that her creations were safe to be used on a human being.

This was a different story altogether.

Lisa stared at the wall blankly, her heart beating a mile a minute.

"What am I suppose to do now?" she buried her face into her hands.

" _Terminating defective test subject is a viable option_." Fenton responded helpfully.

"No, wait! I can fix it!" Lisa's head shot up. "I can restore her back to her original form. There's no need to get emotional. Logical thinking is the solution." Lisa said to herself.

"Lana has the flue. A mutated, abnormal, artificially evolved variation of the flue, but a mere disease nonetheless. I can synthesize an antidote for it!" Lisa proclaimed in a shaky voice, trying to convince herself of her ability to do it.

" _Definitely, Master. Positive thinking paves the road to success_."

"Yes...yes...positive thinking. I can clean this mess up before it gets out of hand." Lisa spoke nervously, still staring at the wall.

Then something hit her. If the virus was the main reason Lana hadn't just rotted away the moment she consumed it, could that explain her ravenous behavior too? She definitely did something quite painful to Lola given that pain-filled scream she had heard. Had the minimal brain function Fenton detected reduced her to a purely animalistic state?

But Lisa quickly saw an even more obvious reason for why Lana was acting so aggressive.

She was carrying a virus. A transmittable virus. A virus that like any other had only one goal in its single-celled life, to spread and keep itself alive.

And many viral diseases accomplished that by jumping from host to host, with the former wasting away from their illness after doing their part...

Lisa's face turned as pale as a zombie's.

" _What have I done_..."

* * *

"So you wanna make some popcorn while we can? We'll soon be witnessing a grand spectacle!" Luan told her brother jubilantly as they exited the room, with Lucy following them.

"I don't think that seeing Lori's wrath will be that kind of spectacle." Lincoln replied morosely.

"Don't be such a worrywart, Linc." Luan nudged him playfully. "Your buddy said that he's got our backs, and I have nothing but total faith in him."

" _He's not my buddy_..." Lincoln thought irritably.

While they were talking, Lucy noticed something off about the living room. There was a bunch of food spilled across it, including a gnawed-up turkey from the fridge.

"Guys, look." she pointed down and the others looked in the direction from atop the stairs.

"Funny?" Luan noted jokingly. "Who taught Charles or Cliff to open the fridge?"

"Hey, where did that bouncer guy go?" Lincoln wondered as his gaze drifted towards the still abandoned velvet rope.

"Odd?" Luan remarked and then giggled. "He must be taking one hell of a bathroom break. Maybe his pals coaxed him to take part in the world's longest chugging competition!"

"But there's no one in the bathroom." said Lucy.

Luan and Lincoln looked down the hallway and saw that she was right. The bathroom was empty and its door had been left wide open.

"Maybe he's going lumberjack?" Luan joked.

Lincoln, however, got a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach and his gaze wandered to the right until his eyes widened. How did they miss that?

The door to the twins' room had also been left open.

Without a word, he ditched his sisters and rushed towards it.

"Hey, where are you going?" Luan shouted until she saw it for herself. She and Lucy grew alarmed as they noticed the open door. Wasn't this place quarantined?

Fearing the handle might be covered in germs, Lincoln nudged the door back with his foot and entered. His worst fears were immediately confirmed.

The room was empty and the blanket on Lana's bed had been tossed to the floor.

Lucy and Luan hesitantly followed him into the germ-infested room and gasped nervously at seeing the empty bed.

"Where's Lana?" Luan blurted worriedly as she looked around.

Lincoln did the same. "I don't know?" he started panicking. " She couldn't have walked away? She was so weak-"

They suddenly heard a noise from downstairs and looked back.

They heard it again. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen.

* * *

Covered by the flashy lights and the music, and with most of the teens being distracted dancing, chatting or having a drink, a rope was lowered from above and Ryan used it to descend himself unnoticed.

Dropping in a crouched position, Ryan stealthily rolled himself towards the table before peeping up. No one was watching.

He raised the bottle up towards the punch bowl when he heard someone approaching and ducked down.

"What's taking Leni so long, Miguel? I bet she's still upstairs trying to perfect her hair and makeup or trying on that new dress she bought, just to impress that guy."

"You're probably right, girl. I keep telling her that she could do better. I mean, I'm not judging his appearance or anything, but his choice of casual wear? That shirt with those pants? It's just criminal!"

" _Who's Leni again?_ " Ryan wondered. " _Was it the chick I knocked out? That would explain her absence._ " he concluded with amusement.

"When you're right, you're right. Denen jeans and horizontal stripes just don't go together..."

The voices of the girl and the flamboyant guy quickly grew fainter and got tuned out by the music.

Taking another peek, Ryan saw that the cost was clear.

Chuckling quietly, he started pouring one droplet of Luan's special concoction after another into the punch.

" _How many drops did Luan say?_ " he thought. " _Meh, who cares._ "

Lowering his arm back down, he snickered and crawled under the table's curtains. This was too easy!

Once under, he pulled out the camera and chuckled with anticipation.

" _It's a real pity that we won't be able to share this with the rest of the world. But then again, seeing Blondy's sorry expression when we lay out our terms is sure to be priceless!_ "

Ryan waited for a while for any telltale sound that Luan's position was starting to kick in. After a bit, he moved the curtains back to take another cautious peek when a familiar voice erupted to his right.

"What do you mean you're hiding in your bedroom!"

It was Lori! Ryan quickly jerked back under the table, but not fast enough to avoid having Lori step on his hand.

" _Dammit!_ " Ryan clenched his teeth as he tried to suck up the pain.

"We had an agreement, you deserter!" Lori ranted angrily and unknowingly dug her heel deeper into Ryan's hand.

"What do you mean I should call an ambulance?!" Lori growled, thinking Chaz was playing her for a chump.

"What kind of an idiot do you take me for? I saw her like ten minutes ago and she looked as healthy as she ever was!"

The call abruptly ended and Lori stared at her phone flabergasted before fuming and stomping her foot on Ryan's had in rage.

Ryan jerked it back and hissed in pain as he clutched his hand.

"I can't believe the nerve of that lying, lazy tub of lard! UGH!" Lori lamented.

"Bobby! Where are you!" her voice grew fainter as she angrily stormed off.

Ryan grunted in pain and flexed his aching hand while cursing under his breath.

* * *

Lincoln, Luan and Lucy walked down into the living room. The noise from the kitchen continued.

"You think that's her?" Luan asked her brother.

"It's gotta be. There's no way she could have gone far." Lincoln replied as they came closer to the kitchen.

"There!" Luan pointed at a small blonde figure standing next to the fridge in her pajamas, with her back turned on them.

The three moved to get a closer look, but Lucy noticed something weird near the couch and went to investigate it.

She kneeled down to see a puddle of weird yellow ooze. She had no idea what it was and knew better than to touch it.

Then, she heard whimpering. Lucy looked down and found Cliff, Charles and Geo huddled together underneath the couch and shaking with terror.

Lucy immediately got a bad feeling and looked back at the strange ooze.

"That's her." Lincoln and Luan were both perplexed as they saw Lana gnawing on a cereal box and making weird growling noises.

"The poor thing. She must be completely delirious." Luan said sadly.

Lincoln facepalmed with shame. "I shouldn't have left her all alone."

Luan placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up about it, Linky. What matters is that we found her."

"Yeah, I guess..." he sighed "...now we just need to get her back in bed."

The two looked at each other nervously, and without exchanging a single word, they started playing rock, paper, scissors.

"Scissor beats paper!" Lincoln exclaimed with relief.

"Dammit!" Luan lamented and then gulped.

Lucy, meanwhile, picked up a glass bottle of the floor and carefully started pushing it into the puddle. The ooze started bubbling and melted half of the bottle instantly.

Lucy's eyes widened under her bags and she bolted towards her siblings.

"Lincoln...I think there's something wrong."

"I know..." Lincoln said obliviously, his eyes glued on Lana while Luan put on a pair of oven mitts and tied a cloth around her mouth and nose.

Tentatively, she approached Lana and slowly and gently tried to grab her shoulder.

"Lana..." she started softly "...you shouldn't be out here. You need to go back to bed."

The moment she touched her shoulder, Lana spun around and screeched at her.

Luan yelped in shock and stumbled back, while Lucy and Lincoln gasped, and the former dropped her bottle.

Lincoln managed to catch Luan from falling and helped her up to her feet, neither able to look away from the little tomboy.

"My god! What's wrong with her!" Luan screamed frantically as Lana started advancing towards them.

Lincoln looked at her agape. He had seen his sisters be in pretty bad shape during previous flu epidemics within their home, but this was a whole different story.

His sister looked like a corpse that had been floating in the water for days, her eyes looked like she had gone blind and her teeth made a pirate with scurvy look like a floss spokesman.

Huddled together, neither he or the others had time to wrap their minds around what they were seeing as they were backing away from the advancing Lana.

Shocked and confused, Lincoln held his hands up. "Lana, Lana!" he tried to reach out to her. "What happened to you! Please say something!"

No response, Lana kept moving towards them.

"Lana! Can you understand me!"

She squealed and lunged at them.

Acting quickly, Luan grabbed a chair and used it as a barrier between them and Lana.

Her body pressed against it, Lana swatted her arms at them.

"Guys! What's happening!" Luan cried while sweating bullets. "This isn't normal! What happened to you!"

Hiding behind Lincoln, Lucy replied in a shaky voice."Isn't it obvious! She's- "

Climbing up the chair, Lana pressed it down with her own weight. Luan screamed as Lana leaped at her and grabbed her face. She fell back and got pinned to the floor.

Lincoln pushed Lucy back while Lana's gaping mouth came down on Luan.

"Get her off me!" Luan pressed her elbow into Lana's chest and started pushing her back.

But Lana grabbed her arms and sunk her growing fingernails into her exposed flesh. "She's clawing me!" Luan cried in pain.

"Lana! No!" Lincoln rushed to Luan's aid and grabbed Lana's torso. He tried prying her off Luan, but Lana only hooked her nails deeper into Luan's arms.

The comedian screamed and started crying. Sweating, Lincoln grabbed Lana's pigtails and tried to pull her off.

Suddenly, he heard a snap and found himself stumbling back until he hit the fridge and fell on his butt.

Shaking his head, Lincoln looked up and saw Lucy gasping at him, and so did Luan, who quickly diverted her gaze at Lana, who was feeling the stump on her shoulders that was her torn neck.

Eyes bulging in horror, Lincoln then realized that he was holding something. Tentatively, he looked to his right and saw that he was holding Lana's still twitching and breathing head.

Lincoln screamed and dropped it. He recoiled in horror as it rolled into the middle of the kitchen.

All three of them stared in stunned horror as the decapitated Lana got off Luan and started searching for her missing head.

* * *

Holding the camera, Ryan giggled to himself as more and more of the guests started belching, which the male students didn't seem to mind, but the ladies unsurprisingly looked embarrassed and started backing away from their peers.

Those who got the toots first, however, looked like they would rather be hit by a bus than stay near whoever they were conversing with or trying to hit on. Ryan knew as much that letting loose in front of a chick would kill your chances with her instantly.

" _And to think that the one girl I'm into has the exact opposite opinion on flatulence. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing_." Ryan wondered as he filmed another guy involuntarily cutting the cheese in front of a girl.

Her angry reaction and his embarrassed look were priceless. Ryan tried hard not to laugh out loud.

If only he could make out what those teens were saying, the music made that nigh-impossible. Ryan considered turning down the volume on the boombox, but knew someone would turn it up again.

" _Bad audio might reduce the value of this incriminating footage? Maybe me and Luan can dub it over?_ " he considered and cautiously hid behind the curtain as someone else passed by it.

"Lori..." Becky was cut off by her own belch as approached Lori and Bobby on top of the stairs.

"...I don't feel so go..." she stopped to belch again before continuing sickly "...and some of the others are-"

"Not now!" an impatient Lori showed her index finger into Becky's face while facing her boyfriend.

"Look, all I'm asking of you is to stand guard by the door and make sure that no one goes anywhere but the bathroom for an hour or two. Please, I can't risk something getting broken or stolen. That would tip off my folks in that I had this party!"

Bobby looked nervous. "I would do anything for you, babe. Really!" he said timidly and gulped.

"But some of those guys are pretty big and strong, and they don't like being told what to do..."

"Oh, man up, Bobby! Don't you embarrass me by looking like a whimp!" Lori retorted irritably. "This is _my_ house! _Your girlfriend's_ house! That's all the authority you need to tell anyone to buzz off if they can't follow the rules!"

Becky clutched her rumbling stomach. "Lori, I really don't-"

"I said, not now!" Lori shushed her and glared at Bobby.

"Just for a few more hours. Nothing more." she told her boyfriend sternly and grabbed the door handle, unaware that someone had been clawing on it for a while, trying to get in.

"But, but..."

"No buts, Bobby!" Lori retorted and opened the door when someone fell through it.

Bobby managed to jump out of the way but Becky was hit and the two tumbled down the stairs.

Gasping, Lori and Bobby rushed down.

* * *

Lincoln, Lucy and Luan were frozen stiff by the sight in front of them. Lana's headless body was searching around, tapping the floor to locate the head that was laying just inches away from her and was still breathing and darting its eyes.

It was only Lucy who managed to divert her gaze beyond the decapitated zombie and saw something appear on top of the fridge, right above Lincoln.

"Watch out!" Lucy ran past Lana and pushed Lincoln out of the away, landing on top of him as a zombified Lola hit the floor on all fours.

"Lincoln! Snap out of it!" Lucy shook her brother. He came to just as Lola lunged at them but Lucy kicked her away and into the oven.

Shaking his head, Lincoln jumped to his feet and grabbed the goth's arm.

"Come on!" they ran but Lola quickly recovered and lunged at them.

Lincoln spun around and was tackled to the floor, but he pressed his feet between him and Lola and threw her over him.

Yelping, Luan jumped up as the zombie fell on her back in front of her, and Lucy helped Lincoln up but Lola immediately rose to her feet and blocked their escape.

Luan grabbed the chair again and slammed her aside. Lola hit the wall.

"C'mon! We have to run!" Luan screamed at her siblings but Lola quickly lunged at them again.

Lucy grabbed a kitchen hammer and struck Lola's head, the force knocked her head off and it bounced off the wall.

Lucy and Lincoln ducked from it while it struck Lana, who had retrieved her head, and knocked her off balance.

She dropped her head and Luan jumped as it rolled past her. "What is this?!" she screamed.

"They're zombies!" Lucy proclaimed as both twins searched for their respective heads.

"Zombies?" Lincoln blurted.

"Yes! Don't you see?" Lucy said sullenly. "Lana died and was reborn as the undead! And she has infected Lola!"

"That's ludicrous!" Luan yelped and stumbled back as Lola's body staggered past her. "Zombies aren't real!"

"You've got a better explanation for this!" Lucy snapped at her.

"No time for arguing! We have to run!" Lincoln urged the two to make a break for it.

They quickly stopped dead in their tracks as Lola's body screwed Lana's head on and blocked their path. They heard a growl from behind them and saw Lola's head being placed on Lana's body.

They were trapped.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Bobby helped Becky up while Lori lifted the person that was on top of her friend by the arm and realized that it was her sister.

"Leni? Where have you been?" Lori asked her and her tone quickly grew enraged. "Chaz ran off and was rambling on the phone to me how you were sick or something?"

" _Lana_..." Leni said in a strained, raspy voice while looking around. Her bulging eyes were darting in all directions and her mouth hung open and she was drolling with her tongue out.

"Eh...is she feeling okay?" Bobby asked, noticing Leni's odd behavior.

"Did she hit her head?" Becky asked while rubbing her own.

" _What's your deal! You're embarrassing me!_ " Lori whispered into her sister's ear.

Leni, however, kept looking around and broke free of her grasp.

"Eh, Lori? I think Chaz might have been right..." Bobby noted as Leni kept looking around and making garbled growls like a confused animal.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Lori retorted nervously. "She's always been a little loopy, you guys know that!"

She grabbed Leni's shoulder, ready to give her an earful, but jerked back in shock as Leni covered her ears and let out a loud, distressed screech, which got everyone's attention.

Ryan heard it too, dropping the camera and trying to spot to the source of the sound, but his view was blocked by the crowd that soon formed around Leni.

" _What the hell was that noise?_ " the boy thought, slightly alarmed. It didn't sound human.

Everyone stared at Leni, spooked and bewildered, as Leni grew crazy and grabbed the boombox and tossed it to the floor.

"Leni, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Lori yelled at her, more alarmed and confused than angry.

Leni didn't respond. The boombox was still playing and the noise it was making was still causing her distress. She growled at it and started foaming at the mouth.

Those nearest to her screamed or gasped as she threw up on it and the yellow slime she produced melted it down to a steaming puddle.

Sounds of glass and other objects hitting the floor were heard everywhere as the music died instantly, everyone stared at her agape and in total silence. This included Lori.

Someone had the good sense to turn the light switch on, which was immediately followed by a chorus of horrified gasps.

Leni stood at center stage, breathing heavily. Her skin was grey, lumpy and corpse-like and her eyes milky and pupiless, and she was still foaming at the mouth. She looked up and surveyed her surroundings.

Everyone looked at her, completely speechless, including her friends.

"Leni?" Fiona said slack-jawed.

Miguel grimaced with horror. "Girl...I think you desperately need to invest in _a lot_ of skincare products?"

"Lori?" Bobby whispered to his girlfriend fearfully. "What's going on with her?"

Lori was likewise trying to make sense of what she was seeing. Then it hit her.

" _Lucy! Of course!_ " she narrowed her eyes and fumed. " _That little twerp is a wizard at Halloween costumes and props. Her, Lincoln and those other brats must have tricked this nitwit into doing this stunt to embarrass me!_ "

"Everyone, calm down!" she flailed her arms up. "This is just some dumb, early Halloween prank!"

She grabbed her sister's arm and pulled her closer.

"Leni!" she growled. "This is SO not funny! And you're ruining our party!"

Leni sent her a blank stare for a second before growling at her with yellow, rotting teeth. Then, without warning, it happened.

The whole student body screamed. Ryan grunted in frustration, unable to see what the hell was going on.

Lori screamed in unimaginable pain as Leni bit into her throat and she fell back.

"LORI!" Bobby screamed as she and Leni dropped at his feet.

Bobby froze as his girlfriend's warm blood was squirted on his arm and shirt. Leni raised her head to look at him.

Shaking and whimpering with a wide open mouth, Bobby's pupils shrank as he locked eyes her.

She was hissing and her teeth were dripping with blood. Lori was lying below her, pinned down and gasping for air while clutching her bleeding neck.

"ZOMBIE!" Becky screeched and ran upstairs.

" _Zombie?_ " Ryan blinked.

"Everyone run for their lives!" Miguel screamed while wetting his pants.

Everyone, including Bobby, ran for their lives. Leni was slow to react as everyone rushed like lighting past her, and she stood up and squealed at the fleeing crowd.

" _What the ever loving hell?_ " Ryan's jaw quickly dropped as he finally saw the zombified Leni looming over Lori, who was holding her throat and Ryan noticed a small pool of blood forming next to it.

He saw Leni twitching and instinctively ducked behind the curtains before she could see him, his blood running cold.

He sat there stunned and wide-eyed. Leni sniffed the air and turned her gaze at the table.

" _Okay, just to recap. Blondy 2 turned into a ravenous zombie and she just killed Blondy 1? That just happened?_ " he noted to himself.

Abruptly, an arm shot under the table and grabbed his ankle. Ryan screamed as Leni's monstrous face came hissing at him.

Ryan kicked her in the head while bumping his own head into the table.

Grunting, he scrambled away and staggered to his feet from beneath the table.

Leni rose up from the other side, teeth bared. She swatted at him, Ryan jerked back and swiftly grabbed the punch bowl.

"No point in letting good punch go to waste!" he quipped while slamming the bowl into Leni's head and spilling the punch across the floor.

Blinded, Leni stumbled back, grasping the edge of the bowl with one hand.

Stepping away from her, Ryan felt something clinging on to his ankle. He looked down uneasily and saw a severed, still twitching arm grasping his ankle.

His pupils shrinking, Ryan screamed and shook his legs frantically trying to shake it off. Ryan stumbled back, breathing rapidly when he heard a squeal and saw Leni charging at him.

"Agh hell!" he grunted and pried the arm off his leg, and used it to strike the zombie across the face. Leni was barely fazed and lunged at him again.

Ryan swung the severed arm at her but she bit into it and tore it out of his grasp, before shaking it violently.

"I wouldn't do that, I'm sure you still need that arm!" Ryan quipped nervously while looking around for any weapon. He saw a broom and a bucket of paint tucked in a corner and bolted towards them.

Screwing her arm back on, Leni pursued him only to get blue paint splashed into her face and lidless eyes. She let out a high-pitched screech and clutched her face.

Ryan laughed triumphantly when he heard an eerie moan. He turned and saw a zombified Lori standing up, growling at him.

"Oh super, their bite is infectious..." Ryan deadpanned and clutched the handle of the bucket and swung it at the charging Lori.

She grabbed it and tossed it up. It smashed the light bulb on the ceiling, leaving only the disco ball to lit the room.

Ryan grabbed the broom and dodged her attack. He jumped aside and planted his feet into the floor, clutching the broom with both hands, ready to face her.

* * *

"Restrain them!" Lincoln shouted as Lana, now in a pink dress, pounced from the couch at him.

Lincoln used one of the couch cushions as a shield and Lana landed on it, digging her teeth and nails into the fabric.

Lincoln grunted and flipped the cushion over. Lana hit the floor and Lincoln wasted no time pinning her down with the cushion and throwing himself on top of it to hold her down.

Having dropped her hammer, Lucy was struggling against Lola, now in blue overalls, using a small plastic shelf to keep her at bay. Lola was pushing towards the couch while snapping her jaws at her repeatedly. Lucy lost her footing and her back crashed into the couch, pushing it away.

Charles, Cliff and Geo crawled out from under it and bolted past Lincoln, making a beeline towards the door.

"Lucy!" Lincoln yelled as Lola now had her pinned down with the shelf. Its legs broke and Lola closed the short gap between her and Lucy when Luan grabbed her at the last second and her jaws snapped just an inch away from Lucy's face.

"Get away from her!" Luan yelled as she gripped her arms and threw her aside.

"Luan! Take this!" Lucy tossed the comedian a couch cushion as Lola jumped back to her feet.

Standing between the zombie and her little sister, Luan shielded herself with the cushion. Lola tore into it with her teeth and Luan pushed her down before jumping on top of the cushion.

"I got her!" Luan exclaimed while holding the squirming zombie under her own bodyweight.

Out of breath, Lincoln felt a twinge of relief but then they heard screams, then a whole chorus of screams.

They heard dozens of footsteps before the screaming party guests came stampeding out of the basement in a blind panic.

None of them even noticed the kids, who ducked down in fear of getting trampled as every single teenager made a mad dash for the door.

Eventually, someone blindly collided into Luan and Lucy, freeing Lola in the process.

"AHHHHH! There's more of them!" the girl screamed at Lola and scrambled to her feet.

Lucy tried helping Luan up when Lola attacked, but Luan delivered a swift kick that sent her tumbling away.

But then they heard the sound of another crash. "Lincoln!" they both screamed.

Lana pushed the cushion off her while Lincoln was lying down with Bobby on top of his legs and hips. With his head spinning, Lincoln sat up and recognized the guy who was shaking and breathing at a rapid pace.

"Bobby? What the? What's going on!"

Struggling to get up, the teenager stuttered incoherently between gasps. "Lori...Leni...zombie-AHHHHHH!"

"NO!" Lincoln screamed as he saw Lana bitting into Bobby's leg. Lincoln struggled to free himself as Lana quickly diverted her blank gaze at him.

Luckily, Lucy picked up her hammer and slammed it into the back of her head, knocking her aside. Next, she slammed it into Bobby's head, resulting in a sickening crunch.

Lincoln gasped and winced as Lucy grabbed his arm. "It's too late for him, we have to get out of here!" Lucy exclaimed while pulling him up.

A vicious growl drew their attention back to Lana. She was ready to pounce when suddenly, she was struck from behind by taser and dropped to the floor, twitching violently.

"Lisa?!" Lincoln blurted as he saw the distraught genius and Fenton standing behind the fallen zombie, with Fenton's hand being the taser. Lisa also had some sort of gun strapped to her back.

"No time for explaining!" she shouted urgently. "All non-zombified siblings retreat to my room immediately!"

"Lisa?" Luan looked up in surprise while holding down Lola. "What the hell is going on?!"

Lisa rushed to the door and pushed it shut before spinning around.

"What are you doing?!" Lincoln shouted while holding onto Lucy.

"I said, no time for explaining! Run to my room!" Lisa yelled angrily when a moan caught everyone's attention.

They saw Bobby standing up, his blank eyes looking around at everyone and he lumbered in between Lisa and the others.

"RUN! NOW!" Lisa shouted at her siblings as Bobby zeroed in her. "FENTON, TASE HIM!"

" _As you command, Master Lisa_." the fox obeyed.

Unfortunately for him, Bobby threw up yellow slimeball at them. Lisa dodged it but Fenton was hit and it melted most of his head of.

" _Error...Damage to hardware_..." his voice dropped in pitch as he started flickering and fuming before dropping to the floor.

"No!" Lisa cried in despair before seeing Bobby's hand coming down at her.

"LISA!" she heard her siblings shout.

Bracing herself, the genius ran and escaped underneath the zombie's legs. She pulled her jet injector of her back and stabbed it into Bobby's leg.

He screeched in agony as Lisa's gun filled its capsule with green blood and she dodged a swipe from him and ran.

"To my room! Now! It's our only hope!"

The rest didn't need to be told twice, Lincoln and Lucy ran after her, and Luan let go of Lola to join them.

They ran upstairs as fast as their legs could carry them, not daring to look back. Growls, screeches and footsteps made it abundantly clear what was coming.

"Run! We can make it!" Lincoln shouted while pulling Lucy after him. But the moment they reached the top, Lincoln heard a loud screech right behind him right before he and Lucy were tackled to the ground by Bobby.

"Let them go!" Luan yelled and grabbed Bobby's head and pulled it off his neck. His body kneeled up and started touching his stump of a neck while Lincoln and Lucy scrambled away.

"You want your head back, Bobby?" Luan mocked him and threw it down the hall. "Go get it!"

The headless Boddy stumbled after it while Luan helped her siblings up.

"You idiot!" Lisa yelled furiously and pointed at Bobby. "My room is in that direction!"

The brief look of triumph on Luan's dropped. "Oooppps..." she gulped.

Lincoln looked at Bobby and saw him picking up his head.

"We have to hide somewhere else, let's-" he was cut off by a pair of squeals. The siblings looked ahead to see the twins lunging at them midair.

"Run!" Lucy pushed Lincoln into Luan and the two fell out of the way, but she got tackled by the twins.

She screamed as Lola bit into her arm and Lana chomped down on her leg

Lincoln and Luan scrambled to their feet, sporting looks of utter horror.

"LUCY!" they both screamed, ready to help her, when Lisa grabbed their hands.

"Don't be foolish!" It's too late for her now!"

Lincoln and Luan stared helplessly as Lucy was being mauled and saw Bobby running at them. Reluctantly, they turned their backs and ran after Lisa.

With the path to Lisa's room blocked, they bolted into the first open room they saw and slammed the door shut and locked it.

* * *

Ryan pressed the broom's shaft into Lori's mouth as she pinned him against the wall. She squealed at him ferociously.

Even with his mask on, Ryan could still smell her foul breath and gagged.

"Bah, smells like something died in there!"

Sweating, he pushed the broom with all his might, with its shaft cutting into the corners of Lori's rotting cheeks.

Ryan suppressed a shudder as he planted his foot into Lori's gut and kicked her back. She retained her balance and charged back at him.

Ryan dodged her attack and she slammed into the wall, which barely fazed her.

Leni growled and charged at him, as did Lori. Ryan spun the broom above his head, striking them both in the head simultaneously.

The zombies stumbled back and Ryan slammed the broom's handle into Lori's jaw and then pushed its brush into Leni's eyes, making her squeal in pain. Ryan then slammed the shaft into her throat, making her fall back.

Recovering immediately, Lori grabbed hold of the shaft and she and Ryan fought over it.

Unable to pull it out of her grasp, Ryan eventually let go, resulting in Lori losing balance and falling back.

Ryan desperately looked for a way out. He saw the rope he had used to get in still dangling in the corner, but Leni rose up and was standing between him and it, hissing viciously.

Behind him, Lori stood up and hissed as well.

Holding his ground, Ryan slowly backed away until he hit the table. Taking a brief glance at it, Ryan saw nothing on it except for a remote.

It was the remote for the disco ball, he quickly realized. He looked back to see the zombified sisters advancing towards and the hanging rope behind Leni.

Taking a deep breath, Ryan grabbed the remote and braced himself. He only had one shot.

"Night vision, don't fail me now..." he told himself sardonically and made a mad dash.

* * *

They were in Lynn's and Lucy's room, on the floor and panting rapidly. The zombies had eventually stopped banging on the door.

Once she caught her breath, Luan could finally let the true horror of their situation sink in and she started shaking uncontrollably as she pulled herself up.

"They're all...gone..." she stammered feebly with a bleak look in her eye.

Still panting, Lincoln stumbled up to her to give her a comforting hug, for what little it was worth.

"Lucy...the twins...Luna, Leni and Lori probably too...all gone..." she buried her face into her hands and started sobbing.

"Luan..." Lincoln said meekly and out of breath "...we...must barricade the door."

"No...need for that..." Lisa panted and staggered to her feet. "Those...eh "zombies" lack the necessary problem-solving skills to even deduce how to manipulate a mere door handle."

Luan and Lincoln suddenly looked at her. Lisa gulped, she said too much already. Lincoln narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously.

"How would you know that?" Luan asked, her voice cracking.

Lisa started sweating. "I...well...I...kinda..."

She felt chills as she saw both of her siblings put two and two together.

Luan grew a scowl, while Lincoln's face turned madder than Lisa had ever seen.

He finally spoke but through clenched teeth. "What. Did. You. Do!"

Trembling, Lisa raised her hands up defensively. "Just let me speak! I can explain!"

* * *

 **Lisa screwed up royally this time. Lincoln's reaction about what she had done will definitely not to be a pleasant one.**

 **And the heroes are down to four, or maybe just three? Things are looking grim now. They are trapped, the seeds of a zombie apocalypse have been planted in their very home, and they are just a hallway away from Lisa's lab but have to get past and then hold off six or probably more zombies in order for Lisa to produce a cure.**

 **And then there's the matter of how long folks like Lana and Leni will last after they had already successfully spread the virus before falling apart?**

 **But most importantly, will they clean up this mess before mom and dad return home!**


	21. One Flue Over The Loud House: Zombies!

"You're up, Lynn!" Margo gave her friend a pat on the back and a thumbs up, along with the rest of the Squirrels, as Lynn ran up to home plate, carrying herself with brash confidence.

Lynn spat into both of her hands and rubbed them together before grabbing her bat. She bent her knees and prepared to strike as the pitcher threw the ball.

Gripping her bat tightly, Lynn locked her eyes on the flying ball and hit it into fair territory. Her teammates cheered as she bolted towards first base.

Soaking in the adrenaline, Lynn could only pitty Lincoln and Ryan for not being here to marvel at her glory. She was on fire tonight!

Sure, Lincoln insisted on watching their sisters, but if she hadn't completely forgotten about this match until Margo had to come and drag her to the departing bus Lynn would have tried everything in her power to make Ryan come along, even if she had to secretly stuff him in the back of the bus in order for him to be here.

It was certainly a much more favorable alternative in her mind than letting him waste his evening lounging around in his room.

Lynn made a small dust cloud as she slid across the ground and her foot reached first base before the fielder with the ball could and the crowd went wild.

Basking in their cheers, Lynn laughed triumphantly and raised her fists into the air as she ran around the field..

" _The boys are sure missing out on something!_ " she thought exuberantly. " _I wonder how they're boring themselves right now?_ "

* * *

"You freaking loon! What have you done to them!"

A terrified Lisa was clinging on to the top of one of the poles surrounding Lucy's bed, her arms and legs hugging it tightly so she could remain out of reach of her furious brother. She had expected him to be enraged but not to this extent.

"What were you even thinking! You're out of your goddamn mind!"

"Lincoln, get a grip!" Luan cried desperately as she tried restraining her little brother from attacking Lisa.

"I'm trying to get one on her scrawny neck!" Lincoln raged in response while grasping at Lisa.

"Lincoln, please!" Luan begged him.

The genius watched in shock and horror as Luan had her arms wrapped around his torso, struggling to hold him back. Neither of the sisters had ever seen Lincoln loose it like this.

Luan could hardly fault him for his reaction. How could one possibly respond to being trapped in a house with a horde of zombies who were also their family, and all of this was a byproduct of a bored toddler's faulty science project.

"Lincoln, calm yourself!" Lisa shouted in a panic. "Attacking me won't accomplish anything!"

"Why did you do it!" Lincoln demanded, ceasing his struggling for a second.

"It was an accident!"

"Why did you make that damn formula!" Lincoln roared at her.

Lisa flinched, nearly losing her grip."I'll explain myself once you calm down!"

Lincoln tried to catch his breath and growled. "How could you do this! How could you do something so careless! So stupid!"

"It wasn't my intention! The serum was never intended to come in contact with a human!"

"Why did you ever make that stuff!" Luan glared daggers at her.

Lisa gulped, realizing that Luan was only holding Lincoln back so he wouldn't accidentally squeeze the life out of her. Both were mad enough to wish to cause her grave harm.

Complaining that they had locked her up in a closet would be suicidal at this point. This hardly held a candle to inadvertently turning your family into zombies.

"It wasn't supposed to do this..." she stammered "...I was...was working on a potential formula for exelerated cognitive development on arthropods and..."

"How the hell did a brain boost serum wound up as a zombie serum?!" an enraged Luan asked incredulously.

"I don't know! It was an experimental one! It seems to cause rapid cellular breakdown with multi-celled organisms!" Lisa retorted. "But it seems to have a different effect on single-celled organisms, like a virus."

Lincoln stared at her agape and squinted his eyes in bewilderment.

"So you're saying the only reason Lana didn't die instantly was because she has the flue?" he asked in disbelief.

Lisa gulped nervously. "A blessing disguised as a curse it would appear?"

"So you're saying that if _literally_ anyone else had drunk your serum, they would have dropped dead just like that?!" Luan lamented.

Lincoln stared at the genius with horror and disgust. "You...you...murdered them!"

"I did not!" Lisa yelled flippantly. "I can make them better!"

"What have you done! You've poisoned them all!" Lincoln tried attacking her again but Luan held him. "YOU'VE DOOMED THEM ALL!"

"Lincoln, control yourself!" Luan cried. "We have to let her try!"

"Yes!" Lisa exclaimed curtly. "We don't have much time! For all we know the zombies will continue to fester until..."

"Until what?" both her siblings blurted. Lisa lost her voice, unable to bring herself to finish that statement.

It didn't take long for the latter two to realize what she was trying to say, and Lisa saw looks of utter despair wash over their faces and Luan felt her brother nearly losing his footing as she held on to him and slowly helped him kneel down.

Lincoln stared down at the floor. Luan tried to see his face and saw the grief in his eyes. She herself started tearing up as everything Lisa said started sinking in.

Lisa grimaced at the sight in front of her. "We can't get emotional about this now! Not when we can still fix this!"

She turned pale as her brother looked up at her with a frightening glare and jumped to his feet. "Don't you tell me how to feel, you little shit!" he snarled at her and Luan grabbed him by the elbow.

"Lincoln!" she cried.

"What do you know about emotions! You don't even care about the others!" he yelled at the genius with unrestrained fury while his eyes started watering.

"This is just some lab accident to you that you want to clean up to save your ass!"

Lisa's face shrank into her turtle neck. Lincoln's words cut like a knife and she couldn't muster up a response, not when she was racked with so much guilt. It took all of her will power not to break down crying.

"Lincoln, I'm not proud of her any more than you are." Luan told him while trying to calm him down. "But she's our only hope to-"

"Get your hands off of me!" Lincoln's elbow struck her in the flank without warning.

Luan stumbled back, holding her aching side, and looked helplessly as Lincoln shot Lisa a vicious glare.

Both feared that Lincoln would attack her and Lisa braced herself. But to their surprise, he mustered enough self-control to refrain himself from doing so.

He just glared Lisa in the eye, his expression filled with anger and disgust. Lisa's heart pounded with anxiety, thinking he would snap at her any second as Lincoln's breathing grew shallower and he started trembling with tranquil fury.

"Of all the careless...idiotic..." he ranted incoherently before releasing a furious cry and storming away. Lisa flinched at the volume while Luan rushed after him.

"Where are you-" Luan jerked back as her brother released another cry and kicked the nearby closet, causing an avalanche of sports equipment to spill out.

"Why!" the boy raged as he mindlessly kicked a soccer ball, then a volleyball. "What did I do to deserve this!"

Luan stepped away further as Lincoln grabbed a baseball bat and started hitting and slowly splintering the closet.

Panting fearfully, Luan looked back at Lisa and marched up to her with a hateful scowl.

"Luan, please!" the genius begged. "We have to remain composed! This is not the time for infighting!"

Luan looked like she was using all her will power not to snap at her. She actually tried following Lisa's advice. She knew Lisa was the only way to restore their siblings back to normal, at least she thought so.

"Can you cure them of their...zombiefication?" she asked bluntly.

"Can you pick up my jet injector?"

Her brow furrowing, Luan realized that Lisa was talking about the gun thing she had dropped on the floor when Lincoln snapped.

"This?" she picked it up and noted the green liquid rocking inside the capsule.

"Yes! Yes, be careful with it. The zombie blood is crucial if I'm going to make an antidote." Lisa said over the noise of Lincoln beating the closet.

Luan jolted and spun around to see that Lincoln had busted one of the doors and was now standing there, panting miserably and using the bat for support.

Grimacing, Luan turned back to Lisa. "So you can cure them?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes...I mean...eh yes..." the genius stuttered with uncertainty "...I think so."

"You think so?!" Luan grew irritated.

"I don't know!" Lisa raised her voice, sweating with anxiety. "I've never tried restoring flue zombies back to human form! My plan is currently purely theoretical!"

"So it's hopeless then." Lincoln shot her a revolted glare, being too worn out from his outburst to yell.

"I never said that!" Lisa snapped angrily. "I've got DNA samples from the zombies, I've secured the perimeter so the virus won't spread further, and I only insinuated that we can't be 100% sure my cure will work since nothing like this has ever been attempted!"

"Way to raise morale, egghead." Luan snarked bitterly.

"Will you hush up!" Lisa snapped at her. Lincoln glared at Lisa before looking away.

Feeling confident that her brother wouldn't hurt her now, Lisa climbed down and snatched the gun from Luan. She pulled out the capsule and threw the gun away, as it was of no further use.

She exhaled and showed them the capsule. "If we can finally discuss this issue like rational people, you must first understand that we have to keep this safe under any circumstances until we reach my lab."

"How are we supposed to do that? The hall is probably crawling with zombies!" Luan lamented fearfully.

Lisa huffed. She couldn't let the matter rest. "Well, we wouldn't be facing this issue if you hadn't played volleyball with Santiago's head."

Luan turned red. "I was saving our siblings!" she yelled angrily.

"And Lucy got infected regardless!" Lisa retorted matter-of-factly.

"Oh, great job at practicing what you preach!" Luan laughed bitterly. "Playing the blame game is gonna-"

"Enough!" Lincoln interjected, silencing them both.

He glared down at Lisa. "If we reach your lab you'll be able to make an antidote?" he asked bluntly.

Lisa blinked and looked hesitant to speak. "I believe so."

Lincoln groaned and rubbed his forehead. He had heard the argument between her and Luan and didn't need an elaborate explanation for why the so-called genius seemed so uncertain.

What was done was done. The boy realized that letting anger get the better of him would be to no one's benefit now. Lisa had just created the biggest mess their family has ever faced but she was also the only one who could possibly fix it.

Keyword being "possibly". Lincoln had been forced to watch enough age-inappropriate zombie flicks with Lucy to see a million different ways in which they all could meet a grizzly end, but it's not like they had a choice.

Either sit here and argue and let a zombie apocalypse happen or perish trying to prevent it. It was a loose-loose situation.

"Alright." he grumbled dejectedly before making eye contact with Luan.

"We have to get Lisa to her lab." he said grimly. "If we don't do anything, those things will get out and..."

"Cause a zombie apocalypse?" Luan finished and promptly kneeled to the floor and clutched her head as the full gravity of their situation sunk in.

"Guys...I'm...I'm really having a hard time seeing anything humorous about our predicament..." she said in a distraught, trance-like state.

Lincoln grimaced, barely keeping his own composure and glowered at Lisa.

"It would appear so." he stated bitterly. "Because of Lisa's idiocy."

Lisa scowled. "Do you have to rub salt into the proverbial wound." she asked irritably.

Lincoln didn't respond to that. "So how do you propose we get to your lab?"

Lisa's irritation melted away and was replaced with nervous uncertainty. "I was hoping you could devise a plan for that. I was under the impression that getting out viscous situations was your expertise."

"Of course it's all up to me..." Lincoln muttered exasperatedly and deflated.

Luan looked at him hopefully and so did Lisa. Lincoln sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

He breathed in and out to alleviate his own anxiety and try not to think about the undead monsters that used to be his sisters and try to think of this as just another attempt to move through the house without being detected.

He had tried it many times before with limited success, but this time the consequences of failure would be far greater than his sisters meddling or bothering him.

"Okay, we have to think this through carefully. This is no game, one slip up and we're goners." he told his two remaining sisters.

"I think that's pretty obvious..." Luan replied sarcastically while feeling sick in the pit of her stomach.

"We have to keep that firmly in mind." Lincoln reiterated. "We are the only ones in this house not infected, and we're vastly outnumbered."

"Wait! What about Ryan!" Luan suddenly remembered and grew alarmed. Lincoln's eyes also widened with horror.

"Yes, what did become of your accomplice?" Lisa inquired more casually.

"No! Not him too!" Luan buried her face into her hands and started sobbing.

Lincoln felt an odd amount of regret and grimaced. Personal feelings aside, it was his fault Ryan got involved in Lisa's mess.

"Luan, don't cry." he tried to reassure her. "He's tough and resourceful. He wouldn't go down easy, so let's not jump to conclusions."

Luan looked up at him, sniffing with despair. "Your walkie-talkie?" she recalled. "Can't you call him?"

Lincoln gulped and hesitantly pulled it out. He looked at it tentatively before sighing in resignation.

" _Better face the grim truth_..." he reckoned and started adjusting the frequency. Luan was biting her nails in fearful anticipation as they heard the static.

They waited, but there was no response. Luan grimaced fearfully when her back suddenly felt the cool evening breeze.

"There you guys are." came a familiar voice.

"AHHH! A ninja!" Lisa jolted and nearly dropped her capsule as a masked figure suddenly appeared on the dresser and landed behind Luan, whose face immediately lit up upon seeing him.

He pulled off his mask and let out an exaggerated sigh. "You won't believe what just happened to me."

"Ryan! You're alright!" Luan squealed and instantly glomped him.

"You had me worried." she sniffed while resting her head on his shoulder. Seeing him gave her a small glimmer of hope.

Ryan was surprised by her reaction but tentatively hugged her back. "Eh...I didn't think I'd be missed so much..." he joked awkwardly.

Lincoln felt a small wave of relief but quickly rolled his eyes. Of course Ryan was alive, the guy was harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids. Neither wolves nor zombies could seemingly get the better of him.

Ryan noticed Lisa and huffed in surprise. "What's she doing out of her cell?"

"Please explain to me why he's wearing that cretinous costume?" Lisa deadpanned to her brother.

"That's classified, Lizzie." Ryan retorted smarmily. "As our prisoner, you lack the "jurisdiction" to know."

Lisa seethed. "Of all the people that could have been bitten..." she grumbled, causing Luan to let go of Ryan and give her an ugly look.

"Don't start any arguments, Lisa." Lincoln warned her sternly.

"Oh please, you outgha give me more credit than that." Lisa shot back. "I have more class than to engage in petty bickering with the likes of _him_."

"Awwww, and here I thought I could annoy the piss out of you too, _Lizzie_." Ryan cooed at her mockingly.

"Same goes for you, Taylor." Lincoln turned to him.

Ryan wanted to make a snappy comeback but remembered that he had some bad news to deliver. _Arguably_ bad news at least.

"Heh...silly me." he sighed and gently pushed Luan away. "But there's something you guys outgha know."

He bit his lower lip and grew an uncomfortable expression. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, you see...eh...I dunno how to break this to you all...but..."

"Leni and Lori turned into zombies? Yes, we know." Lincoln replied flatly.

"Oh?" this came as a surprise to Ryan, and his gaze drifted down to Lisa. Suddenly, things started making an iota of sense to him.

"And lemme take a wild guess? This zombie stuff is her doing?" he casually pointed at her, making her shrink in shame.

Ryan huffed in amusement. "Must admit, I didn't peg you as someone who idolizes Dr. Frankenstein."

She scowled at the remark. "And I wouldn't have pegged you as someone who fancies faux-feudal Japan wardrobe." she replied dryly.

"What can I say, I look slick in black." Ryan shrugged.

"Ryan, this isn't the time for banter." Luan grabbed his shoulder. Ryan looked at her and saw her morose expression.

" _Oh, right. They actually care about those two bimbos_." Ryan realized and smiled uneasily.

"Why, yes. We have two undead blondes in the basement." he stated before taking on a confident demeanor and flexing his knuckles. "But not to worry, I've handled worse situations."

"It's far worse than that." Lincoln explained grimly. "The twins have been infected. So was Lucy, and Bobby."

"Lucy?" Ryan blurted, caught completely of guard.

"She was caught while helping us escape." Luan told him sullenly, looking like she was on the verge of crying.

"And we're the only humans left in this house." Lincoln added with a steely expression.

"Yes, and if we don't get to my lab and I synthesize a cure, we're certainly looking at a global zombie outbreak. Just so you're up to date." Lisa elaborated stoically.

For the first time in a long while, Lincoln saw Ryan completely drained of confidence and stunned into silence. Even someone as seemingly unfazed as him couldn't possibly swallow so much info at once.

His gaze slowly drifted towards Lincoln. "Okay, lemme get this straight?" he said in disbelief and waved his arms up, trying to wrap his mind abround their predicament.

"We started off trying to sabotage some dumb teen party so your house wouldn't get wrecked and your folks wouldn't recieve a ticket from the police, but now the fate of the world lies in our hands as we have to prevent an incoming zombie apocalypse, courtesy of girly Dexter playing God with science?"

Everyone just blinked, unable to swallow the reality of it themselves.

"Well, this escalated quickly." Ryan chuckled in dumbfounded bewilderment. " I mean... damn. It seriously got out of hand fast."

"So you're gonna help us, right?" Luan asked him hopefully.

Still trying to pull himself together, Ryan shot her a sardonic look.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I? Living on a zombie planet isn't the future I'd imagined for myself." was his sarcastic response.

"Good point." Luan looked aside sheepishly.

Ryan looked back at Lisa with an expression she could only describe as peeved. His words, however, were a lot harsher.

"Well, congrats, Lizzie. You've done and fucked everything up."

Luan gasped. "Ryan! Language!"

"Don't look at me like that." Ryan retorted sharply. "How else could you summarize what she has done? That little turd fucked it up for everyone."

Luan cringed again.

Ryan looked back at Lisa and shook his head disdainfully. "Mad scientists..." he grumbled "...always perverting nature to satisfy their twisted curiosity."

The genius fumed before shaking her fist flippantly. "Alright! I get it! If everyone's finished reminding me that this is all my fault, or using vulgar language that I don't even know the meaning of? Can we finally focus on what matters! Reaching my lab!"

"Lisa's right." Lincoln agreed with a serious expression. "We have to reach her room."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Ryan retorted sarcastically while making a walking motion with his fingers. "Obviously, taking a stroll down the hallway isn't an option."

Lincoln walked up to him, retaining his serious expression. "No, but we can use the ventilation shafts." he pointed at an air vent in the wall, above Lynn's bed.

Ryan raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Huh, not a bad idea. I guess this might not have to be a suicide run after all."

"But what if one of the zombies pops up in there? We'd be sitting ducks." Luan asked fearfully.

"Luan, this isn't a horror film." Lincoln told her exasperatedly. "These zombies might have acid breath but I'm pretty sure they can't teleport."

"Acid breath?" Ryan blurted but then chuckled. "Well, that's something new. But why did neither of the two bimbos use it on me?"

Lisa stepped up. "Probably because they do not wish to harm a potential host to further spread the virus. As for your concerns, Luan. I can assure you they are unfounded."

Lisa adjusted her glasses. "It's pretty apparent that those zombies have the low intelligence of a rabid canine. They can't even open a door, let alone an air vent."

"Yes, but there's a pretty good chance that some of them might be hanging out in your room." Ryan pointed out. "I'm pretty sure I didn't close the door when I hauled you away."

Being reminded of that, Lisa muttered under her breath but kept her cool. "In that case, you seem to be the most well-suited to fight off the hostiles, should the need arise." she concluded casually, earning a hateful glare from Luan.

"No, he won't!" she grabbed Ryan's arm protectively. "He won't be sticking his neck out for you!"

"Calm yourself, Luan. I'm merely suggesting this because he's clearly the most physically capable among us, if his _close_ relationship with Lynn is any indicator." Lisa reasoned matter-of-factly.

Luan scowled at the last remark.

"I hate it when little smartasses like you start making sense..." Ryan grumbled.

He was part of a group consisting of a scrawny nerd, a meek, insecure girl and a freaking toddler. Obviously, his companions were a bit lacking in raw strength and in fighting skills.

He sighed and looked at Lincoln irritably. Lincoln could tell from the look in his eyes that Ryan was likely thinking something along the lines of "How many times do I need to save your and your sisters' asses from certain death?"

Lincoln didn't say anything and kept himself composed.

"Ryan?" Luan looked at him worriedly. "You can't seriously try to fight those things?"

Ryan smiled confidently. "I already did. Two of them at once."

Luan's lip trembled as she held on to his arm. "You're so brave..." she replied feebly.

Lincoln quietly facepalmed. The last thing he needed to make this situation even worse was romantic drama between those two.

"I guess I am." Ryan shrugged. "I never did let fear get the better of me."

He then looked back at the rest. "Okay, if things are settled now, how about we get going?" he pointed at the vent.

"Let's go." Lincoln nodded simply and jumped on Lynn's bed. He stretched his arms out to remove the vent but it was just out of reach.

Sighing, he looked back at his younger sister.

"C'mon, Lisa. Help me get this open." he told her bluntly. Trying to stay composed, Lisa nodded and let her brother hoist her up.

"Zombies." Ryan muttered to Luan while watching Lisa open the vent. He still had a hard time believing this. "Just when you think you have the world figured out, the world throws you a curveball."

Time travel, hypno rays, zombies, a toddler mad scientist, a boy having the habit of reading comics in his birthday suit? At this point, Ryan was starting to wonder if he should expect an alien attack on the Loud's home next?

Luan didn't answer, as she was in deep thought. She knew any one of them might not make it out of this, so she decided to do something she might not get the chance to do later.

She grabbed his hand and faced him. "Ryan? Before we go...could we do something first?"

"What?" he asked, looking her in the eye.

Luan bit her lip dejectedly, feeling sick. "We might not make it."

Ryan's brow furrowed, knowing she was all too right. "Don't be a buzzkill now, Lu. It ain't over yet." he tried to lift her spirit.

"Come on, guys! Help me up." Lincoln interjected after helping Lisa climb up.

"In a second, Linc." Luan answered sadly while touching Ryan's face, making him nervous. "I just want to do something."

Lincoln stared with wide-eyed horror and disgust, as did Lisa, while Ryan grew as stiff as a board as Luan leaned in to lock lips with him.

But suddenly, Luan felt her stomach twisting and keeled in pain.

"Luan, what's wrong?!" Lincoln rushed to her side.

His voice snapped Ryan out of his trance and he saw Luan clutching her stomach, looking like she was about to vomit. The two helped her sit down on the bed.

"What's with the delay?" Lisa asked above them, holding on to her capsule.

"Luan, what's wrong?" Lincoln asked her again.

"I dunno..." she answered in a strained voice, sweating and contorting "...I feel like my insides want to be my outsides."

She hugged herself, her skin felt like it was ablaze. Luan started whimpering and wheezing.

"What's going on with her?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know." Lincoln answered nervously.

Ryan placed his hand on Luan's shoulder trying to talk to her when he noticed something on her arm. It looked like claw marks.

"Luan? How did you get those scratches?"

"Lana scratched me..." Luan managed to say. Lisa's eyes widened upon hearing that.

Remembering that, Lincoln grew goosebumps. No? It couldn't be. Not her too.

"Scratched you?" Ryan blurted. "But wasn't Lana..." he lost his voice as he was hit with the same realization as Lincoln. They both moved away from her.

"Where are you going?" Luan looked back and forth fearfully.

"You fool! Why did you let her in!" Lisa yelled at her brother. "She's infected, you imbecile!"

"What?" Luan yelped, struggling to stand up. "I can't be!"

She looked at both the boys with tearful, pleading eyes. Both Ryan and Lincoln continued stepping back from her as she grew progressively paler.

Still clutching her stomach, Luan started weeping with terror while closing her eyes shut. "No...please..." she struggled to speak as her throat felt dryer and scratchier "...I don't wanna...I don't wanna..."

She let out an animalistic growl as she kneeled down and started contorting violently. Her head shot up and she looked around with blank eyes.

She rose to her feet and let out a blood-curdling screech that echoed through the room.

Backed up against the wall, Ryan chuckled nervously as Luan glared at him with bared teeth and with acid dripping from a mouth and making small holes on the floor upon impact.

Lincoln was backed against the door, which he knew better than to open.

"Luan, babe." Ryan tried sweet-talking her. "Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look with gray, rotting skin? It really brings out your eyes."

Luan hissed at him.

He chuckled uneasily. "And those eyes? Mesmerizing! They make you look...like...eh...a human angler fish?"

Luan growled while Lincoln facepalmed.

Ryan deflated in defeat. "Okay, I admit. That one was pretty bad."

Squealing viciously, Luan charged at him but Ryan grabbed her arms and swung her around, letting her slam into the wall under the air vent.

Lisa scooted fearfully into the shaft, unable to do anything.

" _I'd advise not getting bitten!_ " her voice echoed from the vent, earning her annoyed scowls from the boys.

"Thanks a lot, Einstein!" Lincoln spat bitterly only to freeze as Luan turned her glare towards him.

Yelping, Lincoln threw his walkie-talkie at her and struck her in the face. It only resulted in making her madder.

Ryan whistled to gain her attention and grabbed a hockey stick from the pile. He grasped it with both hands and poked the zombie in her flank.

"Now, Luan. I don't wanna hurt you..." he said nervously as she hissed at him.

Ryan chuckled uneasily. "Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure the feelings aren't mutual." he concluded as the zombie charged at him.

Ryan used the hockey stick to strike her in the legs, causing her to topple forward and fall past him into the pile of sports equipment, making it scatter across the floor.

"Come on!" Ryan grabbed Lincoln by the shirt and dragged him towards the bed.

Before he could hoist him up, Luan got up and attacked them. Pushing Lincoln aside, Ryan blocked her attack with the stick and kicked her in the gut.

Lincoln hit the floor as Luan stumbled back and Ryan jumped off the bed. Charging full speed, he struck her with his weapon several times, but no blow seemed to faze her much.

Grabbing the shaft with one hand, Luan chomped down on the head and splintered in her jaws while her drool dripped down into Ryan's hands.

Gagging, Ryan let go of the stick and immediately discarded his gloves, knowing her saliva was likely packed with zombie bacteria.

"A little help, twinkle toes!" he told Lincoln irritably while not daring to look away from Luan, who promptly charged at him. Ryan grabbed her arm and fell on his back while planting his feet into her gut and throwing her over him.

Staggering to his feet, Lincoln jumped back as Luan hit the floor and looked at Lynn's bed.

Getting an idea, Lincoln grabbed the blanket and threw it over Luan as she jumped to her feet.

Lincoln jumped on her back and grabbed her in a headlock as she spun around wildly.

"Find a jumping rope! It's in the pile!" he shouted to Ryan. Ryan rushed and looked through the pile until he found it.

"Ah, good idea, pipsqueak!" he looked back only to see Luan slamming her back and Lincoln into the closet, causing the broken door to fall of.

His body aching, Lincoln slumped to the floor as Luan continued flailing around trying to get the blanket off.

"Catch!" Ryan threw the rope past Luan. Lincoln managed to grab one one of its handles and pulled himself up.

Just as Luan freed her face, the two ran circles around her, prompting her to squeal in distress as she got roped up.

Both pulled on their respective handles and pulled her to the floor before piling on to her and Ryan tied the rope into a neat little bow.

They got up and took a step back as Luan screeched and squirmed around on her belly. She foamed at the mouth and snapped her jaws at the air.

"This is just sick and wrong." Ryan commented uneasily.

Lisa peeked through the vent and sighed with relief. "Pew. You've managed to restrain her!"

"No thanks to you!" an out of breath Lincoln snapped at her.

"Hey! I was guarding the capsule!" Lisa shot back before glancing uneasily at the struggling Luan. "Eh...she can't escape her binds, right?"

"Not to worry, Lizzie. I tie a mean knot." Ryan quipped braggingly as he used what was left of the rope to tie Luan's legs as well, just to be on the safe side.

He sent Lincoln a look of smug superiority. "And you didn't stop to think that a scratch might be infectious too?"

"We were busy running for our lives!" Lincoln responded angrily. "Excuse me for not having the time to stop and contemplate."

"He does bring up a valid point." Lisa spoke up. "We must handle this with caution. A virus can be transferred through a multitude of ways: through saliva, through scratches, even trough the air-

"Are you saying this virus is airborne?!" Lincoln snapped in disbelief.

Ryan shivered and looked at Luan. Not getting a kiss from her suddenly looked a lot more appealing.

Lisa flinched. "I don't know, anything could be possible with an artificially created virus."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Then we've got no time to lose." he said grimly and faced Lincoln.

"Go through Lynn's junk and fetch us some weapons. I've got a hunch we're gonna need them."

Lincoln gulped but nodded. "And we should probably find something for protection, including germ masks."

"Given Lynn's passion for football, finding protective gear shouldn't be hard." Ryan shrugged and walked over to grab his mask.

He pulled it back on. "Alright, let's get this dwindling party moving!"

* * *

"Are we there yet? How long are these vents?" Ryan lamented while crawling in the back of the group with the hockey stick strapped to his back.

"Will you be quiet? I'm trying to find Lisa's room." Lincoln, who was leading the party, retorted.

He was wearing a football helmet and pads along with elbow and knee caps and had his baseball bat strapped to his back.

Lisa, on the other hand, couldn't find any football gear that fit her and could only carry a ping pong racket for a weapon while sandwiched between the boys.

Both of them wore pieces of fabric over their faces as germ masks and Lisa wore a sweatband over her head.

"Maybe you could navigate better without that humongous helmet on your melon blocking your view." Ryan snorted.

"I would prefer not having my brain eaten tonight." Lincoln snarked in return. "You should have gotten one while you had the chance."

Ryan snickered smugly. "Fat chance, I ain't gonna fight zombies like a dork."

"Will you two stop bickering." Lisa complained in a hushed whisper. "You'll expose us."

"And who do we have to thank for this mess?" Ryan asked rhetorically. "I hope for your sake that you can restore Luan, Lucy and Lana back to normal."

Both siblings halted and looked over their shoulders. Lincoln sent Ryan a disapproving glare.

"Wut?" Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "You think I care if the others get cured or perish in battle? I have no emotional investment in them. Especially the blondes."

Lincoln narrowed his eyes but decided not to argue and continued searching for the right vent.

"And you people have the audacity to call me cold." Lisa stated while following him.

"Pfff...don't act like they never got on your nerves, runt." Ryan retorted.

"Fair point." Lisa admitted. "But no more so than the others. In fact, I find the two objects of your desire the most aggravating amongst my immediate kin."

Ryan blinked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We're here." Lincoln put his hand up, cutting their conversation short, while looking down a vent.

"Is it safe to come down?" Lisa asked eagerly, trying to get a look herself.

"No." Lincoln shook his head. "Leni and Lola are down there."

Lisa and Ryan soon heard the moaning coming from down below. Lincoln saw the two zombies lumbering through the room and sniffing and searching around like animals looking for food.

Leni knocked down Lisa's chalkboard and then jolted and snarled at it as she heard it crash. Lola was sniffing the table and accidentally knocked down a test tube full of chemicals, causing a small explosion which frightened both zombies and made them squeal and jump around in distress, causing them to break and knock over more lab equipment in the process.

"Those idiots!" Lisa lamented as she scooted next to Lincoln to get a better view. "They'll destroy my lab! We have to act now!"

"No!" Lincoln pushed her back. "We'll wait for them to leave."

"Are you mad, Lincoln!" Lisa snapped at him. "Without a proper laboratory, I won't be able to produce a cure!"

"I have to agree with the mad genius." Ryan chimed in dryly.

Lincoln gulped, evidently scared. "No. It's too risky and there's only three of us!"

"And how can you stop a zombie apocalypse in a non-risky way?" Ryan was leaking with sarcasm.

"I'm thinking about it!"

"Quit being a pansy!" Ryan quickly grew agitated. "Now's not the time to think but to bash some zombie heads!"

Lincoln scowled. "If you want to charge blindly into danger and get yourself killed, be my guest!"

"Will you quit arguing!" Lisa complained when she heard a bumping noise further down the ducts.

Ryan scoffed. "Last time I did that, I saved your unconscious ass from One Eye, and half of your sisters!"

" _One Eye?_ " Ryan's statement confused Lisa, but she had no time to dwell on it as she tried to look past Ryan and noticed a figure creeping in from the darkness. Lisa's blood ran cold.

"Look behind you!" she frantically shook Ryan's arm.

"What?" Ryan stopped as he heard heavy breathing. He quickly turned around and saw a small figure trying to pounce on him.

Ryan pushed Lisa behind him and kicked the zombie back while Lincoln caught the genius.

"You said they couldn't get in here!" Ryan complained as he stabbed the head of his hockey stick into the creature's chest to keep her at bay.

She hissed at them, no eyes were visible but they made out that she was wrapped in black.

"Lucy?" Lisa blurted. "Why, she spends so much time in the air ducts writing poems, entering them must have become a basic instinct for her." she hastily concluded.

"Now you figure!" Lincoln groaned irritably when the vent below them gave way and they found themselves falling.

Hearing their screams, Ryan grabbed Lincoln's foot at the last second while the vent hit Leni on the head. The teen dropped to the floor while Lola dodged a falling racket and saw Lincoln dangling upside down with Lisa holding on to his hand while holding on to the capsule with her other one.

Lisa screamed and lifted her legs up as Lola jumped up trying to reach her. Lincoln pulled his arm up and Lisa stenously climbed up his shirt.

Ryan struggled to hold Lincoln up while using his other hand to push Lucy away with the stick. He was sweating under his mask while the metal edge of the vent was cutting into his arm.

Grunting, he shoved his foot under Lucy's chin and slammed her head into the ceiling. She dropped and Ryan tried pulling Lincoln up with both hands when Lincoln's foot slipped from his shoe.

Lincoln and Lisa fell to the floor, crushing Lola underneath them. Thanks to his helmet, Lincoln suffered no concoction and recovered immediately while Lisa landed on him and quickly jumped to her feet.

They saw Lola twitching on the floor, with her head and right arm detached from her body.

Trying not to hurl, they both backed away as Lola reattached her arm.

Lisa shuddered. "This violates so many laws of nature-"

A hiss cut her off and they saw Leni back on her feet and advancing towards them.

Ryan jumped down and knocked Leni to the floor. "Sorry for dropping in announced!" he quipped while the siblings saw Lucy jumping after him.

"Duck!" Lincoln swung his bat and struck Lucy, slamming her into the closet.

"Eh...thanks." Ryan replied begrudgingly while Leni squealed and struggled beneath him.

Lola was back up and screeching at them. Smirking, Ryan grabbed Leni's long hair and tore her head off.

Lincoln and Lisa gasped as his swung it and threw it into Lola, knocking her into the wall while the decapitated Leni flailed her arms.

"Don't do that!" Lincoln yelled at him in a panic.

"Ah, chill out. They can reattach their limbs, can't they?" Ryan retorted curtly.

"Just get these abominations out of my lab!" a flippant Lisa cut in as Lucy lunged at them. Lincoln struck her with his bat again. Lola got up and pushed Leni's head away only for Lucy to slam into her.

"I got an idea!" Lincoln exclaimed and turned to Ryan. "Grab that blanket!" he pointed at Lisa's bed. Ryan nodded and followed him.

"Don't leave me!" Lisa cried as both Lucy and Lola advanced towards her. A whistle from Ryan diverted their attention.

He and Lincoln had grabbed different ends of the blanket and spread it wide as they ran towards them.

"Don't forget your blankey!" Ryan joked as they engulfed the two diminutive zombies with the sheet and hoisted them up.

Their captives squirmed and thrashed inside the makeshift sack and the boys lowered it to the floor and tied the ends of it into a tight knot.

"That wraps things up with them." Ryan quipped before setting his sights on the headless Leni.

"Oh no, you don't!" he rushed and grabbed her head by its hair before she could reach it and dangled it tauntingly in front of her.

"You want it? Go get it!" Ryan threw it towards the door only for it collide into and bounce off another zombie.

Ryan backed away, only now realizing that he had dropped his hockey stick up in the air ducts, as Lori and Bobby stood under the door frame, moaning and growling.

"Talk about a couple together in death." Ryan joked nervously as he joined Lincoln's side, with the latter raising his bat and Lisa hiding behind him.

"This is so not funny, Taylor!" Lincoln growled irritably.

"Eh, learn to live a little." Ryan retorted curtly while bracing himself for a fight.

* * *

"I never would have guessed that you could still hit the dance floor like that." Rita told her husband jubilantly as they drove down the highway in her car from the restaurant they had just dined in, dressed in the fanciest clothes that still fit them.

"To be honest, me too, honey." Lynn Sr. replied while steering the wheel. "I guess something you learn in your youth just never goes away, even in my old age." he joked as him and Rita shared another laugh.

Lynn had no idea how much he had needed a night out like this until he finally did it. He and his wife felt like they were reborn, like they were once again a young and sappy teenage couple without a care in the world.

It brought him immense joy to see Rita happy and laughing again. He couldn't recall the last time he had seen her enjoying herself this much. Same for him for that matter.

"You know, Lynn. This really was a pleasant surprise." Rita admitted. "With your busy schedule and all..."

"Are you kidding me?" Lynn laughed. "If I can squeeze in the free time to go fishing with my buds, spending some much needed quality time with my sweetheart is a given. Besides, I don't want you to feel unappreciated or anything. What with all the hard work you do taking care of the kids, you absolutely deserve some leisure time."

"That's very thoughtful of you, Lynn..." Rita replied warmly before staring off into the distance and sighed.

"Is something wrong, Rita?"

"Well...it's just..." Rita sighed again "...I can't help but worry if Lori can handle watching over the others..."

"Honey, you gotta give her more credit. She's sixteen after all." Lynn countered, trying to keep an optimistic demeanor, though he definitely shared Rita's worries. "Remember when ol'Al first told you that if you wanted some extra cash you had to earn babysitting? You never tried it before but your first gig worked out pretty well in the end?"

"I suppose you're right..." Rita admitted, her smile returning.

"You bet I am, besides, the girls are growing up and they need to learn responsibility. And that will require a push or two"

Rita smiled. While she still wasn't entirely convinced that Lori could handle being in charge, after the night they just had she felt enough good will to give her oldest daughter the benefit of the doubt.

On their way home, she caught a view of the park and suggested to Lynn that they take an evening stroll.

Lynn agreed, but as they parked the car the man excused himself for a minute, saying he had to answer a call from a friend.

In reality, Lynn couldn't quite shake his fear of something being amiss at home that had been gnawing at him all night and used the walkie-talkie his son had secretly lent him to contact him.

With sweat dripping down his forehead. Lynn pressed it against his ear, desperately hoping his worries were unfounded.

"Lincoln? Hey, buddy? Can you hear me?"

* * *

Unbeknownst to him, his son's transceiver was lying on the floor next to a zombified Luan, who squirmed her way towards it to inspect it.

She flinched at the static. " _Lincoln? You there? Do you read me?_ "

Luan growled threateningly in response before releasing a loud screech.

" _Lincoln?! Is that you? I think we might have bad connection_ -"

Luan threw up on it and it melted away.

* * *

"Lincoln? Hey, Lincoln!" a confused and concerned Lynn shook and then hit the walkie-talkie repedeately after it went silent.

The man swallowed a huge lump. What was that noise? It sounded like some sort of animal?

"Oh, boy..." Lynn shuddered. Something was definitely wrong.

* * *

Lori charged at them full speed. Lincoln swung his bat and struck her in the head. She flew back and landed on more lab equipment, breaking it all in the process.

"Huh? That felt kinda cathartic." Lincoln mused.

Lisa screamed and grabbed her face. "No, that's delicate equipment!"

"Will you just start working on your formula!" Ryan lamented as he slipped between Bobby's legs and gave him a good kick to both knees. His legs twisted backward and Bobby collapsed.

"I can't do this under these circumstances!" Lisa screamed while ducking behind Lincoln who slammed his bat into Lori's face again, causing her to knock down some more test tubes, who exploded on impact and created a small fire.

Lisa gasped and rushed to grab a small fire extinguisher and sprayed foam all over the flames. "And I can't do this without a laboratory either!" she yelled angrily.

"Oh, goodie." Ryan rolled his eyes just as Leni screwed her head back on and charged at him, as did Bobby from the other side.

Ryan easily jumped out of the way before the two zombies collided. Ryan grabbed the sack containing Lucy and Lola, and swung it at Bobby. It collided with him and he fell out of the room.

Ryan dodged a swipe from Leni and snatched the fire extinguisher from Lisa before spraying the zombie in the face.

He swiftly kicked her in the gut which sent her tumbling out of the room.

"I took out four, and you're still struggling with one!" Ryan laughed in Lincoln's direction. "I'm ahead, pipsqueak!"

"Just keep them out of here!" Lincoln yelled angrily while swinging his bat at Lori.

"Someone's a sore loser!" Ryan quipped as he sprayed Bobby in the face and bodyslammed him out of the room.

Now there was only Lori left. Lincoln narrowed his eyes and gripped his bat tightly. He swung it at Lori but she grabbed it before it could connect with her face.

Grunting, Lincoln used his helmet to headbutt Lori in the gut and pushed her towards the door with all his might before Lori grasped the door frame with both arms, letting go of the bat.

Acting quickly, Lincoln grabbed it and struck her in the head, causing it to rotate a 180 degree, and she let go. Suppressing a shudder, Lincoln slammed the door shut but quickly found himself pressing his body against it to keep Lori from breaking in.

"Will you start making that cure already!" he yelled at the genius while struggling to keep the zombie out.

Lisa looked petrified. She swallowed a lump and started biting her fingernails. "I can't!" she cried fearfully.

"What do you mean you can't!" Lincoln yelled while keeping Lori from busting in.

"I...I... I've never worked on chemical compounds under such pressure!"

"Just ignore what's going on around you and focus on your science work like you always do!"

"I can't just ignore the imminent threat of death!"

"Oh! For the love of...!" Lincoln growled irritably when something hit him. "I know! Just put on your headphones and listen to some hip hop! That will ease your mind!"

Lisa's eyes widened in horror. "How do you know about that! I never told-"

"JUST DO IT!" a furious Lincoln ordered her. Lisa jolted in fright and snatched her headphones.

She put them on and the music immediately had a soothing effect on her, and she tapped her foot rhythmically.

"Huh? This does help." Lisa smiled, feeling compelled to dance, before noticing Lincoln yelling at her again.

"Oh, right! The cure!" Lisa remembered and grabbed her microscope to analyze the zombie blood.

She quickly became completely immersed working with her chemicals, test tubes and other lab equipment while Lincoln focused all his attention desperately trying to hold Lori out.

* * *

In the hall, Ryan sprayed Leni in the face. He dodged Bobby's attack and tried to do the same to him only to find out he was out of ammo.

"Gotta improvise!" he quipped and used the empty container as a club to uppercut Bobby, who stumbled back but grabbed hold of the container while leaning back on the stairs.

Smirking, Ryan let go and let Bobby hit every single stair on his way down.

Ryan winced as he saw him hit the bottom where he lied as twisted mess, whith all of his limbs bending in unatural positions.

Ryan looked around and saw Lori trying to force her way into Lisa's room.

"Must I do everything..." Ryan grumbled and ran up to give her a good kick to the rear. Lori screeched and spun around with a vicious growl.

Ryan stepped back and snickered. "Talk about a bony ass, eh?"

A screech from behind him alerted him of Leni attacking. Ryan dodged her at the last second and she attacked Lori instead and bit her face.

Lori squealed in pain and Ryan laughed hard as the two started fighting, clawing and hissing at each other.

His moment of mirth was shortlived however, as he heard someone running at him. He spun around and saw Lana lunging at him.

Ryan grabbed her by the foot and hoisted her up at arm's length, shuddering as he saw the grotesque state she was in while violently thrashing and snapping her jaws.

He then saw Bobby climbing up the stairs and looked at Lana. "Sorry about this, squirt." he said regretfully before throwing her into Bobby's arms, which caused him to lose balance and fall down the stairs again.

The scuffle between Lori and Leni ended and the two quickly turned their attention back to Ryan, making him gulp.

As they charged at him, Ryan quickly opened the nearest door and used it as a shield. He stumbled back a few steps as the zombies collided with the door, which was followed by a loud thud.

Ryan looked around and saw them lying on the floor and quickly took the opportunity to get to safety.

He bolted into the room but stopped dead in his tracks as he was met with Luan's gruesome face hissing at him as the tied up zombie was up on her feet and awkwardly hopping towards him.

Hearing the other two recovering behind him, Ryan kicked Luan back before slamming the door shut and locking it.

Ryan panted while Luan was squirming and growling on the floor. Ryan stepped back as the other zombies all started banging on the door.

"That little pest better have that damn cure ready!" Ryan growled exasperatedly before the bagging eventually stopped.

His brow furrowing with worry, he cautiously pressed his ear against the door.

* * *

Lincoln realized that Lori had suddenly stopped pushing and took a step back, sweating and out of breath.

"The key? Lisa, I need the key-" he stopped as Lisa's headphones flew past him.

"No necessary, I'm finished." Lisa proclaimed while holding a test tube filled with a blue liquid.

Lincoln's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Already?! How!"

"Simple." Lisa stated while pulling out a small dart gun from a drawer. " I merely hyperimmunized the contaminated blood with carefully calculated doses of antibiotics to produce a neutralizing antibody response in-"

"Never mind!" Lincoln rushed up to her anxiously. "Will it work?!"

"I'm confident it will." Lisa replied while injecting half a dozen darts with the cure and loading them into the gun.

"You're confident?" Lincoln blurted.

"Obviously I hadn't had the opportunity to test it." Lisa pointed out the obvious. "I suggest we dart Santiago first. I'm certain no one but Lori and possibly his parents will miss him should there be any side effects."

Lincoln was about to object when they both heard loud pounding on the door, terrifying Lincoln, who rushed and grabbed his bat.

"Not to worry, brother. They lack the intellect to open a door." Lisa reassured him confidently just before they heard a loud crack and the door was rammed open.

"But they can break in through brute force!" Lisa squeaked as Lincoln was slammed against the wall and Lori, Leni, Bobby and Lana all barged in at once.

Lana was the first to lunge at her, leaving Lisa no time to think. Acting on instinct, the shaking genius took aim and shot, managing to dart the tomboy in the neck.

Squealing and gasping, Lana halted and grabbed the dart, barely managing to pull it out before she collapsed to the floor, contorting in pain.

Lisa had no time to worry if the antidote would work as the three teen zombies all tried to grab her. Lisa ran under the table with the zombies' arms following her. Crawling to the other side, she jumped on the small chair she used while working and knocked down her remaining laboratory equipment on her attackers.

Lincoln pushed the door back and stumbled forward grunting in pain when he heard the sound of glass shattering followed immediately by several small explosions.

As smoke consumed the room, Lisa tried to run. Seeing her brother as the smoke cleared, Lisa ran towards him when she was grabbed by the leg and fell down, dropping her gun.

Hearing her scream, Lincoln saw Leni hoisting her up by the leg. Lisa continued screaming as she saw the zombie's blank eyes and bared teeth upside down.

Letting out a furious cry, Lincoln charged and slammed his bat into Leni's face. She fell back and dropped Lisa.

Lincoln managed to catch her but they were immediately tackled and pinned to the floor by Lori and Bobby.

The two screamed in terror as the zombies were ready to chomp down on them when a boxing glove on a spring extended past the doorway and slammed into Bobby's face, knocking him into Lori and the two fell aside.

Lincoln and Lisa pushed themselves up to see Ryan holding and dropping the now limp spring of the boxing glove.

"Now that's a killer right hook, if I do say so myself!" he quipped.

"Quit the jokes and grab the gun!" Lisa ordered him urgently while pointing at it.

"This thing?" Ryan picked it up before seeing Leni trying to ambush them.

"Watch out!" Ryan grabbed the rubber chicken tied to his belt and flung it into Leni's face, blinding her long enough for Lincoln and Lisa to get up and run.

"So, does it work?" Ryan asked quickly as they exited the room.

"I don't know!" Lisa cried while Ryan looked past them to see the zombies following after them.

"Guess we'll see!" Ryan jumped in front of them and took aim.

"No, wait!" Lincoln cried but Ryan already pulled the trigger and darted Leni in the chest, making her halt and squeal in pain.

"Guess a tit's as good of an injection point as any." Ryan joked as the remaining two zombies charged at the trio.

Lori lunged and tackled Ryan to the floor, making him drop the gun. As it slid across the floor Lisa rushed to grab it while Lincoln took on Bobby with his bat.

Ryan squeezed the flower he had placed on his tunic and it released a cloud of gas that engulfed the zombie's face.

Lori let go of him and kneeled up as she grew a rectus grin and laughed in a strained, raspy voice. Ryan got up and kicked her in the face, sending her falling down the stairs.

Lisa jumped and caught the gun only to hear the sound of fabric being torn. Lying on her belly, she looked up and yelped as she saw Lucy and Lola tearing through the sack they were held in.

Lisa scrambled to her feet, clutching the gun, as the two advanced towards her only for Ryan to grab them both by the leg and hoist them up.

"Think you can hit a dangling target?" Ryan joked while keeping the two little zombies at arm's length when he heard Lincoln crying for help.

They saw him being held down by Bobby, with Lincoln pushing the bat into Bobby's mouth to keep him at bay.

At the same time, Ryan noticed Lori climbing up the stairs, still giggling uncontrollably.

Ryan threw Lola at Lori, causing her to fall back down before swinging Lucy at Bobby. He fell back as the goth colided with him and Lincoln scrambled to his feet.

But then Leni staggered towards him and grabbed his arm. Lincoln screamed and Ryan tried rushing towards him when Luan jumped in his way. Ryan jerked back while Lincoln tried to free himself as Leni tried taking a bite out of his arm.

But suddenly she started coughing and gasping and Lincoln felt her grip on his arm weakening. Falling to her knees Leni made one final attempt to bite him before Lincoln pulled his arm free and Leni dropped to the floor.

Ryan grabbed Luan by the neck and sent her tumbling down the stairs, colliding into Lori and Lola.

Ryan and Lisa ran up to Lincoln and helped him up. They all watched in shock and horror as Leni lied on her back, twitching and foaming at the mouth before suddenly going limp.

Lincoln and Lisa gasped in horror when suddenly, Leni transformed back into her human self, right before their very eyes.

"It worked?!" an awestruck Lincoln gasped.

"Of course it worked!" Lisa bosted frantically. "I knew it would work!"

She stopped as Lucy and Bobby came towards them. As the trio stepped back, Ryan grinned and snatched Lisa's gun.

"Which means it's open fire!" he exclaimed and shot. The first dart hit Bobby's knee, causing him to slump to the floor clutching his leg.

He aimed at Lucy next but she dodged the dart and lunged at them. Ryan and Lincoln jerked back in opposite directions and Lucy jumped between them. She landed on all fours and hissed at them.

Ryan took aim and darted her in the arm. Lucy squealed in pain and lunged at them but Lincoln struck her with his back and she tumbled towards the bathroom where she dropped under the sink and started twitching violently as she transformed back to normal.

"That's three down!" Ryan boasted while spinning the gun in his hand.

"Four actually." Lisa corrected him. "That just leaves-"

They heard Lori and Lola squeling from downstairs. The three looked and saw them glaring up at them, with the tied up Luan squirming and growling on the floor behind them.

"Figures, the two biggest monsters last the longest." Ryan snarked as the two zombies charged up the stairs.

"Just hold my hand, twinkle toes!" he told Lincoln exuberantly. Lincoln did so while Lisa grabbed her brother's hand as Ryan pulled them with him and they surfed down the stair rails, ducking from the acid slimeballs that came towards them.

Ryan landed on his feet while Lincoln and Lisa fell on their butts. Lying right in front of them, Luan screeched at them only to receive a painful dart to the rear, making her squeal in distress.

"Oops! I oughta better my aim." Ryan shrugged sheepishly.

The three of them scattered in different directions as Lola and Lori jumped and landed in the middle of the living room.

Lori screeched at Ryan and threw up another slimeball at him. He dodged it and it hit the family picture on the wall, melting half of it.

"Oh, you're in trouble now, Lorene!" Ryan laughed at her.

Grabbing Lisa, Lincoln dodged several slimeballs from Lola. "Just shot, damn it!" he yelled at Ryan.

"Aye aye, Mr. Bossy!" Ryan quipped as he dodged another slimeball from Lori, which burned a hole in the back of the couch, and aimed at Lola, darting her in the back. Lola screeched and quickly collapsed.

"Look out!" Lincoln yelled as Lori grabbed Ryan by the arms and slammed him against the wall. But Ryan managed to jab the gun into her gut and pulled the trigger.

Lori gasped and let go of him. She stumbled back and fell on her back while clutching the dart in her stomach.

Panting, Lincoln let go of Lisa and stood up on wobbly legs. He looked around and saw both Lola and Luan lying unconscious on the floor, back in their human forms.

Lori started gasping, twitching and foaming at the mouth before transforming back to normal and closing her eyes as she slipped into unconsciousness.

Ryan walked up to her and lightly kicked her. Lincoln joined him and kneeled down to test Lori's pulse. Thankfully, it was there and normal. Lisa did the same to Lola and Luan and found them both to still be breathing.

Tearing his germ mask off, Lincoln planted his hands on the floor for support and let out the biggest sigh of relief in his life.

"It's over. It's finally over." his voice cracked as he spoke. Ryan patted him on the shoulder.

"You thought I was gonna let you kick the bucket? _Please_." he said sarcastically. "Lynn would never speak to me again if I'd let that happen."

Letting out a light groan, Lincoln swatted his hand away and stood up when he heard a car engine and saw car lights from the window.

"It's mom and dad." Lincoln realized and looked around at the unconscious forms of his sisters. "Come on! We have to hurry!"

* * *

Lynn Sr. parked his wife's car in front of the house and nervously stepped out, feeling a certain amount of relief seeing that his home was still in one piece.

"Would you look at that? Our house is still standing." Rita commented in a tone that Lynn wasn't quite sure if it was either bewilderment or sardonic humor, or both.

He gulped but then chuckled nervously. "Why, of course, Rita. Were you expecting to find a collapsed pile of ruble?" he asked in a jokey manner.

Rita sent him a deadpan look. "Lynn, that almost happened two months ago if we hadn't called the exterminator in time."

A huge drop of sweat poured down Lynn's forehead. "Ah, yes. Lana's termite farm? You know, we should really give that girl a firm talk about what animals she can keep as pets." he suggested idly.

"Yes, we certainly should... _among other things_." Rita couldn't disagree there but her eyes were glued on the house. She couldn't shake that feeling that something was wrong.

Something bad had happened while they were gone. They just knew it. They shouldn't have left the kids alone. Both of them had the same thought.

Trying not to let their spouse know about their worries, the two walked up to the front door and Lynn reluctantly opened it.

What they saw...wasn't what they were expecting.

The living room and the kitchen were intact. There was some food and some other stuff like a broken plastic shelf lying across the floor, the family picture was hanging loose and looked half-burned, but otherwise, everything looked A-okay.

The most surprising thing, however, was how most of their daughters, and Bobby, were sitting on the couch or leaning against it while sitting on the floor, holding their heads and moaning and looking around in confusion while the tv was on.

"Where...where am I?" Lori groaned while adjusting her eyesight and was quickly greeted by familiar faces everywhere, all of which looked just as confused as she was.

"Hey? Why am I all tied up?" a dizzy Luan blurted while struggling against her binds.

"Bobby? Leni? Lana? Lola? What's going on?" Lori mumbled in a daze. Her parents exchanged confused glances.

"I feel like I've died and was resurrected." Lucy said monotonously while rubbing her head.

"Ughh...Lori? Where are we?" Bobby droned, also rubbing his head. "Last thing I remember is my sister nagging me to take her to the arcade."

Lori was about to answer, only to realize that her mind was a blank.

Leni chimed in. "Ughhhh...what's going on? My mind is like all fuzzy?"

Despite her confusion, Lori couldn't help but sneer. "And what's new about that?" she snarked before noticing her parents.

"Mom? Dad?" she squinted her eyes.

"Eh, yes? We're back, sweetie." Lynn said with a cocked eyebrow as he and Rita walked inside. A dizzy Lola and Lana staggered to their feet.

"Ughhh...my head feels all woozy." Lana groaned before noticing and gasping at what she was wearing.

"Gross! Why am wearing this stupid, sparkly towel!" the tomboy whined while pulling on the pink fabric.

"It's a dress, you braindead bugger-eater!" Lola snapped at her before realizing how she smelled funny.

"Take that back!" Lana growled at her, but Lola was too busy gasping in horror.

"Why am I wearing your hideous overalls!" Lola cried in disgust, angering Lana even further.

"They aren't ugly! You stole them!" the tomboy accused her.

The princess huffed viciously. "Liar! I'd rather die than touch your stupid hillbilly clothes!"

"Why you!" Lana cried and tackle her. The two rolled out of the room fighting.

"Well, the twins are acting normal." Lynn shrugged before giving Lori a hesitant smile. "So? I hope this wasn't too much of a dilemma for you, Lori? Being in charge of the house?"

"I must admit, I had my doubts." Rita stated while looking around, looking downright impressed. "But looks like you handled the situation well, with only with minimal damage."

" _Much, much better than I ever dared to hope for_." she added mentally.

"In charge of what?" a puzzled Lori replied.

Rita looked at her oddly. "The house, Lori. We left you in charge while your father and I went out." she said suspiciously.

"You did?" Lori looked confused before shaking her head and grinning nervously. "I mean, of course, you did."

"They did? Cuz I don't remember any of that?" Leni scratched her head. "Actually, I don't remember much of anything after giving mom her gift."

Their parents looked bewildered and Lori bumped her sister in the shoulder. "Well, Leni..." she said awkwardly "...you should probably get some bed rest. That bump on your head sure did a number on you."

Rita eyed her daughter suspiciously. Something seemed off. Her first suspicion was quickly debunked as she detected no smell of alcohol from any of the teens.

When Lynn asked Bobby why he was here, the boy looked confused but Lori claimed that he had helped her babysit.

Rita exchanged glances with her husband, who also seemed a bit suspicious.

"Can someone please untie me? Anyone?" Luan begged, with no one paying attention to her.

"Man, this majorly blows! Some jerk swiped my guitars!" Luna came in complaining, followed by Sam, who was rubbing her aching head. They both halted nervously upon seeing Rita and Lynn.

"Mom? Dad?" the rocker blurted and looked at her sisters and Bobby. Were they busted?

Luna gulped and grinned awkwardly. "Sup? So, did ya enjoy your night out?" she tried to sound chill and exchanged a nervous glance with her friend.

Rita eyed them suspiciously but Lynn released a hearty chuckle. "You bet we did! And I see you girls managed to keep this place in order."

The two rockers sighed inwardly. They weren't busted.

"Well, what did I tell ya, pops?" Luna chuckled awkwardly. "Lori's a born babysitter." she gestured at her sister.

"Eh...thanks, Luna." Lori smiled nervously. She still barely had a clue what was going on, but her gut told her to play along for now.

The sudden amnesia she, Bobby, Leni and who knows who else was currently experiencing would remain a riddle for another day.

* * *

Ryan and Lincoln watched them from upstairs.

"Huh? They don't remember jack about being zombies? Figures." Ryan whispered sarcastically.

"Might as well be for the better. No one should remember an experience like that." Lincoln replied forlornly.

"Saves us a butt-load of explaining too." Ryan shrugged before rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "You think Lynn's gonna believe us about any of this?"

Lincoln mumbled irritably and walked away.

"What? Too soon?" Ryan asked him and followed.

They entered Lisa's ravaged room, carefully avoiding all the broken glass and found her looking through a microscope, examining several DNA samples she had managed to take from the girls in a hurry. The damaged body of Fenton was lying on an operating table next to her.

She heard their footsteps. "You're here, I have good news." she spoke up before turning towards them. "I haven't discovered any abnormalities in any of the samples. I can say without any doubt that our siblings have been fully restored to normality." she told them simply.

Lincoln sighed with relief. The nightmare was indeed over.

"Except that they seem to be suffering from some amnesia." Ryan pointed out casually.

"They don't have any recollection of being zombies?" Lisa rubbed her chin and shrugged. "It adds up, considering their minds were literally festering away during their stint as mutated abominations..." she mused.

"Well, isn't that mighty convenient for you." Lincoln spat hatefully. "You nearly caused the end of the world and no one will ever know about it!"

"I'll say." Ryan groaned. "Can you believe it? We saved the world tonight and we'll get zero credit for it? What a load of bullshit."

"We never would have had to save it in the first place if it weren't for this little, karma-dodging idiot!" Lincoln pointed at Lisa, who flinched fearfully.

"Lincoln, let's not get volatile about this. Yes, I've nearly caused a major crisis but we've managed to stop it in the nick of time. No lasting harm was done. All's well that ends well, right?" she smiled nervously.

Lincoln glowered fiercely. "No, it's not! We stopped this one? Well isn't that hunky-dory!" he spat sarcastically. "But what about your next little science experiment? What if we aren't there to stop you from blowing up all of Michigan!"

"Lincoln, it was an unfortunate accident!" Lisa argued. "This serum was never intended to be used on a human being!"

"Yeah, yeah, just how most of your inventions were never meant to be used because they keep spontaneously combusting!"

"Kid, you are, to be quite frank, a menace to society." Ryan added coldly. "Any whacko who can wip up a zombie serum at the drop of a dime oughta be locked up and have the keys thrown away."

"You might be on to something." Lincoln reluctantly agreed, much to Lisa's shock.

"But, brother-"

"Don't give me any buts now!" Lincoln snapped at her with pure contempt.

He leaned down and glared daggers at her. "A loose cannon like you shouldn't be allowed to roam free! We almost lost our family tonight all because of your callous stupidity!"

Lisa shrank and a single tear dropped from her eye.

"Uggh! What in the world did I ever do to deserve a sister like you!?"

Ryan smirked under his mask. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Lincoln turned towards him and looked hesitant to speak.

"Thanks for helping us." he said simply.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Don't get sentimental now. I had enough mysery for one night."

Lincoln grew irritated but kept his composure. "I mean it. You could have run away but you stayed and helped us. Thanks for that."

"Yeah, sure..." Ryan snarked indifferently and walked off to place one foot on the window.

"Where are you going?" Lincoln asked.

"Home. To take a nap." Ryan turned around exasperatedly. "I had enough insanity for one day."

"Please, just let me have eight hours of sleep before the next disaster, kay?" he snarked before jumping out of the window.

He grabbed hold of a tree branch and swung himself towards a patch of bushes, landing on his feet and disappearing into the night.

Lincoln watched him go before turning back towards his sister, sending her a cold glare.

"Lincoln, please let me explain." Lisa begged him but he simply pushed past her and opened the door.

"There's nothing to explain." he retorted coldly.

"But-"

"But nothing. I don't want to look at you!" with that he slammed the door shut, leaving Lisa alone in her room.

She could do nothing but stand there, deathly silent and hanging her head as more tears escaped from her eyes.

* * *

 **And so the zombie thriller evening comes to an end for the Louds, with only three people walking away remembering it...well, except maybe for all of Lori's classmates who were invited to the party. That might cause some trouble for the three eldest Loud sisters somewhere down the line XD**

 **This tale ended on a bit of a downer and Lisa will undoubtedly be left in a very bad place for a while carrying the knowledge that she almost doomed her family (and the world) but on the plus side this experience will definitely play a huge role in teaching her that her actions can have astronomical consequences. Something that will be important for securing a better future for the family.**


	22. Mending And Moving On

Lincoln was in for a long night. Sleep would not come easy, or at all to him.

After storming out of Lisa's room there was little left for him to do. All their sisters, sans Luna, were suffering from amnesia and his parents were none the wiser about Lisa's near-world ending science project.

With no need for any immediate damage control, the enraged and shaken boy simply went to his room and collapsed into his bed. His anger slowly started fading away and was gradually replaced by plain horror while reminiscing about his near-death experience.

Since it was late, everyone went to bed quickly, and his father briefly dropped by for a private talk about what actually went down while he and Rita were away. Lincoln reluctantly decided to lie and pretend that everything had been fine.

Telling the truth would simply have resulted in his old man thinking of him as crazy. Even if Lisa had admitted about her wrongdoings, their father would most likely still not have believed them and would have probably called a therapist for both of them. That obviously wouldn't have boated well with his mission to fix his family's fate.

He spent hours staring blankly at the ceiling, shell-shocked and distraught, with his arms spread. He just laid there, barely moving and slowly trying to wrap his mind around everything that had transpired, trying to adjust to the miraculous aftermath of him and everyone else being alive and the zombie outbreak having been dealt with.

Lincoln felt a small tinge of joy knowing his parents had fun on their date and watching them go to bed happy, but after that he was once again left by his lonesome, trying to pull himself back together.

Overall, today's goal had technically been a success but that proved to be of little comfort to someone who had just witnessed his sisters transforming into the undead.

He had no one to talk to, no one to comfort him. He couldn't call Clyde or any of his other friends. Who in their right mind would believe him?

Unsurprisingly, he couldn't fall asleep, but that did give Lincoln the chance to contemplate a way to tie up one last loose end. Or at least try to mend it as best as he could.

Around 3 a.m, Lincoln grabbed his blue ski mask along with some gloves and black clothes and snuck into Lori's and Leni's room. They were thankfully soundly asleep, which made it easy for him to snatch their phones.

Trying to decipher their individual passwords was rather quick and simple. Lincoln's first guess was "Bobby" and "Password" respectively, and he was in.

Lincoln sent about a dozen fake messages to their closest friends, boasting to them about how they were all punked by the greatest "early Halloween" prank in their school's history.

Lincoln knew that this would only leave his sisters more confused, but feeding the other teens a believable cover story would at least minimize the chances of his family getting unwanted attention in the wake of the incident.

Making a quiet exit, Lincoln undressed and took a long shower before returning to his room and put on his pajamas. There was nothing left but to try and get some shut eye.

But he spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, feeling tired but unable to nod off. He faintly recalled seeing the sky becoming lighter through the small circular window above before he finally lost consciousness.

* * *

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" a chipper voice woke him up and Lincoln felt someone tapping his forehead.

Now sporting long bags underneath his bloodshot eyes, Lincoln pulled his crusty eyelids open and shook his head.

After adjusting his vision, the startled boy's first instinct was to scream only for someone to clamp their hand over his mouth, silencing him.

A sarcastic greeting soon followed. "Good morning to you too, sleeping beauty." Lincoln quickly calmed down, recognizing the hideous, pale creature that was gagging him as not a zombie, but Ryan.

"Mphphh...meph moe!" the struggling Lincoln scowled while trying to pry the latter's hand off his mouth. Ryan chuckled and let go, and Lincoln stood up while gasping for air.

"You might wanna keep your voice down." Ryan snarked. "Don't want the ugly step-meddlers snooping around."

"What are you doing here?" Lincoln blurted.

"I didn't break in, believe me." Ryan smarmily answered in advance. "Your mom let me in."

"Mom?" Lincoln blinked and looked around in confusion. "Wait? What time is it?"

"Eight in the morning." Ryan shrugged. "Didn't get much sleep last night, huh?"

"What do you think?" Lincoln sighed flatly while rubbing his eyes, too tired to argue.

"I figured, cuz you look _terrible_." Ryan laughed. Lincoln didn't bite and stayed calm.

"So why are you here?" Lincoln asked him again before noticing that Ryan had ditched his usual jeans and sneakers for black swim shorts and sandals.

"To pick you up, pipsqueak." Ryan shrugged before tossing the younger boy a pair of orange swim trunks. "So get dressed, cuz we're going swimming!"

"What the?" Lincoln caught them and eyed Ryan suspiciously. "Wait? Did you rummage through my closet!"

"Yup." Ryan nodded casually.

Lincoln fumed but had more pressing concerns on his mind. "What do you mean we're going swimming? I barely got any sleep."

"So we can meet up with Lynn, duh!" Ryan snarked. "Her bus is coming back and I called her and suggested that we go have some fun after last night's fiasco. What? Didn't I tell you that?" he feigned innocence.

"No, you didn't..." Lincoln gave him a deadpan glare before sighing. "Fine, I'll come."

"Good." Ryan clapped his hands and headed out.

"Wait? Where are we going to swim?"

"Oh, don't you worry." Ryan looked over his shoulder. "We're going to the public pool, so there won't be any One Eye lurking around this time." he added jokingly before closing the door.

Lincoln shuddered but got up to pull his shorts on. Though still shaken, he told himself that he had to remain strong. Whatever had happened last night didn't change the fact that they still had a mission to fulfill, so he needed to pull himself together and barrel onward.

* * *

Ryan waited outside, leaning against the wall and humming in boredom before Lincoln came out, wearing his shorts and sandals, along with a very miserable look on his face.

"Let's go..." he said in a drab tone as he swung a towel over his shoulders and marched past Ryan.

"Why the long face?" Ryan inquired as he caught up with him and followed him downstairs.

"Like you don't know..." Lincoln grumbled.

"Pffft...don't be so melodramatic!" Ryan slapped him on the back, much to his ire. "We're all still alive and human, aren't we?"

Lincoln was about to retort when he caught sight of his mother walking towards the kitchen, carrying some groceries.

" _Keep your voice down_." Lincoln whispered to Ryan.

"Oh, good morning, sweetie." Rita greeted them. "I see you're up."

"Good morning, mom." Lincoln nodded and tried to act casual as the two came down.

"How you're doing." Ryan nodded politely.

Rita squinted as she noticed her son's disheveled appearance. "Lincoln, are you okay? You look like you haven't had any sleep?" she asked in concern.

Lincoln gulped and stiffened. "Well...I...guess I'm suffering from a little insomnia." he told her half-a truth.

"Aw, my poor baby." Rita walked closer to them. "Did you have nightmares about arriving in school naked again?"

Ryan snickered and Lincoln turned crimson. "Mom, please. I'm fine." he said hastily. "I just... wasn't doing much yesterday so I wasn't tired. That's why I wanna practice doing laps at the pool today." he lied.

"Oh, I see." Rita chuckled, realizing she had probably embarrassed him. "And I approve of that, some exercise would do you good. Just don't let Lynn talk you into being your opponent, we all know she's way out of your league...and everyone else's."

"Yeah, she sure is..." Lincoln said awkwardly "...eh...you're up early too, mom. Is anyone else?"

"Not that I know of." his mother shrugged. "I decided to let your father sleep in today and prepare him some breakfast. I think he earned it after all the trouble he went through to take me out last night."

Lincoln smiled. His mother definitely seemed happy and looked like she had a more positive opinion of her husband now. Lincoln just hoped that it would last.

"I see." he nodded. "Well, we don't wanna keep Lynn waiting. Best be going."

"Catch you later, Mrs.L. I promise I`ll keep the little guy safe." Ryan waved goodbye as they left.

"I know you will. You boys have fun." Rita replied goodnaturedly and headed for the kitchen.

Once she was out of earshot, Ryan snickered wryly. "You? Butt-naked a school, eh? Now there's an image."

"Just...shut up." Lincoln grumbled as he opened the door.

"Hey."

Lincoln yelped and jolted back, bumping into Ryan.

"Lucy?" he stared in surprise at the goth, who was standing at the doorway in her pajamas and holding an empty jar.

"Spooky? You're up already?" Ryan laughed, trying to hide that he too was startled.

"I collect moths and feed them to Fang and his flock once every week at dawn before they retreat back to their cavern." Lucy explained stoically while showing them the jar. "I almost forgot about it, because last night I suffered a random spout of amnesia after you left, Ryan."

"Amnesia? Huh, what are the odds?" Ryan feigned surprise.

"It's very weird." Lucy mused. "I think Lori, Leni, the twins and even Bobby have it too."

"That's indeed weird." Lincoln chuckled nervously while sending Ryan a look that screamed: "let's get out of here".

"But I wouldn't worry about it." he continued. "I...saw mom throwing away two cartons of expired orange juice a few minutes ago. I heard somewhere that if you drink expired fruit juice you'll feel dizzy and even experience short-term memory loss."

"I never heard about that." the goth said simply.

"Eh, it's been nice seeing you again, kiddo. But we're on a schedule and really gotta get going." Ryan pointed out.

"Where to?" Lucy wondered before noticing what they were wearing. "You're going swimming?"

"...yes?" Lincoln responded hesitantly.

"Can I come too?"

The boys exchanged glances.

"I'm afraid not." Lincoln said sadly. Seeing her disappointed frown made him feel like trash. "I'm sorry, Lucy. But I don't think you...you..."

"You wouldn't be welcomed where we're going." Ryan finished for him.

"Why?"

"Eh...it's a secret bathing place that Lynn and her friends found. It's kinda like a private clubhouse and they have some very strict rules. Ten and older allowed only." Ryan lied.

"Yeah, and you know how Lynn is." Lincoln played along. "You wouldn't like being around her anyway, right?"

"Well...yes..." Lucy replied timidly "...but I-"

"See, you're not missing out on anything." Ryan shrugged and grabbed Lincoln's arm. "We can hang out later. See ya, Spooky." he said quickly as he left and dragged Lincoln along with him.

Watching them go, Lucy hung her head sullenly. "Sigh."

* * *

Unbeknownst to the boys, there was another Loud in the house who was already awake.

She had heard the two conversing in the hallway, and had considered confronting her brother but couldn't find the courage to step out of her own laboratory, or what remained of it.

A disheveled Lisa observed them walking down the street through her window. She sighed and walked away, her bloodshot eyes stinging every time she blinked.

Lisa hadn't slept since the zombie incident, how could she? Her mind had been restless all night long, a flurry of emotions running through her elaborate mind ever since her brother had angrily stormed out of her room.

Left alone, the toddler genius experienced a feeling she had never known before. Lisa usually viewed emotions as a quaint but meaningless notion, one which was of little for progress on her scientific endeavors and therefore she rarely tapped into them.

That's not to say that she still didn't regularly if unknowingly experience and express a wide range of emotions, namely pride for her own intellect and an ever-present sense of superiority over her intellectually inferior kin.

Self-loathing was a different beast altogether. The feeling of disdain for her own existence was completely foreign to her. Anger and contempt for others, namely her own siblings, was a familiar sensation to her, but anger and contempt for herself weren't.

Her first instinct was to do what she always did whenever she felt inconvenienced: immerse herself into her work. Rebuilding Fenton provided the ideal project for her to focus on and forget about these negative emotions.

But it didn't work. Fenton had been rebuilt hours ago and was now lying on the operating table with several tubes sticking out of him as he was still in the process of recharging, but Lisa felt no better than before.

With most of her lab equipment destroyed, Lisa was stuck with only one other possible option to distract herself, by cleaning up her own mess.

The genius had little experience executing such a menial task but it didn't take much thought to deduce how to use a broom and dustpan.

She resumed sweeping up the remaining broken glass off the floor. It felt demeaning doing this, but as the hours went by Lisa felt an odd and increasing amount of joy at her own misery, as if she deserved to suffer and be humiliated as much as possible.

The only thing weirder than that was her realization at how little grief she felt about the destruction of her lab. In fact, she felt the opposite.

Lisa felt no desire to pursue any further scientific projects, the mere thought of it only increased her self-loathing.

This abrupt and new line of thinking scared her and confused her.

" _Why am thinking this_?" in her despair she once again went through the same internal monologue she had recited over a dozen times before within the last six hours.

" _It's not my fault. I should not be held accountable for this! So, okay! I did conceive the serum and it was flawed but I responded with the most rational course of action. I tried to destroy it. It was Fenton who bungled up the very simplistic and ridiculously easy assignment I gave him!_ "

She glared at the fox with her tired eyes, clutching her broom for support as she feared she would soon drop from her mental exhaustion.

" _Why? Why do I feel like this? I didn't inject that infernal potion into anyone! It was all Leni's doing! Yes, I know it's just a theory with only circumstantial evidence, but come on! Lana was so weak she could barely move! Someone must have brought the serum to her! Lincoln, Luan, Lucy, Lola and Ryan were all in my presence at the moment when Lana most likely consumed it, Lynn, mother and father were all completely absent from the perimeter and my remaining three sisters were busy mingling with their peers unless they went up to use the latrine-UGH! Why am I overthinking this! Who else in this house would be dense enough to take a random container filled with an unidentified liquid and feed it to an ill person? It had to have been that imbecile! It's basic logic founded on deductive reasoning!_ "

Lisa didn't know if she was still just thinking this or if she had started rambling to herself out loud, she couldn't think straight anymore and fell to her knees while still clutching her broom.

" _It's not my fault! It's Leni's for being an idiot! It's Lana's for being a callous and disgusting pig! It's Fenton's for being incompetent! It was an unfortunate string of coincidences! It's not my fault that I almost doomed all of mankind!_ "

Lisa kept trying to reason that she was not at fault, but try as she might she couldn't even convince herself.

A random thought crept into her mind. " _What were the five stages of grief again?_ " she thought. Was she simply in denial? Or was she already moving on to anger?

* * *

The cheers and laughter of kids and adults alike could be heard all around him. People were swimming past him, splashing each other, playing ball and just having a good time.

Which made Lincoln stand out like a sore thumb as he was just sitting there at the pool's edge, slouching and looking forlorn.

He noticed a dark form swimming below the surface and heading towards a pair of kids around Lucy's age who were distracted playing with a beach ball. Lincoln sighed and shook his head.

"RAWR!" Ryan erupted from the water with his teeth bared in front of the kids, making them both scream. Ryan hollered with laughter as they ran towards their parents and casually did a backstroke back towards his companion while the mother was yelling and shaking her fist at him.

"Learn to take a joke, lady! Sheesh." he shouted mockingly as he floated on his back next to Lincoln while resting his head on his arms.

He glanced at Lincoln, who shot him a blank, dejected look before looking away.

"What? No 'Have you no shame, Taylor! Traumatizing little kids! Yapp! Yapp! Whine! Whine!'" Ryan raised his voice up to an annoyingly high pitch as he did his mock impression of Lincoln.

"What difference would it make..." Lincoln muttered.

Ryan studied him before groaning and letting his body sink under the surface. "Quit being a drama queen, will ya! Try having some fun. It's just pathetic watching you sulk there."

"Whatever..."

Frowning, Ryan pulled his head below surface and quickly reemerged with puffed up cheeks. Lincoln barely flinched as he was squirted in the face and simply wiped it clean with his arm before resting his head in his hand, ignoring Ryan's laughter which quickly died down as the latter failed to get a funny reaction out of the former.

Ryan made an exaggerated groan and snapped his head back. "Oh, c'mon. As if you weren't dour enough already. You're sucking all the fun out of this!"

"Sorry for being the more mature one..." Lincoln grumbled, his tone very hollow without any sense of amusement.

"Oh, is that what you people call being a lifeless killjoy?" Ryan sneered. "Pfft...why don't ya put on a wig and you could pass as Renee's clone."

No response, Lincoln just stared at his own reflection in the water.

Floating next to him in silence, Ryan grumbled in irritation. What was the point of hackling him if he was just going to remain glum and unresponsive?

Ryan hauled himself out of the water and grabbed his towel to clean himself up. He looked back at Lincoln, unsure of what to say next.

"Is that zombie thing really weighing on you that much?"

"We almost died yesterday. I watched my sisters get decapitated half a dozen times. The whole world almost went to shit." Lincoln responded in a blunt but even tone with his back turned. "Not all of us make light of nearly dying."

Ryan stayed quiet. Was Lincoln really that traumatized from last night's event? Sure, Ryan couldn't deny that he too had been scared for his life and was worried if Luan, Lucy and Lana could be saved, but it all turned out well in the end, didn't it?

" _But with Lizzie still being at large, who knows how long till the next disaster_." he mused and sat next to Lincoln.

Ryan exhaled irritably. "Alright, I get it. Living through a real-life zombie thriller left you mentally scarred and shit, but it's over now. There's no point in moping around about it. If you want to get over it, try having some fun and you'll feel better. You don't have to be such a whiner about it."

"Excuse me for not having nerves of steel like you do." Lincoln grumbled with a hint of sarcasm. "What do you care anyway?"

"Because...watching you like this is just annoying." Ryan groaned. "You're Eeyore routine is killing my buzz!"

"You asked me to come with you..." Lincoln muttered.

"Oh, aren't you a clever one..." Ryan snarked before spotting an ice cream vendor at the other end of the pool.

"Okay, how about I get us some ice cream? That oughta help numb down your sulkiness."

"I don't care..." Lincoln looked away. Ryan narrowed his eyes irritably, thinking about pushing him into the water and telling him to "soak his head", but somehow that didn't seem like it would be very funny given the circumstances.

"Hey, I'm trying to be nice here, Snowy! Don't you brush me off!" Ryan retorted curtly. "Now what flavor do you want?"

"Same to me..." Lincoln muttered absentmindedly.

Ryan rolled his eyes and clenched his fists. "Look! I'm gonna buy you ice cream and you're gonna like it! Capisce?"

A look of mirth quickly returned to his face. "And it's gonna be pistachio, cuz I like the color."

With that, Ryan left. Lincoln barely paid attention to him and continued watching his own reflection.

* * *

" _Is shoving all these assholes out of the way against the pool rules?_ " Ryan thought sarcastically while waiting at the end of a long line.

He folded his arms and tapped his foot impatiently while sending the occasional death glare that frightened the kids in front of him should they give him a funny look.

" _Waiting in line and being stuck with a sulky pipsqueak, this blows!_ " he lamented inwardly. " _Where the hell is Lynn anyway!_ "

He got his answer as he heard a door opening, followed by a familiar voice.

"Pew, I wouldn't go in there for a couple of days."

Ryan looked around and saw Lynn in her red swimsuit stepping out of one of the bathrooms while waving her hand to clear the air.

Everyone in her immediate vicinity gagged, coughed and/or pinched their noses as they fleed.

"Wut?" Lynn shrugged her shoulders innocently. "Me and my team had three plates of chilly dogs to celebrate our victory!" she boasted and pumped her fists.

"Lynn!"

She turned to the familiar voice and smiled as Ryan ran up to her.

"There you are, you doofus!" she teased him, not noticing how the boy was eyeing her with somber joy. "Sorry for being late. I was sorta stuck in there for a while." she pointed at the bathroom before rubbing her belly.

"I don't think those chilly dogs agreed with me-hey!" Lynn yelped and blushed when Ryan suddenly hugged her.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" she asked him in bewilderment.

Turning red himself, Ryan jerked back and released her. "Oh...ehhhh...sorry about that." he chuckled sheepishly and fiddled with his fingers.

"I didn't mind the hug..." Lynn replied shyly, rubbing her arm. "It's just...since when were you a hugger?"

Ryan rubbed his neck and glanced aside. "Well, I...I'm just glad to see you. You know how...well last night I was kinda worried that I might never see you again."

Lynn's face dropped and she snorted, remembering what he was referring to.

"How dumb do you take me for?" she placed her hands on her hips with an annoyed look on her face. "You expect me to believe that you and Lincoln fought zombies last night? Get real!"

Ryan relaxed and shrugged in an aloof manner. "I'm not trying to pull your leg, Lynn. Everything I told ya is 100% true. Lana caught the flue and then drank one of Lizzie's serums and trough some science mumbo jumbo that combo turned her into a zombie and the virus spread like wildfire."

Lynn huffed and folded her arms. "Yeah right..." she replied snidely "...and I suppose Lana wore a dress and Lola wore overalls for that evening too?"

" _Oh, you have no idea_..." Ryan shuddered inwardly.

"Ryan, if you wanna fool me then you gotta make your tall tales a little less... completely bonkers and obviously fake." the jock smirked mockingly.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Well, if my word isn't good enough, you can always ask Lizzie about it. Or the pipsqueak. He's pretty messed up because of it."

Lynn's face turned serious. "Lincoln? What's wrong with him?"

Ryan shifted uncomfortably. "Eh...better see it for yourself." he gestured for her to follow him and Lynn did so.

"And by the way..." Ryan shot her a flirtatious smile. "You should wear your hair down more often. You look really pretty."

Lynn blushed and unwittingly stroked her hair with one hand before elbowing Ryan. "Shut up..." she grumbled irritably before slowly growing a smile "...eh, you really think so?"

"Sure I do." Ryan shrugged coolly. Lynn felt flustered but immediately forgot about it as they found her brother.

Lynn studied him, something seemed off about him. She slowly walked up to him and kneeled down.

"Hey, bro? Something wrong?"

"Lynn?" he said surprise, but his tone was even.

"Yup, it's good to be back." Lynn smiled and sat next to him. "But it's even better to crush the Hazeltucky Hawks at softball!" she added in a boastful fashion while miming swinging a bat.

Ryan huffed as he sat opposite of Lincoln and elbowed him. "I'm still not sure if getting to fight zombies was better or worse than watching her twerk in victory." he snorted, much to Lynn's ire.

"Oh, you're just jealous that you missed out watching me on the field and instead spent your evening lying on your couch!" the jock retorted smugly before turning to Lincoln.

"Am I right, Linc?" she nudged him to back her up. "This doofus is salty cuz he missed out on a spectacle, so he made up some BS to make himself feel better?" she laughed mockingly but slowly stopped as she got no response from Lincoln.

"Linc?" she looked him in the eye and finally noticed the distraught look on his face. He looked like someone who had just gone through a terrible ordeal and to Lynn's surprise she saw him shedding a single tear.

"Linc, are you alright?" she grew more worried.

Without a single word, the white-haired boy gave her a definite "no" by leaning forward and embracing her. He dug his face into her chest and started shaking and quietly sniffing.

Lynn hugged him back instinctively. "Lincoln, what are you doing?" she asked worriedly.

Lynn was notoriously bad at reading other peoples' emotions but even she could see that her brother was genuinely distraught and needed comforting. The way he was quietly weeping and clinging on to her just couldn't be faked, it was the same as when she comforted him in his bed nearly a week ago.

"Ryan, what's wrong with him?" she asked fearfully.

Ryan watched them uncomfortably, not exactly being an expert at being sensitive, and rubbed his neck.

"I already told you. The whole zombie thing really screwed him up." he said in a serious tone.

Lynn was at a loss for words. Was Ryan being serious about this?

"Are you freaking kidding me?!" she blurted out loud but quickly lowered her voice as they received unwanted attention from onlookers. "Lisa turned our sisters into zombies? Are you shitting me?" she whispered with a bewildered look.

Ryan shook his head. "Every single word I told ya was true." he said stone-faced, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Lynn went slack-jawed for a minute, trying to digest that, before looking down at Lincoln's trembling form. Lynn bit her lip and hugged him tighter.

"It's okay, Linc. I'm here..." she said soothingly.

Ryan was surprised to see Lynn talking in such a gentle manner. He watched the siblings holding on to each other in awkward silence. For once, he truly felt like the best thing he could do right now was to keep his mouth shut.

* * *

The three had moved back toward the far end of the pool, as far away from everyone else as possible. Lincoln was sitting between his sister and Ryan sipping a coke, while they dipped their feet into the water.

"Feel any better now?" Lynn asked with a somber smile.

Lincoln moved his lips away from the straw and exhaled. "A little." he answered feebly, his mood somewhat better. "I'm sorry for breaking down like that. I just-"

"It's cool, Lincoln. Sounds like you went through a raw deal." Lynn smiled sympathetically. "You needed to let it all out, I get it. And we all know that Ryan is totally clueless when it comes to being supportive."

Ryan huffed as she sent him a mocking smirk.

"I guess. It felt good finally talking about it to someone." Lincoln sighed. "God, it was just so...screwed up."

Lynn gave Ryan an intrigued look. "So let me get this straight? You dressed up as a ninja and fought zombies with my hockey stick?"

"Yup." Ryan nodded.

Lynn sighed in defeat. "Alright, I give. I regret not staying behind. That stuff sounds a lot more awesome than playing in a run-of-the-mill softball tournament."

Lincoln looked at her disapprovingly and Lynn grinned sheepishly.

"It probably was a once in a lifetime experience." Ryan agreed coolly but his smile quickly faltered. "But I don't think it was quite worth almost dying in the process. Best leave it to the movies."

"Eh, sorry, Linc..." Lynn told her brother "...I just sorta think it would have been a thrill fighting zombies armed with nothing but sports equipment."

Lincoln actually managed to smile and sighed in resignation. "Lynn, your adrenaline addiction is gonna get you killed one day."

"Hey! It's only dangerous as long as you don't have the skills to pull it of!" Lynn rebutted confidently.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you'd actually been there." Lincoln said seriously. "That whole thing was just...unbeliveble."

"I'd say." Lynn agreed. "So Lisa officially made the jump from snooty braniac to full-blown mad scientist?"

"Making that creepy fox puppet into a robot was the first red flag in my opinion." Ryan snorted.

"Yeah, I always try to tell mom and dad whenever they're harping on me about my grades that having too much up there is dangerous." Lynn agreed while tapping her head.

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "No, I'm sure they're just doing that so you wouldn't be stuck in summer school right now." he told the jock with some levity.

"Oh, shut up..." Lynn bumped his shoulder.

"Hey Lincoln!" they suddenly heard someone calling for Lincoln, and Lynn quietly groaned, recognizing the voice.

"Clyde?" Lincoln looked up to see his friend waving at him and walking up next to Ryan only to slip on a small puddle of water and land into the pool with a big splash.

Lincoln winced while Ryan and Lynn split their sides laughing.

"What a klutz!" Ryan hollered while pointing at Clyde's surfacing head.

"Wicked wipe out, man!" Lynn clutched her stomach laughing.

"Guys! That wasn't funny!" Lincoln lamented before noticing Clyde thrashing and screaming in the water.

"AH! I can't see! Help! I'll drown!"

Lynn and Ryan looked at him incredulously before resuming their merry laughter while Lincoln groaned in embarrassment.

"Clyde, you don't need your glasses to remember how to swim."

"And the water here is like three feet deep, McBride." Lynn added wryly before noticing the latter's glasses floating next to her foot and picking them up.

Clyde calmed down and felt the floor of the pool with his foot before exhaling in relief and planting his feet down.

"Oh, yeah, thanks for the tip." he said sheepishly, neck deep into the water as he looked around trying to make out the three blurs in front of him. "Eh, which one of you is Lincoln?"

Rolling her eyes, Lynn leaned down and probed him in the face with the glasses which Clyde clumsily caught.

As he put them back on he noticed something. "Hey, did the water suddenly get warmer?"

The others noticed it too and grew looks of horror as they pulled their feet out of the water.

"Ew! Seriously?!" Lynn ranted angrily, causing Clyde to gulp in embarrassment.

"Hey! You would have done it too if you were afraid for your life!" he pointed at them accusingly.

"You guys know this dweeb?" an annoyed Ryan asked the sibling, earning incredulous glances from them while Clyde recognized him and went agape.

"What? Dude, we met like four days ago!" he complained incredulously.

"We did?" a confused Ryan studied him and tried to remember him before giving up and shrugging. "Sorry, man. Not ringing any bells."

Lynn snickered while Lincoln scowled at him.

"I was with Lincoln when you and Lynn drove off that bully and his emo cousin." Clyde clarified in annoyance.

"Oh, right!" Ryan snapped his fingers. "I remember Lincoln having a friend with him there, I just forgot everything else about him."

Lynn sniggered. "Well, I can't blame ya for it." she whispered to Ryan, causing Lincoln to elbow her in retaliation.

"Ignore him, Clyde. His highness couldn't be bothered to remember a face to save his life." Lincoln glared at Ryan, who smirked at him in return.

Suddenly, Lincoln's phone started ringing next to his towel.

"I'll get it." Ryan volunteered and walked away. " _Anything to get away from Mr. Pissy Pants._ "

"Ugh, whatever..." Clyde grumbled before facing Lincoln. "Lincoln, where have you been? Me and the guys haven't heard a peep from you in days!"

Lincoln shifted awkwardly. "Well...eh...I've been busy doing...stuff."

"He's been hanging out with me and Ryan." Lynn shrugged and pulled Lincoln into a one-armed hug.

"For four days?" Clyde inquired.

"Yes, gotta problem with family bonding?" Lynn scowled.

"No...I mean...I haven't seen him in days!" Clyde complained. "I'm not used to being separated from him for this long!"

"Guys..." Lincoln tried to interject.

"So? Get a stinking hobby." Lynn grew annoyed. "I got dibs on him cuz I'm his sister!"

"Can't argue with her." Ryan shrugged as he returned with Lincoln's phone in his hand. "By birthright, the lady's got Lincoln privileges."

He leaned down to the siblings. "It`s your daddy. I think he needs us."

Lincoln's eyes widened and he rose up. What now? He just hoped it wasn't too bad.

Lynn smiled. "Oh, well. Guess there's another family emergency." she stood up and tugged her brother up by the arm. "Let's get going."

"You're leaving already?" Clyde pouted.

Lynn walked off without another word and Ryan shot him a brief glance. "Try watching your footing, Cory." he snarked before following Lynn.

"Sorry, Clyde, dad needs me. See you some other time." Lincoln gave him an apologetic look and rushed after them.

"Lincoln, wait!" Clyde called after him and tried hauling himself out of the pool. But the moment he tried doing that, his arms gave up on him and he plunged back into the pool.

"Ow! Cramps, cramps..." he whimpered while rubbing his arms before a beach ball suddenly bounced off his head, knocking his glasses back into the water.

"Aw, man..." he whined as he searched around for them.

* * *

 **Another breather chapter. I initially started writing this as the begging of the next mini-story but it wound being a pretty lengthy prologue before the next conflict was even established so I decided to post it separately and wrote in an extra scene with Lisa in order to establish how everyone was doing after the near zombie apocalypse and give Lincoln a little bit of closure following his traumatic experience.**

 **So yes, Lisa is feeling pretty shitty about herself, Lucy is still being ignored and Lincoln remains determined despite the trauma he's repeatedly experienced, but on the upside, Rita seems to be faring better, if only because she has no idea what went down last night XD**


	23. One Long, Lousy Day: Picnic

**And now we continue. Warning: This chapter contains character death! Better brace yourself for this one.**

Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan were walking down the sidewalk, the formers' home soon coming into view.

"So, did he say what was going on?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, Lynn. He didn't go into detail, but he did sound scared and like he was in a hurry."

"That can't be good." Lynn mused while Lincoln was preoccupied observing his handheld calendar.

"I bet Lana and Lola overdosed on candy again and are now running rampant!" Lynn punched her palm with grim determination. "In that state, they're nigh-impossible to catch and restraint."

"I've caught wilder animals with my bare hands." Ryan said confidentially. "But knowing your sisters, they're probably demolishing the living room fighting over the remote."

"That does sound likely." Lynn shuddered, knowing full well how much destruction that scenario could entail.

"What do you think's going on, Lincoln?" she turned to her brother but he seemed distracted. "Lincoln!"

"Sorry, guys!" he shook himself out of his thoughts and faced her. "I was just counting down the remaining days until...'the incident'..."

"'The incident?'" Lynn's voice grew lower and her expression turned serious. She had almost forgotten about it. "How long?"

"Today's June 24th, meaning we only have five days left. It's getting closer." Lincoln replied grimly.

"Five days?" the jock said incredulously. Her gut started twisting with dread.

"Yes, we have to prepare ourselves for this. We won't get another chance."

"And have you reconsidered filling me in about that "incident"?" Ryan inquired with casual curiosity.

Lincoln glowered at him. "No, we told you that we swore never to talk about that terrible day again." he retorted firmly.

"Jerks." Ryan huffed. "Way to keep a guy out of the loop."

But he soon noticed Lynn's guilt-ridden expression once this topic was brought up, which reminded him not to press on about the matter.

He sighed and tried to lift her spirit. "But I guess it doesn't matter what happened that day, as much as preventing it from happening again. Eh...right, Lynn?"

She shifted before narrowing her eyes. "Yeah, but we'll only get one shot at this..." she said in a low voice. "We can't screw it up."

"We won't." Lincoln declared determinedly before realizing that they had reached the front door.

They quickly picked up noises from within the living room.

"You guys hear that?" Lynn blurted, prompting the three of them to press their ears against the door.

They grew alarmed as they were treated to the unmistakable sound of things breaking and kids screaming.

"Sounds like a riot!" Lincoln yelped.

"Time for action!" Lynn exclaimed and glanced at Ryan "We gotta restrain those loons!"

"Agreed!" Ryan nodded. "And let's not be gentle about it!"

* * *

The twins were watching tv on the couch as Luna walked by the door, stringing her reserve guitar when Lynn suddenly kicked the door open, spooking them.

Seeing Luna first, Lynn tackled the rocker to the floor. The twins gasped while Ryan and Lincoln rushed in after her.

"What are you doing?!" Lola yelled at the jock just before she and Lana were grabbed by the foot and hoisted up by Ryan.

"Hey, what gives-OW! Ow! Ow!" Luna yelped in pain as Lynn twisted her arm behind her back and pressed her face against the floor.

"Stop it, Luna! Whatever you guys were doing, it has to stop now!" Lynn shouted demandingly.

"Let go of me, you filthy ruffian!" Lola roared as she and Lana were dangling upside down in the air, blood rushing to their heads and their tiara and red cap hitting the floor.

"Now, now, Lala." Ryan cooed mockingly as he lifted them higher to meet his upside-down face. "You weren't exactly behaving like a proper princess yourself by breaking stuff."

"What?! We didn't break anything!" a squirming Lana cried, equally irritated.

"Dude! You're breaking my arm!" Luna squeaked to Lynn in a strained voice as Lincoln looked around, but much to his surprise he saw no evidence of any destruction.

"What's going on here?" he looked around frantically.

Lola glared daggers at him. "Your ugly troll of a friend attacked us! That's what's going on!"

"Girls, please keep the volume down!" Lynn Sr.'s voice came from the kitchen before the man himself appeared, wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a bowl.

"I'm trying to-what the?" his face dropped as he saw Lynn holding Luna down and Ryan holding the twins like trash bags. An awkward silence ensued as they and Lincoln locked eyes with the confused man.

At least, it would have been silent if not for the ruckus coming from the tv. Ryan slowly turned to look at the screen and realized that the twins had been watching cartoon characters fighting each other and destroying someone's home in the process.

Lincoln joined him and realized what was going on.

Blushing, he laughed nervously while meeting his father's gaze. "Ups...eh...false alarm, guys."

Ryan grinned sheepishly and hid the twins behind his back.

"What's going on!" Lynn demanded impatiently as she let go of Luna and joined the boys, while Ryan dropped the twins and Luna pushed herself to her feet.

"We heard sounds of carnage-oh?" Lynn turned silent upon seeing the cartoon playing on the tv screen.

She then looked at her father in embarrassment. "Eh...you wanted to see us?"

Lynn Sr. quietly placed the bowl on the nearby table as he tried to make sense of the situation. Eventually, he gave up and simply urged the three to follow him.

"Eh...yes! We have to talk!" he rushed behind them and pushed them into the kitchen. "Privately!"

"Hey! What's the big deal?" Luna shouted while flexing and massaging her arm.

"They're giving me culinary tips! By!" her father explained halfhazardly before disappearing from sight.

Luna stared on dumbfounded, as did the twins after getting up and rubbing their heads.

* * *

Once the four of them were alone and out of earshot, Lynn Sr. looked at his son and daughter.

"Okay? Eh...what was going on back there?" the man asked them. He didn't appear angry, merely perplexed.

"Dad, what's the crisis?" Lynn threw her hands up in annoyance.

"Crisis?" Lynn Sr. blinked. "Oh...oh, there's no crisis..." he assured them before looking aside uneasily "...well, eh...not yet at least."

The kids looked at each other.

"Right..." Ryan said dryly and raised his index finger. "Okay, just to be clear: is the house currently being wrecked or not?"

"Wrecked?" Lynn Sr. blinked again and chuckled awkwardly. "Oh, no! No, the girls aren't causing any trouble right now."

Lynn cocked an eyebrow. "Then what's the big emergency, dad?"

"You sounded pretty freaked out on the phone, and wait? Are you preparing lunch right now?" Ryan questioned after noticing his hat and apron.

Lincoln looked around and noticed kitchen utensils and various food products everywhere, and there was definitely something cooking and one or two dishes were already prepared and on the table. Nothing unusual there but then Lincoln took a whiff.

"And are you making Foie gras foam?" the boy inquired and raised an eyebrow.

"And is that caviar?" Ryan noticed the bowl containing said dish on the table.

"Caviar?" Lynn looked at it intrigued. "Cool. Can I taste some of that fancy food?"

Ryan smirked at her. "You do realize caviar is fish eggs, right?"

"Ew!" Lynn recoiled and stuck her tongue out. "Really?"

"Dad, that stuff isn't cheap?" Lincoln pointed out. "I don't think that's a wise choice for lunch given our budget. Is this for a special occasion?"

Lynn Sr. exhaled. "Eh, yes it is. I'm sorry kids, I should have explained myself from the start." he sighed and clutched his head, quickly growing out of breath. "I...I just couldn't think straight all morning."

"Wow, take it easy, dad. What's the matter?" Lynn told him, noticing his growing anxiety.

"Yeah, you must have called us for a reason? What's the problem?" Lincoln added.

"Something major happened. I can't believe he actually answered my call...but he did!" their father told them nervously, still jittery and out of breath. "I've tried contacting him for months!"

"Who dad?" the siblings asked simultaneously.

The man wiped the sweat off his forehead and tried to compose himself. "It's Timothy McCole!"

Lynn and Lincoln looked at him perplexed. Timothy McCole? Why did that name ring a bell? Then it hit them and they both went pale.

"Timothy McCole?" Ryan looked unimpressed. "Eh..is that someone I should know about?"

"That food critic you were talking about?" Lincoln blurted, answering Ryan's question.

"Yes, kids. This guy travels all over the world tasting exciting and exotic food, and he has agreed to come and taste my food!" his father answered in a tone that implied that he was on the verge of an anxiety attack.

"He's coming today?" Lynn asked him.

"Yes, and you kids know what's at stake. McCole is a very busy man, it's a miracle he's coming here at all. If I fail to impress him today I'll never get the opportunity to do it again, no doubts about that!" the jittery man continued.

Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other nervously. It was all coming back to them now. They remembered how this important business meeting had turned out for their poor father.

"And why would you want to impress some snooty, highbrow food critic?" Ryan asked him.

Lynn Sr. turned silent and sighed like he was fantasizing about something. "Because, if he likes my food he'll provide me with the necessary investments to help me realize my lifelong dream: to open up my own restaurant!"

"Your own restaurant?"

"Yes..." Lynn Sr. was no longer looking at Ryan and was staring off into space as a longing smile crept onto his face.

"Cooking has always been my passion. Ever since I was a boy I have dreamt of getting into the culinary business. This could be my one chance to put my former life as just another office drone behind me and pursue my dream job as a chef!"

Lincoln and Lynn grew more and more racked with guilt and self-loathing listening to their father. Neither needed to tell the other that this mission just got even more personal.

Ryan, on the other hand, let out a dry, hollow chuckle and shook his head. "Sir, following your dreams isn't a smart thing to do. That will only make it all the more painful when your hopes and dreams inevitably get squashed into paste." he emphasized his point by raising his fist and repeatedly smashing it into his open hand.

"Best to stick to your day job." he finished simply. "It pays the bills at least."

Lynn Sr.'s face dropped with sobering sadness while Lynn angrily elbowed her friend in the gut.

Ryan gasped and clutched it. "What? I'm just sharing life wisdom."

Lynn Sr. didn't know how to respond to this and raised his hands up. "Wow, wait! I haven't quit my job at the IT office and I don't plan to for a while. I'm not some naive, over-optimistic guy who would foolishly assume that his goals will work out perfectly in advance, I-"

"Of course not, dad." Lincoln cut in with a supportive smile. "But you're a great chef already! I have no doubt that McCole will love your food! You've got this!"

Lynn sent Ryan a death glare, signaling him to shut up, before joining Lincoln. "Yes, dad. You're a champion at cooking!"

Their father's lip started trembling and he struggled not to cry. "Thanks, kids." he stammered before rubbing his eye. "Eh, sorry. Got something in my eye."

The siblings looked at each other, a silent exchange going down.

"So lemme guess..." Lincoln sighed "...you need us to keep the girls away from the kitchen so you can finish your dishes in peace without any disturbance?"

"And also keep them far away from here when that critic guy arrives?" Lynn added, as seriously as her brother.

Their father stiffened. It sounded pretty terrible and manipulated when said like that, but he also knew that giving his girls the benefit of the doubt wasn't a wise choice. Not with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this on the line.

Before he could say a word, Lincoln raised his hands up. "Say no more, dad. We've got this."

"Yeah, only a chump would let those tornadoes of destruction roam near an important business meeting like yours." Lynn hung her head, sullenly but wholeheartedly agreeing with them.

Lynn Sr. likewise hung his head. He felt horrible for doing this but knew it was the right thing to do. Sulking over his lack of trust in his own daughters would get him nowhere, all he could do was get this over.

"So, you two think you can handle this?" he asked morosely.

"Sure we can! I'm always up for a challenge." Lynn erected herself with confidence. So did Lincoln.

"Yes, we'll keep them away for as long as we must. That's a promise."

Lynn Sr. grew a somber but appreciative smile. "Thanks, kids..."

* * *

The kids stepped out into the backyard and Lincoln motioned for them to get behind the tree. Once there, they huddled together and Lincoln started whispering.

"Okay, we have to devise a way to keep the girls away from home for the remainder of this day. Otherwise, dad will be screwed."

"No kidding." Lynn nodded. "Even if that McCole guy doesn't fall prey to any booby traps this time around, a minute together with someone like Lucy or Luan will drive away that haughty windbag."

Lincoln sighed ashamedly. "At least we won't have to worry about booby traps this time around, I was the one who started the damn thing after all."

"So, you gonna tell me how you crushed your old man's dreams, pipsqueak?" Ryan snarked. "Or is this another 'we shall never speak of this again' oath thing?"

Both siblings shot him dirty glares. "Wil you shut your trap! He feels bad enough about it as it is." Lynn growled at him.

"No, Lynn. He deserves to know." Lincoln sighed dejectedly. "Ugh, that day I was eager to eat my mac and cheese leftovers from last night's dinner. But the girls ate it all before I could. I was mad and installed booby traps in the fridge to keep my leftovers safe..."

"And the rest of us started doing the same..." Lynn continued bitterly. "Soon it became another stupid sibling war and we started putting traps elsewhere in the kitchen to keep our favorite snacks and dishes safe."

"And when that McCartney guy met up with your dad, they were in for some nasty surprises?" Ryan guessed. The siblings' grim expressions told him he guessed correctly.

"Yes, and that's why I made a vow never to eat mac and cheese again." Lincoln grumbled.

"We all oughta be banned from ever touching our favorite dishes again after the crap we pulled." Lynn sighed in agreement. "This is our one shot to redeem ourselves and set things straight. We can't let dad down!"

"I see..." Ryan said more respectfully. "But if the fridge war never happened-"

"It doesn't matter..." Lynn sighed "...with our sisters, another stupid war could break out at any minutes over any stupid reason. Luan greeting that critic with a joy buzzer also didn't help."

"Well, critics never did have a sense of humor." Ryan snorted. Lynn grew annoyed.

"Bottom line, we have to keep them away from here." Lincoln continued. "And preferably together, so we can keep an eye on them more easily."

"True, a shepherd's job is much easier if the flock doesn't scatter." Ryan quipped.

"How are we supposed to do that?" Lynn questioned. "They aren't exactly BFFs. What could possibly get them all to spend time together?"

"That's a good question..." Lincoln mused. "I seriously doubt any of them, except maybe Leni would be up for family time."

"So why don't we just _force_ them to do it?" Ryan suggested and the others looked at him oddly.

"Think about it, your dad is supposed to learn to be more assertive, right? So, just let him force them to spend a mandatory "sibling bonding day" together and have Blondy drive us somewhere far away for the rest of the day?"

"That could work." Lynn smiled.

"But why do you wish for fake bonding?" a fourth voice cut in.

Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan looked down to find Lucy standing in the middle of their circle and looking up at them.

They all jumped in fright and fell on their backs with Lucy stoically standing center stage.

"Lucy!" an enraged Lynn sat up and glared at her. "What the hell were you doing snooping around!?"

Ryan sat up too and gawked at her in disbelief. "How did you get there without any of us noticing?!"

"How much did you hear?" Lincoln asked her from behind.

Lucy faced him. "I heard about how you want to force our sisters for a road trip. Why?"

"Not your business, you nosy little rat!" Lynn rose to her feet, boiling. "If you tell them about this, I'm gonna-"

"Calm down, Lynn! Lemme talk with her." Lincoln told her before facing the goth.

"You wanna know why?" he asked her calmly and she nodded.

Lincoln sighed and continued. "Dad's got an important business meeting here today, with someone who might help him start his own restaurant."

"I thought that food critic was ignoring him." Lucy noted.

"He did, but he finally called him back. And dad wants to be left alone so we won't mess this up for him."

"Lincoln! You can't share such private info with her!" Lynn lamented only to feel Ryan's hand on her shoulder.

"Easy there. Spooky's on our side." he reassured her. "Well, not yours, obviously. But on mine and the pipsqueak's."

Lynn glowered at him.

"That makes sense." Lucy concluded. "That's very thoughtful of you guys. And very surprising of you, Lynn."

Lynn seethed at the remark. But this wasn't the end of her ire.

"You wanna help us?" Lincoln asked the goth, more or less knowing the answer.

The goth hung her head. "Sigh. I don't think I'll be of much use. I can barely get them to notice me, let alone listen to me."

"That won't be necessary." Ryan reassured her. "We just need help watching them. Four pairs of eyes are better than three."

"I could do that." Lucy smiled.

"Doubt it." Lynn snorted and folded her arms. "I'm not seeing any eyes under those bags."

"One does not need sight to perceive." Lucy said cryptically.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." the jock sniggered mockingly.

"Says the girl whose catchphrase is 'Lynner, Lynner, chicken dinner'" Lucy retorted calmly.

"She's got you there." Ryan snickered, prompting Lynn to seeth.

"On whose side are you on!" she snapped at him, forcing him to take a step back.

"Yours, of course. And hers." Ryan shrugged, his response only frustrating the jock further. "But I gotta give props to a fellow troll."

"Guys, we're wasting time." Lincoln stepped in. "We have a trip to prepare for."

* * *

Cliff opened his eyes and started yawning and stretching himself only for his head to bump into a ceiling. The black cat winced and crouched down, before noticing a still sleepy Charles stirring next to him.

Confused, Cliff crawled out from underneath their hiding place which turned out to be below a dumpster surrounded by trash cans and trash bags with flies buzzing all around them, near a rundown gas station at the edge of town. That explained the array of foul odors.

Cliff meowed loudly, expecting to be fed, only to remember he wasn't at home. Cliff recalled how last night he, Charles and Geo fleed from their home after their owners randomly turned into grotesque, snarling monsters and ran for hours until they felt safe enough, and then searched for a night shelter.

His stomach growling, the cat searched around for anything edible when he came across something unusual, a small crushed piece of plastic coated in a sticky substance with little patches of red. Cliff recognized the smell of it, dog drool and...blood?

A noise from behind him diverted his attention. He looked back to see Charles pulling himself out from beneath the dumpster as well, the cone around his head making it especially difficult to squeeze himself in and out.

The bull terrier yawned. His eyes scanned his surroundings and he only saw Cliff, with Geo nowhere to be found. The moment Charles focused in on the cat, he yelped and cowered.

Cliff tilted his head in confusion as he saw a look of pure terror wash over the canine's face as he whimpered and backed up against the dumpster.

That's when Cliff's sensitive hearing picked up a new sound, a footfall, the sound of something running.

Cliff spun around and promptly screeched and his tail puffed up as he saw a huge black mass with sharp teeth charging at him. Cliff jumped back at the last second to avoid the beast's snapping jaws and landed on Charles's back, digging his claws into the dog's hide.

The sudden pain gave the frozen Charles enough of a jolt to make his legs and brain function again and he bolted away with a petrified Cliff on top of him as their attacker slammed against the dumpster.

Charles ran across the empty road and towards the forest.

Recovering quickly, One Eye growled as he watched his prey escape and ran after them, covering the road with only two bounds.

His tongue flopping, Charles sped through the forest, burning out quickly with the extra weight on his back. He didn't dare to look back, but Cliff did and screeched fearfully.

One Eye was gaining on them fast, bolting through the forest with ease. His massive form was getting closer and closer, his panting grew louder and louder.

Cliff watched him with complete horror, for a few seconds the cat was certain that they were dead. Charles didn't look back and saw the trees slowly spreading out along with hearing the sound of flowing water.

Then it happened, Cliff screeched at the top of his lungs as One Eye was practically looming over him. The wolf bit one of Charles hindlegs, causing him to let out a high-pitched yelp and lose his footing.

Before they knew it, both cat and dog hit the ground and were tumbling down a hill, with One Eye following them. The tumbling didn't last long, as both quickly found themselves falling through the air, with the roars of a river below them.

At the last second, Cliff made a desperate attempt to grab something and hooked his claws into a root sticking out of the cliff. He stopped falling and was clinging on for dear life. Then he heard a splash and look down to see that Charles had vanished beneath the waves.

Cliff pulled himself up, securing a better grip on a thicker and longer root further above with both his back and front legs. Suddenly, pebbles dropped past him and the terrified cat looked up, only to find a bulging boulder blocking his view. A stroke of luck for him.

Standing at the edge of the cliff, One Eye observed the raging river and saw that his prey was gone. The wolf let out a low growl and turned around.

Cliff caught a glimpse of him walking near the edge before vanishing into the forest.

Cliff clung on to the root, trying to catch his breath. He was safe, now he just needed to climb back up. He looked back at the river and it dawned on him that his companion might not have been so lucky.

* * *

In their room, Leni was lying on her belly in bed reading a fashion magazine, while Lori was looking for the appropriate dress to wear while pressing her phone against her ear with her shoulder.

"Why of course and I'm excited for our date, Boo-Boo Bear!" Lori chatted affectionately while looking through the coat hangers in her closet. "I know you had to work there for months before you could secure a reservation, and I'm like totally proud of you. I knew my emotional support would get you through it."

"Lori? Can you tell me something?" Leni waved her arm to gain her attention.

"Not now, Leni!" Lori hissed irritably before resuming her chat with her boyfriend. "No, I still haven't figure out why my memories of last night are so hazy but I'm sure a nice, relaxing date oughta clear both of our minds-"

"Lori, may we have a moment?" her father suddenly entered the room.

Lori shot him a dirty glare. "Not now! I'm talking to my future husband if you don't mind!" she hissed in warning before resuming her phone chat.

"Lori, this is very important." Lynn Sr. continued in a firm tone when Leni approached him.

"Dad! I'm so glad you're here!" she started cheerfully and showed him the magazine. "Can you tell what language this is? These letters are like so weird."

Lynn struggled to keep a straight face. "Leni, it's English. You're just holding it upside down." he grabbed the magazine and turned it around for her. "Here, try it like that."

"Ohhh, that makes sense. I wondered why all the pictures were flipped. Thanks, dad." Leni replied gratefully as she started reading it.

Her father turned back to Lori. "Lori, we have to talk. Right now!"

Lori grumbled in annoyance before whispering, " _Talk to you later. Love you!_ " and ending the call.

"Dad! Are you trying to ruin my relationship!" Lori snapped at him.

Lynn held his ground. "Lori, a few moments away from your phone isn't going to be the end of the world."

The teen made an exaggerated groan. "Fine! What do you want? Just make it snappy. I have an important date!"

Lynn knew his eldest child would not take the news well, so he cut right to the chase. "I'm afraid you're gonna have to cancel it, because today you kids are gonna engage in some family bonding."

Lori's eyes widened in horror. "Excuse me?" she asked flabbergasted.

But Leni immediately jumped up and squealed with excitement.

"OMG! Really? That's a great idea!"

"That's the spirit, sweetie." Lynn smiled and shot her a finger gun.

"You can't be serious?" Lori asked indignantly.

"Far from it, Lori. I feel this family has grown far too distant from each other and I say it's about time we changed that."

" _Holy smokes, he means it?!_ " Lori went pale, trying to think of an excuse out of this.

"But...but...we can't do it! Not today." she said hastily. "Mom's away doing errands and who knows when she'll be back."

"Oh, I know that." Lynn assured her coolly. "I'm busy too, but I wasn't talking about her and me. I meant, _you kids_ need to spend more quality time together."

"What?!" Lori blurted.

"Hey, dad? What were you guys talking about?" Lincoln "randomly" passed by and entered.

"Dad wants us all to spend the day together! Isn't that cool!" Leni clasped her hands jubilantly.

"Really?" Lincoln acted surprised. "Well, sounds like it could be fun?"

"I know right!" Leni beamed with excitement.

"No!" Lori cut in. "It's not cool! It won't be fun! This is a terrible idea!"

"Don't be so negative, Lori." Leni patted her back reassuringly. "Spending time together as a family is always fun."

"No, it's not!" Lori retorted and shoved her off. "How are we supposed to bond? Most of us have nothing in common!"

"Now, Lori. I'm sure you kids will find common ground if you just try-"

"We don't have common ground, dad!" Lori lamented. "None of us read his nerd comics or play stupid video games!" she pointed at Lincoln, causing him to scowl.

"None of us play Lynn's barbaric sports! None of us roll around in the dirt like Lana! None of us are into Lucy's creepy goth culture! None of us can stand Lisa's nonstop technobabble or Lola's whining, and a day full of Luan's insufferable puns will drive me crazy!"

She gave her father a look that was equal amounts of pleading and angrily demanding. "Be reasonable, dad! This is a bad idea on so many levels!"

Lynn gulped but didn't budge, trying to keep his tone even. "I see your point, Lori. But that's exactly why I'm mandating this, you kids should try to expand your hobbies, try out new things. That way you're certain to find at least one thing all of you can enjoy."

"Like...have a picnic together? Everyone loves picnics, right?" Lincoln suggested offhandedly.

Lori glowered at him. "Don't give him ideas, twerp! Or I'll tie you into a-"

"That's a great idea, sport." his father smiled. "What better way to bring a family together than a road trip and a picnic."

Lori's jaw dropped and her eye twitched.

"Awesome! I'll help prepare the food!" Leni cheered and rushed past them.

"Just don't touch any of the dishes I've prepared!" Lynn called after her.

"I`ll go tell the others!" Lincoln quickly excused himself and followed suit, leaving Lori alone with their father.

"What dishes are you talking about?" Lori eyed him suspiciously.

Lynn grew a bit nervous. "Oh, nothing, just something I cooked up for a food critic who's dropping by today. It's related to a boring business meeting of mine."

Lori was no fool, and immediately saw the implications. "You mean that bigshot critic you've been trying to reach for months?" the teen asked suspiciously.

Lynn hesitantly nodded. "Why, yes! That's the one."

Lori immediately narrowed her eyes. "Are you trying to get rid of us because of him?"

Lynn gulped. "No, sweetie. Why on Earth would you think that?" he chuckled uncomfortably and started backing away. "I'm just trying to motivate my children to get closer with each other."

"You think we're going to embarrass you? " Lori asked indignantly.

"No, not at all!" Lynn started sweating. "I better go help Leni. By!"

He ran away, leaving Lori to boil in rage.

* * *

"So, is it set?" Lynn asked her brother as he rushed into her and Lucy's room.

"Yes, dad insisted that we get going." Lincoln answered simply. "Looks like we're having a picnic."

Lucy, who was standing next to the jock asked the obvious question. "And Lori didn't take it well?"

"What did you expect?" Lincoln shrugged. "Having to cancel her date with Bobby probably didn't help matters."

Lynn whistled in amazement. "Damn. So she's gonna be stuck in ultra-bitch mode for the rest of the day? Lucky us." she said sardonically.

"Sigh. I can relate to her a little. I'm not really looking forward to this either." Lucy stated honestly.

Lynn scoffed dourly. "That's one thing we can agree on, Dutchess of Darkness. Spending a whole day with my sisters will be pure torture, but we gotta do it for dad's sake."

Ryan, who was leaning against the wall chuckled. "I wouldn't put it quite like that. I'm sure we'll find some joy in annoying Blondy and the prissy princess. "

"Don't even think about it." Lincoln warned him. "Lynn's right, the girls are gonna be anything but happy being forced to spend time together. They're problematic enough when they're bitter and sulky. Don't you give Lori a reason to snap and turn the van around."

"Pfft...whatever." Ryan rolled his eyes, knowing Lincoln had a point, before lazily pointing at the hall. "How about we inform the rest of them about our magical field trip, oughta brighten them up?" he suggested sarcastically.

"Might as well." Lincoln sighed and faced his sisters. "We better hurry. If memory serves, McCole will be here by 4 p.m."

He froze nervously as he realized that Lucy was present. "I mean, that's what dad told me regarding his arrival." he corrected himself.

"Then let's get moving." Lynn spoke up and glanced at Lincoln. "Leni's already on board for this, right?"

"That much is obvious." Lincoln sighed. "Okay, I'll talk to the twins."

"And I'll get the little brainiac." Lynn volunteered begrudgingly, knowing Ryan and especially Lincoln probably didn't want to talk to Lisa following last night's disaster.

Hearing that name, Lincoln's face darkened but he made no comment.

"Lucy..." he addressed the goth "...how about you help Leni prepare the food? Make sure she takes the wraps off before putting anything in the cooking pot?"

"Okay..." Lucy simply nodded and ran past Ryan into the hall.

"I'll look for Luan..." Ryan shrugged. "Won't be hard convincing her."

Lynn started twitching once he said that. Lincoln failed to see it as he nodded to Ryan.

"You do that. Luna might be with her as well."

Without a word, Ryan started leaving.

"Wait! I'm coming with you!" Lynn pushed past Lincoln and caught up with him.

Ryan gave her an odd look. "And what about Lizzie?"

Lynn tried hard to act nonchalant. "Lisa can wait." she said with barely concealed frustration.

That didn't really answer his question, but Ryan didn't get the chance to question it as Lynn grabbed his shirt.

"Let's go!" the jock barked as she dragged him out.

Lincoln looked on with confusion but didn't dwell on it and headed off to find the twins.

* * *

"Hey, guys, why can't a comedian tell a dirty laundry joke?" Luan asked while holding her ventriloquist puppet.

Luna tried to tune out her roommate's insipid laughter as she stuffed her guitar into its case and strapped it over her back.

"Cuz it always comes out clean!" Luan said it through Mr. Coconuts, her mouth visibly moving all the way through.

Luna muttered quietly. She couldn't wait to get out of here.

"Oh, c'mon! That one was clever!" the comedian pouted petulantly.

"Bra, you know you're on thin ice with us." Luna told her indifferently. "And you still don't get the memo that you ain't funny."

Luan scowled, but remembered what Ryan had told her. She shouldn't try to force people to like her comedy.

"Whatever." she dismissed her as she threw her puppet on her bed and scoffed sarcastically. "I expect the girl who makes up cockamamy tall tales to have a sense of humor."

Luna shot her a glare. "I am not! You guys _were_ throwing a party yesterday and _you_ did agree to babysit the little ones. Why are all of you acting like none of that happened?!"

Luan huffed and looked away haughtily. "And people call me looney. I'm supposed to believe that someone knocked you out and stole your other guitar too?"

Luna grew out of patience. "That did happen! Why would I be lying?"

"I dunno, maybe all that loud music finally got to your head." Luan shrugged smugly. She knew of the gap in her own memory, but it felt too good to finally be the mocker instead of the mocked.

Luna frowned and moved past her. "Whateves, I'm out of here."

"Not so fast!" she halted as a hand was shoved in her way.

"Ryan!" Luan squeaked excitedly. Luna scowled at him and Lynn.

"Dude! What gives! I have places to go!" the rocker threw her arms up in annoyance.

"Sorry, Luna." Lynn said unsympathetically. "We are all going on a family trip."

"What family trip?"

Lynn shrugged. "Wasn't my idea, dad insisted that we all go on a field trip together to bond or some junk, today."

"What?" Luna asked incredulously only to be pushed aside by Luan.

"Ryan. You...you're back!" she looked overjoyed to see him.

"Hey, Lu." Ryan greeted her coolly. "These fuddy-duddies still dishing your zingers?"

Luan blushed but her gaze slowly drifted towards Lynn, who shot her an icy, hateful glare. Luan returned the favor.

"So, are you excited for this trip, _Tin Teeth_?" Lynn smirked at her mockingly.

Luan felt her blood boil. "Not if you stank up Vanzilla again, _Freckle Face_." she shot back with pure contempt.

The vicious stare off continued between the two, which Luna watched in confusion. Why were they acting like sworn enemies?

"Stank up the van?" Ryan asked curiously.

Luan sent the jock an evil smile. "Why yes, everyone here knows Lynn as the Queen of Flatulence!" she explained gleefully. "Once she cuts loose you better clear the premise if you don't want to suffocate!"

"Hah! Jokes on you!" Lynn scoffed and crossed her arms. "Ryan already knows about my special talent! I've farted on him several times." she stated proudly.

Her sisters grew disgusted expressions while Ryan facepalmed.

"I did not need to know that, dude." Luna said flatly.

"Wow, Lynn." Luan scoffed tauntingly. "I was trying to embarrass you, but looks like you're already doing a marvelous job at it yourself."

Lynn growled and rolled up her sleeves. "Oh, you wanna go then!"

"Wow! Chill out!" Luna threw her arm between them while Luan took a step back.

Luna glared back at Lynn. "I don't know what your beef with Luan is, but can you dudes settle your differences _after_ I leave?"

"Leave?" Ryan chuckled. "What part of "mandatory sibling bonding day" wasn't clear to you, Leyla?"

Luna glowered. "Look, man. My buds and I have been practicing for this battle of the bands for weeks! I can't bail on them now!"

Ryan considered it. "Battle of the bands, eh? So you would be away all day long?" he asked idly.

Luna gave him a suspicious look."Duh. Multiple bands playing one after the other isn't a short little event, dude. There are like over thirty bands who signed up for this."

"Oh, well." Ryan shrugged his shoulder. "Guess you'll be a no show for the trip then."

Lynn looked at him incredulously. Ryan wrapped his arm around her, much to Luan's annoyance.

"Now, Lynn." Ryan said innocently. "Who are we to stop an aspiring musician from sharing her talent with the world. _She'll be away all day long_ , so I guess she'll just have to miss the trip."

Lynn got the memo and shrugged. "Oh...well, I guess you're right." she feigned defeat. "A sports star's gotta play, a rockstar's gotta rock and roll."

She shot Luna an encouraging look. "Kay, sis. If your band and you have your hearts set on winning this, then go all out! I should know this better than anyone."

Luna looked at her suspiciously before sighing. "Eh...thanks, Lynn? But we don't care if we win or not."

"What?" Lynn's face dropped. "Who the hell enters a contest and doesn't try their hardest to mow down the competition?"

"Anyone who isn't a competition freak." the rocker deadpanned. "We just entered it to have fun and put our name out."

Lynn frowned. "Are you kidding? That's loser talk!"

Ryan shook his head silently.

"Whatever floats your boat, Lynn. I'm outta here." Luna rolled her eyes and walked past them.

"Man, Lynn sure has an unhealthy obsession with winning, huh Ryan?" Luan pocked the boy in the ribs. "You should see her when she loses a board game. It ain't a pretty sight."

Lynn started to seeth. "How about Ryan sees you with your stupid puppet shoved down your gullet!"

Luan scoffed. "And the less I say about her temper the better."

Lynn crossed her arms. "Why don't you sit this one out too? It ain't like anyone in this family is actually going to _miss_ you if you don't show up." she smirked cruelly.

Luan looked hurt but pulled herself together and ignored her remark. She turned to Ryan.

"Ryan, have you considered coming along?" she asked sweetly. Her tone made Lynn want to hurl.

"The thought had crossed my mind." the boy "admitted". "I wouldn't wanna skip out on a chance to hang out with my new friends."

Luan felt irritated for his vague and general reason but kept smiling.

"You should. You owe me one after you've upset me."

"Huh?"

This was her chance. Luan stepped closer and placed her hands on his shoulders. Lynn instantly fumed and clenched her teeth.

"You didn't call me for almost three days, nor did you answer any of my messages!" Luan started chastising him. "And don't you try sweet-talking your way out of it!"

" _Oh, great. A repeat_." Ryan groaned inwardly.

"You weren't ignoring me, were you?" the comedian looked at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster.

"Wut!" Lynn feigned surprise. "Someone's trying to avoid blabbermouth Luan Loud like the plague? How unexpected." mockery was leaking from every word the jock uttered.

Luan trembled with rage and glowered at her with pure hatred.

"I'm sorry, Lu. I've just been busy." Ryan spoke up, diverting her attention back to him.

"Why yes!" Lynn beamed with glee and boasted. "He and I were so busy having fun for the last few days. We went swimming, we explored caves, we played basketball, we had movie nights and I introduced him to Mexican wrestling, which is our special little thing by the by."

Luan glared daggers at her sister again. " _That shameless, boyfriend-stealing cow!_ "

"Which reminds me." Lynn smarmily grabbed Ryan's arm and pulled him back. "We promised dad to assemble the girls, right Ryan?"

Ryan blinked. "Why yes-"

"Yes! Now go check on the twins, I'll fetch Lisa!" Lynn barked and pushed him out of the room before stepping out herself and grabbing the door handle.

She smirked at Luan. "Why don't you go help Leni and Lucy prepare the food? It oughta help you catalog the stuff you can or can't eat with that humongous construction site wedged between your chompers!"

Luan gave her a murderous glare. Satisfied that she had won this roasting contest, Lynn smirked evilly before shutting the door.

Steam started coming out of Luan's head as she balled her fists and trembled uncontrollably. "Oh! It's on now, Lynn!"

* * *

"I'm not going! It sounds boring and stupid and I can't stand you people because you are all annoying or stupid or mean or all of that at once!" Lola cried petulantly while brushing her hair and admiring herself in the mirror.

To say that Lincoln was unsurprised would be an understatement.

"I already told you, Lola. This isn't for you or me to decide, it's dad's orders." he repeated to her in a tired tone.

"I don't care what he wants! It's a stupid idea and he's stupid for thinking that it's a good idea!"

Lincoln sighed, dreading that this conversation would end with Lynn or Ryan dragging the kicking and screaming princess into the van. He hoped against hope that they could avoid such unpleasantries.

"I can't go! I promised the Fishmens that I would visit them this noon!" Lana lamented on top of a chair while pouring a jar of dead bugs to feed Izzy and the rest of her lizards into their glass cage.

Lincoln turned around and groaned. "They won't go anywhere. They're fish living in a small lake."

"And I have to give this application to enter my next pagent!" Lola spun around and flaunted an envelope in her hand. "Do you know how much time I've spent trying to find the right dress to wear for the occasion!"

"Lola, we can stop on the way for you to sign up. You don't need to make a fuss about it." Lincoln countered exasperatedly.

"I don't care! I don't want to be around you idiots on a picnic!" Lola whined. "Especially with Lana, who eats like a pig!"

"Well, I don't want to be around you and your big mouth either!" Lana countered and stuck her tongue out.

"Why you!" Lola snarled and the twins charged at each other.

Lincoln grabbed them by both the fabric of their clothes and pulled them apart.

"Listen, you two!" Lincoln grew agitated as he hoisted them up. "I'm trying to make this easy for you! If you disobey dad you could get grounded for this! So you won't be able to go to your pagent or visit your fishy friends."

"He wouldn't dare!" Lola dismissed him while trying to grab her twin, who did the same.

"He most certainly would and he's very adamant about this trip." Lincoln explained. "You two can either go peacefully or I won't be able to stop Ryan and Lynn from dragging you to the van."

"Oh, so you're threatening us now?" Lola cried in annoyance.

"That Ryan is a real jerk!" Lana complained.

"Of course, he's a meat-headed ruffian!" Lola agreed before clutching her hands under her chin in a mocking gesture. "That's why Lynn has such a huge crush on him. Gross!"

"I like to think it's my animal magnetism." Ryan snarked as he entered the room.

"No! Don't you dare step into my room, you filthy oger!" Lola cried.

"Your room? Well, I'm glad I didn't wipe my feet then." Ryan sneered.

"AHH! I'll kill him!" Lola's eyes turned red as she ran in place with her arms outstretched.

"Lola, behave yourself!" Lincoln barked as Ryan snickered with amusement.

"Oh no. Let her try her best shot." he challenged the princess with a sneer before spotting something. Lola's dress tore and she charged at him.

"What's that?" Ryan's eyes widened as he rushed towards the glass cages, unwittingly kicking his knee into Lola's gut, knocking her down.

"No! It's not fair!" Lola rolled onto her belly and started crying and pounding her fists against the floor. "I want to maim him! I want to murder him! It's not fair!"

Hops and the other frogs and salamanders jumped off their rocks and into the water as Ryan's gruesome mug came into view. He viewed the amphibians tank with interest before looking over the snake cage and finally the one containing the lizards and geckos.

"Now there's something you don't see in every household." Ryan rubbed his chin, sounding fascinated.

"Hey! Leave them alone!" Lana cried as Lincoln let go of her to help Lola up.

Lola realized her dress was ripped and promptly cried at the top of her lungs. "My dress! My favorite dress! You monsters!"

Lincoln covered his ears while Ryan completely ignored her and casually picked up a terrified snake out of her cage with both hands.

"A garter snake? Cool." he commented while observing the reptile's mosaic red, black and yellow colorations. "Y'know, Lana, I once owned a Nile monitor but had to release him back into the wild after he devoured the neighbor's dog."

"You leave Gretchen alone!" Lana jumped on her chair and snatched the snake from him and placed her back in her cage.

"Chill, squirt. I've handheld _venomous_ snakes." Ryan said coolly.

"Stay away from them, you jerk!" Lana glared at him and spread her arms out to shield her pets.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "What's your damage, squirt? I thought we were cool?" he asked nonchalantly.

"No, we're not! You attacked me and Lola and held us upside down. And you stuffed us into a bag!"

Ryan snorted. "Oh, that? I was just messing around with you, kiddo. Learn to take a joke."

"That wasn't funny! That was mean." Lana scowled.

"Oh come now, that's old news. Why not just forgive and forget."

"Why would I forget you being a jerk!" Lana grew more annoyed.

Ryan looked surprised, while Lincoln tried to get away from Lola's crying and approached him.

"What's the matter? You're not used to not being loved by the half of my sisters you like?" he asked him dryly, earning a glare from Ryan.

Ryan looked back at Lana. "Sheesh, kid. What do you want from me? An apology?"

"Yes." the tomboy said bluntly.

Ryan snorted and looked aside. "Right, as if. Ryan Taylor does not apologize." he replied dismissively.

"Besides, you were dogging him the first time." he gestured at Lincoln. "And we thought you were wrecking the house the second time. I had to intervene."

"Fine, be a jerk then!" Lana snapped before looking away, pouting and folding her arms.

"Smooth move, buddy." Lincoln snarked exasperatedly at the other boy before looking around to see Lola glaring at them viciously.

Lincoln sighed. "Alright, Taylor. Do your thing."

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

"Hey! Wake up! Lisa!" Lynn yelled while holding and shaking a sleeping Lisa after having found her passed out on the floor.

With drool dripping down her mouth, Lisa's head slung to the side and she continued snoring.

Lynn lifted her glasses up and pried her left eye open, revealing it to be bloodshot. Wincing, Lynn let go and the genius's eyelid dropped down.

The jock groaned and took another glance at the creepy fox toy with tubes stuck to it and shuddered. "Ugh, I so regret giving her that thing."

She turned back to Lisa, contemplating. "Rats! What am I supposed to do now?"

" _I would advise. To let my master rest. Eight hours of sleep assure a sound mind_."

Lynn flinched at the sudden voice and realized that it came from the motionless toy.

"What the hell?" Lynn squinted her eyes.

" _But master Lisa requires ten hours of slumber. To fuel her ingenious cerebral cortex._ " Fenton elaborated robotically before revealing a newly installed feature of his.

His eyes rotated, so he was now looking at Lynn despite remaining limp. Lynn was creeped out by it and nearly dropped Lisa from fright. Fenton's orbs scanned the visitor without any beams.

" _Verifying subject's identity. Lynn Loud II. Runner-up for master's most cognitively-stunted kin_."

"What the hell did you just say?" a slack-jawed Lynn asked him. There was no doubt this...thing was one of Lisa's creations, as it had inherited her overelaborate, impossible to understand vocabulary.

Lynn shook her head. "Never mind! You're her robo butler, right?" she asked curtly while placing Lisa on her bed.

" _Affirmative. But I prefer the term "assistant". Designation: Fenton_."

"Why are you blabbering about destinations?" Lynn asked ignorantly.

Fenton looked at her silently. Conversing with someone with such a low IQ was an alien experience to him.

"Actually, I don't really care, fox-bot." Lynn waved her hand dismissively before pointing at the slumbering toddler. "What's the deal with sleeping beauty here?"

" _Master refused to take her daily. Ten hours of rest. Spent night cycle cleaning her lab. Master collapsed from exhaustion. Precisely thirty-six minutes prior to. Your arrival._ "

Lynn raised an eyebrow. "You're saying she didn't sleep at all last night, right?"

" _Affirmative_." Fenton replied politely.

"And you're saying she'll be out cold for like ten hours?" Lynn added with intrigue.

" _Undoubtedly. I would appreciate you letting master sleep_."

Lynn thought about it and smirked. "I think that can be arranged."

* * *

"Stupid dad...stupid trip...ughh..." a surly Lori muttered to herself in the driver's seat of Vanzilla, a picnic basket on the passenger seat, with Lucy and Luan sitting separately within the van, none of the three finding any reason to converse with each other, and with only Luan being remotely excited for the trip.

The silence was cut short as Lincoln walked up to the van together with Ryan, who was whistling a happy tune while carrying the kicking and protesting twins under his arms.

Lori saw them in the rearview mirror but didn't acknowledge them and kept muttering to herself. She wasn't exactly surprised to see those two brats putting up a noisy resistance to this trip.

The protesting stopped as Ryan unceremoniously dropped the twins in front of the van and dusted his hands.

"You're going to pay for that!" Lola barked at him as she and Lana got up.

"Will you cut the drama and take your seat." Lincoln groaned tiredly.

Luan and Lucy peeked through the van. "Hey, guys? Do we have some uncooperative passengers?" the comedian quipped and giggled to herself.

Lola growled at her. "No! Try prisoners held here against our will!"

"This blows!" a surly Lana folded her arms.

"Hey, Lana? Did you bring your frog along? So you two can _hop on_!" Luan sniggered, prompting the tomboy to seeth with annoyance.

Lola clutched her head and cried, "What did I do to deserve this!"

"Do you want the full list or just the bullet points?" Lucy asked with a small smirk.

"Shut up, you ugly goth hag!" Lola raised her fist. "Or you'll finally see a real funeral! First hand!"

Lincoln rolled his eyes and faced Ryan. "Where's Luna by the way?"

"Oh. She left to attend that battle of the bands she's been talking about." Luan said helpfully.

"Yeah, it wouldn't have been right to force her to bail on her band." Ryan shrugged lazily. "Probably won't be back for the rest of the day. Real shame." he added and gave Lincoln a nod.

Lincoln nodded back with understanding.

"What?!" Lola blurted and spun around to snarl at her brother. "So stupid Luna gets a free pass but I don't!"

Lincoln scowled at her. "Her gig was today, your pagent isn't. There's a big difference."

"But what about me visiting the Fishmens today? Like I've promised?" Lana asked angrily.

"They won't swim away anywhere." Ryan told her unsympathetically.

"This is an outrage! You're giving Luna special treatment while treating me like yesterday's trash!" Lola jumped up and down, now in full-blown tantrum mode.

Ryan shook his head and leaned down to look at her. "Listen, Half-Print. Lemme tell you a little secret." he cooed at her with mock sympathy.

"We _really_ don't care about what you want and _nobody_ here likes you." he said in a sickeningly sweet voice, making Lola boil with barely contained fury. Lucy snickered behind her.

Ryan's aloof expression returned as he erected himself. "So quit yapping and _deal with it_." he added bluntly.

"He's right, Lola. Most of us aren't crazy about this either but at least we don't whine about it." Lincoln agreed sternly.

"Grrr...go jump in a lake, you butt-holes!" Lola snapped at them.

"Hey, guys! Is everyone ready to go?" Lynn ran up to them.

"Lynn, where's the little brainiac?" Ryan asked her in a tone that suggested he really didn't care for an answer.

"I found her asleep and couldn't wake her up." Lynn shrugged her shoulders. "That ugly fox-bot of hers told me she spent all night cleaning her lab, so now she's out like a light."

"So you left her behind?" Lincoln asked, sounding not even remotely disappointed about it.

"I did, but don't worry. I've warned dad about it." Lynn reassured him. "If she wakes up, he'll make sure she stays put and behaves herself."

Knowing that most of her lab had been trashed, the three of them felt confident that Lisa could be left unguarded for a while. The rest of the siblings hardly seemed to care about her absence.

"Huh, finally some good news." Lola huffed. "At least none of us will have to suffer Lisa's blabbering today."

"I'm here! This is going to be so awesome!" came Leni's merry voice.

She skipped into the scene with the biggest, brightest smile imaginable, carrying her handbag over her shoulder and a second picnic basket with one hand.

Ryan narrowed his eyes warily upon seeing her.

"Hey, guys! Are you all as excited for this as I am!" she squealed with joy, only to be met with silence and some frosty glares.

"I sure am!" Luna shot her two finger guns while sending Ryan a flirtatious smile.

Lori leaned through the window. "Everyone's here? Alright, let's get this over with." she ordered in a crabby demeanor.

Leni didn't notice her as she spotted Ryan and squealed. "Ryan! You're coming too?"

"What's it to ya?" he shot Leni a scrutinizing glare.

"Yes, yes he is." Lincoln sighed.

"What?!" Lori blurted angrily.

"That's totes sweet of you!" Leni exclaimed happily before sending Lynn a suggestive glance. "I know that this means a lot to _someone_ here." she giggled, making Lynn seeth and blush.

"I know, he's such a sweetheart." Luan happily agreed. "That's why _she's_ so thrilled to be on this trip."

"Aww, you're totes right, Luan." Leni replied. "We're both so happy for our little sister."

Luan shot her an annoyed glare while Lynn struggled to stay composed.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Leni asked the comedian with a confused expression when an enraged Lori jumped out of the van, drawing everyone's attention.

"Oh, no!" she waved her arms flippantly. "No! No! No! Nadda! Nope! No way! Not happening!" she pointed at Ryan. "That twerp is not coming!"

"Oh yes, he is!" Lynn marched up to her. "I've invited him and he has his right to come!"

"In your dreams, Lynn!" Lori folded he arm and took on a haughty demeanor. "In case you've forgotten, I decide who goes and who doesn't. Plus, this is a family trip and he's not family."

"Who died and put you in charge!" Lynn challenged her.

"Doy! I'm the oldest and dad put me in charge!" Lori retorted sharply.

"Actually, dad never said you were in charge." Lincoln clarified, joining Lynn's side.

"That's true, Lori. He just dropped by to tell us about the trip." Leni said helpfully before pulling Ryan into a one-armed hug and pleaded sweetly. "Please, let him come. You'll hurt his feelings."

"Hey! Hands off!" Ryan pushed himself free and ran up to Lynn and Lincoln. "And I don't have _feelings_!" he protested indignantly." _That chick is one merciless troll_."

"No, I won't!" Lori lashed out. "And it's an unspoken rule that I'm automatically in charge when our parents aren't present!"

"It's not! He's coming and that's final!" Lynn protested.

"Lori's right!" Lola chimed in. "This is a family trip and he's not family!"

"So what? He can come if he wants to!" Luan argued. "We have two empty slots as it is!"

"I don't want him to come!" Lana lamented.

"Come on, guys, it's not nice to cast someone out!" Leni exclaimed supportively.

Lincoln did a quick headcount before clapping his hands to get everyone's attention. "Girls! Let's just solve this democratically!"

"How will making a demo reel solve this?" Leni scratched her head.

Lincoln sighed. "No, Leni. I mean we should vote on this." he explained and raised his hand up. "Everone who wants Ryan to join us say 'I'."

"I!" Lynn, Luan and Lucy raised their hands up immediately.

"Uh! Me too!" Leni happily raised hers too, much to Ryan's surprise.

Lori and Lola went agape and Ryan smirked at them.

"Looks like the people have spoken. Popularity power wins again." the boy said smugly.

Recovering from her shock, Lori slapped her forehead and dragged her hand down her face before groaning. "Fine! Whatever! Just hop on so we can get this over with!" she jumped back into the driver's seat while Luan opened the door for the others to enter.

As they all climbed in, Luan wasted no time grabbing Ryan's arm and pulling him closer. "You wanna sit with me? I saved ya a seat!"

"Sure." the boy shrugged coolly as he passed by her, much to Lynn's ire.

The jock swiftly grabbed Luan by the shoulders and threw her out of the van. Ryan winced in shock as Luan hit the pavement and Lynn grasped his arm.

"In your dreams, Chuckles! He's sitting with his best friend!" she exclaimed possessively as she sat by the window and pulled Ryan next to her.

Growling, Luan staggered back into the vehicle and sat next to Ryan, shooting Lynn a vicious glare and vice versa.

"Lincoln, you can sit with me." Lucy offered her brother a place in the back of the van.

"Sure, Luce." he accepted the gesture with a smile and sat next to her. They both heard the argument in front of them.

"Buzz off, Brace Face! It's getting crammed here!"

"Then haul your big bottom to another seat! I asked him first!"

"I met him first!"

Sandwiched in the middle, Ryan remained quiet as a small grin crept onto his face. " _I probably shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I do._ "

"What's with those two?" Lincoln wondered out loud.

"They're fighting over Ryan's affection." Lucy said simply.

"Huh?"

"They've been doing that for days. One night, I heard them have a heated argument. A lot of harsh words were exchanged."

Stunned, Lincoln felt nauseous like never before. " _Oh, this can't be for real!_ " he facepalmed.

"Did you at least get my envelope?" a crabby Lola asked Leni, while an equally crabby Lana sulked next to her twin.

"Sure I did. It's right here." the teen confirmed while patting her purse. A look of confused uncertainty suddenly washed over her features.

"Eh...that's the...thingy that the mailman brings letters in, right?" she asked while mimicking a rectangle with her fingers.

"I'm not gonna survive this." Lola cried feebly with her face buried in her hands.

Lori whistled through her fingers, earning everyone's attention. "Listen up, everyone! Let's get something clear!"

"Obviously most of us don't want to be here." she stated bluntly.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Lola huffed sarcastically.

"But...but I want to be here?" Leni said timidly, like a confused child.

"But dad has forced us to do this, so you guys have to behave yourself and make this as painless as possible. It's for everyone's benefit."

" _So there is a brain in that mannequin head after all_." Ryan whispered to Lynn, who quietly sniggered.

Lincoln raised his head above them and spoke up. "Lori's right. Having a picnic could be fun, as long as everyone's willing to cooperate and compromise."

"Well, at least someone has common sense here." Lori muttered with a hint of respect before resuming her commanding tone.

"That won't cut it! I'm not sacrificing the date I've planned with my future husband, so he'll be joining us and we'll hold this freaking picnic near our original rendezvous site, so I want all of you at your best behavior! Understand!"

" _Future husband, eh? That can't be healthy_." Ryan whispered to Lynn.

" _That's nothing. You should hear the ten baby names she's already chosen_." she whispered back to him with amusement.

"Which means..." Lori continued "...you Lana! Stay away from any mudholes, and don't you dare pick up any disease-ridden animal."

"Killjoy..." the tomboy muttered bitterly and folded her arms.

"And don't you cry or complain about anything, Lola!"

The princess looked scandalized. "I'll have you know that I've won three badges for best etiquette during my career!"

"And you, Luan. Zip it! Just zip it for the rest of the day!"

Luan scowled but kept quiet.

"And don't ever talk to Bobby, _Ryan_! And since you're already there, make yourself useful by keeping a leash on that jumping bean next to you!"

Lynn boiled with rage while Ryan patted her on the shoulder to calm her down.

"And Lucy! Do what you do best and stay invisible!"

Lincoln saw no visible reaction from his gothic sister but knew that this comment had stung her hard.

He scowled at Lori. "And what about me?" he asked curtly.

Lori was about to answer, but couldn't quite think of anything major to criticize him about. "Just don't annoy Bobby with some nerd talk about video games or comics! Capisce, twerp!"

With that, Lori turned around and buckled her seatbelt and started the van. "Now that the rules have been set, let's go."

She was about to close the window when something jumped up, frightening her.

"Lincoln wait!" Clyde cried, clinging on to the window.

"What the?" hearing his name, Lincoln peaked over Lynn and Ryan and facepalmed upon realizing who it was.

The rest of the occupants, minus Leni, promptly groaned and rolled their eyes seeing Clyde.

"Ugh! We're on a schedule, Lincoln! What does your dweeb friend want!" Lori complained.

Clyde was about to cry for Lincoln not to leave him when he realized who he was currently facing and promptly grew stiff and light-headed.

"L...Lor...rire..." he babbled incomprehensibly while blood started dripping from his nose.

Lori rolled her eyes and tapped him on the head, waking him out of his trance.

"What do you want, dweeb!"

"Wha...where am I?" Clyde babbled, still mesmerized by her.

"Excuse me! Coming through!" Lincoln jumped over the other seats and arrived to shake Clyde awake.

"Lincoln?!" he sobered up and grew a frightened expression.

"Clyde, this is kind of a bad time." Lincoln told him.

"What?" Clyde squeaked. "Why are you all in the van? Don't tell me you're moving away?!"

"We're going on a family picnic, Einstein." Lana told him dourly.

"And Bobby's waiting for me, so if you don't mind we'd like to be on our way!" Lori barked irritably.

" _Bobby_..." Clyde hissed, his face darkening. This was so much worse than he thought. Not only was his best friend abandoning him, but the love of his life was still clinging on to that jerkwad!

This was too much for Clyde to take. Fearing he would soon suffer from hyperventilation, he grabbed his friend's shirt.

"Lincoln, please! You have to let me come along! My panic attacks are getting worse the longer I stay away from you! I don't even know what's real anymore!"

"Is this guy for real?" Ryan snarked to Lynn, as they, Luan and even Lucy stood up to observe the show.

Lincoln pushed his arms back. "I'm sorry, buddy, but this is a family picnic."

"Yeah! And one insufferable freeloader is enough!" Lola complained, looking up at Ryan.

Lynn scowled at her. "Awwww, Lola. You shouldn't talk about yourself like that." she commented snidely.

Lola growled and tried attacking her, but Lynn shoved her hand in the princesses' face and effortlessly kept her at bay.

"Forget it, dweeb! Now beat it!" Lori barked.

"But...but..." Clyde looked like he was on the verge of crying "...but why does he get to join you!" he pointed at Ryan.

"Easy, dorko. Most of these guys love me like family. Five out of the eight of them voted for me to come." Ryan stated proudly.

"Then why can't I get a fair shot too?!" Clyde cried.

Lincoln gulped while Lori scoffed and grew an amused smirk.

"Clyde, I don't think that's a good idea." Lincoln tried to let him down gently.

"No, no, Lincoln. Clyde's right that he deserves a fair shot." Lori insisted before turning to the other passengers. "Alright, guys. Who's for Clyde tagging along?"

"Oh! Me! Me! The more the merrier!" Leni raised her hand excitedly. Everyone else just stared at Clyde with deadpan glares.

Sighing dejectedly, Lincoln raised his hand up too.

Clyde's face fell and Lori shrugged lazily. "Oh, well. Tough luck there."

Pushing Lincoln back, she grabbed Clyde by the collar of his shirt and dangled him out of the van.

"Now get lost!" she barked before tossing him away like a trash bag. Lincoln winced and then sighed watching that.

"Step on it, Lori, before he gets up!" Lynn urged her, still keeping Lola at bay.

"On it!" Lori stepped on the gas and the van sped off, causing Lincoln to lose balance and fall back between Leni and Lola.

"Hey, Linky, is Clyde coming or not?" Leni asked him with a bright smile.

Recovering, Clyde stood up and was quickly engulfed by the vehicle's exhaust fumes.

Coughing violently, by the time the smoke cleared up Clyde saw the van disappearing on the horizon.

"LINCOLN! DON'T LEAVE ME!" he cried as he made a desperate attempt to chase after it only to quickly run out of breath and stop in front of Mr. Grouse's house.

"Lincoln! No! I have to find him!" Clyde started rambling to himself before gasping and clutching his face. "Oh, no! But we've been apart for so long! What if I can't recognize him anymore! He wears a blue shirt, right!?"

Grouse walked out of his house, then stopped and stared blankly for a moment before slowly stepping back and closing his door after seeing Clyde sitting curled up in the middle of the road, rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb. The boy quickly caused traffic, with drivers stopping and angrily honking their horns behind him.

* * *

 **RIP Geo and maybe Charles. They'll be reunited with Walt (and what other pets the Louds might have accidentally killed in the past) in the great pet shop in the sky. Is Cliff the sole survivor of the main Loud pets quartet? Can he find his way back home without becoming wolf chow? And looks like Lisa will have some skeletons in her closet after all.**

 **And like chapters 9-11, this is another instance where I took an event from the show and injected some realism into it, where instead of magically making things better in the end the siblings' antics had much more realistic consequences here XD And yeah, I'm not a fan of A Fridge Too Far, or any episode in general that involves the siblings squabbling over something and has all of them act like whiny, petty jerks, which I briefly addressed through Lincoln.**

 **This was another lengthy chapter and mostly set up, but I've tried to milk it for lots of character interaction and as much comedy mileage as possible.**

 **And my dislike for Clyde definitely showed towards the end XD They'll be more from where that came from XD**


	24. One Long, Lousy Day: Bumpy Ride

Driving through town, Vanzilla stopped at a traffic light. A surly Lori glared at it while impatiently tapping the wheel, waiting for the green light. To say that she was mad at her old man would be putting things lightly.

Behind her, sandwiched between Leni and the twins, Lincoln didn't fail to notice her sour disposition. It didn't require much perception to know when Lori was upset, even on the rare occasions where she _didn't_ vocally announce her displeasure, and he did feel some sympathy for her.

Luna and Lisa getting a free pass on this trip due to circumstances or prior commitments but not her undoubtedly felt unfair to Lori, and he didn't doubt that _Bobby_ had worked hard to secure that reservation she was talking about, only to abruptly be forced to cancel it.

Under different circumstances, Lincoln would have gladly let her have her fun. It was as good of a distraction as any his inner circle could have concocted to keep her away, but they needed a driver and were unfortunately out of any alternative options.

Lola was quietly sulking while Lana had started fidgeting and grunting uncomfortably next to her, slowly getting on her twin's nerves.

"So, is Clyde going to catch up with us later?" Leni asked Lincoln absentmindedly. The boy sighed.

"No, Leni." he replied simply. "I think Lori tossing him out of the van was a pretty definitive 'no'. Plus, he's not _quite_ as popular with our family as Ryan is, as we just saw."

"Aw, well that's a bummer." Leni looked disappointed. "Y'know, between you and me, I'm starting to think that Lori doesn't really like him. I dunno why?"

"Gee, maybe him being a whiny little wimp has something to do with it?" Lola butted in. "Or maybe it's his creepy crush on her?"

Lincoln wanted to argue about it but kept quiet. He and his friends weren't manly men, he couldn't deny that, and even he had to admit that Clyde's infatuation with his sister was pretty annoying.

Even if he was that into older girls, Lincoln never understood why Lori would specifically catch his eye over the more affable Leni, Luna or Luan?

"Clyde's crushing on someone?" Leni looked surprised. "Is it that Cristina girl? Oh, no wait!" she laughed. "That's Lincoln's crush!"

Not too long ago, such an accusation would have easily triggered him, but right now Lincoln's only response was to let his eyelids drop halfway and he groaned. "Leni, for the last time, I'm not crushing on anyone." he replied tiredly.

"But we saw you being such a gentleman to her." a chipper Leni pointed out.

Lincoln's expression didn't change one iota. "I gave her my PB&J sandwich cuz she looked sad after she dropped hers. I think you're looking too deeply into it."

"He's got a point." Lola shrugged smugly. "Why even try to charm a girl when you have no charm? Lincoln's no knight in shining armor. He's more like the homely, scrawny page who carries his sword."

"Whatever you say, Lola." Lincoln replied indifferently.

The princess blinked before narrowing her eyes, irritated that her criticism didn't anger him.

Lana's grunting got louder as she pressed her legs together.

"Ugh! Will you quit making that noise!" Lola finally lashed out at her. "It's annoying!"

"I have to pee!" the tomboy retorted irritably.

"Oh really?" her twin snorted unhelpfully. "Then you should have gone before we left!"

"We were dragged out before I could, you dummy!" Lana snapped.

"What did you call me!" Lola growled only to be grabbed by Lincoln. "Don't even think about it."

"Lemme go!" she protested as Lincoln dumped her on Leni's lap.

"Please, keep her calm while I deal with Lana." he told the teen.

"Uhhh, do you want to ride on my knee?" Leni asked her sweetly.

"No, you moron!" Lola looked insulted. "I'm not a baby!"

"You're not? But aren't you...like five?" Leni was perplexed. A vein on the princess' temple grew exponentially.

" _Lena's finally putting her trolling to good use_." Ryan smirked behind them after hearing the delicious sound of Lola ranting.

"...and so, dad kept asking me if I got the role in the school play."

He turned back to Luan, who was chatting with him.

"So I told him to stop being so _nosy_!" Luan chuckled while miming her father's massive honker with her hand, prompting Ryan to snicker, while Lynn silently boiled behind him.

"And did that comment rub him the wrong way him for some reason?" Ryan asked rhetorically.

"I think it did." Luan feigned innocence. "Kind of like the time I complimented him for having the courage to get some fancy food critic to taste his food. I said 'Gee, pops. That's a _bald_ move'!" she said while stroking the top of her head.

"Classic!" Ryan sniggered while shooting her a finger gun, much to Lynn's ire, prompting her to elbow him in the ribs.

"Ow. What?" Ryan snarked.

"Ryan." she addressed him passive-aggressively. "Instead of subjecting yourself to her table scrap comedy, why don't you try listening to the thrilling tale of how I scored the winning goal against the Tomball Hornets!"

"Pfftt...how about a story that doesn't involve stroking your ego?" Luan scoffed.

"How about a story that doesn't involve the murder of comedy?" Lynn smirked smugly.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Eh, no offense there, but I've heard plenty of your sports tales already and most of them sound pretty samey to me."

" _But by all means, keep fighting over the grand prize, girls_."

Luan smirked in agreement. "Given how most of them are just excuses for our little sports star to boast about how "awesome" she is, wha'd ya expect? Saying the same joke over and over is textbook bad comedy."

Lynn growled loudly, which Lincoln didn't fail to hear.

"And you would know everything there is to know about _bad comedy_ , huh?" came the jock's taunting response.

Lincoln shuddered, listening to their argument. Two of his sisters and Ryan, in a love triangle? That was so wrong on so many levels. Treating Aunt Ruth's bunions was less repulsive and creepy by comparison.

In hindsight, he shouldn't have been surprised. Ever since Lynn and Ryan started getting chummy he had feared that this day would come, and knew that he would just have to deal with it. After all, the two were already pretty tight, them dating wouldn't have meant more or less Ryan in his life. But throwing Luan into the equation was a different matter, and Lincoln thought that Luan wanting to play matchmaker for the former two was bad.

He didn't know how to approach this matter. Firstly, he had bigger worries at hand, and secondly, this was a super uncomfortable topic for him to even think about.

"I really have to go!" Lana whined. "My bladder's gonna pop!"

"Lori, can't we pull over somewhere?" Lincoln called out to the driver.

"I said no! We're on a schedule!" Lori retorted dismissively, her eyes firmly on the road. "And stop distracting me! You wanna cause a crash!"

Lincoln scowled, Lori was just being unreasonable now.

Lana stuck her tongue out at Lori while Lola snickered. "Tough luck there, Lana. Hope there's no "accident"."

"I know, right? That's why we shouldn't pester the driver." Leni chimed in obliviously. "It's an important safety tip."

Lincoln held Lana back from attacking her twin. Behind them, things were similarly getting volatile.

"Alright, alright. How about we talk about our goals in life? I'll start!" a cocky Lynn pointed at herself.

"You wanna be an Olympic athlete, I know." Ryan replied in an uninterested tone. "You've told me that, _a lot_."

Lynn shot him an annoyed glare. "Oh, really, Smarty Pants? And do you remember about all the records I want to break?"

Luan saw her chance and scoffed. "Records? The only record you're gonna break is collecting the biggest stack of red cards in history, given your "sportsmanship"."

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "At least I have a promising future and the _talent_ to prove it!" she huffed smugly. "While you'll probably be stuck working as a birthday clown!"

Luan fumed, but Lynn wasn't done yet and rubbed her chin. "Then again, you might have better luck joining the logging business? You'll have no trouble cutting down trees with those chompers! Embrace your gifts, sis!" the jock told her while sticking out her own incisors to mimic her.

Ryan couldn't hold back his giggling while Luan covered her buck teeth and sent him a hurt look.

Immediately feeling scummy, Ryan tried to suppress his laughter and glanced at Lynn. "Lynn...that was...mean." he told her between giggles, trying to form a straight face. Luan smiled at the gesture.

"Pffft...and who are you to lecture me about being mean?" Lynn shot back smugly, happy to have the upper hand. "You badmouth your sister all the time!"

"That's a different story." the boy countered. "We both know that my sister's a mega-bitch."

Lynn sneered. "And Luan doesn't fit that criteria...how?"

Luan drew her breath to retort when Lucy suddenly dropped between her and Ryan. The startled boy scooted back, pressing Lynn further against the door and window.

"Ryan, I wanted to ask you something?" the goth asked simply, holding a newspaper.

"Lucy!" Lynn ranted as she pushed Ryan back. "It's crammed here enough even without you!"

"Don't be so harsh, Lynn." Ryan told here in a chill demeanor. "We shouldn't leave Spooky by her lonesome back there, not after _Lincoln_ abandoned her."

Hearing that, Lincoln turned away from the protesting Lana and looked over his seat. "Hey! I did not! I had to talk to Clyde and then Lori hit the gas and I couldn't-"

"It's okay, Lincoln. I hold no ill will for that." Lucy responded simply.

"You're too forgiving, kiddo." Ryan commented snidely.

Lincoln scowled. "Will you quit trying to stir up fights? We have enough problems as it is."

"I know, I heard it." Ryan shrugged. "Blondy won't let the squirt take a bathroom break. Now that's just school teacher level of meanness."

"Being hindered from experiencing the joy of relieving yourself in the restroom is a true act of inhumane cruelty." Lucy commented poignantly.

"Tell me about it, especially if you have to wait in front of nine people while doing the pee-pee dance." Luan agreed.

"You guys aren't helping!" Lana's head snapped up to glower at them. She immediately glanced back at Lori. "I can't take this no more!" she jumped off her seat.

"Wait!" Lincoln followed her.

"Ryan, look at this." Lucy showed him the front page of the newspaper and Ryan read the article.

"Missing person? Hmmm...interesting." he noted with mild intrigue.

"I know, they say this girl vanished without a trace while her family was hiking around Lake Charlevoix three weeks ago." Lucy said with morbid fascination.

"Legend has it that it's located near a Native American burial ground where the tribes' shamen had placed a curse so that any white men who committed sacrilege by trespassing would have their children taken and devoured by the Wendigo, a beast with the power to move between time and space to hunt down its unfortunate victim in order to satisfy its eternal bloodlust." she finished with a creepy whisper.

Luan visibly shook while Lynn rolled her eyes. "Oh brother..." she muttered in disbelief.

"A very interesting story, I gotta say." Ryan replied. "But in all likelihood, that poor sap was probably just eaten by wolves, or maybe bears. Or maybe she just ate some berries she shouldn't have, or she stumbled upon a hidden pit."

"You mean a hidden pit that's too steep to climb back up but shallow enough so that you won't be killed on impact, just badly wounded, and you spend days or maybe weeks in pain and agony, calling for help that never comes and you eventually suffer a slow, agonizing death from starvation and dehydration?" Lucy asked in disturbingly thorough detail.

"Definitely, I've heard dozens of stories like that." was Ryan's chill response. "They make a mauling by a wild animal come off like an act of mercy."

Lynn couldn't take the weirdo bonding anymore. "Ryan, you do realize that the little creepazoid and you were just talking about death and gore like you were talking about last night's baseball game." she told him irritably.

"What can I say?" Ryan responded casually. "The kid knows how to strike up an interesting conversation. You could learn a thing or two from her."

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance (and jealousy), Lynn responded by giving him a smack to the head.

"Lori, I really have to go!" Lana whined while tugging her oldest sister's arm.

"Will you stop doing that, you idiot! I'm driving!" Lori pushed her back and grasped the wheel with both hands.

"Lori, just stop at some fast food joint or a gas station. It won't take long." Lincoln told her while holding the tomboy by the arm.

"I don't need a toilet! I`ll just go behind a tree." Lana complained.

"In public, so everyone can stare at us? Including people I might know?" Lori glared at them indignantly. "Not likely."

Lincoln was losing his patience. "So let's just go with my suggestion. You're making this more difficult than it needs to be."

"I told her to stop being a baby and hold it in till we arrive." Lori replied indifferently, her eyes back on the road.

"And where are we going anyway?" Lincoln inquired.

"The Tisdale Towers, Bobby's been working there as the towel boy for six months."

Lola's eyes widened and she finally cracked a genuine smile. "Really? That's where the judges are staying! And where the competition will take place!"

"So no detours for your pageant then? Excellent!" Lori also finally grew a small smile. Finally, something went in her favor.

Luan, on the other hand, grew visibly pale upon hearing that name.

"You okay?" Lucy asked her while Lynn was busy chewing out Ryan for insinuating that she was boring.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Luan responded a little too quickly. Lucy immediately doubted that the comedian was being truthful but didn't say anything more.

"Wait? Isn't that hotel super expensive?" Lincoln questioned. Lori's frown quickly returned.

"Duh, what did you think, genius? We were gonna dine in the hotel's five-star restaurant." Lori gave him a deadpan glare.

"But if Bobby struggled to get a reservation for just two-"

Lori facepalmed. "I'm not taking all of you twerps to the restaurant!"

"What's that?" Lana blurted with curiosity as she spotted a small speck on the road.

"There's a picnic park next to its golf course." Lori clarified to her brother. "Since Bobby's there and his shift ends in an hour, we'll be going there, as I originally planned."

"Look, guys! An armadillo!" Lana pointed ahead excitedly.

"What armadillo?" Lori asked only for their van to hit a bump, said bump producing a dying squeal.

Lana and Lincoln gasped in horror and Lori gulped nervously.

"You ran it over?!" a teary-eyed Lana said in disbelief, catching everyone's attention.

"Wow, wait?!" Lori blurted defensively. "I'm sure that was just a rock!"

Lucy stood up and looked through the back window. "No, I definitely see roadkill on the horizon." the goth confirmed and looked back at them. "Can we stop so I can give it a proper funeral?"

Lana kneeled down and started crying, prompting everyone sans an indifferent Lola and a confused Leni, to give Lori dirty glares.

"Hey! Don't you blame me for it!" Lori snapped defensively. "It never would have happened if those two hadn't been distracting me!" she gestured at Lana and Lincoln, causing the former to cry even harder.

"Will you shut up!" Lincoln snapped at her before turning to the weeping tomboy. "It's okay Lana, it's...eh..." his voice trailed off as he tried to comfort her.

"Nicely done, Lori..." Lynn snarked bitterly. "Why don't ya post this on your Instagram?"

"I hear animal murder is very trendy on social media." Ryan added sarcastically.

Lori would never have allowed them to badmouth her under any other circumstances, but right now she knew it wouldn't help her case by retaliating and kept her temper even.

"Don't cry, Lana. Vehicular accidents are the main cause of armadillo mortality anyway, especially in Texas." Lucy pointed out, earning a few glares.

"Not helping, you idiot." Lynn warned her.

Seeing that the attention was away from her, Lori turned around and faced the road again. "Eh...Lucy's right! What's done is done. No point in crying over spilled milk." she stated awkwardly only for the engines to suddenly start rumbling.

"No! What now!" she lamented as Vanzilla suddenly came to a halt.

Everyone else, sans Ryan and the still sobbing Lana, looked equally alarmed.

"Don't tell me this rustbucket is breaking down _again_!?" Lola cried in annoyance as she leaped off Leni's lap.

"We can't push it all the way back home _again_!" Luan clutched her head, seemingly recounting some very unpleasant memories.

"Guys, relax! It's just out of fuel." Lincoln spoke up and pointed at the fuel gauge next to the wheel.

"Well, that's just dandy!" Lori lamented with bitter sarcasm. "Now we just have to _push_ it all the way to the nearest gas station!"

"Lori, dad always keeps a full fuel tank in the back of the van." Lincoln pointed out.

"Yeah, he always says 'Better to be safe than sorry'." Leni added helpfully. "Another important safety tip for drivers!"

Lori froze and blinked in embarrassment. "Of course, I knew that!" she huffed, trying to keep her dignity.

"Yeah, after the others told you about it." Ryan said snidely, earning a death glare from her.

* * *

Trees? Bushes? Moss and boulders? They were everywhere and that's all he could see.

After strenuously climbing up to safety, and nearly slipping to his demise around five times, Cliff had lied down under a tree trunk leaning against a large boulder, trying to hide from sight and catch his breath.

He wasn't used to so much physical labor at once and just wanted to collapse and sleep for hours, but that wasn't an option. Various alien sounds emanating from the forest kept the black cat awake and reminded him that he was still in mortal danger.

He had no idea what to do, all he knew was that he had to get out of this maze of trees and find some sign of human settlement. But even as he was slowly regarding his strength his body remained paralyzed by fear.

One thing that never left his mind was the...monster that had attacked him and Charles. What was that thing? Cliff could only liken it to some kind of dog, like a hulking German Shepard with cat ears and coal-black fur.

Was it still around? Surely it must have left? If it was canine then Cliff knew that hiding would be futile against a dog's sense of smell.

He knew the creature's intention was to devour him. He had only recently learned of the concept of one animal eating another animal, thanks to that towering she-cat that caught poor Walt. Cliff couldn't grasp why she would do that instead of simply eating meat? All she needed to do was to get her owner to use a can opener.

He stood up on wobbly legs, trying to get his bearings. Where was that gas station? Where was the road? He recalled still seeing the human buildings from there. But every inch of this forest looked the same to him and the thick cluster of trees made it impossible to see anything more than seven feet away from him.

What to do?

Then he heard it, the sound of crackling leaves. Something was walking over the dead leaves that littered the forest floor.

Cliff couldn't pinpoint the direction of the sound but it sounded like it was coming closer. What was it? Was it the monster?

His ears folding against his head, Cliff made his decision. Better to run blindly than to be a sitting duck.

* * *

"That's just great, Lincoln!" Lori complained outside the van while looking around at the forest of birch trees surrounding the road. "Because of you and the animal lover, I steered off course!"

Standing next to her with Lana, Lincoln was struggling to stay composed. "Will you stop being a drama queen! It's not like we got ourselves lost." he pointed directly at the not-too-distant town.

Leni peeked out of the window. "We didn't? Pew, what a relief." she wiped her forehead while Lola facepalmed next to her.

Lincoln surveyed the area. "I think I saw this road before. Last summer when we traveled to Lake Michigan. If I recall correctly, there's a crossroad up ahead, if we take a left turn and follow the river and pass a big hill it should lead us to that hotel. I remember seeing it from atop the hill when we took a break there to sightsee."

Lori narrowed her eyes. "You better be right, twerp, for your sake! I don't want to keep my sweetheart waiting." she warned him before marching off to grab the fuel tank.

"He is! I remember it too!" Lynn barked from the window only to be ignored. " _Crabby cunt_..." she muttered under her breath.

Ryan appeared next to her. "The Queen of Mean should lay off the cappuccinos and try out some herbal tea. Caffeine and a short fuse temper don't mix well." he quipped with a sneer.

"Oh, Lori prefers lattes, she loves the taste of chocolate." Leni told him helpfully before adopting a confused expression. "Or was it mochaccinos?"

Ryan glared at her warily. "Well, I'm no expert on drinks, Smiley." he retorted snidely, eyeing her sunglasses. "But I can easily recognize ugly and _tacky_ shades when I see them."

Leni scratched her head but quickly smiled. "You say the weirdest things, Ryan. How can a shadow be tacky?"

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "I'll get through to you yet."

" _Doubt it, few things get through to Leni_." Luan whispered to him snidely.

"That's before I took a shot at it." Ryan retorted smugly. "This is my one true talent."

"She's persistent, but still a total amateur." he sneered at Leni. "She never even uses clever wordplay."

Luan, Lynn and Lucy were all confused by his statement, but Leni kept smiling.

"Oh, I'm pretty good at wordplay." Leni stated while holding up a magazine and opened it. "I do crossword puzzles every day." she continued while looking one up. "Lemme show you!"

Ryan raised an eyebrow as Leni tapped her lip with her pen in contemplation. "Hmmm...a four letter word that describes the color of the sky? Uh, that's a toughie."

"That's it. I'm out of here." a deadpan Ryan jumped over the seat. "I'm getting some fresh air."

"Right behind ya!" Lynn followed him. Anything to get away from her sisters.

Luan looked at Leni and snickered. "Hey, why don't ya try the word "gray"?"

"That's it! Thanks, Luan!"

Luan continued snickering while Lucy looked at her. "What?" Luan shrugged. "The sky _is_ gray when it's cloudy."

* * *

Once they were out, Lynn and Ryan found Lincoln and Lana arguing.

"What's the matter, Lincoln?" Lynn walked up to him.

"I'll tell you. Lincoln won't let me go take a whizz on my own!" Lana complained. "Says I need an "escort"!"

"Guys." Lincoln countered firmly. "You know she might wander off if someone doesn't watch her."

Lynn looked at the woods and immediately experienced unpleasant flashbacks.

"I won't, I'm not a baby! And do you want to stare at my naked buttocks?!" Lana whined.

"Trust me, we don't." Lynn retorted with a squeamish expression. "But he's right, you're too little to wander off to where we can't see you."

"And nobody will watch you pee. Just hide behind a tree." Lincoln added.

Lana's face scrunched up. "I can't do it if I know someone's watching me! I want privacy!"

"In that case, there's another option." Ryan shrugged and was suddenly holding a rope. "When you're done, pull twice. If you're not, pull once."

Lana looked dumbfounded. "Have you gone crazy! I'm not a stinking dog!"

"Will you brats quit arguing and just let her go!" said Lori as she walked past them with the tank and started refueling the van. "We're running late as it is!"

"Yeah, don't want to leave your Honey Bunny waiting." Ryan snarked.

"Oh, so there are a few brain cells in there after all." Lori snorted in response.

"You know, Lori..." Lynn started with a smirk "...if something were to happen to Lana, who do you think dad would hold accountable for it?"

Lori thought about it and grumbled in annoyance. "Fine! Leash her! Just hurry up!" she snapped and turned away from them.

"You can't be serious?!" Lana whined.

"Lana on a leash?" Lola laughed out of the window while filling her nails. "Why does that feel so oddly fitting?"

The tomboy growled as her twin continued laughing.

"That's what you get for eating dog food." the princess added mockingly.

* * *

Cliff staggered through the forest, panting. He wasn't hearing the footfall anymore and he did not wish to see if it would return. A raven cawed and flew through the canopy, startling the cat, and he continued running until he stopped to hide between the roots of a large maple tree.

"Stupid Lincoln! Stupid Lynn! That jerkface Ryan!" he suddenly heard a familiar voice ranting. Cliff couldn't believe his luck.

He peeked over the root to see Lana stop at the other side of the tree and look around. For some reason, a rope was attached to her wrist.

Cliff was hesitant about revealing his presence, remembering all too well how last night, the twins had morphed into grotesque, acid-spewing monsters.

Grumbling, Lana pulled down her overalls and crouched down when Cliff heard the faint crackling of leaves, to which Lana remained oblivious.

His heart pounding, Cliff looked around frantically until he saw something behind all those trees, around 60 feet away. The beautiful green and teal colored rolling can that his owners used to move around.

With the footfall growing more audible, Cliff slipped past Lana and made a mad dash for the van.

Lana heard the faint rustle he made but shrugged it off, unaware that she was being watched by a single yellow sclera.

* * *

"Where is she! I'm tired of standing around here like an idiot!" Lori complained as she sat back in the driver's seat.

Neither Lincoln or Lynn, who was holding the rope, paid her much mind as they both stared into the forest nervously, bad memories haunting them with every second.

Slowly cracking under the pressure, Lynn pulled on the rope and received a single tug in return. The two siblings felt some relief.

Lincoln shook his head. "Of all the places the van could have stopped..."

"I know, it sucks." Lynn nodded sullenly, both anxiously awaiting Lana's return.

"Chill, guys. She's just taking a leak, and what are the chances of running into that cur a third time?" Ryan shrugged, trying to hide his own anxiety.

"Don't jinx it, Ryan!" Lynn warned him dangerously.

"You believe in jinxes?" Ryan eyed her with amusement when they all heard panting.

They suddenly saw an exhausted black cat staggering up to them.

"Cliff?" Lincoln stared in disbelief as the cat crawled up under his legs and lied down.

"What are you doing here?" Lincoln picked him up and looked at him oddly.

"How did he follow us?" Lynn blurted when Lola noticed what was going on.

"Huh, so that's where he ran off to?" she noted with disinterest.

"Say what now?" Lynn asked her.

The princess shrugged. "Meh, Lana said something how all four of those guys were gone when she tried to feed them this morning."

Lincoln blinked and whispered to the other two. " _Guys, I saw Cliff, Charles and Geo run out of the house last night when...you-know-what happened_."

" _Huh? Why didn't you mention it?_ " Lynn asked incredulously.

" _I didn't think they went far_."

" _Obviously, you were wrong_." Ryan snorted.

Holding Cliff to his chest, Lincoln looked around, as did Lynn, and saw no sign of Charles or Geo. They shouted their name but recieved no response.

"They wouldn't have gone this far without sticking together." Lincoln noted.

"They couldn't have gotten lost?" Lynn asked worriedly.

"So...I guess we'll be making missing pet posters tomorrow." Ryan inquired about this most recent issue for the Louds.

* * *

Sighing in relief, Lana rose to her feet and pulled her overalls up. She felt another tug of the rope and tugged back once, muttering irritably.

"What's their deal! Why'd they go all crazy paranoid!" Lana grumbled to herself while readjusting her straps, unaware that a maw full of sharp fangs was looming above her.

One Eye was ready to deliver a swift killing bite to the head when a sudden, ear-penetrating honk caused him to jerk back and shake his head irritably.

Lana covered her ears and clenched her teeth. "Ugh! I hate that noise!" she complained and pulled on the rope twice.

One Eye's jaws lunged at her only to get a mouth full of grass. Spitting it out, the wolf saw the little girl whoop in surprise as she was pulled away, and he growled.

* * *

"Woooow!" Lana cried as she was pulled through the bushes and landed on her belly in front of the van.

"What was that for!" she complained while pulling twigs out of her hair and cap.

"Sorry, Lana. I'm a champ at tug-o-war." Lynn shrugged coolly. "I can't just turn off my awesome skills."

"You're a champ at being a stink-head too!" Lana retorted as she stood up. Lynn glared at her.

Hoping to defuse the tension, Lincoln showed Lana their surprise visitor. "Forget that, Lana. Eh, look who we found!"

"Cliff?" Lana beamed and snatched the feline from him.

"Where've you been, you rascal!" Lana gave him a hug. Cliff's slit pupils dilated until they consumed the entire orb as he feared that Lana would transform back into a zombie and tried to break free.

His reaction wasn't lost on Ryan. " _Maybe we should intervene before the poor cat has a heart attack._ " he whispered to his companions.

"Let's just get back on the road first." Lincoln replied.

"What? But what about Charles, Walt and Geo?" Lana protested.

"We've tried calling for them, but from the looks of things Cliff came here alone." Lincoln said regretfully. "If they were all here, surely they would have stuck together."

Lana pouted but knew that what Lincoln said was true. That fact only made them both worry about their lost pets even more.

Lori hit the horn again, making everyone else cringe. "Get your butts up here before I tie you all into precels!" she roared impatiently, oblivious about the large animal that snuck by under the closed driver's window.

Lincoln sighed in annoyance. "Let's go, guys. Don't wanna keep the lovebirds apart." he said sarcastically.

" _That stupid witch_..." Lana muttered while following him.

As he was being carried, Cliff caught a glimpse of someone peeking from behind the van and started squirming with fear.

"I know, I miss them too." Lana told him comfortingly as she hopped into the van.

One Eye's gaze focused on the two remaining kids. He recognized them. Their smell, their appearance. It looked like his previous hunt wasn't yet over.

"You okay, Lynn?" Ryan noticed the jock staring off into the distance.

"I was just thinking about Charles." she admitted sullenly.

Ryan patted her back. "I know, but we won't find him standing around here."

Lori honked again, causing the two, and One Eye, to flinch.

"C'mon." Ryan grabbed Lynn's hand and pulled her after him.

Neither noticed One Eye sneaking up on Lynn and opening his jaws, only to miss her arm by an inch, as he didn't have the best depth perception anymore, and bite the air before having the van's door pushed into his way.

One Eye halted and stepped back as the engines started running and the van drove off, engulfing the wolf in its exhaust fumes.

Coughing, he jumped out of the cloud of smoke and saw the vehicle disappear down the road.

He barred his teeth in frustration. He had caught salmon less slippery than those two kids and their mangy dog.

* * *

The van parked in the picnic area. It was a wide, flowering meadow surrounding a small lake, with small patches of trees along with picnic tables scattered around it. The road leading into the park cut through the middle and circled around the lake. In the distance, one could see the towering hotel building.

There were relatively few people around, which Lincoln didn't mind, as it greatly reduced the chance of any of his sisters causing trouble.

Leni was the first to exit the van, carrying one of the baskets. "Awww, this place's beautiful!" she marveled at the landscape as she placed her basket on the nearest table, taking special note of the colorful carpet of flowers.

"Good thing I came prepared!" the teen exclaimed and pulled a flower vase out of the basket and put it on the table.

Lana jumped on the bench and placed Cliff on the table.

"Are you hungry? Good thing that I brought sardine cans, huh?" she asked him, but the black cat remained shaken and looked around.

He still couldn't believe that he was still alive, and in one piece, but being brought here didn't help ease the feline's fears. He thought they were going to drive him back home, but instead, they had brought him to another wooded area. Cliff's brief track trough mother nature was something he never wished to do again.

Cliff was never an outdoor cat but his run-in with One Eye had only cemented his lack of desire to explore the outside world.

"I know you're worried about Charles, Walt and Geo." Lana told him sympathetically and petted his head. "But don't you worry, we'll find them in no time."

"Will you get him off the table! It's not sanitary!" Lola arrived to give her twin an earful. Spooked by her loud voice, Cliff jumped off and hid beneath it.

"Says who! You're not the boss of us!" the tomboy shot back.

"Animals don't eat at the table!" Lola retorted before growing a haughty smile. "That goes for the both of you!"

Lana fumed when Leni suddenly appeared between them. "Hey! Do you want to pick flowers?" she asked them cheerfully.

"Fine by me." Lola shrugged and quickly followed her. "Better than lecturing Cat Litter Breath there about proper etiquette."

Lana was about to jump after her when Lori grabbed her shoulder and ordered her to help drape the picnic blanket over the table.

Ryan stepped out of the van and breathed in the fresh air. "Ah, away from the buzz and pollution of the city and into mother nature. Now we're talking." he exhaled in a relaxed manner.

Luan tentatively joined his side, holding the other basket. She wanted to chat with him, but her mind was elsewhere.

"Yeah, eh...I like nature too." she said skittishly, and surveyed the area.

"You okay?" Ryan took notice of her demeanor.

Luan gulped. "I'm cool, I just have hay fever-no! I mean...I better set up the food!" she excused herself and rushed away.

" _What's her deal?_ " Ryan cocked an eyebrow when Lynn grabbed his arm.

"Follow me!" the jock pulled him after her and led him to Lincoln and Lucy, who had gathered on the other side of the van.

"What's the emergency now? Do I need to wrangle a bimbo or two?" Ryan asked dryly before growing an eager smirk. "Cuz I saved the rope."

"Keep dreaming." Lincoln replied evenly, not letting him get to him. "I just wanted to remind all of you to stay vigilant. Remember, the whole point of this trip is to assure that dad can hold his meeting with the critic in peace. So we gotta avoid any trip-canceling hiccups."

"Thanks for the _oh so important_ status update." Ryan snarked.

"My point is that we need to keep an eye on them like we planned, to make sure they don't get into any trouble."

Lynn rolled her eyes. "Aren't you being a tad too paranoid? You've seen this place. It's about as boring and hazard-free as it gets."

"We shouldn't underestimate our sisters' capacity for calamity." Lucy pointed out. "They can enroll themselves into any serene, amicable situation and deliver an onslaught of destruction and misery in their wake."

Lynn groaned in annoyance. "Alright, Pasty, I get it. They're huge screw-ups. But there's only so many ways they can screw up."

"Lucy's right, with our sisters one needs to expect the unexpected. But some of them are a lot more troublesome on their own than others." Lincoln pointed out.

"Like Luan." Lynn gladly singled the comedian out. "If she gets another "brilliant idea" to make people laugh, then we're all in some deep shit."

"Speaking of Luan, I think something's up with her." Ryan told them.

"What do you mean?" Lincoln asked.

"I dunno. But something about this place has got her on edge."

"I've noticed that too." Lucy added. "She seemed distressed once Lori revealed where we were heading. I sense that something about this place has conjured up traumatic memories from her past."

"That can't be a good sign." Lincoln mused.

"I dunno." Lynn scoffed. "Luan's scared of this dump for whatever reason? Neat. At least that will keep her in line."

"Lynn, this isn't funny." Lincoln gave her a disapproving look. "If something's troubling Luan then we should be there for her. Find out what's bugging her."

"I'm sure I could get her to open up about it." Ryan shrugged with a smirk.

Lincoln didn't like the idea but saw how it could work. Lynn silently fuming after Ryan's suggestion also didn't go unnoticed by him.

Lincoln didn't know what irked him more. How Ryan was hitting on two of his sisters or how this romance drama could throw a wrench into their teamwork? Lynn going mad with jealousy was a no-brainer, that's how she would usually react to not being the star on her sports teams, so why should a boy ignoring her for her sister be any different?

Though Lincoln was more concerned about how this scenario would more likely end with Ryan cruelly breaking Luan's heart. After all, as far he understood it, Ryan's only had eyes for Lynn ever since they beat the snot out of each other on the playground.

Lincoln doubted Ryan was unaware of the reason behind the hostility between the sisters. Why he would allow it to go on Lincoln didn't understand, however.

But he would have to put a pin on those worries for the moment and hope that Lynn would stay focused.

"That's not a bad thought." he reluctantly admitted. "We all can keep an eye on one person each. Since Luan's taken...eh...a shine to you, you might as well keep her company."

Lincoln felt beyond skeezy for saying that.

"Sweet. I get the fun one." Ryan shrugged. Lynn trembled with anger but before she could object, Lincoln turned to her.

"And I was thinking you could keep watch on Lana."

"What? Why me?"

Lincoln shrugged. "Well, you two are kinda alike so I just thought it would be a natural fit. You might even have some fun hanging out with her, unless you wanna take Lola or Leni-"

"No, I'm good! I'll take the squirt." Lynn cut him off and accepted her task. She couldn't argue with that logic, compared to the others spending time with Lana was downright merciful.

Lincoln smiled. "Okay then, as for the others, I don't think Lori will be a problem if Bobby's there and-"

" _Look at these pretty flowers, girls! Uhhh, look? A ladybug!_ " they heard Leni's voice. " _Hey there little fella!_ "

" _That's not a ladybug!_ " Lola cried.

" _OW!_ "

Lincoln and Lynn cringed while Ryan grew an amused grin.

Lincoln sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Good thing I brought a first aid kit."

"Well, things are off to a great start." Lynn said sardonically.

"We have to avoid things like that." Lincoln continued. "We got the girls into this, so we at least owe it to them to make the day as pleasant as we can."

"Easier said than done." Lynn scoffed. "Half of them are dead set on being as cranky as possible. And I doubt it will long till the next scuffle."

"If we play our cards right we can avoid scuffles. But if we want them to cooperate, then we'll have to rely on persuasion, not force."

Lynn noticed that Lincoln shot her a glance and clenched her fists in irritation. "You're talking about me?" she pointed at herself indignantly.

"Lynn, I'm just saying that we have to avoid things like the incident with Luna and the twins-"

Lynn scowled. "So I made a mistake and tackled Luna, sue me! You boys were none the wiser! At least I didn't give two toddlers a headrush!" she sent Ryan a glare.

"Guilty as charged." he shrugged aloofly. "But I don't think we'll have to worry about such comedic misunderstandings out here."

"That's what I was saying." Lincoln agreed and gestured at the meadow. "Call me naively optimistic if you will but I don't see too many ways that our sisters could screw things up out here."

"One of the twins could run out on the road and get hit by a car." Lucy said morosely.

"And they could get bitten by a venomous snake hiding in the grass." Ryan added offhandedly. "Or run across poison ivy or-"

"Alright, we get it." Lincoln interrupted him. "But you're the outdoors expert, aren't you? So we assume you won't let stuff like that happen?"

"I guess." Ryan shrugged. "But I'm pretty sure most of them won't heave my warnings."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that. Most of them are prissy girls who would freak out over one little mudstain and hate physical exercise. They won't wander off." Lynn pointed out coolly but then frowned with realization. "Except for Lana of course."

"Then you better keep an eagle eye on her." Lincoln concluded, fingers crossed that this escapade would turn out well.

* * *

The four found Lori giving Leni an ice pack. Lana and Luan watched her with squeamish expressions while Lola was holding an envelope and tapping her foot impatiently next to them. In spite of the incident, Leni still took the liberty of placing her flowers into the vase.

"Guys, what's going on?" Lincoln feigned ignorance.

Lola scoffed. "The idiot let a bee walk over her face until it stung her."

"I'm sure the little bee didn't mean to." Leni said with a weak smile. "And it was just a little sting." she removed the ice pack, prompting everyone, sans Lucy, to cringe.

Leni's right eye was swollen shut and the skin had turned a sickly purple color.

"Yikes, that's bad." Ryan commented with a satisfied smirk.

"That's nasty. I think I'm gonna hurl." Lana winced.

Leni pouted and flinched fearfully. "It's not that bad? Is it?"

"May- _bee_." Luan sniggered uneasily. " _Oh, that was so inappropriate_."

"Leni isn't allergic to bees, is she?" Lucy asked. "If so, she might experience throat and tongue swelling, respiratory failure and low blood pressure which would result in cardiac arrest and death."

"Death?!" Leni squeaked.

Lori rolled her eyes. "Cool down, Leni. You've been stung before and nothing came of it. You're not allergic to bees, none of us are."

"Oh? Right? I remember now." Leni calmed down and laughed. "Thanks, Lori."

Lola groaned and marched upfront. "Okay, now that we know the Cyclops will be fine, can I _please_ go and give my application in peace!" she flaunted the envelope impatiently.

"Yeah sure, Lola." Lori waived at her indifferently. "Just take Lincoln with you."

"What?!" both Lincoln and Lola blurted.

"What for?!" the princess barked petulantly.

"Doy. You're only five, genius. You need an escort." Lori replied flatly.

"No, I don't! I'm not a baby!"

Lori remained unfazed. "Lola, you can either go with him or forget about your pageant. Either works for me." she stated indifferently.

"But I can't be seen with him! Look at his blemish-infested face!" Lola pointed at her brother and then grabbed his sleeve. "Look at the hideous polo shirt he's wearing! He's unpresentable!"

Lincoln scowled but refrained from commenting.

"I wanna make a good impression on Donnie Dufresne! A perfect first impression always lands you in the judge's favor, so I can't take any risks!"

"Why can't you escort me?"

Lori rolled her eyes again. "Because, it would be super embarrassing if Bobby arrived and I wasn't here, and he had to like wait for me to come back, in the presence of my bratty little siblings no less. That would put a humongous dent on our perfect relationship." she said it like it was the most justified and understandable excuse in history.

"Lola, let's just get this over with." Lincoln sighed in resignation. " _Guess I have my sheep_."

"The sooner you sign yourself up, the sooner I...eh...I mean _we'll_ be free of each other."

"No, I refuse to!" Lola crossed her arms bitterly.

"It's either him or Luan." Lori shrugged. "I'm sure bringing Leni with you wouldn't exactly give a good impression." she casually pointed at her sister's swollen eye.

"Why? Do I have split ends?!" Leni gasped.

"Hey! Don't drag me into this!" Luan protested.

Lola's pupils shrank and a single drop of sweat slid down her face.

"Eh...on second thought, Lincoln's presentable." she said hastily and grabbed his arm.

"At least he doesn't have gross weeds growing out of his head and doesn't wear an eye-gougingly hideous outfit from head to toe! Or braces!" she added with disgust.

"Hey!" Luan turned red with anger but was ignored.

"Come on, Lincoln! I'm not gonna be the last one to sign up!" Lola gave her orders and pulled him away.

"Sure, Lola." Lincoln sighed before glancing at Ryan, Lynn and Lucy, who nodded in his direction.

"Alright, let's set up the food, you lazy bums!" Lori clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.

"And you won't be helping out?" Ryan asked her rhetorically.

"Of course not, twerp. I'll be awaiting my sweetheart!" Lori declared in a haughty tone. "It's the least I can do after canceling our romantic dinner on short notice."

"Fine by me." Ryan replied sincerely. The less he saw of her the better.

"Wait a sec?" something hit Lynn. "Why didn't you suggest me as an escort for Lola? You suggested Lincoln, Luan and Leni but not me?"

Lori responded with a burst of hearty laughter and clutched her sides. "Good one, Lynn!" she continued laughing and walked away.

Lynn watched her go gobsmacked. "What was that all about?!" she threw her arms up.

Ryan was debating with himself if he should answer her question or even respond to it. Lucy didn't have such reservations.

"I dunno, maybe Lori's under the impression that your ill-tempered, abrasive disposition makes you unsuited to guard a toddler. I wouldn't know where she got that idea." the goth commented with thinly-veiled sarcasm.

Lynn caught wind of that and saw the faintest hint of a smirk on her face, which made her blood boil. "What's that supposed to mean, Ghoul Girl?" she asked threateningly.

Lucy ignored her question and excused herself. "Since you two already selected your "sheep", I think I'll keep an eye on Leni."

"Really? You're a brave trooper, kiddo." Ryan told her admiringly.

"Thanks." Lucy didn't know why Ryan had said that but took the compliment anyway and left.

"I can't believe the nerve of these people!" Lynn lamented. Ryan considered whether he should give her a compliment or tell her the truth.

"Don't listen to them." he wrapped his arm around her. "They were talking about a beauty contest, right? Obviously, Blondy was worried that if you tagged along you would upstage the brat."

Lynn blushed and grew as stiff as board. It took her a while to produce a response.

"That's...that's not what... they were thinking...you idiot." the flustered jock retorted.

"Eh, it's what I would have thought in their place." Ryan shrugged coolly.

Lynn blinked, unsure how to respond to that. It didn't help matters that the place they were in was eerily reminiscent of a particular dream of hers.

She tried to compose herself and pushed his arm away. "Let's get to work, Casanova!" she barked irritably as she walked ahead of him.

Smirking, Ryan followed. " _I scored one there_."

* * *

As the others were setting up the table, Lucy and Leni finished setting up a picnic blanket next to it for those who wished for a more traditional picnic. Not like the table had enough room for ten people anyway.

"That's everything. What should we do now, Lucy?" the teen asked eagerly.

"Wait for the others to return, I suppose?" the goth answered monotonously.

"Aww, but that sounds really boring." Leni pouted but then got an idea. "I know! Let's do each other's hair! I'll go first!"

Lucy swallowed. "Eh...I don't think I like that idea."

Leni looked disappointed and confused. "Why not?"

Having overhead them, Lynn smirked evilly and shouted to them. "Hey, Lucy! Remember what my hockey coach always tells me? 'Ya gotta take one for the team'! Just some food for thought!"

"Wow, I didn't know Lynn knew such inspiring words of wisdom." Leni said obviously.

"She usually doesn't..." the goth muttered under her breath.

"So, are you sure you don't want me to do your hair?" Leni asked hopefully.

"Sigh. Okay..." Lucy hung her head. She had a task to fulfill and she couldn't let Lincoln down, and this was the ideal distraction for Leni, unfortunately.

Leni squealed. "Yay! Oh, I know! You're gonna look so cute with braids!"

Lucy's eyes twitched under her bags, but she stayed put.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lana opened a sardine can and offered it to Cliff. "Here you go, Cliff. I know you must be starving."

Cliff still seemed on high alert. He tentatively lowered his head to sniff his food when Lana petted his back.

"Good kitty..." the tomboy smiled but then sighed "...if only the others were here."

And he once again felt scared. The thought of Lana turning into a monster again and attacking him wouldn't leave his head. He picked up the can in his jaws and scurried away underneath the table.

Lana looked hurt and didn't understand why he ran off on her. Her only guess was that he was still hurting over the absence of his three companions.

She looked around the meadow again, as if expecting the dog, hamster or canary to suddenly pop up and happily reunite with their family. At least that's what she thought should happen based on the movies she watched.

She didn't see any of them but she did see something else not too far away, a mudhole near the lake, perfect for a dip.

Lana went agape with wonder. It wasn't often that she would get to roll around in the mud at this time of year. Mud required rain, and rain was a rare occurrence during summer.

The sight of the mudhole was downright captivating to the tomboy. Her eyes started swirling, she stretched her arms out and started walking towards it.

* * *

"So can we chow now?" Ryan asked lazily, his head resting in his hand at the table.

"Lori said not to touch anything until her "sweetiekins" arrives." Lynn answered, doing the exact same thing.

Ryan turned to Luan. "So, you guys up for bending the rules and try the potato salad?"

Luan looked uncertain. "I dunno, Lori would blow her top."

"That's half the fun." Ryan smirked lazily.

"Well..." Luan considered.

" _Can't believe I'm saying this_." Lynn grumbled inwardly. "Guys, let's not tick her off this time."

Luan scoffed. "Wow, since when did the big, bad Lynn chicken out on a dare?"

"And since when did you have the backbone to try one?" Lynn snarked.

Luan scowled. "Didn't you volunteer to play with Lana or something?"

" _Mud...mud...mud_..." Lana suddenly walked past them in a hypnotized trance.

"What's up with her?" Ryan noticed. "Did someone here nab Lizzie's hypno ray without permission?"

"No. Worse." Lynn replied grimly, noticing Lana's intended destination.

"Oh, looks like she's going for her weekly mud pedicure." Luan sent Lynn a smug look. "Not sure how Lori will take to a little muck monster greeting Bobby?" she added in a sing-song voice.

Grumbling under her breath, Lynn gave in. "I'll get her!" the jock jumped to her feet and bolted after her.

Silently pumping her fist, Luan scooted closer to Ryan. "So, you wanted to ask me about something?" she batted her eyelashes at him.

"I did." Ryan responded in a chill tone. "How about we discuss this over some ice cream?"

* * *

Her speed increasing the closer she came to it, Lana ran at the mudhole and tried doing a cannonball. "BANZAI!"

"Oh no, you don't!" Lynn grabbed one of her straps mid air and pulled her back.

"Hey! What's the big idea!" Lana cried as Lynn dragged her away.

"You're not going to get mud all over the van or our picnic blanket. Someone's gonna have to clean that up." Lynn scolded her.

"So what? That's mom's job."

"Exactly. And mom deserves some downtime." the jock told her sternly. "And she has more important things to do than bust her ass with laundry 24/7 cuz you literally can't get your mind out of the gutter for one second."

"What do you care? You get dirty all the time!" Lana shot back, pulling herself free.

"Only when I play sports, I don't get dirty for the sake of being dirty. Plus, a bunch of dirt stains aren't the same as coming back home as a little mud monster."

"It's not fair! You can't tell me what to do!" Lana whined.

"Oh, yes I can!" Lynn huffed smugly.

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can!" Lynn folded her arms. "I'm like more than twice your age, Short Stuff. It's simple authority by birth order!"

"Oh, I get it now, _Lori_." Lana snorted curtly.

Lynn's eye widened and she snapped. "I am not like her!"

"You so are! 'I'm older so I'm the boss'!" Lana did a mock impression of the former. "That's the kinda bossy junk Lori would say."

Lynn fumed, but then recalled Lincoln's instructions. Use persuasion, not violence. Grumbling to herself, the jock gave it a shot.

"Weren't you looking after Cliff?" she asked in a calmer tone.

"I did, but he bailed on me and hid under the table. I dunno why!" Lana lamented.

Lynn looked over her shoulder and noticed their cat's tail and backside poking out from beneath the sheet.

Turning back, she saw Lana make a run for the mudhole and swiftly grabbed her arm.

"Hey! Lemme go!" the tomboy tried to free herself.

Lynn tried a different tactic. "Look, squirt. How about instead of acting like a pig, you try playing ball with your cool big sis?" she pointed at herself with a cocky grin.

Lana stopped fighting and looked at her suspiciously. "Why would I?"

"Because...eh...you and I are kinda alike. We're both hardcore tomboys after all and you're the only sister I have that has enough grit to keep up with me." Lynn improvised an answer, though she soon realized that it didn't sound all that far-fetched.

"As if! You always play mean!" Lana retorted. "I don't wanna get all banged up from your murder balls!"

Lynn grew annoyed but kept her temper in check. "You won't get hurt, Lana. I'll pull back so we're on even playing fields." she reassured her.

"I don't believe you." Lana responded distrustfully. "You always go overboard!"

"Look, squirt! How about this?" Lynn made a proposition. "You give it a try and if you get even one bruise, then I'll...clean your room and feed your pets for a month?"

Lana was reluctant to talk.

Lynn sighed irritably. "And I'll clean Cliff's litter box for a month! That's my final offer!"

"But I like cleaning Cliff's litter box and feeding my slimy and scaly pals." Lana pouted.

Lynn groaned and facepalmed.

"But I do hate cleaning my room." the tomboy shrugged. "So if the deal's that you'll do it for me for _two_ months if you break your promise, then I'm good."

"Ugh, fine..." Lynn rolled her eyes tiredly.

* * *

Lana was now standing between two small boulders that Lynn had placed on the grass, simulating a soccer goal. Her sister stood about twelve feet away from her, holding the ball.

"Okay, Lana. Since neither of us has a team the game will be _very_ simple." she explained. "I try to score a goal, and as the goalie, you have to try and prevent that by catching the ball. You got that?"

"I know how soccer works for Pete's sake! I ain't stupid." Lana threw her arms up, looking insulted.

"Just wanted to make sure you were up to speed." Lynn shrugged and placed the ball down.

"Now don't worry. I know my skills and yours aren't in the same league, plus I have tons of experience. So I'll go easy on you." Lynn reassured her in a cocky manner before swinging her foot back.

Then, she swung it forward only to deliver a soft nudged to the ball, making it slowly roll towards Lana until it stopped just a few inches away from her.

Lana frowned. "What are you doing?"

"I'm dialing it back for you, as you wanted." Lynn shrugged. "If I kick it too fast or too hard you won't be able to catch it and it will probably smash your face."

"How am I supposed to catch it like that?" Lana lamented. "And I'm not a snail!"

"Alright, yeesh." Lynn rolled her eyes as she snatched the ball and returned to her position.

She swung her foot back only to once again send the ball slowly rolling towards her little sister. This time it did bump into Lana's shoe.

"C'mon Lana! You're supposed to catch it." Lynn instructed her. "You want me to dial it back more?"

Lana seethed and suddenly delivered a powerful kick to the soccer. Lynn was caught off guard and the ball bounced off her face, causing her to fall on her back.

Lynn grunted in pain and stood up while rubbing her aching cheek and looked at her sister in wide-eyed awe. "Wow...nice kick."

"I told ya I'm not a baby!" Lana shot back, looking proud of her accomplishment.

"I...I see that." a humbled Lynn replied before slowly smiling. "Maybe we should switch roles..."

* * *

"You really shouldn't have." Luan humbly thanked Ryan on their way back while licking her ice cream cone.

"Think nothing of it." Ryan replied smoothly before taking another bite out of his cone. "Iths a genthremamths duthty tho pathup phtor thlady." he said with a full mouth before swallowing it whole and shuddering for a second.

"Thanks." Luan blushed but Ryan could still see the anxiety in her eyes.

"Might as well break the ice." he sighed. "Get it?" he added with some levity before getting serious.

Luan sniggered but was likewise confused. "Huh?"

"Luan, I know something's been bothering you ever since we came here, I ain't blind." Ryan told her nonchalantly.

Fear immediately washed over her features and she avoided eye contact. "Nothing's bothering me. Whatever gave you that idea?" she lied, very obviously.

"You're an even worse fibber than Lynn, y'know that?" Ryan said wryly. "C'mon, fess up."

"It's nothing..." she insisted.

"Lu, you can tell me. I won't laugh, I swear." Ryan said sympathetically. He couldn't believe he actually said it. It seemed Luan was the third or even forth Loud sister in a row that got him to act ostensibly nice.

" _I really am going soft_." Ryan thought and quickly said something to return his bravado. "Is this dump a hangout for some bullies that give you trouble? Cuz I'll be more than happy to pummel them." he proclaimed with unbridled confidence.

Luan shifted awkwardly. "No...it's not that. I mean it is-no! I mean-ugh!" she stuttered, growing more flustered with each sentence.

"Wow, easy there." Ryan told her teasingly. "If it's not bullies, what is it then?"

Luan kept shifting, seemingly debating with herself about opening up.

"It's nothing specific..." her voice trailed off "...but...this place kinda reminds me of someone..."

She seemed hesitant to continue. Ryan studied her but then noticed that she was glancing at the hotel in the distance.

Ryan looked in the same direction. " _Is that building bothering her?_ " he wondered. " _Tisdale Towers?_ " then it hit him. " _Dammit! I'm such a dumbass!_ "

Suddenly it all added up. He turned back to his friend. "And that someone isn't a friend of yours I presume?" he asked rhetorically.

Luan weakly nodded. "I'd rather not dwell on it, if you don't mind..." she said in a feeble voice.

Ryan deflated and thought about it. They seriously didn't need this on top of having to deal with the bimbo squad.

"It's okay. Eh...why don't we get back to the others." he suggested and escorted her back.

" _That's what we get for letting Blondy choose the picnic spot_." Ryan lamented inwardly while also trying to think of a way to cheer Luan up.

Seeing her lose her sunny disposition and turn all sad and moody just rubbed him the wrong way. It felt unnatural and it pained him to see it.

He, after all, understood her plight better than most of her siblings.

Then he saw something worth poking fun at. "Hey, Luan! Check out Romero and Fury-et over there!" he pointed at the table opposite of Leni and Lucy, where Lori sat and clutched hands with Bobby.

"Oh, that's her boyfriend." Luan explained.

"Heard about him. What was his name again? Booby Santiago?" Ryan asked jokingly.

"You said 'booby'..." Luan covered her mouth snickering.

"Yeah, isn't that a type of bird?" Ryan replied with a shrug. "The one with blue feet?"

"Well, Lori does like to _henpeck_ him a lot." Luan joked and they soon shared a big laugh.

" _Good, back to Happy Luan it is!_ " Ryan felt a bit relieved.

* * *

"Oh, Bobby. I'm so sorry it had to be like this." a sparkly-eyed Lori squeezed her boyfriend's hands. "We had everything planned out so perfectly only for an out of touch parent to dump all these nuisances on me because he couldn't handle them himself."

"It's okay, babe. I don't mind a picnic." a likewise sparkly-eyed Bobby meet her gaze. "And that's just what parents do. Mom, tried to get me to bring Ronnie along too. But she ran off and hid at a friend's house, saying something about not wanting to be caught dead with a "lame-o"."

"You sure she didn't mean _lame-os_? Because I totally sympathize, and envy her." Lori giggled and then sighed.

"I'm not mad at you, babe." Bobby reassured her. " A healthy relationship must endure trials and tribulations. Flourish through better or worse, through joy or despair, in sickness or health."

"Awww, that's literally the most romantic thing I ever heard!" Lori gushed.

"Don't make me barf, guys." a mocking voice chimed in.

Bobby turned around and was met with Ryan's trademark crooked, sleazy grin, prompting the former to scream and duck behind his girlfriend.

Ryan chuckled. "Never gets old."

"Ryan!" the boy saw Lori grow fangs as she jumped to her feet and loomed over him and Luan. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK A WORD TO BOBBY!" she roared at the two, causing Luan to duck behind Ryan in terror.

"Ups? Must have slipped my mind." Ryan replied nonchalantly. "But besides, it's plain rude not to properly introduce yourself to a new face."

"Eh, Lori..." an uneasy Bobby peeked over his girlfriend's shoulder "...wh..who's that kid?"

Lori turned nervous as she faced him and started sweating. "Him?" she chuckled awkwardly. "Oh, don't mind him, sweetiekins! He`s just some hobo Lynn and Lincoln befriended!"

 _"Again with the repeats_." Ryan rolled his eyes. " _Freaking zombie amnesia_."

"Why, holas amigo!" he greeted the Hispanic teen. "Name's Ryan Taylor. And you must the future Mr. Lara Loud I've heard so much about."

"Huh?" Bobby was now equal amounts scared and confused.

"Hey, Bobby? Remember me?" Luan stepped up to shake hands. Bobby hesitantly returned the gesture only to be shocked by a joy buzzer.

" _Luan!_ " a blushing Lori growled and pushed her back.

"Wut? I just wanted to give this boring party a _jolt_." Luan snickered only to shrink under Lori's glare and edge closer to Ryan.

"Now, Luan. Maybe we should just give the enamored couple their privacy." Ryan chimed in wryly. "Obviously they were in the middle of...well..." he hugged himself and started making kissing noises, making Lori boil.

To his surprise, Luan gave him a disapproving look and placed her hands on her hips.

"What?" Ryan asked, genuinely confused.

"And what's wrong with a couple expressing their affection for each other Mr. Too-Scared-To-Take-The-Next-Step, hmm?" the comedian scolded him.

Ryan blinked. "Well...eh..."

"Great idea, twerps!" Lori suddenly grew elated. She grabbed and shoved two subs wrapped in tin foil into Ryan's arms and two soda cans into Luan's.

Then she grabbed them both by the shoulder, turned them around and started pushing them away.

"Why don't you find a nice spot by the lake and talk about relationship stuff." she told them in a tone that said 'If you dare object, I'll paint the grass with your blood!'.

Luan actually grinned at the thought and grabbed Ryan's arm. "Alright, no need to be _pushy_!" she feigned annoyance and dragged him away.

"Cheese Louise, what a busybody." Ryan snarked as he was being pulled away. "We oughta consider gift-wrapping an escape boat for Bobby once the bells start ringing."

"Ryan, there's nothing wrong about a girl wanting to have some privacy with her special someone, y'know." Luan told him sternly as they stopped a good distance away from the table.

"But having the other Blondy give Lucy a makeover right next to them is okay?" Ryan retorted with a smirk. "Ony us chatty "weirdos" count as an invasion of privacy? And last I heard, this was supposed to be a family picnic?"

Luan's stern look faltered. "Maybe..." she continued less confidentially "...but family members can easily embarrass you, especially if you have a date."

Ryan huffed. "Then she shouldn't have brought him here in the first place and kept the canceled date canceled. If I had a special gal, I never would have called her over while stuck with my asshat of a sister."

Luan scowled. What did he mean with "if"?

"Maybe that "special gal" would be willing to deal with it if she really cared about you. As Bobby said, a healthy relationship must endure trials and tribulations..."

Ryan completely missed her prattling, as he was dumbfounded, but also beyond amused, by what he saw next.

"Check that out, Lu!" Ryan exclaimed with a look of mirth. "He's letting her spoon feed him pudding, like a baby?" he laughed and wiped away a tear. "That dude has no cojones."

Luan was taken back. He wasn't paying attention to her? Annoyed, she noisily cleared her throat.

"You say something?" he turned to her with a bemused grin before noticing her annoyed demeanor. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Did you not hear Bobby's lecture about relationships?" she asked him impatiently.

Ryan's response was a giggle fit. "Sure I did! And it was the sappiest crap I've ever heard! Oh man, from what dollar store romance novel did he pick up those lines?"

Luan was left dumbfounded. He wasn't even on the same page as her? How could he be so clueless?

"Look, there's Lynn playing with the squirt. I have something to tell her." Ryan gestured for the comedian to follow him. "She should also hear about the lovebirds." he added with a snicker.

"Grrrr!" Luan clenched her fists and followed.

* * *

Playing goalie, Lynn caught one ball sent by Lana after another.

"Not bad, squirt. You've got a strong kick." she complimented her while holding the soccer before giving into her cocky attitude again. "But you've still got a lot to learn if you ever hope to score a goal against a champ like me."

"Again with the bragging." Lana crossed her arms. "And I almost thought we were having _fun_."

"We are having fun." Lynn countered and walked up to her. "I'm just trying to pass on my knowledge from one generation to another."

"Generations? But we're sisters?" Lana looked confused.

"It's a play on words, squirt." Lynn smirked.

"Don't you mean a figure of speech?" Lana scratched her head.

"My point is!" Lynn continued, irked at being corrected. "I see you've got potential. You've got the grit and we all know you don't mind getting dirty or ruffled up, but you still need to home in your reflexes and coordination."

"So you can do stuff like this." Lynn demonstrated her fancy footwork by bouncing the ball on her foot and knee. "I can keep this up for thirty minutes!"

"Wow, sweet trick." Lana commented, genuinely impressed.

"I'd be impressed too. _If_ she hadn't shown it to me about a dozen times before." came Ryan's ever sarcastic voice. Lana glared at him, as he appeared next to Lynn with Luan.

Lynn didn't remove her eyes from the ball. "When you have mad skills, you gotta wow the world with them, wiseguy!" she shot back boastfully while continuing her performance.

"Eh, if by "mad skills" you mean the _skill_ to get _mad_ quicker than a rodeo bull with hernia, then sure." Luan snarked, looking decidedly unimpressed.

Lynn scoffed. "You're just jealous that I'm good at what I do and you're not, Punsy McGee!"

"She's got you there." Lana said snidely, making Luan seeth.

"Hey, Ryan! Check this out!" Lynn exclaimed as she continued bouncing the ball with one leg while moving past him and Luan.

Grinning wickedly, the comedian pulled out a banana peel from her pocket and dropped it in Lynn's path as she came back.

"WOW!" the jock slipped and landed on her back. The soccer came down and bounced off her face, making Ryan wince while Lana caught it.

"Your act's very _appealing_ , Lynny." Luan snickered mockingly.

Lynn quickly picked up said peel and turned red from rage. "You shouldn't have done that!" she said threateningly.

"Why ya accusin' me, flat-foot? I didn't do nuffin!" Luan held her hands up, doing a gangster accent.

"You're so dead!" Lynn snapped and before she knew it, Luan was grabbed by the shirt and hoisted off the ground.

"How about you give me your sub and I'll repay you with a knuckle sandwich!" the jock yelled before suddenly being grabbed and pulled back by Ryan, causing her to drop Luan. Lana didn't notice the scuffle as she tried replicating Lynn's stunt.

"Lemme go!" Lynn screamed viciously as Ryan held her back.

"Easy, tiger. Let's not put family members into body casts over a prank." Ryan quipped, not relinquishing his powerful grip. The ego-stroking joy of having girls fight over you would sort of lose its appeal if one of them got seriously hurt.

" _And we might have bigger problems being here as it is_." he added with a whisper.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lynn responded angrily, while a shaken Luan crawled back and rose to her feet. Lana failed to properly bounce the soccer on her knee and it bounced away. She followed.

"I'll tell you if you take a chill pill." Ryan told her, but knew that calming Lynn down from one of her episodes was anything but easy.

"A chill pill?" Luan lamented indignantly. "She tried to maim me over a joke!"

"That wasn't a joke, that was sabotage!" Lynn snarled, with Ryan gripping her arm.

"Girls, why don't we..." Ryan tried to defuse the situation only to be cut off by the honk of a car horn.

The three turned to the source of the sound and gasped in horror as they saw Lana rushing onto the road after the soccer ball, oblivious to the black limo moving towards her.

"LANA!" they shouted at once, catching the attention of the rest of the Loud family.

Luckily, the honk alerted her and she stopped just in the nick of time as the limo slowed down and stopped in front of her.

Ryan, Lynn and Luan sighed in relief, while Lana froze with fear looking at the vehicle, thinking she was in trouble.

The door opened and Luan grew a look of utter terror while Lynn went agape in surprise.

Ryan sighed irritably and nudged the jock. "Get ready for some serious trash talking..."

* * *

 **And we end on a note of faux suspense XD**

 **This chapter took pretty long to finish, as it wound up including a lot of plot lines tying into the kids continuing mission: love triangles, sisters not getting along, Lori and Lola being terrible, Lori and Bobby being sappy, Leni being stupid, a little Lynn and Lana bonding and the parts with the animals, all that good stuff XD**

 **It feels so great to finally have it posted.**


	25. One Long, Lousy Day: Enter Kathleen

Lana shrank as a girl around Luan's age stepped out of the limo. She had long, wavy chestnut hair, wore a blue denim jacket over her white, pearl embellished shirt together with tight-fitting black jeans and high heels, along with some expensive-looking bracelets and necklace.

"Kathleen..." Lynn hissed and narrowed her eyes with unrepressed contempt.

"No, duh?" Ryan snorted and scratched his head.

"What was even the point of the cliffhanger? Anyone with half a brain cell should have figured that it was her." he joked before feeling Luan squeezing his hand. He glanced at her and saw the comedian shaking with fear and edging closer to him.

Lana gulped as Kathleen gazed at her, her expression hard to read thanks to her sunglasses, which reflected the sunlight.

"Miss, I'm sorry I ran at your car..." Lana said timidly as the young teen lifted her glasses up and gave her an inquisitive look.

"I promise I won't do it again-" Lana stopped as Kathleen kneeled down to her and sent her a tender smile.

"Awww, aren't you just the cutest thing in the world?" she responded warmly and patted Lana's shoulder. "Did I scare you? I'm so sorry. My chauffer can be so distractable." she shook her head before turning to her driver.

"James, I would advise you to go fetch her ball unless you wish to have your paycheck docked...again."

"Yes, Miss Tisdale." the man said timidly while tucking his head inside his collar before rushing off to find the soccer.

"It's so hard to find good help these days." Kathleen joked before facing Lana again and her warm smile returned.

"Where are your parents, little girl?"

"Eh...at home." Lana replied tentatively. "I came here with my big sisters."

"What's she up to?" Lynn eyed the rich girl suspiciously, trying to suppress her surprise.

"It looks like they're engaging in idle chitchat." Ryan shrugged though he too was on high alert. This was not the reaction either of them had anticipated from Kathleen, and it didn't boat well with them.

If Kathleen was acting nice she had an ulterior motive at best, and downright malicious intent at worst.

"Guys...eh..." Luan gulped "...can we fetch Lana and return to our picnic, now." she stammered hectically while sweating bullets.

She, however, was definitely not planning to be the one to do it. "Eh...Lynn? Could ya-"

"Eh, sure, Tin Teeth. I'll get her." Lynn responded on impulse and ran after Lana, much to Luan's relief.

"Ryan?" she looked at the boy pleadingly. "C..can we please...go?"

"That's the bully you were dreading to bump into?" Ryan asked simply, already knowing the answer.

Luan lost her voice and trembled anxiously, but managed to nod her head.

"Say no more." Ryan reassured her coolly. "You just hide and I'll make sure she passes by none the wiser." he told her and headed after Lynn.

Admits her fear, Luan felt her heart melting. He was looking out for her, he really was. However, with Kathleen at close proximity, Luan's survival instinct prevented her from growing flustered and she listened to Ryan and hightailed it out of there.

"You aren't mad at me?" Lana asked Kathleen timidly, who chuckled in response.

"Of course not, kids will be kids. I oughta know, I've done way crazier stunts when I was little." she dismissed it in good humor just as her chauffeur returned and handed her the ball.

"Thanks, James. Here you go, kid, I believe this is yours." she returned it to the tomboy.

Lana smiled, feeling more at ease. "Thanks."

"No problem, what's your name by the way?"

"Oh, it's Lana. Lana Lo-" Lynn's hand suddenly covered her mouth and the jock pulled her back.

"Lana, what did we tell you about talking to strangers?" Lynn scolded her.

"Why, hello. You must be her sister?" Kathleen smiled and offered her a handshake.

Lynn ignored the gesture and observed her warily. She hated Kathleen with every fiber of her body, and the feeling was mutual. At least, it would be in the near future. Kathleen still had no idea who she was and Lynn was keen to keep it that way for now.

"Is something wrong?" Kathleen tilted her head.

Lynn studied her. Why was she being so nice to them? Knowing Kathleen, Lynn had expected her to tear her and Lana a new one over their unfeminine wardrobe the moment she laid eyes on them, assuming she was in a generous mood.

"No, of course not." the jock finally spoke, forcing herself to be civil. "Sorry about Lana, she's a mischievous one-"

"Oh, it's nothing. Kids are rambunctious, we've all been there." Kathleen shrugged.

"Yeah, whatever." Lynn replied curtly while pulling Lana away. "Nice meeting ya, but we have places to be-"

"Can you just wait a second?" Kathleen asked politely before tapping her chin, observing Lynn. "Something about you seems familiar."

Lynn felt her blood run cold. "Sorry, but I've never seen you before."

"Yeah, but you remind me of someone I know. A classmate of mine?"

"Is it Luan?" Lana asked naively. "Cuz her and Lynn look a lot alike."

"Luan?" Kathleen asked in surprise while Lynn mentally facepalmed.

"What a coincidence? I know a Luan too." Kathleen said with intrigue. "What's your last name?"

"Oh, it's Lo-" Lynn tried to clamp Lana's mouth shut again but Ryan beat her to it.

"Hey there! You made a new friend, Lynn?" Ryan asked the jock while Lana struggled against his grasp.

Kathleen flinched in shock upon seeing him and he sent her a sleazy grin.

"What's shaking, tutz?"

"Um...hello?" Kathleen greeted him uneasily. "You are?"

"Ryan Taylor's the name, I'm buds with this charming lady over here." he gestured at the jock. "Lynn Larson."

"Mphph?" Lana looked at him in confusion.

"Eh...yeah, Lynn Larson." Lynn played along as they both dragged the squirming Lana away. "We would love to chat, but we're having a picnic."

"Oh, yeah. The Larsons are an unruly and impatient bunch. Can't keep them waiting!" Ryan joked as a bemused Kathleen watched them go.

"What's going on here, twerps! What's with the commotion!" Lori suddenly stormed up to them, followed by Bobby and Leni. Lucy caught up with them, now sporting braids and pigtails that left her reddish eyes exposed.

" _Oh, crap_..." Ryan and Lynn thought simultaneously.

"Hey there!" Leni saw Kathleen and waved at her. "I'm Leni!"

"Hey." Kathleen nodded before wincing at the sight of the latter's swollen eye.

"Eh, is your eye okay?" she asked with a queasy expression.

"Oh, it's just a little bee sting." Leni laughed.

Lori glanced at the unfamiliar face. "Who's your friend?" she asked the preteens curtly before noticing the chauffeur and the limousine, which roused her interest. "And is that sweet limo hers?"

"We don't know her." Lynn blurted. "We just bumped into her and we were just apologizing for bothering her."

"Yeah, how about we get back to that picnic of ours?" Ryan tried to change the subject.

"I presume you're the rest of the Larsons?" Kathleen asked the rest of the group, earning bewildered looks.

"The who now?" Lori made a face.

"Larsons?" Leni looked alarmed and cupped her face. "But I thought our last name was Loud? All these years I had it wrong?"

"Loud? You don't say so?" Kathleen replied with growing interest.

"Lynn, why are you introducing yourself to strangers under a fake name?" Lori glared at the jock irritably.

"Yeah, Lori. Why were we introducing ourselves for years under a fake name?" Leni asked her, prompting the eldest Loud sister to facepalm.

"Well, we're screwed now..." Ryan groaned as he and Lynn let go of Lana, who promptly gasped for air.

"Guys, I...can explain." Lynn raised her hands up only to be cut off by Kathleen's hardy laughter.

"I knew it, you are Luan's family." she concluded and smiled at Lynn. "I knew I saw a family resemblance there. And I see the apple didn't fall far from the tree."

"Sure...let's go with that." Ryan rolled his eyes, knowing their cover was blown.

"What are you talking about?" Lana asked.

"I mean, I can see that Luan isn't the only Loud to have a sense of humor." Kathleen specified. "Just like Luan. Always trying to mess with people for giggles."

Lori blinked before speaking up. "Okay...? Eh...I believe some introductions are in order?"

"Okay, sure!" Leni chimed in and pulled Ryan by the arm and made him shake hands with Lori. "Ryan, this is Lori Larson. I know you guys already know each other but you keep getting both her names wrong."

Seething, Lori jerked her arm back. "Not him, nitwit! Her!" she pointed at Kathleen.

"Why of course, how impolite of me." Kathleen chuckled. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name's Kathleen Juliette Tisdale."

"Kathleen Tisdale?" Bobby blinked. "Wait? Aren't you the daughter of the tycoon who-"

"Who owns Tisdale Towers? Sure am." she confirmed. "And aren't you that new hunky towel boy who works there?"

"Hey, back off, he's taken!" Lori snapped and grabbed Bobby by the arm possessively, making him cringe in pain.

"Lori..." Bobby whispered nervously "...please don't anger the daughter of my boss's boss."

"Oh, my apologies." Kathleen said humbly. "I'm a bit of a flirt, it's a bad habit."

Lori's anger quickly faded as she looked back at the limo. "Wait?" she blinked with realization. "Did you say your dad owns the hotel?"

"And are you rich?" Leni asked dumbly.

"Yes, and yes." Kathleen nodded. "I don't like to brag but I guess I am a bit of a privileged kid. Daddy bought that humble establishment when I was still in diapers and I just love to unwind there in my spare time."

Lynn was overcome with dread as she watched Lori grow an eager look.

"And you and Luan know each other?" Lori was quick to ask.

"Sure we do, me and Lu-Lu go way back."

"Lu-Lu?" Lana made a face and then sniggered.

"We're in the same class. Where is the old class clown anyway? I've been meaning to find her for a while."

"For what exactly?" Lynn asked suspiciously.

"Oh, she just ran past us and hid under our picnic table." Leni answered helpfully.

Lynn facepalmed while Ryan looked genuinely surprised.

" _Damn, I knew she was devious but I didn't think she was that cold_."

* * *

" _Don't be such a worrywart. Kathleen won't go after you. I'm sure she's just passing through on her way to an expensive cruise or to catch the next flight to Paris_." a fearful Luan thought while holding and petting Cliff for comfort under the sheet of the table.

Cliff trembled with terror in her grasp and desperately wanted to escape. Luan hardly noticed his squirming as she tried to compose herself.

" _And my sisters won't let her get to me_." she tried to reassure herself but quickly cracked. " _Or they will, they all hate me. But Ryan! Ryan cares about me, he'll make sure she doesn't hurt me_." she grew a small hopeful smile when Cliff suddenly slipped from her grasp and ran away.

Still shaking, Luan hugged her knees and whimpered. Why? Just why was this happening? Summer was supposed to be the one time of year where she could get away from the horror that was school and her peers.

" _I don't hear anyone? Maybe the danger has passed?_ " she noticed and considered taking a brief, precautionary peak outside when someone grabbed her arm. Luan yelped as she was pulled out.

"NO! Let go of me!" she screamed and fought to free herself. Surprisingly, her attacker obliged and she plopped down on her butt.

"Stop acting like a fool and get up." Lori ordered her, looming over her.

Panting, Luan cumbersomely did so. "Is she gone?" she blurted fearfully.

"Is who gone?" Leni came to her side with an oblivious smile.

"Kathleen! Is she gone?!"

"Hello."

Luan felt a chill course through every fiber of her body as she tentatively looked to her right and came face to face with the person who had devoted her life to making her miserable.

"I was hoping to meet you." Kathleen greeted her and offered a handshake.

Luan flinched at the gesture and stumbled back when Ryan and Lynn caught her and helped her regain her balance. Everyone else watched her with confusion.

Kathleen seemed saddened by her reaction and sighed. "Guess I should have expected that."

"What's her deal?" Lana whispered to Lucy, who had found and was holding Cliff. "Why's she scared of this nice lady?"

Lucy didn't answer and continued observing Kathleen.

"Luan!" Leni approached the comedian excitedly. "You never told us you knew royalty?"

"Oh, I'm not royalty, just filthy rich." Kathleen quipped in a chill tone. "Though daddy does like to call me his little princess."

"Awww, that's totes adorable." Leni gushed.

"I don't know her!" Luan cried and shook her head frantically. "I swear that I've never met this person before!"

"Now, Luan, can you please just hear me out." Kathleen started calmly.

"How do you know my name?!" Luan pointed at her. "Are you some kind of stalker?! Leave me and my family alone! We'll call the cops!"

"Luan, you literally asked about her by name a second ago. Will you drop the charade? You're embarrassing us." Lori groaned and crossed her arms. "Now, we hear that you and her are acquainted-"

"I swear I've never met her in my life!" Luan was hyperventilating now.

"Oh, brother..." Lynn pinched the bridge of her nose.

Lori rolled her eyes and turned to Kathleen. "Does she act like such a freak at school too?" she asked snidely.

"Well, her acting chops always did leave something to be desired. That's why she usually gets stuck in small bit parts at school plays." Kathleen shrugged.

"Don't talk about drama club! You always pull strings to get the leading roles!" Luan snapped, only to immediately realized she that she had blown her cover.

" _Way to crack under pressure, Funny Pants_." Lynn rolled her eyes

"Oh, so you do know each other?" Lori snarked, enjoying Luan's 'busted' expression.

Luan gulped. "I...no...I..."

"I try not to abuse my influence, but it is true that Mrs. Bernardo treats me with too much favoritism, unfortunately." Kathleen admitted humbly.

Luan twitched and seethed. "No, it's not. You lie and bribe everyone-"

"Now, Lu-Lu. Let's not get overwhelmed with petty jealousy, I didn't come looking for you to rub my success as an actress in your face." Kathleen reassured her.

"Lu-Lu..." Lana snickered again.

"You're an actress too?" Leni squealed. "Were you in Hollywood too-"

Lori quickly covered Leni's mouth and cast Luan an amused look. "Why don't we cut the awkwardness, and talk like normal people. Luan? Why are you freaking out at the sight of your wealthy, charismatic and clearly talented friend? I would think you would hang out with her more often?"

"She's not my friend!" Luan protested. "You don't understand?! She's my nemesis! She came here to hurt me! And probably all of you too!"

Everyone, sans Lynn and Ryan, looked at her like she was crazy as she finally faced Kathleen.

"Okay, what the hell are you up to! Why did you stalk me all the way out here?" she demanded, her temper flaring up.

"Luan, I did not stalk you. I was merely taking a tour around this place-"

"You're not fooling me again!" the comedian lashed out. "I've grown wise to your dirty tricks!"

Luan froze with shock as Kathleen wrapped one arm around her in a friendly fashion and chuckled.

"I would expect so. And I don't blame you for being suspicious, your anger and mistrust are entirely understandable but I can assure you that I did not come here looking for trouble. Quite the opposite, I came here to make amends."

"What?" Luan blurted and pulled herself free. She stepped back and sent Kathleen a distrustful glare. "Are you saying you came here to apologize?"

"Precisely." Kathleen nodded before growing a somber expression. "I've come to realize how badly I've treated you and now I want to make up for it."

Luan's jaw dropped. Ryan and Lynn also went agape with disbelief.

"What are you talking about?" Lori asked the rich girl.

"You've bullied Luan?" Lana asked in surprise.

Kathleen sighed and hung her head with regret. "Unfortunately, I did."

Leni and Lana gasped and Lori's and Bobby's eyes widened. And even Lucy was visibly shocked by the revelation.

"Kay, I did not see this coming..." Ryan whispered to Lynn, who still watched Kathleen with suspicion.

"Yeah, being wealthy, popular and, according to all the boys at school at least, the most beautiful girl in the world has a lot of perks but it also has its drawbacks." Kathleen continued sullenly. "I grew spoiled, entitled, inconsiderate, cruel, and started treating people around like garbage."

"And it is true that I've treated Luan particularly badly. The poor thing has it hard enough as it is at school, with most students look down on her. And I must sadly admit that my inexcusable actions had a major role in shaping her less-than-stellar reputation."

Luan's shook faded and she rubbed her eyes to make sure this wasn't a dream.

"What did you do to her?" Lana asked.

Kathleen sighed, looking utterly ashamed of herself. "Lots of things, many of which are too terrible to conceive. First, I've exploited her naivety for my own amusement and presented myself as a false friend to her so that I could trick her into doing various embarrassing tasks under the pretense that she could join my circle of friends, then I proceeded to harass her and mock her at every turn, pull cruel pranks on, write fake love letters or party invitations to make a fool out of her, give her a zillion hurtful nicknames, posted embarrassing videos of her online, and I kept encouraging all the other students to do the same things. I've even petitioned for our yearbook to vote her 'worst dressed, number one freak and most likely to die as a spinster'. "

"I'm sure Luan would greatly appreciate it if I didn't go into further detail." Kathleen cast the comedian an apologetic look before sniffing. "I myself would rather not dwell on my past misdeeds."

Luan narrowed her eyes with suspicion. She couldn't believe her own eyes and ears, mainly because she was quite certain that what she was witnessing in front of her wasn't real.

She had learned through hard experience how manipulative her nemesis was.

Everyone else joined the award silence, unsure of how to respond to this. The rest of the sisters were trying to digest all of this, while Lynn and Ryan studied Kathleen, trying to figure out what she was up to.

They hadn't known her nearly as long as Luan had but they had seen enough of her actions at school to know what kind of person she was, especially the prank that had sent Luan fleeing out of school in tears and made her permanently take up homeschooling.

"Yeah, right. And pigs can fly!" Luan responded with bitter sarcasm. "You expect me to buy this crap?! That Kathleen Tisdale is capable of feeling remorse?!"

"Luan..." Kathleen said weekly "...I'm being entirely honest. I have seen the error of my ways and wish to make it up to you."

Luan tensed up, gritting her teeth and balling her fists as tears started forming in her eyes. "After everything you've done to me you expect to just accept your freaking apology?!"

"Of course not, I'm not that out of touch. A mere apology would never suffice." Kathleen replied understandably. "I really do intend to make it up to you."

"Which is why it's such a fortunate coincidence that I ran into you here. Now I can invite you and your family and friends for a luxurious stay at my family's five-star hotel, my treat naturally." she declared to the group causing a domino effect of jaw drops.

Luan was the first to recover and quickly grew enraged. "Bullshit!" she cried, looking insulted. "I'm not falling for this obvious trap!"

"Wow! Hold on a sec!" Lori eagerly ran up to Kathleen. "Did you just say that you want all of us to join you at your luxurious resort? Free of charge?"

"Exactly." Kathleen smiled. "And I want you Louds to experience all of its amenities. Its spa, its pool, its shopping mall, its restaurant, its golf course..."

"Golf course? Spa?" Lori squeaked and clutched her hands.

"Shopping mall?!" Leni did the same, looking absolutely elated.

"I get to be a guest there instead of an underpaid employee?" Bobby asked, looking gobsmacked.

"Yep." Kathleen nodded and turned to Lucy and Lana. "And I'm sure you youngsters will love the funhouse. I never wanted to leave it when I was your age. The bouncy castle, the slides, the ball pit-"

"REALLY!?" a sparkly-eyed Lana jumped with joy.

"And you brought a furry friend along?" Kathleen noticed Cliff. "I'll make sure to get him a reservation for the grooming salon asap."

Luan starred agape as Lori, Leni and Lana started squealing with excitement.

"You guys aren't seriously considering taking her offer?!" she blurted.

"Are you kidding me?" Lori laughed in disbelief and gestured at Kathleen. "Your friend here is literally trying to apologize to you for your past feuds in the most expensive and generous way possible and is kind enough to do the same for the rest of us."

"B-But?! But she's my enemy!"

" _Was_ your enemy." Lori dismissed her. "She literally just told us how she wants to end the animosity between the two of you."

"Have you lost your mind? You can't trust her! " Luan cried incredulously and marched up to her. "I know Kathleen better than any of you! There's no way she would do something like this without some diabolical motive! She's trying to lure us into some kind of elaborate trap!"

"Pffft...overreacting much?" Lori scoffed.

"Were you even paying attention?" Luan grew angrier and gestured at Kathleen. "She just admitted how she relished bullying your sister at every turn and you guys just accepted an invitation from her sworn enemy without a second thought!?"

Lori rolled her eyes. "Yes, I was paying attention to that part, but were you paying attention to the part where she apologized for mistreating you and stated how she wants to make it up to you?"

"Yeah, Luan. It's not cool to hate someone." Leni said with a smile. "Kathleen obviously knows this and wants to bury the hatchet. I think you should grant her your forgiveness."

"You girls are too kind. But this is Luan's decision to make." Kathleen joined them. "She was the one who suffered because of me and I don't expect her to instantly forgive me-"

"You got that right!" Luan glowered at her. "It's because of you that I'm terrified to step into that damn school!"

"I know, and I can't stress how sorry I am about that." Kathleen sighed sadly. "Like I've said I don't expect you to forgive me right of the bat, but I was hoping you would accept this humble token of my remorse so we could start putting this pointless rivalry to rest."

Luan felt her blood boil. "Oh, you're just a riot, Kathleen, y'know that? Just how stupid do you take me for? How many times do you expect me to fall for your act?"

Kathleen kept her tone even. "Luan, for the last time, I'm not trying to pull your leg. I really am sorry-"

"Oh, shut up! I know you're lying through your shiny, bleached teeth!"

Luan marched up to her, making Kathleen step back. "We're not going to your freaking hotel! Nadda! No way Jose! In your dreams! I'd rather have all my teeth pulled out with a plier!"

Kathleen turned silent and hung her head. "I see..." she said dejectedly and sighed "...well, clearly the grief I've caused you left its mark. It was foolish of me to think that you would ever forgive me, I don't blame you. If I've met someone like me I would never want to speak to them either."

Luan laughed bitterly. "That's the smartest thing you've said in your entire life! Now do us all a favor and piss off!"

"Seriously, Luan! That was uncalled for!" Lori scolded her.

"Uncalled for?!" Luan shot back angrily. "Were you even listening when she admitted about all those things she did to me?!"

Lori narrowed her eyes. "And were you paying attention to the part where she desperately tried to apologize?"

"She's lying! I've seen her pretend to be all nice and sweet before! It's all just a rouse. That bitch doesn't have a shred of decency in her!"

Kathleen shrank back, looking hurt. "I guess you have a point..." she sighed "...but I was hoping to remedy that."

"The only person with no decency that I'm seeing here is _you_." Lori's glare towards Luan didn't falter. "All I'm seeing here is her trying to apologize and you blowing her off and cursing at her like a spoiled brat."

"No, no, it's okay." Kathleen told her. "If Luan doesn't want to accept my offer, I should respect her wishes and stop pestering her. I guess I better get going."

"See, Luan? She obviously regrets her actions and wants to make peace." Lori interjected. "Accepting her offer would only be the mature thing to do. It's just plain childish to hold a grudge over a petty feud when the other person is trying to end it."

Luan looked at her with a mixture of disbelief and disgust. "Oh, really? But when I tried apologizing about unleashing my Prankmageddon, you guys scoffed at it and pretty much disowned me?"

Lori smirked. "See? You just walked into that one."

"What are you talking about?"

"Doy! You just exposed yourself as a huge hypocrite." Lori replied. "Believe me, I'm not condoning what Kathleen did to you, but clearly you aren't the bigger women here either."

"So she pulled lots of pranks on you? Well, newsflash! You've been pulling the same kind of crap on us for years but yet we're somehow unjustified for being mad at but you're perfectly in the right for being mad at Kathleen?"

Luan shrank and backed away as Lori was quickly gaining the upper hand.

Ryan saw what Lori was doing, Luan made a valid point but Lori dodged it by once again using good old fashioned guilt-tripping. " _Sneaky bitch_..."

Lori scoffed and folded her arms. "Y'know, maybe we would have forgiven you if we actually thought that you were mature or reasonable enough to commit to your promise, but clearly you aren't."

"Guys, don't be so hard on her." Kathleen spoke up. "I'm sure every prank she's pulled was meant in good fun and doesn't measure up to the cruelty of my actions. She might be weird but I know that Luan's a good person at heart."

"Don't you dare judge me as good or bad!" Luan raised her voice. "You and that black, shriveled up heart of yours don't know the first thing about being good!"

"See? Who's the one being reasonable again?" Lori told the comedian disapprovingly. Luan gulped.

Leni frowned. "Luan, I think you should at least give Kathleen a chance. I really think she wants to apologize to you and she looks totes hurt by your rejection."

"Yeah! Don't be such a hippo kit!" Lana scolded her, taking their side.

Luan swallowed a lump as she shrank under her sisters' glares.

Lori looked to her side and elbowed her boyfriend in the ribs.

"Oh, right." Bobby blurted, rubbing his chest. "Eh, how about giving her a chance, Luan? We don't want to pressure you or anything, but people can change...and stuff."

" _Not pressuring her? Yeah right!_ " Ryan scoffed inwardly but he couldn't think of anything to say in Luan's favor, neither did Lynn. They both knew it would be nigh-impossible to convince the sisters otherwise without some concrete evidence against Kathleen.

And neither he or Lynn were supposed to know Kathleen yet.

"Well, what's it gonna be, Luan?" Lori pressed her. "You want to show us that you're capable of being fair and reasonable or not?"

Luan was sweating profusely as everyone eyed her, expecting an immediate answer. With no one backing her up, she could do nothing but crack under pressure.

"Alright, fine..." she grumbled, immediately regretting it. Lori, Leni and Lori all grew ecstatic smiles while Bobby just smiled and nodded to his girlfriend.

Kathleen likewise looked overjoyed and walked up to her. "Why, Luan? You have no idea how much this means to me, even though I don't deserve it." she told the comedian as she placed her hand on her shoulder, appearing to be on the verge of tears.

" _You can say that again_..." Luan thought bitterly while suppressing a shudder as Kathleen gave her a one-arm hug again.

"I promise you, you won't regret this." Kathleen reassured her before smiling at the rest of the group. "Alright, everbody. How about I give you all a little tour of the fine life!"

Most of them cheered and followed Kathleen as she led an uneasy Luan to the limousine.

"Oh, this is like uber-sweet! I can tell already you're going to be the bestest friends in the world!" Leni cooed at Luan.

"Bobby, please remind me to thank dad for being the greatest father in history for making me go on this picnic!" Lori told her boyfriend, making him silently roll his eyes.

Lana noticed Lucy, Lynn and Ryan staying back, and rushed back to grab Cliff from the goth.

"C'mon, boy, you're gonna get pampered!" she laughed before turning to Lynn.

"Hey, Lynn? Can you call Lincoln and tell him and Lola to meet us at the lobby? Thanks!"

Lynn didn't even hear or notice her running off as she and Ryan watched their group leaving, utterly dumbfounded.

"Please tell me that didn't just happen..." Lynn clutched her hair in disbelief.

"It did..." Ryan grumbled. "Talk about things taking a turn for the worse."

Lynn groaned. "What the hell do we do now?"

"Call the pipsqueak, regroup and keep an eye on them." Ryan replied grimly. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"I don't trust that Kathleen..." Lucy said hoarsely and looked at them. "Didn't anyone else notice the dark aura emanating from her body?"

"Her what?" Lynn sent her a confused look but then froze and promptly started giggling after seeing the goth's new hairstyle.

"Hey, Ryan?" she elbowed the boy. "Check out emo Pippi Longstocking!"

Lucy glared at her. "Excuse me for taking one for the team." she responded sardonically.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Lynn, this isn't the time to try and roast a 7-year-old. The rich bitch is clearly up to something."

Lynn glared at him while Lucy walked up to him. "So you don't trust her too?"

"Not even if I had eyes in the back of my head. Never trust someone with lots of cash." he shook his head before smiling at her. "You've got good instincts, Spooky. Even if you have a weird way of expressing them."

Lynn rolled her eyes. "I guess we're all on the same page then, that cunt's bad news."

"You don't trust her either?" Lucy watched her oddly. "I thought you would be the first to take her side, given your disdain for Luan?"

Lynn scoffed at her. "Shows how savvy you are, shrimp. My feelings about Luan have nothing to do with this. I can smell a rat when I see one, even if she's cloaked in tons of fancy perfume."

* * *

Lisa awoke, only to find herself in near-total darkness. She tried adjusting her eyes to the dim light and made out a single source of light.

As she got up she started piecing together that the light was coming from her hall, and that she was in her bed. She must have fallen asleep after cleaning her destroyed lab.

Confused, she slowly remembered that she needed her glasses and felt her surroundings until she was suddenly holding her spectacles.

Still groggy, Lisa walked out of her room while adjusting her glasses. She felt oddly dizzy and disoriented, and as she tried looking ahead she realized how everything around her was a massive blur despite the fact that she was wearing her spectacles.

Confused and growing alarmed, she took them off and her vision was still blurry. She placed them back on and nothing changed. She repeated the process while slowly and cautiously walking down the hall.

How long had she been out? Why was the hall so...silent? She called for her siblings but the house remained eerily silent. Dead silent.

Lisa looked around and saw that the dozens of doors on both sides of the hall were closed. The hall itself was dimly-lit and seemed drained of color.

How late was it? Lisa saw spider webs on the walls and started coughing as she started inhaling dust.

Reaching the end of the long, dark corridor, she entered a larger room but she couldn't make out much as the room was still dark while the windows showed a gray, cloudy sky.

Claps of distant thunder broke the silence, and sporadic zaps of lightning came and went, giving the toddler brief glimpses of the interior. Lisa realized that she was in the kitchen.

The place was in ruins and engulfed in spiderwebs. The windows were broken, the table and the fridge were flipped and busted up, and they and many other pieces of furniture were covered in mold. The whole place looked like it had been abandoned for decades.

"What's going on? This isn't normal?" Lisa started to realize, her mind still very hazy.

She looked around when she noticed something lying in the corner. It was hard to make out what it was but Lisa tentatively edged closer as she made out the shape of a human arm and hand sprawled over the floor.

Her heart started pounding as her vision started getting clearer. She made out patches of orange, and...white? White hair? Lisa started sweating as her gaze shifted back towards the arm and realized that it was smeared in red.

Another zap of lighting and Lisa froze with shock at what she saw. He wasn't moving. She couldn't hear any breathing.

"No...no, no, no!" she stumbled back, tears pouring down her face after she made out his eyes staring blankly into space.

"Why did you do it..." she heard someone's voice.

Wheezing with anxiety, Lisa's gaze darted in all directions only to find pitch black emptiness all around her.

"You killed us..."

"Murderer..."

"You're deranged..."

The little genius trembled as multiple pairs of blank, pupiless eyes were staring into her soul. She backed away from the threatening hisses and gargled growls emitted by her undead parents and sisters.

"No...stay away!" she whimpered, her eyes were now red and puffy.

"You did this..." Lola rasped and pointed a crooked finger at her.

"I was ill and you poisoned me..." Lana growled.

"Killer...Murderer..." her family chanted with their hollow voices and likewise lifeless stares.

"You've doomed us all..." she heard her brother's voice and found him staring down at her, now also a zombie.

"I didn't mean to..." Lisa weeped feebly like the small child she was, as she trembled and collapsed to her knees.

Sobbing, she looked up in horror as her family incircled her, hissing, growling, descending down on her.

"I'm sorry!" she cried desperately before suddenly jumping up and gasping in shock, only to realize she was back in her bed.

Covered in cold sweat, Lisa panted as she looked around her room which was lit by the afternoon sun.

 _"A dream? It was just a dream_..." she exhaled and tried to compose herself, trying to catch her breath.

" _Greetings, master. It is my sincere hope that. You have slept well_." came Fenton's robotic monotone.

Lisa found him standing next to her, carrying a mug of hot chocolate and cookies on a tray extending from his belly.

"Fenton..." she responded in a meek and hoarse tone, still shaken from her nightmare.

" _I have fully recharged two hours ago. So I removed myself from the operating table._ " the fox answered the question he assumed was the reason behind her bewildered demeanor.

"Did...did I collapse from fatigue during the morning hours?" Lisa asked him.

" _Affirmative, master_."

"And there have been no undead mutants since last night, right?" she added, anxiously desiring a status update that still included a prevented zombie outbreak.

" _You are correct as usual, master_."

Lisa sighed with relief. "How...how long was I resting?"

" _The imperative amount of time, as usual_."

Lisa grew an irked look. "What time is it?"

" _It's 4.30 p.m, Eastern Standard Time._ " Fenton answered.

So she had slept away most of the day?

What did it even matter, Lisa quickly concluded? Even after a day's worth of sleep, she still felt as miserable as before. Not even in her dreams could she escape the guilt over her recent fetid deed.

She couldn't deny it, and throwing a tantrum over it would accomplish nothing. Lisa didn't humor the empty notion of a higher power, making her now ripe for depression. It was, after all, nothing if not depressing that a supposed genius like herself had managed to make a slip-up as severe as allowing your imbecilic sister to get her hands on a can of dangerous, experimental chemicals and feed them to her other sister.

"Fenton? What's the current status on this household?" she asked out of morbid curiosity.

"Why is it so...quiet?" she noticed and immediately felt a chilling sense of deja vu.

" _I have_ s _canned and cataloged. Minimal activity within your residency. Only other organic beings currently present, besides you. Are Lynn Loud I and a visiting culinary interpreter_."

This came as a surprise to Lisa. "You mean to tell me everyone but father is unaccounted for?"

" _Positive. Subject Rita Loud is performing manual errands. And I have inferred from subject Lynn Loud II that. The rest of your kin departed on a venture to strengthen. Familiar kinships_."

Lisa blinked. "They went on a field trip without me?" she was taken aback.

 _"Correct, master. Subject Lynn Loud II attempted to involve you. With said venture. But I insisted that you needed to recover. From your fatigue_."

"And Lynn agreed to your terms?" Lisa was at a loss for words. Lynn came here and was willing to reason? And she actually left her to sleep instead of literally dragging her along.

" _Positive. She was surprisingly cooperative. She appeared pleased with my request_."

Lisa's face fell and she looked away. Now it all made sense. She was intentionally left behind.

She didn't know if Lincoln had told Lynn about last night's incident or if she would believe him but the fact that neither he or anyone else tried to wake her up proved that she was deliberately left behind.

"Eh...just for the mere sake of inquisitiveness? Did anyone protest about leaving me behind or seemed...displeased about it?"

" _Negative. I examined all of your secret security footage. As is my obligation. Subject Lola Loud appeared pleased about your absence. Subject Lynn Loud II merely informed them about your absence. The rest did not mention you by your designation, master. And departed immediately after_."

Lisa didn't answer and looked away. So no one even cared about her absence?

" _Why should I care? I don't fancy indulging myself with such frivolous and mentally-putrefying tomfoolery anyway_." she reasoned and slowly stood up. Her anger was quickly replaced by a sense of bitter resignation.

" _And they're better of without me_." she told herself, trying not to cry.

"Well, good to know. This will give me a rare opportunity to enjoy some peace and serenity." she finally spoke, trying to sound indifferent.

" _Are there any new projects you desire to start once. Your laboratory has been repaired?_ " Fenton asked since, as her personal assistant, he needed to always stay up to date.

Lisa's face darkened and she seemed reluctant to answer.

"No..." she grunted dejectedly "...I...I think I'd prefer to take a break and finish up that six hundred page encyclopedia on aerospace engineering I neglected to revisit for a while."

" _A brilliant choice, master. Too much work causes mental lassitude and anxiety_."

"I believe I left behind in the bunker five months ago. Go retrieve it." she ordered him.

Fenton obliged and left, leaving Lisa behind. She was happy to finally be alone.

She sighed and looked down at the floor. From the lower floor she could make out faint talking, likely her father conversing with the critic. By all accounts, it was a miracle that her home was, for once, quiet enough for this to even be possible.

Lisa faintly recalled her father talking about an important business meeting with a culinary expert, and this was most likely it.

This only gave her more incentive to remain locked up in her room. She couldn't face her parents while carrying the guilt of having avoided retribution for the greatest screw-up a toddler has probably ever committed in history.

This was a burden she would have to carry.

* * *

 **So much for familial bonds when you're given the chance to hang out with the upper crust XD Don't you just hate when you bump into your arch-enemy and lash out at them but everyone around you has no idea about your rivarly and thinks you're the asshole? And when the family member who calls the shots is a brown-nosing weasel? Poor Luan.**

 **This chapter wound up being on the short side, as I've been preoccupied. There'll be more in the next one...**


	26. One Long, Lousy Day: Tisdale Towers

Following one awkward limo ride (or at least for the main heroes), the Louds and Ryan were sitting in a circle of Victorian furniture in the middle of a bustling lobby, while Kathleen was away informing the manager of her personal guests. Lynn and Ryan were sitting together on one of the _settees,_ both of them anxious and vigilant. They were in enemy territory, exposed and vulnerable.

Lucy was sitting alone on a chair, as quiet and withdrawn as usual, and holding and petting Cliff. Luan and Leni were sitting on another settee, the former slouching miserably, not having said a word since they had entered the building, looking like she would rather be in detention than anywhere near here, seemingly not even caring that her crush was sitting with her rival.

Leni, who wore a medical patch over her swollen eye, was blissfully admiring the interior and its architecture like a child entering a candy store.

The lobby boasted a 300-feet-high gilded dome that rested on four enormous arches, a cream-and-gold marble mosaic floor, a marvelous chandelier that hung above them, pastel-colored walls with awe-inspiring Renaissance paintings that hung everywhere including behind the reception desk, palms and fuchsia flowers spilling out from marble troughs, and the glass atriums to their left gave a great view of the vast golf course that the eldest Loud sibling was itching to explore and conquer.

"OMG, this place is so beautiful. It's like being in a real life fairy tale castle!" Leni gushed with a whimsical gleam in her eyes.

None of the other guests shared her sentiment, looking more like they were being held hostage in a prison cell and awaiting their captor's return.

"I personally favor interiors with Gothic architecture…" Lucy responded hoarsely, only because no one else spoke up.

"I agree with you there." Luan grumbled bitterly. "A haunted house oughta be more welcoming and consumed by less evil than this hotbed of corrupt corporation…."

"But everything's so shiny, and polished, and like really expensive…" Leni replied absentmindedly, still enthralled with the interior design.

Lynn rolled her eyes. Kathleen had won the first round by easily winning over one airhead, one spoiled brat, one gullible squirt and one brown-nosing freeloader and her spineless boyfriend but the other half of their group, Lincoln included, wasn't so easily swindled by her facade of generosity.

"What's that snobby skank up to?" she whispered to Ryan as they carefully watched Kathleen chatting with the hotel manager. With so many people walking by and talking, it was impossible to hear the two or to try and eavesdrop without hundreds of eyes spotting you.

"Good question. Whatever it is, it probably won't do us any favors to play on her turf." Ryan whispered back, obviously referring to their current location.

"I know, that's what's making me nervous. She's got the home field advantage. Whatever she has in store she could spring it on us any moment. She runs this whole humongous hotel after all; it's like her own personal deadly maze."

"True, but this is still a legit hotel." Ryan countered quietly. "I highly doubt her daddy would allow her to pull some crazy stunt here, it would be bad for business to have hundreds of witnesses see a bunch of kids get maimed at his super-lucrative resort." he mused.

Lynn knew he had a point. However much Kathleen's dad might spoil her, he probably wouldn't take too kindly to her making his five star hotel look like some expensive hidden camera trap to lure and humiliate random civilians. Kathleen was a monster, but she wasn't stupid.

"So what do you think she has planned? Ease us in with a false sense of security and then make her move when we least expect it?"

"Quite possibly." Ryan nodded. "But I'm wondering if she even has a plan?"

"Why wouldn't she? Scheming and plotting is her thing."

"Indeed. But scheming requires time, I oughta know. Kathleen loves to torment Luan, sure, but I doubt she would waste time stalking her. She would have to make something up on the fly….shhh she's coming."

The two tried to act nonchalant as Kathleen came back to them.

"I've arranged everything, guys." She informed them happily. "Every member of the staff will be informed that any person under the name Loud, Taylor or Santiago is free to use all of our facilities, with the bill going directly to me of course."

"How kind of you." Ryan said with thick sarcasm. "Must have been hard for you to squeeze in reservations for ten people on such short notice?"

"Yeah, did you have to kick out some poor suckers for it, but kept their mula anyway?" Lynn asked just as sarcastically.

Kathleen chuckled. "Good one, guys, but not at all. Since my family owns this establishment I'm free to come and go as I please, therefore this place always has a dozen or so slots open for me and my friends. Doesn't put any dents in our income either way." she answered with a chill demeanor.

"Cool. Where do we go first?" Leni asked eagerly. "Is it the spa? Or the boutique? Oh please let it be one of them." She begged like a hyper little child, complete with puppy dog eyes.

" _Sneaky minks, using those big, googly eyes to her full advantage_ …." Ryan observed her grimly.

"Wherever any of you desire. None of you are obliged to use one of the hotel's services at a time as a group." Kathleen explained.

"As guests, not to mention _my personal guests_ , any one of you is allowed to go wherever they please. I understand most of you Louds have very different interests and ideas for recreation. But given how this is your first stay, I took the liberty of finding you some tour guides."

"Stay? You expect us to stay here for the night?" a surly Luan asked suspiciously.

"You mean we can have a sleepover in our own suit?" Leni squealed.

"One for each of you actually, if you wish so." Kathleen shrugged with a smile.

"Yeah, no thanks. I prefer my own mattress." Luan said quickly and curtly.

"Same here, I can only nod off in my own bed." Ryan shrugged.

"I can't sleep without inhaling the raw smell of sweat and flatulence from my bed sheet." Lynn huffed proudly, oblivious to the queasy glances that she soon received.

"I can only rest in my tailor-made coffin."

Kathleen blinked at Lucy's remark but smiled anyway. "Why certainly, there is no place like home." she said understandably. "I'm sure some of you have other commitments or….eh….special requirements."

"Anyways, I was hoping to give you a tour of the place first, but for those of you who are eager to visit your preferred destinations right away, my friends will be more than happy to escort you." The rich girl elaborated before whistling with her fingers.

Immediately, two girls around her age were summoned. One was African-American, the other a blonde. "You've called for our services, Kathleen." They said simultaneously.

"Now, now, girls. No need for the whole girl posse/evil minions shtick." Kathleen chuckled. "I've told you that I'm a changed woman. And as my bestest friends in the world, you two of all people should feel free to talk to me as casually as you want."

"Sorry, Kathy. Heh, I guess old habits die hard." The dark-skinned girl apologized. "You said you had some special visitors?"

"Of course, Jenny. I believe you and Amber are already acquainted with one of them." Kathleen gestured at the comedian.

"Hey, Luan? Long time no see?" the blonde greeted her. Luan shot the two a contemptuous glare.

"Amber…..Jenny…." she muttered wryly. "No longer dressing identically to the big boss, eh?"

Amber giggled, oblivious to Luan's sarcasm. "Thanks for noticing. Kathleen gave us permission to be our own people and do stuff like…think for ourselves after her epiphany. Isn't that amazing!"

Jenny rolled her eyes at her friend's idiocy before noticing Leni. "Yikes, is your eye like…..okay?"

"Oh, it's just a minor bee sting, no need to worry. I don't have hay fever." The blonde laughed.

"Your unbridled enthusiasm is very admirable." Kathleen shot her a finger gun. "The one with the golden hair and the ever sunny disposition is Leni. The others are Lucy, Lynn, Ryan….and….eh?" Kathleen stopped and looked around. "Where's the little cutie in the overalls?"

The group spotted Lana leaning next to a dancing fountain, admiring the crazy water works and sticking her tongue out in hopes of catching one of the droplets.

Lynn stood up and yelled for her. "Lana! Will you haul your butt over here! And don't mess with anything that we're gonna have to pay for later!"

Lana glowered at her. "What's your deal? I just wanted to see how this stuff tastes." She retorted irritably.

"She's right, Lana. That water is chloroformed; it's not fit for consumption." Kathleen told her as she walked over and gently grabbed her hand. "You don't want to get a tummy ache before you can experience the fun house, do you?"

"Oh? Sorry, Kathleen." Lana said sheepishly as she was led back to the group.

Lynn couldn't believe her eyes. Lana obeyed an order, just like that?

"Pffft….she'll listen to her, but not her own big sis? What a load…." Lynn grumbled and slumped down in the settee.

"Might have had something to do with the yelling…." Ryan whispered snidely.

"And this little ball of adorableness is called Lana." Kathleen introduced her.

"Aww…she's so cute." Amber gushed, making Lana fume a bit.

"I'm not _that_ cute, okay!" the tomboy grumbled.

"I know, right?" Leni agreed. "Her twin's coming over too!"

"Really? Aww…double the cuteness!"

"Pfft…dumb blondes gotta stick together." Lynn whispered to Ryan, making him slightly confused.

Annoyed, Lana decided to counter the blondes' claims by performing armpit farts, making them gasp.

"Hah, taught her that trick myself!" Lynn took the opportunity to brag.

"Oh….how…inspiring of you?" Kathleen replied awkwardly.

"Well, I'm ready to test my grip, stance and swing." Lori arrived in her golfing uniform while slipping on her gloves. Acting as her caddie, Bobby followed her while carrying her clubs.

"There you are, Lori." Kathleen smiled before turning to her friends. "And this is Lori, the eldest of the Louds, you already know her companion."

"Hey, I'm the towel guy, remember?" Bobby greeted the hotel's two regular guests.

Kathleen giggled. "Not to be all gossipy but they're an item and its super serious."

"You bet it is." Lori agreed. "My honey bunny is already house hunting for our future children's future home."

Amber and Jenny looked bemused, while Ryan tried not to laugh. The Loud girls didn't have much of a reaction, being used to this kind of talk from Lori.

"An item?" Leni blinked. "Aren't items like inanimate objects and stuff, and not people?"

Ignoring her roommate's stupidity, Lori continued. "Kathleen, I can't thank you enough for your hospitality. I think I speak for all of us here. Both for your generosity and for your desire to end a _certain_ feud of yours."

"Yeah right…." Luan grumbled under her breath. Lori sent her a warning glare.

"I see you're going golfing, huh? Such a marvelous and underappreciated sport, if I do say so myself." Kathleen told Lori, while Lynn silently rolled her eyes.

"Couldn't agree more." Lori responded with thinly-veiled smugness. "Not to sound like a braggart or anything, but I am a bit of a pro at golf. I'm the star player at my high school's varsity golf team. My coach even said how my skills are sure to land me a spot at Fairway University."

"Get out? My dad went there too, and he wants me to follow in his footsteps. A very recommendable collage, which is guaranteed to kick-start a life of success."

"Umm…Lori?" Bobby spoke up. "Can't you get someone else as your caddie? I was kind of hoping to try out the pool-"

"Will you quit yammering, Bobby. I told you that I need someone that I can fully trust in order to keep my head in the game." Lori immediately shut him up. "Besides, it's only eighteen holes then we can move on."

"Just do it, Bobby." Luan spoke up in a sardonic tone. "Better let her _putt_ than have her _pout_ all day."

"Good one, Lu." Ryan shot her a finger gun, making Luan grow a slight smile.

"Umm….excuse me?" Leni raised her hand sheepishly. "I don't want to bother anyone but when can I go shopping, or visit the spa?"

"Why of course." Kathleen slapped her forehead. "How inconsiderate of me to keep my guests waiting, I see that you're someone who values beauty and fashion, something me and my girls can relate to all too well." She chuckled and turned to Amber.

"Indeed, the masseur does miracles with his hands. He's quite a hunk too." Amber squeaked suggestively.

"Amber, how about you escort Leni? You do love a good facial and dip in the jacuzzi?"

"Do I?" Amber squealed did a yay clap with her hands.

"As for the boutique, you girls spare no expense." Kathleen pulled out a gold plated credit card and offered it to Leni.

"Hold on a sec!" Lynn jumped up, surprising everyone, and snatched the card.

"Lynn? What are you doing?" Lori hissed at her as the jock inspected the little plastic rectangle.

"Lynn? Is something the matter?" Kathleen asked innocently. Lynn glared at her with distrust.

"How do we know this thing isn't a dud, and our parents will get a humongous bill in the morning for Leni's shopping spree?"

"Cash cards without the cash? Very underhanded." Ryan sneered and shook his head.

"Lynn, what's your deal? Will you dial back the crazy?" Lori warned her when Luan, feeling encouraged, jumped to her feet as well.

"Lynn's right! That's just the kind of low, dirty trick you would pull." She pointed at the rich girl. "You want my family to end up on the street, do ya?"

"What? Luan, I would never-"

"Luan, will you get a grip on yourself?" Lori hissed at her.

"No, she has a point." Kathleen sighed and hung her head in shame as she retrieved the card from Lynn and placed it back in her purse. "Her suspicions are more than understandable and I wouldn't want to spoil your enjoyment of this resort by giving you reason to doubt my intentions."

"I believe this will be less dubious." She pulled out a big stack of money and handed it over to Leni.

"Wow. That's a lot money." The teen said awestruck. "Kathleen, I can't take this much-"

"Eh….no worries, its mere pocket change for me." Kathleen shrugged coolly.

"Lemme see that!" Luan snatched it from her sister and inspected it. "This has got to be counterfeit? It probably has Benjamin Franklin wearing a fake arrow on his head."

Seething, Lori marched up to her and snatched the stack to take a look herself. "No, it's legit, you nutcase!"

"But, what if she-"

Lori groaned. "We've been over this! You're raving paranoia is not funny, and now you've infected Lynn with it!"

Luan shrank but Lynn did not. "I'm not backing her up! I'm just being cautious cuz I smell something fishy." Her harsh tone made Kathleen shrink.

"Oh, brother…." Lori pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation and muttered "…..I'm stuck with the loon squad."

"Now Lori, I don't take this personally…"Kathleen interjected. "Luan has good reason to be suspicious, and Lynn has the right to be as well, and to support her sister. Perhaps I should confirm my sincerity to them in private?"

"What do you mean in private?" Luan asked suspiciously.

"For the sake of avoiding any unnecessary hostility, I would insist to personally give you a tour of the place, same for Lynn and her friend." Kathleen clarified. "With Lori busy playing golf, and Leni off shopping, I think it would be appropriate for us middleschoolers to partner up. Obviously you three feel the most unwelcome and I wish to explain myself without pestering the rest of your family by dragging them into the all the awkwardness."

"And I volunteered to chaperone the little ones while they enjoy themselves. I always had a soft spot for kids." Jenny gestured at herself.

"Excellent idea. Kathleen's absolutely right." Lori nodded. "I believe it would do you good to have a heart to heart with her alone, your fellow doubter might as well join you." She cast Lynn and Ryan a glare.

"Yeah, Luan. It's best that you two talk things out alone. We don't want to bother you." Leni agreed in a chipper tone. "When can I go shopping?"

"This instant, the boutique is open all day." Kathleen answered her and patted Amber's shoulder. "If you may?"

"Of course, come on, you're gonna love it." Amber took the older girl's hand and led her away.

"Thanks, I love your dress by the way."

"Back at ya, and I love your sandals."

"Aww…thanks!"

" _How long can she keep up that ruse?_ " Ryan watched her go in disbelief. " _Pfft…anything for money I guess._ "

"I think they'll get along nicely." Kathleen smiled knowingly before cupping her mouth and whispering. "Eh….that Leni is not too bright, is she?"

"Heh…you have no idea." Lori snarked, before turning to Luan.

"I'll leave you and Kathleen to patch things up like grownups. So please no freak outs. Believe me, you'll walk out of this building better than when you came in if you just hear her out." She advised her. "Your big sister knows what's best for you."

Luan glared at her but remained quiet.

"And the rest of you, behave yourselves. And don't you try exploiting Kathleen's generosity." She ordered the rest of the kids. "We've been given access to this luxuries resort and the least we can do to repay her kindness is by behaving like civilized people."

"Sure, because you would never exploit someone." Ryan said smarmily. Lori narrowed her eyes but stayed calm.

She huffed. "Of course I wouldn't, because I am a mature and rational adult. I'm merely taking responsibility and guiding Luan into ending her pointless rivalry with Kathleen, and improve both of their lives by helping them become friends."

"Now come on, Bobby." She urged her boyfriend to follow her. "Let the kids have their fun."

"Coming, babe." The Hispanic teen obeyed.

"You guys have a blast. Don't get the yips!" Kathleen waved goodbye and turned to the reminder of the group.

"Now if I'm not mistaken, we have two more guests coming? Lana's twin and your brother?"

"Yeah, Lola and Lincoln." Lynn reluctantly answered. "They came here to sign the little squirt up for some beauty pageant."

"The one hosted by Donnie Dufresne? Almost slipped my mind." The rich girl smiled. "How intriguing? Did you know that I'm well acquainted with him? We go way back, I won a few Little Miss Prim & Perfect pageants when I was little."

"Well that's a shocker." Ryan said snidely and elbowed Lynn.

"Yeah, you oughta meet Lola. She's quite the little prima donna." Lynn smirked, speaking in a tone that was entirely sincere, albeit not for complimentary reasons. "I have a feeling you two would become fast friends."

"What are you talking about?" Lana made a face. "Kathleen's really nice, and Lola's a pompous windbag."

Kathleen gently caressed the tomboy's hair. "Well, any young girl who embraces her feminine virtues and has the courage to face a judgmental crowd and share her unique talent, reveal her intellectual potential and express her opinions and altruistic goals to the world is someone I would gladly want to meet in person."

"That's not all you two have in common…" Luan muttered offhandedly.

"There they are!" Lana suddenly pointed at two people in the crowd.

Lynn and Ryan spotted them before nodding at each other and quickly jumping out of their seats.

* * *

"Why did we have to circle all the way back here! My feet are killing me!" Lola whined.

"Well maybe you should reconsider wearing high heels all the time." Lincoln snarked, being completely exasperated having spent two hours listening to her nonstop complaining.

The long line they were sandwiched in-between meant that Lola didn't get to do more than just give her application to the judges before they were forced to move on by other would-be-contestants and their grouchy, out-of-patience parents.

Given how Lola had her heart set on properly introducing herself to Donnie Dufresne, and the guy and the other judges obviously paid her as much mind as they did to any other girl that came to sign herself up, as in utter indifference and boredom, the princess was anything but pleased.

"A proper lady doesn't wear bargain bin sneakers, you crude and tasteless ruffian!" she retorted. "Why did we have to come back anyway if I can't talk to Donnie!"

Lincoln groaned. "I told you already, because our family came here."

Lola spat and crossed her arms. "You expect me to believe that _Luan_ has some rich friend who invited us here? How stupid do you take me for?"

" _You don't want an answer to that_." The boy thought.

"Kathleen's not Luan's friend, she's her enemy. Whatever's going on, I doubt we'll be sticking here for long."

"Heh, if she can't stand Luan who can blame her?" Lola sneered.

Lincoln scowled. "Now listen here-"

"Lincoln!"

Lynn and Ryan ran up to them. "We have a bit of a situation here." The jock stated anxiously.

"Lynn, what's going on? How did Kathleen find you?"

"I dunno, rotten luck I suppose. But that's not important, we've got an omega level crisis here-"

"Ah, you must be Lincoln?" came a friendly voice. Lincoln was met with an unfamiliar yet rather pretty face who gave him a handshake.

"I'm Kathleen Tisdale, pleasure to make your acquaintance. Love your hair dye; I've always admired bold and radical fashion statements."

"You're Kathleen?" the bemused boy inquired. He had always envisioned the famed alpha bitch as more….evil-looking, for whatever that meant. He had never seen her prior, but the tales Luan and Lynn had recounted to him regarding her certainly weren't favorable ones.

"I certainly am. I know what you must be thinking, me and Luan did not have the best of relationships. Sadly, it is true, but I assume your sisters also told you why you're all here?"

Lincoln blinked before eventually replying. "Eh, yes. You wanted to apologize to Luan?" he studied her, not sure what to make of this. It was defiantly an unexpected turn of event for multiple reasons.

"Who is she and what the heck is she talking about?" Lola raised her voice, utterly confused.

Kathleen smiled at her. "Ah, and you must be little Lola? Aren't you just precious? I'm Kathleen."

Lola titled her head and squinted. "You're the girl that torments Luan at school?"

"Unfortunately so, but that's a thing of the past." The young teen sighed before perking up. "As I'm sure you know, I've invited you all here to make amends."

"Amends?" Lincoln questioned. "Why did you suddenly decide to do that?" he continued carefully. "No offense, but the way Luan's been describing you hasn't been very….flattering."

"None taken, I see you are more involved with Luan's personal life than her sisters. And I assume Lynn is too." Kathleen told the older two siblings, showing nothing if not admiration.

"Lincoln's right. What's with the sudden regret?" Lynn narrowed her eyes.

"A very good question and I will give you your answer, but first I would like to arrange the activities for Lucy and the twins, so we old people can discuss matters in peace." Kathleen told them good-naturedly.

"Excuse me!" Lola started jumping with a raised hand.

"Yes?" Kathleen immediately answered.

"Are you really rich? And you actually own this humongous palace?"

"Yes. And you are all my guests." Kathleen nodded, making the princess grow an eager expression.

"But enough about me." The former chuckled humbly. "I hear you're quite the pageant queen?"

"Of course I am." Lola pointed at herself haughtily. "I'm not even six and I already have several stashes and ribbons under my belt."

"Impressive. A young upstart in the contest of beauty, are we? It's an honor to meet you. I too was a bit a pageant champion when I was little, and it's always a pleasure to meet a kindred spirit."

"You were?" Lola asked, genuinely curious.

"Yes, I've won a few dozen stashes, ribbons and tiaras, three scepters and six Little Miss Prim & Perfect trophies in a row between kindergarten and fifth grade. Nothing all that important." Kathleen said lazily.

Lola turned slack-jawed. Lynn and Lincoln both saw something in that expression they've never seen before in Lola: admiration.

"Six trophies in a row?" the little girl asked in disbelief.

"Sure did, it earned me Donnie Dufresne approval. Speaking of him? Would you like to meet him? Me and him are old friends and we've arranged to have dinner together this evening, would you care to join us? A perfect first impression can land you in the judge's favor, as an old pro such as me should know."

Her expression remaining the same, Lola's pupils dilated and she slowly nodded, too overwhelmed with bliss to form words or to close her mouth.

"Cool. I know he's going to love you. He adores girls with a winning personality." Kathleen patted her back. "Shall we catch up with the others?" she told the group as she led the catatonic princess away.

Lynn's face darkened and she spoke to Lincoln in a grim tone. "Mark this moment, little bro. You just had your first brush with evil incarnate."

"That's Kathleen?" the puzzled boy responded scratching his head.

"Sure is. Only took ya two years to finally meet her, pipsqueak." Ryan quipped wryly before shrugging. "But then again, I am the hero of this tale and you're just a mere supporting character."

"Excuse me?" Lincoln shot him an annoyed glare. "I AM the protagonist of this show. The theme song is all about my life and daily routine-"

" _Sure_ …..whatever wishful denial helps you sleep at night." Ryan snorted.

"Will you two lamebrains knock it off!" Lynn cut them off by smacking them both in the head and grabbed their hands.

"You can break the forth wall some other time, we have an emergency to deal with." The jock barked as she dragged them along.

* * *

"What happened to your hair, Lucy?" Lincoln, who was now carrying Cliff, asked the goth as they and Ryan and Lynn walked at the end of the group which was led by Kathleen, who had her arm around a crabby Luan, down a long corridor.

"I took one for the team." Lucy grumbled while shooting Lynn a glare. Lynn seemed to enjoy it.

"You sure did. Way to be a team player." She congratulated her before adopting an amused smirk. "Real pity none of us know how to unweave those braids though."

Lucy's glare didn't falter. "You needn't entertain the pretense that you're not savoring my misery."

"Yes, Lynn. Sarcasm is not your forte." Ryan quipped dryly, earning a glare from the jock. "Let a real pro tell you that."

"Is she alright, she's been like this ever since we left the lobby?" Jenny asked while waving her hand in front of Lola, who was still in her dazed, slack-jawed state and had to be led by her twin.

"Nothing serious, meeting Kathleen apparently just blew her mind." Ryan shrugged before chuckling. "Assuming she ever had one."

"Do you guys think she'll swallow some flies like this?" Lana giggled while pulling Lola by her hand.

"I gotta give Kathleen a little credit." Lynn begrudgingly whispered to her inner circle. "She actually managed to make Lola shut up."

"I always said that there was some good in every person, no matter how bad they seem." Ryan replied, leaking with sarcasm.

"And here we are." Kathleen motioned for Luan and the rest of the group to stop in front of a large gate at the end of the corridor. Faint music could be heard from the other side.

"Is that a funhouse or the entrance to a concentration camp?" Luan asked scathingly, prompting Kathleen to chuckle in amusement.

"Oh, Lu-Lu. Your penchant for black comedy never gets old." She patted the comedian's back, much to her ire.

"Lu-Lu…" Lana still giggled at the nickname.

"That gate sure does look scary and foreboding as hell." A suspicious Lynn remarked with folded arms.

"True, this place used to be the hotel's basement until daddy threw in a little extra money to renovate it. He thought our resort needed a few more facilities to keep the youngest guests entertained and stimulated. I keep telling him that this entrance needs a serious repaint." Kathleen explained before looking at Lola.

"Can someone please snap the little darling back to reality?" she asked politely, gesturing at the princess.

"On it." Lana happily volunteered before sucking on her index finger, coating it in thick saliva and giving her twin a wet willy.

It worked like a charm. Lola screeched through clenched teeth as her long hair jumped up and her eyes nearly popped out of her sockets, before she jerked away from the tomboy.

"What did you do, you disgusting freak!" she screamed furiously before shaking her head and looking around in confusion. "Wait? Where am I?"

"Welcome back, how was your trip to La-La Land, squirt?" Lynn quipped snidely.

"You're in front of Tisdale Towers' very own funhouse, Lola." Kathleen explained to her gently. "I promised you that we would have a dinner date with Donnie Dufresne later, but he's a very busy man so I was hoping that you would enjoy playing with your sisters here until he comes back."

"I get to have dinner with Donnie Dufresne?!" Lola squealed, finally letting the reality of her unbelievable luck sink in.

"Oh, thank you, Kathleen! You're the best!" Lola glomped her around the waist with uninhibited joy. "You're like the big sister I never had!"

The rest watched her dumbfounded, except for Ryan who snickered in amusement and clutched his head.

"Man, I didn't think she would go there, but she did!"

"You do realize we're listening?" Luan asked the princess irritably.

"What?" Lola shot her siblings a petulant glare. "I said she's like "the big sister I never had", which is true.I didn't say that I have no big sisters. Sheesh, some people are SO touchy."

"You've known her for like fifteen minutes, Pinky." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Which is a lot more than I ever wished to know you for, you ugly ogre." Lola replied venomously. "I'm a very good judge of character." She added snottily.

"I'm….eh….flattered, Lola." Kathleen patted her head before the latter released her. "But how about you youngsters go have some real fun? Jenny, if you please?"

She turned to her guest and joked. "Kids, they always favor the people who buy them expensive gifts. Don't worry, they grow out of it. If I can, anyone can."

Her friend pressed a nearby button that opened the gate and they were greeted with loud carnival-esque music and the joyful laughter of hundreds of little children, while bright neon lights nearly blinded them. Cliff meowed and squirmed in Lincoln's grasp.

A dumbfounded Ryan had to whistle in amazement. "Wow."

Luan went agape. "It's like those dreams I always had as a little tyke."

"You can say that again…." A gobsmacked Lincoln agreed.

"We get to play here?" Lola gasped with overwhelming excitement.

"For real?" Lana squeaked and jumped up and down.

"Of course, this wonderland is your playground. " Kathleen nodded.

Lana whooped and made a mad dash for the bouncy castle.

"Thank you Kathleen! Thank you so much!" Lola was the verge of crying. "You're like Santa Clause, only younger, and prettier, and slimmer, and more fashionable!"

"Please, you're making me blush." Kathleen placed her hand on her chest before turning to Lucy. "And do you like it, Lucy? It's pretty neat, isn't it?"

"Why do you ask me?" the goth looked puzzled.

"Don't you want to join them?"

"I'd rather not." Lucy shook her head.

"Are you for real?" Lola scoffed with disbelief. "You don't want to go _there_?" she pointed at the interior, which could aptly be described as every little kid's wildest dreams come true.

"Gosh, Lucy. Can you stop being a freak for once and enjoy yourself like a normal kid!"

"I would prefer to stay with my family."

"Pffft…..whatever. Be a weirdo goth hag if you want to." Lola laughed before rushing for the house of mirrors.

"Lucy, why wouldn't you want to come with them?" Kathleen asked her, looking concerned.

"I just don't." Lucy responded hoarsely and scooted closer to Lincoln and Ryan.

"But you're missing out a lot."

"Hey! If she doesn't want to, stop pressuring her into it!" an irate Luan was suddenly all up in Kathleen's face.

The latter stepped back. "Wow, chill, Luan. I just thought she would prefer it there."

"Look, guys, if Lucy wants to hang out with us, let her stay." Lincoln agreed with the comedian.

"Yeah, she's in on it." Ryan whispered to the four of them while patting the goth's back.

"Eh, guys?" Lynn grabbed the boys and pulled them closer to her. "Deenewey private talkey. Timeey traveley. Rebmemer ey?" Fuust Pasty ton wonkey."

"Oh, right…" Lincoln realized and looked down at Lucy apologetically.

"Eh…maybe you should go with the twins, Lucy? It could be fun there?"

"Could be?" Kathleen chuckled. "We haven't met one kid who thought anything less of it."

"What?" Lucy looked at her brother shocked. "But….." she lowered her voice to a hushed whisper "…..but what if those kids pick on me?"

Kathleen heard her anyway. "Awww….don't worry about that, sweetie. Jenny won't let that happen."

"Yeah, if someone bothers you I'll make them buzz off in no time, kid." The chaperon assured her.

Lincoln didn't want to trust his little sister with one of Luan's enemies, same for the twins. And it broke his heart having to do this to Lucy, knowing her rather justified fear of mingling with her peers.

"See, Lucy? You'll be okay. We're Kathleen's guests, and at a hotel like this the customer is king." He reluctantly reassured her.

Lucy shifted. "I don't know…"

Lincoln swallowed and whispered into her ear. "And that way, you might get some valuable info from Jenny? Lackeys are always the loose-lipped ones."

Lucy looked at him, contemplating. He had a point, and she promised to do her part in their quest to help their father, though now that quest had become something else entirely.

"Okay…." She mumbled.

"Lucy, you really don't have to if you don't want to." Luan spoke up for her.

"No, I'll go." Lucy reaffirmed. "I want to have some fun. And I don't want to let fear get in the way of it, I'm….I'm just a little nervous."

"Don't be, kid. You'll have a blast here, that's a promise." Jenny reassured her and led her in.

Lincoln and Ryan watched her go with an uneasy feeling, so did Lynn. She might not like Lucy all that much, but she hated having to send one of their own into enemy lines alone.

"Don't worry, guys. The little ones are in good hands." Kathleen told the remaining four before gesturing for them to follow her to the elevator.

"Now, I think I owe you people an explanation." She said as the elevator door opened.

The four exchanged looks, and Ryan patted Luan's shoulder and gave her a reassuring nod, and they and their cat followed their host upstairs.

"This oughta be good…." A deadpan Lynn whispered to her brother.

* * *

After dropping Cliff off at the grooming saloon, the kids were once again in an elevator, going up.

Kathleen told them how a month prior she had been forced to play host to the son of an important business partner of her father's at their mansion, while the grownups were discussing more important matters. Kathleen didn't take much of a shine to the boy, but he apparently got the idea that he had a chance with her, prompting Kathleen to brainstorm a devious plan and use her feminine wiles in order to make her enforced date _a tad_ more entertaining.

"You did all of that to him?" Lincoln was at a loss for words.

"Sadly." The rich girl shook her head. "It seemed harmless enough in my head, but I did not foresee some of the consequences."

"Like how wearing a blood sausage necklace would attract the dobermen?" Ryan asked smarmily.

"And you replaced his sunscreen with bleach?" the flabbergasted Lincoln continued.

"And you convinced him that he could skateboard down your 200-foot staircases?" Lynn was agape.

Luan was the only one who didn't seem remotely surprised by Kathleen's tale. If anything, she was impatiently awaiting for her to get to the part about supposedly "changing her ways".

"And now the poor sucker has to endure two months of physical therapy, and ten months of physiological therapy before he can get his life back on track?" Ryan bore an expression that was somewhere intermediate between being shocked and impressed. "Talk about dumping a fella the hard way."

"And how did your weasel your way out that one?" Luan asked with heavy sarcasm.

"Probably bought the judge a brand new sports car and a girlfriend one third his age, am I close?" Ryan quipped.

"Ryan, please. I know you're trying to lighten things up, but I feel nothing but shame for my deed." Kathleen replied morosely as the elevator door opened and they entered the fourth floor.

"So why didn't you get grounded until you're thirty-five?" Lynn asked sharply as the group followed her down the corridor.

Kathleen sighed. "Because daddy took full responsibility for my actions, he said there were no bad children just bad parents." Lincoln and Lynn both flinched at that remark but stayed focused.

"He felt guilty that he had spoiled me to such an extent." Kathleen elaborated as they walked out into a large balcony with a small café filled with people.

"Take a seat." She told her guests as they all tentatively sat down at a table near the decorative stone rails. From their vantage point they saw the vast parking lot down below, where the limo that had brought them here had parked.

"You guys want something?"

"For you to keep talking." Lynn told her curtly.

"Yeah, and who knows what your staff might lace the smoothies with?" Ryan snarked.

"Of course, how inconsiderate of me." Kathleen sighed with resignation. "Your mistrust is harsh but justified."

"Anyway, daddy was naturally furious but he said that simply punishing me would only anger me and thus fuel my misbehavior, so he decided that my punishment should also double as enlightenment."

"Enlightenment?" Lincoln looked confused.

"Yes, I was forced to spend two weeks with a charity organization that focuses on helping the less fortunate. At first I came there kicking, screaming and protesting, and repeatedly telling daddy how much I hated him, but those wonderful people there were beyond patient and understanding and sought to educate me. They helped me gain a new perspective, that I wasn't the center of the universe, that we share this world with billions of other people, most of which don't have it nearly as good as the token few rich brats such as me. After my sentence had ended I came out changed. What I once saw as punishment I realized was actually a second chance for me to atone for my pasts sins. Which is why I wanted to show these wonderful samaritans my gratitude for saving me from myself by not only permanently joining them in their noble cause, but also personally supplying them with funding."

A brief silence ensued before Ryan gave a small, curt titter.

"That sounds too sappy to be true." He said while resting his head in his hand. Kathleen blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"I think what Ryan's trying to say is that this stuff sounds a bit too convenient to be true." Lynn explained with narrowed eyes.

"Thank you!" Luan blurted tiredly. "Finally someone's being rational. This sounds like something she made up on the spot. It's every redemption story cliché in the book!"

"You still don't believe me?" Kathleen looked hurt and sighed.

Lincoln shifted, not knowing how to offer his two cents to this conversation. He felt grossly out of the loop here.

"The road to redemption is a hard one, I understand." Kathleen continued evenly. "But perhaps I can finally prove my sincerity once you guys witness me giving a one hundred thousand dollar check to the kids from the local orphanage, who should be arriving here shortly."

"Orphanage?" the others blurted.

"Yes, they'll be here in less than an hour; daddy says that I must educate myself in the art of philanthropy."

"You're kidding?" Luan made a face.

"Far from it, the event will be broadcast live on television." Kathleen confirmed and pointed at the parking lot. The others got up and peered down to see a camera crew preparing for filming with the center of attention being a woman in yellow sitting in a chair and having several makeup artists tend to her face.

"Katherine Mulligan and her camera crew have already checked in, preparing to film the occasion."

"You mean that asshat of a reporter?" Lynn snorted.

"She is pretty insufferable, can't argue there." Kathleen agreed with good humor. "But you must act professionally when dealing with the media, especially when it's for a greater cause. You can join me when I hand over the check, I know a lot of people would die for a chance to appear on the news-"

"Yeah, no thanks. We commoners prefer to keep a low profile." Lynn snarked.

"I'm dreadfully camera shy, I must admit." Ryan joked, feigning being ashamed. "So is Lincoln, facing a reporter could cause him to have an accident."

"Hey!" the younger boy snapped.

"I understand." Kathleen shrugged. "If that's the case, it would be preferable if you guys find something to preoccupy yourselves with while I deal with business."

* * *

"Of course, we also took the liberty of installing some recreational features for older kids." Kathleen explained as she led the group through the hotel's neon-lit arcade which was filled with preteens and young teens, mostly boys. Her group looked decidedly unimpressed, expect for Lincoln.

"By Ace Savvy's cape?" The boy gawked at all the games with wide-eyed awe.

"I hear you're quite a gamer, Lincoln?" Kathleen asked him with a smile. "I knew you would be interested in this place."

"How would you know that?" Luan asked her with a suspicious glare. "By stalking us perhaps?"

"Don't be silly, Luan. You remember how Leni was quite the chatterbox on our ride here." Kathleen replied. "I mean that as a compliment of course, she obviously cares a lot and knows a lot about her family. I really have to get to my interview though, so if any of you wish to stay here and explore-"

"Fat chance." Lynn scoffed while watching some kids playing table soccer. "I prefer playing real games, not stand around like chump and fiddle with a remote."

"And I don't know how to bust the moves." Ryan quipped as they passed by some other kids enjoying a rhythm game.

"I understand. From what I hear you're a huge sports enthusiast?" Kathleen asked the jock.

"What's it to ya?" Lynn scoffed.

"Well, we do have a gym. Or if you're a fan of badminton-"

"No thanks." Lynn raised her hand to silence her. "I only play and work out with my own equipment."

"I see." Kathleen smiled. "But I think your brother might enjoy staying here-"

"Ha! Shows what you know. My brother is over his "gamer faze"." Lynn lied. "He prefers to play real games, with me." She pointed at herself.

"Since when?" Ryan sneered only to receive a quick and painful poke in the ribs.

"Then what's he doing over there?" Kathleen casually pointed to her left, and Lynn saw Lincoln seated within a miniature rocket ship, steering its wheel, his eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

"Ugh…." Seething, Lynn ran after him. "Excuse me, guys!"

"So much for staying focused." Ryan quietly sniggered at Lincoln's expense.

"I think Lincoln will like it here, he looks very enthusiastic." Kathleen noted before turning to the other boy. "What do you enjoy doing, Ryan?"

Ryan smirked, deciding to be somewhat honest. "Not much, I do wrestle wolves from time to time."

Kathleen's brow furrowed.

"Huh?" "Ryan's not a blabber mouth like my sisters, Kathleen." Luan spoke up and smugly edged closer to the boy. "He likes to keep his mystique." She huffed.

"I am pretty mysterious. I've got the right looks for it." Ryan casually agreed, gesturing at his pale complexion.

"And you can't seduce him like you did them by offering him expensive treats; he's firmly on my side and cares deeply about me!"

"Lu, don't put it like that. It sounds uber-mushy." Ryan casually quipped, earning a disapproving glare from Luan.

Ryan grinned awkwardly under her glare. "But I do like you." He quickly added and turned to Kathleen. "She's one of the coolest and most fun chicks I ever met."

"Oh, I see…." Kathleen noted and studied the two. "If I may be so bold, are you two….eh….a thing?"

"None of your beeswax!" Luan snapped. "I have the right for a private life!" She knew that to someone as shallow as Kathleen, a boyfriend like Ryan wasn't a bragging point, but Ryan was the one thing her foe could never take away from her, she firmly believed that.

"Of course, silly me." Kathleen replied sheepishly. "But I really got to go, so I just need to know where you guys will be hanging out after I finally ditch those newshounds-"

"I think me, her, Lynn and the pipsqueak will stay at the pool. There ain't no point in wasting a perfectly good body of crystal clear water on a hot summer day." Ryan spoke up, seizing his chance to get rid of Kathleen.

"Good idea, I'm sure you and Luan will like it there." Kathleen shrugged, carrying a suggestive edge to her voice, much to Luan's displeasure. Having her nemesis be "supportive" of her crush was nothing short of revolting.

* * *

"Die! Die! Die!" Lincoln hollered in the rocking rocket as he shot down enemy ships. Numerous other kids were cheering him on, when Lynn pushed them aside like a saloon gate.

"Lincoln, have you lost it! Get out of there!"

He heard Lynn's angry voice from below, but was too immersed in the thrill of the game to pay her much mind. "Yeah, sure! Just a sec, Lynn!" he answered her with rapid speed, his face sweaty. "I'm making a new high score!"

Lynn growled and clenched her fists. She was losing him, she had to act quickly. Securing a tight grip on the rocket, Lynn used all her strength to flip it to its side, throwing her brother out of it.

The gamers gasped as Lincoln hit the floor, hitting his head hard, which semi-jolted him back to reality. "Lynn, what the hell?" he cried while rubbing the back of his head.

"Lincoln! What are you doing, man?" Lynn scolded him and threw her arms up. "You can't play in the enemy's arcade!"

Feeling flustered, Lincoln shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Wut?I wasn't playing….I was just…eh…testing it out."

Lynn grabbed him by his collar and hoisted him up. "You, idiot! She's messing with your brain!"

"She's preying on your weaknesses, just like with Lori, Leni and the twins! She's trying to convert you to the dark side, you must fight it! You can't let her get into your head!" Lynn started shaking him, surrounded by gawking and confused onlookers.

"Alright! Alright!" he yelped. "I'm good, Lynn! Please, just stop!" Lincoln begged as the jock ceased shaking him, but didn't let him go.

"I'm sorry." He rubbed his forehead. "I got carried away."

"What are you idiots gawking at! Piss off!" Ryan arrived and pushed some kids out of the way. They quickly scrammed as he sent them a vicious glare while Luan caught up with him.

"Lynn, what are you doing to him?" Luan questioned the jock.

"She's saving Linky from succumbing to Kathleen's influence." Ryan smirked. "She knew video games would be the little dork's weakness."

Luan gasped. "So that's it?" her face darkened. "She's trying to turn my whole family against me by preying on their deepest, most selfish desires. Golf? Shopping? Pageants? Arcades? Ugh! That no-good, conniving, two-faced, freaking whor-"

"That's her game, huh?" Lynn cut her off, barely containing her own temper. "What a foul move!"

Still in Lynn's clutches, Lincoln tried to put his train of thoughts back on track and focus.

"Lincoln, are you okay? Can you hear us?" Lynn started shaking him again.

"I'm fine, I'm fine…." he reassured her as she pushed himself free.

"You're not fine! You just accepted Kathleen's present like all the other backstabbers!" Luan snapped at him, looking beyond hurt.

"Luan, relax. We aren't backstabbing you. We know what's up." Lynn said curtly.

"Lynn's right. And I'm sorry." Lincoln hung his head. "I think we should get out of here, this place is kinda distracting."

"Getting distracted by video games? Sad, just sad, Lincoln." Ryan snarked. "But you have a point, now that the crafty vixen is preoccupied, we can get our bearings and figure out what to do?"

"Alright, no need to rub it in, maybe we should-" Lincoln stopped as he saw another game that made his jaw drop and he started drooling in his mesmerized trance.

"Is that an Ace Savvy-AH!" Lincoln cried as Lynn pinned him against the wall and started twisting his arm behind his back.

"Fight the influence, Lincoln! You're stronger than this!" Lynn barked at him like an angry coach.

"Okay! Okay!" he squeaked in a high-pitched voice. "I'm good, I'm-"

"I don't believe ya!" Lynn retorted. "The pain continues until it filters out all that brainwashing out of your noggin."

With that she pulled him back and escorted him out of the arcade, still restraining him and twisting his arm. Ryan and Luan followed them.

* * *

The four soon arrived at the pool and huddled together at a beach chair under a palm tree. Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan were hoping to find a secluded spot to talk in private about their next move, but seeing Luan as broken up as she was, none of them had the heart to just ditch her, not even Lynn.

"What do we do now?" Lincoln asked, sitting next to Luan on the chair.

Slouching, Luan huffed miserably. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here."

"What? But our home's a long way from here?" Lincoln responded in surprise.

"Yeah, and I seriously doubt Lori will take a break from her precious golf game to drive you." Lynn remarked sitting on a towel cross-legged.

"No, duh." Luan replied bitterly. "But I don't care, I don't mind stretching my legs."

"Luan, I don't think that's the best idea to-"

"Oh, shut up Lincoln." Luan snapped at him, much to everyone's surprise. "Don't you give me some cockamamie pep talk about "facing my problems"! Not after my own family just used me as a ticket to a deluxe hotel!"

Lincoln looked hurt but stayed composed. "I wasn't gonna say that."

"Good. Cuz I'm not gonna listen to a backstabber." She turned away from him.

"Will you give him a break?" Lynn spoke in his defense. "He's only human. Besides, I set him straight before he could follow our sisters down the rabbit hole."

"Yeah, he just gave into temptation." Ryan shrugged, leaning against the palm tree. "If Kathleen had offered Lynn the chance to a join a junior wrestling league or something we would have lost her too."

"I would not!" Lynn retorted indignantly. "No one can mess with my head! I have an iron will!"

"Guys, let's not fight among ourselves now." Lincoln told them before turning to the comedian. "Look, Luan. I'm here with you, I'm I not? I'm sorry for caving in back there, but I'm still with you and believe you about Kathleen. I might not know her but I will trust my own sister's word over some stranger's."

Luan's expression softened and she sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Linky…."

"I'm not mad, sis." He reassured her. "I know this must be hard for you. If Chandler came to us saying he's sorry for picking on me and invited us all to a barbecue I'd be suspicious too."

"Yeah, but our so-called sisters wouldn't pay him any mind cuz he doesn't have Scrooge McDuck's money bin at his disposal." Luan replied morosely.

Lincoln gripped her shoulder. "Luan, I know you're hurt, but trust me; they didn't backstab you, they just got….eh….overwhelmed with this out-of-nowhere deluxe vacation and aren't thinking straight…"

"Yeah right." Ryan scoffed. "They totally backstabbed her in order to mooch of Kathleen. Blondy's done nothing but browbeat her into going along with this while growing dollar signs for eyes."

"Yeah they did." Lynn agreed. "They've spent the last few days making it clear as day that they can't stand her. And they probably would have backstabbed her anyway even without the whole Prankmageddon baggage."

Luan glanced down, her lip trembling as the last remaining shreds of dignity she had left crumbled to dust, while Lincoln groaned in defeat. "Alright, I get it."

"Money talks. That's life for ya, Twinkle Toes." An aloof Ryan added.

"Lincoln, please don't try to sugarcoat it." Luan hung her head. "I'm a big girl, I can face the ugly reality. Life sucks and you can't count of anyone, middle school taught me that."

Lincoln grew a determined look. "But you can count on me, Luan! I'm still here, Lynn's still here, Ryan's still here, and between us, Lucy also said that she doesn't trust Kathleen."

"She doesn't?" Luan blurted, genuinely surprised.

"Of course she doesn't." Ryan told her. "The kid's a sharp one and she has good instincts."

"She ain't stupid, I'll give her that." Lynn begrudgingly agreed.

"Yeah, and we still believe you." Lincoln reaffirmed to his comedic sister. "I would never betray my own family, even if some of them can be pretty insufferable."

"Yup, and I've met plenty of phony baloneys in my day, I'm wise to their tricks." Ryan pointed at himself with a cocky smile. "Takes more than a pearly smile and a zillion deniros to trick this guy."

"Thanks, boys…." Luan smiled, feeling a little better. She glanced at Lynn, unsure what to say. "And you're on my side too?"

"Don't get sentimental, Chuckles." The jock scoffed. "You might be annoying, but ain't gonna backstab my own family. Plus, I can see a bully when I see one and I hate bullies….."

Luan took a beat, trying to wrap her mind around this. "Thanks….eh…I guess?" She couldn't believe that Lynn, the person she had despised the most just this morning, would be the last of her sisters to still stand by her side against her arch-enemy.

"Cool, now that we're all friends again, what do you think Kathleen's up to?" Ryan asked.

"She wants to hurt me, what else? She's trying to turn my whole family against me." Luan answered with tranquil rage. "Home's where the heart is, and she wants to attack it! That would be the ultimate middle finger she could give me."

"Well, you did make it easy for her with your Prankmageddon and all." Lynn noted cheekily, earning a dirty glare.

"Don't you think that's a little over-the-top?" Lincoln asked. "I mean, I know some bullies go the extra mile, but-"

"Oh, it's not. Not for that sadistic cunt at least." Luan crossed her arms angrily. "Seeing me in pain is all the reward she needs."

"He has a point, Lu." Ryan shrugged. "That whole "donating to the orphanage" thing seems to be legit. Plus, she's wasting a lot of money just to make you miserable."

Lynn mused. "Well, if half of that crap she told us is remotely true, she might be doing this just to save her own botox-filled behind. Her big daddy might be pressuring her into it."

"Good point." Ryan shot her a finger gun. "If she really did mess her would-be suitor the way she described it, our little rich bitch might be facing the threat of boarding school and getting cut off from the family fortune if she doesn't shape up pronto."

Luan looked aside, contemplating. "That would motivate her to act nice for more than five minutes. And catering to us could be part of her plan, to tell daddy that she was helping some "poor" family of twelve in their time of need." Her temper flailed up again and she balled her fist. "Ugh! That conniving wench!"

Lincoln patted her shoulder comfortingly as she exhaled with dread. "Great. She played me for a fool again, and by using my own family this time to boot."

"That does suck, but there's nothing we can do about it." Ryan shrugged. "Your sisters aren't gonna listen to a word we say. Not while Kathleen's dangling the luxurious life in front of them. She's got us outmatched in the bribing department."

"True that." Lynn concurred. "We'd sooner break through the Great Wall of China than their thick skulls."

"So, what are we waiting for? Luan's got the right idea." Ryan pointed out. "Let's grab Spooky and ditch this dump."

"What? But we can't just leave the others here." Lincoln argued.

"They made their choice, bro." Lynn told him bluntly. "They chose to be traitors, so I say: screw them."

"I don't condone empathy for the treacherous either." A fifth voice joined the party.

The older kids all jolted as Lucy was suddenly sitting next to Lincoln.

"Lucy? Where did you come from?" Lincoln gasped, clutching his heart.

"The fun house." The goth said simply.

Collecting her nerve, Luan squinted at her. "And what's up with your hair?"

"Sigh. It's a long story." Lucy looked down. "But I've managed to escape from Jenny without her noticing, and I have some intel."

"You did? Wow, you could make a great ninja some day." Ryan quipped. " _I should know_."

"So? What did ya hear?" Lynn cocked an eyebrow.

"Quite a bit, mostly the same things that Kathleen already told us. But Jenny did say how Kathleen supposedly mangled a boy so bad that her father was enraged and forced her to join a charity organization which made Kathleen experience a revelation, which is why she's doing what she's doing now."

The others exchanged glances.

"Her story aligns with Kathleen's." Lincoln mused. "I've seen a lot of detective dramas, that's usually a sign that the accused is being truthful."

"Yes." Lucy nodded. "Besides, leaving the others to be Kathleen's burden makes our task so much easier."

"What task?" Luan blinked.

"Dad insisted on the family picnic in order to get rid of us because he was meeting up with an important food critic today, and me, Lynn, Lincoln and Ryan were all in on it."

"What?" Lucy questioned as the others glared at her and shrugged. "I assumed she was on our side by default now that we have a mutual enemy in the form of Kathleen."

"Dad wanted to get rid of us?" Luan went agape.

Lynn groaned. "Luan, give the poor a guy some slack. You know he wants to open up his own restaurant and he needs a lot of doe from _someone_ to do it, this could be his big chance."

"Yes, Luan. And you know we and our antics aren't to most peoples' liking, especially to a dour, stuck up critic guy." Lincoln added, hoping the comedian would understand.

Luan contemplated and eventually sighed. Her own antics had made most of her family turn on her, and had caused a rift between her mom and dad. She really had no right to question her father's sneaky tactics, if anything; they were kinda admirable and clever.

"I understand…" she replied simply. "I wouldn't want to have me near someone important either."

A silence followed, as no one knew how to respond to that.

"Don't look down on yourself because of that, Luan." Lucy said hoarsely. "Dad felt equally embarrassed by us all, not just you."

Luan glanced at her with an awkward expression. "Eh….thanks?"

Lynn made an exaggerated groan and stood up. "Look, guys! Let's not waste time wallowing in self-pity. It's summer, we don't have school, let's go and do something fun! Something that doesn't involve Kathleen or our two-faced sisters?"

"She's right, we have no reason to stick around this soulless, corporate craphole of a tourist trap." Ryan joined her side.

Lucy nodded stoically. "I've wanted to do that from the moment we entered. I don't trust Kathleen, being near her makes my skin crawl. Everything about her feels fake, like an illusion conjured up by the darkest of black magic."

Luan smiled with encouragement, she wasn't alone in this. She could walk off on Kathleen with friends backing her up.

"Then what are we waiting for?" she jumped to her feet, all perked up. "Let's all leave a scathing account of our visit in the guestbook and be on our merry way."

"I'm quite good at giving a strongly-worded critique." Ryan joked and glanced at Lincoln. "And are you coming?"

Lincoln stood up and shifted with uncertainty. "I dunno…I…."

"C'mon, Linc. Why wouldn't you?" Lynn glared at him. "What business do you have with those traitors?"

Lincoln glanced at Luan, who pretty much pleaded with her eyes for him to back her up, and he sighed in defeat.

"Sure, guys. I'm going. Let's blow this popsicle stand and show Kathleen that we aren't sheep she can bribe." He smiled at the comedian, much to her relief.

"Ah, there you are." Kathleen's voice suddenly greeted them. "I've lost the paparazzi, I hope you weren't feeling too bored." She told them while they glanced at her disapprovingly.

"Oh, trust me, we weren't." Lynn said snidely.

"Wait, weren't you supposed to be with Jenny and the twins?" Kathleen asked Lucy.

"She decided to hang out with us instead." Lincoln explained when Luan marched up in front of them.

"Kathleen, I've got something to tell you!" she declared with a determined look, but Kathleen got distracted by the sound of a toddler crying.

"Hold that thought." Kathleen told her as she spotted a young guest crying about his frisbee being stuck in a palm tree. Kathleen did a series of front flips and finished it off with a summersault as she snatched the toy from the tree and handed it back to the kid.

Lucy and Lincoln gawked with amazement while Luan glared with contempt as Kathleen patted the grateful kid on the head.

"Show off…" Lynn grumbled and crossed her arms. Ryan drew his breath to comment on her remark but decided not to.

"Sorry about the interruption, but I could not bear to see a small child in distress." Kathleen came back when they all heard cheering and clapping.

"Bravo! Bravisimo! That was like totes incredible!" Leni applauded her. She walked up to them with Amber, both of them wearing matching summer dresses, sunglasses and brim straw hats, and carrying huge shopping bags.

"It was nothing, just cheerleading practice." Kathleen brushed them off humbly.

"You're a cheerleader too?"

"Of course she is, me too. But she's the captain of our squad." Amber told her excitably. Luan started fuming.

"I gotta say, those were some astounding moves." Lori joined them, still in her golfing uniform.

"Yeah, maybe she could tutor you so you'll finally be accepted on our school's squad." Bobby suggested innocently only to receive a painful stomp on the foot from his girlfriend.

"I see most of us have reunited, just in time for a pool party." Kathleen declared while clapping her hands together. "Amber, did you get our guests their swimwear?"

"Sure we did! I picked one for all of us!" Leni beamed and handed one shopping bag to her younger siblings.

Lynn and Lucy both pulled out a one piece of their respective size and the jock grew a deadpan look as she noted how they, and the rest of them, were all bright pink and sparkly.

"Leni? Do I look like someone who wears pink?" Lynn asked sardonically.

"I second that." Lucy agreed.

"Well, no?" Leni answered obliviously. "You look like someone who wears red and white, and you look like someone who wears black and white with black stripes. Or are those sleeves and stockings black with white stripes, I'm confused?" Her train of thought soon wandered off as she was hit with another realization that made her giggle. "OMG, Lucy. Those stripes make you look like a cute, little baby zebra. So adorable!"

"Sigh."

"Listen up!" a frustrated Luan yelled, earning everyone's attention.

"What is it, Luan?" Kathleen asked, looking like she was concerned.

"I'm checking out of here!" the comedian said upfront.

"What? Why?" Kathleen looked surprised.

"Luan, what are you blabbing about now?" Lori interjected curtly. "I thought you and her talked things out?"

"Oh, put a cork in it, Lori! Mind your own business!" Luan snapped at her, catching her off guard.

"As for you, missy! I know what you're up to!" she marched up to their host. "You're fostering us here just to create good PR for yourself after your last screw-up went too far!"

"Luan, what are you talking about?" Kathleen looked hurt. "I told you that-"

"Oh, cut the dramatics, sweetheart." Ryan snarked, joining Luan's side. "You pretty much showed your hand the moment you told us your cute little tale about how you "saw the light"."

"You might have duped those saps, but not us." Lynn concurred while pointing at Leni and Lori, much to their horror.

"What do you mean "duped us"?" Lori growled. "I thought I told you, Luan, to get over your stupid paranoia!"

"Oh, she didn't dupe you, Lori. You just played along for your own benefit." Luan shot back bitterly.

"What's that supposed to me?!"

"Eh…I think I'll go practice my backstroke, catch you guys later." A nervous Bobby excused himself, fearing this situation could turn volatile.

"Why should I explain myself, you wouldn't care anyway!" Luan spat in response.

"Girls, let's not get hostile because of this." Lincoln walked up between her and Lori, talking in a placatory tone. "Luan just wants to leave, and so do some of us." He explained and gestured at the rest of his group.

"Leave? Why on Earth would you want to leave?" Lori made a face, utterly bewildered.

"Because, she's just exploiting us, you idiot!" Luan angrily pointed at their host.

"What did you call me?" Lori snarled.

"An idiot, was that too big of a word for you?" Lynn snarked, feeling very satisfied.

"Luan, I don't understand. What more do you want from me?" Kathleen asked her.

"To get out of my way so I can hightail it out of here." The comedian replied bluntly.

"But….I want to make it up to you. Why won't you believe me?"

"Well, we _were_ discussing giving you a chance." Ryan joked. "But then you exposed yourself as a cheerleader, and any doubt we had went down the drain."

"You said it. Anyone dumb enough to trust a cheerleader wouldn't survive their first week of middle school." Lynn smirked.

Lincoln and Lucy didn't exactly follow their logic but made no argument against it. They weren't familiar with middle school ecosystems after all.

"Guys, I don't understand what's going on? Why are we fighting?" Leni fidgeted, looking scared and confused.

"Good question, Leni. Have you twerps literally gone insane?" Lori marched up to them. "You went even more paranoid than before because she's a cheerleader?!"

"No, I'm being paranoid because I know that she's a lying little piece of shit!" Luan retorted.

Lori gasped and started sweating. "Kathleen, I'm so sorry about this." she told their host hastily. "I hope this doesn't damper our-"

"You can stay with your new BFF for all I care, but can we please just leave?" Luan said curtly.

"Luan, please don't go. This is a huge misunderstanding." Kathleen appeared to be on the verge of begging her.

"Kathleen, I have to tell you something." An out-of-breath Jenny caught up with her, followed by the surly twins. Before she could get a word, Jenny froze upon noticing Lucy among the group. "Eh, never mind. It…..heh….was nothing important." She slowly let out a nervous laugh.

"Way to go awol, you dumb vampire wannabe!" an enraged Lola marched up to the goth. "We had to come all the way back here to look for you!"

"Yeah, what gives, you doofus? We were having so much fun!" a petulant Lana joined her.

"Not your concern." Lucy remained stoic and spoke evenly. "I will stop bothering you in a second."

"What are you rambling about?" Lola demanded.

"She's leaving, with me." Luan leaned down between them. "So back off!"

"Oh, so you twerps talked Lucy into causing trouble too?" Lori scolded the middle siblings.

"They didn't, I left on my own accord." Lucy retorted.

"And because she isn't blind and gullible like _some_ people I could mention." Luan vigorously backed her up, when she felt someone gently grabbing her arm.

"Luan, please don't be so rash. I think you should calm down and let us talk things out."

"Let go of me!" Luan swatted Kathleen's hand way. "I'm not falling for your tricks again! Get it through your thick skull!"

Kathleen looked like she was at the end of her patience. "Luan please, you're being irrational. You're acting like a little child."

"I'm acting like a little child?" Luan huffed and pointed at herself. "As said by the eight grader who throws tantrums over getting a mustard stain on her dress?"

"Luan, that's behind me now. I told you that I've changed."

"This is Katherine Mulligan, reporting to you live from Tisdale Tower's very own community pool." A woman with mocha skin and a yellow suit barged in and shoved a mike into Luan's face.

"Luan Loud? As Royal Woods Junior High's most homely, most ostracized and most undesirable social reject, how does it feel to be allowed to set foot into one of the most luxurious resorts in the Midwest?"

"What?!" Luan blurted. "Where did you hear that?"

"I have sources, kid." The reporter answered in a conceited tone before resuming smiling for the camera. "Now after years of social, physical-"

"Am I on TV!" Lola jumped in front of the camera. "Hello, world, I'm Lola Loud…" she started haughtily "….but you may have heard of me, as the rising beauty pageant champion and-"

"Yeah, yeah, keep moving, kid!" Mulligan carelessly pushed her out of frame before shoving her mike towards Luan again. "As I was saying, how does it feel, after a life time of social, psychological and physical humiliation, to be blessed with the generosity of one of the youngest philanthropists in our country?"

"What?!" Luan was boiling mad.

"Truly this must speak volume of Ms. Tisdale's character, offering her assistance and kindness to a poor soul who previously had no one else to give her support. Do you feel grateful, Ms. Loud?"

Mulligan received her answer when Luan smacked the mike out her hand and it landed in the pool.

Turning red with anger, Luan made a sharp turn towards her host. "You told this to the news?!"

"Luan, please chill out, you don't understand." Kathleen raised her hands defensively.

"You made me out to be your charity case?! _You_ helped _me_ out?!" Luan pointed at herself with fury and disbelief. "And what about _you_ being the main reason for _me_ being an outcast, you backstabbing, lying little-"

Lynn rushed to hold her sister back, her other siblings' gasped at Luan's language while Ryan smirked. Mulligan grew an eager smile and whispered to her cameraman to keep rolling.

"Luan, I did not tell them this, I swear!" Kathleen pleaded.

"LIAR! You made my life miserable and now you have the gall to exploit it and make yourself look like a humanitarian!" Luan was on the verge of having an anxiety attack from the overwhelming rage she felt at this very moment.

"Luan, this is not what I told them." Kathleen replied feebly. "Reporters have a habit of twisting facts and quote mining people-"

"Quote mining?!" Luan struggled in Lynn's grip. "How about you quote me on this!"

Her siblings gasped and some covered their mouths in shock, while Ryan whistled with amazement.

"What do those words even mean?" Lana wondered and Lola gave her a confused shrug.

Kathleen looked horrified while the enraged Luan slowly calmed down, her chest rising up and down as her bravado ebbed away as she noticed how every person in the vicinity was eyeing her like a crazy person. What had she done? She had just made a public fool out of herself.

Lynn, noticing how Luan had ceased struggling and was starting to sob, let her go and Luan bolted away, crying.

"Luan, wait!" Lincoln shouted and ran after her.

Lynn sent Kathleen a contemptuous glare and pushed past her. "I'm out of here!" she stormed away from the scene, following Lincoln.

"I refuse to stay in this cauldron of evil and deceit." Lucy told Kathleen as she followed her siblings. "If I was an exorcist, I would expel your true dark nature to the world, but alas I am not."

"I wanted to believe you, tutz." Ryan snorted at their host. "But….never trust a cheerleader." he snarked and turned towards the camera.

"Hey, camera dude? Get this!" he pointed both of his middle fingers up, causing a chorus of shocked reactions, and Leni even fainted.

"Always wanted to do that on television." Ryan sniggered before running off after his companions.

"What's everyone's deal, that ugo just pointed fingers at us?" an annoyed Lola asked her twin.

"I dunno." Lana shrugged.

Mulligan was handed a spare mike and faced the camera. "There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Today, 13-year old Kathleen Juliette Tisdale, sole heiress to the Tisdale fortune, has demonstrated the start of her new humanitarian endeavors by not only offering a generous donation to our local orphanage, but we have also witnessed her willingness to offer her assistance to anyone in need of help, including unstable, emotionally-scatterbrained basket cases."

"Just for the record!" Lori suddenly grabbed her mike, much to the reporter's visible annoyance. "To anyone who might know me, I have no connection to that crazy girl or her posse of hooligans. Both of us having the last name Loud is pure coincidence. I was just a random onlooker!"

"Give me that, Lori!" Lola's hand shot up from below to grab the mike as well. "It's time for my close-up!"

"Will you brats let go of it!" Mulligan snapped, fighting over the mike with them and glared at the cameraman. "Cut you idiot! Cut!"

* * *

Ryan regrouped with the others at a nearby bus station, where Luan was sobbing on a bench and Lincoln and Lucy tried to comfort her.

"Luan, don't cry…please." Lincoln told her feebly. "You're away from her now."

Her eyes puffy, Luan looked up and in the direction of the hotel, which was still visible in the distance. A small part of her, as well as of Lynn and Lincoln, hoped against hope that their sisters would come back after them, but it was over twenty minutes now and there was no sign of them.

It didn't hurt Luan that much, she had expected this. "What does it matter? Not anymore" she muttered.

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked worriedly.

"I blew a fuse on camera." Luan grumbled, burying her face in her hands again. "That was probably her plan. Kathleen played me like a marionette yet again. She's probably gonna broadcast that footage to make me look like some ungrateful monster. She won't even need to do much splicing and editing, I gave her what she wanted. No matter how hard I try, she always gets the better of me."

"Yeah….I guess that's about the size of it." Ryan scratched the back of his neck, earning a few glares for his lack of tact.

"But hey, I did flip the bird on camera before I left, that oughta show them." He shrugged, hoping to cheer her up. It didn't work and Luan continued sniffing quietly.

"Let's just go." Lincoln said morosely. "We have nothing left to do here."

Their task was more or less over as Kathleen had effectively hijacked their job of herding the sisters, plus by now their father's meeting with McCole had to have been over or at least close to being over.

They were successful, but it very much felt like a hollow victory.

* * *

 **This event might have caused a big rift between the siblings, not that they were much of a unit to begin with XD If there's any lesson you can take away from this story is that you can always count on family… or not, depending on the individual family member.**

 **Man, I really do feel sorry for Luan, the way I have been writing her life has been super harsh, she just can never catch a break. And now she has fallen prey to the classic misunderstanding of blowing off your mortal enemy in public, making yourself look like the bad guy, and on camera no less. And most of her siblings have turned their backs on her, thanks in part to the convenient timing of her postponed Prankmageddon. Talk about never living something down.**

 **Next chapter the other will try to comfort Luan, but another antagonist might just show up to give them grief XD**


	27. One Long, Lousy Day: Sibling Bonds

Lincoln hadn't envisioned today's mission ending like this, with him and half of his sisters having to board a bus to get back home because Lori and the rest ran off with some rich kid who came out of nowhere to offer them a stay at a five-star hotel. He had thought about the benefits of this random turn of events, hanging out with a rich kid and being kept away from their home could be considered a huge stroke of luck that could make his job a lot easier for the rest of the week and keep his sisters occupied until a certain dreaded date had passed, since there were only five days left.

If only they were in the care of a more trustworthy person. Lincoln contemplated a lot about how trustworthy Kathleen was? He did not know her personally, yet she seemed quite genuine with her apparent regret over her past actions. " _If someone like Ryan can "reform", why not Kathleen?_ " Lincoln thought.

But he also knew that appearances could be deceiving. But what exactly would she gain by playing host to his family outside of creating good PR for herself? Surely there were plenty of other options for her. Did she merely want to see Luan in pain by manipulating her own family into turning their backs on her? That seemed awfully petty, yet according to both Luan and Lynn that was perfectly in-character for Kathleen?

He was frustrated by his inability to pass judgment, as he was grossly out of the loop. He was worried about leaving his sisters behind at that hotel; though he knew how silly his worries seemed. Kathleen may be a bully but she wouldn't cause them serious harm, right? But then again, a certain bully called Lyle had proven him otherwise in another timeline. People can surprise you with their capacity for cruelty. Lynn and Luan defiantly shared his sentiment, minus any doubt that Kathleen was up to something, but both were mad enough at their sisters to willingly leave them to their fate should their host have ulterior motives.

This fight certainly wouldn't improve the already strained relationship between the sisters. Oh, who was he kidding, it had driven a huge wedge between them that likely won't recover in the foreseeable future, especially not with egos like Lori or Lola. To say nothing of last night's fiasco, Lincoln still didn't want to even think about Lisa, his anger towards her was too fresh. He was still shaken from the whole ordeal but did his best to hide it and focus on the here and now.

The white-haired boy took a passing glance at the forest they sped by, thinking about their missing pets. They had no idea about their current whereabouts. For all they knew, Walt, Geo and Charles could all be dead. It was a heart-wrenching thing to consider, but Lincoln tried not to think about it for the moment, mentioning their absence would probably just rub salt in the wound for the person sitting next to him.

Luan had been eerily quiet ever since they boarded, so Lincoln tried to strike up a conversation with the glum comedian. "So, Luan? What do you want to do once we get back home?" he asked idly.

Luan sighed. "I dunno, look for more Laurel and Hardy bloopers online? I really don't care." Her tone was tired and spiritless, she just seemed done. Done with everything.

"We could do something together?" Lincoln suggested.

"I don't feel like socializing today…." Luan muttered, looking away.

"Luan, I know you're upset but locking yourself up won't help you feel better." Her brother told her gently. "C'mon, I have no plans for today. Hanging out with you sounds better than spending my day answering the three hundred fifty seven messages Clyde sent me."

"Are you pulling my leg?" Lynn snorted incredulously as she leaned above Luan's seat. "We left just before noon, not even Lori could text that much in such a short time span? Does he seriously have nothing better to do?" she asked, despite knowing that this was a stupid question.

"Lynn, give him some slack. He just gets nervous when he doesn't know about my exact whereabouts." Lincoln tried to defend him, but shrank a bit under the jock's amused "are you freaking serious?" stare.

"He sounds pretty possessive of you?" Lynn responded, still amused if not a bit creeped out.

"Well, he's…eh…...he's a special case."

"Yeah, he's a _special case_ alright." Ryan quipped in a conceited tone, appearing above Lincoln.

"I'll give him props." Lynn shrugged humorously. "I've got nothing on him when it comes to speed texting."

Before Lincoln could retort, Ryan spoke to Luan. "Hey, Lu? I think the little guy has a point. Lynn said that we should do something fun together. Summer's not the time to mope around."

Ignoring the remark, Lincoln nodded in agreement. "Yes, sis, I know you're feeling upset so we want to help you turn that frown upside down."

Luan sighed. They were trying to help her, they sincerely were. She was beginning to feel selfish again for brushing away their efforts to give her support. She realized that she had no other choice but to tell them what was truly bothering her, as hard as it was.

"Why did they stay there? Our sisters?" she mumbled sadly. The others looked at each other worriedly.

"Because they were offered a chance to stay at a fancy hotel, what do ya think?" Ryan told her bluntly but sympathetically.

"I know that…but…but…why did they stay with _her_?" Luan replied with repressed resentment. "They knew what she did to me, but they still…."

"Luan, chill. It's not like _everyone_ betrayed you?" Lynn spoke up, as usual not having a lot of tact when it came to sensitivity. "It was only four of them, Lisa and Luna weren't even there." She pointed out, hoping it would make things better.

"Yes, they weren't there." Lincoln agreed. "Plus, the twins are only five; you can't blame a bunch of little kids for getting bewitched by an expensive playground. And Leni's well…..eh…. she's Leni."

" _The most devious of them all_." Ryan snarked inwardly.

Lynn had to begrudgingly agree there. The twins' were still young and naïve (and in Lola's case spoiled) and Leni was not the brightest bulb in the shack. That gave her and Lincoln some hope that certain bonds could be mended. Lori, on the other hand, had no excuse besides plain old greed.

"I know they're still mad at me about….you know…..but I didn't think they were this…" Luan continued on. "I know they're angry but I still thought they would have my back in a situation like this."

"Blood's unfortunately not thicker than water, that's life." Ryan said poignantly, causing Luan to stare at him in disbelief.

He sighed in resignation. "Listen to someone who knows. Remember my sister? The one Lynn brought up?"

"Eh…yes? What about her?"

"Me and her never were on good terms." Ryan shrugged. "She makes it no secret that she can't stand me and that I'm an embarrassment to her. And I honestly don't know if she would have my back if shit got serious."

Lynn remained quiet, knowing what he was talking about, and Luan grew a look of shock.

Lincoln studied the other boy, not knowing what to make of his claim. As usual, Ryan sounded like he didn't care but Lincoln thought that (for a moment) there was a hint of sadness in his tone. Unfortunately, like with Kathleen, he didn't know Renee nearly enough to judge the validity of Ryan's claim.

"Ryan, I'm not gonna pretend like I know your sister better than you-"

"Of course you don't, you only met her for five minutes." Ryan snipped.

"I know, but I think you're being a bit melodramatic." Lincoln replied evenly.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Ryan cocked an eyebrow.

"I'm referring to _my_ sisters. Please, just don't put words into other peoples' mouths. When the girls get back home, we'll….eh…have a serious talk with them-."

Lynn groaned. "Guys, let's just forget about those back-stabbers for now? It's summer; we'll have plenty of time to call them out on their crap later. How about we just help Luan clear her head? Things got too emotional back at the hotel."

"Good idea, I hate it when things get too heavy." Ryan shrugged.

"That's my point. Sometimes when you get battered on the field, it's best to just sit down for a bit and let the bruises heal before you get back into the game."

"Lynn's right." Lincoln nodded. "You've been wronged, Luan. We all know that." He told his comedic sister sympathetically. "But we're here for you. And we want to help you. If you'll just let us?"

Luan shrank back, still feeling guilty about everything. "I guess I could….." she stopped and sighed. "Thanks, guys, for sticking up for me."

"It's nothing, sis." Lincoln tried to cast an encouraging smile.

Luan's lip trembled and she pulled him into a tight embrace. "Oh, Linky. I don't deserve a brother like you." She said feebly and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Lincoln blushed with embarrassment. "Luan, please. Not in front of Ryan."

"I'll say." Ryan snorted. "Don't I deserve a kiss for my support?" His remark immediately earned him a painful slug to his flank from an enraged Lynn.

"End Lynn?" the comedian turned to the jock, looking like she was struggling to say what she wanted to say. "Eh…..sorry about making you slip, and…..y'know…..being mean to you." She rubbed her neck.

Lynn rolled her eyes, as much as Luan got on her nerves these last view days, she still pitied her when she was like that. Seeing her go all sad clown was just hard to watch. Luan had apologized to her, so the least she could do was return the gesture.

"It's cool….eh sorry I K-O-ed you…..and knocked you down….and made fun of your teeth…..and…..y'know….tried to pummel you for making me slip." She replied just as uncomfortably.

" _Pummel her?_ " Lincoln studied them carefully, growing worried. He was certain this truce wouldn't last long, not as long as Ryan was with them. He dreaded having to confront this topic but it became clear to him that he could no longer put a pin on it. The longer this love triangle nonsense kept going the messier the end result was inevitably going to be. He had to put the kibosh on this as fast as possible. He and Lynn needed to have a serious talk. But this wasn't the time for it.

"It's nothing." Luan sighed. "I guess I deserved the K-O-ing."

"So what do you want to do, Luan?" Lincoln asked, trying to defuse the awkwardness.

Luan sighed. "I dunno…..I'm the sad sack here. You'll probably come up with better ideas."

"I know, why don't we go visit Cow World or whatever it's called." Ryan responded. "Perhaps this time we could try out that rollercoaster ride that advertises that it will make your barf, and let you be splashed in the face by said barf?"

"I'm good for that." Lynn shrugged approvingly. "I have a strong stomach, and I loves me a challenge."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Hate to be the buzzkill, but we're short on cash." he pointed out.

"Oh, contraire mon frère." Ryan remarked as he pulled out a valet from his pocket. "I think there are some fifty or so bucks in here."

Lincoln blinked, growing wary. "Eh…..where did you get that?"

"Snatched it from Blondy while we hoped into the limo." Ryan replied casually as he took out a driver's license. "Huh? Her name's Lori? I've been getting it wrong this whole time."

"You stole it?" Lincoln went agape; his sisters' were likewise surprised. Their responses, however, were the polar opposite.

"Wow! You hit the jackpot!" Lynn was amazed as she nabbed the valet to take a gander at its content.

"How'd ya pull it off?" Luan inquired with baffled intrigue.

"I'm like a ninja." Ryan smiled enigmatically. Only one of the girls understood the full meaning of it, but she was still impressed.

Lincoln was left dumbfounded by their reactions.

A still astounded Luan finally cracked a smile. "You must be one, to pull that off." She chuckled.

"Excuse me!" Lincoln exclaimed to gain their attention. "You do realize he _stole_ something, right?" He gestured at Ryan.

"So?" the latter smirked. Lincoln stared at him, still dumbfounded.

"Yeah, so?" Lynn agreed with her friend. "Lori had it coming."

"And that's being generous….." Luan grumbled resentfully.

"What? Am…..am I the only one who sees this as morally wrong?" the white-haired boy responded in utter bewilderment.

"Linc, relax. There's nothing wrong from taking things from jerks like Lori. It's called karma." Lynn shrugged.

"Yeah, and I'd bet Mr. Coconuts that it was Bobby who earned that money from one of his many jobs and she just took her cut for "supervising" him." Luan concurred, unsubtly relishing getting payback on Lori by proxy.

"Pfft…..you actually have doubts about that?" Lynn snarked in agreement.

Lincoln saw Ryan flashing him a smug smirk that signaled "I have public support, sucker". Lincoln exhaled exasperatedly and slumped back into his seat, rubbing his forehead while mumbling, "Lori's gonna kill us when she finds her driver's license missing."

"Chill out, you boy scout…" Ryan rolled his eyes uncaringly "…..her new rich BFF will probably buy her a new one…along with a brand new Mazda MX-5."

Lincoln slapped himself mentally. Why did he feel compelled to agree with that cynical remark?

"Take from the snobs and give to the marginalized, I always say." Ryan continued to the girls, who both chuckled with amusement.

Lincoln deflated, figuring it was pointless to argue. They had the stolen money and one sad clown who was finally laughing again, might as well make the best of it. He always did want to try out the Milk Shaker.

He sighed and erected himself. "Fine, Dairyland it is. You all agree?" he asked just to be certain, turning back to Luan.

"Well, I guess so….." she said sheepishly. Suddenly, they heard a child crying.

The four turned to their right to see Lucy holding a bunch of cards and standing next to a small child, whose mother pulled him back into her lap while casting the goth an enraged glare. Lincoln, Lynn and Luan all recognized those cards and mentally kicked themselves for letting her wander off. Lynn was the one who got up and pulled Lucy back into their midst.

Hearing the commotion, the bus driver looked back and the others grew nervous and looked away from him while whistling innocently while Lynn pushed Lucy back between her and Ryan.

"Lucy, could you stop being a freak before you get us thrown out?" the jock whispered through clenched teeth.

"What? He agreed to let me read his fortune." Lucy responded innocently.

"And what did his card predict?" Lincoln asked exasperatedly, looking over his seat.

"It wasn't very specific, only that he would spend his final moments crushed under falling debris while being asphyxiated by smoke."

Ryan whistled. "Ouch, the kid got a raw deal."

Lincoln grumbled inwardly. These stupid fortuneteller cards she was busying were getting more morbid with every new pack. "Lucy…..just keep a low profile until we get back home, kay?" he told her in an even tone. "Let's not cause any trouble."

"Oh…do any of you want to hear your fortune?"

"Thanks, but no thanks." Lynn answered bluntly, remembering all the crap she got herself into the last time she listened to Lucy's asinine fortunetelling. Those cards never said anything about someone close to her getting battered by baseball bats or mauled by wolves.

"I'll take a pass on that." Lincoln agreed, sharing the same sentiment. He too had given himself a lot of grief the few times he put too much faith in those cards.

"I could use those cards." Luan said with intrigue. "I've been practicing card tricks for the last few weeks for my future magic shows."

Lucy frowned. "I don't think these cards were meant for that."

"Cards are cards, Lucy. I can work with any of them."

Ryan shrugged, growing interested. "Let her do it, Spooky. She's quite a wiz with parlor tricks."

Luan blushed while Lynn quietly seethed. This time, Lincoln took notice of both of them and grew concerned, but he figured that right now it was more important to lift Luan's spirit a bit.

"Yeah, I saw you pull a pen from Ryan's ear, what else you got?"

"Oh, I'm quite _handy_ in that regard." She joked while wiggling her fingers before taking the cards, and started shuffling them, splitting them into two stacks and mixing them up again.

After a while, Lynn rolled her eyes with impatience. "Will you get on with it, Chuckles?"

"Patience, Lynn. Patience." The comedian rebutted while holding the stack up and bending it in one hand. "Now, I'll need one of you to pick-"

Abruptly, the cards slipped free and sprang out of her hand, and flew towards the driver. The man got startled and blinded by the sudden shower of cards, and failed to see an oncoming car driving towards him. The vehicle shook and made a screeching sound against the pavement, scaring the passengers, as the bus dodged the car at the last second and stopped at the side of the road immediately after.

The driver turned around angrily, holding some of the cards. "Who did this!?" The likewise angered passengers all gladly pointed at Luan, who shrank under everyone's glares and chuckled nervously.

"Uppss…..eh….butterfingers?"

* * *

The bus door opened, and Lynn was tossed out and landed on the dusty ground, followed by Lincoln, and then Ryan, and Luan, and finally Lucy. Lynn pulled herself out from the bottom of the pile and rushed to confront the driver.

"Hey, buddy!" she shook her fist angrily. "I'm pretty sure it's against the law to abandon kids in the middle of no-"

"I believe this is yours." The driver shoved the deck of cards into her hands before closing the door and driving off.

Lynn fumed. "Asshole!" she yelled in vain while the others got up and rubbed their sore spots.

"Some people can't take a joke." Luan muttered before having Lynn all up in her face.

"Nice work, dumbass! Because of your asinine tricks we have to walk our way to town!"

"Hey, it was an accident, aright!" Luan shot back, though much less confidently.

"And you!" Lynn turned at Lucy. "If you hadn't brought those stinking cards along…."

"I wasn't the one who flung them at the driver." Lucy retorted evenly, as Luan continued crumbling with shame.

"Girls, break it up." Lincoln walked between them. "What's done is done. There's no point in yelling."

"Sigh. Lincoln's right. It won't improve our predicament." Lucy walked up to her brother and gestured at the surrounding forest.

Lynn calmed down and exhaled, her gaze drifting towards the town which was within a walking distance. Going on foot wasn't what pissed her off, as much as the simple humiliation she just endured thanks to Luan's buffoonery.

"I thought you'd be happy about this, since you love stretching your legs." Ryan quipped as he walked up behind Lucy.

"Will you shut up!" Lynn retorted petulantly. "I doubt any of you enjoyed getting tossed out because of that klutz!" she pointed at Luan, who turned away in shame.

"No, it was deeply demeaning." Lucy sighed. "But I've long since grown used to such bad luck."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Yeah it sucks but there's no use crying about it. And as much as I love gawking at nature, we have a park to go to and we're wasting daylight, not to mention….."

He stopped and, making sure Lucy wasn't watching him, closed one eye, bared his teeth and mimed having claws with his fingers. Both Lynn and Lincoln immediately got the message, and grew scared. Lincoln felt a chill run down his spine as he realized that they were once again in the woods, and took a cautious look around. The forest that surrounded them was eerily quiet, way _too_ quiet for their liking.

"Fine, whatever, let's get going." Lynn hastily agreed, trying not to show any fear, while taking the silence around them as a very bad omen.

"Lincoln, are you alright?" Lucy snapped her brother out of his thoughts.

The boy swallowed and looked at her tentatively. "Yeah, I'm fine. I….just don't like jogging and all. You know me." He tittered awkwardly.

Lucy took note of his nervous demeanor, but before she could respond Lincoln rushed towards Luan, who was facing away from the rest.

"Luan, are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Lynn's right, I screw everything up….." she grumbled self-loathingly.

"Luan, c'mon, it was just an accident, they happen. It's a lovely day with clear blue skies anyway, perfect weather for taking a stroll."

"You just said you didn't like jogging?" Lucy pointed out.

Lincoln gulped. "Eh….yeah, I don't, but a simple stroll is a different matter, much less strenuous." He answered nervously before turning to Lynn. "Right _, Lynn_."

He urged his sporty sister to agree. Knowing they were in danger out here, Lynn swallowed her pride and nodded.

"Sure, I love a stroll…" Lincoln's gaze signaled for her to continue "…..eh…..sorry about calling you a dumbass, Lu, I know you didn't mean to get us in trouble."

"Right and I'm pretty sure Dairyland won't stay open all day." Ryan spoke up as he strolled towards the comedian. "C'mon, Lu. Don't let my pickpocketing be for naught." He added jokingly.

Luan grew a weak smile. Even when she messed up royally, Ryan wasn't mad at her. "Okay, you bad boy. Let's scram."

"Great, and let's be quick about it. Like Ryan said, Dairyland won't stay open all day." Lincoln urged her to go, trying his best not to sound over-anxious.

"Lincoln, why are you so skittish?" Lucy asked him.

" _Why does she have to be so nosy!?_ " Lynn lamented inwardly. "He's…..he's obviously excited about going to Dairyland, so let's not keep him waiting. C'mon!" she curtly gestured for them to follow her and headed towards town.

"You're absolutely right, Lynn!" Lincoln was more than happy to oblige and pulled Luan along. "Let's get a move on!"

Lucy watched him go, confused by his inexplicable anxiety, before turning to Ryan, who she found surveying the surrounding woodland.

"Ryan?"

He tensed up a bit before nimbly turning towards her. "Eh…yes?"

"What's with Lincoln's unease? You seem nervous about something too?"

"Nervous? Ha, why would I be nervous?" Ryan scoffed jokingly. "And Lincoln? Meh…..I showed him some…eh slasher film last night. Yeah, yeah!" he quickly improvised an answer. "About some psycho killer stalking a bunch of kids while camping, picking off one after another as the flick went on. Poor guy couldn't sleep after that. The woods here must remind him of it."

Lucy pondered about his response, admitting that it made sense. "Oh….? Lincoln doesn't do well with horror films, especially graphic ones."

"Yeah, my bad." Ryan shrugged.

"Ryan! Let's go!" they heard Lynn yell.

"Mustn't keep the lady waiting." Ryan quipped and took Lucy's hand. "Come on." He led her away, trying to catch up with the others, as eager as the other two to get out of here.

As he did that, he noticed a large bird soaring in circles high in the sky, a vulture. Ryan felt his skin crawl and felt even more compelled to reach civilization. Wherever such buzzards went, big predators couldn't be far away.

* * *

Eventually, the kids made it to the local park. Once they were out of the woods, Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan could finally relax and the trip quickly became more pleasant, other than for Lucy's occasional complaining.

"Are you sure none of you knows how to untie these?" Lucy asked for the fifth time while pulling on her pigtails, as the group walked past the park's gates.

"Sorry, none of us are hair stylists." Lynn shrugged, still amused by her little sister's inconvenience.

"C'mon, Lucy. I thought you of all people would appreciate having _dread_ locks." Luan joked. "Get it?"

"They are dreadful, but for all the wrong reasons." Lucy muttered dejectedly.

"I thought you liked being miserable." Lynn snorted.

"There's a right way and a wrong way to be miserable." Lucy retorted sullenly.

"C'mon, Luce. It's not that bad of a hairstyle." Lincoln tried to cheer her up, not that it helped much.

"Yeah, just go with the _flow_ and embrace your _cornrow_." Luan joked, not that her rhyming got much of a reaction, other than Lucy rolling her still fully-exposed eyes.

"Nice to see you're in a good mood again, you sad clown." Lynn noted. "Let's just hope it's not good enough to encourage more puns." She added snidely, earning a glower from Luan.

"Oh, you wanna hear something real funny?" Ryan asked and stopped the group as he gestured at the local lake. "Then take a gander at this, Lu. This is the very place where we got the drop on your treacherous sisters and pranked them real good."

"Oh right, I remember. What happened?" Luan asked with intrigue. She knew Ryan, Lincoln and Lynn had taken the sisters on a wild goose chase a few days back, but never came around to ask what exactly happened. Lincoln rolled his eyes, hardly proud of his involvement.

"It's quite the tale." Ryan smiled proudly. "You should take a seat."

They sat together at a bench as Ryan recounted the collaborative "prank" involving the DeMonet letter, Luan, unsurprisingly, loved the puny name. Lincoln didn't join in on the storytelling; neither did Lynn, as it reminded her of the embarrassing way she was taken out of the fight. Luckily, Ryan was thoughtful enough to change that bit from Lynn being hypnotized into spanking herself until her bottom had more stripes than a zebra's to her getting knocked out in during the struggle by a falling coat hanger. It was still embarrassing but a lot less so than the truth.

" _I really oughta get payback on Lisa for that_." Lynn thought bitterly. " _With the whole zombie thing, I'll also have a convenient excuse to cut loose with my revenge_."

By the end of it, Luan was clutching her gut giggling, and even Lucy sniggered a little.

"And the take away from this? Blondy's not nearly as tough as you think she is. My sister would never have been felled by a little B.O." Ryan concluded.

After finally relaxing, Luan turned to Lincoln and Lynn. "That was a pretty clever ploy, but sounds like you guys got roughed up quite a bit enacting it."

"Yeah, you could say that." Lynn rolled her eyes bitterly.

"Word of advice, Linky." Luan told her brother helpfully. "There's always the prankster and there's the pranked, and the former should never be on the receiving end of any misfortune. Pain and misery are the crux of comedy, ergo reserved for the unsuspecting victim."

Lincoln forced a smile. "Yeah….I'll try to remember that. But we should probably leave the pranking to you."

"Oh no, by all means, keep trying." Luan smiled encouragingly. "The most fulfilling pranks are the ones who prey on the victim's deepest, most selfish desires; like greed. It's always funnier when you add a dash of karma."

"Good point, Lu. It will also free you of any charges should the prank go amiss if the victim brings most of their sorrow on themselves. Your sisters sure couldn't complain about it to your mom and dad without admitting about trying to hunt us down and lynch us, huh pipsqueak?"

Lincoln cast Ryan a subtle glare. "Yeah….sure…."

"Huh?" Luan rubbed her chin. "Maybe I should take that approach in the future. Maybe if karma's in my favor it won't lead to any…." She slowly grew despondent "…..eh…accidents."

Not wanting to dwell on that, she quickly changed the topic. "So? Eh….how do you think dad did with that critic guy?"

"No clue, we'll know when we get back." Lynn shrugged before frowning doubtfully. "I hope it went well. We all wasted some valuable summer time keeping an eye on those sheep."

Luan felt offended, knowing she was technically lumped into that category but quickly thought back on the very recent mishap on the bus, and begrudgingly realized that she was in no position to resent that remark.

"So your master plan was to take us all on the _lamb_ as a distraction?" she joked, again without much of a reaction.

"That _was_ the general idea." Lincoln admitted. "Though I regret suggesting a picnic, that way we wouldn't have run into Kathleen. I'm sorry, Luan."

His sister sighed. "It's not your fault, Linky. Nobody could have known."

"I don't blame you." Ryan shrugged. "Otherwise I never would have gotten the chance to flip the bird on live TV."

Lincoln's face fell flat. "You're welcome." He responded sarcastically.

Luan chuckled. "I hope mom and dad weren't watching, otherwise they might get the idea that you're trouble."

"Oh, I'm plenty of trouble." Ryan stated proudly. "But I'm sure you like that." Lincoln saw Luan blush slightly.

"Well, what girl doesn't find a bad boy…..intriguing?"

Lynn started twitching, something that didn't go unnoticed by Lincoln. He sighed inwardly. He had to talk to Lynn about it, as uncomfortable as it was. It had to be done.

"Eh, Lynn? I…. just remembered something that I wanted to talk to you about?" he said tentatively.

It took the jock a second to hear his voice over her boiling jealousy.

"What's that?" she responded a bit abruptly.

"It's…..something private." He said uneasily, earning everyone's full attention.

Luan raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean private?"

Lincoln's gaze remained locked with Lynn's, and it quickly dawned on her. " _The mission? Right, it must be about the mission_."

"Oh, right. The….thing we're…..the thing." she responded. "Ryan, can you come so the three of us can have a word?"

" _No, no. Dammit_." Lincoln facepalmed inwardly.

Ryan was quick on the update and smiled. "Ah, yes!" he slapped his forehead. "I completely forgot about it."

"Forgot what?" a confused Lucy asked.

"Why, we have to send Mr. L a full status update on our mission, including everything about Kathleen." Ryan explained quickly.

"Yeah…" Lynn quickly got the gist. "He should know our sisters fell in with the wrong crowd so he can do something about it later."

Luan blinked but slowly smiled. "Oh? Yes, dad could put a stop on whatever Kathleen plans to do with them. She might be rich, but she can't say nothing if our parents don't give their consent."

But Lucy wasn't so easily swayed. "But why can't you just call him here and now?"

"Call him?" Ryan chortled. "Oh, heaven's no. He's probably still talking with that stuck-up critic, he can't afford any interruptions. Therefore we must send him a lengthy text message report, which could take a bit."

"But what about Dairyland?" Luan asked.

"Don't worry, we'll do it as fast as possible." Ryan reassured her before grabbing a five dollar bill out of his stolen valet, and gave it to Luan. "In the meantime, go buy Spooky and yourself some ice cream and be on your merry way, we'll catch up with you in Dairyland."

"Yeah, we'll catch up with you." Lynn nodded and grabbed Lincoln by the arm while Ryan grabbed his other one, and they lifted him off the ground.

"Yup, and eat a LOT of ice cream so you can have the full experience with the Milk Shaker." Ryan quipped as they walked off, carrying Lincoln between them. "Too-da-loo!"

"What just happened?" Lucy asked her remaining sibling.

"They have to report back to dad." The comedian shrugged, nowhere near as suspicious as the goth. "So, do you prefer butter pecan or blue moon?"

" _Sigh. What's up with them?_ " Lucy wondered. They were acting more and more suspicious.

* * *

"Guys, I can walk!" Lincoln lamented with growing frustration as they reached the small bridged overseeing a stream flowing into the lake, and his feet were finally allowed to touch the ground.

"So what's the emergency now? Did you remember something that happened on this date?" Lynn asked.

"Something dreadful I presume?" Ryan snarked.

"No, that's not it." Lincoln immediately denied it.

"Then what is it?" Lynn asked. "Doesn't this involve our mission to-"

"Yes it does, Lynn. But I need to talk to you about it. _Just you_ , in private." Lincoln cut to the chase.

Ryan blinked in confusion before snorting. "And why am I being excluded? I am the most invaluable member of this team."

Lincoln looked at him, not knowing how to respond, as he quickly grew uncomfortable with the topic he was intending to discuss. "Because…." He quickly lost his voice.

"What is it, Lincoln?" Lynn asked.

"I….I'm really not comfortable talking about this kind of stuff." He explained it to the best of his abilities.

His sister cocked an eyebrow, noting the sheer amount of discomfort her brother exhibited simply starting this conversation.

Ryan, on the other hand, having the dirty mind he does (and enjoying messing with people), jumped to some nasty conclusions. "You're "uncomfortable" talking about it?" he asked with air quotes.

"Yes, I am." Lincoln said bluntly. "So, could you just let us-"

Ryan's laughter cut him off. "Oh, pipsqueak, I have this nagging suspicion that whatever you want to discuss, you're better off talking to _me_ than _her_." He pointed at himself before gesturing at Lynn.

"Guys, I'm not following this." Lynn replied.

"Lynn, trust me, there are some things I girl should never hear from her brother, and vice versa." Ryan wiggled his index finger before an annoyed Lincoln walked up to him and looked him dead in the eye.

"Whatever you're thinking of, and trust me, I don't want to dwell on that, I can assure you it's _not_ what I want to talk about." The younger boy said bluntly. Ryan's amusement slowly faded and he became just as confused as Lynn.

Lincoln turned away and faced his sister. "Lynn, can we please just talk about this alone. Please." He said simply. "It's very important, and we'll inform him in due time." He gestured at Ryan.

Lynn took a moment to think about it, before slowly nodding. "Well…okay, bro. Whatever it is, I'm all ears."

"And why am I being left in the dark?" Ryan snarked.

"Ryan, if he's uncomfortable talking about it with you around, then let him be and stop badgering him." Lynn retorted. "You ain't his dearest confidant, is all I'm saying." She added in a snarky tone.

"I said I will tell him, just….. not right now." Lincoln calmly clarified.

Ryan rolled his eyes and just gave in. "Fine." He threw his arms up in defeat. "Does that mean I can go and hang out with Spooky and Funny Girl?"

"I was hoping you could keep an eye on them, so they'll stay out of trouble." Lincoln replied.

Ryan smirked. "That's gonna be a breeze." He proclaimed smugly. "I've got them both wrapped around my little finger as it is." His remark caused Lynn visible irritation.

"Okay, see you later." Lincoln walked past them and towards the other side of the stream. "Come on, Lynn. This won't take long."

"Coming, Linc, just quit being cryptic." Lynn quipped. "I gotta get you away from Lucy."

"Well…." Ryan stretched his arms "….mustn't keep the pretty lady waiting." He was about to go when Lynn grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked sharply, glaring him in the eye.

Ryan smiled slyly. "Well, it wouldn't be very gentlemanly to deprive her of my company for too long."

He winced as Lynn tightened her grip. "If you try anything funny with her, I _will_ make you regret it." She warned him dangerously.

"Why, Lynn? Do I detect a hint of jealously?" Ryan's smile widened.

"Don't play games with me, buster." Lynn barked. "If you get cozy with her while I'm away, you're a dead man."

Ryan jerked his arm free. "So you're growing possessive of me. I'm flattered."

Lynn withdrew a bit at his remark and grew a faint blush. "Chill, Lynn, I ain't gonna do nothing."

Ryan raised his hands up as he took several steps back. "I see you're itching to take the next step, and I won't disappoint you." He winked at her and ran off, leaving her utterly flustered.

"Ugh! Why is he so…..ugh!" she grumbled, trying to regain her train of thought.

"Lynn, are you coming?"

"Coming." She blurted nervously, and followed her brother.

* * *

"Here you go, Luce." Luan gave her little sister a cone of swirly, black-colored ice cream. What flavor would give it that color, the comedian had no clue?

"Thanks." Lucy took it and her sister led her away from the vendor, the latter carrying a cone of pistachio ice cream.

"I didn't even know they served this flavor here." Lucy commented.

"Oh, so you must really like the taste?" Luan inquired.

"Not really, liquorish isn't very tasty; I just like it for the color." Lucy admitted between licks. Luan grew a queasy expression but didn't comment.

She then realized how strange her situation was, strolling through the park with Lucy of all her siblings. The two of them weren't exactly alike, in fact, they were textbook definitions of "polar opposites", one laughed, the other frowned, one was gowned in black, the other usually wore sunny yellow and pure white. Naturally, the two didn't jive well. Granted, "the Duchess of Darkness", as Lynn unaffectionately called her, didn't really jive with any of her siblings other than Lincoln, but her and Luan in particular really were like night and day, and unsurprisingly, especially in a family as big as theirs, didn't usually engage in many conversations. In fact, since their visit at Tisdale Towers, she and Lucy had probably exchanged more words than they ever had for half of this year. It made her realize how little she knew about Lucy, who apart from sometimes socializing with her only brother, tended to keep to herself.

Luan herself had a shaky relationship with her siblings too, throughout her short life she recalled having spent the most time with Lincoln, who she didn't doubt cared for her but was unsure just how much of his devotion was born out of a sense of obligation instead of genuinely enjoying her company, and her comedy. The others were more openly dismissive of her; she had tried connecting with her elder sisters, without much success. She didn't know Lynn very well but generally saw her as very one-note kind of person (sports fanatic and little else), the twins were also easy to figure out and neither had much in common with her, and Lisa was another introverted recluse.

Yet out of all of them, Lucy was one of the few who stood by her side when Luan's nemesis stepped into the picture and lured her other sisters away with promises of luxury. Even more so, Lucy didn't just side with her, she immediately saw Kathleen for the scum she was, and was off-put by the evil cheerleader's presence from the get-go. Like the rest of the sisters, Luan generally thought of Lucy as weird and creepy, hyper-intuitive was not something any of them would have pegged the goth as. And now that she thought about it, Lucy was also the only one, sans Lincoln, to show no real hostility towards her in the wake of her final Prankmageddon. As weird as it seemed, Luan actually felt compelled to learn more about the sisters she had ostensibly the least in common with.

"Luan, have you noticed anything off about Lincoln, Lynn and even Ryan?" Lucy asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean they all seemed rather skittish when we were in the woods, and seemed overly eager to get away from us just now?'

"Well, they said they needed to send a status report to dad." Luan shrugged.

"I know, but don't they seem a little suspicious to you? I sense that they are hiding something." Lucy elaborated.

Luan blinked before chuckling. "Don't be silly, Lucy. They were hiding something, yes. But they told us about it."

"I know, I was in on it before we even left for the picnic." Lucy pointed out.

"Well then, what else could they possibly be hiding, Luce?" Luan shrugged.

"I think you're seeing things that aren't really there." She patted her shoulder. Lucy was furious on the inside. Yet again she was being patronized and dismissed. She doubted Luan was any more willing to listen to her baby sister than the others were, or their parents for that matter, so she stopped bothering to convince her.

"Sigh. You're probably right." She said in defeat.

Lucy had thought long and hard about it. She supposed that most of the trio's odd behavior and secretive meetings could be attributive to them being in cahoots with the Louds' patriarch as part of an elaborate plan to make their home a safe and welcoming environment for the critic her father was awaiting. Fair enough, she understood that, and was technically in on it. But the more she thought about it the more did Lucy realize that there were plenty of other instances during this entire week where Lincoln and Lynn were acting strangely, that didn't fit in line with their secret task.

Like the time Lincoln felt ill and didn't eat dinner. And it was Lynn of all people who came to check if he was okay and apparently slept with him in order to give him comfort for whatever was eating him up.

" _Lincoln's not feeling well and he needs to talk to me! You don't know what's bothering him, I do! You wouldn't understand!_ " Those were her exact words when she forced Lucy away from consulting Lincoln herself. In retrospect, they were even more suspicious than she originally gave them credit for.

And the very next morning, the two of them called for a meeting, asking their fellow siblings to help out more with their parents' choirs, lamenting how overworked their parents were, which in hindsight Lucy believed to be true but why did the two of them specifically notice that and suddenly became concerned about it and no one else? And they asked the others to be less destructive, a ridiculously insane request for the Loud sisters. And most bizarrely of all, Lynn explicitly voiced her fear that their parents would divorce.

That came right of nowhere. Sure, they might be overworked but who said anything about their marriage falling apart? Why would Lynn get that impression? And prior to those two events both Lynn and Lincoln seemed oddly sullen and reclusive for the previous two or so days. Lincoln likes his privacy sure, but Lucy's own roommate not causing any mayhem for forty-eight hours seemed insane and implausible.

" _Do Lynn and Lincoln know something the rest of us don't?_ " Lucy seriously started to consider. If for the sake of argument, their parents were indeed thinking about divorce, that would be a pretty solid reason for any child to fall into depression or do everything in their power to prevent it.

Then they spent a day with Ryan, and they came back injured, Ryan and Lynn battered from playing football, Lincoln with a black eye which he claims to have attained by slipping in a mall bathroom, and they brought back Charles, who had been maimed in what appears to have been a scuffle with another dog. Those three incidents all seemed unrelated, but Lucy was seriously starting to doubt that now.

But if all four of them were attacked and hurt in a single incident, who was the aggressor? The bruises would imply a bully or a gang of bullies, but Charles was clearly maimed by another animal. Did the bully have a vicious attack dog with him? Maybe, but if so, why on Earth wouldn't they tell their parents about it? Lynn was prideful and bullheaded, sure, but Lincoln was sensible and smart, there is no logical reason why he would keep it a secret. Were the bullies threatening them and Ryan? Lucy started to grow concerned. The stuff Lynn told her a week ago about Lincoln being in a funk and only Lynn knowing the cause of it would make sense in that context.

But how does that in any way tie into mom and dad being stressed out and possibly facing a failing marriage? Was it merely an unfortunate coincidence? Processing all of that, Lucy ran into more questions than answers. It was beyond frustrating.

And then there was the latest and by all accounts the most inexplicable anomaly, her recent lapse in memory. And unless she had misheard them while passing in on their conversations, Lori, Leni, the twins, Luan and even Bobby suffered the same things, and on the same day. Regardless if this was true for the others, Lucy's recent fit of amnesia had been on her brain all day, expect during the numerous turn of events, revelations and surprises that kept her distracted. Okay, so maybe she hadn't dwelled on it too much.

Regardless, her lack of any memory of yesterday evening baffled her relentlessly. Lincoln attributed it to her drinking expired cartons of orange juice. His rationalization sounded beyond asinine to her then, and now it sounded like a flimsy lie at best. Were those three somehow responsible for her and the others' amnesia? That sounded absurd, except? They had a sister who has pulled off some improbable and crazy stuff with her scientific exploits. Did wiping memories ala the Man in Black sound that farfetched for someone of Lisa's caliber? And she was curiously absent from their picnic and apparently because she was suffering from insomnia? What could all of that mean? Why would any of them want her or the others to forget about yesterday?

Lucy was left with three puzzling questions: something involving the trio and mom and dad, something that could involve the trio facing trouble from some shady characters and lastly her own memory loss and, potentially, a mass amnesia that the three could…..possibly…..maybe be involved in?

"Hey, kiddo, you in there?" the sound of snapping fingers shook her out of her trance. She shook her head and looked to see Ryan staring down at her before glancing at her feet. "Eh, you dropped something on your shoe."

"Ryan?" she uttered before looking down and found her ice cream splattered on her shoe, and her cone empty.

"Lucy, what's wrong? You looked like you spaced out for a moment?" Luan questioned her.

"I….I was thinking about something, nothing important." Lucy replied tentatively. "What are you doing here?" she asked Ryan instinctively.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders lazily. "As I told ya, I weaseled my way out of doing the boring paperwork, so I could hang out with you two instead."

"Well, aren't we lucky, eh Luce?" Luan quipped with a flirty undertone to her voice.

"Eh…sure we are." Lucy replied hoarsely.

"So what are we gonna do first?"

"How about finding Lucy a good shoeshiner?" Ryan snarked.

"Of course, silly me." Luan smiled sheepishly. "But I mean after that? Shall we give ourselves a head-start to Dairyland?"

"Sure, why not. But it would be rude for us to hop on the various rides, before Lynn and Linky make it."

"You're such a gentleman." Luan smiled sweetly.

Meanwhile, Lucy weighed out her options. She had to learn what was going on, but how? She only had three possible options. Lynn wouldn't tell her jack, she knew that. Ryan? Possibly, but she figured her best option was Lincoln. But she suspected he wouldn't fess up easy, she would have to catch him alone and firmly confront him about it, not taking no for an answer.

"But what should we do in the meantime?"

"I dunno, what would our little vampire fancy?" Ryan turned to the goth.

"Me?" Lucy asked, still caught up in her thoughts.

"Yeah, Lucy. You know I'm not really familiar with the inner workings of your weird and poetic little mind, so feel free to speak." Luan smiled.

"Don't know? I thought you two were tight?" Ryan said offhandedly.

Their reaction came as a surprise to him, as both suddenly gawked at him in bewilderment.

"Wut?" Luan squinted.

"Who told you that?" Lucy asked incredulously.

Ryan blinked, realizing he had slipped up. He thought the two were close, that's what Lynn told him at least. But he quickly realized that he was told that in the _future_. Apparently, this wasn't a thing yet at this point in time?

He scrambled to cover his mistake. "Oh…well, I just assumed you were close, with her siding with you against Kathleen and all."

Similarly, he also realized how when he first met Luan, she was essentially the den mother among the siblings, who just happened to have a quirky sense of humor. The Luan he had known for this week exhibited none of the former and was just a clown with a quirky sense of humor. " _Seems some shit happened after the divorce?_ " He concluded.

"Well…I…" Luan rubbed the back of her neck and looked aside, realizing just now how embarrassing she looked admitting that she knew next to nothing about her younger sister, though granted; she did have five of them, none of which showed much interest in her, and most showed little respect for her either. "Me and Lucy haven't spent much time together, a lot of things kinda get lost in the shuffle in a family as humongous as ours." She admitted sheepishly.

The revelation made Ryan ponder. Both of these girls needed someone to relate to, and both shared more in common with each other than either realized, mainly being weird and marginalized outcasts. He understood that well since it was something all three of them had in common. " _Well, we're trying to fix the future, but there's no reason to fix things about the future that are for the better. We should try accelerating those! But I can't be pushy about it_." Ryan mused before chuckling.

"Well, this is a great chance for you two to finally explore that untapped territory. You, me and her, let's do something both of you can enjoy."

Ryan clapped his hands and looked at Luan. "Lemme see, you love comedy?" Then he turned to Lucy "And you adore everything scary and macabre?"

"I got it." He raised his index finger up. "Let's pull off a grandiose prank! But not just any prank, one rooted in black comedy."

"Oh, I do like black comedy." Luan admitted, much to Lucy's surprise.

"You do?" she asked incredulously.

"Sure I do." Luan smiled. "I dabble in every type of comedy. A comedian can never let themselves grow stale with only one shtick."

Lucy smiled. "Well, I am of the opinion that every horror story or tragedy needs a little levity to keep it from being _too_ somber, preferably of the dark kind."

"Perfect, anyway, here's what I had in mind." Ryan gestured for Luan to kneel down, so Lucy could huddle together with them, and he started whispering his plan to them. Opinions on his plan, however, quickly became divided.

"I like the sound of that. Sounds wicked." Lucy said approvingly.

Luan, on the other hand, didn't seem so thrilled. She was frankly shocked to find out Ryan's mind would venture into such…messed up territory. "I…..eh…don't know about that." She spoke meekly. "I don't think I'm comfortable with that kind of stuff."

Lucy sighed inwardly with immense disappointment. "Well, if you're uncomfortable, we could do something more low-key." she said in resignation. "If you want to pull off a prank I can help you, just as long as you don't get overzealous with it." Luan smiled with appreciation.

"In that case, I have the perfect idea for a prank." Ryan smiled deviously.

* * *

 _Meanwhile…._

"So, what's got you so worked up?" Lynn asked her brother once they were a good distance away from their group.

Lincoln remained silent for a bit and looked off into the distance as they strolled down the path admits a lively park full of people.

He sighed. "I think there's as a bump on our road to fixing our future, one we need to smooth out right now."

"So what's the problem? And why are you only bringing it up now?" Lynn inquired. "And why did you snub Ryan anyway?"

"Because he's kind of the cause of the problem." Lincoln admitted, Lynn looked at him oddly. He clarified. "But it's also kinda my fault….." he added with resignation "…..since I approved it in the first place, despite knowing that it was a stupid plan."

"Okay, now you're not making a lick of sense." Lynn joked. Lincoln felt dread, knowing that in a minute or two she would not be as chipper.

He saw a large tree a few yards ahead, casting a massive shadow. "Let's sit down, I'll explain in a sec." he gestured at it and Lynn agreed.

"Okay, quit trying to be Lucy and spill the beans." Lynn told him as she sat down next to him in the shade and leaned against the trunk of the tree. "What's the matter?

Lincoln once again struggled to find his voice. There were certain topics no boy wanted to discuss with his big sister, especially when he did not approve of her suitor.

"Okay, just promise me you won't get mad. I'm not saying this to mock you or anything." He said in a low voice.

Lynn erected herself and grew an annoyed expression. "Why would I get mad? Do you think I'm some rage monster with a short fuse?" she asked indignantly.

Lincoln couldn't help but grow a faint smirk. "You really want me to answer that?"

"Ha, ha, ha…" Lynn retorted dryly. "Quit beating around the bush, Funny Boy, and just tell me what's on your mind?"

Lincoln slowly exhaled, bracing himself for a world of awkwardness. "Well…..we both know how you have a huge crush on Taylor."

Lynn's face was instantly drained of color, and she grew a frightened reaction akin to a cornered animal. "What are you talking about?!" she blurted and tensed up.

Her response couldn't have been more unsurprising to Lincoln. "Lynn, stay calm. I just want-"

Lynn suddenly pushed him to the ground, his head hitting the soft grass.

"I don't have a crush on him! Where did you get that bogus idea!" Lynn yelled defensively.

" _Here we go_ …." Lincoln muttered inwardly as he sat back up.

"Seriously now! You want to make fun of me too!"

"Lynn. It's not that, I just-"

"I expected better from you!" Lynn snapped. "Our sisters are one thing, but you-"

"LYNN!" Lincoln snapped back, startling her into going silent. The boy exhaled again. "I'm not making fun of you." He said firmly. His sister stared at him nervously.

Before she could speak up, he continued. "I thought you said I was your favorite sibling and that we could tell each other anything?" He added more gently, trying to reason with her.

Lynn grew anxious, trying to reply. Why did he have to immediately tackle her with such a guilt card?

"I don't have a crush on him!" she repeated as a knee-jerk reaction. "I told you that before!"

Lincoln groaned inwardly but quickly thought of a way to make her fess up.

"You don't?" he pretended to believe her.

"Of course I don't! Why would I lie to you?" she retorted indignantly, feeling a smidge of hope that he would buy it.

"Oh, okay. Sorry, Lynn." Lincoln replied. "So I guess you don't mind what Luan was doing to him during the …." His tone turned grim "….eh….zombie outbreak at home."

The jock's eyes turned to the size of dinner plates. "What did she do?!"

"Well, she flirted with him, hugged him, stroked his face, _demanded_ that we leave the two of them alone in _your room_." Lincoln explained while observing Lynn growing redder from fury with each passing word. "And then she kissed him-"

"What?!" Lynn blurted in utter horror.

"….on his cheek." Lincoln finished. Lynn felt a huge amount of relief, but the anger inside of her was still boiling.

"But he seemed to like it, given his _reaction_." Lincoln continued. "And the dress Luan was wearing also caught his eye."

Lynn lost her voice, as her whole face started twitching like a broken down animatronics'. An overwhelming urge to rip Ryan's spleen out coursed through her.

"And _then_ she tried to lock lips with him…" Lincoln saved the worst for last. Lynn once again grew horrified when Lincoln opened his mouth again.

"…but she turned into a zombie before she could do it, and me and Taylor had to restrain her."

But it was too late now; Lynn was furious and jumped to her feet. "That two-faced bastard! That conniving, little skank! I'll kill them! I'll…." Lynn stopped and started breathing heavily as something dawned on her. She had been played.

Lincoln looked at her with a neutral expression, but Lynn knew him all too well to spot that tiny twinkle in his eyes that said "Got ya!".

"Ugh…..you….little sneak!" she hissed while her cheeks turned crimson.

"Easy there, Lynn. I said that I wasn't gonna mock you." Lincoln raised his hands up."I just had to get this out of you, so we could talk for real."

Still trembling with anger, Lynn dropped to her knees so the two were on eye level. "Talk? About what?!" she said irritably. "You being nosy and not minding your own freaking beeswax!"

"Lynn, I wasn't intruding on your privacy." He retorted firmly. "I didn't need you to confess something I already knew about. I just needed you to admit it cuz otherwise, we couldn't talk about the real issue that worries me."

But Lynn hadn't heard anything past his first response, her eyes widened with fear, before narrowing them again. "You knew? How?"

Lincoln grew uncomfortable again. "Lynn, the thing with you and Taylor…it's kind of obvious. I mean….you do realize that pretty much everyone at home, other than mom and dad, knows it? Even Lucy and Lisa know, that's what made me realize the severity of the….. problem."

Lynn bit her lip and looked down, overwhelmed with a feeling of unease. In hindsight, why was she even surprised? Lincoln wasn't stupid, neither was Lucy, and Lisa was a genius. And her big sisters were intrusive as hell when it came to crushes and boys. Deep down, she knew it was a futile gesture trying to keep this a secret, but she clung on to some foolish hope that she could.

Lincoln's words echoed Ryan's, they both knew it was a pointless charade and they were right. But it didn't make it any easier for her, to have something this private be made public knowledge.

As his sister turned silent, Lincoln grew worried and felt guilty for upsetting her. "Lynn? Are you alright?"

"Mom…." Lynn muttered, struggling to form coherent words "…..mom also knows." She admitted. "I spoke with her about it."

Lincoln was mildly surprised at the revelation, but it didn't last long. Of course Lynn would turn to their mother over something like this. Who else was there with whom she could talk about such private matters while feeling safe and secure?

"Oh…" he said carefully "…..and what did she say?"

Lynn still didn't make eye contact with him. "Not much. She was cool with it and just told me how it was all part of "growing up", and that I should embrace it and be happy, not scared."

"I see….." Lincoln scratched the back of his head. "I….don't want to be intrusive, but…..why didn't you tell me this? I thought…y'know, we didn't keep secrets from each other."

Lynn tensed up. Her brother didn't sound upset or betrayed, he remained calm and reasonable. Why did he have to be like that? It just made her feel even more like a spineless wimp.

"I mean, I know it's not my business about which boy you like…but it's just…."

"Will you drop the modesty act!" Lynn retorted aggressively. "Ryan's your business too! You two are far too chummy not to be!"

Lincoln was stunned by her response. He didn't expect her to say that, but she was right. Wheatear he liked it or not, he and Ryan were far more acquainted than you would be with some guy you only knew about because your sister was crushing on him. Ryan knew that he read comics in his underwear, and he knew about Ryan moonlighting as a ninja, despite not being friends. And that was _before_ their time travel adventure.

"Okay, if you say so." Lincoln simply concurred. "But then why didn't you just tell me-"

"Because I was scared! That's why!" Lynn snapped, her voice cracking. Lincoln jerked back, while Lynn's rage face was soon replaced by a pitiful expression before looking down again.

"Scared?" Lincoln found his voice. "You? Scared?" he asked incredulously. That was the last reason he would have expected from Lynn to keep a secret.

Lynn tensed up again. Once more, her brother didn't belittle her; he was just surprised and curious. She hated looking weak in front of him. She was supposed to be the strong one who protected him, how could she be that when she couldn't even speak openly over a stupid crush?

"But, Lynn? Since when did you let fear get in the way of anything?" Lincoln asked gently. Lynn looked at him and scooted closer.

"This is different, you don't understand." She muttered as she seated herself next to him again. "This isn't like playing sports. I _want_ to do that stuff, there's nothing scary about it when you want to do it, but this…." She chewed her limp, as pure embarrassment started eating her up from the inside. "I didn't want this. I never wanted to crush on anyone, it just freaking happened. I tried ignoring it but that just made these stinking feelings worse."

Lincoln simply nodded. "And that's why you were acting jumpy these past few days?" he asked rhetorically. Lynn also nodded.

The boy sighed. "Okay….I guess I understand that but why…why did this scare you specifically?"

Lynn groaned. "I told you for Pete's sake. This is all so….new and strange to me. I never felt like that about a boy."

"So you're saying you don't love me?" Lincoln managed to crack a joke to lighten the situation, only to receive a slug to his bicep for his troubles.

Lynn's brief look of mirth quickly disappeared and she looked into the distance again. "You know what I'm talking about." She grumbled. "Mom says that this will be the start of something beautiful, but I don't know what to think of it. It's just so strange and confusing."

Hearing her out, Lincoln took his time to respond to that. He initially didn't understand why Lynn was being so secretive about it, she was usually very bold and very shameless about whatever idea she had concocted in her head, no matter how crude and reckless it was. It was strange to see Lynn scared and timid about something, but her explanation shed some new light on it, all the courage in the world could fall apart when faced with a heavy dose of crippling doubt and uncertainty.

"Does Taylor….? Did you tell him about it?" he inquired.

"Yeah, I did." Lynn shrugged.

Lincoln grew weary hearing that; worried that Ryan was pressuring her into something. "And what did he say?"

"Big shock, he was quite thrilled. He also said that we shouldn't rush into anything so I can figure things out." Lynn explained, feeling much easier saying that than admitting about her own insecurities.

Lincoln was taken aback. He hadn't expected Ryan to be that reasonable. Was Lynn sugarcoating his side of the story? " _No way_." He quickly concluded. _"Lynn never held back on calling him out on his crap, nor did she ever take any from it._ "

"Oh, so you don't know what to make of it?" he asked gently, Lynn just nodded. She felt a bit better getting this off her chest. Talking to Lincoln about it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be, she realized it was her own uncertainty was the true cause of her turmoil.

They sat there for a few moments in total silence as Lincoln took his time to contemplate. He couldn't put much input into this issue, as at the tender age of ten he knew squat about romance. He just saw it as something teens and grownups did, and whenever they were hit by Cupid's arrow they seemed to immediately embrace it, he had never heard of someone being scared and confused by it.

At the current moment, he himself wasn't quite sure what his stance of romance was. Until recently it was quite simple; girls have cooties. But currently, he wasn't quite sure, he had noted and admitted to himself that certain girls in his school were objectively pretty, and found himself paying more attention to the various girlfriends Ace Savvy had during his long comic run. He hadn't dwelled too hard on those kinds of things; he had very little reason to.

And from the look of things, neither had Lynn, who was the closest in age to him out of his sisters. But she was still older and perhaps unsurprisingly, was experiencing her first serious crush. Why Ryan Taylor was that first crush, he still didn't understand.

But he had a more pressing matter that he needed to resolve. "So I take it, Taylor isn't putting any pressure on you? But Luan is?"

"What about her?" Lynn asked curtly.

"That's what I wanted to talk about." Lincoln sighed. "I think it's quite obvious she's….smitten with him."

Lynn balled her fists. "I know, she's delusional…." She muttered venomously.

"Delusional? Lynn, you did see how Taylor was…." Lincoln paused to stop himself from vomiting in his mouth "….flirting with her."

He worried that Lynn would snap again, but she just glowered at him with tranquil fury. "He doesn't like her like that." She insisted. "He's just being stupid."

"So you think he likes you more?" Lincoln inquired.

Lynn looked at him incredulously. "Of course he likes me more! He _only_ likes me!"

"But then why is he getting so friendly with Luan? The things I told you about last night are all true." Lincoln pointed out.

Lynn felt her blood boil. "Because he's a boy and he's being stupid!" She growled.

Lincoln felt like he should resent that remark but chose not to. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked evenly.

"Boys are weak-willed." Lynn huffed. "Their minds get all mushy the moment a girl bats her eyelashes at them. And that's what she's doing to Ryan."

"How exactly do you know that?" her brother questioned.

"I heard it from Lori, Leni and Luna." Lynn shrugged, still bitter thinking about Luan.

Lincoln grew a small smile. "Since when do you do girl talks?"

Lynn huffed again. "In your dreams! I just eavesdrop on them sometimes for shits and giggles."

"You spied on them?"

"You ain't the only one who knows how to use the air ducts." Lynn stated proudly. "Even I get bored with sports sometimes and try out a new thing."

"Did you spy on me?" Lincoln asked suspiciously.

Lynn smirked. "Don't flatter yourself. All you ever do in your room is read comics, so it's not like I find anything juicy or any blackmail material. Besides, what kind of a sicko would want to watch her baby brother while he's indecent?"

Lynn sniggered as Lincoln blushed madly.

"Okay, off topic." He spoke up. "So if Taylor likes you, Luan has to know that so we can put an end to this mindless jealousy."

"Pffft…..me? Jealous of her? What a load." Lynn scoffed.

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Lynn, don't play games. We both know you don't do well when things don't go your way. You almost pummeled her for making you slip, remember?"

"So? Like you wouldn't have been pissed if someone screwed with you while you were performing an awesome stunt?" the jock retorted and crossed her arms.

"And you looked like you were going to burst the moment I mentioned Luan kissing Taylor." Lincoln continued. "Lynn, cut the crap. You _know_ you're the jealous type."

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "I'm not jealous. I just can't stand people who try to steal what I've rightfully earned!"

Lincoln rubbed one of his temples. "Look, Lynn. This isn't about being jealous. It's about Luan. You do want her to stop coming on to Taylor, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Lynn lamented. "But she's too thick-headed to get the memo that Ryan's not interested in her. You think I haven't tried telling her that?"

"Of course not, Lucy says you two exchanged a lot of "harsh words"?" Lincoln replied.

"I did have some choice words for her." Lynn unashamedly admitted. "But it didn't do squat cuz she's delusional."

"You're not dating him and you keep insisting you don't want to." Lincoln countered. "How is she supposed to get the memo? Especially when your buddy is toying around with her because "all boys are weak-willed"?"

Lynn frowned frustratingly.

"Lynn, try looking at this from her perspective. You know she's carrying a lot of baggage. She's been shunned by her peers her whole life, and now she meets this one guy who's nice to her, of course she's gonna latch on to him."

"That's stupid! She's not Ryan's type, what do they even have in common?"

"They're both social outcasts, they both look weird, though him more so than her, and they both can't stop talking and making quips, and if I'm not mistaken, Taylor's also fond of practical jokes." Lincoln explained, amazed that he came up with all those similarities between the two of the top of his head.

Was there actually more to Ryan's interest in Luan than mindless lust?

Lynn shrank back, unwilling to admit that Lincoln had a point. "So what? Those are just peanuts." she spat bitterly. "I'm more like him than Luan could ever hope to be. She's too much of a girl!"

"You're missing my point, Lynn." Lincoln decided to stop beating around the bush, carefully phrasing his next response. "Eventually she'll realize that Taylor likes you more? How do you think Luan's gonna react to that?"

Lynn's face dropped, as realization dawned on her.

"She's going to be crushed. She's already infatuated with him, and the longer he strings her along the worse it's going to be when he inevitably breaks her heart." Lincoln explained with a serious expression.

His face softened. "C'mon, Lynn. Don't tell me this wouldn't weigh on your conscience? You used to protect her from bullies, she's family. Do you really want to let a boy get between you?"

Lynn's face likewise softened, as much as Luan aggravated her with both her insipid pranks and her flirting with Ryan, she was still her sister. As out of touch as Luan was, Lynn still didn't want to hurt her, at least not in that way.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked more calmly. "I already told her to buzz off, and she ignored me!"

Lincoln sighed. "I think there's only one solution. As I said, if you were just more open about….you know, she might get the message. I know you're scared and uncomfortable with this, but like I said, pretty much everyone, other than maybe dad, is already in the know, so you really have nothing to lose. Nothing's gonna change."

Lynn thought for a moment before sighing herself. "Y'know, Ryan told me the same thing, that it was futile to keep a lid about our….relationship." She supposed she was making things needlessly difficult, as uncomfortable as this was for her there was no point for this feeble pretense of denial. If Luan still wouldn't listen to reason after that, at least Lynn could rest knowing that this was no longer on her.

"Then why not just admit it? I'll have your back if anyone mocks you for it, for what little reassurance that's worth." Lincoln smiled. "I just asked you this because we both know we have bigger fish to fry, and this stuff will just cause needless friction."

Lynn let out a titter. "Friction is in no short supply with a family like ours. But you're right, bro, and thanks for the talk, I was being stupid." Lynn admitted.

"It's okay. I don't how I would have handled myself if I was in your situation." Lincoln smiled.

Lynn huffed. "What? You're saying you're into boys?" She followed it with a shudder.

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "I'm never gonna crush on anyone. It's obviously not worth all the turmoil."

"Yeah, right." Lynn snarked. "You won't be saying that in two years or so. Like I told ya, boys are slaves to the female's wiles, and you'll be no different. Sorry to break it to you."

"I'll be the judge of that. But Taylor said the same thing to me."

"And you should take that very seriously. He's a lot savvier than you give him credit for, plus he's been through the awkward prepubescent boy stuff you're going trough now. He knows."

"Lynn, can I ask you something else?" Lincoln said idly. Lynn just glanced at him. "What exactly do you see in that guy?"

Lynn grew a small wry smile. "Well for starters, he agreed to help us in our time of need without a second thought. And he took on a wolf once….twice….no, thrice to protect me."

And Lincoln immediately felt like an idiot for asking. But that didn't quite answer his question. Being grateful to someone for their assistance was one thing, tolerating their abrasive attitude was another. "I know, it's not like I'm not grateful for that but…." he begrudgingly admitted. "But I mean….ugh…" he grew flustered "…..what do you see in him on a day to day basis. I mean, he's…"

"An asshole? A douchebag? Full of himself? Talks too much? Finds something in everyone to mock relentlessly?" Lynn finished for him with a smirk.

"I prefer not to swear." Lincoln responded with a nod. Lynn chuckled. "He's all that, don't think I haven't noticed. But I think I already proved to you why he still has a heart underneath all of that."

"But why do you put up with him?"

"Because I like hanging out with him, I find him funny when doesn't badger me, he's also loyal and always helps me when I'm in a jam, and not just me. You know how he stink-bombed Kathleen's place after she humiliated Luan, and he also helped Lucy scare some kids that bullied her by dressing up as the Grim Reaper."

Starting to feel better, Lynn made a small titter. "But the thing I like the most about him is how tough he is. He has no problem sparring with me, has fun doing it and even his trash talking works me up, so I'm always at my A-game."

"So you like him because both of you are unruly, tough as nails, play rough and both of you have massive egos?" Lincoln concluded and pretended to shudder. "Yikes, this makes _too much_ sense." He wasn't kidding though; he was actually starting to see why Ryan of all people would catch Lynn's eye. She wasn't an easy person to handle; most boys would probably find her roughhousing and braggart nature anything but attractive.

"I don't have an ego!" Lynn retorted loudly, but Lincoln wasn't scared.

"Huh? I never thought about it like that?" he contemplated, ignoring her outburst. "A tough girl like you would be a handful for most boys, I oughta know. I doubt most would last with you for very long, so it would take someone like Taylor to keep you in line."

"Take that back!" Lynn exclaimed and grabbed him in a headlock. Lincoln gasped but continued anyway.

"I think…." He finished jokingly "….I just found a whole new respect for him. And you just proved my point, Lynn."

Frowning, Lynn released him. She placed her hands on her hips. "So what? My options for a sparring partner are limited. I tried it with you, and you say you hated it."

"You're as strong as Hercules, while I have the collective strength of stick figure. It's not a fair match." Lincoln admitted evenly. "I'm sorry that I'm not a real man like Taylor. I'm a dork, and proud of it."

Lynn shook her head. How could you tease someone who willingly admitted their own shortcomings?

"Don't give me that crap." She snorted before growing a serious face. "You know, Lincoln. I really do miss those days, when we would play together. I mean, I know you only did it to make me happy and didn't really enjoy any of it, but I still sometimes long for those days. Even if I know it would be unfair of me to ask you to play with someone who's way out of your league."

Lincoln could see that she meant what she said, and he agreed. He and Lynn were polar opposites in many ways, but despite it, Lynn grew up feeling much closer to him than to any of their sisters, so it became increasingly hard for them to find ways to spend quality time together on something they equally enjoyed. He sucked at sports, and Lynn didn't care about comics and didn't have a clue on how to use a remote control.

"Lynn, you know I'd be more than happy to make some sacrifices so my sisters could be happy, but I think I'm justified for drawing the line at getting bruised, battered or suffering any fractures."

Lynn sent him a dirty glare. "Thanks a lot. Why don't ya remind me how I accidentally gave you a concussion when we played football in daycare while you're at it?"

Lincoln smiled. "That happened? I don't remember. I guess those "accidental" sports injuries became pretty samey to me after the twentieth one."

His sister rolled her eyes. "And to think I was starting to feel better."

"Lynn, c'mon, you know that's ancient history." Lincoln told her honestly. "Besides, haven't we just found something which allows us to spend quality time together; fixing our future?"

Lynn couldn't help but smile. "I guess you have a point."

She knew she had to respect her brother for who he was, not for who she wanted him to be. She had learned that lesson a long time ago. Ryan had filled the void Lincoln left behind when it came to an always available sparring partner, and this one was actually competent at sports and could keep up with her, his silver tongue aside. In a perfect world, some amalgamation between him and Ryan would be the ideal guy for her to hang out with. But one couldn't always have their cake and eat it, and needed to appreciate the things that they had.

* * *

" _Would you care for. A cup of herbal tea, master?_ " Fenton returned to Lisa's room just in time to hear her scream and have a massive encyclopedia thrown into his face. He dropped the cup he was carrying, which shattered on the floor, as he was flung back into the hallway by the impact.

"It's hopeless!" Lisa lamented while pulling her hair. No matter what she tried, she couldn't get her mind away from last night's incident; especially her brother's parting words to her.

" _Master. You seem to still be. In anguish_." Fenton walked back in while screwing his head back into its proper position.

Lisa turned around sharply, sending him a vicious glare. "It only took you this long to figure it out, you useless bucket of bolts!"

Most people would have been shocked by such an outburst, but lucky for Fenton he was mechanical. " _I was under the impression that letting you. Immerse yourself in your encyclopedia. On aerospace engendering. Would put your mind at ease._ "

"How can one's mind be at ease when you nearly caused the end of the world?" Lisa asked coldly.

" _That concept is beyond my capacity. For comprehension. I was programmed to serve you. And assist you_."

Lisa muttered under her breath. Fenton's response summarized why it was pointless to yell at him. He was just a simple A.I designed to obey her every command, not to engage in independent thinking.

" _But perhaps an alternative course of action is required. To alleviate you of your distress_."

"What alternative course of action?" she responded impatiently.

" _I'm not qualified to advise you on the matter. Master._ " Fenton responded. " _But perhaps you can figure it out?_ "

Lisa started to boil with frustration. "You think haven't spent all day trying to accomplish just that, you vacuously vapid vulpine!"

" _Negative. But perhaps you have approached it. From the wrong perspective?_ " Fenton suggested.

" _What do you believe to be. The root cause of. Your despondency?_ "

Okay, maybe Fenton was capable of some independent thinking. Lisa glanced down, trying to ponder clearly in her dejected state.

What was the cause of her sorrow? Nearly causing a zombie apocalypse, sure. She couldn't change that, she hadn't invented a time travel machine yet. This was something she would have to live with. And her brother hated her. Thinking about their last conversation hurt her to her very core. He loathed her now, and for just cause. That was something else she would have to resign herself to.

Lisa once again walked into a dead end. As Ryan so crudely put it, "she fucked up", and she would have to carry that burden until her body started deteriorating in old age and she drew her last breath. An event like this was not something a person could ever hope to forget until they reached an age ripe for dementia.

Her eyes started watering. "I nearly caused the end of the world, and my family. That's what." She said despondently.

" _But you prevented it from coming into fruition_."

Lisa tightened her fist with aggravation. Her robot viewed the whole incident with pure, cold logic.

"It's called guilt, you unavailing droid. My callous experimenting led to a near world-ending atrocity, all because I entrusted a bungler like you with a dangerous serum and I underestimated my sisters' idiocy, my actions were nothing short of reprehensible."

That's when the young genius fully admitted, not just to Fenton, but to herself what she deserved. "And I received no comeuppance for my deplorable actions. No one except for Lincoln and his vagabond friend is even aware of my wrongdoings. I deserve punishment, but first, you must be found guilty before you can receive a proper corporal punishment!" she hissed with frustration while fighting hot tears.

"And all evidence of my misdeeds has been eliminated."

" _But only your caregivers have the authority to. Enact such a procedure_." Fenton pointed out.

"Exactly, and both of them were absent for the duration of the incident." Lisa hissed aggravatingly.

" _If you require self-incriminating evidence of. Last night's event. You could allow them to view. Your undisclosed security footage_."

"What?" Lisa stared at him incredulously.

" _If they dismiss the validity of your account based. Solely on your word. Security footage would palliate any form of skepticism_."

Lisa froze. Why hadn't that obvious solution crossed her mind? She had the means to prove her guilt to her parents and let them be the judge of her fate in the wake of that revelation, and simultaneously quell Lincoln's accusation that she got away with her misdeed scott-free.

Lisa gulped with fear and uncertainty. The only question was, did she have the guts to do it?

* * *

 **And here I have come full circle. Almost a year ago I started this fic in July and now….it's July again, and I've amassed a 200,000+ word story that's still going. What a journey. This is yet another chapter that went into overtime, by which I mean I had to slice it two (or more precisely, I removed the last third of the unfinished product) because the amount of story I aim to pack into a single chapter always appears a lot smaller in theory than in practice. That's because I aim to have a few meaningful exchanges, revelations, turn of events or at least some funny one-liners appear in every one of them, so none will (hopefully) feel like drab filler. And some stuff defiantly happened here.**

 **Of course, pretty much everyone including Lincoln being aware of the principal paring was always there and not some cockamamie "grand revelation", or the fact that Ryan's heart, big shock, truly belongs to the girl he spent more screen time with, but him and Lynn would both eventually have to realize that the obvious third wheel will be heart-broken upon inevitably learning that she was the third wheel, and neither would want that, since at the end of the day Ryan does care for Luan (despite unwittingly treating her like his sloppy seconds) and Lynn's petty antagonism towards her will only make things worse, and of course, given Lynn's impulsive nature, even after Lincoln set her straight her clingy jealousy could still make her act irrationally. And regardless under what circumstances this might happen, Ryan's gotten far too friendly with Luan for any sort of civil "break up" to happen between them. Either way, Luan's gonna suffer a severe "break the cutie". A lot of people hate love triangles for obvious reasons, when the third wheel is unsympathetic then such a plot thread is easily disposable, but when they are sympathetic and the main couple both have an emotional investment in the former, then things can get pretty messy.**

 **And naturally, for an intuitive introvert like Lucy, it was only a matter of time before the pile-up of lies and odd behavior by the main trio was going to collapse under its own weight, and Lucy would cease being willfully ignorant and realize that something strange was happening.**

 **And lastly, I hope I firmly gave s valid reason for why Lynn's been so indecisive about acting upon her crush and letting Luan get ideas. Simply put, she's a 12-year-old kid who doesn't know how to deal with her first crush and was even (at least initially) scared of it, of course not every kid will necessarily react with such uncertainty, as the marginally older Luan reacted in the exact opposite way XD And of course, one can't deny that Ryan had been stringing them along and letting their fighting over him stroke his ego, but then again he is a tweenage boy blinded by hormones who went from outcast to chick magnet in the blink of an eye.** **Eventually, however, he'll have to face the reality that toying with a girl's feelings while still genuinely caring about her will end really, really badly.**


	28. One Long, Lousy Day: Lyle's Revenge

**Shout out to DamienGurl666: You bring up a valid point about the fandom, and I mostly agree there, my general opinion of them has unfortunately only grown dimmer over time and continuing so. But you also don't seem to have read anything I've written, as I try to do everything I can think of to make my stories different from conventional LH fics, including an obvious jab at the** **Loudcest crowd in the last chapter ;) An amateur troll can't pull one over on a master troll, buddy. Sorry.**

* * *

At the local comic book store, a figure in a trench coat and fedora came in, grabbed the newest issue of Ace Savvy, paid for it and made a hasty exit. Once back on the street, he tucked the comic inside his coat and took a longer route to his home, to make absolutely sure no one saw him and identified him; otherwise they might learn of his secret shame. He, a 61-year old man and head teacher, was a fan of comic books!

Wilbur Huggins was so preoccupied keeping an eye out for anyone watching him that he was startled and jumped in fright as he heard his phone ringing. Clutching his chest and breathing heavily, he grabbed the phone without thinking about checking the number, and rushed towards the nearest alley corner.

"Um, hello? Huggins speaking?" he answered in a whisper, trying his hardest to sound collected.

" _Principal Huggins? This is Superintendent Chen._ "

"Superintendent Chen?" Huggins gulped, a drop of sweat pouring down his forehead. "To what do I owe the honor?" he greeted her while shifting his eyes in all directions, to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

" _I called you to speak about your position as principal of Royal Woods Elementary School. It is my solemn duty to inform you that the school committee is seriously questioning if you're qualified enough to uphold that position_."

"What?" a startled Huggins couldn't believe his ears. "But you just came for an inspection in May, and you said my principal rating was nothing short of splendid?"

" _I was led to believe that you were a model principal, but it has come to our attention that you're regularly indulging in, shall we say, less-than-respectable activities for a man who is entrusted with running an educational facility meant to enlighten our future generation. Don't bother denying it, Huggins. I have very reliable sources."_

Huggins started sweating. What was she talking about? Did she know about-oh no! "Superintendent, I demand to know what those accusations are?" was his knee-jerk reaction. "Whatever you've been told, I can assure those claims are-"

" _Don't play games with me, Huggins! We both know what you've been up to._ " she raised her voice, terrifying the elderly principal. " _You know how much I abhor being treated like a fool; it makes me prone to firing people on the spot!_ "

"My apologies, Superintendent, I did not mean to offend you." Huggins whimpered. He wanted to kick himself repeatedly for his impulsive reaction; he had surely sealed his fate now.

" _Don't grovel, that's something I loathe even more. Now the board is eager to fire you, but I feel generous enough to vouch for you based on your record, under the condition that you simply confess about your embarrassing actions, as this conversation is being recorded as we speak_."

Covered in cold sweat, Huggins trembled and gave into his panic. "I'm so sorry, I know my hobby is unforgivable, but please try to understand. I've been a huge fan of Ace Savvy comics ever since I was a little lad; it helped me cope with depression as an adolescent, and inspired me to keep fighting while I struggled in college! Believe me, I've tried for decades to quit and move on to reading more mature detective stories, like Sherlock Holmes, but the main character is so unlikable, and the stories are overly convoluted and monotonous, plus there are no colorful illustrations to help me fully visualize the author's intent, and the protagonist doesn't have any groovy gadgets to defeat the antagonists. And yes, I admit to still dressing up as the titular hero and reciting his dialogue in my living room! I'm sorry! Oh, so sorry!" Huggins was on the verge of crying when he suddenly heard giggling on the other end of the line.

"Superintendent Chen?" Huggins whimpered in bewilderment.

" _That old fart still reads comics in secret?_ " he heard a young boy laughing.

" _Who would have thought the biggest stick-in-the-mud in the universe was a cosplayer!_ " a young girl laughed, Huggins could have sworn she sounded vaguely familiar.

"What? What is the meaning of this? Who are you?" the enraged man asked.

The girl cleared her throat and deepened her voice. " _Huggins, I must regretfully inform you that you've been fired. Your replacement will be a Mrs. Yura Sap!_ "

Huggins started seeing red and nearly crushed the phone in his grip. "Who is this?! Is this some kind of joke!?"

* * *

Three kids were sitting on a bench in Dairyland, which had few attendances at this late hour, though it was still daytime as it was summer.

Ryan and Lucy were listening in with Luan while her phone was on the loudspeaker, the older kids tried not to drop to the ground from their laughter. Even Lucy let out a small titter.

"Luan, you're a diabolical genius!" Ryan hollered.

"It worked on all my ex-teachers! I always dig out some dirt on them with this tactic!" she laughed, clutching her sides.

"You just say…." Luan deepened her voice "'I'm your superior and I know your dirty little secret, so fess up!' And it's hook, line and sinker!"

" _WHO_ _IS THIS! I DEMAND TO KNOW! WHO ARE YOU, YOU NO-GOOD HOOLIGANS!_ "

Ryan picked up the phone and hollered even louder, "Guys, he's still on the phone! He's still on the phone!"

" _WHO ARE YOU! LISTEN, YOU LOUSY PUNKS! I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN! YOU HEAR ME! AND WHEN I GET A HOLD OF YOU I'LL GUTT YOU ALIVE! AND CRACK YOUR EMPTY SKULLS OPEN WITH A MALLET! AND THEN I'LL CALL THE COPS ON YOU!_ "

The kids kept on laughing until Huggins finally hung up. "Oh, man. I did not see this coming." Luan wiped tears from her eyes. "If Linky ever needs a boost in his grades he'll now know _exactly_ how to appeal to the big man's better nature."

"I feel a strange sense of catharsis." Lucy admitted. "Especially after Huggins ruined writing class for me, one of the few joys I had at school." She added sullenly.

Luan was entirely unaware of the full meaning of her claim, but for Ryan it was enough to quell his uncontrollable laughter. " _Damn, talk about killing the mood_."

"I always adore prank calling him, especially after all the detentions he has handed to me." Luan continued, oblivious to Lucy becoming downbeat again.

"Still no sign of our two missing party members?" Ryan noted while surveying their surroundings.

"I'm sure they're on their way. Uh, I know, let's make another one!" Luan eagerly suggested.

"There's no such thing as too much of a good thing. I'm all for it." Ryan shrugged. "Uh! How about we call that Urkle lookalike, the one who had a nosebleed after seeing Blondy?"

"Clyde?" Luan laughed. "Nah, he's easy prey. I've prank called him a thousand times. He still hasn't figured out it's me."

"Maybe I could try?" Lucy asked, curious to have a go at it.

"You?" Luan looked at her, unsure.

"Yeah, I have little experience with this pastime, so Clyde would be an adequate beginner level?"

"Why not? Let Spooky spread her bat wings." Ryan suggested. Luan smiled approvingly and handed Lucy the phone.

"Aright, knock him dead, Luce!" Luan encouraged her before hastily correcting herself. "Not literally of course, just get a good reaction out of him."

"I'm familiar with figures of speech." Lucy nodded while dialing the number.

* * *

Clyde was rocking on a chair in the waiting room next to Dr. Lopez's office, squeezing his comfort plushy; a big, pink elephant.

Howard was sitting next to him, he and Harold had been informed by a police officer that their son was causing traffic in the Louds' neighborhood and they came to pick him up. Unsurprisingly, he was having another panic attack because his best friend had "abandoned" him…..again. The two men were more than used to it, and knew exactly where this would go from here; it had pretty much become a routine. Their main worry was how much this was going to cost them, literally.

"Clyde, are you _sure_ you need to visit Dr. Lopez?" he asked his son gently. "This is your sixth visit this month and we're seriously going over budget."

"I have to…..Lincoln ab….ab-abandoned me." Clyde rambled, reciting the same response for the umpteenth time.

"Clyde, for the last time, I called Lynn and Rita, and they confirmed to me, I repeat, _confirmed to me_ with no uncertainty that Lincoln just went on a picnic with his sisters, he'll be back by the end of the day." Howard explained to him for the umpteenth time, completely exasperated.

"But it wasn't just them; Lori was going to meet up with… _him_." Clyde said venomously before resuming his whimpering. Oh, why did that Santiago creep have to exist? Why couldn't he just spontaneously disappear? But Bobby wasn't the only person who was giving him an anxiety attack. "And that Ryan guy, he's plotting to replace me as Lincoln's best friend, I just know it! I saw the intent in his eyes. And Lincoln has spent days clinging on to him! And-"

Howard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose; having heard the same paranoid ramblings three times in a row while driving here, tuning out the rest of it until his son inevitably started hyperventilating and Howard gave him his paper bag, which was always on standby whenever they came to visit Dr. Lopez, which was most of the time.

"Son, I have to go use the bathroom." Howard explained, and upon seeing the immediate panic in Clyde's eyes he sighed and pointed down the hall.

"Don't be scared, you know where I'll be, look, the bathroom door is just five yards away." He recited the same reassurance he had given to Clyde a hundred times before whenever they were here.

Clyde reluctantly nodded and let him go, while still breathing in and out of his bag, until finally calming down. Then his phone rang, he picked it up and spoke, "Eh, yes? Who is it?"

" _Hello, Clyde. This is Lucy_."

"Lucy who?" Clyde's brow furrowed. Did he know a Lucy?

After a brief silence, he received a semi-frustrated reply. " _Lucy Loud, one of Lincoln's sisters_."

Clyde was immediately ecstatic. "Oh, right, the science one, of course, I know who you are!"

" _Sigh….sure, let's go with that_ …." Clyde was way too exhilarated to process her response.

"Is Lincoln there? He's longing to reunite with me, right? He's coming back? Or is your dad coming to drive me to the picnic, right?! Don't worry, I can drop everything I'm doing and pack up for the trip immediately!"

After finally being given room to speak, Lucy audibly muttered before speaking in a cold, detached tone. " _Clyde, we had an accident_."

"What?!" Clyde blurted. Accident?

" _Most of us have survived unscathed, some minor injuries aside. But Lori was the driver and took the full brunt of the crash. She's currently in the hospital and in a coma, the doctors aren't sure if she will ever wake up_."

Clyde's jaw dropped, his pupils shrank and he froze stiff from utter shock.

* * *

"And she had her right leg amputated, as it was beyond repair. I'm sorry, but you deserve to know." Lucy finished, while her sister gawked at her, having a similar reaction to their intended victim.

Even Ryan looked a little unnerved. Lucy sure hadn't pulled back any punches with her dark humor.

"Clyde? Do you hear me?" Lucy spoke up after an extended period of silence on the other end of the line.

"Lucy….that was…." Luan tried to muster up a proper response.

"I don't think that was the right way to go." Ryan finished for her.

"But you guys said you like black comedy? Black comedy is supposed to both make you laugh and make you feel discomfort." Lucy explained. "I was also going easy on him."

"Right….." Ryan pointed his index finger up. "But I think you leaned too heavily on the latter there. Y'see, the thing that makes prank calls fun is hearing your victim's enraged, over-the-top reaction once they've figured out they've been had. Shocked silence is not that." He explained to her before snatching the phone.

"Relax, lame-o, it's just a prank call! Don't start writing eulogies." he said curtly before hanging up. "I'm sure he'll recover." He shrugged.

"Lucy, I…." Luan looked at her unnerved. "I'm no fan of Lori either, but that's a bit extreme, don't you think?"

"Huh? Oh, I don't wish that kind of fate upon Lori." Lucy shook her head. "I just thought it would be an appropriate punch line to trigger Clyde, given his unhealthy fascination with her."

"Oh, that's a relief." Luan sighed and clutched her chest.

"In that case, next time we call him, you'll just tell him that Santiago proposed to Blondy." Ryan advised the goth. "If he's indeed as crazy about her as you gals claim, that oughta make his head explode."

Luan sniggered. "Ryan, don't be ridiculous. That would be way worse for him, and likely make him go catatonic."

"Who's going catatonic?" they heard Lincoln's voice and saw him and Lynn arrive.

"About time you two showed up, yeesh." Ryan made an exaggerated groan. "We had to make a billion prank calls just to kill time."

"Don't blame us, reports take time." Lynn lied, rolling her eyes. "What was that about prank calls?"

"You didn't go overboard with it again, Luan?" Lincoln asked curiously. "We can't afford another investigation from the police."

Luan swallowed and fidgeted with her fingers sheepishly. "Not at all, we just bamboozled a couple of familiar folks." She put on a smile and started counting her fingers. "Old Man Grouse, Flip, that meter made that keeps giving mom tickets, Mrs. Bernardo, Scoots, Christina…"

Lincoln rolled his eyes, having the nagging feeling that the last one was going to bring him grief one way or another.

"…..Principal Huggins and Clyde."

"Clyde?" Lincoln grew unnerved. "You said you would quit bothering him, he tends to takes these calls at face value."

Luan glanced at Ryan, who gave her a subtle nod, encouraging her to fib.

"It was nothing big, Lucy here just recited the ol 'your refrigerator is running' classic."

"Eh…yes. I did that." Lucy lied along.

Lincoln frowned with worry. "Seriously, guys? You shouldn't have done it. That will probably give him crippling paranoia for a weak that his fridge might break down and all their food will go bad, the thought of that gives him night terrors. Plus, he's terrified of mold."

"That's just sad." Ryan shook his head. "I'm no longer even amused by it…it's just sad." Lincoln frowned at him.

"Welcome to our world." Lynn snorted, before noticing Lincoln shifting his glare at her. "What? I wasn't the one prank calling him." She shrugged her shoulders.

"As _riveting_ as your insight into Clint's psyche is…" Ryan remarked snidely "…..we gotta do something here quick, cuz this place will shut down in an hour. We can thank you guys and your tardiness for that."

"Wait, what?" Luan blurted with disappointment. "It's closing in an hour?"

"He's right, I checked." Lynn shared the sentiment. "Damn time sure flies by."

"Aw, man." Lincoln kicked the dirt. "Well, we must agree on which ride to take, right now."

"Milk Shaker it is then." Ryan shrugged.

"I'm down for that." Lynn shot him a finger gun. "You scared, Pasty?" she looked at Lucy.

"You don't know true terror." The goth replied cryptically.

"I'll take that as a 'no'." Lynn shrugged. "And you, Luan?"

Luan gulped. "I…..ah…?"

"We gotta hurry, guys, there might still be a line." Lincoln urged them, feeling like after everything he went through this week, he had earned at least five minutes of fun.

Lynn smirked at the comedian. "It's okay, Lu. If you're scared you can go buy some cotton candy while we take the ride." She shrugged. "There's no shame in being chicken."

"She's being insincere and challenging you." Ryan whispered to Luan, who grew infuriated.

"What? No! I'm not scared." Luan stood up with a determined look. "Bring it on! I probably won't even barf once!" she folded her arms.

"Uhhhh….big talk." Lynn smirked. "Let's see if you're up for it?"

Luan was terrified on the inside, but no way was she going to let Lynn know that. The five departed to find the roller coaster, unaware that Maggie was trailing them from a safe distance.

She stopped and hid behind a 20-foot cow statue and rubbed her chin, though still baring a look of indifference. " _The Milk Shaker? Isolating and catching the hostages should be a breeze then_."

* * *

" _Of course, Leni was the wretched imbecile who fed Lana that…ugh!_ " Lisa ranted inwardly as she walked up the stairs, holding a DVD disk where all the incriminating footage she had collected into one compilation had been downloaded. It proved her theory, which anyone with half a brain could have figured.

" _The cretin finds a random container with a foreign liquid and she just assumes it's a soup mug?! Ugh! Of all the scatterbrained_ …" if she could get any enjoyment out of her soon-to-be self-imposed punishment, it was getting that degenerate punished too! She might have made the damn formula, but Leni was the catalyst for the whole accursed incident. She was just as accountable for nearly ending the world as Lisa was.

Lisa had searched for her parents downstairs, but they were curiously absent. There was no sign of the much-anticipated culinary critic either. Checking the time on her wrist watch, Lisa figured he had left and could only hope his meeting with her father went well. That might make father a _tad_ more merciful when he condemned her to whatever punishment was in store for her. Her inevitable confession that she was also spying on him and the rest of their family, however, would probably cancel out any mercy he might have felt.

Lisa sighed, still plagued by second thoughts. She could still avoid this, but her conscience wouldn't allow it. " _I deserve this. I must do it. It's not simply a question of principle or even karma; it's the only way I'll be able to forgive myself._ " Dejected but determined, Lisa marched on, wanting to face her fate with dignity, if nothing else.

She walked back to her parents' room, and found her father looking through various drawers.

"Where could it be?" the man lamented worriedly, scratching his head.

Growing a huge lump in her throat, Lisa tentatively walked in. "Father, there's something I need to tell you."

"Lisa?" Lynn Sr. looked up in surprise. "You're up?"

"I've been for a while, father. I….didn't want to distract you, given your business meeting."

"Well, that was very considerate of you, sweetie." Lynn Sr. laughed awkwardly.

"So how did it turn out? Did you require the necessary funding for your culinary establishment?" Lisa asked, trying to ease him into the topic that would undoubtedly rile him like nothing before.

Her father grew visibly disconcerted and rube his neck. "Well…..eh…..he didn't say a whole lot. Timothy McCole is a very professional man. He tasted my dishes and said…he….might call me."

" _Sounds like the critic was thoroughly unimpressed_." Lisa immediately concluded, given her father's nervous response and visible shame. So much for him having any goodwill now that he would have to decide her punishment. Lisa felt sorry for him and figured the least she could do is not press on with any further questions and spare him the indignity.

"Well…..let's hope he does." She smiled weakly before clearing her throat. "Anyway, there's something you and mother need to know-"

"And why did you sleep through most of the day?" Lynn asked quickly, eager to change the topic. "Do you have insomnia?"

"Oh, eh yes! It's merely a little insomnia. Do not be concerned, I'm fairly confident that it's due to some psychological stress I've endured as of late, due to working on several projects at once. I've since realized that I've overworked myself and have decided to take a necessary break by finishing my encyclopedia on aerospace engineering." Lisa explained. "Anyway, where is mother? I've got something to inform you about, both of you. It's very urgent."

"Oh, your mother drove back to her office. She's searching for something that she might have misplaced there." Lynn replied.

"What would that be? You appear to be seeking it too?" Lisa inquired.

"Nothing you should concern yourself about, Lisa." Lynn reassured her, somewhat uneasily. "It's just an envelope containing a small sum of money we need to deposit."

Lisa noted her father's unease, both in his inflections and his expression. "Right….so…when's she going to return?"

"I'm not sure. But whatever's bothering you, you can tell me." Lynn told her. Lisa found herself sweating with anxiety. This was it. She was about to fess up, when Ryan's last words to her echoed back in her head. " _Kid, you are, to be quite frank, a menace to society. Any whacko who can whip up a zombie serum at the drop of a dime oughta be locked up and have the keys thrown away._ "

That had stung her hard, and haunted the back of her mind. Lincoln coldly agreeing with that sentiment even more so, before lashing out at her with pure hatred and disgust. " _A loose cannon like you shouldn't be allowed to roam free! We almost lost our family tonight all because of your callous stupidity!_ "

"Well? What is it, Lisa?" Lynn repeated before growing a concerned expression. "Are you alright?"

Lisa could only stare at him, trying to hide her fright. Just how would he react to finding out the horrible truth? To learn that she had unintentionally poisoned her siblings and created a zombie virus which almost spread tough the entire planet? That wasn't like admitting you were skipping school, or broke a priceless vase. It wasn't like learning your children were indulging themselves in unlawful substances or even participated in a school shooting. It was a billion times worse!

Would her father react with horror and have her sent away? Lisa imagined him recoiling in horror, calling her deranged and bolting away to make a phone call. Lisa suddenly saw a troop of special ops soldiers busting into this house and sedating her. She saw her family watching her being taken away in a cage, showing the same fear, hatred and disgust Lincoln did. She saw herself being locked up in some top secret government facility for national security reasons, being left at the mercy of mad scientist trying to experiment on her to see what makes her tick.

"Lisa?" Lisa was so petrified she hardly heard him. "Lisa what's wrong? What's on that disc?"

"Nothing! Just a biography film about Wernher von Braun." She said hastily and hid it behind her back. "It's not important."

Lynn blinked but seemed to believe her. "And what did you want to tell me?"

"I …accidently destroyed the family picture down in the living room with an experimental plasma gun. It was me, I'm very sorry." She lied.

"Oh." Lynn looked anything but surprised. "Well, be more careful next time. You know how hard it is to get all your sisters to stand still in one place until the camera snaps the picture." The man chuckled, trying to conceal his dread at eventually having to go through hell and back again shooting a replacement.

"Yeah…they're an unruly lot…." Lisa's voice trailed off.

"Well, if that's all, I would like to resume my search." Lynn continued. "Maybe you could lend me a helping hand?"

"Sure. I can assist you." Lisa nodded nervously and started to leave. Lynn was surprised by her immediate acceptance, but secretly smiled. It seemed more of his kids were coming around.

" _What are you doing?! You have to tell him!_ " she froze at the door frame, her heart beating rapidly. "Eh, father?"

"Yes, Lisa?"

Lisa gulped. Maybe he wouldn't react the way she first assumed? But she had to make sure.

"Eh, nothing of great consequence but last night, Lori and Bobby allowed us to view a zombie movie. I didn't care much to join them but was pressured into it by the others' nagging. It was….an interesting watch, but what's your opinion on it?"

Lynn was confused by the odd question. "Well…..I'm not a huge fan of such flicks myself, they cause me-I mean they give kids nightmares. I know you're smart enough to figure out its all fake, but I'll have to consult Lori about letting Lincoln and the little ones watch such content."

"Yeah, I guess." Lisa was shaking. "But what do you think of such a _hypothetical_ scenario? Could you imagine if some brilliant mind actually succeeded in creating a zombie virus and _accidentally_ released it upon the world, as the scientist in the movie did?"

Lynn chuckled. "That's all fiction, sweetie, but if someone actually did that. Phew…. oh boy, I would not want to meet such a loon."

His words stung Lisa hard. "I mean what kind of a whacko would want to create a zombie apocalypse? That's just plain crazy, such people should be put behind bars at the loony bin and never see the light of day again."

Lynn quickly resumed his search. Lisa, meanwhile stared at him blankly, her worst fears pretty much confirmed. Without a single word, she turned her back on him and rushed back to her room, eyes filled with tears.

This was supposed to bring her closure but instead, it made her feel worse than ever before.

* * *

Back at Dairyland, the kids had found no line for the roller coaster, but the youngest two of the bunch ran into an entirely different hurdle, one they couldn't overcome.

"What do you mean I can't go?" Lincoln lamented to the guy operating the ride. Lucy, who was standing next to him, had likewise been denied.

"Sorry, kid. You're too young, rules are rules." The teenager shrugged unsympathetically as he pointed at the nearby cow-shaped cutout holding its hand up, which served as a height chart, before taking the tickets from Lynn, Ryan and Luan.

"Oh c'mon, that's not fair. We were all pumped to go on this ride!" Lynn protested and threw her arms up.

The worker rolled his eyes. "Kid, I really don't care." He replied lazily. "Rules are rules. This is the last ride for the day, so you three can hop into the car….or not, same to me."

Lincoln groaned, looking downcast. Luan looked at him sympathetically. "Lincoln, I'm really sorry."

"Sorry, Linc. Some luck." Lynn agreed, still annoyed.

"Whatever." He dismissed her as he looked down. "You guys go ahead; we'll wait for you at that nearby fountain so we can go home."

Without another word he stormed off. Feeling sorry for him, Lucy followed.

"You want to catch another ride while we can?" Lucy asked idly as she caught up with him.

"I don't really feel like it." Lincoln droned. "But do you want to?"

"Not really, I don't really have a strong affinity for theme parks anyway." Lucy admitted. "It's just-"

Lincoln sighed. "Well in that case, let's just get some ice cream; the park will close soon."

"Man, this blows." Lynn complained as she seated herself in the car and grasped the safety bars. Ryan jumped next to her, much to Luan's annoyance who had to sit behind them, looking cross.

"Real shame, but at least this oughta teach him a valuable lesson for not being older." Ryan quipped, earning an unamused glare from his friend.

"I'd clonk you, but that was so painfully unfunny that's it's not worth it." Lynn said dryly.

* * *

"A penny for your thoughts?" Lucy asked Lincoln as she climbed up and sat next to him at the edge of a fountain. He was trying to enjoy a cone of ice cream, while Lucy had declined him buying her another one, as she really didn't have her heart set on any more sweets today.

"Sure, go ahead." The downbeat Lincoln shrugged between licks, the cool sensation on his taste buds helped alleviate some of his frustration.

"You seem very irate. I mean it's just a ride, at least that's my perspective." Lucy replied.

"I know, it's just that I've been eager to experience the Milk Shaker for a while after reading about it in a brochure." Lincoln explained dejectedly. "But I had trouble trying to scrape together the money for it, and mom and dad were always too busy when I asked them to drive me, and of course it was pointless trying to ask Lori."

He sighed. "But now I know that all that effort was in vain. That's what sucks the most." Well, maybe not as much as originally. His entire secret stash of cash was _obliterated_ when "the incident" happened; at least now he could store that money somewhere else in case the worst happened.

"I see." Lucy nodded with understanding. "It's always disheartening to find out that all your hard work was for naught."

"Tell me about it." Lincoln droned.

"I'm sorry, Lincoln."

Her brother sighed. "Don't worry about me, Luce. It's no big deal; I'll get my go at it in a year or two." Lincoln dismissed her, not wanting his petty grievances to bleed into his sister.

Lucy understood his intentions, and looked off into the distance. She had him to herself. Maybe this was her chance to question him a bit? " _Or maybe not, the others will probably return shortly?_ " she mused. But perhaps she could gain some insights, which might help in getting Lincoln to open up later. But how was she going to approach it?

"I know, but my sentiment wasn't a single entendre." She replied.

Upon her brother's puzzled looked she continued. "I know what it feels like to be dismissed, excluded and patronized just for being young."

It took a few seconds for Lincoln to grasp what she was getting at, before smiling with understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Can't watch this movie, can't stay awake past your curfew, all that stuff. Grownups are always like that, gotta learn to just deal with it."

That wasn't exactly what Lucy was talking about but it got the ball rolling, so she continued. "Yes, but I don't just mean everyday frivolities. Sigh, Lincoln? Do you ever feel like no one takes you seriously? Like your opinion doesn't matter because you're younger than them?"

"Do I?" Lincoln couldn't help but smile. "I doubt most of our family takes me seriously, including the younger ones."

"You know I value your opinion, and I always seek your wisdom when I'm in need of guidance." Lucy smiled back.

"I'm flattered, Luce. But I'm not _wise_ by any stretch, but I do try my best to be of assistance." Lincoln stated humbly. "And you know I respect you, I know you're pretty smart for a girl your age."

"I know…." Lucy said hoarsely. She considered her next response carefully. She didn't want to come on too strong, but at the same time, she was worried that the others could return at any moment and end this private conversation.

"And would you confine to me if something was troubling you?" she asked, perhaps a bit too pushy.

Lincoln raised an eyebrow at the oddly specific question. "Of course I would. I mean, you're much easier to talks to than most of the girls. I'm pretty sure I told you that before, sis." He wasn't lying there; Lucy was beyond mellow and dulcet when compared to his other sisters, or anyone for that matter, she was anything but judgmental or impulsive.

Lucy felt very touched. "I feel the same way about you. I never thought I could confine with any of them without experiencing scorn or mockery. You remember how most of them reacted when Lynn ousted my secret hobby, expect Lola ironically enough?"

"Well, I see nothing shameful about that. Most young girls like ponies, why should you be an exception? They are just being unreasonable, especially since half of them probably indulged in the same stuff when they were little. Just cuz you like one thing doesn't mean you can't also like another, completely different thing." Lincoln offered a nugget of wisdom.

"But do you think it's shameful to tell others when you're facing problems?"

Lincoln blinked incredulously. What did she mean by that? "No, of course not. If you're dealing with some serious problems you shouldn't face them alone, not when you have friends and family to help you out."

"So, you would tell me the truth if something was troubling you?"

Lincoln was once again puzzled until it hit him. "Lucy, are you still miffed about me not telling you about us…eh conspiring with dad? And not telling you about the "prank" with the letter?"

"Kinda….." Lucy nodded.

"Lucy, I thought I explained it to you. I didn't want you to get entangled in this kind of stuff. The thing with the letter? Well, you know how our sisters can be, and Lynn and Ryan are much better suited for sucking it up and walking off a brutal scrap. I'm just trying to look out for you, so you won't get hurt."

"I know that…." Lucy had to agree. "But why didn't you tell me anything about the _real_ reason behind the picnic? You know I would have helped you."

Lincoln deflated a bit. "I….didn't want to bother you about it….." he countered, less than convincingly.

"But why? Did you think I would be ineffectual, that I could do nothing of benefit?" Lucy argued in an even tone, but Lincoln could detect a hint of frustration underneath it. She slowly pointed at her hair. "I'm still stuck with these horrific braids because I agreed to keep Leni occupied. And I believe I did my task very well, until Kathleen showed up."

Lincoln was at a loss for words, knowing that anything he could say right now would just make him look like a hypocrite, especially after what he had told her mere moments ago. "I never said that…" he answered tentatively. "I just didn't want to put pressure on you. I'm sorry if it made you think that I see of you as useless."

He sounded very sincere, but Lucy knew this was likely only the tip of the iceberg. She knew, more or less, why they had been secretive about the picnic, but she had plenty of other questions bogging her mind and wanted answers.

"Sigh. I want to believe you." She replied in a low voice. "But I don't think you're being honest with me."

Lincoln's brow furrowed. "What? Why would you think that? Do you think I'm lying to you?" He felt his heart wrenching saying that word. He _was_ lying to her, at least to an extent. But how could he not? He couldn't tell her the truth without sounding like he had gone off his rocker. Deep down he knew this was inevitable. Lucy has repeatedly shown suspicion about his odd behavior, and he had repeatedly lied to her or, at best, told her half a truth. Eventually, his lies would catch up to him. She had him where she wanted him.

Lucy saw that her brother was hurt by her accusation, but had to press on. "I would like to think not." She frowned. "But I have reasons for doubt."

"And what would those reasons be?" Lincoln asked. He could imagine quite a few, and seriously doubted he could cover them all up. He really had to think on his feet now, if he hoped to placate her suspicions.

"It's complicated…." Lucy murmured, not knowing where to start. Perhaps with the latest of his suspicious departures?

"Complicated?" Lincoln asked, starting to sweat. "Lucy, c'mon. What gave you the idea that I'm lying to you? And about what?"

"Why did you, Lynn and Ryan suddenly walk off?" Lucy suddenly asked, giving him a serious look. "And don't tell me it was to contact dad, if so why was I left behind. Or Luan for that matter, she also knew."

"Don't lie to me; you think I didn't notice how skittish both you and Lynn were acting?" Lucy nimbly added before Lincoln could draw a breath to respond.

Having his first rebuttal made moot, Lincoln considered his options. Rather quickly though, he realized that the truth would be the way, and he had no reason anymore not to tell her that tidbit.

Feeling a bit better, Lincoln exhaled and tried to smile. "If that's all, I can tell you. But I don't think you really want to hear this kind of stuff." Lucy didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes signaled to Lincoln to keep talking.

"Well, you know about Luan and Lynn fighting over Ryan's affection?" he explained. Lucy looked confused but nodded.

"That's it. I dragged Lynn away, so we could talk about this in private. But Ryan jumped to the wrong conclusion and tagged along, so I had to send him back. I think you understand why I had to fib in front of Luan."

That was it? Nauseating tween romance? Lucy was hard-pressed to believe it, but wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"That's the reason?" she asked in an off-put tone, her brother nodded. "But why did you get involved?"

Lincoln sighed. "That's a very good question. To put it simply, I don't want Luan to get her heart broken. Both of them are smitten with Ryan, but he can only choose one of them in the end. I doubt Luan will take rejection well."

Lucy's face softened. She hadn't dwelled on the implications of that, given her general feelings about romance, but it only made sense. "So, Ryan likes her….or both of them? In _that_ way?" she reluctantly inquired. Lincoln nodded again.

Lucy took a moment to digest that, remembering how her new friend was significantly older than her and would take interest in certain things that she found, for lack of a better term, icky. This was hardly news to her, but now that she got solid confirmation for the blatantly obvious, she couldn't help but feel nauseous.

"Or Lynn?" she suddenly realized. "We all know she can't handle loosing…..well, _anything_."

"Oh no, Lynn won't be in for any heartbreak." Lincoln reassured her. "Ryan's a sucker for a pretty face, but he has it bad for Lynn in particular. Luan's flirting just messed with his head. And I know the guy, he…..eh…..prefers rough and tumble gals." He explained, growing increasingly queasy.

"But you have a point; Lynn is growing more and more jealous the mores she sees him giving Luan any attention, which is the other reason why I needed to talk to her pronto, to prevent her from maiming Luan in a fit of mindless rage."

"So what did you tell her?"

"I requested that she stops pretending that she doesn't have a crush on him. That way Luan will get the memo and we can stop this animosity between them. Everyone at home pretty much knows about Lynn's crush and I explained to her that there's no point in trying to hide it. And she actually agreed in the end." Lincoln explained before sighing. "Luan will probably still be crushed, but that's better than stringing her along any longer, that will only make things worse."

Once he finished, Lucy took her time to process that. She wasn't thrilled about seeing Ryan and Lynn hook up, ironically for the opposite reasons than her brother. Surely Ryan could do better than Ego McFartpants? But much like how Lincoln had mentally prepared himself for the inevitable, she had been well aware of this for days, so this wasn't a huge shock to her.

"I understand." She said simply before sardonically adding, "I'm sorry I asked."

"It's okay, Lucy. I'm glad you were honest with me." Lincoln smiled, hoping this threw Lucy of the tracks, at least for now. "Trust me, if I'm keeping you in the dark about anything, I only do it because I don't want to put a burden on you, or because it's something that I'm convinced you _don't want_ to learn more about."

"True, I was wrong for doubting you." She sighed in resignation. "Though in the end, those weren't really news for me." She continued with a tad of levity.

She had no reason to doubt his honesty there. It made sense and the reason behind his secrecy was fairly inconsequential, at least for her, and it was something she already knew about anyway. But that hardly answered the mountain of other questions she had. She obviously wouldn't have the time to ask them all, and perhaps she should let it be for now?

"Yeah, our sisters were never masters of subtlety." Lincoln joked. "This is kinda a problem, which is why I had to prevent any more friction from stirring up between them. Their fights are way worse when they get _personal_. And right now, while dad might be on his way to make his dream come true, a more quiet and stable household can only be a good thing, if only temporarily."

"But if they ventured into his new restaurant, couldn't they demolish it and put it out of business in an instant?" Lucy asked intuitively, naturally looking at it from a pessimistic perspective.

Lincoln cringed inwardly before sighing. " _Just another problem to add to the list_."

"Good point, I'm gonna have to consult dad on that." The boy concluded.

"I dunno about consultants but I think your daddy's gonna have to find a very good doctor after I'm through with you." Another voice lazily interjected.

Lincoln turned around on instinct, his mind recognizing the voice, but before he could pinpoint it he was met with a face that made him freeze on the spot.

"You?!" he squeaked. Smiling deviously, Lyle wasted no time grabbing Lincoln's arm and sitting next to him casually. Lucy watched him with confusion, before finally recognizing the older boy, some unimportant jerk who liked to jump scare people according to Lynn, but Lincoln's reaction upon seeing him quickly made her reconsider the jock's claim.

"Why _Ace Savvy_ , you recognized me? I'm touched." Lyle quipped maliciously as his grip on Lincoln's arm tightened.

His heart pounding rapidly, Lincoln's first instinct was to yell at Lucy to run, but those hopes were quickly dashed as a few of Lyle's cronies walked up to her, everyone carrying a baseball bat or hockey stick, blocking her escape. Lincoln's blood ran cold seeing them hold those bats. Lucy likewise grew scared, sensing that they were in some deep trouble.

"So, why are two helpless little babies like you two out here all by your lonesome? Where's your big, butch sister to protect you?" Lyle inquired snidely. Lincoln lost his voice entirely.

Lyle chortled. "Hey look at this, guys!" he jumped to his feet, pulling Lincoln up. "The dweeb's scared speechless of me!" He erupted with loud, mocking laughter, and his gang quickly joined in.

"Who wouldn't be if they were in his shoes right now!" one of them exclaimed.

"You seem stressed, dorko?" Lyle feigned concern for Lincoln. "Why don't ya take a refreshing dip?" he suggested before pushing Lincoln into the fountain. His gang hollered once more.

"Lincoln!" Lucy exclaimed and tried to help him, only for Maggie to grab her hand. Her brother resurfaced and gasped for air, only for Lyle to grab his head and push it back under.

"Now, now, there's no rush and the water's great! Take your time to _soak_ in the experience." Lyle chuckled while Lincoln trashed desperately, steadily growing out of oxygen.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, but try not to accidentally drown him. It could get us into trouble." Maggie commented stoically, ignoring Lucy's futile fighting and protesting.

"Don't worry about it." Lyle laughed as he pulled Lincoln up, his face red as he finally took in a huge gulp of air before coughing up water.

"I need the little creep alive." Lyle added, in a more conceited tone.

"What do you want?!" Lucy yelled, earning the bully's attention. Upon getting a good look at her, Lyle, yet again, almost fell to the ground laughing.

"What's with your hair, shrimp? Last time I saw you, you were hiding those "lovely" eyes behind it?" he asked mockingly, his goons quickly providing the backup choir of laughter. "Did you take a trip to Jamaica, _mon_?"

"Her new hairdo is hideous, but more pathetic than funny." Maggie commented stoically.

"What do you want!" Lucy repeated, raising her voice significantly.

"Lucy…" Lincoln tried to speak in-between coughs. "Please don't-"

"Has he been picking on you?" Lucy asked him with tears in her eyes.

"Picking on him?" Lyle made a curt laugh. "Don't flatter him, Paste Face! I only tried to beat him up once." He hauled the soaked Lincoln out of the fountain, and grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer to his face. "But his brute of a sister and her boyfriend had to come in and spoil my fun!" he told Lincoln indignantly, who quivered with fear.

"Lynn?" Lucy realized.

"Yes." Maggie droned with disinterest. "And to make a long story short, he wants to keep you two as hostages so he can lure them into another fight to get his vengeance, or something."

"So that's why you've been stalking us?" Lucy blurted. Lyle raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know that?" he growled. Maggie rolled her eyes.

"Because the "Grim Reaper" you met was her and the others in disguise." She told him in a manner that strongly indicated that this was far from the first time she had to explain this to him.

Lyle's glare intensified. Marching towards Lucy, he threw Lincoln towards one of his goons. "Hold this for me!" he ordered the other boy, who immediately seized Lincoln and restrained him.

"Lyle, please! Don't hurt her!" Lincoln begged, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.

Lucy gulped as the enraged Lyle was now looming above her, realizing she slipped up. "Oh, so you freaks thought it would be funny to give me a heart attack!" Lyle growled.

"I…I didn't mean to scare you." The goth replied meekly. "We…..we were playing a prank on some of my classmates and didn't know you were there."

"Oh, so you mean to tell me you didn't sic your swarm of bats on me either?" Lyle asked sarcastically before quickly succumbing to his temper. "How stupid do you take me for!" Lucy cowered at his outburst.

" _You don't want an answer to that_." Maggie thought.

"I didn't do it. We were only visiting my nocturnal friends, and Lynn scared them away." Lucy explained fearfully.

"Oh! So it was the pony-tailed whore then!" her explanation only seemed to make the bully's anger flare up. "And if you freaks didn't know about me why did she do it!" he demanded.

"I don't know." Lucy flinched. "She…..she just said that you were nobody important."

Maggie noticed that her cousin's anger didn't quell one bit, and seeing him jerk one arm back, she quickly let go of Lucy and took a step back. "You should have kept a lid on that, kid." She told the goth with a hint of pity.

Before Lucy could process any of it, she was backhanded by Lyle with such force that she was flung back several feet. Lincoln gasped and the goons winced as Lucy hit the pavement. She let out a feeble moan before going limp.

His chest rising up and down, Lyle's heavy breathing slowed down before he exhaled pleasantly. "Pew, that felt good." He remarked in a more upbeat manner. "Eh….does she still have a pulse, Margaret?"

The emo kneelled down and picked up Lucy's arm. "Hmmm…yeah, she's still with us." She remarked.

"You bastard! She's only seven!" Lincoln cried with outrage, growing teary-eyed. Lyle looked back at him and started sniggering.

"Seriously now?" he pointed at him. "You have any idea how corny that sounded?"

Lincoln's anger kept brewing at Lyle's uncaring attitude, but he realized that he could do nothing to free himself. Both of them were at Lyle's mercy.

Bracing himself, he screamed, "HELP! Someone help-mphf!" he was quickly silenced by the goon clamping his hand over his mouth.

Annoyed, Lyle marched up to him and looked him dead in the eye. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." he warned him. "Unless you want to end up in a body cast, listen up!" he continued sharply, as Lincoln could only look at him and listen in utter fear.

"If you play nice, you and your little witch of a sister _might_ get out of this unscathed. You're just the bait I need to lure a certain happy couple into my trap so me and my boys can teach them some manners, then, we'll be even. You get that?" he said snidely.

Lyle jerked back a bit and hissed in irritation as he scratched the back of his head. Maggie walked up to him while one of his lackeys picked up Lucy's unconscious form.

"Lyle, I really think you should see a doctor about this." Maggie advised him yet again.

"I told you to forget about it!" Lyle snapped at her. As he turned around, Lincoln got a good look at the semi-healed gashes he had been scratching. His eyes widened, shocked and confused by the sight, until he recalled Lynn's account about how her and Ryan's first fight with Lyle and his gang quickly escalated into a three-way fight.

"I'll be fine! You just go and send the happy couple my ultimatum." Lyle gave out his orders.

"As you wish." Maggie nodded. "But they aren't alone, there's another one of his sisters with them." She told him while pointing at Lincoln, who grew even more scared upon witnessing Lyle grow a devious smile.

"Excellent." Lyle clapped his hands. "The more hostages the merrier!"

* * *

"What a rip-off! I didn't even feel a single knot in my belly." Ryan lamented while walking towards the fountain, together with a still nauseous Lynn and Luan. They would have been here sooner if the girls hadn't rushed to the bathroom to barf some more and then clean themselves up.

"Is the world spinning or is it just the head on my neck?" Luan asked, still trying to form coherent thoughts.

"Just how the hell did you keep it all in?" Lynn asked the boy incredulously. "Have you eaten anything since yesterday?"

Ryan shrugged. " _Please_ , the ride was about as intense as sledding down a hill, a _small_ hill." Upon Lynn's aggravated glare he started pondering for a more satisfying response, for her. "But then again, I have eaten some pretty nasty stuff while honing in my survival skills back home. My gut's a real trooper." He emphasized by patting said gut.

Lynn grew confused, but after vomiting her entrails out, she quickly decided that she _really_ didn't want Ryan to go into detail about his iron stomach.

"Never mind!" she retorted, still clutching her gut.

Ryan shrugged again. "Well, if you've watched Bear Grylls, you'll know what I'm talking about. Loved that show as a tyke."

"Hey, where are they." Lynn pointed at the fountain they had passed earlier, noting the absence of her younger siblings.

"Maybe they wanna play a game of hide and seek?" a still dizzy Luan suggested. It was already sunset and the light was growing dim, but there was clearly no one else at the fountain. As they looked around they saw no one else in the vicinity.

"No…." Lynn narrowed her eyes, feeling a sense of unease. "Something's fishy."

"Or maybe they are planning a jump scare." Ryan jokingly suggested. "Spooky's quite good at those."

"No, you numbskull. Something's not right." Lynn insisted and made a bee line for the fountain.

Ryan watched her go and surveyed the area one more time. It did seem very un-Lincoln-like to try and scare his sisters by mysteriously disappearing.

" _Oh, shit_." He thought with dread. " _It's been such a long day, and now we gotta go on a rescue mission?_ "

"C'mon, Lu, let's track down the little jokesters." He gestured for the comedian to follow him. As he dashed after the jock, the slightly disoriented Luan shook her head, trying to stop it from spinning.

She too realized that it was strange for Lincoln to do something like this. Growing concerned, she tried to follow Ryan, when suddenly; a hand was clamped over her mouth.

"Mphph!" she panicked as she was grabbed from behind and pulled into a thicket of trees and bushes.

"Lynn do you see any sign of them?" Ryan asked his friend once he caught up with her.

Lynn looked around, staying composed, but her face betrayed her worry. "I don't see them anywhere. Ryan, I think something's wrong."

"Take it easy, I'm sure they just went to a store or something." Ryan suggested, unfortunately, he had a strong hunch that he was wrong. "What do you think, Luan?"

No response. "Luan?" Ryan turned around only to find her gone. His face dropped. "Luan, this seriously isn't funny." He said uneasily.

"What the-where is she?" a startled Lynn blurted, her gaze darting everywhere. The comedian had vanished without a trace.

"Kay, I'm starting to get creeped out." Ryan admitted as he turned back to her.

"What's going on?" Lynn lamented worriedly. "Is this some kind of-"

"I can shed some light on your confusion." They heard a familiar monotonous voice.

"Maggie!" Lynn hissed upon seeing the emo, and took up a fighting stance.

"You." Ryan addressed his soon-to-be classmate before sneering with disdain. "I assume you know about the whereabouts of one dork, one goth and one jester?"

"Yes, I come to you with a message from my cousin." She simply nodded. "As you can guess-" "

How dare you! Where are they!" Lynn grabbed her by her shirt and lifted her off the ground, and slammed her back into the fountain. Maggie's long hair was dipped into the water as she came face to face with one seriously pissed off Lynn. "I said, where are they! What have you assholes done with them!" she demanded while repeatedly lifting and slamming Maggie against the stone construction.

"I would tell you-ugh!" Maggie responded between grunts "….if you'll-ugh! Let me talk….ugh!"

Snarling, Lynn grabbed her hair and forced Maggie's head deeper into the pool. "Start singing before we learn how well you can breathe under water!" she barked before feeling Ryan's hand grasp her shoulder.

"Easy, Lynn." He told her evenly before glowering at Maggie. "Lemme guess, Lyle's using them as bait to get vengeance on us?"

"Yes." Maggie replied with a tone of indifference. "I can see that you're the brains of the bunch."

Turning absolutely livid, Lynn pushed Maggie's head under, holding her down as bubbles escaped from the thrashing emo's mouth.

"Wow. Calm down, Lynn!" Ryan exclaimed while trying to pull her back. "She won't be able to tell us anything if you drown her!"

Grunting in frustration, Lynn pulled Maggie up and threw her against the pavement.

Her drenched hair blinding her, Maggie sat up and coughed up water. "You have anger issues." She said hoarsely.

"You haven't seen me _angry_!" Lynn snapped. "Now talk!"

"What?" Maggie asked while pushing her hair out of her eyes, her mascara dripping down her face.

"Don't play games! Talk!" Lynn repeated, balling her fist under Maggie's chin.

"What sleigh flame walk?" Maggie asked in confusion only to be hoisted up by her shirt. "Talk before I wring your neck!" Lynn yelled into the emo's face.

"Ring my back? Wut?" Maggie responded before picking both of her ears, and water spilled out of them.

Ryan sniggered. "You have a lot to learn about interrogating people, Lynn." he remarked snidely.

"Shut your trap!" Lynn lashed out at him before turning back to Maggie and pulled her closer. "One last chance, Morgan, before I crack your skull open! Where are they!"

Maggie's eyelids dropped in exasperation. "I was about to tell you before you water-boarded me." She replied dryly.

* * *

Woozy, Lucy slowly cracked her eyes open, not knowing where she was. The first thing she noticed was her cheek aching, then how her body felt like it was squeezed in a tight space as she tried moving her arms but they were pressed tightly against her body. Once she adjusted her vision, she saw (and smelled) heaps of garbage and heard the buzzing of flies.

"Mphph." She uttered and realized that she had tape over her mouth. She immediately heard more muffled cries like hers and felt other bodies squirming against her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw that she was tied to Luan and a still drenched Lincoln, both of them gagged as well, all sitting in the middle of a junkyard.

"Morning, sunshine!" she heard a familiar voice and snapped her head back to find Lyle kneeling down to her and giving her a greasy smile. "Sorry I got a little rough with you back there." He offered his mock-apology while giving her a hard pat on the head that made her wince.

"Mphph!" she cried.

"Gmphp! Mpghph!" Lincoln angrily protested, prompting Lyle to snicker and stand up.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Lyle cupped his ear. Lucy saw the rest of his gang leaning against or sitting on a rusty old car without tires, sniggering and making mocking remarks.

"Don't look at me like that." Lyle joked as he walked over and kicked some dust into Lincoln's eyes, making him cringe. The goons snickered and pointed at Lincoln.

"It's not my fault your retard of a sister doesn't know her place." Lyle spat before smirking. "Though, you pretty much made yourself a bullseye for bullies by prancing around in a cape and long underwear!"

"What a loser!"

"Makes giving him a wedgie a whole lot easier though!"

Trying to ignore the mocking comments, and the stinging in his eyes, Lincoln glowered at Lyle with teary eyes. Lyle ignored him and checked his wristwatch.

"Ugh! Where is that idiot!" he complained. "Mom's gonna ground me if I don't get back home by nine!"

"I can lead myself in-ugh!"

Hearing his cousin's voice, Lyle looked back at the junkyard's entrance and spotted her, drenched and being held by the collar of her shirt and manhandled, by Lynn! Ryan casually walked after her, his hands in his pockets.

Lyle narrowed his eyes, a fire burning inside his belly at the sight of the two. Lynn saw him, and had the same reaction as they walked closer to him and she pushed Maggie towards him. She landed at his feet and groaned miserably.

Ignoring her, Lyle locked eyes with Lynn. "Well, well, look at what the cat dragged in?" he grinned maliciously, tapping his fingers together.

"Ah…..Lyle?" Ryan threw his head back in a bored tone. "You still exist?"

Lyle quickly lost his vigor. Ryan's comment made his blood boil. "Grrrr! Don't mock me!"

Lynn eyed her sibling, before glaring daggers at Lyle again. "You piece of dog shit! Let them go or-!"

"Or what?" Her show of anger made Lyle gleefully chipper again and he chuckled mockingly. "You're in no position to make demands, girly. This is my turf!"

Ryan sniggered and shrugged. "Well, if _you_ say you belong in the trash then who are we to argue?"

And Lyle was back to being pissed again. "Why you-"

"Pee-yew." Ryan swatted the air while taking a good look at their surroundings. "Couldn't you have picked a flower field for the showdown? This place reeks!"

"Will you focus, you idiot!" Lynn snapped at him.

"Chill, I'm one step ahead." Ryan whispered and winked to her, before focusing back on their opponent.

"Say, Lyle? Last time we saw you, didn't you have hair more like the pipsqueak's?" he asked mockingly while pointing at the bound Lincoln, who glared at him and grunted incomprehensibly.

"I'm not the best at hair dying, I admit." Maggie said as she got up and dusted herself, much to Lyle's irritation.

"Margaret, shut up!"

"And did you tie them up with a skipping rope?" Ryan giggled, pointing at the captives again. "Bad call, dude. That really hurts your credibility as a villain."

Lyle was absolutely livid now, and growled while gritting his teeth. "Oh, a smartass, are we?!"

"Well…" Ryan pretended to think "….I am an ass, but also pretty smart."

"Enough!" Lyle snapped. "You two assholes have made a fool out of me for the last time! Now I'm gonna beat some sense into the both you! BOYS!" he yelled and snapped his fingers.

Soon, Lynn and Ryan were being surrounded by boys wielding bats and hockey sticks. Bracing herself, Lynn put on a brave face and took up a fighting stance. Ryan, however, surprised and temporarily stunned their enemies with confusion by erupting with laughter.

Lincoln, Lucy and Luan gawked at him like he had gone mad, and Lyle made a face of utter confusion.

"Oh, how pitiful." Ryan mocked him. "Mohawk Moron is such a widdle pussy that he has to sic a bunch of thugs on us while we're unarmed _and_ outnumbered because he's terrified of facing me alone!"

"I am not scared of you!" Lyle lashed out.

"Your "trap" speaks to the contrary." Ryan casually gestured at the goons.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" Lynn hissed before glowering at him. "And what do you mean 'scared of _you_ '?"

"Just calling a pathetic coward for what he is, a pathetic coward." Ryan shrugged and yawned. "Sure, he can handle a girl, but he's clearly pissing his pants at the thought of taking _me_ on."

If they weren't currently in a volatile predicament, Lynn would have torn him apart for that comment. But then she realized what Ryan was trying to do, but why?

"Well, if you have to hide behind an army of lackeys, fine by me. Me and Lynn can take _them_ on while you sit back and give them "moral support"."

Lyle growled, ready to erupt. Maggie looked at him with concern. "Lyle, don't fall for this. He's baiting you-"

Lyle pushed her to the ground and walked up to the cornered pair. "I could kick your ass any day, you lying jackass!"

"Then how come we've whooped your heinie twice this week." Ryan countered with a cocky smirk. Lyle seethed, barely holding himself back from strangling Ryan to death.

"Of course, if you're itching for _another_ rematch and want to put your money where your mouth is at the same time…" Ryan suggested lazily "…..how about you and me duke it out alone? If I win, you let us go. If you win, you can do to us whatever you want, your captives too."

"Mpmphppp!" Lincoln, Lucy and Luan let out muffled cries of protest.

"Chill, guys. I've got everything under control." Ryan cockily reassured them.

"You wanna bet double or nothing?" the enraged Lyle raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly! If I win, me, Lynn and our lovely damsels in distress are free to go. And you leave us be for good." Ryan smirked. "So what do you say? Man to man?"

Shaking with rage, Lyle considered, apparently having second thoughts.

Ryan's smirk widened. "That is, if you're _man enough_?"

"GRRRRRR!" a crazed Lyle ripped his shirt apart.

"What?" Ryan snarked. "Is showing off your unimpressive physique supposed to be a "yes" or a "no"?

Lyle spat into his hand and offered a shake. "You're on, ugly! I'm gonna make you eat those words!"

"Spit shake, eh?" Ryan smiled. "You know you can't break our deal after that?"

"He's right, boss. Breaking that sacred oath is plain heresy." One of the goons pointed out. "You sure you don't want us to clobber them instead?"

"Shut up, Moe! I'm as sure as I've ever been!" Lyle ranted before turning back to his challenger.

"I won't be breaking anything but your bones!" Lyle's eyes became bloodshot from the growing arteries. "You're going down, Taylor! I will relish punching that stupid smirk off your smug face!"

Ryan was more than pleased, and spat into his own palm to seal the deal. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Lynn looked at him worried, unsure if Ryan took too big of a gamble, while Maggie silently facepalmed to herself.

* * *

The kids were now in front of a big, rusty shipping container, which had slid out of whatever mountain of trash it was initially buried beneath before it collapsed, and was now in a shallow pit of mud, which surrounded it everywhere.

"So what are the rules?" Lyle asked Ryan viciously.

"Quite simple, but how about you put on a shirt first." Ryan quipped.

"I'll put on a shirt when I feel like it! Answer me!"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "There's only one rule. We fight up there, and whoever falls off first loses. You get all that? Do I need to repeat?"

Lyle snarled, his blood boiling. "You won't be joking when I'm done with you. Let's go!" He was about to climb on fist, when Maggie stopped him.

"Lyle, you really should reconsider this, he's obviously-"

"Will you piss off!" Lyle swatted her arm away. "You've served your purpose, now I don't need you!" he told her curtly and climbed on top. Maggie sighed exasperatedly.

"I feel ya, the sensible ones always get ignored." Ryan told the emo, on a more personal level than she realized.

"Whatever. Why do I even try?" Maggie droned, and did as her cousin asked. "I can't bear to watch." She said while walking past the group, including the three captive Louds, who kept squirming and letting out muffled cries.

Lynn saw them watching her with pleading eyes. She felt compelled to attack the goons and free them herself, but she was outnumbered six to one, and they were all yielding a weapon, sports equipment. Lynn felt revolted seeing those beautiful things being used for evil!

"I hope you know what you're doing?" Lynn told her friend.

"I do, that dipshit is way in over his head." Ryan smirked confidently.

"Focus, Ryan. One wrong step and he could knock you into the mud hole, and then we're all finished." Lynn warned him.

"Not to worry. This won't take a minute." Ryan reassured her and handed her his cap. "Keep this safe, I don't want it getting dirty." He said coolly before climbing up.

Lyle giggled gleefully while punching his palm as his opponent took his position. "I hope you like mud baths!"

"You really do have nothing but dust and cobwebs inside that noggin of yours?" Ryan replied wryly. "You wanted to lure me into a trap and I turned the tables on you with no in one fell swoop."

"What are you blabbing about?!" Lyle growled while his goons below chanted for them to fight. Lynn watched Ryan with worry.

"Enough talk!" Lyle roared and swung the first punch. Ryan easily dodged it and moved out of the way, causing Lyle to nearly loose balance and fall over. Snarling, he made a sharp turn and aimed to uppercut Ryan, but he once again evaded it.

"Weak, I've seen sloths with faster reflexes than you." Ryan taunted him, infuriating the bully further. Lyle swung another punch, only for Ryan to jump out of the way and for Lyle to slam his fist into the steel.

He jumped up and yelped in pain, allowing Ryan to seize him by the shoulder and kick him in his chest, sending him flying for several feet before falling on his back.

"Down for the count already?" Ryan quipped, but Lyle jumped back to his feet with remarkable speed.

"Far from it!" he roared and swung his fist. Ryan caught it, and gave Lyle a right hook. Lyle took the blow in strides and gave the former a left hook.

"You call that a punch!" Ryan brushed off his bloody nose, and struck Lyle in the gut and then clonked him in the head again.

Furious, Lyle aimed to return the favor but Ryan dodged his fist again, and punched Lyle in the chest, causing him on fall on his back yet again. This time, Ryan didn't joke around and drove his elbow into his opponent's gut, causing him to gasp.

"Go, Ryan! That's the way to do it!" Lynn whooped and cheered.

Before he could recover, Lyle was thrown over Ryan's shoulders. "Sayonara!" Ryan exclaimed as he threw him over the edge but remarkably, Lyle managed to grab on and hauled himself up, much to Ryan's surprise.

He lifted himself on his hands, breathing heavily. He sent his opponent a death glare.

Ryan laughed. "It's not too late to quit." Lyle's eyes turned even more bloodshot with unbridled rage.

Lynn gasped at what came next, with the speed of lighting, Ryan had Lyle's fist slammed deep into his cheek. Immediately after, he was struck in the gut, followed by a powerful uppercut.

Ryan found himself flying back from the impact and fall on the edge of the container. Roaring like a maniac, Lyle pounced on top of him, but Ryan managed to catch both of his flying fists and pressed his foot into his opponent's gut to keep him at bay.

Ryan spat out a tooth and gave Lyle a bloody grin. "Weeeeell, someone's finally _fighting back_!"

One head-butt later, Lyle was sent stumbling back, clutching his aching melon. Ryan rose up slowly and cracked his neck as Lyle glared at him again, now at his breaking point.

"You can still turn tail and run." Ryan suggested casually.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" a crazed Lyle charged at him like a freight train.

"Some folk just never learn." Ryan said in a grim tone before nonchalantly lifting one leg up, causing his foot to collide with Lyle's nards.

Lyle's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and he let out a high-pitched squeak and grabbed his nether regions, while Ryan politely moved out of the way as the near-immobilized Lyle stumbled towards the edge, clenching his teeth in fear as he was starting to lose balance.

Ryan breathed in and blew at Lyle. "No! No! No!" Lyle squeaked as the gust of wind made him topple over and he screamed as he plummeted into the mud.

A big smile grew on Lynn's face and she whooped triumphantly. Lucy and Luan would have done the same were it not for their gags, while Lincoln sighed inwardly feeling an odd mixture of joy and contempt. Ryan's crazy scheme had paid off, and he would no doubt never let him hear the end of it now that he had saved him twice, albeit in different timelines.

Ryan climbed back down, clutched his hands and shook them in the air. "You did it!" Lynn exclaimed and dashed to hug him, much to Luan's ire, who couldn't make a proper noise of irritation.

''Meh, it was no big deal." He brushed it off.

"Course not." Lynn agreed before punching him in the arm.

"Ow. What was that for?"

"For not letting me do it! I wouldn't have wasted time _toying_ with him." Lynn said snidely.

"Touche." Ryan grinned with a little blood dripping from his mouth.

The goons moved out of the way as Ryan and Lynn arrived to free the hostages. Lynn, however, saw the enemy dragging himself halfway out of the mud pit and collapsing.

"No! It's not fair, not fair, NOT FAIR!" the muck-covered Lyle screamed petulantly while pounding the ground. "You cheated! I want ANOTHER rematch!"

"Go soak your head, asshole!" Lynn spat and shoved her foot into his face, pushing him back where he belonged. His goons all started laughing and pointing at him.

Smirking to herself, Lynn returned to help Ryan untie her siblings. Ryan could see that Lincoln was visibly annoyed and without much grace, pulled the tape of the latter's mouth, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Owwww….." Lincoln hissed.

"Don't pout, little guy. We won." Ryan "reassured" him smugly and pulled his switchblade from his pocket to cut the rope.

* * *

Not long after, the five of them had come back to Ryan's home, and were currently in his bedroom. Luckily for Ryan, his sister was away for whatever reason and couldn't see his bruised up face. Though he was a tad disappointed, seeing Renee react to meeting Luan surely would have been at least a little amusing.

Naturally, his companions were more than a little shaken from being kidnapped, so Ryan tried to defuse the tension by prompting Luan to retell their prank call spree in every humorous detail. The bit with Principal Huggins especially helped divert Lincoln's attention away from having been a hostage.

"How can anyone that soul-suckingly boring and tedious possibly appreciate the artistry of Ace Savvy?" Lincoln asked in utter disbelief.

Picturing Principal Huggins going within a five-mile radius of anything that could remotely be considered fun by any stretch of the imagination seemed like a wild fever dream. After how badly he had botched writing class, Lucy could only agree with the sentiment, despite having had more time to process it.

"Your best bud is Clyde. Why are you so surprised?" Lynn quipped teasingly, laying belly down on Ryan's bed. Her jest was followed up by Luan playing the drums for comedic effect, which made everyone laugh even harder than they would have anyway, much to Lincoln's ire.

"Wait? Where did those instruments come from?" Lynn asked before Lincoln could protest. He and Lucy, who was sitting next to him on the floor, looked back at Luan and the drum set, with two guitars leaning against the closet nearby.

Luan shrugged. "Don't look at me. I didn't know Ryan played instruments."

Lincoln and Lynn looked back at Ryan, who was sitting and leaning against the frame of his bed next to Lynn, and holding a cold steak against his bruised face. Marceline was sitting next to him, eyeing the slab of meat hungrily.

It didn't take Lincoln long to put two and two together, and grew infuriated with Ryan's antics for the umpteenth time. And how did he carry all of that heavy equipment to his home, and in a matter of minutes?

"It's not mine. It belongs…..to my cousin. He's part of a band or some junk, and asked me to keep an eye on his stuff while he's out of town." Ryan lied. Lynn knew him well enough to recognize his fibbing voice but didn't really care as much about it as Lincoln did, especially after hearing how Luna and Sam nearly got them into a whole heap of trouble with their tone-deaf jamming, but only as long as Ryan was merely "borrowing" it.

"In that case…" Luan joked "….maybe we oughta try to hook him up with Luna. I might be jumping to conclusions, but she seemed a bit _high-strung_ as of late. Get it?" she giggled, not that anyone joined her. "Maybe it's cuz she desperately needs a man."

"Sorry about that, but he's twenty-one." Ryan lied while shrugging his shoulders, careful not to leave any loose ends that could bite him in the ass later. "And he prides himself with having a _clean_ record with the law." He joked back before tossing the steak to his cat, who caught it and started devouring it greedily while growling and raising her hair.

Luan giggled from his remark, but Lucy was feeling quite the opposite, especially with her sore cheek being a painful reminder of their harrowing experience. While a little levity was all well and good to help them recover, Lucy quickly noticed how her older companions all seemed to be ignoring the issue at hand.

"That's all very intriguing. But how are we going to tell our folks about Lyle?" she spoke up, causing everyone, sans Luan, to freeze up.

"About Lyle?" Lincoln asked uneasily, Lucy looked at him oddly.

Ryan did a fake laugh. "Lyle? Oh no, kid. There's no need to worry our folks, Lyle's been taken care of." Lucy looked at him like he was crazy.

"Yeah, Lyle wanted a rematch and Ryan whooped his sorry butt! No matter the outcome, Lyle got what he wanted and he's gonna have to keep his promise." Lynn backed her friend up with an air of confidence.

"You seriously think he's going to keep his promise?" Lucy narrowed her eyes, her tone incredulous.

"Of course he will." Lynn huffed. "Him and Ryan did a spit shake. That's like the big kids' version of a pinky swear, there's no breaking it. It's a hardcore blood oath!"

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I made his goons lose any respect they had for him." Ryan added.

Lucy frowned and turned to her brother. "Lincoln, can you please explain to them why this is a foolish assumption?" she asked with uncharacteristic sternness.

Lincoln swallowed a huge lump. After dealing with Lyle, they had no choice but to fess up to Lucy and Luan about their feud with him. Ryan and Lynn told them about their fight in the gorge, minus One Eye's involvement and keeping the cause of Charles's injuries a mystery, which mattered little now with the poor dog being unaccounted for, followed by Lyle crossing paths with Lincoln and Clyde. Of course, Lucy knowing about Lyle later attempt at stalking them only further cemented how much that guy was hung up on payback.

The trio felt some relief at Luan's willingness to take Ryan's reassurance for granted but, as they feared, Lucy was not swayed.

"Um…..Lucy? Perhaps we should put a pin on that, y'know?" he suggested awkwardly, much to Lucy's tranquil but still apparent shock. "I mean, let's not cause unnecessary trouble until we can be certain that Lyle won't bother us again."

"You can't be serious about that?" Lucy replied. Luan knelled down next to him.

"He's right, Luce. Let's not be snitches if we don't have to be." She offered a reassuring smile, with little effect. "Plus, if he comes out of the woodwork again, Ryan will just kick his keister again."

"Ryan?" Lynn huffed. "I kicked his keister first!" she pointed at herself.

"We both did, on our own respectively." Ryan shrugged. "And _two_ butt-kickers versus that loser will only level the odds against his favor more."

"Yeah, only an idiot would challenge them." Luan agreed.

"Have all of you lost it?" Lucy asked despondently. She looked at Lincoln with pleading eyes. "Lincoln?"

"Lucy….I…I don't necessarily agree with them…." He raised his hands up "…..but…"

"But what?" Lucy narrowed her eyes. Lincoln could see the disappointment etched all across her features.

"I'm just saying that perhaps it would be wiser not to make any rash decisions and see if Lyle will keep up his end of the bargain. Let's not be snitches." He explained to her, echoing Luan.

Lucy was truly taken aback and rose to her feet. "Snitches?" she balled her fists and raised her voice. "Those thugs kidnapped us, tied us up and held us hostage." She continued, struggling to keep any semblance of composure. "You think they would honor a "promise" after all of that?"

Any form of confidence Lincoln had quickly faded as Lucy stared him down with anger and disappointment. Luan let Lucy's words sink in, and suddenly started to have serious doubts about her earlier assessment.

Something dawned on the goth, and she turned sharply at Lynn. "Are you forcing him to keep quiet?" she asked accusingly. "Is that why you insisted to speak to him in private after he was distraught at dinner?"

"Forcing him?!" Lynn looked offended and pushed herself up to her knees. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you could never put aside your hubris and admit weakness." Lucy retorted, her tone laced with venom. Lynn bore a shocked and confused expression, not exactly knowing the meaning of the word "hubris".

Lucy turned back to Lincoln, her expression softening. "You don't have to suffer because of her. We can tell mom and dad." She told him sympathetically.

Lincoln face was somber. "Lucy, please try-"

"Because of me? What's that supposed to imply?" Lynn interjected.

Lucy returned the harsh glare. "Lyle's your problem." She looked at both the jock and Ryan. "He's after you, and the rest of us got caught in the crossfire. And you want us to endanger ourselves because of your actions?"

"My actions? Lyle attacked us first!" Lynn retorted defiantly.

"After you punched him." Lucy countered, remembering their tale very vividly.

"After he threw rocks at us while we were minding our own business!" Lynn retorted.

"Girls please!" Lincoln spoke up.

"Lucy, are you saying it's our fault that we can't steer clear of scum like him. We are not psychics." Ryan told the goth, more calmly than her own sister.

Lucy calmed down a bit. "No…but it doesn't matter now. He's our enemy regardless." She explained sullenly.

"And that's not all. You know how grownups are. You get into a fight, and they punish everyone equally, even the kids that were only defending themselves." He tried to discourage her, but it didn't work.

Lucy looked at him and clenched her fists. "So you're just like Lynn then? Too proud to ask for help, even when you need it?"

Her words resonated with him, but he tried to retain a self-assured exterior. "Help? There's no need for help. You saw how I handled that creep today; he's no threat to me. I am way too tough for that."

"Meow." Marceline gave her two cents after finishing her meal.

"See. The kitty knows what I'm talking about." Ryan said jokingly. Lucy was anything but amused.

"Guys, maybe Lucy's got a point?" Luan vouched for her, her tone slightly nervous. "That guy seems pretty vindictive. Maybe it'd be better if we told our folks anyway."

"Luan, I know Lucy has a good point." Lincoln nodded. "But we should give him the benefit of the doubt, at least for a little while." He was fully aware of how stupid he sounded after what they went through mere hours ago, but he knew how much this could compromise their main mission.

His reasoning looked anything but sound to Lucy. "Lincoln?" she asked incredulously, before frowning bitterly. "I thought you….I thought you were smarter than this." She spat out. Lincoln shrank under her accusation.

"You too then?" Lucy asked in a hollow tone, her eyes watering up. Lucy gave Ryan a passing glance but didn't say anything. She turned back to Lincoln, who saw how she was on the verge of crying.

"Lucy…you don't understand-"

"So you're still lying to me? You lied about everything?"

"Lucy, please…just hear me out." Lincoln pleaded.

"I heard enough." Lucy said harshly and pushed past him and Luan, stopping at the door.

"If none of you want to tell our parents, I will." She pointed at herself. "I won't suffer, nor will any of you because of Lynn's stupidity." She firmly stated, causing Lynn to seethe.

Tears pouring down her cheeks, Lucy grew a determined look. "I'm going to tell mom and dad, and if you want to stop me you're going to have to bind me again!"

With that, Lucy walked away and the rest heard her descending down the stairs.

"Lucy, wait!" Luan called out for her. Lynn meanwhile darted to the window, followed by Ryan, and they soon saw the goth walking into the backyard and sit under the tree to sulk, evidently too scared to walk home alone at dusk following her run-in with Lyle.

"Relax, fellas. She's going nowhere." Ryan sighed. Luan and Lincoln joined them to observe the goth below.

"She looks really upset." Luan remarked, earning a scoff from Lynn.

"She's always upset about something." She said spitefully.

"Y'think?" Luan glowered at her. "It's because of _you_ that we're in this mess to begin with!"

Lynn narrowed her eyes and took a step towards the comedian, only to be stopped by Ryan.

Luan looked back at the yard and her expression turned dejected. "I think she's right, let's just oust those creeps for what they did."

"Luan, we can't." Lincoln gently grabbed her hand, which she jerked free.

"Why not? You think our own parents won't believe us?" she argued. "And if anyone gets into trouble, it oughta be Lynn."

"Watch it!" Lynn warned her. Lincoln sighed, weighing out his options. Lyle will be a problem for them in the future, no doubt. If only they could hold him off for a little bit longer until a certain date passed.

But Lucy obviously had no desire to give them that time. "Luan, take her back home. Tell her we're sorry and that we'll talk to her about this in the morning."

"So we're telling mom and dad?" Luan inquired.

Lincoln sighed. "Maybe." He answered, much to Lynn's dismay. "Just please, try to convince her to keep quiet until morning, then we'll talk about it. Just make sure she doesn't do anything rash until we all get some sleep and clear our minds."

Luan looked uncertain and glanced down. "I guess we all could use some sleep after all the craziness." She mused.

"Good idea, guys." Ryan shot them a finger gun. "It's been one hell of a day, and some beauty sleep will help the kid get her thoughts straight. You can escort her back home."

"Me? Are you two planning to have another sleepover here?" Luan asked her remaining siblings.

"No…" Lincoln shook his head. "We'll catch up with you soon. We just need to talks things out a bit here."

"Now that that's settled, lemme escort you, Lu." Ryan spoke up and swung his arm over Luan shoulder, leading her out of his room.

As Lynn glared at him, she shot her a quick wink signaling that he had everything under control. After leading her down the stairs and into the living room, Ryan stopped the comedian to have a private talk with her.

"Say, I think I know how you can keep Lucy quiet." He suggested.

Luan frowned. "I don't think that would be the smart thing to do."

"Of course not, I only mean for _this_ night." Ryan clarified. "See, like Lincoln said, we all need to clear our heads and sleep on it. And speaking of the distraction, I think it's about time you and the little vampire had a heart to heart."

"But what am I supposed to say to her?" Luan asked. "The poor thing is still shaken, and who can blame her?"

"Luan, don't you get it? You and Lucy are more alike than you think, she needs you now more than ever."

"What do you mean we're alike?" Luan squinted with befuddlement.

Ryan smiled. "Haven't you figured it out yet? She doesn't have any friends, both me and the L-man are well aware of that. Why do you think she sided with you, or why she grew attached to me so quick? She knows what it is like being shunned and belittled by people like Kathleen just for being different."

"She-what?" Luan was taken aback. "She's being bullied at school and-"

"Tragic but true." Ryan nodded. "I think it's pretty obvious? You really think someone like her would be welcomed with open arms in the cold and judgmental cesspools of hate that are our public schools?"

"I…no….." Luan said blankly. She, of all people, should have seen the signs a mile away. " _Huggins ruined writing class for me, one of the few joys I had at school_." How could she be so blind? She never recalled Lucy interacting with or ever even mentioning any friends. Luan knew all too well how that felt.

"No sirree." Ryan agreed wholeheartedly. "That's why she needs someone to guide her through those hard times."

"You mean me?" Luan looked at him.

"Yes, you see, she needs someone to confine in who's been through what she's going through right now. Someone she can open up to and understands her sorrows. Yes, there's Lincoln, but the squirt needs a woman in her life, you get what I'm trying to say? And who could possibly fill up that void in her life? Lynn? Pffttt….don't be ridiculous? Those bimbos who used you as a free ticket to pamper themselves? Yeah, right! Your mom, who's overwhelmed taking care of all ten of you?"

"No." Luan glanced down, already feeling like a dipshit for not seeing the obvious. Her little sister was going through the same crap she had to endure and she was ignoring her in order to wallow in her own self-pity?

Ryan suggestion didn't sound like a mere suggestion to her. It sounded like a moral obligation she was willfully ignorant of for far too long.

"You're right, Ryan. I'll talk with her." She smiled at the boy. "Thanks…..for opening my eyes."

"It's no biggie." Ryan said coolly.

"Do….did she tell you anything about her troubles that I should know about in advance?"

"She didn't go into much detail." Ryan shrugged and patted her shoulder. "And it's better for you to find out yourself by letting her explain. That will keep her occupied for a bit as well." He smiled. She smiled back.

"It's getting dark, Lu. You should hurry on." Ryan suggested.

"I guess, I had enough crazy revelations for one day." Luan cracked a smile.

"Yeah…" she rubbed her neck, blushing slightly. Suddenly, she leaned closer and planted a big kiss on his cheek. Ryan grew stiff and stared twitching like a broken animatronic.

Giggling, Luan drew back, her cheeks still crimson, and gently grabbed his hands. "I just wanted to thank you properly for saving me today." She said gently.

"It….it was everything-I mean nothing!" a dazed Ryan blurted.

Luan giggled. "After this is over, you and I are going to have a serious talk too." She said suggestively before taking her departure. "See ya tomorrow!"

The sound of the door closing snapped Ryan out of his trance and he grabbed his spinning head.

"Why does this keep happening?" he lamented. "Do girls have some potent venom on their lips or-" he stopped in his tracks as he was faced with a furious Lynn, her face as red as a lobster's.

"What were you doing!" she yelled and grabbed him by the shirt, her nostrils flaring up.

"Lynn, chill!" Ryan yelped in fright and raised his hands. "I swear, she blindsided me!"

Lynn roared with rage, her teeth morphing into fangs, as she swung her fist up.

"Guys, come up please!"

Her brother's urgent tone calmed the jock a bit. She lowered her fist and glared at the boy she wanted to pulverize because she cared way too much about him.

"Come on! I'll deal with you later!" she barked and pulled Ryan up the stairs.

" _Sometimes, my irresistible charisma is a curse_." Ryan droned inwardly.

* * *

Back in Ryan's room, they found Lincoln sitting on the bad, evidently in deep thought. Marceline was rubbing herself against his leg; Lincoln sighed and scratched her back.

"What's the emergency, pipsqueak?" Ryan snarked.

"Evidently you lovebirds were having another heated argument." Lincoln snarked back, baring an unamused expression.

Ryan smirked and glanced back at Lynn, expecting another hyperbolic declaration of denial, but instead, Lynn simply glared at Ryan.

"What, you told him?" he asked casually.

"I told him what I would do to you if I caught you goofing around with Luan again." Lynn replied dangerously.

"Yes, I know." Lincoln droned. "Can we please move on-"

"Is that what you two went off to talk about?" Ryan smirked. "Does this mean you have second thoughts about going slow and steady with this?" he wiggled his eyebrows, making Lynn seethe and Lincoln's skin crawl.

"Will you focus, Casanova?" Lincoln barked before exhaling with frustration. "That's another story for another day."

"Oh, so I haven't got your blessings yet?" Ryan joked only to be slugged in the gut by Lynn.

Lincoln couldn't help but smirk at Ryan's expression, but quickly reminded himself that they had more urgent matters.

While Ryan clutched his gut, Lynn sighed in frustration and folded her arms. "So what are we gonna do about Lucy?" she asked right off the bat.

"I dunno…" Lincoln shook his head. "She's not gonna back down from this."

"Well, I did convince Luan to buy her some time before I was so rudely manhandled up here." Ryan pointed out while sending Lynn an aside glare.

"What did you tell her to do?" Lincoln inquired.

Ryan sneered. "Oh, just to talk to Lucy and open up to her so she could still take the path of becoming Lucy's unlikely cool big sis cuz that was one of the most interesting developments from the OG timeline. You're welcome by the way."

Lincoln had to swallow his pride there. One of the few good aspects the bad future had offered was that it did help the siblings grow and mature, and become closer. Lucy and Luan bonding over their similar rotten luck in life was an especially odd result, but it did improve both of their lives significantly by giving a confidant they could always lean on when they were in a funk, who could also talk about girl stuff.

"Ah….eh, got job on that." Lincoln begrudgingly admitted before rubbing his chin. "If memory serves, they'll have quite a lot to confess to each other. That should buy us some time, but not much."

"So what can we possibly do?" Lynn questioned impatiently. "The little blabber-mouths gonna ruin everything. Mom and dad are gonna lose their minds if they find out about our feud with Lyle and what that creep did to us, and if he spills the beans about One Eye, it's all gonna come crashing down." She facepalmed dejectedly, realizing that their recent antics were just the kind of thing that would cause enough arguments to destroy a failing marriage for good.

"Unfortunately, when kids get into danger that none of them could have seen coming, the parents love to pin the blame on each other, even when no one's at fault." Ryan added cynically.

Lincoln started to turn pale, seeing the full gravity of the situation. Lucy could ensure the bad future in one fell swoop. Even with the things he and Lynn had done to make things better for their parents, they still probably weren't in the right state of mind to think rationally if they were faced with these revelations.

"There's only one solution." He said bleakly.

"Tie her up, lock her up somewhere and get Lisa to create an amnesia ray?" Lynn suggested half-seriously.

"No, you knucklehead!" Lincoln had a small outburst before quickly composing herself. "We gotta tell her the truth."

"You've gotta be shitting me?!" Lynn blurted in shock.

"I'm dead serious, Lynn." Lincoln retorted.

"Actually, that's a great idea." Ryan shrugged. "She's already taken her first baby steps in helping us out with the phony picnic, might as well bring in a little helper inside our inner circle."

"Hello! Anybody there!" Lynn retorted by knocking on his head, making him wince. "You wanna tell her that we came from the future and want to prevent it from going down the crapper? Are you freaking kidding me? She's gonna think we've gone mad!"

Ryan sneered and returned the gesture by knocking on her noggin. "Hello! The kid already believes in ghosts and poltergeists! And that her great-grannies "spellbook" could be used to cast actual spells!" he elaborated as Lynn stepped back and rubbed her head. "I don't think "time travel" would a hard pill for _her_ to swallow."

Lincoln's eyes widened and he jumped to his feet, his brain going into overdrive. "You're right, Taylor!"

Did he just say that? Who cares! Realization struck him like lightning and he rested his head in his hand. "Lucy believes in all kinds of weird stuff, she's hardly got any disbelief to suspend. And if "time travel" is too…..sci-fi for her taste, we can just say that we all had some kind of prophetic visions of things to come, she loves mysticism! She would buy it just because she likes mysticism!"

"Now you're singing my song, Twinkle Toes!" Ryan approved. "We'll get extra help and we'll simultaneously get her to keep her mouth shut. It's win-win!"

"Guys, this is a stupid idea!" Lynn threw her arms up. "What use could Lucy be? She can barely get anyone to notice her! Let alone lead them astray from causing havoc!"

"Lynn, this isn't a matter of how "useful" she is." Lincoln countered. "It's a matter of how Lucy could cause a chain reaction that could ruin everything, unless we let her in. We don't have another option. Plus, she's more than earned this knowledge after everything she did to help us already."

Lynn's pupils shrank and she started sweating. "But, but, but, but…."

"No buts, Lynn!" Lincoln pointed at her. "What we're doing is way bigger than some personal, petty grudges." He gestured at Ryan. "I've been putting up with your boyfriend for nearly a week, so you can put up with Lucy! Remember the motto; take one for the team!"

"He curb-stomped you right there." Ryan snickered at his friend's defeated expression.

Grumbling incoherently, Lynn folded her arms again. She hated being "defeated" in any situation, but she couldn't put herself first here. Her brother was right, they had an important goal to accomplish, and personal animosity had to be put aside. If Ryan could put aside his humongous ego to fight zombies alongside Lincoln, she could put up with Lucy giving her lip while facing whatever trials the future had in store for them.

"Fine, it's unanimous, but I vote under protest." She grumbled in defeat.

Lincoln smiled, feeling an immense amount of relief. He could finally stop lying to Lucy. "Well, crisis averted, I guess. I'm sure Lucy will understand why we'll have to put our problems with Lyle on hold until "the incident" gets taken care of. And here I thought we would have to take drastic actions to-"

He was cut off by his phone ringing. "It's mom." Lincoln noted after taking a look at the number,

"What could she want now?" Lynn asked.

"Probably just wondering why we aren't home yet?" Lincoln reasoned optimistically before answering the call. "Hey, mom? Sup?"

His smile slowly faltered. "Yeah….mhm…." he gestured for the other to stay quiet as he walked between them and started pacing through the room.

"Yeah…what? An envelope? I haven't seen any other than…."

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Lynn whispered to Ryan warily.

"Because, his brief stint of optimism obviously jinxed us, duh." Ryan replied dryly, already knowing he wasn't going to bed this nigh.

"What?" Lincoln's tone turned more fearful, prompting Lynn's eyelids to drop.

"Yeah, he defiantly jinxed us." She sighed and slouched.

Marceline put her paw on her face, either aiming to facepalm, or to scratch an itch.

* * *

 **I can't remember the last chapter where I've amused myself this much writing it XD I really doubled down on the comedy here, I even had to cut some lines out because I worried they were** _ **too**_ _ **goofy**_ **. And that's also why I had Lucy keep her new hairdo for the duration of this arc, simply for an ever present source of silliness XD The two prank call scenes were meant to be much shorter but I could cut neither of them down because I found them too funny XD**

 **Lyle has finally gotten a fitting dose of karma after what he did to Lana and Luan in my very first fic (even if that technically never happened now, but he's still an major A-hole regardless XD) His humiliation (and the prior roasting by Ryan) here will undoubtedly fuel his desire for vengeance more than ever, though he could be hard-pressed to fulfill it now that he's honor-bound (or at least peer-pressured) by the "sacred spit shake" to leave the protagonists alone XD**

 **Unfortunately, his timing couldn't have been worse, and Lucy's now hell-bent to snitch on the bully and unintentionally putting all of the trio's efforts for fixing the future into jeopardy. The only way out (sans locking her up) is to let her in on the secret, but how will she take it? But will have to be put on hold for the next chapter. This arc took way longer to finish than I thought, as it was originally supposed to be just four chapters. Finally, it's coming to a close, with the last chapter being the end. Afterward, we can move on to a new scenario that the trio will be hard-pressed to handle, and I have a few ideas for what the next "episode" could be about.**

 **And poor Lisa, she was trying to own up to her mistakes but ultimately fell prey to the most potent of hindrances: fear. Though granted, her fears are well justified, especially with her daddy conveniently saying the right words to cloud her judgment with crippling fear XD How she's going to cope with her guilt from now on, only time can tell. Ironically though, Lisa's original face turn was brought about by a simple stern talking to by Lincoln, here…..near zombie apocalypse thanks to her playing god with science XD It just goes to show you how messing with the timeline can have various repercussions. Her actions might prevent her family from splitting up, but the OG timeline Lisa has inadvertently screwed her past self bad. In retrospect, she has committed the biggest sacrifice to ensure a better future, intentionally or not XD**


	29. One Long, Lousy Day: Ninja Theft

The sun had set on Royal Woods and the moon rose in its place, at this late hour most folks were relaxing at home or were already tucked in for the night, except for three kids. They had one hell of a long and lousy day, yet it was far from over.

"Five thousand bucks? You forked over five thousand bucks to those judges?" Ryan asked incredulously. Lincoln and Lynn sat on his bed, the former trying to recover from a state of shock, the latter looking positively distraught.

They had just inadvertently acquired an alarming tidbit from their mother, that Leni had snatched the wrong envelope! They had learned that Lola's application was still at home, while their mother was looking for something else that they now knew to be very far away from the Louds' residence.

Lincoln feebly nodded, still staring off into space. "That….they…mom was supposed to deposit that…."

"For what exactly?" Ryan questioned. "Did Blondy make a lot of long-distance calls?"

"No….no, that cash was supposed to pay for…for damages." Lincoln explained. Lynn visibly winced at the mention of that.

"It took them months to scrape all that money together. They had to sacrifice their savings, including the money we saved for our summer vacation, work long hours, do side jobs…" Lincoln voice trailed off and he buried his face in his hands.

"And what were those damages?" Ryan asked shrewdly, making Lynn tremble and bite her lip.

"I….I may have done some not-so-nice stuff…" she blushed shamefully.

* * *

 _Flashback_

 _January 3_ _rd_

 _Lincoln was strolling up the stairs reading a comic when Lynn suddenly jumped out of her room holding a football. "Lincoln, think fast!"_

 _Before the boy could react he was struck in the head and fell down._

" _Hey, guys, what do you think of my new scarf!" Leni was merrily skipping after her brother when he collided with her and they tumbled down the stairs, which ended with a loud crash._

 _Cut to Lynn standing sheepishly in a hospital hallway with her parents, Lincoln, who is now in crutches and with a leg cast, and Leni, now wearing a neck cast and arm sling, all glaring at her._

" _Upps….my bad?"_

 _February 5_ _th_

" _I win! Ha! In your face, LOSERS!" Lynn yelled triumphantly as she won another board game against Lincoln, Luan, Leni and Lana respectively. Her siblings sat around her looking exasperated when Lynn abruptly grabbed the legs of the table. They all scrambled away as she flipped it and it wound up colliding with a closet, knocking it down and causing a massive chain reaction within the living room._

 _Cut to the house looking scorched, and Lynn Sr. and Rita, the latter holding a fire extinguisher, glaring at the five siblings. Everyone swiftly pointed at Lynn, who growled._

" _You two-faced traitors!"_

 _February 26_ _th_

 _Lynn basketball team rushed out of the school gym, the first two players carrying a massive trophy while the rest of the team followed suit cheering and carrying their star player._

" _Yeah! Lynn-sanity rules!" Lynn gloated loudly and, still pumped to the brink with adrenaline, threw her basketball, which struck her school's trophy case, breaking the glass._

 _Her team halted in their tracks and Lynn's face paled, even more so after hearing her principal yelling furiously down the hall. The jock gulped."Oh-oh…."_

 _Cut to her parents glaring at her in the principal's office. Lynn chuckled nervously in her chair. "Heh….I got carried away?"_

 _March 10_ _th_

 _Lynn was boiling with rage and clutching her bat, nearly splintering it, as she watched the Hazeltuckcy Hawks carrying off their team captain, who was holding a trophy._

" _Ha, suck on it, loooosers!" she shouted mockingly at Lynn's team. Lynn gritted her teeth._

" _Take it easy, Lynn. We'll lick them next time." Margo patted her back reassuringly but promptly backed away when Lynn cried with unbridled fury and started clobbering the first object she could reach with her bat._

 _By the time she calmed down she realized, much to her horror, that she had trashed the hood of a car, a police car! And the officer was standing there, glowering at the girls. Margo and the rest of the team quickly pointed at Lynn._

" _Grrrr! You traitors!"_

 _March 21_ _st_

 _Mr. Grouse walked up to the sidewalk to grab his morning newspaper._

" _Move it, fatso!" Lynn skated down the street for her roller derby tournament, knocking the old man down. Grouse yelped as he heard sickening crunch upon impact._

" _AH! My hip!"_

 _April 4_ _th_

" _C'mon! Just follow my lead, Paula!" Lynn shouted jubilantly at her friend's home, as she encouraged her to practice sliding down the staircase._

 _After Lynn slid down the banister, Paula followed her example, with disastrous results._

" _MY LEG!"_

 _April 12_ _th_

" _And that's how I taught that punk in Albuquerque a lesson for trying to jack my car." Albert was telling a story to his grandkids at his nursing home._

 _Sitting on the other side of his bingo table, Lincoln, Lucy and Lana listened keenly. "Wooow…."_

" _Woohoo!" Lynn cheered while riding on Scoot's shoulders, as the two speed through the bingo hall, knocking down one chair and/or table after another._

" _Lynn! Don't encourage her to give you joyrides!" Albert shouted. "Her eyes aren't what they use to-"_

 _The four winced upon hearing a loud crash._

 _May 9_ _th_

 _During softball practice, Lynn aimed to one-up everyone else by hitting the ball the farthest. Spitting into her hands and clutching her trusty bat, she did just that…..and wound up shattering the glass at Flip's store. The enraged Flip stormed out holding the ball._

" _WHO'S THE YAHOO WHO DID THIS!"_

" _Aw crud…." Lynn shrank._

 _May 15_ _th_

" _I win! Lynner, Lynner, Chicken Dinner! Woohoo!" Lynn was doing her victory dance during kickboxing practice until she was stopped by her coach, who pointed at Lynn's battered opponent laying in the middle of the ring, dizzy and giving them a toothless grin._

 _Lynn chuckled awkwardly as she shrank under her coach's glare. "Heh…..I…may have gone overboard?"_

 _May 29_ _th_

" _What did I do!" Lynn lamented on the soccer field as the referee gave her a red card._

" _I just roughed her up a bit! She had it coming, taunting me like that!"_

 _Behind her, a battered and unconscious girl from the opposing team was being carried off on a stretcher._

* * *

"ALRIGHT! WE GET IT! Stop with the freaking clip show!" Lynn yelled before burying her face in her hands. "What have I done…." She struggled not to weep in front of the boys.

"Wow, were you really that much of a pain-in-the-ass for everyone?" Ryan asked with amazement.

"You didn't see what she did during our last visit to the mall." Lincoln shook his head.

"Can it, you mooks!" Lynn cried lividly before exhaling with frustration.

"Chill, Lynn." Lincoln reassured her, knowing how much this hurt her. "I'm sure if we just make a call, we can clear up this mess."

"Hah! You poor, naïve soul. If only things were ever that simple in life." Ryan snorted and shook his head. "You seriously think that Dufresne guy is gonna hand over that much cash if he's already found it?"

"What are you getting at?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "He's the only one besides the three of us who knows about the accidental cash transaction. Wake up and smell the coffee, it will be _his_ word against _ours_ ; three kids nobody's gonna listen to. He'll have little reason not to keep his jackpot, so he'll probably play ignorant if anyone confronts him on the matter."

Lincoln frowned. "I'm sure he will be reasonable; you gotta have more faith in the inherent goodness of-"

"Oh, get your head out of your behind, Lincoln! Ryan's right." Lynn snapped at him. "If _I_ stumbled upon five grand people would have to pry them out of my cold, dead hands, _and so would you_! And you know it!"

"Me too." Ryan shrugged. "The law of "finders keepers" is a very biased one."

Lincoln sighed. Lynn's argument, while simple, sounded shamefully true. "Okay, okay. But the girls are still at the hotel, and so is Kathleen? She practically owns the place, and if we just call Lola and explain things, we can straighten it out right away."

Lynn grimaced, she didn't feel as optimistic but was willing to give it a go. "Alright, then call the little twerp, the clock's ticking." She urged him.

Lincoln did so but quickly ran into a hurdle. "The number I've dialed is no longer in service?!" he blurted, utterly bewildered.

"What do you mean?!" Lynn started to panic.

"Our favorite rich bitch must have bought the bimbo squad a brand-new phone each." Ryan quickly concluded. "With brand new numbers."

"Oh for the love of-" Lynn pulled on her hair in despair.

"Don't panic, Lynn." Lincoln nervously reassured her. "I'll try to call the others, and maybe the hotel." He mused and got off the bed to face Ryan. "Do you have a phone book?"

"It's in the living room." Ryan rolled his eyes, already knowing this would be a futile effort.

"Just stay calm, guys. I'll be back in a minute." Lincoln told them and rushed down the stairs. Lynn watched him go with a bleak expression.

"Oh, Ryan, what are we gonna do?" she clutched her head. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so bone-headed…."

"Well….yeah…it is your fault for leaving your folks in debt." Ryan shrugged, earning a death glare from the girl.

He swallowed and stepped back. "But…eh….at least you weren't the one who snatched the wrong envelope?"

Lynn's glare faltered and she slouched dejectedly. "What are we gonna do? I know we won't be able to reach anyone…."

Ryan contemplated and grew a determined look. "Take matters in our own hands then."

"What?" Lynn looked at him incredulously. "What are you saying? That we should break into the hotel and grab the envelope?"

"Not even close." Ryan shook his head and headed towards his closet. "We'll pay that fashion judge or whatever he is a _secret_ visit, and snatch the envelope without him or anyone else noticing."

Lynn's eyes widened. "So you wanna break in? Are you nuts?"

Ryan stopped as he opened the closet and sighed. "It's the same to me, Lynn. It depends if _you_ wanna do it? We can sit back and let your folks scrape together another five grand, though it sure would be a pity if they lost that much doe due to your sisters' stupidity."

He stopped talking and let Lynn make her choice. His tone had been pretty even, he wasn't challenging her to a dare, he just said it as it was. It was a simple truth. Lynn got that and thought about her decision carefully.

She was a pretty daring person and was always up for a challenge, but breaking into a hotel in the dead of night was pushing it even for a daredevil like her. But she knew the consequences if they didn't do anything about this. Losing five big ones wouldn't do her parents' rocky relationship any favors, hell, it could easily undo whatever progress they had made these past few days. Her parents would have to start from scratch, and more importantly, it was entirely her fault that they needed this money to begin with, not for their family's interest _but to clean up her mess_.

This was all on her, Lynn knew it. She was the one who made the bed and had to sleep in it. It was her duty to fix the mess that she had created. Looking at it like that, the jock saw no other way.

"There won't be any other options, will there?" she asked grimly, having already made up her mind.

"I think we both know the answer." Ryan nodded.

" _What do you mean Ms. Tisdale can't be bothered right now? This is important! What? No, wait! Please don't hang up! Hello? Hello?!_ " they heard Lincoln's voice from downstairs.

Lynn braced herself and faced Ryan with a determined look. "Let's do it. So what's your plan?"

Ryan smirked. "We get in, snatch the envelope and get out. The rest we'll have to improvise as we go along." He grabbed the first rod from which his regular clothes hung and pushed it aside to reveal another rod holing a row of identical red-and-black ninja suits. "But first we'll need to suit up."

"Naturally, a stealth mission such as this must be handled _incognito_ , so slip into this." He tossed her one ninja suit.

Lynn looked at the costume in her hands and smiled with some excitement. She's been waiting for a chance at this. "Good call, if we gonna do this, we'll do it with style."

Ryan smirked in agreement.

* * *

One suiting up montage later, Lynn adjusted her short-sleeved tunic and her stash holding smoke bombs, placed her nunchucks into her belt and finally slipped on her mask.

Dead-set on getting the job done, she stepped out of the room and was met by Ryan, who was already dressed for the occasion. He was carrying a grappling gun, had rope wrapped around his shoulder and what appeared to be a bow staff strapped to his back. Lynn posed in a dramatic fashion for her big reveal and Ryan gave her an approving look.

"Looking good, pretty badass." He complimented her in a flirty tone, making the girl blush under her mask.

"But you're missing something." He handed her a pair of black sports gloves like the ones he was wearing. "Rule one of infiltration; never leave behind fingerprints. They will be your undoing."

"You're the teacher." Lynn quipped as she slipped them on. "I don't watch crime dramas as much as Linc does."

"What about me-ah!" Lincoln came back and promptly jolted at what he saw. "What are you doing?!"

"Retrieving your mommy's cash so she can pay your family's debts, you're welcome." Ryan answered snidely.

Lincoln's eyes bulged. "Have you two lost it?!"

Lynn glared at him. "Lincoln, don't try to stop us, you know it will be futile." She told him firmly. "This needs to be done. If you can think of a way to earn five grand in a jiffy so mom and dad won't have to slave away for another six months, be my guest. But I must do what I must do."

"Lynn, this is crazy. I know you feel bad about getting our folks into so much debt but this isn't the way to do it." Lincoln tried to reason with her.

"And what _is_ the way to do it?" Ryan folded his arms. "All your calls were ignored if I'm not mistaken?"

"This isn't like stink-bombing Kathleen's clubhouse, you loon!" Lincoln confronted him. "This is breaking and entering! Have you even considered in how much trouble you'll get yourself and her into-"

"Ah, and that's where you're mistaken." Ryan told him lazily and slowly grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing Lincoln to look at their reflection in the wall mirror.

Ryan tugged on his mask. "You can't get into trouble if you're not identified. And as a big superhero buff, you oughta know that as long as we wear these nifty masks we're not Ryan, or Lincoln, or Lynn, we're mysterious phantoms who'll slip into that building in the dead of night and leave just as quickly without leaving a trace."

Suddenly he pulled something over Lincoln's head, the younger boy winced but soon saw that he was now wearing his blue ski mask, and Ryan shoved the rest of his homemade stealth suit into his hands.

"Aw, Linc. You held on to our first "luchador" mask after all these years." Lynn remarked while fondly reminiscing.

"Wait? How did you get hold of my costume?"

"No time to explain, times a waistin'." Ryan countered.

"I'm not breaking into a hotel!" Lincoln defied him.

Ryan chuckled. "It's not breaking and entering if you don't get _caught_. And not getting caught is a ninja's specialty."

"Lincoln, please, we need you." Lynn told him seriously. "We're not asking for you to infiltrate that place, but we'll need a lookout, not to mention someone who can supply us with walkie."

"Naturally." Ryan shrugged. "I'd be unfair of us to ask a geriatric 10-year-old to climb buildings." He quipped, forcing Lynn to elbow him in the flank in retribution.

After some deliberation, Lincoln sighed. "You're gonna do this no matter what I say to you?" he asked exasperatedly.

"You know me well, bro." she nodded.

" _All this madness must be taking its toll on me_ …." Lincoln shook his head. "Alright, I'm in. I think this is bonkers but I'll do it."

Lynn smiled under her mask. "Thanks, Linc."

"Can I just suit up first?"

"Just don't take too long, pipsqueak. We're wasting moonlight." Ryan told him and strolled into his room to open the window.

"But how are we gonna get there?" Lynn realized. "It ain't exactly hopscotch to that hotel?"

Ryan rubbed his chin while crouching on the window. "Ah, I know. Just follow me to the discount store. I think we'll be able to hitch a ride if we're sneaky about it."

"How?" Lynn asked.

"You'll see." Ryan reassured her and leaped off into the night. "HYAH!"

"Show off!" Lynn scoffed. "I can make a better exit than that! Hurry up, Lincoln!" she told her brother and followed Ryan. "HYAH!"

Lincoln rolled his eyes, fearing that he was going to regret this. "I think I'll take the stairs….." He got dressed and followed them.

* * *

She wasn't even four, yet Lisa felt like she had reached the ultimate low point in her life, as far as one was humanly achievable. Actually, no human, not even the most brilliant minds in human history could possibly have dug a deeper hole than she had. She had almost doomed the human race; her brother now hated her for it, and so would the rest of her family if she pleaded guilty and showed them the evidence for it, and most horrifyingly of all, earning her family's unanimous contempt would probably be the least of her worries.

Her eyes were puffy, but she couldn't shed another tear as she was certain that she had emptied her tear sacks about an hour ago. All she could do is sniff miserably while hugging herself and rocking back and forth against her bed in total darkness. She was stuck in a lose-lose situation, if she didn't fess up her conscience would never be clear, but if she did fess up she would set herself up to lose everything that meant anything to her, including possibly her freedom.

" _Do I even have a right to plead for freedom?_ " The toddler scared herself as some part of her flat out told her that she didn't deserve the latter. Lisa seriously considered if this one sin of hers was so irredeemable that she had effectively forfeited any rights she had as a human being? Maybe she had stepped the line of no return? Maybe her brother and Ryan were right that she deserved to be locked up like a rabid animal, and didn't deserve to be treated any better than one?

" _But it was an accident!_ " she cried inwardly. No matter how selfish she felt for refusing to show her parents the self-incriminating footage, no matter how much she loathed herself for it, her self-preservation instincts wouldn't allow her to damn herself like she imagined she would in that scenario.

" _Perhaps a round of three-dimensional chess would help. To soothe your inner turmoil?_ " she heard Fenton's voice. His eyes were glowing automatically now that there was no other source of light in the room, illuminating the chessboard he was holding.

"Go away and leave me alone!"

" _Master, it goes against my programming. To commit diligence of duty. While you are still distraught_."

"I said go away! That's an order." Lisa barked, though it came out more like a pathetic whimper. Of course the word "order" changed everything for the robot. "Go….go into hibernation until I tell you not to!"

" _As you command, master_." He agreed, unable to defy his programming. Lisa heard the mechanical sounds of him walking, away from her. She let out a small sigh but being free of his insipid prattling gave her little comfort. It didn't change anything.

After some time, with her mind still racing, Lisa got up and aimlessly paced around her dark room until she eventually ended up at the window. She looked at the bright night sky and the millions of stars that littered it. She thought about the endless cosmos; dark, cold and empty, just like how she felt like right now, like a small chunk of an asteroid floating aimlessly through the empty void of space.

Sighing, her gaze slowly shifted down to the yard, where she saw a rather peculiar sight; Lucy and Luan _together_ , by themselves. Her eyes widened slightly, had her siblings returned? She only recalled hearing Luna's voice from the hallway once the rocker had returned. Lisa had overheard her talking to their mother, as Luna too had apparently found an excuse to skip the picnic.

Lucy was sitting on the tire swing and Luan was lightly pushing it. This would have been a fairly unremarkable sight, if it didn't involve the combo of a reclusive, introverted goth and a bombastic, ultra-extroverted joker? After much deliberation, Lisa tentatively made her way down the stairs. Should Lincoln be down there somewhere, she had no idea how to proceed, and it scared her.

* * *

The warm summer winds blew across the night, carrying various scents across the open plains. A lone, dark figure was trotting along the road, guided by his sensitive nose. He hadn't eaten for nearly a week and was growing desperate after two failed hunts in one day. Luckily for him, he could always resort to foraging through man's trash and knew exactly where to find it.

Tired and hungry, he took another whiff and could smell his destination, not too far away. He knew this territory like the back of his paw, and knew the exact route that would lead him there quickest. On his way, he stopped by a familiar water hole to rehydrate himself.

A herd of pronghorn was already there and upon spotting the predator emerging from the brush prairie, they scattered and ran like the wind, leaving One Eye with all the water to himself. Knowing better than to try and chase down the nimble antelopes he opted to lap up some refreshing water instead. There were much easier pickings up ahead.

Hearing an approaching vehicle, the wolf instinctively ducked behind the shrubs until the large truck drove past him.

Standing up again, One Eye resumed drinking. This was just a freak occurrence as humans were seldom active late at night.

* * *

The delivery truck parked at a nearby supermarket, and the driver started unloading the cargo. Once he took out the first crate and carried it away on his cargo cart, one crafty stowaway took his opportunity to sneak out of the trailer and gestured for his companions to follow, and they slinked off into the night.

There weren't many buildings around here, but with a gas station and a fast food restaurant both in close proximity, there were still some people driving and strolling around. Trying to stay under the radar, Ryan poked his head from behind the gas station before commando rolling his way into an alleyway and peaked from behind the wall of a building. Seeing that the coast was clear, he gestured for the others to follow.

Doing a cartwheel, Lynn cleared the distance between them and joined him in his surveying. Lincoln didn't bother being dramatic, and simply tippy-toed his way past the series of trash cans and caught up with them.

"Seriously, Lincoln? What kind of a maneuver was that? You're ruining our mystique." Lynn chastised him.

"Lynn, this isn't a contest and keep your voice down, someone might hear us." He whispered to her, pointing at the windows above them.

"Yeah, let's get on the rooftop; the view there will surely be lovely." Ryan quipped and climbed up the fire escape stairs, Lynn and Lincoln followed.

Once they were up, they saw what they were looking for; Tisdale Towers was in full view. They took their time to soak in the sight, mainly to look for any signs of activity within the towering building, which appeared to mostly be serene and low on activity at this late hour, as evident by the large number of unlit rooms.

"I don't see many lights, especially on the upper floors." Lynn noted.

"Fortunate for us." Ryan quipped. "You'll soon learn that darkness is a ninja's best friend."

Lincoln kneeled down and drew out his binoculars. "Hmmmm…."

"Well, what do you see, Linc."

"I….I feel rotten for spying on people." He commented uneasily. "Doesn't feel right."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "How very thoughtful of you, pipsqueak. But how about you just give us the status report, and save the moral lecture for when we can ignore you?"

Lincoln made a humph but did his job. "Most of the people I can see don't seem to be doing anything in particular; I think most are turning in for the night."

"Sweet." Lynn leaned on the brick wall. "But do you see any sign of that judge guy? You're the only one who saw him."

"I'm searching. There are hundreds of rooms here; his might not even be on this side of the building."

Lynn sighed and waited impatiently. She needed to atone for her mistakes, and saving her folks from losing a boatload of cash due to dumb luck seemed like an appropriate way to do it. Which is why she couldn't fail!

"Say, Lynn?" Ryan asked her casually, leaning next to her. "Why did your folks stash all their money into one envelope? And plan to pay all those debts on the same day? Seems like a "don't put all your eggs in one basket" kinda thing?"

Lynn sighed again. "They don't like standing in lines, they _really_ don't like it. Plus, they can't afford to stay away from home for too long."

"Hmmm?" Ryan shrugged. "I see their points, especially the former."

"And I'm not sure that deposit covers _all_ the damage I've caused." Lynn muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing…." She grumbled and sought to change the topic. "So how are we gonna infiltrate?"

"First, we'll climb one of those trees." Ryan stated while pointing at the grove of tall conifers growing close to the building, before spinning his grappling gun in his hand. "Then this baby will help us close the gap."

Lynn rolled her eyes humorously. "And then?"

"Best bet, we find an air vent and use the ducts to navigate the place." Ryan continued.

"I've got some experience with that." Lynn smirked under her mask.

Ryan did the same. "Me too, plus I got some much-needed practice just yesterday, and in the same getup no less. If I had known better back then I would have loaded my arsenal more."

"Or we could just grapple our way to his room and get through the window while he's absent?" the idea dawned on Lynn.

"Ah, you're starting to use your noodle?" Ryan teased. "Feels good, doesn't it?"

Lynn chose to let that one slide and instead held up her nunchucks. "Where did ya get these toys anyway?" she asked cheekily. "Cuz they don't look like actual _toys_?"

"Now, that would be telling." Ryan replied mysteriously.

"Aw, and I thought I was _special_ to you."

"I see him!" Lincoln spoke up, diverting their attention back to him.

"Where, Lincoln?" Lynn asked anxiously.

Adjusting his binoculars, Lincoln evaluated the position of the target room. "Wait a minute?" he mumbled and zoomed in again. "There's someone else in there? Someone short? And pink? It's Lola!"

"Yes!" Lynn pumped her fist and snatched the binoculars. "Lemme see!"

"Me too!" Ryan fought her over them, and they eventually settled on using them as a shared telescope.

Ryan snorted with one eye closed. "That's him? He looks like Mr. L cosplaying as Cruella de Vil?"

Lynn let out a dry laugh at his remark while focusing on the dwarf in the room. "Yup, that's defiantly Lola, and speaking from personal experience, I think Donnie-boy's about as enthusiastic about her company as we are. He has the same "please kill me" look on his face."

"Well, dorko? Can you evaluate his position?"

Lincoln scowled but kept on counting. "I'm doing it. Lemme see again? One, two, three…hmmm? He's on the fifth floor. His room…third one to the right!"

"Remember that, Lynn." Ryan told the girl. "Well, all that's left is getting there."

"Not so fast, guys. There's some activity down there." Lincoln pointed out. "I see a lot of lights near the pool." The trio soon noted the faint music playing in the general vicinity.

"Lemme see?" Lynn grabbed the binoculars to take a gander. "It's a small pool party. I see Kathleen, Amber and Jenny along with Lori, Bobby and Leni, and I recognize many of their friends. And many of our school mates, Ryan."

"You see anyone else there? Any grownups?" Ryan questioned. Lynn gave him a firm "nope".

"Hmmm…I guess Kathy booked the place so they could party without any fuddy-duddies around to spoil their under-aged drinking and the _other_ inappropriate activities they might be doing." Ryan snarked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lincoln asked, growing concerned for his wayward sisters.

"Ignore him, Lincoln." Lynn told him as she lowered the binoculars. "We gotta be careful down there, or else we'll get spotted."

"I wouldn't worry too much." Ryan shrugged. "Hammered teens aren't very observant."

Lynn sighed. "Let's hope so."

"I see plenty of cover there, Lynn." Ryan pointed at the woodland around the building. "We better get closer, and wait a bit until the lights are out, then we'll strike. And you keep an eye out and warn us in case you spot any surprises." He turned to Lincoln, who sighed with resignation.

"I'll do that, do you have your walkie-talkie?"

Lynn answered by patting the device strapped to her belt before glancing back at the building. "Let's move out then."

"Good luck, Lynn. And please, be careful." Lincoln told her worriedly. "This is not a game."

"Don't fret over me, I've got everything covered." Lynn told him, with much less cockiness than she usually did. Sure, she was stoked about playing ninja, but this task felt much more personal and urgent to her than winning some trophy or beating a rival sports team. This was about her parents, not her.

With that, she jumped off. "Lynn!" Lincoln gasped and leaned down, quickly feeling relived upon seeing her hanging on to a branch and waving at them.

"C'mon, slowpoke! Unless you're scared I'll out-ninja you!" she taunted her partner and swung away.

"She's a natural." Ryan remarked proudly while Lincoln grumbled.

"Will you _please_ remind her not to turn this into a contest? Or a stunt show?" he told the other boy seriously. Ryan turned to him, and even with his mask on, Lincoln could very much see the former's insipid smirk. Ryan raised his hand up, making Lincoln flinch.

"No, please not the head." He lamented while covering said head. Ryan patted his back instead.

"Don't get your tights in a twist." Ryan told him coolly. "With my guidance this will be a cinch. You just do your part." Cracking his neck, he braced himself for action.

"And quit whining about everything, especially when me and Lynn are doing all the real work." He added snidely before standing up on the ridge. "Later, gator!" he leaped off, following Lynn.

Lincoln listened to the rustling of branches below, which quickly faded out. He sighed; it was all up to them now. He could only pray for the best.

Ryan's parting words echoed back to him, and he felt cowardly and useless for sitting behind. If only he was tougher or more athletic. Lynn had tried to train him before, too bad that she had no clue how to coach and even less how to spar with anyone on a beginner level.

A few blocks away, One Eye patrolled the dark alleys, sniffing the ground. A familiar scent soon caught his intrigue.

* * *

"Of course ever since we were born I have always been the prettier one, I have no idea why people keep calling us "identical twins". Then again, Lana's horrendous sense of fashion and disgusting habits AND her non-existent sense of hygiene would cancel out any form of beauty she might have. Lynn is just as bad, though she's a plain Jane anyway. Not even the staunchest makeover artist could do anything to save her. And you should see Luna's haircut? Scandalous! And don't even get me started on Luan! I'm still trying to get my parents to take me to the city council so we can finally pass a law that will force her to wear a paper bag over her face whenever she steps out of our house. Lisa? She should be in every dictionary under the word "shut-in" and "fright wig". Lucy? You're better off not knowing! And Lincoln's just embarrassing, he has a horrendous combo of many of both Lynn's and Luan's blemishes, not to mention his mousy wardrobe and his complete lack of class or charm, I tell ya, he's gonna die a spinster!"

Donnie Dufresne was on the verge of a mental breakdown trying to drown out his dinner guest's nonstop prattling. The child was even more self-absorbed and chatty than Kathleen, in fact, both of them would make better judges in his opinion than contenders, given their unanimous love for berating every person they know or meet. Dufresne's colleagues had nothing on them.

"I give Leni credit for at least _trying_ to be presentable, but no matter how fashionable you might be, it can't hide your lack grace or wit, but to be fair to her, she's about as bright as a plank. The least Lori could do is take some fashion advice from her, they are both roommates after all. But she's way too busy chatting with her dullard of a boyfriend all day long so she can listen to him praising her nonstop. Egad, how could anyone be so vain or chatty, am I right? I at least I've _earned_ my right to be spoiled and praised nonstop-eh Donnie? Are you okay?"

She finally stopped chatting after noticing him covering his ears while trembling, his teeth chattering as he did so. He stopped upon seeing that she had stopped talking and was now watching him with a confused expression. Finally, this could be his chance to excuse himself and get away from her!

"Eh-yes! Of course, Lola! Eh…this was a very…..interesting conversation. Your family is quite fascinating." The sweaty pageant judge answered hastily.

Lola scoffed and leaned back in her seat with folded arms. "I guess that's one way to put it."

Dufresne's eyes darted in all directions; the restaurant was basically empty by this hour. Listening to Lola felt like being trapped in limbo. There was nothing he could point her towards to distract her. He had to improvise fast!

"Yes, yes, and this has been a very lovely evening but now we should both turn in for the night, we both need our beauty sleep to look fabulous. It was an honor meeting you, Kathleen wasn't exaggerating when she said that you had a "winning personality", you sure know how to stay ahead in the game." He told her and followed it up with a wink.

Lola had no idea what that wink was for, but she didn't care. Donnie Dufresne had just praised her for having a winning personality! "Aww…Donnie? You're making me blush." She giggled effeminately. "But by all means, _keep talking_."

"Hey, Lola!" the princess froze upon hearing her twin's coarse voice. A drenched Lana waddled up to their table wearing her blue swimsuit, a diving mask and snorkel, and flippers **,** while carrying a beach ball.

" _Lana, get out of here!_ " Lola hissed at her viciously but Lana's attention was fixated on the croissant that had been left on Dufresne's plate.

"Yummy!" She grabbed it and wolfed it down, after which she released a massive belch, much to the other two's disgust, before noticing Dufresne.

"Hey…you're that guy she keeps talking about! Who judges girls in sparkly towels!" she pointed at him. "Hey, I'm Lana!"

"Eh….charmed?" Dufresne nodded with a queasy expression.

"Lana, what do you want!" Lola jumped out of her seat to confront her.

"I wanna play ball with someone. All these big kids at the pool keep ignoring me, so I wanna play with you."

"Are you joking?" Lola scoffed. "In case you haven't noticed I have a very important dinner date!"

Dufresne grinned, seizing his opportunity. "Oh, no, no, no, Lola. Be my guest and go have fun with your sister. I understand how important it is for you children to spend quality time with your siblings." He insisted and stood up from his seat.

"No, Donnie, you misunderstand." Lola pleaded. "I don't want to play with her, I-"

"Don't be modest, child." Dufresne cut her off. "I insist! You go enjoy yourself. I've got errands to run anyway. By!" And with that, he bolted away, leaving Lola slack-jawed.

"Huh? For a dandy glamour boy, he sure can run when he wants to." Lana laughed.

"You, moron! You scared him away with your vulgar behavior!" Lola snapped at her.

"That's not true." Lana huffed. "He was charmed to meet me, he said so!"

"Don't you understand sarcasm, you twit!"

"You've been clinging on to him all day and talking boring junk! Don't _you_ understand how to loosen up and have some real fun, you powder puff!" Lana retorted holding her ball.

"I do! But working at a manure factory would be more fun than playing with the likes of _you_!"

Lana's face scrunched up. "Oh, yeah? Well, just for that I'm gonna find Donnie and show him how I can belch the alphabet in one go! See if he's gonna favor you after that!" Lana huffed and waddled past her shocked twin.

"Don't you dare!" Lola grabbed her arm. Lana smirked at her.

"Well, I might change my mind if you go and play with me, _now_."

"No way, I gotta make amends with Donnie first!" Lola argued angrily.

"No deal then!" Lana frowned and let out a belching noise that vaguely sounded like "Hey, Donnie!"

Lola paled and started sweating. "Stop it, or I'll make you regret it!"

"You got no dirt on me! I've been extra cautious about it." Lana taunted her, fighting to free her arm.

"Alright, I'll play with you _tomorrow_. Okay?"

"I wanna play ball now!" Lana protested.

Lola boiled inwardly but was suddenly struck with an idea. She grinned evilly and her hair turned spiky and curled inward.

"How about this? You leave me alone and I'll tell you the whereabouts of a poor, little animal that you can adopt?"

"What are you talking about?" Lana asked suspiciously.

"Well….I…..I mean, me and Lincoln strolled by that creek between here and the park when we went to submit my application, and we spotted this poor, cute little animal that looked like it was nothing but skin and bone. It looked like it desperately needed a home where someone could love it and nurture it back to health." She explained, feigning sympathy for the nonexistent vermin.

Lana studied her shrewdly. "What kind of an animal was it?"

"Eh…..a snipe! Yeah, a snipe!" Lola responded hastily.

Lana narrowed her eyes at her, and Lola started sweating.

"Well that makes sense; snipes always stay near the water." The tomboy rubbed her chin.

Lola blinked. "They do-I mean, how do you know that?"

"Duh, I'm gonna try for the Bluebell girl scouts in July, genius." Lana retorted proudly. "You can't be a scout if you don't know the ins and outs of nature, plus I love animals!"

Lola sighed inwardly with relief. "Well, what are you waiting for? A small, fluffy critter is dying out there!"

"You're lucky that the welfare of a poor animal is way more important to me than getting my bore of a sister to have fun." Lana scoffed and ran past her. "Plus I need to earn by veterinarian badge!"

Lola chuckled evilly, unable to believe her look. "So long, dummy. Can't believe I got her to go on a snipe hunt, I defiantly got all the brains while we were sharing a womb. Now to make things right with Donnie!"

* * *

Elsewhere, in a patch of woodland, a dark figure parkoured her way through the canopy and stuck her landing in a patch of bushes, a second figure followed suit and landed next to her.

"I win." Lynn said proudly.

"By taking an unfair head-start?" Ryan snarked. "Way to be a good sport."

Lynn huffed indignantly. "And Snowy warned me you would try to one me up. You know this is isn't a contest?" Ryan added before she could get a word in.

"I know that, I ain't stupid." Lynn said firmly. She didn't need Ryan to tell her that, she knew what was at stake. But it didn't mean she couldn't do a little gloating when the time was right.

" _Sure_ , let's see how the party's doing." Ryan whispered and pushed back some braches so he could spy on the guests, Lynn did the same. There was only a tall wire fence between the pool and them, giving them a clear view of what was going on. The music made it impossible to hear anyone speak from their vantage point but it didn't really matter, as long as the party kept the guests out of the building.

Lynn spotted some familiar faces and pointed at them. They saw Lori dragging Bobby behind the changing cabins. "Well, I'm sure they'll be occupied for a while." Lynn remarked dryly.

Not too far away, they found Kathleen together with her friends and Leni at the bar, surrounded by a large gathering of teens. Kathleen was at center stage talking about something, probably involving herself, though with a more downbeat look than usual. Leni seemed to be comforting her.

"Kathy's the center of attention as usual. She'll also be preoccupied." Ryan joked. "That just leaves the clones? We know where Pinky will probably be but where's Lana?"

"I see her." Lynn spoke up. "But why is she dressed in camo and carrying a butterfly net?" They saw the tomboy walking around and asking people, most of which ignored her or obviously declined whatever request she had for them.

"Who cares? Point is they won't be an issue. Only the brat might give us trouble." Ryan assessed the situation and slinked away. Casting one final glance at her traitorous sisters, Lynn followed him.

* * *

"Don't be sad, Kathleen. I'm sure Luan will come around eventually." Leni offered her host some comfort, as she had been quite glum ever since Luan's less-than-heartfelt departure."

Kathleen sighed and kept fiddling with the straw of her smoothie. A chorus of other voices quickly agreed with Leni and praised their host, something both Jenny and even Amber immediately recognized as sycophantic brownnosing, but Leni's heart swelled at everyone's apparent display of kindness and empathy.

"You people are too kind." Kathleen politely gestured for everyone to quiet down. "But we can't blame the poor girl for mistrusting me; you can't bully a person for a year and then suddenly expect them to forgive you in a day, if anything, it was my fault for letting that intrusive Mulligan report on my charity work."

Kathleen took a sip before sighing dejectedly. "She always knows how to say the wrong thing at the right time to stir up drama. But daddy always says that I can't allow setbacks to discourage me, no matter how severe they might be. One must always press on if they want to accomplish their goals."

Leni clasped her hands and shed a tear. "What beautiful words, if only Luan could have heard them."

"Hey, Leni!" someone tugged her hand but the teen barely heard her over the music and everyone else's talking.

"Well, to be fair; Luan's one thing, but you shouldn't feel too bad about that Ryan and Lynn not sticking around. They seem like an unruly bunch." Jenny spoke up. "I can't be the only one who noticed how both of them barely held back from saying all kinds of nasty things to you, Kath?"

"We can't be too harsh on them either. If my sister or friend was dealing with bullies I wouldn't treat those people too kindly either." Kathleen replied evenly.

"Yeah, but that hardly excuses that creep's very…crude parting gesture." Jenny pointed out.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to." Leni defended him. "He probably thinks that it's some rock and roll gesture, not that it means "get a nose job". It's a rude thing to tell somebody but he's just naïve. I'm sure if I explain that to him, he'll apologize and everything will be fine."

Everyone rolled their eyes at her sentiment; Kathleen raised her hand for everyone not to comment.

"You're probably right, Leni, I'm sure he doesn't know the meaning of that gesture." She humored her and slurped up the rest of her smoothie. She sighed. "But I wouldn't want to dampen anyone's spirit now; I called you all here to have a good time. Now I hope everyone's enjoying their stay at Tisdale Towers?"

Another chorus of people voicing nothing but glowing praise for her establishment ensued.

"Oh, it's totes wonderful here!" Leni was crying tears of joy. "It's like a palace, all the employees are so nice, everything's so sparkly, the food is totes divine! I didn't even know there were so many kinds of salad?"

Kathleen chuckled. "We usually don't serve such a wide variety of vegetables, but one of daddy's main finical backers for the hotel is also a major vegan activist, so daddy agreed to hold a weekly "Salad Sunday" on which we only serve dishes made from flora, not fauna."

" _Bah, I hate vegetables!_ " Lana thought while still tugging her sister's arm.

"Are Flora and Fauna the two chief cooks?" Leni asked, prompting Jenny to cover her mouth while sniggering.

Kathleen tried to keep a straight face. "Eh no, Leni. I meant…..eh never mind." She opted to change the topic. "Speaking of that guy's pro-vegan campaigns, I've considered donating some money to his noble cause…."

Leni was once again captivated by Kathleen's speech, while a frustrated Lana opted to stop tugging and instead used the handle of her net to whack the teen on the head.

"Ow…" Leni whimpered and finally noticed her. "Lana, what are you doing-" she quickly forgot about her pain and cooed. "Aw, you look so totes adorable playing solider."

Lana rolled her eyes and grabbed the teen's arm. "Can we talk alone? I wanna ask ya a favor."

"Oh, anything for you. You don' need to ask for a favor." Leni said brightly and followed her until they were away from the crowd. Lana stopped her by a palm tree.

"I need help to save an animal. I asked everyone around here and they just ignored me. And Lori's too busy sucking face with Bobby behind those cabins."

"Aw, how romantic!" Leni gushed excitably.

"No, it's super icky!" Lana gagged with disagreement. "Ugh, never mind that. There's a critter at the creek that needs our help!"

"Aw, the poor little animal, how can we help it?"

Lana smiled with appreciation. Finally, someone else who cared about their furry, scaly, slimy and winged neighbors! "We gotta catch it and nurse it back to health."

Leni blinked for a second before agreeing immediately. "Okay, what are we gonna do?"

* * *

Meanwhile, atop a spruce tree, a small bang was heard and a grappling hook shot out of the tree and got snagged against the ledge. Ryan and Lynn pulled with all their strength to make sure the rope was secured and Ryan tied it to the thickest branch.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing. Cuz I can't become an Olympic athlete if I prematurely fall to my death." Lynn told him grimly.

"Don't you worry, I always get the best equipment for these jobs, and I've done this plenty." Ryan reassured her.

Lynn's heard the static from her walkie-talkie and picked it up. "Yes, Lincoln?"

" _This is Wily Sleuth calling Sports Girl. Do you read me, Sports Girl?_ " she heard her brother's voice and groaned exasperatedly.

"For the last time, Lincoln, we ain't using such dumbo codenames!" she told him adamantly.

"If we do they ought to at least sound cool." Ryan mused absentmindedly. "Uhhh….like Black Mamba or…Night Hawk?"

"Ryan, shut it." Lynn gave him a tired glare.

Lincoln sighed with disappointment. " _Alright….what's your position, guys?_ "

"We secured the rope to the fifth floor, now we just gotta climb in and retrieve the objective." Lynn answered. "Do you see any trouble ahead? Like guards in the corridor?"

" _Negative. And Dufresne and Lola aren't present on the premise. This could be your best shot._ "

"Awesome, let's not waste time." Lynn told Ryan. "Just sit tight, Lincoln. We'll be back in no time."

" _Roger that._ _Good luck_." Lincoln told them before hanging up.

"Ladies first." Ryan gestured at the newly made tightrope.

Lynn braced herself and climbed down to grab the rope and let herself dangle from it, with her upper body strength being the only thing between her and a deadly drop.

" _Easy peasy_." She tried to reassure herself, trying not to look down as she pulled herself towards the window. Lynn never pegged herself as being scared of heights, but she has never done horizontal rope climbing _five stories high_.

"Did it!" she sighed with relief as she hauled herself up the ledge before crouching under a window with no lights. Ryan soon caught up with her.

"What now?" she asked him as he crouched next to her, the high altitude winds blowing at them.

"Let's try through the window. Remember, third one to the right."

Lynn nodded and started maneuvering along the ledge to her right, Ryan followed her. "And be careful of loose bricks. That could put a kibosh on this mission." Lynn felt a chill run down her spine but composed herself and kept moving until they reached the right window. Lynn carefully peeked in through the glass.

"You see him?" Ryan whispered.

"Nope, we're clear to go."

"And do you see any sign of the envelopes?"

Lynn studied the interior. "Nadda…..could be in that nightstand or maybe that dresser?"

"We'll find out soon." Ryan said confidently. "If you may?"

"Let's do it." Lynn tried to open the window but couldn't. "Dammit, it's locked." She grunted frustratingly.

"It's never that easy." Ryan stated unsurprised.

"Well, now what?" Lynn asked him impatiently.

"We'll have to find another way in, let's go." They continued moving along the ledge, looking for another opening.

* * *

" _Damn, what else could go wrong?_ " Lincoln worried as he watched them from afar. They couldn't open any other window on that ledge until they wound up turning around the corner and disappeared from sight.

Lincoln sighed; any hopes of a quick and discrete heist were immediately smashed. He continued surveying the building, finding no sign of activity in the halls and most rooms had their lights off. Turning his binoculars back towards the ground he saw something unusual; Lana and Leni strolling away from the building, dressed in camo and carrying butterfly nets.

" _What are they doing?_ " the boy wondered, hoping they weren't heading into any trouble when he heard a doorknob moving. Startled, his eyes darted towards the stairwell exit and saw the door opening. Lincoln bolted and hid behind the small construction and saw a janitor walking out with a broom. He started sweeping the roof while whistling in rhythm with his walkman. Lincoln looked for the fire exit stairs.

" _I'm no use to them if I can't see them. And I can't be caught up here dressed as a midget burglar either._ " He hurried down the metal stairs but they soon shook and the boy lost balance.

"Whoa!" he cried as he found himself falling but luckily landed on something soft, and smelly, and full of buzzing flies. Lincoln frowned under his mask as he threw a rotten banana peel off his face but was at least grateful that nothing was broken.

" _Note to self: if Lynn asks about the smell, tell her you had to dive into a dumpster so the bloodthirsty guard dog couldn't track your sent._ " He told himself as he climbed out and shook the remaining junk off him before running off to find a new hiding place.

Five minutes later, One Eye arrived at the dumpster and sniffed through its content. No meat. The wolf glanced up and spotted the towering building he was looking for. The dumpsters around the hotel always had good pickings.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the end of a dark corridor, the two ninjas finally found an open window. Lynn was hoisted up and jumped in, after which she reached for Ryan's hand and helped him up.

"Ahhh, in at last."

"So, on what floor are we?" Lynn asked.

"I thought you were keeping track of how many stories we climbed?" Ryan shrugged.

"Are you kidding?" Lynn glared at him.

"Shhhhhhh…take it easy, just follow me." Ryan whispered and walked ahead of her. Groaning inwardly, Lynn followed him until he suddenly stopped her.

"What now?"

"Can't be caught on camera?" he pointed up. Lynn squinted until she made out a security camera slowly rotating up and down. "It might set off an alarm."

Lynn smirked. "Child's play." She took a step back and just as the camera moved up; she sprang forward, planted one hand into the floor and cleared the distance with a cartwheel until she was safe behind another wall before the camera moved down again. She waved back at Ryan in a very "try it, if you can" manner.

Chuckling, Ryan took a few steps back and as the camera zoomed upwards, he leaped ahead and performed his own cartwheel and landed next to her. They high-fived.

"How'd ya spot that thing anyway? I can barely see my own hands in this darkness?"

"I do a lot of stuff at night. It heightens your senses after a while." Ryan said proudly. "Now let's get going, if I see another I'll warn ya."

They parkoured their way through the hallway, stopping at every corner to look ahead.

"So how are we gonna find our bearings in this place and find the right room?" Lynn asked as they peaked behind a wall.

"No clue, I've never snuck into a maze of a building like this." Ryan remarked coolly and leaped ahead.

"What?" Lynn blurted and followed him. Spotting another camera, Ryan shushed her as she caught up with him, and as the camera zoomed up, Ryan leapfrogged over the antique table sitting below a painting, dodging the camera again. Grumbling under her breath, Lynn awaited her turn and did a kong vault over the table.

Running around another corner, she caught up with Ryan next to another table. "So what are you suggesting we do? Run around this humongous palace all night long till we bump into Dufresne's room?" she asked in an agitated tone.

"Don't be absurd, we'll just take the elevator." Ryan shrugged nonchalantly. "It will save us a lot of travel time."

Before Lynn could retort they heard a footfall. "Someone's coming."

A security guard appeared and pointed his flashlight to find…..just the table, nothing out of the ordinary. He scratched his head, being sure he had heard something. He moved on, unaware of the two ninjas who were wedged, with their limbs spread out, between the crossbeams on the ceiling opposite of each other.

"They never think of looking up." Ryan told his partner in jest as the guard walked on. Once he turned around a corner both of them did a three-point landing and continued on until they found an elevator. Ryan pressed a button and they entered the car. Once the door slid back, Lynn pressed the button with the number five on it and down they went.

"Ninth floor? We really strayed off course, huh?" Ryan remarked casually as the mellow elevator music played.

Lynn rolled her eyes. "I hate these stupid jingles…."

The door slid open and they casually walked out into another long corridor.

"Piece of cake, now we just gotta find the right room again." Ryan stroked his chin when the hall suddenly lit up, panicking the two.

"Yoo-hoo! Oh, Donnie-kins, I've got something for you!"

"Duck!" Lynn grabbed Ryan's arm and they dived behind a palm vase as Lola merrily strolled by, carrying a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolate. She stopped to ring the bell at Dufresne's suite. After receiving no answer, she pressed the bell again and tapped her foot impatiently while Ryan and Lynn peered from their hiding spot.

"Ugh! What's the matter with him!" Lola lamented. "He can't be asleep already!" She proceeded to knock on the door but still got no response. Lola tried to open it but found it to be locked. Seething, she eventually left her presents at the doorstep and stormed off.

"He better not be ignoring me! Otherwise, Lana's gonna pay! And dearly!" she ranted and disappeared from sight. The ninjas peeked again see her go until the lights suddenly went out, and Lola was heard bumping into something and promptly crying about it.

"UUGH! Stupid energy-saving lights!"

Lynn chuckled. "What'd ya know? The princess finally did something helpful for us?"

They heard another crash further down, followed by more whining. "Indeed…" Ryan replied in amusement.

"Now we just gotta get in somehow?"

"Way ahead of ya, Lynn." Ryan laughed and pointed at a nearby air vent.

* * *

"And that was your school life for seven years?" Lucy asked sadly, as they had come to the conclusion of a rather long and unexpected conversation on the goth's part, as she held on to the swing, with Fang perched on her head. Thankfully, their mother knew how to undo her braids, so Lucy _finally_ looked like her regular, creepy self once more. It was a relief, but small potatoes compared to what she had endured today.

"Yes…" Luan sighed, continuing to lightly nudge the tire her sister was sitting on. "Pretty pathetic, right?"

"No…" Lucy said quietly but firmly. "That's impressive. You've been an outcast for as long as I've been alive. I don't think I would have lasted that long."

"I'm no trooper, Luce. I couldn't ditch school, could I? Even a clown needs a diploma." The young teen said with some levity.

Lucy contemplated on that. This evening had been a fairly emotional one for both of them. For as long as she could remember, this has been one of the first hear-to-hearts she has had with anyone not named Lincoln, and it was with the sister she least expected. Granted, she didn't see many of her sisters as shoulders she could cry on, perhaps Leni, maybe Lana and Luna too, but Luan? While hardly a contender for the title of "meanest sister" in their sea of siblings, Luan was her exact opposite in many ways, one of the last people Lucy gravitated towards. But by keeping her at arm's length, Lucy had avoided learning one crucial detail about Luan that has now fundamentally changed her view of the comedian forever. The clear line that separated the two of them had suddenly become much blurrier.

"But you are. In spite of your inner pain, you have managed to mask it for all these years. You always appeared so happy, so upbeat and vibrant; I always thought you had plenty of friends." She wasn't exaggerating. Perhaps she had viewed the world through a skewed perspective but Lucy had always envisioned her lot in life as being unique compared to her siblings. All her sisters had friends and were reasonably popular, even Lincoln, a boy most people labeled as a nerd had found plenty of other nerds at his school to fraternize with, but she was the exception, she was the odd one out. But she had been wrong all this time.

Luan felt much the same way, though she also saw herself a massive fool for remaining so blind for all these years. Granted Lucy hadn't attended public school for long and her prior life would have been free of any judgmental busybodies browbeating her, but then again, she did have several sisters who could have easily filled up that niche. Either way, a pro at alienating herself from her peers like Luan _should_ have seen the obvious signs but had remained willfully ignorant. Or she was just a massive dumbass, Luan was inclined to believe either.

"Well, I am kinda an aspiring actor, though not a very good one according to most of my colleges." Luan sighed. "Lucy…I'm so sorry…."

"You don't need to apologize again, Luan. I hold no ill will." Lucy shook her head. "I'm no less blameless…."

"You aren't, Lucy. You're still just a kid, someone who's barely begun to live. An old cow like me has no such excuse. I've always been an ignorant dope; I told ya how Kathleen exploited that when we first met."

"I know about false friends." The younger sister replied poignantly. "That's why I don't trust Kathleen. I'm familiar with people putting on an illusion of faux-affability. Everything about her feels…. fake, insincere, a fraud with vile duplicity bubbling just below her thinly-veiled act of sincerity."

"You really are wilier than I could ever hope to be." Luan admitted. "If only I had half as much intuition when I was seven? But I'm too much of an idiot for that."

Unbeknownst to them, Lisa was watching them from the bushes. She had no idea about the context of their conversation but it sounded like both of them were hurting and were trying to offer each other comfort, as odd as it seemed for Lucy to exhibit genuine emotion or for Luan to exhibit any other emotion besides insufferable jubilation. Lisa couldn't recall the last time she had witnessed Luan holding a conversation without lacing her vernacular with insipid puns related to random observations.

"Sigh. Luan, stop it." Lucy said evenly and jumped off the swing. Fang swooped up and circled around until he landed on her shoulder as his owner confronted Luan. "You shouldn't beat yourself up over it."

Her sister showed no anger, but Luan still felt like dirt and sighed and slumped against the tree, hugging her knees. "I can't help it, I feel like such a moron."

Lucy kneeled down next to her. "You're not at fault. As you've said, in a family as big as ours it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. Neither of us tried to reach out to the other, none of us truly have, I think. It's always been like that."

Luan looked aside shamefully. "Perhaps that was a big mistake….."

"You tried, I know that much." Lucy gave her a sympathetic smile. "You've tried it with Lori, Leni and Luna, I reckon it didn't pan out as you wanted?"

"We're not birds of a feather, that's for sure. Lori's a mean one, that's no secret, Leni and Luna are quite the opposite, but me and them could still never click. Sometimes I feel like they only tolerate me because I'm their sister, and I've somehow managed to screw up what meager respect they had for me with my Prankmageddon."

Personal feelings aside, Lucy couldn't exactly blame them for being upset about the yearly Prankmageddon but didn't comment on it. Luan _did_ claim that her Prankmageddon was a thing of the past now.

"I feel the same way with my faction, Lola's as vile as an adder while Lana's nice but I doubt she cares much for my company either."

Lisa frowned upon not being mentioned. She supposed she didn't deserve any acknowledgment given how little of it she had offered to either of them.

"Yeah, and Lincoln's the link between the big sisters and little sisters factions." Luan replied before tittering. "Heh, I made a funny."

Those "factions" were, of course, purely arbitrary and based solely on age, they didn't mean much in terms of familial bonds, other than perhaps for the two respective duets of blonde roommates, and even those were rather shaky. At least Luan was saddled with a chill and civil roommates but Lucy's relationship with hers, on the other hand, was a very different story.

"Sigh. Guess that's another thing we have in common. Wherever we might be, we're always the odd one out." Lucy concurred.

"Yeah, but maybe together we could….sorta make sense?" Luan mused. "Y'know, like yin and yang?"

"You mean how two seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent? Like light and darkness? The yin, the dark swirl, associated with shadows and the trough of a wave; the yang, the light swirl, represents brightness, passion and growth?"

Luan blinked but slowly smiled. "Well, I was just rambling but you made it sound like the most sensible thing in the world. We are a lot alike, two oddballs who don't have a place among "normies", both eccentrics always true to themselves and their passion."

"I guess we are." Lucy smiled followed by her bat chirping. "I think Fang agrees."

"So what do you say?"

"Say what?"

Luan smiled sheepishly. "Would you like me to be your big sister? I don't mean an inessential one, who just clogs up space for you, you got plenty of those, I mean one who'll be with you through thick and thin, someone you can rely on. Someone you can tell _anything_ , since Linky won't know certain…girl stuff? Someone who gets what it's like being a weirdo, and being proud of it?"

"You're offering a pact for an alliance?" Lucy asked in a seemingly straight-laced tone but the small hint of a cheeky smile told Luan otherwise.

"If you wanna call it that, sure. Weirdoes gotta stick together, right?" She shrugged much more cheekily and stretched one arm out.

Lucy felt hesitant but soon accepted the gesture and leaned in for a hug. Fang flew away to avoid being crushed as Luan embraced Lucy's small figure. The two sat there simply enjoying each other's warmth, and for a moment Lucy almost forgot about their recent troubles. She was forced to soak in a lot today but it ultimately ended on a positive note, albeit one Lucy knew couldn't last for long.

"Y'know, Luce? Everyone says how scary you are but I honestly don't see it?" Luan spoke up. "You are the nicest and cutest little thing I've ever seen, like Casper the Friendly Ghost-"

"Don't push it." Lucy "warned" her, still clinging on to her.

"A little late for cuddling, don't you think?" a lispy voice made both sisters shot their eyes open. They glance to their right to find Lisa, looking a lot more withdrawn and tentative than usual.

"Lisa?" Luan stared at her while Lucy kneeled up and watched her suspiciously. "I hear you slept in today?" Luan continued, being civil.

Lisa winced inwardly, knowing she was conversing with two people who had almost paid the ultimate price thanks to her. Neither of them seemed particularly happy to see her, and Lisa had to remind herself that they didn't remember what had transpired last night since she expected them to lash out at her much like Lincoln. They didn't appear angry as much as indifferent about her presence, perhaps somewhat agitated that she had interrupted them.

"Yeah, insomnia and such, been working too much lately." The genius muttered, avoiding eye contact with them. She remembered all too vividly how some twenty four hours ago both of them were undead abomination who tried to pass on the virus to her and could have deteriorated into nothingness very shortly after fulfilling their sole purpose as flue zombies, whose transformations she had personally witnessed in all their gruesome detail.

"You okay? You seem a bit twitchy?" Luan questioned. Lisa swallowed and tried to compose herself.

"Well, insomnia has that kind of effect on someone whose mind works a mile a minute, as you can imagine. I require my mandatory ten hours of rest." She said matter-of-factly. Her older sisters looked at each other and shrugged nonchalantly, not thinking much about it.

"But the reason behind my visit is simple." Lisa adjusted her glasses, trying to maintain a façade of professionalism. "I've taken notice of my siblings' absence. The way I understand it, everyone sans me and Luna went on a picnic trip, am I correct?"

Luan's face darkened slightly. "Yeah….they…eh got a bit sidetracked."

"Could you elaborate?"

"We had another sibling fight." Lucy clarified, though neither her or Luan had any intention to talk about Lyle to the genius. Lucy had already agreed with Luan to keep quiet about that until Lincoln and Lynn could talk with them proper in the morning, which Lucy, after having calmed down, didn't mind, as waiting until the next day didn't mean much and she understood that their parents would be tired and ready for bed by this late hour, better to leave such news for when they have recharged their batteries.

"We met one of Luan's classmates, who offered us a stay at her family's hotel but us, Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan didn't want to stay so we left. The other two are still at Ryan's place, I dunno why, but Lori, Leni and the twins are staying at the hotel."

Lisa paused and studied the comedian carefully. She had no context regarding this most recent sibling feud or this financially well-off classmate of Luan's. But judging from Lucy's brief account and Luan's displeased look, Lisa could deduce certain details.

"And I take it you and the proprietor of the hotel aren't on good terms?"

"You could say that…." Luan's face darkened.

"Four of us sided with her, and three of us sided with you, Luan? Interesting?" Lisa mused idly. "It's an even divide; we didn't have one of those in recent memory. Though it depends on whether Luna chooses a side in the aftermath."

Luan glanced down bitterly. "Don't jinx it. I'm sure Kathleen knows Mick Swagger or someone else Luna adores, and she'll sway her to the dark side once they meet."

Lucy meanwhile wondered why Lisa was inquiring about this. As far as Lucy understood it, the youngest Loud was like a computer, cold and logical, and uninterested in sideshows within the nonstop circus that was their home that could distract her from her scientific endeavors. Sibling disputes were a prime example of this, unless they affected her _directly_ and negatively. The genius' response, however, was rather surprising.

"That sounds alarming. But it that comes to fruition, I can even out the number by siding with you." Both sisters were taken aback.

"You would?" Luan blurted.

"Well, I might be ill-informed about this situation or about this Kathleen person, but you're my sister and I wager I'll be better off putting faith in your personal judgment, as you aren't the kind of person who would harbor a grudge against anyone, Luan." Lisa replied simply. " _Also, I almost killed you and Lucy so the least I could do is back your side in what will probably be the next Loud Civil War_."

"Plus, Lucy and Lincoln seem to agree with you, and I consider them among the more int-eh…. _rational_ of my kin, so statistically I have good reason to take their collective opinions to heart."

"Eh….thanks?" Lucy responded with uncertainty. Did Lisa call her smart? If sincere, that would certainly be high praise.

"Don't mention it." Lisa exhaled. "Well, I can see you two are having a moment, it would be rude of me to intrude on that. Goodnight." She excused herself and left just as quickly as she came.

"Did she seem weird to you?" Lucy turned to Luan.

"A little, but Lisa _is_ smart." Luan shrugged. "I figure she wouldn't be fooled by Kathleen." Secretly Luan felt somewhat touched. In spite of everything, nearly half of her siblings had stood up for her when she needed them, most of which she never would have expected. Despite their problems with Kathleen and Lyle, today had not been that lousy of a day.

"I suppose…" Lucy tentatively concurred. Of course, Lisa suddenly being a bit compassionate hardly took up priority in her mind, not after what Lyle did to them, or the secrets that she knew her brother was still keeping from her.

"Girls! Come on! It's time for bed!" they heard their father calling.

"C'mon, Luce." Luan patted her shoulder. "I'll tuck you in if you wanna?"

* * *

"Brrrrr…..I hope this crawling through air ducts thing doesn't become a running gag until "the incident"?" Ryan's teeth chattered while he was leading the way through the shafts.

"I'm turning into a popsicle here." Lynn lamented, likewise shivering. "Don't they ever shut the air conditioning off?"

"Not when they have to air condition a whole hotel in late June they don't." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Well, have you found him yet?" Lynn asked impatiently.

"I'm looking…nope…this looks like a honeymoon suite, let's keep searching…..uh, I got it!"

"You found him?"

"Nope, but I was thinking about my codename." Ryan said. "How about Rattlesnake? Has a very ominous ring to it, right?"

"Knock it off, lame brain." Lynn groaned, when her walkie-talkie started buzzing. She stopped to take the call.

Ryan meanwhile finally found what he was looking for. "There he is! I see him. Lynn?"

He turned around and found her lagging behind. "Don't worry bro. We're closing in on the finish line as we speak. Just stay close to the hotel." Lynn hung up and caught up with him. "That was Lincoln, said he had to flee the building. So you found him?"

Ryan nodded and pointed down at the vent. Lynn looked through the bars and saw their target, and they heard him talking on the phone. He was garbed in his pink bathrobe and both preteens sniggered.

"If his _fabulous_ robe is any indicator, he'll be heading for the bathroom shortly." Ryan pointed out.

"Lucky us. If Lori and Leni have taught me anything, it will probably take him till midnight to apply his makeup to _perfection_." Lynn sniggered.

" _A bubble bath is just what I need to calm my nerves. I'm not being hyperbolic when I tell you that this day was simply dreadful_." Dufresne was venting out his frustration to a colleague of his. " _I've been given a painful reminder of why it is unprofessional and more importantly, intolerable to consort with contenders. That Tisdale brat was bad enough, but I think this one was even worse. Her voice alone is like nails on a chalkboard!_ "

"Yup, he's talking about our Lola." Lynn said as the two shared a knowing look before resuming their spying.

" _But of course I can't avoid her because Tisdale owns this place, and the blonde nuisance is good friends with her. If I say one unflattering about to her, I could get kicked out, and that wouldn't be good publicity for me_. _Not to mention how she would most certainly take back her bribe_."

After his rant, Dufresne let out a long exhale. " _I must give the girl some credit there. She knows how to stack the odds in her favor. Money talks, and she knows how to drive a hard bargain, and I'm sure Tisdale aided her there. They KNOW how showbiz works. And apparently, her real name is Rita? I presume "Lola" is her stage name? Makes sense, "Rita" doesn't have much…..pizzazz!_ "

Dufresne listened to his colleague, after which he chuckled and shook his head. " _It might not be fair to all the other younglings who have undoubtedly trained long and hard, fueled purely by the desire to wear that tiara, but you would have to be a fool to turn the other way when you're offered five grand in exchange for bending the rules a bit_."

"Ha! I called it." Ryan told his partner, who rolled her eyes. "Uhhhhh….I just love it whenever my cynical worldview inevitably prevails over the pipsqueak's misplaced faith in humanity."

" _And remember, this is our little secret_ …" Dufresne finished in a sing-song voice and hung up. He stood up and strolled towards the bathroom.

"This is our chance…." Lynn said excitably, ready to spring into action. They heard the sound of water purring against porcelain but to their dismay, the door didn't get closed. Instead, Dufresne walked back in and sat on his bed, and started filing his nails while waiting for the tub to fill up.

"Rats…." Lynn shot her head up and leaned back to sit.

"Minor delay…" Ryan remained nonchalant and relaxed with his arms behind his head. "Once he takes his bath, we'll be free to rummage as long as we please."

"I'd prefer doing it now." Lynn grumbled. She didn't like waiting, especially when looking for some semblance of closure in relation to her past misdeeds.

"Ah, but patience is another ninja virtue." Ryan retorted in a bad oriental accent. Lynn rolled her eyes.

"You wanna talk about something to kill time?"

Lynn deflated. "Sure, shoot."

"Well, I was pondering how to go about our first date." Ryan shrugged, making Lynn blush.

"We're not talking about _dating_ now. This is so not the right place." She retorted adamantly, though truth be told, she was feeling uncomfortable discussing it so openly.

"But I was thinking? When that team you root for comes to play at the basketball stadium, we'll go to watch them, but here's the fun part." Ryan continued. Lynn groaned inwardly, when she suddenly remembered something much more topical in her mind involving Ryan and dating.

"Instead of wasting two month's worth of allowance on pricey tickets, we could just sneak our way in like we did here, and watch it from our deluxe seats on the beams, high up and free of charge."

"Sounds cool, but I gotta know…when do you plan to tell Luan to stop pining for you?" Lynn inquired.

"Huh?"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, she's been longing to get your attention for a while, and I'm getting sick and tired of her meddling." Lynn pointed out.

"Yeah, I have noticed you two fighting over me." Ryan said smugly. Lynn's eyes widened before turning into a furious glare.

"Oh, so you've noticed but you didn't bother doing anything about it?!"

"What can I say, when you have two pretty girls fighting over you, you kinda wanna enjoy it while it lasts." Ryan shrugged when Lynn scooted closer to him, her glare more intense than ever.

"Excuse me? "Two pretty girls"?! Are you saying you don't think I'm prettier than that buck-toothed wretch?" That was probably far from the most pressing issue, even purely regarding her relationship with Ryan, but hearing him insinuate that she was in the same league as Luan riled her up something fierce.

Sweating, Ryan scooted back. "Wut-No,no, of course not!" he raised his hands, recognizing his poor choice of words. "You are pretty, very pretty. And prettier than her."

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "Then why are you paying her any attention, huh?"

"Well, when she's around me I….well, I can't just ignore her and…" Ryan fidgeted.

"You know what I'm talking about." Lynn barked. "You do like-like me? Don't you?"

"Of course I like-like you, Lynn. I said so just yesterday."

"Then why haven't you told Luan to buzz off yet?" Lynn pressed on. She seriously hoped that Ryan was indeed just falling prey to masculine stupidity instead of having a genuine attraction to her sister.

Ryan gulped and rubbed his neck. "Well…..eh….it's complicated…"

"What's "complicated"?" Lynn scoffed. "You like me, not her? So go and tell her that. You do realize the longer you string her along with false hope, the more she'll be devastated when she learns that her crush ain't mutual?"

Ryan swallowed. In the back of his mind he had always considered that but tried to convince himself that it wasn't _that_ serious. "Now, Lynn…..you're exaggerating."

"Exaggerating? Ha! Just how dense are you?" Lynn asked snidely. "Even Lucy saw all the signs Luan was giving you."

"Really?" Ryan tittered nervously. "I guess my animal magnetism is stronger than even I thought."

"Yeah, it's a real curse." Lynn retorted sarcastically. "So are you going to tell her or not? I tried to tell her several times but she kept ignoring me."

"I….well…..I guess…But I dunno how to tell her?"

"How about this: "Luan, I have a crush on Lynn cuz she's cooler, prettier and overall way more awesome than you". There! Cut and dried! Simple and straightforward." Lynn folded her arms haughtily.

Ryan blinked. "I don't think that's the best way to put it."

"I don't give a crap how you want to phrase it. I just want you to tell her!" Lynn demanded. "She's bothering both of us, right? If you like me why wouldn't you tell her to stop badgering us? It's not this is helping us or _her_?" She narrowed her eyes. "Or am I missing something? Do you have a thing for her and you're just playing me?"

Lynn quickly regretted asking that. She didn't want to believe that Luan posed a serious threat to her, and she dreaded getting an answer that could prove her wrong.

Ryan froze; this was a very serious question coming from her. He could tell from her eyes and her voice that she wasn't fooling around with this. She demanded a real answer and he couldn't weasel his way out of giving her a straight answer. Not that he wanted to weasel his way out, because Ryan felt a strong hunch that he had upset her. Having chicks fight over you is all fun and ego-fueling until you start considering the chicks' feelings.

Looking back at it, he couldn't deny that perhaps he was attracted to Luan, and not simply in a shallow way. She was pretty, she was fun, she was kind to him and understood him in ways that most people and even Lynn couldn't. Was it possible to have a crush on two girls at once? Ryan understood the difference between actual feelings and hollow, casual flings. Growing to like both chicks in such a scenario was evidently not a smart move, since you would have to dump one of them in the end, and feeling sorry for her didn't help matters.

" _I really screwed the pooch_ ….." he realized his mistake.

But the moment he compared the two sisters in that regard it didn't really seem like a contest to him. He liked them both, but his connection with one of them was clearly stronger than the other.

He sighed. "No, Lynn. I would never do that." He shook his head in resignation, knowing that he had screwed up big time. "You're the only gal for, I'll…..I'll tell her."

Lynn noticeably calmed down. Although he couldn't see it, Ryan had a strong feeling she was smiling under her mask. Lynn slowly moved her hand to touch his but their moment was interrupted when they heard the door closing.

Looking down the vent, they saw that the room was empty, and they no longer heard water running. Lynn's expression turned serious again.

"Let's do it."

* * *

Outside, Lincoln snuck his way to the back of the building. It was close to midnight and the place was overall quiet and serene, apart from the pool party, which was still going strong with music and flashy lights, though the noise had somewhat died down.

Swatting away the remaining flies that were following him, Lincoln planted his arm against a dumpster and leaned on it to catch his breath. It was hard to breathe with this mask on but he didn't dare take it off, out of fear that someone might spot him. When you were a little boy with white hair, you were insanely easy to identify.

His mind drifted back to his sister. She was currently working to retrieve the envelope, and he could only hope that she and Ryan would make a clean getaway.

" _I seriously need to get mom and dad to keep anything important to them out of the girls' reach_." This mess had been more than enough incentive to make him gun for this policy until it was a hardened house rule.

He noticed how there wasn't just one dumpster but a whole cluster of them, at least seven of them in a row, with a long and wide pipe over each of them.

" _Must be the rear end of the garbage chute?_ " Lincoln figured and noticed something odd. " _How come these seven dumpsters smell much better than the one I fell in?_ "

Out of morbid curiosity, he peeked into one of them, and was surprised to find it stocked with vegetables. Not thinking much of it, Lincoln slumped against the side of the dumpster and thought about contacting his sister.

" _No, you moron. She's probably grabbing the envelope right now; you'd just interrupt her at the worst of times_." Lincoln hoped his guess was right. If it was, they might get away with their less-than-legal stunt this tonight.

He had to laugh somewhat at his predicament, if out of sheer disbelief. Their devotion to saving their parents' marriage was so strong; they were willing to run afoul of the law in order to achieve their goal. Their dubious actions tonight aside, they oughta get some kind of award for their loyalty to their family.

Suddenly, he heard one of the dumpsters far back in the row shake, rather violently. Lincoln was caught off guard; his first thought being that this must be the garbage men but how come he didn't hear their truck?

Things went quiet for a bit, with the distant sound of chirping crickets being all Lincoln could hear. Did his mind just play a trick on him? Then he heard panting, very canine-like panting.

" _Stray dogs? I hope they aren't mean?_ " Slightly nervous, he took a cautious peek.

Lincoln squinted, trying to adjust his eyes to the low light, and made out a dark figure hunched over one of the dumpsters. The animal rummaged through the trash and shook the dumpster. A growing sense of dread and unease overwhelmed the boy, and he lost his voice as every fiber within him told him to stay quiet and motionless. This was a pretty big dog.

The ominous animal rang bells within his mind, but he couldn't quite pinpoint why. Then, the beast's head rose up, with one eye reflecting the moonlight, and glowing yellow. Lincoln's pupils shrank.

" _ONE EYE!_ " his brain suddenly screamed and he ducked behind the dumpster, growing as stiff as a board. " _How? Why? It can't be?!_ " his mind raced while his heart pounded rapidly. This couldn't be real? It just couldn't be real?

He heard a low growl from behind him, and Lincoln felt his body turning numb and as cold as a corpse once he heard the wolf walking towards him, claws scraping against the pavement. Then he saw a large shadow cast on it, and it was quickly growing larger.

Time seemed to slow down, as Lincoln's mind tried to process his predicament. He literally had his back against a wall, and was at One Eye's mercy….

* * *

 **Did I say this would be the last chapter for this arc? XD Just screwing with you all, I meant it would be the** _ **penultimate**_ **one XD Or maybe not even that, who knows? Just don't take anything I say for granted. And with a title like "Long, Lousy Day" perhaps it is suiting that this mini-story would be as long and drawn out as possible. Then again, this "arc" was more like four different stories than just happened within a twenty four hour time span, so it's not like I got stuck in one particular location or plotline forever XD**

 **Retrieving an envelope from a foppish pageant judge should be a breeze. Surviving another run-in with the rogue wolf that nearly tore them all apart won't be so easy. Wolves are pursuit predators; they don't tire or give up easily, especially when they're truly hungry. If you read the story that first showed said wolf, you'll also know that Lincoln, by a long shot, suffered the worst during that attack, hence why seeing One Eye again in the flesh will be pretty traumatic for him, like literally seeing a ghost come back to haunt you.**

 **Oh, and for the uneducated, snipes are real animals, specifically a family of birds XD Lana knows about them and that's why she fell for Lola's snipe hunt, not because she has contracted something from Leni XD**

 **And regardless of the timeline, Luan and Lucy are destined to find comfort in each other (especially when others intentionally goad them into it).**


	30. One Long, Lousy Day: One Eye Returns

**Definitely the conclusion of the "Lousy Day" arc XD The kids are about to retrieve the loot, but in order to get back home they must first survive another encounter with their most dangerous foe.**

* * *

Jumping down from the vent, Ryan and Lynn landed inside the suite.

Ryan stood up and placed his hand on his hips. "Man, the things you can afford when you have money?" he said in admiration of the place and glanced at the window. "And some view? I think I can see the Great Lakes on the horizon?"

" _Focus_ , let's make this snappy." Lynn reminded him sternly, keeping her voice down.

"No need to be pushy, this is as good as done." Ryan nodded and they walked towards the other end of the room, past the sliding door. There they found the dresser with six drawers they had seen earlier to the right, under a huge flat-screen TV, and the nightstand to the left next to the two-person bed.

"I can't think of any other place he could have stashed them?" Lynn assessed while inspecting the room. "They must be in one of those."

"Then you check the nightstand." Ryan pointed over his shoulder before pointing ahead. "I'll look through here."

"Gotcha." Lynn nodded and went ahead. Ryan kneeled next to the dresser but the moment he opened the first drawer, they heard the doorknob moving.

"Hide." Lynn told him and they swiftly hid from sight. Humming, Dufresne walked out, now sporting hair curlers on his head.

"Can't have a bath without some soothing jazz music." He said to himself in a sing-song voice and grabbed a CD player which he had left on the dresser. He returned to the bathroom and closed the door, at which point Lynn pulled back the window curtains to take a peek.

"Pfftt….what a fop." She snarked. Ryan poked his head from the other side of the curtains.

"Maybe, but that's actually not a bad tune." The boy noted idly as they heard the slow jazz playing inside the bathroom.

"Whatever, we'll buy you a copy. Come on!" Lynn wasted no time getting back on track.

Ryan darted towards the dresser and started opening the drawers. "Nothing. Zilch. Nadda. Em-"

"Damn, this thing is locked too." Lynn complained while trying to open the two drawers on the nightstand. Ryan looked at her.

"Locked? That's telling." He noted happily. "Go find the key; I'll help ya in a sec. That's probably where he keeps those applications."

Lynn did so, and after finding squat in the last two drawers, Ryan quickly aided her in searching the premise.

"Got it!" Lynn soon found it on the table on the other side of the room and they swiftly returned to the nightstand. Lynn unlocked both drawers. "Kay, I'll search top, you search bottom."

"Why do I always gotta be bottom?" Ryan complained jokingly, earning an intense glare from his partner. "Just kidding, yeesh."

But the second they opened their respective drawers, the doorknob moved again. Lynn and Ryan hastily closed them and ducked for cover.

Dufresne came out, now in a towel, and headed past the sliding door towards the table to pick up a scented candle. "Silly me, I can't possibly unwind without the lavish scent of lavender." He laughed to himself and walked back, when Ryan poked his head from behind a closet.

The man picked up some matches from the dresser, lit the candle and soon closed the bathroom door again. At that point, a dusty Lynn crawled out from beneath the bed, coughing and cleaning the dust bunnies and cobwebs off her.

"Agh! The maids at this place oughta be fired." She lamented and returned to the drawers.

"Don't be so glum, you're doing remarkably well for your first day. Very quick reflexes you got there." Ryan quipped as he arrived and started inspecting his drawer.

Lynn huffed with pride. "You act surprised? What did ya expect from a star athlete?"

"Though you still gotta learn how to spot a good hiding place on the fly." Ryan teased her as he flicked a big spider off her webbed-up arm. Lynn grumbled but immediately started searching the top drawer.

"Ugh…there's gotta be fifty applications in here."

"Just look for one that's a lot fatter…with mula." Ryan shrugged, Lynn rolled her eyes.

"Hold your horses." Something dawned on Ryan. "Your mom's envelope probably isn't with them?"

Lynn froze before screaming inwardly. "Of course, only an idiot would keep a tone of cash amongst a gazillion other worthless documents." She realized much to her dismay. "But where could it be?"

Ryan pondered and stroked his chin. "Ah! There's only place a sensible person would hide five grand while still being able to sleep soundly." He concluded and walked towards the bed. He lifted a pillow and sure enough, he found a bulbous envelope. Seeing it, Lynn felt positively ecstatic.

"Rita Loud?" Ryan read the name of the sender. "Yup, we got it."

"Score!" Lynn pumped her fists with unhinged joy and high-fived her partner. But then the doorknob moved yet again.

"Agh! What now!" Lynn ranted as they scrambled to shove all the envelopes back into the drawers and close them before heading for cover.

A drenched Dufresne walked out in a towel. "I can't believe I forgot Mr. Quackers?" he joked to himself and searched the room. "Now where could he be?"

" _Oh, you gotta be kidding me?_ " Ryan ranted inwardly, currently wedged between the wall and the back of a sofa. He remained motionless as Dufresne walked past him, before standing up to take a cautious peek.

Unfortunately, Lynn hadn't been so quick and was currently pressed behind a wall, very much exposed. She grew stiff as she heard footsteps coming closer. Dufresne stopped just inches away from her and scratched his head, unaware of the ninja standing just to his left. Luckily, he opted to go right and inspect the table.

Sighing inwardly, Lynn acted quickly and commando rolled past him and hid behind the curtains once more. Dufresne heard a slight flap of the curtains but didn't think anything of it.

"Where is Mr. Quackers? I need to stop being so callous with my most valued possessions."

Lynn stood motionless until she noticed something yellow in the corner of her eye. She turned her head slightly and saw a rubber ducky on the window frame.

" _Oh, please don't let that be what he's looking for_ ….." she grumbled inwardly as she heard footsteps right in front of her.

"I'm sure I saw him somewhere near the window?" Dufresne wondered while inspecting the window frame. Not too far away, Ryan could see Lynn's feet standing behind the curtains and facepalmed.

" _Stay calm; just nudge it to the left_." Composing herself, Lynn started slowly pushing the duck away from the curtains and herself. Unfortunately, the duck slipped and hit the floor. Lynn froze as she heard it bouncing off it, making a quack with each landing.

Dufresne turned around and found what he was looking for on the floor. "There you are?" he smiled and crouched down to pick it up when it suddenly dawned on him. "Wait? How did you suddenly appear there?" Dufresne mused while holding the bath toy when he noticed a pair of black boots in front of him, partially obscured by the curtains. His eyes widened.

"What the?" he instinctively pulled the curtains. But before he could see the owner of the boots, a bed sheet was pulled over him. Lynn filched as she was caught in the act only to find the man on the ground and in a chokehold.

"Wrap him up!" she saw Ryan tossing her his rope while he was holding the pageant judge down. Lynn didn't think twice and did as she was told.

His whole world going black, the terrified Dufresne felt the rope tightening around his body and he screamed, "HEEEEEELP-umph!"

Ryan clamped a hand over his mouth. "If you can't be helpful, be quiet!"

Down the hall, a nearby security guard heard the commotion and ran towards it.

Dufresne was now squirming on the floor, wrapped up to his knees in the bed sheet. "Please don't hurt me! All my money's in my European men bag!" he whimpered. "Take it all! Just don't kill me!"

Ryan looked at the bed and saw the purse the judge was referring to. "Thanks for being cooperative, kind sir." He joked as he walked towards the bed to grab a pillow to pull its case off.

"C'mon, let's scram! I'll keep this safe!" Lynn urged him as she tucked the envelope safely into her tunic. "What the hell are you doing?" she turned to Ryan who came back with the pillow case.

"We gotta take the other envelopes too." He explained walking past her and squatted down to loot the rest of the nightstand.

"Are you bonkers, what are you doing?!" Lynn asked incredulously. "We gotta flee!"

"If we only take the one labeled _Loud,_ it could raise suspicion." He told her in a hushed whisper. Lynn's eyes widened and she seethed while begrudgingly assisting him in filling up the case.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier, Ry-mph!" Lynn lamented only to be silenced by Ryan.

"Shhhhh, don't say our names out loud, idiot." He hissed at her. Lynn pushed his hand away.

"Sorry…." she shrank with embarrassment. "Eh, maybe codenames aren't such a bad idea?"

It wasn't long until the guard came and started pounding on the door. "Hello? What's going on in there?!"

The two preteens panicked while Dufresne started screaming. "Help! Someone help me! Burglars! Murderers!"

Not needing any more incentive, the guard started ramming himself against the door. Lynn fidgeted fearfully while Ryan shook his head in annoyance.

"Murderers? Pffftt….you're generous enough to just leave a guy tied up, and this is the thanks you get?"

"Can the jokes." Lynn hissed at him. "We gotta escape."

"Easy." Ryan stood up, holding their unwanted loot over his shoulder. "Go open the window and ready your smoke bombs. I'll turn off the lights."

Lynn nodded and rushed ahead.

The guard quickly forced his way in, only to hear several small combustions and be greeted by a blinding smoke cloud. Coughing, he pointed his flashlight ahead and rushed in. The smoke started escaping through the wide-open window and the guard peered out of it, frantically pointing his flashlight in all directions but saw nothing.

"Help! HELP! Terrorists! They're bombing this place!" he heard and soon saw Dufresne thrashing on the floor.

* * *

Unbeknownst to the guard, the two masked intruders were currently running down the dark corridor.

"Smart move, Ryan. That dummy must think we went through the window." Lynn lauded him.

"Trickery is another ninja virtue." The boy quipped before spotting a garbage chute and halting.

Running past him, Lynn stopped and snapped her head towards him. "Stop lollygagging! We gotta escape!"

"Chill, just gotta get rid of the load." Ryan reassured her as he opened the hatch and stuffed their loot in.

"In there? But won't they find it-"

"Ah, but few people ever think of looking under their own noses." Ryan smartly lectured her while closing the hatch and punching a button. "That is, assuming the garbage truck doesn't get it by morning."

Lynn smiled with realization. "Good call! You really thought this through?" she asked as they resumed running.

"Of course, that's why I'm the brains of this outfit." Ryan remarked proudly.

Lynn scowled. "Excuse me? I can think on my feet too!"

"Eh….no, you can't." Ryan retorted as they reached a window at the end of the corridor.

"I SO can!"

"Doubtful." Ryan shook his head as he opened the window and stepped onto the ledge.

"I can!" Lynn insisted as she followed him and they maneuvered across the ledge, looking for their escape rope.

"Okay, if you're smart then tell me how we can use the rope to escape in _five seconds_." Ryan asked her candidly as they both ducked on opposite sides of a window where a flashlight passed by.

"Cuz there it is." He pointed up ahead, where the grappling hook was still secured.

"We can't climb back in five seconds, even I'm _not_ that fast." Lynn retorted as she crouched next to him at the edge of the ledge.

"Amateur. Who said anything about climbing?" Ryan quipped, as he pulled the handle on his back, which, much to Lynn's shock and awe, turned out to be the handle of a sai sword which Ryan swiftly used to cut the rope he was holding. He tucked it back in and stretched his free arm out towards Lynn.

"Hold on tight and try to stick the landing." He told her coolly. Lynn laughed excitably and grabbed on to him and they jumped off the ledge, whooping together as they swung away and leaped into a grove of trees.

Letting go, they landed in a small clearing, both sticking another three-way landing.

"We did it!" Lynn cheered as she rose up and pulled out the envelope to admire it. She couldn't believe it, they had escaped unscathed! They got what they were looking for and nobody even saw them.

"You expected any less." Ryan huffed jokingly. "Under my leadership, this was destined to be a breeze."

"Oh, thank you! You're the best!" Lynn hugged him with pure, unadulterated happiness; making his cheeks heat up under his mask. This time, however, Ryan managed to retain a coherent train of thought.

"All in a night's work, Lynn." He shrugged as she let go of him. Lynn flaunted the envelope proudly.

"Man, for a few moments I actually thought we were busted." She laughed with relief.

"Say, maybe we've earned a _tini-tiny_ cut of the profits? Like a hundred bucks?" Ryan suggested half-seriously.

"In your dreams, buster! This money goes right back to mom!" Lynn jerked back the envelope, though her tone remained light.

"Didn't think so." Ryan quipped. "Alright, let's go find our little lookout and scram."

The two ran off to find Lincoln. Their mission was a roaring success and it would be smooth sailing from here on.

Or so they thought.

* * *

Broccoli? Brussel sprouts? Cauliflower? Eggplants? Tomatoes? Cucumbers? Carrots? Those strange blocks made out of soy milk that he kept finding?

The sight made One Eye burn with rage. These dumpsters we stocked with nothing but green food. Enough to feed a whole herd of elk, but there was zilch for a wolf. Inspecting the sixth dumpster in a row he found the exact same content, making him madder and madder.

Shaking the dumpster as he did so, he dropped back on all fours and sniffed the air. Although his sense of smell was being assaulted by the disgusting odor from the sea of vegetables, he still detected a faint scent of a different kind. The scent of flesh? Tender, heart-still-pumping flesh?

If live prey was nearby, One Eye knew to approach it with caution or else it might get away. Sniffing, he prowled closer to the final dumpster.

His body feeling numb from fear, Lincoln struggled not to whimper as he pressed himself against the wall of the dumpster, his survival instinct kicking in and making him turn as stiff as a statue as One Eye's shadow started creping closer and his breathing got louder, until the boy saw his muzzle pop into view.

One Eye sniffed the ground, and found a half-eaten snicker bar with its wrapping still on. He took a whiff and snorted at the smell. Lincoln's whole costume was now drenched in cold sweat as the jaws of death were just inches away from him, and one aside glance would soon seal the deal.

One Eye let out a low growl as he felt that his quarry was close by. Very close. His good eye shifted around.

Then a stroke of luck happened, they both heard something pounding through one of the pipes until it dropped into the sixth dumpster. The wolf's head shot up and he reared up to inspect the mystery sack.

Lincoln's heart still pounded a mile a second but upon hearing the wolf tearing through whatever had been thrown down the chute, he made a desperate attempt to flee and quickly crawled away quietly until he reached a corner, whereupon he would run like hell. It took all his will power to remain composed as he relived his worst nightmare. He has had a firsthand experience on how fangs tearing through soft human flesh felt like, and he was on the verge of experiencing it again.

One Eye tore up the sack, and was promptly enraged to find it full of nothing but perfumed envelopes, before suddenly hearing a bizarre static noise.

Lincoln froze on his knees as he realized that the sound was coming from his walkie-talkie. " _Lincoln! You read? We plum got away! Ha! We got the loot!_ " he heard Lynn's excited voice.

" _No…..no…..NO!_ " the boy panicked and quivered with fear, while One Eye looked in the direction of the noise and narrowed his good eye, trying to make out the source of it in the darkness.

But he was suddenly distracted by another voice shouting to his right, as well as the sound of running. Both were getting closer. "We're running towards the back of the hotel! Meet us there!"

" _LYNN?!_ " Lincoln recognized her voice. " _No….not here…..not now!_ "

"I told ya we had everything covered! And you were fretting over nothing!" Lynn gloated as she rushed around the corner, flaunting the envelope, followed by Ryan, until she collided into someone and Ryan collided into her.

"Why'd we stop?" Ryan asked as he stepped away from her and rubbed his aching nose. Upon seeing who they had bumped into, his face turned paler than normal.

"What the?" Lynn blurted in confusion as she felt around and touched something soft and fuzzy. "Who put a fur coat out here….." a low growl made her lose her voice and step back. She looked up to see a familiar face glaring and bearing his sharp teeth at them.

"One Eye!" they both yelped and froze in their tracks as the wolf leaned down and sniffed the petrified kids. Upon recognizing their scent, he growled even more viciously.

Gulping, Ryan grabbed Lynn's arm and they started backing away. "One Eye? Fancy _bumping_ into you here? What a small world we live in?" he said nervously. "Eh, you're not still mad at Lynn for kicking you in the rear?"

The growling that they received in response suggested he was still very mad.

Ryan was sweating and glanced at the dumpster. "Eh…..I couldn't possibly persuade you to become the world's first vegan wolf?"

"RAWR!" the wolf lunged at them. "Run!" Lynn pulled Ryan forward, dodging the wolf from pinning them. His paws hitting the concrete, One Eye turned back and saw them on the ground. Third time was the charm!

They rolled away from each other as the wolf pounced on them, missing them both. Ryan gulped as One Eye faced him and lunged. Pressed against the dumpster, Ryan lifted both his legs and kicked the wolf in the snout. That barely fazed him and he easily evaded another kick and bit into Ryan's foot.

Ryan screamed and his head hit the concrete as he was dragged forward when a walkie-talkie hit One Eye in the face, prompting him to let go and snarl at the one who threw it. Ryan rolled onto his belly and spotted the envelope on the ground. He quickly grabbed it but then saw something else of interest.

Lynn stood bravely, pulling her nunchucks out as the wolf advanced towards her, his piercing yellow eye and white fangs popping out in the darkness compared to his black body.

"I'm warning you, you cur! I'm armed!" she put on a brave voice, holding her ground and swinging her nunchucks, though by all account she was terrified. She was thankful she had better weapons this time around than poles or charred wood.

The display confused the wolf for a second but he was undeterred, barking and snarling as he lunged at her. Lynn struck him in the face and he jumped back, releasing a serious of yelps as he shook his head. Lynn felt a twinge of hope, but that quickly disappeared as One Eye brushed off the blow and growled at her again, more pissed than ever.

She stepped back, swinging her weapon. "You better run, you haven't seen me use these bad boys yet!" Her show of bravado did little to discourage the beast.

"Lynn!" A chill ran down her spine as she heard her brother's voice. " _No! Why did I call him here!?_ " she started to panic but dared not to look for him, not with a bloodthirsty wolf in front of her.

One Eye seized the two seconds of distraction and ran at her only to receive two more blows to the face. Once he jerked back, Lynn turned around and desperately searched for her brother. She saw him crouched on the ground and instinctively jumped towards him.

"Lynn, look out!" he cried as she tackled him, using her own body to shield him, knowing what was coming.

"Leave him alone!" She swung her nunchucks at their attacker but he ducked and the stick struck the brick wall instead. Lynn swiftly swung them again only for the stick to get lodged inside One Eye's jaws. Lynn was pulled back to her feet as she fought for her weapon, barely keeping a grip on one stick as the wolf bit down on the other, snarling as he pulled her forward and crushed it in his jaws. The terrified Lincoln scrambled behind his sister.

Lynn stumbled back as the wolf released it and gasped fearfully as she saw her only means of defense destroyed. With her little brother quivering behind her, Lynn growled and made one last-ditch attempt to fight back by swinging what was left of her nunchucks like a club, only for One Eye to bite into it once more.

Lynn held on to it and was swung around like a ragdoll before hitting the pavement. Grunting in pain, she tried to lift herself up only to have her head pinned down under a massive paw. Growling, One Eye's maw loomed above her when he was struck in the head with a radish, and then an eggplant, and then by a cabbage.

"Yoo-hoo! Catch me if you can, fleabag!" Ryan taunted him and threw a rotten tomato which splattered over the wolf's face. Enraged, he let go of Lynn and charged at Ryan, who squatted down and grabbed the "leg" of the dumpster.

"Run, you idiot!" Lynn cried.

"In a jiffy!" Ryan grunted painfully while pulling with all his might to loosen the brick that was supporting the dumpster. One Eye came closer and closer when the brick finally slipped free and the dumpster collapsed.

The wolf jumped aside in fright and was immediately promptly buried by an avalanche of greenery.

"I guess veggies are good for something after all!" Ryan quipped as he ran past the pile and helped Lynn up.

"You okay?"

"Peachy." She grunted sarcastically and immediately rushed towards her brother, who remained kneeled down, panting rapidly and supporting himself on his hands.

"C'mon! We have to run!" Lynn pulled him up and saw that he didn't seem to be all there. "What's the matter? We gotta run!" she cried worriedly.

"Ask him later! C'mon!" Ryan tugged her to run as the pile of vegetables next to them started collapsing as the lupine dug his way out.

Panting, the two grabbed Lincoln and ran off, dragging him along.

* * *

Running into the woodland to hide, they quickly stopped under the roots of a maple tree. It didn't provide much cover, and the ninjas didn't plan to stay there for long.

The moment they let Lincoln go, he collapsed back on his knees. Lynn watched him worriedly when something dawned on her.

"The envelope?! Where is it?!" she searched her tunic frantically.

"I got it, don't worry." Ryan panted and showed it to her. Lynn sighed with relief before turning back to her little brother, who was trembling and staring off into space.

"Lincoln, what's wrong?" she shook him frantically. "Get up on your feet! We're in danger!"

"What's your damage!" Ryan yelled angrily. "We have a wolf on our tail if you haven't noticed!?"

"Lincoln, snap out of it!" Lynn pleaded. Her brother barely heard her as he tried to suppress the painful memories that flashed before his eyes, making him hug himself to protect his torso.

"Lincoln?!"

"I just w-wanted to go c-camping….." he let out a feeble whimper.

"Oh for the love of….this is SO not the time for PTSD flashbacks!" Ryan lamented.

"C'mon, get a grip!" Lynn pleaded and forced him back on his feet. "We have to get to safety fast, or we're dead!"

"You don't say?" Ryan said dourly. "We have to move, he's probably tracking us as we speak!" Ryan urged her, tucking the envelope into his tunic. "We'll carry the idiot if we have to!" he gestured for them to follow him.

Lynn grimaced while her brother shed tears, evidently still only halfway in touch with reality. Time was of the essence and they didn't have much of that. He obviously wasn't going to shake off his traumatic memories easily and she needed to guide him. She grabbed his arm and led him forcefully. She had much more experience acting under intense pressure, though in this competition it wasn't a trophy or her reputation that was at stake, it was _three lives_ , hers included.

Lincoln, although silent, managed to follow her well-enough. She figured holding her hand gave him at least a little comfort.

"Ryan, what do we do?!" she asked desperately.

"I don't know! I wasn't counting on him showing up!" Ryan lashed out at her.

"Don't yell at me!" she snapped back, pulling Lincoln along as they tracked through the dark forest. "You said you were the brains of this outfit!" she bitterly flung his own words back at him.

"Just lemme think!" Ryan hushed her and tried to concentrate. "There's no use hiding from him, he can smell us wherever we go. We gotta make sure he doesn't reach us."

"Thanks for the insightful info!" Lynn spat angrily before looking back to see if they were being followed. "I don't see him?"

"That's what I was afraid of." Ryan replied grimly. "It probably means he's readying himself for an ambush."

Lynn swallowed a lump. "Ugh…..why was he there! How did he find us _again_?!" she ranted. "I think that crazy wolf is stalking us!"

"Keep your voice down, Lynn." Ryan reminded her. "My best guess, he was looking for a gourmet dinner at the hotel but for whatever reason he found a year's supplies of vegetables instead. Can't blame him for being ornery about it to be honest." He finished with a little levity.

"Just our luck." Lynn facepalmed. "He probably would have left us alone. Why chase your food when you don't have to? That rich bitch is probably trying to butter up PETA too!"

"I d'wanna b-be food…." Her brother stammered fearfully and sniffed.

"Calm down, everything will be alright." Lynn told him soothingly and hugged him for comfort. "We got out of this once, we'll do it again."

Ryan grimaced, knowing Lynn's words were empty comfort and little else. He sincerely missed fighting Lyle and his goons right about now, he was never _scared_ doing that.

"Safe the cuddling for later, we have to find a safe place." He told them sternly.

"Where?" Lynn demanded.

"Somewhere he can't _reach_ us, and wait him out. We gotta climb a tree!" Ryan retorted when something else caught his attention. "Wait? Do you hear that?"

Lynn looked around frantically, clutching her petrified brother tighter. "I don't hear anything?" she exclaimed anxiously.

"That's it, it's too quiet." Ryan said grimly. The forest was indeed silent; they heard nothing except for some chirping crickets and the flow of water. With nothing but the moon to light their surroundings, they could hardly make out anything ahead of them, not helped by the dense, clustered shrubs. Ryan surveyed the area to the best of his capabilities and tried to grab his sword when he saw it, just behind the siblings. A single, yellow eye shine.

"Watch out!" as he yelled that, Lynn heard the crashing of twigs and turned around sharply to see a maw of sharp fangs flying at her. Ryan jumped simultaneously and tackled the attacker, causing the two to tumble around and crash through some bushes, after which both found themselves rolling down a muddy slope.

Ryan's face was just inches away from the snapping jaws, and rancid breath, until they rolled towards the banks of the creek, where One Eye promptly threw him off and the boy hit the pebble-covered ground.

Sucking up the pain, he jumped to his feet while the wolf did the same and shook himself. Atop the slope Lynn and Lincoln saw it all, Ryan pulled out his sword and stood his ground as the wolf snarled at him and crept closer.

Bracing himself, Ryan stood strong and moved cautiously as the wolf circled him, evidently wary of the blade he was holding, which shone in the moonlight.

Ryan chuckled nervously. "So here we are at it again? Man versus beast! Blade versus fang! History repeating itself!"

"Stop the monologuing and get out of there!" Lynn cried furiously, fearing for his life. One Eye's gaze shifted slowly towards her.

"Hey! Eyes on me!" Ryan exclaimed and panted. "Touch one hair on their heads and I'll skewer you three-ways!" He warned the wolf while flaunting his sai blade.

It was a standstill; Ryan gripped his blade as the wolf slowly prowled closer, teeth bared. Lynn couldn't take it much longer and leaped into action.

"Sit tight." She told her brother as she carefully descended down the slope.

"Don't leave me!" Lincoln wheezed fearfully but didn't move.

"Come on!" Ryan yelled, losing his nerves. "Come at me if you dare!" he challenged the snarling beast when a blood-curdling scream echoed across the land. Lincoln, Lynn and even Ryan were startled by it.

For Ryan, that one second of distraction proved to be a fatal mistake, as he was instantly disarmed by one swipe from One Eye's paw, which sent the sword spinning through the air before falling into the water.

"That was a foul!" Lynn yelled in disbelief.

Ryan rubbed his fist. "I'll say! That was a dirty move!" he whimpered feebly before being tackled to the ground.

"NO!" Lynn screamed and charged at them. Ryan grabbed hold of the wolf's jaws; his fangs cutting into Ryan's palms as the boy quickly felt his grip slipping.

Lynn thanked all her years of football training at this very moment when she rammed her body into the wolf's flank at full speed, sending him plummeting into the water.

"Get up!" she grabbed her friend's hand and pulled him up.

"I pity any quarterback who challenges you." Ryan quipped as she pulled him along. They heard a loud splash and saw the wolf pulling himself up on the bank.

"Hurry!" Lynn cried as they ran up the slope, nearly slipping several times, with One Eye in hot pursuit. His large size soon proved to be a disadvantage, making him lose his footing and slide back down as his jaws snapped at the kids, biting into air instead.

The two grabbed Lincoln by one arm each and dragged him along as they ran like never before.

"What now, Ryan!"

"Run like hell!"

* * *

"AHHHHHHH! SNAKE! Get it away!" Leni cried standing atop a rock. Rolling her eyes, Lana came "to the rescue" and picked up the slithering reptile.

"You dummy, this ain't a snake, it's a legless lizard and they're harmless. You gave the poor fella a fright." Lana lectured her as she let the lizard free at a nearby bush and it slithered away.

Shaking, Leni finally stepped down. "The snipe isn't one of those scaly, slithery thingies, right?"

"No, I told ya already, it's a bird!" Lana retorted, growing out of patience. "It's small, brown and it has like a long beak that looks like a straw and they normally look for wood near the water."

"Oh, I see. Pew." Leni relaxed and tapped her lip, quickly going from scared to perky again. "Where do snipes live again?"

Lana snapped her head back in annoyance. "I told ya already, snipes nest on the ground, _near the water_ , which means we gotta search around the creek and if we find a nest, it probably belongs to the snipe Lola saw."

"Oh, I get it. You're so smart, Lana." Leni gushed.

"Of course I am, that's why I came prepared for everything." The tomboy puffed out her chest proudly, holding up her net in one hand and a tackle box in the other. "I got the right grub to lure the bird and our suits and face paint provide camouflage."

"I know, that's what they call the army fashion trend? I think the name is French!" Leni smiled, while Lana deflated.

"Whateves, I think it would best if we split up, cover more ground that way." She mused. "And remember, if you spot the birdie you gotta be sneaky and act quick, cuz he'll fly away if he sees you, unless the poor critter is too weak to fly."

"Ah, okay." Leni nodded happily. "Be sneaky, be quick, I'm gonna remember that!"

"Look, I'll search the west side of the creek, you search the east side." Lana smiled. "That way one of us is bound to bump into the snipe. And don't be scared to walk into the water, these cargo pants are water-proof."

"Okay, good luck, Lana." Leni smiled back and went on her way.

"Wait!"

"What is it, Lana?"

"That's west, you're supposed to go east." The tomboy lamented.

"No, silly, that's east." Leni pointed ahead.

"No, you ninny. That's west." Lana scowled. "I know how to find my bearings, that's like scout lesson number one." She pointed at some rocks. "Moss grows north, which means where we stand west is left and east is right, but you're going left."

Leni frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry. Gosh, I'm such a ditz, I can't figure out these new, high-tech compasses."

"What compass?" Lana made a face.

"This one, take a look yourself?" Leni showed her the "compass". "That nice Flip guy sold it to me for only fifty dollars. He said since I was such a nice girl he would give it to me at a 50 % discount, isn't that so totes generous?"

Lana scowled. "Leni, that's a flipping fuel gauge! I've repaired plenty of those."

Leni blinked. "Ohhhhh…that's what the F stands for, and why there is no W, S or N? Poor Flip, he must be going goofy in his old age, his eyes probably aren't what they used to be." She shook her head sadly.

"You nincompoop! You've been flimflammed!" Lana threw her arms up. "Mom said we should steer clear of that creep!"

"Flimflam? Uhhh….that sounds yummy. Where can we buy some of those? At Flip's?" Leni asked eagerly.

Lana slouched and groaned exasperatedly. "Forget it. Just go right, and I'll go left. Call me if you find anything." She said simply and went on her merry way, figuring her sister is going to be of little use tonight.

"Okay, see ya!" Leni waved and went on her search, choosing to walk across the knee-deep water in order to get a better view of the shore.

" _Gosh, I just love helping people. That poor snipe's gonna get a new, cozy home where we can nurture him back to help. I'm sure Walt will become good friends with him. Or is this snipe a girl? I'll name her Sasha if that's the case! That's a cute name! Where's Walt anyway? I haven't seen him in a while? And I should also help Luan patch things up with Kathleen. She looked so sad when Luan stormed away_. _And I should give Flip some glasses as a gift, so he doesn't sell people the wrong stuff by accident. Gosh, that's a lot of good deeds to keep track off? I'll need a notepad!_ "

"Ow!" Leni suddenly bumped into something and backed away as she rubbed her aching forehead, dropping her net in the process. "Ups, where do you think you're going?" she laughed, pulled it out of the water and shook it dry.

"There, good as new." She smiled. "Now, where was I?" she stepped ahead and bumped her head again.

"Owwwwww…..what was that?" she opened her eyes and saw a collapse tree trunk lying on top of two large boulders on opposite sides of the creek, bridging the gap between them.

" _Oh, a log? Of course_." She giggled. "Say? I wonder if there are any snipe nests around here, these rocks look like they would make a nice perch." She squatted and searched under the log.

" _Hmmmm…nothing here? Maybe the snipe is taking a midnight swim?_ " she turned her attention back to the running water when something caught her eye.

"Awwwww…I can see the moon in the water? It's just like a mirror!" she became mesmerized by its reflection in the water. "Oh, and I can see myself too! Hey, me!" she waved at her own reflection.

At that moment Ryan and Lynn ran across the log, dragging Lincoln behind them, with One Eye close behind. Leni gasped while staring at the water.

"OMG!" She exclaimed and grabbed something out of the water. She lifted the ruby-colored and glossy pebble up to admire it.

"What a pretty pebble! I'm defiantly keeping it as a souvenir to remind me of tonight's adventure!" she stood up to keep going, and hit her head against the log again.

"Owwww…..that's smarts."

* * *

"He's gaining on us!"

"You think!" Lynn snapped at him.

"Hey, I'm not the one related to the deadweight!" Ryan retorted as they ran across an obstacle course of thin but tightly clustered birch trees, dragging Lincoln along, with a hungry wolf hot on their heels. Luckily, One Eye didn't have it any easier zigzagging after them and navigating through the dense forest at high speed.

"Stop yammering, this whole caper was your freaking idea!" Lynn retorted as she pulled a low-hanging branch and let bit struck the wolf, stopping him for all of five seconds.

"And it worked! We got the money!"

"Can't return it if we're dead!"

"Boulder ahead!" Ryan exclaimed, and the two vaulted themselves over the moss-covered rock. One Eye leaped over it with ease.

"Does nothing slow him down!" Lynn lamented when they ran into a clustered row of trees.

"Serpentine time!" Ryan quipped uneasily. "Grab my hand, and his!"

He ran ahead and slid through a narrow gap between two trees, pulling Lynn after him, who in turn pulled Lincoln through just as One Eye's head burst through the gap, barking and biting as he struggled to squeeze himself through.

The kids found themselves on a clear path cutting through the patch of birches and ran along it.

"Now that's more like it…." Lynn said happily, thinking of all the marathons she had won. No sooner she said that they heard the wolf breaking free, causing them to accelerate their pace even more. Ryan kicked a rotting log leaning against another tree.

It fell on the path just in time for One Eye to slip on it and crash to the ground. They heard him thrashing around and snarling madly in the distance as they dove behind a bush.

Lynn clutched her chest, panting. "I need to run more marathons, a _lot_ more."

"You'll rest soon enough, once we get there." Ryan pointed at a tall pine tree just thirty yards ahead, with plenty of low hanging branches to vault oneself up with ease, along with any deadweight.

Lynn perked up. "Well, let's go then." She said urgently when they heard rustling and Ryan forced her to duck down. They peeked over the bush and saw One Eye searching the area.

Ryan looked at a nearby branch and saw it slowly bending towards them. "We're upwind, good. He won't smell us…for the moment."

"Great…..we're at the mercy of the air current." Lynn deadpanned.

One Eye sniffed the forest floor and looked around. Growing tense, Lynn searched the ground and found a large pinecone, which instantly sparked an idea in her head.

"What are you doing?" Ryan whispered as he saw her holding the pinecone like a football.

"Trust me." She reassured him and threw it. It flew over the wolf's head and he soon heard a rustle several yards ahead. Snapping his head in the direction, he growled and ran off to inspect it.

"Touchdown." Lynn quietly cheered.

"Nice." Ryan nodded approvingly. "Let's start climbing."

Pulling the paralyzed Lincoln along, they quickly reached the tree. "I suppose you can't jump up seven feet to reach that branch." Ryan snarked at Lincoln, who just stared at said branch quivering.

"Lincoln, just hold tight once you're up there." Lynn told him steadily as her and Ryan lifted him by the arms and rocked him back forth.

"Wait….I c-can't-AHHH!" he was thrown up and grabbed hold of the branch.

"Our turn." Lynn said as they prepared to jump when they heard barking behind them.

"He's back! Jump!" Ryan exclaimed as they leaped up and seized the branch just as One Eye arrived below them. Ryan and Lynn tried balancing themselves on the branch when the wolf jumped up, snapping his jaws at them.

Losing balance they both grabbed hold of the above branch while Lincoln struggled to hold on to the one he was on right now as the wolf landed back on the ground. Snarling, he jumped again, digging his claws into the trunk and branch, trying to haul himself up.

"Higher!" Ryan shouted as they narrowly dodged his snapping jaws again before gravity pulled One Eye down. They climbed higher before hoisting Lincoln up together.

Now fourteen feet off the ground, they sighed with relief and saw the wolf walking in a circle below them. "Relax; he can't reach us up here…." Ryan sighed.

"Thank heavens…how's your foot?" Lynn asked worriedly.

"Perfectly fine. My boots are designed to survive nature's wrath." He flaunted his foot, showing several holes in his boot. Judging from his performance getting here, Lynn figured and was relieved that he was not injured.

"You alright?" Lynn asked her brother next, but he made no response as he couldn't peel his eyes away from the wolf below them and started hyperventilating.

"Linc, chill, we're safe up here." She tried to reassure him.

"Don't tell me that one lobo is scarier than fighting a horde of acid-spewing zombies?" Ryan shrugged, with more levity than the situation called for.

"You're not helping…." Lynn told him exasperatedly as she patted her brother's shoulder.

"Hey, you're not the one being turned into a pincushion." He retorted while pushing away all the pine needles he was cornered against, and dusted them out of his robe.

"Don't fret, we'll just wait him out. He's bound to get bored eventually." Lynn told her brother.

"RAWR!" they looked down and saw the wolf circling the tree when he suddenly made a 10-foot leap, digging his claws into the bark of the trunk before being pulled back by gravity.

Lincoln flinched and hugged his sister. "Ease up, Twinkle Toes, I'll encourage him to leave sooner." Ryan quipped and plucked a pinecone.

"Get lost, you mangy mongrel!" he pelted the wolf in the head, who growled in response.

Lynn smirked under her mask and joined in on the fun. "Awww, can't reach us?" she cooed and pelted him in the head too. "Tough shit, _slow-pooch_!"

"He's too old to catch a bunny rabbit!" Ryan laughed and hurled another pinecone, which the wolf dodged.

"Wanna eat us? Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" Lynn landed another hit on his head.

"Go run with your tail between your legs, or why don't ya try to huff and puff and blow the tree down!" Ryan continued pelting him.

"You're momma was never house broken…..eh… I mean cave broken! You walking flea circus!"

Lincoln gulped when his sister offered him a pinecone. "Wanna practice your aim?"

He shook his head. "Lynn….you're m-making him m-madder." He stuttered.

"I should hope so." She huffed and hit the lupine on the nose. "And that's for Charles!"

"And that's for my nunchucks and sword!" Ryan landed another hit. "You just made it personal, wolfy!"

He felt around but found no more pinecones. "Drat, we wasted them all." He groaned.

"And he's not budging." Lynn grimaced and locked eyes with the wolf, who remained undeterred.

"He's gotta get tired and leave eventually, a tasty hare or doe is bound to walk by sooner or later." Ryan grumbled when something knocked him on the head. He caught it and saw that it was pinecone.

"Ease up, Lynn. We'll have ample time to reload our ammo."

"What did I do?" Lynn questioned when another pinecone dropped past her and Lincoln and they heard rustling from above. "What's that?" she looked up, as did the boys.

They squinted and noted something nestled between the branches. It looked grayish and fuzzy. Was that moss? Then they saw one its paws dangle down and swing on the breeze, and heard snoring.

Ryan's eyes widened and he made a shushing gesture at his companions. " _Don't be alarmed but there's a lynx up there._ " He whispered.

"What are you talking about? I'm right here." Lynn pointed at herself.

" _Be quiet_ …" Ryan hushed her. " _I_ _said "lynx", with an "x"._ "

It took Lynn a moment to register that as she tried to make out the sleeping figure and noted its large, tufted ears. "Oh…..you meant "lyn-Wait? A lynx-humph!" Ryan clamped Lynn's mouth shut while Lincoln clung on to her.

" _Shhhhhhh…don't say a word_." Ryan hushed her as the big cat let out a yawn before lowering his head to sleep again.

" _We're dead_ …." Lincoln mumbled in a hollow voice.

" _Hey, I'm the pessimist here_." Ryan whispered indignantly. " _And we ain't dead yet. Just hush up, and we'll be safe."_

* * *

"There was a sort of scratching or flapping at the window, but I did not mind it, and as I remember no more, I suppose I must have fallen asleep. More bad dreams. I wish I could remember them. This morning I am horribly weak. My face is ghastly pale, and my throat pains me. It must be something wrong with my lungs, for I don't seem to be getting air enough. I shall try to cheer up when Arthur comes, or else I know he will be miserable to see me so _…._."

Luan, now in her PJs, quietly shuddered but tried to keep an upbeat demeanor. "Well, we know what her diagnosis is?" she tittered awkwardly.

Lucy yawned in her coffin. "Yeah…..she's one of them now. A very captivating thought, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess…..if you're into the whole vampirism shtick?" Luan shrugged. "Huh, what are the odds that the Count's first victim is called _Lucy_ Westenra? That's something to sink your teeth into?"

To her surprise, she heard a small titter from Lucy. "A fitting metaphor…." she responded and rolled onto her back.

"Yeah...I used her as a vessel for my escapist fantasy when I first read it." The goth continued in a drowsy tone. "To imagine myself being free, stalking the night, being with others like me..." she yawned again "...converting others to our side..."

Luan hoped her sister was just being eccentric. "Well...I'd prefer staying among the living myself..." she shrugged when she heard light snoring.

Smiling Luan leaned down and kissed the slumbering Lucy on the cheek before closing the coffin. She hoped Lucy could breathe in there, but Lucy had been sleeping there for years now so she probably shouldn't worry.

She got out of her chair and returned the book on its shelf. Luan wondered if she should stay with Lucy for the night. It became apparent that Lynn and Lincoln were staying for a sleepover. But then again, Lynn's bed stank to high heaven so she would need to change the sheets.

" _Why not? She can't be mad at me for changing the bed for her_. _She never bothers doing it herself_." She reasoned and went to find their mother to get some new, freshly-washed sheets.

Upon entering the hallway, she heard a loud yawn. "Hey, bra, how's it been?" Luna ran into her, likewise in her jammies, and greeted her in a chill tone. She seemed to be in a better mood than she was this morning.

"Someone's in a perky mood, I wager you had fun with your band?" Luan replied civilly.

"You bet." She shot her a finger gun. "We didn't win or anything but we had fun and that's what matters. Sam said she had a blast."

"Sheesh, you talk so much about that Sam why don't ya marry her?" Luan snorted, missing Luna's brief moment of discomfort.

"Anyways, how was your excursion?" the rocker asked quickly.

" _Excruciating_." Luan frowned.

"Ah, so what did the girls do? Must have been bad if _you_ are frowning, and I only saw you, Lisa and Lucy since I came back?" she noted and frowned. "They're not in a jail cell awaiting trial?"

Luan's face darkened. "No, we ran into my sworn enemy, Kathleen Tisdale. Said she was sorry for picking on me and offered us a stay at her hotel but I wasn't gonna be bamboozled by her dumb ploy!"

"Kathleen Tisdale?" Luna's face lit up. "You mean the rich dudette from school? I didn't know you knew her? Why didn't you stay?"

Luan seethed. "Are you deaf? I just said she was my sworn enemy! I prefer not to think about the likes of her."

"Since when?" Luna made a face. "I mean….. I didn't talk to her much when I was in middle school but she seemed like a cool gal. Since when did you have a problem with her?"

" _You never cared to know about my "social life"!_ " Luan barely refrained from losing it. Was she being ignorant or did she also just not care?

What did it matter? Luan could see the dollar signs in her eyes. Having had enough hostile interactions with her own sisters for one day, she chose not argue over it. "Well if you think she's soooo cool, just go and have fun with her, the others are already getting chummy with her." She retorted coldly and walked past the rocker without a second glance.

"Wait? I hear she has friends in high places." Luna called after her and followed. "Does she know Mick Swagger by any chance?"

Luan ignored her and went to their parent's room where she found their mother rummaging through the drawers.

"Hey, mom?" Rita jumped and turned to her. Luan was surprised to find her mother with messy hair and some serious eye-twitching.

"You okay, mom?" she made face.

"Luan? Oh, it's nothing. I just had a long day doing errands and maybe drank a little too much coffee in the process. Eh, what can I do for you, sweetie?" Rita tried to compose herself and straightened her hair after taking a look in the wall mirror.

"What are you doing up so late? It's time for bed." She noted.

"Sorry, I lost track of time reading a bedtime story to Lucy, and she's quite a night person. Um, I was wondering if I could get some fresh sheets to change Lucy's room, y'know I thought about having a sleepover, since Lynn is absent. Is she with Ryan?"

"Well, I see no harm. Yes, Lynn and Lincoln are staying over at Ryan's place. Just don't touch any of Lynn's stuff; you know how she can be. And do get to sleep; it will mess up your biological clock." Rita explained as she took out some clean sheets and pillow cases from the closet and handed them to Luan.

"They are?" Luan asked. She wondered why they stayed behind, though she assumed it probably involved the not-so-pleasant news they had to give their folks tomorrow. " _Poor mom, she looks stressed enough already_."

A thought occurred to her as she looked at her sheets. " _Maybe me and Lucy could become permanent roommates? Why not? I mean she and Lynn can't stand each other, Lynn wouldn't mind. But I doubt Luna would be thrilled to be saddled with Lynn, but….. maybe Lana would?_ " she mused when the Luna came in.

"C'mon, bra. Don't give me the cold shoulder?" Luna placed her hands on her hips. "It was just a simple question."

"Cold shoulder?" Luan grew annoyed. "I don't think you have the right to-"

"Girls, no fighting! And go to bed this instant!" Rita told them, more aggressively than she had indented but she was too tired to care. "Or you're both grounded!"

Both girls were startled by their mother's sudden outburst. "Mom, what's the matter?" Luna asked before noticing all the open drawers and the turned over sheets and pillows. "What are you looking for?"

"Yeah, the room looks like it has been hit by a tornado?" Luan noted. Granted, this was a pretty normal sight in this home.

Rita tensed up, debating if she should tell them anything. But at this point she was so worn out from the fruitless searching; she figured getting her daughters involved couldn't make her situation any worse.

"Nothing, I'm just looking for an envelope with some money I need to deposit." She answered, trying to downplay the issue, though her strained tone was less than convincing.

"Envelope?" both daughters asked when all three heard a loud "Yipee!" from the hallway.

Soon enough, Lynn Sr. came dancing into the room and embraced his wife.

"I did it, honey! I did it!" he exclaimed joyfully as he forced his wife into a circle dance.

"You found the money!" she smiled hopefully as they spun around.

"No! But McCole called me! He says he loved my dishes!" Lynn exclaimed as he let his wife go. "Says I have some of the best and most inventive cuisines he's seen in months and that he will gladly fund my project to open my very own restaurant!"

"Really? That's awesome, dad!"

"Yeah, congratulations, pops!"

"He will?" Rita blinked, feeling happy for her husband but simultaneously confused. "But….but you said he left unsatisfied? That he didn't crack a smile once while he was here?"

"I know!" Lynn laughed, trying not to lose consciousness from sheer bliss. "But turns out he had just returned from fixing several of his root canals, and after the anesthetic wore off he was positively ecstatic and called me to announce the good news!"

"Ha, what a classic twist!" Luan laughed. "And to think you were so _unnerved_ to meet him? Get it?"

"Wut?" Luna asked.

"Nerves? Get it? As in anesthetic-don't make me explain the pun! Don't you know the _drill_?"

Luna's face fell. "Alright, you're reaching now."

"C'mon, don't _brush_ me off? I'm _filling_ on fire tonight!" Luan giggled while her sister shuddered.

"Lynn, those are very wonderful news….." Rita started in a sweet tone which instantly turned harsh as she grabbed him by the arms "…..but have you found the envelope!?"

Lynn gulped, having completely forgotten about it. He rubbed his neck awkwardly. "That….eh….no, I'm afraid not?"

Rita seethed and let him go. "That's not possible; we've searched the entire house inside out! I know I saw it here just this morning."

"Eh….mom? What about that?" Luna casually pointed at an envelope standing next to the night lamp.

Lynn sighed. "No, Luna, that's just Lola's application for some beauty contest of hers. She was supposed to take it with her today but must have forgotten it."

"Huh? Have you thought that maybe she snatched your envelope by mistake?" Luna casually suggested.

Both Lynn and Rita froze on the spot and looked like they've been hit by a truck.

* * *

With every second feeling like an eternity, the trio was stuck in a nerve-wracking silence, and with a lynx, and a wolf waiting just below. On the horizon the sky was starting to turn lighter, as twilight was creeping up.

" _Of all the trees in the forest and we had to choose this one._ " Ryan muttered quietly as the trio huddled close while observing the sleeping feline, only some 10 yards away from them. One Eye was still on the ground, eyeing them patiently.

" _Do you have another brilliant idea to solve this problem?_ " Lynn asked him spitefully. " _I'm sure it will lead us to a mine field or a nuclear test site_."

Ryan glared at her. " _Oh, no. I insist, you take this one?_ " he gestured at the sleeping feline. " _As a cat lover, I'd rather go out as cat food than as dog food anyway._ "

Not having a single clue, Lynn quieted down as she hugged her quivering brother. They all flinched as the lynx stretched himself and stirred a bit before relaxing again and continuing to snore lightly.

That action made One Eye notice the cat and he quickly concocted a plan. Let the lynx snag one of the runts and knock the other two down? He would get the lion's share that way.

" _If I only hadn't wasted my rope on that fop_ , _I could lasso it to another tree and we'd swing out of here_." Ryan grumbled when their collective attention was diverted back to the ground when they heard loud barking and howling.

" _Shut up, you damn cur!_ " Lynn hissed angrily but that only prompted the wolf to vocalize even louder.

" _What's he doing? Has he gotten moonstruck?_ " Ryan wondered when they heard the lynx stirring again.

The three froze stiff and slowly glanced aside to see the groggy cat lift his head up and give it an aggravated shake. He opened his eyes and immediately glanced at them, lifting his tufted ears up and letting his pupils dilate. Ryan gulped, being all too familiar with that look from Marceline whenever she felt peckish.

"Just go back to sleep, you're having a bad dream…." He said desperately while waving his hand around. The lynx let out a low growl and slinked down the tree trunk.

Sweating and trembling, Lynn sent the wolf an aggravated glare. "You're real petty, One Eye! As a Loud sister I should know!" A hiss soon diverted her attention to their current problem.

"Ryan, do something!" she cried as the lynx advanced towards them, teeth and claws bared.

Ryan chuckled nervously. "Eh….nice kitty, take it easy. You don't want to hurt me, I love cats, I'm sure we could get along." The lynx growled, making him flinch.

"C'mon, we didn't wake you up from your catnap, honest!" he pointed down. "It was the mutt who did it! He's invading your territory, take it up with him!"

Hissing viciously, the big cat swiped at him, clawing his arm. With a yelp, Ryan drew back. "Okay, we're so dead." He whimpered. "Lynn, it was an honor knowing you! And Lincoln, I never thought you were _that_ bad!"

The lynx prepared to attack when they all heard a creaking noise and the branch started bending down. "I think we exceeded the weight limit." Ryan deadpanned to the confused cat when the branch broke under their feet.

Screeching, the lynx dug his claws into the bark, Ryan grabbed hold of his small bobtail and Lynn and Lincoln grabbed hold of Ryan's legs.

One Eye jumped away from the falling branch, which broke in two upon impact, and looked up growling. Might as well grab the low-hanging fruit.

"This is a very precarious situation." Ryan muttered as the three rocked side to side while the lynx was quickly losing his grip from the extra weight that was rapidly pulling him down, nearly tearing his claws out in the process.

"No kidding!" Lynn grunted as One Eye lunged at them. She and Lincoln screamed and climbed up Ryan's waist. They lifted their legs up to avoid the wild dog's snapping jaws.

"Down, boy!" Lynn cried as she kicked him in the nose. "Heel!"

"I think we've established he doesn't obey commands!" Ryan quipped uneasily. The wolf lunged at them again, Ryan tried to climb higher but found it hard with the extra weight, not to mention that he had nothing to grab within reach.

"If we live, you're both going on a diet!" he lamented when something slipped out of his tunic and drifted away on the breeze.

"The money!" Lynn screamed.

"Forget about the money!" Lincoln cried but his sister had already let go.

One Eye didn't have time to be surprised before the soles of two boots collided with his face. Using it as a platform, Lynn did a summersault and upon landing, she leaped for the floating envelope and snatched it.

"Gotcha!" she landed on her belly, clutching the envelope, when the wolf planted both front paws into her back, pinning her down.

"Fat chance, Rover!" Lynn yelled, dug her free hand into the dirt and flung it into the predator's face.

Yelping, he released her and Lynn rolled away. She tried to make a break but the wolf jumped in her way. Lynn crawled between his legs as he tried to bite her.

Getting up, she ran. "I'll lead him away!" she called out to the boys as she disappeared into the night with the wolf in pursuit.

"LYNN!" Lincoln cried.

"And what about him!?" Ryan shouted in reference to the lynx that started pulling himself up after the decrees in load and glared down at them with a vicious hiss.

Ryan groaned. "Just wait here, I'll distract the pussycat." He told Lincoln.

"H-How?" he stammered. "What if he attacks me-"

"Cats always wanna kill whoever pulled their tail! Sadly, that's me!" Ryan ranted and started swinging towards the nearest branch. "Now beat it!" he kicked Lincoln towards it, the latter barely grabbing hold of it and keeping his grip.

Ryan let go, and upon landing on the ground, he rolled forward and got up on his feet. He heard an enraged screech, and as predicted, the cat turned around and bolted past the flinching Lincoln.

"I hate it when I'm right." Ryan muttered and ran for his life as the lynx pounced at him, missing him and giving chase.

* * *

"You came all the way back just to show me a stone?!" Lana complained.

"But it's so pretty, and birds like to collect shiny things like these, so we could use it as bait?" Leni beamed.

Lana facepalmed. "Magpies do that, not snipes!"

"I thought pies were pastry?" Leni questioned. "And megs were nut seeds?"

" _Why did I bring her along?_ " Lana tried not to scream.

"Leni….why don't you just take a seat?" she suggested while pointing at a fallen log.

"But don't you need me?" Leni pouted with confusion.

"No-I mean yes…..I mean, you seem exhausted, so just got take a break?" Lana responded with the calmest tone she could muster.

The teen smiled. "You're so thoughtful but don't you need a break too?"

Lana's right eye twitched. "Nah, I'm scrappy and durable, I can keep this up all night." She composed herself. " _Please_ , just take your time to rest and sit on _that_ log…" she pointed at it again "…..and don't come bugging-I mean I don't need your help….. unless I call for you, otherwise it might ruin my concentration."

"Sounds reasonable, I don't want to interrupt anyone." Leni obliged and walked happily up to the log. She cringed a bit as she saw that it was covered in moss and dirt, so she pulled out a blanket from her tackle box and placed it over the log.

"Say, Lana? We didn't bring along phones, so if you're like reaaaaally far away I might not hear you? How are we gonna contact each other then?" she got no response except for chirping crickets. "Lana?"

Leni turned around to find the tomboy gone.

* * *

" _Stupid, useless dummy! Getting distracted by a rock! I had a better attention span while I was in diapers! Ugh! I'm an even bigger dummy for bringing her along!_ _I should have taken the actual dummy from the lifeguard's cabin while I had the chance!_ " Lana ranted inwardly as she tracked through the forest, back towards the creek.

"Pfah! Who needs her, I'm better off on my own!" she boasted as she struck a commando pose and looked around. "I'm a natural-born explorer! My eyes are always peeled. Nothing gets by me!"

Just as she said that, Lynn ran right behind her, chased by One Eye.

"Any rustle! Any thud! My keen hearing will pick it up!" Lana proclaimed when she heard her sister's scream of terror in the distance and looked over her shoulder.

"Strange? What kind of an animal wails like that?" she turned around and crawled halfway into the nearby bushes to inspect them, just as Ryan bolted past her, followed by the lynx.

"Ugh! Dead end again!" Lana pouted and crossed her arms as she kneeled up. "This just isn't my lucky night. I've searched half the creek and didn't find one trace of a snipe!"

She felt her eyelids getting heavy and yawned. She quickly slapped herself. "No! Sleep later! First I gotta find that poor snipe!"

She soldiered onward towards the creek, when something caught her eye. "Yes! Three-toed tracks!"

* * *

"I was just kidding about your mom, don't take it so personally!" Lynn exclaimed as she was back fleeing through the maze of birch trees, but without any paralyzed brother dragging her down she could finally give One Eye a run for his money, but the damn cur was persistent.

Running into a pile-up of logs leaning against a boulder, Lynn performed a baseball slide and effortlessly passed below them. One Eye lunged after her but quickly found himself stuck halfway in and struggled to get through.

Getting up and dusting herself clean, Lynn sent the snarling beast a mocking salute and tucked the envelope back into her tunic before running off. "Later, Bone Breath!" The wolf soon pulled himself free and resumed the chase.

In the meantime, Ryan found a rock and used it to vault himself up a birch tree. Climbing up quickly, he looked down to find the lynx climbing after him. Ryan kept climbing while the branches thinned out until he was on the top.

"That wasn't my best strategy." He duly noted and heard the cat growling below him. The lynx swiped at him as the branches they were holding on to rocked wildly. The trunk itself was rather thin and started bending downwards.

"You're a marvel at climbing, y'know that?" Ryan made a feeble attempt at flattery while dodging the lynx's claws until he realized he was closer to the ground than he had been a moment ago. Smirking, he lowered himself while the lynx followed him.

"You want this tree, have it!" he joked as he let go and landed on the ground, causing the tree to snap up and rapidly rock back and forth with the lynx clinging on to it. The dizzy feline shook his head while Ryan hightailed it out of there.

"That one never gets old!" he quipped as he vaulted himself through a forked three. The lynx soon leaped after him, and upon landing, saw the boy run behind a corner of bushes. He chased after him and reached a small clearing filled with fallen pine trees.

He searched around a bit, walking over the rotting trunks before running ahead. Ryan soon reveled himself lying between two trunks, lifting up the branches that were covering him.

"By, by, kitty." He laughed to himself. "Good thing cats have a shabby sense of smell." He noted happily and rushed off into the opposite direction to find Lynn.

She, meanwhile, jumped off a rock and swung herself forward on a branch, landing in a patch of bushes. The rustling she heard behind her signaled that she hadn't shaken off her pursuer. Lynn feared she never would and ran onward.

She pushed the branches and bushes aside, running for her life, when she came across something that made her stop dead in her tracks; the lynx! He was sniffing the ground before looking up, just as surprised to see her. He hissed and bared his fangs.

Swallowing a lump, the stunned Lynn backed away when she heard rustling behind her, getting louder. " _Dumb luck, don't fail me now!_ " she braced herself and stood her ground as the lynx charged at her full speed.

One Eye came bursting out of the bushes and Lynn did a tuck jump, causing the predators to slam heads.

" _That hurt just watching_." Lynn thought as both of them were forced back by the impact, allowing her to stick her landing and run away as the wolf and lynx shook their aching heads.

The lynx opened his eyes and screeched upon coming face to face with the larger wolf. One Eye growled and snapped his jaws at the cat, who jumped high and over him, bolting away into the woods with the wolf chasing him.

Lynn was pushing her way through the woods when something grabbed her and pulled her into the thicket.

"AH!" she swung her fist, which was caught by Ryan.

"It's me, spaz." He snarked while the girl panted heavily.

"Ryan…." She wheezed, wanting to embrace him before something struck her. "Wait! Where's my brothe-"

"Safe, he's safe." Ryan reassured her. "I lost the Mutton Chops, did you shake off-"

They heard a screech and saw the lynx running past them with One Eye running after him. After making sure the predators were gone, the two walked out into the open and laughed.

"Hunter becomes the hunted, the oldest rule of nature." Ryan quipped. Quickly ceasing her laughter, Lynn grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"Not the time for jokes, let's find Lincoln and get out of here pronto!"

One Eye chased the lynx through the forest. The feline darted up a tree but the wolf caught up in time to bite down on the former's tail, but it slipped between his fangs, leaving One Eye with just a tuff of fur wedged between his teeth, which he spat out.

The lynx scurried up until he felt safe, and glowered down at the canine, hissing and raising his back hair.

One Eye snarled, knowing this prey had escaped him, but the kids were still fair game. Looking around, he deduced that they had taken a head-start and ran off to track them down, not wishing to give them any more of an advantage. They weren't going to get away that easily!

* * *

After snatching Lincoln, the trio had made a beeline out of the forest and was currently trotting down the road cutting through the open plains. They had run as fast as their legs could carry them, until even Lynn felt too burned out to move at anything more than a walking pace. She and Ryan still had to pull Lincoln along just so they could cover more ground faster, and distance themselves from their lupine pursuer as much as possible, but at this point even the former two had to stop near the road to catch their breath.

"My feet are killing me." Lynn panted. "What are we gonna do? Walk all the way back home?"

"What choice do we have?" Ryan asked tiredly. "I doubt we'll bump into any trucks at this late hour to hitchhike a ride?"

"Didn't you plan for that?" Lynn grew annoyed.

"I told you, I was improvising most of it." He retorted exasperatedly.

Lynn groaned. "I really need to make a pit stop…I probably have a gazillion blisters on my feet by now."

"Tell me about it, I'm so beat I could fall asleep on a nail bed." Ryan agreed, rubbing his eyes.

"We…..s-should keep going, he m-might come back….."

"Oh, lookie, someone found his voice again." Ryan deadpanned.

"Knock it off…." Lynn rolled her eyes and turned to her brother. "We gave that cur the slip, we're safe now. Don't worry."

Lincoln stayed silent for a bit and looked over his shoulder. They seemed to be all alone in the vast brush prairie, but Lincoln couldn't shake off the nagging suspicion that this wouldn't stay that way for long.

"I dunno…." He mumbled with uncertainty. "I'd rather we find shelter. Lynn…..I'm scared being out here."

"He's got a point." Ryan shrugged. "We're totally exposed out here, better be safe than sorry."

Lynn patted her brother's shoulder. "Kay….but where? I see nothing but shrubs for miles."

"Keep searching…." Ryan said plainly and they continued walking.

Now that they weren't in mortal danger, Lincoln found his motor functions semi-working again and he could keep pace with them on his own, not that the others were walking fast anyway as both were more physically exhausted than him, something he contributed a lot to.

Lynn could still sense his unease. "Don't worry; we passed the rough waters for tonight."

"Lynn what were you doing? You could have gotten yourself killed."

Her face hardened under her mask. "Don't start. I had to do it; I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I hadn't."

"She wasn't in a much safer position staying with us." Ryan noted sardonically. "If anything, she helped defuse the situation by leading Fang Face away."

"Glad someone appreciates it…." She retorted with a little levity but frowned upon hearing her brother sigh. He understood they had a point, and just wished that this nightmare could finally be over.

"Never mind, I just wanna rest." He sighed.

"Get in line; you weren't the one doing all the running." Lynn sniped but quickly regretted it as her brother wilted with shame.

"But hey….there's no shame in that, not everyone can be strong and athletic-eh? Sorry, that came out wrong." She hastily corrected herself. "But you're light as a feather anyway, it was no biggie."

Her words did little to comfort Lincoln, who kept thinking that if had simply managed to stay in his original position; he wouldn't have dragged them down to begin with.

"Glad my scrawny frame has its benefits…." He shrugged sullenly.

"Cows!"

"What did you call me?" Lynn snapped at Ryan, who groaned exasperatedly.

"No, lamebrain, cows! Up ahead!" Lynn and Lincoln looked at where he was pointing and saw a cow pen, filled with silent and sleepy Hereford cattle.

"What about them?" Lynn gave him a tired glare as they continued walking.

"Look beyond what you see." Ryan explained.

Lynn groaned. "Is that another ninja virtue you made up?"

"No, I'm talking about the farm that's behind the pen." He retorted and pointed at the cluster of small buildings up ahead once they reached the gates of the pen and soon smelled the strong odor of manure.

Lynn now felt stupid. "Ohh…"

"We can hide there until we're good enough to walk."

"And what about the wolf?" Lincoln asked. "Everyone knows they don't mind stealing livestock."

"Exactly, wise guy." Ryan stopped them and gestured at the cattle they were passing by. "He'd rather try out the beef buffet or loot the chicken coop than look for a bunch of scrawny kids."

Just then they heard something ramming the gate and Ryan got poked in his rear end. He yelped and jumped forward, rubbing his sore spot as he came face to face with a grunting and agitated bull.

The other two giggled. "I see your _point_." Lynn quipped and tugged on his tunic. "I don't think the red highlights were the best idea."

"I heard enough cow jokes at Dairyland." Ryan snorted as the bull rammed the fence again. "Let's scram, before the big fella busts his way free."

Lynn and Lincoln worried that the walking mountain with horn could very well do that and obeyed. "Let's find a safer spot." Lynn said and they moved on.

They snuck their way to the barn house. Ryan sighed. "This looks like a good spot to lay low for an hour or two."

"Just gotta get in." Lynn noted as they walked around it.

"Isn't that trespassing?"

Lynn gave her brother a tired look. "I think we already broke that law tonight? Some more trespassing won't change that."

Lincoln sighed. "Never mind…."

"Fort Know this ain't." Ryan laughed as he opened the simple hook latch and gestured for the other to enter. Lincoln stopped as he heard a dog barking in the distance.

"Don't wet yourself." Ryan grabbed his sleeve and pulled him in. "That will be our early alarm."

There wasn't much inside beyond a simple stable with five sleeping horses, and they also heard some grunting further down, the rest was stacked up with hay, and the kids made themselves cozy at the bottom.

"Pew, this is much better." Ryan complimented leaning against the hay.

"Sure beats sharing a prickly pine tree with a lynx." Lynn concurred. "Right, Linc?...Linc?"

She found her brother leaning against her shoulder and snoring lightly.

"Being carried around must have taken a lot out of him." Ryan quipped snidely.

"I wouldn't mind joining him." Lynn said longingly as she let her brother rest in her lap. "I always wondered what it would be like sleeping on hay."

"Can't do, it's close to the crack of dawn and farmers get up early." Ryan pointed out and patted her arm. "Plus, darkly-clad and masked intruders don't exactly inspire trust."

Lynn grumbled but then noticed a small smear of blood on her elbow. "What's that?" she asked and grabbed her friend's hand and her eyes widened upon seeing his gloves shredded and smeared in dry blood. "You're hurt."

"Just some scratches." Ryan brushed it off and jerked his hand free.

"Ryan, that needs to be treated." Lynn told him seriously. "Who knows what diseases that cur might be carrying?"

Ryan grew a little nervous. "Well….a little water oughta be good enough."

"Some disinfectant would be better."

"Nah…..that stuff stings too much." Ryan disagreed.

"Don't be such a baby." Lynn teased him.

* * *

Outside, One Eye found his way to the farm following the kids' trail. He soon saw the herd of cattle but no calves, nothing for him to pick off. The cows sobered up quickly and started bellowing and retreating at the sight of him walking past the pen. The bull grunted and stomped the ground as he rammed his head against the gate threateningly.

One Eye ignored the caged behemoth and walked on. The guard dog, a collie, noticed him in the distance and growled; One Eye heard the noise from a distance and growled back. Upon realizing this wasn't another human intruder, the dog whimpered and swiftly scurried into his dog house, hoping to stay undetected.

* * *

"Oh, so you wanna be a moron like Lyle then?" Lynn challenged him.

"I'm not." Ryan sounded indignant. "But…..we can't go to a doctor for this. It will raise suspicion."

"You're always handy with cheap excuses, huh? Alright, we'll ask Lisa for a favor." Lynn shrugged.

"Lisa? Are ya out of your gourd? You want me to end up as a mutant frog-boy, or grow five more heads?"

Lynn snickered. "In your dreams, _one_ yap on you is one too many. Besides, Lisa knows about medicine and treating injuries, but I'm quite certain she doesn't invent her own medicine-"

"You hear that?" Ryan suddenly hushed her. Lynn quieted down and heard the cow herd mooing.

"Sounds like they're getting jumpy?" Lynn became nervous. "You don't think it's One Eye?"

"I dunno…..I don't hear that guard dog barking, surely he would have noticed him?"

"Maybe One Eye ate him?" Lynn suggested. "Oh please, let that be the case. Then he'll stop hounding us." She added anxiously.

In actuality, the guard dog was lying motionless in his house hoping to avoid such a fate as One Eye was sniffing around it. Luckily for the dog, One Eye noticed a window just above the dog house, and jumped on top of the latter in order to reach the window. As he pressed his muzzle against it, he pushed it slightly open. Easy entrance.

"Damn, that's cold of you." Ryan shook his head at Lynn. "But very reasonable, better the mutt than us."

They suddenly heard a lever moving, followed by a loud thud. "What was that?" Lynn grew uneasy.

"Must be one of the horses? Nothing could get in here." Ryan hoped that was the case, since he had the good sense to lock the door from the inside beforehand. Gently pushing Lincoln aside, Lynn moved to look at the stable with Ryan but saw no sign of activity.

"I don't see anything." Lynn lamented when she heard a cracking noise above her.

"Wait, I never noticed that window there?" Ryan scratched his head when Lynn pulled him closer.

"Ryan….." she pointed up fearfully. Ryan glanced up and gulped as he saw One Eye on top of the haystack ready to pounce. He lunged at them and they ran as several hay cubes tumbled down.

Lynn rushed to wake her brother up when Ryan tackled her. "Duck!" he shouted as One Eye flew over them. The wolf halted but not before knocking a haystack off balance, causing the cubes to fall down like an avalanche. As cubes bounced off the stable, the horse woke up and started neighing. The pigs started squealing in their pen.

Shielding her slumbering brother, Lynn, along with Ryan, tossed away the cube that was pinning them down. Lincoln didn't even stir.

"He's still asleep?!" Ryan blurted incredulously.

"Well, this is _way_ past his curfew." Lynn shrugged.

"Don't worry….Jordan…I'll be your hero…" Lincoln mumbled in his sleep "….I'll deck those crooks…."

"Jordan?" Lynn was surprised. "Huh…..I thought he was crushing on that Paige girl?"

"Grrrrrrrrrrr…" the two gulped and spotted One Eye digging his way out of the hay.

"Crap….grab him! I'll distract the mutt!" Lynn instructed Ryan and jumped to her feet. "Hey! Over here, you sorry, mange-infested excuse for a predator!" she waved her arms up while distancing herself from the boys.

"Ace Savvy always deals out justice…."

"Oh, brother….." Ryan rolled his eyes and slapped Lincoln, who jolted up and shot his eyes open.

"AH! Robber! Feel the mallets of morality-ah!" Ryan caught Lincoln's flying fist and nearly crushed it.

"It's me, imbecile! And you better run!" he pulled Lincoln up, who was confused by the panicked neighing coming from the stable as the horses bucked madly in their pens at the sight of the predator. He thought he was saving a damsel from mobsters at a warehouse, not at a horse race?

Lincoln turned around and saw his sister cornered against the wall by the wolf. "Lynn!?"

One Eye shot him a brief glance. "Hey! I'm over here!" Lynn yelled at the top of her lungs to regain his attention.

"The door! Go!" Ryan pushed Lincoln away and ran at the wolf.

"Get back!" Lynn conveniently found a chair and grabbed it while ripping the weapon stash off her torso and tried using it as a whip. Unfortunately, a stash didn't pack the same punch as a whip and One Eye grabbed it with his jaws and tore it out of her grip.

Lynn held her chair up to keep the beast at bay when Ryan snuck behind him and kicked him in the rear.

"My turn to give you the boot!" he quipped as the wolf snarled in his direction and chased after him.

Lincoln was backing away when a thought occurred to him. " _Don't be useless! There's the door! Help them escape! Open it!_ " he tried to do so but the gate from one of the pens was suddenly flung open and knocked him into the wall.

Ryan jumped on what remained of the haystack. One Eye tried climbing after him but was hit in the back with the flying chair, causing him to fall down.

"Leave him alone! You're not done with me!" Lynn roared when she heard the thunder of hooves.

"Get out of there!" Ryan shouted as more horses busted out of their pens and started stampeding inside the barn. Lynn pressed herself against the wall as a horse galloped past her. Ryan was knocked off the haystack as one of the frightened equines rammed into it.

"Ryan!" Lynn shouted while One Eye barked at a charging horse, causing it to rear up and change course in fright. Lynn jumped out of the way from being trampled by it. "Lincoln!" she screamed for her brother admits the pandemonium.

"Lynn!" he yelled in a strained voice. Lynn saw him lifting himself near the door, looking like he was in pain. Lynn's blood ran cold as she watched the horses bucking and stampeding mere feet away from him.

"Watch out!" Ryan suddenly tackled her just seconds before a horse's back legs crashed into the wall, splintering the wooden boards.

"Lincoln! They'll trample him!" she cried as Ryan dragged her behind a support beam for some cover.

"I know!" he lamented angrily. "But do you know how to tame five bucking broncos!"

They then heard a horse wailing in pain and gasped at what they saw, as did Lincoln. One Eye sank his teeth into a small mare, clinging on to her back while biting down on her neck, drawing blood. The savage struggled panicked the other horses even more so and some instinctively ran for the exit.

Lincoln stumbled away from the door as one horse busted through it, splinters flying everywhere as it galloped away, followed by another horse. Lincoln jumped out its way and plopped on his belly.

"Over here!" Lynn called out to him but couldn't move as one of the remaining horse came bucking near her and Ryan pulled her back again. The horse kicked a nearby cartwheel and Lynn's eyes widened with terror as it tumbled towards her brother.

Lincoln had no time to react before hearing an ear-piercing crash and everything went black, while his sister gaped in horror. Confused, the boy scrambled in the pitch-black darkness and quickly hit his head. Lynn felt a bit relieved as she saw the cart shake. The horse that had kicked it galloped past it and out of the barn.

The mare reared up, causing One Eye to lose his grip and fall off. He landed on all fours and aimed to chase after the wounded horse when the last of the horses bucked and struck the wolf with its back legs, sending him flying into the remaining haystack.

Ryan laughed. "Serves ya right, fleabag!"

"We gotta help him!" by the time he turned to her, Lynn had already run off to grab the chair she had thrown and charged at the remaining horse, which was stampeding around the cart.

"Beat it! Get out of here!" she flung the chair at it, breaking it on impact, making the equine divert its course and gallop after the rest of the herd.

Panting, Lynn kneeled down. "Lincoln, are you alright?"

" _What?_ " Lincoln yelled from underneath the cart, his ears still buzzing, and his head still spinning.

"He sounds fine to me." Ryan quipped, kneeling down on the opposite side. "Let's get this thing off of him."

But they heard rustling and looked ahead to see One Eye lifting himself out of the hay, groaning and shaking himself clean. He spotted them and snarled viciously as he advanced at them, without as much as a limp.

"Oh, come on! Is he made out of titanium?" Ryan lamented incredulously as he got up to his feet.

"The rest of him must be as hard as his head!" Lynn grimaced as the wolf charged at them again.

They both jumped up and grabbed hold of the top beam on the stable, pulling themselves up as the wolf arrived and took a curious look at the cart.

"Don't you touch him, or I'll give ya a _real_ reason to howl!" Lynn threatened the wolf, who started sniffing it.

"Chill, he has no clue the pipsqueak's inside there, safe and sound."

" _Lynn, are you out there?!_ " Lincoln called out inside the cart, catching One Eye's intrigue, who reached out with one paw below the cart.

"No!" Lynn yelled as the wolf grabbed hold of the wheels and flipped the cart over, revealing Lincoln underneath it.

"L-Lynn?" he stammered as he saw the cart rock back but immediately screamed as he was faced with One Eye. Lincoln scrambled back when the wolf pounced and pinned him on his back. Lincoln choked for air as one paw was planted into his throat and One Eye's maw descended on him.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Lynn screamed madly as she jumped on the wolf's back, pounding her fists into his head with all her might.

Lincoln gasped and scrambled away after he was released and watched his sister ride bareback on the bucking wolf, grasping his neck fur and ears. "Leave us alone, you bastard! I SWEAR I'LL KILL YA!" she roared flippantly before inevitably being thrown off.

She hit the ground hard, tumbling around before coming to a stop. She groaned feebly as she lifted herself up, her whole body aching.

She looked up and was met with One Eye, jaws wide open, advancing towards when a squeal made him halt in his tracks. Two sows came charging at them in a mad panic. One Eye was briefly confused as they bolted past him, allowing Lynn to scoot back when a louder squeal echoed across the barn.

The wolf's good eye widened as a 900-pound hog came charging at him full speed and hit him like a freight train. With a high-pitched yelp, One Eye tumbled for several feet, he got up and barked furiously at the pig, but the latter charged right ahead. The wolf relented and ran as the hog chased him in circles through the barn before they ran out.

Lynn and Lincoln watched it unfold, utterly dumbfounded, when Ryan caught up with them, laughing. "The three little pigs aren't such pushovers once they grow up, eh? Big Bad learned that the hard way."

Lynn couldn't help but snicker as she rose to her feet. "I'll say? Hogzilla was doing the pushing there."

Lincoln stood up too, stunned and panting. "If I somehow survive this, I'll never eat pork again."

Ryan slapped his back, hard. "Don't be ridiculous! You need all the proteins you can get, beanpole."

"Sounds like a commotion out there?" Lynn noted, hearing a chorus of squeals, moos and neighing outside.

"Perfect, just the diversion we need to make a quick getaway." Ryan smirked.

* * *

They wasted no time getting out, where they found the horses and pigs running all over the farmland. The sky had grown brighter and hints of the sun were already on the horizon.

"I think we caused a _little_ damage." Lynn remarked sheepishly as she looked at the busted door they were currently standing on.

"It's not that bad. The farm hands are gonna have one of hell of a rodeo. All hicks love rodeos." Ryan shrugged. "Let's scram!" They ran off but stopped as the collie ran past them yelping, chased by the huge hog.

"He must really hate dogs." Lynn remarked. "C'mon!" They ran on, passing by the cattle when something brought them to a screeching halt.

"You gotta be shitting me?!" Ryan blurted as they came face to face with One Eye yet again. He was positively furious now, teeth bared and the hairs on his neck raised, his breath fully visible in the cool morning air.

Lincoln shuddered with terror as Lynn shielded him with her arm. "He doesn't know when to quit, does he?" she lamented breathlessly.

Ryan looked to his left and saw that they were at the gate for the cattle pen.

"No problemo, I say; freedom to all livestock!"

"What?" Lynn looked at him oddly.

"Never mind, just freaking open the gate!" he ordered the siblings as the wolf charged towards them.

Unlocking the gate, they hopped on the bars as it slid open. They jumped off and the 7-foot fence blocked One Eye from getting them. The wolf soon backed away as the herd spilled out of their enclosure, widening as more and more cows ran out, distancing the two parties further and further from each other.

"Let's go, we're running out of animals to distract him!" Ryan exclaimed as they made a beeline for the nearest grove of pine trees. Looking back, they saw plenty of cattle running in the same direction they did, no doubt frightened by the wolf.

They made it to the grove and stopped to catch their breath. They saw the cattle scatter across the country but among the brown-white speck they noticed a smaller, black speck emerging from the herd and heading in their direction.

"It's One Eye!" Lincoln panicked.

"I wouldn't worry about him." Ryan laughed. "I think Ferdinand there has a bone to pick with him for scaring his ladies."

As the wolf came closer, so did the huge bull from before. One Eye stopped upon hearing the horned beast bellowing and felt the ground shake beneath his paws. If it was possible for a wolf to sport a "oh crap" expression, the kids saw just that as the fearsome predator was sent packing back to the woods with the mad bull in hot pursuit.

"That's a bully I can get behind." Lynn laughed along with Ryan, but Lincoln didn't feel any merriment and could only sigh with relief.

"Let's go, he'll probably lose the bull just as fast as he did the hog!"

The others' laughter died down. "When he's right, he's right." Ryan agreed. "Let's make like a banana and split!"

The trio ran into the woods and rushed up a hill to find their bearings. Upon reaching a small cliff, they spotted the road again, just below them, and even better; Royal Woods on the horizon.

"Almost there, but that's still quite a walk." Lynn complained.

"I think our luck is turning around." Ryan said happily, and the others soon heard a honk. Looking to their right, they saw a coal truck driving towards them.

"That truck? How will we get on there? It will pass by any minute?" Lincoln lamented.

"Easy, we'll just hop on!" Lynn exclaimed excitedly.

"You read my mind!" Ryan concurred.

"Hop on?!" Lincoln's pupil's shrunk. "Ah…no, no way, not in this lifetime!"

"Would you rather take your chances with One Eye?" Lynn argued as the sound of running engines came closer.

Lincoln gulped. "Do you have a death wish?! We'll only have one go and if we miss-"

"Too late!" his older companions grabbed him by the arms, and he screamed as he was dragged into a leap of faith at the coal-filled cart. It was no soft landing but once they were knee-deep into the coal pile they knew they were safe, some aching bones aside.

Lynn whooped. "We did it!"

"What better way to end a glorious heist and chase than with a daring getaway!" Ryan cheered and high-fived her.

"I'm alive?" Lincoln felt over his entire body, which was still in one piece. "I'm alive!" he cried tears of joy, not simply for surviving this leap, but for surviving this night in general. The rising sun was perfectly synched with their change of fortune.

"Quit weeping, you seriously thought I would lead you astray!" Lynn joked as she grabbed him by the wrist so she could high-five him too.

Suddenly, they heard a horse wailing somewhere from the forest. It was more high-pitched and anguished, likely from the same small mare. The source of her death cries was easy to guess.

"Sounds like One Eye got his way." Ryan grimaced, as the wailing continued but slowly died down. Lincoln felt his skin crawl, knowing this could very well have been one of them.

"I hope he chokes on it!" Lynn spat with pure contempt.

"And you got the envelope?" Ryan asked her, trying to change the topic.

Lynn's eyes widened and she hectically searched her tunic. "Sure I do! It's right in….it's in…." she started to panic and tug her tunic while the boys looked at her unnerved.

"Oh, there it is!" she felt a massive wave of relief as she found it just above her belt and held it tightly while it fluttered in the wind. The boys collectively exhaled with relief.

"That would have been a super mean-spirited twist….." Ryan deadpanned.

* * *

Arriving back at Ryan's home, he and Lynn were so tired that they took the stairs along with Lincoln.

Lincoln was the first to enter Ryan's bedroom, he pulled his sweat-soaked mask off, his face crimson and his hair a mess, and sat on the bed.

"Last time every fiber in my body ached this much was after I plowed down everyone else at last year's Astonishing Quest." Lynn rambled as she stumbled in and tore her mask off. "And my performance was so phenomenal that it got me banned."

"I'm sure that was the exact reason." Ryan nodded sarcastically, pulling his own mask off, making Lynn snicker.

"Wut?"

"Yikes, it's so uncanny. Your mug has color!" Lynn chuckled.

"Speak for yourself, Scarlet." He retorted while wiping his forehead.

Lynn huffed. "So? That's my signature color."

"I'm sure Pinky's gonna be seeing plenty of red too, once she learns that her application for the bimbo pageant had been swiped." Ryan realized much to his amusement.

Lynn snickered. "Aw, man, I'm not sure if I should be dreading that or eagerly await it. Guess Lola's gonna be even more crabby for a while, Linc. We'll have our work cut out for us."

"Yeah, I guess….." he mumbled, the look in his eyes bleak.

"Why so glum?" Lynn asked. "We won! We got the loot, we taught that prissy judge a lesson for trying to keep his ill-gotten gain and we made a bitch out of One Eye, I'd say this was a very productive evening."

"That's one night we won't forget any time soon." Ryan smirked.

"But that's it…." Lincoln shed a tear "…..we almost died a dozen times tonight, just like last night…." He lost his voice and buried his face in his hands as he couldn't hold it in anymore and started sobbing.

Lynn's smile faltered, as her brother's words sank in, while Ryan looked at him dumbfounded.

"You're crying? We got what we wanted?" he showed him the envelope. "We made a clean getaway and took a massive piss on the face of danger. One gallant adventure behind us, and now you wanna weep about it?"

"That's not how he sees it, Ryan, not everyone has nerves of steel." Lynn told him seriously and sat next to her brother, leaving Ryan stunned hearing the same words Lincoln had lectured him with this morning.

Lynn hugged her little brother, this time without any looming danger skulking right behind their backs. It didn't stop his crying but she was staunch to offer him whatever comfort she could as he quivered in her embrace.

"It's okay, we're safe now. That's all that matters." She said softly. Ryan rubbed this neck awkwardly, feeling an even bigger déjà vu than before. He did not fail to notice how this mirrored the way the previous day had started for them, with Lynn comforting a weeping and traumatized Lincoln after the latter had spent the night in mortal peril.

" _I guess that would be a lot to take in for most people_." He thought. " _It's amazing he would actually go on after the zombie thing._ "

"Well, if it's any consolation; this went down much better than our original meeting with the cur. He didn't lay a fing-eh claw on you, and I got away with just some scratched palms and a pierced boot, no ambulances required."

Lynn sent him a mild glare and he looked away sheepishly. "Eh….I'll just shut up."

Lynn couldn't be too mad at him. He was, in his own awkward and faulty way, trying to comfort Lincoln, and she appreciated that. And he was technically right, something she gladly took to heart, as any help was much appreciated when it came to raising morale, as an athlete and team player ought to know.

It didn't take long for Lincoln to succumb to fatigue and he dozed off again. Lynn smiled weakly as she placed him down, tucking the pillow under his head. He had earned this rest and this time he could enjoy it undisturbed. She sighed and scratched her neck.

"This was a close shave…" she said dejectedly.

"I guess, but any crash you can walk away from is a good crash. Makes you stronger?" Ryan shrugged.

"The adrenaline rush is nice, but you can always get that without fearing for your life." Lynn exhaled and stood up to him. "It got pretty scary, especially when I thought I'd lose him…..or you."

A brief silence ensued, as even Ryan didn't feel like joking about that. Lynn was the first person he ever recalled stating that they were worried about _his_ safety. From his perspective, that was quite something to take in.

"But you didn't, let's just appreciate that?" Ryan shrugged. Lynn grew a weak smile and hugged him.

He blushed but managed to stay composed, perhaps he was just too tired to get overly excited.

"Yeah, I've learned the hard way to appreciate what I got. It can be taken away from you any second, y'know?" she replied and after some deliberation, leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. This wasn't a quick peck, she savored the moment.

Lynn would later recall how strange it was for her to be this upfront the way she was, but after her brush with death she subconsciously realized to an extent not to be hindered by doubt.

Ryan defiantly got a bit excited now, as his strained muscles managed to twitch a bit. Alas, this moment couldn't last forever as Lynn eventually leaned back.

"You didn't go catatonic or anything?" she smirked.

"How did I earn your gesture of affection?" he smirked back. "Because I saved your keister half a dozen times tonight or because you just really wanted to kiss me?"

"Both." Lynn candidly admitted. "Though, if memory serves, I saved your keister plenty tonight as well? I guess all the saves cancel each other out."

"Which means you just wanted to kiss me?" Ryan grinned, showing the gap where Lyle had knocked his tooth out.

"If it will make you happy….why not?" Lynn shrugged snidely and let go of him. "We made quite a team tonight, didn't we?"

"That's an understatement. It seems whatever we try to do; we work in perfect harmony together." Ryan said proudly.

"I'm glad to hear that." Lynn concurred as she slipped on and adjusted her mask. "So you're gonna help me sneak this damn thing back home?" she presented the envelope.

"Can't we sleep on it first? I'm wiped…." Ryan pouted.

"Nadda…" Lynn shook her head. "Go fetch us an energy drink. I want this done and dusted. The sooner the better."

* * *

Broad daylight was not a ninja's friend, or at least Ryan said so. With what energy they had left, the two of them landed on the tree adjacent to the Loud's house. From their perch, they had a clear view of the bedrooms, all of them unlit and with no visible activity, except for the parents'. Rita was pacing back and forth inside of it, clearly frustrated, with her husband following her.

Lynn quietly gestured for Ryan to follow her lead, already knowing the ideal route to take.

"I can't believe that slime-sucking receptionist blocked my calls?!" Rita was having a breakdown.

"Honey please, the people working there are very busy and-"

"To hell with them being busy!" Rita snapped at him. "My own kids have been invited there free of charge by the kid of the corporate mogul who owns the goddamn place and they snub me like I'm some crazy person who is not worthy of their attention even after I identified myself as the mother of their guests of honor!"

Lynn Sr. gulped. "Rita calm down, I know you're devastated but this isn't over yet. I'm sure once we contact Lola and-"

"What's even the point?!" Rita lashed out. "If that judge finds the money by then, he'll probably play dumb and there won't be a thing we can do about it! This isn't like finding a wallet on the street with twenty bucks, keys and an ID card, it's five thousand freaking dollars!"

Lynn wilted as his wife sat on their bed and started weeping in her hands. Lynn cautiously approached her, oblivious to their daughter standing on the porch roof and taking a glance through the window, narrowing her eyes at what she saw and nimbly retreating.

Lynn sat next to Rita, not knowing what to say. Losing five thousand dollars was no small grievance. His wife was downright livid, probably not helped by the large glass of wine she took just to calm her nerves. Then again, that might have prevented her from waking their daughters _and_ every one of their neighbors by screaming her head off, something he admittedly also felt compelled to do.

But knowing what he did, Lynn knew that someone had to keep a cool head in these kinds of situations if their rocky marriage was going to make any progress. But losing five grand was a pretty good way of dumping any previous progress down the sewer drain.

"Rita…..I'm sorry. I should have been more careful and kept a better eye on it…."

Rita stopped sobbing and let his words sink in. Extreme stress was nothing new for her, especially for the last few years once their army of children had peaked in number. In such situations it was easy to project all her personal failures and shortcomings on her husband and lash out at him to vent out her growing frustration. Rita never intentionally wanted to do this but when your mind was overloaded trying to do five things at once while dealing with manic and troublesome daughters you didn't have much, or any time to think your actions through or reflect on your behavior.

Yet at this moment, she couldn't bring herself to yell at her husband, even if for a second she felt compelled to do so.

Maybe it was the alcohol that kept her just calm enough to retain some semblance of rational, but Rita knew at this very moment that she couldn't blame him for this incident. She had insisted that _she_ would make the deposit and keep an eye on the money until then.

"Lynn…don't….." she shoved his arm away as he tried placing it over her shoulders. Rita got up and walked over to the window. "It was my fault, I should have known better than to leave it in the open. I'm such an idiot." She said self-loathingly. "I just….I just can't focus on so much at one…"

Her husband walked up to her. "Don't blame yourself, honey. Nobody is really at fault. Sometimes accidents happen and…."

"It doesn't matter; it doesn't change anything….." Rita muttered in a hollow voice, staring off into the distance. Lynn walked up to her, trying his hardest to provide some sort of comfort. His wife's penultimate statement summed up their main issue nicely.

Even with all their dedication, they were completely overwhelmed taking care of ten children. If regular parents regularly make mistakes or slipups, how could they possibly get anything accomplished?

Neither noticed the little ninja being lowered down from the air vent. Her partner held her by her legs as she silently placed the envelope on the nightstand and looked up to give him a thumbs-up, prompting him to hoist her up just as quickly and discreetly.

"I know, but we'll manage through…..somehow. We always have. For better or worse…." Lynn said weekly. Rita didn't say anything to that and kept staring into space for several moments.

Lynn rubbed the back of his neck. "We'll think of something…..this isn't the first time we faced serious financial problems, right?"

His wife didn't look at him. "I need to be alone…." She suddenly walked off. Lynn debated if he should let her go.

"Rita, maybe we-"

"Just leave me be." She retorted simply when something caught her eye. Rita froze in her tracks and rubbed her eyes, thinking it was the alcohol giving her wild hallucinations.

She frowned bitterly. "Actually…..could you just let me sleep here for a bit, I don't think I'm well enough to walk…."

"But…where will I sleep?" her husband asked when he noticed the same thing. "Wait? What's that envelope there? Didn't we leave Lola's in the kitchen when we first called the hotel?" he pointed at it, causing Rita's eyes to widen.

"You see it too?!"

Lynn looked at her oddly. "Eh….of course I do? I mean it's right there?"

Rita frantically snatched it and saw her own name on it. Still not wanting to believe that it wasn't some cruel hallucination, she placed it back on the nightstand and carefully opened it, pulling out its rich content. Lynn's eyes now likewise bulged out.

"Is tha-tha….is that the…."

Rita became oddly tranquil and straightened herself. She looked at Lynn, her expression was likewise calm.

"Lynn, dear, be brutally honest with me, do you see the money that I am currently seeing? I haven't gone loco, did I?"

The man rubbed his eyes, being careful about answering as he tried to make sure he hadn't gone off his rocker?

"Unless my eyes are deceiving me….eh…..yes, I am seeing it, right there in front of us."

That was all the incentive his wife needed to scream with joy and glomp him. Before he could register anything, Lynn now found himself being the one forced into a circle dance.

"The money! It's back! It's back!" Rita cheered while spinning around.

"But how?!" Lynn quickly felt dizzy. "It was gone? We searched-"

"Who gives a damn!?" Rita exclaimed with unbridled joy. "It's back! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!"

Lynn saw her point. Screw logic when you were offered a miracle, they were both willing to think it was a simple oversight. He felt elated and fully joined his wife in their happy dance.

* * *

Outside, Ryan and Lynn observed them from their perch. "I'll never be able to unsee that…." The boy deadpanned.

Lynn hardly cared for his smart alec comment, for she was in a state of ecstasy.

"We did it!" she pulled him into a bear hug, something Ryan _greatly_ appreciated. "Couldn't have done it without you!"

"Couldn't have done it without _me_ either." He quipped.

"Smartass…." She retorted playfully, not letting him go. "And don't think I forgot what you told Lincoln while we were cornered by the lynx. I always knew you felt that way."

"Meh…I'm too tired to care." Ryan shrugged, being far more honest that Lynn thought he was being. "Besides, we better get back to my room quick. Once the energy drinks wear off we might collapse and lose consciousness on the spot."

Lynn didn't take his warning lightly. Twenty-four hours of nonstop activity combined with a late energy drink was like knock-out gas once the stimulant wore off, she knew it from experience.

"Kay, let's scram. Just give me a sec." she took one final glance at the dancing couple, and felt a heavy burden being lifted. "Conscience cleared."

"Yeah…until you remember your next misdeed." Ryan sniped as he leaped off the tree.

Lynn grumbled and shouted. "You couldn't let have this moment, could you!"

"Nope!" she shouted in response, making her shake her head in annoyance.

With that she followed suit.

* * *

 **And the lousy day has at last come to a finish. Initially, the idea for this arc came about as me wanting to write a "villain overload" type of story highlighting my three OC antagonist in quick succession. Likewise, I planned to bring back Kathleen, specifically in the form of her claiming to have reformed, which Luan wouldn't buy but the other sisters would. Hence why this arc turned out so long XD I always wanted to do more with the characters being stuck on a trip together but that got sidelined once Kathleen entered the story. I can save that concept for a future arc.**

 **So, just to recap: Lori, Leni and the twins have been immersed in the world of Luan's nemesis (and Luna will likely too), hence a clear divide has been made between the siblings (ironically, despite leaving on bad terms, both Lincoln and Lisa wound up on team Luan, a.k.a the non-ignorant sibling faction, as did the two romantic rivals and the jock and goth most blatantly at odds), which also led to my special Luan/Lucy sister bond being reestablished in this timeline, Lisa has been left devastated by her near-world-ending screw-up and is suffering some serious "heroic BSoD" XD, same thing for Lincoln after surviving a zombie apocalypse and a reunion with his worst nightmare in just twenty four hours and Ryan is forced to tell Luan that she's friendzoned and she probably won't take the news well.**

 **The next arc might be another ultra-loose, heavily revised and very expanded version of a canon episode. We had the treasure map episode (here a fake one), the flue-zombie one (here with actual flue-zombies and much grimmer, and with world-ending stakes), which one could I tackle next and how?**


	31. A Sitter For The Loud Kids

In the wake of a long and nerve-racking night sleep came surprisingly easy. The moment he had felt safe, Lincoln went out like a light and drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

Prying his crusty eyes open, he slowly regained consciousness. His mind was hazy and his body still felt very exhausted. He awakened into a dark and confusing world, though he was lying on something soft. Stirring weekly, he tried to adjust his eyesight, still too groggy to think with any more cohesion than the basic instinct to wake up. He felt like he had blacked out for a while.

Slowly squirming around, he figured out that he was in a bed. Rolling to his right he noticed the window blinds being closed, with only a little light shining through the bars. Slowly but steadily, the events of last night's hassle started flooding back to him; the money, the hotel, breaking into it, him acting as a lookout, the farm, Donnie Dufresne…" _One Eye!_ "

He felt a shiver course through his entire body but soon calmed down, remembering that they had ditched the wolf. " _He can't hurt you; he's far, far away._ " Lincoln had to reassure himself, wiping sweat off his forehead.

" _But where am I now?_ " Last thing he remembered was sobbing and hugging his sister in Ryan's room, though that particular memory was very vague and hazy. Was that where he was? Where else could he be? Rubbing his temples and grumbling groggily, he sat up.

" _I must have dozed off_ ….." he thought "….. _where are the others?_ " As he stirred a bit he felt something soft pressed against his flank. That thing stirred and stretched herself, while releasing a loud yawn. Lincoln squinted but was soon met with a pair of familiar emerald eyes.

"Marceline?" he mumbled, still in a daze, while rubbing his eyes. The cat purred and came closer, rubbing her body against his chest and under his chin in an affectionate manner. Lincoln looked around and found one…no, two figures lying on the floor. The sight unnerved him a bit and he quickly marched to the window to pull the blinds up. He shut his eyes tight as he was blinded by powerful sun rays; this defiantly wasn't early morning, but noon.

Rubbing his eyes, he faced away from the sun and turned towards the lying figures. It was Ryan and Lynn, still in their ninja getup minus their masks, which were lying next to them on the floor, and the two were cuddling in their sleep, looking far more calm and content than normal. Lincoln would have been horrified by the sight under normal circumstances, but after yesterday's ordeals, the sight in front of him felt insignificant.

He stepped around the sleeping couple. " _I feel like I'm invading their privacy_ …." Lincoln had already made up his mind to leave. Despite his body still feeling tired, his mind felt reckless.

Marceline meowed, and Lincoln saw her sitting on the bed and watching him. Lincoln shifted his glance towards the alarm clock. It was already half an hour past noon? Lincoln wasn't surprised, given the trio's late night escapade, which continued well past the wee hours. It was actually a miracle that he awoke this early, even more so given how little sleep he had gotten the night prior. Lincoln sighed, trying to find his bearings.

He went over to the cat and stroked her head, which she seemed quite happy about and purred affectionately. He looked at his sister once more before turning back to the cat.

"Say, do you know what those two were doing…." Lincoln asked her idly "….it's not like I want to know….it's probably gross and…oh, for the love of…..I'm talking to a cat?" He rambled on and clutched his hair. Marceline tilted her head looking at him.

"What was I gonna do? Right. Give them some privacy." Lincoln mumbled to himself.

As he was about to leave, he glanced over at the nightstand and found his and Lynn's phones lying there, as they had left them last night. Lincoln wondered what his family was up to while he and Lynn were offline? Hopefully nothing with terrible repercussions?

Picking up his phone, he found two messages from Lucy saying more or less the same thing. " _Where are you? You said you would talk to me and tell mom and dad about the bullies?_ "

Her second messages sounded more demanding. " _Where are you? If you don't come I'll tell them myself._ " It was cut and dry and made the boy feel uneasy. Lucy obviously wasn't going to back down on this and the only way to put a lid on their Lyle problem was to let her in on their mission. Lincoln hoped Lucy would be reasonable.

He read the third message, which brought a smile to his face. It was from his father. " _At least this nightmare wasn't for nothing._ " His father had earned his chance at starting a restaurant. The whole reason they went on the phony picnic in the first place, and why they ran into Kathleen, and Lyle, and even One Eye.

" _Was that really worth it?_ " He soon wondered if letting his father fulfill his dream was worth all the grief they had to endure, and the lingering consequences of those encounters.

Him, Lynn and their dad would undoubtedly have to take drastic measures to protect the latter's restaurant from the girls, which would entail keeping them out of the establishment period. He soon found himself consumed by another wave of pessimism.

" _Don't think like that. Any victory matters, no matter how small_."

He found a fourth message, this one from his mother. It told him that she found her envelope and that he needn't worry, and that she was currently on her way to the bank. " _So the ninja duo finished the job?_ " Lincoln sighed with relief; this problem had been dealt with. At least their attempts at damage control had been going smoothly so far.

Lincoln grabbed his old clothes and walked towards the bathroom. Placing them on the washing machine, he turned to the sink to splashed water on his face several times. The cool liquid helped him wake up and the cold sensation quelled his anxiety a bit.

Drying his face with a towel, the boy jolted as he saw another person in the mirror. He turned around and found Renee leaning against the doorway, arms folded. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon." She greeted him in a blasé tone.

Having lived with Lucy for years, Lincoln recovered from his shock fairly quickly. "Renee?" he gulped. "Um….good morning?"

"It's not morning." She replied bluntly. "What are you doing here?"

Lincoln felt uneasy trying to retain eye contact with her. Something about her steely gaze was unnerving and scary, like confronting that one overly-strict teacher at school that you feared would punish you for the most minor provocation, intentional or not. How could a 14-year-old emanate that same kind of menace?

"Um….me and Lynn had another sleepover."

"Her again…." Renee rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well…the three of us plus my other sisters, Lucy and Luan, went for a stroll yesterday, and me and Lynn liked it here and stayed for another sleepover, I hope that didn't bother you."

"Lucy?" Renee asked distastefully.

"Yeah, I believe you met her." Lincoln smiled awkwardly. Renee's look told him the pleasure wasn't hers. The teen didn't respond to that. Instead, she took a particular interest in Lincoln's wardrobe and narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

Lincoln swallowed a huge lump, realizing he was still clad in his black stealth clothes. " _Don't panic, think fast. Just come up with an explanation_."

"Well….I….it was for Lucy. Not sure if you've noticed… but she's really into goth culture and such."

"I've noticed." Renee said blandly, her glare remaining firm.

"Well, yesterday Ryan, Lynn and Luan all wanted to go to Dairyland but little Lucy wanted to go to a goth convention instead. Naturally, we couldn't let her go without a chaperon so I volunteered…and had to dress accordingly." He explained and pointed at his wardrobe.

He grew more nervous as an uneasy silence ensued. Renee seemed to be contemplating his answer, but much to his relief, her glare eased up.

"So they ditched you in order to indulge themselves in that cesspool of hedonism, and left you with the burden of babysitting that little psychopath?" she arched an eyebrow.

"What did you call her?" Lincoln asked.

"Huh…" Renee shrugged. "That does sound like something my brother would do."

"Why did you call Lucy a psychopath?"

"Because it's pretty apparent she is one." Renee replied in a blasé tone. "I hate to break it to you, kid, but grabbing the corpses of dead animals and trying to bury them? I don't think there's a more unambiguous sign that someone is not of sound mind. Her insistence that she's a "liaison" between the living and departed only cements that."

Lincoln narrowed his eyes. "Look, I don't know where you got that impression but you're dead-wrong. I know Lucy is weird and spooky, but she's also the nicest girl I have ever known. The funeral thing….eh…that's just a phase."

Renee looked unmoved.

"She's just eccentric, and she's only seven." Lincoln continued. "She doesn't know that some of her behavior creeps people out."

"Exactly, she displays clear disinhibition, an impaired ability to comprehend her own actions and how other people will perceive it. Ergo, she's a psychopath in the making." Renee shrugged.

"That's ridiculous, if she's a psychopath why is she always concerned about my well-being? Or our sisters'?" Lincoln asked indignantly.

"Dunno, her pathological idiosyncrasies will probably get worse as she gets older." Renee shrugged, not really seeming to care about debating the topic at hand. "If you wish to believe otherwise, fine by me. Whatever floats your boat, freaks got to stick up for fellow freaks I suppose."

With that, she strolled away, leaving Lincoln feeling pretty infuriated. People could mock him all they wanted but they had no right to badmouth his little sister. But he could do nothing about it, this was Renee's home and one couldn't exactly justify a relative's hobby of performing funerals, for real deceased animals.

As usual when someone insulted him or his family, Lincoln could do little but take it and wilt with tranquil anger.

* * *

Slowly gaining consciousness, Lynn hummed as she nestled her head against something warm and cozy, to which she clung on tightly. Stirring, she let out a yawn.

"Morning, Sunshine."

Her eyes shot open, after going stiff for a second she saw that she had wound up in a very familiar position. With a yelp, she scooted away, blushing madly.

Ryan sat up and stretched his arms, smirking at her. "Thought you were a morning person?" despite his taunting attitude, he was blushing just as much, if not more so, as he had been conscious a little longer.

"W-What happened?" Lynn asked him, her tone groggy.

Ryan briefly looked around. "Looks like we dropped dead once we took one step in." he shrugged. "I'm flattered to know that even in sleep you can't stand away from…..oh, wait? I already knew that."

Lynn's shoulders slumped and she exhaled. Her cheeks were hot but strangely, she didn't feel that embarrassed or weirded out by this? Actually, it felt rather nice.

"I guess it wasn't that bad. At least I found a nice place to catch some Zs." She relaxed and scooted closer to him. "You do indeed make a nice pillow."

"So you wanna continue it? The day's still young." Ryan smiled eagerly.

Lynn smirked. "Maybe some other time, and some place my baby brother can't watch us." She looked over her shoulder but found the bed empty. "Lincoln? Where is he?" she looked around.

"Probably got up early, he didn't run a cross country marathon last night while dragging dumbbells around." Ryan snarked. "He didn't go on a detour to return some missing cash either."

"I'm here…." They heard Lincoln's dejected voice, as the latter walked, now back in his usual attire, carrying a coke in one hand and his folded-up stealth suit under his other arm.

Lynn gulped. "Eh….how much did you see…"

"I saw everything; you guys were cuddling on the floor." Lincoln said indifferently as he sat next to her, placing his stealth suit down, and took a gulp. Lynn blushed again with embarrassment.

Lincoln exhaled as the cold drink washed down his gullet. "But I guess that's what couples do, so who am I to judge?"

"We're not…..I mean…." Lynn stammered. "Ugh….can we talk about something else?" she asked impatiently.

"Like how you said in your sleep "Yes, I'll be Mrs. Taylor"?"

"What?!" Lynn freaked out and even Ryan looked startled by this.

"Wow, let's not get ahead of ourselves there." He raised his hands up uneasily. "I mean, I like you and all but-"

"Just kidding, I didn't hear her talk." Lincoln shrugged.

His sister scowled and clenched her fists."Not funny." She said unamused.

"Glad to see you're not a total wet blanket after your power nap, like yesterday." Ryan quipped.

Lincoln sighed. "I guess after you had one brush with death the shock just doesn't linger as long the second time…."

"Trauma builds character." Ryan shrugged.

"Speaking of blabbing in your sleep?" Lynn smirked evilly. "What was that you muttered at the barn about being "Jordan's hero"?"

"Huh?" was Lincoln's response, much to Lynn's ire, as she didn't get a rise out him as expected.

"Y'know, there are some things a person should keep to themselves." Ryan snarked. "But I guess your crush on that Jordan fella explains a lot about you."

Lynn groaned and slugged him in the arm. "You dunderhead, Jordan's a _girl_ from his school!"

"Really? Pew, what a relief…" Ryan nodded before it hit him. "Wait? How can a girl be named "Jordan"? That's a guy name."

"They can, it's a unisex name." Lynn huffed.

"Since when?" Ryan laughed. "Is this some new left-wing feminist movement? Give girls boy names?"

"No it's not; I can list ten celebrities who are girls, including athletes of the top of my head with that name."

"You Americans are weird." Ryan dismissed her.

"Forget it." Lynn rolled her eyes and turned to her brother. "Since when did you have a crush? And you didn't tell me?"

"I don't think I'm crushing on anyone." Lincoln shrugged. "I mean….Jordan is pretty but so are Cristina, and Paige, and a lot of girls in my school." He explained with a casual, blasé demeanor, like he was just making a neutral observation. "Even that one Ace Savvy fan that kicked me in the nuts at the comic store to steal the issue I bought."

Lincoln actually knew the fangirl's name, but for the sake of their collective sanity didn't mention it. As twisted of a sense of humor as Ryan could have, Lincoln doubted he would take it well if, even for a moment, he believed that Lincoln was fancying his sister. There are some ideas that should never be planted in anyone's mind.

"Talk about getting blue balls for a chick." Ryan sniggered.

"Then why were you imagining Jordan as your damsel in distress then?" Lynn demanded impatiently.

"I dunno, I guess it's that "filling up dream characters with people you know" thing." Lincoln shrugged. Lynn rolled her eyes while Ryan chuckled.

"Gotta admit, Twinkle Toes, you sure showed that cootie-machine over there that boy's don't buckle easily when faced with tough questions. Put it there." He grabbed Lincoln's arm and high-fived him.

Lynn opted to drop the matter. Her brother didn't seem particularly embarrassed, so there was no fun to be had teasing him, and given how she herself had trouble figuring out how to deal with her feelings for Ryan, she doubted her baby brother had a serious crush on anyone, at least consciously. At least she could rest easily since that dream confirmed he was into girls.

" _I should have known better than to buy into Ryan's dumb jokes_." She scolded herself.

"Speaking of cracking under pressure?" Lynn snarked and faced Ryan. "What about your confession to Linc when you thought we were gonna die?"

"What do you mean?" Lincoln asked without much interest.

"Lynn, I think you're exaggerating things." Ryan coolly retorted.

"You can't cover your ass now." Lynn sniped.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Seriously now, Lynn? My exact words were that I don't think he's " _that_ bad", that ain't high praise?"

"Which is your way of saying you like someone." Lynn retorted cheerily.

"Guys, can we talk about this some other time?" an exasperated Lincoln interjected. "We have to deal with Lucy now."

Lynn's face fell. Ryan on the other hand, was quite happy.

"I can't wait to let her in, she's sure to be thrilled to hear about our "prophetic visions"." He stroked his chin. "Maybe she'll devise a scheme to scare the bimbos into submission."

"Let's hope she'll cooperate, I feel pretty guilty for lying to her as it is. She deserves to know the truth." Lincoln agreed. Lynn looked down with a sulky expression.

"C'mon, Lynn, don't sulk about it? I mean… it could be worse?" Lincoln smiled at her.

"How?" she grunted.

"We could have been forced to team up with Lola or Lori? Or both?"

Lynn sniggered, feeling a bit better. "You got me there. That would be _way_ worse."

"Now that that's settled, let's go. Lucy's growing impatient, if her messages are anything to go by." Lincoln pointed out.

"Just one more thing." Lynn interjected and looked at Ryan. "Once we get back home, you know what you're going to have to tell Luan?"

Ryan grew uneasy. "Ehh…..right now?"

"Yes, right now." Lynn glared at him.

"You two talked about that?" Lincoln blinked.

"Sure we did, Linc, in the shafts." Lynn huffed. "Which means Lover Boy's gonna have to dump Tin Teeth."

"Now wait just a sec?" a nervous Ryan interjected. "What if she doesn't take it well?"

"She sure won't." Lynn shrugged. "Can't avoid the inevitable."

"Exactly, and if she's mad at me, how are we gonna keep her quiet about Lyle?"

Lincoln went silent and contemplated. That was a good point?

"You have to let her down gently."

Lynn laughed. "Him? Gentle?" she pointed at Ryan. "Get real. And it's not like Lu's gonna act reasonably, hysterical teen girls never do."

"Look, Taylor, just try to tell her this gently. You do like her, don't you? You wouldn't want to crush her too bad?"

Ryan groaned. "And what do you expect me to tell her? "Sorry, sweet cakes, but your sister is better"?"

"Sounds like a good reason to me." Lynn smirked haughtily. "I already suggested that."

"Lynn, be serious." Lincoln glowered at her before turning back to Ryan. "Just….I dunno…..shower her with compliments. Tell her everything you like about her, and make up more things if you have to. Just make sure to end said conversation with "let's just be friends"."

Ryan swallowed a huge lump. He never expected to be scared of talking to Luan of all people, but there he was. Oh, why did he have to be so irresistibly charming and desirable?

* * *

At the Louds' house, Luan and Luna were on the couch watching Dream Boat, a rare chance for both of them to enjoy the show without the rest of their siblings bothering them with their inane chatter.

Lucy was sandwiched between them, far, far less enthusiastic about the show than the young teens.

" _Words cannot describe how much I detest this ratings-luring schlock. Sigh, but the true tragedy is how this genre is a ratings trap in the first place_." Lucy always advocated that they watch something else but always got outvoted.

But dumb reality shows or whatever this was supposed to be were the least of her concerns. Lincoln and Lynn had been gone for the entire morning and she didn't know why. She had texted her brother, telling him in no uncertain terms that she would tell, regardless of his consent, if he didn't show up.

"Luan, where are they?"

The comedian hushed her, not peeling her eyes off the screen. "Not now, Karen's so going to choose Ray to be her new first mate."

Lucy frowned. "Luan…." She whispered, though it was rather needless since Luna was likewise mesmerized at the moment. "Don't you think we have more pressing matters to attend to than some Hollywood runway model's fake love life?"

"Do you think I should do the same with Ryan when he seals the deal with me?" Luan asked dreamily, her eyes sparkly. "We'll rent out a paddleboat, I'll buy a nifty captain's hat and I'll declare him my first mate." She giggled impishly.

Lucy felt an odd mixture of disgust and pity. Disgust because her sister openly expressed her desire to smooch with a boy, and pity because she knew her crush was futile, at least according to Lincoln. To be frank, though Lucy didn't want to degrade herself into shipping people like her sisters did whenever they watched this damn show, and since she didn't care about icky romance in general, she thought Ryan would be better off hooking up with Luan.

Opting for the alternative couldn't possibly be healthy for him. Lynn couldn't uphold a healthy relationship with her own siblings thanks to her boorish and egotistical personality, why would a boyfriend be any different?

And speak of the devils, the door opened and in came Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan. Lucy was surprised to see her brother and sister sporting reddish eyes and eye bags. Ryan was no better, but with him you couldn't see unless you squinted. Luan and Luna didn't hear anything, their attention still fixated on the TV.

"You're back?" Lucy said, far too quietly for anyone to hear. The three stopped and grew tense as they noted her watching them. Lucy immediately jumped off the couch and headed towards them.

"Hey, Lucy?" her brother greeted her awkwardly. He didn't need to see her eyes to know that she noticed how disheveled they looked.

"Did you sleep last night?" she asked him bluntly.

"Not much…." Lynn frowned; knowing there was no use trying to cover that up. "Troubled minds, we had a lot to think about."

"Oh…." Lucy nodded. "It's about Lyle?"

"Sorta…." Lincoln nodded sadly, bracing himself for another uncomfortable talk with one of his sisters. At least this one didn't involve romancing Ryan, though that was of little comfort. "The four of us need to talk… in private."

"Aren't we going to talk with dad?" Lucy asked. "Mom's away but he's preparing lunch in the kitchen."

"What's your hurry? First we need to talk about something else." Lynn retorted.

"I thought we made a deal?" Lucy replied firmly and looked at her brother. "Either we all come clear or I'll tell anyway."

Lynn felt her blood boil. After nearly being torn apart by a wolf last night she had zero patience for her runt of a sister mouthing off to her. "Listen here, shrimp-"

"Now, Lynn, no need to get hostile." Ryan sniped at her, keeping his hands behind his back for the moment. "Lucy will understand soon enough."

The goth cocked an eyebrow under her bags. Why did that sound oddly like people trying to initiate you into a cult of some kind? "What are you talking about, Ryan?"

"It's…. complicated." He shrugged awkwardly. "Which is why we need to talk…..somewhere undisclosed."

"But what about Lyle?"

"He can wait, we need to talk." Lynn barked impatiently.

"Will you keep it down!" Luna shouted without looking at them. "Karen's about to make her big decision! It's bound to be Brad!"

Lucy scowled under her bags. "No, he can't. I told you-"

"Lynn, please." Lincoln told the agitated jock. "We have to be discreet about this."

This only made Lucy more confused. "What do you mean "discreet"?"

Lincoln looked at her sadly. "Lucy….we haven't been entirely honest with you about…..things?"

Lucy tried to process that. "What do you mean….wait? "

"Well…..let's say Lyle wasn't the main reason the Linc-nator has been on the mopey side lately." Ryan quipped, lowering his voice.

"No…he's not." Lincoln agreed dejectedly. "I _wish_ a bully was our sole problem."

Lucy grew increasingly more puzzled until she slowly started to realize. But if Lyle wasn't their main problem, what were they getting at?

"There's something else goi-"

"Shhhhhhh…we're watching this!" Luan chastised them before turning back to the TV screen with eager anticipation, until she did a double take. "Ryan?"

" _Oh, no_ …." the three thought simultaneously as Dream Boat suddenly didn't seem to matter to the comedian and she skipped happily up to their guest.

"Ryan? What a coinky-dence, me and Luce were just talking about you?" she giggled, making Ryan feel nervous.

"Lu, eh…..sup?" he greeted her nervously as he noted Lynn sending him a cold glare, clearly expecting him to tell her sister something.

"Seriously, dudes, hush up!" Luna shouted at them. "I'm trying to watch…..oh, no. No! You gotta be pulling my leg?" she lamented at the TV. "Another bogus cliffhanger?!"

Lynn groaned. "Dream Boat? Really? You guys still watch that crap?" she asked the rocker snidely.

"Hey, we don't lecture you about watching all those interchangeable sports tournaments." Luna shot back, still furious about the cliffhanger.

"Pffft…at least they have stakes and drama." The jock huffed proudly.

"She's got you there." Ryan agreed. "Reality show schmutz makes even the dumbest sports event look relevant by comparison."

"Thanks…..hey?" Lynn glared at him.

Luan gulped. "Eh….yeah, you're absolutely right. Me and Lucy just watched it so Luna wouldn't feel left out."

"I thought you loved the show?" Lucy asked, prompting the nervous comedian to do a "cut it out" gesture.

"I was just saying that to make it more convincing." She giggled awkwardly.

"Pffffttt….you're such a schmuck, Luan. Y'know that?" Luna snarked at the comedian. "Have some dignity."

Luan glared at her before smirking smugly and grabbing Ryan's hand, lifting it up. "Expect that this "schmuck" has landed her ideal guy, while _someone_ here is still stringing guitars by her lonesome."

Lynn seethed and Lincoln grabbed her shoulder, giving her a look that signaled her to calm down.

Ryan gulped. "Eh, Lu? About that-"

"Ryan? What happened to your hands?" Lucy asked worriedly. Luan blinked and gasped upon seeing that the hand she was holding was bandaged.

"Ryan, what happened?" she covered her mouth fearfully.

Sweating, Ryan withdrew his hand and grinned. "Oh, nothing! I'm just dealing with some suicidal depression….."

Luan and Luna went agape, while Lynn facepalmed.

"Gotcha, didn't I?" Ryan laughed at the comedian's horrified face. "Nah, everything's cool, I just wanted to make my buds some morning tea." He gestured at Lynn and Lincoln. "But…eh…I had a little accident with the kettle."

He chuckled sheepishly while flaunting both of his bandaged palms.

Luan remained shocked, but Lucy, in spite of everything, tittered at his joke, earning a disapproving glare from Lincoln.

"You poor thing…." Luan hugged him, much to Lynn's chagrin. "You oughta be more careful. Don't scare me like that."

The boy blushed, but not for the right reasons. "It's okay, I'm tough. I can handle some measly burns."

Luan leaned back and slapped him on the arm. "And don't make jokes like that! That's not funny!"

"I don't think you actually understand the concept of black comedy." Lucy stated.

Lincoln sighed. Things were slowly getting out of hand. "Ryan?" he suggested. "Why don't you take a stroll with Luan, talk about stuff? While me and Lynn talk with Lucy?" he placed his hands on the goth's shoulder. Lucy looked at him, still suspicious.

" _But if he wants to fess up about something important, I should give him the chance_." She figured and stayed silent.

"I'm cool with that." Luan nodded happily and batted her eyelashes at Ryan. "I can help nurture you back to health."

Lynn trembled with rage but forced a tooth-clenched grin. "Yeah, Ryan. Why don't you talk to her? Don't you have something to tell her?"

Ryan was sweating profusely as Luan tugged his arm. Lincoln wanted to berate the jock. Why did she have to be spiteful and word it like that? He felt even worse as he saw Luan silently beam, obviously taking it the wrong way.

"Kids, you're back." They heard Lynn Sr.' groggy voice as the man walked out of the kitchen wearing an apron…..and a pancake on his cheek?

"Eh….pops? Why do you have a flapjack on your face?" Luna duly noted, leaning into the couch.

"I do? Ups." Lynn Sr. giggle, swiftly pealing it off and hiding it behind his back.

"Dad, did you fall asleep on the kitchen table while preparing lunch again?" Lincoln asked, unsurprised.

"Well….yes, as you know, your mother and I stayed past our curfew trying to find some money we had to deposit." His father explained sheepishly. "But worry not, son. We didn't lose it; we just misplaced it in our room. Just another false alarm." He joked.

"Well that's good to hear." Lincoln smiled. "And you said your meeting with McCole went well?"

"It sure did." Lynn Sr. beamed. "But don't get overexcited just yet. There's still a lot of work left before we can own our own restaurant, first I need to buy a building and renovate it, buy all the necessary equipment, hire a staff….."

"Take your sweet time, dad." Lynn told him. "There's no point rushing into things." Both she and Lincoln hoped that their dad wouldn't start anything until at least "the incident" had passed by.

Lucy, Luan and Luna all stared at the jock oddly. Lynn giving lectures about not being impulsive?

"Yeah, what matters is that you convinced that food critic to help you; that was bound to be the hardest step." Lincoln agreed.

"You betcha, sport." His father shot him a finger gun. "I don't think I've been this terrified in my life since the time I tried to pop the question to the woman you all now know as "mom"." He chuckled. "But if there's a lesson to be taken away from this, it's to never doubt yourself."

"That's really swell, sir…" Ryan rolled his eyes "….but perhaps now you should worry about your daughters falling in with the wrong crowd?"

"What do you mean?" Lynn Sr. grew worried.

"Kathleen Tisdale, I think all of us can agree that it's pertinent to separate the girls from her. Don't you think so, Luan?"

Luan's cheerful persona melted away, and her face darkened. "Yes! We gotta get them away from that monster."

Her father looked puzzled before it dawned on him. "Oh, right, you and her aren't on good terms…"

"That's a severe understatement, their mutual hatred is unrivaled." Ryan explained. "It's so strong that saying one positive thing about Kathy would be plain heresy against my friendship with Luan."

"She's a vile and detestable human being." Lucy added.

"I'd gladly knock out all her bleached chompers." Lynn huffed and folded her arms. "If she couldn't sue me into the stone age for it." She muttered under her breath.

Lincoln shifted quietly.

Lynn Sr. didn't know what to make of this. Clearly he had some catching up to do.

* * *

"How many months of therapy does he have left?" the father asked incredulously. The seven of them were now sitting around the kitchen table as Luan recounted her history with Kathleen.

"Luan, are you sure that wasn't just a joke on her part?" Luna asked casually. "That just sounds too wankers to be real." Luan glared daggers at her.

"Luna, she literally told us that was the reason she was sent to that charity organization by her dad, he wanted to drill some sense into her." Lincoln gave the rocker a tired look. "And she claims to feel regret over it, which is why she's funding all those other charity events."

"And even if she was joking, do you think all those awful things she did to me was also a joke?" Luan raised her voice, on the verge of shedding tears. "You think I made that up?!"

"Wow, take a chill pill, man…." Luna backed away, unnerved by her outburst.

"Take it easy, sweetie, of course we all believe you. Why would I mistrust my own daughter?" Lynn Sr. reassured her. He actually had a long list of reasons to distrust his daughters, but the raw pain Luan exhibited just talking about this Kathleen girl left little room for doubt in his mind. He too had once been a kid and knew all too well what it was like being bullied.

Seeing the sincerity in his voice, Luan calmed down a bit.

"Luan, I'm so sorry to hear this. Why didn't you ever tell us about it?" her father asked, making her shrink with shame.

Lincoln sighed. "It's never easy to fess up about things like that, you always feel embarrassed….."

His father slowly nodded, again, understanding what his son meant from personal experience.

"I see your point, kids. That girl doesn't sound like the kind of character I would want to influence my own offspring."

"It's no grand feat to figure her out." Ryan shrugged while leaning in his chair. He held his right index finger up. "She's a cheerleader for one. Head cheerleader at that." He then lifted his left index finger too. "And she's filthy rich. Neither of those attributes are a good sign, but if you combine them…. " He moved his two fingers together. "Oh boy…why that's like TNT."

Lynn Sr. sighed. "My old man always used to tell me that money and power corrupts. No surprise rich kids turn out bad without careful supervision."

"Aren't you being a _little_ barmy, Ryan?" Luna asked. "I've know some cheerleaders from junior high, at high school too. Many of them are pretty cool to me."

The boy sneered. "Yes, they'll be nice to you if you're _popular_. It's smart politics to keep up good relations with fellow populars. But if you're not popular…" he shook his head "…..then you better watch your back."

"Story of my life…." Luan remarked bitterly.

"I know what that's like." Lincoln gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Me too…." Lucy concurred, though she didn't go into details. They were trying to help _Luan_ right now and she needed it more.

"Count me in." Ryan joined in candidly. Lynn shifted quietly, feeling grossly left out.

"I'm no stranger to the concept either." The token adult agreed with a little levity. "When I was in school, my classmates made a billion cracks about my nose alone, most of which too vulgar for you youngsters to hear."

He sighed and rube his neck. "In that case, maybe it's for the better to prohibit the girls from meeting that Kathleen anymore. I'm sure your mother will agree. She sounds like trouble…."

"Wait a sec, pops." Luna interjected. "Why are all of ya just assuming she's lying about everything? Maybe she did change? Didn't she say that those people at the charity organization opened her eyes?"

"Your optimism is admirable but sadly misplaced." Ryan answered snidely. "I know scum when I see it." He pointed his thumb at himself.

Luna frowned. "Based on what? On stereotypes?"

"Stereotypes exist for a reason." Ryan shrugged.

"I trust his judgment, Luna." Lincoln begrudgingly agreed. "I find it hard to buy that someone would go from rotten apple to a beacon of generosity that fast."

"Yeah, on last day of school I came home with a "kick me in my fat ass" sign on my back!" Luann ranted.

Her father went agape and Lincoln covered Lucy's ears. "Pardon my French, guys." She sighed but quickly regained her vigor. "But that wasn't even a month ago."

"Sounds like a scam to me. I'm sure it's just a stunt to appease her daddy." Lynn added.

"And what if you're wrong?" Lynn and Ryan both held back the urge to punch the rocker in the face for her naivety.

"Doesn't she at least deserve a fair shot?"

Ryan couldn't refrain from probing a bit. "Kay, just so we're clear. Are you just vouching for Kathy because you hope Ms. Moneybags can be your VIP ticket to meet someone you idolize?"

"Or are you just itching for some gold-digging?" Lynn snorted condescendingly. Luna looked indignant.

"Now, kids, let's not make baseless accusations."

"Then why are you just assuming Kathleen's trying to pull a fast one? Maybe you're unfairly discriminating her?"

An enraged Luan slammed her hand into the table. "Have you even been listening to anything I said, you two-faced skank!"

"Luan?" her father gasped. Lincoln covered Lucy's ears again. "I heard it both times." The goth said.

"Y'know what? I'm outta here. You people are seriously harshing my mellow." Luna stood up.

"Fine by me, traitor." Luan spat. "Good riddance."

"Girls, please." Their father tried to ease the tension.

"Luan's right, if she ain't any help let her go." Lynn agreed. Luna glared at her. Lincoln and Lucy stayed quiet.

"Way to be supportive, Moon Girl." Ryan snarked and leaned closer to her with an inquisitive look. "Say, why do they call you Luna? That name feels ill-suite for you. I mean, you're a musician, right? Not an aspiring astronomer? Do you want to be an astronaut? Or do you just have a weird fascination with the moon?"

"I had enough." A bitter Luna turned away and stormed off.

"What?" Ryan turned to the rest innocently. "It was an honest question?"

"The nerve of some people….." Luan grumbled, watching the rocker go.

"Now, Luan. It's not nice to gang up on people." Her father lectured her. "That goes for all of you. Luna has a fair point."

"How?" an irritated Lynn asked.

"She's right that Kathleen might be sincere. I'm not saying I believe that but we have no way to prove right now that she has any ulterior motives. Innocent until proven guilty. If you berate someone without any evidence to back up your claims you could easily come off as the unreasonable one."

Lincoln slouched, knowing his father was right. Luan, Lynn, Lucy and Ryan didn't share that sentiment.

"So what? Sometimes you gotta follow your gut." Lynn countered. "It's not like you need a reason to ignore somebody and give them a wide berth? You're not gonna let the girls pal around with Kathleen, are ya? Remember! Be assertive!"

"Yes, assert your authority. They'll thank you for it in the long run." Lincoln concurred.

"I'm willing to believe you kids, honest." Lynn Sr. reassured them. "I'm just worried that we'll come off as spiteful and condescending by refuting her hospitality."

"So what? She might be loaded but Kathy's still only thirteen? And you're a grownup." Ryan shrugged.

"Yeah, parents forbid their kids from making friends with other kids all the time, and they rarely give any good reason for it." Lynn added.

Lynn Sr. didn't know if he should be offended by that. "Now, kids, that's not exactly how it works. You can't just keep your kids from making new friends if you don't have a solid reason to distrust-"

"You have your reasons, dad. _Our testimony_." Lynn pointed out. "Just say your kids are off-limits, you don't have to give a reason for it, you're a grownup!"

"Just say you're on the fence about trusting someone like Kathleen, given her record." Lincoln suggested.

The man debated about it and glanced to his left to see the look of pain in Luan's eyes. Despite his reservations about doing something rash, he understood their reason. If _four_ of his kids were openly mistrustful of someone with a proven seedy past, what kind of a father wouldn't take their warnings to heart?

"Okay, I'll have a talk with Rita. After the hotel blocked her calls I'm sure she won't think too kindly of the Tisdales either. Plus, I'm sure Lori, Leni and twins don't need to be spoiled more than they already are." He smiled sympathetically.

"After all, you kids went above and beyond to help me secure my dream job; I owe you one." He added.

The kids looked at each other and smiled with relief. They just hoped it would get Kathleen out of their hair for good.

Just then, they heard Rita calling. "Honey? Are you in here?" the tired and disheveled mother entered the kitchen, carrying her purse. "What's with the meeting?" she questioned.

"Rita, you're back from the bank?" her husband smiled.

"Yes but never mind that." She rambled tiredly. "What's with the giant truck in front of our house, they say they're looking for _you_?"

Lynn Sr. blinked. "Say what?"

* * *

Once outside, they were all gobsmacked to find a massive delivery truck parked in the family's driveway, where a smaller but still enormous package had been brought out by the deliverymen.

"Lynn Loud Sr.?" one of them approached the father with a confirmation form.

"Eh…yes?"

"Sign here please?"

Ryan cocked an eyebrow. "What did he call your dad?" he asked the girl with whom he associated the name.

"What is that package? I didn't order anything?" Lynn Sr. questioned before looking at the kids. "Did one of you?"

They all shook their heads. "Nope, not as far as I know." Lincoln shrugged.

"It's a gift for the Loud family." The deliveryman explained, suppressing a snicker and trying to say that surname with a straight face. "Compliments of Kathleen Tisdale."

"Her?" Luan's face darkened. "What did she send?"

"Open it up boys." The deliveryman told his colleagues, who each grabbed a side of the cardboard box and opened it, revealing a brand new van with a glossy paint job, that left the family and even Ryan agape.

"That's a g-gift…for us?" Rita asked incredulously.

"Yes, ma'am, now will you please sign the form. We don't have all day."

Rita elbowed her husband in the flank. "C'mon, dear, let's not disregard the girl's generosity."

After regaining his sense, her husband shook his head. "I'm sorry but we can't accept this gift."

"What?" Rita eyed him viciously.

"Y'see, we already have a van and we can't just replace it." Lynn Sr. turned it down politely. "Why, Vanzilla is practically part of the family."

"Lynn….sign the form." Rita hissed demandingly. "What did I tell you about not looking a gift horse in the mouth?"

Her husband pouted. "But, honey, I can't just replace Vanzilla?"

"Lynn, that rust bucket hasn't been functioning properly for years." His wife pointed out. "Sign!"

The man pouted. "But it's a family heirloom, passed down from my father, who got it from his father, who in term got it from his-"

Rita rolled her eyes. "You can keep that tin can if you're feeling sentimental. But our family desperately needs a vehicle that can actually do its freaking job, and my car isn't big enough for that. Now sign!" She barked.

Lynn Sr. gulped and obeyed her. "Eh…fair point."

"What?" Luan looked appalled. "You can't accept a gift purchased by the enemy!" But it was too late as the new van was now in her father's possession. The truck soon drove away while Luna rushed downstairs and joined them.

"Wow, when did we order a replacement for dad's old jalopy, dudes?"

"I feel unclean accepting this gift." Lucy said hoarsely.

Lincoln tried to force a small smile. "Eh…..at least mom's happy?" he said to Lynn, who sent him an unamused look.

"So this is what a functional van feels like?" Rita marveled as she sat in the driver's seat and started the engine. He husband sent her a mildly annoyed glare.

"Maybe I was too hasty in wishing death upon those Tisdales." Rita admitted sheepishly.

Fuming like a steaming pot, Luna cried furiously and stormed away into the house.

"Luan, wait!" Lincoln called after her but flinched as she slammed the door shut and slouched dejectedly.

"Yeesh, some folks just can't let go of a grudge." Luna remarked while shaking her head before darting off to check out their new van. "Hey, pops, lemme see!"

"Look, dear. A muffin basket?" Rita was suddenly holding a big one, which had been left in the van.

"Cranberry orange muffins with chocolate chips? My favorite!" Lynn Sr. grew teary-eyes and found a letter in the basket.

"A small token of appreciation for an honest, hard-working model citizen, magnificent chef and loving father and husband? Love, Kathleen Juliette Tisdale?"

"This is revolting!" Lynn lamented. "Kathleen's already buttering up mom and dad with the promise of a real car and _muffins_!"

"She's already gaining the upper hand without even being present. Getting rid of her won't be a cinch." Ryan shook his head. "She obviously plans to spare no expenses winning this war."

"People with money always win the wars." Lincoln noted grimly.

They heard a furious cry from the upper floor and saw several comedy props being flung out of the wind, one set of chatter teeth flying into Mr. Grouse's backyard.

"OW! Louds! You'll pay for that!"

"I think she's upset." Ryan deadpanned as the four looked up.

"Sigh. I'll go talk to Luan and try to calm her down." Lucy volunteered.

"You do that." Lincoln nodded before looking up again. "But I have a sneaking suspicion she won't be smiling today."

"Just remember, whatever you three planned to tell me, I wanna hear it." Lucy told them firmly. "No lying, no dodging the truth, no twisting facts. The truth. And by the end of the day, we _will_ tell mom and dad about Lyle."

With that, she ran into the house. "She better believe us…for her sake." Lynn clenched her fists.

"Somehow I think that will be the least of our worries." Lincoln mused, looking back at the van.

"We can try and dismantle it in the dead of night." Ryan suggested half-seriously.

"That might not be a bad idea." Lynn huffed. "I'd rather spend the rest of my days pushing Vanzilla around than accept a pity gift from the enemy."

"Let's not go that far." Lincoln disagreed. "We were handed this gift, might as well make use of it, regardless of how we acquired it."

"Meh…..I'm all for pragmatism." Ryan quipped. "A free present is still a free present."

Lynn crossed her arms. "Wimps. I'll never a ride in that thing for as long as I live!"

All of a sudden, they heard a honk and saw a sleek, red jaguar with an open roof driving towards them. It parked in front of them, earning the attention of the parents and Luna as well, who peeked out of the van.

Wearing shades, Lori was in the driver's seat, a sleeping Leni slouching in the passenger seat, a crabby Lola sat cross-armed in the back with a sleeping Lana, still dressed in camo, next to her, holding what looked like a bird cage.

The eldest Loud stepped out of the car, carrying a smug smile as she spotted Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan gawking at her. They were quickly joined by an awestruck Luna.

"Hello, twerps, feel free to be envious of my awesome new car." She boasted smugly.

Ryan snorted and turned to his two compatriots. "Called it."

"Who cares!" Lola cried and kicked the door open. "I'm very upset! Don't anyone bother me!" she screamed as she stormed past them.

"What's her deal?" Lincoln asked.

"Pffft….she's just being a drama queen, as usual." Lori scoffed. "Her beauty pageant has been called off because the main judge guy was mugged or something, and now he's like traumatized and stuff."

Lynn and Ryan exchanged knowing smiles.

Cliff jumped out of the car next, looking rather happy, and strolled past them. A big pink bow was wrapped around his neck, with a strong odor of lavender emanating from his nicely groomed and now curlier fur.

"Sweet ride, brah." A mesmerized Luna tried to touch the hood, only for Lori to viciously swat her hand away.

"Hands off!" she warned her. "Don't any of you twerps put your greasy little paws on the paint job, or you're dead! And that's no idle threat!"

"Lori, no threatening your siblings' lives over material possessions." Their father scolded her as he and their mother arrived, utterly awestruck.

"Ah, I see you've received Veronica?" Lori smiled.

"Veronica?" Lynn Sr. blinked.

"That's her name."

"Who name's a vehicle "Veronica"?" Ryan snorted. "Who names a vehicle period?"

"That's also _our_ car?" Rita clutched her head in disbelief, looking at the jaguar.

"It's _my_ car." Lori clarified in a firm tone. "But I suppose if need be, you and dad can borrow it _sometime_. But only in serious emergencies!" she explained, holding her index finger up.

She did not expect her mother to faint, prompting their father to catch her from behind.

"Well, I'm happy for you Lori." Lynn Sr. smiled. " _Saves me a couple of hundred bucks too_."

"Eh…I better whisk your mother off to bed; she had a long and restless night." He told them as he dragged his wife towards the front door.

"Eh, Luna? Would you mind bringing those delicious muffins to our room?"

Massaging her aching hand, Luna rolled her eyes and obeyed. "Sure thing, pops."

Lori shook her head and looked at the trio. "Well, lemme just tell you something. You twerps sure missed out on the chance of a lifetime. But it's not too late to swallow your pride and come crawling back to ask Kathleen for her forgiveness."

"Sorry, we wanna keep our dignity." Lynn retorted smartly.

Lori narrowed her eyes. "Pffftt…jealous much?"

"Of a petty braggart, as if." Lynn snarked.

Lori smirked. "Hypocrite much?"

"Ha, at least when I boast it's because I've earned it!" Lynn huffed. "Every trophy I brought home I've earned fair and square, I didn't get them as handouts from my folks or my overworked boyfriends."

"Buuuuurned." Ryan laughed, agitating Lori even more so.

"Why are those two snoozing?" Ryan deadpanned, referring to Leni and Lana.

"What do I care?" Lori scoffed loudly. "And I don't communicate with vulgar scumbags like you, _Ryan_."

"But you just did." The boy smirked, earning a vicious glare from her. Lynn whooped in approval and high-fived him, angering her sister even more.

"Wut? Where am I?" Lana woke up and yawned, still clutching her cage. Once she saw her siblings, her face lit up and she flaunted the cage. "Guys! Look what I found."

Lori rolled her eyes when her phone rang. "Awwww…..it's my Honey Bunny!" she cooed reading the number, making the others shiver and gag.

"Nobody touch the car." She hissed and walked away. She stopped to make a "watching you" gesture before moving on.

"Guys, meet Sasha and Stan! They're a family of snipes!" Lana darted towards them and held up the cage, which contained a female and male snipe, guarding their nest of eggs. The birds flapped their wings in fright.

"Lana, where did you get those?" Lincoln asked.

"Duh, by the creek, you saw them there!"

"What are you talking about?" Lincoln made a face.

"And why did you cage those straw-beaks? Don't you have enough pets?" Lynn deadpanned.

"They're not pets; they're stragglers I've rescued! I'm gonna take care of them until they're well again."

"They look perfectly fine to me." Ryan observed. Lana pouted, still not feeling particularly forgiving over him bagging her or holding her upside down.

"What do you know! I'm helping them!"

"By plucking them out of their natural environment and locking them up in a tiny cage?" Ryan snorted.

Lana's face scrunched up, and with an annoyed grunt she stormed past them.

Ryan let out a series of tuts. "It's all fun and games until the animal gets cuddled to death. I propose we free the birds while she's not looking?"

"Since when were you a friend to all creatures, big and small?" Lincoln deadpanned.

"I'm not, I just don't like watching others suffer thanks to someone's stupidity." He shrugged. "Unless it amuses me."

* * *

The trio returned to Lincoln's room, the former sitting on his bed, the other two on the floor, with Ryan leaning against the wall and resting on his hands.

Lynn yawned and stretched her arms. She really felt like taking a snooze for a few more hours, but knew she couldn't. Blink and one of her sisters might demolish the living room.

"So what's on today's agenda?" Ryan asked lazily.

"We need to initiate Lucy, that should take priority. If she spills the beans everything could get compromised." Lincoln explained.

"And Kathleen seems to be wining mom's heart with that van, maybe even dad's. The muffins were a sly trick." Lynn added.

"The way into a guy's heart is through his stomach." Ryan shrugged.

"And you're obliged to tell Luan something, if I'm not mistaken?" Lynn shot him a dirty glare, making his aloof demeanor melt away.

"About that…." He fidgeted "…..Luan's in a bad place right now, I don't think it's the right time."

"Oh…..are we feeling yellow now?" Lynn sniped. "You're not man enough to "dump" the third wheel?"

"Excuse me for not wanting to crush her." Ryan snarked back. "Screwing over some randoe? That would be just fine, but Luan? I like this "making friends" thing and I don't want her to hate me."

Lynn grew a deadpan look. "A little late for that, ain't it? It's your fault you're in this mess, Casanova! If you weren't such a flirt-"

"Lynn." Lincoln interjected. "I think he has a point."

"I do?" Ryan looked at him. "I mean-of course I do!"

Lincoln glared at him, unamused. "Luan's feeling pretty crummy right now, let's not make it any worst. I say we postpone it for the moment, at least until Lucy has been properly initiated and we can be certain she won't rat us out. Luan's gonna be upset either way, but it's better if we don't stir up too much drama all at once."

Ryan sighed with relief, while Lynn sulked irritably.

"Fine, but if I maim her in a fit of jealous rage, that's on you boys!" Lynn folded her arms.

"I'm touched, Lynn." Ryan smirked.

"So what do you think we're gonna have to tangle with today?" Lynn turned to her brother.

"Lucy for one thing and we still need to separate our sisters from Kathleen for good." Lincoln started. "But knowing this home, anything could happen at any moment."

"Can't you remember what happened on this date?" Ryan asked.

"We ain't supercomputers who catalog every single disaster that happened here." Lynn countered sardonically. "We weren't counting on going back in time."

"There are so frequent, and many of them happen at once." Lincoln added. "Nobody could keep track of them all."

"Then why don't you try recalling the most destructive ones?" Ryan mused. "They should take up priority."

"Good point." Lincoln agreed and went to rummage under the clothes rod, rolling out a chart board from the row of identical orange polo shirts. It had a simple table database written on it, with five categories labeled: fixing marriage, fixing sisters, damage control, setbacks and future disasters.

"You made that?" Lynn asked.

"Who else? Someone has to keep track of progress." Lincoln shrugged and grabbed a marker and started writing in the "damage control" category.

"We can safely call Operation Fine Cosine a success." Lincoln wrote that down and circled it for empathies, while Lynn rolled her eyes at the name. Knowing his sci-fi, Lincoln theorized that such a major change as their father now owning the restaurant he was originally denied could plant the seeds for some big changes in the new timeline, hopefully for the better.

"Plus, we've safely retrieved the missing money, even if it was partially our fault it got lost in the first place." Lincoln noted somberly but still wrote it down under "fixing marriage".

"Speak for yourself." Ryan huffed, showing off his bandaged palms. "And I lost some high-tech ninja gear helping you."

"Hey, how's this _our_ fault that our sisters are nincompoops?" Lynn asked indignantly. "Dial back the guilt complex, man!"

" _Lynn! Where are you?_ " They heard Rita in the hallway.

"What now?" Lynn grumbled as she opened the door and rushed into the hallway. "What is it, mom?"

Rita was startled and turned around. "Oh no, not you, sweetie." She chuckled. "I was looking for your father, we gotta talk about where to park Veronica. Maybe he's in the basement?" she looked downstairs.

"Oh, okay then." Lynn nodded and went back to close the door.

"I hate pointless interruptions." She grumbled as she sat next to Ryan, who sniggered. "What's so funny?"

"Having two people in the family share the same name isn't very practical, eh?" Ryan quipped. "Y'know, isn't naming your child after yourself also super-narcissistic?"

"Hey! I love my awesome name and wouldn't change it for anything." Lynn huffed proudly.

Ryan was unmoved and turned to Lincoln. "Say, pipsqueak? Why weren't you named after your dad? You are his only son?"

Lincoln groaned, seeing no point to this discussion. "What do I know? I wasn't even born yet when she was named."

"Dad says there was a mix-up when I was born." Lynn shrugged. "And even after they cleared that up, dad must have figured that after five tries he wasn't gonna get a son period and went with it. But two years later he was hit with a healthy dose of irony."

"Really?" Ryan chuckled. "And you got stuck with a dorky name as a result of it?" he pointed at the annoyed Lincoln. "I mean, what kind of a name is Lincoln? Isn't that one of your dead presidents? The stringy one with the weird goat beard and top hat whose mug you always see on pennies?"

"For your information, I take nothing but pride in that." Lincoln huffed. "Abraham Lincoln was a great man! That guy led America during its bloodiest war and biggest moral and political crisis, liberated the slaves, modernized U.S economy, strengthened the government and was born in a log cabin which he built with his own two hands."

"How precious." Ryan cooed mockingly and cupped his face. "You stayed awake during history class!" Lincoln seethed.

"Quit the history lesson." Lynn groaned and got up. "Lemme see the chart."

She walked up to him and only saw the names Lucy and Luan (with a big question mark) listed under "fixing sisters". "We haven't made much progress with our sisters, have we?"

"No…" Lincoln sighed "…admittedly that could have gone better so far."

"It's not like Spooky needed any fixing to begin with." Ryan shrugged.

"On the other hand, we had much more success with damage control and helping mom and dad patch things up." Lincoln perked up a bit and pointed at their various accomplishments.

"We got rid of the DeMonet letter, we helped around the house, we're encouraging dad to be more assertive, we got our folks to go on their first date in an eternity, we secured dad's funding for his restaurant and we retrieved the lost money."

"Not too shabby." Lynn smiled but it soon faltered as she glanced at the "setbacks" section where she read "Prankmageddon still happened" and "another civil war?"

"Unfortunately, the setbacks have multiplied." She said grimly and snatched the marker from Lincoln. She grabbed the sponge and erased the second entry and wrote "worst sibling war yet brewing up?" in its place. Lincoln grimaced, but his sister was far from done and quickly added more issues.

"Family in Kathleens evil clutches"

"Lyle want revenge"

"One Eye still on the loose"

"Lucy stinking tattletale"

Lincoln glared at her and she shrugged haughtily. "What? We gotta be thorough."

They heard their mother calling for their father again and tried to ignore it. "She won't tattletale on anyone, Lynn, relax. She'll be on our side once she learns the truth." Lincoln reassured his sister.

"Yup, the bigger problem will be riding ourselves of Kathleen." Ryan noted lazily. "And that won't be easy with her cash flow still going."

"I'm sure cooler heads will prevail and mom and dad will agree to keep the girls and Kathleen far apart." Lincoln tried to stay optimistic.

"Lynn? Didn't you hear me?" Rita barged in, startling them.

"Mom, what is it?" the jock asked nervously as she and Lincoln hid the chart behind them.

Rita glared at her daughter and held up a mold-infested piece of cloth. "How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your stuff lying around?"

"What the hell is that?!" Ryan scooted away in fright, worrying that the thing was contagious.

Lincoln looked horrified and covered his eyes. "My eyes!" he cried.

Lynn blushed madly, recognizing the moldy cloth as one of her jockstraps.

"Mom!" she screamed and pushed her mother back into the hall. "Not in front of them!"

Rita shook her head. "I found this in the basement and I'm gonna have to dispose of this. You and I need to have a serious discussion about tidiness, young lady." With that she left, leaving her daughter to process the shock and slowly calm down.

Lynn soon walked back in and sighed with relief.

"Y'know, Linky, maybe having your own lame name is still preferable to sharing one with your old man." Ryan quipped. "Causes far less confusion."

"You're so considerate." Lincoln deadpanned.

Lynn felt relieved that neither were wiser about the identity of the moldy cloth and regained her vigor fast. "Whatever, it's only with mom and Pop-Pop, I can deal with that."

"Enough banter, any idea on how to remember any upcoming disasters?"

"We'll have to do a lot of reflecting and hope it comes back to us." Lincoln replied to her while pushing back the chart behind his shirts. "With all the fuss and chaos that went on here during this summer alone, it won't be easy remembering all, let alone placing them in a linear order."

"Well, one thing's clear, we gotta up our ante if we wanna babysit the bimbos." Ryan said. "We gotta be especially careful about where we let them go."

Lincoln wished he had focused on that earlier and weakly nodded.

"Sheep need a shepherd, that's a fact." Lynn agreed. "I mean, Lana and Leni could have bumped into One Eye while on their dumb snipe hunt if we hadn't bumped into him first."

Lincoln shuddered at the thought. "The squirt sure is like a magnet for wild animals, or more precisely, they're a magnet for her." Ryan groaned.

"Let's find Lucy, we gotta talk with her now." Lincoln said.

* * *

"I hope we can get her away from Luan, she's probably still upset."

"In that case, you might as well whisk her away and talk about _certain_ things." Lynn "suggested".

"Lynn, we talked about this. Let it go for now…." Lincoln reminded his sister as they first checked her and Lucy's room, but found it empty.

"They must be in your room then?" Lincoln figured as they changed direction only to bump into someone.

"Bobby…that's awful…." Lori spoke in an oddly reserved tone before noticing the trio and resuming her usual demeanor. "Get out of my sight, you pests!" she yelled and even swatted her arm at them.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Lynn protested, while Lincoln stepped back, noticing something off about his oldest sister. He had seen Lori angry plenty before but something about her anger here felt different.

"Oh, no, sweetie….just give me a sec." Lori softly spoke into her phone before facing them. "I said get out of my way!" she hissed dangerously.

Unsurprisingly, Lynn didn't take her attitude well. "You can't tell me where to go, this is my home too!" she jammed her thumb into her chest.

"I'm serious, twerp! I'm so not in the mood for your shit." Lori warned them in an icy tone.

"Oh, boo-hoo." Lynn mocked her. "Heaven forbid if you can't chat with your dimwit boyfriend for five minutes." Lori froze and her face darkened. Lincoln felt unnerved; he had never seen a death glare from the Queen of Mean that was _this_ intense.

"Uhhhhhhh..." Ryan quipped. "That's gotta hurt."

"Lynn, let's just go-"

"Yeesh, you get a new sports car gift-wrapped for you and your bitch switch is already on again? I think that thing finally got jammed."

"Need some cream for that burn?" Ryan snickered. Lori was absolutely livid now. Lynn expected Lori to lash out and throw a world-class tantrum, but what happened next came as a shock to all of them.

* * *

"Lemme go! I'll teach that cunt some manners!" Lynn cried while being forced to sit down on her bed with Ryan and Lincoln holding her arms so she wouldn't do something she would regret.

"Calm down, LJ, and take this." Lynn Sr. walked into the room, carrying an ice pack which he offered to his daughter to hold up to her shiner.

After finally cooling down, Lynn sulked and snatched it, pressing it against her swollen eye.

"Now will you please tell me what happened there?" her father asked her, somewhat sternly but also displaying a lot of worry.

Lynn grew nervous and debated answering, as did Lincoln. They both feared this stunt would get Lynn grounded. This hadn't been an all-out fight per say, as Lori had managed to hold herself back after delivering the first blow and stormed off while the boys restrained the livid Lynn from escalating it, as she no doubt would have in the heat of the moment.

"I'll tell you what happened." Ryan gladly took the opportunity. "That maniac appeared in the hall yelling at us go away because apparently she has booked the place for an afternoon of nonstop chatting with her cutie patootie!" he explained, sounding genuinely offended.

"And when Lynn called her out on it and made a crack about her inability to tear herself away from her blasted phone for five minutes, Blondy went berserk and attacked her."

The father's shoulders slumped and he sighed dejectedly. "Sounds like you kids wound up in the wrong place in the wrong time…"

Lynn wasn't sure what he meant by that, and worried she was in hot water.

"I don't know how you can meet her at the _right_ time." Ryan deadpanned indignantly. "Who in their right mind spends a night at a luxury hotel and then gets a brand new car but is still cranky enough an hour later to assault someone over a simple insult?"

"Dad, am I in trouble?" Lynn asked him upfront.

"You can't do that, sir." Ryan defended her. "Lynn just called her out on her crap, and that ill-tempered loon lost it. She's the one who should be punished!"

"He's right, dad. I saw it too; Lori had no reason to resort to violence." Lincoln stood up for his sister. "And I think there's something wrong with her, she seemed quite upset."

"You're not in trouble, LJ." Lynn Sr. clarified, much to his namesake's relief. "And you're right, son." He turned to Lincoln.

"I am? What's her deal?" he asked inquisitively.

Their father sighed, looking very uncomfortable. "I know Lori acted out of line but please…..try to forgive her, she wasn't thinking straight at that moment."

" _When does she ever think straight?_ " Lynn thought snidely. "So what's gotten her so riled up? Did that Carol girl show up with an even more expensive jaguar?"

Her father's face hardened a bit. "Kids, this is no laughing matter." He told them seriously. Seeing their confused expressions, he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Is this one of those things that we're not old enough to hear about?" Ryan shrugged.

"No, it's not-ugh…." Lynn Sr. grew a bit agitated and massaged his forehead. "She got a call from Bobby and…..something happened."

Caught off guard, Lincoln and Lynn looked at each other. "Wh….what happened to him, dad?" the boy asked with concern.

"Nothing to him….but he's pretty devastated right now, as is his family." Their dad explained dejectedly before dropping a bomb. "They have relatives in Great Lake City and…there was a vehicular accident. His uncle and cousin didn't make it."

The siblings were stunned into silence, their eyes going wide.

"They died in a car crash?" Ryan asked, less shocked and more just surprised by the news. Lynn Sr. just nodded.

Lincoln tried to digest those news. "How…eh...the poor guy." He looked down.

Lynn looked at him somberly, remembering how she came this close to losing him the previous night. She might not have known Bobby well, but nobody deserved to lose family members.

"That…that's terrible." She said simply, not knowing what else to say to that?

Her father nodded feebly. "I hope now you understand why Lori is upset too, learning about Bobby's situation didn't sit well with her."

" _So Blondy can feel for someone else?_ " Ryan thought, genuinely surprised. He really didn't think Lori cared much about that guy beyond just the physical stuff.

"Well….this is very awkward." Her rubbed his neck.

"I know this isn't something you want to talk about, and I won't bother you about it." Lynn Sr. said understandably. "I just ask of you to give Lori a wide berth for now until she pulls herself together. This is nothing you youngsters need to concern yourselves about. She'll be heading off with Bobby to give him comfort soon…."

Lynn and Lincoln silently nodded, not knowing what to make of it.

"I'll leave you kids alone, me and Rita have to straighten something out." Their father tried to excuse himself. Then something hit Lincoln and soon enough Lynn as well. Something about this felt oddly familiar.

"What's that?" Lincoln asked. "Dad…..are you going to the…."

"Lori is." Their father reluctantly answered. "From what I understand, it takes place tomorrow. She'll leave today."

That's what Lincoln worried he would say. "What about you and mom? I mean….eh…."

His father looked uncomfortable at the question. "I….eh….it's not quite clear."

"How come? Are you going or not?" Lynn asked.

"I…eh…" the man sighed. "While Lori was talking with Bobby, Maria asked her if me and Rita would come to….eh….pay our respects and Lori said we would. We would of course come but….eh….Great Lake City is miles away, it would take us hours to drive there and back, and we can't just leave you kids alone."

The siblings looked at each other uneasily, once again feeling like they were experiencing a déjà vu.

"That would be a recipe for disaster…." Lynn grimaced. Their father silently nodded.

"That's why we're reluctant to go. But don't worry about this. This is not your concern, kids. Me and Rita will straighten everything out." Their father said quickly, pretending like everything was under control.

"Well….if you say so." Lincoln feigned believing him.

"Don't worry, son. I'm sorry we had to ruin your day with such terrible news."

"It's nothing, dad." Lynn said awkwardly. "We know bad things like this tend to happen."

Their father nodded sadly, and without further discussion left the room, leaving the kids in total silence.

"Talk about mood whiplash…." Ryan commented. The siblings looked at him, not angry or anything, but as uncertain about what to make to this as he was.

Lynn just nodded before slowly looking at her brother. "Lynn, does this feel familiar to you?" he asked her.

"Yes, it really jogged my memory."

"Eh….mind filling me in…again?" Ryan asked.

"Last…eh I mean this…eh…we remember how mom and dad along with Lori went to Great Lake City saying they were "guests of honor" at Bobby's family reunion there. They stayed there and didn't return until the next day, not until sundown if I recall?" Lynn explained to him.

Ryan quickly caught on. "Oh….but I guess that was just a cover story? Why would a family reunion have "guests of honor" who aren't part of the family?"

"Obviously…." Lincoln replied sullenly, still trying to process such grim news.

"Yeah, we weren't itching to get acquainted with Bobby's family or for a long, boring car trip so we didn't think much of it." Lynn added.

"And you guys stayed?"

"Of course we did, and it's not hard to see why?" Lynn said grimly. "Who would want to bring the Loud kids to a funeral? That has "bad idea" written all over it."

"They called a babysitting agency to find someone to look after us while they were gone. I think his name was Hugh?" Lincoln elaborated.

"And lemme guess? It went badly?" Ryan asked rhetorically.

"We sent him packing by the end of the day." Lincoln said shamefully. "You can imagine how."

"It didn't help that Leni, Luna and Luan went gaga over him and stalked his ass all day." Lynn deadpanned. Lincoln nodded, that Hugh guy was quite a stud to be fair.

"And what happened while you were left unsupervised?" The siblings shrank uncomfortably at the question.

"You don't want to talk about it? Gotcha." Ryan understood and gave them an "okay" sign, knowing the drill by now.

Lynn sighed. "Now it's gonna happen all over again."

"Unless we can do something about it." Lincoln pondered.

"Yeah, about that?" Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. "Don't wanna sound like a jerk, but I think there's an easy solution to this: convince your folks not to go? Just remind them of the obvious shitstorm that's destined to ensue if they leave you with some randoe who has no idea what he's in for."

"Ryan, they're not gonna listen. You can't just promise to come to a funeral and then change your mind, that's…..just not right." Lynn disagreed. "They're already worried about leaving us behind but they're stuck between a rock and hard place."

"Dad has strong moral principles when it comes to things like that." Lincoln added. "I don't think he could look at himself in the mirror again if he did something that scummy."

"So what then? Are we gonna team up with that Hugh guy and keep everyone on a leash? Cuz last time we tried to babysit your sisters they fell into Kathleen's clutches, and the time before that they turned into _zombies_." Ryan deadpanned.

"He's right, bro. Our track record of keeping them in line hasn't been stellar, as the chart shows." Lynn said dejectedly, still holding the ice pack to her aching eye.

Lincoln looked down and started pondering. If only they could find a tough babysitter who could whip the girls into shape?

"There's got to be a solution to this? If we could only find someone with the right amount of grit and authority to keep them in line?"

Lynn laughed a little. "Most of my coaches would fit that criteria, but I doubt they do babysitting."

"So we need someone real hardcore for the job?" Ryan mused.

"Yeah, but who do we know who could possibly handle such a daunting task?" Lincoln wondered.

Ryan exhaled. "Well…..I might know the right person for the job?"

"Who?" the siblings asked eagerly.

Ryan shook his head, not looking very enthusiastic about his own idea. "But you're not gonna like her."

* * *

"Is this a bad joke?" Renee deadpanned while reading a library lend out of Les Misérables in her bed, lying on her belly.

Ryan, Lynn and Lincoln were standing in front of her with Lynn Sr. begging her on his knees.

"Please reconsider, Renee? Me and my wife don't have a lot of options on such short notice. Your brother has recommended you for this task. He says you were the most sought after babysitter in your home town?"

"Of course I was." She shrugged casually. "As that article over there proves."

The Louds looked at a framed local newspaper article standing on the nightstand, which showed a slightly younger Renee posing for the camera with a trio of proper-looking and well-dressed toddlers bowing for the cameraman, with the headline "Renee Taylor, The Hero Who Tamed The Terrible Turner Triplets".

"Those brats reportedly sent twenty previous babysitters packing after one afternoon, one even allegedly wound up at the nuthouse just to escape them." Ryan explained. "But then my sister took up the challenge, and that picture shows the final results."

He felt his pride getting immensely soiled praising his sister.

"It was a walk in the parks. Like all animals, they only act tough while they still think that you're scared of them." Renee remarked idly, flipping a page.

"Then why not spread your wings and reestablish your reputation in your new home?" Lynn Sr. tried to encourage her. "Taking care of ten kids at once would surely be a very good first impression for all your potential future clients?"

Renee thought about it and rubbed her chin. "Considering your families' _reputation_ , it would undoubtedly be impeccable PR for re-launching a new lucrative business, like the one I ran in Cape Town."

Lynn Sr. could hear the condescension in her tone but swallowed his pride, as he needed her. Lynn was less subtle and shook like a brewing volcano.

Renee pushed herself up and sat on the bed to properly face her client, her expression stone-cold. "Mr. Loud, let's say I agreed to this job, you would pay me?"

Lynn Sr. gulped. "Why…of course. I'm about to open my own restaurant. If you do this favor for me, you and your brother will get to eat there on the house for a month!" Ryan facepalmed behind him.

"No." Renee said flatly. "If that's your best offer then please stop wasting my time. I want to catch up on my Victor Hugo."

The man started sweating. "But I'm a really good cook and I-"

"Mr. Loud, I'm not a child operating a lemonade stand. I'm a professional businesswoman who always does the best at what is requested of her….for a price." Renee clarified sternly.

"She means money, sir." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Lotsa money."

Lynn Sr. gulped, dreading that very word which he had tried _so desperately_ to avoid bringing up in this conversation. "Money…..?" he whimpered.

"Yes, _money_ is the general currency used to repay other people's labor." Renee explained slowly, sounding like she was lecturing a child.

"Enough beating around the bush, bookworm, just name your stinking price?" Ryan cut to the chase.

"Hmmm…." Renee pondered. "For how long will you be gone?"

"Well…eh it takes five hours to drive to Great Lake City and back… or so. I would say by tomorrow evening at the latest?"

"That would be roughly thirty-three hours of nonstop supervision of your nine children, which would involve me staying over for the night, plus me cocking for them, possibly taking them out for a walk…..hmm….that would three hundred dollars."

"Three hundred dollars?!" Lynn Sr. freaked out and clutched his hair. "B-But…that's robbery!"

"That's shrewd business practice, sir." Renee stated, unmoved. "You do realize that the task you request of me isn't your standard "taking care of two to three children" for an afternoon routine? My payment must match my efforts."

"Why you rotten, little, penny-pinching swindler!" Lynn snapped.

"And you're daughter's attitude just demonstrated why I will only tangle with such misbehaved brats if the money I earn from it will be worth my while, and the nerves I've lost."

She cast Lynn another glance. "And are black eyes a common occurrence among your daughters?"

"Well…eh…..somewhat?" Lynn Sr. admitted sheepishly.

The jock grinded her teeth with fury. Ryan came over to offer her comfort. "Just ignore her, Lynn. You look cute with that shiner too. Shows you mean business." Lynn grew a weak smile.

"I don't think this was a good idea." Lincoln whispered. "She's gonna send our folks to the poor house."

"If you want the best you must pay for the best." Ryan retorted simply. "Trust me, she's the right man for the job, as much as it hurts me to admit it."

Lynn Sr. looked at his wristwatch, growing more worried with each second ticking by.

"That's an insanely high price, I'm….."

"I'm not forcing you into anything, sir." Renee shrugged while looking at the fingernails. "My business motto has always been "take it or leave it"."

"I'd say go for it, Mr. L." Ryan came up to him. "She's the best option you have, I doubt those saps from some babysitting agency would last a day at your home."

Lynn Sr. gulped and fidgeted nervously.

"Do we have a deal then?" Renee asked indifferently.

"Alright! Alright! I'll pay you, just please promise me you'll do your job? My children are quite a handful and I just hope you know what you're in for?"

"I have a vague idea and I'm always up for a challenge. Sign this." Renee suddenly held a contract and offered it to him. "You may read it first."

"It says that the sitter is liable to return the money to their client if the client is dissatisfied with their performance?"

"That won't be an issue, Mr. Loud, under my supervision, you won't find as much as a single dent on your walls once you return."

After some debating, Lynn Sr. gave in and signed it. Renee immediately took it and rolled it up.

"Very well, I shall arrive once you and your wife are ready to leave. Of course, the contract likewise stipulates that in the absence of you and your spouse I am the official head of my client's household, the one who's entitled to enforce the rules and your children will answer to me should they violate any of the rules."

"What?" the siblings panicked.

"Wait, what?" the father blurted.

"Mr. Loud, I assume you read every clause of the contract until the end." Renee shrugged. "But you needn't worry; every one of my rules is purely there to enforce the proper disciplinary measures required for ensuring a safe and orderly environment where I can supervise your children."

Lynn Sr. swallowed a lump. "Of course I did, why wouldn't I?" he fidgeted sheepishly.

"You don't need to worry, you can go and pay your respects to your departed comrades, I'll keep your home in order and your children in line."

"Well….I guess that's all." Lynn Sr. shifted awkwardly. "Now, you kids behave and listen to your babysitter while I'm gone, I have to go and prepare for the trip now."

"Yes, dad." Lincoln and Lynn nodded, the former uneasily and the latter begrudgingly.

"Well, I should be going. Renee, we expect you in two hours."

"I'm always punctual." She nodded. Lynn Sr. said his goodbyes and left.

Renee shifted her gaze at her brother. "What's with your hands?"

"Had an accident with the tea kettle." He shrugged, hiding them behind his back.

"Figures. And why would you of all people recommend me for a job?" she asked coldly. "Seems highly suspect."

"I ain't got no ulterior motive, don't go crazy paranoid." Ryan snidely reassured her. "The Louds needed a hardass of a babysitter for their kids on short notice and you came to mind."

"And let me take a wild guess, you wish to come with me and stay for the night?" Renee deduced.

"Is that going to be a problem?" Ryan narrowed his eyes.

"It won't be, provided you understand that the contract Mr. Loud signed gives me the jurisdiction to, among other things, keep the children I'm guiding away from any friends that I deem to be a toxic influence on them. Which means you can only stay under the condition that you respect me as your superior and obey my rules, much like the Loud children."

"Or in simpler terms, you wish to boss me around." Ryan sneered before rolling his eyes. "You never cease being a killjoy. Fine, I can live with that for a day or so."

Renee didn't fail to notice the icy glare she was receiving. "I know you aren't happy with these arrangements, Lynn. And I have a hunch most of your sisters won't be either. But I believe you'll be willing to respect your parents' commitments?"

Lynn grew tenser, and Lincoln cleared his throat. "Actually we do." He spoke up. "In fact, we have no intention to cause trouble; we want this go down just as peacefully and orderly as you do."

Renee arched an eyebrow. "I think you misunderstand things, Renee." Lincoln continued. "Life at our home is chaotic and our sisters will be problematic, make no mistake."

"Is that supposed to intimidate me?" the teen asked, unfazed.

"No, we do not want to be against you, we wanna _help_ you." Lincoln stated firmly. "Me and Lynn wanna help our folks to improve our home life, to get our sisters under control and not to be, as you put it, _freaks_."

Lynn scowled at this, aggravated that her own brother gave into peer pressure and self-identify himself and their family as "freaks". Lucy, Lisa, Luan, Lori and Lola? Sure, but she was as normal as they got!

"And how does he factor into this?" Renee pointed at her brother.

"Well, this might shock you, oh dearest sister. But I wanna help them too." Ryan snarked. "Hence why me must do the unthinkable and team up."

"Ryan Taylor? Being altruistic?" his sister scoffed.

"True, I'm quite rotten to most people, but I do have my loyalties to my friends." He pointed at the Loud siblings. He knew his sister would be hard-pressed to believe he would willingly help anyone, so he had to try and be as convincing as possible.

"Plus, you know that me and Lynn are _especially_ tight." He wiggled an eyebrow at the girl, who blushed slightly.

Renee narrowed her eyes, seemingly debating about his sincerity. "I'll be the judge of that once we get there. Now get out of my room so I can pack up some essentials."

"So are we collaborating on this?" Lincoln asked.

"I said "out"." Renee restated sternly.

"Let's go…" Ryan rolled his eyes and gestured for the sibling to follow him. "Let's not make her cranky."

Lynn stopped at the doorway and looked over her shoulder to see Renee's back turned as she looked through a drawer. Seething, Lynn stuck out her tongue at her before following the boys.

"Classy." Ryan snarked to her in the hallway when his cat came to him. "Ah, Marcy? Guess where we're staying tonight. I hope you missed your new playmate." He told her as he picked her up.

Lynn glared daggers at him. "I seriously hope three hundred bucks and selling our freedom to that cunt will pay off, otherwise you and me are going to have some issues."

"Relax, I know what I'm doing. Renee might be mean but she's very effective, I suppose that's one thing we have in common. Trust me, guys." Ryan replied coolly while holding his cat. "I believe it will be your sisters who will in for a surprise."

"I hope your right." Lincoln grimaced. "Though it would have been a lot better if she believed us and we could work together."

"Details, details…." Ryan dismissed him. "Point is both parties will work for a common goal. Renee's gonna take her babysitting very seriously and so are _we_ , so the two of us will effectively be collaborating either way."

"Pffftt….and I don't suppose your sister will go easy on some of us for "good behavior"?" Lynn deadpanned.

"Not in a million years, Renee never turns the other cheek when it comes to rules." Ryan shook his head. "But…" he added "…."good behavior" might convince her to put some faith into us."

"I sure hope so…"

"And you're the ideal candidate for that, pipsqueak." Ryan "complimented" him. "You're wimpy, cowardly, passive, easily intimidated and most of all, morally-uptight and obedient. Just the kind of kid Renee might grow to tolerate, but Lynn's boat has sailed long ago."

"You're dishing me for not taking crap from people, ha!" Lynn scoffed.

"Well, let's hope my "qualities" will be helpful." Lincoln deadpanned to the other boy. "But either way, regardless if she trusts us, we have to do the best we can on our part."

"That's my forte, bro. I always give a hundred and ten percent." Lynn boasted. "The girls can throw everything they have at me, I'll never back down."

"That's not mathematically possible but….that's the spirit, sis." Lincoln gave her a thumbs-up.

"And don't worry, under Renee's regime, we'll get a goodnight's rest too." Ryan reassured them. "My sister's very serious about curfews too."

"That just leaves one loose end. "Lincoln concluded. "Lucy."

Lynn frowned hearing that name.

"Well, we better hurry then. You remember what she told us. If she finds out about your folks leaving, she'll waste no time snitching on us." Ryan urged them.

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "She better keeps her yap shut!"

* * *

 **Damn, my chronic inability to write shorter chapters is even bleeding into interlude chapters XD As you can infer by now, the next story will be a loose adaption of No Guts, No Glory, in so far as having a tough, militant babysitter putting a kibosh on the Loud kids' antics and give them immense grief while the parents are away. Naturally, this might branch off into two separate stories, as Renee will be with them for more than one day. She already has it out for Lucy as it seems, and you can bet your sweet whiskers she's not gonna like any of the sisters XD Who do you think she'll despise the most right of the bat?**

 **And just to be clear, this Casagrande funeral I brought up is not going to matter in the story, as I believe I made it clear how much I care about those people XD It's just a catalyst for having the parents (and Lori) leave so the real plot can start, and for giving Lori a tiny little humanizing moment, so no one thinks she has gone total sociopath in this story. She's a spoiled brat but she has standards. Maybe she'll have more of those in the future?**

 **And yes, I have noticed that the babysitter is younger than Leni and the same age as Luna XD Take it as another hint of how little faith the parents have in their daughters. Plus, Renee's someone who puts more stock in "mental age" than "physical age", so she won't view or treat the Loud teens as equals by any stretch of the word. That will be explored more later on.**

 **And yep, I'm not fond of Vantastic Voyage. I think it's a particularly dumb episode, both with how it characterizes Lynn Sr. (and his botched character development) and with its boneheaded prioritizing of blind sentimentality over rational thinking, apparently for no other reason than to uphold the status quo (because a new car "changes too much"? XD) Obviously I took a dig at it here.**


	32. No Guts, No Glory: Meeting Renee

When your life was as busy and eventful as the Louds', be it for better or worse…usually worse, it was nigh-impossible to remember a lot of things that would stick out in most people's minds as an important event, including your parents and oldest sister taking a sudden leave of absence for vaguely-defined reasons.

Though neither of the two siblings had been remotely aware of the true reason behind the trip up until now, and neither really cared much about it back then. So now they were left with damage control yet again, though the battle was not lost as far as they were concerned as they could still prevent the _worst_ part of this particular incident, with strong assistance and minus one innocent bystander being subjected to the madness of the Loud sisters.

Though given how their past attempts at babysitting the girls had gone south, morale was not particularly high.

"There are mom and Lori, looks like they're packing for the trip." Lincoln observed as the three returned to the Loud's home, together with their feline companion who sat next to her owner.

The former was packing some small luggage into the trunk of Lori's new car and closed it.

"Figures, even for a funeral Blondy feels the need to show off." Ryan snorted.

"Will you knock it off?" Lincoln asked him tiredly. "I think Lori's really upset about this."

"No kidding, I learned that alright." Lynn grumbled while rubbing her shiner.

"Lynn, just try to ignore her, she'll be gone soon enough." Lincoln advised her.

Lynn made a humph, not exactly intending to let Lori get away that easily.

"At least that's a positive." Ryan remarked when he noticed his cat walking towards the dog house.

"She's looking for Charles, huh?" Lynn asked dejectedly as the cat stuck her head into the dog house.

Ryan sighed. "Maybe, who knows what goes on in that crazy cat's head? I just hope she didn't grow too attached to that mutt."

Neither sibling commented on it. With One Eye running loose in the countryside it soon became an unspoken agreement between the three about which fate most likely befell the bull terrier, especially since they ran into Cliff in the woods. Losing a beloved pet wasn't easy on any child, made only worse if you knew the circumstances surrounding their fate.

That tidbit also didn't improve Lincoln and Lynn's dim view of their youngest siblings, for she was the architect behind the incident that sent their pets packing in the first place.

"Let's see mom, guys…." Lincoln sighed, not wishing to dwell on it any longer. With so much stuff going on they hardly had any time to even accept their pets' disappearances. And both he and Lynn doubted they would get any time for mourning any time soon. Ironically, their current predicament was set in motion by people having to go and mourn.

"Hey, mom. You guys going already?" Lynn asked, trying to be casual, as her icy glare soon locked with Lori's.

Turning towards her, Rita sighed. "I'm afraid so…I…ay ay yay…." She put her hand to her mouth in shock. She had hoped that her husband's account of the most recent sister scuffle had been exaggerated but she was quickly proven wrong.

Lori frowned and looked away from them while pulling the hood of the car back up. She wasn't planning for a flashy entrance on this occasion. Rita cast her a disapproving glare.

"Mom, don't fret. I've suffered worse jabs during kickboxing practice…..when I was eight." Lynn vigorously dismissed any implication that she was hurt while rubbing her black eye.

Rita didn't comment. She knew better than to worry about Lynn actually being hurt by a mere punch, the middle daughter was as tough as nails and there was no denying it. It was Lori's behavior that put the mother on edge. Upset or not, there was no justification for unprovoked violence. The grim circumstances were, in fact, the only thing that saved Lori from some jail time in her room.

"I see….and yes, I'm afraid we have to fast track this trip if we want to arrive on time." She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, kids. I know this came out of nowhere and you're scrambling to make sense of this-"

"It's okay, mom. Dad explained it to us. We know this trip is important." Lincoln explained with a slight nod. Rita could tell from the look on his eyes that he knew what was going on and returned the nod.

"So, you three are gonna drive in that?" Lynn pointed at the car, earning a scowl from Lori.

"Lori is. She'll be taking Bobby and his family along; her new car has more space than Maria's." Rita explained. "Me and your father will take my car, and follow them shortly."

"You're right, I can't be late." Lori grunted and opened the driver's door, eager to get away from her siblings.

"Hold your horses, don't you have some parting words?" her mother asked sternly. Lori froze and clenched her fists as she slowly turned around to face her.

"Actually, I have some myself." Lynn spoke up boldly, earning concerned glances from her male companions.

"I…I'm…." Lynn tensed up and balled her fists, looking constipated. "I'm sorry, Lori." She spat it out begrudgingly, much to the shock of her sister and mother, as well as the boys.

"I'm sorry I made fun of you, and Bobby. I didn't have the foggiest clue what was going on, if I had known I would have kept my pie-hole shut." She finished and sighed with relief, having barely kept her pent up pride down long enough to say this.

Lori wore an expression of utter disbelief, unable to process this, which soon morphed into a standard scowl and frown. "Oh…?" was all she could say in response.

Lincoln wondered what was going on through her head right now? Was she repenting or was she simply feeling indignation now that Lynn's apology had made her look even more like an unreasonable rage-machine? Or was she simply surprised? Or all three?

"I….eh….well, sorry for decking you in the eye, I _may_ have overreacted." She muttered under her breath, facing away from the jock she was apologizing to.

Lynn narrowed her eyes. "Don't hurt yourself with the apology." She replied sardonically.

Rita rolled her eyes, knowing this was as far as they were going to get, and cleared her throat. "So, you found a babysitter?"

"We certainly did. She's my sister." Ryan candidly explained.

Rita's eyes widened. "Your sister?"

"Yup, and don't worry about her being way over her head. Renee's like a seasoned rodeo cowboy when it comes to babysitting. She's tough, no-nonsense, she doesn't scare easily and she hasn't had a single unsatisfied customer as far."

"Pfffttt…..that might soon change…." Lori muttered but shut up upon receiving another glare from her mother.

"Well, this should be interesting then, Ryan. I guess our families are going to become a bit closer?"

"Naaaah…" Ryan snarked. "She's just in it for the money. She doesn't even like kids."

"That sounds riveting but I have places to go." A bitter Lori excused herself and entered her car, closing the door. "Bobby's dealing with enough grief without his chauffeur being late."

"Just one thing, Lori." Lincoln called out to her, causing her to glower at them.

"What?" she said coldly.

"When you see him, give him my best wishes." Lincoln said respectfully.

"Mine too." Lynn chimed in before they both shot Ryan a glare.

"Oh…yeah." he spoke up. "Eh….what they said."

Lori was once again stupefied, and her face softened a bit as she gripped the wheel, seemingly conflicted about her response.

"Whatever, you twerps stay out of trouble." She simply grunted and hit the brakes, moving out of the driveway and hitting the road.

Once she was gone, Rita smiled at her younger daughter. "I'm proud of you, Lynn. That was a very mature thing to say."

Lynn sighed. "I had to…..it wasn't right to call someone an idiot when the guy's grieving."

So she knew too? Rita was surprised her husband had actually shared this information with her. Lincoln? Sure. But Lynn was a different story. Regardless, she was proud and pleasantly surprised to see her daughter show such unprecedented maturity.

Lynn tittered and bumped Ryan's shoulder. "Just be glad my bud here kept his yap shut. He's abysmal at being sensitive, or respectful." She said in jest.

"And you like me for it." He shot back with a smirk.

Watching them banter reminded Rita of something, but this wasn't the place to discuss it, not in front of the boys. And she didn't want to bug Ryan any more with talks of funerals that shouldn't concern him, or Lynn and Lincoln for that matter.

"Well, we have places to go. You kids wouldn't mind helping me and Lynn pack up some essentials, just to speed things up?"

"Sure thing, mom. You know we're always there to give ya a helping hand." Lincoln agreed immediately.

"If your suitcase won't close I'll force it into submission." Lynn added, flexing the muscles of her rather scrawny arm.

"Just so we're clear? You're talking about Mr. Loud, not the other Lynn?" Ryan joked while pointing his thumb at the jock.

Rita chuckled. "Okay, that's very considerate of you. Lynn, how about you help me? And you boys go help Ly-eh….my hubie? He has a bad habit of over packing."

* * *

"Pops, you can't seriously be going through with this? I don't need no bloke to babysit me!" Luna lamented while watching her old man pack.

"Luna, we've been over this." Lynn Sr. repeated while stuffing his suitcase on his bed. "This trip is of the utmost importance, and we have no other option but to leave you kids in someone's capable hands. And you know Leni…eh….is too delicate for such a demanding task."

The rocker folded her arms, he had her there. "So? I can be the head of the household for a day, no worries." She pointed at herself. "No need to leave us with some randoe."

"She's not a randoe, she's my sister." Ryan's casual tone cut her off as he and Lincoln strolled in.

"Need some help, dad?" Lincoln asked.

"Your sister?" Luna asked incredulously.

"Yes, sirree." Ryan nodded. "Which means I'll be staying for another sleepover! Isn't it _bodacious_? I'm sure you'll _adore_ Renee." He added sarcastically.

Her face fell and Luna turned back to her father. "Pops, c'mon! I'm fourteen for crying out! What will my peps think if they catch wind of this?"

Lynn pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sweetie, be reasonable. We gotta have someone keep this place in check while me and Rita are away, and with Lori tagging along someone with _experience_ has to fill up those shoes. Don't look at this as being babysat, think of this as….us hiring a housekeeper for a short while?"

He grinned awkwardly but the rocker was unamused.

"And why are you and mom tagging along? Why do all three of you have to attend this family gathering for Bobby and his folks anyway?"

Lynn paled. "Well….eh….we're their special guests of honor."

"How? You, mom and Lori never even went to Great Lake City?" Luna countered. "Do you even know any of those people?"

"It's about Lori's quinceañera." Lincoln hastily stepped in.

Luna cast him a befuddled look. "Her whats-enara?"

"It's an important rite of passage for young Latino women. Bobby's mom, his female cousins all had one, and his sister is due for one as well."

"What does that have to do with Lori?"

Lincoln thought fast. "Well, she's adamant about immersing herself with their customs, for her and Bobby are in a very serious relationship and his family knows it. As the potential future _Mrs. Santiago_ , Lori insisted that she has to go through with this most sacred of Hispanic traditions."

"Yes, yes, exactly. That's what I was meaning to say." Lynn quickly joined in. "Lori's very serious about understanding their culture, and a girl simply can't hold her quinceañera if her own parents don't attend it. That's why me and your mom have to come at all costs."

Luna was dumbfounded. Under any other circumstance, she would have voiced her opinion about how bonkers it was for a 16-year-old to prepare for such stuff so early, but this was Bobby and Lori they were talking about. For those two lovebirds, such ludicrous preparations were downright normal. Or at least normal compared to choosing over a dozen baby names before even reaching the age of consent.

She slapped her forehead. "Oh, brother….." she grumbled when something dawned on her. "And why can't the rest of us come along? I'm down for a road trip and seeing new places."

Father and son paled but Ryan laughed.

"So you Louds could demolish everything in your path? Get real!"

"Excuse me?" Luna glared at him while a nervous Lynn did a "cut it out" gesture.

Ryan rolled his eyes and shrugged. "But that's just my guess."

"Other relatives are optional, Luna." Lincoln cut in and started helping his father pack. "And they only have so many spare rooms to spare."

"Yes, me, your mom and Lori are gonna have to share a room at a small, dingy hotel. Neither family is raking in cash right now." Lynn nodded nervously. "I'd _love_ for you kids to come, but my hands are tied."

"Yeah, I'm not thrilled about this either, Luna. But let's suck it up for Lori's sake. Knowing her relationship with Bobby, I have a hunch this celebration won't be for nothing." Lincoln explained

Luna rolled her eyes. She knew anything she could say right now would just make her look incredibly selfish. She just hopped her peps didn't plan for a surprise visit tomorrow.

"This blows…." She grumbled as she left the premise, passing by Ryan.

"Ha, try living with Renee for twelve years?" he snarked.

"That was too close for comfort." Lynn wiped his forehead.

"Don't worry; all will be swell, Mr. L. Under Renee's regime, everything will nice and orderly. You just soak in the countryside and get some fresh air." Ryan reassured him when he came over and pulled a staple gun out of the suitcase. "But is this thing really necessary for the trip?"

"And dad, why did you pack a coffee machine?" Lincoln asked as he lifted it out of the suitcase.

"I guess not…." The father rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I may have gotten overzealous?"

"And why would you need ten ties?" Ryan asked as he pulled out Lynn's entire tie collection.

Lynn shrugged awkwardly and picked something else out of the suitcase. "Perhaps my personal cookbook is also a bit redundant?"

The boys rolled their eyes.

* * *

"That's all." Rita had a much easier time packing up. She lifted her suitcase and strapped it over her shoulder.

"Say, mom? Where are the others?" Lynn asked, sitting on her parents' bed. "I haven't seen anyone."

"Last I saw of Luna, she was gripping about being left behind to your father. Lana and Leni are still napping; they stayed way past their curfew last night. Lisa hasn't left her room since grabbing a bagel from the kitchen, she might also be asleep. Your father says she's suffering from insomnia."

" _I can imagine why_ …." Lynn thought grimly. "And is Lola still sulking in her room?"

Rita smiled a little. "No doubts about it. The cancelation of her beauty pageant hit her hard."

"I'm sure she'll recover." Lynn smiled snidely, finding some joy in having inadvertently caused the brat some grief.

"Though, I don't know who would waste time breaking into a five-star hotel just to steal applications for a beauty contest for little girls?" Rita chuckled. "I mean, of all the things you could rob a hotel for?"

"Yeah, pretty weird…" Lynn chuckled, playing ignorant. "There was probably plenty of rich folk there you could pillage and plunder from."

"I doubt those applications will be worth much." Her mother shook her head with amusement.

"But on the subject of your sisters, have you seen Lucy or Luan? I haven't seen them ever since I got distracted by Veronica." Rita admitted sheepishly.

"I guess they haven't left Lu's room." Lynn shrugged, though she thought about those two with caution. "They've been getting chummy lately….um….. I think?"

"Lucy and Luan? Chummy?" her mother didn't seem to believe her. "Well….that would be an unusual pair. But I'm glad to see that the girls are spending more sister time together."

"Tell me about it…." Lynn scoffed. "They're both so weird; perhaps together they can start making sense?"

"Speaking of pairs." Rita smiled knowingly. "I haven't had the time to ask you something? Have you taken my advice and talked with Ryan….about something?"

Lynn blushed, feeling uneasy. Should she tell her? Why was she even debating that? Her mom knew already and Lynn had agreed that she would come clean about this anyway.

She rubbed her arms and shifted. "Well…I…I actually did." She admitted timidly.

Her mother's demeanor remained the same and she sat next to Lynn. "So how did it go? I hope it wasn't too scary?"

"It wasn't….we had a lucha libre match and I sorta let it slip." Lynn explained. "He knows."

"You told him how you felt while wrestling?" Rita blinked before smiling again. She supposed this was the Lynn Loud way of doing things? "Okay then, so what did he say? From the looks of things, there is no awkwardness between the two of you?"

"Nope…" Lynn exhaled, slowly but steadily relaxing. "He likes me too; I always sorta knew that….I was just unsure how to respond to it?"

Rita was surprised to hear that….. the middle part that is. It would seem Lynn had some woman intuition after all? "Well, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't suspect the same thing, I just didn't want to meddle with your love life, dear."

"Don't use that word, mom." Lynn blushed bashfully and shrank.

Rita giggled. "My bad, how do you kids call it nowadays? Your "like-like life"?

Was her mother really psychic, Lynn seriously wondered?

"I'm sure you saved that boy a lot of anxiety by breaking the ice yourself." Rita joked. Lynn didn't doubt it, she _knew_ her mother was right about that.

"Yeah….I guess….though he did become a little more…outspoken after that."

"And what did he say specifically." Rita inquired.

Lynn grew an impish look. "He said I was very pretty, and cool, funny and exciting, and pretty. He said I was pretty twice."

"Sounds like you got him enticed." Rita smiled. "And by simply being yourself. Don't tell Lori or Leni, but the hallmark of a healthy relationship is when your crush likes you for who you are, not for who you're trying to present yourself as."

"I'd never put on a dress in a million years." Lynn snorted. "I'd rather be kicked off every team I'm on than that. Besides…." She started blushing again "…..he said that's what he likes the most about me, that I am tough and not afraid to get my hands dirty."

Rita could certainly think of plenty of boys, especially from when she was Lynn's age that didn't share that mentality. Good to know that some boys were shedding away their instinctual fear of emasculation.

"Lynn, I'm truly happy for you. Looks like you found your match. Awww….my little girl is becoming a woman. So, now that the scariest part is over, what do you two plan to do?"

"I dunno…..I'm still not quite sure what to do with this?. Ryan told me that he was happy to hear this but that we shouldn't rush things." Lynn told her honestly.

"Smart advice, you kids are just twelve. You're in no rush. I know this is still alien to you, but you'll have the whole summer to grow accustomed to it and enjoy each other's company." Her mother said sagely.

"Just remember that it's not customary to kiss a boy before the first date." She added jokingly.

Lynn blushed harder. "I sorta already did…" her mother's eyes widened "…..on the cheek…..twice."

Rita smiled. "In that case, sweetie, I think you're more in sync with your feelings than you realize."

"Maybe….it felt kinda nice." Lynn smiled impishly. "I'm not sure why I did it though? I didn't really plan to, it was like some magnet doohickey was pulling me towards him."

"That's what I meant with letting things run their natural course." Her mother patted her back. "Don't worry, sweetie. Everything's going to be just fine, better than fine in fact."

Lynn smiled, but not for long. " _Everything but Luan?_ " she grimaced. Maybe her mother could talk the hare-brained comedian to take a hike? She already knew, at least partially, of Luan's meddling.

Rita looked at her wristwatch and sighed. "I gotta get going, we must check if your father has over-packed again."

Lynn nodded. She really wanted to ask her mother to get Luan off her back but knew they hardly had the time for it, as both her parents were due to leave any moment. If only things were that easy?

* * *

Luna was leaning into the couch, channel surfing, with Cliff sleeping next to her. The rocker grumbled to herself, unable to believe that her own parents would do her like this? Why would they leave her stuck with a babysitter, she wasn't a child? What were they even worried about? Sure, several of her sisters were loose cannons but not her. She was a musician! Musicians didn't break stuff, or drag mud trails into the hall, or waste tones of money on long-distance calls, or cause lab explosions?

" _Just chill, dude. You're overreacting_." She told herself. " _Sure, this bites….. but you can make the best of it? Just call Sam and the gang and tell them you're sick, and that you'll be bedridden for a while. Plus, how bad can this babysitter be?_ "

As if tempting fate; the doorbell rang, prompting Luna got up and opened the door. She was met with a girl standing on the porch, not looking at the rocker as she was too busy writing into her notepad. She was also wearing a backpack.

"Um…can I help you?"

"Is this the Loud residence? Home of Lynn Sr. and Rita Loud?" Renee asked her, purely for the sake of courtesy. She knew the address.

"Yes?" Luna answered tentatively.

"Good, it appears I'm on time." Renee remarked and walked in.

"What the?" Luna saw her entering without permission and followed. "Hey, brah, what are you doing?"

Renee ignored her and surveyed the living room, taking notes along the way. "Hmmm….the house is bigger than I anticipated, but I supposed you need this much space to house nearly a dozen miscreants."

"Hey! I asked you a question, dude? There are trespassing laws, y'know?" Luna lamented, which finally earned the latter's attention.

With a disapproving glare, she eyed the rocker from head to toe and wrote a few more notes. "Tisk, tisk. Grunge wardrobe? Gratuitous ear-piercings? Crude vernacular? I can tell you have an extensive juvenile hall record."

"Excuse me?" Luna looked indignant. "I'm not a delinquent! I never caused trouble….eh intentionally?"

"That's what they all say." Renee didn't seem to care and took another note. "Kids always want to be rebels but few have the courage to pull it off. Still, I'll make a memo to keep a close eye on you."

Luna drew a breath to retort before realizing she was going off-topic. "Who are you? Why did you barge into my house?"

"I've been employed by your father."Renee rolled her eyes; clearly this kid wasn't a bright one. "Renee Taylor. I believe you're already acquainted with my brother. As you don't seem to know, I've been recruited to serve as your guardian and governess while your parents are on their trip."

Luna's face fell. "You're the babysitter? You?!"

"Was I not clear enough?" Renee asked dryly. "Yes, I will be watching you and your siblings for the next thirty-three hours."

"Always the punctual one, Renny?" she heard her brothers mocking voice and saw him sliding down the banister, jumping off and landing in front of her. "I prefer to be fashionably late myself."

"Ryan." She duly noted, unamused by hid dramatic entrance. "I hope you remember our agreement if you still wish to stay?"

"Yeah, yeah…." He snarked while mimicking a hand puppet with his fingers. "Good boys follow the rules or get the boot, blah, blah."

"And there will be no sliding down the banister, period."

"Wait a blimey minute?" Luna spoke up. "Just how old are you?"

"I don't see why that would be of interest to you?" Renee shrugged. "What's with your idiosyncrasy of using British slang mixed with surfer lingo? Slang in general is verbal cancer, but mixing random idioms from different backgrounds together just makes your vocabulary incomprehensible."

Luna blinked. Did she just insult her? "Hey, I asked a question!"

Renee rolled her eyes. "Fourteen, and I'll be turning fifteen in October. Has your inane curiosity been satisfied?"

"Fourteen?! I'm fourteen! How can you babysit me if we're-"

"But we're not on the same level. Mental age takes precedence over physical age, kid." Renee replied simply. "The mind and the body seldom develop in perfect sync with one another in most people."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luna grew annoyed.

Renee shook her head and turned to her brother. "Are they all this dense?"

"It varies from Loud to Loud." Ryan answered sincerely.

"Kay, this is some kind of ruse? Where's the hidden camera?" Luna stated angrily while looking around. "No way is this for real!"

"I'm afraid it's very real." Renee replied unfazed, taking another note. "Most kids don't like my methods but their ill-informed opinions mean little to me. Your parents paid good money for my services and I'm obliged to make it worth their while."

Luna couldn't take it anymore. "MOM! DAD! What's going on here!"

"What's wrong, Luna?" Rita came down the stairs. Lincoln stopped atop of them, observing the situation.

"Mom, this crazy dudette claims to be our babysitter?" Luna lamented and pointed at their guest.

Rita's face fell. "You're Ryan's sister?" she asked incredulously.

"Unfortunately…" the boy said with faux-merriment.

"You are correct. Renee Taylor, at your service." The girl gave the mother a mandatory handshake. "Don't worry; I can forgive your daughter's unrefined behavior. Children will be children." She added while shooting Luna a glare.

"You're the babysitter? But you're so young? Eh…I mean you're young enough to go to school with half of my children-"

"I anticipated you would have some doubts, which is why I brought along the recommendations written by my past clients." Renee, wishing to cut the pleasantries short, pulled a stack of letters from her backpack and offered it to the dumbfounded mother.

"I believe they will confirm my credibility and put your mind at ease."

"Well, I'll be…." Rita was at a loss for words reading through the papers.

"Mom, you're not seriously leaving her in charge here?" Luna complained.

Lincoln grimaced when he heard his father's voice. "Looks like there's disagreement down there?" Lynn Sr. walked up to him with his suitcase, along with Lynn.

"I don't think Luna's is flattered that her babysitter could also be her classmate." Lincoln sighed.

"We better explain ourselves, me and Rita have a deadline for checking into our hotel." his father worried and was ready to move when he remembered something and felt his pocket. "Dagnabit!"

"What is it, dad?" Lynn asked.

"I forgot the car keys in our room, mind fetching them, LJ?"

"On it." Lynn saluted him jokingly and ran off.

The father turned back to Lincoln. "Come on, son, let's clear this up."

* * *

Lynn quickly found the keys on the desk and grabbed them.

"What's going on?"

Lynn jolted and turned around, her face scrunching up with rage. "Lucy! I told you never to do that-"

"Why is Ryan's sister here?" Lucy said grimly, unfazed by the former's outburst. "I don't like her."

"Well, we can welcome Luna into our anti-Renee club now too, Pasty." Lynn quipped sardonically, calming down. "Where's Luan by the way?"

"She went down to see her. I'm sure Renee won't endear herself to her either." Lucy explained. "And why is she here? And why do you have a black eye?"

Lynn groaned. "Not your beeswax. As for Renee? She'll be our babysitter for a bit cuz mom and dad have to go somewhere."

"Go somewhere?" Lucy looked appalled. "Why?"

" _There's no point trying to hide anything from her, is there? Plus, this is freaking Lucy_." Lynn figured and sighed.

"Well, turns out some relatives of Bobby were caught in a fatal car crash." She explained, making no attempt to sugarcoat it since this was Lucy she was talking to. "Lori's going to the funeral and the ditz promised the Santiagos that our folks would come to pay their respect as well, without even asking them first, leaving dad scrambling to find a babysitter on short notice."

"A funeral?" Lucy said with intrigue but it quickly petered out. Any other day, the prospect of a funeral would have fascinated her like nothing else, but not today. "Mom and dad are leaving now?"

"Yes, and they won't be back until tomorrow evening I think, so we need-"

"We need to tell them about Lyle _now_." Lucy said firmly.

"Wow, wow, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Duchess of Darkness." Lynn raised her hands. "Now's not the time, we'll tell them when they return."

"No." Lucy defied her. "I said we would tell them _today_ , no more procrastinating."

She tried to leave when Lynn grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Lemme go!" the goth protested but was grossly overpowered.

"No way, we agreed to have a private talk first. Remember?" Lynn barked sternly.

"You didn't tell me anything about them leaving, you unscrupulous liars?" Lucy countered.

Lynn grew enraged. "We didn't lie to you! We had no freaking clue about this either, until today!"

"Why should I trust you? You were lying to me this whole time! You'd do anything to cover your misdeeds?"

"Will you listen to me, you pint-sized Corpse Bride?" Lynn clenched her teeth, quickly losing her temper. "This is very _important_ and you must hear us out. You don't understand what's at stake?"

"What? You getting suspended from your sports teams for picking up fights?" Lucy scoffed bitterly.

Lynn seethed. Lucy knew how to rile her up like no one else. "This isn't a joke, idiot! If you won't believe me, let Lincoln explain it to ya."

"I don't care. I will tell our parents and you can't stop me!" Lucy cried defiantly.

"You won't, I'm not letting you screw everything up!"

"MOM! DAD! MO-mph!" a hand was clamped over the goth's mouth and she was restrained by her older sister.

"I said; keep your trap shut!" a panicked Lynn warned her as she squirmed in her grip.

"Mmmmphpphp!" her sister wouldn't relent.

Sweating out of fear of drawing attention, Lynn weighed out her options and groaned.

" _Kay, Lincoln. You had your way, now it's my turn_."

* * *

"I must say, your track record is impressive. This is the fourth letter to use the word "miracle" when describing you?" Rita marveled as she read through the recommendations on the couch, with her husband on one side and a sulky Luna on the other. Cliff had moved to nap on the armchair.

"I try not to brag." Renee shrugged, standing adjacent to them.

"Which is a total lie, she always brags." Ryan quipped while elbowing her.

"My point is…" his sister sent him a dirty glare "…..any child can be reasoned with once you learn how to speak their basal language and understand their behavioral patterns. Some firm discipline and some positive reinforcement help motivate them to engage in more agreeable and cooperative behavior."

"Are you talking about babysitting kids or about training dogs?" Luna asked condescendingly.

"The line between disciplining children and training animals is a blurred one. At the end of the day, both activities hinge on someone with a moral and intellectual high ground helping to enlighten a poor, ignorant soul and teach them to refrain themselves from succumbing to their basic urges to engage in self-destructive behavior."

"Can you speak English, man?" Luna complained.

"She means it's all about sharing your wisdom and teaching others to better themselves." Lincoln explained. Living with Lisa had helped him practice his translation of overly-articulate people.

"Well, Renee, you've done and convinced me you're the right person for the job. Anyone who puts that much thought into child-rearing at such a young age clearly knows what they're doing." Rita complimented her.

"Right you are, honey. And I saw the newspaper article that called her a hero for her legendary child-caring skills. I'm sure she'll be worth every penny." Lynn Sr. agreed somewhat nervously, not having told his wife yet just how costly their babysitter was."

"But, mom? Dad? I'm too old for a-"

"Luna, for the last time; we have duties to attend to and we need someone to keep you kids in line." Rita told her in no uncertain terms. "Perhaps if you had the same ambitions as Renee here and tried earning money yourself through hard work instead of devoting all your attention to music, we might have trusted you with such a task."

Luna frowned and sulked.

"Don't take it so personally, sweetie." Her father tried to cheer her up. "I told you, it's not that we think of you as childish and immature, we just needed someone with experience to be head of the household. Don't think of her as your babysitter…..but eh….as your governess."

"That's just a yuppie talk for "babysitter"." The rocker pouted.

"Sorry, Luna, but we can't change our plans now. We have a deadline if we want to get our room at the hotel." Rita explained.

"Yes, we need to get there _pronto_. Lori can't do it for us since she's still under-aged." The father added.

"What's this about a road trip?" a still crabby Luan finally revealed her presence. Ryan immediately dreaded her arrival.

"Mom and dad have to go to Great Lake City." Lincoln explained. "They are joining Lori for her quinceañera with the Santiagos and the rest of their family."

Luan seriously didn't care anymore about anything involving Lori. "And what about the rest of us? Are we joining the fiesta or taking a siesta back home?"

"We're staying, she'll be our babysitter." Lincoln simply gestured at Renee.

"Babysitter?"

"She prefers "governess"." Luna huffed.

"I never made that claim." Renee flatly denied it.

"I'm afraid we got some good news, and some bad news, Lu." Ryan tentatively approached her, which made her perk up a bit. "Good news; I'll be staying for another sleepover."

"You are?" Luan beamed.

"Yup, bad news…." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. "My sister is the best your folks could find for a babysitter."

Renee rolled her eyes, and wrote down further notes while studying the comedian.

"Your sister?" Luan figured who she was, but didn't know what to make of it? What little her crush had told her about his big sister painted a very unflattering picture of her. But Luan still believed in giving someone a fair shot, regardless of much that principle had backfired for her before.

"Indeed. Renee, don't you want to meet one of my new friends?" Ryan said snidely.

"Renee?" Luan giggled. "That sounds French. Bonjour, mon ami." She offered her hand but only received a frosty glare in response, making Luan uncomfortable.

"Um….I also wear a beret when I'm practicing my mime act?"

"You have a joy buzzer on your palm." Renee said flatly and wrote down another note.

"I….I just wanted to give this dull party a _jolt_?" Luan drew back and removed the buzzer. "Eh, get it?"

Renee remained as cold as ever. "Your puerile attempts at using foreign languages and inane puns as humor are quaint. I can tell I'm not going to like you." she made sure to write that down.

The parents looked at her oddly, not knowing what to make of this?

"Good one, Renee." Lynn Sr. pointed a finger gun at her. "You almost sound like you meant it?"

"Eh….yeah sure." Renee humored him. Luan wasn't fooled by it, she knew a killjoy when she saw one.

"Fair warning, bra. She cracks lame jokes all the time." Luna pointed out idly. Luan glared at her.

"Don't take it too hard, Lu. Renee was born with a disorder, the inability to laugh." Ryan whispered to her, making her titter.

"Here ya go, dad." Lynn arrived and gave him the keys. She cast their would-be-babysitter a glare, though the latter paid her no mind.

"Thanks, sport. Where are the rest of the girls? We have to go and they should meet their babys-I mean governess." The father corrected himself, not that Luna cared much for it by this point.

"Lana, Leni and probably Lisa are still asleep." Rita explained. "And Lola's in a foul mood."

"Oh, dear. It's difficult to make Lola listen to anything when she's in a foul mood." Lynn Sr. worried.

"Petulant child angst is a mere speed bump, if you know what you're doing, sir." Renee said casually.

"And where's Lucy, Lynn? Last I saw her she was heading towards you?" Luan asked the jock.

Lynn blinked uneasily. "Haven't seen her." She shrugged. "She probably slinked off to do another séance or some stuff."

"We'll never find her then." Rita slapped her forehead.

"We don't have time to search for her, or to wake the others up." Lynn Sr. said as he stared at his wristwatch. "Times a wastin'."

Lincoln sighed. "Maybe you guys should just go ahead? We'll tell the others."

"He makes a valid point." Renee concurred as she wrote down another note. "Whether they meet me before or after you have departed is entirely irrelevant."

The parents thought about it before reluctantly nodding to each other.

* * *

Outside, the parents loaded their suitcases into the trunk of Rita's car before saying their farewells to their four kids, while the Taylor siblings just stood there and observed them.

"I say, why are they all hugging each other, that's pretty weird?" Ryan told his sister as Lincoln, Luan and Luna embraced their parents in a group hug, while Lynn seemed hesitant to join in.

"What do I know? Probably some kind of Midwestern custom?" Renee shrugged apathetically.

"Wow, I don't do hugging, sorry." Lynn declined the offer. "I'm a big girl."

Rita glanced briefly at Ryan before giving her daughter a wink. "I understand, not in front of You-Know-Who."

"Who do you mean?" her husband asked cluelessly, only to get poked in the ribs.

"Not now, Lynn." His wife whispered to him in warning.

"Alright, kids…" she continued "….you all behave and listen to everything Renee says, she's now in charge." With that Rita gave Renee the keys to the house, as well as her credit card.

"Just in case the kids get hungry." She told the sitter.

"Don't worry, mom. We'll be on our best behavior." Lincoln proclaimed on behalf of all of his siblings.

"We'll make sure of that." Lynn agreed. Lynn Sr. read between the lines and knew Lynn, Lincoln and Ryan would aid Renee in keeping the house in check as much as they could. He gave them a subtle nod.

"Good afternoon, Lynn, Rita." Harold McBride suddenly walked into the driveway, waving.

"Harold? What brings you here?" Rita asked and shook hands with him. "Um…we're kinda in a hurry."

"Oh, I'm sorry if I came at a bad time?" The portly man apologized.

"Mr. McBride, is something amiss?" Lincoln walked up to him, his gut telling him this probably wasn't just a friendly visit.

Looking at Lynn, Ryan pointed at the visitor and she whispered into his ear.

"Oh…." He nodded. "Hmmm….odd? I expected him to talk with a lisp?"

"It's nothing serious, Lincoln. I was just wondering if your sister Lori could drop by for a quick little visit?" Harold told him.

Lynn Sr. frowned. "Oh…..she's probably on her way to Great Lake City, I'm afraid. She's going to….a family reunion for her boyfriend, wants to get familiar with them, their customs and such, so are me and Rita."

Harold's face faltered. "That's not good….eh….but could she possibly make a skype call to Clyde, he _really_ needs to see her right now, alive and well."

"Of course she can, but what for?" Rita asked.

Lincoln didn't like the sound of that. "Is something wrong with Clyde?" he asked worriedly.

"Oh, nothing too serious. He has just gone catatonic."

"Catatonic?" Lincoln's eyes widened.

"Don't worry, Lincoln. He doesn't have any medical issues; it's one of those self-imposed, psychosocially-induced comas." Harold explained to him. "He experiences those whenever he gets mislead into believing that something horrific has happened, like our fridge breaking down and the food getting moldy. We just have to snap him out of it."

Lincoln relaxed, being familiar with Clyde's episodes. "Oh…..so what is it this time? It's about Lori?"

"Apparently some jokester sent him a prank call saying Lori was dead or comatose." Harold shook his head. "Poor boy takes such nonsense at face value."

" _Prank call?_ " Lincoln remembered and sent Ryan and Luan a glare. They looked away and whistled innocently.

"Oh my? What some kids will do for a cheap laugh." Lynn Sr. shook his head. "Well, we'll be passing by the Santiagos' residence anyway, if they and Lori haven't left yet we'll tell her to drop by. If not, a skype will have to do then."

"Good one, dark but funny…." Lynn whispered and elbowed Ryan approvingly, earning a glare from Lincoln and rolled her eyes in response.

"It was Spooky, actually…." Ryan admitted, causing Lynn to turn nervous.

"Well, thank you very much. Have a nice trip." Harold left and waved goodbye.

"See you soon." Lynn Sr. waved back before turning back to his kids. "Well, we must head our separate ways now. You kids will behave, as promised?"

"We will, don't worry." Lincoln reconfirmed.

"Goodbye." Lynn said simply.

"Yeah…..see ya." A crabby Luna muttered with her arms crossed.

Luan still felt angry at them for taking Kathleen's gifts but she relented. "Enjoy your trip."

"Adios." Ryan saluted them in jest.

"Goodbye, kids." Rita waved as she sat in the driver's seat. Her husband sat next to her and gave her the keys, and she started the engine. The car moved out of the driveway and onto the road.

The kids and their parents waved goodbye one last time before the car drove away.

Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan all felt chills as they observed Renee's demeanor shift ever so slightly, her face grew even colder and even more deprived of emotion.

"Get your sisters and form a rank in the living room." She stated firmly.

"Rank? What for?" Luna asked belligerently.

Renee's face darkened. "It's time I introduced myself properly. And lay down the rules."

"Rank?" Luan looked scared before chuckling nervously. "Um…..Ren? Can I call you Ren?"

"No." Renee said flatly.

"Luan, don't bother-" Ryan tried to tell her but she stepped forward anyway.

"You aren't really some strict, humorless stick-in-the-mud, right? You just put on an act to make sure you're ahead of the other babysitters?" the comedian tried to cling on to some hope that the fears she felt in Renee's presence were unjustified.

"No, I'm an authoritarian and disciplinarian who is an austere but just guardian when dealing with children. Of course, when dealing with miscreants, as you Louds clearly are, I'm seldom bestowed with the opportunity to be just."

"Huh?" Luan made a face.

"Don't bother trying to comprehend; I know I've lost you already." Renee dismissed her. Luan scowled.

Ryan drew a breath to retort but his sister was quick to cut him off. "If I hear _one_ obscene word from you, you can kiss your participation in the "sleepover" goodbye."

Ryan glowered at her but refrained from speaking. Lynn seethed and balled her fists.

Renee clapped her hands. "Enough senseless pleasantries! Round up the rest of the imbeciles and assemble in the living room. You have fifteen minutes."

"You can't talk to us like that!" Luna complained. "How about showing some respect!"

"As long as I'm in charge I'm entitled to treat you however I wish." Renee brushed her off by handing her the contract Lynn Sr. signed. "Feel free to keep it and read it thoroughly, it's just one of multiple copies."

"Contact?" Luan tried taking a gander herself.

"As for your desire to be treated with respect? I will, once you've _earned_ it." Renee shrugged and turned around. "Doubtful you will." She added snidely while heading for the door.

"Why you!" Luna grew livid and followed her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Ryan warned her but she ignored him.

"I don't have to take orders from a snob like you!" she grabbed Renee by the shoulder, more forcefully than she had intended. Luna yelped as her arm was caught in a crushing grip.

Her siblings gawked in shock as Luna was judo slammed to the ground. Stunned by the sudden impact, Luna gasped as Renee pressed her foot into her chest and loomed over her menacingly.

"And it would be unwise of you to challenge my authority." Renee stated coldly.

"Wow, she really is tough….." Lynn mumbled in utter bewilderment.

Ryan snorted. "You're acting like I didn't warn ya? It's in the blood."

"Yes, ma'am! Whatever you say, ma'am." The petrified rocker saluted her.

"Anyone else wish to challenge me?" Renee turned to the others. Luan and Lincoln fearfully shook their heads while Lynn boiled angrily but held herself back.

Renee narrowed her eyes. "And what about you, _brother_?"

Ryan glared back. "Nope…..I said I would behave. You're the boss now, sis." He struggled not to vomit after saying that. "Your word is the law."

Renee studied him warily. Her brother was being far more agreeable than usual today? Knowing him, she suspected he might be up to something. Or was he actually being sincere about his loyalties to his equally misbehaved girlfriend who Renee doubted had any intention to improve her family's home life? Renee said she would be the judge of that.

"Very well then." She humored him for the moment and lifted her heel off Luna's chest. "Now, how about we proceed with protocol?"

The kids reluctantly obliged and followed her, while Luna moaned in pain as she lifted herself up.

"BUT…." Renee suddenly halted them from entering "…..first I need to know what that hatch in the bushes is?" she pointed to her left.

"T-that? That's our bunker." Lincoln replied.

"Bunker?" their sitter cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, ma'am." Luna hectically nodded. "We use it to ditch Luan whenever she goes on a pranking spree!"

"You what?!" the enraged comedian clenched her fists.

"A bunker?" Renee repeated in a more intrigued tone.

"That could come in handy? You!" she looked down on Luna, who quivered under her stare. "Go and shut off the power to the bunker, assuming you have any lighting there. I have a hunch I'll be needing it later…."

The siblings did not like the sound of that. Luna nodded obediently and scrambled away.

* * *

"Ryan, I don't want to be mean or disrespectful…but you were right, your sister is a real…" Luan stopped herself from saying something overly profane "…a real jerk!"

"I know what you were _going_ to say." Ryan grumbled as they, together with Lincoln and Lynn, went upstairs to fetch the rest of the Louds. "Unfortunately, I've forfeited my right to express myself freely in order to get her to let me stay here."

"I dunno, a day or two without swearing might actually help you fine-tune your vocabulary." Lincoln snarked. Lynn sniggered while Ryan shot him a dirty glare.

"But why let her push _you_ around, I thought you said you never took any…. crud from her?" Luan asked. They all had to refrain from using any colorful language, for that was the first rule Renee established once they reentered the house, and according to Ryan, she had "ears like a serval".

"I don't, but my hands are tied right now." Ryan explained while miming having his hands bound. "Your dad signed a contract which temporarily gives her legal ownership of her client's home while the client is absent."

"How did she acquire such a contract in the first place?"

"How do I know, I'm not a fr….stupid lawyer?" Ryan shrugged exasperatedly. "Renee's a lot more savvy about local laws."

"So you're saying we're now her property or something?"

"Yeah, that's about sums it up." Lynn said cynically. "Ryan here said she was the only person cut out for taking care of us so we won't demolish the house."

"You said you needed someone hardcore for the job." The boy countered. "If her manhandling of Pixie Poon was any indicator, she's handling it quite well."

"But….but….she's so cold and mean? And scary?" Luan pouted.

"Oh? Now you've noticed?" Lynn scoffed.

"I never said she wasn't, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind." Ryan explained while slamming his fist into his palm. "Renee's basically an evil teacher stuck in a teen's body, who else would be better suited for striking fear into the hearts of rambunctious kids?"

"I hate to agree with that, but he's right. A nice babysitter wouldn't last an afternoon with our sisters." Lincoln added. He should know, he lived through the original unfolding of today's events."

"Besides, we gotta round up your sisters. Renee has a very dim view of tardiness." Ryan urged them.

Luan did not want to know what that entailed; Renee's icy glare alone gave her shivers. And she, out of anyone, had no right to try and refute the claim that her family was destructive.

"Well…..okay, I'll get Lucy?"

Lynn turned frantic. "Nope, I'll look for her!" she pointed at herself, earning confused stares. "Eh…..you know how crafty she is when she goes into hiding? Only someone with keen eyesight and fast reflexes might find her."

"Does she even know that mom and dad hit the road?" Luan asked worriedly. "She was pretty adamant about telling our folks about Lyle by the end of the day. I kinda feel like I tricked her into keeping quiet." She rubbed her arm, looking ashamed of herself.

The other three looked nervous. "Don't be stupid, Lu." Lynn spoke up anxiously. "If she wanted to tell them so badly, she wouldn't have gone awol on us? I think she's starting to understand that these things need to be handled…..eh delicately."

"But that creep deserves to-"

"We'll deal with him in due time, Luan." Lincoln reassured her. "But now's not the time for chitchat, Renee's waiting downstairs."

"Well….I guess…" Luan shrugged "….I guess I'll get Leni then?"

"You do that. That leaves the clones and….Lizzie?" Ryan grew uncomfortable mentioning the latter, as did Lynn and especially Lincoln.

His expression turned sour. He knew this was inevitable, he had to face Lisa again eventually, but bad blood still flew between them. Last time he had seen her, he said some pretty harsh parting words in a fit of very justifiable and unadulterated rage. All things considered, he didn't regret it, not after what her inane scientific curiosity nearly caused.

Ryan sighed. "I'll go fetch Lizzie….I wanted to ask her something anyway."

"Fine….I'll get the twins." A bitter Lincoln muttered under his breath.

"Alright, let's get a move on!" Lynn clapped her hands and the four split up.

Once the others were out of sight, Lynn gulped, backtracked and headed towards Lincoln's room, pulling his room key out of her pocket. This stunt of hers was bound to cause some friction within their team, especially if Lucy would join them.

She unlocked the door and nervously opened it, expecting to be greeted with an enraged sister. Instead, Lynn's eyes widened as she found the room completely empty. How was this possible? She had tossed her here and locked the door?

Panicking, Lynn closed the door and started rummaging the place. She looked under the bed and behind the clothes rack? Where was she? Even a shrimp like Lucy couldn't possibly hide in a freaking closet?

After a few minutes, Lynn realized that she was truly gone and panicked even more. Was Lucy actually capable of teleportation? And where was she now?

"This is not good…." She muttered to herself, clutching her hair.

* * *

"Leni? Hey, Leni? Wake up." Luan shook the second oldest Loud by the shoulder.

Leni yawned and sat up in her bed. "Awww….Lori…I don't wanna go to school?" She yawned again. "Just five more minutes?"

Luan rolled her eyes. "It's summer, Leni. And I'm Luan."

"Luan?" Leni questioned before jolting in fear and felt around, grabbing Luan's face by accident, much to her annoyance.

Leni gasped and cupped her face. "Luan?! I can't see anything?! I've gone blind! Or did someone turn off the sun?!"

"Oh, for the love of…" the comedian grumbled and pulled off her sister's sleep mask.

"I can see!" Leni beamed while observing her own hand. "Oh, thanks, Luan! You cured my blindness."

"Too bad there's no cure for the stupids…." The comedian muttered.

"You say something?" Leni smiled.

"Nothing." Luan feigned innocence and grabbed her arm. "You can have your beauty rest later. Mom, dad and Lori went on a trip, and we have to meet our babysitter."

* * *

Lisa was lying under her blanket, having nothing else to do but to wallow in self-pity. She's been there for hours, feeling no incentive to move or to do anything. What could she do? It would probably lead to chaos and misery anyway?

"Rise and shine, MacGyver!" the blanket was suddenly pulled off her, exposing her to the blinding lights. "You'll have your afternoon nap some other time."

She recognized that voice and saw Ryan smirking at her. "Or were you secretly plotting your next world-ending scientific experiment, naughty little mad scientist?" he wiggled his finger disapprovingly.

Lisa felt a conflicting wave of emotions. First, it was anger, at being bothered and made fun of by this witless nitwit, but that was soon overridden by another wave of self-loathing guilt after being immediately reminded of the exact cause behind her depression.

"What do you want?" she asked coldly, struggling not to cry. Merely seeing this guy again brought back plenty of fresh and painful memories.

Ryan smirked. Their last meeting hadn't ended on friendly terms but he knew what to do to force her into doing him a favor.

"Well, young Einstein…." Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "To make a long story short: your folks and Blondy hit the road, probably won't be back till tomorrow, which means you and your siblings just got yourself a babysitter, she's also my sister, meaning I'll be staying over for the night…..again, and Renee's liable to get very angry if you're late for the meeting, and might punish you. Got that?"

"Of course I have processed that minuscule nugget of information!" Lisa ranted. "But why did they leave?"

"What do I know? I ain't their secretary." Ryan quipped. "Now, I'd advise you to get down pronto. If you thought the zombie Louds were scary, you haven't seen Renee when someone isn't punctual."

There he went again. He had to remind her of her misdeed with every single response. The genius grew livid and stood up on her bed, although that was still not enough to be on eye level with Ryan.

"Why do you feel compelled to repeatedly remind me of that incident? Do you have to keep pouring salt into the proverbial wound!"

"I'm noticing a lack of science equipment here?" Ryan looked around, ignoring her question. "Didn't have the money to restock?"

"My endeavors are not your concern, Ryan Taylor." Lisa stated angrily.

And there was his opening.

"Funny you should say that? If memory serves, your last endeavor was very much my concern?" Ryan snarked. "Actually, if I'm not mistaken, me and Lincoln had to clean up that little mess of yours? Y'know? The _flue-zombie apocalypse_? The one no one will ever know we risked our necks preventing? All because of _you_?"

And just like that, Lisa crumbled like wet newspaper. She plopped down on her butt and a tear poured down her cheek. "Fine, we reconfirmed that I am, as you so eloquently phrased it, a menace to society that should be locked up?" She sniffed as more tears poured down her face. "Are you happy now?"

She seemed pretty broken up about it? Who wouldn't be after nearly causing the outbreak of a fatal disease? That only got confirmed as she continued sobbing.

But Ryan had no time to give her pity. This was a golden opportunity to fix a smaller issue incognito.

"Well, considering what I did, I think you owe me a solid, Lizzie-kins." Ryan said casually.

"What favor?" Lisa sniffed, unable to make him out form all her tears.

"Cut the waterworks, Lizzie. What's done is done." He told her curtly and shrugged. "You messed up big time and there's no getting around that. But at least nobody died, so that's something?"

Lisa couldn't tell if this was sympathy or apathy coming from him? But what did it matter? "So what is it you request?" she asked him dejectedly.

Taking the chance, Ryan showed her his palm and moved the bandage back. "I had a little accident; those don't look infected to you, do they? We tried to clean them up and all."

"How did you require those lacerations?" Though she was in a state of depression, Lisa could still compose herself when something caught her curiosity.

"Well, I didn't' want to worry Lynn, so let's keep this between us, kay? A _dog_ bit me…..on both hands."

"A canine attacked you?" Lisa raised an eyebrow. "And how did that come to be?"

"I wouldn't ask so many questions if I were you. Remember? Who helped save the planet from your zombie experiment?" Ryan wasted no time on the guilt-tripping, and it worked like a charm.

Lisa shrank with shame. "Alright, I'm familiar with medicinal practices. I'll look it over later."

Ryan felt relieved. "But what about that gathering with your female sibling you spoke of?"

Ryan snorted. "Given how "fun-loving" and eloquent you are, I'm sure you two will click immediately."

* * *

In the twins' room, Lana, having checked out before she could even change into her PJs, was sleeping soundly in her bed, which was adjacent to the row of enclosures that contained her pet amphibians and reptiles, and at the end of it were her newest additions; the snipe family, which were desperately pecking and biting into the bars, trying to escape.

Lola was lying in her bed, face planted into the pillow she was clutching, and into which she had been screaming for hours until her voice blew out. The worn-out Lana, miraculously, slept through it, being used to her loudmouthed twin's crying and whining.

Even Lana's snoring couldn't snap Lola out of her "woe is me" funk and get her out of bed.

" _If I ever get my hands on those thieving scoundrels, I'll grind them into mincemeat, and then make burgers out of it AND THEN serve them to their families!_ " she screamed inwardly, her throat hurting too much by this point to say it out loud.

Suddenly she heard a thud. Mumbling irritably, she looked up and saw Marceline standing below the window.

" _That furball?_ " Lola wanted to yell at her to get lost but found herself unable to.

Marceline paid no mind to the brat's coughing and wheezing as she looked through the room curiously. Her pupils dilated as she finally spotted something of interest. A multi-species buffet lined up on the dresser.

Lola wheezed and shook her fists flippantly but was thoroughly ignored by the feline. Steaming with rage, she jumped out of bed and tried to stir her twin awake.

Marceline first inspected the water-filled glass cage containing the amphibians. The various frogs and salamanders jumped off their rocks and dived under as they saw the cat licking her chops. Hops was sleeping on his rock when the sound of purring woke him up. Upon coming face to face to with Marceline's comparatively gigantic mug and sharp fangs, he jumped high while letting out a terrified ribbit and followed the rest of them under the surface.

Marceline also observed the snakes which were trying to hide under the sticks and leaves in their enclosure, and the geckos and lizards which were huddling together in a corner. So many tasty morsels, where to start? Frog legs? Scrumptious salamanders? Maybe with a smidgeon of serpent? Hot wings?

Hot wings?! Marceline soon forgot about the rest once she laid her eyes upon the caged snipes, which started chirping and flapping their wings in fear.

Lola shook her twin by her jacket until she finally opened her eyes. "W-Wut? Whatz goin on?" she slurred groggily before being smacked in the shoulder. "Hey, what was that for!" she snapped at the princess.

The irritated Lola tried chewing her out, but couldn't and clutched her aching throat.

"What's your deal? I though Luan was the mime?" Lana yawned. Lola clenched her teeth and pointed ahead.

"Marceline? You're back!" Lana beamed and skipped towards the cage.

The snipes quivered as Marceline rubbed her body and tail against their cage, wrapping herself around it like a feather boa in eager anticipation, purring excitably.

"What brings you here?" Lana grabbed her by the waist. Marceline dug her claws into the furniture as she was pulled into a bear hug. "Pew…you're heavy." Lana laughed while squeezing her.

Marceline growled irritably, not peeling her eyes away from the birds.

"Did you meet all my friends? Lemme introduce you?" Lana held her up to the birdcage. "First, meet my newest ones, Sasha and Stan, and their little babies!"

Marceline sure was eager to meet them, and hoped Lana would open the cage for some more up-close interaction. The birds backed themselves up against the cage in utter terror as the feline licked her chops again.

Lola came to yell at her twin to get the cat out, minus the yelling.

"What's with the arm flailing? If you got something to say; spit it out." Lana mocked her, much to her chagrin.

"Like this!" Lana boasted and shot out a mucus-filled spitball aimed at the door, which ended up hitting Lincoln in the chest instead as he opened the door.

Lola looked away and covered her mouth in disgust while Lana flinched and dropped Marceline.

"Ups…..sorry, Lincoln."

"I suppose I'll need a change of wardrobe." The boy deadpanned and exhaled.

" _Lana, you're revolting!_ " was what Lola intended to yell at her sister, but could only mime it.

"Look, guys. We gotta assemble in the living room, asap. Mom, dad and Lori went on a trip and our babysitter is eager to meet us all."

"Babysitter?" Lana lamented. "You mean they went on a road trip and they left the rest of us in the dirt? That's not fair!"

" _I'm sure you wouldn't find a funeral parlor very exciting_." Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Don't get worked up over it, Lana. They just went to meet the rest of Bobby's family and I'm sure it's gonna be boring."

Lola was likewise upset about being excluded and flailed her arms up wildly.

"Not now, Lola. We have to get down." Lincoln told them before spotting Marceline back on the dresser, next to the birdcage, and promptly picked her up.

"Oh, no you don't. You're going with us. Lana, make sure to close the window and lock the door."

* * *

"Why am I not surprised? Shiftless little procrastinators." Renee grumbled while observing her wristwatch and tapping her foot near the bottom of the stairs.

Luna stood at attention next to her, sweating profusely as her bladder was close to exploding.

"Ma'am? Can I ask for permission to speak?"

"What?"

"Can I please use the bathroom? I had a large soda two hours ago-"

"Permission denied, not until we're done with procedures." Renee said stiffly.

"You're Ryan's sister! It's so totes awesome to meet you!" Leni caught her off guard and embraced her in a bear hug. "Any sister of his is a sister of ours!"

Luan and Luan looked away as Leni was pinned face-first against the wall. Renee grabbed the back of Leni's head and twisted her left arm behind her back.

"I thought I told your punk sister that challenging my authority is unwise?" Renee barked.

"Ow….you're hurting me." Leni whimpered.

Seeing the scuffle from atop the stairs, Ryan snickered with enjoyment. " _Serves that sly vixen right!_ "

"Why are you laughing at this unprecedented display of brutality?" Lisa asked.

"Never mind that." Ryan snorted and dragged her along.

"Take it easy, Renee." Luan spoke up. "She just wanted to hug you."

"I don't hug." Renee said coldly as she pulled Leni by her arm and sent her spinning into the rank, to Luna's right. She sent Luan a glare and the comedian scrambled to stand next to Leni.

"The rank is in age order."

"Sorry!" Luan gulped and relocated herself to Luna's left.

Feeling a tad dizzy from the spin, Leni chuckled. "Woowzy, you have a very strong grip?" she told their sitter happily. "Did you get that from carrying heavy shopping bags? Fiona says that's great workout for women?"

She stopped when a pointer stick was pointed between her eyes.

"I didn't give you permission to speak." Renee warned her.

"Don't worry, I'm not crazy about gossip too." Leni admitted candidly. "Do you want to do each other's hair instead?"

"Psssstt….Leni?" Luna told her, fearing her idiot sister would incur the wrath of Renee. "We're playing freeze tag and you're "it"." She finished by tapping Leni's arm.

"Oh? I get it." Leni nodded and froze stiff.

"Better…" Renee shook her head. " _How quaint, another brain-dead imbecile_." Luan and Luna sighed with relief.

"You sure showed the troublemaker who's boss, sis." Ryan chuckled approvingly. "By the by, I brought the baby of the bunch!" he proclaimed while lifting Lisa up by her hand.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance?" the disheveled toddler said for the sake of courtesy.

Renee didn't care for pleasantries. "In line, now. Oldest to youngest." she pointed at the rank.

"Yes, sir." Ryan snarked but obeyed. "Come along, Tiny." He pulled Lisa with him and took his position next to Luan, who looked at him pleadingly.

Ryan gave her a reassuring smile while Lisa scooted away as a nervous Lynn arrived between them.

"You okay? Where's Spooky?" Ryan turned to her.

"I couldn't find her." Lynn told him.

"What's going on here? Are we playing solider?" Lana asked her brother, as they and Lola came down the stairs. Lana was ironically the only one dressed properly for such an occasion.

"Some kind of protocol, just keep your heads down and listen to Ryan's sister." Lincoln explained while carrying Marceline.

" _Sister?! Not another one of those creeps!_ " Lola lamented inwardly but couldn't get herself to voice her disdain. Neither of her siblings had taken much notice of her uncharacteristic quietness and it drove her nuts!

Renee awaited them below and stopped them dead in their tracks by pointing her stick at the cat. "You brought that little pest with you?" she asked disdainfully.

Lincoln scowled. "What did you expect? You and Ryan are both here, where else is she going to stay?"

"Allow me." Renee relieved him of the cat by lifting her by the scruff of her neck. She squirmed and meowed in agitation.

"Hey, you can't treat her like that!" Lana protested.

Renee ignored her and dropped Marceline away from them like a trash bag, before shooing her away with her foot. Marceline jumped on the couch and hissed at her.

"Why are you so mean to her?" Lana complained.

" _Does this hag have no sense of fashion?! Why is she dressed like a mousy school teacher! And that blemish on her chin!_ " Lola wanted so bad to tear her apart with her trademark critique but couldn't and was reduced to making exaggerated gestures in a vain attempt to get her point across.

Renee didn't care much to answer and pointed at the rank. "Get in line."

"Come on, girls." Lincoln grabbed the twins by the arms and led them to the rank, knowing they were both itching to give their sitter an earful. Renee followed them.

Marceline growled at the girl before seeing something in the corner of her eye. She spotted Cliff sleeping on the armchair, and that immediately caught her attention.

Lisa shrank as she saw Lincoln coming. Noticing her, Lincoln gave her a brief glare before quickly opting to look away.

"Lynn, where's Lucy?" he asked the jock while taking his position next to her. Renee heard him and immediately cut in.

"Yes, where is the goth brat?"

"Um….I couldn't find her?" Lynn answered hesitantly.

"Couldn't find her?" Renee narrowed her eyes.

"She sometimes disappears when doing….. her stuff?" Lynn explained nervously. "It's hard to track her down when she does that."

"Trying to evade me, is she?" Renee concluded with thinly-veiled contempt. "Very well, that will cost her dearly. We shall proceed without the little psychopath."

Her tone made Lincoln worry, as well as the other two. Renee obviously had a very dim view of the little goth, and this misunderstanding only made it worse.

Ryan glowered at her. "Don't get so uppity about it. This kid probably had no clue about her parents leaving. She's not trying to mess with you."

Lincoln wanted to chime in, but Lynn beat him to the punch. "Yeah, nobody told her anything before our folks left. It's an honest mistake."

"We'll see about that….." Renee replied grimly and moved on.

She proceeded to stroll back and worth parallel to the rank, observing every single one of the siblings. She was already familiar with a few of them a bit more than the others, but most of them were not hard to figure out.

An idiot, a frat girl punk, a wannabe class clown, an unruly and hot-headed sports junkie, a psychopath in the making, and an odd couple of twins, a tomboy and spoiled princess. Only the boy and the spectacled toddler were harder to figure out on first glance.

"Alright, miscreants!" she shouted to get everyone's attention and paced back. "I'm Renee Taylor and I will be your guardian for the ensuing thirty-three hours. Your parents paid me to keep you in line, and keep you delinquents in line I will. You don't like me and I don't like you, and I'm perfectly content with that, as I despise children in general but one's career options are limited while you're fourteen, and this was the most dignified line of work available."

" _Oh brother, please don't give us a speech_." Ryan rolled his eyes as his sister passed by him.

" _At least that cunt's honest about herself_." Lynn thought snidely.

" _If you hate children why would you wanna work with them? Is the prestige worth it?_ " Lincoln mused.

"For the next thirty-three hours, _I_ am in charge and you will answer to me. Any harebrained ideas your limited minds might cook up can't be enacted without _my_ permission, so expect a lot of denied requests."

"Can someone please unfreeze me? My arms and legs are getting tired." Leni pleaded.

"No!" Renee pointed her pointer at her. "And no back-talking! Since I have a lengthy list of rules that you punks must follow while under my watch, I have taken the liberty of writing them down." She continued as she walked past Lisa and grabbed a stack of papers from the TV stand.

She returned and handed a flyer over to each of them until she reached Leni, who remained as stiff as a board with her arms pressed against her body.

Renee rolled her eyes and tapped her arm.

"Pew, thanks, I couldn't keep it up much longer." Leni exhaled when a paper was shoved into her hands. "Um…what's this?"

"That's what all of you will have to memorize if you wish-"

"You mean we have to do a test?!" Leni gasped and bit her fingers before sobbing uncontrollably into her hands. "I don't do well with standardized exams!"

Her siblings cast her annoyed glares, Ryan watched her warily while Renee looked at her dumbfounded before scowling with annoyance.

"You're not doing a test, you melodramatic moron. Those are the house rules you will have to follow. And you don't have to memorize them as long as you keep your flyer. I wouldn't expect any of you miscreants to have the mental capacity to remember your own phone number."

" _Must resist urge to wring her neck_ …" Lynn reminded herself.

"Oh? That's much better!" Leni immediately perked up. "Um…but can you give me a new one? I think my tears smeared the ink?"

Renee rolled her eyes and continued pacing. "Now, as some of you have already been informed." She said while making sure Luna knew she was eyeing her. "I'm a strict but fair individual. As long as you follow the rules, I will be more than content to allow you to continue frolicking around the house, engaging in your frivolous and ingenuous pastimes…..provided _I_ approve of said activities as suitable for your impressionable little minds."

Groaning, Lana tried stepping out of rank. "This is boring, I'm gonna-OW!" a whack on her wrist made her stumble back in line. "Ow…that really hurt…" she shed a tear while rubbing her wrist, which soon grew a red stripe.

"But make no mistake, should you break any rule, you will be punished. One strike, it's the corner for you, two strikes and you'll have a time out, three strikes…..oh, I pity anyone foolish enough to go that far. And you just earned your first strike, kid." She finished by glaring at Lana, who glared back.

" _You gotta be adaptable and quick on the uptake to survive Renee_." Ryan shook his head dejectedly, knowing Lana was too naïve for that.

"Now, are there any questions?"

Everyone sans Ryan and Lisa lifted a hand.

"Do you prefer pillow fights or trying out your friend's dresses at slumber parties?" Leni asked excitably.

"Can I please use the bathroom!?" Luna cried, sweating bullets.

"Does practicing ventriloquism, magic tricks and miming count as unsuitable pastimes?" Luan asked timidly.

"I know you won't let me play sports of any kind so can I at least watch TV?" Lynn asked sourly.

"Why did you hit me? And can I leave this boring game and play in a mud hole?" Lana lamented angrily.

Lola gaped wide and pointed at her mouth while jumping around frantically.

"Those who behave well? Do they get special privileges?" Lincoln asked last.

"Lily-livered teacher's pet." Lana grumbled bitterly.

"I despise both ideas. No, not until one final procedure. Those activities are idiotic but harmless, so go ahead. You are very correct, _Lynn_ , and yes, provided I approve of whatever you wish to view. Because you broke protocol, and no playing in the mud, that's rule number thirty-eight. You, quit prancing around and ask an actual question."

"As for your question?" She turned to Lincoln. "I said I was fair, so you'll see. And I'd encourage you to be on your best behavior and try to outshine the others. That goes for all of you."

"And lastly, remember that dinner will be at 7 p.m, which you will all attend or go hungry tonight, and 9.30 p.m is time for bed. Staying past curfew will be met with severe retribution. That said, there's one final procedure we must cover, before we can move on…. hand over your phones."

"What?!" there was a chorus of horrified gasps.

"I must assure, while on duty, that you don't mingle with any unsavory figures. Therefore, any contact with the outside world will be done under my supervision. Now hand them over." Renee explained while holding up a sack labeled "confiscated".

She was immediately met with a quiet resistance. "Or do any of you wish to challenge me?"

"Whatever, I don't know anyone in this town but these guys anyway." Ryan reluctantly obliged and dropped his phone in the sack. He looked back at the siblings. "Don't be crybabies about it, she'll tear them away from you one way or the other."

Lincoln sighed and silently parted with his phone.

"We mustn't disrespect authority." Lisa walked up to Renee and dropped her phone in the sack, much to her brother's surprise.

Boiling with rage, it took every ounce of Lynn's willpower to take the required amount of steps to reach the sack, then to lift her phone out of her pocket and she almost gave up trying to release her grip on it before letting it fall in. A crestfallen Luan followed, she had no one to contact anyway.

The rest of them weren't quite as cooperative.

"Dude, please, this is inhumane…." Luna cried but one glare from Renee made her relent.

"No, please, what if my friend's call me?" Leni begged as she tugged over her phone with Renee, who easily tore it out of her grasp and dropped it into her sack.

"Renee, I also have these?" Lincoln was suddenly holding three walkie-talkies. Renee eyed him suspiciously but nonetheless opened the sack and let him drop them in.

"That just leaves you two." She turned to the twins and held up the sack.

"Naha! You're not getting my phone, you mean ol'witch!" Lana held on tight to hers, as did Lola, who wanted to say all kinds of nasty things to Renee but couldn't.

Within a second, they were both grabbed by their leg and were suddenly dangling upside down. Renee shook them until they dropped their phones, before dropping them.

"That's one strike for you." Renee told Lola as she scooped up the phones. "And your second one." She told Lana. "You both know what that means."

" _How dare she?!_ " Lola was beyond furious. Without a second thought, she pounced on Renee and tried throttling her but was easily pulled back by the unfazed teen, who let her squirm around and kick and swat aimlessly as she dangled from the collar of her dress.

"And you've just earned your second strike as well." Renee shook her head. "On the upside, I can make an example out of the two of you."

* * *

"You're on a time out." Renee unceremoniously tossed the twins into their room. "Stay quiet for an hour and you're free."

The twins got up and angrily ran at her.

"Hey, you can't do tha-"Renee slammed the door shut before Lana could finish and locked it.

"I hope you all learned a lesson from them?" she told the rest, who watched her uneasily while the twins banged on the door.

"Sure did." A sweaty and bulgy-eyed Luna nodded frantically while doing the pee-pee dance. "Can I go to the bathroom now?!"

"You may." Renee gave permission. Biting her lip, Luna nodded and bolted away.

"Gee, weren't you a little too harsh on them?" Leni asked. "I mean, I know Lola tried to strangle you but-"

"But nothing. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Renee told her coldly before thinking of a way to get the idiot out of her hair. "How about you go to your room and read through the rules like a good girl, so you don't accidentally end up in the same predicament?"

"Oh, that's a good idea; I wouldn't want to do anything naughty." Leni nodded and left.

Lisa raised a finger. "You may resume your nap, little one. Go on." Renee shooed her.

Swallowing a lump, Lisa looked at the others. Lincoln and Lynn swiftly looked away from her, Luan shifted nervously while caught up in her own thoughts, and only Ryan acknowledged her, giving a subtle nod.

"Okay…." Lisa looked down and walked to her room.

Renee turned her attention back to the remaining four. Lynn glared at her with pure contempt while Luan hid behind Ryan.

"Don't look so suspicious, we're going to kick back and do some idle chitchat in the backyard, if you don't mind?" Ryan told her. "We know you'll be watching us like a hawk, we won't be up to anything, I swear."

Renee narrowed her eyes. "You do that; I'll have to prepare dinner anyway. And trust me, if you're plotting something, I'll know it before you even try it."

"Thanks for your ominous warning, we'll be going now." Ryan snarked as he led his group away from his sister, who watched them warily.

"Ryan, she's still watching us." Luan said fearfully.

"Just ignore her and keep going, I'll be with you in a jiffy."

"What do you plan to do?" Lynn asked him.

"A private talk between siblings." Ryan reassured them, his sister listening in suspiciously. "It will only take a minute."

Reluctantly, the others departed. Ryan braced himself and walked back to his sister.

"Got something else to say?" she narrowed her eyes.

"I just want to lend you a helping hand." Ryan smirked. "I've known the Louds longer than you, so I thought I could give you some tips."

"And what would those be?"

"I can see you ain't fond of Lucy." He sneered. "And that's fine, to each their own, but don't get all vindictive with her cuz it ain't worth it. She might be weird but Lucy's the nicest and quietest of them, she would rather sit in a corner and write a poem than cause havoc. You might as well ignore her, since I can assure you that she would never dream of causing trouble."

"Riiiight…" Renee said less-than-convinced. "Of course, if you describe someone as "nice", any rational person would logically come to the opposite conclusion."

"I'm serious, Renee." Ryan frowned, growing tired of her skepticism. "She won't be troublesome, if anything, it's the blonde one you should be wary of, she's a sly one."

"The blonde airhead?" Renee scoffed. "From what I have seen, she seems like a garden-variety idiot."

"Looks can be deceiving, you oughta know that. I've peeked under her mask." Ryan disagreed. "She's way too nice and ignorant to be genuine. When I first met her, she was all warm and welcoming and hugged me and stuff, never once did she scream or even call me ugly! And she also claimed to be crushing on a fat guy. Don't you see, it's some kind of elaborate ruse to remain under the radar so she can manipulate people with her nice girl routine."

Renee considered that. "That does sound suspicious, but it could very well be due to her underdeveloped mind being incapable of properly reading, processing and interpreting things."

"It's not, I can assure you." Ryan said adamantly as he backed away. "You better watch your back while she's around, or else you might regret it later." With that, he ran off after his friends, leaving Renee to contemplate.

She highly doubted that anything her brother said about Lucy was remotely true, but Leni? Ryan was obviously seeing things that weren't there…..but then again? She did grab her by surprise back there? She might not be strong, but she might have a devious mind to compensate for that?

" _Better be safe than sorry_." She made a mental note, opting to keep a close eye on Leni.

* * *

The twins, meanwhile, had finally given up on trying to break free.

"Nice going, doofus!" Lana yelled at her twin. "Because of your temper, we got ourselves into trouble.

" _My fault! The nerve!_ " Lola was absolutely livid. "Youh…..made…hher…mahd…" Lola managed to muster up a very strained and raspy response.

"What's wrong? You're losing your voice?" Lana taunted her. "That's what you get for screaming so much!"

"Not…..fhault…" Lola rasped while pointing at herself before pointing at Lana. "Yhou…tho strikeh…..fhirst….idioth…" her vocal cords soon gave up on her, so instead of going on she just blew a raspberry.

"You're the idiot! At least I never attacked her." Lana huffed and stuck her own tongue out.

Unable to force another sound, Lola went for the "actions speak louder than words" approach and pushed Lana.

Lana growled and returned the favor, pushing her harder.

Steaming madly, Lola swiftly snatched her sister's cap and grabbed the bill.

Lana gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"

Lola grinned evilly. After having her pageant ruined, losing her voice and getting into trouble thanks to Lana's stupidity, not to mention Lana trying to blackmail her last night and scaring Donnie Dufresne away with her vulgar attitude, she was feeling anything but generous and ripped the bill off.

"My hat!" Lana cried.

"Uhh…pss…" she shrugged as she let the cap and the bill drop.

"That was low! Even for you!" Lana turned crimson with rage.

Lola sneered and started wringing her fists in front of her eyes while making a pouty face.

"You stupid cow! I'll kill you!" a furious Lana tackled her to the floor and they started fighting. They began biting and scratching each other and pulling each other's hair, which soon escalated into trading blows.


	33. No Guts, No Glory: Renee's Regime

**After a prolonged break, the story is back on track. This chapter, with whom this story will officially surpass 300,000 words, is proud to present the story's longest meta moment as of yet.**

* * *

Cliff was sleeping soundly on the armchair, his overnight stay at the grooming saloon having done wonders on him. He had never felt so placid and serene, for he had never been this pampered and spoiled in his entire life. Who knew that a day that started so bad and stressful could turn around to become a feline's greatest dream of lying around and having people satisfy your every whim?

But his vacation was over, as now an old acquaintance had stepped foot on his turf again, and was watching him sleep, equally curious as well as eager to put an end to his late afternoon nap.

Marceline tilted her head. She had never seen such a sorry excuse for a tom. That dumb bow he was wearing, on its own, had certainly earned him a good beating. The dog was nowhere to be found, that plump and juicy hamster was unaccounted for, the buffet in Lana's room was off-limits, but Cliff was right there and ripe for picking.

He was a heavy sleeper though, and the savannah was quickly growing bored, so she swiped and lightly grazed his nose. It twitched in irritation and the groggy Cliff stirred, yawned and stretched, and opened his eyes.

His vision was temporarily blurry but once it adjusted, his pupils dilated until they encompassed the entire eyeball. Marceline purred with anticipation and flicked her tail.

Cliff screeched and jumped in the air. The yellow she-devil had returned! He landed on top of and dug his claws into the armchair. The hair on his back stood up as he watched Marceline crouch down, preparing to pounce.

Cliff jumped to the floor and bolted into the opposite direction but Marceline easily leaped over him and blocked his path. His tail dropping limp and his ears folding, Cliff trembled and slowly stepped back, with Marceline advancing towards him at a similar pace.

She uttered a terrifying hiss, more akin to a snake than a feline, while bearing her long fangs.

It scared the living daylights out of the tom, whose head darted in all directions frantically and he ran towards the kitchen. Marceline let him have a sporting chance before giving chase.

In the kitchen, Renee was preparing dinner and spread out her ingredients on the table and strapped on Lynn Sr.'s apron, when the two cats busted in and started running in circles around her.

Renee rolled her eyes. They would wreck the kitchen if she didn't do something, so she moved to open the backdoor. She whistled to gain Cliff's attention, and he wasted no time seizing the chance to escape. Marceline swiftly followed him out, and Renee slammed the door shut.

" _That pest prefers being an outdoors cat anyway_." Renee thought as she returned to the task at hand and started slicing some celery.

A thought occurred to her. " _Hmmm…..speaking of pests? I better perform a check-up_? _It's been almost half an hour._ "

And when it came to troublemaking, her brother took up priority. She first peered through the window to find Ryan and his group. She found them in the backyard, as he said they would be, but they weren't playing or even relaxing from the look of things. They were huddled together….standing by a tombstone?

* * *

"Oh why? WHY! He had so many more seasons ahead of him!" Luan wiped her tears with a tissue, dressed in a black mourning gown with a matching veil hat.

Ryan was next to her, holding his cap to his chest in respect and comforting Lynn, while Lincoln was kneeling in front of the tombstone, his eyes teary and his lip trembling. In a cruel twist of fate, they wound up having their own funeral to attend.

"What's the meaning of this? How did that tombstone get there?" Renee came barging in but was quickly shushed by her brother.

"Keep your voice down, bookworm? This is a sad occasion." He rolled his eyes.

Sad occasion? Renee looked at the engraving, which read "R.I.P Lincoln Loud, May 2. 2016- October 14. 2019, Your Life Had No Meaning".

"I can't believe he was the first to go? He was the last character anyone would have expected…." Lynn sighed and wiped a tear from her eye.

"To what?" Renee asked uncaringly.

"Lincoln Prime, y'know, the Lincoln from canon? He's gone. Kings of the Con did him in without mercy." Lynn explained mournfully. "I mean not literally, he's still alive and kicking, but he's metaphorically dead. That special obliterated any dignity he had left after Season three."

She sighed. "It's always the guy who falls under the radar."

"He's now just an empty shell of a man, without a soul or purpose, just filling up a niche in the show nobody cares about anymore." Ryan added.

"Is that all?" his sister asked flatly.

"I…..I can't believe this?" Lincoln teared up and began sobbing in his hands, while Luan kneeled next to him to comfort him. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"I'm out of here." An exasperated Renee shot her head up and walked away.

"No respect at all." Ryan shook his head while Lynn joined Luan in comforting their brother.

"H-how….how did they let this happen?" he stammered feebly.

"I dunno…by dedicating a whole 22-minute special to showcasing what a sad, boring, inept and worthless loser with zero merits you are, and how me and the girls are inherently superior?" Lynn guessed.

"And that you're so lame that you even suck at your own forte…." Luan added between sniffs and wiping her eyes "…..so much so that even a group of people who don't care one iota about Ace Savvy could easily outshine you?"

"And that you're so worthless that you have to resort to thievery and sabotage to get noticed, and even then you make a total ass of yourself?" Ryan shrugged.

"And you got overwhelmed by a cranky kitty cat, and we had to open up can of whoopass to save you, while you failed miserably at being the very thing you admire the most, and ended up being the damsel in distress?" Lynn added.

"And isn't this supposed to be like the grand finale for this season?" Ryan wondered.

Lincoln turned back to the stone and sighed despondently. "Real superheroes go out with a bang, not a whimper. I guess I never had it in me to be one, not even in the make-belief realm of a convention."

"Well….look on the bright side?" Ryan shrugged. "Now that canon you is functionally dead, they can't screw him up any more? Not now that there's virtually nothing left to him worth caring about?"

The sisters gave him deadpan looks while Lincoln just stared at the tombstone. All four turned silent and remained so for a bit until Lynn handed Lincoln a bouquet of roses, which he placed on the grave.

"It was fun while it lasted." Lincoln sighed when his wristwatch suddenly rang. "Ah, dang it…..times up for fourth-wall breaking."

"Well…..let's get back to the plot, shall we?" Ryan said lazily as they all walked back to the tree. "This skit will date this chapter in no time."

"It was fun to finally take part in one of these though?" Luan tried to find a positive spin as she walked behind the tree and immediately appeared on the other side in her regular clothes. "Even if the subject matter wasn't very fun, but that's black comedy for ya."

Meanwhile, Cliff came zigzagging through the yard, desperately trying to escape. He jumped on the tombstone and saw Marceline gaining on him.

He screeched, made a big leap and darted away just as Marceline landed on the tombstone herself, knocking it down as she pounced in her pursuit of Cliff.

" _Oh, come on!_ " the ghost of Lincoln's dignity cried from beyond the grave.

* * *

"Ah…. hahte yuh!"

"I hate you more!"

Her throat still aching, Lola blew a raspberry and turned around. For the love of Dufresne, it pained her so much being unable to give her twit of a twin her well-deserved verbal reprimand! Both literally and figuratively! What did she do to deserve this curse?

The twins, bruised and battered, were sitting on their respective sides of the room, backs turned on each other. Fierce brawls were nothing new for these two, but this one went on far longer than usual, until simple exhaustion and the pain from over two dozen mutually inflicted bruises had finally put an end to it.

Lana's pets were left stupefied by the vicious fight they had just witnessed. What kind of animal was capable of such savagery?

"I hate you so much… I wish you weren't my sister!" Lana growled while clutching the two pieces of fabric that once made up her cap.

"Ha." If Lola's throat and jaw weren't hurting so much, she would have busted a gut. "I'd….luvh…yuh if that whas….truh!" the princess rasped. Her throat stung immensely afterwards and she teared up, but sticking it to Lana was worth the pain!

Lana fumed. "I'm never gonna forgive you for this! You're dead to me!"

" _Why should I care?_ " Lola scoffed inwardly. " _I have eight more sisters! I could cherry-pick a whole group of sisters better than Lana! Who needs her!_ "

"Dh..ittoh!" she hissed and blew another raspberry. She really needed to stop vocalizing, the pain was getting unbearable. If only they could read and write, Lola could write a novel explaining to Lana why she was the worst!

Lana grunted and went silent, opting that she hated her twin so much that she wouldn't even dignify her by acknowledging her presence. Getting attention is what Lola craved the most. And seeing Lola be deprived of her most powerful and most annoying attribute, her voice, and her inability to give a proper comeback brought the tomboy some satisfaction.

" _I hope her voice-box got busted beyond repair!_ " she thought spitefully.

Though neither of those could make up for her destroyed hat, or the bruises on her face. Just smirking made her facial muscles ache.

Lola made the same decision. She mentally kicked herself for demeaning herself by even communicating with that vulgar, backwater ruffian. Mumbling, she tore her tiara off her arm, which her twin had so graciously bent around it during the fight, and she crawled towards her bed.

" _Daddy better buy me a bigger and better tiara if he knows what's good to him!_ " she thought as she tried to ignore the pain that coursed through her tiny body. Following such a beating, most sensible people would want to rest. But Lola had no time for sensibility when she was seeking vengeance for being wronged!

She couldn't rest now, not when she needed to right the injustice that had befallen her. She debated who should receive their just deserts first, ultimately concluding that Renee should take priority. She could make Lana suffer any day, but she might never see Renee again and the vengeful princess had no intention to let her escape scott-free.

Lola pulled out a small box from beneath her bed and rummaged through it. She always made sure to store some necessary equipment that would come in handy should she decide to punish one her siblings for mistreating her.

She took out some scissors first. " _Cut her hair off while she's asleep? Nah! I would be doing her a favor by cutting off those gross weeds!_ "

She pulled out a shampoo bottle next, which she had filled up with the content from a flask full of wasp pheromones she had "borrowed" from Lisa's room. This could yield very entertaining results!

" _But if she showers the water will just wash it away!_ " muttering she threw it away.

She then pulled out a hot sauce bottle. " _Or I could slip this into her drink?_ " she smiled wickedly before finding something else; a grenade. That would do it!

With a malicious grin, Lola clutched the object to her chest while letting out a wheezy chuckle, while her hair curled into horns, blissfully unaware that she was being watched through the keyhole.

" _A box of deadly accessories? How predictable_." The apron-wearing Renee shook her head with mild pity as she straightened herself while holding a mixing bowl. She wore a small smile as she walked down the hall.

The twin brats had done half of her work by punishing each other and simultaneously wore each other down. One of them already seemed to be beaten, but the other might need some more work, though Renee would remain vigilant with both of them.

Speaking of vigilance, the Loud's babysitter made sure to check out on the other kids and see if they were up to something.

" _Oh man, this is like a nightmare, I gotta find help!_ " she eavesdropped on Luna's room. " _What? No internet access?! DUDE!_ "

Shaking her head with more pity, Renee walked on. " _Now for the grand question?_ " she thought with some amusement as she descended down the stairs. " _Which one will try to escape first? It's about that time._ "

Suddenly, her ears picked up the faint sound of bumping, and Renee glanced up at the ceiling as a wry smile formed on her lips. " _Question answered_."

* * *

"Sounds like Moon Girl figured out that Renee shut off internet access." Ryan remarked while resting against the tree, as him, Lynn, Lincoln and Luan heard Luna lamenting from upstairs.

"Of course she did." Lynn grumbled sardonically while lying on the grass.

"No internet?" Luan frowned, having thought things couldn't get any worse.

Ryan sighed. "She said we weren't allowed to view any content without her permission, and the internet is a cesspool of unholy and corruptive cr…eh filth as far as she cares. Best you forget about it until tomorrow evening."

"So she essentially wants to cut us off from the outside world?" Lincoln summarized. "Like some twisted reality show?"

"Minus the chance of getting booted off." Lynn scoffed. "We ain't that lucky."

"Not me, with my charm and dry wit I would be an instant fan favorite." Ryan quipped smugly. Lynn rolled her eyes. Viewers always did favor jackasses on television.

"Don't look so sad, Luan. We can still have fun." Lincoln tried to make them see the bright side, if there was any.

"How? Our "governess" gave us a tone of rules that can be summed up as "no fun allowed"?" Lynn replied bitterly.

"Not quite, Lynn. I read my flyer and we just have to look for loopholes." Lincoln pointed out. "Preferably something low key and unassuming, which, if I may be so bold would do us all a lot of good."

Luan beamed. "You're right? Renee said that the stuff I wanna do is A-okay! Uh, do you want to be my first audience for when I perform _magic_!" she finished with a mysterious whisper while flailing her fingers.

"Nooooooo." Lynn said flatly.

"I'm cool with that." Ryan shrugged, much to Lynn's ire. "Or you could practice your mime act; I wanna see how much you can contort yourself."

"You really wanna see that?" Luan grew ecstatic before deflating a bit. "That's not too weird for you?"

"Sure, I'm all for weird. The weirder the better." The boy said coolly. Luan looked ready to jump up and down like a giddy toddler. "What about you, Lincoln?"

"Sure, about time I sit down and gave it a shot." Her brother shrugged, mildly intrigued but mostly doing it to make her happy. "You talking about magic or miming?"

"Excuse me for not sharing you enthusiasm, boys. But I'll take a pass." Lynn snarked.

"Don't knock it until you try it." Ryan wryly reminded her.

"How about I knock you in that big mouth of yours." The jock said snidely before groaning. "If there's just something worthwhile on TV-"

"Lynn, summer isn't about sitting in front of a screen all day, it's about enjoying the outdoors."

"Gee, Lincoln. All that jazz would be very comforting…." Lynn said with mock-appreciation before lifting her hands and curling them inwards with frustration "….if I could play any stinking sport!"

"Chill out, Lynn. Look at the upside." Ryan shrugged. "With Renee in charge of the place, your sisters will have very little opportunity to wreak havoc, meaning we can just kick back and relax for a while."

"A little peace and tranquility would be very nice, even if have to forsake all other privileges for it." Lincoln agreed. "I'm pooped after everything that happened yesterday."

That was a massive understatement, fearing for your life twice in a row, or thrice, depending on what Lyle had in store for them, wore one out.

He exhaled as he plopped down next to his sporty sister, who didn't quite share the same sentiment.

"So you just want to laze around all day?" Lynn sulked.

"Sound like a plan to me." Ryan shrugged. Nearly dying twice had surely earned him some downtime. "Renee can't punish us for lying in the backyard and not doing anything, it's a no-brainer."

"You need time to prepare your act?" he turned to Luan, who clapped her hands happily.

"This bites." Lynn groaned.

"I have a hunch you would find this preferable to whatever Renee would allow us to watch on TV." Lincoln pointed out. Lynn grunted in annoyance but knew he had her there.

"Her taste in television is fantastic…if you're suffering from insomnia." Ryan quipped. Luan giggled.

"So you wanna see me perform?"

"Of course, sis, just give us a moment to relax." Lincoln suggested lazily. "I could really use some peace and quiet after the stuff with Kathleen and Lyle." After all the insanity that has been going for days, this almost seemed like a miracle. Perhaps Renee wasn't so bad after all?

"Me too." Ryan quipped. "Sports Girl over here made me run a cross country marathon this morning. Said a _morning jog_ would do us both some good." Lynn rolled her eyes but said nothing, they needed some excuse for still being tired or in case someone caught a glimpse of the thousands of blisters on their feet.

"Y'know, it's not often we share a quiet moment like this at home." Lincoln said in a longing tone. "It feels weird but nice. We have the time to just talk about stuff….."

"You want us to talk about our feelings now?" Lynn scoffed teasingly. "Pffft….you should join in on one of Lori's slumber parties then-"

"Actually, there is something I wanted to talk about?" Luan remembered something and spoke up. "It's something that came to me last night after I tucked Lucy in."

"What's that?" Lynn asked less-than-enthusiastically.

"Well, this might sound like a crazy idea…." Luan started tentatively. "…..but do you guys think that maybe there would be less fighting among our sisters if we swapped roommates?"

That got her siblings' collective attention. "Swap roommates?" Lincoln sat up, growing intrigued.

"Yeah, I mean most of us aren't great matches anyway." Luan continued. "And me and Lucy talked about stuff last night and…..well…it hit me that me and her might not make bad roommates? Maybe I would prefer someone more…introverted than Luna, it's not easy brainstorming clever jokes with all that ruckus going on."

"You're serious about this?" Lynn pointed at her with an eager smile. Luan nodded

"You want her? You can have her?" the jock laughed. Finally, her buck-toothed sibling suggested something worthwhile.

"That…..that's actually not a bad idea." Lincoln smiled. "Me and dad have been talking about ways to improve things here, so things can be a bit easier for everyone. Maybe this is the right time to really think about it?" he stroked his chin.

" _So much for a vacation_." Ryan rolled his eyes. The thought occurred to him about whom he would be saddled with for the night? But his brief moment of enthusiasm died down once he realized that it would be Lincoln, no way was his sister going to give him any privileges.

Luan was happy to hear that. "Sounds ideal to me. We all know Lucy and Lynn get along like cat and dog, I'd be more than happy to take her off your back-AH!"

"Deal!" Lynn nearly crushed her hand as she shook it. "You can take her tonight, right? And you're taking the stupid coffin too, and the bats?"

"Take it easy, spaz. First, we should consult mom and dad." Lincoln pointed out.

Lynn gave him a tense look. "Don't toy with me now! This is serious."

Lincoln shook his head, but swapping roommates could very well minimize any sister brawls. And with Renee having a chokehold over the sisters' daily antics, this might be the best time to inform them about the idea and figure things out, perhaps at dinner?

"Great…." Luan tried to smile while nursing her hand. "But do you think Luna will be cool with this?"

Lynn huffed and waved her arm. "I have no issue bunking with Luna, we can make it work."

"Maybe, Lynn. Luna's pretty chill." Lincoln agreed before frowning a bit. "But I'm not sure _she_ would be thrilled to be your roommate." He mused.

"What's that supposed to mean!" Lynn balled her fists.

"He's right, Lynn." Luan shrugged. "I actually thought about it. You might be better off with Lana? The twins fight all the time, for kinda obvious reasons. But you and Lana would make a fine match."

Her annoyance melted away, and Lynn smiled again. "Lana? She is pretty hardcore, I'm cool with it."

"Just one problem, guys." Ryan pointed out lazily. "Who in the right mind would want to bunk with Pinky? If you tell her that, Moon Girl is not gonna cooperate."

"Ehhhhhh….." Luan grew a queasy expression "…..no way. That's a bit of a problem?"

"Speaking of the devil?" Ryan rubbed his chin. "You guys notice how she had been unusually quiet today? She didn't make a peep, even while throttling Renee."

"Now that you mention it….." Lincoln mused "….yeah? When I picked them up, she didn't yell at me once? She just did a lot of flailing and prancing as if…."

"You think she actually lost her voice?" Lynn smiled eagerly. "Like when you yell a lot and-"

"I did hear her screaming a lot when I…." Luan started and deflated, knowing she would a massive hypocrite if she said anything more.

She didn't have to, as the others, even Lincoln, started laughing. Lynn grabbed the soles of her sneakers and rocked back and forth before plopping back on the grass. She sat up again and wiped a tear.

"Oh, man, this is just too good to be real! That little monster blew her voice out doing what she does best!"

"Talk about karma and irony being wrapped up into one long-overdue package!" Ryan agreed.

"I think I just found my apprentice for the act of miming!" Luan laughed.

"Guys, this isn't funny…okay, maybe it is a _little_ funny." Lincoln tried to compose himself, but couldn't. He couldn't see how Lola being put on mute would be bad thing for their current predicament?

"I don't see the humor in someone being forcefully silenced?"

The four jolted and looked up. "Lucy?!"

The goth was sitting on a branch, glancing down at them with a massive frown. Lynn's blood ran cold seeing her and gulped. She was screwed now.

"Lucy? Where the heck have you been?" Lincoln asked.

"Closer than you think." She replied bitterly and jumped down, landing in the middle of their circle. "I was left in your room."

"My room?" Lincoln blinked.

"Spooky, you couldn't have picked a worse time to be a rebel." Ryan told her worriedly.

"Yes, Renee didn't take it kindly that you weren't present while she reviewed us." Luan added.

"I wasn't rebelling; Lynn locked me in Lincoln's room." Lucy said bluntly. Lincoln and Luan gasped and looked at the sweaty jock.

"You locked her up?" Ryan asked.

"Lynn, why?" Lincoln asked her, making her fume.

"Alright! So I did!" Lynn angrily admitted before facing Lucy. "You forced me!"

"Lynn, how could you do such a thing?" Luan asked, scowling angrily.

'I had to, the little idiot wanted to tell mom and dad about Lyle!"

"We agreed to that, I kept my end of the bargain but you changed your tune at the last second, you liar." The goth hissed.

"Well, well, look who came out of the shadows?" A new voice cut the argument short. The kids looked to their left and saw Renee standing on the porch. Lucy's pumped up anger was soon overwritten by paralyzing fear as their sitter advanced towards them until she cast a shadow over the trembling goth.

"You thought it would funny playing hide and seek?" she asked rhetorically. "And go frolicking into the neighborhood without my knowledge?"

Lucy lost her voice and flinched as Renee raised her arm.

"No, Renee, this is not what you think!" Lincoln begged as Renee grabbed Lucy's ear and twisted it, causing her to cry in pain.

"You're coming with me." The teen said coldly as she dragged the girl away by the ear. Lynn cringed at the sight, guilt stabbing her like a stake to the heart.

"Wait, she didn't do it on purpose." Luan stood up and pleaded but was too scared to follow them.

"You don't understand, let us explain-" Lincoln chased after them but froze in his tracks following one menacing glare.

"Try to stop me, and you'll be joining her." She replied in a tone that left no uncertainty to them that they would regret crossing this line.

Before anyone else saw it coming, Renee lifted her free arm and caught a flying grenade. The others looked up at the open window and saw Lola, whose eyes widened in shock as Renee turned to her, narrowed her eyes and threw the grenade back to her.

It flew past Lola and bounced off the wall, hitting the window frame and bouncing off it as the window fell down, just in time as the grenade went off in the middle of the room.

"What the?" Lana barely had time to respond as a cloud of green noxious gas filled their room. Her sinuses started burning and her eyes watering as she inhaled the fumes, and Lana clutched her throat while gasping for air and collapsed to the floor.

Lola held her breath and desperately tried to open the window as the cloud expanded towards her.

The outside spectators saw her gasping for her air and banging on the glass as the green cloud devoured her.

"Pathetic." Renee scoffed and moved on like nothing happened.

Lincoln swallowed a lump and could only watch helplessly as Lucy was dragged away into the house, cringing from pain the whole way.

"Don't bother, there's no helping her now." Ryan appeared next to him, his voice sullen and took off his cap, placing it against his chest. "We can only pray that she won't be too broken after her punishment."

Luan looked on, her mouth agape in horror, before facing Lynn. "What's the matter with you?!"

"She left me no choice!" Lynn snapped back. "She was going to snitch on us!"

"Snitch? We told her we would fess up about Lyle!" Luan yelled. "And now Renee's going to punish her because of you!"

"Girls, calm down." Lincoln stepped in between them, and looked at the jock, but she wouldn't let him have a word.

"Lincoln, before you chew me out, please listen!" she said firmly. "I _tried_ to talk things out with her, I really did, but she was ready to run down and spill the beans to mom and dad. I panicked and had to act fast."

Lincoln just looked at her, unsure of what to say. Lynn deflated and shifted shamefully, even more as Ryan came next to her and likewise stared at her silently.

"So you locked her up?" Luan glared at her in utter bewilderment. "She was snatched against her will by that Lyle creep, and now you, her own sister, did the same thing to her? What's wrong with you!"

"You wouldn't understand!" Lynn snapped. "I told her about Renee, and I wanted to set her free, but Lucy screwed everything up with her stupid disappearing act and went awol!"

"And now she's getting punished because of you!" Luan yelled.

"I ain't proud of that! You don't need to rub it in!" Lynn yelled back.

"Oh, really?" Luan narrowed her eyes. "Then why don't you go upstairs and take her place?"

"Luan, I don't think that's a good idea." Lincoln said tentatively and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "The deeds done, let's not make it more complicated."

"So you're defending her?" Luan looked appalled. "The one who locks up little kids in closets?!"

"He's right, Luan." Ryan sighed dejectedly. "I'm afraid my sister has it out for Lucy. Her gothy persona does not jive well with Renee's idiotic fundamentalist attitude. It was hate on first sight when she met her at our home, I'm not sure she'll even listen."

"So you just want to just leave her?" Luan asked in disbelief. "We can't just let that-"

"You heard Renee." Ryan sighed. "If we barge in and disagree with her methods, she'll just punish us too. How's that going to help anyone?"

Luan was crestfallen and looked down, before glaring back at Lynn.

"Luan, how about you and me go have a talk?" Lincoln gently grabbed her shoulder and led her away. "I think you and Lynn need some space."

"Fine." She spat. "She doesn't deserve to watch a rabbit being pulled out of a hat!"

"Uhhhh….I'm crushed." Lynn deadpanned mockingly while watching them go into the house.

"I don't think you should be stirring up any more conflict." Ryan advised her.

Lynn shrank as she faced him, not knowing how he would respond to her actions.

"So, you locked Spooky up to keep her quiet?" he asked in an even tone, his expression unreadable.

"And I suppose you're mad at me too, huh?" Lynn replied tiredly.

After a moment of silence, Ryan exhaled and shrugged. "Nah…that would be hypocritical of me, cuz I would probably have done the same as a last resort…...actually, probably not as a _last_ resort."

Lynn blinked. She did not expect to hear that. "You're not mad?"

Ryan let out a begrudging titter and sat back down under the tree, pulling Lynn down with him.

"I'm mad Spooky has to suffer, don't get me wrong." He said simply. "But I get why you had to do it. She was bent on busting Lyle, and we were counting on talking her out of it, but we didn't count on your folk's sudden departure and things spiraling out of control because of it."

Lynn was a bit relieved, though she hardly felt better. She knew what she did was scummy but she had no choice in the matter. In hindsight though, she should have expected Ryan of all people to value some improvised pragmatism.

"So you approve of my underhanded methods. Pffftt….why am I even surprised?" She responded dryly.

Ryan playfully slapped her on the shoulder. "Let's just hope Lucy will be in a forgiving mood once we let her in on our little secret. I'm tired of looking like a henpecked fool to her, I think the kid's starting to lose her admiration for me because of it."

"You got nothing to worry about." Lynn scoffed and bumped him in the shoulder. "The fact that she wants anything to do with you despite knowing full well how much you're into me should put your dumb, little worries at ease."

"She doesn't judge people based on their associations, you should take that lesson to heart." Ryan suggested smarmily.

"I admitted that I like-like you despite your fondness for her." Lynn shot back smartly. "I can make sacrifices to make this dumb relationship work."

"I'm touched by your devotion." Ryan smirked.

"It takes serious devotion to stomach Renee."

"And it takes an iron will to tolerate the blonde brigade."

Lynn chuckled. "Make that one more thing we have in common."

"Yeah, what better way to bond than by complaining about lousy sisters?"

* * *

With her ear still aching, Lucy was standing in the bathroom, which, as usual, was not a place that embodied the gold standard of cleanliness, and at Renee's mercy, whose face darkened as she glared down at the frightened girl.

"Here you go." She grabbed a random toothbrush from the mirror cabinet and handed it to Lucy, together with a detergent spray bottle.

"Now if I were you, I would start cleaning." The teen advised her.

"Cleaning…." Lucy stammered "…but y-you don't understand-"

"Silence!" she flinched at the sudden outburst. If looks could kill, Lucy thought her soul was already sailing down the river Styx.

"I am in no mood, nor do I have the time for your inane excuses. If you think the world revolves around you, and you can simply go off, shirk responsibility and do whatever your heart desires while other people can stick it, then you're sorely mistaken." Renee continued in a frosty tone.

"You're parents might give you that unearned freedom, but I'm nothing like this. Under my watch, you either follow the rules or you'll have to face the consequences, that's something every child needs to know. And mark my word, by the time of my departure, that lesson will stick in your mind like an old scar. Am I clear?"

Lucy looked at her silently, her survival instinct telling her that any back-talking to this person would only culminate in her digging herself deeper, so she simply nodded.

Renee's face eased up a bit and she went for the door. "Now make this bathroom shine, if you wish to have dinner tonight." She added while grabbing the handle.

Lucy looked at the toothbrush. "With this? But…this…"

"Is a very inefficient way to clean a bathroom?" Renee finished for her. "Yes, yes it is. If I gave you the proper supplies this wouldn't be punishment, would it? It would simply be a chore." She explained matter-of-factly.

Lucy couldn't do anything but look down sadly.

"Now, if I were you, I would start scrubbing." Renee said coldly and closed the door. Lucy soon heard it being locked.

She remained still on the spot, she sniffed weekly and a tear poured down her cheek. Then, she cried with rage and flung the bottle and toothbrush against the floor.

" _Lynn, it's all because of Lynn!_ " her face heated up with rage and more tears poured down it. That lying, deplorable, self-serving, two-faced excuse of a sister did this to her, she had to suffer now just so Lynn could cover her behind for a bit longer! She had been thrown under the bus. Did Lincoln approve of this? Did Ryan? They seemed surprised by the revelation, but Lucy didn't know what to believe anymore?

She wanted to scream but knew it would of no use. She could try to escape, but with Renee having the house on lock-down this would only land her into more trouble, and this was the girl who would punish you like this for simply missing a roll call. And she doubted Renee would treat her "fairly" compared to her siblings, she hated her and Lucy was no stranger to discrimination.

Lucy sat down against the bathtub and curled up, quietly sobbing against her knees. She remained like this for a few minutes, before she slowly calmed down and her rational reconnected with her.

" _If you want to regain your freedom, and confront your siblings, you'll need to finish this grueling task_."

It wasn't fair, not by any stretch of the word but it was fact. Lucy had plenty of experience at school where things weren't fair to her but she kept on going. She could stay down and cry, but doing so would get nothing accomplished. Worse, if anything, it would make things even worse for her as long as Renee was in charge.

Weakly, Lucy took a deep breath, stood up and retrieved her supplies. She didn't know if this was purely Lynn's doing, or if her brother had a part in it. The latter notion hurt more, but it was irrelevant right now. This was just like in school, she would have to channel her emotions and suppress her grief. If she wanted to confront Lynn about this, she would first need to get out of here, and there was only one, very long and tedious way to do it.

"Sigh….." Lucy started to work.

* * *

"And what do you think you are doing?" Renee spoke the moment she locked the door. She didn't need to look over her shoulder to know who was watching her.

Lincoln and Luan, peering from behind the corner, felt lumps in their throats and tried to make a run for it, only to be grabbed by the collar of their shirts and pulled back.

Renee spun them back to face her and they shrank under her glare. "Well? I'm waiting?" she said in an unnervingly serene manner. "Why were you skulking around?"

"We weren't up to anything, honest." Lincoln pleaded. "We just happened to be in the hall and-"

"Look…" Luan stepped up with all the courage she could muster "…..you don't understand. Lucy didn't mean to miss the roll call, she had no idea."

Renee was unmoved and tapped her foot. "I thought I warned you about trying to-"

"You don't get it, Lucy's been framed." Luan raised her voice. "She wasn't messing with you or trying to run away, Lynn locked her up!"

Renee just raised an eyebrow. "Locked her up? For what purpose?"

"She….eh…" Luan was ready to talk but stopped upon receiving a pleading look from Lincoln, and it dawned on her.

Reveling the reason for why Lynn wanted to keep the goth quiet to Renee of all people would land them all into trouble? Especially Ryan, given how the authoritarian tyrant was his sister, and Luan had a hunch that she was also someone with a strong "guilt by association and all crimes are equal" mentality who would have no sympathy for anyone who was involved or got roped into a fight, like the miserable teacher who would punish for simply engaging in self-dense?

"Well, why did Lynn do it? I'm waiting?" Renee continued. "If you wish to be the little psycho's defense attorney, you better provide some hard evidence for her innocence?"

Luan turned silent and glanced at her brother, who was likewise silent.

"Thought so." Renee rolled her eyes. "I believe I warned you that I don't care much about your puerile humor, or your blind devotion to that delinquent?"

"Renee, we didn't mean to bother you." Lincoln raised his hands. "We just wanted to know what you would do to Lucy?"

Renee narrowed her eyes. "And now you've satisfied your curiosity, so I hope you will allow me to finish some necessary chores, unless you don't wish to dine tonight?"

"Can I ask for something first?" Luan hesitantly spoke up. Renee turned to her.

The comedian gulped. "Could…c-could I help Lucy to clean the bathroom?"

Lincoln was surprised to hear that, and looked at her worriedly. Renee was likewise surprised, not that she showed it outwardly.

"Why?"

"She can't possibly clean that place with a toothbrush?"

"She can, trust me I've seen children do it with the proper motivation." Renee shrugged. "It's not a quick and easy task, and that's the idea."

Luan narrowed her eyes with annoyance, unable to believe the nerve of this girl.

"Well, can I help her then? I don't want her to be alone and suffer-"

"If I allowed her assistance then this wouldn't qualify as punishment, would it?" Renee disagreed. "And I have no reason to punish you?"

Luan frowned. "But it would get the job done faster? What about chores? Don't we all have the right to do chores if we want to?"

She immediately regretted saying that after seeing their sitter grow a slight but unnerving smile.

"Oh, you want to be a good girl and volunteer for a chore?"

 _Five minutes later….._

"What happened here?" Luan was left flabbergasted after finding a huge pile of boxes and other stuff piled up on the right side of the attic, while the left side was practically empty save for a dozen or so boxes Lincoln had transported from the garage. Lincoln just shuffled and looked away innocently.

Renee dragged her finger across an old dresser that was coated in dust, as was most of the attic, and examined the dust that had amassed on the tip of her finger. "This place obviously needs cleaning, especially that jumbled pile that could topple over at any moment."

"You want me to do that?" Luan panicked.

"No, no….." Renee reassured her before handing her a broom, a feather duster and bag full of other supplies. "First, you'll need to dust this place clean and remove all those cobwebs, _then_ you will rearrange all those boxes in a more….tidy manner."

Luan grew a look of despair as she realized what she had talked herself into.

"Of course, when someone volunteers for free work out of the goodness of their heart, they are expected to _finish_ the task that they so graciously agreed to do." Renee added in a more stern tone, making Luan fear about what the former's reaction would be should she express second thoughts?

"So you won't be slacking off while on duty?" Renee asked. Looking miserable, the crestfallen Luan looked at her supplies and weekly shook her head.

Renee was very satisfied, that's more pest she wouldn't have to worry about for a while. Though this Loud hardly seemed like the type who had the guts to defy someone who was her superior in virtually every category. She also loved tricking kids by using their exact words and twisting them in her favor, but still giving them what they technically asked for.

"And are you feeling like doing volunteer work?" she casually asked Lincoln, who gulped.

"Um…..I think I would rather enjoy the warm, sunny day outside, if that's okay?" he nervously stepped back. No way was going to be stuck doing back-breaking housework for the fourth time within a week!

Luan was visibly hurt but didn't say anything. Who was she to rope him into this mess that she had gotten herself into? At least she could later give Lucy some comfort by informing her that she wasn't the only one who suffered today, assuming they would survive their respective punishments? Little did she know that Lynn's actions had inadvertently tripled her current workload, ironically preventing Luan from discovering something that would have paved the way for a grander mess.

"Very well, we mustn't distract your sister from her assignment any longer, come along." Renee was getting ready to leave. Lincoln nodded obediently and climbed down the ladder.

Renee followed but stopped halfway down the hatch as she noticed a small hole that had been smashed into the wall. "But don't even think about trying to fix that….. I don't want you to nail your own hand to the wall."

With that she closed the hatch. Luan huffed indignantly. She wanted to give that condescending blowhard a piece of her mind, but soon lost any vigor and deflated, knowing she could never do that, and eventually grabbed her broom.

She muttered dejectedly. "Why did I have to open my big mouth…."

* * *

"Don't you think that was…a tad harsh?"

"She asked me if she could do a chore, did she not?" Renee replied simply as Lincoln followed her down the hall.

The boy frowned. "You know what she wanted."

"Yes, I do." She said frankly. "She wanted me to go light on the little psycho's sentence, which is why I didn't give her an easy task."

She had played Luan to get her out of the way and get more housework done, two wins for the price of one. It was very shrewd; Lincoln had to admit, but also very cold-blooded and underhanded.

"About Lucy? After she cleans the bathroom, she's free of charge then?" he inquired.

"Yes."

"Okay then….." Lincoln kept his head down. Once Lucy was free, he wouldn't let her leave his side. Not just so he could let her in on a certain secret but also to keep her out of Renee's way. She seemed to have acquired a special dislike for the goth, and Lincoln worried she would jump at any opportunity to reprimand her.

"Tell me…." Renee suddenly asked him as she stopped by the twins' room. "Do you know the meaning of the phrase "hoist with his own petard"?"

Lincoln soon smelt the faint remnants of the noxious gas that was still emanating from beneath the door.

"I do, eh…..you're referring to what Lola tried to do?" he answered.

The teen nodded and pulled out a key to unlock the door. She pulled the handle and the moment the door opened, the twins, who were seemingly leaning on it the whole time, fell out and rolled on the floor coughing and gagging.

Lincoln's nose wrinkled as he inhaled more of the gas while Renee casually walked in and opened the window, much to the relief of the distressed birds, amphibians and reptiles.

Lincoln watched the twins with a pitiful expression, as Lana coughed and rolled onto her back. He noticed how both of them were covered in bruises, and there were no points for guessing how they acquired them. Still, he couldn't quite recall the last time they had looked this battered?

"Lincoln….is that….. you?" Lana rasped between coughs, her mind reduced to mush after inhaling so much of the foul gas.

"Well, did you spend your time thinking about your actions?" Renee asked simply.

Lola weekly rose up on her knees and hands. Hearing Renee's voice made her burn with rage, but she was too weak to have much of a response, her voice wasn't working anyway.

All she could do was slowly lift her head up and give a weak glare, while her twin lay defeated where she was, quietly sniffing, for her tear sacks were used up by now. Suddenly, Lola felt her stomach twisting and her cheeks puffed up.

Lincoln flinched and felt his skin crawling as the princess puked all over his shoes. "Lola…." He cried in horror.

Renee grew an annoyed scowl. "You're going to clean that up."

"Why…..why you so mean?" Lana croaked, looking at the teen with pleading eyes.

"I don't know, why are _you_ so mean?" the sitter replied coldly. "You brought all of this on yourself, you understand that?"

"I didn't do nothing…." Lana cried, trying to roll over and get up "….I had no idea about the stink-bomb!"

"I know that." Renee folded her arms and looked at Lola. "Which is why you're free to go now, but as for your twin? She's going to clean the little mess has she made. Find a spoon to scoop up the vomit and then you're going to clean the stain. Fair warning, removing puke stains takes over an hour, quite fitting, as your stink-bomb stunt has earned you another hour to your sentence."

Lola clenched her teeth but couldn't find the energy to launch another assault. Perhaps the fight with her twin had worn her out too much, or the gas had messed with her mind but for once in her life, Lola reluctantly opted to hold her head down and just listen.

"Is there going to be a problem?" Renee asked after receiving no response.

"Renee, I don't think she can answer." Lincoln told her while helping Lana up. "I think all the screaming she did after coming back from a canceled pageant this morning did a number on her vocal chords."

"Oh, really?" Renee sounded downright intrigued as Lola started frantically nodding and pointing at her gaping mouth. "What an unfortunate incidence?" Renee added in the most insincere tone imaginable, which made Lola boil.

"Do….do you know of a remedy that could help her?" Lincoln asked tentatively, not wanting to appear selfish.

"No." Renee shook her head. "All she can do is to stay quiet if she wishes to regain her shrill voice in the near future."

"Serves the idiot right!" Lana spat, still wobbly on her little feet. "It's her fault I nearly suffocated, and she ripped my hat in half!"

Lincoln noticed now that Lana was missing her trademark cap, but also that she suddenly gained a bit of an energy rush from pure rage. "I hate her! I don't want her for a sister!"

Lola blew a raspberry and Lana gladly returned the favor.

" _Lola destroyed her hat? Oh, for the love of_ …." Lincoln wanted to curse to the high heavens. A feud between the twins was asking for trouble, especially if the offense that spurred it was this severe.

"Come on, Lana, let's get you away from her." He tugged the tomboy's arm, knowing the best course of action was to keep them out of each other's sights.

"Glad to. But I have a suggestion for you!" Lana looked at Renee. "Make her eat the puke as punishment instead! And then have her lick the stain clean!"

Lola visibly paled hearing that, but fortunately for her Renee just rolled her eyes.

"Lana, let's go watch television." Lincoln suggested.

"Yes, I believe it would do you both some good to not interact with each other for the remainder of the day." Renee agreed uncaringly. Having Lana here would just distract her twin from her choir.

"Fine by me!" Lana spat, and Lola gladly agreed.

"Just a minute." Renee suddenly raised her hands up to silence everyone, as she felt her senses tingling.

"What now?" Lincoln asked as the teen walked past him and opened another door, revealing Luna standing by an open window and throwing down a rope made up of tied-together bedsheets.

She froze upon hearing the door opening and slowly turned around to find Renee at the doorway, arms crossed and tapping her foot.

The rocker chuckled and waved nervously. "Sup, dude?"

* * *

Having had time to register the news, Lincoln now had to vent out some frustration. "Lock her up? Are you out of your mind!"

"What was I supposed to do? Just let her skid to mom and dad and ruin everything?"

Lincoln paused. "No! But…..but…"

"But what? Admit it! You wouldn't have been any more tactful if you were in my shoes?" Lynn stated defensively.

"I wouldn't have locked her up!"

"Of course you wouldn't have." Lynn scoffed. "You wouldn't have the guts to do that, and mom and dad would know about Lyle now. I'm sure that would do wonders for their relationship?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lincoln argued, though the jock's reasons started to sink in.

"Admit it? Lucy's been a huge liability ever since this whole crap started. Nosing around and barging in on our business, it was inevitable that she would find out too much and we would have to resort to drastic measures."

"She's got you there." Ryan spoke up, leaning against the tree. "What Lynn did was scummy, no duh. But Lucy was going to sing and we couldn't let that happen. There wasn't much she could have done short of putting duck tape on Lucy's mouth, and you know that stuff hurts a lot once you remove it."

He tittered while Lincoln rolled his eyes.

"She's right. It was a necessary evil and let's leaves it at that."

Lincoln breathed in and out and rubbed his temples. He had to accept that this was an "in the moment" action, he might not agree with his companions on using excessive force or intimidation to bully the sisters into cooperating, but what was done was done. He himself wasn't entirely blameless, for he underestimated the goth's determination to expose Lyle.

"Fine, we can't change what happened." He looked at the jock again. "But you do understand how both Lucy and Luan are now stuck doing back-breaking labor?"

Lynn scowled. "I don't feel great about it, alright!"

"But that's not all, you do also understand that they are both mad as he….heck at you? The last thing we need is more friction within the family, especially now with the twins fighting. Lucy's stuck cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush, all while thinking that we stabbed her in the back."

Lynn's face softened and she glanced aside, visibly regretting her actions.

"That sucks, but it' also easily fixable." Ryan stated much to the others' surprise.

"How?" Lincoln demanded impatiently.

"We just tell her the truth….and pin all the blame on Lynn." Ryan shrugged, earning an annoyed look from the girl.

"Hate to point fingers but Lynn _was_ the one who did this to her, you and me had no hand in it. We just tell her the truth and things will be hardly any different. She and Lynn can't stand each other, so Lucy will be more than happy to pin all the blame on her, while you and I can wash our hands clean, not that they were ever dirty."

"Oh, so I will have to take the fall?" Lynn asked irritably.

"You were the one who locked her up, I think it's fair." Lincoln pointed out.

"Yup, having Lucy be mad at the rest of us won't do anyone any good." Ryan explained. "You think she will buy you-know-what if she thinks we're laughing at her behind her back before stabbing it? Teamwork is built on trust after all."

Lynn hated her own sports-related advice being flung back in her face and groaned. "Fine…what do I care if the little worm hates me even more?"

Lincoln sighed. "Alright, initiating Lucy has to be a top priority now. We have delayed it too long and now it has spiraled out of control. I say we try all we can to get this done by tonight, and at the very least by tomorrow night."

"Better get it done before our folks come back." Lynn nodded.

"Sounds good to me, but we'll have to pick the right time and right place to do it, which will have to be in private but also inside the house?" Ryan pointed out. "And having private talks won't be a breeze with you-know-who lurking everywhere?"

"I fear she'll be far too cranky after bathroom duty to even listen." Lynn worried.

"I know that, which is why we have to send her a note explaining what really happened, and whose idea it was to lock her up. Give her time to calm down and think about it. And Lucy is fragile; she needs some hope to keep her going through that grueling task." Lincoln continued. "Like you said, Lynn, Lucy's a liability, so either she's in on our team or everything goes downhill."

"You're the so-called ninja here." He turned to Ryan. "Do you think you can slip that note to her incognito?"

Ryan smirked. "That I can do, but you'll need to keep Renee distracted. If she sees me slipping a note to the prisoner I'll be in hot water."

"We can do that." Lynn replied confidently. "Shouldn't take long, and I guess I owe it to her."

Lincoln sighed. "Alright, that's the first order of business."

"What else is there?" Lynn inquired. "The twins?"

"Yes. For one thing, I don't think there's any doubt that Lola's going to try to even the score with Renee the moment she recuperates, I saw it in her eyes. Lana might get some harebrained ideas as well."

"That's to be expected from Lola." Lynn crossed her arms. "But you say Lana is now watching some…some documentary about frogs?"

"Yes, we're lucky that was on the air when I channel surfed. It should keep her occupied for an hour and maybe improve her mood a bit."

"And with Pinky playing housemaid and Moon Girl in the corner, that means all of them are occupied for the moment?" Ryan summarized.

"All except for Lisa." Lincoln realized and scowled.

"I'll check on her, she promised to treat my hands." Ryan volunteered while showing his bandaged palms.

"What exactly did you say to her?" Lincoln was quick to ask.

"Only that I was bitten by a _dog_ , _and_ that I didn't want to worry you guys by telling you about it. Not to worry, I got her to stay quiet about it by guilt-tripping her." Ryan reassured them coolly.

"That can't be hard to do now." Lynn said grimly. "She messed up something fierce."

"Y'know, you guys will have to talk with her eventually about, y'know…her nearly causing the end of the world?" Ryan pointed out. "She screwed up big time, but it's bound to get awkward living in the same house and trying to ignore each other."

He shrugged. "Maybe I'm wrong, but she seemed pretty torn-up about it?"

"She was?" Lynn asked.

"Yup, she was actually crying, it was kinda sad to watch to be honest."

Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other grimly. The issue with Lisa hadn't really crossed their minds, not with so much else going on. Lynn only knew of her actions from first-hand accounts, but regardless, they would have to eventually confront her about it. Lynn also had her own beef with Lisa for humiliating her.

Lincoln especially considered Ryan's words. Him and Lisa still lived in the same house, and would continue so if their parents hopefully stayed together. He would have to communicate with her eventually?

"I think that can wait for now, she doesn't seem to be up to anything at the moment?" Lynn stated.

"No…..most of her lab got busted during the zombie night." Lincoln sighed despondently.

"That's probably a good thing for the moment." Lynn mused. "But speaking of bad blood, eh….what's going on between the twins? Them fighting ain't something new?"

"No….but I think it might be more serious this time. Lola ripped Lana's cap apart."

"She did what?" Lynn's eyes widened.

"Yes, and Lana's really upset. When I saw them, they looked like they had mauled each other to near death, and Lana cried that they "weren't sisters anymore"." Lincoln explained.

"Oh….for crying out…that brat just doesn't know when to stop." Lynn facepalmed. "So the two are on a warpath?"

"Because of a hat?" Ryan snorted.

"That hat means a lot to Lana." Lynn explained. "I'd be pis-eh…..ticked off too at anyone for ripping apart my lucky jersey." She added while pulling on said jersey.

"You people are too sentimental." Ryan snarked.

"And lastly, I think Luna will be trying to escape." Lincoln finished.

"Not to worry, she won't get far with Renee on the lookout." Ryan reassured him.

"I hope so, she did catch Luna in the act the first time she tried it." Lincoln agreed.

"Luna's pretty mellow, I think she'll get the memo that she won't be going anywhere." Lynn rationalized. "The twins…..not so much, they're only five after all."

"Yes, we better keep an eye on them, and keep them apart for now." Lincoln nodded. "You think you can look out for Lana?"

"Sure I can, me and her were actually having fun at the park till Kathleen crashed the party. I can also ease her into the idea of being roommates; I think she'll be happy to hear the offer."

"And I'll keep Lucy close, I should be the one to initiate her."

"And my task?" Ryan shrugged.

"How about you help Luan clean the attic, to get it done faster? Lynn left it in disarray while searching for that fake letter?" Lincoln suggested.

"Pass." Ryan waved his hand. "Sounds boring. I don't do menial labor."

"And why is that? I did my fair share of housework for the sake of the mission?" Lincoln frowned. "You want to leave Luan in the lurch?"

Ryan hated feeling guilt, but that task hardly sounded interesting or fun.

"You are going to break Luan's heart sooner or later, might as well do something nice for her beforehand." Lynn probed. "What about taking one for the team?"

Ryan grew uneasy. "I….eh…."

Lincoln saw an opening. It wasn't like him to be devious but for hell's sake he couldn't resist it.

"Why not? This heavy-lifting duty sounds like it's right up your alley? Most of the girls are preoccupied for the moment." He asked in a coy manner. "Or are you scared of a little physical labor?"

"Pfffttt…I have no trouble lifting boxes." Ryan retorted.

"I would think not, I carried a dozen boxes up to the attic when me and dad cleaned the garage. Me? With my noodle arms. You think you can't do what I did?" Lincoln said shrewdly.

Lynn smirked. "Sounds like you're trying to wuss out?"

Ryan seethed. "No way, I'd rearrange that place within an hour!"

The siblings looked at each other and smiled. "So it's settled?" they asked together.

"Yeah, sure." Ryan scoffed.

"Good, then you'll be helping Luan." Lynn shrugged.

"Fine whatever…..wait, what?" Ryan realized far too late and face-palmed.

" _Great, I'm sure Luan will greatly appreciate it_." Lincoln concluded, trying to hide his enjoyment as much as possible. Ryan seethed and exhaled.

"I didn't think he could play you?" Lynn laughed.

"He didn't, I agreed on my own volition." Ryan insisted. "And cuz I care about Luan."

"He so played you." Lynn retorted lazily, much to his ire, and hive-fived her brother.

"Whatever, but don't come crying to me if one of the girls destroys the living room and I'm not there to bail you out." The surly Ryan scoffed.

"I'm sure we can handle it." Lynn insisted with a cocky smile.

"Right, and this should end with all of us having a quiet and peaceful dinner, where we can talk about rearranging the living arrangements." Lincoln continued. "I think the girls will find the topic quite interesting."

"Getting presents always made them eager to sit their butts down and listen." Lynn nodded. "And the promise of ditching your annoying roommate is sure to keep someone's attention. I'm already feeling all giddy just thinking about it." She added while hugging herself and jittering with anticipation.

Lincoln shook his head and sighed "At least you're on board with the idea."

"But haven't we forgotten someone?"Ryan suddenly asked.

"Forgot who?" Lynn made a face.

"The blonde one….." Ryan started but couldn't remember her name and started snapping his fingers.

"Leni?" Lincoln asked.

"That's her. Did you bother checking on her, pipsqueak?"

Lynn smile and rolled her eyes. "I doubt she's of much concern, probably still trying to memorize all of Renee's rules?"

"Yeah, but why? Looking for loopholes she could use to her advantage?" Ryan suggested.

"That would be something, coming from Leni?" Lynn snickered. "If only."

"Leni is harmless. Without Lori to tell her what to do, I doubt she'll do anything that might have repercussions." Lincoln insisted. "She doesn't have the incentive to cause much trouble because…eh…."

"Because she's as dumb as a sack of potatoes?" Lynn elbowed him.

"Lynn!" Lincoln chided her, making her roll her eyes.

"What? It's true?" the jock shrugged. "To cause trouble you first have to get the idea to cause trouble, and she doesn't do much in the way of thinking."

"Or that's what she wants you to think? Ever considered she's just faking it?" Ryan continued.

Lynn looked at him oddly. "What are you talking about?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Not this again, Taylor? I thought I told you-"

"Think about it, Lynn? That chick is way too nice, too accepting and too airheaded to be the genuine article. Whenever she's nearby, I feel my skin crawling. Who would welcome _me_ with a great big hug and never once comment about my "sunny complexion", huh? Maybe she's just faking it to get away with bad behavior? All the others can't excuse themselves if they get caught but she can always go "oh, dear, I didn't know better"? Or she's just trolling you? Or both!"

Lynn wanted to rebuke that, but saw that he had a point. Leni's reaction to first meeting him was a little hard to digest, even for a total airhead like her? But still?

She snickered. "Don't be absurd, Leni doesn't have a malicious bone in her body, that's why she didn't comment on your looks. It's not like her to be judgmental."

" _Also, me liking you probably had something to do with it. For all her lack of wit, she was on the money about that_." She admitted, trying not to blush.

"Oh, and how can you be sure?" Ryan challenged her.

Lincoln facepalmed. Were they seriously having this discussion? "You're being paranoid, can we please move on to more important matters?"

Ryan scoffed. "You call it paranoia, I call it staying vigilant."

"He's right, Ryan. We know our own sister. Will you get that tin hat of your melon?" Lynn teased him.

"How do you know her? You barely ever talk to her? What do you actually know about her?" Ryan pointed out. "Or what she does when she's not at home?"

"Go to the mall?" Lynn shrugged. She honestly didn't know much else.

"And what does she do while there?"

"I dunno, probably spends all day shopping or chatting with her friends about shopping? I ain't a mall rat, you can't play ball at the mall." Lynn shrugged. Who in their right mind would spend all day in the mall instead of on the playing field?

"See? You know nothing about her?" Ryan smirked. "So maybe you should reevaluate-"

"You're being ridiculous." Lincoln tried to cut in. "Why don't you just listen and-"

"Hey? I know enough about her." Lynn insisted. "I may not be close to her, but Leni's an open book."

"Or that's what she wants you to believe, so you won't pay her much mind?" Ryan smarmily insisted, making Lynn irate.

"How can you claim to really know a person, if you're so uninvolved in her life? Appearances can be deceiving." Ryan smirked. "When was the last time you two had an actual conversation?"

Lynn drew a breath but stopped, having to dig deep into her memory to remember anything.

"I…..eh…well…..there was that time…..no….oh! Four months ago, when we visited Great Venture Park, we shared a seat together and we talked."

"And what did you talk about?" Ryan asked, making the girl deflate again.

"I…actually, she was the one who did most of the talking. I wasn't feeling chatty." Lynn admitted.

Ryan slowly grew a smug look of satisfaction. "And what did she talk about?"

Lynn grinned sheepishly. "I… dunno, I just drowned her out and listened to my walkman?"

Ryan was unamused. "See? You think you know her but you don't." he folded his arms with an air of superiority.

"Taylor…." Lincoln groaned. This was really starting to grate on his nerves "…..your stupid conspiracy theory is wasting our time, we have stuff to do."

He turned to his sister, who was caught up in her thoughts. How much did she know Leni? She didn't know any of her sisters particularly well? Expect Lucy, unfortunately. But there wasn't much to them beyond the sum of their parts?

"Lynn? You're not seriously buying this trite that he's preaching?" Lincoln asked her incredulously.

"I never said I believe him." She insisted.

"Seriously, Lynn?" Ryan asked her smarmily. "Who are you gonna have faith in? The sheltered dweeb who thinks there is good in all of mankind, or the guy who's been through life, who has seen stuff, who is an excellent judge of character! Who called it that the judge guy would keep the money Lincoln accidentally gave him?"

"Dufresne was some randoe, this is _my_ sister you're talking about? My and Lynn's sister." Lincoln argued.

"Fine, be willfully-ignorant." Ryan dismissed him. "But that kind of blind trust tends to have lingering consequences."

Lincoln groaned and turned back to his sister. "Lynn, can you please talk some sense into him."

Lynn didn't answer and seemed uncertain. "Lynn?"

"Look, Linc, I'm not saying I believe him…but eh…..there's being stupid and then there's being Leni." Lynn waffled warily, not wanting to look like she was giving into paranoia.

"You're listening to him?" Lincoln couldn't believe his ears. Ryan made a curt, mocking laugh to spite him.

"I'm not, I think he's full of baloney, I just….."

"You have good judgment, Lynn. No shame in admitting it." Ryan folded his arms smugly.

"Quit patting yourself on the back!" she retorted indignantly and folded her arms. "What you're saying is bogus, okay? Get over yourself. You made me doubt Lincoln liked girls, and look how right you were there?"

"That's true…." Lincoln agreed before widening his eyes. "Wait? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind that, Lincoln. It's old hat." Lynn quickly dismissed him, not wishing to go back there, before clapping her hands. "Okay, we got our jobs, let's get moving!"

Suddenly, they heard the doorbell ringing.

"Who could that be?" Lincoln wondered.

"One way to find out." Lynn ran around the house and the others followed her. They peeked from the bushes to find a blonde teenage girl with a blue streak, standing on the porch. After receiving no response she ringed again.

"It's Sam." Lincoln whispered.

"Luna's friend?"

"Oh yeah?" Ryan rubbed his chin. "The one I knocked out?"

The siblings looked at him and rolled their eyes.

"Hey, I saved your butts from paying tickets to the police." Ryan snorted.

"C'mon, better tell her this is a bad time to visit." Lincoln stepped out of the bushes first.

Sam heard the rustling and turned around to meet Lincoln, who was soon joined by Lynn.

"Hello." Lincoln gave a friendly wave.

Sam smiled. "Hello yourself. Eh…. you looking for someone?"

"Eh, no. We live here, Sam." Lynn replied, somewhat annoyed, but tried to let the lack of recognition slide. "We're Luna's siblings."

"Oh, right. Sorry." The teen laughed. "She's got so many, I can hardly keep track. And I've felt a little woozy since that rocking party Luna held." She said while rubbing the back of her head. Ryan knew exactly why she did it.

Her jovial demeanor came to a halt and she jerked back in fright as she noticed the third member of the party giving her a smile. It was hard for Ryan to smile without looking creepy, intentional or not.

"What's shaking, tutz?" he said coolly. "Ryan Taylor, friend of the Louds. Some of them anyway."

"Um…" Sam chuckled awkwardly, trying to be polite. "Eh….Sam Sharp, nice to meet you?"

"Sam Sharp? Nifty name." Ryan shrugged. "Better than Loud, that's for sure." He snickered, ignoring the two glares he received.

Sam eased up and chuckled. "I see you really are friends. Luna would have clonked anyone who made a crack about her name, outside of her friends."

"You came here to see Luna, right?" Lincoln quickly cut to the chase.

"As a matter of fact, yeah." Sam smiled. "I didn't want to be rude and just barge in."

"Sorry to be a killjoy…." Lynn replied "….but I don't think Luna's available right now?"

"Why not?" Sam's brow furrowed. "This is kinda important. I tried texting her and calling her, but she didn't answer."

"We know, about that…." Lincoln started when the door opened.

Renee stepped out of the shadows, stone-faced as usual. "Yes? Can I help you?"

Sam stared at the stranger. "Um…..hey?"

Ryan stepped up, chuckling. "Excuse my sister Renee, she's terrible at greeting guests."

"Guests?" Sam was even more confused.

"Are you here for a reason or not?" Renee asked simply.

Sam blinked. "I'm looking for Luna? Are you a new friend of hers? I'm Sam?" she offered a friendly fist bump.

Renee rolled her eyes. She had no idea nor did she care which of the kids was "Luna", but judging from this girl's grunge attire, it was easy to guess who she was associated with.

"You're looking for her? Follow me." She turned around and walked towards the stairs. The confused Sam eventually followed.

"Oh, Luna's never going to live this down." Lincoln worried as he went after them.

"What are you talking about?" Lynn asked until she saw it for herself.

Luna was facing the wall next to the stairs, wearing a huge dunce hat. She was stiff as a board and although her face was turned away, you could easily imagine the horror that was etched across it.

"Luna?" Sam made a face.

"I believe this is a friend of yours?" Renee told her. "Mind acknowledging her?"

Luna slowly turned around, her face was red hot, her pupils were tiny dots and she was sweating profusely, as she had overheard the conversation at the door and was currently craving to die from shame.

"Hey, Sam….sup?" she forced a nervous grin and lifted a hand.

Her friend made a face. "Luna, what's going on here?"

"Sucks to be Luna right now." Lynn whispered to the boys with pity.

"Nothing….." Luna whimpered. "Just playing dress-up with my little sisters, right Lana?"

Sitting on the couch, the battered tomboy looked over her shoulder and scowled. "What are you talking about?"

"Did something happen to her?" Sam asked, noticing all her bruises.

"She and her twin had a disagreement." Renee shrugged.

Ryan meanwhile, noticed a piece of paper and a pen on the TV stand and grabbed them. Gaining Lynn and Lincoln's attention, he silently pointed at his belongings and then at the stairs and ceiling. Getting the memo, the two nodded. This was the ideal distraction.

"Now, did you come here for a reason?" Renee asked Sam while Lynn and Lincoln scooted between them and Ryan, who snuck his way up the stairs.

Still trying to make sense of the situation, Sam pulled out two tickets out of her pocket and smiled.

"You'll never believe this, Luna. Remember the SMOOCH concert at town center that was sold out three months ago? Guess what! Ashley came to me saying that her boyfriend caught a cold and couldn't come, and she doesn't really care about the band so she gave her tickets to us!"

Luna's face dropped. Suddenly, her hugely embarrassing predicament didn't mean much too her.

"You mean…."

"I know! We're going to the concert!" Sam squealed.

Luna wanted to do the same but saw the glare her babysitter was giving her and felt a chill run down her spine.

"Going to a concert?" she asked dryly.

"A SMOOCH concert! They're amazing!" Sam nodded.

"I don't think that will be possible." Renee replied, much to Sam's confusion.

Knowing what was coming; Luna looked like she was on the verge of crying. "Renee, I beg you! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!"

Renee shook her head. "Sorry, but that would entail letting you go out without a chaperon, and frankly it would be highly irresponsible of me to allow you to expose yourself to that deafening and unintelligible noise trying to pass itself off as "music"." Renee explained before shooting Sam a distasteful look. "And you're obviously already involved with a _questionable_ crowd."

Lynn and Lincoln had never seen Luna look this devastated, her lip and her entire body trembled and her eyes started watering. She looked ready to crumble to pieces. They almost felt compelled to help her escape, if doing so wasn't an insanely insane thing to do.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean she can't come?"

"I mean, she doesn't have my permission."

"Permission? Why would she need you permission?" Sam asked. "Look, I'm sorry that you can't come but I only have two tickets-"

"You misunderstand." Renee explained. "I'm not her friend as you seem to have assumed. I'm the Louds' babysitter."

"Babysitter?" Sam blurted. Renee nodded while Luan was soon reminded of the _other_ reason for why she wished death upon herself right now.

"But….how can you be her babysitter?" Sam pointed at her friend. "You look no older than us?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Loud had to leave town in a hurry to visit some associates of theirs, and they needed a capable person to look after their children while they're gone. I was recommended to them due to my past accomplishments in disciplining problematic children. Skill takes precedence over age." Renee explained.

"It's true, mom and dad prefer if we all stay put in one place while they're gone." Lincoln spoke up, hoping to deflate some of the embarrassment his rocker sister was forced into. "So they don't have to worry about anyone getting into trouble, not as long as we can look after each other."

"Yes, and I hate to be rude, but if you have nothing of value to say to your friend, how about you leave so I can prepare dinner for the children? I have ten ingrates to feed and I'm behind schedule as it is." Renee suggested and grabbed Sam by the shoulder, turned her around and escorted her towards the door.

"I hope you enjoy yourself at that gathering of hooligans. Hope you find a date on short notice, goodbye." She pushed Sam out and closed the door.

Renee then sighed with relief. "Good riddance, that girl had trouble written all over her face."

"Renee, please just let me go! Just this once! I'll pay you back, man! Please!" she immediately found Luna kneeling in front of her, clutching her hands while tears, mixed with mascara, poured down her face. Lynn and Lincoln cringed at the sight.

"Absolutely not. Unless you've somehow made an oversight, you would know that I do not allow rock music, it's rule number twenty one." Renee replied uncaringly when Luna grabbed her shirt.

"But rock and roll is my whole existence! I couldn't live with myself if I missed this! I beg you! HAVE A HEART!" Luna cried.

"Could you please stop with your hyperbolic tantrum? It's pathetic to watch." Renee ignored her pleas.

"C'mon, Linc." Lynn grabbed her brother's arm and led him into the kitchen. "I can't bear to watch this."

"Me neither." Lincoln sighed. "I've never seen Luna lose it like this."

"Must be some band?" Lynn guessed.

"I'll say, I hope this doesn't give her more reason to try and escape?" Lincoln worried.

Lynn was likewise unnerved by the thought but dismissed it. "Nah, she's been terrified of Renee after getting owned with one body slam. Luna isn't stupid."

"I guess so." Lincoln hoped. "I wish I could do something to cheer her up?"

"We can try later; right now though, let's just hope that things can stay quiet for a little while."

"If only…" Lincoln sighed longingly and glanced at the couch, where Lana was watching TV.

"Maybe you should go talk to Lana, see if you can dissuade her from causing any trouble?"

Lynn smiled. "I can talk her out of it. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear my offer to be roommates. Besides, Lana's not the vindictive type, not like Lola. In fact, whatever one of them is, you can bet your sweet patootie the other isn't."

"Let's hope that's the case, I don't think she can take more punishment from Renee, or Lola. Speaking of her, I should probably check on her, and the other?"

"Be careful, Linc. If she's as ticked as you say she is, she might tear you asunder." Lynn said half-seriously. Lincoln was no macho man, but he could take on a runt like Lola, especially a beaten and worn-out Lola.

They were both more worried about what Lola might do once she regains her strength? More specifically, how she could singlehandedly make everything worse for the rest of them by foolishly trying to get one over on their less-than-merciful babysitter.

* * *

" _Stupid Lucy! Because of that idiot I can't even use the bathroom! She's so going to get it!_ " Lola fumed and stormed down the stairs, clutching and intending to dispose of one filthy cloth. But because of Lucy's idiocy she couldn't simply get water from the bathroom, she had to carry it back from the kitchen!

Ryan peeked out of Luna and Luan's empty room, which had been left wide open. The boy laughed to himself. The princess was so caught up ranting in her thoughts that you didn't have to be a ninja to pass by her undetected.

He had finished his note to Lucy and took a final precautionary peek to make sure the coast was clear.

" _No sign of nosy sister? None of the bimbos? Perfect!_ " Smiling, he didn't waste any time.

Focusing on the bathroom door, he leaped out, performed a commando roll and threw the note towards it, and it slid in beneath the door.

" _He shoots, he scores!_ " Ryan smirked before hearing footsteps.

Renee came up the stairs, and looked around to find….nothing? She narrowed her eyes and walked into the hall, her senses telling her something was going on.

"Afternoon."

In a second, she turned sharply and swung her fist. Ryan ducked and caught her other fist and pulled her arm down, grabbing the other one as well.

"Easy there, this isn't an ambush." he told her while locking arms. Renee pulled them up and pushed Ryan away.

"What are you doing up here?" she asked immediately.

"Can't I explore the house a bit?" Ryan shrugged wryly. His sister obviously wasn't buying it.

"Don't answer that. I know what you think." He quickly cut her off. "I ain't plotting anything, haven't I been on my best behavior since you got here? Just as I promised?"

Renee narrowed her eyes. "The day is far from over, and you have another one ahead."

"Typical Renny." Ryan quipped. "You just can't swallow your pride and admit that I have been a good boy for once. Would admitting that to yourself blow your mind? Make you question reality?"

"And why aren't you with your friends?" Renee asked, as usual not caring for idle chitchat.

"Because….one of them is up there, busting her a-eh….busting her behind trying to clean the attic." Ryan said while pointing at the hatch above them.

"Steering clear of profanity seems to be an uphill battle for you?" Renee scoffed.

Ryan gave her an unamused look. "Can I assist her?"

"You wish to help her?" Renee asked.

"I know your rules, sis. One can't assist someone during their punishment, otherwise it wouldn't be punishment. But unless Lincoln was lying to me, Luan _volunteered_ to do it, so it's a regular chore, not punishment. Am I wrong?"

Renee studied him. "So let me get this straight? You're asking to do a chore as well?"

Oh, Ryan would not fall for that old trick and wiggled his finger patronizingly "Naha…..I'm not volunteering for _a chore_. No, no, no…I want to help Luan clean the attic. It's either that particular chore or no deal." He folded his arms and shook his head.

"Why the sudden interest for menial labor?"

"Luan's not qualified for it. She's a frail, delicate flower. She can dust the place but all the heavy-lifting? No way, I've seen the place; she bit off more than she can chew. But re-stacking those boxes should be a breeze for yours truly. The job will be done much quicker, in time for dinner."

"That's awfully gracious for someone like you?" Renee wasn't moved, she was suspicious.

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do?" Ryan smirked before shrugging his shoulders. "Besides, I care about her and would never leave her in the lurch."

"Care about her? And what about Lynn?" his sister questioned.

Ryan narrowed his eyes. She wasn't seriously going there now? "I care about both of them. Lynn's one thing, but Luan is a great friend, and you gotta help a friend. Especially if there's the chance that she might cause an avalanche up there and hurt herself? If that were to happen, who would be held accountable for it, hmmm….?"

Renee narrowed her eyes and Ryan sighed inwardly. How much else would it take to get her so say "yes"?

"You can remove the ladder until we finish, if you want to?" he groaned.

* * *

" _Have to do this, can't let Lynn get away with this_ …" Lucy grunted and sweated while brushing the ceramic tiles. No matter how hard she tried though, scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush was hard and agonizingly slow, and she had barely scrubbed one-quarter of it. Luckily, she had the option of using more than one toothbrush. But she soon found out how being locked in a confined space with no means of counting time can easily take its toll on even the most composed person.

She had to keep herself motivated. Imagining Lynn kicking back and laughing at her expense was a good way of fueling the fire inside of her that kept her going, the hope to get out of here and confront the jock. Using Lynn's toothbrush, as well as Lori's and Lana's, and imagining her sisters using them before bed also helped to keep her spirit up.

But one burning question that lingered in her thoughts she could not shake off. Did they all betray her or was it just Lynn? She wasn't given a clear answer and likely wouldn't until Renee saw it fit to release her.

Being locked inside a small room with no way to tell how long she had been here, time seemed to slow down. Lucy felt like she was trapped in a void where time had stopped, and as much as she tried to ignore it and focus on her job, the anxiety kept coming back up and the maddening sensation of isolation was impossible to ignore.

" _Don't let your imagination tamper with you….just keep going_." She constantly told herself.

But then she saw it, a piece of paper lying next to the door. On closer inspection, she noticed that it had words written on it.

" _A letter from the outside world?_ " Lucy couldn't believe her change in fortune. Even though she had been here for barely an hour, she felt like a prisoner inside an institution getting a notification for the first time in years.

Her blood pumping, she crawled towards it and picked it up. There could only be four people that would have the motivation to write to her, and only three who could do so out of concern.

" _Hang in there. Cant bust you out without Renee catching us. FWI, this was all Lynns idea. We did not have any word in this and are mad as hell at her right now. She went rogue and will have to answer for it. I hope there isnt any bad blood between us cuz of her dumb actions? But theres a reason for all of this. Theres something you deserve to know and it might blow your mind. This barely has anything to do with Lyle. We will tell you by tonight, or at least tomorrow, depending on when we can evade Renee. Just stay strong and soilder on._

 _Ryan_ "

Lucy lowered the paper, stunned and unsure what to make of this? So the boys weren't in on it, Lynn just did this to her without any approval?

Part of her wanted to embrace that and be relieved with joy, but another part told her that this could be a trick. This came from Ryan apparently, and she still wasn't sure how subservient he was to Lynn?

But she remembered how they and Lincoln tried to tell her something, and tell her something in secret when they first arrived, before the rest of the family barged in and derailed their conversation.

" _We haven't been entirely honest with you about….things._ "

" _Lyle wasn't the main reason the Linc-nator has been on the mopey side lately_."

" _No he's not. I wish a bully was our sole problem_."

"There's something else going on?" Lucy wondered out loud. Of course, something was going on, she knew it, she had always known it. Ever since Lincoln came back with the black eye. With how strange Lincoln and Lynn have been acting. And what was Ryan's role in this? It occurred to her how he just popped up barely a week ago and was already well-acquainted with the two of them? Was all of this tied back to him? Or was he roped into it, and Lynn and Lincoln had some chip on their shoulder that was much more serious than they cared to admit? Was Lyle just a minor player in whatever was going on?

She had so many questions, but the letter gave few answers, and she would get no answers here. Lucy read the latter again and acknowledged some factors with her predicament.

Those three seemed intent on telling her something? And whatever it was, it appeared crucial that mom and dad didn't know about it? If this wasn't simply concerning Lyle and his goons, then what was it?

And no matter how truthful the former was, the final point was all too true. They couldn't do anything in this house as long as Renee was there, that paranoid tyrant wouldn't let them converse in secret. But apparently, the three were figuring out a way to work around it, hence why they mentioned talking after hours?

Being cautiously optimistic and intrigued, Lucy exhaled and composed herself.

She read the final paragraph again. Stay strong and solider on?

Reading this gave Lucy a new surge of energy. If she finished this trial she would gain knowledge? Knowledge no one else in this family might know? The cynic in her reminded her that this could still be a trick, but she had no other option but to take the chance.

So she resumed scrubbing and cleaning. She had no intent to stop until the whole bathroom shined bright. She had been locked out of the loop for far too long. She couldn't allow herself to be dismissed and discarded yet again.

" _Not now, not ever again!_ " she told herself.

* * *

 **Was I incredibly harsh on the sisters here? Absolutely XD But they're going to have to get it through their thick heads that life is not a walk in the park and it's not fair, and giving them a hellish babysitter who deprives them of even basic privileges and basically keeps them imprisoned in their own house is an effective way to hammer in that lesson. I doubt they'll be taking their parents punishing them for bad behavior as unfair once Renee's through with them. With Luan and Lucy however, their treatment is meant to elicit sympathy, especially for Lucy as it's quite clear that Renee is profiling her as a problematic child based solely her unorthodox behavior and macabre interests. Sometimes people will treat you with scorn and suspicion simply by virtue of judging a book by its cover. Renee is undoubtedly terrible at understanding or communicating with children, but she is effective at keeping them in line, even if her tactics effectively boil down to emotional (and some physical) child abuse XD**

 **Of course, this chapter served to set up a lot of things; Lucy and Lynn's stained relationship getting even more strained, the twins and Luna being set for potentially causing more trouble, and I eventually had to acknowledge certain lingering story threads like Ryan's paranoia regarding Leni and Lincoln having to talk with Lisa again (though in the context of the story both of them have only been sidelined for two days), and of course the big one…..the sisters swapping roommates, and the minor thing of Lucy finally learning what's been going on with Lincoln and Lynn XD**

 **I was hesitant about including the fourth-wall moment, but I figured why not, as I felt the need to express my thoughts on Kings of the Con and how it butchered Lincoln's character beyond repair, and I sure as hell wasn't going to write a "fix fic", you can't fix that unsalvageable mess sans maybe a total rewrite XD After two seasons of him acting as an inept, pathetic buffoon who barely even communicates with his sisters anymore and spent most of his time derping around and being foolish with Clyde, this special was the final coo de gra. And I felt like I gave him the appropriate send off, not that I take any pleasure in seeing him be derailed like this (quite the opposite, it was quite upsetting to watch) but that's unfortunately how it is.**


	34. No Guts, No Glory: Break-Ups, New Bonds

Cliff was cowering between two crates in the garage. Why did his owners have to clean this place up right now? If it had been as messy as it usually was then surely he could remain hidden if he just stayed put? Cats had relatively weak senses of smell, so unlike dogs, they couldn't completely trust their nose to guide the way. Wrapping his tail around himself, Cliff remained motionless, his heart thumping rapidly. How did she find him again?

Oh why was this happening to him? Why couldn't he, a black cat, ever catch a break? Okay, technically he had caught a major break at Tisdale Towers, but why couldn't it have lasted longer? What did he do to deserve this? He was a good cat. Sure he was lazy, and sometimes a glutton, but he never hurt anybody? If anything, he was the one who had sometimes been on the receiving end of pain, courtesy of his fellow pets, either by Charles not knowing his own strength or by getting his head pecked by Walt when the canary was in a cranky mood, which was surprisingly often.

But he was alone now. Walt had become a snack for Marceline, Geo was missing and Cliff had a hunch that he fell prey to the monster, and Charles was likewise missing. It was the dog though whose image had remained in the cat's mind ever since the previous day, Cliff remembered his visage yet the dog was not here with him. It felt weird and unnatural. Or perhaps it was because Charles might have offered him salvation? At a measly twenty pounds, the bull terrier wasn't much of a guard dog, but still imposing enough to chase regular cats of Cliff's territory, though Marceline was anything but a regular housecat.

But she wasn't here now. Cliff still hadn't detected any sign of her presence, but he had learned by now not to take silence as a sign for guaranteed safety. If a canine monster the size of a house could sneak up on you without making a peep, a cat could do that while sleepwalking.

For a while, Cliff was greeted by more silence, allowing him to consider the possibility of making a run for it and finding one of his owners for protection? But who besides Lana, Lincoln or the parents would even care about protecting him?

Hearing a strange flapping noise, Cliff tensed up. Acting on instinct, he slowly craned his neck out and saw a piece of cloth atop a shelf flapping against a small box next to it. As the gust of wind passed by, it ceased doing that. Feeling a giant wave of relief, Cliff scooted back into his hiding place.

Maybe he had no reason to worry? It's been a while and there was no sign of the yellow demon? Maybe he gave her the slip for good? Starting to grow more complacent, Cliff eased up and considered taking a nap. He happily turned to his companion, hoping she would keep guard, before lowering his head to-companion?!

Shooting his eyes wide open, he turned his head back and wound up rubbing noses with Marceline, who was resting next to him and purred excitedly. With a screech that echoed across the garage, Cliff leaped into the air and made a mad dash for the exit.

Marceline stretched herself and yawned, before casually following him. This tom sure was a riot. Ungainly and terrible at hiding, but he sure could run when he wanted to, not that it gave him an edge, as Marceline's wild side had blessed her with long legs and an athletic build.

The chase resumed as both felines were running circles around the house. That is, until Marceline grew bored after the seventh lap and stopped, waiting for Cliff to come to her.

By the time he realized what had happened, Cliff made a desperate attempt to halt but wound up skidding across the grass until he finally came to a stop and bumped noses with Marceline again.

"Meow…." Cliff whimpered as his paws started burning, and screeched in agony while jumping around the yard, for which Marceline sat down to watch the show.

* * *

"… _the male treefrog climbs on the female's back and grasps it with his front legs while fertilizing her eggs. This unique behavior is known as amplexus_ …."

Feeling her seat shifting, the bruised Lana glanced to her left and came face to face with Lynn.

"Hey, Short Stuff, mind if I sit here?"

"What do you want, Lynn?" Lana grumbled, barely audible. She was not in the mood for small talk, even Lynn could tell that, so she looked at the screen.

"Frogs again, huh? You're always quick to call dibs on the remote when they're on television?" she noted idly. "What are they doing? Are the frogs trying to play leapfrog?" she joked but was met with silence.

Lana looked away and just mumbled something under her breath. Lynn waited for a response but got none. " _I guess I wouldn't feel like chatting either if I just survived the gas chamber_."She thought sullenly. " _But I sure know how to brighten her day_."

She did feel sorry for Lana, seeing her banged up like this. Lana was scrappy but this was frankly overkill, and this could hardly be blamed on Renee, as the worst of Lana's suffering had been the result of Lola's petty, vindictive nature biting them both in the ass.

After some silence, Lynn sighed. "Look, Lana, I know you had a rough day….."

"Rough day?" Lana raised her voice and let out a curt and bitter laugh. "Look at me! Lola did this to me, because it's somehow my fault that she got grounded, and then I nearly suffocated because of her dumb revenge scheme! And she tore apart my hat!"

"I know, I've seen it…." Lynn said sympathetically. "The stink-bomb accident anyway. I can imagine what it was like and…..and…" she shuddered "…..I'm sure it sucked."

Lana's face scrunched up. "Is this funny to you? You wanna make fun of me now?!"

"Lana, take a deep breath." Lynn lifted a hand. "I'm sorry if I made you angry, I just want to talk."

"Talk? About what?" the crabby tomboy demanded.

"Lana, don't worry about your hat, I'm sure mom can sew it back together when she comes back." Lynn reassured her, trying to ease her into the conversation. "Maybe Leni can do it, she knows how to use strings and needles, and none of us will be going anywhere today-"

"What does it matter, it won't be the same…." Lana sulked. "My hat's ruined. How…..how could anyone do something so rotten and….ugh…." her temper started rising again "…..I'll never forgive her, I hate her!"

Lynn let out a sardonic snort. "I ain't crazy about that brat either, so I don't fault you."

Lana didn't respond again and quietly sulked.

"Lana, I know you're really upset, I don't need my big sister intuition to figure that out-"

"Oh, some big sister you are?" Lana scoffed bitterly. "Where were you when Renee tossed me in my room and locked me up? You didn't give a fig about me then, but now you wanna-"

"Lana, she's our babysitter." Lynn replied bluntly. "Like it or not, she's in charge. There's nothing me or any one of us could have done for you, any more than if mom and dad had grounded you."

"Oh, so you just roll on your back and surrender? Since when did you take that kind of junk from anyone?" Lana grumbled, incredulous about the jock's attitude.

"I never do." Lynn snorted. "But that's not-"

"Then why are you scared of Renee?" Lana challenged her. "Why don't you try and beat her up for being such a jerk?"

"I ain't scared of that windbag." Lynn adamantly insisted before composing herself. "But I've got no plans to start any sh-eh….trouble with her. That would be plain stupid."

"So you are scared." Lana looked away and sulked. Lynn was still irritated by the accusation but kept her cool.

"Were you even listening? I repeat, she's in charge and I'd rather be safe than sorry. You ain't stupid, Lana, so open your eyes. You can see that Renee's mental, and a powerhouse to boot. Scuse me for being cautious, but I sorta think it would be smarter to just keep your head down and avoid trouble altogether when dealing with people like her?"

"Sounds to me like you're being chicken….." Lana grumbled. "So you ain't scared about throwing your weight around with kids who are weaker than you, but when there's a fair fight….."

"Lana, I'm not gonna fight Renee so you can settle your score with her through me." Lynn barked firmly. "You can forget about that."

"As if, I….I don't need you for that….." Lana denied the accusation, less than convincingly.

"Yeah, sure…." Lynn rolled her eyes sarcastically before exhaling. "Look, there's a difference between being _scared_ and being _cautious_. Being cautious means not barging headfirst into something that could end badly for you, or make an already bad situation even worse."

"Since when did you care about being cautious?" Lana muttered, growing more annoyed with this conversation. She would have sooner expected Lynn to declare her intention of leading a rebellion against their babysitter, but here she was preaching to her about being cautious? Who was Lynn to preach something like that?

"Lana, I'm trying to look out for you." Lynn continued and scooted closer. "Which is why I wanna tell you this; don't try to get payback on Renee, just listen to her and keep your head down, she won't badger you if you behave and she'll be gone by tomorrow evening at the latest. It's not worth hurting yourself over this, so please promise me that you'll behave?"

"What's gotten into you? You don't sound like the Lynn I know?" Lana spoke up. Lynn cocked an eyebrow.

Lana stared at her with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. "You'd never let someone walk over you like this? You would have knocked out their milk teeth just for looking at you wrong."

Lynn glanced aside, remembering how her past self would very much have disagreed with her current self. Slugging someone for making jabs about your skills as an athlete was one thing, but stirring up trouble with a psycho babysitter was another.

"And your point? I haven't sassed off to Renee, and lookie, I've been doing pretty well today? I ain't banged up like you, and I don't smell like I've been blasted by a skunk and then took a dip in raw sewage?" Lynn pointed out. "Maybe you oughta take after my example? It wouldn't hurt to try?"

Lana pouted. "You're such a hypo…..? Eh…hypo-cracker….."

"A hypocrite?" Lynn rolled her eyes, knowing where this was going.

"Yes, that! You're such a phony! You cause trouble all the time, so what gives you the right to tell me how to behave! I don't break stuff every day with footballs and hockey sticks!"

Lynn couldn't help it. Lana was just being a brat, but taking criticism has never been Lynn's strong suit, especially when it involved reminiscing about her past screw-ups.

"You're one to talk, buster? Given how you almost demolished our house once by letting your termite friends gorge themselves on the place?" Lynn retorted, growing agitated.

"At least I didn't put Lincoln and Leni in the hospital by playing "catch" without even telling them about it!" Lana shot back.

Lynn seethed. "Oh, but whose fault was it that the whole family had to take distemper shots because _someone_ had to rescue a starving little fox?"

"And who trashed the hood of a police car because she lost a stinking baseball game, huh? That's mighty stupid and unsportsmanlike?" Lana huffed, holding her ground.

Lynn fumed and clutched the sides of her head, rubbing her temples while breathing in and out. " _Stay on track._ _Just_ _keep cool, she's right about that. You can't erase your past. Just stay cool_."

Lynn sighed and looked at the tomboy with a serious expression. "Y'know what, squirt? You're right. You're absolutely, positively right. I have been a rotten brat for years, and I've caused a lot of damage, I won't deny that." She admitted in a strained voice.

"You admit it?" Lana scowled. "Why? You're confusing me?"

"Yes, I fully admit it." Lynn said begrudgingly. "You happy now?"

Confusion washed over Lana's features. She did not expect to hear that from Lynn? Lynn would never admit anything that would put her in a negative light. But now her sporty sister had unashamedly confessed about her own faults, just like that? Lana didn't know what to say to that?

"But I'm not a hypocrite for scolding you about being a brat, y'know why?" Lynn continued. "Because all of us are accountable for our wrongdoings, just because I've been bad doesn't mean other people have the right to also be bad, including you. I'm telling ya this cuz I don't want you to repeat _my_ mistakes. I have done some pretty crummy stuff in the past and I can't change that, but you're still young, you can avoid that and be a better person."

"Wut?" Lana couldn't follow. Lynn pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I mean that I don't want you to get into trouble like I did by doing stupid stuff. I want you to look at my mistakes and _learn_ from them, so you won't do the same mistakes."

"I won't." Lana insisted curtly. "I'm nothing like you, I ain't some egomaniac who throws a fit over losing some dumb game."

Once again Lynn felt agitated but kept her composure. Lana's response made her reply with a more poignant question.

"Do you think I don't care about you?" she said in a serious tone.

Lana was slightly taken aback, but kept her surly demeanor. That question had never seriously crossed her mind, given how she hadn't cared too much about Lynn's affairs in the past. "I dunno…." She muttered "…..you love winning, that's for sure. I dunno about other things…."

Lynn sighed. "I know, I've been a pretty big jerk. I know it, I admit it, and I really, _really_ regret it….." She replied sullenly. "….which is why I want to change."

Lana kept staring at her, more curious than confused now. Yet again, Lynn's humble response had caught her off guard, yet that single confession suddenly put the jock's strange new stance on responsibility into context. Was the sister she once saw as a self-absorbed, callous and over-competitive sports nut actually repenting?

"Remember how I tried to play soccer with you at the park? And you said that you were having fun?"

"I was having fun….sorta…." Lana mumbled, getting a bit flustered. If Lynn was making a serious attempt to reach out to her, she at least owed it to the jock to hear her out.

"Sorta?" Lynn questioned. "Why wouldn't you have fun playing soccer with me? You wanna know why I asked you?" Lana just blinked quietly.

"Well, for starters, I want to spend quality time with my family. Problem is, they are mostly girls, and I ain't much of a girl myself. I don't care about shopping, styling my hair, painting my nails, putting on dresses, or spewing puns, writing poetry, playing guitar, and I suck at science stuff, so my options for company are kinda limited in this family, except for you?"

Surprisingly, Lana understood this sentiment all too well. Being a brazen tomboy in a mostly female-dominated family made it quite difficult to fit in. Yet she wasn't completely alone when it came to her rowdy lifestyle.

"So you're saying you don't spend much time with them because you have nothing in common?" Lana inquired. In hindsight, this wasn't much of a question; both Lynn and here were hardcore tomboys, as the former blatantly told her the previous day, and their ideas of a good time didn't mesh well with their feminine siblings.

"Exactly, same reason most of them don't pal around with each other, they're too different. But you and me could get along pretty well, since we're not so different. I had fun playing with you until a certain rich snob ruined the fun." Lynn spat bitterly.

"What do you have against Kathleen?" Lana frowned. "Why were you so mean to her?"

"Because Kathleen is bad news." Lynn retorted. "I may not know her, but I'm familiar with people like her. I'm more than twice your age, Lana, I have more experience under my belt and I know enough to smell a rat when I see one."

"How can you be sure if you've never met her? Can't you give someone a chance?"

Lynn sighed, obviously unable to tell Lana how well she was actually familiar with Kathleen. Their conversation was getting derailed, and Lynn wanted to talk about more important matters. Kathleen, and her meddling, was an issue for another day.

"Did you miss the part about her having bullied Luan? I know Luan isn't the sanest person around here, but if she's been classmates with that girl for a year I think we oughta give our own sister some credit and believe her when she tries to warn us that Kathleen isn't sincere about trying to make amends with her. If you won't trust me, ask Lincoln? He also has a bad feeling about Kathleen, so does dad. Do their opinions mean more to you?"

"Lynn, you're confusing me." Lana grew more irate. "If someone says they're sorry, why wouldn't you accept it?"

"Lemme answer that with a question." Lynn grew a look of superiority. "Would you go upstairs now and patch things up with Lola?"

"What? No way! That jerk is pure scum! I had it with her!" Lana cried.

"See?" Lynn pointed at her. "She's been bad to you and you don't trust her, can you see now where Luan is coming from? Why me, Lincoln, dad, Ryan and even Lucy trust her that Kathleen is scum? That she's just like Lola, but grow-up? Why do you think Lola fell in love with her instantly and said "you're like the big sister I never had", huh?" she finished with a shrill, valley girl accent, her imitation of Lola.

Lana's brow knitted and she looked away, fidgeting. Lynn wasn't known for making compelling arguments that could sway other people to her side, yet the more they talked the more did the jock start to make sense. If Lola Loud sincerely approved of someone, how great could that other person possibly be?

"And if Lola came down here, suddenly all sorry and stuff, wouldn't you suspect that this might be a ploy? That she doesn't really mean it? Sometimes people say one thing but don't really mean it? That's sadly a thing in life; it's called being a lowdown dirty liar."

Lana didn't say anything, visibly confused and caught up in her thoughts. The concept of lying was nothing new to the 5-year-old, but the question of who she could trust wasn't something she had ever seriously considered?

Lynn sighed. "And there's another thing, sis. I wanted to spend time with _you_ …alone, by playing together and teaching you some of my moves. It meant a lot to me, to share a moment with someone I thought could….y'know….get me? Understand me? I didn't want to be whisked away to some overcrowded, preppy tourist trap surrounded by our sisters, not to mention hundreds of hotel guests and Kathleen's groupies, people I don't even know. I just wanted to do something simple and private, be alone and have fun with my little sister."

"So….you were really bummed that you couldn't spend time with me alone?" Lana asked. Lynn just nodded.

"Huh, I didn't think about it that way….." Lana glanced down. Suddenly she felt rather selfish for dismissing Lynn like that. Lana understood that if you wanted to spend time with a special someone, surplus company was the last thing on your wish list. Like when she played with Hops or Charles, or any of her other animal friends. Those experiences wouldn't have been half as fun if other people had intruded on them.

"Well, I meant everything I said. I wouldn't mind trying out another play date, preferably one without Kathleen barging in."

Lana felt genuinely touched, but then another memory from their brief play date at the park resurfaced, and she grew suspicious again. "Wait a minute, I remember something? You wanted to distract me from playing in the mud! You said something about not wanting mom to clean the mess I made? What was that about?"

"Yes, I did." Lynn immediately admitted. "But I also wanted to spend time with you, I had two reasons."

Lana frowned. "And why couldn't we have played in the mud, if you wanted to spend time with me? It had to be sports, huh? Always your way or the-"

"Lana, I already told you my reasons." Lynn exhaled. "I didn't want mom or dad to have to clean up after you again."

"And since when do you care about that?"

"I told you that I want to better myself, and being more considerate of mom and dad's needs is kind of an important step in that direction." Lynn explained.

"What do you mean?"

"Lemme answer that with another question. Would you like to do chores like laundry, cooking dinner or cleaning our rooms? No, of course not. They're boring, tedious and back-breaking." Lynn said curtly. "So imagine doing that every single day, like mom and dad do."

"A lot of parents have to do such stuff for their kids, usually two or three of them, but our parents have to do it for ten kids who barely ever help them, or even show any appreciation. I may suck at math but even I can do the numbers and imagine how unimaginably excruciating that has to be? Doing a thankless job like that all day long, seven days a week and barely having any time to have fun and relax? Imagine living like that? Wouldn't that drive you crazy?"

Lana shrank a bit, as the full weight of Lynn's statement resonated with her. A child of her age had a fairly simple worldview, and it tended to revolve around them regardless if they were trying not to be selfish. How your parents felt about their lot in life rarely crossed their mind.

"Tell me, Lana? Would you want to be in that position?" Lynn asked again.

Lana blinked, looking unnerved. "No, that sounds awful."

"Exactly, it is awful, so why should mom and dad have to slave away every day just so we can sit pretty? Doesn't that sound a tad unfair? You think just because they're our parents they don't have the same needs as we do? They are also only human."

"Is that why you and Lincoln called for that sibling meeting?" Lana fidgeted.

She remembered that? Lynn was frankly surprised. She pegged most of her sisters as having the collective attention span of a goldfish, especially the twins.

"Yes, and you all thought we were crazy for saying such stuff?" Lynn snorted. "Well, news flash, squirt, being stressed out and overworked makes you unhappy, and an unhappy mom and dad aren't gonna have a happy marriage, and an unhappy marriage is a one-way trip to…oh, what was that thing you gals called me crazy for suggesting? Oh, right? Splitsville. Divorce. Moms and dads going their separate ways."

Lana leaned back, fear visibly washing over her features. "Wha…..you're trying to scare me?"

"If you don't believe me, ask Lincoln. Or better yet, ask dad." Lynn huffed and folded her arms. "Cuz he's scared out of his wits thinking about that very possibility, and is currently trying everything he can to make mom happy."

The jock was dropping some hard science on her. All of a sudden, that random and seemingly irrational fear Lynn and Lincoln had voiced not too long ago, the one most of the sisters gave almost no thought to, seemed frighteningly plausible.

"M-mom and dad are going to split up?" Lana asked with genuine fear.

"No, they didn't have any talks about divorcing or anything but dad fears if this keeps up, if him and mom keep working their butts off trying to take care of this house and us, with no breaks or time to recuperate, it could very well happen in the future, like in the very _near_ future. Dad certainly thinks so."

" _Like "within a week" near future_ …." She thought grimly.

"I….I don't w-want that to happen." Lana worried.

"Well, I have good news." Lynn smiled, ecstatic that she finally got someone to listen. "Me, Lincoln and Luan have all been trying our best to be less of a nuisance. Lucy too, but she has always been low-maintenance, so she was never really a problem."

"Luan? But Luan's been driving everyone in this house off the wall for years." Lana pointed out.

"True, very true. But after her delayed Prankmageddon made her the pariah of this family and you guys have made it quite clear that you've grown tired of her pranks…well, she's been doing some thinking since then?"

"She deserved it, after everything she did to us." Lana scowled. "I am tired of her dumb shenanigans as much as everyone else."

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that all that shunning finally got the memo through her thick skull." Lynn smirked. "In fact, it was quite the wakeup call for her. She was very sorry and says that she will dial back on her pranks, and that she has officially canceled her April Fools tradition."

"You kidding me?" Lana made a face.

"I am not, Lana. She really means it. She's not giving up on her pranks but she did promise to cut back on it and not to be such a pain-in-the-keister. Which is why she's currently up there"…. Lynn pointed at the ceiling "….and cleaning the attic."

"Luan's doing chores?" Lana asked with a worried look. Did this mean she would have to follow suit?

"Yes, but I didn't come here to talk about Luan. I wanna know if you're willing to make some contributions in order to avoid mom and dad heading for Splitsville?" Lynn told her upfront.

Lana looked uneasy. "Wha….what do I have to do? I don't want mom and dad to….."

"Here's the beautiful part, Lana. You don't have to do any chores; you don't have to give up on any of your hobbies either. You simply have to change the way you go about your business. Change your methods."

"Change my methods? What do you mean with that?"

"Glad you asked. I would go into more detail but it would be better if we could talk about that stuff in private." Lynn explained. "Which brings me to the other reason I wanted to talk to you?"

"Other reason? What other reason?"

"Well, sis, what's one of the biggest reasons to cause grief and friction in this house? The constant fights between us. We girls fight all the time and cause all kinds of havoc. And what's the main reason why we constantly get into fights? It's because we're never on the same page about anything with our roommates. We can't agree on anything, we have nothing in common, our lifestyles and hobbies just don't jive with each other, I think living with Lola means you know the gist of it."

"Don't mention her, she's the worst!" Lana frowned. "I really can't take her as a roommate anymore."

"So why don't you ditch her?" Lynn "suggested". "Ditch her and bunk with me? Simple as that."

"With you?" Lana blinked. "You want to be roommates?"

"Why not?" Lynn shrugged. "We're both tomboys, we both like to play rough, we don't care about personal hygiene, we have very similar tastes in fashion, and I want to spend more quality time you? This would be the ideal arrangement. I bail on the Duchess of Darkness and you bail on Princess Screams-a-lot? Win-win."

Lana blinked. "I dunno….." she said on first instinct.

"We might not be a perfect match, but wouldn't you rather be saddled with me than with Lola? And who else would be a better match for you than Lynnsanity over here?" she pointed her thumb at herself. "Not Lori, not Leni, not Luan, not Lucy, not Lisa, heck, even Luna is too much of a neat freak to handle you. But I can handle the stink and the dirt; I'd even take amphibians and reptiles over a flock of blood-sucking bats any day. At least you have cages for them."

Lana stopped to process that. Thinking about it, she was no flaws in that proposal. What could possibly be worse than being stuck sharing a room with Lola?

"You don't mind me burping?" she asked.

"Ha! I love burping." Lynn laughed. "Me and my teammates have been practicing how to burp the alphabet for years. I can teach you that just like how I taught you to make armpit farts. Do you mind Dutch Ovens?"

"I know how to burp the alphabet! Though I don't really know the whole alphabet?" Lana insisted. Lynn smiled slightly. She had seen her once trying to perform said feat, and it needed work. And Lynn was more than willing to coach her.

"But I love doing Dutch Ovens myself. I adore the smell of flatulence." Lana nodded with major enthusiasm. "Do you have a problem with buggers?"

Lynn made a "so-so" hand gesture. "Don't use my clothes as tissues, and never ever leave any on my lucky jersey and I'm cool. Do you mind tossing all your clothes in a big pile in the middle of the room?"

"Nope, that way I can dive into the pile and dig through it like a mole. It's a great alternative during the non-autumn seasons." Lana smiled. "Do you mind bad morning breath?"

"Pffffttt….halitosis barely fazes me." Lynn scoffed. "Aren't you familiar with wrestling?"

"Sure, I had plenty of practice wrangling up Lola."

"Great, how would like to become a luchador, mentored by an old pro?" Lynn pointed at herself.

"I dunno…but it sounds fun." Lana shrugged.

"See, sis, we're already agreeing on so much." Lynn smiled. "I think the move will be a breeze. Lucky for you, Lucy also wishes to switch roommates."

"With whom?"

"Eh…..sorry, that's a private matter. But you'll learn soon enough." Lynn replied, though the real reason was that she doubted Lana would believe the truth. "But here's a secret; we want to bring up this topic at dinner. We're going to propose about everyone switching roommates and bunking with whomever they see fit."

Lana blinked. "Did the others agree to that?"

"Eh….not quite. But I'm sure they won't object; most of the girls are unhappy with their roommates, let's not kid ourselves. So we aim to figure out the new arrangement, you are going with me, Lucy has made her choice, we'll figure out the rest. This could be done by tomorrow night."

"So I can be free of Lola and help mom and dad by just switching rooms?" Lana smiled eagerly.

"Yup. So, roomies?" Lynn asked.

"Sure! Roomie." Lana exclaimed while bouncing on her butt.

Perhaps this day wasn't so rotten after all?

* * *

Upstairs, the other twin was thinking the exact opposite.

Wearing rubber gloves, Lola seethed and dropped her sponge into the bucket of water, glaring at the wet patch on the carpet where a puke stain used to be.

The indignity! The humiliation! Someone as glamorous and illustrious as her should never have to do such lowbrow, such demeaning, such repulsive menial labor! How did she end up like this? How could anyone force her to do this? What kind of a monster would do this?

Having regained some of her strength, Lola was pumped with rage and just wanted to hit something to alleviate some of it. That opportunity came as she heard footsteps.

But to her disappointment, it wasn't Renee, but her idiot brother, who looked at her with a neutral expression. Lola didn't know what he wanted and she frankly didn't care.

"I see you're finished. It means you're free now." He simply noted. Grinding her teeth, Lola stood up, her chest inflating and deflating. Her throat was still aching and at this point, she got the memo that in her conditions she would have to resort to nonverbal communication.

"Lola, I know your vocal cords aren't in great shape, but can I please have a word with you?" Lincoln asked politely, but all he got in response was Lola charging at him and viciously pounding her fists into his chest.

It barely hurt, and Lincoln scowled irritably before seizing both of her hands and gently forcing them down.

" _How dare he?!_ " Lola was shocked by his audacity and tried to fight, but Lincoln wouldn't let her go and sent her a serious look.

"Lola, I understand that you had a miserable day ever since you woke up to learn your pageant was canceled. And I know things only got worse since then, but hear me out." He started, but that reminder caused the princess's eyes to bulge in anger.

She had completely forgotten about that while fantasizing about Renee's demise, but being reminded about that made her even madder, if that was even possible?

Hissing like a wild animal, Lola lunged and Lincoln screamed as she sank her teeth into his left arm.

"Wh-lemme go!" he cried as he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her off, hissing with pain as he glanced at the imprints her milk teeth left on his arm.

Lola didn't fight. Instead, she realized how dumb of a move that was after getting a taste her brother's sweat, and started spitting and gagging. " _You idiot! Look at what you made me do!_ " she cried inwardly.

She sent him a murderous glare, but he was hardly intimidated. He actually returned the favor, mustering up all the will he had not to snap.

Clenching her teeth, Lola set her sights on his shin and swung her foot, but Lincoln predicted it and dodged it.

"Lola, will you please calm down? You're really testing my patience!" he barked. Lola tore off her gloves and tried to smack him with them.

Lincoln once again dodged it, grabbed them and tore them out of her grip. "Seriously, Lola? Can you just let me talk?"

But as usual, the princess didn't listen and turned crimson with rage as she made another lunge at him, which he again dodged. Lola plopped on her belly but immediately got up, still undeterred.

Lincoln realized that it was time for drastic measures, and reluctantly grabbed her in a bear hug before forcing both of them to sit down, so Lola couldn't kick him either.

"Leh…." Lola cried before coughing. "Lehmme gh…." She coughed again.

"Lola, don't talk. You need to rest your vocal cords." Lincoln told her while trying to restrain her.

" _You think I haven't noticed, Einstein?!_ " Lola fumed and squirmed in his grip. " _Ugh! He's become such a scumbag! He won't listen to me! He should be locked up!_ "

"Lola, please, just chill out and listen to me." Lincoln knew he was pretty much asking the impossible from her but he had to try.

The hot-headed princess was mostly hurting herself at this point and wouldn't slow down unless someone smacked some sense into her, and Lincoln really wanted to avoid a literal manifestation of that phrase, for he feared that Renee, Ryan and even Lynn didn't have such scruples if the brat pushed them too far. Not that there was any love lost between Lola and the Taylors.

Lola didn't stop squirming, and Lincoln groaned, figuring that while she was incapable of speaking he might as well do all the talking. "I know you're mad at Renee, I know you've been meticulously plotting your vengeance ever since she took your phone. But you have to stop it, now."

" _Stop it?! How dare you order me?!_ " Lola snarled, looked over her shoulder and sent him a murderous glare. " _How did he even guess that I was seeking vengeance!?_ "

" _Finally, she calmed down_." Lincoln sighed and continued. "Lola, you…..you're not stupid, you can see that Renee's too powerful, too competent and she's always one step ahead. You tried to blindside her with the stink-bomb and you saw how that went? What else is there left to try? You can try any number of revenge schemes and I would wager my entire Ace Savvy comic collections that they would yield the same exact results; with Renee winning seamlessly and you being punished, humiliated and left licking your wounds."

Lola wheezed angrily as she and Lincoln locked eyes. " _You cowardly, lily-livered turncoat! Treacherous filth! Suck-up! How can people fall like this?!_ "

"Lola, look at the facts? Who can catch a stink-bomb without even seeing it coming? Don't you get it that some people are just stronger than you and you can't do anything but keep your head down and stay out of their way? You're only hurting yourself by doing this." Her brother continued grimly.

" _No! No! You're lying!_ " Lola thought defiantly. " _Your stupid comics aren't worth anything, you don't believe in what you say! You're trying to scare me! You're siding with her! It's not fair! You're just a sellout! You're against me! You're all against me and want to see me suffer!_ "

She felt as if she was stuck in a blazing inferno and shut her eyes tight as she trembled in Lincoln's grip. Unable to yell or hurt anyone in retaliation, Lola could do nothing but let her pent-up fury burn through every fiber of her body.

"Lola, just let it go. You had a rough day and you need to drop all these negative thoughts and replace them with something positive." Lincoln advised her, or more precisely _pleaded_ to her. "You're done with your punishment, so please, don't land yourself in more trouble. We'll have dinner now and after that, just go to your room and do something fun, do your hair or hold a tea party with your plush toys, anything really, just as long as you have fun. Don't worry, Lana will stay somewhere else for the night and Renee will be gone by tomorrow."

No matter how sound his advice was, it could not pierce through the thick wall of "woe is me" grief that was clouding Lola's judgment. All she could comprehend at this moment was the anger she felt after he once again had the gall to order her around. She wanted to hit him, but he denied her even that simple joy, for he was against her! Throughout this day everything had been denied to her, or she had been utterly humiliated, or both.

There was only one thing left to do, after feeling an intense burnout.

Lincoln felt his sister ease up. She was no longer squirming and became almost limp. Then he saw it, her mouth opened wide but no sound came out, but the tears from her eyes weren't holding back and turned into raging rivers that poured down her face.

He let her go and Lola dropped on her knees and buried her face into her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

Lincoln exhaled and shook his head with pity. He didn't know if his words finally sank in with her or if she was just crying because she literally had no other means left to express her anger? He feared the latter was more likely.

"Your devotion is admirable but you're clearly wasting your time with this lost cause." He suddenly heard Renee's voice and saw her standing by the stairs, holding a ladder.

Lola ceased crying and looked up to see Renee placing the ladder against the wall. The princess was now seeing red.

"The only medicine that might mitigate her condition somewhat is more hard work and disciplinary action." The sitter said coldly.

"Don't you think she's been through enough?" Lincoln asked. "I mean, what's worse than accidentally turning your bedroom into a gas chamber?"

"That depends." Renee said as she glared back at Lola. "Is she willing to quit the tomfoolery and behave?"

Bearing her teeth and releasing animalistic hisses and growls, Lola grabbed the only weapon she had left; the bucket. Lifting it over her head, she charged at Renee full steam, attempting to bludgeon her.

"Lola, no!" Lincoln tried to grab her while Renee just smirked nonchalantly, seeing Lola stepping on the wet patch she had left there.

In an instant, Lola slipped and her bucket was sent flying through the air. Lincoln jumped back to avoid the spilling water while Lola sat up, only to be dunked with the cold liquid before the bucket landed on her head with a loud clang.

Renee sniggered slightly as Lola, soaked, blinded and disoriented, stumbled to her right and hit her head against the stair rails before collapsing to the floor.

Biting his fingers, Lincoln rushed to her aid and pulled the bucket off her head. Lola lay on the floor with a goofy expression and pointed up; presumably at the stars she was currently seeing.

"Well, that was quaint. Now, we're having dinner in thirty minutes." Renee commented casually and strolled to the bathroom door. "If she doesn't regain consciousness by then; find a hairdryer, fetch an icepack and tuck her in."

Lincoln saw her slide a key into the door.

"You're releasing Lucy?" he asked instinctively, quickly forgetting about Lola, and followed her.

"I'm simply doing a mandatory check-up." Renee replied while grabbing the door handle.

Lincoln didn't like the sound of that. "You're not seriously going to starve her?"

Renee didn't give him an answer and opened the door. Upon doing that, her jaw dropped. Confused, Lincoln joined her at the doorway and was likewise dumbstruck by what he saw.

They were presented with the picturesque sight of a shiny, spotless bathroom ripped right out of the pages of a home magazine, and in the middle of it stood Lucy, quiet and composed as usual.

"I hope this is to your satisfaction, Renee?" The goth said simply. "And yes, I double-checked every inch to ensure that I didn't miss a spot."

Renee had to close her mouth with her hand. "How did you accomplish this?"

Lucy frowned. "I followed your advice and started scrubbing. That is what you requested?"

Renee narrowed her eyes. Lucy was nervous about what her reaction would be but nevertheless stood her ground. "Isn't this what you requested of me, to make the bathroom shine?"

Getting over his surprise, Lincoln observed their babysitter and it was easy to see that she was not pleased. Lincoln didn't know what she was expecting and his gut told him that he should not dwell on it.

But he did feel compelled to say one thing. "Why are you surprised? You told me that you have seen kids do this with the proper motivation?" He stepped back as the teen's frosty glare shifted towards him.

"Yes, and I wished to be free, so I was motivated to do my task." Lucy said, earning Renee's attention again.

"I paid my debt to society, so have I earned my freedom back?" the goth asked, composed, but worried deep down that she was taking a gamble making any requests at all, which is why she tried her hardest to stay calm and respectable, in spite of the small satisfaction she felt seeing Renee's obvious dismay.

"Yes." Renee said reluctantly. "For now at least."

"Renee, don't worry. Just leave her with me." Lincoln stepped in. "I'll keep her out of trouble from now on." He offered Lucy his hand and she grabbed it, giving him a small nod.

"You better." Renee grunted. "Now get to the dinner table, I'll get the rest of you."

As she walked back into the hall, Lincoln turned to his sister, careful to keep his voice down.

"Lucy, are you okay?"

"As well as I can be, given the circumstances." She replied. "Using some _select_ toothbrushes helped me keep up morale and not give into my soul-gobbling depression."

Lincoln noted how calm she was, which was nothing unusual for Lucy on most days, but not under these circumstances. Lucy noticed his worried expression and had a strong hunch about what he was thinking right now.

"I'm happy to be reunited." She gently placed her other hand on his wrist. "I got the message while I served my time."

"You did, I know." He nodded.

"I understand that this is not the time or place to talk about it." She nodded back. "But you promised that I would learn something important by tonight."

Lincoln sighed. "I'm sorry we strung you along for so long….." he shifted, knowing now there was no turning back "…..and I promise you'll understand soon enough."

"My trust in you in on the line." Lucy said simply.

Lincoln nodded, not needing any more hints that Lucy was through playing his games. And he wouldn't let her down again.

* * *

"There, piece of cake." Ryan sighed with relief and wiped his sweaty forehead, marveling at the neatly-arranged stack of boxes that were lining the wall.

It might have been hard and strenuous doing his job within the confines of this stuffy attic in the middle of June, and he had the sweaty pits to prove it, but Ryan would not allow Lincoln to have the last laugh by insinuating that he was scared of some physical work.

The dork would have needed over half a day to do something that Ryan finished within an hour…..or at least he thought it was only an hour, there was no clock up here, other than the broken-down grandfather clock Luan was currently dusting.

Luan proved surprisingly efficient at dusting the attic. Ryan assumed his presence likely gave her the emotional support to put her mind to it and get the job done. On the other hand, there was no doubt that Luan put a lot of time and effort in meticulously planning out her pranks on April Fools, or even on a daily basis, so she was apparently a natural hard worker, as long as she had the proper motivation.

The cobwebs were gone, and you could now pace back and worth without ever feeling the temptation to sneeze. Ryan smiled with satisfaction. If his sister was hoping for Luan to be stuck up here working as a scullery maid until midnight, then she was in for a nasty letdown. Ryan loved seeing his sister be disappointed.

He only hoped that Lucy was doing as well. It wasn't unknown for Renee to use bluffs to scare kids into submission, like saying that they would be going to bed hungry if they don't complete their task, but with Lucy he couldn't be sure. Renee's disdain for her seemed to go deeper than the former's general disdain for anyone who wanted to have fun.

"You done yet?" he strolled over to Luan. "I kinda bragged to Renee we would get the job done in an hour?"

Luan, who was wearing a bandana, gave him a half-annoyed look. "Don't get all _wound up_ , I'm always _punctual_." After that she gave in and tittered.

"Clock jokes, huh? Someone's in a better mood." Ryan teased. "But seriously, you don't want to _tick_ her off."

"Less _tocking_ and more working then." Luan retorted.

"I'm all done, take a look yourself?" Ryan gestured at the stack, and Luan went agape with amazement.

"You're finished?" she asked incredulously.

"Sure, it was a cinch." Ryan shrugged. "A little heavy-lifting is no problem for me."

Luan slowly grew a smile and rested on her knees as she chuckled with disbelief. Ryan was glad to see her happy, for he worried that very soon she would be anything but happy.

"Jumping Jiminy Christmas, you maniac! How'd ya do it so fast? I thought I was the magician here?"

"Upper arm strength, baby." Ryan shrugged coolly.

"I'll say…" Luan still couldn't believe it. "You….you really _stacked_ the odds in our favor."

Ryan laughed. "Now, now, don't give me all the credit, Lu. I mean, you cleaned this place up just as fast. Look at it?" he exclaimed while pointing up. "Not a single spider web in sight."

Luan blushed. "Well…..I couldn't let your sister have the satisfaction of thinking that I'm some incompetent layabout."

"I'm sure she'll be eating her words, insinuating that you can't even drive a nail into a board." Ryan nodded, glancing at the hole in the wall.

"Plus…..I kinda felt a new surge of energy when you came to my aid." She said impishly, until she noticed that she was holding her feather duster too close to her face and promptly peeled away the silk off her cheek in embarrassment.

Ryan sniggered. "Perhaps Renee was on to something? You make a great scullery maid. The bandana works for ya."

"As if…." Luan scoffed but quickly smirked again. "I was not _maid_ for this job."

"I dunno…" Ryan shrugged. "Men do the heavy lifting, women are handy with the feather duster, it's what nature intended and the two of us just proved it."

Luan scowled and threw the duster at him. It bounced of his chest and Ryan promptly caught it.

"Very funny, wise guy." She snarked before grabbing the broom. "But that's a _sweeping_ generalization." She joked while passing by him, sweeping what little was left to sweep.

Peeling some silk off his shirt, Ryan rolled his eyes with amusement. "You're firing these puns left and right now? Yup, you're defiantly in a good mood."

Luan smiled. "Of course I am."

"Oh, so you're not mad how I was being a chauvinistic pig a second ago?" Ryan quipped.

Luan chortled. "Nah, I can take a joke. The thing about cracking jokes is that some marginalized group will always get offended by it, no matter how tactful you try to be. Well….they, and the people who try to play white knight."

"Oh, you just made my day." Ryan laughed and approached her. "That's always the reaction I get when I try to be funny."

Luan smirked. "Maybe you oughta try more puns and less making jabs about people's shortcomings, even if most of them are true. Most folks don't want to laugh about themselves."

"Most don't know how to laugh at puns either, Cinderella." Ryan quipped in response.

"Cinderella?" Luan smiled. "Aww….you're saying that I'm an ignored and overlooked beauty?"

Ryan gulped and quickly sought to change the topic. He certainly thought Luan was a lot more attractive than her peers ever cared to acknowledge, but that wasn't the type of compliment one would give to a platonic friend who was a girl.

"Say, you think Lucy is doing okay?" he said quickly and sat on a nearby crate. "I wish I could have helped her, but Renee has a strict rule about assisting "prisoners"."

Luan pouted, disappointed that he didn't answer, but Lucy was not a topic she would want to dismiss.

"I dunno, the poor thing. I wanted to help her too but you know how your sister is." She sighed and sat next to him. They had finished their chore, now they just needed Renee to pull up the ladder again so they could climb down.

With no work to distract them however, Ryan grew nervous about being alone with Luan. They had avoided any flirting so far, but he knew she couldn't refrain from that for long.

"Well, I have some good news….sort of…." he told her. "I snuck a note to her explaining what happened, just so she knows that this was all Lynn's doing, and that the rest of us didn't bamboozle her."

Luan blinked. "You did that? Did Renee spot you?"

"Almost, luckily I have quick reflexes." Ryan boasted. "It's not much, but hopefully it will give the kid enough willpower to finish her task, knowing we still have her back."

"Except, Lynn." Luan's face darkened. "I know her and Lynn aren't pals, but this….gosh….this was low, even for her."

Ryan tugged the collar of his shirt. "Now, Lu…..try and forgive her. She panicked."

"Panicked? Are you defending her now?" Luan asked harshly.

"No, I ain't." Ryan reassured her. "But….eh…I get why she did it. She didn't mean to do it, it was an off the cuff reaction. She's scared about getting in trouble if your folks learn about Lyle."

"That's no excuse for taking 7-years-olds hostage. She made that mess and now-"

"Lu, try to understand. You think we started that feud with Mohawk Moron and his goons?"

Luan looked at him with uncertainty. "Knowing, Lynn…"

"I know she has a short-fuse, but we were just minding our own business. You know the story, I took her to the gorge beneath that big bridge, we were swimming, having fun, and then he and his pals showed up and started throwing pebbles at us." Ryan explained. "Then he….eh….started making crass comments at Lynn and…..well, she decked him in the face."

"I know, I remember…." Luan scoffed sarcastically. "Classic Lynn, always escalating things with her foul temper."

"It's not all her fault. I doubt that slimebag would have let us leave after merely roasting us with his not-so-witty insults." Ryan elaborated. "Plus, your folks went on this big trip with your sister, I think we owe it to them to let them enjoy their trip without worrying about this feud. They would have gone on the trip regardless, so what was there to gain if they'd learned about Lyle today?"

"Nothing, I guess…." Luan mused. "I just hope Lucy somehow cleans that bathroom. I don't want her to stay there for the rest of the day and go to bed hungry."

"Um…..I wouldn't worry too much." Ryan tried to reassure her. "Renee often makes these bluff threats to get kids to do their job quicker….well, sometimes at least."

"Let's hope so, at least she wasn't the only one who had to suffer." Luan sighed, gesturing at the attic. "I hope that will bring her some comfort, though…..she didn't have a little helper who did most of the grunt work."

Ryan chuckled. "All the strength in the world is useless if you're cleaning the floor with a toothbrush. She probably grabbed Lynn's toothbrush for the job."

Luan snickered. "Ryan? Thanks a lot for helping me. You didn't have to but…."

"It was nothing; I'd never leave you in the lurch." Ryan insisted. "Lincoln thought I was crazy for volunteering for this job, but I told him that if Luan needed me I'd come to her aid in a heartbeat."

Luan blushed. "Thanks, that was very sweet of you." she replied softly and scooted closer, making him uneasy. "With you around, I never have to worry about finding a helping hand?"

"Glad to be of service, ma'am." Ryan joked and studied the attic. "Wish it could be in better surroundings though. All this gloomy darkness would be more up Lucy's alley, I prefer the sunny outdoors to kick back and relax."

"It's not too bad…." Luan said suggestively "…it's kinda like when we rode that ferris wheel. All alone and nobody here to bother us?"

Her tone made the hair on his neck stand up as he noticed that her face was inches away from hers. Ryan gulped and started sweating. "Alone? Heh….guess we are?"

"Yeah, remember what happened on the ferris wheel? I tried to kiss you but you were shy about it. Said you didn't want to rush into things?" Luan giggled. "Have….have you given it some thought since then?"

Ryan scooted back, perspiring profusely. "That? I dunno…..haven't really thought about it…eh what with the picnic trip and Lynn and Lucy dragging me off to do their things….."

Luan raised an eyebrow but soon smiled again. "I don't think that requires much thought. We can do it now?"

Ryan's blood ran cold. And here it was, she was even more upfront than before. He chuckled awkwardly. "Kiss? Eh…you mean like on the lips and…."

"What do you think I mean?" Luan giggled and scooted even closer, cornering him against the wall. "It's only scary on the first try; then you're used to it."

Time seemed to slow down as Ryan saw her pucker up and lean forward. With all remaining willpower, Ryan grabbed her by the shoulders and gently pushed her back, much to her surprise.

"Luan, wow, let's not get crazy." He said breathlessly.

Luan blinked. "Ryan, what's the matter?"

"You were trying to lock lips with me." The boy pointed out anxiously, only adding to her confusion.

"So? Don't you want to kiss me?" she squinted. "C'mon, Ryan, you can't still be shy about it?"

"No….I mean yes…eh I mean…." The boy grew increasingly flustered as he tried to talk his way out of it.

Luan sniggered. "Ryan, you're being silly. You know that I really like you, and you like me?"

Ryan felt his throat drying up as she looked at him with her beautiful and soulful eyes that soon grew a small glimmer of fear. "Right?"

"Of course I like you, Luan." He chuckled awkwardly. "You're great, you're funny….you're…"

"Then what's the holdup?" she asked jokingly and leaned closer. "You don't want to kiss your girlfriend?"

Instead of giving him the chance to talk, she closed her eyes and went for the kiss, forcing Ryan to scoot away further until he fell off the crate. The crash jolted Luan and she looked down worriedly.

"Ryan, are you alright?"

"Never better!" he jumped to his feet and rubbed his head.

"Ryan, what happened? Were you trying to get away from me?" Luan asked as she stood on her feet and gently grabbed his hand.

"Girlfriend? You say girlfriend?" he jerked back nervously. "Lu, we….we're not dating." He blurted.

"What?" Luan looked horrified. Ryan gulped and mentally kicked himself. He let it slip and now he was faced with a devastated girl who would no doubt be broken beyond all hope after such a rejection.

"What do you mean "we're not dating"?" she asked, looking extremely hurt.

Ryan had never felt so nervous in his entire life. There was no going back now, he said it to her. Now he was forced to do something he had never attempted to do in his life; handle a situation delicately. But no amount of tact could possibly shield a girl like Luan from heartbreak.

"I…..eh…I thought we were friends? There was no talk about dating?" he answered nervously.

"Friends?" she looked at him like he was crazy and stepped closer with an annoyed scowl. "Is this some kind of bad joke?"

"Well….I…" Ryan fidgeted.

"You asked me out on a date, we sat together on the ferris wheel, you won a tone of plush toys for me, we had a smoothie together, we went to the park together, we flirted, that's called _dating_!"

It certainly sounded like dating, Ryan couldn't deny it. "Yes, we did all of that, I had lots of fun the whole time…..but….that doesn't equal dating."

Luan stepped back, the look of horror remaining as it was. "You….you don't like me?"

"Wha-no! Of course I like you." the sweaty Ryan insisted, unable to bear the thought of making her cry. "You're pretty, you're funny, you're a riot to be around. I really do like you. I meant everything I said about you."

Luan wasn't any happier, only more confused. "Then what do you mean we're not dating? I like you, you like me? What's the problem?"

"I….eh….it's not you, Lu. Really. I loved our date….but eh….c'mon now? You're not seriously planning to get serious like that? We're just kids….."

Luan's brow furrowed. "Yes, yes I am. Why wouldn't I? You were flattering me nonstop since we met!"

"Eh….yes, yes I did. And I meant everything wholeheartedly." Ryan insisted. "But I thought it was just…eh…y'know….harmless flirting?"

"Harmless flirting?"

"Yeah, yeah, remember what I said about not rushing things?" Ryan shrugged sheepishly. "We're kids, we shouldn't be worrying about that kind of stuff. We're free creatures who don't let themselves be bound by such commitments? Like….like a wild eagle soaring through the vast, blue sky, all unrestrained and stuff?"

Oh, words could not describe how shitty he felt saying that, considering the whole reason he was giving this speech to her was because of another girl, and he was the one who made the first move and kept enforcing the idea.

" _It's not considered cheating if I never even called her my girlfriend?_ " he wondered.

"Ryan, you're not making any sense?" Luan retorted irritably. "What's the big deal about dating a girl you really, really like? I don't see the darn problem here?"

"Well….eh….." Ryan grew more and more tongue-tied.

"Well what?" Luan barked. "This really isn't funny!"

"I think it's just better to stay friends, keeps things simpler." He answered quickly. "Dating makes things so needlessly complicated, just being friends is a lot more fun. A little casual flirting spices things up, but commitments muddle everything."

Luan turned silent and squinted. "Commitments? You saying you're scared of commitment?"

"No, no, not at all." Ryan raised his hands. "I just don't think diving head-first into this drama-filled dating business is the right thing to do. You're a great friend, Luan, I never had a buddy like you and your siblings, and I don't want to ruin this friendship with such complications."

"Complications?" Luan couldn't make sense of this.

"Yes, yes, we had such a great time so far as friends, who goof around, make prank calls and you show me your magic tricks? I stand up for you against rich broads trying to beat you down? We help each other out with chores? Who would want to ruin such a beautiful friendship?"

" _Friendship?_ " that word gave Luan migraines, partly out of confusion but partly out of other reasons. " _He's….he's friendzoning me?!_ "

"Yeah, we make such great pals, why change that?" Ryan continued and hesitantly placed his arm over her shoulders. "To quote some wise toys….eh…"you have a friend in me."Isn't that such an inspiring phrase with so much weight, ethos and…eh junk?"

Luan's eyes twitched. Why was he saying these things? Things were going so smoothly between them? Okay, so maybe they never officially used the b-word or the g-word out loud, or ever talked about dating specifically, but some things didn't need to be spoken to be understood?

" _Is it Lynn? She wouldn't do this to me now?! Not after we faced Kathleen together?_ " Luan didn't want to consider that possibility, but she knew Lynn had a thing for Ryan and she didn't take losing well. Was she still trying to get what she felt entitled to? Or was Ryan just suffering from ye old macho fear of commitment, as he implied? Or both?

"Eh, Luan? Don't you see my point?" Ryan spoke up sheepishly, fearing she was going to freak out any minute.

"Friends? You wanna be just friends?" Luan stepped back, twitching, shaking and sporting a forced smile.

" _Oh, this is not going well_ ….." Ryan swallowed a lump. " _Please don't cry_ …."

"Say, you want to do those magic tricks?" he suggested in a last-ditch attempt to smooth things over.

"Friends? Yeah, friends…." Luan chuckled uncomfortably. She tried to compose herself. Maybe she shouldn't jump to conclusions just yet and get a better understanding of what was going on with Ryan, and why he was trying to get out of this blossoming relationship?

"Yes, _friends_ ….." Ryan replied tentatively. "I'm very lucky to have run into a friend like you. If this week was any indicator, boy, I can't wait for all the crazy antics you'll drag me into in the future." He laughed and swung his fist joyfully.

"Yeah, crazy antics….." Luan forced a teeth-clenched grin and grew stiff.

" _Oh, please. Something happen to get me out of this_?" Ryan pleaded inwardly when they heard a knock on the hatch.

The hatch opened, and Renee's head popped up and her eyes soon widened. Ryan grew ecstatic. He never thought he would be happy to see his sister?

"Sis, you're back!" he quickly approached the stunned teen. "Did we do a good job, huh? I told ya we would clean this place within an hour?"

Trying not to let her jaw drop again, Renee stepped into the attic and studied every square inch. Surely not all the Loud sisters were secretly wizards at housework?

"No need to congratulate us, Ren. A job well done is its own reward." Ryan said hastily while the disheartened Luan just stared at him, barely even registering Renee's presence.

"It would seem so…" Renee said in a low voice, visibly disappointed. "Fortunate for you, for now you won't be missing dinner."

"Dinner? Awesome!" Ryan exclaimed as he stepped onto the ladder. "But before we chow, mind if I feed Marceline first? No? Thanks! By!" And with that, he was gone like the wind.

Renee let out a low growl before facing Luan, who still seemed to be oblivious to her presence.

"I'm surprised, kid. You did well, _both of you_." Renee reluctantly said as she observed the place once more. "I assume you did most of the dusting, while my brother stacked those boxes?"

"Eh….yeah…." Luan mumbled, barely caring about any of that.

* * *

Unable to find Marceline, Ryan returned upstairs in time for his doctor's appointment.

"Will you hurry it up, doc? I bust a hump cleaning _your_ attic, so I deserve some nourishment." Ryan groaned, sitting on Lisa's bed while the toddler applied some dermal adhesive to the wounds on his palm, after having cleaned them with sterile saline.

"Do you wish to have your abrasions treated or not?" Lisa deadpanned. "Medical treatment cannot be rushed."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "So is this all? I won't need any stitching?" he asked curtly.

"Fortunately for you, no. I see no evidence of tetanus or any other form of bacterial disease, and the lacerations are only surface level. You were very wise to sterilize and disinfect them immediately after your ordeal with the canine, every cut has the propensity for infection if left untreated." Lisa said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, well, where I'm from animal attacks are an everyday occurrence. You learn the basics." Ryan snorted. "And this is it, right? I'm free to go?"

"Not exactly, I would prefer it if you returned tomorrow so I can check for any purulent discharge."

"Huh?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "I want to check for puss, and secondly…."

Ryan jerked back as Lisa was suddenly holding a vaccine. "Considering your soft tissue came into contact with the sullied and insanitary dentition of a canine, you should take the precautionary measure and take the administration of a vaccine against the _Rabies lyssavirus_ virus _,_ the most common cause behind canine-related assaults."

"No thank you!" Ryan flinched. "I ain't taking no shots. That dog was not rabid, trust me, I've seen rabid animals. I know how they act, and this one was fit as a fiddle."

"Suit yourself." Lisa placed the vaccine down. "But you're committing this act of medical negligence at your own peril."

"I'll take my chances, thank you." Ryan snarked. He wasn't worried though, a rabid wolf wouldn't be smart enough to disarm you while you were distracted or know how to trick another animal to knock you out of a tree, or would live to see the date of their original encounter, two months down the line.

"You know, I didn't anticipate you being so disquieted and jittery during a rudimentary medical procedure which caused no disturbances to your receptive tissue? It was very quaint." Lisa said with the tiniest hint of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah, do I need to cover these scratches?" Ryan asked curtly, not needing a dictionary to figure out what Smarty Pants was getting at.

"Yes, protection would be recommended to minimize the chances of infection." Lisa nodded. "You can reapply your bandages."

"I'd prefer something less restrictive." Ryan groaned.

"Any form of handwear could suffice; you can find some admits the hand-me-downs." Lisa shrugged as she suddenly walked towards her closet and came back pushing a box.

"Hand-me-downs?"

"They're merely an accumulation of belongings from my older siblings for which they have no further usage. Given the overcrowding of useless trinkets in both our attic and garage, mother and father were forced to store some in my room, which admittedly has ample amounts of space." Lisa grunted while struggling to push the box.

"You don't say." Ryan scoffed. "Linky gets to sleep in a closet, the others are stuck with roommates that constantly squabble with them, but you got all of this to yourself? It's quite spacey once you take out all the lab stuff?"

Lisa stopped, yet again feeling crappy about herself. "Well….our living arrangements rotated a lot as more siblings came. Of course, I was last in line, at which point we had an odd number of female siblings, so…."

Ryan rolled his eyes and sighed. "Whatever, lemme take a look." He grabbed the edged of the box and pulled it closer to rummage through it.

"Defiantly not." He snarked while holding a pair of pink sparkle gloves and threw them away before finding a pair of boxing gloves. "Pfffftt…..that's even more restrictive." He scoffed and threw them over his shoulder.

"May I ask a question?" Lisa suddenly spoke.

"What?"

Lisa felt her throat drying. "About my brother…..has he…..eh…."

"Mentioned you? Not really." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Not in so many words at least."

Lisa just looked at him, disheartened. "But…but he has mentioned my name?"

" _Might as well play messenger while I'm at it_." Ryan figured. " _I shouldn't squander my chance to keep tabs on her_."

"Both him and Lynn are pretty mad at you. Don't need to be a genius to figure that out." he continued uncaringly. "Though with Lynn, it probably has more to do with you hypnotizing her into spanking herself. Seems kinda morally questionable, y'know? Brainwashing people against their will?"

Lisa just felt worse being reminded of this. She hadn't really thought much about the ethic implications of her past projects, sans making sure they weren't physically or mentally harmful, and even then, her track record showed that testing your inventions beforehand still didn't guarantee that they were safe to work with, or that they wouldn't randomly combust.

"Though the zombie thing didn't sit well with her either?" Ryan shrugged. "Y'know, you should probably at least apologize to them sometime soon?"

"You think a mere apology will be enough?" Lisa asked incredulously. Was this guy serious?

"Course not, I'm just messing with you." Ryan snorted and finally looked at her. "But living with siblings who hate you and don't want to speak to you is bound get…..awkward, _Lizzie_."

"Could you please not use that inane designation?" Lisa ranted.

"Would Dr. Frankenstein be better?" Ryan smirked, causing her to deflate and sniff.

He wasn't sure if he actually felt any sympathy for this small menace to humanity, but he had promised to Lincoln and Lynn that he would help them fix things with their family, and Lisa was still part of that family and a with her mad scientist antics, she was a serious liability that should not be left unchecked.

And perhaps, as someone who prided himself for his strength and unquestionable charisma, he hated seeing someone with a strong talent being reduced to a weeping sad sack? For better or worse, a toddler mad scientist was something that could not and should not be dismissed and ignored.

"Come now, don't start bawling your eyes out?" Ryan continued, feeling some semblance of pity. "You want my advice on the matter?"

"Why are you willing to communicate with me?" she asked. "You were right there and nearly perished, just like Lincoln and me?"

"Dunno, probably cuz I never cared for you one way or the other?" The boy shrugged.

"That's very morally elevating." Lisa said with bitter sarcasm.

"Look, Four Eyes. I told you that what's done is done. Playing the sad violin won't change that." Ryan continued. "Lincoln's mad at you, but anger is like mist, it eventually fades away. Or in other words, after Lincoln cools off you can try and patch things up with him?"

Lisa blinked. "You theorize that reconciliation between me and him is even remotely feasible?"

"No clue, personally I would just lock you up in some government facility…." Ryan quipped, unaware that his comment made Lisa's blood run cold.

"….but he might think differently after pulling himself back together from that nasty fright? He is such a goody-two-shoes. It's worth a try? Better than just sitting in your room and wallowing in self-pity, that's for sure."

Lisa looked down, not exactly feeling encouraged by his "pep talk". But Ryan's argument still made logical sense, being proactive in trying to deal with this issue was still favorable to being reactive and resigning yourself to self-imposed isolation from one of the few people in your family who exhibited any form of intelligence.

"And for what it's worth, I did sorta tell him about your funk and asked him if he wanted to talk to you again, and he just said "that can wait for now"?" Ryan revealed.

Lisa looked at him, her curiosity peaked. "He did?" It wasn't much to go on but it was intriguing?

"Yup, but you better give him some more time to ponder and cool off." Ryan advised her. "Like, at least a day or two. And don't do any science stuff while you're waiting, I can only save your beacon so many times."

Lisa didn't say anything and just mused. In spite of the whirlwind of emotions both her and Lincoln had experienced in the wake of her "accident", her brother had not turned his back on plain logic. He seemed to at least be considering reestablishing communications with her, if only for practical and pragmatic reasons. And she had no intention to bungle her chance to mend bonds, even if she had to bide her time.

* * *

Lisa wasn't the only one who was suffering an existential crisis at the moment, though Luna's plight did not quite have the same pathos, to put it mildly.

"I think this might call for exorcism?" Lucy said as she and Lincoln watched Luna laying on her bed in a fetal position, quivering, sobbing and rocking like a mental patient. The expression on her face was blank and almost dead-like.

To Lincoln, it was quite disconcerting seeing Luna like this. Luna was one of, if not the most mellow and level-headed of his sisters, relatively speaking that is. Pretty much all of his sisters were very much defined by their passion in life, and messing with that passion could yield some melodramatic results, and Luna was seemingly no exception.

Though Lincoln himself, admittedly, wasn't blameless in the "making a mountain out of a molehill" department. But as he and Lynn could attest, learning to mature from that mindset requires some drastic experiences.

"Luna, c'mon, we're having dinner, that might cheer you up?" he started gently. The rocker didn't even respond.

"I doubt having dinner with her captor will have that effect." Lucy disagreed.

"Not helping…." Lincoln rolled his eyes.

"Luna…" he lightly touched her hand "…..I'm sorry you can't go to that concert. I know what it's like when you can't go to some place or event you really want to, I've been there plenty. But it's not the end of the world."

"End of the world?!" In the blink of an eye, Luna was suddenly on her feet. Lucy jumped back while Lincoln yelped as he was hoisted up in the air.

"This is ten times worse!" Luna screamed while frantically shaking him. "I've dreamt of getting Pucker Uppenheimer's autograph since I was nine! And take pictures with him!"

"You're being unreasonably enthusiastic." Lucy said morosely. "People of high fame rarely care about giving their humble fans the time of the day."

Luna didn't even hear her. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" she cried while staring into Lincoln's sole with deranged eyes, making him quite unnerved. "For me and Sam to share this narly experience together!"

He chuckled nervously. "Don't be so negative Luna, it's not like you. I mean, they're a band, right? Bands play more than one concert? You two will get another chance….someday?"

"Are you wankers! Do you know how hard it is to get even one lousy ticket for their concerts?" Luna cried as she resumed shaking him. "Sam was beyond lucky to get those tickets, only for that psycho to come along and lock me up in my own home!"

Lucy looked at the window and noticed that it was boarded up and surrounded by spike wire. "That's disturbing." She said grimly.

"It's cruel and inhumane, man!" Luna pulled her brother just inches away from her face. "Me and Sam wanted to do this ever since we met in middle school! What kind of a soulless, sadistic monster would be cruel enough to do something like this to a girl? To heartlessly whisk away her one chance to fulfill a dream?"

"Renee Taylor, she has ice coursing through her veins." Lucy grumbled, but was ignored again.

"Um….look on the bright side? Maybe your plight will inspire you to write one wicked power ballad?" Lincoln tried to cheer her up. "Don't musicians brainstorm their best songs when they get emotional?"

"Linc, bro! Please help me! Help me escape! I beg of you!" Luna pleaded.

"Luna…" Lincoln sighed, his worst fear confirmed "…..can you put me down first?"

"Oh, right?" Luna giggled uneasily while her eye twitched. She dropped him and he unceremoniously plopped on his butt. "So will you please help me? You always know how to get out of sticky situations?"

"Why should he help you?" Lucy asked. "When was the last time you helped him?"

Luna sent her a dirty glare. "Stay out of this, Lucy! You don't understand this."

"I understand that throwing a tantrum over a music festival is rather petulant." The goth retorted evenly. Luna narrowed her eyes.

"Luna, I'm not helping you escape." Lincoln stood up and dusted himself. Luna turned to him, utterly dumbfounded.

"Dude, you pulling my leg here?"

"Trying to escape Renee is a fool's errand." He continued. "You saw how she handled the twins, you remember how she brought you down with one move? Even Lynn doesn't want to cross her. We can't escape her, we gotta accept this. All we can do is keep our heads down and behave till she leaves."

"Linc? You're bailing on me now?" Luna asked indignantly while pointing at herself.

"He's being sensible." Lucy said, not that the rocker heard her.

"No, I'm trying to look out for you." Lincoln replied firmly.

"Then why don't you want to help me?" Luna scowled. "Not cool, bro."

"Have you been listening to a word I said?" Lincoln threw his arms up. "Renee's unbeatable, what do you want me to do, to break the rules and get myself into trouble? You escape while I'm left behind to face the consequences?"

Luna bit her lip but didn't reply. She looked aside and clenched her fists.

"If you care to hear my advice…." Lucy started as she walked up to Lincoln and faced the rocker. "Our existence is nothing more than a long string of disappointment, desire is suffering. Life is unfair and thus craving for something is the cause of all suffering. No matter how passionate you are about something, the universe seldom has plans to reward you for your passions."

"Will you zip it, Lucy!" Luna suddenly snapped. "Blimey! I had enough headaches for today; I don't need your stupid pessimism to harsh my mellow!"

"You can't talk to her like that!" Lincoln raised his voice. "It's not her fault we're in this predicament."

"No….." Luna's face softened a bit. "It's all Lori's fault, that selfish egomaniac!" she threw her arms up. "She had to get involved with that quinceanera stuff, drag mom and dad along, and dump us at the mercy of some buzz kill control freak!"

Lincoln's face hardened but he kept his tone even. His sister was just trying to pin the blame for her sorrow on someone. "Look, I'm not one to defend Lori, but you can't blame her for this?"

Luna shot him an annoyed look.

"Look, this trip was very important, not even for her as much as for Bobby, and their relationship. Believe me, she didn't do this out of selfish reasons."

"Oh, so it's all about her and Bobby then?" Luna retorted. "But our relationships with our peeps don't mean jack, huh?"

"Lucy, you're back!" they all heard Luan's voice and the goth turned around just in time to be embraced.

"Aye….not her now…." Luna facepalmed.

"You had me worried."

"Luan…." Lucy said incredulously "…..I'm fine, really…."

"Luan, you finished with your chore?" Lincoln asked, remembering how Renee had brought the ladder.

"Sure am, Ryan helped speed things up." The comedian chuckled. "And here I was worried this would be a _chore_ to get through. Get it?"

Luan didn't dwell on her pun this time and faced Lucy with a somber expression. "Are you feeling well?"

"I'm fine, Luan." The goth reassured her. "The isolation and confined space were maddening, the task was humiliating and laborious, but I kept going and served my sentence."

Luan blinked. "Wait, you did it? You cleaned the bathroom with-"

"She most certainly did." Lincoln nodded with some levity. "You should have seen the look on Renee's face when she saw our bathroom all nice and shiny?"

It took her a moment to process that, but once she did Luan chuckled incredulously. "I can imagine, cuz I left her speechless too once she saw the attic. Good job, Luce!" she slapped Lucy's shoulder playfully. "You're a real trooper!"

"Um….thanks." Lucy replied tentatively, though Luan's show of concern for her was defiantly welcoming change of pace.

Luan turned to the rocker. "So, what was with all the yelling? Sounds like someone in this room went _heavy mental_?" Luna seethed as Luan giggled at her own joke.

"Luna's upset that Renee won't let her go to a SMOOCH concert with that Sam girl, who apparently got her hands on two ultra-rare tickets." Lincoln explained.

"Oh, what a bummer." Luan feigned sympathy. "Tough luck there, sis. I'm _so_ sorry….."

"Don't hurt yourself with the sympathy…." Luna scoffed.

"Well, look on the bright side, Luna?" Luan shrugged. "I'm sure that Sam would have had a rocking time with you, but this way she can find a hot date to _smooch_ with during the concert."

Lincoln sniggered. Okay, that one was kind of funny. But Luna had a very different reaction.

'Get out of my room!" she yelled and stomped her foot, startling everyone.

Luan narrowed her eyes. "I live here too, Metalhead! I'll come and go when I feel like it!"

"Girls, calm down." Lincoln was quick to step between them.

"You're absolutely right, Lincoln." Luan huffed and her demeanor changed. "No need to make a fuss over this, not when Luna will be moving out of here soon."

"What are you talking about?" the rocker blurted. Lucy was likely surprised.

"I'm swapping roommates." Luan said casually, watching her fingernails. "I grew tired of you."

"Luan, let's not phrase it like that." Lincoln tried to downplay it. "Luan just felt like a change of scenery would do her good."

"Yup, and you're looking at my new roommate!" Luan proudly proclaimed and pulled Lucy into a one-armed hug.

"Wait, what?" the goth blurted.

"So you can pack your drums and _beat_ it!" Luan scoffed smugly, much to Luna's irritation. The four of them suddenly heard throat clearing and were startled to find Renee standing at the doorway.

"I thought I told you miscreants to come for dinner?" She said stiffly.

"Renee!" Luna yelped. "I swear I was coming, but Luan came here to start a fight!"

"I did not!" Luan retorted.

"I don't care who started it." Renee massaged her forehead. "Just get down, dinner is falling behind schedule!"

"We will." Lincoln stepped up. "Me, Luan and Lynn have a big announcement to make at the table. Luan sorta spoiled it for you two though." He told Luna and Lucy.

Luan chuckled awkwardly. "Ups? No cake for me I suppose?"

"Riveting…." Renee rolled her eyes. "Can you brats get down now?"

"Oh, Renee! I have wonderful news!"

Renee groaned hearing that voice, as a certain blonde came rushing to her side, holding a flyer.

"Hey, guys! Guess what!" she happily waved at her siblings, none of which returned the gesture.

"Renee, I spent like hours totes remembering all your rules!" she exclaimed to their guardian, who looked as disinterested as humanly possible.

"No, wait?" Leni tapped her chin. "That wasn't the first thing I wanted to tell you?"

"Has that anything to do with the rock you're holding?" Renee deadpanned, making Leni realize she was holding a ruby pebble in her other hand.

"Oh, yes! I wanted to give you this pretty pebble! I found it myself." she squealed and handed it to Renee. "It's a friendship gift. I thought about buying something but it's the simple gifts that come from the heart!"

Renee rolled her eyes.

"Do you love it?" Leni asked eagerly.

"Mere words cannot describe my feelings about this generous offering." Renee replied dryly.

"Aw, it was nothing. And that's not all. I studied real hard to memorize all of your rules so I don't accidentally cause trouble." Leni smiled.

Lincoln sighed. "Leni, you really didn't need to do this-"

"C'mon, Renee, hit me!" Leni exclaimed as she handed her the flyer. "Ask me any random rule and I'll get it right!"

" _This might be worth a chuckle_." Renee rolled her eyes. "Fine, what's rule number seven?"

"Oh, I know this one?" Leni said and started snapping her fingers. "It's on the tip of my tongue-yes! No whistling in the hallway!"

"No…." Renee answered flatly. "It's no belching at the table."

"Dang it, I'm so sorry." Leni looked ashamed. "Alright, I'll get the next one right! I know….eh rule number eleven? It's…eh….eh?"

The other siblings groaned in annoyance, while Renee pinched the bridge of her nose.

"No late-night snacks?" Leni scratched her head when Renee grabbed her hand.

"Yeah, sure, congratulations….." Renee humored her and sought to get rid of her again. "But how about you do us a favor and go fetch that girl…..in the pink dress? So she won't be late for dinner?"

"Lola? Of course!" Leni clutched her hands. "Dinner is the most important meal of the day."

The moment she sped away, Renee handed Lincoln the pebble.

"Do me a favor and dispose of it." She told him before clapping her hands. "Alright let's get moving!"

The others obliged and headed downstairs.

* * *

 **If you enjoy this story, then I have some good news. Do to my tendency to go overboard with the length of the chapters; I have pretty much finished like 80% of the following chapter (with this and the next one having originally been conceived as one chapter). Ultimately, one of the girls will have to take a dive in order for this roommate swap to work out, and be stuck with Lola! Gasp! Shock!**

 **Keeping up with the ongoing theme of the sisters struggling to connect with each other due to their different attitudes and hobbies, I can imagine both Lynn and Lana frequently feeling left out by virtue of being the least feminine of the sisters. I have a suspicion that what Lynn told her little sister wasn't simply an attempt to sway her XD And now she has made what is probably her first real attempt at reaching out to one of her sisters, the only one who can understand her rowdy, tomboyish way of life, something that wasn't easy, as Lynn's past behavior had clearly soiled her image in Lana's eyes. But now it seems that Lana might finally sober up about the reality of her family's situation, and about Kathleen.**

 **Clearly, leaving Ryan alone with Luan was not the best idea, and in spite of not wanting to crush her, Ryan was cornered into a situation where he let it slip that they're not an item. And in spite of his attempts to explain himself and smooth things over, Luan clearly did not get the message. This and Lynn's treatment of Lucy is unlikely to make her relationship with the jock any better.**


	35. No Guts, No Glory: Family Dinner

Mr. Grouse was happily whistling while watering his flower garden. It was rare for the old man to be in such an uplifting mood these days, but yesterday turned out to be a surprisingly calm and carefree day, which was a rarity in this street. Sure, there had been some ruckus in the morning hours that woke him up early, and there was a traffic jam, which oddly enough had not been caused by a Loud, but once that was over Grouse suffered absolutely zero disturbances and was actually allowed to enjoy his day.

But then came the next day, and besides receiving a whack on the head by some flying choppers, there had been no other incidents to speak of, and it was almost 7 p.m? Then again, the Loud kids had taken a long trip with the van the previous day to…..who knows where? Grouse didn't give a crap where they went, as long as it was away from him.

And given how similarly quiet this day had been, they don't seem to have returned from their trip, sans maybe a quick stop by one of them, probably the buck-toothed girl judging by that prop that gave him the bump that was hidden beneath his sunhat. If these daily trips were to become a routine for them this summer, well, who was he to complain? He should probably encourage them to do it more? Now that he thought about it, he had almost forgotten how Lynn and Rita really weren't such terrible neighbors as long as their brats were far, far, far away from them.

This stroke of luck gave him the time to properly attend to his beloved garden of petunias, coneflowers, daylilies, marigolds and daisies. It was only today that Grouse had noticed how some of them were showing signs of neglect, which was unsurprising, as his obnoxious neighbors were increasingly hijacking all of his attention.

"Don't worry my fragile ones; you're nice and hydrated now." He chuckled while wiggling his finger. "In fact, just to make it up to you, I'm going to give you some new friends, I brought the seeds from the shop this morning. Be back in a moment."

Grouse walked back to his front door and closed it. If his lucky streak continued, this might just be the best day he has had in nearly eight years?

But the moment he was gone, Cliff emerged from a corner, tired and with his tongue hanging out. Hearing footsteps, he ran across the porch and ducked for the nearest cover he could find, the flowers.

Marceline soon caught up with him, and from her vantage point on the porch, she saw and heard a rustle in the flower bushes. This was honestly too easy. The savannah charged, only to have a door slammed in her face.

"Glad I snatched these iris seeds, even if they were pricey." Grouse said as he walked down, holding the small sack in one hand and a trowel in the other. "A dash of purple is just what my garden needs."

Stumbling away from the door with a stunned expression, the dizzy Marceline fell off the porch.

Grouse kneeled down, humming while planting the seeds. Cliff spotted him and grew nervous. The old mustachioed coot had no love for animals, wild or domesticated, and tended to throw things at them, big and painful things, if they trespassed on his property. He had seen Charles receive some nasty bruises on his rear bumper after burying bones in Grouse's yard, or digging up his flowers.

"What's that?" Grouse cupped his hear. "Oh, you're thirsty? No problem."

Cliff grew even more unnerved as he saw Grouse pick up his hose. No? Not that! Not water! Anything but water! On the verge of a panic attack, the shaking cat dug his claws into the dirt as Grouse watered the patch of dirt with no flowers.

"Now, don't be greedy. You had your fill." Cliff backed up against the fence, as Grouse turned towards him. "Alright, alright, just a little water."

Grouse started sprinkling the flowers while the cat trembled violently as more and more droplets hit him. It was just a little water, no need to freak out. Cliff tried his best to stay composed. If he waited a little longer surely the old man would leave?

Grouse whistled a happy tune, unaware of the savannah cat that was stumbling around back and forth behind him in a daze. She stepped on the hose and "suddenly", the water stopped running.

"What the?"Grouse scratched his head before smacking the hose repeatedly. "C'mon, ya blasted thing?"

Once Marceline stepped off it, the built-up water came blasting out and sprayed the flower bush, prompting Cliff to jump out with a loud screech. Before the old man could register what happened, he yelled in pain as the cat landed on his scalp and dug his claws into it.

"You?!" he growled and tried to grab him. Cliff swiftly jumped off and caught himself on the fence.

"You ain't getting away that easy!" Grouse exclaimed and blasted him with the hose, prompting Cliff to scale and leap over the fence in a heartbeat.

"That damn cat!" Grouse grumbled while tending the scratches on his head. "As if that mutt wasn't bad enough, now the Loud's cat is following suit? Maybe it's about time I gave animal control a call?" he pondered when the other cat appeared in front of him, sitting down and shaking her aching head.

Grouse yelped in fright and blasted her too. Marceline screeched and cleared the fence in one leap, while Grouse clutched his chest.

"What was that?" he blurted while rubbing his failing old eyes. "A bobcat?"

* * *

Lynn tapped her fingers while sitting next to Lana, the only other sibling that was present at the dinner table. The jock found this humorously ironic. She had rarely been the first one to arrive for any meal, as she usually got too caught up in her daily exercise routines to even remember her need for sustenance.

Renee had taken the liberty of pushing the "adult" and "kiddie" tables together, presumably so she could more easily supervise everyone. Lynn didn't mind it, as it made things all the more convenient for her team to make the big announcement. It was covered by a white tablecloth, and empty plates lined both sides, together with the proper utensils, napkins and empty cups.

Lynn had to admit, Renee did anything but a half-assed job setting this up.

Lana, looking bored, started fiddling with her plate. Lynn gently told her to knock it off.

"Be careful, squirt. Touching your plate before it's even full might upset Renee." she joked.

Lana groaned. "Seriously? And touching these?" she asked while holding her fork and spoon.

"Dunno, I'm no expert on table manners?" Lynn shrugged.

"Course not, you eat like a pig." Lana teased.

"Speak for yourself." Lynn shot back. "I at least never munched on doggy treats."

"What's wrong with that? They're delicious and cheap." Lana huffed proudly.

"Sure they are …" Lynn shook her head. "Just keep your plate clean. We don't want to end up like poor Lola by upsetting our "caring" babysitter and getting grounded. And we need to be here to relish the looks on our former roommates' faces when we officially ditch them."

Lana tittered. "Good thing Lola's on mute, cuz I wanna be the one dumping _her_."

Lynn chuckled. Oh, Lola was guaranteed to be upset. Even though the idea of losing her messy roommate would probably count as a win in the brat's book, being denied or dismissed would always rile her up, regardless of context. " _Oh, if only Lucy would give me the pleasure of actually being upset once I dump her? A girl can dream though_."

"Yeesh, Lynnster, ever heard of a surprise?" Ryan's voice cut in as he approached the two.

"Oh lookie? Our house boy has returned." Lynn snarked. "You still got some cobwebs on your cap."

Sneering, Ryan brushed it off with his hand. "Thanks for the "appreciation". I would have been done a lot sooner if _someone_ hadn't done some rearrangements up there."

Lynn remembered the DeMonet thing, and felt sheepish now. "Quit pouting, a little hard work never killed anyone." She joked snidely and took a whiff. "Love the B.O by the by. Reminds me of when we spar together."

Lana threw up a little in her throat. She wasn't going to get one bite down her gullet if this disgusting flirting didn't stop.

"I'm flattered." Ryan snarked back, shrugging and showing his sweaty pits in the process. Good thing he was in the company of the only two girls in this family who wouldn't lose their appetite at the sight. "Tedious as it was, I had no issue stacking those boxes. Glad I _volunteered_ for the job."

Lynn rolled her eyes, before noticing Lisa taking a seat across from them. As she looked at her, Lynn's eyes narrowed and the genius glanced down at her plate.

"Look who finally crawled out of her lab?" Lana pointed at her teasingly. Lisa didn't even notice it.

"You won't believe how happy she was that I paid her a visit?" Ryan said, primarily so he could give his friend an update on Lisa's activities, or lack thereof. "Lizzie has hit a major slump and she's currently sapped out of ideas. No major projects on her agenda, so good thing my accident with the kettle gave her a chance to practice her medical skills."

"Oh, so she's been having a slow day?" Lynn asked warily, causing the toddler to try and hide her face in shame. Lynn recalled how she had found Lisa passed out on the floor the previous day and her robo-fox confirmed that she had been dealing with insomnia. Insomnia was bound to stunt your capacity for brainstorming ideas.

"Indeed, not much going on in her _laboratory_." Ryan assured her. Lynn caught the inflection in his voice, and recalled how there wasn't much of a "laboratory" left the last time she visited Lisa, and for the better.

"So Lisa's just been sitting in her room, bored out of her skull?" Lana asked before scoffing. "Did you ever think about getting out and trying to have some real fun if you ain't inventing stuff for once, egghead?"

Lisa didn't respond and kept looking at her plate.

"Leave the brainiac alone, Lana. She can spend her free time however she wants." Lynn told her, purely for the sake of avoiding any squabbling. "Let's not lecture others about their choice in hobbies."

Ryan shook his head with amusement and gestured at Lisa. "Her hobby is very _interesting_. Nobody can deny that." His comment made her shrink further.

"What are you wearing?" Lynn snorted, noticing the black, fingerless biker gloves Ryan was wearing.

"I got them for medical reasons. My doctor advised me to cover my burns." Ryan said, shooting a deadpan look to Lisa. "And those bandages were irritating. So, what do you think?"He asked while clenching and rotating his fist for display.

"That someone forgot to tell you this ain't the eighties? And I thought the backward cap was bad?" Lynn quipped teasingly. Lisa was relieved that the attention was no longer on her.

Lana didn't think much of the cap comment, until it hit her. "Hey!"

"And you keep insisting that you don't care for fashion?" Ryan shot back. "Call me fashionably-challenge all you want, but at least I know how to keep my yap shut, so I don't spoil surprises for little ankle-biters." he reached over and ruffled the hair on Lana's exposed head.

She grumbled irritably and shot him a dirty glare.

"Quit bellyaching." Lynn retorted. "A surprise is a surprise, no matter the timing. And unsurprisingly, Lana was positively thrilled to hear my proposition."

"Gee, Lynn? Isn't it enough to be a bad sport? Now you gotta be a _spoilsport_ too?" came Luan's sarcastic retort. Ryan snickered, while the comedian and jock exchanged frosty glares at the dinner table yet again, and this time it wasn't simply about a boy.

"Now, Luan, don't be like that." Lincoln came in to alleviate the growing tension between the tweens. "You spoiled the surprise for both Luna and Lucy."

" _What surprise are they referring to?_ " Lisa couldn't help but think. She was usually not the one uninformed person in a room?

"Both of them?" Ryan slapped the comedian's arm playfully. "What kind of a party clown are you?"

"Oh, I don't blame her for fumbling it up. All that hard work must have worn her out." Lynn commented, trying to keep some pretense of civility, when she finally noticed Lucy standing next to Lincoln.

Lynn's face darkened, though she also battled with guilt. Lucy scowled at her, though you couldn't tell from her bags. She had some choice words for the jock but was sensible enough to remember that this wasn't the time or place to speak her mind, or use profanity.

"You're right, Lynn…" Luan snarked. "Locking up people is easy, doing chores around the house ain't."

"What's she talking about?" Lana asked the now nervous jock, while a dejected Luna took her seat next to Lisa, who grew even more puzzled hearing Luan's accusation.

"What does it matter?" Lucy answered hoarsely. "It's just routine behavior for Lynn."

Lynn glared at her, and although her bags hid it, Lynn knew the goth had been doing the same to her ever since her arrival.

"Spooky? Am I glad to see your ghostly visage again?" Ryan slapped her back. "This place was just dead without our favorite little creep to liven things up. How does it feel to have served your sentence?"

Lucy gave him a small smile. "Exulting, I also did my job. I simply….how would you say? I just _stayed strong and soldiered on_?" Ryan got the memo and was happy to see the small nod she gave him. Looking up, Lincoln did the same to Ryan and Lynn.

"Words to live by, kid. You really are a trooper." Ryan quipped.

"I told her the same thing." Luan chimed in. "She takes responsibility in strides, guilty or not, and doesn't try to dodge it, unlike some people I could mention?" She shot Lynn a look, much to the latter's annoyance.

Lincoln cleared his throat. "Now, girls, it's impolite to snipe at each other at the table, let's just have a nice dinner. We have a big announcement to make, remember?"

"You are right, and in hindsight, I'm actually glad Luan spoiled it." Lucy replied. "It gave me some time to think about it, and I'm happy to tell you that I approve of this decision very much."

"Big shocker…." Lynn muttered sardonically. "Only took ya three minutes to make that monumental decision, eh?"

"No… I actually made it in one minute. That decision corresponded with a dream I had for two years." Lucy said simply. Lynn rolled her eyes but saw no reason to complain.

Happy to hear it, Luan wrapped her arm around her little sister. "Yup, most of you know the gist by know. So don't worry, neither one of us will bother you "normies" anymore, for we shall be sharing our own room from here on now!" she declared triumphantly.

"We're unconventional and proud of it." Lucy agreed in a much more subdued tone.

"We're changing roommates?" Lisa asked quietly.

"Who cares….." Luna muttered, her mind elsewhere.

Lana made a face. "Wut? You two wanna share…."

"That's why I was reluctant to tell ya." Lynn elbowed her. "It's too absurd to believe unless you hear it yourself."

Lana didn't know what to make of that. She didn't have the foggiest clue how that pairing was supposed to work, but if that meant her being given the chance to ditch Lola permanently, who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth?

"That's splendid, gals. I'll make sure to give a toast to the two of you." Ryan smiled, much to Luan's delight. "So, Spooky, would you care to sit next to me?" he asked the goth.

Lucy considered but then glanced at Lynn, and shook her head. "Your offer is generous but I must decline. I would prefer to sit with someone else."

"Suit yourself." Ryan shrugged as Lucy strolled over to Lisa, when Luan came closer to him.

"I'd love to sit with you." she said a little too eagerly.

Ryan nervously stepped back. "That would be cool, Lu, but…..eh…." he glanced at Lynn "…I don't think sitting near Lynn would be the best idea?"

"Yeah, he's right." Lincoln nodded and quickly took the seat before Luan could. "Besides, I'm sure Lucy would love your company."

"I assumed you would sit with me, Luan." Lucy nodded simply.

Luan sighed and went over to the goth, making sure to give Lynn one final glare while doing so. Lincoln was relived, for now. He glanced irritably at their guest, who had made both of his sisters gaga for him.

They heard a raspy sigh, and saw Lola lumbering to the table, her hair messy and holding an icepack to her head. Lana saw her and they exchanged murderous glares. Lynn grasped the latter's shoulder to calm her down.

Lana stuck her tongue out at her twin, only to be bumped in the shoulder by Lynn.

"Knock it off. First comes dinner, then the show." Lynn joked in a hushed whisper.

Hissing quietly, Lola moved away and sat next to Luan. It was demeaning being in her presence, but at the moment, it was preferable to sitting next to Lincoln or the disgrace of a human being that she unfortunately had to call her "twin".

"What happened to her?" Lynn whispered to Lincoln, sporting a smirk.

Lincoln sighed. "She had an accident while trying to assault Renee."

"Still trying, eh? She's that dense?" Ryan snickered, not making much effort to keep his voice down. Lola glared daggers at him.

"Uhhh….watch out, guys. Mute Girl might blow a gasket?" Ryan teased her, prompting Lynn, Luan, Lana and even Lucy to snigger, while Lola fumed. Lincoln lightly kicked the other boy in the shin.

"Cool down, Pinky. You already blew your voice, don't blow what little of a brain you have too?" Ryan continued until he received a harder kick to the shin, and sent Lincoln an annoyed look.

"Will you keep a lid on it? She's suffered head trauma, come on." Lincoln hissed.

Lola tried to leap on the table but fell back into her chair after being struck with another splitting headache.

"Fine…." Lynn begrudgingly obeyed. She had little love for Lola, but knew when to draw the line. " _She already made an ass of herself as it is_."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Whateves, I'm famished, where's my food, Renee?"

"I don't need assistance serving the food, just sit down!" Renee's voice cut in and everyone turned to see her leading Leni to the table.

"Are you sure? I just wanna help. I love helping people." Leni smiled as she was forced to sit at the end of the table, in front of Luna and Lincoln.

Renee studied her warily, Ryan's warning still lingering in her mind. She noticed her brother narrowing his eyes at the presence of the blonde. She turned back to Leni and observed that dopey smile that seemed to be permanently plastered to her face. Renee saw no hint of deceit, no matter how much she squinted, but remained vigilant.

"That will not be necessary." She replied in a calmer tone. Regardless of Leni's character, letting this degenerate assist her in serving dinner was obviously a ludicrous idea. "Just sit here. I'll handle the catering."

As she left, Leni took notice of Luna's mascara. "Oh, Luna, I don't want to be mean but your makeup looks terrible. I can help you remove a few of the excess layers?"

Luna, who was resting in her head in her hand, exhaled exasperatedly. "It's intentional; the vertical tear-stripes are modeled after my new favorite band…eh…."The Weepers"." she muttered sardonically, before noticing something in the corner of her eye.

Leni blinked before perking up. "Oh, that' totes amazing!" she exclaimed, oblivious to the fact that Luna's gaze was no longer on her. She was watching the window, which had been left open.

"She makes me sick." Ryan muttered to Lynn. Lincoln glowered at him.

Paranoid or not, Lynn had to chuckle in semi-agreement. "You think I enjoyed eating while she prattled on like this at every meal, every day?"

"Will you hush up? She's been nothing but nice to you." Lincoln whispered to Ryan. "Have some decency."

"You know what I'm talking about." Ryan whispered back. "I lose my appetite around two-faced fakers."

"She's not a faker, will you just-"

"Oh, hello, Ryan!" the three were startled as the blonde turned towards them. "I don't think I ever got to greet you? I'm so sorry."

Ryan squinted suspiciously. What was she trying now? "No need to apologize, tutz." He snarked condescendingly. "Not getting a chance to chat with you caused me no grief." Lincoln glared at him again.

"Thanks for being so understanding. But I'm still so sorry. I got distracted meeting your sister, she's so nice, cooking dinner for all of us and giving us instructions on how to avoid mishaps."

Everyone now looked at her incredulously, except for Luna, who was scooting towards the edge of her chair, eyeing the window.

" _Oh, c'mon! She can't be serious?_ " Lynn shook her head, unable to shake off Ryan's claim that Leni was faking it. Who in their right mind would ever describe Renee as nice?

Ryan was, if anything, even more dumbfounded hearing that, and narrowed his eyes. "Yeah right, she was so nice to pin you against the wall?" he replied with thick sarcasm.

"Oh, I don't believe in grudges, it was just a misunderstanding." Leni dismissed it with a chipper smile. "You shouldn't grab people by surprise, what kind of a lousy first impression would that be?"

" _See? Obviously faking it_." Ryan whispered into Lincoln's ear.

"A terrible one, that's for certain." Renee returned, holding a glass pitcher full of lemonade, which she poured into Leni's cup.

"But you showed us a great self-defense move." Leni stated.

"That I did." Renee shrugged indifferently as she filled up Luna's cup next, the rocker turning stiff and nervous in her presence, with only her eyes fixed on the window. She had to wait for the right moment.

"Say, why did you leave Kathleen's hotel so abruptly?" Leni turned to Ryan again, much to his annoyance. "That gesture you did with your fingers wasn't very nice by the way, I'm sure you didn't know, but you shouldn't do such things."

" _I don't even want to know_." Renee rolled her eyes and moved on, filling up the other cups. Luna watched her carefully, waiting for her to fill her own cup at the very end of the table.

"That gesture means "get a nose job"." Lene leaned forward and whispered. Ryan and Lynn exchanged exasperated looks.

"Oh, dear, how utterly inconsiderate of me?" Ryan replied in a deadpan tone. "I'm sure Kathleen never had a nose job in her entire life."

Both Luan and Lynn sniggered at the comment. The former wanted to argue for Ryan's right to freely express himself, especially to people like Kathleen. But she saw no point in trying to talk sense into Leni.

"Oh, it's totes okay, we all make mistakes." Leni said supportively.

A loud clang startled everyone sans Renee. They all looked and saw Luna's chair on the floor, and Luna jumping out of the window.

"Tisk, tisk…." Renee calmly placed the pitcher on the table, and with lightning speed, leaped through the window, did a commando roll and chased after the rocker.

"Oh, this is gonna be good!" Ryan eagerly rushed to the window, and everyone else followed.

"I'm coming, Sam!" Luna cried, but before her hands could even touch the fence, she was rammed in the back and struck down. The others watched the scene unfold in awe. All except for Lola.

Renee dug her knee into Luna's back and twisted her arm behind it.

"AH! Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! I give!" the rocker cried in pain, with half her face shoved into the grass.

"Man, that was one an epic fail." Lynn shook her head, yet couldn't help but smile a little. A fail sure, but still a ballsy move on Luna's part.

"There ain't no taste more bitter than the taste of defeat." Ryan remarked humorously while Lincoln facepalmed.

Meanwhile, Lola had pulled out her hot sauce bottle and poured all of it into Renee's cup, chuckling wickedly.

* * *

Cliff hadn't gotten far until he was forced to stop by a tree to catch his breath, drenched and with his pink bow dangling from his neck like an old rag. Looking back from where he came from, he realized that he had run in the opposite direction from his home. Fantastic, now he had to walk all the way back there, as if he wasn't exhausted enough! But at least he lost-

No. He thought too soon and saw Marceline sprinting down the sidewalk, towards him. Meowing fearfully, he scrambled to climb up the tree, before it quickly dawned on him that this was the stupidest thing he could have done, but had no time now to change course as Marceline appeared below him, likewise drenched.

Marceline shook herself dry and shuddered while growling, her head still aching. Maybe the thrill of the chase wasn't worth getting soaked and getting a door slammed into your face? But she was a stubborn hunter, and a hunter never stopped until they caught their quarry, despite the odds.

She jumped high and dug her claws into the bark, following after the tom. Now he had nowhere to go, and she was done lollygagging. Cliff saw her catching up to him at an alarming pace and climbed faster.

Inevitably, he ran out of space to climb and was trapped on a thin branch, with Marceline closing in on him. Shaking, even more so after realizing how high off the ground he was, Cliff desperately looked for any way to escape when he spotted a small crevice in the trunk.

Without a second thought, Cliff rushed towards it but was quickly stopped by a shrill caw and saw a redheaded bird jumping out of it. For a second, Cliff saw a nest in the crevice before noticing that the mother had a pretty big beak. He knew this was going to hurt.

Cliff hissed at the woodpecker, only for the bird to relentlessly attack him. Marceline stopped climbing and observed the tom desperately trying to escape while his noggin received a merciless pecking. This was just sad yet also hilarious at the same time.

With his head on the receiving end of nature's pick ax, it wasn't long before Cliff stumbled onto the side of the branch too thin to support even his meager weight, and he was sent plummeting past Marceline, barely catching himself on a lower branch.

Distracted by the sight, Marceline soon felt his pain as the woodpecker came down to assault her. Pulling himself up, shaking and wheezing rapidly, Cliff looked up and saw Marceline hissing and swiping at the attacking bird. This was his chance to get away? Finally, a lucky break!

He ran forward but his path got blocked by a squirrel nibbling on a nut. Annoyed, Cliff hissed and swiped at the bushy-tailed rodent. Poor choice, as in a millisecond, the squirrel was all over him.

Meanwhile, Marceline found it difficult to simultaneously fight off the woodpecker while holding on to the trunk. With her grip slipping, the savannah started considering that maybe backing away from a bird wasn't _that_ shameful and turned around, rushing headfirst down the tree, jumping off and landing gracefully on all fours.

Cliff, in a mad dash to escape the crazed rodent, unfortunately ran in the wrong direction for the third time, and bumped into the woodpecker again. She quickly joined the squirrel in assaulting the poor cat, drilling into his head while the squirrel's huge incisors chomp down into his waist.

Unable to take it anymore, Cliff jumped without looking. Miraculously, his feline reflexes kicked in just in time to allow him to twist his body and land on his feet. The fleeting five seconds of no pain were quickly over as the squirrel jumped on his back and bit into his shoulder while the woodpecker came back to assault his head. Screeching, Cliff ran like hell.

Marceline watched him go, unsure if she should follow. He was quickly becoming more trouble than he was worth? But her stubborn sense of pride as a hunter wouldn't allow it, so she followed them.

Back with Mr. Grouse, he was checking if all of his flowers were okay. Luckily, they were all fine.

Wiping his forehead, the old man sighed in relief. "Pew, almost had a heart attack there." He joked.

With no other threat to his flower garden in sight, he picked up the hose when all of a sudden, he was swarmed by a cat, a bird and a squirrel. As he stumbled back, his hose got tangled around his feet and he plopped down, feeling something soft and wet under his buttocks.

The animals soon moved on, and Grouse, scratched up but alive, shook his head before realizing what he was sitting on.

"No! Not my petunias!" He cried and clutched his head in horror, when Marceline leaped out of nowhere and used his head as a springboard to close the gap between her and Cliff, pushing Grouse face down into the marigolds, crushing them as well.

"NOOO!" Grouse cried and sobbed feebly until his face turned red and he shook his fist. "DAMN YOU, LOUDS!"

* * *

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Luna cried as she was led into the kitchen by her ear.

"After dinner, you're having a time out until morning." Renee declared as she walked back in and glared at the rest. "Who gave you permission to leave the table?"

"What? Seeing my sister apprehend a fleeing fugitive isn't a reason?" Ryan quipped. One glare later, and he and the rest returned to the table, where Renee dropped Luna back in her original seat before closing and locking the window shut. The look of utter humiliation on Luna's face was a sight to behold.

There was no doubt left for both Lincoln and Lynn that they had overestimated the rocker's sensibility. Lincoln wanted to comfort her, but couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't simply an empty platitude. Lynn wasn't quite as tactful.

"That was some wipeout, sis." She said semi-admiringly. "But I gotta give you points for having the moxie to try it. It was stupid, but still pretty daring." Luna just gave her a miserable look in response.

"Kudos where it's due." Luan nodded. With "kudos" she meant offering the rest of them an entertaining pre-dinner show.

"If soul-crushing defeat had a physical magnification, it would be Luna." Lucy added poignantly.

"Not to worry, she won't be experiencing any more of that." Renee cut in and _handcuffed_ Luna to the leg of the table. Dumbfounded, Lincoln drew a breath and lifted his finger but ultimately said nothing.

"Now, let's see you try to run away again." Renee said stiffly while placing the key in her chest pocket.

"Going to a concert with a kitchen table attached to your bracelet would be a bold fashion statement." Luan joked, while Luna silently fumed. Is she hadn't been cuffed to the table, Luan would have lost some teeth right there.

Lana snapped her head back and groaned. "Can the stupid jokes, can we just eat already? I'm wasting away here!"

Renee cocked an eyebrow in amusement. "Hmmmmm…that's the first sensible thing I ever heard you say." Lana seethed.

Without further delays, Renee brought a plate of steaming hot casserole from the oven and served everyone their share.

"Ewww…..there's too much vegetables in this!" Lana lamented.

"Nobody is forcing you to eat it." Renee shrugged as she sat down. "I just hope you can sleep on an empty stomach?"

"Don't berate it until you try it." Lincoln advised her. "I personally think it looks delicious. And we should appreciate the singlehanded effort Renee put in just so that we could dine like kings tonight."

"Suck-up….." Luna grumbled under her breath. Nobody else shared Lincoln's sentiment but knew better at this point than to argue, or in Lola's case _couldn't_. Lincoln saw it on their faces and didn't blame them for thinking so, but somebody had to be the sycophant in order to preserve some semblance of peace, and he was at good sucking it up and obeying orders.

"Thank you; babysitting is oftentimes a very thankless job." Renee replied evenly. "I seldom get much gratitude for my efforts, as most children don't comprehend how grownups need to work in order to keep their income flowing." This Lincoln was defiantly proving to be the least moronic of the Louds, she made a mental note of that.

"Hey, I appreciate you, even if I don't say it. Somebody's gotta prepare my three meals a day, and mom and dad sure as heck are rarely there to do it." Ryan shrugged, confusing some of the sisters.

"Our parents are frequently gone on various business trips." Renee clarified.

"I'm certain that you speak the truth, Ryan." Lincoln nodded halfheartedly. It was about time to get the roommate swap over with. "And a fine and civilized dinner like this is the perfect opportunity to discuss certain family matters, like some issues we would all like to resolve?"

Lucy, Luan and Lana grew excited hearing that. Lisa was merely curious, while Luna couldn't care less. Leni and Lola were completely left out of the loop.

" _If this isn't about sending Lana to boot camp, then I don't care!_ " Lola thought irritably.

"Gosh, did someone start a fight again?" Leni asked worriedly. The twins eyed each other hatefully.

"No, Leni." Lincoln reassured her. "Not under Renee's careful watch." The babysitter smiled. She defiantly liked listening to this kid.

Lynn tried to keep her temper in check seeing the former's smug look of satisfaction, and cleared her throat. "Yup, we have a big announcement to make…..since so many of us-"

"OMG, you and Ryan are officially an item!" Leni squealed. The others' reactions were as you expected.

"Leni, do you wish for me to regurgitate my dinner before I even ingest it!" Lisa lamented while Lucy covered her ears and uttered her trademark "Sigh".

"Gross! Just shut up!" Lana plugged her ears with napkins while Lola plopped her head on the table in exasperation, and stretched her icepack over her ears. Renee used that distraction to swiftly switch their cups.

Lincoln groaned and grew disconcerted as he noticed both Lynn and Luan tensing up and sporting the same constipated, seconds-away-from-exploding expression. Ryan just glared at Leni with tranquil contempt.

"That's totes incredible, Lynn! Please let me pick your dress for your first date!" Leni continued gushing while Lynn blushed and clenched her teeth. Acting quickly, Lincoln grabbed Leni's shoulder and gently made her sit down.

"Leni, that's not at all what we were going to say. You were completely off mark, sorry to say it." He explained to her calmly.

"Oh…." Leni drawled before smiling again. "Silly me? That's no announcement; we all already know how much they love each other."

More complaints of disgust came from the younger sisters, while a rage-filled Luan bent her spoon into a circle.

"Well, this has created a rather uncomfortable atmosphere." Renee noted, not speaking for herself though. "But do you have any announcements that are of actual importance? My casserole is getting cold."

"But what could be more important than your little brother finding his soul mate?" Leni gushed, much to Ryan's annoyance.

"Anything." Renee dully replied. Almost crushing her cup in her grip, Lynn chugged down her lemonade in one gulp, just to cool down. Regardless of her promise to come clean about her crush, being singled out as the center of attention like this was more stressful than being stuck doing the slam dunk on which your team's victory hinged. The jealous sister watching you also didn't help things.

Lincoln cleared his throat, trying to get back on topic. "An excellent question, Renee, and we very much do. It's about my sisters exchanging roommates."

Only Lola and Leni were caught off-guard. Despite being relieved of the attention, Lynn felt her face heat up even more and tugged her collar.

Lincoln continued. "Okay, let's be honest with each other, most of you girls are quite unhappy with your roommate, am I right?"

"No duh." Lynn panted.

"Miserable." Lucy nodded.

"You can say that again!" Lana huffed.

Unable to talk, Lola nodded flippantly.

"Hate. Her." Luan hissed through clenched teeth, eyeing Lynn.

"Well, I wasn't clamoring for you either, brah." Luna scoffed indignantly, unaware that Luan wasn't referring to her.

Lincoln sighed. "Thanks for being honest and upfront, girls. There's no shame in that. Age alone doesn't mean that two people will automatically click with each other." He said sagely.

"Me and Lynn aren't even close in age." Lucy added.

"Interesting, but it's only natural. You are siblings after all." Renee shrugged. "Friends can be chosen, family cannot, unfortunately."

"Loathe you too, Ren." Ryan smiled with faux-sentiment.

"See? Which is why I think it's about time we changed things up." Lincoln continued. "A roommate swap is the way to go, so all of you can be happier?"

Confused, Leni wilted. "But….but I like Lori?" She didn't like being the odd one out in a mutual agreement though.

"You are right, Lincoln." Lucy nodded and grabbed the wrist of the still-fuming Luan to lift her arm. "Me and Luan have chosen each other in advance."

"Whatever…..she's all yours." Luna muttered, barely carrying about who she'll be settled with. Lynn was sweating profusely and her face turned crimson.

"I wanna stay with Lynn." Lana spoke up next. "As long I'm far away from her!" she pointed at her twin, who seethed and bared her teeth.

"I'm dumping you, _ex-roomie_." Lana folded her arms with a look of pure smugness.

" _How dare you!_ " Lola grasped the edges of the table, trembling with rage, when suddenly, something clicked in her mind and she calmed down considerably. " _Wait? What am I thinking? Lana bunking with someone else? That's a great idea! An amazing idea!_ "

She chugged her lemonade to calm herself, much to Renee's delight, before giving Lana a huge and approving grin. Lana's face fell as Lola gave her two thumbs-up, together with her obnoxious grin. It took a lot for her to swallow her pride and excuse Lana's condescending attitude, but she did. The prospect of losing Lana was good enough to make Lola give her idiot twin some leeway.

Lana was irritated at not getting the satisfaction of seeing Lola squirm, but she got rid of her and Lola agreed to it without a dispute, so this was a win in the end.

"Well, that's done." She turned to her soon-to-be new roommates and punched her in the arm. "I can't wait to be roomies!"

She was so ecstatic; she failed to notice how Lynn was twitching, shedding tears, her nose was dripping and she began using her hands as fans to cool her sizzling, crimson face.

"Ha! Two for flinching!" Lana punched her in the arm again. Ryan finally noticed that something was wrong with Lynn.

"That's all quite interesting." Renee pretended to care. "But I cannot allow you to swap roommates without your parent's consent. It would be incredibly irresponsible to allow such drastic rearrangements in your home without their knowledge."

"That's okay, we're in no hurry." Lincoln replied. "We just want to settle the matter of who's bunking with whom."

"I'm sure we can call them by bedtime?" Ryan suggested. " _The funeral oughta be over by then_."

Lynn's panting drew his attention back to her. "Hey, Lynn? Are you feeling okay?" he asked her worriedly as she coughed and clutched her throat.

"Awwww…..she's blushing." Leni cooed. "It's okay Lynn, no need to be embarrassed about your feelings for Ryan, it's perfectly natural and we're all here to support you!"

It once again caused an outcry from the younger sisters. "Why do you delight in tormenting us?" Lucy asked while covering her ears.

Luan was fuming, almost as much as Lynn.

"She's not blushing, idiot!" Ryan retorted flippantly. "Lynn, what's wrong? You look like you swallowed a jalapeño?"

Renee raised an eyebrow and looked back at Lola, who appeared perfectly normal and amused by her sister's odd behavior.

"A valid point….." Lisa concurred "…..she's showing all the outwardly symptoms of having ingested large quantities of the chemical compound called capsaicin." She mused. "It binds to pain receptors on our nerves, sending signals to our cerebral cortex that cause a reaction akin to your vestibule and oral cavity being ablaze."

Renee blinked incredulously, surprised by the toddler's eloquent vocabulary.

"Water! I need water!" Lynn cried and slammed her hands on the table, nearly sending her plate flying. Lana and Ryan jerked back as Lynn rushed towards the kitchen sink and placed her head under the tap before gulping down several gallons of water.

"Just what did you put in this food?" Ryan angrily asked his sister.

"No chili pepper, that's for sure." Renee replied evenly while glancing at Lola. "It would appear we have a prankster in our midst that slipped something into Lynn's drink?"

How Lola's drink wound up with Lynn she had no idea. And unfortunately, Renee never actually saw Lola spiking her drink; she just swapped glasses as a precautionary measure. But Lola grew nervous as eyes started shifting towards her. No one noticed the usually stone-faced Lucy slowly growing the biggest and most evil smirk imaginable.

"Ha, I'd say that spicy drink left Lynn _tapped_ out! Get it?" Luan giggled while the jock was still lapping up water in the sink. She stopped laughing as she realized everyone was looking at her.

"Not funny, jerk!" Lana spat in disgust.

"What?" Luan blurted. "I didn't do it?"

"You still can't see the difference between torturing someone and being funny?" Luna scoffed.

And Lucy's smirk fell. " _Sigh. Why can't I ever have a little joy that lasts for more than a few fleeting seconds?_ "

Ryan and Lincoln looked at each other, recalling that bottle of liquid Luan had brought to them, which they used to make Lori's party guests experience some flatulence problems.

"I didn't do it, guys! Honest."

"Lu, that…eh…." Ryan waffled with his response "…..really wasn't funny."

"Luan, this really isn't the time for dumb jokes." Lincoln scowled. Luan looked devastated and pouted, while Lucy shrank next to her.

Renee broke up the silence. "Could we please finish this discussion about living arrangements before dinner gets cold?"

"You're right…" Lincoln sighed as he faced the remaining sisters, while a soaked Lynn returned to her seat, with Ryan wasting no time asking her if she's okay.

"I dunno….I eh….." Lynn started coughing and tearing up again. "Ah! It's on fire again!"

"Capsaicin doesn't dissolve in water." Lisa lectured her. "Casein, however, has a deterrent effect on capsaicin-"

"English!" Ryan snarled impatiently while trying to keep Lynn calm.

"Milk, she needs to drink milk." Lisa replied and Lynn rushed to the fridge and grabbed a huge carton to chug down.

" _Now she's telling her?_ " Ryan sighed and turned to Lincoln. "You were saying?"

"Yes…." Lincoln exhaled "…so Lucy and Luan, Lynn and Lana? Those two are settled. Now, as for the rest?"

"It's so round and smooth…..and I can see my reflection." He found Leni marveling at her spoon.

"Leni?"

"You say something?" she blinked. "Sorry, I drifted off after Lana called Lola "ex-roomie". What was it we were talking about?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Exchanging roommates?"

Leni pouted. "Oh? But I love living with Lori. Sure, she sometimes takes my stuff, we fight over dresses and she calls me an idiot a lot, but I think that's just her way of showing affection."

"If you say so, Leni." Lincoln shrugged, figuring that keeping the standoffish eldest Loud with her saintly patient and understanding roommate was best for everyone. But this still left Lola and Luna.

"Our connection is like real deep. We've been together before all of you came along." Leni started reminiscing, not that anyone was listening.

"That just leaves you two?" Lincoln pointed at Luna and Lola, not addressing Lisa, who had so far enjoyed the luxury of a single room for herself during her short life.

Luna grew somewhat nervous as she noticed Lola looking at her. It hit her that she was left with the reject nobody wanted. All of a sudden, her indifference about the topic made a one-eighty.

"Seems easy enough." Ryan quipped and pointed at her. "Lucy took your roommate…" he then gestured at Lola "…and Lynn took hers. So you two get each other as consolation prizes, problem solved."

"What?" Luna jumped, causing half of the table to shake. As Renee sent her a menacing glare, Luna grinned sheepishly and sat down. "Dude! No way am I staying with Lola! Are you blokes off your trolley? She's a menace!"

Lola gasped, minus the audible intake, before scowling viciously. " _How dare she deems me unworthy of being her roommate! I'm too good for her! She'd be LUCKY to have me!_ "

"Relax, Luna. We see your point." Lincoln reassured her. "This is about making living conditions better for everyone."

Exhaling with relief, Lynn came back to her seat, milk still dripping from her mouth. "Milk never tasted so sweet…." She moaned with relief before wiping her mouth. "Eh, what'd I miss?"

"Moon Girl sharing her room with Pinky." Ryan said in a coy manner.

"No, I'm not!" Luna retorted, sweating bullets.

"You don't seem to have any other options…" Renee pointed out uncaringly, glancing at the tomboy duo and oddball duo respectively. "It appears that you lack a little sister who idolizes you. And you two are the only ones without a roommate."

"Not quite!" Luan hastily countered. "Lola could stay with Lisa? She has no roomie."

Everyone looked at Lisa, making her wilt. " _Sharing living quarters with Lola? Are they mad! I don't mind a roommate but…._ "

"Don't be ridiculous? That would never work." Lincoln shook his head with a grim expression, not wanting to look at the genius. "They're too different."

"Plus, leaving Lola near Lisa's science projects is begging for disaster." Lynn added snidely, only adding to Renee's confusion.

"Then Lola and you are the only option?" Lincoln mused.

Luna gulped. "Dudes, you can't do this to me! I refuse to take the fall!"

"… _but how in any way, shape or form, following the principles of karmic justice, does a menace like you even have the right to demand any type of privilege?_ " Lisa thought.

"Luna, don't worry. I'll bunk with Lola." She blurted.

"Say what now?" everyone else said simultaneously.

"I'll be Lola's roommate. Clearly, no one else has the time or intention to manage her…." Lisa stopped as she noted the death glare from the princess.

She tugged her turtle neck. "Um…clearly she is a high-maintenance person who has a lot of special requirements in order to exist comfortably within her private living quarters, and it would take someone of great maturity, rationale and willingness to compromise in order to accommodate all of her habitual demands and needs, so as to ensure effective and non-violent cohabitation? I'm willing to take up that daunting challenge, so I can prove that Lola is a manageable roommate."

Everyone was dumbfounded by her declaration, even Renee, though in her case it had more to do with the fact that a 3-year-old made this elaborate speech.

Lola had no idea what Lisa had said, but it sounded somewhat like her agreeing to be her roommate? Lola wasn't quite sure about it? Lisa was mousy, scraggly, had abysmal hair and no sense of fashion, and her glasses were big enough to allow a helicopter to land on them, and that speech impediment of hers was plain laughable. But she was an improvement over Lana in every conceivable way? Granted, _any human being_ would be an improvement over Lana, except maybe Clyde.

" _She is flawed but workable? I would need to set up a lot of strict rules for her to follow if this is supposed to work, but Lisa is smart. She can handle all of that? Luna is a fashionably tone-deaf ingrate who's too stupid to appreciate someone as illustrious as me! A she's too noisy! And what other options do I have? Lynn? Ew! Lucy! Heavens no! Luan? I would rather jump off a cliff! At least Lisa is boring enough not be a bother and she isn't known for barging into other people's business either?_ "

"So you want to let her walk all over you?" Ryan snarked, while Lynn and Lincoln stared at her in bewilderment.

Lisa swallowed a lump, processing what she was getting herself into.

"I would prefer a more….sophisticated term like…a challenge, or even maybe a social experiment of sorts? One where I can utilize all my knowledge of social psychology, human behavior and interpersonal communication in order to device a flawless tactic that would ensure a palatable coexistence with a high-maintenance roommate."

Her family didn't look convinced. Lana continued to gawk at her while Lucy and Luan whispered to each other, utterly bewildered. Leni was still reminiscing about her and Lori playing with dolls while they were still in diapers. What was the name of Lori's favorite toy again? Fenton?

Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan looked at each other, silently agreeing that something didn't smell right.

"You're serious about this?" Lynn asked suspiciously.

Lincoln likewise didn't believe for a second that Lisa would ever view sharing a room with a spoiled brat as an intriguing social experiment.

"Lisa, you do know the repercussions of allowing Lola to be in the same room as your….projects?" he said grimly. Lola grew agitated and put her hands on her hips.

She didn't think about that, but the genius quickly thought up a contingency plan.

"A valid point, but, as you are well aware, I'm no longer in possession of the majority of my former scientific equipment, and what projects I do have left, me and Fenton can simply transport them to an alternative location before Lola resettles." Lisa elaborated. "It's admittedly only a temporary solution, and might require some revisions down the line, but I believe it's manageable."

Renee's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about? Scientific equipment? And who's Fenton?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know." Ryan deadpanned in response.

Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other again. If Lisa would indeed relocate all her science equipment and potentially lethal inventions to somewhere else, then, theoretically, Lola being her roommate didn't entail any possible danger. But still?

"You do realize you would be grabbing the short end of the stick?" Lynn added.

"Hey! Personally, I think Lisa is being very noble for keeping an open mind and giving Lola a fair shot." Luna retorted and folded her arms.

"So, you're close-minded by your own admission?" Ryan smirked at her, making the rocker seethe.

Lisa gulped. "Um….I would argue that this is a gratuitous oversimplification, Lynn. I've stated my reasons for my ostensibly unorthodox decision, and I admittedly have to agree with Luna on the matter. Lola deserves the opportunity to show that she can be benign and manageable when not settled with a roommate who's, by all accounts, her complete antithesis. As I've mentioned before, civil cohabitation hinges at least partially on compromises, and you can't devise a compromise when you're each other's antithesis. I may not be all that compatible with Lola, but I am willing to communicate, find a middle ground, and you all know that I am not one to lose my temper easily or to instigate petty and inane arguments over trivial and inconsequential topics, like having my plastic doll damaged or having my headwear vandalized. Which brings me to another crucial point? The lack of overlap me and Lola have as far as our interests go, combined with our general aversion towards making noise or engaging in physical activity, minimizes the chances of the aforementioned inane arguments happening. In spite of their differences, the twins share enough in common, such they're love for sugary foods and plush toys, to fight over material possessions but I have no fondness for any of those objectives, as well as-"

"Will you get to the point already?" Lynn lamented while holding a sleeping Lana in her lap. Lola was likewise sleeping face-down on the table. Many of the others were also on the verge of nodding off, with only Renee and Lincoln listening intently.

"Yeah, drop the essay." Ryan groaned. "You want her, you can have her."

Lisa frowned and sighed. "My point is; I'm willing to take her up. Plus, I believe it's unfair of me to be the only sibling here to be in possession of their own private living quarters. Eh…..living quarters that aren't a closet."

Lincoln tried to wrap his head around this. He understood the gist of it and Lisa made some valid arguments for how she wasn't easily goaded into scuffles by virtue of not really caring about what she perceived as childish topics, and seeing herself as above the things that most kids and teens made a big deal about. But what he didn't understand was why she was even making that offer in the first place?

"But you think Luna deserves one?" Lynn asked snidely.

"Hey, I'm cool with that." Luna insisted.

"Debatable, but it's apparent that she is not in favor of the notion of sharing her room with Lola, and I feel compelled to relieve her of that unearned burden. And given how I don't see any issue with sharing my room with Lola, I'm willing to do her a favor." Lisa said humbly before scratching the back of her neck. "I don't think I've offered my fair share of altruistic gestures for my siblings?"

Was she repenting? Lincoln was caught off guard, but then remembered Ryan's claims that Lisa was in a funk and apparently regretful. Then a memory resurfaced, one that made him drastically reconsider his stance on Lisa.

He remembered when they were living in their father's rundown apartment, all of them (especially him) dejected and angry about their rotten predicament. And he ended up chewing out Lisa for continuing to treat her remaining siblings like test subjects with no empathy. It made her cry and she eventually came back to him and his sisters to sincerely apologize. Lincoln and the girls forgave her, and from there on Lisa made a genuine effort to better herself and not act so cold and callous.

Lisa did have a heart, she did have feelings, and she did care about her family. He had always known that, but in the original timeline he hadn't experienced a near zombie apocalypse, courtesy of one of Lisa's experiment going awry. It was an accident, but an accident that could have had world-ending consequences. An event that took its toll on Lincoln and he had never stopped to truly consider Lisa's feelings on the matter, only that it was her fault. If getting chewed out after making Lana cry one too many times was enough to snap Lisa back to her senses, then this…..?

Lincoln sighed inwardly. He had let his anger cloud his judgment. Granted, the anger was well-justified but he still let it derail his rational. Lisa was repenting, she was _seriously_ repenting.

" _I need to talk to her_ …." Was all he could think in conclusion. He has had his time to cool off, he was still shaken but not as emotional anymore, it was time he talked to her. But his schedule was currently filled, especially with having to reveal a mind-numbing secret to Lucy and get her to cooperate.

"Fine, Lisa. If that's what you want, then so be it." He said, surprising everyone else.

"What?" Lynn and Ryan blurted.

Lisa blinked. "You agree?"

Lincoln's face turned serious. "No." he answered, making Lisa frown with worry. "I don't think this is a good idea. But Lola has to stay somewhere, and since you insist on it, I think it's only fair to give you and her a fair trial, to see if this arrangement can work, but only _after_ you do some spring cleaning."

Lisa wanted to pinch herself. "I…those are very reasonable preconditions." She said humbly.

"You can't be serious about this?" Lynn asked her brother incredulously. "I can't be the only one who sees a dozen or so ways this could go downhill?"

"You're right, Lynn. I only suggested to give them a _trial_." Lincoln clarified. "By which I mean a temporary arrangement until we think of something better. Besides, the twins have broken into Lisa's room before, and still, nothing severe has happened?"

Lynn narrowed her eyes, not buying this. Lincoln gave her a subtle nod, the look in his eyes saying "I know what I'm doing". Lynn had her reservations but nodded back. He better knew what he was doing.

"Fine…." Lynn gave in "…..it's Lisa's funeral." The genius swallowed a lump hearing that. Lynn made a mental note to confront her brother when they were alone. Clearly, this needed further discussion.

"Your home, your rules." Ryan shrugged. "Better hope this doesn't blow up in your face though."

"And he doesn't mean that figuratively." Luan nodded. Lucy stayed quiet on the matter. Like Lynn, she suspected her brother might have reasons that he wouldn't want to make public.

"So I have permission to take her in?" Lisa asked tentatively. Lincoln just nodded, while the others looked at her oddly. Luan nudged Lola and the princess woke up with a start and looked around.

"Lola, we have come to a mutual agreement that you and I can be roommates." Lisa told her. "All that remains is to hear your consent?"

"Yeah, tiny problem….." Lynn snarked "….she blew her voice."

Lola huffed indignantly, but after a minute of musing, she realized that this was an easy choice. With a family like hers, beggars couldn't be choosers, and her two most acceptable (and coincidently two oldest) sisters were not an option. One was currently fiddling with her napkin, her attention clearly somewhere else.

Much to everyone's surprise, Lola leaned over Luan's lap and offered Lisa a polite handshake. Gulping, Lisa reluctantly took it. If Lola could have talked at this moment, her first request would have been to give Lisa a "slight" makeover the moment they moved in together, but she supposed it would have be a surprise then, an act of generosity and empathy on her part.

"I look forward to it very much…" Lisa said nervously "It's bound to be a…..unique experience."

Ryan couldn't help but imagine Lola running in a hamster wheel and asking her roommate what they were going to do tonight, with Lisa's response being to take over the world. With her track record of competency, he was certain that her attempts at world domination would be about as successful as those of a lab rat.

"I get my own room? Sweet!" Luna pumped her fist.

"Yes, you hit the jackpot. What were the odds?" Lincoln replied halfheartedly. "You should be grateful for such a stroke of luck." He stressed, hoping Luna would get the memo to behave herself now.

"Don't celebrate just yet. You still need your parents' permission." Renee pointed out, ever the killjoy.

"I'm sure they'll understand." Lynn countered. " _Though we'll have to explain some of it?_ " She thought while glancing at the other side of the table and the two would-be odd couples.

Renee didn't care one way or the other, and realized that her casserole was getting stale.

"Same to me." She shrugged. "I would prefer to finish my dinner, and you should do the same. After this, you're not heading back to the kitchen."

The others didn't need to be told twice. With their stomachs growling, they started digging in, except for Lynn who tried to stir Lana awake.

"Rule number eleven! No late-night snacks, I remember that!" Leni exclaimed. "See, I memorized them!"

"Weren't you mesmerized with your napkin a second ago?" Luna snarked, still mystified by how Leni's attention span actually worked?

Leni turned to her to reply, only to release a shrill, ear-piercing shriek, making her clamp her mouth in shock. The others glanced at her in surprise when the pet door was flung open. Within the span of ten seconds, another chaotic episode happened within this home.

Cliff ran in, assaulted by the woodpecker and chased by the squirrel, with Marceline in hot pursuit. The sisters screamed as Cliff ran across the table, knocking over Lana's, Lynn's, Ryan's and Lincoln's plates and causing the four to topple over in their chairs. Gasping, Renee jumped to catch the plates. Cliff jumped past Leni, leaving her to be attacked by the bird. The squirrel followed the cat, knocking a pepper shaker into Lola's face, causing her to scream and sneeze uncontrollably. Marceline leaped on the table, knocking over Lola's plate, which Renee also caught. As the other kids jolted off their seats, Marceline seized the interfering squirrel by the neck and tossed her aside, and into Luan's face. Luan screamed as her face was assaulted and ran blindly, as did Lola. Worse yet, as Luna jumped back, she pulled the leg of the table she was cuffed to, and it gave way, causing the remaining plates to slide down just as Luan bumped into Luna. They fell on the table and sent the plates and cups flying. Acting quickly, Renee tried catching all of the plates and with incredible reflexes and precision, miraculously succeeded…..before Lola slammed into her and Renee slipped on the spilled casserole. Plates were sent flying, and Lincoln got up just in time to have two plates shatter on his head, making him drop down again.

In the wake of the ravaging incident, the squirrel and woodpecker made a hasty exit from where they came from, leaving behind a broken table, lots of spilled casserole and shards of porcelain spilled across the floor, along with most of the Loud kids on it, groaning and in pain.

"I did not see this coming." An awestruck Lucy said as she helped Luan up.

"Yes, the odds of this specific scenario transpiring were one in a billion." Lisa agreed while Leni stood up next to her, rubbing her sore head.

"Since when did Walt become a redhead?" she drawled dumbly before falling down unconscious.

"Luan, are you okay?" Lucy asked the comedian, whose face sported numerous scratches.

Luan hissed as she touched them. "Lucy? Please tell me my face is still intact?" she asked nervously.

"It is, but you probably contracted a whole host of lethal dieses." Lucy answered, much to the former's horror.

" _MY EYES! MY EYES!_ " Lola screamed inwardly while lying on the floor, sneezing and clutching her eyes, which were stinging like hell, and watering uncontrollably.

"Lincoln, you okay?" Lynn kneeled next to her brother and helped him sit up. Lincoln groaned before hissing as he rubbed the welt on his head.

"Step aside, Lynn. I'll check." Lisa chimed in and examined Lincoln's head, looking for any cuts on his scalp.

"He's not going to need any scalp transfers, is he?" Lucy asked as she joined them.

"No need for alarm, I only see the start of a hematoma, localized bleeding that spreads into the surrounding interstitial tissues-"

"He's bleeding?!" Lynn blurted.

"Not externally, I mean he has a _bruise_." Lisa groaned, earning an annoyed look from the jock. "An icepack should suffice."

Ryan got to his feet next to them, and saw his sister sporting a look of utter horror as she looked at the mess the kitchen was in. He glanced at the fridge and saw his cat on the floor, holding on to a mortified Cliff, with her jaws locked on the back of his neck.

Getting past Lincoln and his sisters, Ryan tried to reach her. "Marcy, what have you done?"

Hearing his voice, she let go of Cliff and finally saw the disarray the kitchen was in.

She grew scared as Renee let out an anguished cry before turning sharply at the cats with a deranged expression. Marceline realized she messed up and backed herself against the fridge.

"You!" the siblings flinched as the enraged Renee pushed Ryan aside and stomped towards the cats.

"You broke the dishes!" she cried furiously. "You broke the damn table! And you ruined my casserole!"

Cliff forgot who his pursuer was once Renee's towering form was looming over him, and joined Marceline. Ryan rushed in and picked them up in his arms.

"Wow, take a deep breath." He told his sister in a placatory tone. "Let's not lose our minds over a little accident."

"You call this a "little accident"!" Renee pointed at the mess in front of them.

"Hey, they're just animals." Ryan retorted, clutching the cats closer to his chest. "Simply, pea-brained animals that couldn't possibly comprehend what they were doing. They were just playing, and it's not their fault for being too dumb to know any better?"

His sister narrowed her eyes as he grew a smirk. "And I'm sure you didn't help matters by chaining _her_ to the table." He glanced at Luna, who had a leg dangling from the other end of her cuffs.

Everyone stepped back in fear when Renee looked ready to explode, but surprisingly, she composed herself.

"You're right…" she grumbled "…..I'm in charge, this is all my fault. Ughhh…." She massaged her forehead. "I got too complacent, and didn't factor in the possibility that this pest would cause trouble." She pointed at Marceline, who flinched. "I never had to worry about her while babysitting before."

"Don't worry about your precious little reputations…." Ryan replied snidely. "These numbnuts break stuff all the time, their old man and lady won't notice a few missing plates. And it shouldn't be too hard for you to fix that table?"

"I can fix the leg easy." Lana volunteered. "I just need a hammer, some nails, and-"

"Shut up, you miscreant!" Renee snapped at her.

Lana scowled. "But I know how to-"

"I told you to shut up, idiot, before I smack you! All of you, shut your freaking noise-holes!" Renee second outburst made Lana flinch. "You won't be doing any repairs, I will!" she pointed at herself.

Clutching her knees tiredly, Renee breathed in and out. "All of you, go to your rooms this instant and stay there until further notice! I don't want to look at you!"

"And what about me?" Ryan scoffed. "I don't have a room here?"

"You and the furballs are going with me."

* * *

" _Knock, knock_."

Sighing, Lynn opened the door of Lincoln's room and let Ryan in, who pouted.

"You're supposed to say 'Who's there?'"

Lynn gave him an unamused look. Ryan rolled his eyes and glanced at Lincoln, who was in bed with an icepack on his head.

"Is he going to pull through?" Ryan quipped.

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "I'll live; I've received worse bumps on my head since I was seven." Lynn shifted uneasily as he brought that up.

"Well, given how those plates shattered into smithereens, you must have one hard head?" Ryan joked while knocking on his own head.

"Where were you? What did your sister want from you?" Lincoln asked dourly.

Ryan's smile dropped. "She made me throw Marceline and your pussycat into pet carriers. Marceline is an outdoor cat; she will lose her mind if she stays in that thing for too long."

Lynn sighed. "That's probably for the better, she wrecked our kitchen."

"Hey, she didn't invite that squirrel and woodpecker for dinner? They were the ones that assaulted Kirk."

"But I wager your cat was the one who started it all. You really oughta keep her on a leash?" an exasperated Lincoln countered. "She knows how to play with others about as well as Lynn does."

Lynn placed her hands on her hips indignantly, but couldn't think of anything to say in her defense.

"And she was also skulking around in the twins' room, eyeing Lana's pets like an all-you-can-eat buffet."

"She's a cat?" Ryan shrugged. "You can't force a cat to fight her basic nature? How come your cat has never tried to make a meal out of them?"

"Cliff's too lazy to try that." Lynn snorted. "I bet he doesn't even know that meat doesn't come from cans? Heck, it was no shocker to see a woodpecker let loose on him, given how _Walt_ often pushed him around like a pansy."

"Who's Walt again?"

Lincoln sighed. "The canary. He disappeared with Charles and Geo, remember?"

"You guys had a canary living with a cat?" Ryan asked incredulously.

"Yes, what about it…" Lincoln stopped as he connected the dots. Walt hadn't been with the other three when they fled from the zombie sisters?

"Oh, for crying out loud…." He pinched the bridge of his nose. Ryan and Lynn came to the same realization, and the former gulped.

"Hey, hey, let's not jump to conclusions." Ryan shrugged sheepishly. "We have no proof that Marcy did it? For all we know, those four ran into One Eye, or that lynx, and one of them gobbled up the bird? Sure, Marceline is half serval, and they're marvels at catching birds, but still-" he stopped upon realizing he was giving self-incriminating evidence.

"Never mind, Ryan. I never cared much for that featherbrain to be honest." Lynn replied tiredly. "He was only here because mom has a soft spot for birds. If only she had picked one without a cranky disposition, one who didn't poke holes through your hands if you tried to feed him."

Lincoln shook his head. "But mom soon forgot about him as more of us came along." He understood that it was pointless to lament about this now. It hadn't been a very bright move for him and Lynn to let Marceline in their home in the first place. Growing up around Cliff as their main feline reference point obviously made them callous.

"Lincoln, can we talk about something more important now that we're alone?" Lynn inquired, not keen on wasting a precious moment of privacy talking about dead birds. "Like, why the heck did you let Lisa take Lola as her roommate?"

"Actually, why on Earth would Lisa agree to this in the first place?" she turned to Ryan, her brow furrowing.

"Beats me?" Ryan shrugged. "But I assume our "brilliant" ring leader has a reason?"

"Only temporarily, and I agreed to that because…..I think she's repenting." Lincoln said in a tired voice.

"Heh, that doesn't sound far-fetched." Ryan agreed. "She did look pretty torn up about it."

"Why wouldn't she be? You can't call causing a zombie apocalypse a mere "oopsy daisy"?" Lynn huffed and folded her arms.

"Last time I talked with her, she seemed pretty eager to talk to you again and apologize." Ryan told Lincoln. "I advised her not to be hasty and give you some more time to cool off, mainly so we could deal with Lucy first."

That's all Lincoln needed to hear, confirming his suspicions. "I guess I shouldn't ignore her pleas then?"

"How exactly is she going to make up for nearly dooming us all?" Lynn questioned.

"I doubt that's even possible, but I don't think she did it on purpose, and I doubt you do either?" Lincoln countered. "You remember when we lived in dad's beat-up old apartment?"

"I'd rather forget about it…." Lynn shuddered.

"Well, remember how Lisa broke down after I chewed her up for making Lana cry and accused her of not caring about anyone but herself? She came back to apologize, and she made an effort since then to be a better person."

Lynn's face softened. It was easy to pin the blame on someone and treat them like the bad guy, but how could you do that when you had evidence to the contrary?

"Lisa does have a heart deep down, and if one divorce, a rundown apartment and one talking to from me were enough to make her sober up the first time, then what do you think this zombie incident has done to her?" Lincoln stopped as he considered that. Just how could a person live with themselves after nearly having caused the end of the world? Lisa might be a toddler but she had the mind of an adult, and was undoubtedly fully aware of the full magnitude of her screw-up?

"So we're just supposed to forgive her for nearly dooming us all, and sweep it under the rug?" Lynn asked curtly. "I was having the time of my life on that softball tournament, unaware that my family had been turned into walking corpses while I was scoring a home run?"

Lincoln sighed. "What else is there to do? I doubt some divine miracle will send us back in time a second time?"

"That zombie virus wiped their memories clean." Ryan lamented. "Neither your sisters or Blondy's boy toy have any recollection about having been zombies. And nobody will ever know how I risked my beacon to save the planet."

Lincoln rolled his eyes, leave it Ryan to make this all about himself. "You think I don't feel the same way? Yeah, it was no treat doing the most dangerous and most thankless civil service in human history, or seeing your sisters turn into zombies, but we can't change that now. Point is, if Lisa truly feels remorse about this, I think we at least owe it to her to tell her that we don't hate her guts?"

Lynn shifted when Lincoln added something very poignant. "I think living with the guilt of having almost doomed humanity is punishment enough, don't you think? I don't know how I would deal with it if I was in her shoes?"

Neither did she? But she did know what it was like living with the guilt of having been a callous and self-serving jerk, albeit not one who nearly doomed the world. Lynn groaned. "Alright…..so what are we gonna do now? Just stroll to her room and have a heart-to-heart?"

Lincoln looked aside. "Not yet…I….I need to brace myself for this. Plus, Lucy is our top priority for now. We have to initiate her."

"Her? Of course…" Lynn rolled her eyes.

"So, you guys think this zombie thing has taught Lizzie a lesson about not being a brat?" Ryan inquired. "We can check her off as "fixed", just like Luan?"

"I certainly hope so." Lincoln sighed. "You told me when we first came to you that the only way for a lesson to stick with someone is through experience? That empty words of wisdom do jack, and that only cold, hard experience can change a person and make them stop taking their lot in life for granted?"

"I did, didn't I?" Ryan tapped his chin. "Yikes, sometimes I scare myself with my own brilliance."

"Then I'm afraid you've got some stiff competition." Lynn huffed with a cocky smile. "Guess what, boys? I've taken care of Lana!"

"What do you mean by that?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, let's just say that when I came to offer myself as her new roomie, our conversation wound up being a lot longer and more emotional than I planned. Not to go into too much detail, but bottom line, I think I've done a darn good job giving Lana the memo that mom and dad are in a bad place and how we all need to change it."

Lincoln sat up, blinking. "Are you saying?"

"Yup, Lana knows about the possibility of a divorce, and this time I got her scared that this could very well happen. She asked me how she could help and I told her that I would explain things after we become roomies. So more or less, the squirt's unofficially on our side now." Lynn folded her arms. "You're welcome."

"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle?" Ryan chuckled.

"Lynn? That's incredible!" Lincoln grew a huge smile. "Thank you!"

Despite his splitting headache, he jumped off his bed and threw his icepack away. He rushed to pull his chart board out. He took a sponge and tentatively erased the question mark from Luan's name in the "fixing sisters" category.

"I think we've seen enough evidence to gauge that Luan is shaping up. Her willingness to labor all day just to help Lucy shows that her friendship with Lucy has given her a new sense of purpose other than plotting inane pranks for attention, just like the first time."

He added Lana's name below. "I'll take your word, Lynn."

"Don't be a worrywart; she knows what's going on now." Lynn reassured him with unbridled confidence. "Once we're roomies, I'll teach her everything she needs to know so she can be less of a nuisance. Lana's pretty chill as it is; she just needs a boost of common sense."

She walked up to Lincoln and snatched his marker. "But I think you've forgotten something." She said while adding a question mark to Lucy's name.

Lincoln scowled a bit and Lynn shrugged. "We can't get carried away; you haven't had your big talk with her yet."

Lincoln snatched the marker away. "By tomorrow, you'll be removing that question mark."

"I'm with you, Snowy. Lucy's going to be a great asset." Ryan shrugged, mildly irking Lynn.

"And then there's Lisa." Lincoln sighed and added her name as well, also with a question mark just to be safe.

"Speaking of the brainiac? What about letting Lola share the same room with her, and her inventions?" Lynn asked yet again.

"Lisa did say she would relocate them. We gotta give her the benefit of doubt this time." Lincoln explained. "Besides, like Renee said, none of us will be moving until mom and dad approve of it."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but won't Lizzie's room serve as the guest room for you and me while I'm here?" Ryan asked him.

"Good point, I guess Lisa might want to get a head-start on assimilating herself with Lola." Lincoln reasoned.

"Yeah, no duh. There ain't no way Lana's going to stay another night in the same room as Lola." Lynn added. "Best she stays in your room for tonight, Lincoln."

"Which reminds me, _roomie_ …." Ryan asked Lincoln wryly "…..how exactly do you plan to have a meeting with Lucy tonight? That would mean meeting up with her, and Renee doesn't take kindly to late-night strolls."

"We'll keep her distracted if we have to." Lynn stated.

"Renee also tends to make inspections to check if her clients are in bed sleeping." Ryan pointed out.

"Now you tell us that?!" Lynn lamented.

"I thought that went without saying?" Ryan shrugged.

"I'll figure something out." Lincoln cut in. "I just need time to think."

" _Lincoln, are you there?_ " they heard a knock on the door. Lincoln swiftly pushed his chart board back behind his clothes rack.

Lynn boiled. "Take a hike, Lucy!"

In spite of her objections, Lincoln pushed past her. "Take it easy." He told the jock and opened the door.

The goth stepped in. "How's your head?"

Lincoln tried to smile. "Nothing too bad, just a little welt."

Lucy nodded and made sure to close the door behind her.

"I suppose you're looking for some answers, huh?" Lynn asked dourly.

"Yes, but I know this isn't the right time to discuss it. You promised to tell me everything you've kept hidden from me tonight, Lincoln. Whatever that may be?"

"See, guys. She already knows how to play the game. She's kept her poker face this whole time, without even knowing what's going on?" Ryan chuckled.

"Ryan, I assume you've known Lynn and Lincoln for far longer than you claim? You seem very well-acquainted with them in a way that couldn't' possibly have been forged in just two or three weeks." Lucy asked simply.

"You hit the nail on the head, Spooky." The boy shrugged. "Technically I've known them for several months, though it's a tad complicated."

That was intriguing but Lucy didn't press on for now. "And you'll explain everything to me, Lincoln?"

"I'll try my best. It's a lot to swallow though." Lincoln nodded feebly. "Just as soon as I figure out how we can meet in private after curfew, Ryan says his sister tends to make checkups to see if everyone's sleeping and in the right room."

"Yeah, and unfortunately, Renee's not going to let me share a room with a certain special someone." Ryan added while wiggling an eyebrow at Lynn. "So me and Lincoln will be stuck together, and he'll have to sneak his way to you."

Lucy didn't immediately answer and pondered. "Hmmmm…I think I have an idea?"

"And what's that?" Lincoln asked.

"I'll explain in due time, but we have to get going. Renee ordered for all of us to assemble downstairs in twenty minutes."

"For what?" Lynn asked impatiently. "Dinner was ruined, and if we have to go to bed on an empty stomach, then at least I wanna do it in peace and away from her Highness-"

"About that, she's not canceling dinner." Lucy replied, much to the others' surprise.

"I've heard from Luan that Renee's taking us all to dinner. She has mom's credit card, so that's how she'll pay the bill."

"We're going to some restaurant?" Lincoln blurted. "But it's already past eight? Didn't she give us a curfew?"

"Yes, and she's very mad about falling behind schedule." Lucy nodded. "We should not make her any madder by being late."

The three were anything but happy but they didn't have the option to object. Renee was in charge, and at the very least, given circumstances, Luna and Lola were the only sisters liable to make trouble at this point, hopefully? Taking their sisters to a restaurant was not an idea that boded well with Lincoln and Lynn.

"Well, none of us wanna do it, but we don't have a choice, do we?" Lynn asked them dryly.

"At least we'll get to eat." Ryan shrugged. "Better than nothing."

Lincoln sighed. "Alright, guys. Guess we better get going."

"Wait a second?" Lynn asked, growing unnerved. "This isn't some fancy-schmancy restaurant where everyone's gotta be all proper and well-dressed, cuz I'm not wearing a stinking dress and nobody can force me!"

The others stared at her oddly and blinked.

"Hold your horses, Lynn." Ryan reassured her and grabbed her shoulder. "You think Renee's gonna want to waste her client's money to feed a bunch of "miscreants" like us? Get real. She'll probably pick the cheapest food joint she can find that still serves slop that qualifies as food."

Lynn calmed down and exhaled, feeling a bit silly for freaking out. "Oh, great then? As long as no dresses are involved."

"Before we go, I just want to make a confession." Lucy spoke up. "Don't be angry with Luan, she didn't put hot sauce in Lynn's drink. I did."

This caught everyone off guard, but Lynn's face soon scrunched up. "What?"

"Well, actually, it was Lola who put the hot sauce in Renee's drink, and then I switched her drink with Lynn's." Lucy clarified. "But the point is, Luan is not to blame."

"Why you-" Lynn stepped forward but was blocked by Ryan, who chuckled merrily.

"And they say revenge is best served cold." He snickered. "I commend the devious inner workings of your mind, Spooky." Lucy smiled in appreciation.

Lynn fumed while Lincoln shook his head. "Alright, I can't say I approve of that but I guess you and Lynn are even now?"

"For her locking me up? Yes." Lucy frowned again. "For her being a miserable, ill-mannered, self-serving excuse for a sister? Not any time soon."

"You do realize that you're the creepy, pasty-faced goth kid who buries dead animals in her spare time, hangs out in a guano-filled bat cave, thinks ghosts are real, _and_ reads Princess Pony books, right?" Lynn retorted spitefully.

"Yes, and I'm proud of it." Lucy said calmly.

"Well, I'm _immensely proud_ of being an amazingly-gifted athlete who effortlessly masters any sport you throw at me!" Lynn retorted before folding her arms proudly. "And I have won several trophies in honor of my talent."

"Great to hear that somebody is." Lucy deadpanned.

Lynn's eyes shot open, and she seethed as she heard Ryan trying to conceal his sniggering.

Lincoln was quick to interfere. "Okay, let's get going before things get any more intense."


	36. No Guts, No Glory: Off We Go!

" _I would greatly appreciate it if we could forsake this stupid trip, but alas, I need to be patient if I want to learn the truth_." Lucy told herself, though this wasn't simply due to her desire to finally learn her brother's baffling secret. Taking the Loud sisters, as a group, to a public restaurant had bad idea written all over it and Lincoln did not wish for more chaos. She herself could also do without it.

She doubted Renee was ignorant about the risk either, and only seemed to be doing it out of some sense of obligation to fulfill her job, not out of concern over the kids going hungry.

She walked towards Lisa's room when Lola walked out of it and entered the hall, holding soaked balls of cotton pressed to both of her eyes.

Lucy sighed. "Lola, watch out." She warned her monotonously.

Lola removed one cotton ball and glared at the goth with her bloodshot eye, while hissing and bearing her teeth. Lucy flinched as Lola circled around her, never ceasing her threat display, before storming off to her room. Even Lucy felt her skin crawling from the sight.

"Don't forget. We gotta be downstairs in ten minutes." Lucy reminded her, though she honestly couldn't care less if Lola would land in trouble for being tardy.

"Will you cease flinching, these vaccines were designed to be painless." She heard Lisa's voice.

The princess, meanwhile, entered her room, bitter and dejected. She had never experienced such a long string of humiliation and sorrow, things usually went her way. What had changed?

" _That stupid Renee, that's what!_ " she fumed. " _As long as she's here, things will never be back to normal._ "

She knew that all of them were due to assemble downstairs pronto, and Lola considered going on a hunger strike to spite their accursed babysitter, but something clicked in her mind. A rare lucid train of thought?

" _No, she's too powerful and too crafty_. _She'll punish me more_." Lola found herself begrudgingly considering the possibility. " _Maybe Lincoln was right?_ " She felt disgusted as the thought made its way to the forefront. She couldn't be a spineless coward like her brother and submit to that pathetic Lady Tremaine wannabe, but how much more humiliation could she endure? If there was a way to avoid it…..

" _No! I can't be weak-willed like Lincoln! I'm beautiful! I'm fair! I'm righteous! I deserve to win!_ " she stomped her foot in defiance.

" _I just….just need to be more careful! Yes!_ " she rationalized while breathing heavily and looking around her room. " _If Renee's cunning then I need to be double as cunning! Strike her when she least expects it! Give her a false sense of security! Yes! Yes!_ " Lola was soon brainstorming a new tactic, she just needed a weapon.

Her ex-sister's pets cowered after being grazed by Lola's psychotic glare, as she grabbed her box and rummaged through it. She had already used up her most dangerous weapons, and they had failed her.

Hissing in agitation, Lola looked around her room for anything else that she could employ against her dreaded enemy when she noticed a familiar shampoo bottle lying against the wall, and dripping.

She had forgotten all about that, but the sight immediately sparked an idea in her twisted little mind. They were going to travel outside, right? Lola grinned wickedly. Finally! Vengeance would be hers!

* * *

"Okay, I get your _point_ , but nobody likes to be used as a pincushion." Luan retorted sardonically. Lucy walked towards the doorway to find Luan sitting on Lisa's bed and rubbing her left arm, while Lisa was at her work table, looking through a microscope.

"I have good news, sister. I have not observed the presence of any abnormalities in your blood cells." Lisa stated with some relief. No sign of any known diseases, but more importantly, no sign of her cocktail-made zombie flue manifesting itself again in Luan's system either.

"Thanks for the prognosis, doc." Luan sighed, the scratches on her face still stinging even after Lisa had cleaned them. "Y'know? I don't get why we have to pay medical bills, when you're more than qualified to be our unpaid house doctor?" she added with more levity.

Lisa rolled her eyes and turned around on her swivel chair, bearing an unamused expression.

"Hey, I meant that as a compliment, really." Luan replied tentatively. The last thing she wanted was to offend one of the siblings that still supported her. Noting her unease, Lisa's face softened.

"I know, I harbor no ill will towards you. You merely advocated my medical skills and I appreciate that, and I'm happy to be of assistance to my family." Lisa sighed and looked away. "I've just been exhausted lately, that's all."

"Rumor has it you're suffering from insomnia?" Luan asked.

"You could say that…." Lisa sighed.

"Hey, Luan." Lucy finally revealed herself and walked in. "Are you still at risk of having rabies?"

"Don't fret about it, Lucy. I had my shots." Luan chuckled in response, still rubbing her arm. "And don't you dare spread rumors about me being sick…." She added in a stern tone before sniggering "….they might go _viral_. Get it?"

The goth didn't comment. "Well, okay. But we should get down quickly. Renee's going to be upset."

"Why is she in such a hurry?" Lisa asked her. "Wouldn't it be mandatory to give us at least an additional hour for recovery, given our ordeal at the dinner table?"

"Renee doesn't want us to stay past curfew, and we're already lagging behind." Luan sighed and shook her head.

Lisa scowled a bit. "This is most illogical. Why does she prioritize keeping up some arbitrary schedule she has imposed on us over allowing the casualties of the dinner incident to recover? Especially considering that we are nearing the end of June and therefore the yearly peak of daylight hours?"

"Hmmmm….yes, it does seem rather inconsiderate of her, but why do you disapprove of it?" Lucy asked cautiously. "I thought you might value the need to follow a tightly-planned schedule?"

Lisa blinked. "Maybe….but her approach to this is both impractical and highly inconsiderate."

"Yes, but I didn't think you were someone who thought much about being inconsiderate?"

Luan looked at the goth oddly, while Lisa blinked. What was she supposed to say to that?

"Well…." She rubbed her arm awkwardly "…..I believe that I explained my reasons thoroughly at the table?"

"You did…." Lucy said simply. "But why now exactly? Why the sudden change of heart? As far as I'm aware, you have always preferred to stay neutral in family affairs as long as they didn't inconvenience you, and if they did-"

"Lucy." Luan told her somewhat sternly. "It's not very considerate of _you_ to say such things."

"But it is true." Lucy retorted simply. "You and I both know Lisa's stance when it comes to family conflicts. As long as it doesn't involve her, she doesn't interfere, or care about it."

Lisa fiddled, while Luan sighed. "Lucy….. I think she explained why already, and I'm willing to believe her. Sometimes…..sometimes people just have an epiphany." Though her epiphany came in the form of Ryan, making Luan wonder if Lisa has been having some serious conversations with a close confidant, whoever that might be?

"Sometimes you just take a good, long look at yourself and you start to reconsider some things." She continued softly before glancing at the genius. "Lisa, I'm not trying to insinuate that you were ever a bad person, but did you…..y'know…..Lucy does have a point that you're not one to get sentimental or overly helpful. Did something happen?"

Lisa glanced down. "Um….I guess you could say that. I've done a lot of musing regarding the matter of my character." She looked back at the teen, who retained her soft expression, not appearing interested in pushing the matter too far, though her expression also conveyed a sense of knowing, that she was somehow relating to Lisa's dilemma.

"Lisa, we all make mistakes, it's unavoidable." Luan added. "Whatever you did, we won't badger you about it. Whatever it was, it can't have been nearly as bad as my yearly Prankmageddon."

Lisa's face darkened and she glanced down again. " _If only you knew….or could remember_ …."

"Just as long as you learn from it and try not to repeat yourself, that's all that matters." Luan said sagely. "I mean, know I don't have the same IQ points as you, so I'm probably unqualified to lecture you, but still. That's just my two cents. Don't waste time wallowing in self-pity over some old incident; otherwise, you'll just spend more time regretting not having done anything to move on or make up for it."

" _I am trying to do something about it, but I worry that my efforts will be too little too late."_

"It's nothing that should concern you…" Lisa quickly responded, trying not to shed tears "….and it's nothing serious, just…"

Luan stayed quiet. It defiantly sounded like something was troubling Lisa, but knowing her sister (at least somewhat) she guessed Lisa didn't want to go into detail over it, out of fear of appearing childish and below her self-appointed high standards? Or she thought that her siblings literally couldn't understand what was bugging her?

"Sounds serious to me." Lucy chimed in. "Considering your change in attitude."

"Lucy, we promised not to bother her about it." Luan countered. "I'm sure Lisa will open up once she feels comfortable doing that, we both know that's easier said than done. Let's not be nosy about it. She's on our side as it is."

Lucy considered that and gave in. "Sigh. I suppose you're right." Whatever it was, it couldn't be more important than whatever was going on with Lincoln and Lynn.

"Let's get going." Luan stood up and glanced at Lisa. "Just remember what I told ya. All that matters is that you learn something and better yourself, and apologize if you think you've made someone upset."

Retaining her glum expression, Lisa said nothing at first; for Luan's well-meant advice hadn't changed anything about her plans.

"I'll….I'll keep that in mind." She sighed. "I'm aware that our daily hobbies can have unintentional negative consequences, especially on people besides ourselves."

"I know all too well. Just be the bigger person, even if some people don't care for an apology." Luan added, when she started twitching and scowling. "Like certain back-stabbing gold-diggers who will side with your mortal enemy because apparently one day of terror every year is worse than devoting your whole existence to making one person's life a living hell!"

Once her rant was finished, Luan found herself clenching her teeth and glaring at her curled up hands, while her younger sisters had both taken a step back, carrying worried expressions.

Luan chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry about that….um…shall we get a move on?"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, in Lynn and Lucy's room…_

"Just remember, squirt. Behave, don't talk smack to Renee, keep your head down and remember your table manners, and everything will be cool." Lynn lectured the younger tomboy while packing a few essentials in the latter's small backpack.

"I know that, you said it several times." Lana grumbled, sitting on Lynn's bed, as the latter handed her the backpack. "I don't have the memory of a stinking goldfish!"

"Just making sure…." Lynn shrugged, remembering Ryan's saying about how a mere warning would often fall on deaf ears. "Making sure you don't forget about it. You believe me about the situation with mom and dad, right?"

Lana's brow furrowed. "Of course I do, what you told me…..it makes sense." She glanced down and fiddled with her fingers. "And it got me scared."

She sounded completely sincere, and Lynn was happy to hear it. "As long as you listen to me and behave, you'll have nothing to worry about, sis. That's a promise." She reassured her as she placed a comforting hand on Lana's shoulder.

As Lana looked at her, the jock smiled knowingly. "Remember, mom and dad had their first night out in eons, dad won the money the to finance his own restaurant, his long-time dream has come true, mom just recently made a visit to Pop-Pop and the meeting with Bobby's family….." Lynn paused as she felt a wave of unease "…..well, if nothing else, a long, relaxing trip to a city they've never been to before, away from the stress of home life, is bound to do them some good."

"So, you're saying they haven't been as stressed out this week?" Lana asked innocently.

"That….that I can't tell for sure." Lynn replied. "But compared to their usual everyday lives, this week was _defiantly_ an improvement, Luan's Prankmageddon aside. All we gotta do now is make sure that they'll _continue_ to have more opportunities such as these, so they can have fun and relax after a long day, and not screw things up for them."

"Like dad's meeting with that food critic?"

"Exactly, I'm sure a meeting with some snooty, highbrow critic wouldn't have gone as smoothly with a bunch of rambunctious kids bugging him. Sometimes, the best way to help someone is by not helping them and letting them do things on their own. Grown-ups know what they're doing, and it's best to let them do it unless they specifically ask for our help."

Lana just glanced down again and sighed. This was still a lot to process. Would she screw things ups and cause her parents grief no matter what? Even if she didn't try to do it on purpose?

"Just listen to your big sis, and you won't have anything to worry about." Lynn told her.

"I know…." Lana groaned. "You don't have to say it constantly."

"Sorry." Lynn leaned back.

"Lynn?"

"Yes?"

Lana cringed a bit. "If mom and dad go on dates again…does that mean…"

"Oh, no. Heck no." Lynn knew what had her sister worried. "Renee's an awful babysitter, that's one of the few things all of us can agree on. Once our folks get back, all the negative feedback will get them to search for a new babysitter to have on standby."

Just as Lana relaxed a bit, Lynn had to spoil it with a firm reminder. "But if you want a nicer babysitter, remember, we'll have to get the rest of the gals to behave to, otherwise mom and dad won't leave us with a nice babysitter."

"Dangit….." Lana grumbled. "How we will get Lola to behave?"

"We'll think of something….somehow…." Lynn replied with mild confidence, which soon morphed into uncertainty. "But I think you not picking fights with her is a great place to start."

"I don't start fights with her! She starts fights with me!" Lana insisted.

"Then try to stay out of her way more, pint-sized. Given your lack of common interests, that shouldn't be _that_ hard. Even more after we becomes roomies." Lynn suggested.

Lana eased up a bit as Lynn leaned closer to her. "As for Renee, we'll just have to tough it though while she's still here. Now come on, you're just as tough as me. You can pull through."

Lana pursed her lips. "I can….she doesn't scare me." She tried to sound brave. "She's just a big bully and I don't like her."

Lynn wasn't sure how truthful that was but she wanted to boost Lana's morale. "I'm sure you aren't. And remember, once we return, just one phone call later, we will be roomies."

Lana smiled.

"And look, once Renee's just an unpleasant memory….and when I have the time, I'll take you somewhere fun to make up for this, wherever you want."

"Really?" Lana smile even more.

"Yup. The park? The zoo? Dairyland? Your pick. I can also bring Ryan if you want to?"

Lana's smile faltered and she glanced aside. "No…" she grumbled.

Lynn looked incredulous. "Why not?"

"He's a jerk." Lana grumbled.

"That he is." Lynn said with more levity than she probably should have. "And I wouldn't want him any other way." Lana glared at her, which made Lynn's smile disappear.

"You still mad at him for bagging you? And holding you upside down?"

"And for dropping me on my noggin." Lana nodded. Lynn shook her head. "Lana, you and the girls were going to lynch Lincoln when he didn't give you that letter."

"No, we wouldn't have!" Lana protested. "We…we were just going to grab the letter-"

"Why am I having a hard time believing that?" Lynn snorted smartly. "And how was Ryan supposed to know that? He had to save his buddy from his "crazy" sisters. It was Ryan's idea to go through with that prank in the first place, he couldn't leave Lincoln in the lurch once our pranks went haywire. And nobody forced you into joining the Lincoln hunt."

Lana wilted a bit, but so did Lynn, and said sheepishly, "The second one, that's really more my fault. We thought you girls were causing havoc and rushed in to retrain you. Our bad."

Lana muttered.

"Lana, just try to forgive him, this is just a misunderstanding. You called me a jerk a few hour ago, remember? And I'm sure I've done way worse things to everyone here-"

"He could at least apology." Lana grunted.

Lynn laughed. "Good luck trying to claw out an apology out of him. You won't have much luck. Ryan's a wannabe tough guy, he doesn't like showing sentimentality."

"And why is he like that?" Lana asked curtly.

Lynn hesitated. "He has his reasons, but that's confidential between us. If you want to know, I'm afraid you're going to have to talk to him yourself. All I can say is that he has his own weird way of showing affection. Taunts and jabs are his way of telling you you're his friend, I know that better than anyone."

After getting no response, Lynn sighed. "Lana, lemme tell you something right there. Ryan really does like you, even if he doesn't show it. Believe me, I know the guy and I can tell when he has a soft spot for someone."

"How?" Lana challenged her.

Lynn pondered, then smiled. "Just come and see."

* * *

In the parents' room, the boys were checking up on the felines. One was taking her situation a lot worse than the other.

"Sorry, Marce, but my hands are tied." Ryan told his cat, while kneeling down in front of the pet carrier she was held captive in. The savannah was already freaking out, she was crouched down, pupils dilated, ears folded and the hair on her back raised.

Ryan sighed as the miniature cage shook again. He didn't want to look like some soft-hearted hippie in front of Lincoln, but he hated seeing his cat like this. She was a free spirit and hated being confined in such tight spaces. It didn't help that these pet carries were designed for regular-sized cats, giving Marceline little room to maneuver.

He looked back at Lincoln, who was making one last check-up on Cliff. The black tom seemed oddly complacent and seemed to be napping inside his cage, showing none of the anxiety that Marceline was visibly displaying.

Cliff opened an eye as he heard the neighboring cage shake again, but he hardly cared. This wasn't the pet spa, but he was very much a happy pussycat. He was finally safe from Marceline and left to relax in his own private quarters. Hearing the she-cat freak out over something so normal and banal as staying in a pet carrier also brought him some joy.

Ryan rolled his eyes, as the other cage shook once more. Frowning, he tried to comfort his cat. "Take it easy, we'll be back soon. And I promise, I'll get my stupid sister to at least lock you up somewhere more spacey."

"Meooooooowwwww…" the anxiety in Marceline's tone was very evident.

"Don't you have a bigger cage? Like one for your dog?" Ryan groaned.

Lincoln was slow to respond. "I'm afraid not. Charles…." he paused for a moment "….Charles was happy to be led by a leash. Cliff's the one who's skittish around the vet."

"See, Lana? He's concerned about his cat." Lynn whispered to her younger sister, both hiding behind the doorway.

"He seems happy in there." Ryan scoffed as he walked over to Lincoln.

"Probably because he feels safe there." Lincoln said simply, standing up. Ryan didn't respond and just glanced at Marceline's cage.

"Let's just go. Seeing you is probably making her more restless." Lincoln gestured for Ryan to go. Hearing that, Lynn pushed Lana forward and got moving.

Ryan grumbled. "Fine. I don't want to watch her banging her head against the bars…."

"At least she's still alive…." Lincoln sighed as he reached the doorway, causing Ryan to stop. So did Lana, and she craned her neck towards the doorway.

"What's he talking about?" she asked, causing Lynn to panic.

"Nothing important, just tell Renee we're coming." Lynn curtly pushed her forward. "I'll get the boys before she blows a gasket." She pointed at herself and ran off.

"Sorry about your dog…" Ryan suddenly said, surprising Lincoln as well as himself. Hearing that, Lynn stopped at the door. Ryan instantly regretted letting that slip, but felt no desire to renounce it. Marceline almost died at the jaws of One Eye, and if that had happened, Ryan didn't what he would have done.

"I mean…" he shrugged awkwardly "….he seemed like a trusty mutt, sure didn't think twice about attacking One Eye to protect Lynn, I can see why she's broken up about it…."

Lincoln didn't know what to say to that, and an awkward silence ensued, until they heard a Lynn talking.

"Didn't expect you two to have a heartfelt moment?" she suddenly popped up, joking sardonically.

"Lynn?" Lincoln asked in surprise.

Ryan's face fell. "How much did you hear?"

Lynn looked unamused. "Drop it, tough guy. We don't have time to get mushy." She made no attempt to dispel what Ryan had said about her, but this was not the time for heart-to-hearts.

"You're right, let's just go." Lincoln pointed at the door. He was glad to leave this awkward conversation be.

Unbeknownst to them, Lana was listening in on them, and rushed off as soon as she heard them coming closer. " _At least she's still alive? Sorry about your dog?_ " fear and confusion welled up inside her.

* * *

Renee grunted as she shook the newly-rebuilt kitchen table to make sure it was sturdy. It was.

" _My craftsmanship never fails me_ …." She found some meager satisfaction with her accomplishment. But what to do about the destroyed dishes? She had to do something about it or it would seriously taint her reputation, which was still mostly nonexistent in this new town.

"Renee?" she heard Luan's meek voice from the living room. "We're ready to go?"

Renee rolled her eyes. Fixing this table had taken longer than anticipated. She was not looking forward to this trip, but as the babysitter, she had to do it.

She walked into the living room to find most of the girls assembled, with Lana climbing down the stairs and joining them. She briefly glared at Renee but then looked away, remembering what Lynn had told her.

Renee narrowed her eyes. Naturally, her brother and his two favorite cronies were absent.

"It seems we have three people unaccounted for?" she spoke coldly as the sisters stood at attention.

"They're upstairs." Lana spoke up, trying not to sound too brash. "They were checking if the cats are okay."

Renee gave her a frosty glance. "Is that wrong?" Lana asked simply.

Hearing footsteps, Renee looked up and saw the three missing people descending down the stairs.

"We're here, don't get your knickers in a twist." Ryan quipped.

"Uhhhh! We're all going out for dinner!" Leni squealed eagerly. "Isn't this exciting?"

The rest of the kids did not share the same enthusiasm.

"I fail to understand how attending a banal public eatery is remarkable or warrants getting exhilarated in any way?" Lisa deadpanned in response.

"Well, mom and dad haven't taken us out in a really long time." Luan idly shrugged.

"That is true?" Leni gave her an odd look and tapped her chin. "I wonder why?"

Lincoln took a moment to study Luna and Lola. The former looked as dejected as before, but the latter looked oddly relaxed, which worried the boy.

Renee clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "Alright, miscreants! Listen up! I believe most of you imbeciles are aware by now that I expect you to be on your best behavior? Especially now that you will be dining at a public place."

"I'll try my best, sis." Ryan quipped. "Unfortunately, my table manners are at zero, so my best might not be to your satisfaction."

Renee just glowered at him, making him raise his hands. "Just kidding, thought I'd lighten the mood?"

Lincoln cleared his throat. "Didn't we have a schedule? Shouldn't we get going?"

"You're right." Renee said grimly. "Just one more thing."

Suddenly, she grabbed both Luna and Lola by the collar and pulled them towards her, lifting Lola off her feet in the process.

"I've been thinking about you two." Renee said darkly to the terrified sisters. "You've given me the most trouble. Now, considering how you have repeatedly attempted to assault me…." She addressed Lola before shifting her glare at Luna, making her flinch. "….and how you have tried to escape _twice_."

Luna trembled. "I'm sorry, dude. I know I shouldn't have-"

"You've more than earned your third strike respectively. So perhaps I should make an example out of you two and condemn you to a more…..radical punishment: solitary confinement! Without dinner, just for good measures!"

Lincoln's eyes widened, as did Luna and Lola's. The rest of the sisters, even Lynn, Lana and Luan were taken aback. That sounded way too harsh, even for someone like Lola.

"But….they haven't eaten anything today? Isn't that a bit mean?" Leni asked, scratching her head.

"What?" Luna yelped. "But…but….didn't you already lock up the twins in their room? It didn't do much for Lola?"

Renee grew the faint hint of a smile, which chilled the rocker and the princess to the bone.

"No, that was a _time-out_." She said matter-of-factly. "Why do you think I took an interest in your family's bunker, and requested that you shut off the power?"

The two sisters gulped, when Lincoln rushed to their side, hands raised.

"Renee! Let's not get hasty?" he spoke weakly, the sitter shifted her glare at him.

The boy swallowed a lump. "Maybe granting them mercy is the more logical course of action?"

"And your reasons?" Renee asked coldly. Lincoln froze, having to think fast.

"Eh…um…perhaps the demoralizing burden of having to spend the rest of the day in the presence of the very person who effortlessly thwarted their plans to cause trouble is a more effective way to teach them a lesson than by locking them up in a cold, dark cell?"

Renee narrowed her eyes, contemplating. Lincoln started sweating, as did the two sisters in Renee's grasp.

"Your argument is…..logical." Renee released the two and they dropped unceremoniously.

Renee dusted her hands. "Philological penalties are the most effective means of disciplining brats, and straightforward demoralization is even more potent than the maddening isolation of solitary confinement."

"I knew you were just kidding, Renee." Leni laughed. "You had me there for a moment. Anyone else?" The rest of the siblings made no comment, apart from some deadpan glances directed at her.

Renee rolled her eyes, when something occurred to her. "Which reminds me?" she suddenly walked back to the kitchen.

"You okay?" Lincoln asked Luna as he helped her up.

"Demoralization?" she snapped at him. "I can't go to the concert, and now you want me to tag along just to remind me I can't go-?"

"Hey! Back off!" Lynn stepped up. "He just saved your ungrateful behind!"

"Pffftt…" Ryan scoffed. "If Moon Girl prefers being stuck in a dark room for hours over spending more time with Renee, maybe we should ask her to reconsider Lincoln's proposal?"

Luna's face softened and she looked aside. "I….eh…sorry about that, bro." she stammered. "Eh…thanks for the assist."

"It's nothing." Lincoln exhaled and shook his head before glancing at Lola, who was glowering at the kitchen. No one was expecting a "thank you" from her, not that she could give one in her current condition.

Renee soon came back, carrying a small paper bag. "Here." She handed it to Lincoln.

"What's that?"

"Chocolate chip cookies, sugar-free of course." Renee answered. "It's your reward for being the most well-behaved among your siblings."

Lincoln pursed his lips and his brow fell as he looked as his reward. This was beyond condescending, but he said nothing. Did this at least imply that Renee was finally forming some sort of trust in him?

"Don't look so blue." Ryan slapped his back teasingly. "Coming from Renee, that's a big honor."

"Eh, yeah…" Lincoln muttered while rubbing his back "…thanks."

Renee ignored them both and clapped her hands again. "Alright, let's get moving. But first, pick a buddy."

Lincoln and the older sisters (sans Leni) turned wide-eyed.

"Pick a what-now?" Lynn blurted incredulously. "You must be joking?"

Renee shook her head. "I never joke about the buddy system. How else can I ensure that you children don't get lost during our walk to the nearby restaurant and back?"

"The buddy system?" Leni cooed. "Aww…I remember it from second grade. It was so cute."

"I don't see the big hoot about it?" Lana shrugged, being used to the concept. The other younger sisters shared her sentiment, even Lisa remembered it from the month or so she spent climbing the grades in elementary school.

"Everyone will pick a buddy, except you." Renee pointed at Luna, and whipped out another pair of handcuffs, and chained the rocker to Leni. "Yours has been picked for you."

"Dude!" Luna cried.

"Um….Renee, why did you do that?" Leni's looked bemused. "We can just hold hands."

Renee smiled and humored her. "Why….it's a trust-building exercise. I'm sure you're familiar with it, two people learning to have faith in one another by working together like a well-oiled machine, all while tied to each other?"

"Oh, that makes sense." Leni smiled. "You want us to learn to trust each other more."

"Of course, but let's start with just the two of you. That way we can take your sister's mind off that silly concert she keeps fussing over." Renee patted her back, while Luna silently fumed.

"Aren't you at least gonna cuff Lola as well?" the rocker cried petulantly, making Lola annoyed.

"Oh, no…" Renee replied nonchalantly, glancing at the princess. "Her attempts to usurp my authority are quaint and easy enough to spot. As the dinner incident taught me, I should never grow too complacent and therefore I need a reason to always remain on alert."

That didn't stop her from grabbing Lola by her backpack and inspecting it. She just found a makeup compact, a bottle of face lotion, a mirror and a spare tiara.

"Besides…" she turned back to Luna "….you're way more unpredictable with your actions."

The others stepped back as Lola trembled and her head started making the sound of a boiling teapot.

"We're losing daylight, pick a buddy and let's go!" Renee ordered the rest of them and opened the door, while Luna glared daggers at her.

"Luna, catch." Leni suddenly fell on top of the rocker and they crashed to the floor.

"Luna?" Leni looked down at her disapprovingly. "You were supposed to catch me?"

Luna gritted her teeth. "Just…just zip it!"

"Now, now…" Leni shook her head. "We're totes not gonna make progress with that attitude."

The rest begrudgingly chose their pick. Luan tried to seize Ryan's hand but Lynn beat her to it.

"Ha! Too slow!" the jock laughed and pulled Ryan away.

Luan seethed when Lucy grabbed her hand and smiled at her. Luan smiled back.

The twins glared at each other, before Lola huffed and grabbed Lisa's hand while Lana grabbed Lincoln's.

"I'm flattered….roomie…." Lisa said out of obligation as she was pulled away.

"Let's go!" Lana huffed and dragged Lincoln along.

"Lana, why's your hand so sticky?" Lincoln asked uneasily.

"Banana slug mucus." She answered casually, making the boy gulp.

But he soon relaxed and shrugged, "Meh…could have been way grosser."

Several of the siblings made sure to grab whatever headgear they could from the coat rack on their way out.

Upstairs, the felines heard the door closing, and the house turned eerily silent. Cliff ignored it and went back to catnapping, but Marceline started panicking even more. They were leaving her behind?

She started twirling around in circles, scratching at the walls and meowing despondently. She jumped at the bars, pushing her full weight against them, which made the carrier topple forward.

Suddenly standing on the bars, the confused cat tried balancing herself in the now taller but much narrower cage, placing her paws on the ceiling and causing it to topple over again.

Regaining her balance on all fours, Marceline looked back through the bars and realized that she had moved a considerable distance from the other cage, giving her an idea…..

* * *

"This blows chunks…." Luna grumbled while pulling a black beanie further and further down her face.

"Quit bellyaching, at least you don't have to wear this!" Lynn lamented behind her, wearing a pink, green and white horizontal-striped beanie with a big pom pom and ear flaps, which she was similarly using to cover her face as much as possible.

Her buddy could only use his red cap for that, only covering one eye so he could see where he was going. The odd group made up of kids of varying ages walking in a row like some elementary school class trip already caught the eye of some passing onlookers.

"Aw, Lynn, I think it looks cute on you." Leni cooed as she looked over her shoulder.

"How about you try not to trip over your own feet!" Lynn retorted irritably.

Ryan tried to ignore the blonde and looked back at Luan and Lucy, who were following behind him and Lynn.

"You're making no attempt to hide your identity?" he asked the comedian jokingly.

"Not like I have any dignity to lose." She shrugged, somewhat sardonically.

"We don't care what others think, right Luan?" Lucy added. The comedian just nodded.

Behind them were Lincoln and Lana, the former wearing a propeller hat to hide his face, and still carrying his bag of cookies, with Lisa and Lola in the back of the row.

Given the relative quiet, Lincoln thought he might try to make a proposition to Lola.

"Lincoln, can I ask you something?" Lana whispered in a hesitant tone.

"Not now, Lana…." He dismissed her.

"Ptssss…Lola? I have a proposition for you?" he whispered, trying to look over his shoulder.

She looked up at him. "Eh….I think you have her attention." Lisa spoke, trying to be helpful.

Lincoln sighed and continued, "Listen, Lola. How about you promise not to stir any more trouble with Renee, and in exchange, I'll give you all of my cookies?"

"What? No fair." Lana grumbled. Lincoln begged her to stay quiet.

Lola huffed, but thought about it. Given everything that had happened to her today, any consolation would be appreciated at this point. And she did like sweets. Lincoln knew that and hoped Renee's claim that the cookies were sugar-free was earnest.

"Just please, try to stay out of Renee's way. For all our sakes? And you can have all the cookies to yourself. Do we have a deal?"

" _Hmmm….I can NOT do what he asked from me but still let him think I will? I get the sweets and sweet vengeance? Win-win!_ " Lola figured, feeling very smart about it, and then quietly nodded.

"I think you've come to an agreement." Lisa translated.

Lincoln handed the cookies to Lola, though he was skeptical about her keeping her end of the bargain, for she had agreed a bit too quickly for his liking. It was still worth a try and he would have to wait and see.

"That stinking cheater is not going to keep her end of the bargain." Lana muttered, echoing his concerns.

Luna, meanwhile, kept pulling her beanie lower until it covered her entire face.

"Luna, why are you wearing it like that? You can't see?" Leni asked her buddy worriedly.

Luna groaned under her beanie. Leni did have a point. "Eh…it's part of the trust-building exercise, Leni. Y'know, one person being blinded and the other leading their partner? You can be my eyes."

Leni beamed. "No worries, Luna. I'll be your eyes!" she proudly proclaimed. "I won't let you down-"slamming into a lamp post cut her proclamation short.

Lynn and Ryan collided into them, followed by Lucy and Luan, Lincoln and Lana and finally by Lola and Lisa.

Renee ignored the crash behind her as she saw the small and modest restaurant she had been searching for in front of her.

"Were here." She turned to the others, who were lying on the sidewalk in a jumbled pile.

"I'm sorry, Luna." Leni wept ashamedly, as the latter pulled herself from beneath her. "I make terrible eyes!" Luna just grumbled and dusted herself.

"Nice going, klutz!" Lynn snapped at the blonde as she pulled herself out of the pile.

"Told ya, the tutz is a sadist." Ryan scoffed next to her, dusting himself.

"Yeah, right. Lola's the sadist, Leni is just dense." Luan snorted.

"Dense?!" Leni gasped and straighten herself up to check out her hips. "Did I gain weight?!"

"Not if you eat here." Renee interjected and gestured at the restaurant. Ryan read the banner above them.

"Fresh and Fit Food? You kidding? This is some cheap joint that only serves "healthy food"?" Ryan asked her.

"Yes." Renee said flatly. "Part of my job description is to provide my clients with a healthy diet."

"And here I was hoping for cafeteria slop." Ryan snarked dejectedly.

Little did they know, bad food was not their only problem.

"How many more of these Louds are there? It's disgusting." Lyle grumbled, peeking from behind a corner.

"Lyle, why are we still following them?" Maggie asked monotonously. "I thought you and them "settled things" yesterday?"

"Will you pipe down!" Lyle shushed her. "We didn't settle things, they humiliated me."

Maggie rolled her eyes. "You agreed to their terms, and you lost. You even did a spit-shake, you can't backtrack on that. If you break that sacred oath it would seriously hurt your reputation."

"Will you be quiet!" Lyle lamented petulantly. "I'm focusing."

Maggie peeked next to him. "And I'd rather not get involved with people who wear weird hats and handcuff themselves together."

"Shhhhhhhhhh!" Lyle retorted.

"And remember. Do not speak to anyone unless spoken to." Renee reminded the group. "It will spare me and _them_ the embarrassment. Unless you need to use the restroom, stay in your seat. This is an establishment where normal people wish to dine in peace, so you should have enough courtesy to respect their wishes."

"Grrrrrr…." Clenching her teeth, Lynn took a step forward but Ryan grabbed her hand.

"Easy, Freckles…." He told her in a pacifying tone, unsure of how much more of his sister's condescending attitude Lynn could take?

Lincoln patted her other arm. "Don't give in, Lynn…" he whispered to her "…let us prove her wrong."

Lynn calmed down a bit, but Lana was equally agitated.

"Who does she think she is saying-"

"Linc's right, Lana…" Lynn exhaled. "Let's prove her wrong. That oughta sting her ego."

"Are there any questions?"

"Can we just get in there before someone that knows me-I mean _us_ sees us?" Luna pleaded.

"That can be arranged." Renee agreed as she opened the door.

The group was ready to enter when some heard a vehicle coming. They idly glanced at the road and saw a long, black limousine moving towards them. Everyone sans Renee, Lisa and Luna recognized it.

" _Not her!?_ " Luan, Lynn, Lincoln, Lucy and Ryan panicked.

"Alright, let's go. I'm famished! Let's go! Let's go! Healthy food, wealthy mood!" Luan urged the group to rush into the restaurant, quickly catching Renee's attention.

"What's your problem?" she asked her.

"We're just so hungry." Lincoln chimed in. "Let's go-"

"Hey, that's Kathleen's limo!" Leni pointed out happily, earning the others' attention.

"Who's limo?" Luna blurted, while Lola grew a joyous smile.

The limo came to a screeching halt in front of them, much to half of the group's horror.

The door opened, reveling flashy lights, loud music and the sound of people cheering and laughing as Kathleen stepped out, wearing shades and a purple SMOOCH t-shirt.

She lifted her glasses and grew a pleasant smile. "Louds!" she exclaimed happily with outstretched arms and walked up to them. "I'm so happy to have found you. None of you have answered my calls all day and I was beginning to fear the worst."

"Kathy, it's been forever!" Leni squealed.

"Kathleen Tisdale?" Luna recognized her from her former school, and quickly grabbed her beanie to try and conceal the cuffs linking her with Leni.

"Kathleen Tisdale?" an uneasy Lisa mumbled under her breath, unsure how to react to this.

"Kathleen Tisdale?!" Lyle's jaw dropped. "How the hell do these losers know Kathleen Tisdale?!"

"They're full of surprises, I'll give them that." Maggie commented indifferently.

"Kattth….hiin…" an overjoyed Lola croaked as she tried to make a mad dash for the rich girl, only to be grabbed by Renee, who studied Kathleen suspiciously.

"Leni, stunning and fashionable, as usual." Kathleen embraced her and they did a classic la bise greeting.

"And you must be Luna?" Kathleen was quick to address the new faces. "Ah, you're sisters told me so much about you, they say you're one _cool dudette_."

"Ummm…" the blushing rocker swallowed a lump "….yeah….I…sup?" Oh why did she deserve this? First, she was denied going to the SMOOCH concert with Sam, and now she was being introduced to the coolest person in town under the most embarrassing of circumstances.

Kathleen's gaze moved to the youngest Loud. "Awww….I don't think you and I have met either? What's your name, cutey?"

Lisa blinked. "Lisa." She said simply.

"A very pretty name." Kathleen cooed before turning to the rest, who were less than happy to see her, including Lana, who tried to hide behind Lynn, overwhelmed by confusion and uncertainty.

"Ah, Luan, Lynn, Lincoln, Ryan, Lana…" she greeted them all with a pleasant smile before spotting the goth "….and…eh…Louise, was it?"

"It's Lucy." Luan curtly corrected her.

"I'd rather have her not know my name…" Lucy replied, too quietly for most to hear.

"Ups, my bad." Kathleen apologized. "Love your hats by the way."

Blushing with realization, Lynn and Lincoln tore off their beanie and propeller hat respectively.

"Now, I know what you guys must be thinking, and no. There are no hard feelings over your….abrupt departure from my hotel, or the scathing reviews you left, Ryan."

"Is that so?" Ryan smirked.

"You forgive us?" Lynn asked with an incredulous expression. "Just like that?"

"Most assuredly." Kathleen nodded. "As much as I tried telling myself otherwise, I did come on way too strong and expected too much from you guys, especially you, Lu-Lu."

Luan fumed at the nickname. "I should have tried a different approach, and I just wanted to tell you that I have no intention to try a stunt like that again."

"So why are you here?" Luan narrowed her eyes.

"I told you, I want to mend our broken bond." Kathleen said sincerely. "But let me clarify. This time I've devised a more reasonable approach."

She whistled with her fingers, which her chauffeur, James, somehow heard over the loud music playing in the back of the limo, and he walked out carrying a wrapped gift in his hands.

He handed it to Kathleen who gave it to Luan. "Just a small token of my remorse, I know you'll love it. I hope this can be the early start of a new friendship?"

Luan looked unmoved and glared at her.

"I don't expect a "thank you" or anything, and I'll stop pestering you now." Kathleen assured her.

"Then why are you still standing there?" Luan scoffed.

"Kathhhh…." She heard Lola gasping and turned to find her being held back by someone.

"Lola? Oh, how inconsiderate of me to overlook you. How's my favorite little pageant upstart been doing?"

"Would you mind indentifying yourself, please?" the person holding Lola asked impolitely.

Kathleen looked at her, but before she could draw a breath, Renee turned to her brother. "Ryan, who is this girl? You clearly know her. And why are half of you displeased to see her, while the other half seems ecstatic about her arrival?"

"Oh, pardon me. I think some introductions are in order." Kathleen offered a handshake, but Renee once again ignored the gesture, unwittingly letting Lola go.

"She's my sister, Renee. If you must know." Ryan snarked, joining his sister's side. "And me and her ain't acquaintances, I'm only familiar with her through association." He gestured at the Louds.

"Sister? Oh, well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Renee. I'm-"

"Kathleen Tisdale? Yes, I heard them mention it several times." Renee cut right to the chase. "Tisdale? I heard of that name. He's a powerful and prosperous tycoon in Michigan, isn't he? Owns several lucrative hotel chains in the Midwest, among other things? You must be his daughter? That would explain the clearly exorbitant limousine in which you have arrived?"

Kathleen blinked before smiling. "Eh, yes. You're a sharp one, aren't you?"

"It runs in the family." Ryan shrugged.

Kathleen chuckled. "I don't doubt that. Now, under the risk of breaking my promise to Luan to leave her alone….eh, do you need to hear the reasons behind our turbulent relationship?"

"No, not my business." Renee replied flatly, much to Luan's relief. "We're on a tight schedule, so please state your reasons for seeking us out?"

Kathleen blinked. "Um…okay, right to the point? I like that in a person." She replied, trying to keep a civil atmosphere.

Ryan sighed. "My sis doesn't like idle chitchat, so lemme make a wild guess." He pointed at her shirt. "You're heading to that SMOOCH concert, right?"

"Of course we are." Kathleen laughed. "Who isn't?" Her response made Luna twitch.

"And you were hoping to bring some of your…" Renee paused while looking at the Louds "….friends along?"

"Well, yeah, that was the idea." Kathleen admitted. "I've done good with my recent charity work, so much so that daddy decided to reward me for my efforts with a whole crate of SMOOCH tickets. But even after inviting all of my closest friends…" she pointed at the party happening within the limo "….I still had a few spare tickets, along with a few dear friends that I couldn't contact all day."

Lola turned wide-eyed and rushed towards her, but Lynn grabbed her and clamped her hand over Lola's mouth.

Ryan scoffed. "I'm touched, Kath. But I'm not into rock and roll, and me and Renee were just heading to a dinner date with the Louds."

"And you're making us fall behind schedule…" Renee added scathingly "….one in a long line of unfortunate setbacks."

"I'm with Ryan." Lincoln spoke up. "I'm not really into rock music."

"Same here." Lucy concurred.

"Ditto." Lynn smirked, holding the gagged and squirming Lola behind her.

"I…I'm with my family." Lisa said simply.

"Me too…." Lana said tentatively. "Me and Lynn want to play together later."

"Gee…" Leni looked crestfallen "….if you guys aren't coming then it won't be nearly as fun. I guess I'm staying too. I don't really like SMOOCH either, their music so loud it makes my head hurt." She admitted while rubbing the back of her neck.

Kathleen frowned. "Well….can't say I'm happy to hear that….but I understand."

"Wait!" Luna cried, pulling Leni after her as she rushed up to Kathleen. "I love SMOOCH! I love Pucker Uppenheimer! Please let me come! My best friend is going there but I don't have a ticket!"

"Um….why are you two chained together?" A confused Kathleen stepped back from the manic rocker while pointing at her handcuff.

"It's a trust-building exercise Renee suggested." Leni answered.

"Oh, okay then?" Kathleen shrugged incredulously.

"Please let me go with you!" Luna cried with clutched hands. "This concert means everything to me!"

"Wow, take a chill pill." Kathleen raised her hands defensively. "I can see that you're an uber-fan, so of course I will-"Renee's dark chuckle cut her off.

"Do you have the attention span of an infant?" she walked over to Luna. "Or have you forgotten that neither you nor any of your siblings have a saying in whether or not you can go to that puerile rock concert?"

She jabbed her thumb in her chest. "That decision is mine to make. And I made my stance on rock and roll music quite clear. As your babysitter, I simply cannot allow it."

"Babysitter?" Kathleen blurted. "To…to like…all of them?"

"Yes."

The rich grill blinked, utterly befuddled. "But…how old are you?"

"My age does not matter, these easily influential and hapless children have been placed in my care, and it's my job to provide them with the best care and discipline imaginable." Renee explained.

She stepped closer and glared Kathleen right in the eye, making her flinch. "Which includes steering them away from toxic and unsavory associates, and hedonistic, over-privileged, spoiled brats like you are at the top of my blacklist."

"Don't forget cheerleader." Ryan chimed in, holding his index finger up. "She's also captain of her cheerleading squad."

"Cheerleader?" Renee scoffed. "Well, as if I needed any more reason."

"Oh yeah! You showed her who's boss!" Luan joined her side, holding her present under her arm.

"Up high, sister!" she raised her hand, but only got a glossy glare in response.

"Not in this lifetime." Renee said flatly, causing Luan to deflate.

But she immediately pulled herself together. "Renee's right! We don't care about your dumb concert! So how about you make good on your promise and beat it!" Kathleen wilted at the comment.

"And I don't want your stupid gift either!" Luan boasted when she spotted a bearded hobo passing by with a shopping cart full of junk.

"Hey, Beardo!" She ran up to him and pushed the gift into his hands. "Take this! Consider it my contribution to charity!" she told him and walked away.

"I guess….I guess I'm not needed here." Kathleen said weekly.

"You have a concert, we have dinner. We should return to our respective affairs." Renee said indifferently and headed towards the restaurant, followed by the rest, including Lola, who had to be manhandled by Lynn.

"Renee, wasn't that a tad harsh?" Leni asked worriedly.

"Are you two coming or not?"

"Eh, sure." Leni fiddled with her finger before facing Kathleen. "Um…don't take this the wrong way, Kathy. Renee's like Lori, they both have….unique ways of expressing concern and affection. She's real worried that we'll go to bed hungry because our dinner was ruined in an accident involving our cats."

"Eh…I'm sure she is." Kathleen replied tentatively before glancing at her limo. "Eh…best be going. James, start her up-"

"Wait! Can't you take us two with you?" Luna pleaded.

"Do I need to come back there!" they saw Renee still standing at the doorway. Luna gulped.

"Come on, Luna." Leni tugged her. "We can't leave our family waiting, their tummies are totes hurting."

She smiled at Kathleen. "So long, Kathy. See ya real soon."

"Right back at ya." Kathleen shot a finger gun.

"Wait!" Luna screamed and scribbled something on a small piece of paper. She handed it to Kathleen.

"I'm sorry we couldn't meet under better circumstances, but here's my number!" she said rapidly. "So we can hang out too, like you did with my sisters."

"Oh, sure." Kathleen tried to smile and waved as Leni had to drag Luna into the restaurant. "See you around."

"Miss Tisdale, I would advise discarding that number." James spoke hesitantly. "That Luna person seemed a tad…..crazy, as did some of her assois-"

"Don't be such a judgmental snob." Kathleen dismissed him. "We all have our eccentricities. Now get back to your job."

The chauffeur nodded and obeyed. Once she was alone, she read the note and raised an eyebrow.

" _HELP ME! Call the cops! Call child protective services! We are held hostage!_ "

* * *

"Can you believe that? How do they know these people?" Lyle lamented as he and Maggie watched Kathleen enter her limo.

"I can believe one thing." The emo crossed her arms. "If they're allied with Kathleen Tisdale, then trying to get payback on them is a fool's errand. Tisdale's much too powerful and influential, you can't fight her."

"Oh, but haven't you been listening?" Lyle sneered. "Taylor and his whore aren't on great terms with her, neither are his sister, the dork, the buck-toothed bimbo or the goth brat."

"Yes, that seems to be the case." Maggie begrudgingly admitted. "Words is, Kathleen's been mercilessly bullying that Luan girl ever since they started junior high together. If their current exchange is anything to go by, that seems to be the case. And I guess her friends and family didn't take too kindly to that."

Lyle snickered. "I've heard rumors like that. She sounds like my type of girl. Can you honestly blame her for having a little fun with that freak show?"

Maggie exhales. "That's not the point. Tisdale seems….remorseful about that and is trying to bury the hatchet. Sooner or later, Luan will give in and let herself be enticed by the promise of money and luxury like any other weak-willed human being, and she'll submit to Tisdale, as will her sisters. Two of them already seem to be there."

"That is if Kathleen actually means it?" Lyle snorted and folded his arms. "I've heard some brutal stories about her, about what a cold-blooded bitch she is. I have a hard time believing she would just suddenly turn into a freak lover? I heard she likes doing very convoluted plans just to prank someone she doesn't like. Like, have you heard what happened to the last dweeb who tried to court her?"

"Yes, and it's honestly quite fascinating to me, especially the boy's aftermath." Maggie grew a faint smile, which quickly disappeared. "But what about your spit-shake with Taylor? You can't break that."

"Ah, but that's why I'm the brains of my gang." Lyle tapped his head proudly. "I only made the promise to spare Taylor and his clique of friends, I said nothing about the other Louds, did I?"

"So what? Are you going to kidnap the 5-year-old twins and beat them up for payback?" Maggie asked flatly.

"The thought had crossed my mind." Lyle smiled evilly. "That pony-tailed bitch, Lynn, she seems pretty close to that one blonde pipsqueak, that's what you told me after you last scouting mission. Pity if anything would happen to her."

Maggie groaned inwardly. If she couldn't discourage her cousin from this foolish quest for revenge, she might as well direct him towards a more effective plan for hurting his hated enemies.

"Or…you could hurt them without even lifting a finger?" She suggested. Lyle looked at her oddly, so she continued. "Imagine if someone, someone big and strong, got the idea that Taylor was talking badly about him? Maybe that person would so mad they would pulverize him, while you just watch and laugh?"

"Don't get smart with me again, Margaret!" Lyle scoffed. "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

Maggie frowned as her cousin snickered mockingly. Then something dawned on him, he looked up at her and grew a big smile. "Wait a minute? I have a brilliant idea!"

"And what would that be?" Maggie droned.

"Imagine this?" Lyle wrapped his arm around her head and gestured at something that wasn't there. "Maybe I could hurt that creep without even lifting a finger? What if someone, someone big and strong, got the idea that Taylor was talking shit about him? It might not be true, but imagine the trouble Taylor would be in if _someone_ , like me for example, tricked some muscle-bound dipshit into believing that Ghoul Face was slandering him, and I could sic him on Taylor while we just watch and laugh as he gets pulverized?"

"Really? I never would have thought of that." Maggie tried to suppress her "amazement". "How'd you ever think of that?"

"I just used the old noodle." Lyle tapped his head. "Now, listen carefully. I'll go and find some patsy who can do our bidding, while you go to that restaurant and spy on the freaks, we'll stay in touch."

"Do I have to?" Maggie bemoaned. "I'd prefer not getting water-boarded a second time."

"Stop whining. It's not like there's a fountain in there, and we need to track their movement at all costs." Lyle slammed his fist into his palm. "While Taylor gets the beating of a lifetime, the girls will be vulnerable and I can pick off any stranglers that don't have the protection of the spit-shake oath." Lyle explained before cackling evilly.

"This is going to be so good!" he wrung his hands with anticipation before pulling something from behind a dumpster. "And don't sweat it, that retard Lynn won't even recognize you. I've planned ahead!"

He placed a blonde wig on Maggie, followed by a summer hat and sunglasses before handing her a green sundress and purse. "Now get going!"

The emo just sighed.

* * *

 **Lyle is finally trying out a more elaborate revenge scheme than just beating his foes up with a bat. Third time's the charm, right? Poor Maggie couldn't care less about it, but it seems she is just as devoted to her family as Lincoln is to his. The next two or chapters will resolve around Lyle's ultimate attempt to get revenge, though he's not the only character who will cause some serious trouble.**


	37. No Guts, No Glory: Bathroom Secrets

**This chapter will include a lot of minor characters from the show. I may not care much about the show's weak lore, preferring to do what I think suits the story I'm telling, but if you like these characters I think you'll enjoy this, except for one.**

* * *

"Louds, open up! I have a complaint to make!" Mr. Grouse eventually stopped yelling and nursed his sore fist, after having banged on the door for ten minutes.

The old man grumbled. "Typical Louds. They cause a riot, they quickly skedaddle."

Though given how often they had taken a leave of absence these last few days, what did he expect? At least he saw no sign of those cats, so wherever they went, they took those filthy beasts with them, though no amount of peace and quiet could ease the pain of losing his beloved garden.

"Maybe they're off searching for a new house, on the other side of town?" Grouse entertained the idea as he departed before scoffing with bitterness. "Not with my luck."

He stopped as he heard grunting and saw someone standing by a closed window. The kid was dressed funny and wearing an eye patch and fake mustache, and he was in the middle of…..trying to pry the window open with a crowbar? Grouse quickly recognized the sweaty boy and rolled his eyes.

"Eh…..what are you doing?" he asked dryly.

Clyde's head snapped in his direction, causing Grouse to take a step back after seeing the crazed look behind his spectacles, accompanied by heavy wheezing.

"I gotta find Lincoln! Not answering my calls! I know he's in trouble!"

"Oh? Tough luck then, kid. He and his family seem to have taken another trip." Grouse answered indifferently. "I've come to complain but found no one."

"You think I haven't noticed!" Clyde yelled curtly, still trying to pry the window open. "Something is wrong! He hasn't answered any of my calls for over twenty-four hours! Yesterday I got a call from his emo sister telling me Lori was dead! She isn't, thank heavens, she called me herself to tell me that…" he calmed down a bit as his thoughts drifted to the blonde goddess, and he started giggling impishly while leaning on the crowbar to catch his breath "….Lori…hi hi hi….she took the time to call me. Just for me. She was concerned about my well-being."

"Ah-ha, eh….so did she tell you where the Louds went to?" Grouse carefully inquired.

"Of course she did, she went to Great Lakes City with her parents to…." His face darkened and his entire mood changed to one of pent-up rage "….to meet _Santiago's_ family."

Grouse noticed him fuming and clutching the crowbar in anger, not that he cared. "Santiago? That's the boy she's dating? The Louds went to meet his family?" Grouse paused and glanced aside. "I already pity those poor latinos…."

"No!" Clyde insisted. " I mean…..yes, sort of? It's nothing serious! They're just dating because Lori is still searching for the right guy, that's all. It doesn't mean anything! Tween Magazine says so! They have amazing quizzes for finding your soul mate and I triple-checked my results!"

"Fascinating…." Grouse replied sarcastically "….but if they're not here, then you might as well stop torturing yourself, boy. And I'm pretty sure what you're doing is breaking and entering."

"Are you deaf!" Clyde snapped. "I said Lori and her parents left! Lincoln didn't go with them! Lori told me that herself! She said Lincoln was here and that I could meet him any time!"

"Then why is the house locked?" Grouse asked. He knew this McBride kid was weird, but he had never seen him this…off his meds.

"You think I know?" Clyde retorted curtly. "That's why I'm trying to get in. Lincoln still isn't answering my calls. I tried calling his sisters and they're not answering either! Something's wrong, as an aspiring young sleuth I just know it. Maybe Luan has finally snapped, booby-trapped the whole house and is holding her siblings hostage!"

"Well, she has done that several times…" Grouse admitted while scratching his chin. Maybe his complaints could wait for another day? No sense in risking bodily harm.

"Will you help me save Lincoln? We can't leave him there!"

"Yeah right?" Grouse laughed. "You expect me to stick my neck out for a Loud? What did they ever do for me, besides raise my blood pressure?"

"I was just talking about Lincoln!" Clyde pleaded. "His sisters are to blame-"

"You do whatever you want, kid, but this ain't my problem." He dismissed him and left, knowing better than to get himself entangled in whatever insanity the Loud kids and their nutty friend were indulging in at this very moment.

"You, sir, have no heart!" Clyde shouted but was ignored, before hearing a crash in the house.

He gasped in surprise before resuming his "heroic rescue" and grabbed the crowbar as triumphant music played in his head. "Don't worry, Ace, One-Eyed Jack will save you!"

* * *

At the bottom of the stairs lay a broken pet carrier. Marceline staggered out of it and shook her aching head. She looked up, at the place where she had made her last push before suddenly tumbling down the stairs.

It wasn't the most elegant, or intentional escape plan, but what mattered was that she had escaped. Being outside the confines of a cage, Marceline calmed down considerably, despite some aching bones. At long last, she was free. She bucked and sent the bent cage tumbling back and hitting the bottom stair.

She had this whole place to herself now, at least until her owner and his ragtag bunch of misfits came back. Her stomach growled, for she hadn't eaten anything today.

The thought occurred to her that Lana's pets were left unguarded, but after what her last hunt had gotten her into, Marceline didn't feel like chasing her food today. It was easier to just loot the kitchen before the humans noticed that food was missing.

But the moment she entered the kitchen, she heard a noise. Something had come in through the pet door.

Marceline's ears stood up in alert and she let out a low growl, unleashing her claws as she heard a footfall. An intruder? And she was trapped with it in this house? Or more precisely, _it_ was trapped with _her_. Marceline crept towards the corner, trying to assess what kind of an animal she was dealing with?

A canine whimper answered her question and it was more than enough to make her spring into action. Not caring about the element of surprise, Marceline pounced with a vicious screech and tackled the intruder. They rolled around through the living room until the cat pinned the canine under her.

Marceline raised her paw but halted and made a face as she saw that the dog had…a funnel for a head? He made no attempt to fight back, his muscles weren't tense, they were relaxed and he was lying on his back in defeat, almost limp, besides his weak breathing.

She then recognized his scent. It was almost overpowered by all the grime and dirt attached to his white fur, but she recognized it. Marceline stepped back and allowed him to roll onto his feet, very slowly and lethargically.

She finally saw his face. Charles?

He panted, with his tongue sticking out, his eyes weathered, his snowy fur smeared in dirt and the cone he was wearing looked just plain stupid. Marceline tilted her head, not sure what to make of this situation. The dog looked like he had seen better days.

Charles didn't have much of a reaction to seeing her again; he seemed too exhausted to muster one up. He stood up and staggered towards his bed with a pronounced limp. As he was moving at the speed of molasses, Marceline saw some red on his right hind leg and followed him, taking a closer look and sniffing it. He had several puncture marks, with puss already coming out of them.

Charles collapsed into his bed, going limp, with his half-closed eyes being the only indicator he was still alive, along with his chest rising up and down. Marceline just stared at him for a moment before losing interest and walking away.

* * *

"Excuse me, garcon…." Ryan said with mock politeness as he and Lincoln approached the scrawny and dorky teenager working at the counter. He turned to them, looking as drab and lifeless as the diner he was working in, as if this place was slowly eating up his soul.

"Do you have a table for eleven?" Lincoln asked and pointed at the girls trying to get seated at different tables, and Renee ordering them to stay in line. The assistant manager was busy inspecting the cash register.

"No, but you can push two tables together if you want to…." He said in a bored tone and gestured ahead "…..it's a slow day, so we've got plenty of them."

Ryan and Lincoln looked at the largely empty restaurant, with the only attendance being an elderly couple and some fat guy in a trench coat and fedora, with a blonde girl in a summer dress entering the establishment, who looked like she was taking her diet too seriously given how pale she looked.

"Slow day? You don't say, buddy-boy?" Ryan snarked. "Cuz at this rate, this place will be filing for bankruptcy in a week."

"Meh, I still have Burpin Burgers." He shrugged.

"Talk about dead on the inside." Ryan whispered to Lincoln. "Renee sure knows where the fun is."

"At least there's no chance of any unforeseen accidents happening." Lincoln assessed. "Come on, Taylor, let's-"

"Wait a sec." Ryan leaned on the counter and studied the employee. "You look familiar? Oh right." He snapped his fingers. "You're…." Ryan blanked on the latter's name and squinted at his name tag.

"Ah, you're Grant Palmer? The pipsqueak's original voice before your balls dropped?" he laughed while pointing his thumb at Lincoln, who quickly grew annoyed.

"Yeah, that's me." Grant casually confirmed. "They were kind enough to give me this gig. They didn't have to though, it's not like Lincoln Loud is some prestigious role you would want to hold on to or that people are going to remember, but the extra cash was nice."

"Hey!" Lincoln blurted indignantly, while Ryan snickered.

"And you don't feel like punching this guy in the face for stealing your role?" Ryan jokingly pointed at Lincoln, who fumed.

"Stealing? I'm using my fourth voice now! Can we just go?"

"Nah, I'm not bitter." Grant shrugged with sincerity. "Besides, child actors almost always peak once they hit puberty, the food industry is a more stable and profitable career choice."

"Aw, what a good sport?" Ryan laughed and bumped Grant in the arm. He winced and rubbed it in pain.

"Well, Twinkle Toes. Your blandness has saved you." Ryan turned to Lincoln, who rolled his eyes. "Every disadvantage has its perks I guess."

"Can we just get back to my sisters?" Lincoln asked him. "They haven't eaten all day and are really ornery."

"What? Sisters!" Grant blurted. "Dude, we just had this place renovated, and you brought those menaces here?"

"Uhuuuu, looks like your reputation precedes you?" Ryan's said with faux-surprise.

"Don't worry, we're with our babysitter." Lincoln tried to reassure Grant. "They'll be on their best behavior."

Grant looked unconvinced and facepalmed, before turning to a waiter who was on his coffee break.

"Collin, would you mind taking the Louds' order as fast as possible, so they can _leave_ as fast as possible?"

"The Louds?" Collin's eyes widened with fear and he grabbed his pen and notepad. "On it!"

Ryan smirked at Lincoln. "What?" he asked irritably.

"Getting the royal treatment? Didn't realize you Louds were such local celebrities?"

"We're not." Lincoln denied it as he started to leave. Ryan huffed and followed him.

"Being socially accepted is overrated; fame and infamy are the same. It means recognition and all the perks that come with it. Like I said, every disadvantage has its hidden perks."

Lincoln ignored him and quickened his pace. Ryan stopped and snorted. "Touchy?"

He noticed the blonde attendant sitting next to him and texting. "And what brings you to this dump, doll face?" he leaned on the table and smirked. "Trying to get noticed by a modeling agency?"

"Get bent." Maggie said indifferently.

"Ouch." Ryan took it in strides and chuckled. "Well, don't go overboard with the dieting, babe, you look paler than me. My two cents." He shot her a finger gun and left.

Maggie ignored him and kept texting. " _You find someone to pummel Taylor yet?_ "

* * *

The group sat at their makeshift table for eleven, sitting clockwise, Renee, Lola, Lucy, Luan, Ryan, Lynn, Lana, Lisa, Lincoln, Luna and Leni.

"And that would be ten tofu burgers for the brats, and I'll take the vegetable soup." Renee said while reading the menu.

"Can't I have the fruit salad at least?" Lana complained.

"No." Renee responded flatly. She was paying for this with her client's credit card, so she spared all expenses.

"I'm not hungry….." Luna muttered while glancing at the window vacantly.

"Make hers to go." Renee added. "She'll reconsider once her gut starts aching."

"That will be forty dollars, ma'am." Collin hastily scribbled. "Don't want to be rude to our customers, but would you mind paying in advance and in cash?" he added nervously.

"You don't accept credit?" She showed him her credit card and he promptly snatched it away. "We'll make an exception, just eat quickly and never come back, thanks." And with that, he was gone.

"Call it a hunch, but I don't think we're welcome here." Ryan said snidely, eyeing Lincoln.

"Given our choice of company, I can imagine why." His sister replied.

"Oh, that can't be it." Leni chuckled dismissively. "We know that guy working at the counter, I think he also works at Burpin Burgers, we've been there a lot."

"So you're acquainted?" Renee idly inquired, which just proved her assumption right.

"Friends, actually. Any acquaintance is just a friend who hasn't gone shopping with you yet." Leni clarified.

"If memory serves, this adolescent individual, along with his fellow minimum wage coworkers has been on alert whenever he sees us ever since we celebrated the tenth anniversary of Lincoln's birth at the other respective establishment where he's employed." Lisa recalled, causing Lincoln to bury his face in his hands.

"Please, don't remind me of that day." He groaned exasperatedly, making the genius wilt.

"Eh….perhaps a change in topic would be appreciated?"

"Yeah, let's make this dinner more _palatable_?" Luan chuckled. "Get it?"

"Uh, it was a disaster, wasn't it?" Ryan asked the comedian curiously. "What'd ya guys do?"

"Nothing interesting…." Lynn, grumbled and looked away. Ryan glanced at her, knowing she was fibbing.

"We gave the fry cook first-degree burns." Luan explained to him. "Oh, wait? That was all Lynn's fault? Wasn't it?" she leaned towards Ryan. "I know, this must be shocking to hear?"

The jock gave her a dirty glare. "Will you zip it? I admitted that flinging dinner plates like frisbees was a bad idea. Live and learn."

"Only you would need to _learn_ that this was a bad idea." Lucy added, nodding to Luan. "But it was the first time I saw a bleeding gash on someone's forehead."

"Hah, at least my present for the birthday boy wasn't a custom-made tombstone just in case of an "unfortunate accident"." Lynn scoffed while making air quotes, making Lincoln grumble while pushing his face further into his palms. Seeing her brother's reaction, Lucy grew nervous.

"I….at least I didn't try to implant a tracking chip on that Cristina girl." She retorted, making Lisa duck her face into her turtle neck.

"Ewww…" Lana whined while clutching her burger "….I don't want to hear about Lincoln's love life!"

Lincoln looked up. "I'm not….ugh…" he gave up and slouched "…..never mind."

"I thought he would appreciate the gesture?" Lisa weakly defended herself. "I thought it was the well-intentioned reasoning behind your action that counts?"

"At least they _remembered_ to get him a present for his big day." Luan retorted to the jock, making Lynn boil.

"You have no idea how inconsiderate she can be." The comedian added, edging even closer to Ryan. "Forgetting her own brother's birthday? How low can you go? She'd be great at playing limbo though, get it?"

"Eh, I don't see what the big deal is?" Ryan shrugged. "I have no clue when Renee was born."

"Better to forget, than to have your "present" involve performing with palm torches. That fry cook's medical bills were nothing compared to how much it cost mom and dad to pay for the damage the fire caused." Lynn retorted spitefully.

" _This is getting good_." Ryan thought. Lola was, oddly enough, thinking the same thing while rummaging through her backpack. She had intentionally sat next to Renee, who didn't waste any time putting her foot down.

"No fighting at the table." She told the girls firmly. "I can't blame the staff here for wanting us to leave as fast as possible."

"Tin Teeth started it!" Lynn defended herself petulantly.

Luan trembled with anger and clutched Ryan's arm. "Y'see? She calls me hurtful nicknames!"

"Girls, let's just agree that my tenth birthday was a total disaster." Lincoln spoke up. "But it was nobody's fault _specifically_ ; it just wasn't our lucky day?"

"Speaking of luck, didn't Lynn claim some mumbo jumbo that if you didn't cut your cake in perfect half and half when you turn ten, you would be cursed with bad luck for the rest of the year?" Luan continued spitefully.

"Luan, I don't care, let's not dwell on the past." Lincoln retorted. Luan narrowed her eyes at Lynn before they both looked away.

"Fine, whatever." Lynn shrugged. " _Even if it was Luan's fault_." She muttered under her breath.

"Lynn, why are you and Luan constantly at each other's throats?" Lana whispered to her.

"It's not your business." Lynn grumbled.

"Seriously, what happened, if she poured hot sauce into your drink then it must have been bad?" Lana continued, though she was more interested in starting a conversation with Lynn about something else.

"If I told you, you might lose your appetite again." Lynn replied, knowing the reason behind their animosity would make the 5-year-old gag.

"I have a strong stomach, you know that. Maybe we can go to the bathroom and you tell me?"

This gave Lynn an idea and she stood up.

"Where are you going?" Renee asked.

"To the little girls' room. Can't hold it back." Lynn said before grabbing Ryan by the shoulder. "He has to go to."

"Eh…I don't really have to…ow…." Ryan complied as her grip nearly cracked his collar bone and she dragged him away.

* * *

"Hey, this is the lady's room? I can't go here-" Ryan complained as Lynn shoved him in and closed the door.

He went quiet after the death glare he received.

His brow fell. "Eh….you're mad at me, aren't ya?" he guessed.

"When exactly are you planning on telling her?" Lynn cut right to the chase.

"Huh?"

"Luan! When do you plan to tell her that you ain't interested in her, cuz she's driving me up the wall!" Lynn threw her arms up.

"Jealous?" Ryan probed. Big mistake.

He took a step back as Lynn crept closer. "Are you still enjoying this?" she growled.

"Enjoying what?" he asked nervously.

"Us fighting over you? You enjoy that, don't you?" Lynn clenched her fists.

"What? Course not." Ryan raised his hands. "I just like watching all of you guys squabble. You know I'm a troll at heart."

His halfhearted attempt to lighten the mood fell flat. After Lynn's glare intensified, he gulped and raised his hands.

"Okay, maybe a little, just a little. But look? Since you've already forcefully dragged me to a place I should never have entered…." He stooped to check it out. "Huh, looks just like the boy's bathroom, not at all like the rumors I heard?"

"You were saying?" Lynn said threateningly, tapping her foot and clenching her fists.

"Ah, yes, yes. I have something to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Lynn was growing out of patience.

"About Luan? We actually had that conversation, while we were cleaning the attic."

Lynn's eyes widened, but she soon narrowed them in doubt. "You told her? In how many words exactly?"

"I told her everything, believe me. I told her I wasn't interested and that we should just be friends. I was very clear and upfront, I didn't leave any doubt in her mind."

"Then why is she still acting the way she is towards you?" Lynn inquired.

"Well, I…."

"She didn't get the memo through her thick skull, did she?" Lynn deduced, calming down a bit.

Ryan was worried about that. "Well, we can't say for certain. I mean….. I just told her that a few hours ago, being friendzoned by a catch like me, that's a lot to take in, let alone to accept."

He deserved a camel clutch for stroking his ego like that, but Lynn chose to cut him some slack this time. Hearing this news gave her a small twinge of joy. Maybe Luan did get the memo?

"So you told her? Is that why she's so cross with me?" she slowly smiled.

'I dunno? I didn't say anything about you."

Lynn frowned again. "You didn't mention me?"

"Lynn, you didn't seriously expect me to do it?" Ryan asked in bewilderment. "How would I break it to her? "Hey, let's just be friends cuz I like your sister more"? I'd look like a monumental piece of shit if I did that."

Lynn scoffed. "Oh, _now_ you're worried about looking like a piece of shit? I think that boat has sailed, pal."

"Are you talking about flirting with Luan or are you criticizing my character?" Ryan retorted wryly.

"Whichever one makes you feel better." Lynn scoffed and folded her arms. "You're going soft, Ryan. I thought you had no problem screwing people over?"

Ryan twitched a bit. "You're grossly mistaken, Freckles."

"I don't think so."

"I'd screw over anyone without a second thought." Ryan insisted. "But Luan….she's my friend."

"Friend? I didn't think you liked using that word." Lynn snarked.

Ryan frowned. "Do you want me to break her heart? To make her cry and lock herself up in her bedroom for days, sobbing? Make her hate me?"

Lynn paused. He had said that in an uncharacteristically serious manner. Jealously tended to make you forget that the person you were jealous of also had feelings.

"No…" she retorted before wilting a bit "…I…I just want her to stop bothering us."

"Well, I did what you asked of me." Ryan replied. "I told her that I don't want to date her, what else do you want from me?"

He had a point. He did what she had unsubtly nagged him to do, despite Lincoln's insistence they wait on it. Lynn didn't want to consider what forced Ryan, who was clearly very reluctant about doing it, to do it so fast. It would probably prompt her to seriously injure him and Luan if she knew, so she didn't press on.

"Nothing…okay, look. I'm sorry I got mad and all…."

"So you are jealous?" Ryan smirked.

She clenched her fists, when a thought occurred to her.

To Ryan's mild disappointment, she didn't get triggered. Instead, she smirked back.

"Ryan, if you saw some other boy coming on to me, how would you react?"

"I would probably be facing charges for murder?" Ryan shrugged.

Lynn found his response oddly flattering. "I mean that much to you?"

"Hey, I risked my butt and took on a wolf, more than once, to protect you, _and_ I took on a horde of zombies to protect your runty brother and the mad scientist, and to cure said zombies, who were your family. I think I deserve you after all that. Plus, you would do the same thing to your own sister for coming on to me."

He was right again. Lynn frankly didn't know what qualities made someone boyfriend material, but there was no denying that Ryan was loyal to her.

"Okay, point taken. I guess you did everything you could with Luan. We can't change the fact that she's clingy and out of touch with reality." She shrugged.

Ryan was a bit unnerved by her chill attitude. "And what do you intend to do?"

"Nothing, this just means we're totally both guilt-free. You told her you weren't interested, her inability to accept that is on _her_ , not you, or me."

"What to mean by-" a knock on the door cut him off.

Lynn opened the door to find Lincoln, whose eyes widened with confusion.

"What were you two doing? In the girls' ro-"

"Get your mind out of the gutter." Lynn slapped her brother on the back. "We just talked about some important matters."

"What matters?"

" _Relationship_ matters." Lynn smirked, savoring the queasy look she got.

"Ryan just told me that he broke the news to Luan while they were cleaning the attic." Lynn explained, looking very satisfied.

Lincoln was confused, until it dawned on him. "Wait, you mean he…"

"Yep, and she's taking it well enough from the looks of things." Lynn shrugged. "She ain't crying or anything, so let's chow." Seeing that their orders had arrived at the table, Lynn went ahead, sporting a cocky smile.

Bemused, Lincoln turned to Ryan and started to scowl. "I thought we agreed you wait until-hey."

Ryan wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer. "Don't you virtue lecture me, pipsqueak." He whispered harshly. "Luan had me backed against a wall and tried to plant a big wet one on my lips."

"I did not need to know that." Lincoln deadpanned, trying to suppress the grotesque images that came to mind.

"I didn't have a choice, I panicked, alright. So I told her what I had to tell her."

"But she didn't get the memo, didn't she?" Lincoln sighed, easily deducing that from the comedian's behavior.

Ryan pursed his lips in annoyance while Lincoln pushed himself free and straightened his shirt. Once again, the plans he told his crew to follow didn't go as planned, and he would have to roll with it.

"You know, Taylor, you surprised me?"

"Surprised you?" Ryan cocked an eyebrow.

"Luan isn't heartbroken. I didn't think you could let an emotionally insecure girl down gently, but…." He paused as he realized something "….but you didn't tell her why you aren't interested, did you?"

"Minor detail." Ryan waved his hand dismissively. "What matters is that I told her I wasn't into her."

Lincoln doubted that Ryan wasn't into his comedic sister, he was just more into his sporty one, but made no comment.

He sighed. "Fair point, let's just eat."

"You okay with me going against the plan?" Ryan probed.

Lincoln scowled and urged him to follow. "We'll talk about this _later_."

"Plotting something behind my back?" Renee inquired as they returned.

"We just talked about some stuff, unimportant stuff." Lincoln explained as he sat back in his seat, growing increasingly annoyed by her paranoia.

"Have you guys seen any sign of Kathleen?" Luna said morosely. Why wasn't she coming to rescue them? Renee glanced at her suspiciously.

"Nope, and no complaints." Luan huffed. "If you thought she would rescue you, then you clearly don't know Kathleen Tisdale."

"She's right, last time we saw her, she made it abundantly clear that her intention was to attend that music festival where your favorite group of musicians is performing, therefore we should logically not expect her return until the concert has ended." Lisa pointed out.

"You expect me to eat this slop?" Ryan asked his sister as he picked up his tofu burger.

"Not at all, brother." She replied evenly before scowling. "Provided you have no issue going to bed on an empty stomach."

"I don't." he shrugged and suddenly stood up again.

"Where do you think you're going?" Renee asked him.

"To stretch my legs and go buy some real food." He casually stretched his arms.

"What?" this caused a chain reaction of gasps, but especially from Luan and Lynn.

" _What's he doing?_ " Lincoln worried.

"You don't want to eat with us?" Leni pouted.

"With you? Noooope…" Ryan scoffed.

Renee's expression didn't change. She just stood up to confront him.

"I think you've forgotten about our agreement, brother."

Ryan smiled devilishly and wiggled his finger at her. "Ah-ah, I've kept my promise."

He came face to face with her. "I promised you I would behave while I was a guest at your "workplace". I obeyed all your asinine rules, never talked back to you and was a good boy. I proved you wrong, Ms. I Have No Faith In My Own Brother. But we're not at your workplace anymore, are we? You're not my babysitter, so I have no obligation to obey you if I don't feel like it."

Renee narrowed her eyes, as Ryan stepped back, spreading his arms like a canary out of his cage. "So get your head out of your ass, sis. You have no damn power over me unless I let you. You never had and you never will." he stopped and shuddered with satisfaction. "Damn, it feels so good being able to express myself again."

"If you insist on that, then I must ask you to leave…. immediately." His sister replied calmly.

" _Ryyyaan_ …." He heard Lynn's strained and furious tone. Knowing he was in hot water, he turned around with a pleasant smile.

"C'mon, Lynn, don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"You're abandoning us?" Luan looked at him desperately.

"I ain't abandoning you, I'm just trying to milk what little freedom I can get today." Ryan pointed at himself.

Lynn stared at him, stunned, before clenching her teeth. Luan also quickly changed her expression from dejected to enraged, but Ryan cut them off.

"Hey, don't think of this as me screwing you guys over. What's better? All of us suffering under my tyrannical sister's regime…" he pointed at said tyrant before pointing at himself again "….or me having a one hour break while the rest of you suffer under her tyrannical regime? It's a lose-lose situation and we have to make the best of it."

"Sigh, it's depressing but true." Lucy said hoarsely. Lincoln thought about it and honestly saw no problem with it. The less of Ryan he saw the better.

"See, Spooky gets it." Ryan said as he backed away from the table, passing by his sister. Lynn tried to go after him.

"Why I oughta-"

"Stop. Sit down." The sitter ordered her.

"Enjoy your dinner, fellas. See ya real soon." Ryan said as he pushed the door open with his foot and stepped out. "Ciao!"

The dumbfounded Lynn was forced to sit down. "He…he…just…."

"Probably shouldn't have insinuated that he was going soft, Lynn." Lincoln told her, not looking particularly upset about Ryan's departure. Lynn and Luan were quite the opposite.

"I'll kill him!" they both hissed simultaneously before glaring at each other. "Stop saying what I say!"

"What just happened?" Lana asked.

Lisa turned to her. "I believe the technical term would be "Ryan will be sleeping in the dog house"….times two."

Maggie, meanwhile, saw everything from her table. " _Well, this is a convenient coincidence_." She thought while texting her cousin.

" _Taylor ditched his friends, leaving right now, hes alone and vulnerable_."

* * *

"Ah, sweet, spicy junk food." Ryan said to himself in a heavenly tone as he strolled downtown eating a chili dog.

"Beautiful, unhealthy, artery-clogging, diarrhea-inducing junk food." He continued, feeling like he had just stepped out of prison. He was free to curse like a bastard and do whatever he wanted, at least for the next hour.

He knew the girls were pissed at him now, Lynn especially. He undoubtedly needed to think fast to find a way to quell her fury when they inevitably reunited, or he could simply lay on the charm on his soon-to-be girlfriend. He could either compliment her on her beauty or her athletic skills, which ought to do the trick.

" _Serves her right, though_." He reasoned. " _Telling me I'm soft, ha, I showed her how "soft" I am!_ "

"Meh, don't think about her, enjoy your freedom while you can." He told himself before spotting another fast-food restaurant.

"Hmmmm…..I have a hankering for some carbonated soft drinks with lots of sugar." He said and entered the store, unaware that he was being stalked.

Lyle peeked from a corner, sporting a gleeful grin and rubbing his hands.

"Oh, this couldn't be more perfect." He snickered to himself with boundless giddiness.

Calming himself enough to think, he hid behind the corner. "Rule one when you're on the streets, loser, always travel in packs." He cackled to himself and considered his next move.

He rubbed his chin. "Now, where could I find some muscle-bound meathead that I can sic on Ghoul Face?"

His answer came to him as he noticed a gym across the street.

"Excellent…." Lyle clapped his hands "…..let's see what's on offer?"

He crossed the street and pressed his face against the glass, observing all the attendants that were in the middle of their daily workout. Lyle studied them, looking for someone he knew could easily be manipulated, and he spotted two familiar faces.

Two burly, brutish teenagers, one holding a punching bag and yelling insults on the bag's behalf, in order to motivate his partner to punch the bag even harder.

Lyle's grin widened. "The Hogan bros!"

"Is that the best you got! My granny punches harder than you!"

"Don't dis Granma! She's a tough cookie!" Hank yelled, but it had the desired effect on him and he punched harder.

"Oh, sorry man." Hawk apologized before smirking. "I meant you punch like a gay guy! No, you punch like a girl! Little pussy punches, wha, wha!" he mocked his brother, who boiled and kept punching.

"That's why Carol never gives you a second look, you sorry little pansy! She can punch harder than you! Ha, the librarian can punch harder than you! Shelton, the captain of the chess team is tougher than you! This is why mom likes me more!"

Hank roared and punched right through the bag, seizing his brother by the throat.

"Agh! Just kidding, man! You're tough! You're her favorite!" Hawk choked.

"Why hello, guys? You're the Hogan brothers, aren't ya?" Lyle suddenly appeared next to them.

Hank let Hawk go, allowing him to breathe as he glared down at the 12-year-old and snorted. "What's it to ya, fresh meat? We're in the middle of something."

"Yeah, we're punching stuff!" Hawk croaked while rubbing his neck

Lyle stepped back, careful to be respectful. He wanted these brainless walls of meat to crush his hated enemy, not him.

"You were? I'm so, so sorry. I did not mean to bother you."

"Thought so, now beat it!" Hank scoffed and focused on his punching bag, while Hawk massaged his throat.

"There's nothing I would rather do, but I was looking for you guys, because I know something that I think you two deserve to know."

"What's that, twerp?" Hawk asked. "Go on, spill it."

This was his chance, Lyle felt his excitement rising. "Well, there's this new kid I met, who boasts about being the toughest guy in town. Real egomaniac. He gave me a good fight, but I handled myself well."

"And why should we care?" Hank asked curtly.

"You should! Because he brags about how he could take on anyone in this neighborhood, even you two! He said so himself! I think his ego needs to be taken down a few pegs."

"So what?" the brothers said in a bored tone.

"Well, don't you think somebody should teach him a lesson? He talks all sorts of trash about you."

"Meh, some stupid kid ain't worth breaking our schedule." Hank dismissed him. "If he's that mouthy, that dummy will get a good beating from someone far less tougher than us."

"Hah, you said it, bro!" Hawk fist-bumped him.

Lyle balled his fists. But he had one more trick up his sleeve. He shrugged "Well if you feel so. You are very generous for letting that scumbag get away with it, especially after what he said about your mother."

Hank and Hawk jolted. Hank clenched his teeth and leaned down at Lyle, making him shrink. "What'd you say?!"

"Your mom, he also said some nasty things about your mom."

"What did he say about our momma!" Hawk demanded.

He had them triggered. " _Yes!_ " Lyle fist-pumped inwardly, before stepping out of their combined massive shadow.

"Oh, very bad things. Things one shouldn't discuss at a public place like this."

"What did he say!" Hank grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up to his face.

"Okay, okay, I tell ya everything." Lyle raised his hands. "Just get down and I'll whisper it to you. Fair warning, it's pretty harsh…"

The Hogans did as he requested and Lyle wrapped his arms around their necks and pulled them into a huddle, whispering quietly. The brothers quickly grew horrified expressions.

"What?" Hawk's eyes bulged in horror.

"Yup, awful but true." Lyle nodded and continued whispering. The brothers gasped.

"He used that word to describe our momma?" Hank's face turned red.

"She never met a real estate agent who accepted "alternative payments"….." Hawk blew steam through his nose, rocking his nose ring.

"Oh, but that's not even the worst part…" Lyle nodded "….he also said…."

The gym filled with enraged roars, startling everyone else in it, and they soon backed away from the fired-up Hogan boys.

"Screw this!" Hank ripped the punching bag of the ceiling and threw it away. "We'll string him up and use him for exercise!"

"He's dead meat! Where can we find that weasel!" Hawk yelled.

Lyle smiled with glee. "I'll show you…"

* * *

"I can't believe that jack-"

"Ah, watch your tongue." Renee warned her as she was finishing her soup. Most of the Louds had finished their meal, except for Luna, who didn't even touch her takeout paper bag.

Lynn seethed. "I can't believe that jerk just ditched us."

"Me neither, but frankly, I don't have a problem with it." Renee replied with a hint of joy.

Lincoln sort of agreed with her, as did Lola, no matter how much it pained her to agree with that witch.

"It seems Ryan isn't so loyal to you after all." Renee continued with a hint of a smile.

Lynn shook. Lincoln noticed that and tried to ease the tension.

"Wow, let's not judge the guy. I'm, sure he had his reasons, besides the food."

Lynn and Luan both glowered at him. Lincoln shook his head, knowing what he had to say.

"C'mon, Lynn. He said you were his best friend? He would never use the word "friend", let alone "best friend", unless he meant it. "Lynn smiled a little hearing that, but tried to hide it.

Luan, however, felt hurt. Why should Lynn be his "best friend"? Him and her had much more in common. You could be both a couple _and_ best friends, couldn't you?

"And let's not forget everything he did for you since you met?" Lincoln added.

"Like what?" Renee asked him, almost tauntingly.

"That's best friends confidential." Lynn s smirked at her. "No nosy sisters allowed."

" _It means they're totes an item_." Leni whispered into Renee's ear, making her roll her eyes.

"Yeah sure…he probably excused himself so he could buy a gift?" she humored the dumb blonde.

"Aww, he's buying you a gift, Lynn? He's such a good boyfriend." Leni squealed. Luan crossed her arms, trying not to scream. Lynn was not so restrained.

Lola knocked on the table, trying to get everyone's attention.

"Call him my boyfriend one more time, and I'll dunk your head in the toilet!" Lynn threatened Leni.

Grinding her teeth, Lola knocked harder, finally getting noticed by everyone. Lola wailed her arms to make sure everyone was watching her.

"You have something to say?" Renee asked her sarcastically.

" _I have plenty to say about you, but such words wouldn't be very lady-like_." The princess scoffed inwardly before clearing her throat.

"Lola, don't strain your voice." Lincoln advised her. "If you want it to heal, you need to be quiet."

"Yes, your laryngitis can only heal if you allow your swollen vocal cords to deflate." Lisa added.

Lola wanted to tell them to shut up, but had to choose her words carefully while she could still croak a few of them out. She looked at Renee with a forced look that somewhat resembled regret.

"Ah…soh…" she coughed and rubbed her scratchy throat.

"What?" Renee asked.

"Ah….ahm….soh…soh…." Lola tried to ignore the pain.

"Are you thirsty?" Lincoln asked. The princess glowered at him and shook her head.

"You need to use the bathroom?" Lynn asked.

"Uh! I love guessing games!" Leni exclaimed. "Eh…do you want to make a toast?"

"You say you smell real bad?" Lana laughed.

Lola glared daggers at her and shook her head again. "….sohhi….Ihm…sorry…"

"You're sorry?" Renee raised an eyebrow.

Lynn and Lincoln looked at each other. Why would Lola of all people apologize? And over what?

"Yeh…yeah…" Lola nodded frantically. "Sorry….ah….wahs…meah..nnn tuh yuh."

This caught everyone by surprise, other than Luna, who never ceased staring vacantly through the window. It was getting dark outside, and Pucker Uppenheimer would be going on stage in half an hour, and Sam would be watching it! While she was missing it!

"You want to apologize to me for misbehaving?" Renee asked, not buying it for a second. Neither did any of Lola's siblings, sans one. Lola nodded.

Leni cupped her face with joy. "Awww…Lola, that's totes nice of you. I knew you didn't mean to be mean."

"You seriously believe her?" Renee turned to her.

"Don't you see, Lola feels bad for being mean to you and wants to apologize. You two had a rocky start, now's your time to make amends."

Lola grinned and nodded again, before pulling out a bottle of face lotion from her backpack and pointing at it.

"What's that?"

"Awww….it's an apology gift." Leni cooed. Lola nodded and tried to shove it into Renee's hands.

"Thanks, but no thanks." Renee refused. "Your words are enough." She humored her.

"Don't be so modest. You two should hug it out." Leni suggested.

"I told you, I don't hug." Renee reminded her. But Lola was adamant and tried to push the bottle into her hands.

"You should take it, Renee. You don't want your skin to be dry and flaky. And it will help you get rid of your mole."

"Leni, moles are caused by dark melamine forming in your skin, they can't be removed with cheap cosmetic products with questionable dermatological properties." Lisa lectured her.

Lincoln sighed, so much for Lola respecting their deal. "Lola, can you drop your transparent attempt to make Renee use your poisoned lotion, or whatever else you might have slipped in there?"

"Yeah, you're not fooling anyone, princess." Lynn added in a bored tone.

"Don't take it." Lana tried to warn the sitter. "She's probably filled it with her own poop!"

"I bet it's rat poison." Lucy chimed in.

"I have a hunch she has doused it with botulinum?" Lisa guessed.

"Nohhh…." Lola hissed, starting to sweat and shrinking under Renee's glare.

"Okeh…." She admitted "….ah….ah….added honey!" she coughed before grinning. "Honeh….good fur…shin!"

"Guys?" Leni was taken aback. "How can you think such things? Lola wants to apologize to Renee and you make fun of here and say she-"

"Have you forgotten all the things she has done to all of us for slighting her?" Lisa deadpanned. "Including you?"

"Even the toddler gets it." Renee said as she pushed Lola's gift away.

"Guys, you're being ridiculous." Leni instead. "If you won't take Lola's words for it, then I'll test it." She reached out past Renee to grab it, but Lola pulled it back, getting nervous. Renee rolled her eyes.

"Hey, if we can talk, can I ask something?" Lana cut in.

"Please do." Lincoln replied while massaging his forehead. Anything was better than Lola's increasingly desperate revenge schemes.

"What were you, Lynn and Ryan talking about back home?"

Lynn and her brother turned wide-eyed. "Eh…what do you mean?" Lynn asked.

"You were talking about Marceline and Charles…." The tomboy looked at Lincoln "…and you said 'at least she's still alive'. And then….then Ryan said 'sorry about your dog, he was trusty'."

Lynn and Lincoln grew tense. "Lana…" the boy tried to think fast "…..you must have misheard us-"

"And who's "One Eye"? Ryan said something about Charles attacking-"

"Lana, that's not what we were talking about." Lynn insisted, while Renee's eyes shifted at her and Lincoln suspiciously.

Lana pouted. "But I heard you, you were-"

"Don't listen to him!" Lynn abruptly pointed at Lincoln. "Our pets go missing for two days, and that idiot automatically assumes the worst, as if Charles and the others can't take care of themselves. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"You're pets went missing?" Renee inquired.

"Yes. Charles, he's a dog, Geo is hamster and Walt is a bird. We found our cat Cliff alone in the woods when we went on a picnic and we haven't seen the others since then."

"They still haven't come back?" Luan asked.

"Not that I have noticed." Lucy replied.

Leni gasped. "They're missing? Since when?"

"They're missing?" Luna asked.

"Missing for two days?" Renee asked indifferently. "Are they…eh indoor pets?"

"Oh, they hardly ever leave the garden." Leni nodded. "Cliff barely leaves the house."

"Huh? Well, if they've been missing for two days…" Renee concluded and took one final slurp of her soup "….then chances are high that they're dead."

The sisters were shocked. "What?" Lana blurted. "No, that's not true?"

"Pets die all the time, kid. They get run over, they might eat some poisoned bait, or they get eaten by wild animals….it's life."

Lynn tensed up. That last comment did it! She was seconds away from attacking Renee, when Lana exclaimed.

"No! That didn't happen…." She looked at Lincoln and Lynn, as if asking them for confirmation that what they were saying wasn't true.

"You don't think they're…." she stopped as a tear poured down her eye "….no…."

The others looked at her. Even Lola couldn't bring herself to think any mocking thoughts directed at her twin.

As she received no answer, more tears started forming in Lana's eyes.

"Lana…" Lincolns started gently "…nobody said anything….look, I'm sorry. I was making assumptions…"

"Don't lie to me!" Lana cried. "Are they….."

Renee rolled her eyes. Things had gone pretty uneventfully, Ryan even chose to ditch them. She almost had palatable dinner with these freaks, but now she had to deal with water works over a bunch of deceased animals.

"Will you calm down?" She asked. "If they don't come back, your parents can always get you a new dog, there are hundreds of them at the pound for you to pick and choose."

Lana became silent and shut her eyes tight as she started sobbing softly. The others looked at Renee in shock, except for Leni, who hadn't quite registered everything.

"They're dead?" she placed her hands over her mouth. "You can't be serious."

Lana ran away crying. The fat guy in the trench coat looked over his shoulder and saw her rush into the bathroom.

"Lana, wait!" Lincoln called out to her.

"Emotional brat…" Renee muttered, but her remark was heard by Lynn, who glared at her and stood up.

"What's the matter with you!"

"Me? She's the one making a fuss over some filthy animals." Renee replied evenly.

That did it. Lincoln saw his sister ready to attack their sitter, and he hastily grabbed her shoulder.

"Lynn, calm down!" he begged her. She locked eyes with him. The others watched nervously.

"Let me-"

"Lana's upset." He cut her off. "Lynn, maybe you should follow her and try to talk to her…I'll handle this."

Lynn eased up but kept her enraged glare.

"Please…." Lincoln said meekly, his expression pleading her to stay calm.

Lynn looked back at Renee, hate carved into her eyes, before violently yanking her shoulder free, making Lincoln stumble back, as she turned around and left.

* * *

"Lana?" Lynn walked in and saw a grimy urinal to her right. She rolled her eyes in annoyance but didn't care about it.

"Lana?" she called for her sister and opened the first cubicle door in her path, and thankfully, Lana was there, curled up on a closed toilet.

"Go away." She sniffed.

"Lana…" Lynn started gently, and rubbed her arm, not knowing what to do? Sooner or later, Lana would have to face the awful truth. The others might grief for a bit but would probably get over it quickly, but not Lana. To her, the family pets were every bit as much family as her actual blood, human relatives.

She kneeled down and placed a hand on Lana's shoulder. "Lana, can we please talk?"

Lana buried her face into her knees and turned away. Lynn sighed.

"Lana, I'm sorry you had to find out about this the way you did…."

"What do you mean?" Lana's suddenly looked up at her, enraged and crying hot tears. "You saying Renee's right. They're-"

"Lana! Will you listen!" Lynn raised her voice, making her sister shrink. Lynn immediately regretted it and sighed.

"I'm sorry…look, you shouldn't listen to that idiot Renee. She's full of crap. Just because she talks some nonsense it doesn't mean it has to be true."

The teary-eyed tomboy looked at her silently. "But what about you?"

"Me?"

"I heard what you were talking about." Lana said firmly, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were stupid." Lynn insisted.

"Then why are you and Lincoln trying to lie to me? I know what I heard!"

"Lana, I told you not to listen to it…" Lynn raised her voice again. "I told you, Lincoln was jumping to conclusions, as was Ryan. I wanted to tell them that they were full of shit, but I thought you might try to eavesdrop on us, so I just got them to shut up."

"So, you don't believe that Charles and Geo and Walt…are gone?" Lana asked.

Lynn went stiff, her throat drying up. She could have lied right there, told Lana what she wanted to hear, have her face the ugly truth sometime later. But, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Maybe it was the thought that Lana would never forgive her once she figured out that she's been feed lies? Maybe it was because she thought that Lana would be all the more crushed if she was given false hope, she didn't know for sure. But something urged her to come clean.

"I….I just don't know….I really don't know…" she said sincerely.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lana sniffed.

"Lana, I don't know what happened to them. Lincoln doesn't know, Ryan doesn't, mom and dad don't know. None of us do."

She wasn't entirely honest, she knew, more or less, where Walt went. But Lana had taken a shine to Marceline. With most of the family's pets unacquainted for, why should she soil Lana's opinion on another pet who could give her some comfort while she grieved? "Cats do what cats do, it's nature" wasn't something a 5-year-old could comprehend, especially while grieving.

"All we know is that they're missing. It's only been two days, and all we can do is wait and see."

"Wait and see?" Lana asked. "Can't we go and look for them?"

"We could…" Lynn sighed "….but that will have to wait until mom and dad come back. Lana, I know it's hard not knowing where they are. Believe me, I've been worried about Charles ever since we found Cliff alone in the woods. If he's okay, he'll come back, same for the others. Dogs are very durable, I know that much."

Lana looked at her. Her big sister didn't seem to be lying to her. She didn't tell her what she desperately wanted to hear, but she didn't confirm the things that she feared either. She was being honest with her.

She jumped off the toilet and hugged Lynn, sniffing softly. Lynn hugged her back. They stayed quiet for a moment, but Lynn remembered something. What Lana had overheard didn't simply cover their pets' disappearance.

"You want to know the rest?"

"Rest?" Lana looked up, her head leaning on her sister's shoulder.

"Why we took Charles to the vet a few days back, and why he wore that pet cone?" Lynn didn't know what had possessed her to say it, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Mom…mom said he got into a fight with another dog?"

Lynn sighed. "That's true, but what we didn't tell her or dad is that he got into a fight protecting me and Ryan."

"Huh?" Lana didn't follow.

Sighing, Lynn stood up and looked at her. "Please promise me to keep this between us? Mom and dad would flip out if they learned about this. It's long over, I wasn't hurt and knowing it would just cause them stress and strain."

She didn't wait for a response and continued. Lana looked up at her, listening carefully.

"Me and Ryan went swimming, by that gorge where the bridge is. It was just supposed to be the two of us, and Charles, but Marceline followed us there as well. They chased after a chipmunk and ran into the woods. But then, they were chased _out_ of the woods."

"What happened?"

"We ran across a wolf." Lynn replied, spitting out the last word like venom. Lana's eyes widened.

"Yes, a big, ugly, grizzled wolf with a missing eye. He attacked us and Charles attacked him, trying to defend us."

"He fought a wolf?" Lana asked in amazement, despite her tears blurring her vision.

Lynn adopted an awkward expression. "Not exactly, he's just a twenty-pound dog after all, so the wolf one-upped him pretty fast, but it took some real guts trying to fight a wolf. But in the end, me and Ryan had to fight him off."

Lana gaped in awe. Lynn wanted to boast, but she was still stuck in honest mode, so she couldn't. "Well….not really, we were totally outmatched, but we did trick him, though kind of by accident, into getting his head stuck in a tree. Then we grabbed Charles and Marceline and got the hell out of there."

Lana tried to process that. Suddenly everything she heard Lincoln and Ryan say added up. That was some feat for a little dog. A very brave feat for sure. Poor Marceline? That must have been scary for her, and Charles…..Charles?

"We found Cliff in the woods?" she realized. "Did they meet the wolf…."

"We don't know, Lana." Lynn sighed dejectedly. "We just don't know….."

To her surprise, Lana didn't voice any displeasure, demanding an answer from her she couldn't give her. She just leaned closer and hugged her sister, pressing her head against her torso, as she tried to digest all of this. Lynn exhaled and patted her back gently.

"Lana, I'm sorry I didn't come clean. I just didn't know who to turn to, or if I would get into trouble…."

"Why would you get into trouble?" Lana asked in bewilderment. "You were attacked?"

"Guess I was…" Lynn chuckled lightly "….me and Ryan did tell Lincoln about it, he might be a worrywart but he's not judgmental or impulsive. He also thought no harm no foul, and agreed that we should stay quiet. We weren't hurt and Charles got medical attention, so there was no point in giving mom and dad more stress than they already had."

"I understand, they would just freak out…."

Lynn was relieved. Her secret was safe with Lana. And the talk they had hadn't flown over her head.

"So, how about we get out of here? It's late and we'll be heading back home. Who knows, maybe if we call mom and dad, we'll get permission to be roomies tonight." Lynn told her, hoping to improve her mood.

"Okay…" Lana sniffed "…can I just stay here for a few more minutes, I think I need to go number one."

"Very well…" Lynn smiled and headed for the door. "We'll be waiting for you and I'll try not to punch Renee in her smug face."

Lana smiled a bit, but hoped her sister was just joking. Lynn closed the door and she heard her leave the bathroom.

Once she was gone, Lana sat back on the toilet and soon shed another tear. So Charles, Geo and Walt could be gone, they might never come back? Lana hugged herself and slouched, she didn't' want to accept that, but it was slowly starting to dawn on her that she couldn't escape the harsh reality. Not knowing what happened to them made it worse.

The door suddenly opened again, and she heard someone whistling. That person opened another door, right next to where Lana was sitting and sat down.

"Hey, kid, ya feelin' alright?" she heard a gruff, male voice.

Lana was shocked. "What the heck? What are you doing in the girl's room!"

"Girl's room?" the man chuckled. "Whatcha talkin' about, kiddo? This is the man's room, didn't ya see the sign? Or did your tears blur your vision?"

"It's the boys' room?" Lana asked, realizing that she hadn't really looked where she was going and blushed madly. "Ah, crud…"

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it, we all make this mistake, your secret's safe with me." The man reassured her.

Lana was relieved but she couldn't help but think that the man's voice sounded familiar.

"Wait a sec? Flip?"

"You got me, guess I tend to make a strong impression on the bozos-eh, I mean on the nice folk I meet." The mustached, obese conman admitted. "You're one of the Loud kids, ain't ya?"

Lana frowned and groaned quietly. Not this jerk again? He was as sleazy and underhanded as he was wide.

"Heard you lost a pet? Yeah, real shame, I know how that feels." he told her sympathetically while clutching his chest and forcing out some tears. "I lost my dog when I was a kid, it hurt real bad. I still miss….eh…Rex? Yeah Rex, he was such a good dog. We had so much fun together."

Lana was unmoved. "Yeah, sure. You probably sold him for three bucks." She scoffed.

"What? Never!" Flip gasped. "Dogs are man's best friend. No person worth a damn would ever sell out their best friend."

"I'm not buying your junk, whatever that is." Lana said curtly and jumped off the toilet. "I'm wise to your tricks."

"Tricks? Oh no, I'm not up to anythin'. Cross my heart, hope to die." Flip insisted, doing the mandatory gesture as well.

"Then why are you here?"

"To eat healthy, of course. Doctor's orders!" Flip laughed while shaking his gut. "I kinda let myself go."

Lana quietly snorted. She supposed that made sense.

"Y'see, kid. I saw you cryin' and I felt bad for ya." Flip cut to the chase. "I wanted to see if ya were okay, but I didn't want to intrude on you and your sister. So I waited outside, but you didn't come out?"

"I had to go number one, I'm going now." Lana went and grabbed the handle.

"Wow, wait!" Flip exclaimed. "At least lemme give you somethin'."

"I told ya, I'm not buying your junk." Lana groaned.

"I'm not lookin' for money, this is free." Flip explained and slipped a flat, rectangular object bellow the wall separating them. Lana looked at it and picked it up. It was a big bar of chocolate.

"Huh? What's the catch?" she asked curtly.

"No catch, honest. If I wanted money I would've come up to you and your family tryin' to sell it. I felt bad for you and was hopin' this might make you feel better."

Lana considered his offer. "Kids aren't supposed to take candy from a stranger, or shady conmen."

"Ah, you are a smart tyke." Flip told her flatteringly. "But I ain't askin' for any favors or for you to come with me. This is just a token of my empathy you can take or throw away, your choice."

As he said that he got up and opened the door, and started walking.

Lana studied the bar of chocolate she was given and her eyes widened. "Wait? This is a Super Sugary Sugar Bar with extra sugar?"

"You betcha." Flip said at the doorway. " _And I added my own ingredient for extra flavor_." He thought smugly.

"I thought they were outlawed for giving kids diabetes?"

"Sure are, but I've got my ways." Flip shrugged and opened the door. "But hey, if that's too much sweets for ya, you can toss it in the trash." Without another word, he left the premise.

Lana looked at the bar, sweating and licking her lips. She knew better than to take something from a guy like Flip, but candy has always been a little kid's weakness.

* * *

"There he went, fellas." Lyle pointed Hank and Hawk at the store across the street. "He'll be coming out any second."

"He's gonna rue the day he opened his big yap." Hank punched his palm, as did his brother.

Lyle patted Hank on the back as he and Hawk rushed off. "Go get him…" Lyle shouted before smirking and muttering to himself "…. _you brainless pieces of shit_."

Ryan walked out of the store carrying a bag of chicken nuggets and slurping a coke, savoring the delicious taste on his taste buds.

Until he collided into someone and stumbled back. "Hey, watch where you're going you big, dumb…." He stopped as he looked up at the towering brutes.

Hank's big meaty hand grabbed him by the throat and lifted him, making him drop his coke and nuggets.

"…eh….I mean…" Ryan laughed nervously and shrugged"….how may help you kind, handsome gentlemen?"

"Nobody talks shit about our momma!" Hawk pointed at him, getting spit all over his face as he yelled.

"Wha-ahg!" the bemused Ryan choked as Hank tightened his grip on his throat.

"You can say whatever you want about us, but NOBODY insults our momma, pipsqueak!" Hank growled.

"Ha, you're one to talk, shrimp!" Hawk laughed bitterly. "You look like you hit every branch when you fell out of the ugly tree!"

Ryan clung on to Hank's arm, trying to keep himself from being hanged by his own bodyweight. "What are you talking about? Who are you people?" he croaked in a strained voice. "I've never seen you."

"But you sure talked a lot about us, and our momma!" Hank yelled as he came all up in Ryan's face.

"Eh…I'm not following guys?" Ryan tried to talk. "Who the hell told you I was-"

"Don't try to weasel your way out this, we ain't stupid!" Hawk told him. "You opened your mouth, Shorty, and now you're gonna eat our fists!"

"Yeah, we'll mess up your face…..or…..mess it up more than it already is!" Hank added.

Ryan gulped. Maybe hanging out with Renee and eating tofu burgers wasn't such a bad gig after all?

* * *

Charles couldn't bring himself to drift off. Even though he was exhausted beyond belief, staggering all the way back home with a wounded leg, and his bed was really soft and inviting, he couldn't fall asleep. He soon got an idea why, as his stomach started growling. He could feel the hole inside of him. He hadn't eaten anything for two days, and he was the end of his strength.

Marceline walked back into the living room, dragging a plucked and headless turkey in her jaws and lied down. Catching the scent of turkey, Charles managed to lift his head up and licked his lips feebly, as his eyes bulged.

Once she started to dig in, Marceline heard a feeble whimper and looked up to see Charles standing just a few feet away from her.

Marceline growled and clutched her dinner, while Charles just looked at her, whimpering, shaking and looking all around sad and pathetic. Marceline ceased growling. Cats weren't known for sharing, yet she didn't feel particularly aggressive or protective of her meal. She didn't know what had come over her but she didn't tear the bull terrier's nose off the moment he started advancing towards her.

He just looked so pitiful; somehow she couldn't bring herself to hiss or swipe as he lied down next to her and his jaws slowly connected with the turkey's wing. He must have been really hungry to be willing to risk bodily harm? And he was, Charles knew he was making a big risk, yet his immense hunger clouded any common sense the disheveled and exhausted canine had.

Marceline let out a barely audible growl but didn't try to stop him. She supposed she couldn't eat a whole turkey by herself, but the mutt could only eat so much before she decided that-

With a sudden burst of strength, Charles yanked the turkey away from her and before Marceline could comprehend what happened, he had wolfed down and reduced the turkey to a few bones, before dropping down with a thud and burping.

Marceline stared in disbelief before growling at him. Charles didn't seem to notice it as he rolled onto his side, looking very content. Marceline sat down and growled in a way that sounded an awful lot like grumbling. This was what she get's for being nice to a gluttonous mutt.

The quiet moment was interrupted by the sound of glass shattering, which made both of them jolt in fright, just in time to see a crowbar spinning through the air and flying towards them. Screeching and yelping, they jumped out of the way, as the metal bar bounced off the floor and hit the wall. Marceline flinched as it fell to the floor, and trotted around the foreign object and joined Charles as they heard a voice.

"Ah….sharp, sharp, sharp, sharp….." Clyde whimpered as he maneuvered his arm past the broken shards of glass to open the window and pull it up. He hadn't planned for the crowbar to break loose, fly back, bounce off a tree and make him duck, as it smashed through the window.

"I'm sure Lincoln will be too appreciative of his best friends rescuing him to care about one broken window?" Clyde tried to reassure himself as he placed one foot in and clumsily climbed into the living room, only to find it empty, with no signs of a struggle. The kitchen was also visibly empty.

Once he was greeted by the eerie silence of the house, Clyde started quivering. Maybe this was a bad idea? What if Luan had indeed captured him? Or maybe it wasn't Luan but someone else? Maybe it was that Ryan creep, pretending to be Lincoln's friend so he could get close to him and do who knows what to him?

Whoever was the orchestrator of this, Clyde was unquestionably terrified of facing them. Breaking into the villain's lair was lot easier than facing the villain. And even the former required backbreaking labor and some dumb luck. Why did Ace Savvy always make it look so easy?

" _Maybe I should turn tail and run_?" Clyde was seriously considering it before trying to collect himself. " _No, you're One-Eyed Jack. One-Eyed Jack would never leave Ace Savvy hanging! You can do this!_ " he told himself, but couldn't find his courage.

" _Or maybe I could reason with the captor to release Lincoln and keep the sisters? That's a reasonable suggestion_? _Who'll miss Lynn, or Lola, or the weird emo sister? I can comfort Lincoln about it later_." He considered.

Clyde carefully edged towards the stair. If nobody was here, then they had to be upstairs? Gulping, Clyde started ascending the stairs, pulling his paper bag out of his pocket to breathe in and out of it to calm his nerves.

Charles and Marceline watched the intruder from a safe distance. Was he a burglar or a lost birthday clown? His appearance suggested the latter. One thing was for sure, he failed to intimidate them, which was bad news for him.

" _Wait? Emo sister?_ " it dawned on Clyde. " _Wasn't she the one who called me to say Lori was…..oh my gosh!_ "

Clyde's knees started shaking as he considered the possibility. There was always something wrong with Lucy, she screamed "bad news" from her looks alone. What if she was behind this? Why else would she call him? Prank calling was Luan's thing. Was this some kind of psychotic tic of hers, where she announced her fowl intentions before enacting them? Just like so many comic book super villains! What horrors could she be subjecting Lincoln to? Maybe she was waiting upstairs right now, with a knife in one hand and a body bag in the other? Just for him?

"I gotta get out of here!" Clyde started hyperventilating and scrambled down the stairs, only to be stopped by Marceline.

Clyde yelped and stepped back as the cat made him freeze with her steely gaze. This intruder had chosen the wrong house to plunder. Even ignoring that, there was just something hateable about this person. She couldn't quite pinpoint the reason, but she felt the urge to hurt him.

Clyde let out a girlish yelp as she hissed at him, extending her claws and raising the hair on her back.

"Eh….nice kitty…." He stepped back. He noticed another figure just behind the cat.

"Charles?" he was befuddled by the funnel the dog was wearing, but had not time to dwell on it. "Charles! It's me, Clyde!" he pointed at himself. "Lincoln's best friend in the whole world? His brother from another mother? Can you please get this cat away from me?" he begged as Marceline kept advancing towards him, forcing him further up the stairs and trapping him.

Charles responded by baring his teeth and joined Marceline's side. He might have been weak, but he was never too weak to guard his home from intruders.

Clyde's face fell, as the severity of his situation became apparent. "Charles? Good boy, good boy…you wouldn't hurt me-"

"Woof!"

"MEOW!"

"AHHHH!" Clyde screamed and ran up the stairs, only to trip over his own feet and tumbled into the hallways. Charles grabbed the leg of his pants, tearing it clean off as Clyde made a mad dash towards the nearest door. Just as he grabbed the door handle, Charles lunged and sank his teeth into the intruder's behind while Marceline jumped onto his head, digging her claws into his scalp.

Clyde's scream echoed through the whole house, and he forced his way into the twins' room, startling the snipes, as well as Lana's pets. He stumbled to the floor and rolled onto his back.

"Take this!" he threw his "shuriken" cards at his attackers, only for them to slowly waft across the air, briefly confusing Marceline and Charles, and allowing Clyde to scrambled to his feet.

"Aha!" Clyde pulled his "stun gun" and pulled the trigger, spraying some water into Marceline's face, then into Charles'. Clyde's brief feeling of triumph faded, and he wet his tights as they gave him murderous glares in response.

"I thought cats were terrified of water? And it made dogs obedient?" he whimpered as he was backed against the wall.

But before fangs and claws could dig into him, Hops jumped and grabbed Clyde by the face, Izzy lunged and bit his arm, Gretchen sank her fangs into his exposed shin, and the other reptiles and amphibians joined in on the attack.

Clyde screamed and flailed around, grabbing his last remaining weapon, his bola, and swung it clumsily, only to somehow wind up tying up his own legs with it.

"Whoa!" Clyde fell back, landing on the frame of the open window, with his head and torso dangling from it.

"No! No! No!" Clyde screamed and the little critters backed off as Charles and Marceline slid under his legs and pushed them up, making him tip forward and plummet to his doom. Luckily for Clyde, a branch broke his fall, and he broke it, before landing semi-softly on a bush down bellow. Shaking with fear, Clyde slowly opened his eyes and realized what had happened. This wasn't so bad?

He let out a sigh of relief before the branch fell on him. Needles to say, it hurt….a lot.

"Owww….." he whimpered and before losing consciousness, he saw Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, tall, imposing and with tight spandex wrapped around their statuesque bodies like in the comics, crossing their arms and shaking their heads at him in disapproval. Rolling his head to the other side, he saw Ryan, Lynn, Lucy and Bobby laughing at him with a tied up and terrified Lincoln and Lori in their grasps.

"I'm sorry, I trieeeeeed….." Clyde wept before blacking out.

Above him, on the second floor, cheers in the form of barking, meowing, ribbting and hissing roared across the room as the animals gathered at the window to watch the defeated intruder.

Marceline and Charles looked at each other, the cat being surprised how much fun she just had and with a dog no less? If only Renee could have seen them take care of this weirdly-dressed pirate/burglar person, she'd be eating her words now. It was cause for celebration, until Marceline noticed the small critters surrounding them and licked her chops. Celebratory snacks!

Charles saw what she was doing and grew nervous, knowing he had to intervene. They had been working so well together until now.

* * *

"I'm not getting anyone…." After listening to the ringing for two minutes Lincoln ended his call, using Renee's phone. Most of his sisters were visibly disappointed, except for Lynn, who was too busy glaring daggers at Renee.

"Sorry, girls. I think they're preoccupied with the fu….eh the fun they're having celebrating Lori's quinceanera." He corrected himself and chuckled. "Those mariachi bands are always so loud, you can't even hear yourself think."

"Sigh. That's disappointing." Lucy replied, sharing a glance with the likewise disappointed Luan.

" _Ugh. My perfect revenge isn't working, and I'll have to spend another night in the same room as that…..thing!_ " Lola was beyond angry. Her parents were going to get some for partying all night in another town instead of paying attention to her needs!

"Looks like the big move ain't happening tonight." Lynn shrugged, her tone bitter. "Not like our kind babysitter would allow that?"

Renee ignored her, and glanced at the darkening sky. "Where is that brat?" she asked Lynn curtly, immediately getting on her nerve. "We have to go before it's past your curfew."

"Oh, I don't know!" Lynn retorted. "Maybe she's still trying to pull herself back together after you made her cry?"

"Lynn, please…" Lincoln gently grabbed her arms.

"I made her cry?" Renee cocked an eyebrow. "From what I have seen, you didn't make much of an effort to conceal your pets' unfortunate fate from your little sister? She clearly already knew about it from-"

Everyone jolted as Lynn stood up, slamming her hands into the table. "Who do you think you are?!"

"Indoor voice. This isn't a football field." Renee lectured her.

Lincoln was frightened by the anger bubbling just below Lynn's surface.

"Do you feel any regret?" she asked Renee. "For making a 5-year-old cry?"

"No." Renee said emotionlessly. "It's not my fault she made a fuss over such an unimportant matter."

"Unimpor-that's Charles you're talking about!" Lynn snapped. "You have no idea…"

"Lynn, take it easy…" Lincoln stood up and shook her by the shoulder, but to no avail.

"Lynn's right." Everyone was shocked to hear that coming out of _Lucy's_ mouth.

"That was very cruel of you." She continued hoarsely.

"Yes, she's right." Luan chimed in, encouraged by her little sister's bold words. "That….that was uncalled for." Renee narrowed her eyes, just a bit.

"Um…Renee?" Leni started meekly. "I don't think you meant it, but that was kinda harsh of you? I didn't even know Charles, Geo and Walt were missing."

"And why should I be concerned about that?" Renee shrugged, her expression returning to one of bland indifference.

"How about you concern yourselves with other people's feelings!" Lynn came stomping towards her.

Lincoln rushed to grab her arm and jumped between her and Renee.

"Wait, Lynn!" he panicked, pressing one hand into her chest. "It's not worth it."

"Are you challenging my authority?" Renee stood up as well, with only Lincoln standing between her and Lynn.

Caleel, one of the waiters, saw this as he was cleaning the old couple's table, and grew concerned.

"Wow, ladies!" He rushed to their table and tried to calm them down. "If you're having an issue, please take it outside. We want no trouble."

Lisa, Luan and Lucy grew nervous from the rising tension, as was Lincoln, and he was literary in the middle of the incoming fight.

" _Yes! Fight! Fight! Fight!_ " Lola cheered inwardly. Perhaps this day won't be a total waste?

Leni was both concerned and worried. "Girls, you're not gonna…"

Luna watched the scene, stunned, when it hit her that this was just the type of distraction she needed? Only to remember that she was still cuffed to Leni?

"Maybe I am?" Lynn retorted cockily, barely hiding the contempt in her voice.

"Lynn, you don't mean that?" Lincoln begged her.

Renee, to everyone's surprise, grew a little smile. "Really? I would like to see you try that?"

It was a challenge if there ever was one. Lynn couldn't back down now. She had waited all day for this! She would give this cunt what she had coming!

"Heya, guys! What-ya-doing!" Lana's voice cut in. Everyone was caught off guard and looked over their shoulders.

"Hihihi…" Lana giggled before hiccupping. Lynn, Lincoln, Renee and the others stared at her in confusion.

Lana was standing there, twitching and shaking uncontrollably, her cap was missing and her hair was wild and frizzy, her eyes bloodshot and she sported a huge, toothy grin, with the sides of her mouth smeared with a brown substance.

"Lana?" Lynn asked, suddenly forgetting about caving in Renee's face. Lana giggled and started blinking with one eye at a time in rapid succession.

"Lana, are you okay?" the jock asked worriedly.

"Okay?!" Lana exclaimed while flashing the biggest grin imaginable. "I-feel-SUPER!"

* * *

 **Mr. Grouse, Flip, Grant, Hank and Hawk, and Maggie (if you count a single appearance as "minor character"), I wasn't kidding.**

 **Was this much? I feel like they were too many plotlines going on. But following yet another hiatus, I felt the need to make a comeback with something elaborate, to make any potential reader's time worth the wait.**

 **Charles is back, you thought I was going to kill him off? Well, I've toyed with the idea but chose not to in the end. I'm not that cynical. Like before, Charles proved himself to be a loyal dog, even while injured and weak. Can't keep a good dog down. One can only imagine what he went through trying to find his way back home off-screen for two days. Perhaps I'll show it in a flashback in a later chapter.**

 **This is probably the most effective Lyle has been as a villain so far, successfully getting Ryan into a shitload of trouble without lifting a finger. He has been something of a joke villain in his previous chapters, if a dangerous joke villain nonetheless, as Lynn is the only Loud who is a fighter, so I thought he needed to be a bit more effective this time around. But sicing Hank and Hawk on his hated enemy is nothing compared to the mayhem he'll get to cause in the next chapter.**

 **The show has a major problem with wasting antagonists that showed potential by softening them up after their debut, like Chandler. I introduced Flip in this chapter (properly that is), another character that I think was wasted potential for a villain, so here I brought him back as a proper unrepentant scumbag who gives drugged candy to a little girl to further a scheme of his. This will give the protagonist a lot of trouble in the next chapter. I have more story ideas for Flip down the lines, should they come into fruition.**

 **It's ironic how Renee called Lucy a sociopath, when she herself hasn't exactly shown much in the way of human empathy, as shown here when she made Lana cry, or maybe she just doesn't understand why humans would feel an emotional attachment to animals? Either way, she's cold. Regardless, this action has undoubtedly pushed Lynn to her breaking point, meaning it's unlikely she'll be able to put up with Renee's crap for much longer. The same could be said with her attitude towards Luan. Now that she knows Ryan has friendzoned Luan in no uncertain terms, jealously and hormones might make her do something that will seriously taint her already strained relationship with Luan, to say nothing of how heartbroken the emotionally-fragile Luan will be.**

 **On the upside, Lynn has become comfortable confiding in someone besides Lincoln, being more truthful and open with Lana. And seems Lana really is listening to her big sister's warning. Too bad she just ate something she shouldn't have….**


	38. No Guts, No Glory: Lyle's Revenge II

**Do to….certain reasons, I've had a lot of free time lately to work on this fic, so here comes the next chapter.**

 **Fair warning though, cuz this chapter might get a little dark.**

* * *

"Lana? What's going on?" Lincoln joined Lynn, as did Renee, who studied the tomboy carefully. Something wasn't right.

"Going-on?! I-dunno-what's-going on! Hey! Do-you-wanna-race-back-home? Then-we-can-race-back-here!I feel-like-running!Does-anyone-else-feel-like-running-real-fast?No! Let's-race-on-pogo-sticks! I-bet-I-can-bounce-higher-than-anyone! Bounce-bounce-bouncy-bounce!" Lana giggled, talking a mile a minute.

"What did you eat?" Renee asked in a steely tone, noting the smears around her face.

"Chocolate! Yummy-chocolate! I-love-chocolate! It-tasted-weird-but-it's-still-chocolate! Everyone-loves-chocolate!" Lana laughed. "Why-do-you-ask-why-I-eat-chocolate!"

"Chocolate?" most of her siblings gasped. Letting the twins eat too much candy was a blueprint for disaster.

"How did you find chocolate in the latrine?" Renee asked, her tone still steely. From his table, Flip lowered his fedora while smiling to himself. The distraction he needed was about to come into play.

Maggie also watched them from a distance, not so much curious as simply fulfilling her task.

" _She probably found it in the toilet, the disgusting pig!_ " Lola thought, wanting to puke.

Lana's only response was even more mindless giggling.

"Where did you find the chocolate?" Lynn repeated the question, her brow dropping. "You don't look so-"

"Ugh! These-things-are-so-annoying!" Lana pulled on her straps and tore them off. "They-chafe-so-bad!" That action caused her overalls to fall down, revealing her naked legs and blue undies.

Her siblings gasped. "Lana?" Lynn blurted.

With a queasy expression, Lincoln stepped back and shielded his eyes with his hand, as did Caleel, the waiter.

"Ma'am, can I please ask for you and your friends to leave the premise?" he pleaded Renee, who ignored him as she glowered at the indecent 5-year-old, who shook her overalls off her feet and giggled to herself.

"Whoooo….hihihi…" she cupped her face and watched her legs swinging. It was so mesmerizing. Her siblings stared at her incredulously, except for Lola, who snickered with glee at the sight of Lana acting like a fool.

" _If only I brought a camera_ …." The princess lamented.

"Oh, for crying out loud…." Renee pinched her forehead and grumbled.

"Guys, we have to restrain her. She's having a sugar rush." Lincoln warned them. Hearing that, they all went on edge, knowing what that meant.

"Oh, no…." Lynn muttered. How could a sugar rush kick in this fast?

"We can't pay for another restaurant's renovations." Luan blurted.

"You imbeciles…." Renee cut in scornfully. "This isn't a sugar rush!" she pointed at Lana who was now bouncing up and down. "I've seen those plenty of times."

The siblings gawked at her, disconcerted. Even Lola's look of joy faltered a bit hearing that.

Lynn took a second look at her sister. She had seen the twins overdosing on sugar, and it never got this extreme, or at least not this quickly? "If it's not a sugar rush, then what is it?" she demanded to know, worry etched across her features.

Renee narrowed her eyes, looking peevish. As much as it annoyed her, they would have to take Lana to a doctor. If Lana's parents found out about this, she could kiss her career as a babysitter goodbye. Good thing her own parents knew of a good house doctor, just so she could keep things discreet.

"We'll know soon enough." Renee barked and grabbed Lana's arm. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?" Lincoln asked worriedly.

"Hey! Whatcha-doing!" Lana laughed. "Lemme-go!"

"Put these on, and move it!" Renee ordered her and tossed the discarded overalls into her hands.

"I d'wanna!" Lana giggled and threw them away. "I-wanna-play!"

"Lana, just please listen to her." Lincoln begged her, peeking through his fingers. "I think we need to-"

"Poo-on-you! I-wanna-play!" Lana laughed and swiftly freed herself by slipping out of her teal shirt, so fast even Renee didn't react fast enough. Lincoln gasped and covered his eyes again.

"Get back here!" Lynn chased after her, as Lana laughed and ran across the place, quickly throwing a chair into Lynn's path, making her fall over. Lynn hit the floor with a thud and clutched her knee in pain. Lana ran passed Collin, yelped and covered his eyes as well.

"Don't just stand there, you cretins!" Renee yelled at the remaining Louds. "Get her!"

Not needing to be told twice, they all chased after her. Except for Lincoln, who didn't move an inch.

"But I can't watch my sister in her underwear?!" He desperately wanted to help, but there were some things about your sister a boy was never supposed to see.

The speeding tomboy flipped a table, causing Lisa to collide with it, knocking her glasses off her face. "Owww…." She groaned as she pushed herself of its leg. Flip meanwhile, smiled and pulled out a small club from his trench coat.

"Just gotta wait for the right moment." He braced himself. The brat was causing pandemonium, as planned.

Maggie jumped out of her chair as Lana zapped past her, barely dodging her. "I'm out of here…" she shook her head and made a hasty exit.

'Oh, no, no!" Grant panicked while peering from the counter, as Lana was chased through the restaurant, running like Speedy Gonzales. "I knew this would happen! I just knew!"

"Enough of this!" Renee cornered the fleeing Lana, but she bolted past her before Renee could grab her.

"Too-slow, slowpoke!" she found the tomboy laughing and jumping on a table. Lana noticed Luan trying to grab her from behind and swiftly jumped out of the way, backflipping across the place, leaping over Lola and Lucy, and landing on the old couple's table, prompting the startled elders to fall out of their chairs.

"Catch-me-if-ya-can!" she laughed manically and grabbed the old man's bowl of oatmeal and tossed it at Lucy, who ducked and it hit Lola in the face. Lana laughed like crazy. Renee took the opportunity to blindside her.

The princess threw the bowl of her face and hissed. " _Oh, now it's on!_ " she charged at her twin.

Lana jumped high, evading both Lola and Renee. Lynn staggered to her feet and saw Lana whooping and swinging on the ceiling lamp. That action made the old light bulb within it start short-circuiting.

Grant clutched his head as the light in the restaurant started flickering on and off. "Will somebody get her! She'll tear off the lamp!" As the light went out again, Grant was bludgeoned in the back of his head.

"You think we're not trying!" Lynn snapped at him, rubbing her aching knee. She received no response, not that she was paying attention to it.

"Ya-look-dumb-Muck-Face!" Lana laughed down at her twin, who fumed, as did Renee.

"Has anyone seen my glasses? What's wrong with the lighting?" Lisa shouted while wandering aimlessly through the restaurant.

Renee moved the table out of her way and tried to snatch Lana, but the light went out and she only felt her hands clutching air. As her feet made contact with the floor, the light came back on and she just saw the lamp swinging by itself.

Everyone looked frantically for Lana, not noticing an unconscious Grant lying face down on the counter or that the cash register was missing.

* * *

Flip snuck through the back door of the restaurant, closing it before checking out the content of the register's drawer.

Seeing all the money made him grin ear to ear. "Cha-ching!"

Chuckling, he tucked the register into his coat and walked off discreetly with his hands in his pockets.

" _I might avoid the cement shoes after all_." He thought with relief.

* * *

"Where is that miscreant?!" Renee ranted as the light kept flickering. The sisters searched in all directions, and Lincoln and the waiters allowed themselves to peek.

"Where is she?" the boy asked worriedly, when he heard a breathy chuckle behind him.

"Think-fast!" as he turned around he caught a piece of cloth. Surprised, he looked ahead and saw Lana standing four feet away from him, at the entrance, and he soon realized what he was holding.

"Oh my god, she's naked!" he screamed and dropped her undies, shutting his eyes tight and blushing madly, while holding his soiled hands as far away from him as possible.

"Don't let her escape, you idiot!" Renee ran up to him but it was too late. Lana had run out of the restaurant. Shocked gasps and yelps were heard from the outside.

"No!" Renee clutched her hair before pushing past Lincoln and running out, only to find a few shocked pedestrians exchanging horrified glances.

The Loud siblings followed her, and immediately after, heard the door behind them closing shut and getting locked.

"I believe we can add that establishment to the list of locations we're blacklisted from?" Lisa deadpanned.

"Lana! Lana!" Lynn shouted frantically but saw no sign of her little sister.

"I don't see her anywhere?" Lucy spoke up.

"At her pace, she's probably reached Chicago by now?" Luan joked nervously.

"This can't be happening!" Renee stomped the ground, her neatly combed hair now sporting random strands sticking out of it, as her eyes bulged and she grinded her teeth.

"Damn it! Damn it all to hell!" the others stepped back, unnerved by her change of mood, except for Lynn.

"Quit bellyaching, we gotta find-"

"Where is he?!" Renee looked around for Lincoln and found him kneeling next to a public faucet, washing his hands.

"Never be clean, never be clean…" he rambled feverishly when Renee stormed towards him.

"You imbecile, you let her get away!"

Startled, Lincoln turned around and cowered under her glare, wilting with shame.

"Back off!" Lynn came to the rescue and pushed her back. "He saw his little sister flashing her you-know-what! How was he supposed to react?"

Her words of support did little to encourage him however, as Lincoln felt guilty for letting Lana get away.

"Lincoln?" Lucy kneeled next to him. "Get a hold of yourself; a girl's undergarments aren't toxic. We have to find Lana before she hurts herself."

"For once you're making sense, Lucy." Lynn had to admit and pulled Lincoln up by his shoulder. "C'mon, Lincoln, nobody's blaming ya, we gotta find the squirt, fast!"

Lincoln's face hardened, he couldn't wallow in self-pity now. "You're right, we gotta find her."

"You think!" Renee snapped at him before turning around and continuing to curse to herself. "If that brat hurts herself, my reputation will be tainted beyond all repair!"

Lynn's eyes narrowed, the nerve of this cunt? Lincoln saw her ready to snap and spoke up hastily. Not that he felt any less appalled by Renee's attitude.

"Well, if you want to preserve your reputation, might I suggest we get her back before anything happens?" he asked coldly.

"Way ahead of you." Renee scoffed and looked at the rest. "Alright, all of you….wait a minute?"

She noticed someone missing. "Where are the blonde idiot and the punk hooligan?"

Lisa, Luan and Lola looked among themselves to find Luna and Leni missing. Renee seethed, while Lincoln's jaw hit the pavement.

"You gotta be shitting me?" Lynn clutched her head. "That moron ran off to her precious concert!"

"Perhaps she and Leni just ran ahead to find….?" Lincoln suggested in a moment of dumbfounded denial before realizing what had happened.

"No, she defiantly ran off to her concert." Lucy shook her head dejectedly. Lincoln facepalmed.

"I'm going to….." Renee was on the verge of exploding, requiring every bit of will power she had to remain collected. She counted from ten to one to calm herself. She couldn't lose her cool now, not while things were still in the ballpark of being salvageable.

"Listen up!" she shouted, earning everyone's attention. She looked at Lynn. "You! You're coming with me to catch that runaway brat!"

Before Lynn could reply, she turned sharply towards Lincoln. "And you! You're looking after the rest while you go and retrieve the other two! We know they're heading towards town center."

"Wait, wait!" Lynn raised her hands. "Who died and made you-"

"This makes me boss!" Renee reminded her by holding up the contract Lynn Sr. had signed.

"Wouldn't it be more logical if we all dispersed so we can cover more ground in a shorter time span?" Lisa suggested.

"No! I don't trust you miscreants." Renee shot her down. "And Lynn's the only one physically fit enough to have any hope of catching and wrangling that overcharged little rat, besides myself of course."

Lynn boiled, but she knew that her little sister's well-being was more important than Renee's ego.

"Fine." She sighed in defeat. "Let's not waste any time."

"I agree…" Renee nodded before glowering at Lincoln. "The others are your responsibility. I trust that you're aware that if you fail to retrieve your sisters and bring them all back home together, you'll be held accountable for it, and if you fail…." She paused and shook her head "….I will make you regret it."

"You can't dump all that responsib-"

"Lynn! It's okay." Lincoln reassured her and nodded to Renee. Time was of the essence. And it seemed he had earned some semblance of trust in Renee if she had appointed him leader of the pack, not that it was reassuring in any way. "I understand, I will keep the girls in line and bring them back home. I take full responsibility. You two just find Lana."

"Very well, follow me." Renee nodded. "We'll stay in touch in case….." she stopped as realization dawned on her.

"Huh, I guess taking all our phones wasn't the smartest move?" Lynn scoffed and folded her arms.

"I considered the possibility." Renee retorted curtly and pulled a second phone out of her pocket and handed it to Lincoln. Lincoln looked at the phone, as a thought occurred to him.

As much as he hated to admit it, it sure would have been great if they could call Ryan for assistance right now.

"I'll call you when we catch the brat. Let's go!"

"Perhaps you should take this with you?" she stopped and saw Lucy holding Lana's clothes, neatly folded, and offering them to her. Renee glowered at her and silently took them.

With that, Renee went ahead. The jock was reluctant for a second to follow her, but a nod from her brother reminded her that they had no time to spare.

"Good luck, Linc." She sighed and followed Renee, but Lola jumped in their way and offered the bottle of lotion in her hand to Renee, pointing at it and grinning desperately.

Renee didn't say a word and just sidestepped her. Narrowing her eyes, Lynn punched the spoiled brat in the arm, not holding back, before following Renee. Lola glared at them while rubbing her bruised bicep and stuck her tongue out.

"How are we supposed to track her?" Lynn asked Renee.

"We just follow the shocked pedestrians." Renee said evenly as they ran down the street, past the shocked and gaping people.

Lincoln sighed. Lucy gently took his hand. "I'm sorry she left you with the heavy burden of responsibility."

"Don't be…" he exhaled. "I doubt we'll have trouble finding Luna and Leni, I'm more concerned about Lana." The sisters looked at each other, sharing his sentiment.

Lincoln rubbed his temples, trying to stay optimistic. "Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm sure Renee and Lynn will find Lana and she'll recover from that "sugar rush", and everything will be okay."

"Perhaps you're right." Lisa spoke up tentatively. "If Lynn and Renee don't find her, statistically the chances are high that some civilian might rescue her, or she might get apprehended by the police for public indecency…." She stopped as Lincoln gave her an uneasy look.

Lisa rubbed the back of her head. "Well, at least she would no longer be a danger of hurting herself?"

"You sure that was a sugar rush?" Luan asked. "She looked more like she was tripping out to me?"

"Unlikely…." Lisa retorted. "But now that we're on the topic of alternative causes behind Lana's frantic behavior, it is possible that she has consumed some form of unlawful substance that can cause hazardous physiological changes in a person. Public bathrooms aren't known for their high standards of sanitization."

Luan's eyes widened. "I was kidding about her being drugged? You're not saying she actually is?"

That comment made Lincoln's skin crawl. Good lord, don't let that be the case?

Lisa rubbed her chin. "Could be. That's, admittedly, not a field I'm particularly familiar with-"

"Lisa, just drop it." Lincoln told her, trying to push those horrible thoughts aside until they had caught Lana. "We'll know what's going on with her after she gets back, let's just find Leni and Luna."

"I can't believe Luna's nerve." Lucy said coldly. "Abandoning us in our time of need?"

Lincoln couldn't deny that and silently balled his fists. "We'll discuss things once we find her…."

"You're right. Leni too." Luan scoffed. "But given Luna's obsession with that SMOOCH band, I can't say I'm all that surprised."

"Well, in Leni's defense, she is a certified cretin." Lisa shrugged. "They were cuffed together and Luna had to convince her to cooperate. She probably told her that they're handing out SMOOCH t-shirts at the concert and that they are the most in-demand fashion accessory?"

Lola didn't contribute to the conversation, not that she could, and just glared at bottle in her hands. Her revenge didn't come into fruition, again!

"Let's find them." Lincoln told the others and went ahead. The girls followed him, except for Lola who stayed behind, looking crabby.

"Quit sulking and be helpful for once." Luan told her, but made no attempts to make her come along.

Lola glared at her and stuck her tongue out, wishing to defy her and stay behind just to spite them, but she realized that it was getting dark outside and her siblings were leaving her behind without a second thought.

As they slowly turned into tiny specks on the horizon, the princess grew anxious as she found herself alone in the dark, empty street surrounded by scary, towering buildings.

Gulping, Lola swallowed her pride and ran after them. She'd help them find the runaway sisters, just because she was a good person.

Maggie watched them from afar, discarding her hat and wig in the nearest trash can.

"Huh, another convenient coincidence Lyle might want to take advantage of?" She sent her cousin another text message, only to receive another one from him before she could finish.

" _Taylors a dead man! I finally gotim LOL!_ "

The emo rolled her eyes. "Good for you…" she mumbled apathetically.

* * *

"This is going to be so good." Lyle was as giddy as a schoolgirl while sitting atop a tree, looking through his binoculars while munching on popcorn. His excitement was slowly undermined by his impatience, as the show was taking forever to get started.

Ryan was forced to sit down, sporting a peeved expression and folding his arms, as Hawk's huge hand was grasping his head, holding him in place and sitting next to him under a tree in the Hogans' backyard, while Hank was still rummaging through their garage, looking for fitting instruments of torture and throwing out various sports equipment and other junk.

Ryan glanced at his captor, who was watching him like a hawk, pun intended, as his brother had instructed him.

"So…you're going to hurt me real bad?" Ryan asked casually.

"Yup." Hawk nodded, stone-faced.

"For talking trash about your mom?" Ryan rolled his eyes, having given up by now to try and reason with these rage-fueled meatheads.

"Yup."

"And you're won't believe me if I repeat that I didn't say anything-agh!" the pressure on his head intensified.

"Stop you're lying!" Hawk roared petulantly. "We're not dumb!"

"Alright! I will!" Ryan obeyed, before Hawk loosened his grip just a bit and resumed his task of guarding him.

Ryan groaned. He didn't know what was more aggravating? Having this nitwit's smelly and sweaty hand crushing his head or the fact that they were taking forever to beat on him?

After another long silence, Hawk grew impatient again and called for his brother. "What's taking so long! I'm getting bored!"

Ryan grumbled under his breath. Of all the times he had gotten himself into trouble, this was perhaps the stupidest. Two overgrown momma's boys wanting to pulverize him because some asshole told them that he was talking shit about their momma? Ryan had been the target of wrongful accusations in his hometown many times, but at least those had the courtesy of fitting his character. Spouting "your mom" insults was for dipshits like Lyle, he had more class than that.

" _Lyle?_ " Ryan had a hunch who that asshole was, given how he had technically only recently moved in here, there was only one enemy he has made so far…..or maybe two…..that could talk. Or perhaps it was Kathleen who had put a hit out on him? Manipulating people seemed above Lyle's mental capacities. If this was the case, these two hired goons sure gave it their all acting as if had some legit reason to be mad at him?

Regardless of circumstances, Ryan would be damned if he didn't try talking his way out of this sticky situation, as he has always done.

"Bored, huh? Do you wanna talk?" he offered only to have his face slammed into the tree.

"No! I'm not chatting with the likes of you!" Hawk roared.

"Really? My apologies." Ryan ignored the pain as he was yanked back into his original position. "Did I offend you that much?"

"Yes you did, dumbass! You insulted our momma!"

" _Come on, Ryan, just think, it can't be that hard to dupe the incredible dolts. Lyle has more brains than them_." The boy told himself, and kept the conversation going.

"I can see that…" he continued casually "….I guess you guys must really love your mom?"

"Sure we do." Hawk admitted proudly. "Our momma is our world. She brought us into this world, clothed us and fed us, gave us a roof to sleep under, bathed us when we were little, kissed our fingers when we stubbed them…."

Ryan rolled his eyes. He couldn't allow them to beat him up, not these sad sacks. Just his luck though, running into the only two momma boys in the world who had muscle instead of being like Lincoln.

"…spoon fed us soup when we had the measles, taught me how to ride a bike, encouraged Hank to continue his piano lessons because that was his passion despite being mocked by his classmates-"

"I see, she sounds like a great person, if you're willing to pulverize anyone who talks ill of her? I mean, can't say I can fully comprehend that, I don't really know what's like having a mom in your life-agh!"

"You talk too much!" Hawk slammed his face into the tree again, causing his nose to bleed.

"Sorry, it's a bad habit." Ryan said weekly, sneezing up a little blood. "But I gotta know, when are we gonna get to the pulverizing? We've been sitting here for half an hour? I don't want to be rude, but I think we can both agree that sitting here is super boring?"

"How do I know? Hank's the one looking for rope!" Hank retorted. "But yeah….waiting here is super boring."

Ryan gulped. "Rope, eh? So, you're going to strap me up like a piñata?"

Hawk scowled. "No. We're gonna use you as a punching bag."

"Creative. Was this your idea or your bro's?"

Hawk blinked. 'Umm….it was Hank's idea, why'd ya want to know?"

"So you didn't have any input when deciding my punishment for insulting your mom?" Ryan asked coyly. "She's your mom too, so shouldn't you have some saying in this?"

"I…eh…"

"Or does your bro get the final word because he's the favorite?" Ryan quickly regretted the question as the enraged Hawk nearly crushed his skull again.

"No way! I've always been more considerate than Hank! She says she loves us equally, but it's an unspoken truth that she likes me just a tiny bit more." He huffed.

Ryan winced in pain but kept his smile. "So she would want you to be judge, jury and executioner?"

"Huh…" Hawk scratched his head with his free hand.

"If you've been the better son, shouldn't you decide on my punishment? Seems only fair-"

"I couldn't find any rope! But I have the bats." Hank returned and tossed one bat at his brother, which bounced off his gut.

"Wut?" Hawk was caught off guard and glared at him. "No rope? How are we gonna strap him up as a punching bag?" he pointed at the branch above him.

"Dunno? We don't have to." Hank reasoned, throwing the bat over his shoulder. "Just throw him to the ground and we can beat him up with these bats."

"Now wait a minute!" Hawk stood up, lifting Ryan up by his scalp. "You said we could use him as a punching bag."

"Well, we can't strap him up without rope. I don't see how we can do that?" Hank shrugged.

"Why don't you ask your bro for advice?" Ryan gestured at Hawk.

"Yeah, I have an idea! How about we just tie his legs into a knot on the branch?" Hawk huffed, feeling smart about it.

Ryan cringed but played along. "That's a smart solution for your rope shortage."

"You dummy! You can't tie someone's legs into a knot!" Hank retorted and pointed at Ryan. "He's not made of rubber! The bones would jut out everywhere and would be all gross and stuff."

Hawk scowled. "Well, maybe we can beat him up some other way? You never asked me for any suggestions? Why does it always have to be your way?"

Hank groaned. "Alright, if you don't want to beat him with a bat, what do you suggest?"

Hawk smiled and was ready to respond, but he blanked on an answer. "We could….eh…we could…..?"

Hank snorted. "Typical! You're too dumb to think of something."

" _Insults, great_." Ryan smiled to himself.

Hawk growled. "No I'm not! You didn't give me any time to think!"

"We don't have all day for your dumbass to come up with something! It's wasting daylight!" Hank retorted and pointed at himself. "I say we beat him up with our bats here and now!"

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?" Ryan commended him. "Your mom must be proud of your sense of urgency?"

"Sure she is, she always said I was perceptive." Hank huffed proudly, making Hawk fume.

"She's proud of me too!"

"I never said she wasn't." Hank replied irritably. "Quit whining."

"Oh…." Hawk shrank sheepishly.

" _Ughhh_ …." Ryan thought, he was banking on Hank claiming he was their mother's favorite.

"Wait a minute?" Hank suddenly jabbed his thumb into Ryan's chest. "Are you trying to turn us against each other?"

"What? I would never?" Ryan grinned nervously.

"Then why are you praising us? Why aren't you shitting your pants!"

"Well, I just feel bad for making you guys angry…..that's all…." Ryan improvised, when an idea hit him "….which is why I want to help you, help you make sure that I suffer for my misdeeds."

"We're gonna pummel you with baseball bats! How is that not suffering?" Hank questioned.

"Eh, no offense, but I have a high pain tolerance." Ryan answered cockily. "If you want me to feel pain, you're gonna have to hit me extra hard. Put your back into it. Which one of you is handier with the bat?"

"I am!" the brothers said simultaneously before glaring at each other. "No, I am!"

"Mom said I'm a great baseball player."

"She just said that to make you feel better! I hit harder!"

"Gentlemen, there's no need to quarrel. There's an easy way to settle this." Ryan spoke up. "You'll just have to beat on me independently, to see who can cause me more pain."

"Huh, guess that makes sense?" Hank reasoned.

"But wait a minute?" Ryan rubbed his chin. "Which one will get to pummel me first? Considering I insulted your mom, it wouldn't be just for one of you to get the honor of pummeling me first and have the other guy wait his turn? Wouldn't that imply….favoritism?"

He saw the nervous look on Hawk's face and smirked inwardly.

"Our mom doesn't pick favorites!" Hank roared.

Hawk looked at him uneasily before adding, "Yeah!"

"Let's just get this over right now!"

"Wait, maybe, he has a point?" Hawk interjected and scratched his head. "It wouldn't be fair if one of us got the first hit?"

Hank blinked. "Yeah…but…eh…"

"He's absolutely right. If you hit me first, wouldn't imply you're the favorite?" Ryan said quickly, noting the growing anger Hawk was trying to hide.

"Yeah, you're not saying that?" he narrowed his eyes.

"But if you hit him first, does that mean you're implying you're the favorite?" Hank retorted, making his brother wilt a bit.

"No….but…eh…"

"Easy, you just hit me once, with all your might, at the exact same time." Ryan told them. "You take your stance, grip your bat, swing it and hit me at the same exact time. Then you take turns pummeling me for real. So you can figure out who can inflict more pain on me?"

"What's taking them so long?" Lyle growled from his perch.

"Good idea." Hawk nodded. "Okay, Hank, let's do that."

Hank groaned but gave in. "Alright, let's do it like that.""

"Glad that I could be of help. Now, could you release me so I can count down for you? You can't grip your bat with one hand?"

"Wait? How do we know you won't make a run for it?" Hank asked suspiciously.

"I'm sandwiched between the two of you, if I tried to run off you would just strike me down?" Ryan shrugged.

"Huh….okay, Hawk, let the little shrimp go."

Hawk did so, and Ryan stumbled forward as he rubbed his throbbing head, stuck between the hulking brutes.

"Okay, let's make this simple." Ryan braced himself. "At the count of three, you hit me."

"Yeah, yeah, just start counting so we can get to the part where we bash your brains in." Hank said impatiently.

Ryan cleared his throat. "Very well, take your stances…."

The brothers did so. "One…."

"What are they doing?!" Lyle lowered his binoculars. Even he could see what Ryan was tricking those jugheads into doing. "No! No! No!"

"…..two….." the brothers gripped their bats and aimed them.

Ryan smirked. "…three!"

The Hogans swung their bats, Ryan bent back and the wooden clubs flew over him and past each other, colliding with the respective brother's face.

As if playing limbo, Ryan swiftly moved below them as they fell against each other and saw stars and birds circling their heads.

"Uhhh….perdy birdie…." Hawk mumbled before him and Hank slumped to the ground, unconscious.

Ryan straightened himself and wiped the blood from his nose, before erupting with laughter.

"Oh, man, I can't believe these neanderthals fell for the oldest trick in the book?"

From his perch, Lyle roared with rage and jumped down, running toward Ryan, who pulled out a marker and wrote "Dumb" on Hank's gut before moving over to Hawk and writing "Dumber" on his.

The stood up and kissed his fingers. "A masterpiece." He said before stroking his chin. "Nah…something's missing?"

He kneeled down and also gave them each a mustache. "Voila! Now it's a work of art."

Hearing footsteps, he turned around sharply and saw Lyle lunging at him.

"AHHHH!" Lyle tried tackling him but Ryan dodged him and he hit the ground with a thud.

"Lyle….so it was you who sent these goons after me?" Ryan chuckled, honestly surprised. Knowing it was the middle-class lout who had put a hit out on him was defiantly reassuring.

Lyle looked up at him, teeth bared, shaking violently and looking like he was on the verge of crying.

"This is impossible!" he started beating the ground. "You should have been dead meat by now! How did you do it!" he glared at the unconscious Hogans. "You morons! You had one job! One job!"

"Pfffftttt…..don't act so surprised, Zit Face." Ryan pointed at himself smarmily. "I'm a smartasss, you know that. You sic a pair of muscle-bound goons after a diabolical mastermind like me, what did you think was going to happen?"

Lyle stood up, glaring at him with silent rage. "They were slamming your ugly mug against a tree! How are you still conscious!" he asked incredulously.

"You saying you couldn't take punishment like that?" Ryan grew a cocky smile, relishing his foe's bashful snarling. "No wonder I always kick your ass with ease."

"But speaking about you sicing goons on me?" Ryan added. "I'm pretty sure this is a violation of our spit-shake? Don't you have a shred of honor?"

Lyle seethed, before chuckling in a desperate attempt to gain some sort of victory over Ryan. "I didn't violate our agreement! I said _I_ would leave you freaks alone but I said nothing about giving others the idea to beat you up by feeding them some little white lies."

Ryan gestured at himself, sporting a flattered expression and whistled in amazement. "You found a loophole in our agreement and orchestrated this entire scheme while still _technically_ respecting our deal? My, my, I'm impressed, Lyle. This was almost a smart plan…. by your standards."

He chuckled as Lyle growled at him. "Okay, okay, enough of this." Ryan smiled at him. "As much as I'm flattered that you consider me your personal nemesis and went above and beyond to pull this off, this senseless feud needs to stop."

"Oh? So you're ready for a rematch!" Lyle took a fighting stance and raised his fists.

"No, you dolt. That's the farthest thing from what I meant." Ryan scowled, slowly getting tired of this for real. "You might be surprised, but me and my buds have some important business to take care of, and you've been a real pain in our asses. We're tired of you constantly getting in our way."

"In your way?" Lyle sneered. "You mean you and the ponytailed broad? Say, did you two…." He hugged himself and made kissy noises.

Ryan didn't bite and smirked. "Almost, I've got Lynn wrapped around my finger and she's eager to spend plenty of alone time with me all summer. But so much stuff keeps getting in our way, including you; ever since you came down to throw rocks at us at the peer."

Lyle chuckled mischievously and shot him an approving finger gun, and Ryan returned the favor in a moment of mutual understanding between two hormonally-fueled tween boys, and they shared a crass laugh.

"Wait? What am I doing?" Ryan shook his head.

"Did you canoodle with her while she was in her swimsuit?"

"Listen, numbskull. This feud between us has gone on long enough. It's getting tiresome, and I'm willing to cut a deal."

Lyle scowled. "What deal?"

"Whatever you want, as long as it makes you happy enough to forget about your beef with us and get off our backs." Ryan told him seriously. "If you want, you can ask me for any favor. I'm good at getting stuff I want, no matter the means. Listen, I know a good house doctor? Maybe he could look over your head wounds before they get infected?"

Lyle didn't answer immediately but he did relax a bit, seemingly contemplating.

"C'mon, think about it? I'll gladly do anything as long as you finally stop with this bullshit."

"Hmmm….lemme think about it." Lyle actually considered and rubbed his chin. "NOT!"

Before Ryan could react, Lyle swung his leg and kicked him where the sun don't shine.

Yelping, Ryan collapsed on his knees and clutched his groin as Lyle laughed.

"In your dreams, freak! I won't rest until I get my revenge! I'll never give up!" he boasted loudly. "Ever!"

"Figures….." Ryan deadpanned in a high-pitched voice.

"You know what, Taylor?" Lyle leaned down to face him. "I thought about what you said about me having honor? Honor is for chumps!"

"And what's that supposed to imply?" Ryan rolled his eyes while fighting tears.

"It means I don't give a damn about our agreement! So what if I break it? If anyone gives me shit about that, I'll just beat them up, got nothing to lose!"

"In fact…." Lyle laughed as he remembered what Maggie had texted him. The freaks had split up and the wimpy ones were all alone. "This is the perfect opportunity to get my revenge?"

"How?" Ryan inquired.

"Aw, that would be telling, ugly." Lyle laughed. "You'll know soon enough."

With that, he kicked Ryan in the head, making him fall over. Lyle took the opportunity to dart off before Ryan could get up and follow him.

Ryan shook his head and pushed himself up, only to find Lyle gone. "Where the hell is he going? Why did he leave me….oh, shit!"

Groaning in annoyance, Ryan fell on his back trying to overcome the pain that was coursing through his testicles. "This is what I get for listening to the pipsqueak's BS about diplomacy."

* * *

The trail of gasps, screams and shocked citizens led them to the park.

"She was here." Renee kneeled at the gate to inspect some tiny bare footprints in the dirt. Next to them was a pair of discarded tiny sneakers.

Picking them up, Lynn saw a shocked family at a picnic table, the parents shielding their small children and staring into the distance.

Sighing, she ran up to them. "Excuse me…" she started sheepishly "….you didn't see a little girl streaking and-"

The father just silently pointed towards a trail leading into a patch of woodland. "Eh, thanks." Lynn awkwardly gave a courteous nod.

"Can we borrow this? Much appreciated." Renee snatched the picnic and went ahead. "Don't just stand there, you miscreant."

Lynn scowled but kept her cool, and followed her. "What do you need that thing for?"

"You need a net to catch a rabid animal, this is the best we can find." Renee replied matter-of-factly as she folded the sheet, irking Lynn further.

"She's not an animal!"

"All evidence to the contrary."

"Ugh!" Lynn lost it and pushed her. Renee stumbled forward but held her balance, before turning to Lynn with an icy glare.

This brat was unbearable, but she kept her temper even. She had to let this act of defiance slide, at least while her work performance was at stake.

"Could you refrain from doing that? Infighting would be very counterintuitive to our mutual goal." She said dourly.

"Then could you _refrain_ from being a bitch?" Lynn spat.

Renee's mouth evened but she was unfazed. "You do realize you just broke two rules-"

"I don't give a damn about your freaking rules! Not while my sister is running amok out there!" Lynn exclaimed angrily and threw her arm up. It felt incredible finally saying that to her face, if only her sister wasn't running crazy right now.

Renee rolled her eyes. "Then perhaps you could afford to calm down and stay focused? Our motives might be different but they converge on the same goal. We want to retrieve the brat."

"Her name's _Lana_! How about you bother to remember the names of the kids you're supposed to be babysitting?"

"How about we keep going." Renee brushed her off and went on. Seething, Lynn trailed after her. As they followed along the trail, visibility grew fainter, as the canopy hid what little light was still shining from above.

"I can hear your heavy breathing." Renee commented as they walked through the dark forest. "I would advise you to keep your emotions in check. As I've told you before, they cloud one's judgment and hinder their performance."

Lynn scoffed. "You still don't have a shiner, so I'd say I've been doing a great job."

"How reassuring." Renee snarked. "But I appreciate the effort. As long as you focus on what matters."

Lynn tried to control herself. Lana's well-being had to come first, even if it meant putting up with this bitch. But she was making it increasingly harder.

"You're unbearable." She ended up grumbling. Renee ignored her and checked her phone, but she got no calls, irking her more. That Lincoln better find his sisters and drag them back home if he knew what was good for him.

Seeing the phone sparked another thought in Lynn. "Huh…" she scoffed "….you know who would be really helpful right about now? Too bad his phone is in a bag back home?"

"Ryan's not needed here."

Lynn doubted Renee seriously thought that. "Why not? Isn't he fit and quick on his feet? Or do you just not want him to see that you made an oopsie-daisy? He would never let you live it down if he saw how his control-freak sister doesn't have things under control?"

Renee stopped and looked at her, the light from her phone casting her face in shadows but and extenuating the barely-concealed anger she was holding back. Lynn was unnerved by the sight but wouldn't allow herself to show it and held her ground.

"What are you trying to accomplish by provoking me?" Renee said in an icy tone. "Do I need to remind you yet again that infighting would be very counterproductive for us?"

There was a threat behind her words, Lynn could hear it. "Or are you trying to sabotage my efforts in order to taint my image as a responsible caretaker? You do realize this could come at your little sister's expense, should she hurt herself?"

It was an attempt to appeal to Lynn to cooperate without any self-imposed difficulty, but Lynn read it differently and tensed up.

"Do you even care if she gets hurt?!"

Renee was surprised by the question. Surprised because it seemed random and irrelevant to the conversation, but also because she had made it abundantly clear to all the siblings how she felt about them?

"I don't, I didn't think you were unaware of that?" She said coldly, infuriating Lynn further. "But we both wish for her safe return. I do because otherwise my reputation will be soiled and I will lose three hundred dollars worth of revenue that I could be adding to my savings."

That was it! With a growl, Lynn dropped Lana's clothes and swung her fist, which Renee easily dodged. Lynn quickly sent a swing kick but Renee caught her foot and threw her off balance. Lynn landed on her back and Renee immediately pinned her down and restrained her.

"I fail to see how my answer warranted such a response?" she said evenly.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Lynn struggled.

"It's called working a job." Renee grimaced. "That's what I'm doing. Babysitting you is a job I'm being paid to do. That's something _adults_ do to earn a living, unless your infantile mind failed to make the connection?"

"You don't care if she gets hurt? Do you!"

"I don't understand how this is relevant to our current situation?" Renee answered and only received more grunting and struggling in response. She rolled her eyes, they were wasting precious time and this conversation was going nowhere.

"You wish to know why I don't care about her?" she gave in and exhaled, Lynn stopped and glared at her intently. Renee continued. "Let me explain this in a way you will hopefully understand. Imagine working an office job, something you get paid to do, and having to take care of some documents. If someone were to grab those documents from you and throw them into a fire? Would you shed tears for those destroyed pieces of paper? You wouldn't, but you might be concerned about your boss finding out and firing you for losing those important documents. That's how I feel in this situation."

Lynn glared at her incredulously. She was comparing Lana to stacks of paper?

"You're sick! You know that! I see why Ryan can't stand the sight of you!"

Renee sighed in annoyance. No progress. Until they heard splashing behind some nearby bushes. That caught Lynn's attention. Some girlish laughter confirmed it wasn't some animal.

"It's her." Renee focused in the direction of the sound and stood up, releasing Lynn, who recognized Lana's laughter.

"I hope you can quell those emotions of yours long enough to catch your sister." Renee told her in a business-like manner. "Unless you want to squander the opportunity to save her from hurting herself?"

Lynn glared daggers at her as she sat up. This was no "benign" attempt to reason with her, it was a ploy to get her to be cooperative by toying with her emotions. But it was a trap Lynn had to walk into for Lana's sake.

Hearing her laughter made her realize how she had been wasting precious time quarreling with Renee. Swallowing her pride and locking up her feelings for the vile bitch in front of her, she stood up.

"Alright, I'm game." She nodded begrudgingly. "But this ain't over."

Renee wanted to make a remark in the form of a question about if Lynn was comfortable spending her night in a cold, damp bunker, but held it back. First things first.

Making a shushing motion, she went ahead and crouched in front of the bushes. Lynn did the same, staying absolutely quiet, and saw it. Lana was I the middle of a large mud hole at the edge of the lake, splashing and laughing, her face and the rest of the body covered in mud.

"What's your plan, boss?" Lynn snarked.

"You don't mind getting dirty as far as I understand?" Renee replied in a similar manner. "You go in and try to catch her. Should she escape, I'll nab her and throw her into this." She held the picnic blanket up for emphasis.

"Oh, you're leaving nothing to chance, huh?" Lynn continued.

"I do not. Get going." Renee said simply and left her.

"Take this." Lynn threw her Lana's clothes, which she threw into the sheet as a makeshift sack.

Sighing, Lynn turned back towards Lana and made her move. The hyper tomboy heard the faint rustling and snapped her head in her direction. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was still grinning madly. Lynn froze, being just twenty feet away from her.

"Lynn! What-took-ya-so-long!I-was-waiting-FOREVER!"

Lynn made no sudden moves and slowly approached. "Hey, Lana? Take it easy…."

"Where-are-the-others! Slowpokes! Let's-have-a-dirt-war!" she grabbed a lump of mud and threw it at the jock, who ducked.

She let out a phony laugh. "Great idea? But…eh…." A plan came to her. "You wanted to practice wrestling, right? How about we mud-wrestle? I always wanted to try that!" she suggested as she walked into the knee-deep mud.

"Mud-wrestle?" Lana tilted her head before nodding frantically "Okay!"

Lynn smiled and moved towards her, bracing herself. "Great, you start by trying to tackle me-"

"Ready-or-not!" Lana lunged at her and Lynn seized her, ignoring the muck that splattered all over her jersey in the process. At the edge of the mud hole, Renee saw it happen and felt like celebrating, but the fleeting moment of joy vanished like a slippery fish, as the mud-covered girl was squeezed out of Lynn's grasp and flew upwards, grabbing hold of a branch above them.

Lana whooped and laughed as she swung around. "I-m-slippery!"

"Oh, come on!" now sporting a dirty jersey for her efforts, Lynn lamented as Lana climbed up the branch and stood up.

"Lana!" Lynn called her. "Get down her so I can kick your butt at wrestling!"

"Okay!" Lana nodded when she noticed something in the corner of her eye. "Wait-a-minute!"

"What?" Lynn scowled impatiently as her sister sent her a mischievous look.

"It's-a-set-up! You-are-working-with-the-downer-patrol!" Lana exclaimed and pointed at Renee, who was trying to hide behind a tree. Lynn looked in the direction Lana was pointing but couldn't spot her. How the hell did Lana see her?!

"What? No! I would never-"

"Can't-fool-me-filthy-traitor!" Lana laughed and scaled up the branch with inhuman speed. With her cover blown, the enrage Renee ran up towards them.

"Lana! Get down here before you slip!" Lynn shouted, but Lana climbed up to the top of the tree where she pounded her chest and yelled like Tarzan. With astounding speed, Renee jumped and grabbed a branch, pulling herself up, following after Lana. Even Lynn was struck with awe seeing her do that. She really was Ryan's sister.

"Can't-catch-me!" Lana swung on a branch, and Lynn gasped in horror as she threw herself into the air, barely evading Renee's grasping hand. Her silhouette flew across the darkening sky, but luckily, she landed on another tree and dove into the canopy.

Lynn's jaw dropped.

"Don't gawk! After her!" Renee barked as she jumped down and ran past her. Shaking herself out of her state of shock, Lynn followed her.

Unfortunately for them, Lana swung through the canopy faster than a spider monkey on crack, the diminishing light making visibility next to nonexistent until they finally lost her, without even the rustling of branches to guide them.

* * *

The reptiles and amphibians scurried into their glass cages as they noticed Marceline's hungry eyes leering on them. The cat went after them but Charles jumped in her way, blocking her path.

Growling in annoyance, Marceline tried to sidestep him to his right but he blocked her again, holding his ground. She tried it to his left and he blocked her yet again.

After locking eyes for a bit, Marceline turned sharply to her left, raising her ears in alert. Confused, Charles did the same, only to have Marceline use him as a springboard to vault herself onto the drawer. Sucker! She hooked her claws into its edge and pulled herself up only for Charles to seize her and bite into her side, not hard to puncture skin, just hard enough to hold on to her.

They fell down and Marceline clawed him, forcing him to let her go. As she ran towards the drawer, he tackled her to the floor and they tumbled around in combat, like a pup and kitten fighting over a chew toy.

Marceline kicked the dog off her and ran, only to be grabbed by the tail. Marceline's pupils dilated and she swatted at the dog, but as she turned around he clung on to her tail with his jaws, knowing better than to let go now. Pulling a cat's tail was a death wish. The two ran in circles with Marceline trying to attack him for half an hour, until she wore herself out.

Charles let her go as she sat down and slouched, panting heavily. Cats didn't have the greatest endurance, but dogs didn't know the meaning of "tired". He sat down some distance from her, looking proud of his accomplishment. Marceline growled at him, realizing he had duped her.

As sudden ribbiting noise drew her attention to a corner, where she saw Hops hopping towards a tiny puddle. Charles raised his ears as Marceline moved towards the frog and outpaced her, pushing Hops away from the puddle with his nuzzle and blocking Marceline's path again.

The feline growled in agitation, making him back away and accidentally step into the puddle. Feeling the slimy sensation on his paw, the dog turned around and sniffed the weird puddle. As strong odor assaulted his nasal cavities and he felt a sudden surge of adrenaline.

Marceline tilted her head as the dog's head snapped up like a loose spring, his eyes bulging and all the muscles in his body tensed and started flexing. Charles barked loudly and wagged his tail faster than a humming flapping its wings. Marceline's eyes widened as the bull terrier did a perfect backflip in place and landed on his feet.

Charles felt charged up like never before. He felt like burying a hundred bones and marking about three hundred fire hydrants. Marceline jolted as a sudden crack was heard. Charles' neck muscles bulged, flicking the stitches out of his neck and making the cone crack in two pieces and fall off, revealing no wounds underneath it. The gashes on his legs also closed up.

He turned to the dumbfounded Marceline with a wide rectus grin and ran at her, his eyes flashing green, ramming her and slamming her into a wall. Charles barked happily and jumped on his hind legs, balancing himself like he was doing a dance. Marceline rose to her feet and shook herself, looking at the deranged canine with fear. He dropped on all fours and barked at her, still wagging his tail.

Marceline darted towards the door but was grabbed by the tail again. This time, however, Charles somehow had the strength to lift her up and spin her in circles like he was doing a hammer throw. Marceline's screech echoed through the room as she was released and thrown across it, landing on the wooden frame of Lana's bed. Her face hit the soft mattress, but the rest of her slammed into the solid wood.

She groaned feebly and fell down, plopping on her back. Her eyes widened in fear as Charles came looming above her, smiling and drooling like a mad dog. The cat tensed up with fear when….Charles became dizzy and fell on her, completely limp. Marceline freed herself and crawled away, scrambling to her feet and saw the dog lying down, as if he had run out of batteries.

She observed him nervously for a few moments when he started squirming and shook his head in a groggy manner. He rose to his feet and looked around. His mind was fuzzy and he had a splitting headache. He saw Marceline backing away from him and he didn't know why?

Shaking his head he realized something was different? There was no pressure around his neck. Turning towards Lola's mirror, Charles did a double-take as he saw no cone on his neck. He walked up to the mirror and noted that his neck also seemed well again, with no stitches or scars.

He looked at his leg and found it to be as good as new, with no bite marks to be seen. Marceline was still on edge as he started barking and wagging his tail again, hissing viciously and unleashing her claws, minus her bravado, which was replaced by blatant anxiety.

Charles looked at her, wondering what her issue was? Then they heard Hops ribbiting again and looked to find him in that small puddle again, this time bathing in it, with his amphibian skin absorbing most of the liquid substance.

The frog slowly turned towards them, eyeing them with his bug-like eyes and slit, horizontal pupils.

Then, he shot his long tongue out and lassoed the two together. Pressed against each other, the cat and dog were then lifted by the super long tongue and screeched in fear as they were swung across the room!

* * *

With night encroaching, the neon-lit stage in the town center, surrounded by cheering crowds and accompanied by stage lights beaming high into the sky, was easy enough to find, especially from the road overseeing it, where Luna and Leni had arrived, both panting after having run all the way here, more so the latter.

Luna's eyes lit up as she saw the spectacle in front of her. And the band currently playing was just the opening act, she could still make it!

"I can't believe I'm here." She shed a tear and clutched her hands, with downright childish awe.

Leni wasn't so chipper though and looked over her shoulder, still having second thoughts.

"Luna? Are you sure we should be here? Shouldn't we help the others deal with Lana's sugar rush?"

Luna bit her lip, feeling a twang of guilt in her chest, but it was overridden by the sheer joy she felt from the concert she was marveling at.

"Don't be ridiculous, it's just a sugar rush." She tried to rationalize her decision. "The twins have had it before and nobody got hurt? Not much anyway. They just caused a lot of havoc."

Leni didn't look so convinced. "Yeah…eh…but still…"

"And it's only one of them, the others can handle her." Luna waved her off, though she herself didn't quite believe in what she was saying. Yet again, she felt guilt welling up inside of her. She knew deep down she was being selfish, she couldn't suppress the reality of it. Exploiting the disarray in her family to escape their babysitter's clutches? And Renee would be pissed beyond all belief once they returned, and she had undoubtedly doomed herself and Leni, by association, to a night in the bunker, if Renee was feeling charitable. She was starting to have her own reservations.

That is, until she spotted a familiar face down below, joining the lively crowd. Seeing her made Luna push those ugly thoughts back to the corners of her mind, being reminded why she had risked so much to be here in the first place. Her best friend Samantha Sharp, the person her tyrannical babysitter was trying to keep her away from.

"Sam?" Luna beamed, thoughts of bailing on her siblings fading away with it. "It's Sam!"

"And who's that with her?" Leni asked idly, squinting. "Hey, isn't that another one of your bandmates? Sully, was it?"

"Sully?" Luna's face dropped as she noticed him walking next to Sam, and they linked arms. "What's he doing with her?"

"Well, duuuhh…" Leni giggled "…he must be her date. She had two tickets and she couldn't take her bestie, so next best thing, get a hunky guy to escort her."

"A d-date?" Luna's right eye twitched and she clenched her fists.

"Hey, we should say hi to them?"

"Eh…yeah…" Luna narrowed her eyes and went ahead "…let's say hi-hey!" she was forced to halt as Leni didn't move. "Bra, what gives?"

"I was thinking?" Leni scratched her head. "How are we supposed to get in if we don't have tickets?"

Luna's eyes widened. She really hadn't thought this through, and shut her eyes as she silently fumed. She needed to think fast.

"No problem, I'm….I'm kind of a local celebrity, they'll show some leeway." She said tentatively. "And I'll put in a good word for you."

"You are?"

"Sure I am, as is my band, we're the Detroit Heartthrobs, most of the blokes down there probably watched us play and are fans." Luna insisted, pointing below. "Fans can help you get things."

"But this isn't Detroit, is it?" Leni made a face.

"We're still working on the name." Luna groaned. "Point is, people know us, we've garnered a lot of good will with our fellow rock n roll enthusiasts, and we'll get the VIP treatment, trust me. Now come on!" she yanked the cuff.

"But why did Sam and Sully need tickets then?" Leni asked, being more confused than reassured by Luna's words.

"Will you just go!" the rocker grew impatient. "Do you want those SMOOCH shirts or not, man?"

"Or right?" Leni found a new sense of urgency. "I don't want to wear clothes that are so last Monday."

With that, they ran down the hill towards the concert, unaware that they had been spotted.

"I see them!" Lucy called for her siblings as she tried catching up with the former two, but by the time she reached the spot where they had stood seconds ago, they were already down, rushing towards the crowd.

"Sigh." Lucy said in annoyance, as the rest caught up with her.

"There they are." The goth pointed down.

"How is she hoping to get in without a ticket?" Lincoln wondered. "Sam only had two tickets and I kinda doubt she went there alone."

"And Luna has a _plus one_ , whether she likes it or not." Luan snorted before grimacing. "That idiot, we'll be in a boat load of trouble, all because she couldn't keep that SMOOCH fangirl inside of her under wraps."

"It's not just that. She also seemed anxious to be there with that Sam girl specifically." Lucy added inquisitively, remembering what an utter mess Luna had been after being forbidden from coming here.

"Yikes, maybe she has a thing for her?" Luan joked. She always thought her sister's fondness for Sam was borderline romantic.

Lisa rolled her eyes at the absurdity. "Naturally, and I assume Lincoln has "a thing" for Bobby's sister?" Her brother shuddered at the remark.

"Fair point. Sorry for thinking such _lunacy_." Luan joked but then frowned. "Still. She's risking Renee's wrath just to pal around with Sam? Sheesh, and I thought Clyde was clingy with his bestie."

"Knock it off, will ya?." Lincoln shot them a quick glare. "At least we found them, they can't get far now."

"No, not if they lack the slips of paper necessary to gain admission to this particular event." Lisa deadpanned, echoing her brother.

Luan snickered. "Cool. We'll just wait for the bouncers to toss them out and then we'll pick them up."

Lucy grew a small smile. "Serves the deserters right."

"Let's…let's not make this personal between us…." Lincoln reluctantly disagreed, despite the disapproving glances from the comedian and goth. He did add though, "Considering what Renee will have in store for them, we should show them some mercy."

"Fair point. Hope the bunker is cozy." Luan laughed with glee.

"I wouldn't laugh yet, Renee might still punish all of us because of them." Lucy reminded her, and the teen gave her a look that said "party pooper".

Growing tired and annoyed, Lola stepped ahead and gestured wildly for them to move it.

"Lola's right. Let's get them." Lincoln said. This task was as good as over.

"Surprise, Ace." Someone hugged him from behind and held him in place. "Didn't peg you guys for rock and roll fans?"

The sisters froze hearing the strange voice. Lincoln recognized it and it made his blood run cold. Lucy and Luan felt the same and turned to see Lincoln in the arms of Lyle Owen.

"You?" Luan gasped.

"Miss me?" he smirked at her.

Lola and Lisa looked at the stranger with confusion. "Eh…who is this person-ump!" Lisa started but was silenced by Lucy's palm.

"Don't anger him." She warned her grimly. Lisa immediately noted that this wasn't Lucy's usual "gloom and doom" tone, she sounded….scared?

"What are the odds of bumping into you here?" Lyle started casually, nearly choking Lincoln in a headlock.

"That's because we followed them." Maggie chimed in apathetically, still in her sundress.

"Shut it, Margaret!" he chastised her curtly. "Don't ruin the moment."

"What do you want from us?" Luan said angrily. "I thought we had a deal?"

" _Deal?_ " Lisa and Lola thought.

"Yeah, about that…" Lyle shrugged "…eh, I lied."

Lincoln was sweating in his grasp. Lucy had been right, he knew she was but didn't want to believe it for the sake of completing his mission. And it had come to bite him in the ass.

"Lyle, you don't want to do this, you know Lynn and-"

"Don't be coy, twerp." Lyle applied more pressure on his neck, choking Lincoln and relishing it. "I know they are not here, I'm partially to blame for that."

"What?" Luan scowled. "What did you do with-"

"Oh, don't worry. Ghoul Face will catch up with us… eventually." Lyle smiled cryptically, toying with her fears. "But he's not here now and I know your brute of a sister is also away, trying to catch your little sis from streaking across town." He sniggered.

"I spied on you." Maggie raised her hand to quell any confusion, not that she cared much. "And it cost me dearly." She pointed at her dress, which some of the siblings recognized.

A shiver ran down his spine, and Lincoln swallowed a lump. Lyle knew? He knew they were defenseless this time. Luan and Lucy realized that too, and the latter edged closer to the former and hugged her.

"Awww….poor little freaks? No one here to defend you this time."

"Can someone please explain to me what's going on?" Lisa stepped in.

Lola joined her, nodding her head in agreement. Whoever this weirdo was, his sense of fashion was atrocious. Who in their right mind still wore jeans with holes in them?

"Whoo….dhis…chreep?" the princess croaked and pointed at Lyle. He glared at them, seemingly irked by the lack of acknowledgment, which scared the others, especially Lucy. But Lyle grew a sadistic grin.

"Kept in the dark, are ya, little one? Kay, here's the gist. Your family and a certain Ryan Taylor have done me wrong. So I'm getting my revenge, and unfortunately for you and Princess Peach over there, you're guilty by association. You get that?"

Lisa stepped back nervously. Was this a threat? It sure sounded like one. "What are you talking about? Lincoln? Luan? What's the meaning of this?"

"You're in for a world of hurt, that's what." Lyle laughed. "Now, if you would be good little freaks and listen-"

"Why are you doing this? What did we do to you?" Lucy spoke up, much to everyone's surprise. Lyle turned to her, still restraining the squirming Lincoln.

Luan tried to shush her. "Lucy, please don't-"

"It was Lynn and Ryan who shamed you in your inane feud." Lucy let go of her and stepped up boldly, facing Lyle. "We were just your victims, caught in the crossfire. What possible satisfaction could you gain from hurting us?"

"I dunno…." Lyle pretended to ponder, when his fist collided with Lincoln's gut.

His sisters' gasped. "Lincoln?!" Lucy cried as her brother keeled down in pain, his breath punched out of him.

"But this sure felt pretty satisfying to me." Lyle said gleefully.

"You piece of shit!" a furious Luan charged at him, but he easily stopped her by planting his foot in her belly and pushing her away, throwing her into the wall. The others cringed, including Lola, and Lincoln glanced at the teen desperately, as she slumped to the pavement. Lucy sent Lyle a hateful glare, hidden behind her bags, not that he was even looking at her, as he was in stitches from laughter.

"Aww….still need your big butch sister to save the day, wimp?" He mocked the younger boy and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him up in a headlock yet again.

"Hey…..noh…ohne huhrds dem…but me!" Lola hissed.

"Let him go!" Lucy cried but was kicked away for her troubles.

"Uhhhh….wanna save your sissy brother? Have at it!" Lyle challenged them and dragged Lincoln away, over the street and into an alleyway.

"Lucy?" Lisa helped the goth up.

"Wha….he…dohin…." Lola asked in a strained, raspy voice, unable to stay quiet even with how scratchy her throat was.

"We gotta help him." Lucy said immediately.

Luan nodded. "C'mon!"

"What are we supposed to do against that brute?" Lisa questioned following them, as did Lola.

"We have him outnumbered, dogpile him!" Luan said curtly.

Following Lyle's mocking laughter, they ran into the dark alleyway, where Lyle held their brother.

Choking in Lyle's grasp, Lincoln tried to warn them. "It's a-ugh!"

"Shut it, dork." Lyle growled, now confronted by the sisters.

"Let him go!" they yelled unanimously.

Lyle couldn't keep a straight face. "Or what?"

"Let him go or you'll regret it!" Luan growled.

"Oh, and are you going to give me a bad makeover if I don't?" Lyle laughed. "Or pummel me in a pillow fight?"

Luan ran at him, but was tripped by Maggie.

"Ah, finally taking an interest in our blood feud?" Lyle approved of her action.

"I'm just making sure you're not way over your head, as usual." The emo deadpanned, annoying her cousin.

"Over my head? Me!" Lyle laughed. "I'll show you." he lifted Lincoln by his collar.

"Be back in a sec." Lyle's fist collided with his gut, sending him into a bunch of trash cans. Lyle jokingly saluted his limp form before strolling over to the girls.

"So you want to play hero, eh?" he leaned towards Luan, who was trying to get up with Lucy's help.

She froze as Lyle's hateful gaze appeared inches away from hers. "Then who am I to stop you." he forcefully pulled her up by her arms and held her close to him. "A girl needs a _firm_ hand for guidance."

Lucy tried grabbing a trash lid, but Maggie grabbed it too, and easily overpowered her and threw her down.

Lyle chuckled at the sight. "Cute." He turned to the terrified Luan and raised his fist. "Now, where was I?"

"Heyuh!"

Lola's voice cut in and Lyle looked down to see the enraged princes marching up to him, neither Lucy or Lisa tried stopping her.

"Huuuu…yuh…..fink yuh argh?" she croaked between coughs, only confusing the bully.

"…..noh…ohne huhrds dem…but me!" Lola hissed, wheezing for air. She had no clue who this ruffian was, but who was he, threatening her and her family? "Yuh….nohe who ah am?!"

"You get any of that?" Maggie asked her cousin idly.

"No idea." He shrugged and gave Lola the boot, throwing her against a dumpster and landing in a pool of ….something icky and smelly next to it.

Lyle laughed merrily, who knew ankle-bitters made such great substitutes for soccer balls?

"Muh dress!" Lola screamed.

Lyle's laughter was cut short as he was tackled to the ground, letting Luan go in the process.

"Lincoln?" she blurted, stumbling to get her footing, as she saw her little brother on top of Lyle.

"Run! Now!" he shouted before getting decked in the face and thrown to the side. Lucy and Lisa rushed to his aid.

Lyle rolled over and looked at him with a smirk. "Uhhhh…..tough guy?"

Lincoln knew what he was in for as Lyle pushed himself up. He was banking on that.

"So you finally grew a pair?" the bully cackled cruelly.

"Yes, I have." Lincoln stood up, surprising the former. "Let's do this mano a mano!" he made his challenge in the toughest and boldest tone his soft prepubescent voice could muster.

"Lincoln, are you crazy!" Luan cried as Lyle laughed incredulously.

"Your scrawny ass wants to take me on?" he gestured at himself.

"AHHHHHHH!" Lola lunged at him, but Lyle swatted her away like a fly, never breaking eye contact.

"Are you deaf!" Lincoln yelled. "I did!"

"Lincoln?"

"Run." Lucy heard a fleeting whisper from him as he snuck his phone into her hand, before locking eyes with their adversary.

"Ha! Last time you challenged me to save your faggot friend; things didn't go so swell for you." Lyle happily reminded him. "And you don't have your heroic tights to hide your wet little crotch!"

"Lincoln! You're not fighting him alone-"

"Yes, I am, Luan!" Lincoln snapped at her. "This is a man's job, you stay out of my way!"

He turned to Lyle. "So are you up for it, or are you a pansy?"

"As you wish, dorko." Lyle shrugged before cracking his knuckles. "This alley could use a good mopping!"

He charged at him, and Lincoln dodged the first swing but was not so fortunate with the second one, which struck him in the chest, knocking the wind out of him and making him stumble back.

His sisters gasped, including Lola as she recovered.

"Get lost! Now!" he yelled at Lucy and Lisa.

"Not much of a hero but a zero, are ya, Ace?" Lyle laughed as he prepared another punch.

Lincoln braced himself. If he ever learned anything from comics, it was that a lack of strength or skills could be compensated with trickery. Waiting until the last second, he ducked, causing Lyle to punch the wall.

Lyle screamed in agony, clutching his hand and Lincoln dove past him to see his sisters still there. "I told you to run!" he snapped at them. "I'm stalling to-ah!"

"You little turd!" Lyle grabbed him by the collar with his other hand and slammed him into the ground. Lincoln gasped as the bully pressed his foot into his belly.

"Didn't know superheroes fought dirty." He grinned with a hint of admiration. "But now you've really pissed me off."

He lifted Lincoln and gave him an uppercut. Lincoln stumbled back, barely holding on to consciousness, and saw Lyle standing still, coyly gesturing at himself.

Lincoln knew he was fighting a losing battle, but he was out of options and threw a punch, which Lyle dodged with ease and struck him in the gut. Lincoln grabbed him by the torso, trying to tackle him again, but Lyle wrapped his arms around him and threw him off like a sack of flour.

Lincoln hit the cold hard pavement, and Lyle snatched him by the arm, lifted him up and decked him again.

" _Lincoln, you're the worst hero ever!_ " Lola watched it, feeling an odd mixture of fear and embarrassment.

Holding him by the throat and pinning him down Lyle slammed his fist across Lincoln's face again and again, his excitement rising with every punch.

"Awww…am I being too rough?" He cooed at the younger boy's bruised face. He only received a half-conscious groan in response.

"No? Good know." Lyle laughed and threw another punch.

"NO!" Luan tackled him from behind, throwing all her weight on him, but not fast enough to stop his fist from connecting with Lincoln's cheek.

Lincoln slumped to the ground as Lyle stoop up with Luan trying to restrain him. "Leave my brother alone, you sick bastard."

Lyle only laughed in response. "This ain't the place to get intimate, sweet cheeks."

"Muh dreh!" Lola jumped at him, grabbing his neck and biting into his ear, making him scream. Nobody ruined her dress!

Lisa grabbed his left leg and Lucy grabbed his right one, pounding on it as hard as her little fists would allow. Despite their combined weight, Lyle managed to stand up.

"A little help here?" he called for his cousin, who was leaning against a wall.

She just pumped her fist, very unenthusiastically. "You go, Lyle." She "cheered" him on.

"Bring him down, girls!" Luan yelled. "He can't take us all at once!"

"I beg to differ!" Lyle snorted and spun around, knocking Lucy down and managing to shake Lola off.

He pushed himself and his attackers towards a wall, slamming Lisa between it and himself, prompting her to let go. With only Luan left, Lyle easily turned the tide and threw her to the ground and kicked her in her flank. He took a second to wipe the blood from his ear before looking at her.

"Stupid bitch!" he exclaimed as he kicked her harder, not noticing Lucy grabbing the trash lid from before and tossing it at him.

"Aggh!" it hurt but it did nothing to slow him down. "You miserable cunt…." He growled, glaring daggers at the goth. She tried to run but was backed against a wall as he advanced towards her.

"Leave her alone!" Luan cried and attacked him, slamming her fists on his head, but Lyle quickly grabbed her left hand and twisted it down, before jabbing her in the face.

Luan fell down and he turned to Lucy. "Now you get yours!" he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her towards him before backhanding her. The force of the impact nearly knocked her out.

"You ugly little bitch!" he slapped her even harder, making her cry. He smacked her again and let her drop.

"Aghhh!" he was hit on the head with the trash lid, courtesy of a livid Luan.

"You piece of shit! I'll kill you!" She swung the lid while he was on his knee and hit him across the back, but Lyle turned around and caught the edge of the lid as she swung it again. They fought over it until Lyle tore it out of her grasp and rose to his feet.

"A little fight in you? How lovely!" he laughed as he smacked her across the face with the lid. Luan stumbled back from the force and hit a wall. Lyle swiftly grabbed her by the collar and pinned her against it.

"Let me go!" Luan cried, her eyes watery and struggling in his grasp but he was way too strong.

"Why? You just got here!" Lyle retorted in a lively tone, his hair messy from the sweat and sporting a manic grin as he slapped her.

"What are you gonna do, girly? Cry about it?" he laughed and smacked her again, excitement coursing through every fiber of his body.

"Stop!" Luan choked on her tears before being smacked again.

"Ha, you can't boss me around! I'm in charge here!" Lyle said proudly. "Me! I'm the toughest kid on the block! I can do whatever I want! You hear me!"

Luan sniffed, fear in her eyes. The other Louds lied across the pavement, Lincoln motionless and the other sisters groaning. Lyle grew annoyed by the lack of a response and slapped her again. "I said, you hear me!"

"Ryan will make you pay for this!" she cried, her eyes red and puffy, her heart thumping from fear and the feeling of utter helplessness. Lyle clenched his teeth and giggled, savoring her terror.

"Oh really?" he knew what was coming and was eagerly anticipating it; let them duke it out like men. "Then I better make sure he's extra pissed so he'll be in the right mood!"

He considered slapping her harder when another idea hit him, a better way of demeaning this broad who supported his hated foe. Luan's blood froze as he gave her a creepy smile and licked his lips.

He leaned in and their lips connected. Lyle enjoyed the sensation immensely but Luan was horrified and wanted to puke. She let out muffled cries of protest only to be pulled closer into his embrace, smacking him with her hands but to no avail. He finally let her go and she spat and wiped her mouth in disgust.

"Mmmmmm….." hearing Lyle's lecherous response, she furiously smacked him in the face but he kept his smile and pinned her again, chuckling as he restrained her arms.

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it?" He told the weeping girl. "Who would touch an ugly skank like you?" he said it as his arm slithered below her shirt.

"That's something, coming from you."

Startled, Lyle turned to the voice and got his face smashed in, releasing Luan as he stumbled back.

"Ryan!" she gasped, but Ryan had no snarky remark in line as he rushed past her and towards Lyle.

Whipping the blood from his nose, Lyle grinned at him. "Ah, Taylor, about time you show-ou!" another punch sent him hurtling towards the dumpster, slamming against its wall.

A livid Ryan grabbed him by the collar and punched him again, and again. Lyle seized him by the throat and got a hit himself. Locked in combat, they struggled through the alleyway. Lyle punched his opponent again but that barely fazed him, and Ryan delivered a stronger punch that made Lyle release him. Luan watched the scene in shock, as did the other sisters as they recovered. Even Maggie couldn't keep a straight face seeing this, and covered her mouth in shock.

Pulling Lyle towards him, Ryan dug his knee into his gut before lifting him and slamming his fist into his cheek. He threw Lyle into the wall and continued punching him.

"Taylor stop!" Lyle cried but Ryan kept going, making him spit and sneeze blood, before throwing him into a pile of trash bags. Ryan jumped on him, grabbed him by the neck and continued pounding his face.

"I give!" another punch. "Please, I surrender!" another punch, and another, and another. Ryan continued this in a blind rage, battering Lyle's face and only slowed down once Lyle ceased struggling and his head fell back, barely conscious. He groaned in pain as Ryan panted and slowly got off him.

"Your mom never taught you how to treat a lady?" Ryan spat bitterly before turning around and seeing the Loud girls looking at him, but Lincoln was on the ground just two yards away from him, groaning feebly.

As Lincoln finally came to, he felt someone helping him up, he soon recognized the person's voice.

"You okay?" Lincoln didn't know if this was because of his throbbing head but Ryan almost sounded concerned.

"He didn't break anything important, did he?" Ryan gently slapped his back, back to making light of everything.

"What happened?" Lincoln asked, barely able to stand up until his head stopped spinning.

"It would appear I was late to the party." Ryan sighed when Lucy approached them.

"Lincoln?" she shook her brother by the arm. He barely noticed her, his head still aching.

"He'll be fine, Spooky, just a little banged up." Ryan reassured her, having plenty of experience with people during and after a brawl, the fact that Lincoln could sit up and talk clearly was a positive sign.

Lucy turned to him, shaking and sniffing before jumping into his embrace. "Whoa! Easy there." The confused boy told her. "He didn't hurt you too?"

Lucy's quiet weeping answered his question and made his blood boil. He looked over at Lyle's limp body as his emo cousin came to check on him. Ryan regretted that he went so easy on the bastard.

"Can I take your merciless assault on that barbarian and the current serenity as a sign that we're no longer in peril?" Lisa came to them, as eloquent as ever but just as shaken. Lola joined her, looking more peeved than scared.

"It's okay, we're safe now." Lincoln reassured her. The genius gave him a concerned look and edged closer.

"Brother, I will need to look you over once we return home."

"That won't be necessary." He brushed her off, rubbing a massive bruise on his cheek.

"Lincoln, I'm serious!" Lisa retorted. "You might have suffered-"

"Oh, don't demean him, Brainiac." Ryan snarked. "For any man, bruises are like badges of honor."

"Is that a compliment?" Lincoln asked dryly. With Ryan you could never tell.

"Sure it is. I mean you volunteered to get your ass handed to you so your sisters wouldn't suffer the brunt of Lyle's wrath, that takes some kujones." Ryan nodded. "Sorry I couldn't get here sooner, but that dickweed got me into some trouble that I had to weasel my way out of. It's quite the story."

Lincoln didn't respond, feeling like a total wimp. Yet again, he proved to be as useless as ever when his siblings were in danger. He turned to Lucy, who let go of Ryan and looked at him.

"I told you girls to run, why didn't you listen to me?" he asked brusquely, upset that they couldn't even have taken up his offer to let him get beaten up to save themselves.

"Because that was stupid of you." She sniffed. "Look what he did to you!"

"And look what he did to _you_!" Lincoln raised his voice, eyeing her reddening cheek. "Why couldn't you listen to me for once!"

Lucy wilted, taken aback by his response. Lincoln quickly regretted it but was still angry at them for disobeying him.

"Yeesh, what's gotten into you? You're berating her for trying to save your bacon from that psycho?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

Lincoln shrank and looked down, turning silent. His sisters stared at him but Ryan looked over to find Luan slowly approaching them, looking mortified and hugging herself.

He let go off Lucy and faced her. "Are you okay? He didn't hurt you too bad?" he asked in an uncharacteristically gentle manner. Like the goth, Luan had visible darkening blotches on her cheeks.

"No…I…" Luan fumbled over her words before embracing him and sobbing on his shoulder. "Thank you…."

Ryan hugged her and patted her back. "Hey…it's okay…you're okay now. He won't hurt you again, I promise."

Being in his arms, Luan eased up a little and gave a nervous snicker. "You…came to my rescue."

"Yeah, sorry I couldn't reach you quicker; I got entangled in some stuff thanks to Mohawk Moron there." Ryan replied with more levity.

"What did he do to you?" Lucy asked. She made out a number of bruises on Ryan's face, and they obviously didn't come from Lyle.

"Eh…I'll explain to you back home, how about we find the chained bimbos first?"

Hearing that, Lincoln looked up. "You know?"

"Sure I do." Ryan shrugged, still embraced by Luan. "Stopped by a phone booth, but Renee didn't feel like chatting, just told me to find you here, near that concert? So where did she go, and where are Lynn and Lana?"

No one spoke and Lincoln just sighed and nodded.

"I'll explain later. Let's find Luan and Leni first, then we can help find Lana." Lincoln explained, confusing Ryan.

"In a nutshell, Lana is streaking across town and your sister and Lynn are trying to retrieve her." Lisa explained, only confusing Ryan further.

"Streaking?" He clearly missed some stuff.

The girls didn't elaborate on it, they wanted to leave this wretched alleyway, and so did Lincoln.

He stood up and dusted himself. "We'll explain, let's get out of here first."

"We better hurry, considering they lack concert tickets, Leni and Luna were likely thrown out by now and might have left the general area." Lisa pointed out.

"What are you doing!" they heard Maggie shout, followed by raspy laughter, and then an anguished cry.

They turned around and saw Lola jumping off Lyle, who clutched his face and screamed, "My eyes!"

Lola backed away from him and Maggie and blew a raspberry.

"Lola!" Lincoln rushed and grabbed her hand. "What did you do!"

Lola scowled at him and tugged her arm free as the other joined them, soon noting that she was holding a bottle of lotion in her other hand.

"Sehves ihm right…." Lola coughed "….now…..wahsps atta…" she coughed heavily "….wahsps attack ihm!"

"Wasps?" Lincoln blinked. "What do you mean wasps?"

"Wait I have…or rather, had a flask of wasp pheromones in my laboratory!" Lisa realized.

Lola nodded. "Ah….toohk it….a wheek ago…"

"You did what?!" Lincoln blurted.

"Ah, so that's why you were trying to make Renee use your "face lotion", you little psycho." Ryan shook his head, but his tone was one of amusement.

"That's not possible. I checked on the chemicals that I had stored in glassware three days ago, including the wasp pheromones I had collected from a local hive." Lisa argued indignantly. "You couldn't have taken it!"

"Ah soh did…" Lola retorted before massaging her aching throat.

Lincoln's eyes darted between them. "Lisa, what's she talking about?"

Lyle started squirming and thrashing. Ryan looked at him. "She didn't just poison that moron?"

"What?" Maggie blurted.

"Lisa, are you sure Lola didn't take your flask-"

"I'm 100% positive, I distinctively remember cataloging that specific flask _three days ago_." Lisa insisted.

"And was anything else missing?" Lucy asked, causing Lisa's scowl to drop, replaced by a concerned look.

"Well….I…" she scratched her chin, pondering "…I believe there was one flask missing."

"Which one?" Lincoln demanded, feeling dread in the pit of his stomach as he looked back at Lyle.

"Eh….I'm not sure, I believe it was one chemical compound I was meaning to discard because…"

"Lyle?" Maggie's shocked response drew their attention back to the fallen bully. Unnerved, Maggie stepped back as her cousin sprang back to life and grinned at the Louds and Ryan, giggling while he did it.

Only Maggie was close enough to notice something off about him. All his bruises that had littered his face minutes ago, they all seemingly vanished. Ryan stepped up, standing in front of his comrades protectively.

"Why, Ghoul Face? You're one hell of a bruiser!" Lyle clapped his hands and jumped to his feet. "Did I finally piss you off enough to forget your lameass one-liners and unleash your true potential?"

His grin widened. "Was it because I kissed the broad?" he pointed at Luan, who hid behind Ryan and grabbed his hand fearfully.

Lyle snickered. "You sly cheat. Does Lynn know that you have your eye on her sister?"

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "Shut your trap, asshole. If you know what's good for you, you better take a hike."

The alleyway erupted with maniacal laughter. "Oh, that was just round one! You won this round but you didn't win our rematch!" Lyle boasted, punching his palm.

Lincoln observed him nervously. Something was off. Just seconds ago he had been a broken mess lying on those trash bags, now he was up and spry as a sprite, and laughing despite the beating he just received. It didn't take someone of Lisa's IQ to figure out why.

"I'm not fighting you again, Lyle. I kicked your sorry ass enough times for one week." Ryan scoffed. "And you're outnumbered, idiot. And Emo Girl ain't gonna be of much use."

Lyle didn't pay attention; instead, he balled his fist and flexed his arm, showing bulging muscles.

"Damn! I don't know why but I feel like a million bucks!" he exclaimed and turned towards them, revealing green irises. The others stepped back at the sight.

"That's…..that's not normal?" Ryan's brow fell. "I'm not the only one seeing the green eyes, right?"

"Sweet Galileo…." Lisa covered her mouth in shock. No. Not again. Not again.

"What did you do?" Lincoln lamented, glaring at Lola.

Lola looked at him in disbelief. She gets payback on the creep who attacked them and beat Lincoln to a bloody pulp, and Lincoln's scolding her for it!

"Lyle, you need to cooperate with us." Lisa stepped up urgently. "You've been doused with unstable chemicals and-"

"Who made you boss!" Lyle yelled, not in anger, but with manic glee and swung his fist at Lisa.

"Not so fast!" Ryan intervened and grabbed it.

Lyle turned to him, a massive grin plastered to his face. "Oh, you wanna play!"

Before Ryan could react, Lyle's fist connected with his face with the force of a freight train.

Then everything went black.

* * *

 **Cliffhanger! Damn Lola, the fight with Lyle would have been over then and there, but you singlehandedly prolonged it into another chapter.**

 **So if you haven't figure it out already, the flask Lola stole didn't contain wasp pheromones but some experimental psycho super strength serum, and the already unhinged Lyle has just been doused with it! So to recap, Lyle is more powerful and crazier than ever and he has the Louds at his mercy, Renee and Lynn are no closer to catching a nude Lana running rampant, and Hops has gone nutso at home and is using his tongue as a lasso. This can't end well. At least Charles was healed. All while Lynn Sr. and Rita are having a nice visit in Great Lakes City…..sans the attending a funeral part. Will Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan be able to cover up all of this by the time they return, as well as keeping it a secret form Renee? Not likely.**

 **Well, this chapter wasn't made for the faint of heart, child nudity, violence against children courtesy of an unhinged bully, and said unhinged bully sexually assaulting a girl, and 5-year-old Lana getting drugged up on chocolate with meth chips or something by a creepy old conman. Shit, I went into some dark places here, didn't I? Even more if you count Renee's lecture about her rather…sociopathic views on what babysitting means.**

 **Oh well, next chapter will be more fun….sort of.**


End file.
